Nerd Poker - S5E45 Smack Dab In The Middle (of Slaying a Lich)

Episode Date: June 13, 2023

Naturally it's a rough fight for Ronnie's Raiders, who are attacking Vallux relentlessly but unsure how to deal with the elder demon slowly stomping towards them from the next room. Maybe he just wants to ask a question and then he'll go back to bed. Maybe Terry will show up and save the world? For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah Kev Dan

Lee Chris Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Hey, it's Billy. Season five. Hey, everybody. I'm Brian Poussaint and you're listening to my show, Nerd Poker. My friends are all here.

Look at them. They're glorious. Hey, Chris. What's up? Happy Toilet Rat Day, Brian Oh, I didn't know Yeah, there's more holidays every year I didn't get you anything, I'm so sorry

Oh, don't worry, there'll be something A surprise for you, all of you really Ken's here Hey buddy Hey pal Put some rat pellets in your butt You know, cause they're going to be hungry. Dan's here. That's Dan's laugh.

Hey, pal. Hey, guess what I got you for toilet ride day? A barbecue fork that you can hang next to the toilet. You know, keep the rats down. You can't come out if they get stuck. Okay, there's Melanie. She's going going to everyone loved how graphic that was somewhere bye baby toilet rat day happy toilet rat day bye cutie uh sarah's here hello hi how are you celebrating toilet rat day it's so funny that like some of us have been friends for like 20 years and I

can't believe our friendship is going to end over this. What has to be, what will is what will be. So, and so it shall be. Lane. Oh, hi guys.

Happy toilet rat day. Yeah. I've been, I was up all night putting a bike together. Oh, hi, guys. Happy Toilet Rat Day. Yeah. I was up all night putting a bike together. Oh. Nice. Man that keeps us all together. He puts this bike together every week.

It's Sam, you guys. Hey, pal. Hello, sweet children. What's going on? Nothing. How's your on? Nothing. How's your baby? Good. He's asleep right over there.

There he is. Did he poop? Yep, he did. You never ask if I poop. I just assume. You should. I've pooped six times already anyways um uh mavis is here she says hello hi mavis let's get started on episode 45 still alive i would like to thank Patreon supporters who go by usernames like

Dr. Ewoods Forest Grown OG Kush thank you Crimson Tesseract thank you Zen Smoke thank you Rachel thank you Bryce Gamble thank you Timeboats Boatskroot thank you That One Episode Presents

Toilets Unlimited Unlimited Toilets thank you Jody Freeze Thank you. That one episode presents toilets, unlimited, unlimited toilets. Thank you, Jody freeze. Thank you, Mr. G and the G is for guidance at a D four. Thank you.

Axel on crane. Thank you. Never go full drow. Thank you. Cotton. I Joe dirt. Thank you. Dr.

Uwits lean, mean green beans. Dr. Uwits voice. Get your beans. Thank you. Callum Kennedy. Thank you, voice your boisterous rejoice for Blaine's moist oysters. Thank you, Lord, for my two nut sacks.

Thank you, smack dab in the middle. Smack dab in the middle. Smack dab. Thank you, Eric Skor. Thank you, Wade Long. Thank you, Dr. Wieners. Thank you so much, Dr. Wieners. Thank you, Eric Skorff. Thank you, Wade Long. Thank you, Dr. Wieners. Thank you so much, Dr. Wieners. Thank you, Bob Backwards.

Thank you, Friar Jolly's Fire Vollies. That's pretty solid. Oh, Wieners. Thank you, a Chad that doesn't suck. Thank you, Fint the Druid. Thank you, Kaya the Wonder Poodle. Thank you, Rob I Am. Thank you, guys.

For Sarah's sake, from now on, let's agree to call it Tucker Carlson's Toilet Rat. I like that. Interesting. And finally, thank you Oyster Moist Eau de Parfum. Only available in you guessed it,

the Dildo District. Blaine, who were those supporters brought to us by? Supporters brought to us by... Nails! Give me a ton of nails. Long, beautiful nails. Shining, gleaming, clipping, stripping nails. I let them scratch at my backs and help me pick up some snacks.

Prying off some sometimes soups with my nails. A hole in my nose. A swath where my finger goes. It's not that bad That my nose got Gonna get it all out with my nails I want them long, straight, healthy, shiny Itching, scratching, colors matching Polished, painted, not demolished

Trimmed, skimmed, shimmed and polished Nails Scratching, scraping, picking Clawing, gouging, clawing Grabbing, clawing, clawing At my coffin with my nails Nails from the makers of hair. Dan? I'm sorry, Blaine, your

mute button was on the entire time. Could you do that one more? Yeah. Give me a toe with nails. Long beautiful nails. Wait. Shining, gleaming, clipping, stripping nails. That went better in the shower yeah and spaghetti not possible i love song parodies of 50 year old musicals hey it was in the minions what was hair hair yeah i just watched that movie also for the

first time and uh it was like maybe it was the minions too that that is i don't know it's one of them it might have been but it's one of the minions movies and then no you're right it's minions yes and i was like what is this and i was like i think this might be from hair it is banana please we last week we were talking about shrek it's like i i'm drowning in like universal media we've gone through all the good excellent children's media and now i'm getting to the yeah that was those movies didn't stick here uh rhodes really was just a Pixar kid like the other shit did not fly over here like he'd watch them once and then that was it

he wasn't a big fan of Minions didn't really love the Ice Age movies never saw Shrek he actually was kind of spooked by Shrek what about Meatballs? Sonny with a Chance at Meatballs he Sunny with a chance at meatballs. He liked that one.

I knew it. Yeah, that one was alright. Because I think he liked the book. I hate that because every time I watch my car, it meatballs. We should jump in. I guess. You don't want to talk about buddha

oh i do b-do or hair or hair well uh let's talk about what happened last time on nerd poker the ice five i mean the castaway i mean ronnie's raiders are fighting this one guy who's been around for a while now let's go back so what just happened was a spectral whale that you encountered earlier oh somebody getting uh directions to doghouse. So the spectral whale you saw earlier has been summoned, but remembered... Oh! What's happening?

Okay. How dare you. But also, it remembered you guys were kind to it. I think it was persuasion checks or something. You basically kept this thing from attacking you earlier and it turned on Valix and chomped down on his head. I don't know if you noticed.

Also, but the turn orders got wiped out, and I cannot find what the initiative rolls were. So, at the risk of- I think we all had a 25 and Valix got a 3. Pretty sure. That's the opposite of what I was going to say that's so weird no it sounds right can we all roll initiative again listeners oh well

sorry about that in roll 20 do you want us to do or does it matter if you can do it in roll 20 that's ideal if not that's okay just give us some mental record for it in roll 20 that's ideal uh if not that's okay just give give some mental record for it because roll 20 will automatically put it in the turn order table and i need to add it manually if it doesn't take six

ten oh my god. 10? Who had 6? I was not ready for everybody, sorry. I did. Thank you. Ken did. It's me. Ken.

And this is a blue dragon, right? What? What? What are you talking about? That was bonus, I think. Yeah, that's the bonus map. Sarah, what did you get? I was trying to find myself and I couldn't find myself on the map. So I got a...

I'm going to ping where you are. You're right to the right of Val. You smack dab in the middle. I couldn't find myself on the order. I'm confused. Fine, it's fine. I'll figure it out. All right.

Let me get all of these NPCs in here. Blaine, would you get so 10? Thank you, boss. Seven plus three. Wait, are you pinging me? I'm looking at a... Okay.

Yeah, there is a big... I was, and now I'm doing something else. Oh, I see. Okay. You are now being panged. The dragon that you were referring to is... That's the whale. That symbolizes the whale.

That's a spectral-looking... It's a sky whale. Yep. Got it. Okay. I am ready for combativeness. I'm going to give top of the turn order to Ronnie. Ronnie, what is up?

What do you want to do? You've been punching this guy. Seems pretty easy. He's probably going to go down soon. JK, LOL. I will arm blade him. Cool. Roll to attack, please. Nope.

Very low. I will arm blade him again. Okay. Okay. Probably low. 14. Yep. You need an 18 to hit Valak.

Okay. I got nothing. Sorry, I forgot to put in a Demon Lord who's definitely not here in the turn order. Before Valak goes up uh do you have anything else you want to do with your turn sir okay hey ken i'm sorry not ken uh blaine and chris sorry to make you uh get whiplash what are your deck scores please mine is 14.

mine is 14 alright so we're gonna give a .1 to Dr. U had to put him slightly above in the turn order alright Valix sees Ronnie all up in his shit trying to stab him he's the closest person but he also

has a whale biting his head so he's gonna take some shots at the whale um I just imagine uh we're attacking ronald reagan whale he's gonna he's gonna uh try to just dismiss it there you go again and yep that should work unfortunately after doing some damage and biting his head he waves a hand

and it fades from existence the whale yes he's either teleported it somewhere or some other such thing and then he does he then himself starts laughing,

blinks out of existence, appears 15 feet behind him, and a wave of arcing pink energy explodes off of him and is going to hit you, Ronnie. I don't like it. Do-do-do. off of him and is going to hit you, Ronnie. I don't like it. Doo doo doo. Coming out so you better get this party started. I love this pink energy.

I love that it's non-gendered. You know, that pink is just a color that everyone can kill with. Great. Happy pride month. Brian, can you do a charisma saving throw when you have a moment please certainly you got this Brian

do it charisma it 13 12 plus a 1 you are going to get to have this ooh the haves and the have nots

right oh the haves and has nots now right you take oh you don't take any look at that oh well no that's not wait is it it can't be 1d6 did i get that wrong i must have got there yeah it should be 3d6 i don't know what happened pretty sure it's one it's scrolled yeah it's probably one oh i rolled all ones look at that in the log nice um that's damage unfortunately so it's not a botch but brian uh you're going to take one point of psychic damage ah as he blinks backwards bye Mavis just trotted out of here probably gonna celebrate rat day

round and round what goes around comes around I tell you why I dig nice um Hoshinka is going to peep out and try to nail

phallics with a crossbow bolt and this could go great it could not probably great with unfortunately yeah it would be great and then she's going to bonus action back up in there and now we have a mysterious demon like icon in the turn order

um you guys all hear some trudging noises and a stink starts to waft down the hallway i'm gonna say ronnie only you can see this but you look over your right shoulder and a stink starts to waft down the hallway. I'm going to say, Ronnie, only you can see this, but you look over your right shoulder and what is clearly the archdemon Orcus is slowly walking his way towards everyone. He's an archdemon now. He's not a, he's a dick. Hang on, my cat loves calling people when my phone is in my lap.

Hi, Duncan, everybody. It's always a way to want a meow. I got a spam call from Virginia during the last thing. And then he just called the spam call back. I butt dialed somebody on Instagram the other day that I didn't even know and it was Molly Ringwald. What?

My butt tried to call Molly Ringwald. Listen, Molly. The butt wants what it wants. Just shooting my shot for Father's Day. She's like in Paris and she's getting a fucking Instagram call from my ass. That's weird. My balls keep getting a busy signal from Ali Shidi. We'll be right back.

I keep forgetting that your ass has its own Instagram account. That must have looked so weird to get a call from your ass. At Brian Posehn's ass. Start it yourself, folks. So he is much closer, but an NPC, so I didn't have to tell her. Hoshinka is

right in front of him. So he is going to roll. She's hiding, so he's going to roll to see if he sees her crouching in the shadows which unfortunately not that hard yeah okay so he crits the perception check

um do do do do do he is he's some fun stuff so he is going a sphere of black energy appears around where Hoshinka

is crouching. Damn it. Bless you. Sorry, guys. Apology not accepted. And she's going to do a constitution saving throw oh

that's great she got a 19 so she's gonna take half of 8d6 necrotic damage seems like a lot. It's fine. Damn it. Bless you. I'm sorry. The 25 points of

necrotic damage to Ashinka. Does she have that or that is halved? That is halved. is halved excuse me I need to have it still if you look at the chat I fucked that up so that would be 12 points thank you Chris sure

and it is now time for Dr. Uwud to make his moves oh well first I'm going to put down a big piece of cardboard, and then I'm going to start breaking. I'm going to hit him with an ice... Is it a... Yeah, ice storm.

Pretty depressing. Which is... You're hitting Valix, right? Yes. 20 foot radius, 40 foot high cylinder. Each creature must make a dexterity saving throw.

2d8 bludgeoning damage to 4d6 cold damage on a failed save, or half as much. What are the two damages? Cold and what? Bludgeoning? Bludgeoning and cold yes okay sorry i'm uh 2d8 the eight is six and 46 he fails the throw is

And 46. He fails the throw. 14. So 14, 6, 20. So 20 points. 20 points of both of them combined? Yes. What's the bludgeoning and what's the cold?

Bludgeoning was 6 and cold was the rest. Whatever that was. Yeah, 14. Okay, so he kind of like shivers a little bit and you see the ice just kind of like passing through him. Seems like one of those two did not do a lot of damage. Okay. I'm going to assume it's the ice since the guy's from hell and he's probably

got the thermostat set at 80. Anything else you'd like to do, sir? Yes. Kill the bad guy. Oh, okay. No, I'm done. If you want to roll to kill the bad guy, get out your D1000 and tell me what number is on it, JK. It would be a smooth sphere if you had one of those.

Rolling a baseball on my desk. I love those novelty D100s where all 100 are on it, but I've used them and they just keep rolling. Yeah. You need such an amazing foam surface to to like get it to stop it's silly hey chris tallman hi time for you to get down um friar jolly wants to be a little bit closer so i'm gonna move towards the edge of this sort of whatever rune sphere that seems to be on the ground and i want to try and place myself so that i am 30 feet or within 30 feet of uh the much of uh valix and that'll do it yeah okay great um i'm going to cast fireball i'm putting him him just so the edge of it

he seems to be about 25 feet away from Ronnie. I want to center the fireball so it's maybe just a little bit behind Valix so that it does not scorch my friend Ronnie. You should be able to do that, yeah. Yeah, but if there's anything in the areas behind

what's his name? Valix, They would also get fried up. So I'm casting it at level... third level. And he has to make a DC 17 dexterity saving throw. He got a 21. Well, he's going to take half

of fireball damage, which is 86. I rolled a 26, so half of that would be 13. All right. The power of a silver flame! And so are these fireballs silver fire? Sure! Perhaps a toilet rat

of flame dancing throughout the center well yeah i mean we're just going to add that much narrative sauce to it we may as well just make but toilet rats everywhere oh just hide them in the scenery or winifred all right that's yeah that's what i will do that's my turn toilet eggs the toilet rat version of easter eggs thank, sir. We're all happy I said that, aren't we? Yeah. Good one, Dan. I gotta go lay some toilet eggs. This fort is gonna run up here and...

You gotta break some toilet eggs if you wanna make a toilet omelet. Oh, man. Ready for breakfast. I'm gonna toilet omelet you finish. I'm going to toilet on let you finish alright Fizbor likes what you're doing and decides to

cast a wall of flame around Valix he's sort of floating but above the ground and you're in kind of like this the runic thing is in like a pit so this is going to like not trap him he could he could float out of it but it's going to stop him from having good visibility it's going to stop him from easily getting to you guys he's going

to have to use some of his movement going up and down stuff like that uh so that's just going to get circled him in Winifred. Tis you. I am going to cast batter at level six. Wait, at level six. Yeah.

Yes. I'm casting shatter at level six at him. If that's all right with you. A sudden loud ringing noise. Yes. I can accept it. I'm close enough, and he has to make a constitution saving throw. Copy that.

He's doing that and he makes a 20 okay so he's gonna take half damage okay this is going to be an explosion of thunder damage and he's going to take an explosion of... Thunder damage. Is that force damage? And he's going to take 15 points of thunder damage. Thunder damage.

Yeah. Okay, and then as a bonus action, I am... Who is closest to him? Like, who seems like the most in danger of either him or orcus uh he uh valix is slightly closer to you but what player or not Are you asking who's in the most danger friend or is the most danger? At the moment. Right now, it looks like Hoshinka is getting fried by Orcus.

Although Ronnie is right in front of Alex. He chose to be there. Hoshinka did not choose to have the demon sneak up on her. Well, it didn't sneak. I'm going to quickly drop to one knee, throw my arms to the side, and say I send you strength!

And then she's going to get a bardic inspiration through the power of my voice and words. That she hears for 10 minutes. She can add 1d10 to one ability check attack roll or saving throw. All right, so we got a bardic inspiration from Winifred. Was there anything else you'd like to do on your turn, Sarah?

All I will do for right now. But I brush off my cloak as I stand up. Confident that I have helped the party and how she can be particular. I am raging in case we forgot. And then I'm going to close and move my guy up here.

And we're going to throw my blade of cuckoo at him. Okay. With a mighty cocklea-la-cuckoo. Can you do me a favor, Ken? Yes. Could you please do the mighty cock-a-la-cuckoo in Queep's voice? Like, roleplay it? Oh, interesting.

All right. A cock-a-la-cuckoo! It's a special occasion. Thank you. You're welcome. All right, so so makes me so happy just cut to ken's neighbors what the fuck are you doing down there oh my god i i was i was playing the new uh legend of zelda game and there's those games are so perfect but they

don't have a ton of voiceover you'll cycle through dialogue and the characters will make this this they'll like but they'll grunt oh yeah and it's so sexual sounding that there was like i was in a there's a mayoral election between a man and a woman and i was cycling between the two yeah i was like oh oh oh and i was like i'm gonna shut my windows this is is a bit much. Well, and Zelda's constantly going, I mean, Link is constantly going Yeah, like when he's climbing the side of a hill, he's like He's climbing it and fucking it, right? Okay. My first roll was a shit.

It was an 11. There goes our Nintendo of America sponsorship. Oh, shit. We just lost our PG-13, you guys. My second roll is a 21. That's a hit. I hate doing efforts and voiceovers.

It's the worst. Yeah, because you just feel like... I push the desk. Seven. Alright, seven points of slashing damage. Yeah, because you just feel like... I push the desk. Seven. All right. Seven points of slashing damage. What's it called, Brian? Do you know in voiceover where you do like background talking?

It pays an insane amount of money. Yeah, like wallet. Wallet is like this weird niche of voiceover where you think it would just be nothing. But if you're in it, your paid residuals at such an insane level, you can make millions of dollars a year just doing Wallet.

It's insane. Not now because no one is working in Hollywood, but yes, in general. The whole Zelda cast are millionaires right now. I hope so. That game is great. It's horny, but it's great. Anything else you'd like

to do with your turn, Ken? Just bum out. Like, like, okay. Because my first attack was shitty. You hit it with the second one, though. Don't you feel better? Yeah. I'm a little caca.

Caca. Oh, there you go carl tavak vibes zelda's worth buying right oh it's fantastic yeah yeah good rune said i could have a switch oh it's breath of the wild times three dude's too old for his switch that's really funny did you um did you play breath of the wild brian i did i loved it it's yeah it's like breath of the wild plus yeah yeah it's it's it's fantastic it's so good it's so good i saw a guy playing it on the airplane the other day and i was uh i never talked to strangers but this this guy was overdoing it. Like, hey, you got that there's nothing new Zelda game there?

I was totally out of character for myself. Well, it's been for 10, 12-year-olds for decades, but I feel like it's starting to get so much depth to it, it really feels like it's a Dragon's Level fantasy. The last game was awesome so yeah this yeah there's there's there's those fucking um guillermo del toro hands with eyeballs in them that will like they're like in pools of magma that will just like chase you across the countryside and strangle you it's like weirdest shit that's terrifying it is i love it. We should go play Zelda.

Okay. Yeah. Nintendo of America is great. Then we're going to go to Gus. I don't know why. Ignore the fact that Hoshink is in the turn order twice. I don't know what happened there.

Gus is going to hide because he got smoked a little bit. He's going to go. My dwarf beard is fucking insane. Did you say dwarf ears? My dwarf beard. I look like fucking Gimli. Your beard, baby. His face was kind of fucked up you're much more handsome than

John Rhys Meyers in that horrible sad plaster makeup his face was burning the whole time he hated it yeah he was like it was the greatest experience of my life also I wanted to kill myself every moment you're up Brian He was like, it was the greatest experience of my life. Also, I wanted to kill myself every moment.

You're up, Brian. Oh, cool. More of the same. That's fucking arm blade. Okay, so you're going to need to... Here's the trick. A wall of flame has been erected between you and Valix. So you would have to run through it or shadow step it somehow. I don't think there's any shadow in there because of all the light coming out of the fire.

Yeah. Oh, really? Yes. This was not done just to annoy you. I swear to God. What's around me? Is there anything I can climb? Yeah, actually, you guys are in like a circular pit.

You could climb the wall. You want to do some acrobatic shit? Yeah. You climb up a wall and jump over the flame to stab him in the head? Yes. Well. Is that athletics or acrobatics? I'm going to let you choose.

Acrobatics. I feel like it's pretty acrobatic-y. Definitely the word I wanted. Yeah, God, I have such a good bonus, but no, it's probably not great. 14. But 7 plus 7. All right, so I'm going to say you're not going to break a leg doing this, but you are going to roll with disadvantage because as

you jump off the wall it's like you're not getting a very good angle if you'd rolled under a 10 i would have had you get burned a little bit too and if you you know rolled under a five maybe you'd hurt yourself okay uh landing but you're gonna be diving at him i'm gonna put you right about here does that look good? So I rolled twice. Well, the first one was huge. The first one's a 25. But what sticks? 25's going to hit.

18. No, well, you said it disadvantaged. 18's also going to hit. Okay, cool. You need an 18. So that's great news. Why don't you roll that damage? God, 25 was sick.

And this is very cinematic brian please don't let me speak all the sauce what what does this look like as you're jumping off the wall well i got a bad start but uh i've got a weak heart i'm starting to pretty it up with that swing. So I kind of sloppily flip off the wall and over the fire. But then I come down pretty smooth, and I do four points of damage on this fucker. You pierce his ear. Sure. Where's boutique style? He pierces ear.

Sure. Where's boutique style? All right. So you come down slash and Adam, anything else, sir? Yeah. Do I get a second attack?

I think I do. Don't I think you do? Yes. That was low. Uh, an eight is probably not gonna stick nope unfortunately you're not rolling with disadvantage anymore you didn't roll twice right i just shrugged my shoulders no oh i didn't roll twice no no well that's good good i mean it's low so yeah it's not i just wondered want to make sure you didn't accidentally take it away from yourself alright well then

up next in the turn order is going to be phallus so you just jumped over wall of flame to stab him he's going to be like you know what you deserve some of my attention totally so

I just watched the D&D movie again I fucking loved it it's great Dumb and Dumber thank you Brian for that lip service is the best service I'm in Dumb and Dumber Dramer versus Dramer.

Yeah. Brian, he's going to attempt to pick you up by the throat. Can you roll a strength check? Oh, dear. Thank you. Dan, does this involve a roll for Valix? Is that a saving throw or just a regular strength check? It is a regular strength check, but to answer your question, Chris, yes, it is a roll for Valak's.

Is there something you would like to cleric into the moment? I would like to use my reaction. It's called a warding flare. And because I'm at such a high level, I'm turning it into an improved flare. In fact, when an ally of mine that's within 30 feet, I can use my reaction to impose disadvantage because I sort of suddenly glow bright with the power of the silver flame and it imposes disadvantage on Valix.

You can do that when he's attacking one of your friends also. That's the improve flare. Normal warding flare is just for me. You're drawing the eye to you. I'm suddenly glowing so bright that it catches his eye. I love it. So, yeah, he sees over his shoulder and he's just like, oh, that's so pretty. It reminds me of the Americana at Christmas.

That is pretty. He rolled an eight. What was your strength check, Brian? 13. All right. So he is unable to pick you up. That is pretty. He rolled an eight. What was your strength check, Brian? Thirteen. Alright, so he is unable to pick you up. I like it. He's going to twist his hand and

black smoke starts to encircle you. Can you do... He's rolling call! Run! Can you please do a constitution saving throw? Yeah. Mavis, go lay down, baby. Nine. Okay.

No, I'm speaking German. Oh. And it's a number nine. It's a no. You reject my proposal. It's a no. Yeah, yeah. And it's a number nine it's a no proposal it's a no yeah yeah and you're gonna you're gonna um be engulfed and take 32 points of necrotic damage

no 32 how much damage 32 boss jesus christ yikes super star who the hell do you think you are jeepers creepy yeah remember super star that was a fun day. That was great. You were there, Blaine, right? Yeah. I was in the gorn. Yeah, eating stroganoff in the craft service tent in the desert. Oh, yeah.

You know what would be good in the heat is some fettuccine alfredo. And then we all went to drink because we were in our 30s. Yeah. We spent there all day and people were still up to go get beers afterwards. It was a day and a half.

Last time I wore a knit cap. Ken, that was out in Star Trek, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Dorn. Our death was merciful and quick. Yeah. That's so fun that you guys were there too that I love

that we had so many extras in that episode like that was so fun all right well Hoshinka go ahead you after this I'm gonna squeeze this in there and then you can say this if you like but she's gonna go oh motherfucker like from

within that thing you said she gets an extra detent she can use it yeah on it on any almost any type of role and she can and she's really i think the most important thing about this which is cool is that you can add it after you see the role but before you know the outcome so you could save it until you have a low roll okay so she just had a very low roll so she's gonna use that yeah oh no uh unfortunately she rolled a one with that d10 um so she's gonna take some necrotic damage herself but she is able to blink out to the left. Drow, y'all, drow. And then Orcus' turn. Blaine, is there a bit that you've been sitting on that I squelched? No, not at all.

Okay. Squelched like a rat coming out of a... Orcus is going to, again, just casually walk down the hallway. Head over here he's now in the room he stands at about 20 feet like across but he's

much taller he's taking up a large portion of the room and kind of props one leg up on one of these tables these golden tables with runes on it that the skeletons have sort of molded into. Looks around and just, he's laughing. Doesn't seem like a great guy.

Fizbort is near him. He takes a wand off of his belt and gives it a little twirl. We should get that wand taken from him. He's gonna have this. But Fizzbort is gonna take 23 points

of damage. He's like, ugh! Because he's a wizard and doesn't have a lot. He's not down, but he's his first hit in this fight was rough. And then you're up, Dr. Uid.

And muted. You're muted also. Oh, sorry. Am I? Am I too loud now? Yes. I'm going to... Now, Orcus is moving towards us, or is he just kind of hanging out? Oh, he just came in, and now he's acting chill, kind of haughty.

Kind of haughty, okay. An attitude. I'm going to... I guess I'm going to hit the king with a moonbeam. Valax. I'm going to hit him with a moonbeam-y thing. All right. Looking it up. Moonbeam.

A constitution saving throw or 2d 10 I'm gonna cast it at 3rd so I get a little little extra damage on there right this con save is an 18 says this is does that half have this stuff? I believe so. I'm looking. Okay. Da-da-da. Three, ten.

Ten, nineteen, twenty-four points. Okay, so he's going to take twelve. Radiant damage? Yeah, and I'm just going to keep that thing trained on it. Can I do something else, Dan? Yeah, and then it's going to be the end of this episode okay can I can I roll an insight or an arcana check

to determine what elemental would be the best elemental to become to fight Orcus yeah do an insight check uh 17 plus 8 25 nice it's uh you're looking at him and trying to think back okay nine hells nine hells probably not fire but you think he might also be resistant to some of the other natural elements in general like cold and lightning sure um you do think if there's anything that he might

be slightly vulnerable to it might be like radiant but um i would look more through your brain yourself blaine and like okay, what elementals might have the ability to do something like Radiant or not Coldfire or Lightning? Okay. Good to know. And after

that insight, it looks like, Chris, you're on deck for our next episode of Nerdy Pokes. Yay. Sam, what do you think happened? Please hold. I am holding. Alright, episode 45.

I believe we're fighting a whale. This game rules. Oh, the whale disappeared, but Orcus is here to fight us. We're using the Silver Flame and Toilet Omelets. Winifred is giving us strength and we're discussing whether or not the nintendo switch is good danny's doing acrobatic jumps but even with the silver flame he took a ton of necrotic damage uh um yeah i'm gonna have to be

healed i'm like at half right now dan anything to plug yeah i'll be doing a bunch of shows around Los Angeles so please do keep an eye out for that Yeah, I'm doing one thing what's the date? The 21st myself, Ron Funches will be performing at a Patton Oswalt

party for his comic book minor threats. We should have him come on and plug that thing. But that's where I will be. I will be performing stand-ups, stand-em-ups comedies. And then

I've got the 16th. I'm in Portland, Oregon at the Aladdin Theater. If you're up there, please, please come by. Still some tickets left on that. And then the day after I will be at I Like Comics next Saturday in Vancouver, Washington, right over the bridge there. And then I'll be at the Portland airport that evening, flying home. And then I've got San Diego and fucking Denver at the end of July.

Like, it's a pretty sweet, pretty sweet summer for me. See you there. Anybody else? I'm at the Magic Castle on uh june 14th oh nice yeah come on by and watch me try to do magic uh cool uh really no i'm doing comedy down in the non-magic room i was 90 sure but you know maybe it says something to plug because she has been You know, the dream is still alive. Mavis has something to plug because she has been fucking at my side this entire episode.

And I don't know what's going on. The first thing I thought was, oh, she's farting a lot. You wish you could plug her butt. She really doesn't fart as much as you make it sound like she does. I remember every time you tell me. She's silent but friendly. I mean, Ernie was the king. I have it on recording, Ernie farting

near his death. It was maybe his last year with us. He farted for 30 seconds long, and I laughed for like six hours. It was just me and him in my office, and he just went, like, I can't even do it.

I have to get three breaths to do the long ass fart that he did. I think when I think Mavis is farting it's the fact Ernie's fart is still echoing around in your house. That and plus it tasted like metal. Basset hound farts were fucking gnarly it was like yeah why was your mouth you can't help it it's all over the air you fucking it goes in your nose like a fucking uh warner brothers cartoon just the hand goes up inside you Oh no! and then makes

you taste fucking metal and you would think I would like that but no. Blaine. We attribute the success to save mankind from hell. Thanks for joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof?

Well On the next Nerd Poker Down Under, Dan's funnel spider escapes and it's no funnel. Ken caresses a koala for the K sound. Chris gets serious and Brian says,

Yahoo! And a rat comes up Sarah's toilet counterclockwise. All this and we learn what a knife is on the next Nerd Poker Down Under. and you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.