Nerd Poker - S5E9 Behind the Door

Episode Date: September 6, 2022

It's time to loot the harpy cave! Our intrepid crew has slunk up to a mysterious door, the sounds of soft breathing on the other side. What horrors might lie on the other side? Well we can promise you one thing: there is ZERO chance you will see this one coming.

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin, comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room with my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Lee, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Hey, it's Billy. Season five.

Hey, everybody. My name is Brian Poussaint. You're listening to my show here, Nerd Poker with my friends. Look at them. It's going to be a good one. It's episode nine of season five uh ronnie yen is my new guy let's uh get into some shit uh dan what's up buddy oh i'm just hanging out admiring chris tallman's ithorian shirt that's chris tallman there too hey what's up chris hey i'm just admiring uh ken's um uh shirt it has um stuff

halloween must be close ken's here hey everybody hi how are you how are you how is everybody good to see you all look at that what is that on your shirt sam say patty ready it is uh it says uh uh patty don't start which is a tweet from trixie mattel the drag queen oh nice i haven't introduced sam yet but but that's cool. Sarah's here. Hello, hi. Hey, how are you? Shirt. I'm all right, how are you? You're wearing a shirt with stuff on it.

Oh, Reading Rainbow, nice. Mine says Reading Rainbow. Have we talked to Blaine yet? No. Blaine, hey, buddy. Hey, what's happening? Look at him. You're also wearing a shirt.

Yeah, I have a shirt. We're the shirt club, you guys. Yeah. Not for long. Yeah. Whoa. Is that everybody? Except for Sam. We did hear from him.

What are you doing, buddy? How are you? Well, as you can tell, well, first off, hello, sweet children. As you can tell by my appearance, busy day today. I am coming in right from my shift at hot topic in the back room with all the shirts your hair is a natural color come on yes touche i had i had given you a step up from that you were the guy who just quit hot topic to go on the warpped Tour. Just out there getting sunburned. You're at your Huntington Beach the Hot Topic

that you work at and you just came in and said, fuck you guys, I quit. Warped Tour forever. I know exactly. I found out they're instituting drug testing and I was like, boom, I'm out. Stack your own Funkos.

Double birds. That's right. i think you look like the guy from blancmange i'll google that dan brian i bet i know what you want i should thank some patreon supporters a yeah yeah that's right here it comes i'm gonna thank patreon supporters with usernames like philip I should thank some Patreon supporters, eh? Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Here it comes. I'm going to thank Patreon supporters with usernames like Philip Rainsford. Thank you, Philip! Thank you. Thank you, Michael Berlekamp. Thank you.

Thank you, Lord Irakhan. Parenthetical, oh boy, don't you line the track. Oh boy, don't you line the track, Alakhan. Cool. parenthetical oh boy don't you line the track oh boy don't you line the track alackin thank you skylar mcvaw thank you i steal thea naoli thank you paul chapman thank you recently i took some psychedelics and listened to a compilation of Blaine's ad future bits. Do not recommend. Gosh. Thank you.

Deckard skill. So thank you. Jugal. Thank you. Danny's frog face fiend. Thank you. Can I get a ride to the airport? No.

Thank you. Dango Merman, AKA uncle magic. Thank you. I'm just here to deliver the worms. Thank you. Bud Dwyer, tire fire. Thank you. Eric E. Thank you. I'm just here to deliver the worms. Thank you, Bud Dwyer Tirefire. Thank you, Eric E. Thank you, Jack Watkins. Thank you,

Bathwater Snowcone. Thank you, Nathan's Furry Purple Carrot. That's another you. Thank you. Oh, God, why is it so sticky? The yous keep on coming. Thank you, Castaway Cuties Booty Pootie After a Wet Tootie. Thank you, colton and

steven youngblood thank you dr ood's forest grown og kush thank you crimson tesseract thank you zen smoke thank you rachel thank you brian gamble and finally thank you dr paladino's sleep medicine and ob gyn clinic home of the cpap smear

machine hey blame who were they all brought to us home of the CPAP smear machine. Hey, Blaine. Who were they all brought to us by? They were all brought to us by aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I'm Ronald McDonald, and I'm dead because I smoked. Don't smoke. Don't smoke. Brought to you by the American Cats. Dan. Thank you, Blaine.

It's time to talk about what happened last time on Nerd Poker. Our heroes finally killed all those harpies, and Friar Jolly is leading the group as they investigate a strange chamber. A chamber bunk, the local halfling who came up from Donkey Land to fight and happens to be grouped with our heroes, insisted be explored before they take a little nappy poo and regain their hit points. Friar Jolly is approaching the door. The door is deep in the middle of the harpy's nest. All the harpies seem to be dead.

But this door deep, deep in an inner chamber of the nest. Behind it has some sort of shallow breathing. We now take you to the group already in progress. So, that's where we left the group already in progress. So, that's where we left off. Hi, everybody. Hi, Dan. You're our players. You have agency over what happens next. What would you like to have

happen? We win. Oh, yeah, that'd be good. I think I was opening that door. Yeah. Alright. I was trying to trick you into opening it, and then you were not doing it, and then you were not doing it and then maybe you were doing it. Well, we checked for traps. Oh, that's right.

We'll find out on the next episode. Can I move up here at least? Kind of get into this room with everybody? Sure, you can get into that chamber. Of course, Fire Jolly's right at the door. Okay, I'm coming up there okay dr uid what would you like to do check for traps someone checking for traps i feel like we did that but we did that last time all right i'll take your word for it

no traps it was awesomely untrapped, again, chamber is like is like parked in the far west side of this Harpies nest. It appears there's no other way in this chamber. It's right behind the giant stink cloud that erupted as the final wave of Harpies attacked you guys. So you're going to pop it open. Yeah. Breach it. Breach it. you're gonna pop it open yeah reach it breach it friar jolly you reach forward to the small wooden knob on the door and begin to open it uh inside you see there looks like there's a few

supplies uh a few bedrolls and curled up curled up in one of the bedrolls is what appears to be a humanoid mouse with a little helmet, sword, and cape. Oh, my God. Who wants to kiss him first? And he's sleeping. And then... And then... Hey, y'all. I know you.

I recognize somebody. I know the doctor one and the bird one. It's me, Terry. Okay. Y'all probably don't recognize me because I'm a little mouse man now. Oh, no. It's been a minute. Okay.

Let me explain. Okay. So I went back home to where I'm from. Is this really happening? I don't know shut up so i went home where i'm from crushed like 30 40 modellos with this guy bumped into named eckert toll just stayed up all night just crushing dellos and doing the you know into this the morning and i realized basically i'm wasting my life you know i, I'm wasting my life. So I went, you know, buckled down, went back to school. I got my kids back, got custody of both my kids.

They're both clean. Both of them quit smoking. They are enrolled in middle school. Got my wife back, proposed to my wife again. We got married again in a holy place. You guys in your world would probably call it a church. In our world, it's called the Dave and Busters. While I was at the Dave and Busters, I bumped into my friend Gary and I said, Gary, you son of a bitch, you owe me $40. And he said,

okay, Gary's a wizard, by the way. And he said, I don't have $40, but I know you're like trying to clean up your life. So if you like, I can do what's called a true polymorph and make you into a Meadowguard mouse folk monk. And I said, you sumbitch, that sounds great. So now, I'm just a little mouse guy.

You know, I'm running around trying to right my wrongs. I got this little shield. I got these little jean shorts still. I ran into my kids. My kids love it

because they always wanted a pet. They put me in the little tube and they love it. My wife turns out to be some sort of kink with it. So we're more passionate than ever. I'm basically just up here taking a little rest. I was going to try and go storm that castle, maybe take my tiny mouse body, see if I can't go through the pipes, go up through a toilet or something. And then, you know, see if I can do, you know, write some justice. I'm out here trying to fix my karmic wrongs for all the stuff I've taken.

It's good to see you guys. I'm a little mouse man now. I stabbed the mouse with my arm swords. Just kidding. Oh, no! So is he truly mouse-sized? Yeah. I think so, right? He just turns to whoever he recognizes you're you're about

two feet tall okay that's correct i'm about two feet tall i'm a little mouse man okay yeah and you know the doctor and queep i do from previous i would never forget a big bird that's cool as shit that is cool and now you're the man you had uh tenure or did you not i i did have tenure thank you for reminding me i'd forgotten for a couple of days i've been distracted by the cloud of harpies and toxic stink oh it's nice to meet the rest of you i'm terry i'm a little mouse man now have you been a prisoner in this room no i was just take just taking a little rest it came in through a little mouse mouse hole in the wall. I'll probably go back through it and

go and storm a castle. You can join us? We're going to go commit the act of murder. No, I got... Here's the thing. I can't be doing murders no more. I committed... I'm trying to right the wrongs I did. I realize as I'm saying this, this sounds a lot like

this thing called Quantum Leap where I'm from is this is different than that this is unrelated to that it's not a quantum leap scenario no no no no i'm a little mouse man about two feet tall now you can murder evil things though that is very true i absolutely yeah that's all we murder yeah that's it yeah and sometimes we burn small children but that's out of that 92 percent of the time well here's i don't here's what i'll say i don't feel i know enough about being a mouse yet to fully come with you guys right now so i'm gonna get back in this little mouse hole and go try and get some of this karmic debt back but yeah it's good to see you guys here's the thing because i did a slip and fall in this castle. So I got to go back in there.

I owe them. Yeah. Oh, nearby. I got a lot of a lot of karmic energy debt to repay. And you did a slip and fall. Yeah. It's where you pretend to fall down and then you sue them. Sometimes I drop a gallon of milk.

I'm getting old. My hips were bad. Oh, yeah. Well, now you got that weird little rubber mouse bone. I know. Look at him. A little mouse man. Well, thank you for saying hello.

Yeah, it's weird that neither three of you would not introduce yourselves. Kind of rude. Oh, I'm fine, Charlie. No, no. Jennifer sat down and feels that she's having a psychotic break. Yes, remember, we invited you to join us and you immediately said no. And then you criticize us for not introducing ourselves. That it.

Yep. I'll let it go some old ways. He looks nice, but he's not. Don't get it twisted. I'm Ronnie N. Very nice to meet you. Winifred's rocking back and forth and is like, it's fine. If he knows Queep, it must be fine. It's fine. He's a strange little and forth and it's like it it's fine if he knows queep it must be fine

it's fine he's a strange little mouse man and it's fine it's terry he's an old friend yeah small town girl famous though she was on the community stage stage. Oh, God, here we go. She's never heard these. I love community theater. They would do this rendition of this show called Dukes of Hazzard, where I was from, and they would jump a car through the bill. A lot of people died. They shut it

down. They would jump a what? There's so many things I'd have to explain. I'm from... Would you, sir, would you grace us with a monologue from this Dukes of Hazzard? Uh huh. Hey, it's me. The two Dukes of Hazzard. And we are being chased by, I want to say, a sheriff.

And we're driving too fast and unsafe. But it's OK, because this is still a time when people throw styrofoam in the woods and stuff, so things are pretty chill. Goodbye! And then they vroom. Wow. Yep. I was feeling better, and now again with the styrofoam and things, this is

very disturbing, but are you sure you wouldn't like to join us? Seems like you might have a lot of information that could help us. Not currently. I do have to go. Okay, goodbye. Before you leave, can you tell us about the spinoff, Anus?

Here's the thing. There was a show called Anus where I'm from, but I don't think you want to hear about it. It was bad. It was made by that guy who made this movie, Kids. It's not good. Okay, I got to go, but I wish you all very, very good luck. It was made by that guy who made this movie. Kids, it's not good. Okay, I gotta go, but I wish you all very, very good luck. I'm a little mouse man.

I can't wait for you to quantum leap back to us. Nope, that's not my thing. That's a whole different thing. And the little mouse man just runs into a little hole in the wall. Hey, Sam. would uh would the new

reformed terry leave garbage behind if you were like camping or at a barbecue uh if it would yeah maybe in a neat little uh garbage bags you know pack it in pack it out thing for the you know maybe he brought a little recycling bin or something does he still smoke yes he does i thought yes he does but when he does they didn't the wizard didn't shrink down so it's people-sized cigarettes with a little two-foot yeah but he's that's his last vice he's trying to there's a strange paper box on the ground with green markings in a language you don't understand and cigarettes

sticking out of it. Smells like mint. There should be like some sort of stick that you can light that magically just burns continuously that you could like a Geimer stick. Other than Terry the Mouse Man's leavings, there is little else in the room except for a couple

of other bedrolls. Looks like this is an old room that covered in dust until terry scurried in here and took a nap well that's convenient for us if we wanted to um do our long rest right yeah this is this looks like a quiet room that you guys could actually hold up hold up in and we could do that and the door is easily barred if you wanted to also there is enough bits of camping equipment in here that you could prop it against the door or at least rig a basic alarm if you did a little survival check or something okay let's do it yeah cool so how would you guys like to handle because you're doing a long rest right yeah that's what we were talking about right yeah so i would say you know uh just let me know what kind of watch or system you'd like to set up as you i'll take a first watch i can uh use it maybe use my survival to help like barricade the

door or something like that okay um now before you do that dr uid are you planning to be just awake inside the room or do you want to wait outside the room and then knock and come in after your watch uh what what would be our standard thing i would think it would just be me outside right i don't know it seemed like if he was going to barricade the door, this is an actual conversation you might want to have real quick. Well, you don't have to barricade it. I heard somebody say barricade the door. You don't have to do

nothing. You can watch from right inside the door. All right. Sure. We'll stay in here. Great. Then while the rest of you cozy up and either go over your spells or crash let's get a perception check from dr uid i have a plus 4 and 18 22 nice so um by the way if i have to duck away it's because i uh i'm getting over a cold and I'm trying not to sniffle, sneeze, or

snort right into the microphone. Excuse me. Gross. So, with the 22, yeah, very quiet. Very quiet out there, Dr. Uy, but you do feel like in the distance, you can hear the ocean kind of lapping up

against the inside of the cave far, far away down the tunnel okay uh does that mean hey if I look around on the walls of the cave does it look like water comes in here at all great question although you're very high up at this

point you guys have been ascending inside the cliff so no like it doesn't look like the water could get in here but it also looks like there hasn't really been a lot of activity in here except for these little mouse prints everywhere all right i just want to make sure the tide is not going to come in and drown us no you're pretty high up at this point yeah yeah yeah reasonable question but yeah um all right so four hours go by are you gonna swap out if yeah i could i only

need four hours for this how how long is this rest uh well eight twelve it'll be it'll be 12 unless um unless anyone else only needs four hours yeah i only need four but if else only needs four hours. Yeah, I only need four. But if he only needs four, he can go to sleep now. Someone else. And then, yeah. Yeah. I need 19 points. You do need 12.

I'll take a watch. All right. Sounds like we'll take three of them, right? We're going to have three watches. Yeah, now that I think about it, you kind of have to. So, Fragile, why don't you roll that? I'll take the final watch, but I'd like to get some sleep.

Final watch. Oh, that's a quality eight. Fragile, you get really distracted by your thoughts of how you're going to approach once you get up the cliff. And you catch yourself sort of missing out on listening carefully. But you are barricaded in here, so you don't really notice anything. Maybe I'll just, for a moment before I wake up Ronnie for the third watch, I'll just sort of like, watch him sleeping. Look at that guy. Our leader. All right, then I'll wake sort of like watch him sleeping. Look at that guy. Our leader.

Alright, then I'll wake him up for his watch. Ronnie. Roll that perception check, Ronnie. Alright. I'm not the leader. He says quietly to himself while everyone sleeps. Getting bigger and sleeker.

20. Nice. You think near the end of your watch, you hear a rustling noise out in the chamber, Ronnie. Okay. Would you like to do anything about it? No, I'm'm gonna hang tight is it a

Leon wrestling noise yep okay so uh you hang in there and everyone your eight hours are taken you get your sleep in and yeah it's uh

it's time to get going, it feels like. Woo-woo! Any other doors in this room? No, just a small mouse hole. Yeah, just an eight-inch tall hole that Terry bent over and squeezed through. Edward. Bossman, you said you heard some noises out there

I'm not the boss but and Eddie don't say anything but yeah I heard a little rustling around alright want us to check it out yeah let's do it

you unbarricade the door as you open the door you all notice the harpy bodies appear to have been cleared away You unbarricade the door. As you open the door, you all notice the harpy bodies appear to have been cleared away. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Interesting. Yeah. Little bits of feather and blood still splattered everywhere, but no, no bodies you can see.

Is there a trail? Do. I'll let you choose um investigation or perception um perception investigation i will do uh perception because my bonus is better do it it! Okay, so... Nine! I mean, there's like... It looks like drag marks, but you can't tell which way they're going or how many of them there are.

Could be anything. Probably grave robbers. Shall we continue ascending? Yeah, i think we should head towards the only door we came in right there's only one yeah and as you sort of like leave the chamber you notice the pile of like you know 20 something harpies are just all gone somebody's just making a big pot of stock or harpy stock uh gross so you guys are gonna head up the chamber um as you do so uh there's at one point like steps so you're coming down a hallway and it actually gets kind of steep you realize you're getting pretty far up the cliffs.

Feels good. Feels like you're actually making progress. You're stepped up and down. Up. You're ascending. You're ascending. You have quite a vertical distance to get up to get to the castle. And as you approach the end of this tunnel

it starts to turn to the east and uh you know once again it seems like there's a big chamber up ahead oh let's be careful too bad we don't have that little uh toilet rat here we could send him

ahead and sneak around. He really did not want to stay. No. Do I see any dragging marks like there were in the other room? Um, I will let you choose. You can do investigation or survival.

Um, survival. Bonus to it and I rolled a 13 okay well I at this point you're like um doesn't really look like

any dragging um marks hard to tell though you just went up some stone stairs so it feels like maybe whatever dragged the bodies away went back the way you guys came that's good does it smell bad up here no it's very quiet

although you do think you see a faint green glow coming from the chamber head oh hmm green glow coming from the chamber ahead. Oh. Green glow, you say? Yep. Let's sneak up there,

see what it is. And this place, is that the only light source, this green glow? Are we on infravision or darkvision? Darkvision, except for the green glow, yeah. Okay, and we don't have any torches or anything going on. I can cast light. How about I cast light

on, like, my shield? Who's that? Who's that Hugo Weaving? Oh, sorry. Hugo Weaving character on the map who's, like, way behind everybody. Hugo Weaving. That's Ronnie. Yeah, Ronnie just hasn't moved

his token. Ronnie, are you moving a bag of chips directly in front of the microphone? What's happening? No. Liar. Yeah, does anyone want to peek ahead? Were you casting light on prior, Charlie? I can casting light on, Pirate Charlie?

I can cast light on my... I can hold on my own light. I can make anything glow. I'm a cleric of light. I can cast it on my shield. Does that work for everybody? Sure. Unless someone wants to really sneak

in a stealthy way. Yeah, I don't know. It's not really my... Well, if we can see, maybe we don't need the light. Yeah, but they can see us coming. Ronnie, do you want to use your half-elven skills and sneak up there and peer through the dark?

Take the lead? Sure. Okay. All right, Ronnie. why don't you uh head up there and do you want to be more uh more on the stealthy side yeah great

let's get a stealth check from you sir mm-hmm sorry one second i got you negotiating my screens there we go this didn't have very low five sorry okay uh yeah you head up through the chamber and unfortunately turn an ankle on a rock you don't twist your ankle but it does fly across the chamber and crack against a wall really quick um you see the chamber up ahead the the green seems to be coming from the left. Or the right, excuse me.

On the map, the left. You're right. The rock flew through the air? Oh, he just accidentally kicked a rock on the wall. There's nothing complicated going on. All right. Well, I'm going to try to continue. And can I roll again?

Okay. Sure. Sure. I have fire on me. Stealth it up one more time. Yeah, you want to head that far? Just roll a stealth for me. As I always say to my friends when they needlessly apologize, thank you for apologizing. 19

plus 3, 22. Oh, shit. shit okay this time like a ghosty as fuck you just breeze into the chamber um there is a little campfire with what looks like another glowing lantern um not unlike the one that you found near the beginning of this tunnel um sitting in the middle of the campfire there's also a few bedrolls um all kind of lined up a couple of hammocks that are hooked to the wall and it looks like some supply crates no um creatures or humanoids or nobody um you did see a strange fairy like figure in the last glowing lamp

that you found this one does seem similar but you're not quite close enough to tell okay um continue into the room okay as you uh explore the rest of the room you just see there's some more

supplies in the back corner. Okay. Anybody else? I think you're up ahead. Are we all just kind of waiting for you? Yes. Sort of following you. I, Bunkle Chee Rankin-Boeing, shall accompany Ronnie in into the chamber.

What hole? There's a strange lamp. All right. I'll follow everybody in there. Yeah, somebody else want to check out that lamp? Yeah, I want to look at it. Yes, and perhaps let's dig around, root around, find if there are any heroic supplements to be found.

I'm going to go up into this area right here And do like a search of this room Is that cool? Yeah, yeah, do an investigation check Dr. Uwud as you dig around One I botched my investigation So I just, uh, what did I

Back into some pies You all see Dr. Uwud Kinda like dust his hands off, walk into the back of the chamber and fall down. Oh, God. I think maybe I'll go to, there seems to be sort of an entrance to the south of

us, Dan. Is that true? Yeah, as you go over there, you the tunnel goes up and you think you actually can hear and smell sea air. Okay, I'm just going to keep an eye on that while people do searching. And I'll sort of whisper that to everybody. I smell the ocean. What do I see in this lantern?

As you get a little bit closer, Queep, you notice there is another fairy-like figure in the lantern. It is glowing green and it appears to be frozen in a sort of defensive position with its hands up in front of its face. Hmm. Is there any way I can free it?

Well, do you want to try and open the lantern and let it out? the lantern do we still have the other ghost lantern right you do yeah it has a little creature in it too um yeah didn't we try to talk to it i did sorry this was now a couple months ago yeah we tried to speak to it we were like is that right dan yes oh in fact dan let me say to make this more fun for role playing i have a feat hooray um called keen mind where i can accurately recall anything i have seen or heard within the past month.

So that's going to suck for you, but you can just go ahead and tell me what I most accurately recall that just happened earlier today in gameplay with the ghost lantern. Yeah, you found a lantern. It appears to have some sort of spirit trapped inside of it, and it doesn't speak, but it does point in one direction when you try to interact with it. Okay. And you try to attune to it, and you haven't really got there yet which direction was it pointing is it still pointing it was pointing sort of to the west northwest the way that we went when you interact with it when you try to talk to it okay but that's the way that we went after we talked to it. I mean, you got to tell me if you're doing it again, if you're busting that lantern out.

I mean, I will say, too, you came up with this other lantern observation, Sarah, as Queep was straight up trying to just free the lantern. Oh, okay. Sorry. Yeah, go ahead. We'll note all of that. But first, Queep, you tried to just whip the lantern open, right so let's honor that bold choice i honor your choice and please roll a uh slight of hand check to delicately do so

because as you approach you're like oh this is kind of a strange little glowing creature. It seems very vulnerable in here. Well, that's a three. Alright. Not much of a magician. You start to open the little glass door on the lantern and it falls over. The glass cracks and smashes. The light goes out.

Is the ferry okay? You don't see any sign of a ferry. Oh dear. Weird. Poor little fella. You did it? Why'd you kill that guy, Gleap? I think it disappeared.

Or it was a... Yeah, into the afterlife. Smash it on the ground like that. Take me away. I'm a murderer. So is there nothing else here? You haven't really dug around through the supplies yet. Queep tried to, or I'm sorry,

Dr. Uwe tried to, and he rolled a one. There's nothing. Can I roll another one? There's nothing at all in the broken. I'll let someone else look around, but the DC increases each time someone else tries to dig around. Winifred, do you want to look and I can help you

or something? Sure. Alright. Absolutely. I will let Winifred roll with advantage. Perception? Investigation, because you're rooting around and yeah sorry i just didn't everybody froze for a second oh that's because your internet went bad it's pretty bad today okay sorry listeners we do hope that we will play in person one day perhaps soon however real life is weird and things continue to happen we now take you to the nerd poker podcast already in progress oh so with advantage i got a natural 20 on my second one plus four oh shit balls two things

uh you find a scroll rolled up in a package from this it happens to be right under dr uid token wise so pardon me while i scoot him over um also there is a to the south as you're kind of rooting around with friar jolly's help a book all the pages are torn out of the book except for one page what's the page that remains scroll in a book okay uh-huh what what's the one page that remains in the book it is written in a strange language i'm looking at what languages you speak you do not speak this language however i will paste it uh do you want to read it to everybody pass it around or you want to just scrutinize this yourself real quick there winifred i'll scrutinize it myself and then pass it around all right then i'm going to direct message it to you in the chat

uh okay i don't understand this at all. I pass it around. Does anybody understand it? You all pass it around. Why don't you all let me know what languages you speak? Dwarvish, Elvish, and Halfling. I don't know what to make of this. He passes it along. Looks Dwarvish, doesn't it?

It is not Dwarvish. I speak for a Code Graph. Druidic and Elvish. Thank you very much. Thanks. What about you ronnie uh brian you're muted oh and i also speak our ring and that's right bird talk i just common and elvish okay um it is druidic so blaine dr it does speak druidic you said you're muted buddy everybody's mutant oh oh sorry sorry uh there's people running around

you speak druidic i speak druidic yes great and elvish and also common. Well, this is not common. This is druidic and I am direct messaging you what it says. Translating to common. Alright, here, let me take a look at this. Hmm. The beasts sleep for many years

and are not in danger of waking unless magic is used. Cast in their presence and beware indeed. Oh boy, there's a little little

lilt at the end there. They mean it. The beasts sleep for many years and are not in danger of waking unless magic is used. Cast in their presence and beware indeed. So if we cast magic in here we're going to wake up whatever it is so we're going to have to go analog on this one you guys. Do a

insight check, Dr. Ud. That one was a 2 plus 4, 6. You're personally not sure what this is a reference to, but it doesn't seem like it has to be this room. It's in a book. It's not a handwritten

note. It looks like someone wrote this a long time ago in the book and other notes were hastily ripped out. And what about the scroll? And I will give it to Blaine or to Dr. Ud if it's... I mean, yeah, the scroll you pass around and you're like oh this is some kind of arcane language that none of you

can understand Dr. Ud would you like to hold on to both the scroll and the book as they are more your in your wheelhouse? Sure why not I'd love to Just let me move by Thomas Guide in my backpack here In your wheelhouse? Sure, why not? I'd love to. Here, so let me move my Thomas Guide in my backpack here.

There, perfect. Thomas Guide. I'm not sure what a Thomas Guide is. It sounds like something from our Terry Friends world. Friar Jolly, you say you smell the sea air. Shall we continue forth yep that's what and I think I feel it well Misty oh I think

yes scallops for dinner get some oysters um and then uh Bunk shakes his head all right we're high up so you guys head up the tunnel and lo and behold, this opens up onto a little outcropping. You look down and you can see the Trident Coast Ocean lapping hundreds of feet beneath you against the cliff rocks and you can see like far far below there is a

ghost ship sailing back and forth at the little landing you guys hopped off your boat with Gago remember the ghost ship just remember that oh yeah

that's why we stand to watch in such ghost pirates are after us. Strange spirits seem to swarm around the boat. From up here, you can't really see anything on the deck. Winifred, you know there's some sort of skeletal being that stands alone. I remember him. But I'm telling you because you said you have keen mind, and I want to passive-aggressively tell you a lot of detail whenever i love it i'm i'm gonna take it as as kind helpful oh my gosh additional notes i refuse

to be passive aggressive by you we'll only take it pleasantly huzzah so you just see these big green, like monstrous draconic silhouettes that are glowing this sort of pale light. Can they see us from here? It's hard to tell. Maybe. You don't know how much those spirits on the boat see or if they're more animalistic in nature. Okay. And this is like an outcropping or this is like the path to continue on so right now you guys are on a little outcropping that is about 20 it goes about 20

feet out and about 50 feet side to side the the opening you came out of is about 10 feet by 10 feet and looking up the cliff about another 50 feet what looks like the top of the cliff I see so in order to get up there someone must fly us yes perhaps perhaps well how's that going to happen

Winifred looks meaningfully at at Queep who she has heard many wonderful songs. I know what you're thinking. She lifts her arms to the side and is like, carry me, Queep. I am ready to be lifted to ascend the mountain in your gentle talons. Queep, you recall long ago you lifted your friend Dargther up the side of a boat for what seemed like several weeks and oh there's an incredible series of the of uh short uh songs pieces poems all about that day and it's

uh i will fly her up um gladly okay weep i'm gonna have you roll an athletics check wait before he does that oh I'm going to go ahead and use my I'm going to sing to him or strum a little thing so that he can have a bardic inspiration point

I can put my go ahead after he sees the roll so like you can roll first and then see if you feel like you need it. Got it. Nice. What was that, Friar Charlie? What do you want to do? I was going to cast Guidance on our friend Queep to help him with his mighty bird wings.

She just sings, fly like an eagle, and then strums on her flyer. Alright. Athletics. Roll. Rolling. Do it. And then a 1d8 bonus. 1d8. And what does guidance do again?

A D4. Oh, and a D4. Another four? You can add a D4. Okay. I see beads of sweat going down Ken's forehead. Somehow it's even less. I'm up to 15 so far. That's good.

Let's see. 15 so far. That's good. Let's see. Or 18. I rolled really high somehow. Queep with his heroic past,

the songs that have been written about him, the pride he almost received from his people before his people were wiped out. You manage to lift Winifred up and fly gloriously up the cliff without dropping her or lagging for a moment, and you get to the top of the cliff. As you and Winifred get up there, you look ahead and, ooh, it is quite a hellscape. You think you see a couple of towers on the east side of the castle a tall almost completely impenetrable wall between them you think you see some pine forest off to the east

and the cliffs do continue for quite a way and then you think you see another corner of the castle with this strange magic flame roaring out of it into the sky. Yeah. Can you ping where we are on the map so I can move myself? Yeah, why don't we take our map over to the main map out of the sea cave. Look at this, loading special effects.

I'm going to... Special effects! So yeah. We haven't seen this map have we oh sure you did I'm gonna put bunk not where he is but in fact where you guys are so just as a

as a dungeon master tool I'm putting him right there and so you guys you know you're um you did to do to do hang on i'm having a hard time getting the tools to work but uh you guys are down here on this cliff right and then Winifred, you are sort of up there. Where does Smith bunk?

We're up where we belong. And I'll put the rest of your tokens off on that cliff. I'm going to run somebody else up there. Winifred is just eyes shining. Like this is everything that I had dreamed of. I am so thrilled. While you fall in love with Queep, down on the little outcropping... Yeah, okay.

Platonic. That was more passive-aggressive than I meant it to be. Yeah, right. Bunk also offers to bring someone up. He announces to the group, I am a member of an elite force called the Abyss Droppers. If you like, I can teleport halfway up the distance

and bring a rope with me so as I can stop halfway up the cliff, get somebody on the rope, and then when I teleport, you should get halfway up and then teleport with me. I can't carry you, but by using the rope, I should be able to. I'll do that.

Sure. I'm in. Carry me, donkey man! Bunk takes a bit of adventuring rope out. And he goes, poof! And he just appears on a small couple of rocks jutting out of a cliff. He drops it down to you, Friar Jolly. Attaches it to a rock.

And then goes, poof! Up to the top of the cliff. And in a sparkly pink cloud appears next to you Queep and Winifred. He then takes another length of rope and drops it down and calls down to your friar Jolly. Both of these should be secure, sir.

Alright! Are you teleporting me or I'm climbing the rope? Oh, you climbed the rope. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. I feel like you kind of sold that in a different form. Oh or I'm climbing the rope? Oh, you climbed the rope. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. I feel like you kind of sold that in a different form. Oh, I'm sorry. Did I make it sound like... You talked about how you were able to master all this shit.

Here I am climbing a goddamn rope. All right, here we go. I could have just thrown a rope down. Yeah. I mean, at this point, Queep 2, yeah, you're all welcome to interject if you would rather just carry people. Oh, thank you. I didn't mean to, you know, draw too much attention to my ability, but I am, of course, proud of my status and stature. So, yeah, you're welcome, whoever might like to use the rope.

And I apologize for... And he just kind of goes on for a while. Um, do you want me to send the rope or do you want to call it? Okay, cool. So just quick athletics check. I'm giving myself an eye on him in case I need to jump down and help.

Okay. I'm giving myself guidance as well. Okay. So Jesus. All right. So, so far I have a 5 but with a D4 that's probably going to come bring it all the way up to 20 Dan

uh let's see so the D4 I roll a 4 so a total of 9 okay roll a D4 for me please another time alright I believe that is a 3 Okay, roll a d4 for me, please. Another time. All right. I believe that is a three.

All right, you're going to take three points of bludgeoning damage as your feet slip against the cliff face several times and you smack your armor against it, kind of cutting into your side. But, you know, a couple of minutes later, you make it up to the top of the cliff with Bunk, Winifred, and Queep. Ronnie, Dr. Lloyd, how would you like to get up there? I'm happy to fly, anybody. I was trying to find if I can turn into a giant eagle, but I don't know. I was looking for encumbrance to see what I could carry.

Oh, what you can carry. Got it. Queep can carry me? He's going to try. I'll try it. All right, I'll fly back. All right, so you fly yourself up, Dr. Uwud, and let's get an athletics check from Queep.

Here we go. Oh, I was going to take somebody with me if I was turning into an eagle. As if not, I was going to turn into a monkey with gecko pads. How much can you lift? Did you check? I can't find it. I was looking for it. I rolled a 25.

Oh, well, you effortlessly lift Ronnie up, and everyone makes it to the top of the cliff face. And we'll have to find out how you all proceed on the next episode. No. We're still checking out a chamber. I hope it's a coal chamber. That reference is just for Brian.

We bumped into a little mouse man and it turned out to be our old friend, Terry. He left you some smokes as a sign of respect and when we moved past we noticed someone's cleared out the harpies ronnie rolled his ankle kicking a rock and it turns out we're looking at a lantern and there's a little goofy ass guy in it creep open the lantern as hard as possible and winifred uh found a scroll in a one-page book. I hope it's highlights for kids. We found a cool-ass ghost ship below us in the water, and we got to revisit my favorite campaign where we flew up a boat. And, oh, shit, Bunk can teleport.

This guy buried the lead. We're all heading up a cliff, magic rope style, and smashing into it. Yay. Awesome. If you guys are in LA tomorrow when this goes out September 6th, I've got my monthly show at the Glendale Room, My Friends Kill

and it will have friends of mine like Ever Maynard. We'll have Morgan Murphy. A bunch of really funny people. Please come on by. I would be happy to see you and of course i have more to how long how long a set is morgan doing 15 minutes i might come just for that i haven't

seen her do that much time in a long time yeah she's really good oh my god yeah you know she she did a round of comedians of comedy with yeah yeah she's she's a champ that's awesome um well thanks for that buddy i yeah i might drop by i don't want to do a set but uh i want to come watch i won't make you all right cool um i'm doing comedy at cobs comedy club in san francisco my favorite place on the planet uh 9 16 through the 18th and then i'm also doing comedy day in golden gate park which is a big deal in robin williams park there uh um it's a big deal for locals and i grew up knowing about it and then doing it i've done it a couple of times it's super fun um haven't done it since

the 90s, though, I think. Blaine, did you ever do the comedy day? I did it once, yeah. It's a fun thing, man, right? It is. It's crazy. Yeah, there's like 60,000 people there. It can be nuts. Yeah, I lost a couple of people. You lost some friends

at comedy day? A couple people weren't digging it. Oh, out of that big crowd yeah yeah no it's weird I don't even know what I'm gonna do but I always say yes because it's kind of like if you're from the bay you gotta do it and then

other shit on BrianPersane.com I'm coming to Sacramento and comic books are coming together I'm coming to Sacramento. And comic books are coming together. I'm going to have three image books out in 2023. So as those get closer, and I have a Halloween book coming out too, I'll plug more things as we get closer. But BrianBersane.com for any sort of comic book news too. Oh, and listen to my metal show

Grandpa's Metal Stash I'm like on episode 113 and uh I'm not running out of metal uh hey Blaine uh what do you think's gonna happen next week we attribute the success to save mankind

for later thanks for joining us on this episode you got walls and a roof? Well... On the next Nerd Poker, Ken says, Can I have a Coke? Waitress says,

Is Pepsi okay? Ken says, Yeah, sure. Waitress says, How about RC? Ken says Where are you going with this? Brian says

Shut up and try to sleep All this in the Mr. Belvedere hologram Sits on his balls right On the next Nerd Poker Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069,

Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.