Nerd Poker - S5E2 Spectral Exam

Episode Date: July 18, 2022

They haven't even been dropped off at the main quest yet, and already our crew is getting into spectral boat related mayhem, and confusing NPCs who may or may not want to join the party. It remains to be seen whether the party will make it into the dungeon! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin, comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room with my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Lee, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Pussain's Nerd Poker. Hey, it's Billy. Season five.

Hey, everyone. I'm Brian Pussain. You're listening to Nerd Poker. My friends are here. It's episode two of season five. We just started season five last week. We'll actually, a little behind the magic of hollywood right or holly weird as they say you know how they are you know how they are uh anyway uh

little behind the scenes here you just recorded just a minute ago now we're doing another episode um on a sunday which we don't always do and it's like 100 degrees outside just setting the whole thing for you um my friends are here look at them blaine hey buddy hey how you doing brian coming at you live on my phone from the back pew of my church. That's not true. Chris is here. What's up, buddy? Oh, you know, just baptizing babies, which I do every Sunday.

Oh, I got it. We're following the whole Sunday thing. Yep. Ken's a Satanist. What are you doing on a Sunday, Ken? Just killing babies. Oh, man! What a Satanist does! Why are you so shocked?

Sarah didn't like that at all. What's up, Sarah? How are you? I mean, I'm fine. I'm scared to even enter into this conversation. Happy Sunday. Happy Sunday. I wanted to be a nun until I was 15. So, you know, all of you are wild and crazy. What happened when you were 15? That's actually not entirely true. But I was a weird little religious kid for a while.

Well, thank goodness that changed. Thank God you're a song. What if I was the coolest nun ever? Ken? Like the flying nun? I was super Christian. I was super Christian. I was sister Christian. That's how Christian I was.

You're motorin', though. Yeah, I was super motorin'. What's the price for a flight these days? Oh, it's gone crazy with the Ukraine and everything. Oh, man. It'll be all right. Five bucks, same as downtown. Dan is here, everybody. Oh, man. It'll be all right. Five bucks, same as downtown. Dan is here, everybody.

Oh, hi. You know, when I went to Catholic school in kindergarten, I have this thing, you know, where I have a deviated septum and an exposed nerve and I would get constant bloody noses. And one thing I did when I was in kindergarten and Catholic school was I thought it was fun that I was getting bloody nose all the time. And I wrote awesome on the boys' room wall in blood. Oh, man. And I had to go to the principal's office because I was accused of doing something satanic. How are you, Brian?

I mean, you kind of were. You should have written Redrum. I hadn't seen The Shining yet. I was five. Okay. Your parents suck. That's a bold statement based on my five-year-old self not seeing the shining. They should have showed you

the shining. They showed me Ice and Fire, the Ralph Bakshi thing, and that was disturbing. Yeah, I went watership down and my mom fell asleep, and I'm like, ah! Terrified.

A lot of people from both our generations got set down terrified. Just terrible. A lot of people from both our generations got set down for what was a quote unquote bunny movie. Oh yeah, that's going to be great. You love bunnies. Said my mom to young me. She also said the same thing when we went to see Animal House.

We went to see Animal House and she thought we were seeing a zoo movie. Wow. Yeah. And I knew we weren't. We went to see Animal House and she thought we were seeing a zoo movie. So he had that. Yeah. And I knew we weren't. Because I was a little bit older by then. But yeah, anyways. Boob's lottery.

There he is. Sam, everybody. Hello, Sunday children I never saw Watership Down but I did see the never ending story when I was very young in that part where the horse gets stuck and drowned and now I'm a sad adult yeah that ruined stuff and also that scene is really long

it's a lot of the movies oh yeah it goes down the quicksand for like an hour yeah when I was a kid my dad took me to see Anal Nurses. Okay. That scene where the horse dies. There's a scene where, yeah, where Seika dies, and it's like 12 minutes long.

It was really hard. Kind of hard to watch. You know, I mean, sort of. I feel like it's good for people to know who we are right out of the gate. Within the first 10 minutes of episode two, look, this is a satanic anal nurses kind of crowd, and if you can't get

with it, then you know what? Press that unsubscribe button. I think a lot of people are going to be Googling Seika. Seika! It's S-E-K-Aka by the way so many references within two seconds i just i miss the chuck mangioni days I have to pay for it. Well, on that note, I think we gave Brian an indigestion with the Chuck Mangione acapella there.

I feel so bad. I would like to thank some Patreon supporters who they head on over to patreon.com slash nerdpoker and they keep this podcast alive. They keep us over to patreon.com slash nerd poker and they keep this podcast alive. They keep us from rage quitting. Thank you so much for allowing us to do this podcast as a thing so we can pay our bills. Good Lord. Thank you so much to the Hay Boss and Stargoyle Tears on patreon.com slash nerd poker.

They go by users, usernames like satanic anal nurses. How did they do that? So fast. Okay. Wow. What a turnover. Thank you, Sean.

Thanks. Thank you. At K underscore D underscore Campbell on Twitter. Thank you. Really spelled that out to make sure they can follow you. K underscore the underscore Campbell. Thank you. Halliam. Thank you. Really spelled that out to make sure they can follow you. K underscore the underscore Campbell. Thank you. Halliam.

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John Glazer. Thank you. The fake Vince. Thank you. I'm here forince. Did you jump laser? Thank you, TheFakeVince. Thank you, I'mHereForAllCapsSAM. Yes. We're all here for Sam. Thanks, Trevor Cocotte. Thank you, Sam's Pexenpaws.

Thank you, Brian Cazone. Thank you, DanDan's DamnDam Jam Band. Thank you. Thanks, Toblerone Jones Damn Damn Jam Band. Thank you. Thanks, Toblerone Jones. Thanks, Time Glimp. Thanks, William Sederlund. Thank you, Marion Barry. Yes, former D.C. Mayor, Marion

Barry listens to your podcast. This is not a big deal. No, I will not answer any questions. Oh. That was all right. Thank you, Podunk Pedant. Thank you, Wisco. Thank you, Scott Ast right. Thank you, Podunk Pedant. Thank you, Wisco. Thank you, Scott Astrup. Thank you, at Dr. Underscore Gasp.

Thanks, Doc. That's Dr. with a D-R, not the full word spelled out. Thank you, Ari Feldman. Thank you, John Gorman. Thank you, He-Mans Merkin. Thank you. Thank you, Harry Seward. Thank you, Twas Agatha All Along.

That's right. That makes more sense. Thank you, Glenn Head Agatha All Along. That's right. That makes more sense. Thank you, Glenn Headcrash Sugden. Thank you, Mateo Feo. Thank you, John Lloyd. Thank you, Peter Corcoran. Thank you, Nathan Hetherington. Thank you, While My Ulcer Gently Weeps,

a.k.a. Aeternum Dave. Aw. Hey. Thank you. Thanks, Martin Ontarivos. Thank you, Hideous D. And finally, thank you, Jib, Janine, Blaine. Who were all of those Patreon supporters brought to us by?

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fucking asshole! Dan? Thank you so much. Blowing my eardrums out, you son of a bitch. I love you, Blaine. Love you back, Dan. Hey, folks, what do you say we talk about what happened?

Last time on Nerd Poker, our heroes united, sort of on a boat, heading towards the dark castle of Vendaria. They are sort of in a party with a halfling fighter named Bunkle-Chi-Ranken-Boing. They're going to try to steer around a ghost ship, or, if one of our heroes has her way, kind of have a cool story about it will they make it to the cave full of harpies stay tuned in nerd poker to find out so you guys are currently sailing northeast gago is steering the ship with his tiny little thudge fairy hands he's a thudge fairy and attempting to get you around the boat. He actually takes a break from the wheel and flaps on over to you, Queep, and says,

Hey, I caught a little hound here. I'm really trying to avoid the ghost ship, man. I know your weird friend wants to, like, meet a ghost or some shit, but if you could kind of, like, fly up and scout for me, we don't have any other flying people on deck right now. I would appreciate if you could kind of like check out ahead.

Sure. So you're willing to fly up above the low-lying clouds and see if you can spot the spectral ship. Do I see them having that conversation? Does Friar Jolly see that? Yeah, I would say you guys are kind of like

staying kind of close to each other, as are many of the groups. Okay, so, Queep, before you fly away, I'm going to cast... Friar Jolly will sort of like, Hey there, feathery friend! And reach out and touch gently, Que'll sort of like, Hey, feathery friend and reach out and touch, uh,

gently queeps, maybe like shoulder. I want to be respectful of his body. Um, but, uh, a respectful area and I'm going to cast guidance. And that means is,

uh, for the next minute, you can add, uh, a one D four, uh, to an ability check of your choice right queep i believe you would now fly up yes yes um i want to know how far ahead to the northeast

are you willing to fly to scout gaga was not super specific. He was kind of drunk and forgot that Dr. Ru had even could turn into a bird. I mean, until I see a sign of anything. How far away would we estimate we are from the cave? Well, if you take your map out, it looks like you're at least, say, 12 hours from where you are to the cave, and the ghost ship is maybe halfway between here and there. So that would be a six-hour flight? Or sailing.

Oh, sailing would be six hours. So flying would be quicker. Flying, much quicker. As the quip flies. Okay. So I would say you're not sure. Well, I'll fly up. Do an insight check

before we do any kind of perception check yeah i mean like you can fly ahead but i can tell you're mulling it over so let's make that official all right insight check and i am going to try to track as much as i can in the game log on dnd beyond so thank you uh those of you taking advantage that's a 21 oh oh shit bro you think it's gonna be maybe an hour to get close enough to spot it but you're you can already tell if you're flying straight up above the boat right now that the uh clouds get darker as you approach vendaria and leon gets larger thank god that happened early in the season. Yeah, so I'm flying up there.

Okay. You plow ahead through the increasingly sketchy-looking clouds, and you can sort of smell ozone in the air as there may be rain and lightning and such ahead. Please do a perception check. Can I get a plus what was it? D4. Because Friar Jolly cast guidance on you.

Sorry, what am I checking again? Sorry. A perception check, my friend. Yes, that's a skill. It's under P. Yes. Between me and your performance. That is a 23. it's under P yes between me and your performance that is a 23 jeez

without the bonus even oh my god yeah roll that bonus and let's just hear how nuts this gets D4 D4 he has to roll it right like on his next thing it's not not... Or could he save it? Well, he has it for a minute.

Yeah, continue. So you want to do it. That adds a one, so I get 24. Cool. And it is a little sketchy because I said you were flying for an hour. So we'll retroactively include that one you rolled on the guidance

in your original insight check. That I did. Knocking that up to a 22. And I'll throw you some beans for that. When you fly up, you can see there is, in the very distant horizon, the Castle Vindaria, and you can kind of see the skull of the dragon turtle.

It's built on this little white speck, and you think you can see more boats are actually arriving on the west side and now might not have been the best time to go to the west side of the castle. You are headed east. That's good. So at the docks, you're saying.

Yeah, you feel good you're not headed to the docks, at least right now. you know, Gago said he might be making multiple stops after you. So, Dave, would you say even though Winifred didn't want to do this and called us cowards, this was maybe a good idea? Yeah.

I don't remember that about Winifred. Oh, I do. Oh. Yeah. Okay. Now, is that is Fri Jolly remembering it, or is that Chris? Definitely. No, my name is Chris Tallman, and I'm a player of Dungeons & Dragons. Oh. Okay.

I see. Oh, Jon Stewart eating popcorn gif. I'm Michael Jackson? If I happen to pick one i'll go johnston um i'm that guy that throws down the chair at the soccer thing and then puts the sunglasses oh man that's a great one my favorite uh my favorite new gif is uh it's tc from magnum pi and i guess it's in the very opening credits and it's he's standing in front of a marina and he just turns around with a big smile on his face like wiping his hands off like he just threw somebody in the fucking harbor it's really he just has a big smile i love it i love that show so much

not to uh it makes me it makes me think of when things were better but my favorite i got to ride in that helicopter one time. Really? TC's helicopter? You can do that on Turtle Bay. Went by our window a couple times. It's the helicopter. Or at least painted to look like the helicopter.

And he will play the maximum What is it called again? Turtle Bay. No, I mean the vehicle. TC's? Yeah, what? What do you mean? He wants you to say the word helicopter.

How was I saying it? Helicopter. Anyway. Wow. Moving on. Brian, you sure you don't want to say it? No, I have certain words that I say differently because of something that happened to me.

I don't know. My mom mispronounced a bunch of things in my life, so I think I picked that up from her. How am I saying it? What was I saying? Helicopter. People used to say heliocopter. How do people say it now? Helicopter. And people used to say heliocopter. And how do people say it now?

Helicopter. I feel like everybody has some things there's not even a set. Like Chris says cleric and I always said cleric. Oh yeah, Chris says what? Like cleric. And I always said cleric. I'm thinking you're probably right. I'm sure I'm saying it weird.

Sometimes it's an accent and sometimes it's just... Everybody say pillow. What do people call ketchup? Ketchup or catsup? Ketchup. Ketchup, right? My sister was just asking if you said syrup or syrup.

I called it catsup online and people went after me like I was Satan. Catsup is bad. It's both. I got it from my mom, though. My mom called it catsup my whole life. What about syrup or catsup? Syrup. Syrup.

I think my mom said syrup, though, but syrup. I think we said syrup, but now I say syrup. My mom's fucking from California, so I don't know why she had a weird accent at all. I've talked about this before, but fruit punch. Fruit punch. Fruit punch. Fruit punch. Fruit punch. Where people put the

emphasis on fruit punch or fruit punch. You said fruit punch. Wrong way. Insurance. Yeah. Or like insurance. It should be fruit punch, but that's incorrect in my mind. It's actually

fruit punch. Well, our hour is up. Motherfucker. Niered poker. I say donkey, and it drives my wife out of her fucking mind. I just pronounce it donkey, like monkey. I call my cat donkey.

Donkey or donkey? I just say donkey. Instead of donkey? It's donkey, but I like donkey. There's a little bit of donkey it's donkey but I like donkey there's a little onky in there but I'm pretty much just donkey I like donkey I've entered

specifically to say that where I grew up in Wisconsin I had multiple friends who would say oh we're going to Walmart oh god it's the most mad I've ever been. It's really annoying. That's like the Midwest, can you borrow

me a quarter? The worst. What is it where everybody's saying quiet instead of quiet? I've heard of that. I remember that in the Midwest. That's up there with instead of scratch, like to itch yourself. Oh, yeah. Getting mad.

Okay. Fun with words on NerdPoker. People say needs scratching or something. Needs, I don't know. Itchy? Oh yeah, needs scratched. I don't want to get too dark but when I was... It's important.

When I was in the hospital, there was a guy who didn't make it out of it. I was in the hospital for three months because I broke my back. And there was an old man that shared my room. And he asked me, because he was losing it. Well, he'd lost it. He asked me what time it was by my watch every 10 minutes. And he'd go, excuse me me what time is it by your watch and

that phrase drove me crazy till he died let's get back in let's try to have fun he missed it listeners if you would like to know what Dan Telfer's favorite gif was which he was in the

middle of saying right before the heliocopter digression head on over to patreon.com nerd poker and subscribe at the metal level where you can ask the dungeon master questions he might say what his favorite gif is if you ask him anyway you rolled on this episode very high yes high perception check. Oh, yeah. You rolled a 23. We were going to give you the one, and then I retconned it back to being attached to your insight check.

So with a 23, you see very far ahead, there is a boat. It's underneath a heavy, dark cloud that seems to be following it, making it difficult to see. It just seems like one of dozens of cloud-shadowed patches of ocean. But you see glowing spectral green churning shapes around this ship. Seems like a terrible place to go. seems like a terrible place to go it looks like it is sailing in some kind of like figure eight type shape and is currently headed northeast and is about to start turning to the south to make its way back to the coast Hello So I'll fly back And I tell Gago Hey what's up man

To lean towards the northeast End because it's Making its way around Hey do you want some of this What is it I don't know man it's some mystery birds No I think I'm okay thanks for the effort

why did you leave I was checking the ghost ship oh right where am I supposed to go the north east I'm sorry I was just thinking about giving you some booze let's go north east sounds good you guys all

start, you know, getting ready for heavy weather as well, because a couple of you feel little speckles of rain, and Queep gets the word out pretty quickly via Gago's conversation that there is storms ahead.

Roddy, you stick next to me. I'll make sure we stay nice and dry. Everyone, can you please do a constitution saving throw? Oh, shit. Oh. The weather. Uh-oh, five.

Oh, my mistake. Eleven. Oh, five. Oh, my mistake. Eleven! Oh, no. I got a twelve! Okay. Oh, no, Ronnie. I'd rather not say what I got. What'd you get?

I'd rather not say. A three. Did, um... Okay, what did you get, Sarah? Iched oh shit holy shit so i'm gonna die right now did anyone get over a 10 chris i got i got a 12 okay so dr uid fryer jolly um you're able to steal yourselves as the ship starts to hit rough waters, but Queep, Winifred, Ronnie, things start to get so upsettingly churning ocean-like sideways that you all get sick to your stomach

and need to quickly find a place to throw up. If you'd like to tell us where you have to do it, narratively speaking, that could be interesting. But you all just start getting green. Just leaning over the edge. Yeah, I think that's the best method. And Winifred, if you're leaning over the edge, are you keeping an eye out

for this ghost ship as Gago tries to steer around it? Well, I'm certainly fascinated by the ghost ship, and as I think everyone is. Quite a story. Quite a story. It must be on board that ghost ship. Why don't everyone is why not a story quite a story it must be on but on board that winifred you roll a perception check to see if you can spot it through the storm okay how old is winifred how old yeah i would say like late teens early 20s probably okay she has the she has the aura of a grand dame who has trod the boards for many a year.

But that's really her goal and not where she's actually at. But you'll learn that about her. The boards, you say? Yes, I do. Can I actually ask you a question about her? In the last episode, I was struggling to think of how to refer to her. And I said, actress. I would just call her a bard, right?

Yeah, I think a bard is. A bard, okay. I think they're right. They're a bard. She's a performance-based bard. I know people were eager for me to sing. She does, well, here, I'm trying to get, she's going to play music before she does each of her things. She plays a little bit.

Do you see that she has, like, little pipes, like pan pipes on her belt, and she does have a her, you know, things. She plays a little bit. You see that she has like little pipes, like pan pipes on her belt and she does have a lyre and stuff. So she plays music. It's that little like harp kind of ancient, probably Greek-ish, you know. She's holding a harp and pipes. Okay, cool.

Yeah. And a drum on her back. Get ready. Oh my God. Great drums. I wanted a horn, but I realized in the dungeon that was a bad idea. I mean, Ronnie needs a little bit of a theme song. So maybe start thinking about one.

Absolutely. Winifred, you gaze through the storm and you think you can spot the spectral ship in the distance to the west. think you can spot the spectral ship in the distance to the west it's got just this little speck of green glow but something unusual happens when you spot it could you please do a wisdom saving throw um 12 okay so uh as you spot the speck something seems to happen your vision this blurry uh speedy kind of force seems to pull you off the ship quickly towards the boat it's not actually happening but it is your vision as if psychically you're able to get closer to the ship and your vision is drawn to the the boat closer and closer you see these large draconic spectral shapes swirling around the boat.

And on the deck of the boat, there is a solitary form, a skeleton dressed in sailor's garb, like, you know, like experienced sailor's garb. And it's staring directly into your eyes. It says, it says, I think you want to come aboard. staring directly into your eyes. It says, it says, um,

I think you want to come aboard. We have many things for sale here. Why don't you go ahead and let the crew know? And just as quickly, you, uh, pull back to the ship and are back to your senses. You're not charmed or anything,

not magically, but the message is pretty clear. There is a skeleton who wants to sell you things. Hmm. Okay. I guess I let everyone know that there's a skeleton who wants to sell us things. I don't want to buy what he's selling. I feel like we're probably not interested in,

in doing that as my guess. I mean, certainly I, I, he cut a fine figure on the ship, I would say, but I'm not sure that I want to get any closer to him.

Sounds like you might be interested in getting just a little bit closer. Sir, are you implying that I want to be intimate with a skeleton? It seems like really quite an insult to lob a young lady on the ship

within moments of meeting her. Yeah, well, okay. You're saying that I want to get boned by a skeleton due to his being made of bones. Is that what you're implying? I don't think it's because he's made of bones. I'm heartily dismayed by what I'm hearing from you, but Queep and Dr. Ewits, surely

you've come across a situation like this before in your travels. Could you perhaps advise us as to what you think we should do? Stay away. Yeah, I mean, in general, when you see ghosts, that's pretty much murder. That's pretty much a place where you want to kill everybody.

Ever since you were like cool, ask me a question and don't let me even finish my sentence that's fun this is going to be a great fun relationship I said Kweep and Dr. Ud were you not listening, sir? not

I guess not oh dear as I was saying, no. Stay away. We've already got a skeleton inside each and every one of us. Hold for applause. Well, just in case, as we sail, I'm going to do a counter charm, which is as an action, I can perform until the end of my next turn, and during that time

me and any friendly creatures within 30 feet that can hear me performing gain advantage on saving throws against being frightened or charmed. Interesting. So I'm gonna go like, do-do-do-do-do. I'm gonna get a good sound for this, guys, and it's not

me. I need to get a clip that is royalty free that I can play on here, but you know, imagine something beautiful and medieval this, guys, and it's not me. I need to get like a clip that is royalty free that I can play on here. But, you know, imagine something beautiful and medieval. Until then, play it out, Sarah. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. And then she stands on the barrel again. And she goes, close your eyes. No, she starts over.

She's like, oh, I can't. One more time. One more time. She like throws her hair back. She's like, oh, I can't. One more time, one more time. She like throws her hair back. She's like, one more time, please. Back to one. Close your ears, my dearest ones. Let no one pull your mind undone. And then she's like playing softly on the pipes.

And then that's going to keep you guys from... You get advantage on being charmed or frightened until the end of my next turn. Now, if I stop playing, though... I know you want me to stop playing, and yet... Okay, so as we sail, I'm doing that. Okay. Ronnie, how do you feel about ghost ships?

Not a fan of it. Alright, well, you do feel the spell wash over you. And Gago overhears this, is not super a fan of it either, and tries to steer you away. But everyone on the boat kind of notices as you go farther northeast hour by hour and start to make your final approach towards the cave, there is a spectral dot that seems to be tracing you on the horizon.

Shit. Gago says, Okay, so I think we're going to make it to the cave before that bird catches up. But just so you guys know, I'm going to try and shake it. You're going to have to get off the boat real fast. And I can't promise he's not going to follow you onto the shore. Right. Because I think he wants to, like, make his case.

And a couple of people on the boat are now telling me they felt something pulling towards them. So we should be aware of that. And so you guys are, you know, clearly as you get dropped off, there may or may not be a skeleton on a boat coming after you. I'll turn to everybody and say, I can bless three of us. So assuming the little half pint is out, and then that leaves five of us. So is there anybody who's particularly good at protecting themselves from charming? Not that I know of.

That's fine. So we'll somehow pick two of us, and I'll bless the other three, but it only lasts for a minute. So we should probably do it like right as we're getting off the boat. I can also, I think I can just do, it's very annoying as an action, I have to admit, even as the person doing it. But I do feel like I can just do the counter charm. I'm not going to actually perform it for you guys every time, but I think I can also do that as we're exiting. And what does that counter charm do? Counter charm.

So it gives anyone who can hear the performance advantage on saving throws against being frightened or charmed. Great. And then I can add a D4. Great. So, nice. Why don't I add one, Sarah, to you? Because you're the one generating this thing that's protecting everybody.

Okay. Does that make sense? Yeah. So how about we'll do, I'm just kind of picking to pick. I will pick because the two heroes, Dr. Ud and Queep, are sort of like, in my mind, sort of like heroes. So I'll for sure pick sarah and brian and then and then i guess i would pick myself right and so thinking the other two thinking that queep and dr uid they can handle themselves all right so that's what i'll do when uh when we

get off the boat i'll cast blast it only lasts for a minute but same thing same with mine it's just the i mean a turn i forget what how long a turn is i always forget that i think it's like six seconds right so you're just kind of constantly singing the song can't be i mean let's see uh yeah how can that i'm very confused about this we need yes oh dan's back so how long is a turn? That seems surprising because... A turn is not long. A turn is six seconds. Oh, because as an action,

I can perform until the end of my next turn. So, yeah, it probably ends up being about a minute because every other creature is taking a turn. Like, if I go, then it's technically Queep's turn and Dr. Eno's turn. Until your next, yeah. I think is how that would work, right? Maybe.

I think in combat it's everyone gets a turn within the same six seconds. Yeah. So I think if it's only lasting one turn, I mean, everyone who could hear it on deck is going to get the benefit of it,

but only, I think, briefly. But for six seconds doesn't seem to make much sense as a power, right? Is that the duration of it? Yeah. The duration is one turn? The end of my next turn. I think what that means,

if he tried to follow up with more spells, the skeleton, they would have advantage against him for the next six seconds. Weird. It's a limitation, I think, that's usually there specifically for combat, because they figure in fast-paced combat, this kind of thing can't be overpowered or else it'll just last forever. Got it. Okay, so it's pretty much useless, but you know what?

I'm going to take the opportunity to work on my craft. What's the spell called again? Counter charm. It's not really a spell. It's just an ability. I don't think it's a spell. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Counter charm is an action you can perform to the end during that time. Yeah. It's really, it's really tricky. But I think you'll find it also very useful in combat. You know? Yeah. Listeners. We've spent a couple of seasons dealing with vampires now and then.

So who knows what kind of charm spells could be in effect. But it sure felt like you experienced one a second ago that you was unclear how much you wisdom saved against because it definitely got a hold of you a little bit. As you head towards the shore, is there anything else you guys would like to say or do you feel like it'll be maybe less than an hour now before you approach the shore and by the way if any of you would like to just have on your computer screen

a version of this map to stare at it is in roll 20 so if any of you guys want to head to our session in roll 20 did we get this map? Did Gago give us the map? You can review the map. He spent some time going around the boat, sharing it with everybody. Would you like to request your own copy of the map? You can copy it down. You can make an

in-character sketch of it, but if you want the physical map, you'll have to ask Gago for it. Sure. I'd like to ask Gago for it um sure i'd like to i'd like to ask gago for it i'll tell him i'll trade him and you know i'll be like you seem like a fairy who really enjoys a good drink i've got some wonderful wine from near the the vineyards near where i live overrun now i guess guess with undead elves, probably Dan, but would you like to trade? Perhaps the map probably is not of any use to you. Rolly persuasion check with advantage because you're offering booze specifically.

Oh, okay. Always a great sound. 23. Oh, come on gotta go uh sales

oh yeah I don't know this shit what is that is that hooch murder sound it's it's hooch it has a wonderful

sort of an earthy sense on the palate and then if you really if you it's fine if you uh bully her he said it duh fairy um scents on the palate. What is it? It's wine. If you... Bully, I already said it. Duh.

Fairy. But yeah, if you really, you know what, if you have it with some cheese or a little bit of apple, you know, different notes will come out. Oh, sure. I mean, I've had wine before. I just was like...

You haven't had this wine. Trust me. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, she's a lot 23 he loves me i mean yeah he's excited and he's basing this character a little bit on my i think i told the story before my how my sister played a bard that drove me insane constantly when we were kids and i was constantly being like i punch that character and our dm was like you wrote roll and then i would roll and every time because she had

an 18 charisma every time i'd be like no you don't punch her and in fact you're charmed by her and you think she's awesome so oh no well i would i i would love for listeners to guess which character will punch sarah's character good luck i'm very beautiful and very charming and I have a great way with epic poetry. What's your charisma score? In this game? Dungeons and Dragons? Yeah, your characters. My charisma,

my base charisma, my charisma score that everything's based on is... It's hard for you to say. It's 20, Dan. Oh. Whoa. What?

Yeah. All right. Well, that'll be good for the rest of the players to know. I feel like I know of another character who had a pretty high charisma score. But you know what? I got to be honest. Black and green, 19. Now, that was a character who was in our original.

First of all, whoever's opening a candy wrapper directly in the microphone. Thank you so much. It was a fire. I'm opening some Gold Rush gum for my kid, yeah. Listen, I didn't know... You sound like a children. I didn't yell at anybody. He doesn't have any headphones and it's fine.

Listen, that's... Brian, I'm sorry that Dan yelled at you. What was I even talking about? We were talking about... I don't remember. Charisma. On Moonlight Bay. Charisma.

Charisma. Yeah. Charisma. My old mentor, Blackie Green. Blackie Green. Oh, that's right. We wanted to tell people that is a character Blaine played back in our Earwolf days, not on our current feed. However, if you subscribe to Patreon, you will be able to hear Blackie Green in many a bonus episode.

Blaine likes to bust Blackie Green out. I just wanted to do a commercial. And I also heard that Ken is going to put some ass shots in there, too. Some what? Ass shots. Like OnlyFans on our Patreon. Oh, shots.

Yeah, what did you think I was saying? Ass shots? Ass shots? Maybe ass shots. Very fancy. I'll put some ass shots in there. I don't care. We're going hard on the digressions

early in the season. Nice ass. Who does queep? Both of us. Ken just said it and he said I. Because my real ass is fucking beautiful. As a bird, it's very

colorful with feathers. And it's very colorful with feathers. And it's got a cloaca. So, yeah, you guys start heading right up to the coast. Yeah, a cloaca. That's what I said. I said cloaca. That's the version you can tell your

child. So, the boat pulls ashore on a rocky outcropping by the cave. And, of course, you're not only getting off, the five of you, but Bunkle Chee Rankinboing, the knight of Donkey Land, is accompanying you off the boat. Gago salutes you all and says, I feel like we only just met. Perhaps we will see each other somewhere inside the castle should I choose to go in it myself.

You want to come with us? The more the merrier. Really? You're seriously inviting me? Everyone on this boat cannot wait to get rid of me. You realize he's piloting that boat to bring all these heroes to other parts.

If you want, I can dump everybody else off where they want to go and then come back and try to catch up. Seems like you should keep piloting that boat. I'll do all that shit, but then when I'm done, I can come back around and try and catch up to you.

Can we just get your number and let you know when we're finished? You can circle back. No, I'm talking to one that likes me. Calm down. We'll just contact you through the app. I'm sorry. I don't know. I cannot account for these men's impoliteness.

Bird, my apologies. Do you want me to come? You are welcome to join us if you so choose. I look at the other people on the boat. I'm like, do you need this small creature to pilot you, as the friar keeps saying, around the island? Or would you prefer that he come with us? Who are you asking this of? The rest of the boat.

Everybody else on the boat. Yeah. They're all like, I mean, yeah, like we want him to drop us off, but he's not coming with us. I see. Well, seems that you have a job to do, my small friend. Oh, right. So I offered to come back when I was done dropping them off, but now you're saying because I have to drop people off, I'm no longer welcome? Well, it seems like we can't really wait for you on this shore within sight of the skeleton pirate.

But certainly we would love to see you, as you mentioned, indoors, inside the castle, whenever you appear. But not, like, catching up to your guys. Just, like, whenever. Maybe. You think you'd like to try to catch up with us? Sure. We're just not going to stay here on the beach and, like, have a, you know, weenie roast, what have you.

This is the most depressing conversation i have ever had i don't know how i am valued but i'll tell you what i feel like i've been invited and you gave me good booze so it's likely you will hear from me again wonderful i would love to see you again i'm vigorous and passive-aggressive as your invitation was i am very intrigued you again. Ambiguous and passive aggressive as your invitation was. I am very intrigued. I feel like I invited you... Dan and I can work this out.

I feel like I invited you not understanding that you had more of a job to do. But that's what that was. Oh, I see. Okay, I chose to take that very personally. But yeah, that's fine. What if we all just get off here?

Wouldn't that be something? Hey, guys. Everyone on the entire boat. Hey, what if we all go in this way? Do a persuasion check with disadvantage. I throw Winifred into a sack. Disadvantage. With throw Winifred into a sack. Disadvantage. With disadvantage?

Oh, yeah. Because the whole boat is just kind of confused by the entire character. But her charisma is 20. That's true. I know, I know. Oh, my God, she might do it. She could totally do it. I know.

17. Multiple people do kind of go, oh, yeah, sure, we'll get off here. And then the word kind of spreads. Not everyone's going to get off, but I would say of the 30-odd heroes, about a dozen are like, all right. Isn't this what an Avenger's all about? A party? This is what I hear.

Yeah, let's jump them into it. The more the merrier, as I said. As you guys have this conversation, Gago is not steering the boat. And you all kind of like, see him kind of like freak out a little bit and go, oh, right, right. And he starts steering the boat.

And everyone kind of turns at once and notices the spectral ship is getting closer and closer. Gago pulls the boat up to the rocky outcropping. Let's all of you and your dozen friends off. Why would they though? Do you know what I mean?

That was meant to be like a ridiculous kind of suggestion, but sure, if they are going to then. So what? You're going to introduce everybody? So do our actions have consequences?

Is that how this works? Well, I just thought it would be polite once the invitation had been extended to one person. I can see that you've never worked on a team before. That's true. And you don't understand. Why don't you go ahead and introduce us all? Exactly.

If you had worked in a creative setting, you would understand that there needs to be more give and take not just take i see as a cruise director i am happy happy to uh involve this weird uh aspect i can't wait for dan to read the list now of oh but the thing is i'm i'm not exactly going to because some of these characters might be y'all's backup characters that will be going in and what's going to happen is this.

The boat pulls up the rocky island. Gago salutes Little bit of our comeback, little bit of our war. I'm still confused. And he takes the boat off to the southwest. It's unclear if the spectral ship is going to dock, but the other two groups

are not really conversing with you too much. They're coming up with their own game plans. Great. Oh, interesting. Yeah. And if you look at the map, there is actually a large cave, like right at ocean level between,

so like there's three caves here, right? You guys got dropped off here where I'm pinging. This is like the furthest of the three. The other two decide to go in this one, the middle one. And so they start, they have to kind of climb down the cliff face. Well, isn't this perfect? Maybe you should invite them to come with us in our cave. Queep, whatever you think is best, I'm all on board for that.

Do you want to try to get them to actually join you in your cave? Yeah. I would like to. Oh, Queep would like to now. Hey, Friar Jolly. I say the more the merrier. Where are you with your... Well, you've already broken me, so I'm fine

with whatever. You are not very jolly. Oh, oh, oh! Let's go! Come on, everybody, down into the cave. Now, Sarah, this is, of course, interesting because what you're doing is sort of bringing an army with you.

Now, if Winifred wants to be this kind of a leader that is possible, you're going to need to roll. No, I didn't. Queep just said he wants to invite them to come. Oh, he wants to do it. I specifically said no. He said yes.

I think he's trying to get you to do it, though. Yeah. He said, I just said, are you going to ask? You said you can ask them to come in your cave. And I said no. And then Queep said, and I said, Queep, whatever you think. And Queep said, I will. Or something like that. The pedantics on this episode. I don't want them in your cave and I said no and then Queep said I and I said Queep whatever you think and Queep said I will or something pedantics on this episode I don't want them in our cave I think it's

great that we all got off in one spot they've already left they're gone they've had enough of this you said they broke up into groups and everybody's fine never mind then they get out of earshot

as they can hear your crew. It's like the Poseidon Adventure. If you would all like to head over to Roll20 now, I will show you a new map. Here I go. I think it's going to kill my computer, but I'm going to try.

Well, we're coming up on the end of the hour, so at the very least, we're going to just take a little peek at what's coming up. So you guys are, if you're logged into Roll20 at this very moment, you'll see the larger map of the Vendarian Castle. But I'm going to transition us over to a sea cave. Baby, won't you let me take you on a...

So this is all 17 of us, yes? Nope. This is going to be six of you, and you are all in the very southeast corner of this rather large map, so you might need to scroll down a bit. Got it. And I'm going to get a placeholder token for Bunklechee Rankinboing,

who is joining you, but I'm waiting on some official art from Mr. Sean Bryant from Bunkle Cheese so we don't have that just yet. Bunkle Cheese. That was going to be dependent on whether or not he really joined your party and it sounds like he is so we're going to go ahead and...

Rankin Boing made some nice stop motion cartoons. I was just about to say man, remember this Norelco ad? Nice! What do you think the coincidence is? We really are. A halfling is named Rankin or something.

But yeah, you guys are now at the mouth of this cave. What would you like to do? Dr. Ewan, what do you think? Well, how rough do the waters look where this thing is hooking up here? Are we jumping off the boat and then rowing in?

Are we swimming in? Am I turning into a bird? What's happening? What's our plan? Well, it's kind of up to you. We're off the boat. You're off the boat you're off the boat the boat is gone you see you see that large opening kind of um i'll ping it too yeah sorry i'm i'm hooking this thing up i'm gonna so like right about uh blaine if you're in now are you yes great oh there it is sorry right there where i'm pinging that is where the other two groups are going.

And I'll open it up just a little bit more because I would say you guys might visually track them. You can get a better idea of like what this opening kind of looks like. So there's that. Okay. And that. I'm revealing some map. You're showing us a close-up of the opening. Yeah. I'm revealing some map.

Showing us a close-up of the opening. Yeah. And the one right by your tokens is the one that you guys are heading in. Now, Gago told you that he thought this is going to... He thinks this is going to be an uphill cave that eventually circles around and comes to the top of the cliff where he thinks he saw some harpies chasing some elves.

Great. Should we take another cave or is it too late? It's too late. I mean, no, you can take another cave. I think it was just one of the known bad options for getting inside. So at least we know what we're going to face. None of the options are good anymore. You don't have the boat anymore.

You, again, I am leaving this option. This is a true choice you can make. You can follow the other two groups into the larger opening. I feel like we can take harpies. What are they, birds plus people? Come on. Yes. I'm for it.

I'm for the harpy cave. Let's fight the harpies. All right. Well well as you're gonna try not to do a Valtrex joke here as you head into the cave we'll have to find out what happens to you on the next episode of

nerd poker oh Ronnie Sam what do you think happened? On episode two? Well, the friar has helped Queep fly in the way Queep's flying helps me live and love. We're talking about helicopters and fruit punch and borrowing me a quarter. Winifred is having visions of the ghost boat.

It's some sort of ghost Etsy shop. They want us to buy stuff from them. She's going ham with some good spells and there's some mystery wine. Winifred just talked a bunch of people into leaving the boat and i love these new characters and i hope somehow the friar makes his way into one of the star wars episodes so i can hear that voice in conversation with chris's nick nolte voice amazing cool uh dan anything oh i mean the main thing i want to plug is my shows with you so why don't you get into it man yay uh comic-con what's the dates on that july 21st and 22nd sir yep we

will be at the american comedy company downtown san diego and 22nd 23rd 22nd four 23rd. Four shows total. Late show, early show, Friday and Saturday. I think Doug Benson's doing a guest spot on the second show Friday night. Whoever's in town will probably be doing spots too. It'll be fun. And I'm also

signing comics at the Image booth on Saturday from 3 to four. If you see me with Rhodes in your regular say hi, but yell nerd poker first because Rhodes is weird with people. With strangers running up to you. Yeah. Yes.

He's grown up with it and it depends on the stranger. Some context will help. Yes. Yes. It could be hitting this. Especially knowing his name, he's just like, what? But if you go, oh, say Sierra Mist and you'll get a smile out of it. Oh, there you go. There you go.

Secret word. Yep. All right. Anybody else? Blaine, what's going to happen next week? On the next Nerd Poker, Chris is like, no way. Ken is like, way. Chris is like, no, no way.

Brian is like, shut up. I'm trying to sleep. All this in the Battle of the Billiards with the Steve Misurak and Minnesota Fats Holograms on the next Nerd Poker. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.