Nerd Poker - S5E8 Inner Cliff Ascent

Episode Date: August 30, 2022

The heroes clean up the harpy mess, we swear, and begin to explore the chambers before them, the vile castle looming large above. Hopefully Bunk doesn't get himself murdered by teleporting into a harpy pile again. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.    

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin, comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room with my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Lee, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Hey, it's Billy. Season five.

Hey, everybody. It's Brian Poussaint and you're listening to Nerd Poker. Season five, episode eight. We did it. My friends are here. Look at them. There a fryer jolly what's up chris how you doing great man you know uh you're recording back in the old dining room this week what a treat it is to see it over your shoulder yeah it's pretty cool huh yeah i love it

and it's not covered with laundry the way it was during all of COVID. I know. You were never here, but... During COVID? Yeah. As far as you know, that's true. Blaine. Hey, Brian. I wasn't there either. Or were you?

Well, you know, on Christmas. Blaine on the roof. Get to bed, kids. Sarah's here. How are you? I'm all right. How are you? Going good.

Look at this. Dan Telfer, how you feeling, buddy? I'm okay, Brian. Remember when I came over to your house during COVID? You're the only one of all these people that did, other than Sarah throwing things at my house from

the street. I dropped off the stuff to be signed. I came to your house like three times during COVID. We both came over. Did you walk up my pathway or did you just wing shit at my door from the street? Jumped through your ass closet.

Like a paper boy? Who am I missing? I already talked to Blaine, right? Uh-oh. I know Sam, obviously. Do we do Ken? hi Brian I acknowledged him while you were talking

but I didn't give a full intro Ken Daly everybody time for his long intro everyone the hardest the hardest working man in show business love you on Merv the pearl of the orient you're're great as that person at the mall and that one thing the big apple uh hey we got our engineer sam hello sweet children there he is

and uh robin's limp he's he He's asleep. I'm not kidding. He's completely flopped over. Oh, he's up. Oh, now he's a little more out. He slowly lifted his head. He did this slow president turn. That just took five Stan Winston guys to do that.

His eyes were saying, like, what the fuck? Watch him long enough if he'll go back he'll tip this will be great really amazing there he goes never seen a dog fall asleep in slow motion like that and he's set up

what a great podcast we're all gonna watch a dog fall asleep that's how I am in the last 10 minutes of the show every week it used to be the heater at Earwolf the show every week. It used to be the heater at Earwolf that would put me to sleep and now it's just being alive. Getting old fucking sucks,

man. Have you tried turning the AC to 50 degrees in your home? I chugged a little coffee before I got on with you fellas. Nice. And Sarah. I'm a fella. Come on. But we'll see how it goes. What?

I think fellas and guys is pretty utilitarian, isn't it? Yeah, sure. Brian, would you like if I thank people? Yeah, I'd like it. Something. I'm where all the whiskey is. I'm just going to start drinking drinking oh my gosh i i i want to drink so bad i have to pause for a week hey everybody it's time to talk about who keeps

us alive on the old patria they go by usernames like pants thanks thank you pants i'm wearing shorts today but i thank you regardless thank you day cougar thank you thank you sweet heat skeechles thank you thank you blair campbell thanks tylor carter thanks winchester chesterfield field house i think i see what you did there. Thank you. Thank you. Megadong Panga Lake. The lake with a big flat wiener and long balls like Brian.

Thank you. Lucifer. Lucifer's Lusty Lardass. No spaces. Lucifer's Lusty Lardass. Siam Cat. Thank you. Larry Biednall. Thank you. Lucifer's Lusty Lardass. Siam Cat. Thank you, Larry Biednall. Thank you, Meow Meow Beans Danny Five.

Thank you, Ramen the Dog's Lowdown Koreatown Butter Knife Incident. What the fuck? Yeah, that was... Every time he says he... Ramen gets mad because he tries to eat something, and he definitely tried to eat a knife, I think, at some point. Yeah. Thank you, Sparky the Unicorn of Woe. Thank you sparky the unicorn of whoa thank you forget the hammer get to the bunny fluff stuff nathan what thank you roll for diabetes or diabetes if

you're that one guy thank you bob zeus of bob zeus's discount hammers and hammer accessories. Thank you, short name for Dan. Thank you, Goth Phillips. Thank you, oh, I'm sorry, the full name is Goth Phillips because emo wasn't dark enough. That's very good.

Thank you, Jason Yarn. Thank you, Fizman Mizzle Bizin's discount elixir is all the healing, half the price. Thank you, Jason Yarn. Thank you, Fizman Mizzle Business Discount Elixirs. All the healing, half the price. Thank you, the callous on Sarah's back from carrying this campaign. Thank you, Don't Gentrify the Dildo District. Thank you, Huckle McFuckberry's Good Luck Pants Tuck. Thank you, Smokey the Bugbear Knows What Sarah Did. She Set That Jungle on Fire.

That last part was just me editorializing. Thank you, Mary Jane Posehn. Thank you, OSE. Thank you, Beholder, I Don't Even Know Her. Thank you, Jacob Livermore. Thank you, Marion the Octogenarian Barbarian. Thank you. Fun.

That's some music, man. Thank you, My. Fun. That's some music, man. Thank you, my stimulus check. Thank you, six characters from an Asian language I don't recognize. Thank you, James Brooks. Thank you, Suboptimal Dad's Tight Ice Five. And finally, thank you, Pillsbury Dildo Boy. Blaine, who are those Patreon supporters brought to us? Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.

Patreon supporters brought to us. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. It's Acronymios. Specials all month long. Come on down before summer. We got a try yourself a laser. It's linguine and some extra ravioli. Or a scuba.

Self-contained underwater bologna apparatus. All these and more. And acronymios. Stan. Explain. Reminded me why I want to move to Italy. All right. You know, Italy is closer. More delicious. Stan Thanks Blaine For reminding me Why I want to move to Italy Alright You see You know

Italy's closer Mmm Oh More delicious Do they have those Like five dollar houses Like that one little town In Italy has

You see that thing Five dollar house They're like There's like a little town In Italy Where they want to pay you To move there There's like more than one

I know It's awesome I've come this close This close Uh What's stopping me The flight There's like more than one. I know. It's awesome. I've come this close. This close. What's stopping me? The flight. That cost.

That's it. All right. It's time to talk about what happened last time on Nerd Poker. Between last time and now, Dan got really congested. So this is his Dun dungeon master voice tonight. I hope you enjoy how felony person this sounds. It sounds like someone who's about to commit a

crime whispering creepily from the closet. Anyway our heroes are I think on the tail end of a harpy fight. Everything's looking pretty good except for the fact that they might be running a little low on spells and a couple of them have died and been brought back to life at this point and most of them at this point are engulfed in a stinky cloud of death we now take you to our heroes already in stink cloud so we are this one we're dying we just started and we're dying what's crazy is like half the episodes of this season has been this fight like this is this has been a pretty big one um and yeah like the stink cloud happened there's a pile of bodies on the floor ronnie's gone down and come back uh and bunk just barely got out and the stink cloud is

settling a little bit but it has filled a large part of this chamber I need more health by the way I could use any from our health givers well why don't we use Brian's plea to segue into player talk players let's talk welcome to player

talk with players players only Welcome to player talk with players I like it Players only Do you like to play? Yeah I can lay a cure wounds on him Yeah I do too Are we still in the middle of combat? You sure are which is funny to me because But if I

If I take one more big hit I'm done Copy Right and what sucks is it is actually the Harpies' turn. Boo! Okay. It's real misleading. Okay. Give them a chance. Botch, botch, botch, botch, botch, botch, botch. All ones, all ones.

First of all, this Harpie wants to marry you. Huh? No. Curse on the Harpies. Nice. Unfortunately, Ronnie is still surrounded by harpies so uh there's gonna be

eight harpies attacking ronnie jesus christ if you want to act out this scene in full costume you can get all everything you need at harpy larpy all right uh ronnie what's your ac the scene in full costume, you can get everything you need at Harpy Larpy. Mm-hmm. All right.

Ronnie, what's your AC? I think it's 16. Okay, so that's going to be one, two, three hits out of those. So they all start slashing and

he's going to need a little assist. It's nice knowing y'all. Ronnie, you take nine points of slashing damage. Okay, I'm still alive. how many you got left for all right good to know bunk is gonna take two points damage he's looking pretty rough This harpy is going to

disappear from visual range of any of you. And these two are going to attack Dr. Uwud. Hmm. Dr. Uwud, what's your AC 17, I want to say? I don't have it pulled up right now. It is 13. Okay. That's a lot less. It is 13. Okay.

That's a lot less. So that's one hit. You are going to take three points of slashing damage. Okay. Up next in the turn order is... Ouch! Oh.

Friar Jolly! Yes! Entertain us with your jolliness. Okay. I don't know if that works. I see all those harpies to the south swarming my buddy. Each hostile creature

Okay, so I'm going to What's the status of this harpy here that's right south of Dr. Uid? He has a status effect on him. Or she. Or they. I know Winifred did it, but I can't

remember what that status effect was. Oh, that was Checking my notes. That was in the last episode. Yeah, Winifred, it, but I can't remember what that status effect was. Oh, that was... Checking my notes. That was in the last episode. Yeah, Winifred, didn't you do the... Vicious mockery means they have disadvantage on their next attack roll. Oh, whoopsie doodle. Really quick retcon, perhaps.

I mean, if that's... I think I'm pretty sure I'd used vicious mockery, and that is... They're the one who hit Dr. Uid, and they rolled a 16 on their second, so they still would have hit Dr. Uid. Coolio. Thank God. All right, Friar Jolly's going to try something. He's like, I'm coming, bestie!

And he's going to go one, two, three, four. Let's see. If he goes four there. I swear a thumb more. I'm just trying to figure out what the range would be. So he's got to get another five feet. All right. So he will charge up right next

to Bunk. So there's a row of harpies just ahead of him. And then there's all these other harpies surrounding. Okay, so he's going to raise his... sort of grab the corners of his red cape

and sort of hold it up. He's trying to simulate his big round body and his sort of grab the corners of his red cape and then sort of hold it up and he's trying to simulate his big round body and his sort of goldeny armor looking a little bit like the sun shining and he's going to channel divinity specifically doing radiance of the dawn as an action i use channel divinity and present my holy symbol which is my armor again making this sort of sun thing with my body uh any magical darkness within 30 feet uh is dispelled additionally each hostile creature within 30 feet that doesn't have total cover must make a constitution saving throw or take a 2d8 2d10 plus 8 radiant damage wow

Friar Jolly's had enough of this shit yeah Friar Jolly's basically like here comes the flame alright so this is 11 harpies and he makes that fire sound with his mouth like a kid making laser what's the constitution saving throw DC on this Seven harpies. And he makes that fire sound with his mouth like a kid making laser shooters.

What's the constitution saving throw DC on this, sir? DC 16 constitution saving throw. All right. That is going to be dos, tres, cuatro. I think it includes all of them because they're all within 30 feet. Oh, okay. 25 feet is the furthest there. So that's going to be six saves. Okay, so the six

that save take half of the damage, which I just said was 2d10 plus 8. So I'll roll... 28. God, that'd be awesome. Oh my God! The worst!

Two ones! What a fucking shit roll. Two plus eight, so ten. So all of them... The two that save... Sorry, the six that save take half of that. So that'd be five? Oh, man. Yeah, it sucked.

So you made the noise with your mouth, but unfortunately... I think my mouth did most of it It wasn't enough Very much So the good news These guys Still take a significant amount of damage Bad news

No deaths So But from their point of view, that's good news. Yeah, oh, that's not true. One harpy in the distance does die. And they're all pretty low. Like, you know, you took a chunk out of everybody, but they're all still standing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, up next... Are you going to do anything else? That's your turn, yes? I will look back at Winifred like, I'm open to your notes! Clearly I could have done more there! Just, you know, later on you let me know.

That's it. Alright, up next in the turn order is going to be... Queep! Hi, Queep. Hello. I am trying to figure out a little boomerang attack. I think I have to move in. Wait, are these guys...

So these are... They're all standing still. Yeah. I think I'm going to go after these two next to me. Okay. Okay. So... Boomerang. to go after these two next to me. Okay, okay. Uh, so, boomerang.

Roll to the toe. Boomerang attack with my thingy. With your dual blade of kukla. Of kukla, yes. And what sound do you make as you throw the axe? Akaka la kuku. I'm trying to find the

details. Okay. 30-foot boomerang attack. Okay. All right. We're aiming for an AC of 11. Yes. Papa needs a new pair of magic shoes.

All right. And Papa John needs a new recipe for pizza. Have you tried that pizza, you guys? Oh, my God. It's like cardboard. And if I may,

a new recipe for tolerance. Oh, yeah. You can always use a little tolerance in there. That's a... And some oregano. That guy sucks

on a bunch of levels. 15. I know. All right. That's two hits. Roll your damage. All right. I know. All right. That's two hits. Roll your damage. All right. I wish Mama John would have a talk with him.

Where's she in this? I heard no one's seen Mama John for like three years. That is... She's in Clearwater, isn't she? 17 points of damage on those two fucking assholes. How would you like to see those two fucking assholes die? I would like to see

them look at each other and say who you calling a fucking ass? And then they die. Oh! Alright. Gone. It's like they never existed. Are you going to use any movement now that you've freed up you and a friend Dr. U Uid's sort of area over there? Oh, I have a second attack, if I want.

Oh my! Yeah. So I'm going to go after the ones down here now. Try it. We'll see if it happens. See? I'm going to do it from a distance, though. All right.

Just as a reminder. Yes? If you botch and you try to hit an enemy that is on the other side of your friends, there's a chance you could throw the dual-bladed kukla into one of your friends' backs. That's why I'm over here. Okay. So, once again, I will toss my sword with a hale andy cock-a-la-coo. I'd like to see you try.

And that is a 23 to hit. Oh, boy, that's hits. So that's on all three of them? Yeah, good God. All right. So, that is a 11. Okay, how would you like to see all three of them die oh I love it

I love it wow I would like the front one to bash into the second one to bash into the third and they all smash their heads together and get terrible concussions and die alright and you know their beaks like smash their skull together and get terrible concussions and die.

All right. And you know, they, their beaks like smash their skulls open and crack and there's just foaming brain tissue flying everywhere. I like it. You're welcome. All right, I'm good.

Listen, Patreons, you got to get their money's worth. Got to go on to some weird medical disaster blogs. I like kills. I like it. Uh, I didn't actually do that,

but I admit that it sounded like I did. Dr. Uwe, you're up. So the only remaining harpies are down there around... down there around Brian. Yeah. Yeah, boss. I'm going to run down there

with my flame blade and do some turduckening. Let's see it. Swing the flame blade. Swing, swing the flame blade. 16 plus 7, so 23. That's a hit. Is this the one right in front of you or to your right or to your left?

I'll do the one right in front of me, I guess. Because they're just surrounding Ronnie. Well, I think I get another attack. Sure, but first. I'm going to do a 3d6 on this guy. Oh my goodness. Eight.

So you just... Yeah, go ahead. And then a second attack is a ten. Both against the same guy? Yeah, I guess. I'll try to finish him off. Is a ten a hit? The ten is not a hit.

Okay, then those are my two attacks. Okay. The harpy in front of you is pretty rough. You've reduced him very close to zero hit points, and there's blood gushing off of their feathers, just spraying everywhere. They're barely holding it together, and they sort of cock their head over their shoulder

and stare at you through the stink. So you have a new friend. Aw. Up next, it's Ronnie! I can't kill these guys. Yeah. Get him, get him. up next it's Ronnie I can't kill these guys yeah I wanted to say I think at the end of the last episode maybe we already talked about this because I just listened to it and then also

I think I know what you're going to say Bardic Inspiration yeah I gave Ronnie a Bardic Inspiration point I did make a note yeah so just so he remembers that right now sorry I'm just telling you what you were about to do Okay, but yeah, so just so he remembers that right now, it means that you can... Yeah, let him...

Sorry? No, I'm just telling you what you're about to do. I'm listening too. You can, for 10 minutes, you can add a inspiration die, 1d8, to an ability check attack roll or saving throw. Oh, cool. And you can wait to add it until you see the roll. So, like, you can, you don't have, if you're attacking, you could see if it's going to hit without it or whatever. Okay, cool. Well, I will use it. Um,

so I'm going to arm blade a strike on the, on whoever's closest. There's like a bunch of guys all around you. So yeah, there's like a bunch of guys all around you yeah who's the hardest well the one kind of right north end between him and Dr. Uwud are the worst though I might need help with that one it's a 12 that's

probably under right nope that's a hit oh it is good roll that damage roll roll that damage 3 plus 3 on the arm blade I slightly burned all right how would you like to see this die Wow so these guys are already kind of beaten up on huh oh yeah mmm did it see oh that smell great in here it just Did it? Let's see.

Oh, gross. It does smell great in here. It just clutches at its neck as I slice it across the neck. And it does one of those his blood does this and then it falls. I like how

you rubbed your beard into the microphone during that. So we got a real like textury death. All right. Do I get another hit? You get to do as a bonus action, either unarmed strike or flurry of blows. I'm assuming you want flurry of blows. I think you have more than one attack.

Level eight, buddy. Oh yeah, two attacks per action. You're actually right. I'm stabbed. That's the level we are at now per action. You're actually right. At? I'm stabbed. At the level we are at now? Okay. Yeah, level eight. Oh yeah, right. Okay. Go and stab.

Go, go and stab. Go and stab him. A little lower. It's eleven this time. Does that still hit? Still a hit. Really? Harpies have an AC of eleven. You can look it up in the old rule book. I'm not gonna. Don't! Oh my goodness.

A dog pile just farted and I don't know who it was. They're laying literally together. They're like, they look like a big furry heart. Ernie loves to just come in my office, point his butt at me, lay down, and just rip. That's right, you have an Ernie. I do, I also have an Ernie. My Ernie was king of the farts. At the end there, especially.

Just like my grandpa. He looked like a crown on his butthole. King of the farts? Well, I played the prime minister of the farts. I did most of the actual, you know, governing. The king of the farts well I played I played the prime minister of the farts I did most of the actual you know governing the king of the farts people forget that show is Canadian yeah five on the short sword

arm blade all right how would you like to see that harpy die oh that one I bop on the top of his her head and slice her down into her neck, and her head just opens up like a... Palmer?

Whatever it was. Window? No. What do they call those? An artichoke. Or a blooming onion. Artichoke. That's pretty.

Like a blooming onion? That's perfect. Yeah, it opens up like a blooming onion. But that Cajun spice? Yeah, it's so good. I've actually been to Outback once. I've only been to an Outback

one time ever. Same. It was good, but... Was it? Yeah. I heard it's got a lot of spiders. Oh, my goodness. You know, if the waiter bites you, there are two steps and you're dead. But you have to invite the waiter into your house.

Yes. That joke was so dumb, I'm mad it made me laugh. Brian, you still have your bonus action attack. Do flurry blows. Can Briar Jolly shout something out while he's doing all this? Maybe. Try and stop him. I'll say like, Ronnie!

Remember your shadow step if you need to get away! Yeah. It was critical. I rolled 26 on this motherfucker. 20 plus 6. Holy cats.

Okay. Hit. Damage. I rolled a damage, yeah. Nine. Plus, is there some other bonus to it, too? Double the dice damage okay so that's uh and then

12 plus 3 because you reminded me will you roll 100 please let's see I usually only use the table for botches these days but you know do you have 100 on the thing I don't know that you do mm-hmm uh on oh roll two tens matches these days but you know you have a hundred on the thing I don't know that you do

uh on oh roll two tens roll two tens oh it says no it's there oh 100 right yeah yeah there you go it's weird but yeah here it comes 67. all right so close Ryan why don't you stick two thumbs up that 67's ass. Right? In a second. Roll a d4. Alright. Sorry. So annoying. Here we go. Four. Okay, so this is

a thing where you're gonna stab one of these harpies and it's gonna die. Or is this a... Wait, wait. We should hang... Should I be a bummer? Listeners, if you are keeping track of where I may have thrown Brian a bone,

just know that I am acknowledging it right now. How would you like to see a harpy die? And then how would you like to see the same attack follow through and kill a second harpy? Oh, well, then I, I skewer one. Oh, um... Well, then I skewer one, and as it dies, I push it into the one behind it and skewer the second one. Gross.

And then pop it out, and they both fall. Harpy Sauté. Yeah. All right. I had to do the same thing when I was on Celebrity Terrible Chefs nice well you were surrounded so I was like okay regardless of how you can use your bonus action

I'm letting this be the arm blade that was too fun of a crit to let go alright up next in the turn order is gonna be bunk but i do want to remind you brian of what fire jolly just yelled at you if you want to use your turn to shadow step out of there um i just check it's your bonus action so you would have done it instead of that last attack i I think I might have asked this before. Sorry if I have.

But if I use that do they get an attack of opportunity? They don't? Okay. That's what's lovely about it. It's like how people use Misty Step. You just have to use it as a bonus action instead of say Flurry of Blows.

I thought Misty Step was a blues artist. No, that's Misty Mountain Hop. That Led Zeppelin stole from. Some poor old blues artist that Zeppelin stole from. Misty, Misty Meaner Elliot. I started to play some of that for Rhodes the other day, and I went, oh my God, this is super inappropriate. Misty, Misty Meaner Elliot. I started to play some of that for Rhodes the other day, and I went, oh, my God, this is super inappropriate.

She's saying some dirty. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jeez. Anyway. All right. It's so hard being a dad, you guys. Oh, no. You know what I bet he'd like? Full Budweiser.

His, like, wap song. Oh, my God. I think I've kept him away from that. He's probably heard it. The wap? He's probably heard it. He probably waps it to it. Oh, my God.

Anyway, what were we talking about? Just got him a bunch of Nicki Minaj. I've tried to move on. Yes. But the riffs are too hard As you were the ladies And then I did the Skip jump away You cannot, you cannot, what I was trying to convey was

That is your bonus action You've already used your bonus action to stab Alright Nevermind Wait, hang on, Somebody help me out here. I have a cold and my brain is so foggy right now. Was that Brian's second attack on his action or was that his bonus action attack?

I think that was his bonus. I think he took two attacks and then he was doing his bonus action. Thank you. That's what I thought happened. I just wanted to clear air. Sounds right. I can't remember if it was five minutes ago. Oh, Ken. It's amazing. Who are you?

I've been asleep this whole time. Up next is Bunkle Chee Rankinboing who raises both swords above his head and says, Retribution shall be mine! And he charges in. He's a nerd. Nerds, right?

Very serious. It's two hits. Me hitting you? He decapitates both harpies at the same time nice oh oh my and then john's in their blood let's see oh no he can't do that he has to have a short rest before he can do that so that'll be his turn uh next is winifred there is only one visible harpy left thrilling

um can everyone hear me sorry i had everything turned off i mean i'm trying not to but i do hear you oh i hear you loud and clear and you sound great and sarah may i say how flat you look that's a reference that i don't think that we even great. And Sarah, may I say how flat you look? That's a reference that I don't think that we even understand that. What does that mean? That's P-H-L-A-T. We talked about it off. It's not what you

think, everybody. It's a reference to my hair. It's an inside-ant's weave. Okay, so but thanks, Chris, either way. So this is... Gross. What? You started it by insulting me.

By saying you were trying not to hear me, Dan. Take some responsibility. No, that's just the fact. I'm a terrible person. Look, we all are, and that's why we get along so well. I am going to, well, I was going to go down and heal Danny, but I feel like, I mean... Ronnie. Ronnie. I'm going to keep doing, I was going to go down and heal Danny, but I feel like, I mean. Ronnie.

Ronnie. I'm going to keep doing that. I'm sorry. So there's one. So I think I can get down here to the one, towards the one harpy. And then. Yes. I will go ahead and.

Stab it. Make the stab. And, uh, stab it? Make the stab. I'm going to stab it with my rapier. Sweet. I like it. I'm going to try, at least. You haven't done a melee attack yet. No.

That's an 18 to hit that's a hit and that's five points of damage oh how you wanna see a harpy die oh um i, I would like the blade to, um, skewer this harpy right through the empty eye socket. Um, and then come out the other side. And then, yep. And then I'm just going to do a little twist and turn. and I'm just gonna do a little twist and turn. It's the power of my twist and turn, and the pain is gonna make it kind of swing around. Like, I'm gonna go like,

and it's gonna swing around on the blade, and then I'm gonna pull it out. Anyone else feel like Sarah was describing the steps of a complicated dance? I am a performer. And then Winifred takes a bow.

As Winifred takes a bow, you all notice the stink cloud is beginning to settle. That's my favorite Smith song. Winifred takes a bow. Yeah, it's my favorite Smith song. Whatever it takes to bow. Yeah, it's really good. Nice. Nice. It's nice

to have a Smith joke that isn't Morrissey. So, as the stink cloud settles, you all realize there's one harpy that got away. You're not sure where it went, but it did flee as things were starting to take a turn against them. So, I'm gonna. So I'm going to

go press an alarm button. So you guys see the stink cloud kind of dissipate. Nice. The ice begins to melt. With its wiener flapping around like flea. Wow, I only heard wiener

flapping around like flea because you were talking over me. What else do you need to hear? Every time I hear Flea, I just think of a bald guy with L.A. Lakers tattoos flapping his wiener around. I mean, that's what he did on Obi-Wan. I don't wait to hear Flea. Yeah.

Fair. You guys all look around and see that the chamber continues up significantly ahead to the south. But there is that chamber a lot of the harpies poured out of to the west. And also there was something, remember, in a room down back in that hallway, something scratching to get out of a room. I don't know if you remember that because I think you made a point of not telling. Well, I'm telling you now. I'm telling you now. Ronnie's not scared of that room, but I am.

I could, I could go and see if I can talk to the creature and see if it's a, you know, something we would want to. Oh, a vocal performance. You can talk to the animals. Oh, so do you walk over? Yeah, sure. So, Winifred, as you come around, you notice this hallway is now very quiet. Oh, no more scratching?

Not at the moment. I'll place a hand on her shoulder and cast guidance, which means you can add a D four, I think too. But I don't think I can. The thing is I have to be able to, um, I can cast the spell of meth.

I was going to do message, but I can go through solid objects. If you're familiar with the target and know it is beyond the barrier. So I wouldn't say I'm familiar with the target though. Right? So, um, we can crack the barrier. So I wouldn't say I'm familiar with the target, though, right? Nope. So we could crack the door, but, you know. I'm going to call just without using any magics at this point

and just say, hello there. Is anyone in there? No, I'm right over. That was not me. Hello? Hello? Oh, someone answered? Hello? Please

let us out. Anybody got any spidey senses about this? We can definitely all do an insight check, right? My family and I are in here. We were kept as meat for the harpies. You sound very calm.

I'm not. I'm tired. I'm very, very tired. Can we do insight checks? Dan? Sure, everybody. Do an insight check. Insight check. Assuming you're all gathering around the door and not sneaking off somewhere.

Fifteen. Eighteen. Fourteen. Get it? I'm gonna do are not sneaking off somewhere. 15. 18. 14. I'm going to use my... Chris gave me guidance which I didn't use, but now I'm going to use it. So,

20. Not natural. Winifred, you think this is utter bullshit. Shall we let him out uh what are you really tell us and perhaps we'll consider letting you out help us

strike one land shark land shark please goodbye so tired gives me creeps anyone want to do anything Please. Bye. So tired. That gives me creeps. Anyone want to do anything? Nah.

No. Maybe throw some oil in there and burn them. That would be nerd poker. Yeah. To do that, we'd have to open the door. It sort of feels like the problem is solved right now by simply ignoring. It is hard to ignore a mysterious voice claiming to be a trapped family. But if anyone can do it, we can.

No! Under the door. Not at all. See you later, fuck it all! Meanwhile, Queep is talking about advanced arson techniques. You want to play on it, maybe,ar Jolly, before you abandon this family? Or is it sort of a... My job is to help those in need.

They don't need anything. They're trying to eat your things. Lay their eggs in your underpants, probably. Very certain of that. All right. Well, listen, I am but a simple, well-known in my own parts, as I've mentioned, but a simple village girl. That keeps

coming up. Well, I'm just telling you that I don't know what I don't know, as they say. So if you say that we should leave this alone, then I'll have to go ahead and trust you. I'll turn to Ronnie. Oh, I was so worried.

Did you see anything on the other side? Did you talk to your brother? No. Sorry. Alright, well, good talk. Alright. We should rest.

Everybody needs to rest. We need healings and stuff. Is one of these rooms here a good... I had checked them out before, but it was a couple episodes again now. Is one of these rooms good for a rest? Like we can barricade or blockade it? And then one we can empty. You could barricade those two rooms, sure.

They're very small, but you could all pile in there and barricade them. Friends. Great. You mean the rooms down the hallway next to the one with the clawing and scratching, right? Yeah. So with the combination of perhaps a couple healing spells, and we could take a short rest, perhaps? Yes.

Roll some hit dice. Yes, and if I think I have, let me see. Um. Song of Rest means that if you can spend hit dice to regain it after a short rest, then you can get an extra 1d6. Hey! That's as good as a healing spell. But I think with the short rest, we don't get that much. We don't get spell

slots back, right? No. I don't think so. No, I think some classes might get abilities. No, I think usually spell slots, you need to do a long arrest. What do people think? How long arrest should we we do short or long here let's long it up you know charge um bunk chimes in and says uh i would prefer a log rest however

i think perhaps we should scout ahead a little bit and decide just how secure this area is. I feel there's some unexplored chambers very close by. Especially the one to the west. I would prefer to scout that first. Alright, well I'm gonna give Ronnie a healing potion. Cool.

And Ronnie, I will also cast... I'm gonna cast I think healing. I do have cure wounds. I'm going to cast cure wounds on you at second level. So, Ronnie, I'm healing you for 15 hit points. Ooh.

Thank you. Of course. What did yours do, Ken? I don't know. I have to look it up. Does anybody know? Look it up. Healing potion. Look it up.

I don't have any. You gain 2d4 plus 2. So do I roll that? I will let Brian roll it. All right. Never used a healing potion, huh? Crazy. The one who quaffs the potion may roll the die.

Ah, interesting. Go, Coffer. Coff it, coff it. Coff it up. Coff it up. Uh, five, and then... Nice. Times two, is that what you said?

It is 2d4 plus two. Plus two, so 5 plus 2. So you get 7 hit points. Yeah. Nice. Plus you can roll some hit dice too, Brian, and you can add Sarah's... Sorry, did I miss her doing short rest? Well, that's the question.

Bunk suggested scouting first. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, I confused that. No, we were just doing quick spells and potions and shit. Are we all hurt or just Ronnie? I'm hurt. I have almost no spell slots left.

I'm at like half. I was just healing Ronnie while we go continue the search. I think I was just doing a little momentary mending. I unfortunately have been cut quite deeply and will enjoy rest also. However, why don't we explore this chamber, hopefully?

Okay. I'm at half right now, so we can go. I can cure... Let me see how many salts I have left. Oh, yeah, no, I'm good. Let me cure some people. Who needs to be cured? Lion. I'm going to do a cure on myself if nobody needs it

I will start with bunk I guess so he gets I guess wow well shall we continue exploring then gets 11 points the maximum on a first level cure wound

thank you I appreciate it I was down to your wounds. Thank you, I appreciate it. I was down to 7 of 68 points. And then I will also do Rani who gets 6. Sorry. That's fine. Thank you. And then who else needed some?

Dr. Uwud. Just while we're doing this exploration, I'll just pop a banner. Ten. Cool. Wow, nice. Are we frozen or is everyone just being silent

for no reason? No, I think we're done. We can't rest let's go explore okay so let's follow Bunk to where he said he thought we should check out if this was a real radio show a producer would have been waving their arms

I saw it happen on WKRP Bunk walks over here and says in here I'm not sure what lies inside but I can tell it doesn't slope upwards to the top of the Vendarian cliff. Alright, well, lead the way then.

Okay, I'm following him. He peers inside. There appears to be no life. I encourage us all to enter the chamber. Okay. That's a weird way to say that.

Enter the chamber. Is there light in there? Prepare to chamber fire. So, inside, there is some dim light. There are a few lanterns, and... This is where all the harpies came from? Sorry, just to clarify for listeners yes yes and there's a bunch of harpy nests and yeah there's dim lantern light and it seems like

the harpies have been in here for a very long time the lanterns are curious you know harpies can see in you know darkness but these harpies had no eyes. And so, the fact that there are lanterns here at all is kind of curious. To the north, there is another door. So, somebody is keeping these harpies as, like, pets, or guard dogs. That's one conclusion you could come to.

Can we, let's barricade this door? Probably like a big vampire. Vampire boss. Why do you say vampire, Ronnie? Because that's the kind of person that has heartbeats.

It's not just vampires. Heartbeats are transmissible oh are they I just felt like that's a worst joke I've ever said yeah you guys are barricading the door I don't know what do you think

is he comfortable with that now is he comfortable with us resting now or did he want exploration I feel like this final door, someone should investigate. Alright, let's do it. I don't think we're gonna be safe

in that room sleeping for eight hours of the fucking Dracula over here. We'll kick his ass! Well, then go ahead and open the door. Checking the door for traps Nope, too late, Fry's already opening it Oh, nevermind

So, you whip the door open Fry or Jolly That's Sarah playing my character Very cleverly, I might add Look, if no one's going to stop me, I'm going to do it That's a Winifred thing I'll walk up to the door and do the thing.

Check for traps and shit. Oh, okay. Do an investigation check. Is that okay, Sarah? This is a Winifred thing. Winifred was like, you do it. And then you found yourself compelled by the strength of her tone. I also let you choose.

You can do investigation or perception. I'd rather or perception. I'd rather do perception. So instead of plus one, that'd be plus five. So that's a 23. Oh, you press your ear up to the door and you hear labored breathing. Was a

harpies breathing like that? Insight check for you. Just you. Okay. Insight check, and the answer is 14. It is not a harpy, and it sounds

injured. Oh. All right. I will share that with my friends. Shall we carefully see what's going on in there? Yeah, I like it. Let's do it. All right. I will.

Recklessly. All right. And we'll have to find out what Friar Jolly sees on the next episode of Nerd Poker. Hey, Sam. Hi. of nerd poker hey sam hi episode eight we are having a harpy of a day there's too many harpies around ronnie and friar jolly shined his beautiful light on the mall but it was mostly mouth noise light dr uid took out three harpies and ronnie took out one then skewered two more there was an apology which dan always appreciates our flat-haired

queen's character winterfred took out one with an eye socket skewer we found a meat family and after months of me edging we are finally resting uh we're in a dimly lit chamber why lanterns if no eyes there's labored breathing something is hurt nearby it's probably us uh i have comic books um you can get uh my story acts with me and joe troman uh evil dead 2 meets the goonies um that's uh in heavy metal magazine currently we'll be collected as a trade at the end uh i'm seeing the art for Rifters from Image Comics and Grommets from Image Comics Grommets is a project I did with Rick Remender about skateboarding in the 80s and this shit's

coming together it's so fucking crazy I can't wait for people to be able to read it and that's Licky tourdatesbrownsane.com I got Cobbs coming up in a month or less than a month oh Cobbs such a cool room what do you got Dan? sane.com. I got COBS coming up in a month or less than a month. Such a cool room.

What do you got, Dan? I'll be in Chicago and Florida in October, so please keep an eye out for those dates. If you're in Los Angeles, my monthly show will be on September 7th. Licky, how dare you? Yes, so that will be coming up the first Tuesday of September.

This lineup will include Debra DiGiovanni, Subha Agarwal, and Gael B. Loom is in town. And Gael, folks, Ever Maynard, and Derek Brown. It would be super cool if you came on by. Cool. Hey, Blaine, what's going to happen next week? We attribute the success to save mankind from death. Thanks for joining us on this episode.

You got walls and a roof. Well. On the next Nerd Poker, Dan says, Paul into block. Peter Marshall says, Paul, what weighs more, a pound of feathers or a pound of gold? Paul Lynn says, shut up. Brian's trying to sleep. Brian says, I agree. Peter says, X gets the square.

All this and a frozen stowaway falls in the landing gear on the next Nerd Poker. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerd poker and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box one six zero six nine. Encino, California, nine one four one six. Thanks for listening.