Nerd Poker - S4E92 Cabal Room Blitz

Episode Date: June 14, 2022

The battle peaks. Lives in the balance. A small being's silhouette sits upon the steering wheel of a ship.

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Lee, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Pussain's Nerd Poker. Season 4. Hey everybody, it's episode 92 of Nerd Poker.

You know why you're here. Let's just get into it, because shit's going down. My friends are here. I'm not going to forget Sam this time. I still feel bad. I've only dissed you a few times, and it always feels bad. I took my shirt off, and then I put it right back on, because I felt so bad.

Remember that one time you went and passed out in the bathroom and we didn't see you for like three weeks? I do. I woke up this morning. Lane's here. Lane's here, everybody. Still on morning drive, you guys. Julie Newmark Jr. is on her way into the studio.

We're going to have a great sit-down. We're going to take you around on traffic. How's it look out there, Brian? Oh, wow. Dan's here. It is too early, it says. It's right. It's still too early. Just like last week, we're recording in the morning.

And we're not morning people. No. Chris is here. Hi. Julie Newmar Jr. is the phrase that pays. Tootie's here. Hi there. How are you?

What's going on? It's a beautiful, beautiful morning. Oh, shit. What? Shit, you were still going. You were still going. Wasn't important. A whole lot of nothing. Now me? Yeah, go. Hello, hello. Good morning. How are you? I'm doing okay. My voice

is like an octave lower than normal, so. Now, this is okay for you. You don't mind playing in the morning. I mean, like, i'm not i'm not a morning person but like i said you sort of have to be at a certain point when you're like when you have smaller kids so it's this doesn't really matter to me um other than i'm drinking coffee instead of booze right now that's the that's the main difference for me at this point instead of why not with and he already disappeared but but we said hi to him first, but let's

still say hi to him in the place that we normally do, just to make up for last week. Sam's here, everybody. Hello, sweet children. I bet you people were mad, too, when we skipped. You know there are people that are waiting for you to say hi and

hear about your hair or what shirt you're wearing or what your you're wearing. Or what your dog's up to. Speaking of the dog, I'll send it to you in the group chat. I took a great picture yesterday at the Stan Winston booth at Monsterpalooza because it reminded me of you asking me about ramen. We put Monsterpalooza on my fucking calendar right now

for next year because I fucking miss it every year. It always winds up with people going, I was just at Monsterpalooza and I'm like, I would have gone to fucking miss it every year. It always winds up with people going, I was just at Monster Palooza, and I'm like, I would have gone to that every fucking year. It's great. I love it. I spent the whole day walking around going, this has Brian Pissain energy and looking for you.

There's going to be another one in August, probably, or closer to October, the Sun House. It's the same thing, basically. I shot a pilot there a couple of years ago of me interviewing people, and it was super fun, but I didn't get to actually hang out and shop. But I did have Kane Hodder try to choke me out, which he does to a lot of people. But when you're big like him, he goes extra hard.

He's hurt me. I think he's taken years off my life. Just from being around Kate. I swear to God. Quick pause while Brian fills out a restraining order. He has a little resentment about horror fans that are bigger than him. He doesn't like that guys are bigger than Jason. Yeah, yeah. So he wants to just murder us.

We should get him on the show. Sure. He's actually a cool, interesting guy. No, no. He'll choke me out on Zoom. I'm going to slouch a lot. Let's thank some people and then get into

92. Let's indeed thank Patreon supporters because they are the reason the show exists thanks nino derrico thank you thanks you know thank you jeremy gaitras or gaitras thanks ian yos yice link boy there's some real humdingers in the beginning of this list thanks edgar ojeda thank you meShonkyTheSexySurprise. Call me to book Sexy Orc Surprise for your VIP events like Dentist Convention or Sam's Birthday. Thank you, WeNeedAWholeBillyEpisode.

Oh, yes. What would Billy... Billy, do you want to do a whole episode sometime? Yeah, I've got a Gamble World campaign that's ready to go. You guys are all three-armed monkeys with laser guns. Oh, Gamma World. Thank you, Shakira. When the walls fell. Thank you, James.

Thank you, Michelle. That's it. Just Michelle. Thank you, Blaine's Scrapple Nightmare. I have a few of those. Thank you, Namekin. Thank you, War Anus. Thank you, Crush Thuckus. I have a few of those. hit thank you james potter uh i'll never say this again thanks billionaires thank you beta ray bill

nye the science guy that's gonna be in that next taika waititi movie i bet thank you cargo sharts thanks ramsey thanks brad hamilton thank you my depression medication thank you dido thank you Dido thank you Terry I'm right 300XL WorldviewTrend thank you Dido thank you Terry Luckhart thank you Ian Buckley thank you there's food in my beard thank you Robert yeah I'm feeling it there's some chocolate croissant thank you

Anton Caridian thank you Salt Galloway thanks BJ Schwartz thank you Jesse Wallenfang thanks this is the guy who gave me Thank you, Salt Galloway. Thanks, BJ Schwartz. Thank you, Jesse Wallenfang. Thanks. This is the guy who gave me that toolbox full of Dungeons & Dragons minis. Preston Snow. Thank you, Preston Snow.

Thank you, Preston. It was awesome. In late 2019. Gave you guys some special dice, too. And, of course, finally, thank you. Don't forget gerrymandering is still a very real problem. Hey, Blaine, who are those supporters brought to us by? I'm a dog.

I'm a bird. I'm a fish. I'm a hamster. That's dumb. Dumb pets need food too. Dan. Thanks, Blaine. Oh, dumb pets.

I got two of them right now. Look at that cat idiot up there. In the corner of my video screen thing. There's a dumb cat. Hey, everybody. It's time to talk about what happened last time on NerdPoker. The castaway cuties managed to kill

the final summoned creature, a winged demon that was destroying the party one by one, but finally Tootie smote it upon the temple floor. Unfortunately, in the doorway, Count Amalegda knocked Joff unconscious and is now laughing at everyone. What an asshole.

We take it to Gatsby. Cutie's already in progress. So, yeah, it's his turn. He is laughing at everyone and he is now going to cast a spell. Is he going to tie me on one of those poles with a couple other dead bodies and make us look like we're dancing like the Jackson 5?

Oh. Do some busking. That always cheers me up. You can't go wrong with busking. Well, if we all look at roll 20, the room is as such. Right now, Nathan, Tootie, Cosby, and an enlarged goal bar, which we all have to go to the proctologist to have looked at,

are in the northeast quadrant of the temple. A little bit halfway down towards the south, we've got Iva, who just sort of ran away from everything, and we've got an unconscious Jelf in the southern doorway with Count Amalegda. Count Amalegda

is going to reach out a hand and it's gonna, we're suddenly gonna see a thick, dense cloud appear and that is going to obscure a large portion of the room. So I'm gonna illustrate it as such shortly. But you guys notice

the doorway is pretty obscured now. Jelf, you're of course unconscious so you can't really see anything but the rest of you notice there's like this dark gray smoggy fog that is covering the temple around the door. Hey, Nathan,

what would you like to do? Magical darkness. I guess I will start rushing down towards it because we've got to save Jelf somehow. So I'll use my...

I have 35 feet of movement. So yeah, I guess I'll sort of rush down. I guess I'm a little bit south of Golbar. I guess I'm a little bit south of Golbar. I'm going to...

I don't think there's anything I can... Let's see. I think I have to see... No, I guess not. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm looking at chill touch. I create a ghostly skeletal hand. It's 120 foot range in the space of a creature within range.

Make a ranged spell attack. So it doesn't say anything about... As long as I know he's there, which I guess I do. You had pretty good eyesight on him a second ago. Yeah, so I'll try and do chill touch. So it's an attack roll from me. To me? Yeah, against...

Merry Christmas. So I got a... Oh, I don't think it's going to hit. I got a 15. That's a miss. All right, that's all I can do. But I will call out to everybody who's like, In the darkness there somewhere.

Oh. Caspia is up next she kind of you know has pulled herself up to her feet she hears you nathan and she says very well it is time off we go um and so she is gonna run in that direction i'm just gonna double check and see how much movement she has. I didn't have her pulled up since I came back from break between records. Where's Caspia? Where's Caspia? Where's Caspia? Okay. Um, so she has, I think it's yeah, 30 feet of movement. She can't quite make it all the way to the door cloud. But she starts running in that direction as well. Next in the turn order, Gobar. Yeah.

What would you like to do? The fog is now obscured on Maligna. Do I have an idea where he is? Nathan is calling for everyone to charge forth. Yeah, like, if you're looking at the map, he's, like, over here somewhere. In the doorway. Okay. 60 feet away.

I'm going to rush at him. Okay, now you've got 40 feet of movement, so you're going to run into the fog? Sure. Okay, so you can get, if you're gonna run into the fog? Sure. Okay. So you can get... If you're looking at the Roll20 map, you're gonna run. You're gonna be, like, right, like, in the edge of the fog. You're sticking your face in the fog, basically.

Roll a perception check, Brian. Uh, 12. Uh, yeah. This black, billowy magic smoke is just covering your entire vision. Okay. Excuse me. I got a little bit of coffee ground in my throat. Gross.

At least it's not a bug. Hey, Iva, you're up. Okay. I'm actually about to cough. Swallowed a bug. Sorry. Why? Because I talked to a bunch of ground in my throat.

Okay. All right. I am part of cough. I'm going to come give you my throat. Okay. All right. I am Swartacoff. Whee! I swallowed a bug. Come give you my sickness if you keep

making fun of me this way. I'm just gonna shut up at your doors and cough on you. Sarah doesn't have COVID, folks. It's not COVID

according to the eight COVID tests that I've taken. It's just something else. Okay. Sorry. Maybe it's from that toilet snake. Oh my God something else. Okay. Sorry. It means from that toilet snake. Oh my god.

Guys. Toilet rat. Please. Even when I'm ill, you can't leave me alone with a toilet rat. Just please. Have mercy. I'm that rat. I'm going to army crawl into the fog. Okay. Stultily.

In an attempt to get this guy. Now you... How much movement does Iva have? I have those boots on so I have 50 feet right now. Alright, so you get through the fog into the doorway and

you can see about 10 feet down the hallway Amalegda has his back to you. There is a shambling corpse that you recognize as the re-zombified corpse of Danny Yen following him. And he has Jelf's unconscious body dragging behind him. He's got his claws gripped into the back of Jelf's armor and is just pulling him unconscious down the hallway

away from the cloud. And he's like jogging away. So I am going to, I'm going to use my insightful fighting action, which means I can make an insight check against a creature I can see that isn't incapacitated, contested by his deception check. I'm trying to be able to use sneak attack.

Okay. So he's going to roll perception against it? Deception. Deception again. He's rolling deception. Yes. Against my insight. Give me an eight.

Versus a 24. So he loses. Okay, so I'm going to then attack him. Okay. I'm not leaving the doorway to be clear. So I'm going to shoot him with an arrow. Sounds like a plan. And that is a...

Oh, no. I'm going to use a luck point. Oh, no. Oh is a... Oh, no. I'm going to use a luck point. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Are you fucking kidding me? That was a bot. Well, I missed is basically what happened, so... Okay. And you just get the one attack, right?

Yeah, unfortunately, I just get the one attack right yeah unfortunately i just get the one attack so i just wasted my insightful fighting and wait oh hmm what are you thinking well i was like the sneak attack sneak attack also gives me it but it doesn't never mind just move on Gotcha. I see where you're going with it. But, yeah. Okay. So, just sails over his shoulder. And we're going to go around the bend to Jelf, who is asleep.

Do a wisdom saving throw. Jelf. Sorry. Wisdom saving throw. 16 plus 3, 19 Blunk, blunk, blunk, you wake up You're being dragged down the hallway by a demigod vampire

You're probably wondering How this happened Uh, okay Is that all I can do, is wake up? That is all you can do, that is the end of your turn Okay Up next, you know, you're effectively grappled Okay. Is that all I can do? That is all you can do. That is the end of your turn. Okay. Up next, you're effectively grappled. You'll be doing a strength

check on your next turn if you want to break free. Or, you know, you can stay grappled and attack. That is an option we should all remember. Do-do-do-boop-boop. Tootie! Your turn. I'm going to move Okay. down here. How much going to move. Okay. Down here.

How much movement you got? 25. Alright, so we're all just trying to get to the doorway. He's booking it. So, I hear what you're doing. I'm gonna move over here and lay some hands on Nathan. Got it. Give him 10 healing points. Thank you.

I've a UC Got it. Give him ten healing points. Thank you. Um, Iva, you see Amalekda like he's running farther down the hallway. He's now about sixty feet away. And I can't do anything?

Unless you have some kind of reaction or something. I'm speaking to Amalek this turn. You're just letting me know about some things I can't. You're the one person who can see him. Jelf, you see just the ceiling of the hallway covered in black mold and fungus from being underground for a while,

and you're just being dragged full speed. Up next is going to be Nathan. Well, especially having seen all my friends just plunge into the darkness, I will do the same. So I will use my movement of 35 feet and then my bonus action, I will dash.

So I think I would get maybe a little bit past Iva in the doorway. Yeah. Yeah. That's going to put you just past Iva. So you can nudge past her as you cut through the fog bank in front of the door. All right. Now see Amalegda running with Jelf about, it'll be about 50 feet away from you.

So, but I'm, but I'm now through the fog bank. Yes. Awesome. I will... How far away are they? 50. 50 feet. Okay, so that's too far for Witch Bolt.

I will... I guess I'll try the Chill Touch again, because that's 120 feet. All right, so again, spell attack on my part. 19 to hit. That's a hit. Okay, so it's 2d8? Yes. 11 points of damage as a ghostly rabbit's paw takes a swipe out of the golden armored vampire creep

how would you like to see the vampire creep die holy shit I think just for a moment the bunny paw looks a little bit like Tootie is a bunny it looks a little bit like Cosmia and it looks a little bit like Nathan's butt

our triumvirate of bunnies take that back of his head and it looks a little bit like Nathan's butt, are triumvirate of bunnies. Take that back of his head and just remove it. And maybe his brain slides out backward. So as his skull cracks open, yeah, you just see this black shriveled brain just kind of out the back. He begins to slump to the ground and as his knees fall,

you see his body start to become non-corporeal. He becomes a small cloud of mist. Oh, we have to kill that mist. Yeah, now we gotta kill the mist. We have to mist. I've misted him, but hurry, it's not over. Up next is Caspia! Caspia is gonna run

through, um, and you see Caspia cut, like, like, into the fog. She doesn't come out the other side yet, though. She does not have Nathan's boost of speed. So she is gonna do her best to book it through, but she does not have

the same movement up next is gonna be gold bar hey gold bar yeah buddy you want to run through this fog yeah i was already that was the last thing i did was i ran i went into the fog yeah so you come out the other end and you see standing in front of you ivava, who just came out of an army crawl, and Nathan, who just cast a chill touch, pointing at the mist that is now sort of fleeing down the hallway. The body of Danny Yen has now gone limp on the floor as well. Oh, sad.

But, Gobar, you see the mist that they're pointing at over Jelf's, uh, just woken up body. Rhodes and I just watched Rogue One yesterday, but that one holds up. I really like that one. I, yeah, I really liked it. It's one of my favorite Star Wars movies. Yeah, and after seeing, uh, Dan, can I ask a question? Oh, oh, oh, yes.

Yes, Chris. I would like to, being, uh, a no-brain mist, is the fog cloud still up, would is it it's still there um what do you mean is it is it like still exists or i'm hoping because i killed not him the mist the cloud he created the darkness the black black yeah the that's right the cloud he created, the darkness. Yeah, the black area. Yeah, that's right. The cloud he created is gone. So actually, yeah, that did not narratively happen.

Golbar, you were, the fog around you disappeared right before you ran through the doorway. Oh, okay. Regardless, yes. How about the Shambling Mound? Is it still shambling? Hasn't been a Shambling Mound in this campaign. Oh, sorry. How about the Shambling Mound? Is it still shambling? Hasn't been a Shambling Mound in this campaign. Oh, sorry.

I appreciate your curiosity. Sorry, the zombie that's dragging me? No, the vampire was dragging you and a zombie was next to you. The zombie is down and the vampire is a cloud of mist. Gold bar. Gold bar, you're up.

What's in front of me now? There is a cloud of mist Hanging in the air above Jelf In the hallway that Iva and Nathan are frantically Pointing at Oh, okay, what can be done About it?

Well, it's about 50 feet in front of you You, um You can shoot a ranged attack At it, but you don't think you can get to it on foot this turn. Okay. Do you have a ranged weapon like a javelin, per se?

I do. Yeah. I'll wing that at him. But I'm gonna frenzy this time. Okay. Which means you get three attacks per action. Yeah. Yeah. I wonder if it makes sense to frenzy and run

and then get closer. Nice. What's going to be able to affect the mist, though? Yeah. Do we have a big fan or something? I think flames. I think we're flames.

No. I think you can just attack it. Yeah, yeah. I think we learned this last time is you can just attack it. Attack the mist. All right. I'm going to wing a javelin. You know what?

No, it's not what's in range. I have to get closer. So I'm going to go as far as I can. I have to get closer. So, um... I'm gonna go as far as I can. Uh, Dan? Okay. Was it 40 feet? You can go another 40 feet. You can catch up to the mist.

Okay, I'll do that. Okay. And do I have any... If you're using your action to run, no. Okay. And do I have any... If you're using your action to run, no. Okay. Fair enough. Up next is going to be Iva. Okay, so I'm also booking it out there.

And we'll fire... This is off map now, so yeah so i'm out in the hall and i will sorry um i will fire as soon as i'm able great go for it okay i will now is now there are people within five feet of the mist. Do I get an automatic sneak attack because Jelf is there awake or the mist? Jelf and Golbar on his feet are within five feet. So you do get. Excellent. Okay.

There we go. That's a natural 20. Okay. Holy cow. Now. Why don't you roll that damage? Okay, so now I... People who know what a vampire's mist form has in the way of hit points will be very entertained at this point in time.

Double the 4. That's 8 plus 3. 11. Probably 300 hit points. Somewhere between 300 and negative 300. It's a wide range.

I'm just double checking again. Do you double sneak attack damage on a crit? I forget. I think so. Yeah, all dice. Okay, so that's 11 plus. Okay, so that is going to be 53 points of damage.

Whoa! Shit! How would you like to see this vampire mist cloud die? Holy shit. Let's see. I'd like to see him try to dance one last time but he realizes he has no

corporeal form and will never dance again and I scream dance like the world is watching and then he melts into a formless shape on the floor and screaming. You know, normally I would try and yes and the death description,

but I think that sums up everything that I could possibly say in the way of this vampire dying. The hallway and the temple itself become eerily quiet as you all exit combat. Nice work. Wow. Now what? We've got this map that he gave us, right? Yes. You fold open the map and-

No, he didn't give it to us. I took it from him, but yeah. No, what was hilarious is you initiated combat by ripping it out of his hands. I stole it. Yeah, successfully. I think you rolled like a 30 or something on a sleight of hand check, something insane. And I was like, well, yep, that'll do it.

And yeah, you unroll it. It looks like a detailed topographic map of the castle of Vendaria, the undead elf city. You see there's large residential residential neighborhoods some of which look like they've been destroyed by battle some of them look like they've had strange unnatural things growing in them also it looks like the lair of multiple beasts larger than homes that seem to be protecting the city. And it's a pretty dire thing. But once you open it up, you realize this is something of a plan of attack.

So our goal is to go now and kill the Arch Lich. Question mark. What happened? The guy had the phylactery. The demon had the phylactery around his neck and then we smashed he destroyed it right yeah so that's happened you would all know that means the phylactery was a portion of his soul was trapped in it and now that that has been destroyed he is no longer able to reform if you kill him he is now effectively mortal whereas he was uh semi-immortal until the moment you destroyed the phylactery right okay so uh and are we doing this in our timeline i guess this new timeline we have no way of getting back

to our old time you don't know if there's any way back to the old timeline, unfortunately. Okay. Cool. You're just hanging out underground in the dark. A small Kenku waddles its way up to all of you. You recognize it as the one that let you in the Temple of Bahamut in the first place. It cocks its head to the side and points at just the dead Danny N on the floor and says, mess! Clean mess!

Yes, perhaps we should bury our friend. Mm-hmm. And then at the end, Peter Parker turns around and walks away in the rain. I'm going to search the area to make sure we didn't miss anything that would have been on the vampire. Yeah, so you see, of course, the lifeless body of Danny Yen, but also there is this golden staff with a mean-looking red gem on the top of it. Nice.

Okay. Do an insight. Iva, Do an insight check on this. We could totally sell that to someone evil. That is a 13.

Something feels really unsettling about it. Not good. Yeah.ling about it. Not good. Yeah. That's it. That's all you get was a 13 insight check. Okay. Didn't he say he had some weird... He got something, right?

He acquired this staff from a vampire god in another dimension. Right. So I feel like we should keep it safe. Can I put it in the hat? Well, I'd like to throw a detect magic on it. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, go ahead. Oh, it's rippling with magic, Tootie.

Oh, yeah, Nathan can identify, right? Part of that is I learn at School of Magic. Oh, that's going to be necromancy for sure, boss. Thank you. Yeah, if we have a couple minutes, maybe I can actually identify the staff. Okay. Absolutely.

So, Nathan, you kneel over The staff Um Let's take two short rests This is the Staff of Canchelsus Canchelsus? Yes that is the vampire

God of which you learned Before Did you just try to do a monomona joke over Ken Chelsea? No. No. No. Ken Chelsea. Ken Chelsea.

My, my, my. Please, Hammer of Bahamut, don't hurt him. Okay, so the... Weird Ken Yankovic. This rod is cursed. Anyone who attempts to wield or carry this, not wand, this staff, will be magically bound to it

and slowly take on some sort of new form that is beyond your knowledge but appears to be a version of a vampire and dead. Also it imbues the wearer with the ability to teleport, to

survive being taken down to zero hit points and a few other things. But it definitely condemns the user to death. Well that sucks. It's like a bad staff. Seems like not a great staff as far as heroes go.

Yeah, do we destroy it? Yeah, fuck this thing. Oh, I don't know if we destroy it. Fucking it might be the same as wielding it. I'd be very careful. Perhaps we should bury it with Denny. That would be interesting. I feel like he's going to

rise up out of the... Let's make who we fight next time. The devil we know. Sorry, guys. Azera, if we destroy it, won't it be... Couldn't that deck explode and kill us like a phaser on overload or something? Maybe, but you don't know.

That's not a given. Why don't you ask Bahamut what we should do with it, Tudes? I will pray. Let's get a religion check for old Tudes. Dear Bahamut. Send me your Tudes. I found a thing. Religion check, yes.

Hang on, sorry. Okay. I found a thing. Religion check, yes. Hang on, sorry. Okay, that is a 12 religions. You think that you are being dissuaded from doing anything brash with it. However, you do get a sense of confidence.

It's pretty vague, unfortunately. Sense of confidence. Maybe we just leave it in this room. I don't know. We don't want anyone else to have it, though. Yeah, I know, but who comes down here? It seems like just the act of holding it could kill someone under the wrong conditions.

Okay, so we're just going to go ahead and... Like, how do I put this? It seems like a powerful being would have to pick this up and survive the curse. And some of those secondary positive effects might only matter for a very small amount of time before the person shrivels into death. Okay, so should we just kick some dirt over it?

Yeah. Give it to the Kinku? Kinkajou? That might hurt him, too. Oh, he's... Can't we bring the ceiling down on it? Yeah, throw some rubble on it. Oh, I like that.

Okay. Do you want to throw it in one of the temples? You've got a few of them around you. And cave in the temple? That would occur to all of you as an option. Yeah, that's at least something. I mean, somebody's going to find this thing. Yeah, this one's as good as any, you know?

Yeah, just don't touch it. Alright. So you're going to just sort of like, using something as like a protective glove, you're going to slide it across the floor in the middle of the room and then cave the room in somehow? Is that what I'm hearing? Yeah. Totally. Alright, how are you going then cave the room in somehow? Is that what I'm hearing? Yeah. Yeah. Totally.

All right. How are you going to cave the room in? Smash it up. Chill touch. Smashy smash? With a hammer. I mean, yeah, you all spend a solid hour just trying to smash some rock and, like, you get a fair amount of rocky covering over, but the room doesn't cave in.

Nobody has a spell that can just, like like break off a bunch of rock or something. Okay. Oh yes, rock breaker. I cast rock breaker. I feel like this is still like a wasting time here. So, but yeah, okay. Let me see. We're going to emerge into another hellscape.

Now we got to get to the, so where is this located again? Is this on this continent? The castle Vendaria is in the southern, it's on a southern peninsula of Clottenheim. Oh, okay. We're back to going back to Clottenheim.

So you all are going to what, go through the sewers again and attempt to re-emerge? Um, I guess the only thing was we, the was the whole timeline travel thing happened when the guy

through the cutlass we spoke to him through the cutlass right? Balthazar yes. Do you want to try to talk to him one more time and see if we can get back to our timeline or if there's a way for us to travel to where we're going to without going back through the sewers and the town and everything.

Yeah, because we'd have to sneak back. If we go back the way we came, we're going to have to sneak through that giant town square where we pretty much got slaughtered. Plus, I threw up a lot in those sewers. I didn't like it. Let's talk to Swordman. I got puke on my sewage.

I think you had to take a sip of the weird great taste stuff and then okay i think that's what we did right then he holds the cutlass or something okay yep he's uh uses the cutlass to sort of connect to balthazar down and bling bottom through time and space you just take a little sip and you cock your bunny head back and you call out to him. Yes, what is it? Yeah, um, now what? Oh, uh, what have you done?

We, uh, killed a vampire lord and we stole his, uh, nasty staff. Uh, and now we have a map of, uh, the evil elves' hideout in Vendaria. To be clear, we're all seeing Nathan in his most loved black-eyed

creep town. Correct. We're seeing. Sometimes Chris gives it a little zhuzh before he starts speaking. No, this is what Chris is hearing in his own mind. He's speaking normally, but when we're here. Yeah, I think you guys are just like, we're talking.

He's here. Nathan, what of the phylactery you told me of? We just tried it. Oh. Well, if there's anything I can do to help, just let me know. Yes, this is me letting you know. Now, what are we doing?

Oh, you want to know how I can help you? I have no idea. I mean, I could provide you some sort of shelter, I suppose, if I... We're on an alternate timeline. Is there any way to get back to our home? Maybe. Oh, he says maybe.

It would take quite a bit of resources. I could try to connect you back through time. You would just have to bring with you whatever you took. Say that again?

You'd have to bring with you whatever you took. Whatever we brought into this world, we take back with us. I believe you said the petrified body of Panzuzu, you would have to take that back. Hmm. Like a security deposit. And then it wouldn't, of course, fix the timeline

for you. It would just potentially fix the timeline. I guess we don't need to if we're just going to go kill the guy anyway. You still have the body of Panzuzu? I think it's dust. I think we destroyed it. Didn't it burst? You did turn it to dust. Yeah.

So, hmm. Okay, so this guy can't... We can't go back. Ask him if there's any way for us to... Oh no, my dogs! Ask him if there's any way for us to easily travel to where we like just physically travel, not time travel. Is there a way that's easy for us to go to Vendaria from here? Well, let's see.

There's going to be an element of chaos right now. If you truly slew Lord Amalegda, that means the city is no longer under his control. To a certain extent, I'd imagine the army would either withdraw or militarily gather its forces somewhere until it heard from the archlich, but the regular patrols will probably be much more disorganized and perhaps the guard will even be drawn into a central location near Amalegda's lair to the north.

So you're saying book it? Sure, yeah. And there might even be some boats attempting to flee Flayzacola in the docks to the west. So to the docks to the west. And then you're saying, take a ship. To Vendaria. It's another continent to the north, yes. If you want to get to

Clottenheim, you're going to want to hire a boat or a rock, perhaps? Fly on a rock? Who knows? Fly on a rock? Yes. I mean, I don't know where you can find a rock I'm sorry do you not know what a rock is

am I speaking to I've never seen anyone fly on a rock it's a large eagle like creature called a rock oh the bird I'm so sorry I was thinking of Dwayne Johnson I should warn rabbit folks such as yourself,

this would lovely, lovely rabbit folks such as yourself would likely get eaten by such a thing if it was seen in the wild. I just thought humans stand on a giant boulder and fly across the ocean. What do you mean? You know, like when you see a large boulder, you climb on top of it and fly away.

This is great. This means more boats. And if there's one thing that we know, it's fucking boats. Boats go well. Castaway cuties. Boat it up. Don't go up a game plank.

Definitely climb the side of the boat. Of course. Cute. Is there any other way? So as I asked a few minutes earlier, would you all like to emerge from the underground temples by way of the sewers and exit via the fissure in the ground? Yes, and I want the chariots of fire theme to play. Are you taking the body of Danny with you

or leaving him buried in the rubble With the staff I think we should bury him or put him in In Bahamut's temple Or something Do a blessing on him Right Tootie? Brian do you think Goldbar would have any kind of

Want to put any input on what is done with Danny N's body I didn't know him, but if he was your friend, you should bury him like a friend. A friend's funeral. Yes. That was his final wish. Friends. We'll get Elton John to play. So you smash. I think his final wish

was that his friends would help him avoid death, but maybe you interpret it a different way. What a weird guilt trip. that his friends would help him avoid death, but maybe he'd interpret it a different way. What a weird guilt trip. Not really in keeping with Danny's generous spirit, but... No, but the guy

that runs him... I see. Everyone knows as fantasy Elon Musk posited, you're all in a simulation Anyway here's Benny and the Jets Hey kids Shake it up together

Okay here we go You all yeah you all use the rubble To bury Danny Yen and what you emerge From the fissure and the earth There are no guards There is some sort of chaos. You can hear there's like small explosions in the distance

and you hear people shouting, but there's no sign of any guards. All right, let's go somewhere we can hide and rest. Would you, yeah, would you like to go straight to the docks or hide somewhere in the city? I think we should head to the docks

and then try to rest. This chaos might be short-lived. Yeah, this chaos is our friend. Let's try to get on a boat and get out of here and rest then. All right. So everybody roll a survival check to try to make it safely to the docks, please. On the way, I'd like to whistle quietly for Iva, unless she was in another timeline, but I can't remember.

You are Iva. Do you mean Agatha? Agatha, yeah. Yes. You do an animal handling check, please. In addition, survival check. I'm using a luck point. Sure.

I got a 21. Beautiful. 13 plus 6, 19. Also great. Oh, 25. Glad to use that luck point. Thank you, luck. 13 plus 6, 19. Oh, 25. Glad to use that luck point. Thank you, luck. 16 plus 4, 20.

Never forget. I guess 13 for both. Okay. The whistle doesn't unfortunately get Agatha right away. You might want to try that again out on the high seas where you left her. But the survival check is enough.

You all make it to the docks. Good. You see at least one carrier of undead elven troops has since left the docks of Algon. It appears to be sailing north towards Cloddenheim. You see it in the distance. You can tell it's of that army. It's pretty far away, though. There are also what looks like a couple of merchant ships

trying to hastily wave people on board, and there is what looks like a small 12-person-sized boat sitting on the dock. Man. Do a perception check. 18. All right. You see there is some small being perched on top of the ship's steering wheel.

What sort of small being? You can't tell from the distance. You'd have to approach the boat. We close the distance. I do at least. Yeah, let's do it. As you all approach, you see what looks like a woodland fairy drinking a large flask of alcohol.

Oh no, it's Gago. Hello, we need to get to Vendaria. What's up? Yay. Who are you? I'm Gago. What do you need? No one here knows Gago, right are you? I'm Gago. What do you need? No one here knows Gago, right? Alternate timeline, Gago.

Is anyone here? I mean, is it really that different of a timeline if you never met me on this campaign? I mean, it's basically a timeline difference. I mean, it's localized, the butterfly effect, is what I'm saying. So for anyone who doesn't know, Gago is a creature that first appeared, I think before even, so in like season one of this iteration, right? Season one, our crew of Ken, Blaine, and Brian

decided they would capture a fairy in the woods to interrogate it, and it turned out to be Gago because I had no idea they would try to capture a fairy in the woods. Excellent. Can you take us to Vendaria, my good man? Oh, sure.

Well, I'd like to be compensated. I'm mostly here to collect alcohol, sir. It's going to mean I'm not taking as much booze with me as I thought I was. I'm making room for flesh bags. Mm-hmm. Hey, I have a couple of bottles of crazy alcohol in my backpack that I've had for a while.

Right, you got that from alternate timeline cutie headquarters, correct? Yes, this is alternate timeline booze. It gives that a little kick. It's like, you know, Clamato with lime. So you're offering this to Gaga? Yes.

Alright. I mean, this looks pretty It's like, you know, Clemato with lime. So you're offering this to Gaga? Yes. All right. Okay. I mean, this looks pretty good shit. And he takes a little taste of it. Oh, yeah. I can feel that's definitely having some weird magical effect on me. But gross. Yeah.

I mean, this is good shit. I will say I'm also supposed to be, to be helping some refugees that I was going to hide in barrels. So there's going to be other people on the boat just sooner. Okay, we don't mind other people. As long as they stay in their barrels. It's fine. It's just a cover story.

Yeah, as you wait for these barrels to be brought on board, that is going to be it for Season 4. Season 4. Poker. And this is, of course, setting up Season 5, the City of the Archlich,

where you will attempt to murder the king who you brought to power in Season 3. Wow. Season 4. Wow. This will be a level 8 adventure you can bring any level 8 hero you would like from

season 3 season 4 or otherwise I should think some season 3 characters might want to have some revenge I would just like to put that out there okay maybe I'll still play

gold bar i don't know yeah well here's what we're gonna do i'm i'm gonna say we should have at least one like session zero style playing uh like prepping episode so we'll have like a season nothing or season four you four episode zero at the very least but we might also just do some bonus episode type content for our public feed just so we can all decide but we haven't decided yet

we're all we've talked about how season four is going to have like a little bit of a pause I'm not sure if it'll be a week but we'll talk about that Sam what happened? season four is going to have like a little bit of a pause. I'm not sure if it'll be a week, but, uh, Sam, what happened?

Yeah. What happened? What happened? Uh, a lot of stuff. It's really good. Vampire mists and skulls being cut in half and brains falling out and timelines and the return of doggo that I love.

But I got to say, I think Sarah, I think the hardest I've laughed this entire season when you killed someone, did you say, I hope he dances, I think the hardest I've laughed this entire season, when you killed someone, did you say, I hope he dances one last time? Well, he loved to dance, and I was hoping he doesn't dance. Yeah.

He would never dance again. That's the hardest I've laughed this entire season. I was fully sobbing. I'm crying. It's perfect. It's so kind, and also murdery. It's so sweet. Cool. Dan? Things you want to plug? So sweet. Cool. Dan, things you want to plug?

Yeah, just keep an eye on the old social media. I'll be doing as many shows as I can as soon as I can. I'm trying to go back on tour. Keep an eye out for it. I've got some tour dates coming up. BrianPersine.com I'm out with Derek Sheen. I haven't been out with him since before COVID.

So that'll be fun. I think we're in a... I don't have the town or the club name, but it's Appleton, Wisconsin. I'm there in July. Oh, I think that's Skyline Cafe, if I'm not mistaken. That sounds familiar. And then I'm at San Diego the following week

during Comic-Con. I'm doing four shows at an American comedy company and going to try to make those shows really fun and get some other guest people there that are at the con and try to make it extra nerdy

San Diego because I haven't done a Comic-Con show in quite a while. So looking forward to that. San Diego because I haven't done a Comic-Con show in quite a while. Looking forward to that. Other tour dates on BrianBassain.com and then of course any news about any of my comic books you can find there too.

I currently have two things in the store right now. Go to a comic book store and ask, what's Brian Bassain write? They'll go, I don't know. And then use Google. Anybody else? Oh, uh, uh,

Stacy Keach is refereeing the yo-yo showdown between Tommy Smothers and Yo-Yo Ma at Red Rocks this weekend. I'm opening up to him all the time. God, it's a beautiful place. Yeah, it's huge. Comedy at Red Rocks. weekend. I'm opening up to it all the time. God, it's a beautiful place. Yeah, it's huge.

You're doing comedy at Red Rocks. Wow. Yeah. I'm just excited to meet Tommy Smothers. He's from Sonoma County. Is he? Like myself. Yeah, yeah. They grew up in a small town

right outside of Sonoma on the way to Santa Rosa, Kenwood. And they even had a... Well, I don't know if they grew up there, but in the 70s and stuff, they were a presence there. They bought a winery there and they're

known as local boys. Huh. Yep. We also shot Cujo up by there. Getting into our team. Fog. Hmm.

I grew up in a cool place other than the fucking bullies in the depression. What else? You were starting to say thank you, Dan, and I would just like to say Yeah, I really wanted to.

Before you thought about great season, dude. Thanks. Super fun. were starting to say thank you dan and i would just like to yeah i really wanted to uh uh before you thought about some great season dude uh thanks super fun really fun stuff man i'm glad we didn't die i am also glad nobody died two episodes nice job um thanks for listening guys thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.