Nerd Poker - S5E20 Multiple But Limited Doors

Episode Date: December 6, 2022

Back to the action! It's time to raid the Royal Hall, which is bound to have more activity within than some of the patrol hallways. And that means the real dungeon crawl is beginning in earnest! Hopefully nobody will already get dissolved!

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah Kev Dan

Blake Chris Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Hey, it's Billy. Season five. Hey, everybody. I'm Brian Poussaint. You're listening to Nerd Poker.

How'd you do it? How'd you find it? It's episode 20 of season 500. It's going to be good. My friends are here. Look at them. What's up, Chris? Hey, Brian.

How are you? I'm good, buddy. Nice. That beard finally coming in. You look like a professional beard master. This got trimmed. I look less crazy than I did two weeks ago. Blaine.

Hey, guys. Hi, Brian. How are you? I'm good, thanks. Just queuing up some stuff. Nice. Sorry. Dr. Demento is here.

Oh, it's Ken. Hi. Stay on Nerd Poker. Hey, buddy. buddy hey how's it going good sarah's here hi hello yeah everybody has great i'm okay now i'm looking at everybody's awesome facial hair i gotta step up my game you guys are you guys are looking it'll come in oh it comes in it's just very patchy nice pencil mustache damn oh hi Brian how are you? what's up buddy?

I just want to say Sarah you should be very proud of that beard glowing Gimli they would all be very impressed by your feminine bushy beard that I can very clearly see in all of its luster. Listen. It's something else in UV. I'm Sicilian. This is what happens.

And Sam is doing work. Right? Sam is in the corporate dimension. Hello, sweet Sam. His dog is home alone

rigging up paint cans and putting both its paws on the side of its face and accidentally putting micro machines on the floor as you do when you're home alone speaking of um karma but in a good way i don't fucking have a transition

want to want to have me thank some people brian yeah why don't you okay it's happening i god i'm galooting hard this morning thank you to our patron supporters you are a delight you are the people who keep us alive sort of i mean listen i'm grateful and i'm going to express it by thanking our top two patreon tears who have users like adam ruiz thank you supporter and user adam ruiz thanks adam thanks eric maughan thank you ninja slippers thank you i'm sorry thanks for apologizing dan thank you dharma trails thank you jonathan wood thank you nerd poker quotes brian posain don't do fucking stained impersonations on my show sam pull that out out uh oh it's been a while thank you grigsby silverskin thank you sean bryant hey thank you sarah's weighted dice we all knew it thank you bob rob thank you david feig thank you wick rotation thank you my name is crap head mount crap head thank thank you Stephen Terrell thank you Clay Carver

thank you Roland of Gilead and of course thank you Balrog Total Fitness Blaine who are those supporters brought to us by those supporters brought to us by Holiday Blowout Madison Bagpipe Center blow your bladder away

called windpipes not returned for model replacements. Channers. Drones. Bellows and plaid. Really plaid. Asturian guillotines. Transmontana de Boto. Northumbrian small pipes.

Balkan guillotines. Simpoys. Toulums. Bastrel small pipes. All pipes and more at the Big Bag Blowout Holiday Central and Bagpipe Center. No longer affiliated with Great Britain or Brexit. The I's have it. Bagpipe Center Madness.

Dan. Wow. That was a journey. And I don't mean to ban. Yes. Well, I believe, if I am not mistaken, from the time on my phone which is what we used to call a watch it is now time to talk about what happened last time on nerd poker our heroes who don't have a group name yet and i'm being asked on patreon when they going to finally pick one. So, wink wink, are now on their way to the royal hall

of the evil Lich King. They just have a series of doors to choose from. Probably no big deal. They just got some loot, including some weird stuff that they just put on without really thinking about it or getting it checked out, you know. Probably nothing bad could happen

about that weird gold plate that the monk put on a couple episodes ago we now take you to these people already in progress so that is a quick summation of where you are all at you've kind of gone up um this wall for a few episodes um north ish towards the keep and now it kind of forks around the hall a bit and you guys were kind of debating okay like which which hallway do i go down there's some sort of the northwest some sort of to the east and uh yeah weren't we trying to find like where there was an arena there was a a large open area that one of them ended in yes um it's sort of like a round a bend but uh yes and there's another and the other way had

more doors i'm trying to trying to just remember it clearly uh yeah the other way had okay so we had and there were there were some doors along the way that we hadn't opened, I remember. You've passed a lot of doors. Okay. And a lot of it is, you know, not the direction you want to go anymore. Sort of up ahead, if you look to your left, I don't want to quite pull up the Roll20 map just yet, but the hallway kind of forks diagonally to the left and

to the right to the left you see there are two doors the second one kind of opens up into this big arena like space that you kind of barely checked out and came back from and then the hallway kind of just keeps going for a long time and you're guessing too much time in this hallway will catch the attention of guards at some point even though the castle has been uh its guard force has been reduced due to the distraction of last season um okay so we were in a room that had like cabinets that we were investigating and stuff and that's where we got like a helmet and boat potions and things like that right that was what we just were doing so that's not this we're in the hallway again that's

that's behind you and now you're in a hallway that have some doors is what i have in my notes you've made it past that and it seemed chris i feel like we had a conversation that it seemed like if we went to the left that seemed to be like the main entrance and that maybe wasn't so smart to walk in the main entrance and we were talking about exploring to the right because perhaps that might bring us in like a sideway or something not quite so obvious yes so i i just described sort of to the left if you can keep going down the hallway towards the main entrance when i said it kind of keeps going that's that is indeed what i meant and then that there is that sort of like arena type area around a corner and that arena feels like it is even it's pretty close to the main area

of the main gates where there is can we is it possible to pull up roll 20 because i'm having trouble envisioning okay but um i'm really doing my best to not even halfway through the description so that's probably a sign that you guys do need a visual reference yes yes no worries hang on one second I just don't have your tokens with control yet so don't try you can but you know

don't expect me to have it be fully functional yet oh man I love to control my token I know it's such a fun drag this book brought to you by Oyster Moist for the moistest oysters walk in Oyster Moister you like your oysters moister

moist and foist and oyster moist well I just want to point out that we did not need that but now that we are all more grossed out thank you thank you young james gunn what does that mean you look exactly like james gunn young james gunn i'll i'll take that as a compliment i think i i think i look like james gunn before he stopped dying his hair that's what i look that same age basically but uh yes um

here we all are face to face oh i, I meant that as a horribly cutting insult. Well, I would never. I'm kidding, of course. I am definitely loving that insult. So here you all are. You can see I am slipping through. It looks like we're in the aha video for Take On Me. Like all black and white.

It's not usually so know this is uh putting that in my head sarah i used a dungeon doodler to make this one um it's for a lot of the the maps that i didn't have custom uh built out great babe all right oh great babe that's one way to do it to the right then yeah to the right i guess to the right yeah you can see um and uh i owe folks a bunch of screenshots so um i'm gonna probably have those ready for uh social media and or patreon because i've got them backlogged on my computer but i've been moving and going through life changes folks um so now that my um my brain is slightly less dripping out of my butthole you can see to the right shut up listen it's just it's just a turn of phrase we're all familiar with classic croatian turn of phrase brain dripping on your butthole so um if you look

to the right there are three doors that kind of go like a little bit away from where you want to go um but and then there's kind of one towards where you want to go that it is kind of the wrong side and you could keep going down the hallway but you do feel like you have some interesting choices right in front of you like i wouldn't say any of you are tempted to just like fuck off running down the hallway at this point because it does seem like you have some options but you haven't really investigated the doors yet except for that arena-like space which was just discussed and i think you can see okay why don't we can we just go down and uh just check out one of these doors at least just to see if there's if they're full of treasure and magic things.

Well, of course they're full of treasure. The real question is, which treasure do you want to get? Because it will be very easy, whatever it is. A treasure of the heart. So just the first door, we'll just start there? We have to start somewhere? Yeah, I'll do it. Okay, by first door, you mean right or left?

If we go straight ahead down this long corridor with the three doors on the right, I'm going to go up to the first door and sort of check for traps and locks and stuff. On the right? Yes. Right, right. So sort of like the bottom of that hallway. Yes. Gotcha.

Okay. Why don't you do investigation check sir that's a 15 plus 318 it feels like there is a lot of stillness but also you get kind of like a very dense acoustic vibe when you try to listen um can't tell if the door is locked just by examining it if it is locked it is magical because there is no obvious keyhole okay i don't have a simple iron thing uh yeah you guys are missing a few a few of those spells that would be extremely helpful but you do have very special spells at your disposal. Hmm.

I have a mage hand. I also have knock which will open magical and unmagical doors. Nice! Do you want me to? I'm worried that whatever's in here will flood into the hallway. Yeah, it makes a loud noise also so it's not

it's nice-ish. Do you want to see if any three of the doors are a little easier to open? Yeah, let's check the other doors. I think. Alright, Dr. Ud is Blaine. You know Blaine.

Can I check out the rest of them? Yeah, I'll do another a 16 plus 3 on the a second one just to i'll just try not to open any of these and see if it's the same vibe and then a 10 for the last one okay uh next one of the the second of three you you get a little less of a cramped acoustic kind of vibe but same issue with just a iron um circle to grab no keyhole and uh the third one it sounds acoustically dense again same thing okay uh who's on that one at the end does this hallway just keep going the hallway does keep going um you feel like if you look at the main map of castle vendaria that it's gonna kind of

go on for a while and then allow you to leave the indoors rather soon but yeah i'm sure. When you say this door, I'm going to need you to assume I'm in another tab. You mean the one that, that is one that Blaine was just asking who wants to check it out. Yeah, I'll check it out. Let's roll that investigation check, please. Listeners.

Listeners. What I'm getting at is Ken is checking out one same hallway, but it is pointed more towards the keep the other side of the hallway that's an eight boy oh boy what a door this door reminds you of several doors you've seen all of them going to other places um there's uh wood wood on the door you've seen wood before but you rolled an eight so this is about the extent of what you can grasp although you do note there is a keyhole and a large iron uh doorknob and door uh what do you call panel around the knob there is a keyhole in this one

yeah interesting yes after these four doors three on the the right, one on the left, kind of that Ken just looked at, it goes all down for a while. And you can't quite see what is down that way. But again, this seems like a highly trafficked hallway where there's probably guards that are going to come from either the right hallway, the left hallway, or behind you from that big room full of cabinets and such that you just came from. Well, that's exciting. Cabinets and such. You can go there to the Americana. They have a great deal right now. Cabinets and such. Anyway, these doors are not unlimited. There's only four

of them and you've investigated them. There could be more farther down the hallway, but yeah. Unlimited doors. Should we, uh, employ the use of those lockpicking tools and try and pick This lock Who's pickety Yeah this the one

The door on this double door on the The north side there We should I guess that's Probably going to open up into this arena right This one possibly It seems like a possibility for sure But you haven't investigated the arena quite a lot just yet um i'm happy to try to open any door that you guys think is we

check for traps first or is that is that what already happened with the perception i checked badly got it okay hey sarah do you see the uh the the the door that i'm pinging on here i see two pings happening are you pink or yeah yes i'm green ping are you hi i'm green ping okay uh uh i think there's probably a bigger room behind this door so maybe if we open this one these other ones that are dense are probably like storage things so okay barrels of explosives or whatever so can i check this door for traps first and then try to open it yep let's get um an investigation check um the dc has gone up though however because uh blaine did investigate it with that intention oh okay well then i can just try to open it sorry

yeah he rolled high ish i think he got a 19 on that one and okay 17 and i'll just i'll just lock pick it great let's get well this this particular one does not have a keyhole so i would say um if you want if you can try to use your picking tools to like go into the door frame and see if there is anything in there but um keep in mind that's what it looks like okay so it's if we believe it's locked with no keyhole so so i can use probably it'll make it noise yeah it's probably um either a magic lock or like i was kind of implying there's like a some sort of device that is not on the door visibly so i will try to pick the hinges great because there might be a device holding the door shut so let's get a sleight of hand jack i will give you guidance as well when i've read so you can add a d4 d4 okay so then with the guidance that's uh 18

so you get in there and you hear all these like i tried really hard to do it but you know what not not uh what's the dude's name from police academy not in that mode right michael winslow steve gutenberg's lowing it yeah you know classic bobcat goldthwait mouth noises. So you do hear a series of clicks and clacks. It does sound like a large device has just been disabled. Sarah. Okay. Mahoney, you have done it. So we try to open the door.

Alright. You gonna pop it open? Yeah. Alright. Taste is gonna move you when you pop it in your mouth juicy fruit is gonna move you oh my gosh there was oh sorry but that commercial there was a guy on a boogie board who did like a a flip on on the boogie board the juicy fruit commercial i spent my sister and i spent all our time in ocean city trying to do that boogie board flip on one of those tiny, filthy Jersey waves. Ken, wasn't that you in that commercial?

That was, yeah. I took a sniff. I pulled it out. And it tastes movie when you pop it in your mouth. There were two twins, a comedy act called Buy One, Get One Free, Todd and Taylor Leatherberry. And they would walk on stage with the double mint music playing, wearing matching raincoats. And then they would kiss each other and people would get shocked. And then they'd go, take a sniff, whip it out.

The taste is going to move you when we pop it in your mouth. That was their opening joke. Oh my goodness. Gross. Yeah. They were crazy, those guys. Cute stuff. Yeah, they sounded like Jack Nicholson, by the way. That did sound like they were Jack Nicholson. Jesus.

Alright, well. Check it out. Okay. Sorry, I didn't mean to. Talk about incest so early in the morning. Investigate the wrong door, yeah. Okay. They did it for a joke on stage.

No, no, I got it. I got it. But people would go, what the fuck? People would get really shocked. Like 89. Oh my God. Gay people. And they're twins.

Wow. It's like that Russian that uh russian duo tattoo except fellas you open the door and you see what looks very very strange to you there is some sort of lava pit at the end of the hallway and there is a weird blurriness down it so you it's like like a haze and um just passive insight you think oh like this is this is some kind of haze maybe from the lava but you're not sure and i'm trying to trying to reveal a part of the map pardon me while i encounter some glitches there you go and it's all right so that doesn't look like treasure to me

um well who knows let's should we get a little closer and check it out examine haze great uh let's get investigation

check on the haze exam slash examine or slash ex maybe i don't know what the shortcut is with this lava it's like hell and

haze oh no yeah i know i said it i remember my role but i got a seven somebody else check out this haze yeah you're just like what is this sulfur all over? And you like wave it around. It kind of chokes you when you get too close. Okay. Bad. My voice is my instrument. I need to back away from the smoke. Do you want an investigation, Dan?

Yep. DC goes up as someone has already tried it. Oh, never mind then. Should we check? No, of course you can check should we open the doors next to it maybe is is this some sort of like maybe a waste disposal system maybe they come in here and throw garbage into it is there anything anything on the floor besides floor yeah you know besides floor uh it does look like this is a different stone floor from the hallway you're in there is some sort of weird brownness to the stonework there's no torches in here so it's it's very dim but for the light of this probably magical magma that seems to be pooling at the

bottom and again all of you are probably passively thinking a bunch of stuff what the fuck is lava doing here how is it bubbling up in one small little patch why is it in this hallway why is this room so nondescript it does sort of feel like this room is used for one very specific thing and that it's probably magical. Do we still have a detect magic up on anything? I don't think so. I do not. I don't have it.

I have a dispel magic, but not detect. Yeah, and really quick, I just want to throw out that we did sort of say in the last episode that there was not, you know, there wasn't a lot of gameplay last episode. There was no gameplay, but we did sort of say in the last episode that there was not you know there wasn't a lot of gameplay last episode there was no gameplay but we did say there was a long rest happening so you guys are healed i sort of tossed you that uh that no we'd done that yeah we did that episode before we had the whole we had a long rest great so everybody is ready whatever

it was an episode earlier but but you get the same point. Well, do we want to check out one of these other doors? Or how about across the hallway? That with the keyhole. That seems like a pretty good door. Okay. Yeah, can we just back out of this? Maybe it'll all come together later.

Yep. So I rolled a 20 to back out. which uh which doors uh next time your docket doors doors doors let's go across the hallway with that keyhole yeah let's do that i'll give guidance again to uh winifred okay am i has this one been checked for traps uh yeah ken did but poorly yeah yes he he had a goof okay so i will check it again for traps that's investigation right guidance uh guidance so that is with guidance going to be a 15 15 ooh it feels like you could probably pick this

lock but um it's not clear whether there's any magic on it but traps why I don't try oh yeah um if there's a trap it's magic you think it seems like mechanically you're you're spying just a basic lock system.

All right, I will try to pick it. I'll give you guidance a second time. Guidance, guidance, guidance. I'm going to call you Guido. That's just an 11. Okay, well. that's just an 11 okay well you kind of like fiddle with it for a minute and um

just cracks like cracks like is broken and we can't open it the pick that you're using okay you want to punch that fucking door open sure why not fucking ronnie get in there with your feet of fury yes love some friar jolly aggression um so do you both want to just together start just chopping and smashing this door is that what's happening we're we're going there yeah sure we need to shoulder this ship i think want me at it

okay um why don't we uh get a strength check from both of you normally i would do like one with advantage but you seem keen on doing it together like some sort of Hulk and Wolverine well I rolled a six in one second I never rolled I never opened up D&D Beyond today let me so it's going to take me a minute I mean I open it every morning just to do my monster meditations that's where I get all my news

from the DD BBC I believe from the DDBBC. I believe. Love you guys. Brian, loving you guys. Brought to you by Salted Caramel and Cilantro Doritos. We're trying to go out of business.

Can anybody see Black Panther Wakanda Forever yet? No. Is it great? I still haven't seen it. Rhodes has been busy and we were going to go together. We were out of town for

the holiday. I saw Terrifier 2. Oh, yeah? Don't bother. Oh, no. Don't bother with one or two. One didn't look good. And then two, they just said they were using really old-fashioned kind of

like, you'll vomit in your seats. You're going to pass out. Why would I go that? 50s or 60s kind of what they used to do. I have yet to find any sort of story or character in either movie. Yeah. It's just killing and stuff.

I could tell. Great check, right, buddy? A lot of strength for you. Oh, really? Is that what it is? Yeah. And I'll give Ronnie guidance. So you can add a D4, Brian. Oh, okay? Is that what it is? Yeah. I'll give Ronnie guidance. She can add a D4, Brian.

Oh, okay. Cool. I got a 13 without it, but I will add the 4. Oh, and I got a 4. 17 all right um you don't quite smash it in but you both go and creep after your giant bulky bird frame kind of bops off of it with just little down feathers flying everywhere ronnie you go in there and just like get your fist through it it doesn't shatter the door you just kind of a fist-sized hole in it um and it's very splintery like you pull your hand away

and like the wood kind of crackles in you can kind of like peek through it but it's not a very good peek hole you hear after these loud bangs where you uh punch holes in door, a voice call out through the other side of it and say, stay back! I mean, that guy's begging to get his ass beat, right? We're going to get in there and talk to him. I love just like, you're on the same page, but also ass beat

and talk. Those are, you're going to those are, yeah we're gonna beat his ass that's a rhino tomato we're gonna talk to him to see if he needs his ass beat you feel like you've got a few moments before something happens but I am of course using this to dictate that things are happening

so you've only got about a minute or two before something will interrupt what you are discussing let's do it So you've only got about a minute or two before something will interrupt what you are discussing. Open the door. Yeah, let's do it. Okay. You jostle it pretty hard and it kind of falls off of its hinges and goes in. You see ahead of you a big fucking mess. There is garbage all over the floor.

And it looks like a lot of alchemical experiments or something have been in here didn't get a chance to draw it you'll see in the map what the other chaos is however there is a wizard who is casting some sort of spells against a massive cube like thing that is taking up a huge portion of this arena like space there are also a series of glowing orbs flying around the wizard uh it looks like the wizard is engaged in on here the wizard is engaged in combat um also in addition to all that other shit there is a weird pile of garbage that is kind of lurching around it's kind of hard to see what exactly it is going on with it from where you're standing but there is some sort of like animated trash heap kind of lumbering around in the corner and you can see the wizard kind of panicked looking at like this

giant cube as the main threat but also like seems to be desperately eyeing the other thing his back is to you he seems to have just called over his shoulder at you while engaged in combat let's back out quietly

reveal it on the map let's distract him so he gets killed and then the thing attacks us and we get killed so insight does he seem like a good guy does he seem like passive or you want to roll I'll roll okay insight check go for it I've revealed on the map

what it is you see some of it will become more obvious once you have the actual visual and I invite you to listeners know what you think is happening okay 17 mountains in a cube he seems like this cube it seems like um it seems like this wizard is human and it is unlikely that he is a normal denizen of this place you think maybe he is one of the other quote-unquote heroes who landed in the castle who is attempting to engage this thing. Let's call him over. Sir, allow

us to assist. Why don't we just attack the monster? Yeah, I think that's smart. I think that's what we do. And let him do his thing. Dr. Uwit is a hero. He knows what he speaks of. If you're not going to stay back, get your

asses in here! Alright. Let's help. Alright, so Bunk agrees. He has been nearby and he's going to hop in there. Lucas, trembling, wanders up

through the hall. I'm going gonna scoot everybody's tokens in the doorway a little bit feel free to rearrange but i need you in that area because as you enter the room you're rolling initiative So Ronnie what you get 18 my friend Not shabby at all Uh Queep what you get Shabby 6 You know what Funny to me though

Uh Can I get one from Friar Jop 11 Winifred. 16. Dr. Uwud. 15 plus 3, 18. Nice.

And it's going to be an 11 for Bunk. And we're just going to, because Lucas is not super combat oriented, we're just going to sort of let not super combat oriented we're just gonna sort of let it be a surprise uh where he comes in because he is sort of in the turn order but is also sort of just like hanging out um first is going to be ronnie cool or wait wait r, Ronnie and Dr. Uid. Yeah, I'm going to let Ronnie go first. Okay, well, I will approach this monster and use my arm blade.

Okay. You're heading up to the monster. Let's see. Do you want to just like run straight at it? We are. Well, I'm going to scoot your token up there and let's roll that arm blade attack. First one doesn't hit,

but I will take a second swing. Okay. Hold on. What the fuck? There we go. Oh, yeah. Critical plus six. Hey, whoa.

Amazing. Please roll that damage and remember to double the dice damage. Uh, so it's, um, 16 plus three, 19. Nice.

Yeah. You just shop right into this thing, swoosh, and you just see this spray of slime land on the ground behind you. Nice. I'm gonna take an unarmed strike.

Go for it. Probably not a hit just a 10 nope that is not a hit alrighty well I will await my next turn cool there is more to come you stupid monster

Dr. Uid you're up this huge slimy cube like creature looms before you i will uh also let listeners know this thing is very large it is about 40 feet wide 40 feet tall jesus and uh and the uh the monster the trash monster brian just attacked the cube right correct and the monster is doing what lurching about uh just behind it it's difficult to see you'd have to get a little closer because it's partially obscured it's partially obscured by the giant uh slimy cube so you'd have to get you have to move around to the left to get a good look. Okay, can I do a...

I'm going to... Should I attack the cube, you guys? Yes. I don't know if I should attack the cube or the monster. I'm going to attack the cube. I'm going to hit it with a... Okay. I'm going to hit it with an ice storm.

Ooh, okay. So an Ice Storm. Ooh, okay. So, an Ice Storm. A hail of rock-hard ice pounds a 20-foot radius, 40-foot high cylinder. He is going to make, and by he I mean the cube, a dexterity saving throw. A dexterity saving throw from the giant cube. Let's see. It's really nimble. Just amazingly nimble. you don't expect it to

be able to dance like that it's like christopher now this is a very big cube so some of its stats have been homebrew adjusted but yes a a creature like this as some listeners and perhaps blaine already knows has very low decks yes very lowx and that is that is a fail for sure uh 2d8 bludgeoning and 4d6 cold roll it as it goes 2d6 is 4, 8, and 8 is 16. So 24 total. Awesome. So you just see everybody, this hailstorm just start barraging the cube. It starts splattering little bits of slime all over this arena.

Will that do it for you, Dr. Uwish? I think that's it, yeah. I'm just going to hold my position. Up next is going to be the cube. Can you guess what's about to happen? So, Ronnie, looming before you, this giant creature ever so slowly just kind of moves on top of you.

Oh. Sexy. I'm going to need you to do a dexterity saving throw, sir. Oh, not sexy. I don't like this cube moving on our friend. You all see the shadows start to approach Ronnie as he attempts to flip backwards. Eight.

Okay. You all see Ronnie disappear inside this giant slimy cube. Ronnie, you take hang on you ever use mighty dice for a long time digital dice and then all of a sudden you just forget how to use it so you're gonna take 11 points of acid damage. Ooh. Yeah, it sounded like me at Lollapalooza. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Also, you currently are restrained and cannot breathe. Oh. So that's all good. You can try to escape on your next turn, but you will be taking more damage at the beginning of your next turn unless somebody pulls you out. Up next. Yeah, I know it's not cool, but thank you for being nice.

Friar Jolly, you're up. I will scream, Ronnie, our shadow-stepping friend seems to have been enveloped. Wink, shadow-step. I'm going to cast, I have a, I think this is fourth level, a fourth level spell called Guardian of Faith. Let's see. Where do I want to put it? I can move up to 30 feet.

So I'm going to go one, two, three, four, five, six to there.

And then I can cast it up to 30 feet away from me. So I'm going to put it, uh, yeah, you know what? I guess I'm going to put it kind of here in front of the cube and closer to whatever this little ball of light is next to it. Okay.

And so what it is, is a large spectral guardian, which I would like to sort of be like a giant silver flame. It appears in that space. The guardian occupies space and is indistinct except for a gleaming sword and shield. Never mind. It's a flaming sword and shield with the

symbol of my deity, silver flame. Any creature hostile to me that moves within 10 feet of it, and both of those things are within, they have to make a dexterity saving throw okay um and if they fail they each take 20 radiant damage can you ping where you would like to put it now we'll drop a token there so let's say hereish great and actually because it's that close i don't even need to move that far so maybe i'll just kind of how uh how big is it it is 10 by 10

great i'll stretch that out it's a large yeah it's a large creature and then anything within 10 feet of it that i deem as an enemy. So I deem the cube and I'm assuming those balls of light. Yep. And so they each need to make a dexterity saving throw DC 16. Gleamed and deemed.

So the giant cube rolls a 20 minus 4. So a 16. So it makes it. So it takes 10. Okay. And the glowing balls of light roll a 2.

So they take 20. They pop out of existence. Okay. Nice. I'll say, my guardian friend will protect us! So those glowing things are working with the cube and not for the wizard?

It feels like chaos, and you're not really sure yet. On your turn, I will allow an insight check to try to get a little more of an idea of what's going on, but you kind of just walked into a huge mess. Sure. Up next is gonna be bunk. Um,

bunk does not like the looks of what is going on at all. Um, so he is gonna try to run up and chop it and then get away because he can sort of see what's happening so he's you know you see like a blur of pink as he runs up uh he takes his sword in his scimitar and um two hits jelly sprays everywhere and he attempts to jump back uh just like five feet um

that's not so good i could go for a jelly spray uh and he you just see this like little arm of jelly come out towards him as he leaps back and kind of slap him. And he goes, oh, God, as he clearly gets like like searing steam flies off of his face as he is hit. It looks like he was acid burned pretty bad. Ouch. Flavin sounds sounds funny but it's

really not funny to happen to you very painful people get people can die of flavin uh and now the glowing orbs one of which has just been extinguished by fire jolly uh starts to come at everyone um how come i didn't get a turn oh wait um you didn't either wait what hold on hold on pause pause pause winifred you are definitely behind i screwed that up queep you have a lower initiative you have a lower initiative you're coming up after the glowing orbs and the wizard um but winifred i did beef it and accidentally put your token for initiative on my chart at the like another page so my apologies you are supposed to be after dr uid and before the the the cube engulfs ronnie so if we need to retcon something you can imagine it's okay yeah because i was

gonna cast something at the cube and then now that ronnie's inside i i will allow it to unless you do something uh that somehow stops the cube from engulfing ronnie will just say that this attempted damage is happening before ronnie okay so i can damage it without damaging correct correct okay so I'm just gonna cast Shatter at second level at the cube. Which is a dexterity bro, yes? It's a constitution. Okay. 16.

Oh, 11 plus 5. I'm very sorry. Okay, they'll take half damage then. Okay. He or she. Half damage on... So six points of damage. Before it engulfs Ramony.

Yes, so it does take six points of... What kind of damage was that again? Thunder damage. So, Kadush! Yeah, again, you're making a real mess of slime on the floor. Hope that doesn't lead to any problems. Double dare. It's going to be pretty funny. Anything else you'd like to do on your turn, Winifred? That's it.

I'm not getting close to it, I'll tell you that much. Well, we'll hit the fast forward button on reality to catch us back up in the turn order. And yes, the orbs are now swarming, folks. We'll hit the fast forward button on reality to catch us back up in the turn order. And yes, the orbs are now swarming, folks. So first of all, bunk is going to just get three of them on top of him and they will want them crits. The other two hit. Hit it and crit it that's gonna be

uh he takes a lot of lightning damage as you just see electricity arc off of him. He's not down, but he is sort of shaking violently and looks a little bit like Palpatine about to get thrown in the pit. So that'll be his turn. Stop doing that. The wizard

casts a spell on the cube. I cast a spell on cube. Oh, and he grits a spell attack. That is, you see lightning smash into the cube now. And Friar Jolly,lly after bunk gets zapped you see one of the things that you just killed uh fly towards you and it attempts to collide with your face and rolls a 21 hit dan can those things see yes then as my, I'm going to use

my Warding Flare. When I'm attacked by a creature that can be blinded within 30 feet that I can see, I use my reaction to impose disadvantage. So basically for a moment as it gets close to me, Friar Jolly sort of glows bright like

a flash of light in an attempt to mess up ball. Fun. So he has to roll again and take the lower number. All right. But that is a 19 rather than 23. That misses the porch. Just barely.

What's your AC? 21. Bad ass. So yeah, it spirals away and you're all like, oh shit, Fire Jolly is fucking hard ass. Up next is gonna be Queep.

No! At long last, the bird. I'm going to fire a couple of crossbow bolts at the cube. I'd love to see you try. I will try. Okay. Okay.

First is a 21 to hit. Oh, that is a 21 to hit. Oh, that is a hit. Thunk. That is four points of damage. And then a

14 to hit. That is a hit. Oh. It has an AC of 12. I like that about it. And that is 8 points of damage. Ooh.

Alright. Yep. It's starting to feel like you guys are really hacking into this thing. points of damage. Ooh. Alright. Yep. It's starting to, uh... feel like you guys are really hacking into this thing. It's not like quivering and dying or anything like that, but you've done quite a lot of damage to it. Good. Anything else, Queep? Uh, no. I'm just gonna

stay over here and... Far away. Fire stuff and other stuff. Okay. Uh, Ronnie? Yes, sir? Unfortunately, away fire stuff and other stuff okay uh ronnie yes sir unfortunately before you can take your turn you're gonna get a little burned by acid because you are inside this thing um so you start your turn with nine nine points of acid damage oh um and i have more than that well that's good in real life

oh uh now again you are currently restrained and can't breathe that doesn't necessarily the breathing part doesn't necessarily mean anything bad but it will start to mean

constitution saving throws before too long you are also let's just say strongly meta hinted by one of your friends we'll say Friar Jolly no no no you don't want to call it out in game Chris

it's Friar Jolly did it yeah what did Friar Jolly. No, no, no. You don't want to call it out in game, Chris? Oh, it's Friar Jolly did it. Yeah, what did Friar Jolly shout out to Ronnie as he was being engulfed? He said, our shadow-stepping friend's being engulfed! Really, really throwing you a bone there, Brian. Oh. I can shadow step.

I love you, Brian. So what is that? What could I do in here that... Get out of it. Okay, cool. How do I do that? Okay, so let's take a look at shadow step. God, Mickey, stop.

Sorry. More like Barky. So. Melanie left her in the kitchen and went out to the garage. So she's trying to get to Melanie. That's why she's barking incessantly. Sorry. What a weirdo.

Now, what's great about... That barking is love. Oh, no. There's something wrong with her. What's great about being in a gelatinous cube is you can see out of it relatively easy. However, you are restrained and facing the inside of it. So I'm going to need you to do a perception check

just to see if you are capable of finding shadows outside of the gelatinous cube to step into. You're definitely on Twitter. Yeah. Freshest today's headlines. Uh, 15.

Oh yeah. You see some shadows at the edges of the room. Okay. Uh, so I'm going to move towards the shadow all right um so you pop up first of all out of this cube and to the edge of the room where i just dropped you kind of like thanks chris southwest that's just friar jolly you know i think that you'll never forget this magic moment. Oh, no.

Probably not now. Yeah. The room opens up a little bit because of your point of advantage. You now see the lumbering creature of trash kind of behind the cube. It looks like it's made of gold coins and gems and some slightly tarnished bits of treasure. That's Fred Durst. We'll be right back. It's also wearing a backwards red cap.

Shadow step, motherfucker. Are you going to try to use any of your movement to attack anybody? I will say one of the main reasons I'm suggesting this is you have advantage on the first melee attack you make before the end of your turn. So if you did want to, now that you've shadow stepped out, run up to one of the glowing orbs or the cube again, you could take a swing with advantage. I'm going to go to one of the orbs. Seems like a different ballgame. So you're going to go up to the one next to Friar Jolly. That is the closest one.

Yeah. Yeah. And arm bladed up. Great. Roll to attack. Swing. 20. 14 plus 6.

That is definitely a hit. Roll your damage. Here's some piercing. 8 points of piercing damage. Lovely. You take a huge chunk out of it. It doesn't explode like the other ones that have been killed,

but it was spiraling around, and now you've taken a nice big hit out of it. All right. I'm going to swing again. Go for it. 18. Okay. That's a hit. Roll that bludgeoning punchy damage nine amazing so kadush it explodes in front of you friar jolly uh ronnie how does your fist kind of go through it um well it definitely makes the kadushosh noise another bone I threw you I knew it would be your favorite onomatopoeia

kadoosh kadoosh alright well uh after that moment things are definitely feeling a little lighter as your friend Ronnie everyone has managed to shadow step out of this big fucking gelatinous cube and we'll have to

find out what exactly is going on between it the wizard and this room on the next episode of nerd poker uh sam is currently unavailable to tell us what he thinks happened um so perhaps we shall

uh pop right on over to plugs how y'all doing Brian what are you up to BrianPersine.com tour dates I've got Sacramento this week but you probably won't know that probably this airs next yeah next Monday

but coming up in 23 I've got Louisville, the Louisville Comedy Club. I think I'm bringing Johnny Taylor out with me. Comedy Club of Kansas City, Johnny Taylor's going to be with me. That's in February. Tour dates, brianbursain.com. And then I've got Scotch Mcctiernan's holiday special coming very soon to your uh your comic book stores we just finished it up and we're doing a rush on it or image is doing

a rush on it it'll be out uh i think the weekend after or uh the tuesday after uh or wednesday or rather after christmas So stoked on that. And more comics coming. Grommets and Rifters coming through Image very soon. Anybody else? Sure. I'll throw in just I've been trying to do a lot of stand-up. I've had my schedule open up. So I've just been running around Los Angeles doing a ton of shows.

So if you're in L.A., definitely keep an eye on the local clubs and comedian run showcases. I've had a lot of fun doing them the last couple of weeks. And I have also got a bunch of stuff on the horizon I can't quite talk about. But I've been really enjoying my Cortex role-playing team being acquired by Direwolf digital. I can work on a lot of role-playing projects. So on the horizon, there'll be fun stuff.

So keep an eye on the Cortex and Direwolf digital social media, because I'm, I'm writing some stuff I'm really stoked about and it'll, you know, be probably after the holidays before you see anything but I think you'll uh you'll find it very interesting if you like the role-playing games that'll do it for me anybody else with a plug Blaine what happened next week we attribute the success save mankind for later for joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof? Well... On our next episode,

Brian and Dan start a roofing business. Chris and Sarah start a flooring company. Sam and Ken start a wall club. All this and more on the next House. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerd poker and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box one six zero six nine.

Encino, California. Nine one four one six. Thanks for listening.