Nerd Poker - S5E54 Ticket out of Crown Town

Episode Date: August 22, 2023

With the floating demi-god crown in tow, it's time to book it the hell outta here. The boss... bosses?... is/are dead so this is probably not going to be hard or anything. Dan would never collapse the dungeon for a TPK after the big victory. Right? For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussaint. Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing Dsin, comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room with my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Lee, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Hey, it's Billy.

Season five. Hey, everybody. I'm Brian Poussaint, and you're listening to Nerd Poker. It's episode 54. We'll probably be starting a new season soon, but somehow our guys are not flourishing in this world that they're in, but we're

hanging in there. My friends are here. We're down Blaine, but Blaine's probably going to jump in in a minute. He had to go get his son from school. That's it. It is

school. Thanks for listening. Don't make it weird. Dan's here. Hi, Brian. Hey, pal. How's it been? Good, man. I like that hair choice. Thank you. I'm enjoying it more than I thought I would. I thought I was going to slap a collar on it. I don't know why I called it hair choice. Thank you. I'm enjoying it more than I thought I would.

I thought I was going to slap a collar on it, and I'm like, fuck it. I don't know why I called it a choice, but it feels like it was a choice. I make a lot of choices, Brian. I'm pro-choice. I tried to get a joke to work in the 90s about how I met a girl. I did meet a right-wing girl and and uh had a sloppy makeout session in eureka while i was doing stand-up and um on stage sort of came up it sort of came up that she was like but the joke never came up exactly like this

where she said are you pro-choice and And I'm like, not me. I hate choices. Because I was trying to make it happen with somebody who wasn't pro-choice. It never worked. I wonder why. Chris is here. Hey, man. I wonder if Blaine's kid is still smoking

cigarettes out in the parking lot. I think there's something going on. I think he had to go get him. Yeah. Shenanigans. Or he was putting whoopee cushions on the teacher's chair. Yep. Some sort of shenanigans.

Glue and a... Yeah, what's up, brother? How you doing? I didn't expect that voice. I didn't either. I'm good. Things happen. I am. Hello. Hello.

I didn't talk long enough for you to finish this above your drink, but here I am. It's me. I got it from the good McDonald's. The one that's also the bad McDonald's. It just turns into bad McDonald's. The Jekyll and Hyde McDonald's. It is. It's good during the day and at night.

Oh, no. The bad shift starts. Yep. Oh, Ramen's hanging. Hey, buddy. Yeah, he's up and ready to roll. Have you been outside? No, he hasn't.

That's why he's excited. Oh, okay. Yeah. Sam, everybody. everybody hi sweet children i i uh always expect it and then i'm still surprised by it i love it um we should uh play some dungeons and dragons we should i'm gonna leave some gratitude yeah let's think some people i got a couple of live people yeah why don't you get it started for us, Brian? Stu on a little post-it that says nerds.

This is a while ago. I don't know when Stu gave me that, but he did. And there was money attached to it. I think when I was in Portland with Derek Sheen, I got some money from the Lumbus to nerd poker from the Lumbus. Thanks, Lumbus or the Lumbus. Thank you. And then let's see.

I'm scrolling down. I take pictures when people hand me cash. And Connor and Hawkeye Pierce. Yeah, Hawkeye Pierce gave me money in San Diego, and so did Connor. Generous. Thanks, fellas. Thanks for listening.

We really appreciate it. It doesn't happen often, but people are always so nice when they come up and go, Hey, do you still take cash? Do I still take cash? So let's thank some of our supporters. Sure. I would like to thank supporters who go by usernames like Steve McLaughlin. Thank you, Steve McLaughlin, for supporting us on Patreon. That's such a lovely tier of contribution. Thank you,

cavorting Canuck. Thank you, flannel banana. By the way, this is our new round of usernames, so get ready. There might be a few surprises. Thank you, Darth Mildew. Thank you, Dash of Nerd. thank you Darth Mildew thank you Dash of Nerd thank you Kim thank you some of these it's like not a huge twist but they surprised me as I'm about to say them

thank you Stacy you blew it somebody got dumped maybe thank you Rooster oh Stacy Keach thank you. I need Blaine's face in Zoom to remind me of the Keachness that's available to me at any given moment. Thank you, Rooster Dogburn, U.S. Marshal.

Thank you, CBR. Thank you, Michael Noonan. Thank you, Chris Hicks. Thank you. No, not me. He's the one they call Dr. Uwud. Thank you, Chris Hicks. Thank you. No, not me. He's the one they call Dr. Uwud. Thank you, Nurakabe.

Thank you, Timothy Horton. Thank you, Kidney Stones. No, thank you, Kidney Stones. Thank you, Drew Bagley. Thank you, Bill Dunn. Thank you. I never queep, because queep is the cousin of death. Does anyone know that reference? I don't know that one.

I don't know. Is it just sort of... No, I was nodding as a thank you. I nod to all of our patrons as a gentle acknowledgement of... Call out your comment nod that way. It's not common. It's extremely unique.

How did I know my word choice would fail me? Because I'm a very confrontational person. Okay. Makes me sick. Thank you. I've been listening since 2013. I don't know what the fuck a natural 22 is, and at this point I'm too afraid to fucking ask.

I don't know what a natural 22 is either. Who told you that was real? You don't? I'm pretty sure you do. Pretty sure it's a natural 20 with something. What? What can you be referring to? Oh, my God. I need it explained.

Oh, my God. Thank you, Rob Stregs. Thank you, Jeremy West. And finally, thank you. Play Misty Step for me. This is now where I will say somewhere out there, we have commercial sponsors for our Patreon sponsors. And if we're lucky,

the person who does that announcing will arrive. But if any of you would like to now improvise a sponsor, my brain has to switch too many gears at this point for me to pull off the riff myself, but I'm slowly talking and opening the door. Anybody? Yeah, I'll just do it usual suspect style. I'll just pull stuff that's in front of me.

That was brought to you by a Deadpool statue birthday card Father's Day card with Boba Fett on it. Well, I like it. I like it. It's been a sponsor for like 10 years now, right? Yeah, yeah. Also brought to you by Seinfeld Lego. Seinfeld and it's a Lego. Oh. Also brought to you by Seinfeld Lego. Seinfeld and it's a Lego.

Also brought to you by Ghostbusters Ecto-1A that I never made from the AMT company. Oh, wow. Now do what's behind Ken. Battle Axe. Battle Axe. It's like axe for men, but it's for men that are fighting. Boobs that are eyes that look like boobs

and then a bunch of teeth around it. Oh. Long clown painting. Longclownpainting.com We got there. We did it. All right. Longclownpainting.com We got there. We did it. That is a long clown painting, right?

Isn't that what it is? There's two of them, actually. They're a pair. Oh, now I see the other one. I just love the phrase long clown. Yeah, I thought it would sound funny. That one's Pepe and Pete. They each have a little dog.

Oh. It's exciting. Clowns need dogs. All right. Well, I think. What is this podcast about? I do rescue dogs for clowns, everybody. But I got to make sure the dog is okay around clowns.

I enjoy stupidity too much to pull this back on the rails. Excuse me. But I will because it is now time to talk about what happened last time on Nerd Poker. Will this quickly segue into nonsense, even though I am setting up a narrative? I mean, anyway, on our last episode, our heroes having destroyed Orcus and the evil Archmage. Pretty much, it's all done. I'm so glad we won. One Dungeons and Dragons.

Somebody tell Melanie, Ryan won. So now all you gotta do is just exit. Exit the friend's dimensional dungeon that you're all in. I'm dropping the voice and that immediately makes me want to also talk slightly normal.

I'm gonna set up because there's a lot going on. So I'm gonna actually Sealing's falling, right? Parts of the ceiling are falling. slightly normal. I'm going to set up, because there's a lot going on, so I'm going to actually... Ceiling's falling, right? Hmm? Parts of the ceiling are falling, things are collapsing.

You're in a classic post-boss fight collapsing surrounding scenario. And I'm about to sneeze that is also contributing to my pausing. You guys have killed the two big bosses, but left behind a bunch of sludgy folk. There are some monsters that you're just trying to get the fuck away from right now. You fought them a little bit because you were stuck.

And if I'm not mistaken, it looks like Ronnie is still kind of next to them. We've only gotten through some people trying to make their exit from the chamber. And off in a corner chamber, you're not sure exactly what they were up to. Hashinka and Gus went off and did something. It was the chamber that Orcus emerged from. First Hashinka went in there and then Gus went after her. That all happened mid-combat too.

Pretty much as soon as combat ended and all the slime creatures sprung to life, I think it went in there and then Gus went after her. That all happened mid-combat too. Pretty much as soon as combat ended and all the slime creatures sprung to life, I think you guys were like, I'm just gonna book it the fuck out of here. Sarah, Winifred had been on her own sort of side quest trying to lock down and secure and hide the mantle of the Tenebrous one.

You pulled that delightful lasso technique a couple episodes ago. And then you were getting ready to burst into the chamber and say, surprise, motherfucker. And unfortunately, you did while you were absent. We had to describe that happening, but you did. Yes. And I think, were you back for 53? I can't remember. Or were you just out for part of 52?

Were you out for part of 53? No, no, no, I was out for 53. I did listen to it, though, so I heard what happened. Okay, so you know you're still kind of in... Blaine died and came back to life. I cast Healing Word on you guys, and then now we we're fleeing is what i understand yes that sounds about right um and you tucked away the crown in like some rocks yeah

that's all i was going to add on there uh yes which which direction was hashinka up above this the room we were in or yeah i'll ping it on the map pick up here yeah okay someone else is paying it to you um they went in that direction and then left so i never saw that other room guys io listeners some images on instagram i'll i'll uh i'll try to remember to post some but um this uh this battle took place entirely in the chamber and you started with just the Archmage, and Orcus kind of heard what was going on and stomped his way in from that direction. Also, I will just throw in there,

there is this other chamber. You're kind of leaving, so this is more just for listeners, I guess, to remind them there is some chamber here that was involved in maybe communing with the magic plants down below. That you saw part of because you got close to the hallway leading up to it, but you never actually explored. Now it sounds like we have to go back and explore all these rooms.

I mean, there will always in D&D be chambers left unexplored, especially during a cave-in. But if anyone wants to take some risks, I invite it. Actually, it's kind of paused right now because we haven't played the regular campaign in a few weeks. So I'd like to let everybody kind of percolate, but I'm going to pretty soon

pick it up. It's collapsing, so... No, I think we're leaving. I think we're trying to get back to the elevator. I know that's what you're trying to do. So we don't have too much time to dick around. I'm starting slow, even though things are urgent, and I'm just acknowledging it. And yeah, so I'm going to really briefly just remind you visually

that this is the chamber off to the right on the other side of the tunnel if you're in Roll20. You saw it last time we played. I went back and forth to it, but I'm a visual person, so maybe it'll help remind you guys. This is a fountain up in the top left where you guys got those temporary

hit points, and this is a mysterious drow woman who has been imprisoned here magically for, she says, a very long time. But we're not there yet, right? We're still at the...

Correct, but that is where you kind of, Winifred, like, dabbled in for a minute and then went back over. But yeah, I don't have any more... I can't do another dimension door, so we just have to go back through the tunnels manually. Another dimension door, another dimension door. So we're going... Are we going?

We're going, right? Yeah. So we're going, are we going? We're going, right? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, Gus, you called out to Gus and Hoshinka about this. I did. I bellowed for them to get the hell out. So they probably heard you. I'm just going to take it back up to the top of the turn order. And we'll probably drop out of combat until new bad guys appear if Queep, Ronnie, and

Winifred can officially get out of the chamber with the oozes in it. That said, I could drop new monsters on you anytime. So Ronnie... I'm right by the door, so I'm going. Well, yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's more Ronnie because he is, um, Brian, Ronnie is, uh, he's within

whatchamacallit striking distance, opportunity attack with a guy. And you could pull some version of shadow step to get out of this, but you're right by the door, so it's tricky. And it is your turn, so I'm acknowledging that.

Do I see another shadow? So this is where it sucks. This is a brightly lit room. You can see some shadows behind tables, like over here and over here, kind of like up. And are you on roll 20, Brian? Um, no. It might help visually to, uh, understand kind of like how you are sandwiched by ooze monsters.

Um, let me get open. There's kind of a guy between you and the door. Not quite, but he would get opportunity attack if you ran away from him. And because of where you're at with one of these sacrificial tables, it's pretty hard to shadow step because there's no real, there's like an open door here.

And you can kind of see in here, but I would make you roll a perception check with a pretty high difficulty level because you'd be in some light... It's dissipated greatly. Some light's cursed mist if you tried to shadow

step down this tunnel. Okay. So right now, the only places you can really see obvious shadow are on sacrificial tables to the north and south of you, which don't get you any closer to the door. It would get you out of opportunity attack range, though. Uh, yeah. Depending on what your hit points look like,

you may want to consider the option of taking a hit and just booking straight out the door. Yeah, I don't really want to do that. You can disengage as your action. Mm-hmm. I always forget you can do that, but that is absolutely true.

Okay, that's what I'll do. And then... My favorite BG song, Shadow Step M. Cool, you want to Shadow Step to get far down the tunnel? Yeah. All right. As was warned, please do a perception check. This is going to be a DC 20.

Hold on. I just got it open. No problem, boss do a perception check. This is going to be a DC 20. Hold on. I just got it open. No problem, boss. Sorry, listeners. For the lag time. Yeah. Oh, that's actually... I was missing out.

That's a cool fucking map. Let me see. Have you not logged me into it the whole time? Probably not. You silly goose. Uh, what's that guy right next to me? That is one of the ooze monsters with eyeballs on it. Oh, yeah, now I remember those fuckers.

And what sucks is they're very, very, very slow, but they hit hard, they can absorb you, and they have a shitload of hit points. Yeah, I already ran into some trouble with one and I did not enjoy it. Alright. Wait a second. What if I

What if? If I strike does he still get like if I strike at him wouldn't that take away does he still get, like, if I strike at him, wouldn't that take away his opportunity? If I strike and then I immediately scoot? I don't think it does. Chris, you smiled.

What is your opinion on this? I don't know if that exists. I don't think so. No, opportunity attack is like a reaction. Right, but if they just took a hit, they wouldn't have time to react. It would have to be some kind

of hit. I think you might have some kind of blinding strike. I always forget this stuff. Or a stunning strike. Thank you. It would have to be something like stunning strike. It is fancier than disengaging for your action, but as Chris pointed out,

it would be as simple as using disengage as your action. I'm going to pull up your character sheet so I can be a little less dreamy about what everyone can do. I have Unarmed strike. Yeah. I can do so many things. Stillness of mind, shadow arts. Yeah, bro, let's take a look-see.

So I don't see you have stunning strike. I see you have... Oh. Missiles. What's pass Without Trace? That's more sneaky time shit, right? Right. But can I do it to get out

of here? I don't know if you can do it when you're seen. I'm checking now. Oh, probably not. Oh, you have Study Strike? Where is it? Let's see. It's under Features and Traits. Oh, yeah.

I feel like I owe you a pass without a trace ruling still, but I don't see it for some reason in your thing, so I got to look it up separately. Cool. Let's try that. I'm going to use my... My arm. My arm blade. Well, do you want me to look up this other stuff?

I'm still pokey. No, I'm going to do Stunning Strike. So we can move on and get more turns in. Great. Stunning Strike, when you hit with a melee attack, do you have a ki point left? That's the real question. Yes.

Yeah, I do. Okay. There you go. Give him a hit. And that's just a strength check? No, you have to roll a melee attack. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah.

Pick whatever's got the biggest plus bonus, I guess, but you can add stunning strike to it, it says, if you got a key point. 13. That's a hit. Roll that damage. Barely. I got lucky.

Yeah. It's good. Oh, cool. Eight. It doesn't die Oh, cool. Eight. It doesn't die, but you smack it with your fist and all the eyes all over this ooze forms just kind of like collapse under some slime. So you can just book it right the fuck out of there now if you like.

Yeah, that's what I do. Narratively, I think it is the fun way to go. So it was a long way around. Yeah, yeah. So why don't you show us where you want to go on the map? I assume just sort of like here-ish. I go, I forgot to tell you something. And then I smack him

and then I run alright that's a good way to do that and then I yell biatch because it's the 90s I'm going to put you here on the map Brian these guys and this is where it sucks, are going to surround Queep.

Oh! Huh. I'm surrounded! I need a moment because my D&D Beyond is crashing for some reason. No. What does it look like when three gibbering mouthers try to eat a bird, man? I was going to bring something up a minute ago when you were talking about collapsing. So I'll take this opportunity.

Anybody familiar with, I think it was 2005, 2007, House of Wax remake? Yeah. Not a cheap horror film. Paris Hilton. Yeah. Shannon Elizabeth, was she in it or something? It was a big lead. I don't think it was her.

She wasn't the lead. What of it? She was the big attraction. Anyway, what's cool about it is Zemeckis produced it and it was Alicia Cuthbert was the

girl who carried the movie. Yeah, she's great. Girl Next Door in 24. 24, yeah. So anyway, what I love about that movie is it's pretty by the numbers horror and then pretty by the numbers creepy House of Wax remake where they've got, you know, the bad guys are pretty in this town. But in the third act, they're in the house of wax, and it starts to catch fire. And its collapse is so well done.

And that's because Zemeckis took over and just shot this giant fucking action piece that kind of doesn't fit, but it does. And it makes it... It was a total standout for me in that time of... It's a good part of the movie. Yeah, but back then

everything was kind of boring. Scream had changed everything and then the horror was kind of stale and they were remaking things. Yeah, like Hell House. Yeah, yeah.

House on Haunted Hill. Yeah. What was that comedy that did that? 13 Ghosts, yeah. Yeah, there was all that shit. And those were not good. No, but they all had budgets. They all had, you know, they weren't low budgets.

Yeah, they had huge budgets. They were major releases. Yeah, like first Texas Chainsaw Massacre reboot. Was that back then? Yeah, around then. That sounds right. And by the way, I actually liked that first one, too. The one with Arlie Ermey.

Yeah, it was just kind of a remake. Yeah. Speaking of 24, Mary Lynn Ricegub wanted me to say hi, Brian. Oh, cool. We should have her play. Yeah. I'm sure she'd love you she'd be great yeah

she's one of the people I'm going to go see talk to me with on Sunday I played with her once a million trillion years ago and she hated the game

but this was truly like 30 no not 30 years ago but it was a really long time ago you played with her? yeah like a million

trillion years was that with Kevin and Karen and everybody? yeah and and Rhett yeah with Karen yeah I think but it was a really long time ago. We played with her? Yeah, like a million, trillion years. Was that with Kevin and Karen and everybody? Yeah, and Rhett. Yeah, with Karen. Yeah, I think. Oh, okay. I wasn't there.

Yeah. Not like an ongoing campaign. She just was like, I'm going to check it out. And I was like, this is her year. Don't like it. Yeah, not a fan, but maybe in the future.

It is the future now. I should add, she constantly punches me in the face and calls me a nerd. So there is that. Maybe to promote stand-up or something. She's out on the road all the time. She is, but I do think she would play.

I do think she would play. You all caught up? Yeah, I'm ready to go. So gibbering mouthers are about to attack Cweet. And I feel like we should say hi to Blaine. Hi, Blaine. Hey, Blaine. Oh, hi, you guys.

I didn't hear you come in. Hey, Dan. I was just outside. Oh, go ahead. Sorry. Speaking of gibbering mouthers, it's Dungeon Days at the Greyhawk Galleria. Sponsoring our Patreon supporters with

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Eggs in Your Beard Slut, and many, many more at Glendale Gallery is Greyhawk Gallery is Dungeon Days, Dan. I love Game Start. Yeah, now the episode's released. Oh, I forgot. Game Start and Yeah, now the episode's released.

You did miss the release. Oh, I forgot. Game Start and Lean Man's Tiny. Yeah, Game Stop. It was Game Start, Dan. I forgot Plus Five, guys. Uh-huh. Nice.

It was a good round. You would have loved Patreon supporter play Misty Step for me, Blaine. Oh, ooh. That's a good round. You would have loved Patreon supporter play Misty Step for me, Blaine. That's a good one. Speaking of things we love, it's time for Gibbering Mothers to attack Queep.

They all have multi-attack where they can bite and then try to sludge you. But as luck would have it, they can only do Blinding Spittle, that disgusting blinding thing,

once every five to six rounds. I think three of them have already tried somebody within five to six rounds. It's going to be the more distant guys who are going to try and swag you with that. But they will all try to...

Three will try to bite you. Get away. I'm going to be extra slippery. Do it. Cool. Well, here goes the bites. We got an eight, a 16, and a 19. What's your AC, sir? Want to win in hand?

Let me see. Shut up. 16. Oh, so that's two hits. Poop. Big old poop. All right, this is 5d6 piercing damage that I'm going to replace. Oh.

Look up, Gibbering Mothers. They're real pains in the ass. I hate them. So that is going to be 34 points of piercing damage. Jesus. Oh, my God. Do you have it? Let me see if I have resistance to piercing.

That's worth looking up. Yeah, you're raging. I am raging and frenzied, so. Let's see. Yep. Resistance to piercing. Nice. Hell yeah. So have 34. That'll be 17?

Alright. My god, he's right. It's really a dice roll. What part of my brain works on any given moment? But that part. All right. So let's see. Unfortunately, like you have it, but then are you your medium size, not large size, right?

And how dare you? I don't know. I'm pretty sure Eric Cokers are, but 10. How dare you? I don't know. I'm pretty sure Aarakocras are, but just because they got wings, I wasn't sure. Yeah. You have to make a strength saving throw twice. Okay. DC 10 or you'll be knocked prone. I think I have a bonus to that, too.

Hang on. So many things I got to look up. Strength. Gain advantage on strength checks and saving throws. Hey! So what do I have? Two strength checks? Two strength savings throws.

DC 10. That you have advantage on. Should be easy. Yep. First one's an 18. I'll keep that one. Then you gotta roll again, and that is part of your first roll.

And then I got a 20 on the next one. Which you don't get to keep. The 18 now. So now you get to keep the 20 on the first one, and roll twice more. Okay. Then I... Yeah, you crushed it. 14, yeah. And a... okay then I yeah you crushed it 14 yeah and a 2

you fucked that 2 you effortlessly swat them away good thank you and now blinding spittle so this is with they can do this 15 feet and the 3 who still have it.

I cover my face with my wings. I know at least one is too far away. Yeah, this guy is. Like a Dracula. I can't do it. Can't do it. Oh, are you sure this isn't blending spittle? Because blending spittle is actually beneficial

Oh None of them can do it So you're in luck That'll do it for Gibbering Mouther's turn Hoshinka's gonna take her turn in private And then Dr. Uid You're up Now again you're kind of in the

Clear so you can just sort of declare What you're doing But keep in mind you so you can just sort of declare what you're doing. But keep in mind, you've got a man left behind at the moment. Why is Sarah in private? Hoshinka, not Sarah. Oh, okay. The Hoshinka-Gus situation is taking place in another room. Oh, right, right.

She's having two simultaneous dinner parties at the house, and one for her boss and one for an old friend. She doesn't want either one to find out. Oh, man. That sounds like a situational comedy. Blaine, I apologize if I made it sound like your turn was basically over. I do want to know, are you going to go back, or are you going to just move forward, or are you going to stay in place uh aren't i really really hurting at this point i only have like

a few hit points right oh you tell me you're supposed to keep track of your hit points yeah because i because i got dead yeah i was dead and then uh uh so i so that was at zero and then I got Spare the Dying from Chris and then I think I have I think I have 12 so it's there's somebody left behind who is left behind sorry sorry he's not like left behind

left behind the queep is currently surrounded by gibbering mouthers and being bitten. Also, Hushink and Gus are somewhere in the chamber behind you. And the gibbering... Are they completely around him, or does he have an open side?

They're completely around him, and there's one by the door at this point, too. It's real sexy, Blaine. There's all these mouths all over Ken. This is like the, what is it? Eyes wide shut. Or maybe not at all.

Can I do, can I do a call lightning down on some of these guys? Cause I can. Great question. I'm going to bring down... All lightning requires visual... I believe, but I'm looking. Centered on a point you can

see. Okay. Can I see him? Can I get back to a point where I can see him and just throw some lightning at these guys? It has to be a place a storm cloud could appear. It could not accommodate a cloud, so you cannot call lightning down here.

Ah, okay. As far as you know, you're not even in a dimension with typical condensation clouds, unfortunately. Okay, we know... Dimension is just condensating clouds, whatever. That was my favorite piece of voice. Hey, do you know what? I'm going to run back there and I'm going to whip a couple of these guys. Crack that whip.

With my thorn whip. But you know that we were trying to leave, right? Sorry, I missed it because I was looking up what I'm going to do. But I just don't want him to be rushing in with no hit points. Everything's collapsing. We're trying to leave, right? Sorry, I missed it because I was looking up what I'm going to do, but like we were, I just don't want him to be rushing in with no hit points. Like, everything's collapsing. We're trying to get out. Yeah, I mean, I think what Blaine is also saying is his whip has some range on it,

right? Okay. Yes. I just don't want him to put himself in harm's way unless he needs to. I mean, I'm just trying to get, get Queep out of there. Yeah. That's nice. The, the, the ooze, of there. Yeah. That's nice. That's nice. The, the, the ooze, the gibbering mother that's here,

the one most in the way for Queep to exit is the one you've been whaling on the most as a team. Okay. So none of them have dropped, but if one is going to drop, it'll be that one right there. Okay. All right. I see him.

Uh, I'm, yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna whip that guy a couple times with my energy hat on. Alright, and what is the range on your whip?

15 feet? 10 feet? Yeah. We gotta move that token and see how close you are to getting smacked on the next round. Sorry, sorry, sorry. It kind of is about getting... Using an old-fashioned book. Hey, uh, range 30 feet.

Nice. Nice. So the trick is you're going to get in the doorway. Get in the doorway. You have to get at least here between Ronnie and Winter Fred. Sure. Um, and now you can I'll show you like

you can hit pretty much any gibbering mouther in there from where you're at except this guy on the far left because he's kind of down a wall a little bit he's kind of like out of sight Chris Tolman are you muted or I'm talking to myself

sweet the man's insane do you mute to talk to yourself and I haven't noticed sorry Chris Tallman, are you muted or I'm talking to myself Sweet The man's insane Do you mute to talk to yourself and I haven't noticed Sorry Oddly charming, thank you for apologizing So, uh We have the chance to see the world dance Which one would you like to hit

I would like to hit this guy right here with the dark green circle on him Great, roll to hit And I'm gonna hit with, uh, I have two of these They do have garbage armor classes. Uh, seven plus eight is a fifteen. That's a hit. And ten

plus eight is an eighteen. Two hits. And they, uh, eleventh level, so three d6 each. Not bad! Not bad. Not bad damage. Yeah, actually bad damage. Eight.

There's, uh... So that is eight, uh... For that one is eight points. Okay. And the other one is nine points. Oh, by two hit points. How would you like to see the gibbering mouth or die? I would like each one

of the mouths in succession to go, homina! So the whole thing just goes, homina, homina, homina, homina, homina, homina. It's the perfect amount of mouths to get across the perfect amount of hominas for that gag to work, and it collapses into an organic

pile of red chunks. And then I'm going to do a very exaggerated thing to Queeble. Come on! Come on, come on, come on! I'm going to whistle through my teeth with my fingers because I can't do that in real life. Do you have anything else on this turn

that you can do? No, I'm just going to wave frantically and I guess just start heading back up the the corridor with everybody this tunnel with everybody yeah you might have used all your uh movement let me see you've got 10 more feet of movement if you want to go 10 more feet up the tunnel sure yeah yeah okay thanks dan you're welcome friar joolly this is you alright I think Friar Jolly I was next to

Dr. Uwud and then he ran back and so I think Friar Jolly's like alright so he will turn around can I squeeze past my friends here to the north so I can be kind of up there I will have

you do a low DC con save, though. A constitution? Interesting. I like to see DC make a constitution save. It's different from the save you did last time you went through the pink mist, but that's because 13. Different effect.

Yeah, you're okay, but you do kind of like a little shit, the pink mist, right? Oh yeah, that's right, that's poison. I'm going to do Scorching Ray, which has 120 foot range.

It allows me to fire three rays of fire. So, and each one is a separate attack roll. So I'm targeting these ones that are still up next to Kui. So for the first one, the one that's... Well, you know what? Can I pause

you real quick? I think Fire Jolly deserves an insight check right now. Insight check. Thank you. 13. Alright. I mean, you Thank you. 13. All right. I mean, you do notice how close this guy is to Winifred also. Oh, yeah.

All right. Well, then I'll do. Well, I've got three. So maybe I'll do at least the first one at the guy next to Kweep. I'll start there. Is that cool? I mean, you can do whatever you want. And also, you know, when Fred could disengage on her turn, like, there's all sorts of stuff. But, yeah. Okay, so for the first one against

Kweep, it's a 13 to hit. That's a hit. Great. I'll fire a second one at the one next to Kweep again. That is an 11 to hit? Yeah, that's a hit. They have an AC of 9. Nice. And then

finally the one, as you said, next to Winifred, I'll launch a third one and say, Pardon me, friend! And I'll try and zap the one next to her. And that is a... Ooh! A natural 20. Oh boy! So a 29 to hit. So should I roll damage for the

sweep ones first? Yeah, because we're going to have you do what listeners are always looking forward to, which is a D100 crit roll also. Awesome. Okay, so first for the two that hit the guy next to sweep.

Why is that not? Okay. It's not working, so I'll do it this way. First, for the two that hit the guy next to Cleep. Why is that not working? Okay, it's not working, so I'll do it this way. 4d6 the first time. So the first bout of fire does 14 fire. Lovely. You, you know, rip a few eyeballs off of it as the ray smashes into it. The second one against that same guy does

16, so a total of 30 fire to that guy that's right next to Queen. All right, doesn't toast it, but you do take a big chunk out of its top head portion. Okay, and then, so this is finally for the one next to Winifred, so I'll roll this and then double the dice, right?

Uh, correct. And then we'll do the 100 thing. Great. So the die roll, oh shit, the die roll was 18, so double, that's 36 for the one right next to Winifred. Hot diggity damn, okay. And then percentiles. That's right. Uh, for my percentile Ooh 80

Alright I mean You hit it with the scorching rain You somehow manage to find The closest thing this has to a central nervous system Right in the center of the bottom Of its weight Its center of gravity And like the whole thing just rips and flips over

Backwards uh 10 feet oh dead nope but really it gets knocked backwards and it gets knocked backward and it takes more damage so can you do uh 2d6 copy that Copy that. 2D. 2D. Okay, so for the 2D6, that is 5. Okay, so as it smashes into that wall,

it takes 5 points of force damage. And I'll look at Winifred and say, For you! Oh boy. Will they, won't they? Silent, unappreciated moment from Winifred. Interesting.

Well, fuck me, I guess. Well. This board continues somewhere down the tunnel. You're not sure what he is up to. Winifred, you're up. There's a cat and a child on another zoom window, so I wanted to say hi. Um... So... Is, um, is Queep still trapped or no?

It looks like I'm open on the one side. He's gonna get, uh, he's gonna have to use a disengage or something. Yeah. I'm gonna kill him. Nobody's between him and the door anymore, but there are two people on top of him. He's not flanked or anything. Um, okay. So, um, I...

People, I mean, gibbering mouthers. Right. I, I just don't want to waste it. I barely have any spell. I was going to levitate you out of there, but if you have an open, um, exit, then instead I am just going to back down the hallway to protect the

um, mantle. Um, and I trust that Kweep will be able to book it, disengage and book it to the door, because it's not far. Sounds good. um and i trust that creep will be able to book it disengage and book it to the door because it's not far sounds okay okay that's me all right and is that all the movement you have? 30 feet. Was that 30 feet? No, it's not. Roll 20 is a mess right now.

Just imagine that I'm going 30 feet and when it reloads for the 37th time I will have moved it. Gotcha. Okay, yeah, because I'm being only nitpicky for your benefit. If you get 35 feet you're close enough to grab the mantle in some fashion.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, I have 30 feet. But do you want to use an action to dash and get to it? No, I don't want to grab it. I just want to get near it so that they know where we're headed. If you can move me to where as far as I can... Yeah, I will, but I'm just saying

if you're not using your action, you could use it to dash just to get to it if you wanted. That's all. Sure. Okay. You are now within hand or lasso reach of the mantle. Okay.

It is still there. Keeping an eye on it. And then a creep! Yes! You've just seen one of these things smashed and then uh queep yes you've just seen one of these things smashed uh

to pieces and another one ripped in half by friar jolly's scorching ray but there are still two kind of behind you

i'm gonna attack before i leave because i've got three attacks so i'm gonna i'm gonna use my um Blade of Kukla. Do you want to do a real quick insight check for me first? Sure.

Sure. Oops. That is a... 18. Yeah, you know, there might be a barbarian ability, but if you use your action to attack, you can't use it to disengage.

That's the thing. Got it. Oh, I see. Okay, then I'll disengage and get out of here. Got it. Cool. So, do-do-do-do-do.

Will that do it for your turn, boss? I guess so. All right. So, that will take us to... Sorry, I'm trying to deal with the Rule 20 issue myself here. Can someone tell me who's next in the turn on a Rule 20? It's not working for me either. I think they're having some sort of issue.

Looks like Gus. Yeah. Thank you. One second. Yeah, it also says that right after gus it's penny marshall and then tony randall i think this is really screwed up oh oh i'd love to see that penny marshall go next yeah we would all like to see penny marshall involved um all right well that's gonna uh gus be gus is to be a turn off screen.

Once again, no one's even in visual range of that hallway. He would be coming out of at this point, except for maybe Queep and Fire Jolly, but they'd have to see past something. So that's Ronnie. Ronnie, you're coming down the hallway. And it looks like that also brings us to the end of a round where nobody is currently engaged in combat. So, let's slow the action down just a tad. We're no longer going to go by

turns. However, you would all feel an element of extreme danger caving in, and you're all in the hallway. Yay, hallway. Let's run. Yeah, we're running

towards the front. There's this lassoed mantle. I can blink. You're re-assoing. It's slowing us down, right? You said it's like you have to kind of drag it? Yeah. It halves your movement speed. And, um...

I want to just clear up, you are lassoing it again, right? You said? Yeah. Okay. Okay, so it's halving our movement speed, but we're going as fast as we can while this trail changes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know why I'm being so pedantic about that, but... No, no. I was just clarifying. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. It has to be redone is why I say it. So, like,

you get it around the last zone. You guys can all head down, but I'm going to ask you to problem solve how you're going to get it across this gap, and then I'm also going to ask you to after that do a roll, which you can probably guess what it is, to not fall in the magic water again.

So, first of all, the chasm. You drag this mantle up here. I can dump all your tokens there if it helps but you all kind of get here mantle and toe no npcs in sight and you've got to figure out i mean like you you've all got i think various ways you could get across you got to figure out how you're going to get the the mantle can we use it like a rope swing as like the fulcrum on a rope swing i would love to see you try but you know what love to see you try but you know what i think we gotta save that for our next episode of nerdy pokes oh cool hi sam hi hi hi hi what do you think happened sam i'll tell you episode 54 we're getting out of the ooze filled room full of monsters they're blinding us with spittle far jolly is scorching rays in them creeps attacking them with his blade of Klu Kla. And we're trying to figure out how to get this mantle out.

Yeah. That's right. Yeah. Sam, I feel like you've gotten really much better at the recaps. Yeah, listeners have been calling that out on Patreon, too. Did you take your sweet dog for a walk? I did. Now he's pooped. oh you really got a nice

vacated literally and figuratively i love how they they get up in the morning and they're fucking fired up and then like an hour later it's time for a nap yeah exactly he's right back down they eat that's like that too yeah they eat and they run around. You take them on a walk if you can, but then they're immediately... It's like they wake and bake. Yeah.

My cat meows for me to wake up from 5 a.m. to 8 a.m. I feed him breakfast. He takes a massive shit and then goes to sleep for three hours. Yep. Day in the life of a cat. What a life. What a life. What,

uh, what do we got to promote? Um, I'll be doing lots of shows around Los Angeles. Keep an eye on my Instagram for what shows I am doing. Cool. I'm at the improv. If that were this air before the 21st.

Oh no, it airs that day. Oh, and yeah, you know what? I will be, it is a pretty cool no. It airs that day. Oh, and yeah, you know what? It is a pretty cool show. I will plug real quick. The 31st, I'll be doing Peacock, which is at Club TG in LA. It's a really, really

fun show. It's in a fun little room in the back of a club that has got fucking disco balls and shit. Nice. Patton has been there like three weeks in a row. I'm going to do a room that I haven't been to. Um, but I've got,

uh, the improv coming up with Patton and Sarah on the 21st. And then I'm home for most of September. And then at the end of the month, I've got, uh, two dates with Brad Wenzel and different parts of Michigan, uh,

Michigan zone, Brad Wenzel. He lives back out, Michigan's own Brad Wenzel. He lives back out there now, but funny dude. And then I'm doing beat kitchen in Chicago at the end of September. And then October I've got punchline or not punchline, excuse me, cobs in San Francisco.

And some other shit. Check out brianposain.com. And then currently you can get my book, Scotch McTiernan vs. the Forces of Evil. It came out. The trade is beautiful. And it's got a bunch of Scott Koblish. He did the art, obviously, but he also, it's got sketches, and we kind of show how the comic was made,

and then there's this crazy maze that actually works. We did a maze once in Deadpool where it was unfinishable, and people wanted to murder us. in Deadpool where it was unfinishable and people wanted to murder us. So you gotta make your maze finishable. So people don't hate you forever.

Good note for 2023. Yeah, yeah. Finish that maze. Finishable, got it. And then finally, Gromit's News. Rick Remender, if you live in New York, is going to be at New York Comic Con in October. I'm not coming with him,

but he will be plugging Gromits. Finally, we'll have some announcements about when that's coming out through Image. And he's got his own publishing wing I don't know arm at Image imprint exactly it's coming out through Rick's imprint

and it's one of the coolest things I've ever been involved with I know I've been talking about it for two years the process of writing comic books it's either really crazy crazy quick or it fucking takes forever. And that's what this one is. But the art, I mean, the guy spends like four days on a page and they're beautiful.

So anybody else? Blaine, what's happening next week on Nerd Poker? We attribute the success to save mankind from the dead. Thanks for joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof? Well... Oh, on the next NerdPoker,

a rift between universes sends Brian to a universe where he's got a crunch membership when he's really more of a Bally's Total Fitness kind of membership guy. All this and Linda Ronset returns with more noise complaint on the next nerd poker. Thanks for listening to another episode of nerd poker.

You can follow us at pat.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening. Night.