Nerd Poker - S5E47 Invisilich

Episode Date: June 27, 2023

You know what really helps when you're fighting some really evil jerks? When one of them dips out of existence. Hopefully he won't reappear inside someone's body and make them explode like Blaine did on that one bonus episode! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah Kev Dan

Lee Chris Now it's time for another episode of Brian Posehn's Nerd Poker. Hey, it's Billy. Season five. Hey, everybody. I'm Brian Posehn. You're listening to a smooth episode of Nerd Poker.

Dan requested it. Here we are. Chris's face is not happy. Blaine's here. Hey, Chris. I got to smooth out, I guess. Man, I'm feeling smooth. How about you?

No. Kenny. What's up, Kenny boy? I'm so smooth. I'm a little weird. Blaine is in the house looking smooth. I'm a little weird. Blaine is in the house looking smooth. Yeah, Rob Thomas and Carlos Santana

and I are exploring each other's bodies. Oh, God. Your body's a wonderland. Oh, man. My body, stop me. I dance here. buddy how are you no I'm done

oh I dropped it I did want to know I didn't request I didn't request smooth I requested seductive and I got it thank you yeah Sam's face I requested seductive and I got it. Thank you.

Yeah. Sam's face. I wish I could have that on a shirt. Hello, sweet children. He wants to run around his neighborhood carrying his dog and get away from us. We all do. Alrighty. Yeah, I get it.

Fully, I could steal his dog and get away from us he's good he's under ramen he's under the covers he's that lump right there all right yeah under the covers yeah he's an under the covers guy wait can you see if you call him if he'll turn around under the covers no he's asleep he's. His head like totally covered. Yeah. Yeah. He sleeps under the covers. Interesting. I mean, it sounds great.

If you have enough oxygen, that's a dream. Yeah. And living the life. You know who else is living the life? Us because of listeners at our two upper tiers on Patreon. Thank you, guys. Especially thank you, DadDadDaddio. Thank you, DadDadDaddio.

Also, thank you, Sean C. says, Hey, guys, your Tomb of Annihilation run inspired me to run my own, and it's great. Guest spots are available. Sounds like somebody's in the jungle and needs a little assistance growlins are hard thank you grotch sabat thank you stabby mcneedles thank you doom vault thank you rick miller thank you brian's ravenak oh thank you sean mckinley thank you castaway cuties

booty cuties do you guys do you guys see i see I'm also wearing my Ice-5 shirt for this recording? Nice. Thank you, The Skeletoragon Trail. Uh-oh. Dad died of boners. That's a Skeletoragon Trail joke. Thank you, John M. Emmer. Dan, still wrong. It's

E-E-E-E-mer. E-mer. Just email me and I'll give you my phone number and I can tell you over the phone. Thank you, Iron Brush Painting on Etsy for your miniature needs. Oh, yeah. Thank you, That Thing with the, you know, Oh, yeah. Thank you, that thing with the

you know, that other thing. Thank you, Vortispin. Thank you, Voodoo Beef. Thank you, Pedantic. Thank you, Morty Mortensen. Thank you, Dr. Wiener's Wiener Doctor. And finally, thank you, Mailbox Money, Blaine said that,

addressed to Orcish Torso. Blaine, who were those Patreon supporters brought to us by? Patreon supporters brought to us by Vizaline, Obvious Braces. Invisalion, Invisible Lions. Invajajaline, Vaginal Braces. And Invisicaroline, wah, wah, wah wah good teeth never seem so good dan it's time to talk about what happened the last time on smooth nerd poker Smooth nerds doing smooth rolls against a real sensual lich. You guys have done a fair bit of damage, tore out some of Alex's butthole.

Good job, Brian. Yeah, of course. Good job with the critical butthole hit. I mean, you sound very proud. Thank you, sarah for making fun of orcus that seemed to go well ken relayed that over text message to sarah and she called orcus a dweeb so she's still here in spirit calling orcus a dweeb and up next in the turn order is fizzbort who's gonna'm going to have him roll a con.

Just try to wake up. He's going to stay unconscious on Forge. And up next is Winifred. That last mockery went pretty well. That last mockery went pretty well. And so I think she is looking at like what she's really got going on. There's no like

she doesn't have like a crossbow or bow. The spells are getting low, so I'm trying to like think, think okay how do i not use all of our missing players stuff i think she's gonna mock him again i think that would make sense and so um trying to think of a good orcus insult anybody want to step in with an orcus insult for winifred for Winifred. Hey, nice tail. What are you? A 2018 Honda Civic?

Nice. That's pretty good. That's the ugliest car ever made, by the way. Yep. You can also use Subaru Brat. Oh, he rolled a 20 this time. So he says, who even drives a Honda anymore?

Yeah, it's not funny. Not a great save, but he saves. And then she is going to back up just a little more. Because Orcus has been advancing, but not too much is needed for her to find cover. Then we're going to bring it down to Queeps. Yeah, well...

Yeah, well, uh... Quick reminder, you were talking about how nice it might be if Orc... Orc-y was flanked. And that is an option from last episode that had come up. So if I go, like, here? Is that flanking? You gotta be right up against him to flank him. I don't wanna be against him. Uh, you know what? You cannot flank from a distance. It's only a melee effect anyway.

All right. I'm... But if you went just... If you got it closer... I'm good. Blade of Kukla! All right. And that is a

plus 3 to this on top so that's 26 that's a hit you need a 17 to hit Orcus that is 9 and then I'm going to do another. That is a nine to hit.

That is a miss, unfortunately. Floof. Oh, floof. I'm going to run my beak through my feathers. Okay. It's preen a little bit as a bonus action you preen Gus is up and he is going to hide

completely behind this table where Winifred is he's just going to do a little army crawl I don't like how close the guy was getting to me and then we're gonna come to Ronnie

Vecna flew away from you and that's when the butthole rip happened he is now about 25 feet away from you flying also Orcus feet away from you, flying. Oh, okay. Also, Orcus,

which you have not personally attacked yet, 40 feet away from where you're at. Okay. I'm going to fire a dart. Okay. At Valix? Yeah. Do I keep accidentally

almost calling Vecna? Very silly. It's just an eight. Sadly, that is a net. Also, sadly, that looks like you just rolled a botch, sir. Well, no. Well, you rolled a botch, sir. Well, no. Well, you rolled a one.

Yeah, but it's a eight because it's not a one. You know, every botch we've ever rolled, we just set aside the plus to it, right? Now I know. I know. OK, please roll a D100, sir. Oh. Four. Oh, okay. So that's just a miss. That's not gonna land in Queep's eyeball or something like that.

Oh, shit. Again. That other one was high. 98 and a 4. Or 99. I got a 99. Oh, you rolled 2? No, last time. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sorry. Misunderstood. Do you remember the whole butthole rip? No, last time. Oh, that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. Misunderstood. Remember the whole butthole rip? No, I remember. I didn't know we were going back in time. Well, let's see. I got to look at your sheet. I think it's more than one.

So I think you get to do two darts. Yeah. Hi, gang. Engineer Sam here. The next five minutes of audio were lost brian's audio recording went down during the zoom and then my zoom went down uh so there's a small gap in audio that you're missing right now all you need to know is that uh brian rolled and rolled poorly and threw a dart and it hit blaine and now we're back okay so that'll do it uh for your turn brian unless there's a bonus action or movement you'd

like oh geez louise gonna be like that that's a new face too i know quizzical posade all right so is up. With quizzical action. All right. He is going to... He raises both his hands and disappears. What? Who does that? Valak's.

Son of a... Who does that? Valix. Son of a... And red lightning starts flashing out of the cyclone in the center of the room. Can I get a dexterity saving throw from Dr. Uid, Kweep, and Ronnie? Yay. Also, sailors take warning. 14 plus 3, all right four plus two equals six yuck what did you get Brian 13 okay so

So, Dr. Uy, you managed to sort of dance out of the way of a bolt, right? As it flies at you. But Queep and Ronnie, you are both going to get zapped by Willie Ames and Scott Baio. Let's take a look at that clip. My bra. 14 points of lightning damage. Ouch. Jeez.

14 lightning damage. 14 lightning damage. And as you get hit, you notice the lightning continues to arc off of you like a tether leading to the cyclone. Hmm. That's probably not. And this electric sort of thread seems to be pulling at you towards the cyclone. Electric Youth by Debbie Gibson. Shit. Is it too late to use a lock point and re-roll? Uh, no, it's not.

Alright, then. Let's try that again, baby. Oh, fucking hell. That was a botch. Um, okay. Well, I'm not gonna make you take a penalty for that, but I'm gonna do one more oh

god damn it thank you for jack wearing 11 fuck it i give up oh you really tried to try to unwill that out of existence yeah but will this out of existence but uh my sympathies and now now to Hashinka. All right, now I got my damage. We're all good. We are all good. Everything's fine. This is fine.

She's going to get off another hit. It's going to do... Oh, boy. Not as much as it could have. 13 points piercing damage to Orcus. I keep using a silly tool okay so next in the turn order orcus he is going to wheel around he's getting tired of getting hit with bolts from hashinka And so he is going to...

Oh no, yeah, he would do this. Okay. So I'm going to roll... That's right, Duncan. There's birds outside. Duncan would like me to let him outside so he can murder the local wildlife. And he's upset that I'm not letting him go outside and kill birds, so he is trying to knock my coffee over.

He's trying to get my attention because when I don't give him what he wants, he goes, oh, you're not paying attention, so I will destroy some things. So, okay. For a strange moment, you guys all hear a whoosh a strange a strange moment

you guys all hear a whoosh and Orcus also disappears hmm I don't like this disappearing villain thing um and he reappears right back

where he was snickering he reappears right back where he was. Snickering. And can everybody roll a perception check? Yeah. Why certainly? 14 plus 4, 18.

7. Oh no. 11. Oh, no. Eleven. What you got there, Brian? 22. All right. Well, Ronnie. I bet you Winifred will see him.

That's right. I got to roll for Winifred. Thank you for reminding me. I need health in a minute, too, fellas. Winifred's gonna roll for hers I mean we already got really good rolls from Ronnie and

Dr. Ued yeah she does not see this right away but get kind of unnerved Ronnie and Dr. Ued when he starts laughing and you look around and you see Hoshinka is spread across one of the tables and soaked in blood and unconscious. Oh, oh.

And then where is Orcus now on the map? You said he disappeared. He disappeared and reappeared right where he was. He did. So can I get blank? Oh, can I get an insight check from Ronnie and Dr. Uid insight 15 and eight 23. Okay. Uh,

I rolled a 15 also, but a three 18 is my total. Ronnie, you have read about this in a book at your temple and Dr. Uyghur, you heard about this spell at Half-Elf University. Yeah, he cast Time Stop, you think, and went over there

and just slaughtered Hashinka while time was not moving for you. Like dead. It's rough. I mean, you haven't gotten close enough to really... You got a really good perception check, but right now, Hoshinka is 25 feet from Rani,

40 feet from Dr. Uid, 35 from Kweep. She's far enough away and up on the riser, so it's hard to see her very well. She's far enough away and up on the riser. So it's hard to see her very well. I would say most of you just see some bloody boots hanging off of this gold table, just kind of dripping with blood. Yeah. And so there's that.

Dr. Uid, you're up. I guess I'm just going to keep my moonbeam going on Orcus. Okay, I'll try to get a couple more. Well, he did end his turn in the moonbeam, so please roll that moonbeam damage. Six, uh, 13. All right. And pleased with your turn now. I'm going to...

I'm going to keep moving. I'm going to move, I guess, up towards Ronnie a little bit. Kind of up here, but I'm going to keep the moonbeam on Orcus. See if I can get another Okay. Another 2d10 on him. I don't think you can

do more damage with the moon beam, right? How does that work? So like Oh, was that damage for this turn or the last turn? I think I fucked it up, but nothing changes. On each of your turns after you've cast it, you can use an action to move it 60 feet in any direction. And then at the start of his turn...

and then at the start of his turn when he enters it for the first time on a turn or starts his turn there, he gets hit again. So he got hit. That's what you rolled. He does not get hit again during your turn. Okay. But that doesn't mean you can't take another action right now. Okay, I'm just gonna uh i'm just gonna keep moving i'm just getting i haven't really taken an action yet i mean you can

if you haven't used your action there's a couple of things you can do um you know ronnie is tethered with that red lightning to the cyclone. So, you know what? Can I do this? Can I swing the moonbeam into the cyclone and see if I can kind of cross the beams and disrupt it a little bit? Yeah, roll an Arcana check. That's cool.

One. Plus three is four. That's a good art count of check. You bring the moonbeam into the cyclone, and there is a flash of white for a moment, and your moonbeam is gone. Okay. All right.

It ate it. That's just because he got a one. That ate it faster and in 50 cents in a Dragon's Land machine. It was a nice try. I love the creativity of it, but... That's okay. Now it opens me up to other spells

because that was a concentration spell the whole time. True. And you still have not used your action. So what I wanted to say earlier was you can get closer to Ronnie by using like dash as an action. You can, you know, you get all the way to him or you could, if you have a spell to heal.

Do you know what I'd like to, uh, I would like to get up close to him and do a cure wounds on him. Can I do that? I'll take it. Yes, you can. Sorry.

What do you got? All right. Thank you for apologizing yak your wounds which is hey sorry this is that's the sound of me looking anybody see problematic flash yet nope i'm gonna see it for the batmans oh the flash got it it. The guy who throws things at women. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, they throw things at women.

Another six points for Brian. I don't think I said he. I said guy. That's true. I'll see it. I won't. I do miss that Batman. I'm in for Michael Keaton.

I'm so fucking in for Michael Keaton. I love Michael Keaton. I love him in everything. I couldn't be happier that he's back. I want to see if more than Rhodes does, but we're going. Here's what I truly, truly hope happens. They go, oh, he is the reason this made all the money.

It's time to do The Dark Knight Returns with Michael Jordan. Yeah. That would be so fucking badass. Just give him an old man Batman movie of his own. He's back. Do it. Dan, what would you think if we did The Dark Knight, but we used Ezra Miller as as the flash instead of batman

i think you got that wish you got that wish yeah that's what's gonna happen yeah yeah it's true but you know what there will be some sort of uh some sort of new thing with him i I'm sure. It's just too cool. Yeah. That, I think, did you roll your Cure Wounds, Blaine? I did. It was six points. Thank you for reminding me. So six points, Brian, if you haven't already.

And Friar Jolly, you're up. Thanks, Blaine. Here to help. Friar Jolly's going gonna put his hand on the ground and uh start chanting something in uh i don't know silver fire language and cast mass healing word as i call out words of restoration up to six creatures so i'm gonna call out uh obviously the three that I know for sure that are hit so it'll be Ronnie uh you know Johnny zizzix in my arm is what's his name his board is Bort and hoshenka Johnny's in my arms it's just a great phrase so yeah so I'll sweep I I don't think Sarah's hurt, is she? No, but Hoshinka's down.

Yeah, Hoshinka for sure. Okay. Hoshinka, Brian, Ken, Fizzbort. Is Gus down? He got smacked, but I think he's at full health because he's been healed since he got smacked. Okay, yeah. So anybody, I just want to make sure I'm not missing anybody. since he got okay yeah so anybody i just want to make sure i'm not missing anybody

um they all as a group get healing from uh the silver flame everybody gets seven hit points that ain't nothing for man yeah it's it's low but it's for a big group. And then, again, we're right next to Orcus, so I'll... Yeah. That's all I can do, I guess. Sorry. Cool. So how many total?

I think it's 13. Right, because Blaine gave you six six and then I gave you seven. Okay, cool. Thank you. Okay. Well, this is going to give Fizzbort a chance to wake up and he does. up and he does so you see him kind of pull himself

up Jolly and he is pissed and going to cast at Orcus. Circle of Death.

The sphere of negative energy ripples out in a 60-foot radius from a point in range. Each creature in the area must make a con save. If they fail, they take 8d6 necrotic damage. Half if they succeed. So he's going to do that. His con is pretty good, but we shall see. That's a 10.

That's a 10. So he gets enveloped in a circle of black negative energy and takes a lot of damage. Thank you for attacking yourself. thank you for attacking yourself alright he takes 34 points of necrotic damage and he cries out for the first time in actual pain

Orcus who has been kind of he's been pretty do you bleed Orcus from Orcus come in Ah! Who has been kind of... Let me ask you something. Do you bleed? Orcus from Orcus. Come in, Orcus. Orcus calling Orson.

Winifred is going to cast Vicious Mockery. Blaine, would you like to take another shot? I loved your reference last time. About tails? You got anything for Vicious Mockery as he attempts? Another thing for Orcus? Renifred's going to insult him for hopefully psychic damage. He's got to make a 17

wisdom savings throw. The last time I saw a face that resembled yours, it had a horse's feed bag tied to the front of it because it resembled yours, it had a horse's feed bag tied to the front of it because it resembled a horse. That is a fantastic Sarah impression.

Unfortunately, he does get an 18 on his wisdom save, so he is going to... Of course, of course. He smirks and says, nice Winifred impression. And then we're going to, of course, of course, he smirks and says, nice Winifred impression. And then we're going to come round. Mr. Eddie Short for Winifred. Queep it's you. Time for a queep.

Same. Great X. Let's see what happens. All right. That's a what happens. All right. That's a 17. I like a 17. This is for which guy? Orcus.

That's a hit. Whee! Would not have been for Valix. Seven. Ooh, choppy. And I go again. Uh-oh, here it comes. comes right back it's flying through the air that's a seven to hit

that's a miss then I fart in my pants okay well that's weird that you would fart in your pants because I've imagined Kweep with no pants I don't know about you guys but he's anthropomorphic I figure the feathers just cover the cloaca you would fart in your pants because I've imagined Kweep with no pants. I don't know about you guys, but he's anthropomorphic. I figure the feathers just

cover the cloaca. You don't need any pants. There's some nice stretch jeans. Oh, there you go. You guys smell cuttlefish? What smells like cuttlefish in here? Oh, God. Oh, God. Who ate all the seed bells?

Oh god, who ate all the seed bells? Jesus Christ, it reeks like crackers in here. Wet crackers! What are some other funny things birds eat? Oh my god, an entire mouse skeleton! Oh gross, gross. God. Okay.

Will that do for your turn, Queep? Yeah. Aw. Gus is up. He's going to keep hiding. Ronnie, it's you. Yay. It's you.

You got this, leader. I saw Mouse go up and for a... Hold on. We're taking a caller. Hello. Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby. Dave, you got to turn down your radio. Dave in Kentucky. You got to turn your radio down.

Yeah, I was like... You got to turn your radio down. Yeah, I was like, you gotta turn your radio down. Yeah, I was like, I gotta get the... We want to hear your question. Yes, I was wondering if there's somebody at my door with an axe and I was like... Sorry, he's got some feedback.

Ba-ba-booey, ba-ba-booey. Uh, rock the Bell's radio on Sirius. Roxanne Shantae has the most fucking entertaining radio show I've heard in years. It's so funny. I nearly everything that she says and it's fucking so entertaining and she'll just do it like a topic topic for the day is how do you fuck up barbecue and then people call it and say how you fuck up barbecue who is this Roxanne Shantae the

rapper from the fucking late 70s, early 80s. All right. She was one of the first female rappers. I mean. But you know who the real first female rapper was? Hmm. Deborah Harry? Goddamn right.

Well. Eatin' cars. She still. Part makes me so sad she appropriated a whole i mean you know and she has been given credit for popularizing rap at that point in time because it was really early but like it's also like the worst part of that song. It makes my skin crawl. Yeah. Have you ever heard the Rush rap? No. There's a Rush rap that's, yeah. Anyways,

where were we? We were at Neil Peart with Brian Posehn and friends. It's like they have a different word for everything. You are up, Brian. You have this tether of red lightning.

It does not feel good. Okay. What can I do? Right now you're not being restricted, but I think you can tell this is bad news bears that this lightning is still sort of like stuck thoroughly into your torso. Right. Am I close to a ledge or anybody else? Valyx has blinked out of existence for now.

You don't see where he is. He is invisible or doing something similar. Okay. I can't really do anything. No, you can absolutely do something. You can try to do something to break free of

the lightning or you can fire a dart or run at Orcus. Orcus might be too far away to run up to. I will measure that for you. You are 30 feet away, so I think you can get to him if you want. Your movement is 50?

Yeah, I'll do that. Okay. So, if you also do it like up at his Top left corner on the map You will have him flanked Okay

Run up to your face and kiss you So uh I get Roll with advantage You do Cool I will put your token over there 18 in life you got it 18 in life you know uh yeah 18. that's a hit cool you get to roll with advantage though yeah yeah you roll a second time try to beat an eight oh did you oh i did yeah but i didn't beat the 18 anyway you got 17. so seven points of slash

an image and then you get to roll with advantage again you get a second attack yep that's a 15 sticker now no i'm afraid that's gonna be a miss those highest i got all right swinging a miss can everything everybody do a perception check please perception you say oh natural 20 plus 4 24. nice 17 get I got an act 14 also I got a 27 with the natural Jesus nice you all notice a

gurgling noise as Hoshinka pulls herself into a crawl position and ducks behind the table that she was just splayed out on nice hmm up next is gonna be and ducks behind the table that she was just splayed out on. Nice. Up next is going to be Orcus.

He did not like getting slashed from behind, Ronnie, so he's going to pivot on you. Don't care. Today is the day Orcus finally became president. He's going to swing his wand to try to club you with it. What the hell? Be a 39 to hit, and it's a critical. Jesus.

Can I use my warding flare to impose disadvantage upon such a thing? You sure can. I feel like a 39 hits a good time to do that. I mean, it seems like a ridiculous roll, Dan. It is. It is. Orcus's wand is plus 19 to hit. So how many hit points is it?

Nothing yet. He has to re points is it? Nothing yet. He has to re-roll it first, actually. I'm making him re-roll it. It's probably an automatic success because I think your AC is under 19, right? Yeah. Okay, so it's a 28 to hit this time. It's not a crit. That's good. You are going to take

some damage, though. 15 points of necrotic damage ronnie damn ronnie is getting beaten up these last couple of games and then he's gonna turn and take a swing at fizzbort also man poor f, yo. Fizzbord hit him hard. 35 to hit. I'm single digits, fellas. Gotta keep your melee fighters healed. And that's my hot tip for the day 24 points of damage to fizzbort and he's gonna go back down damn it uh also are you are you still you're not holding him he got out of your arms

so i believe so yeah like once you said he sort of came back to his senses I would imagine he was on his feet and that is going to be the end of his turn Dr. Uyedrip alright well my thing to cancel out the lightning didn't work

I'm going to cast protection from Energy on myself. Okay. Interesting. Just make sure that I don't get hit by anything. I'm gonna do a...

I'll do lightning damage, I guess. And I'm going to... Is that my only thing? Can I only cast one spell in one turn it's about actions it's about like where does the spell go in your turn order it'll tell you if a spell is going to use your action or if it's going to use your bonus action sometimes they're bonus actions usually it's you just get one and usually it it's your action. Casting time, one action. So that's it.

But if you have any spells you'd like to use that are bonus actions, often a spellcaster such as yourself has one or two. Do you know what I would like to do? I would like to do a wild shape, if that's the case. It is the case. I would like to wild shape myself into an earth elemental. Yeah! Fun! Okay.

So get ready with them stats. And that'll do it for you, yeah? Yeah, I'd like to die as an earth element. Cool. Sounds messy. Friar Charlie, you're up um i choose a creature that i see within range a surge of i choose ronnie the leader a surge of positive energy washes through ronnie causing him to regain 70 hit points jesus holy holy crap coming in crap. He's been saving some shit for clutch.

Catch this can of spinach, Ronnie. Yeah. The spell also, so he automatically gets, so you get 70 hit points back. It also ends blindness, deafness, or any diseases. That's it. Oh, fuck. Wow.

Nice. That's how you Oh, fuck. Wow. Nice. That's how you D&D. And then Orcus is still there. Okay, so I'll stay there to help Ronnie with flanking. Cool. That's my turn. Thank you.

You're welcome. Alright, we're gonna get a death saving throw from Fizzbort. That's a success. Ronnie does a little backflip because he's feeling good. He's at maximum hit points. Sweet. Lands on some butter and breaks his neck.

Oh, no. Winifred's going to try and hit Orcus with another vicious mockery from Winifred. Blaine, would you like to take another crack at the insult that she hurls at Orcus? Uh, hey, uh, hey, if my dog had a face like yours, I would take him to the veterinarian who would then shave his hindquarters and teach him to walk backwards or have him put to sleep if there was nothing else he could do. have him put to sleep if there was nothing else he could do. Well, and after considering that,

he manages to withstand the insult. The logic of that one got a little messed up. I couldn't follow it. Sorry, not insulted. Guess you had to be there. Someone is smoking weed right outside my window. And it is your cat. Yeah. My cat's not allowed to smoke weed outside.

The mouse out there has been hiding. Queer. The mouse. Yeah. I'm going to give you the final turn of the episode. What would you like to do? Okay. It always goes so well

that's a big nine for the first one okay yeah yeah and then that is a big eight for the second one so big finish very exciting ending

I've really done it this time pork fucking dice Big finish. Very exciting ending. I've really done it this time. Pork and fucking dice. All right. Well, and that'll bring us to the end of the combat round after Gus continues to hide. And the red lightning that is tethered to Ronnie and Queep pulses for a moment. Can I get a constitution saving throw from Ronnie and Queep? for a moment. Can I get a constitution saving throw from Ronnie and Queep? It's fine.

Fine. Yeah. What did you say constitution? Yeah. Five. Oh boy. How about you Ronnie? Boy oh boy. What is you, Ronnie? Boy, oh, boy.

What is it? What roll? Constitution saving throw. Constitution saving throw. Yeah. And your D20 has more than four sides. Right? Oh, wait a minute. Let me re-roll. You're right, guys. Sorry.

No, it a minute. Let me re-roll. You're right, guys. Sorry. No, it's 20. Two. Okay. So, 10 and Brian, you two feel your mouths and throats go dry and

all your joints begin to ache. You both take one level of exhaustion. Ugh. Fuck. And we just got to California Adventure. I'm so sleepy. You are still tethered to the cyclone. I was just smoking weed outside Dan's window

and I'm starting to feel it. And we'll have to find out who's smoking weed outside of my window next time. When we have another episode, Sam, what do you think happened? All right. Episode 47. Winifred is mocking Orcus.

I had some computer troubles. I lost Zoom. But when I returned, Orcus had just disappeared, then reappeared snickering, which is a dick move. Fizzbort woke up. We made Orcus cry out in pain. Brian asked me to cut something very funny. You guys will never know what it was. Ronnie took some

serious damage from Orcus, but Friar Jolly brought him back to life. Nice. Dan? I'm going to be doing cool shows. Come see them. How about you, Brian? Me too. BrianPassione.com I've got San Diego

I've got Denver taking August off with my family and then I'm back in September I've got a Beat Kitchen coming up again maybe we should try to talk about that but it's only a one nighter

but then I've got some other Midwest stuff out there. Bee kitchens, my home club. If you want to have a tag, I can't wait. I love being my Chicago friends. It's really still one of my favorite cities to perform in. I, uh, the crowds are always fucking awesome. When did you say you're going to be there? Uh, it's September-ish or October.

It's going to be all bright orange leaves on the trees, man. It's going to be awesome. I think that's when I'm there. And then I've got San Francisco coming up too. Mostly city I likes. Cities I like, I mean. Blaine.

We attribute the success to save mankind. Thanks for joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof? Well... Oh, uh, on the next Nerd Poker, Blaine adopts a baby capybara that... Hey, stop it. Uh, that loves to chew on...

Can we quit it? It loves to chew on human flesh. Ouch! And it can't see... Ouch! Nobody can't get anyone to take it serious. God damn it! Ouch! All this

and Dan swaps brains with a capybara on the next Nerd Poker! Jesus! Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416.

Thanks for listening.