Nerd Poker - S4E9 Blingbottom

Episode Date: November 10, 2020

The crew feels out the local culture of Blingbottom (which turns out to be a lot of misfortune and unsavory card games) as well as a name for themselves. And if you were hoping someone in the party would try to have a Batman-esque side adventure, you're in luck!

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah Kev Dan

Lee Chris Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season 4. Hey, everybody. I'm Brian Poussaint. You're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Episode 9.

My friends are here. I see Blaine Kapach Hello Blaine Hi Brian I see Ken Yes hello Hi Hello

Your background Zardoz But That dude does look like Jerry Duggan Somebody said that earlier Oh my god And then there's Sarah Hello Sarah

Hello Brian Alright Very Very professional Very There's Sarah. Hello, Sarah. Hello, Brian. All right. Very professional. Then we've got Dan. Welcome to the Telf Zone. Hey, what's up? Oh, whoa.

Hey, wow. That's the worst thing you could have said. Is it? Yes. The worst? I could have said so many worse things. I could have said something. Always with a colorful background It's my friend Chris Hello Chris

Hello Brian Hello listeners And then I don't see him on this one I've got the weird display Gallery view I don't like gallery view You gotta get

We got speaker view We got speaker view That's what I wanted You should get gallery view Because Kiehl's is in that one You son of a bitch gallery view. We got speaker view. We got speaker view. That's what I wanted. We should get Galleria view because Kiehl's is in that one. You son of a bitch. We're starting hot. I'm going to be mad

at playing this one. Nah, I'm just kidding. It's going to be a nice fest again. As soon as I start Danny, it's going to be a nice fest. We've got Sam in the upper right. Hello, Sam. Hello, golden babies. It's always a new one.

Where's Pedro? But we're always babies. Or Pablo. Babies. You mean Robin? Ramen? Was that your guess at Robin? Why did you call his dog Robin Pedro Pablo?

Where's 14 dipsticks? Ah, there he is. Where's old Froot Loops? There's Sammy. Look at Sammy. Classic Dante. Where's Old Fruit Loops? There's Sammy. Look at Sammy. Classic Dante. Where's Bustin' Dingle Dong? There is it.

You're looking more and more like you should be in that Bob Crane movie. I don't care for my appearance either. No, it's great. No, it's great. If this was 40 years ago, you would be working on the streets of san francisco the show not the streets imagine how tall i'd be yeah well the gravity is a lot lighter in san francisco it's one it's one eighth of earths that's why it's so expensive there the gravity is a lot lighter. It's easier to park.

It's a fact. Look it up. Bing it. No. Go Jonah. Okay, Jonah Ray. Go Bing it. Hey, Dan. Yeah, what's up, Brian? I don't know. Well, I know we've got Halloween, but after that, we've got Thanksgiving. And speaking of

that, I'm feeling thankful today. Who should we thank? That's a nice segue. Sounded thankful for the large plastic bag they were opening while you were saying that. I'll continue to open it, you son of a bitch.

It's just a piece of plastic. This is weird. I know. This is where Brian reveals he's just been fondling a chunk of saran wrap for the last five minutes you've won this round cling wrap I always like it that weird conversational I'll show you thing where someone says please don't do it and you're like

you like that I'll show you more of that and you're like no actually I said the opposite oh well that's my whole personality yeah it is. Alright, here's the Patreon supporter. Shut the fuck up! We're like a poisonality, am I right

folks? Okay, anyway. In French, that's poisonality. Oh my god. I want to thank some Patreon supporters who go by names like, Wes, this is my real name, Hooker. Thanks, Wes. names like Wes. This is my real name, Hooker. Thanks, Wes. Thanks, Wes.

This is your real name. Thank you, JustRob. Thank you. Fake. Thanks, JustRob. Thank you, Catch22 with a 47 for the AT. Thanks, Catch. Thank you.

Thank you. Unicornicus. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Fartcube420. Thank you. Thanks, Nino Derrico.

Thanks, Nino. Thank you, the Silverhenny Shelter for Homeless Orcs and Grells. Thank you. Kicked him out of there. Listen, I feel like that wrapped up real nice in the epilogue from last season. Thank you, Matt Tesla Coyle. Thank you.

Jessica A. McC Thank you. Thanks. Jessica A. McCarty. Thanks, Jessica. Thanks, Jessica. Thank you, Lord Brownington. Thank you. The Baron of Farts is what that sounds like to me. Thank you, Kevin Hitt.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Tick-tock, tick-a-tick-a to ticka to the tick tick tock and you don't stop rocking nice yeah very good wild garlic thank you thank you a sad stupid child thank you thank you ian buckley thank you robertroland. Thank you, MC Hoo-Ha. Thank you, Dorian Aricos. Thank you, Just Some Anonymous Martin. And thank you, finally,

Michael McAvoy. Thanks, Michael McAvoy. Thank you. Thank you. Hey, Blaine. Thank you all. Who were those Patreon supporters brought to us by? Patreon supporters brought to you by Time Machine. Nothing kills Baby Hitler like

a time machine. Now in Lady Time Machine. Get your time on with Lady Time Machine. And savory Pop-Tarts. Beef, tandoori chicken, salmon, shrimp, and scallops. Try a minute in the toaster. Savory Pop-Tarts.

Chunk! Pop-Tarts ready, Mom! I heard it. Savory Pop-Tarts. Chunk. Pop-Tarts ready, Mom! I heard it! Savory Pop-Tarts, Dan. Wow. Thanks. I love when they have production. I'm trying to talk over my kid watching The Simpsons in the other room.

You turn that down, buddy. You're like the one-man Mercury Broadcast Theater, or whatever the hell it was called. Old Gil's gonna be a radio star. You turn that down, buddy. You're like the one-man Mercury broadcast theater, whatever the hell that was called. Old Gil's going to be a radio star. All right. Let's all do Simpsons lines for 40 minutes. Okay.

Great way to pass a bus trip. Sorry. Tastes like burning. I bent my wookie We're all just sitting I said ha ha Everybody pull your ring off your pudding can Everybody we're gonna sit here

And while all of our listeners phone in With their favorite substance Tramampoline I regret nothing Oh god What was the one Colleen. I regret nothing. Oh, God. What was the one? I wish I could remember exactly what it was like,

but when he walks in on Principal Skinner and Mrs. Krabappel kissing in the closet, and then he says they had a baby, and then the baby looked at him. That was the hardest I've ever laughed at The Simpsons. They were making babies, and then the they were making babies and then the baby came out and then the baby looked at me it was i was like jesus christ what is this world that i live in remember folks yeah when stuff was funny there's a world we live in it is a world we live in but in addition to that world there there's a second fantasy world that you all live in as dungeons

and dragons characters and now i would like to take you back to a time where we discuss what happened last time a nerd poker can you hear the background music? Totally. It's there. Good. Yeah, it's streaming all up in your shit. Here it comes. Ooh, my shit. The Not Ice Five emerged from the Lava Rock Caves that led from this small lava rock island and they were stranded on to the southwest coast of Davenglaven, the southern continent.

You are all looking for a new purpose in life that your dungeon master has tried to dangle a few you know kind of like clues about in front of you we can talk about that in a second but first you have just gone past the jungle to the

southern edge of Davin Glavin and arrived at Blingbottom, securing rooms at a gambling inn known as Lost Fingers. So I'm saying you guys checked in, but it's not nighttime yet. Of course, the goal of being at an inn after fighting and losing hit points is stuff like health regeneration i'm keeping the rule that you'll automatically regain your hit points

if you sleep for eight hours but um before you go to yeah that's how life works before you go to sleepy times uh this is an inn where carousing is available so we can talk about whether or not anyone would like to gamble downstairs before heading upstairs to your room this is a big inn dan i would like to carouse oh the carousing shall commence uh shortly but um i i i would like to just put it to you all this way you've got iva paperbark declaring what she would like to do before bed is there anything anyone else would like to do before bed you've there anything anyone else would like to do before bed? You've been given, you know, the names of a couple of other establishments around town. You understand there's a Lord of Blingbottom.

You understand there is a weird little shack called Kurt's Shack. Anything else you're all curious about before we get to Iva Gambler? Yeah, there's a temple to bahamut there is not a temple to the david glaven dragon god of good uh which you know we just talked about danny's danny's guy labolith yeah labolith is um labolith i mean go ahead i was gonna say like he's not a major god he's like i think someone that danny sort of like found as a part of his personal journey and is maybe not going to be found commonly um danny's gonna roam around cool danny uh doesn't want to gamble and would probably be

driven to uh helping anybody in town is there people is there invalid or or uh poor people that would be uh absolutely and why don't we uh let's let's earmark that as your intention 2d nathan jelf would you like to join either of these two little uh side, or would you like to forge your own? If it's on the way to the temple, I will go with Danny. Sounds great. I bet you can do a two-stop shop there, Jelf, Nathan.

Nathan would first say that he can take all the things we found and he can, as a ritual, cast Identify. So I think first he would say to the group, he's like, I could, if we have a room or something, I could sit there for a while and figure out what everything is.

That sounds good. And then after that, he would maybe turn to Ivan and say, I've never gambled before, but if it's not too much trouble, I would love if you need like a helper. I don't want to mess it up. Maybe someone staring over your shoulder is not a good gambling move no you know what uh people who are new to it are the best luck

first of all second of all i we're gonna have a great time i can't wait to show you the ropes great hey chel footy up to normally i would jump from roof to roof but uh i'm gonna hang with these guys and here's the proof hey i'm gonna hang out with you guys i'm talking to i'm talking to uh why is there a notary here taking a photo so it's gonna be jelf going with danny and tootie and then we've got nathan and iva going on a little gambling adventure i think what we should do first because of the way this makes sense chronologically is everyone give items to nathan that they want identified and for the sake of the listeners let's uh nathan if you'd be so bold make a little list of what everyone's handing you and sort of help announce it as we go make clear how many times you can cast identify that kind of thing i can cast it as a ritual. It takes

10 minutes. So basically every 10 minutes I can cast it. Great. So I'm assuming we've got yeah, we've got it. We've got enough stuff that it won't take that long, but it's worth everyone grouping before they split. We've got the steel jug with the jewel and top was that

poison making? Did we figure that out or was that uh no that that the the poison making kit is like a little uh pouch that's got little vials he wanted that he wanted that for his yeah for his arrows i don't even have that's why i don't have that's why i don't have that one written down. Yeah. Steel jug. Correct. Danny's intention after trying to do a good deed for the evening would be to go to bed early or go to his room early and, and, uh, work on poisons. Oh, okay. So do you want.

Before he, before he prays. We're not, we're not as far as you getting to the invalids yet. Uh. Okay, cool. So, so we'll, we'll talk about that. That might be a cool thing to discuss before you get to the poison making but to get clear about items which i want to deal with first yeah that's like two things it's like a steel jug with a stopper in it that's unnaturally heavy there is

uh the poison making kit which is just like a little pouch that danny now can pocket that doesn't seem like it would be magical that's's not the magic, yeah. The rolled up tapestry, maybe just check. The platinum band engraved with the born of the core roiling from more boiling like ore. Platinum band. That was like something you'd win at a fair. And then the boots, there were magic boots that I found on the beach. Magic boots. I also have To that I found on the beach. Magic boots. I also have Tootie's Dwarven Ring.

And I also have a magic hat, a dark green beret. Do you have Bahamut's Fury, the hammer? I can. Wait, is that identified? I don't know. Yeah, I have a quiver of arrows, but I'm going to... You know what? Maybe I'll...

I have a quiver of arrows i'm gonna leave those with uh with we don't have the hammer no the the bahamas fury uh ken is this sort of epic mysterious item that you've heard of you do not possess it you cannot identify it it is physically nowhere near you got it okay unless it's in the basement of lost fingers have you checked the basement yeah for some reason i added it to my equipment so i'll put it with oh yeah that was very silly of you because that is definitely not what happened i like when i tell you guys something you put it in your inventory that's that's fun let's make sure we all every time we learn a character, we just tuck it in our little brain inventory.

Yeah, I have a large creature named Kronk the Economy in my pocket, I guess. Oh, cool. So you take Kronk the Living Economy out of your pocket, and it's this giant stone statue that begins devouring everyone. Roll for initiative. Just kidding. Any other items for Nathan? It sounds like he's got like five or six the other only other things we picked up were four simple throwing daggers and then what blaine had mentioned

the fine elven quiver with arrows but i feel like we even when we don't know what they are we would kind of know just from sort of handling things what's magical right correct so um you can just sort of uh tell i mean how do i put this if you want you could just sort of say i'm casting identify and everything and you can keep your dungeon master from like having something you wouldn't think is magical for being magical but uh the the dwarven ring is not magical it just seems like it's very valuable okay um the the tapestry is also not magical but seems like it's reasonably valuable so you think those two things are probably something you could pawn off or trade if you didn't want to hang on to them but they're not you can just sort of look at them and be like

now that's for treasure be enchanted or anything like that but uh i think that's all the non-magical stuff. If you want to run down the list, we can get into that. Sure. Why don't we start with the steel jug? Okay. So I'm going to get out the rules for identify to see what I should word all this.

Okay. The steel jug. It's definitely this uh okay the steel jug it's definitely some sort of normal steel jug that has had a spell cast on it so it can contain something um it's very cold to the touch but you feel like it's not like because it contains any kind of cold spell or anything it it feels like there's some sort of essence trapped inside here with a spell but that should you unstop it you might release something um that essence could be sentient it could be elemental it's unclear uh based off the fact that you're i'm assuming casting identify at first level it's uh yeah it's just a first level divination right pretty sure level it up um yeah that's it well it's definitely

well here I can tell you this there is some sort of necromancy going on with this jug it says if I touch an object or I touch a creature you learn if any spells are affecting it is it sort of similar to this yeah some kind of like necromantic

quality to this jug it's like being able to identify a cologne Sort of similar to this? Yeah, some kind of like necromantic quality to this jug. It's like being able to identify a cologne. Hmm. Hmm, gray flannel. Drakonor. All right, so that's that one. How about the Platinum Band? There's nothing magical about the Platinum Band.

It's got the Dwarven inscription on it. Oh, that's the Dwarven Band. It's just very valuable. How about the platinum band. It's got the dwarven inscription on it. Oh, that's the dwarven band. Okay. Yeah, it's very valuable. How about the dark green beret? All right. The dark green beret is fun. I'm pulling up the stats, but basically it is like a bag of holding that's a hat.

Okay. You can put your whole head in it. Oh, that's exciting it is so i'm gonna go ahead and drop the link to this in the chat this would be like a classic opportunity to like store a giant dagwood bumstead style stand sandwich under it and then like go good morning ma'am and tip your hat there'd be a giant sandwich and you put your hat back on it that'd be so great so it'd be worth it so worth it and then you could eat it also the the the difference so the the that link gives you a sense of how bag of holding works if you need a refresher but there's a couple of differences this is a hat not a bag so unlike a bag it doesn't weigh 15 pounds it only weighs two pounds but two pound hat but also shut the fuck up blaine but

also uh unlike a bag of holding that can carry up to 500 pounds it can only carry 50 pounds but you can put 50 pounds uh in there and it does hold up to 64 cubic feet still like a bag of holding so it's the same size to me like you can you can get a lot in there Quentin Tarantino would love that 64 cubic feet holy shit but it only weighs 2 pounds you can put 50 pounds worth of stuff in a 2 pound hat

can I put 50 pounds of feathers yes cool how about 50 pounds of Reba McIntyre's wigs same thing okay these are called boots of speed nice while using these boots you can uh use a bonus action and click the heels together if you do the boots double your walking speed any creature that makes an opportunity attack against you has disadvantage you can

click your heels again to end the effect uh and you can do it whenever you want for 10 minutes so is the opportunity attack is that just from wearing them or is that you have to have clicked them you have to activate them by clicking them together and you can deactivate them. But after 10 minutes of use, you need a long rest to use them again. Can you break up the 10 minutes or is it just on? And that's it for the day. Total of 10 minutes for long rest. Got it.

So you could easily spread this out over like three battles in one day. If you wanted to, you just have to kind of remember to click your heels as a bonus action. So this is, I think something that will really help if you're trying to zip around in combat but if you don't remember to do it as a bonus action i'm going to really try to like follow the rules on it and be like well you didn't click your heels yeah nathan's like oh this would be great for shopping you could pick up radishes and broccoli and so many great things so quickly. Four simple throwing daggers. Are those magical? They're not magical, no.

And the quiver, the fine quiver of arrows. Yeah, those are all plus one to hit. Those are magical. Plus one. Okay. And how many of those? How many arrows? Blaine, did you write down how many? Normally it's 20. I 20 that's but that's

staying i don't know magic quiver of elven arrows yeah there's 20 so it'd be 20 uh that's everything that i have lovely well we will get back to you and iva who are going to head down to the gambling floor in just a minute but first uh jelf the yap danny and tootie are gonna head over to the temple of bahamut and sure enough you get to this big stone building there's big pillars in front you see the visage of bahamut and there's some sort of gathering going on inside big double stone doors that like are a jar but like they look like you need a crank to open and close them it's a very secure old building uh doesn't seem very exciting but like if you peek in you can see there is a priest of bahamut giving some sort of uh meditation for a bunch of just it seems like poor people there's a bunch of

poor people in there who are meditating on bahamut um is there somewhere for me to leave a donation yes there is a little pedestal with a steel bowl on it right when you walk inside um for now the priest of bahamut ignores you but when you walk in the three of you notice, just to your right, this pedestal with the steel bullets, obviously for donations. Okay, I'm going to put three pieces of gold. All right. Danny, Jelf, while Tootie is doing this, you do notice, yeah, there's a lot of poor people.

Some of them are missing limbs. It looks like this is kind of like a violent area. Even on the walk over here, you've gotten the impression this town, while civilized, does seem like it caters a little bit to, you know, pirates and vagabonds and some unsavory types. It seems relatively safe, but you wouldn't be surprised if there was, like, you know, some unsavory people about. And a lot of these poor people have seen some rough times and there's a lot of them but the priest of bahamas just kind of like going over them and trying to there's a priest here in this big temple but there's not like a lot of paladins of bahamut or anything walking around it doesn't seem like there's a huge

powerful force for good in bling bottom maybe a baseball game just got out uh is it uh do we look like we uh we're disruptive if we make noise or is this just a continuing stream of it's just like it's it seems sort of like everyone shows up here for a little bit of bread, some water that's clean. The priest is sort of giving stuff out. It's like a space for people to be taken care of because there is a lot of poverty here. And there's a line to receive the food and water. Anything we can do to help? Yeah.

Danny would offer to help hand out stuff all right so you approach the priest uh the priest is a human who immediately shakes your hands thanks you for coming covid covid covid uh no there's no covid in this fantasy world. Oh, I forgot. It's happy here. Thank fucking goodness. No, there will not be any weird analogy in this campaign. But, yeah, you shake the hand of this priest of Bahamut. He introduces himself. His name is Darian, and Darian just says thank you for coming.

Yeah, if you'd like to help hand things out, of course, thank you. I noticed, Paladin, you have some sort of gift you've given us. Thank you so much. Who's he talking to? Tootie, the Paladin. You're very welcome. If I could do more, I would. Sure. How much time do more, I would. Sure.

How much time do you have to spare? I mean, do you want to help raise Bahamut? Yeah, we have some time if you need help. There's some very sick people. If you're a paladin, do you have the ability to cure disease? Probably. Let me check. Let me check my app. Let's see actually

check and see if you have any updates yeah I have Leon hands I don't have much I don't have any left actually so let's get Leon specs I used it all on everybody got it so he'll you know he'll nod and understand he tells you if you can

come back tomorrow, they have a back room with, there are very sick people who have nowhere else to go. They can't hold that many, but if you were able to heal them, they could bring in new sick people and so on and so forth.

So you're eagerly invited back. Absolutely. If the three of you would like to stay and serve bread and water, there is a line of about 70 people just sort of winding around the inside of this temple danny danny wants to stay and help and then he also uh discreetly passes a silver piece to the to the priest and to tell him to help he shakes her hand as you do it yeah very role play taking our sats

what i mean so the priest notices i'm sorry i'm committing no i love it i i genuinely love it it's just funny that it is dovetailed where it's like you guys are both you know i love it it's great everybody's role playing yeah i mean like everyone's gonna notice do you know what i mean you're new to town obviously a lot of the people here are you know of the same station here there's a lot of adventurers in this town but the poor people usually don't get any attention from the adventurers who wander in and out there's a lot of mercenaries here you're going to be remembered the the people who've come here well that was not his intention his intention. He's humbly, he just wants to help. That's it. Sure.

But it's not often the priest tells you that newcomers to Bling Bottom spend time with the poor. So thank you very much. It's the way I was raised. And now, if I may, it is carousal o'clock at Lost

Fingers. So, once you're done with your identification work, Nathaniel, you head downstairs. How long, by the way, how long does it take to attune to something? Because I would like to attune to the boots if I'm going to use them. Sure, that'll be two evenings. Oh two evenings oh okay well that can wait i'm gonna go i i gotta get some some gaming in so i'm gonna here's the thing i will as long as you say you're attuning tonight like when you go to bed you're i'm just making a note of it uh the reason the reason i just have it be two evenings for attuning and this is a house rule i think everybody does it

differently there's no official rules for this as far house rule. I think everybody does it differently. There's no official rules for this as far as I remember. But it's just so there is a process. And so you can only attune to a couple things at once. It's not because I'm trying to be a dick. So, yeah, that's happening in the background then. Great. And you head downstairs to the gambling floor. So's a before i go down there i'm going to

cast uh detect magic as a ritual so i have it for 10 minutes while i'm on the floor cool well you head down to the floor so you guys are down there kind of looking at the different tables there's a couple large groups there's a bunch of people playing cards poker if you will uh as brian mentioned last episode it's it's poker in nerd poker for the perhaps the time, but it's not literal poker. It's fantasy poker. So there's not like diamonds and clubs and hearts and spades. It's like, you know, fucking fantasy spades

and fantasy hearts and fantasy diamonds. Anyway, you could just be playing cards. You'd be playing dice. Or in the corner, there is a smaller table where people are playing bent the mysterious strategic card game all right i guess i'm gonna play bent oh here we go do i actually have to play it though or can i just roll my carousing dice you can roll your carousing dice

but um there's or you can do it for real. You can describe what I do because, yeah. I have prepared since last episode some much more specific carousing rules with the knowledge that Iva is going to be doing some carousing at some point. And it turns out right now. So if you're going to be playing bent, I'm going to tell you how this is thematically going to go. This is the part you don't really have to worry about. But right now you have a deck of 20 cards and it's understood that each person can bring 20 cards to the game. And if you lose, there is supposed to be some sort of wager as to like,

who's going to win what? And you can make it money, you can make it objects. But the custom is to from your deck, either the 20 you just played or you'll you'll have you could have more cards you know like in a stockpile in in your inventory uh you can offer a special card when you when you lose uh as a as a token of like being one of the wandering players of bent so um you approach and there's not a lot of people playing this is a very exclusive game that most people think is really annoying and uh they call it exclusive to distract from the fact that it's really complicated and frustrating but you sit at a table there is an elf a high elf excited to play with somebody when you approach so what you'll do is i think this is pretty simple you're going to do the

d100 carousing roll that we did last time but uh whatever your slight of hand bonus is i'm going to say you can add by factor of 10 so if your sight of hand is like a natural like plus one or a natural plus five that would be a plus 10 or a plus 50 to your d100 roll okay so if my slate of hand is a plus seven which it is that means you get to add 70 to your d100 just keep in mind uh it's gonna max out at a. Yeah. So you're just going to do really well a lot of the time at gambling. Right. Okay. Here we go.

So 52. So then I add my 70. So that's 100. Yeah. Great. So you just smash this guy. He plays as many of his top cards as he can. He plays really great front bucket cards,

really good middle sideways bucket cards, and really good penultimate bucket cards. But none of those bucket-themed cards are able to compete with your bucket-themed cards. Buckets are, of course, the three different stations that you play your bent cards at. And he relents. so you make 10 gold in your first hour and he offers you a special bent card as well

because you hit the 100 max thank you what is it it is called the marauder of Fingernails. All right. The Marauder of Fingernails is a penultimate. Georgio Marauder?

No. The Marauder of Fingernails card is a penultimate bucket card. Got it. Thank you. Been great playing with you. Yeah, he just sort of mutters to himself I'm going to teach Nathan how to play can that happen in the background while

I just enjoy watching I feel like you're really Nathan here's the thing you're going to love this game man because each card is unique and special and they have cool drawings on them. But I think you're going to really be. I do like, I like drawing.

See, he's going to love it. I show him some of the cards. Why don't you want to play? All right. I'm going to show it. Yes. I'm going to show him how to play. So Iva shows you some very pretty cards right out of the gate.

She shows you. That mermaid's not wearing her brassiere sure uh sarah's like don't make that case i have like a negative no i just have a negative eight to my sleight of hand and i keep banging into things in my desk it's fine oh brother everything's fine here yeah so uh you you, so you get the hang of the game. You would have to borrow her deck. It is the sort of thing like you need a deck to play. You know, that brings up an interesting notion.

Iva, as I'm borrowing your deck, could we talk about borrowing things? Sure. Well, here's the thing. I noticed you don't have a lot of room for rations, whereas I do. I seem to be rather more interested in rations, but I don't really carry any gold, whereas you do. So what if we make some sort of little, like, I'll carry your rations, and if I need a piece of gold or two. Only if you approve. I'm not trying to fleece you. I'm trying to make our lives better.

I think you're the fleecer, not me. I just stared blankly at him. He wants to carry my ration. Can I carry my ration to the anyway? No. You want to carry my food? Is that what he's asking? I'm honestly,

does anyone else understand what's happening? You said you had no room in your pack for rations. No, I didn't. Did I say that? On the boat, you were pretty much like, I don't have any food, but I've got some other sneaky things. Oh, I've got other stuff in there. I just didn't start with any food because I didn't think we'd need any.

But that is so nice of you. That is really nice of you. But I don't need you to. I have plenty of room. Look, I show him All my pockets In my My My armor Has like all kinds

Of weird hidden pockets And stuff Like behind the knees And like I got some stuff In my shoes There's like an armpit Some of those jewels Are like spanked

Like Deadpool Wow I wouldn't know But Deadpool has a lot of pouches He does Well so does I Were you created by Rob Liefeld

So He's called Deadpouch Deadpool has a lot of pouches. He does? Were you created by Rob Liefeld? He's called Deadpouch. So, yeah. So, that's what... But thank you. I love everybody. People online were calling this the nice five already. I totally agree. I know.

Ken or somebody suggested that. It was funny. Ken suggested it in an episode that hasn't aired yet, and then people came to that conclusion. The listener today was like, nice five. They came to that conclusion themselves. Nice. Greatest listeners in the world.

But, you know, a little more than an hour has now gone by. You guys have spent some time at the Temple of Bahamut, and they're starting to close the donations down for the evening evening as you can hear by the food court in the background that's supposed to be the gambling floor i'm gonna go ahead and bring that sound down but yeah you know you guys have all spent a bit of time now doing some stuff in the temples just sort of like getting quieter and uh they're laying cots out for people to sleep on some straw beds and just trying to make as much room for for the the homeless to sleep there as possible and they thank you um the gambling floor is not shutting down um but uh the three of you are

being asked if you have somewhere to stay tonight sort of no we and then we i just danny would be like trying to get out as quickly as possible like he's thankful but he also wants to scoot he's getting shy all right he doesn't yeah he doesn't want to overstay as well starting to get attention on him and he's feeling a little like yes like awkward about it okay no yeah that's not his intention at all gotcha so the three of you uh i assume all three of you head out of the temple of bahamut um yeah i'll be back tomorrow you head back omelet bar to lost fingers um iva nathan are you interested in continuing to gamble? I'm just going to give Nathan, let's play one game at each.

Let's play some dice, some cards. We can do it super quick. I'll just roll and you can just tell us what we won or lost. And here's the thing. I'm going to demonstrate for Nathan, and then I'm going to give him half of my winning. So that can be his sort of starting kitty to get going. And I'll give was half of mine oh is he gonna play well i would love it let's let's just split our winnings if yeah whatever

you want let's do it all right are you gonna play bent again we we link arms and we're like taking on the gambling room look at the marousing. Okay, that was a 93. Now, I did ask a question I need answered, because a couple other things are going to happen before you just randomly roll a beautiful 93. Plus 93 plus 70. So, you go back to play bent again, correct? Oh, I was going to let Nathan play one round, yeah? Oh, I was going to teach him.

I was going to let Nathan play one round, yeah. Okay, so this time Nathan's playing, and he approaches with the deck, and you're linked arm and arm. The high elf you originally played is gone. There's now a dwarf sitting there kind of like rubbing his beard, and when Nathan sits down, he kind of looks and goes, you know, supposed to one versus one.

You got to step back from the table. That can't be any cheating. Oh, I'm sorry. I walk away. You were going to play, though. So I was presuming you were starting to sit. Are you? Are you going to?

Are you now, Chris? Are you saying Nathan would be a little freaked out by being confronted and he would bolt? Or would he realize this was his opportunity to learn the game and he would just sort of nervously confer? I mean, you should tell me. I thought there were two of us there. I don't want to take away from Iva. No, I gave him the overview, right? Yeah, like you're capable of playing.

So I give him a nudge. I'm like, you got it, you got this, man. The dwarf is just sort of implying Iva can't be over your shoulder, she's gotta like back up a bit, and not be able to see us. He's very kind of like, this is a game of the elites, I hope you're ready.

Kind of like, snotty attitude. What a dick. Which means I'm going to have you roll a D 100 plus sleight of hand by factor of 10. I don't think I have any. Knock him dead, bunny. Then I go sit on the side and watch. All right.

78. Great. Total. Yes. All right. Well, you. Great. Total? Yes. All right. Well, uh, you also win. Uh, you get, uh, five gold. I hold up my hands and I like let the coins fall through my paws.

Look! Look! Yeah. And, uh, so the guy offers you a card. Here, I'm going to make one for you. He offers you Selkie of the Deep. That is a card. Selkie of the Deep.

Does she have a brassiere on? She does have a tasteful brassiere. It's not quite what I was led to expect i thought there would be well you know you gotta work your way up this is your first of your very own cards you've got you still to get your own deck you need 19 more cards nathan okay i feel like this is not gonna be fun but i gotta i'm sorry for dragging everybody else down into my we can have this going as like an overview that that's what happened. And I can just tell you what I want. Do you know what I mean?

Instead of me rolling. I feel like Sarah is just letting us all know she hates this. So everybody's now at the end. And I enjoy the role playing of talking about how the card game went. And if no one else enjoys it that's fine by me I just didn't want to take up the whole I didn't want to take up the whole

game with like playing how did the gambling go? I hold up my gold pieces and I give three of them to Iva and go Iva is a very good thief I'm not a thief. What? She doesn't seem to have a gambling problem at all.

I look at Nathan. I was like, isn't this what this is? Gambling? Trixie? No, you're just playing a game, man. Were you Trixie? no you're just playing a game man i wish did you were you tricksy chris tallman just glowing smile were you tricksy when you played i i mean i did everything you taught me oh okay well then no we're great we're good and then i

give you and i give her the card and look i won this card yes hang on to it you can build your own deck it's gonna be great oh people love to hear about it so uh you guys are gonna head up to your room uh iva is going to attune to her boots of speed and you're all gonna go to sleep without someone on watch correct but it feels like a pretty secure room just passive insight i think you guys you know i can uh i can always take a shift i only need like four hours of kind of hanging out i don't yeah i don't know if noodles is gonna be at the door and agatha usually wakes me up if there's anything to know so are we all in a room uh that was my my understanding is is that you guys have got like your own rooms

yeah danny would take a shift later in the night to just kind of like keep an eye on the hallway and stuff like that yeah yeah all right act like i'm just act like i'm trying to figure out where the atm machine uh atm is and then i'll just got it i'd be very suspicious i almost said atm machine sorry well hey jelf will you please do a perception check for me? I'd love to, Dan. I have a 7 plus 5. I have a proficiency. That's a 12.

Do I get to roll that again if I have a proficiency? Nope. We don't do that anymore. Okay. 12. All right. So, nope. Don't hear anything suspicious.

Can't find a magazine stand. I can't find like a mounds or a watch McCall or anything. No, uh, not with a 12. Every, every like, you know,

I would say five to 10 minutes. You kind of like peeked on the hallway. You kind of keep your ear to the door for the first few hours. You're taking first shifts, so to speak. Uh, and you don't, you know, nothing seems pretty quiet. Keep your ear to the door for the first few hours. You're taking first shifts, so to speak. And you don't, you know, nothing seems pretty quiet.

You finish your shift, so to speak. Everybody else, your bed is reasonably clean. It is like staying at any hotel, though. It does feel like the straw beds have maybe had a few too many unsavory types sleeping in them. And they could do a better job hosing the beds down. But, yeah, it's not too bad so I'm just waiting for one more private message to come my way

alright here let me just hold on let me just send that to you hold on folks Blaine just his phone in the front of his pants. Sorry, I'm doing a bit for the Zoom people, but if you can't, if you're just listening, it's lost, so forget it. It's like reading about the sequel to Flatland

while you're reading Flatland. My kid's getting tickled on the couch. It's adorable. Great. All right, well well the rest of you go to sleep uh and while you all sleep danny you find yourself on the roof of law shotgun shack you're shut the fuck up blaine you're uh you know your hood at your shoulders you're sitting on the clay tiles of the roof looking over bling bottom most of those most

of the the lamp lights are still lit and the town is relatively busy even in the middle of the night do a perception check sir it was really hard not to riff on everything you said and you know what you you you you can riff anytime blaine i only tell you you know what i because i don't want to i know talk to cross talk just is is so fun i get it from my dentist up as dan's more please yeah it's a safe word yeah you know you think you see a few interesting things kurt's shack you were told about seems to be open 24 7 you see a little gnome kind of like peek their head out of the shack a couple of times like look around no one comes in or out of it but there's a there's a little candle lit outside

and there's is he a funny little guy does he make me smile he's a goofy little gnome all right he he's got it gives you a warm feeling in your tum tums uh he likes it uh you just feel like he'd be good for a little drink by the hearth and you look around and there's alleys everywhere there's definitely some shady characters going in and out of these alleys but you don't see any outright crime you don't hear any screams per se just you definitely see some suspicious characters going into like even the alley just to the right side of lost fingers there just seems to be people going if you want you can kind of like sneak down the roof a little bit and listen to what's happening in the alley. Yeah, Danny would do that, yeah.

Great. Stealth check. Yeah, do a... Or athletics. I'll let you keep... You're 18 for listening, but this will be... Actually, I'll let you choose. If you want to throw caution to the wind,

you can do an athletics check to get super close, or you can do a stealth check and just try to stay a reasonable distance without making a noise. I do stealth okay good glad that it wasn't super high so uh 13 all right so you sneak down a little bit so there's like about 10 feet between you there's about 10 feet between you and the edge of the roof and you hear two human types talking might be an elf might be a tiefling or something but definitely like a larger humanoid. So, Danny, you got a 12 on your stealth. You sneak about 10 feet away from the tiles edge of the roof.

And two larger humanoids, either humans, tieflings, or something like that, are down there in the alley talking. And you listen for a while and you start to pick up the conversation. And they're talking about salvage some sort of boat has crashed off the coast of davin glaven you do hear the word clodenheim get mentioned at one point and then your foot just ever so slightly slides against one of the roof tiles and they get really quiet okay uh danny would uh scamper back up onto the roof okay well when he when he when he feels like it's the right time okay uh a few more hours pass and you don't really notice any outright

crimes happening do you head down and get some sleep yeah yeah sounds good uh so listeners i i had sent uh dan a personal message saying danny wanted to go onto the roof by himself and i wasn't trying to tell everybody else playing they would that would have been the reveal just now but but nope i sent it to everyone we were we were totally if you ever want to sneak off and i'll segue right into your secret mission for the listeners that'll be fun but uh hey uh jelf is gonna get out of the omelet bar well now i know how to get a hold of you just give me give me yeah give me in your phones text messages it's much easier um cool anyway the rest of you wake up it is a a bright day in dave and glaven the gambling floor is not going to be open until the afternoon but there is food available it's just going to cost a little money and of course you can just leave the inn all together

i'm gonna buy everyone a hearty breakfast with my winnings okay yeah started on the right foot today i'm gonna let you finish what did you learn at your temple? There's a lot of sick, hurting people. It does seem as though it's a very violent, horrible place. Yeah, everybody got banged up pretty good. Can you pass the salt, please? I'm going to go try and heal some folks.

That'll be just one silver total for a hearty breakfast for everybody. Wow. And would anybody like to head with 2D to the temple? Yes. Danny goes and he also, he only eats half his meal and pockets the rest of it. Very packed full of Denver omelet. You've,

you've, you've definitely got enough rations to get you through a day in an emergency. I'm going to grab as many rolls as I can. No, I know, but he doesn't. Stale biscuits and cold chicken wings. Here we come.

Pudding and tacos. Yeah, you know, is anyone going to do anything besides go to the temple? Yeah, I mean, I feel like we're all, this is creating a world where we're kind of all splitting into our things do we want to like regroup as a group oh yeah we still haven't decided on a name so i feel like that should be over cinnamon rolls you know so as you're all eating cinnamon rolls the cinnamon rollers uh all this all the suggestions from uh all the suggestions from before taken into account uh both amongst us and in

Facebook comments. Has anything struck people's fancy? I like the nice five. I'm just going to put it out there. I thought Castaways was great. Castaways was fun. I'm a big fan of multi-word ones myself, but I want you guys to choose.

That's why I said that. The simpler it is, the more i'm like has this been done before um yeah i feel like we don't actually have to but yeah that's why i went through all that but nobody was into the like alliterative alliterative castaway club castaway crew castaway coterie cast away clan the cast away cuties um i like that one the castaways is great the bartender when you say cast away cuties kind of looks like oh i show him my card she's wearing her brassiere claude and hymers the bartender, that's a castaway cutie. That's what you call mermaids in your rabbit land.

Is that right? The Clottenheimer castaway? I like the Tofuni castaway cuties. The bartender is now embarrassed because you weren't impressed that she was warming up to you, and she blushes and walks away. I turn to the card. She doesn't get it. Okay. How about the Ice Five UK? I turn to the card she doesn't get it okay we don't have to

how about the ice five uk I'm hearing castaway cuties for sure that's definitely no we're not we're not gonna actually sorry there are children here um castaways Danny likes castaways the most I feel like that has the most votes so everybody is everyone okay with that

cuties castaway cuties nobody's voting even oh my god not castaway cuties no it's not the castaway cuties the castaways i think the cutaways cc castaway cuties i think chris you said you liked castaways the best right i do the castaways yes right about the QTs? Sure. And not the Castaway QTs. Or Castaway Crew. Or Castaway Cabal. Or the Castaway... QTs?

Crew we could have done. No. No way. Are you ready? Here it is. Michael K. Fox. Oh my God. Unless you've got a bigger plan for the temple, we can just say, yeah, you know, you clear some beds.

You make some people healthy again with laying on hands, Tootie. Yes, please. How about the floating five? How about the five? Because we floated to shore remember we somehow miraculously didn't die and sink to the bottom the flotation devices the castaway crampies

yeah okay alright fine fine the castaways the castaways am I right folks right you know what we can't help it should we ask what I'm saying. Sam, maybe Sam might be able to put some fresh Sam eyes on. I feel like Blaine is maybe

onto something. I was thinking Castaway Cuties if you guys haven't. I love it. Sam, you and me. We're not the fucking Castaway Cuties, you guys. You guys keep saying it and the bartender hears it again. I'm the castaway cutie?

Wait, who said it first? Whose idea was it even? The castaway cuties. Who knows? Okay. Don't you like being a cutie? I love when things... Danny, I mean, we're already playing it nice.

I like the nice five, but the castaways is... I truly believe it's what sticks. So we don't have to decide, but I like the idea of having the discussion often until something sticks. I like the castaway-niacs. Are you ready?

Here it is. Friend Force. Five. Friend Force five. From Navarone. Are we at that point? The Flotation Friends The Five Flotation Friends Friends and Friends

We're basically at that point So why don't we Why don't we just say Fancy Friends Everybody Friend Flotilla Finishes breakfast We'll decide next week

The Heal Folks at the Temple The Fabulous Yes What is my Hit point pool remaining? Well it's up to you You're trying to just cure a disease Yeah so would it take one to cure a disease

Yeah So I'll cure as many diseases as I can Great so you max that out 15 diseases Well that means you can get 15 of the poor and helpless Out of the temple of Bahamut And 15 more will be collected off the streets and brought in And the priest of Bahamut thanks you Again you're just becoming a very great resource and we'll

say what the rest of your morning and uh bling bottom holds on episode 10 hey sam hi uh before i start dan i want you to know that's also my favorite simpsons clip for me what gets me is the way after ralph says it when chief wiggum goes the baby looked at you that always gets me very well uh this week uh as i understand it we found some magic boots and a jug full of necromancy um we went a little side mission tootie stopped by to be polite to a priest and the rest of us went to do a little polite gambling politely um oh i want to mark this this is it this is the start nathan offering to carry people's gold i told you i don't trust him nathan is going to kill us all gimme metal is my radio show i've got got videos on posting the band

on YouTube. New Music Sucks is out now. The video for that. Anything else? Dan? Yeah, if you can watch my stand-up on Twitch, it's twitch.tv slash tellfordan every Friday at 8pm Pacific. Blaine? What is happening

with Stacey Keech, Blaine? Oh oh uh stacy keach and i are doing a live read of the silmarillion on zoom with uh special guest marillion nice thanks everybody thanks for listening thank you thanks thanks for listening to another episode of nerd poker you can follow us at patreon.com slash nerd poker and you get bonus

episodes from there and you can also send us anything at p.o. box one six zero six nine encino california nine one four one six thanks for listening.