Nerd Poker - The Cavern Campaign - Episode 6

Episode Date: September 24, 2026

Time to head underwater, and definitely not bump into a shark monster.  For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more, be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com

Hey, it's Brian Possein. Nerd Poker. We're calling it. The Cavern. My friends are here. Chris, Blaine, Ken, engineer Sam, and of course,

our kick-ass DM, Dan Telfer. Welcome to Nerd Poker. Hey, everybody. It's Brian Plessain. You're listening to Nerd Poker. It's episode 6 of... what are we calling it? The cavern campaign.

Yeah. The whole campaign. H-O-L-E. Hmm. I see a shy little buff. Wow. That's where you're going. No, I get it.

Welcome new listeners. We're a young adult theme podcast. No, no, no, no, no. My friends are here. That was, uh, Indy Navarette from Obsession, played by Ken Bailey. Dan is here. Toot.

Blaine is here. Chase for Jacks. Chris is here. Hi. And I always running the show from the cool part of my table. It's Sam, everybody. Hello, sweet children. Oh, hi.

I already set table. And clearly, if you have ears, you can tell we're all together. in the room again. So let's jump in. Thanks some people. Yeah. Thank you, everyone who supports us on Patreon.

Just if you listen, we love you. If you go to patreon.com slash nerd poker in a browser where you can skirt some of the fees that Patreon incurs if you use their fucked up app.

You can... Dip dip dip dip do. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you said Bowser. Oh. Yeah, if you go inside your Bowser. Dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, do. Yep.

Deep inside. Is that a Mario thing? Man, Mario. Let's talk about it. It's a me, Bowser. Dip-dip-dip-dip-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-dow. When I was eight, I was so obsessed with Super Mario lore. Like, I just wanted it to go so deep,

and now that they've done it with these movies, I'm like, you can stop. There's no much to it. How did the original lore, because I was never a big Mario video game player, how did the lore get conveyed originally through the game? It was literally... Oh, I have great news, barely. Yeah. It was weird.

So most of it was, and it's stolen. I was the perfect age for it, right? Because that was all starting in 1985 when I was seven. Okay. It was mostly through the instruction booklet, which is insane. And then they would have, like, you know, an Americanized Super Mario Brothers cartoon where they were, like, literally interpreting the lore in the instruction booklet with, like, free reign. I was too old to read instruction bullet.

Yeah. I've got to be never read it. Super Mario Brothers 2, the second game, I have a whole stand-up bit about this, but they stole another game. Nintendo bought the rights to this game so they could just use the code and put a Mario skin over it.

So like, it's like the weirdest IP. Like, it's not theft, but it's like, it's literally, it was a whole other Nintendo game and then they redid it. What was the time frame between those two? Because I assume that's why they did it. Less than a year. And it was like a Japan-only game,

so they were like, no one will notice. Well, I think also, too, they were like, oh, people like the Super Mario, here's, guess what? Here comes number two. But then the lore got all messed up because there's a lot of villains that were basically just from this other game called dokey, dokey panic and not even like a part of the original lore. And then in Mario 3, they're like, well, this is making so much money. Let's hit a hard reset, pretend nothing in Super Mario Bros. 2 happened and expand on the Super Mario 1 lore. And then when it would jump from like that to Nintendo 64 or to like GameCube, they just recently. set the lore pretty much every time. So Bowser has like nine children with three

down unknown people. Bowser has so many children and we don't know who he's like Elon Musk. He's like Elon Musk. I think Bowser laid his own age. Weird. But like who is his who was his partner when he had all those babies? That Mario 3 he has like nine Isn't it birdie? Whoever was around, right? Has. Oh, my ghost. It has a cloaca in her face.

Cloaca face. So salty, Brian. Vomiting, it's unborn children. It's kind of, it's not that difference from Friday of 13th. No. Mario 2 is very much Friday the 13th. Every movie doesn't make sense to the next.

Well, then you end up, if you beat Mario 2, again, I have this whole stand-up bit about it's like 20 years old, but like you just, you wake up from a dream and none of it happened. The ending is you literally wake up and none of it happened. What about this Friday?

I love Linda Cardellini, but I've never, ever thought, boy, I really want Pamela Voorhees to be more fleshed out. I've heard it's good. I don't know. Yeah, but that's not something I've ever asked for. I'm not excited about it. It's an IP that already exists, which is so much more. There's been other things that I didn't ask for, uh, welcome to Derry and I loved it.

Welcome to Dairy. I like better than the movies. That's a little different. I didn't ask for watch them in the TV show because I did not do that movie and I fucking loved it. Yeah, because they took it somewhere. They did something. Yeah, yeah. You're going to love for he-haw. Salute. And I'm on a show, no one has for. Look, that Lord, like, no one wanted. You like, we're in top of the Lord.

The fat guy from 15 episodes of being a monkey. Monkey paw curls. Oh, man, I can really go for some monkey paw curls. Oh, man. With some docketball curls? Brian, have you had anybody tell you that there's something inaccurate and contradictory in the lore of your show compared to what happened in Big Bang Theory? Oh, yeah. There's probably a bunch of things. Are people mad about it? No, no one's got anything. Why?

Did you watch the show? No, but there's nerds. Nerds are nerds. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? And that just feels like the kind of show where people would be emactuling the shit out of you. Yeah, it hasn't been too bad. There was like fake AI.

Somebody thought we had an AI thing and then spread that around that our opening was a lot. AI and it kind of got squelts because it isn't. It just looks like it the way it's edited, but it's not. And it's because it's real slick and, you know, bad C, sometimes bad CG, you would think it's, you know, AI. You don't, I'm, for me, real AI, I see it with my eye. There's something about it.

Fingers disappear and re-in-or- You know what I mean? Well, not even that, but there's just something feels artificial. A buddy of mine shot a video or didn't shoot, but let a fucking robot make his video. And I can tell the second it started. Yeah. And I told him I would rather just hear the song. And I didn't even watch the video.

It's all composite. I'm not that nice to my friends. Images of other people. You're tough love. You got to get, I mean, you're telling them because you care. Yeah. But anyways. Now, the nerdy, there hasn't been too much pushback to them.

I'm glad. Having a blast. I do think it's time we admitted, though. that like Blaine has been dead for five years and we've been using AI to like make it see like this year. B-L-A-I-N-E. I'm not gonna get into it with you guys. I said I want to keep it see.

What are you talking about? Edit this out, Sam. Speaking of being inside Bowser's, if you had to patreon.com slash nerd poker, you can find people to thank. Just they subscribe to us and we love them. We didn't do this yet. We started it and then the Bowser happened. We all went deep in Bowser.

I'm sorry. Quit Bowser. Let's thank people and then we can just go right back to talking about Nintendo and people will be fine. People will be grateful that we just talked about dumb shit. They always are. We always get comments like- Spoiler-free Resident Evil review. It's really good.

It'll be good. Thank you, Dango Merman, aka Uncle Magic. Thank you Nathan's furry purple carrot. Thank you, techno-necromancers from Alpha Centaur. Fine. Thank you, member. Thank you, a sneeze, father of a chew. Thank you, Jody Fries.

Thank you, Mr. G. Thank you, never go full dr. Thank you. Don't forget Larry. I literally just saw Jerry last Friday. You're telling me. Thank you, Dr. Uid's lean mean green beans. Dr. Uid voice.

It says, get your beans. Get your beans. He remembers how to do it, you guys. Thank you, Pish Posh, bagash. Remember Pishposh? Poor Pish Pash. Thank you, Lord for my two nutsacks. Thank you, a Chad that doesn't suck.

Thank you, Matt Worley. Thank you. The real reason Drew Carey is so mad at Blaine's Celebrity Family Feud My Ass. And finally, thank you, Shakira, when the walls fell. Blaine, who are those supporters brought to us by? Supporters brought to us by Quizatz Lotterak, Swiss chocolate for the God Emperor of Dune. I call Maudibes on Quizaz Latarok. Dan. Thank you, Blaine.

Now let's talk about Dune. I hope it's, is it quizzots or quizats? You know what I think is really funny? It's like there's a third fucking movie about the first book and they're acting like it's the end. There's nine more books. Jesus. And they're all like, phone books. I made it through the one.

I didn't make it through the first one, but I never saw the second one. Are they worth watching? Dennis Vianu or whatever is, I can't remember exactly his name, but like his Blade Runner movie rules. I think he's gross. He did that. I don't love,

2039, is that what it was? Or 509? 24. Yeah. I don't, I don't, guys,

we're almost there. Timothy Sholomey is not my bag. No offense. I would love to tank my career over it, but like I just couldn't get into it. The new movies. I didn't connect with the first one. I liked it.

It lived visually, and there were some cool things that I remember from the book. A lot of great people. I read the book in junior high. Like, you know, like, and not even high school. Like, I read it when I was fucking 11 or 12 years old. The main character is a piece of shit in the book. Like, the whole time you're supposed to be going like, oh, look at this power hungry piece of shit.

Can you believe it? And now we're supposed to watch his adventures as he becomes more and more unlikable. Like, okay. Wait, are you talking about Paul Trades? Yeah. Paul Trades. I think he's going to turn out to be just five. guys.

I'm going to pitch Paul F. Atreides. It's exactly the same. It's just Timothy Chalamey and a mustache and a bowler hat. Needs more sting. I like the scope of those movies. Like it makes me, like, I like. Absolutely. Yeah, you get that.

Then because of the sand, it makes me think of like Lawrence of Arabia and sort of the mass of armies and like the sort of the space politics. You might enjoy the Star Wars prequels. Yeah, that's what I was going to do. What's that now? You might enjoy the Star Wars prequels. Oh, my gosh. The preclos are the other ones, the sequels.

Any of them, who cares? But in retrospect, I kind of like the prequels more than I like the sequels now. Oh, no, man. Well, not the first one, but. When that first crawl comes up and it says, like, oh, the senators are in a trade federation, and you're like, what the, oh, yeah. Yeah. I sort of like,

equally or some of Force Awakens. Yeah. I love the last Jedi. Hmm. Which one was the first one of Force Awakens, right? Force Awakens. There's parts of it. There was somebody didn't like in that one.

There was some kid, but I was like, it's not for you. The last one was so bad, though. It is. It's the second one I like. The second one was a lot of Jedi. Yeah. That was for me. For kids.

Yeah, it was Ryan Johnson. The rise of Skywalker was. We love wasn't for kids. So fucking sloppy. What do you mean? Empire? New Hope was not for kids. And we loved it as kids.

But it wasn't a kid's movie. No, it was a movie about terrorism. You think it was? I think it was a kid's movie. You do? Yeah. Oh, I thought it was for like 20-something nerds. I don't know.

I don't think of it as a kid's movie, but it's for kids as well. I think George Lucas thought it was for kids. Because I think when he made the prequel, he was like, for kids. There was no merch for a fucking year. We had to wait until the next Christmas. But that wasn't that. thing when they realized kids liked it yeah merch wasn't a thing he went to hawaii on opening weekend because he thought he was going to get eviscerated oh yeah i just don't think back then a studio

would have made a movie for kids right yeah yeah yeah i got he barely got it man yeah we're yeah yeah yeah i think he pitched it more like this is uh a space odyssey but more fun yeah yeah it's a flashboard adventure they know what nerd nerds were then there wasn't that up right right yeah but it's a space odyssey but it's a fairer adventure yeah yeah but it's a fairer adventure adventure adventure It was like guys that liked, you know, Planet the Apes and will like this and, you know, that kind of... And he was really harkening back to like the cereals, which hadn't been like really re-referenced yet. Right. Yeah.

Anyways, D&D, let's talk about something cool. Jedi for kids. Empire absolutely isn't. No. Yeah. Han Solo is a sex pest in Empire. He's a total sex post. Yeah, when he was like,

you like me when I'm a scoundrel, when he's like kind of putting the moves on, uh, on Leah when they're trapped in the inside of the many stuff. He's stuck in that taunton. Yeah. He might be a force.

I know they smell bad on the outside. Do you want I'm talking about? I like red one. I like Red one a lot. Yeah, me too. You like what? Road one. Oh, yeah.

Roe one. Oh, yeah. And or. And or is so good. It makes Rogue One look like it needed some polish. I fucking finally saw Mandelorian and Grogu. We talked about it. I loved it.

I finally saw it. It's fun. Old school cereal. It was fun. There's so much of those little Muppets in it. Yeah. Those are things called. I forget.

And zillions. Yeah. Babu fricking fric is the guy. I'd see it. Oh, yeah. Like, frac and freak. Every time they said bad baby, I cried last. He was funny.

Every time he was funny. He would look like someone was throwing him. I would just start sobbing with joy. There's a part where the 3M and Grogu looked down this pipe and he goes, Big pipe, huh? And it's such a non-secretating kills me every time. I got to see it again. I really liked it.

I saw it twice because I was so happy that it was what I wanted it to be. It was, and the big robots. The fact that they have like the Hutt planet and the Hutt planet was what I wanted it to be was a surprise. Like, oh, they had ads, or whatever they called. Are they still called ad ads? The dirty ones? Yeah, the dirty, gross little adats. I like the filthy.

There's stop motion in there. Yeah, it was great. Dirty. Yeah. I loved it. The evil boyfriend. Yeah, the evil boyfriend of the villainess in Andor. I can't remember their names.

Yeah. He's. Oh, I liked Andor too. Oh, yeah. He's a bad guy in Cyril. Yeah, the guy that plays Cyril. The guy's mom. Yeah.

He's a bad guy in the season premiere of Slow Horses. He's going to be a bad guy in this whole season. I'll watch Slow Horses just for that, dude. Slow Horses, I love it so much. It's fantastic. Well, I was fun to see you, fellas. You too. We've got to reboot the Bowser.

Bowser. I've heard of Bowser syndrome. Oh, God. Last time on NerdBoker, we literally haven't gotten to this yet. Last time on Nerd Boker, Our heroes went deep underground, first through a portal, and then out of a mage tower,

into some caverns where Mr. Bites killed an ogre for sleeping, and then they started making their way deeper into the caverns. You just had a little chat with your guide, Dirk and Risbank, after looting the ogre and his spoils. There's a few things you've learned

by grabbing a note off the corpses, as well as some things like ringmail and a shield. I did kind of remind all of you. We haven't played the main campaign in over a month. So, you know, there's this. But like, maybe a month. Who cares? But it's been a minute.

So I need to remind myself as well. There will be moments where if you're carrying a lot of larger equipment where I will say, like, you know you can't carry all this through, you'd have to like tie it to a rope and drag it behind you if you want to keep it. Like it's going to be some tight, tight spaces. And you found a note that mentioned the toy maker. I, you know, I figured he's not going to show up in Kursa Strad. We've liked it so much.

I'm just going to put him in as a big bad. He's like Harley Quinn. He might be roaming around. All right. Well, he might be. And you know that this city that you're going to, people devolve when they leave it. you're not sure what the deal is but you know there's like

massive amounts of loot in this city because it was abandoned and people did live there and they left everything behind it's the lost city of Bith you're thinking okay like if we get in and now maybe we'll be okay maybe if we look for clues along the way we'll figure out how to avoid the curse but your guide

Durkin Risbank is a drow swashbuckler who's been doing his best to kind of like give you as many heads up as he can and he just warned you like okay so I don't know a lot about what's coming up but I can tell you we're coming up on a little underwater part

I did plan ahead I'm glad you guys didn't panic when I told you about this but I have enough underwater breathing potions I have five of them I think will be fine but Mr. Bites you know how we all like smelled the decay

we realized there's a sleeping ogre and you just like murdered him immediately you were like real stealthy about it Let's keep on that tip. Something I can tell you about when we're going underwater and this part is, yeah, well, we'll be should be okay. But remember how I said there might be beast folk down here. I'm told there might be some strange underwater beast-like humanoids. So we want to be careful.

We want to make our way as stealthily as we can. Coming up after that, there is a Dwergar town. So I mentioned that we might encounter that. That is sort of the next little bit of civilization we're going to see. We're just going to have to get through this underwater cavern first. No people there? Why don't you roll a history check? All right.

I hope Flint's Imrov group is there. I'll let you choose, Brian. You can either roll us in the ends. You can roll a history check to see how much you might know about the town and its people. Or you can roll a persuasion. check to decide how many friends you specifically might have there. I did comedy bang bang this morning. So my improv sales have been out.

Which role you want to make history or persuasion? Friends or knowledge? Hmm. More, oh, tell me the difference. So to know about. If you do history rule, it's going to be like, I know this town. Right. I know pretty much everybody.

I'm familiar with it. If it's persuasion, you're going to be tight with a few people. You might not know all the local law. local lore, but you'll have like pals. Okay. It's like contacts versus experience. All right. First hand experience versus secondhand context.

Persuasion then. Okay. Well, I should have looked at what my... It's all right. What's your, what's your persuasion bonus? I need a seven anyway, so... That might be all right. Persuasion.

Yeah, just a plus one in my history. Uh, plus one. So it's an eight? Yeah. So nothing. I'll say that you're vaguely aware of the blacksmith. How's that? That would have been the person I would have given you first,

but you don't know his name. All you know is that there's a decent blacksmith there. Okay. Everyone here hates you. All right. Well, then should we swim to the blacksmith? Yes? I think so.

All right. You guys are going to head down this tunnel. Why don't you do a little stealth check? This tunnel is about. 20 feet wide, 20 feet high. There's remnants of stone carting in the walls because this was a civilized area at one point, but you're coming up on a cave-in, and that's why there is an underwater section. 13. 13. 13. 14. 17. Oh, fancy. They feel like you're reasonably quiet, but you do sort of like catch yourselves, you 13s in particular, you know, kicking a couple of rocks.

catching the echo. And you start to hear the echo off of the water and the end of the tunnel approaching after about an hour. You guys have been traveling nonstop. You realize you're going to probably want to camp first. Oh, okay. So Dirk and Risbank says, like, you know, okay, so like I know it only,

it feels like it's about 10 p.m. Maybe you'd want to power through, but this next part could take up to like four hours. So you might get exhausted if we push your, I'll leave it up to you guys that we could try to push through. it just might mean, you know, like the good news is we'd be closer to the Dwergir town, which is called Borgre, but, you know, we might get into some trouble. It might be good to be well rested before.

It seems to rest. Yeah, it seems wise to follow your advice, yes. Okay. Shall we set up camp thing? Yeah. Are you guys going to try to be super careful about how obvious your camp is? Yes. Does anybody have an Intimans tiny hut?

Oh. Or Intimates coffee cake. With chocolate? Really anything by Intimans. Let's be honest, right guys? Kind of a high sodium count. That's my birthday. Let's pretend it's my birthday.

It's got cream on the inside. I do not. So survival checks are what we're talking about for the camp. So someone should just take the lead. You can have advantage because everyone would be helping you, but this is to make a discrete camp. My survival is plus one. Hives a plus five.

Oh, survival. Mr. Bites is looking good. That's the good one. We can roll the advantage. Everyone would be helping. Plus two. That's an 18 plus five. Did you roll twice?

No, just one. Why don't you roll again and see if you can do better than an 18, even though it's unlikely? It is unlikely. 18 plus 5 is 23. That's very good. So I'm going to say that you're able to sort of disguise some muslin tarps to kind of look like dirty rock. Maybe it's even like an old camp, if a camp at all.

And you're having that face the water. You guys are right up at the edge of the water. So the presumption being if anyone is going in either direction, it's more likely out of the water. And you know people have been fleeing the area because the ogre was catching fleeing. people in eating them. Some of them in semi-beast form, some of them humanoid. But people might come up out of the water in the middle of the night. So you guys set up camp who will be taking first watch? I will. Corbeau. Remind us, you know what, you guys, let's go around the table real quick, new campaign. Corbo, tell us a little bit about yourself. I am a shout-out Kai Paladin. And I believe

Because of that, I'm looking to see if I have the Elven, like, shorter rest thing. While you're pondering that, Ken, want to remind us who you'll be playing? I will be playing Luther, the Deep Gnome Rogue. And I am very stealthy. Nice. So you're a sneaker. Are you like a thief? What's your specialty?

Yeah. Yeah. Your subclasses? Yeah. thief got it and you are of course Mr. Bites I'm a saber tooth

Tabaxi Barbarian you can call me Mr. Bites and Brian you are of course a Dweigar dwarf Flint Iron Fist Yes What's your class

What's your class I'll show you Who It's rogue swashbuckler That's my MPC What's your Do you know your class This is fighter right?

Yeah, a fighter. Nice. So you're going to take first watch. Who's going to take second watch? I will. Great. It'll be Corbo, then Luther. Corbeau, why don't you roll a perception check

while everyone tries to get some rest? No. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Like your hobbies? Maybe. It's not like I'm a chef or something. Oh.

Can't make any vegan boar. I don't know what that is. Morris. I met a vegan boar once. I had to go. We had a couple of dates. Whoa. That's a 12 on perception.

Meow, snort snorts. With a 12, it's going to be uneventful for about two of the four hours. And then you notice something has slid out of the water without you noticing right away.

Okay. You see what looks like a three foot long mud skipper dragging itself. It's already been out of of the water it looks like for a minute or so. It's slowly dragging itself away from the water down the tunnel the way you came. Away from us.

Away from you and you're not sure if it's seen you yet, but it has these large, unblinking eyes. It has four small legs and a large flat body. It's almost somewhere between an amphibian and a fish like a mudskipper might be, but it almost looks like it's having trouble as it's dragging its stomach along the ground. I will...

Three feet long. carefully approach. Okay. I will make sure that it sees that my weapon is, she's not on me. And I will, can I see it's obviously wounded? Do an investigation check.

I'll let you choose investigation or nature. Nature plus one investigation. They're the same. Fairly. 15. Which one is it? I'll do investigation. Okay. So yeah, you just try to like glance around. It doesn't look like it's wounded, but it does look like it's struggling a little bit. What's your passive insight?

11. Yeah, something's wrong with it, but you don't know what. Hmm, it's not like tied or anything like that. Like it caught in a man. It's not bound. It doesn't look like it has a broken limb. It's not bleeding. I'm going to lay on hands. Okay. And I'm going to give it five hit points. Nice. Okay. I don't know if that actually gives it five hit voice,

but that is my attention. You place your hands on it and you feel the magic pass out of your hands into it. It just looks at you at these eyes and it's like speaking almost. It's like, I hear you. Have a hero. Have a hero. How, no. How, how, how I will.

Colmo Colbo Colbo Colbo Colbo Colbo Colbo Colbo

Colmo Colmo Roll an inside check Chris Oh my God Oh I rolled a 19 Oh shit

Am I inside about 20 20? 20 Yeah 19 plus 1 20 You get a sick feeling in your stomach that it's saying

Kill me Oh Oh, all right, I will, once it dawns on me. And you can kind of, as a player, guess what that means, right? Kill me? If it wants to die, it's struggling. It's large. It's suffering.

It used to be a humanoid. Oh, it's one of the, oh, so this is probably going to be me. You're at 20. Yeah, so I'll be like, oh, okay, and I'll kind of drop my head for a second. and then I'll pull out my flail and coo to grah. I'll roll your damage. It'll be an automatic hit because it wants it to happen, but what will the damage be?

Six. It goes, uh, oh, and it's like still twitching. Uh, eight. I thought I'll do it. Okay. Kill me harder, tiny dance. Um. Is he gave a five hit.

That's fine. Do another insight, check. Moron. 19 plus 120. Yeah, I mean, you're trying to, you know, keep a low profile. What are you going to do with his body now? Drag it over and buy us. Okay.

Maybe you will. Are you going to do anything other than drag it by you? You're just going to leave it out for the next watch? Yeah, I mean, I'll try and, like, put it behind, whatever we're hiding behind. I'll just try to behind a rock. Yeah. It's only three. feet. I'll explain to whoever wakes up.

Can I lower it into my mouth and pull out a skeleton? Ah, when you wake up. Right now we have other people doing watches. So you can in four hours. The end of your watch goes uneventfully as you wake up Luther. What do you explain to Luther, perhaps? I just tell him the deal.

Well, that's very sad. Yes. Be careful. There will be more. Okay. I'll be sure not to help them oh you know

you handled as you won't I'm going to go into my trance okay so you're an elf so this means you're just going to take four hours and then wake up right away right yes

I'm in a trans like meditation in which I remain conscious but basically I'm just sort of sitting there would you yeah would you want to take third watch then or would you kind of leave someone else Unless, unless I'm happy to hand it off to Mr. Bites.

After this, Mr. Bites and Flint will both be able to just wake up and help, too. So, like, you basically everyone can be up except for Luther's going to have to finish his eight hours after this little watch. So, Luther, why don't you roll a perception check? Maybe you will, maybe you won't. 21. Oh, baby. Okay. I there's a moment and after a couple of hours where you've been born there will be more

um you think you see some sort of creature with eyes on the sides of its head maybe amphibious you're not sure sort of lift alligator like out of the water and kind of like staring back and forth do a stealth check real quick all right this is like a oh i got to do this check 21. Nice. Yeah, you very silently just Homer Simpson into the bush behind the tarp. You peek again and it's gone. You think it didn't notice you. But there's some sort of predator, you think, that was peeking out of the water. There's a chance it was looking for that thing that you just killed. I'll keep that in mind. The rest of your watch goes uneventfully, and now everyone can wake up except for you.

So you got to go to bed. nice. Well, the rest of you wake up. Dirk is an else, so he, you know, he only needed four hours himself, but we'll just say that he was busy for the last watch and would have just been like letting you take lead on watch while he's going over the map. In the future, he could take one watch and I could take the other watch and everybody else could just get a night to rest. Yes. That's what people want to do. Yes, sure. All right. And then so the three of you up and while Luther is sleeping, you do have a body and you have a camp and you have some information.

Is there anything you'd like to do while you wait for him to wake up? Let's bury that thing. Should we search? Is it wearing clothing? Why don't you do an investigation, Chuck? Investigate for clothes. Diner's card. See a show with another.

Oh, no. It's a discovery. Rick said another. 18 players ground That's the first car I got 18 dinners cards Because they'd seen the ads my whole life So I'm 18

I'm like I had a diner's card Tell him tell he sent you All right So you kind of look at it And it looks like there's something embedded In its side Like maybe it changed shape And this got stuck halfway under its skin

But you find a pendant All right I will point that out Can we pull it out and examine it? Yep, but pretty effortlessly can kind of, it's a little gross, go, sh-dick. It's nice that you took the thing out of the meat. Would you like to eat the meat, Mr. Bites? Way ahead of you.

So as soon as you pull the pendant out, you set the mud-skipper creature down. And as you're examining the pendant, you look over and it's already dead. It's already being stripped clean of meat. I pull the, I pull a fish gelton out of my mouth. Like, like top cat. The pendant, it's like a little gold chain and then there looks like some sort of bit of bone and like a little heart shaped gem on it. I will show it to these guys. Not him, but he's a sleepy pies.

Oh, never mind. You looked right at him. Or the drought. Is anyone proficient in? I don't have identified. Jewelry. Identify. It does look like it might be.

magic. It's got that little gem. Who's got the dead tech magic? Who's got it? Who's got it? You can always try to attune to something and then when you attuned it will reveal itself what it is. Cool. Maybe that's not be the thing we can do. Would anyone like to try to attune while he finishes sleeping? Yeah, we have. I mean, who's good at it? Would that be an arcana check, Dan? Yep. Who at us is the most magical? I have a plus one. to Arcana. Yeah, me, too. All three of you do.

What about Devereaux Biggsby? He has a plus one in Arcana. Sleepy time, Batman. I'm asleep. Well, potentially. You would know, well, he happens to have a plus A, maybe he would have mentioned. Okay, well, then I guess we'll make him attuned to it when he wakes up.

All right. Well, and then, you know, the rest of it goes pretty uneventfully. Great. You wake up, you're told about the pendants. Oh, yeah. Do you remember Arcana? Right? Yeah.

Roll in our candy check. All right. 17 plus 8. Jesus. You are attuned to a periap of health. While wearing this pendant, you can take a magic action to regain

2D4 plus 2 hit points. Wow. Once used the property can't be used to get until next down. Once a day. And as an action or a bonus action, did you say, Dan? Um, magic action, which means action. Okay.

Um, it is spelled P-E-R-I-A-A-A-P-T-P-T-Priapt of health. You found it, you found it. You got it, you got it. Um, yeah, if you could use the, uh, the newer one, that would go. Just to remind you guys and listeners, uh, the power, the magic that I have, I can once, once a day or once a battle or whatever, I can, um, make my, myself invisible and then I can I can also um what is it grow or grow and reduce I can enlarge reduce yeah yeah we were talking about that last episode that I just want to make sure

people remind me if we're in situations like if only you could get bigger or smaller Flint dumb shit if only you could look at your character yeah all right cool I will try to help remember you already reminded me to equip everything today. Yeah. Listeners, Chris reminding me today to equip my... I try the other one just in case. It's because of it.

All my stuff. And you equip all your stuff? It looks like you had some good stuff over there. Yeah. And it's all equipped. All right. Can we, shall we continue on? Yes.

Meet Flint's friend, quote, unquote? I barely know one. He's a bear? He may or may not have fucked my sister. Oh my God. I may not have a sister also. Oh, my God. All right, then leave the way.

I think it's this way. It's been a while. Okay. I don't want to lead nothing. Yeah, right now it's, uh, under the scout, aren't you like that? I am probably the most suitable. So yeah, but just, just, just for now.

Yes. Like, don't make me no leader. Don't, I'm not a, just on this adventure. Durkin would say, um,

okay, we might want to, I'm not a role model. Okay, Charles Barkley, uh, we might want to tie ropes around each other's waist because this could be pretty murky water.

Oh, all right. Yeah, let's do it. Like attach, what, every 10 feet? Yeah.

Why doesn't someone take the lead on a survival check with advantage. I'll do it. Do it. That's some murky water open for kingfish. It was amazing. 15 plus 5. Want to roll again? Sure. I'll take the 15 plus

5. It was funny. Very good. So you are pretty confident and you're not Durking is like, okay, like this is going to be fairly straightforward, but we are going to want to be very stealthy and it's going to last a while. So there will probably be more than one moments where we all have to just sort of like tap each other to make sure that we're aware of things.

And we're all going to want to be very aware of our surroundings. He would say like in his voice. So we also healed up from resting. Yeah. Yeah. We now have a long rest. And he's going to say he can go first because he has a vague idea of where you're going. But I would like to know the rest of your marching order.

You might want to have people arranged for a purpose, but I'll let you guys decide what that would be. I mean, I can scout if you want to stealthy. Yeah, but we're all tied to each other. He's going first. So like, you want to be behind you? Sure. You can think of it as like this means if you're up front, yeah,

you might be able to like feel around, but you might want to be able to be stealthy too. And if you're in the back, you might want to be very aware. of anyone's tailing you. It's going to put a perceptive person on the back. I have plus five perception.

I'm happy being in the back. Yeah? Is that cool? Do you want, I have the same thing. Do you want me in the back so I can fight stuff in case we get attack in the back? Sure. And then so,

Durkin, Luther, where would you like to be Flint? In the middle? Number three. number four. Doing what? In the order, we're giving him a marching

or a little bit tied in marching through the water. I thought I was going through first. You can? Yeah. All right, great. That's what we decided because. Oh, got it, got it. All right.

Ability is more than that. I don't want to be a leader, but you'll be the tip of the arrow. He's qualified. All right, so Brian is the tip of the spear. Yeah. Let's have everybody roll a stealth check. As you ease into the water, clawing your water.

breathing potions. 17 plus 7.24. 15 plus 13.26. Oh, six. Oh, boy. Well, my rule is in a group ability check. 20 pluses cancel out single digits. Yay.

Good job. Friendship. Woo-hoo. Stealth, you said, right? I did say. I love water. I'm kidding. To be out of here. Like, no. 16 for six sir

excellent I mean you that'll definitely cancel out yeah with somebody being noisy I'll also add because the standard rule is a potion of water breathing last one hour these are extra long potion you're doing thank you it's like those it's like when you get um uh CAT scan and you need to take the contrast stuff that's got like you know it'll like die your insuff sides as you digest it. You're like chugging this big thing that tastes like metal and chai.

It's just like, it is the season. It is. I got a cat scan last week. No cats. I did that joke of my friend when I got an actual cat scan. In the hospital, when I broke my back,

I was wasted. I was on Demerol and all this shit. And I call my buddy in Sacramento. And I go, I got a cat scan today. And he goes, Yeah, well, what would they find? I got three kitties.

He was like, you're a fucking idiot. I was like, I'm still okay. Do you get cat scan fever? Yeah, totally. The more in-depth one is a pet scan, which I think is hilarious. It's like the acronym instead of CT is like PT. But it's still called like a pet instead of a cat, which is just really silly. But you don't want a pet scan because you have to take a radioactive isotope.

And they make you sign all these forums saying you won't touch any pregnant people for like 24 hours. Unless you're Doc Brown and then you build a fucking. Chris, what is your joke for fun? Doc Brown, what? Doc Brown builds a time travel machine. Oh, we're going to go back in time and get cream sodas. Oh, it's wrong, Doc Brown. God damn.

God damn for me and say, do you think salary would be a good flavor for a soda? Alex. They'll show at a rocket fizz. He's that just the show's brought you by Rocket Fizz. Calls him Alex P.Kee. Oh, RIPP Rocket Fizz. By the way, we should have some HeroForge things.

We didn't think. We will. And you know what? Let me just close it out and we'll get into it because we're right at that point. So I'll just say. And they are going to be a sponsor soon. So you lower yourselves.

into the murky depths and for a while you're able to find your way pretty well but things as you start to slow down and get more careful it's harder and harder to see your vision becomes blurred with algae and muck and we'll have to see how it goes on the next episode we'll talk about HeroForge in a second but first

let's talk about this will fuck around last episode because we're just getting in a groove this one so I promise I'll try to let us fuck around a little also but Sam what do you think happen this episode? Episode six we're talking about Dune and inevitably the prequels and finally Star Wars. Are they for kids or not?

Let us know at nerd poker pod at gmail.com. Or I'm going to attach a Spotify poll when this drops. Go vote. We're in the caverns. It's a big muddy salamander. It's dragging its way away from us. We're going to fuck with it probably. It's talking to us, Hodor style, asking us to kill it.

Chris stabs it twice and actually kills it and we're headed down a corridor in the water, I believe. Yeah. Thank you, Sam. Good stuff. And yeah, you're a fourth thing. Anybody want to plug? I mean, we should think. Properly. So they're making us some NPCs. They're making you guys, your player characters.

They, you guys are the best. And I will say, like, I teach game writing at a university. And like, they have to make these like slideshows to like pitch their IP for all the characters. They use like Hero Forge. They just like make the character and like screen at it. It's like better than any other tool you can have to design a character. Yeah. Yeah. I love them. They've been cool to us over the years, but they've doubled down recently. And thanks to Nikiel, our promotions guy for nerd poker. So night out of us, yeah.

And then, yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. If you go to Dan Telfer.com, you can see my rates and how you can email me and hire me to be your Dungeonmaster. I'm currently running six games. It is a lot of fun if I were doing three more.

You know, we love Dan. So, uh, I could pay rent if I did three. more games. It's so exciting. But yeah, I appreciate when you guys hire me. It's a privilege. And also, if you want to check out my other D&D project, it's Darkest Wimsy at Darkestwimsy.com.

And I'm taking the world, like the realm I built for those freelance games and putting it on the show so people can, like, go around. What's this one here, Sam? This is next Monday's. Okay. Yeah. So, uh, Oh, yeah, so you can still catch me one of my only California gigs this year, September 26th.

Coming up, I will be at the Ventura Music Hall with Ed Greer from, he's been on the show. And my very funny friend, J.T. Haberset, Ed and J.T. and myself, that's going to be a good time. I guarantee it. That'll be fun as shit. And then J.T. and I have Bozeman in Missouba, Montana, the following week, first week of October. And then Derek Sheen, a friend of the show, and fucking hilarious. He'll be joining me in Seattle and JT at the Neptune Theater. I've done the Neptune maybe five or six times. You ever been there, Blaine?

Which one? Neptune in Seattle. Yes, we did Luchivovum. there. It's one of the best. It's one of the best old venues in the country. I've fucking loved that place. I've seen it and it's really cool.

Great memories. Kim Thail came and saw me one year when he was up there. Yeah. But I always have fun in that venue. And Derek's usually with me there. And we always have new shit. So come see us. And watch the final episode of Stuart Fails to say,

or final of this season. Oh, that's right. Next week. So our guys got renewed Yeah yeah we did Season two coming soon Writers are writing As they do

Anything else blame We attribute the success Save mankind We're joining us on this episode You got walls in a roof Well Oh oh sorry I'm sorry you guys

I was distracted by the I was distracted by this nerd poker mailbag Nerd Poker Mailman. Dear Nerd Poker, I've been trying to get a selfie with the cast's blood and hair for a while, but I can't seem to hook up with you guys. Dan ditched me at pavilions, and Chris lost me in heavy traffic on the 405. Any whoozles? Can you send me Ken's home address and work schedule?

Sure. You can find Ken at the Pokedo Mazzon-A-Love on every Wednesday at news. And he loves to write at the coffee, bean, and tea leave on Magnolia every morning. He's just got a new place in studio sitting near the... Wait, I see what you're doing. We'll have more on Ken's surprise party on the next nerd poker. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerd poker, and you get bonus episodes from there

and you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 and Sino, California, 911, 91416. Thanks for listening.