Nerd Poker - The Fog Campaign - Episode 10

Episode Date: March 4, 2025

Well, now that we are straight up annihilating the mansion, tactics shall change. It is time to drop the facade of robbery and pretend we are heroes! At least we probably should given that we are brawling in the exploded foyer and some people probs noticed. For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

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The Hero Forge custom dice Kickstarter ends when, Blaine? April 4th! Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo! So what? So should they hurry? Yeah, hurry! Oh god, hurry! Hey, it's Brian Postain, nerd poker. We're calling it The Sog Campaign.

My friends are here, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer Sam, and of course course our kick-ass DM Dan Telfer. Welcome to Nerd Poker. Hey everybody it's Brian Pesane. You're listening to Nerd Poker. It's episode 10 of the fog campaign. We're all here. Chris is here. I am here. Hey buddy. Blaine's here. Chris is here.

Ken's here to tell you that Chris is here. All right. I will play this time. Yay! Dan's here. Present. And at the end of the table, running the the show our friend Sam. Hello sweet children He saved puppies from a fire between this and the last amazing pretty much

You want to thank some people? I do. I want to thank people who go ahead and subscribe us on the old Patreon. If you head to patreon.com slash nerdpoker you can find some real sweet treats. Maybe give yourself a little sweet treat. Have you been good? Yeah, I like that. Have you been good for daddy? I think daddy is going to give you a little treat.

It's getting hot in here. Hey everybody. Take off all your clothes. I would like to thank the people who not only suffer that voice I just did, but go ahead and subscribe to us on our top two tiers on Patreon. Don't make that noise. Thank you to usernames like Bob Robb.

Thank you, Bob Robb. Bob Robb, I did. Thank you, William Prime. Thank you, Wernames like Bob Rob. Thank you, Bob Rob. Bob Rob. Thank you, William Prime. Thank you, Wick Rotation. Thank you, Poopa Cobra. Thank you, Steven Terrell. Thank you, Roland of Gilead. Thank you, you guessed it, Frank Stallone. I don't know about the one and only.

Thank you, Nerdy Girl 13. Thanks Nerdy Girl. Thank you Justin Malam. Thank you Matthew Arnold. Thank you more Gonzo. Thank you Tencers Gifts. Thank you Megan Bradburn. And finally thank you Blaine for missing my house. Well funny to say that our last user I highlighted to thank is thank you Blaine for confiding in me that you're actually from Texas. What? Apparently you said this to some person. Do I have the real name? I'll tell you the real name. One of their liars.

Yeah. Yeah, somebody you did you are you really from Texas Blaine? Well, I guess the truth is gonna have to come out sometime. Yeah, I'm from Texas. Are you from Lubbock? What? I have authentic accents. Well, I guess the truth is I'm gonna have to come out sometime. Yeah, I'm from Diggs. Are you from Lubbock? What? I have authentic accents. Yeah, I'm from Lubbock.

I'm also from San Antonio. Oh, nice. The Alamo? He's got spurs on his beetle boots. I'm from the Alamo. Yeah, I got the spurs on the beetle boots. And you know what? I saw Ozzy peeing on the Alamo.

You know what I did? I went over and knocked his teeth down his throat. God damn, go back to Canada, Ozzy peeing on Alamo, you know what I did? I wonder where he knocked his teeth out of his throat. God damn, go back to Canada, Ozzy. Right on. Oh man. I'm with you. What'd you think about that Pee-wee Herman? I love the Oz, man.

What'd you think about that Pee-wee Herman? What he did to the Alamo? I can't forgive him. And same. I guess it's time for me to talk about what happened last time on Nerdbook. Hey, ASMR much? Elbow drop.

Jesus Christ. I can't. That's us blinking really fast. Come on. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

He's licking all of us at once. Where? Where can? I'm all fat. Hear that sound? Oh no. Hear that sound? That is a missile I sent to destroy us.

Oh shit. Here we go. Okay. Deck and cover, everybody. What was my guy's name? I know your guy's name is Billy, but my guy said some terrible. Oh, Stevie Stevie Stevie Stevie. He said ball sack because he likes it.

Balls act a funny word. Snort. Double snort. Last time under poker, what happened? I'm double snark. Last time on Nerd Poker, our heroes tried to break into a basement and they flooded it. They tried to steal things from the basement of Alath- what is this fucking name? Alathor's Alarax! They went into his basement, the drow here, and in Delsmyth, this is a town hit with a giant fog.

That's why we call it the Fog Campaign. And you guys decided, well, you created a distraction. You may not be able to go through the basement like you'd intended, but you could run around to the front door where the guards have left. And you did manage to solve some puzzles and procure for yourself a couple of magic swords of Umberley, the Scissor of Umberley and the Needle of Umberley.

But because you went through the front door, you were spotted by Alathor himself when he finally made it home, likely because you blew up his basement. He was alerted to your presence and it took him the, you know, length of time of you guys rooting around in his house. And he sent in what he calls his two friends, a gnome in a large scoop-like machine with giant piston legs named Gloryfinger Nimble Nubbin, and Rakes the Automaton Titan,

big old gnome-like machine that came in with him with a giant spear. We are picking up in the turn order with Gloryfinger, Gloryfinger Nimble Nubbin, an old dwarf engineer. I'm sorry, excuse me, gnome, gnome engineer, who is now trying to find who to attack first. I mean, it looks like Siam Spade is the obvious target. So.

What about that candle holder? It seems like like that candle holders such a giant threat why doesn't it attack the candle holder I mean unfortunately he has only 35 feet of movement so he's just five feet short of being able that huge candle right behind oh yeah it's much closer he turns around and smells the candle for six seconds that's a turn that's a turn all right And that's a turn. That's a turn. All right. So that's his turn. He sniffed a candle up next is him because that's a fly.

He's gonna go up to Siam spade. Now wouldn't I have been farther since I was running while I was doing a thing? Did you move your token? I didn't move my token, sorry. You moved your toke, you didn't move your token, but you're trying to flee up the stairs. Yeah, I was trying to flee up the stairs.

So if you could put yourself kind of like closer to the base, you're almost, yeah, we'll call that like nearly at the top. And he's marching towards you. He is now going to go like kneel down on his sort of little heel knees and you see these big pipes open up and this just white hot smoke blasts out of the pipes okay 15 feet in front of him can I get a Constitution saving throw oh my god from Joffrey Spicoli and Siam Spade. Maybe it's like a steam cleanse guys. Yeah opening up the course

Eucalyptus and speed mean there. That'd be good Then fall yeah nice 19. Yeah, baby. You both made it nice We're going to take half for D a poison damage my goodness. So my biz. That's been the fog. Can you're going to you get to are you that close to death? It's not great.

I mean, he's in melee with an atomic. Somebody help him. You both take six points of poison. There's a sorcerer. I can help myself, maybe six points of poison damage as he blasts you guys with exhaust. It's now time for Lil Peepers. Come on, Lil Peepers. Lil Peepers. In the wine. So he is going to use his action. Everyone roll a perception check. See if you see his sneaky action. Okay.

22. Oh, sweet. Same. 19. Yeah, I got a 22 also. Cool. 11. Well, if you can break a 20,

you'll see His little form in a blur will be jumping up and placing something behind the giant stone statue right here and then he's going to use his his Bonus action to disengage as he goes What on earth over this way who did that? Peepers he I love it. He set something behind the statue next to the giant automaton. That makes me so happy.

Let's go Little Peepers. Get him. Up next it is you Joffrey. How far is the statue behind this guy? It is... stop pushing him closer to it Brian I want it to happen so bad five ten fifteen twenty twenty five feet that's a necklace how tall is it fifteen feet okay so it's not close you can chase him back there you could lure him back there now would be the time okay yeah I'm gonna run by him and so like use your

action to dash or use your bone you've cunning action you think you can dash on your bonus yeah I will so what I'm gonna do is try my chill touch on him oh nice yeah so you're gonna run up to him and chill touch him. Yes. Okay. It's a spell attack, I take it. Yeah. 16. That is a miss, unfortunately.

Damn it. He's the one with an AC of 20. So I run by him. Okay. So you run by him, what's your movement? I'm pretty fast. Yeah, well you're doubling it with Dash. Double it with Dash!

That's such a great show. Double Dash. Nickelodeon. Double 30 feet walking. Remember you could reach in the giant nose. Double dare. 30 feet walking, so you're getting, I know I'm being stupid. Oh yeah I have dash and disengage and dodge. Cunning action so I'm gonna say you can do chill touch for your action and then dash

and your bonus action. Sounds good. And so if you have that much you have enough movement then Brian to get all the way over here so you can be next to the statue if you want is that what you want? Yeah see oh I have cunning action on your turn. You can take one of the following actions as a bonus action, dash, disengage, or hide. So if you want to get all the way to the statue, you could use dash as your bonus action. Okay, I'll do that.

Okay, that was my interpretation. Slam spade, you're up. The thing I can see, is there a gnome that I can see? Yeah. How it's- It's kind of like hunched down, holding a couple of throttles in this metal bucket at the end of a scoop in the front of this machine.

Okay. I'm going to rush him and jump on him. Okay. Yeah. This guy? Yeah. Scratch his eyes out. All right, that will be, let's see, grapple rules. So it is, I believe a melee attack.

I rolled an 18. Jesus. Do I do any, any pluses? That's what I'm trying to look up. The strength is one. Grapple is such weird rules cause you can do like really cool stuff with it if you're good at it. Wow, when you want to grab a creature or wrestle with it,

you can use attack action to make a special melee attack. If you're able to make multiple attacks for that attack, this attack replaces only one of them. They can be no more than one size larger than you, he is only one size larger than you, and it's within your reach. So you're going to seize it with a athletics check. So what is your athletics bonus? Plus one. So what's that total? That's a 19. Okay. So 19. 19. Okay, so 19 then a 19 never received receipt or a bag rose song by the way that song is frickin gross and so he is gonna roll to resist the grapple with it to go at full 16 I believe you beat that I I did, right? So he is now grappled. Okay. Do I do damage

on him? No, you just have him in like an arm bar. Okay, he is incapacitated. Stick in there. No, you succeed automatically if he's incapacitated. Excuse me. So now he has a grappled condition. So he can use his action to escape, but otherwise you have him grappled and he can't do anything. So does that mean he, while he's grappled, cannot pilot the scoop? Correct. Sweet. But he can do a strength check to try to break free. And he's a gnome. OK. So he tried to shake you off as you grappled him. But now you've got his little tiny body in your arms. can you do a strength check to try to break free and he's a gnome okay so he

tried to shake you off as you grappled him but now you've got his little tiny body in your arms eat him whole but I believe unless you have something for your bonus action that is it for your turn yes I can dash disengage hide or break his neck also I'm gonna you break his neck. Also I'm gonna. Oh wait. You can break his neck. You can break his neck and hide. I don't think you want to do any of those things. Yeah, I think that's. I want him to do one of those things.

Although wait, maybe you do. Cause what if you dash while grappling somebody? What does that mean? It's the point of grappling if you can't. I think you can drag him out. Yeah, I'll do that. When you're moving, you can, if you're carrying somebody or like

your movement is like halved, you know what I mean? So it's like you have to, for you to walk one foot, you have to use one foot to drag them. Yeah. So basically you could pull them 15 feet if your movement's normally 30. Yeah, I'll try to drag him out of here if I can. Let's see. How does moving a grappled creature work? We have cool t-shirts. Yeah, your speed is half. You're absolutely right.

I have cool t-shirts, though. So this is just, I'm gonna make you do an athletics check to drag him and it's going to be against his base strength. Sam, how much do you think you pay for all these shirts? Too much? Not enough, I'd say. Is that another athletic check? Yeah.

You got this, playin'. 16. So you guys all see him just drag the gnome out of the machine. And what's your running marking speed? It's 30 but I have I have cats it can do with a cat- That's great. As an action or a bonus action or just free action. When I move on my turn in combat I can double my speed until the end of the turn. Oh, wow. So you can undo the fact that you're having your speed because you're dragging a guy and you can take him the full like, was it 30 feet away from his machine?

Drag him. Yeah. Which direction you want to drag him? Straight to hell. I want to drag him back here so that Brian and I can beat the shit out of him. So you drag him to his machine and goes, dude! Get him! Get him! And you take him back to Brian right where the statue is, which... Awesome.

You may have an idea of what to do with it because now we are back at the top of the turn order and you all hear a fizz and a loud bang! An explosion happens behind this statue over by the automaton and the statue collapses on top of the automaton sweet cuz little peepers remember so he put an explosive little charge behind the peepers beat a force I love you little peepers all Beat a force. I love you little peepers. Alright, so the statue is going to hit him for... 19 points of bludgeoning damage. And he is now going to try to stay standing.

You've got so much love. Little peepers. I want you to be my acrobat. I'm gonna pass out. Cigars. Be my acrobat. I'm going to pass out. Cigars. All right. So 19 and then there's a little elephant. There's a zero to his ducks and he botches his decks check.

So you guys saving throw. So he just. Larry falls face down. He is now prone. Now that does not mean that he's dead. No. I think it means he's dead. Yeah, that's what I think he means.

We beat him to death in front of his family. You've taken 69 points of damage off of him. Nice. High five, high five. And Twit, it's your turn. Okay, so because that big boy is prone Tits To I

Guess I'm trying to do a melee attack. Are they. Forget it. That's stupid. I'm going to run towards, I use my full movement to come back down the stairs and run towards the scoop. Okay. The feeling is right. So that's like right up next to it. Yeah, basically, I feel like I probably have to use basically my turn to try and get that thing But I want to try and see if that thing is barely it's like drivable. It's 45 feet away from you. So, okay Yeah, so I will run and then use my action to dash

Okay get to Yeah, but I want to hopefully in the next turn see if I can get that scoop up and running Let your phone. What's your what's your passive insight? Passive insight is 15. You're not sure. It looks complicated, but I'll let you try next turn. All right. I mean, I've seen him with the fit

with the little handles in his hand. So I feel like I know what to grab. Yep. Shalhoub. Is the statue crumbly? Did it fall apart at all? Is it a... Broken into like thirds.

All right. The head, the upper torso and the legs. I'm looking for something that's about five pounds. The head weighs about 25 pounds, I think. Nevermind, I'm going to... I'm going to... There might be a chunk of rock that weighs, yeah, there's a chunk that's five pounds. Yeah, right? Okay, I'm gonna...

Yeah, it didn't break clean. I'm gonna cast Catapult. Yeah! Bam! On to the guys laying on the ground here. I love Catapult. Can you remind me and listen to this how it touches yours? Choose one object weighing one to five pounds within range that isn't being worn or carried.

The object flies in a straight line up to 90 feet in the direction you choose before falling to the ground. Helting him. Stopping early if it impacts against a solid surface. If the object would strike a creature, that creature must make a dexterity saving throw. Oh, he's gonna automatically fail because he's prone. So and then... Get him.

Oh, I can actually do something more than five pounds so whatever I will cast catapult now 68 damage. Jesus! Let me just double checking maybe he does disadvantage. Hopefully he is prone. How does prone effect X saves? And yeah, automatically fails. Nice. Right as you smash a rock over. Oh, 68, anymore. D8s buddies.

Right. How about that? Oh, you're just pounding this shit out of him with this. All right. Well, he did attack me. One more round. Yeah, he did. You want to do the same on it him with this RADOM. He did attack me. One more RADOM. Yes, you did.

You want to do the time. RADOM, RADOM. That is... Alright. 12, 13, 20, no 31, 37, 40. Wow. 46. points of 46 catapulto. Very nice. You guys just see rock chunks explode everywhere.

Where are you hitting him with this? In the head. In the rock chunks. Yeah, and there's just a giant dent and a loud crying as you hit him. Anything else for your turn? I spit on him too. No blood or screams coming from it. No he's not making any noises. Unnecessary. Alright so he's gonna use half his movement to stand and he is now going to try to grab movement to stand. And I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. He's sad. And he is now going to try to grab you. Is that dad after taking 68 from that catapult?

Holy shit. Jesus. No, I mean, he's fucked up. Like I said, big dent, loud clang, back of his head's all bent now. What a dumb fuck. But yes, so now that is going to be a... From a prone position too.

He's going to make an athletics check contested Oh Skin-train yours. So go ahead and roll Athletics as he tries to grab you a Prone creatures only movement option is to crawl. Unless it stands up. Okay. Unless... Haha!

Haha! Comet Ken almost had me! I'm looking, I'm looking. He said it, I was like, it's true. Tech roll, okay. Okay, he is going for his grapple attempt to get a 22. Well... Do you have a bonus to athletics that's more than two?

Oh, hang on a second, I didn't think about that. So do I have to roll athletics or I'm playing it that way? I think that's what it is. It's either that or your base, which you would lose. My bonus is a minus one. Do you have anything you can add to it? Is there any special feature or trait? Fear? I mean, you can add to it? Is there any special feature or trait? Fear?

I mean, you can- Roll me into shitting? For flavor, you can roll and tell us how badly it goes when he grabs you. Sure. That's a four. Five minus one. All right, so he's going to pick you up

and throw you at the window. Hey. Can I get a dexterity saving throw? I really messed him up. Yeah, he didn't like it. I guess. Dexterity. It's the same thing happened to me with Russell Crowe at the coffee music. All right, Dexterity. You said that was a lady. That was no lady. That was my wife. Oh, I would take a lucky on that one. What did you roll?

A seven. Oh yeah, you might want to use that. Oh boy. Never mind. That's a two sevens in a row. Oh no. You guys all see the automaton lean down, grab Shlobe and whip him at this window up here. Oh no. Instead of a crash, you hear this really loud ting like something ice is being hit. And you see these big black spikes shoot out of the window into Ken.

It has activated the Death Ward. Oh no. It's cast on the door. Jesus Christ. Oh no. Cast on the door. Oh boy. Jesus Christ. Not good. You will take 24 points of necrotic damage and you are now stuck in these black magic spikes. Black magic spikes. And you see Ken is just, Shlob is suspended about 10 feet in the air just sort of impaled by magic spikes. Is that all you have bud?

Well, I was going to say I had another luck that I could have used, but I like to use it. I would use it. Okay, let me use it. But it doesn't matter because I'm a minus one in my athletics. Well, did you do that? Was this a... Did I have you do the deck save though for when you hit the window? Oh, yes, sorry. Okay, so I want to have the deck save though for when you hit the window? Cause you were re-rolling that.

Okay, so I want to have the necrotic damage. That's a 16 on my decks. That's a win, that you get to have it. So you take 12 points and you are not stuck. So it carves you up. You hear that loud horrible noise and you see Shlobe get sliced up. But then, you know, as you sort of tend your wounds,

you fall to the ground. Oh, thank God he fell to the ground. The half is what? It was half of? 24. That was close. Half of 24 points. So it's 12 points necrotic damage. And what is your base decks? What is your base deck?

I'll let you roll. I'll let you roll one more deck save to see if you land prone or can stumble to your feet. All right. It's a 12. Yeah, that's not it. I think my dog killed your kids. That'd be pretty great little move.

Yeah. Right, so now Ken is prone. We'll figure it out at the hospital. But not stabbed by black stuff. No, it didn't impale. Okay. Negative, it didn't go in. Max impacted the surface. Almost.

Got the chatter read too. It's now time for glory finger nimble nubbin to try to break free of the grapple. This could be his swan song. Come on, dude. I kind of want glory finger nimble nubbin free of the grapple this could be his swan song come on dude I kind of went for his finger and then he nimble number to stay with us for the rest of the adventure you mean like in a sack just just so we can hear that name on your blink I can do an athletics check you got to be to 17 you got this

buddy he rolled an 18-17 oh roll again roll again how about a 17. Oh, roll again. Roll again. How about a 17? This time he rolled a 12. He cannot escape your grasp. Oh, that's a shame, cause I'm gonna kill him. First up next is Lil Peepers. He is going to run over to you, Shalhoub. So you see him kind of like,

like, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. And he chucks you a potion. Yeah. Oh, thanks. Little people's the fucking man. Right? Although he is chucking it to you and you're on the ground. So he'll be rolling with your mouth.

He's going to roll it to you to make sure you get it. Okay. But that'll be his turn. Joffrey, you're up. All right. So I'm behind the guy that Blaine's chasing, right? Mm-hmm. How can I-

No, Blaine's got him. Oh, Blaine's him. No planes got planes got this gnome completely restrained in an armbar or he's grappling em in an arm He dragged him over to you go help Ken then. Okay, can I get over there? That'll be another five ten fifteen twenty twenty. It's like it's like thirty five feet So if well, I'd be able to do an action or no? Yeah. If you have 35 feet or more of movement, then yeah. You can go over there and use, without using dash. You can bonus action dash.

Yeah, just bonus action dash and go over there. That's what I'll do. Okay. So you can get all the way to him. What would you like to do? You can straight up pour the potion in his mouth if you don't want him to have to use his turn. No, I'm gonna, um, doesn't, isn't he fighting this guy? Yeah. I'm gonna hit that guy with the broadsword.

Okay. Swing, swing to broadsword please. Hopefully this kills him. That'd be nice. Got a kabillion points of damage or anything, fuck. What the fuck, right? It's the scissor of Umberley. Wow. Uh, 17 hit? Uh, yes, that's a hit. Fuck what the fuck right? It's the scissor of Umberley. Oh

Hit Yes, that's a hit nice. He's got lower AC. He can he does not move quick Kill him hard What's the does he have the whatever the stats for the scissor of Umberley? No, not yet But that's what he just hit him with right? Oh yeah this is it's our standard greatsword so hang on. Am I making that up Brian? Did you hit him with a greatsword? Yeah because I was carrying that. Okay that's fine. So. Oh I thought that's what you're doing I don't speak for you. He's not attuned to it you need to attune to it so you can't use it special. Well my short sword is a plus seven so I would just use your short sword until you

try to attune to it or sell it or whatever. Oh nice uh six uh plus four ten. Nice! So stab at it again there's a loud clang you know metal on metal is a little rough with this guy. Metal on metal I've heard. I'm gonna anvil. Anything else for your turn, Brian? I think that might be all you can do. Unless you can attack more than once. I don't know. I should see how many attacks per action you have.

I feel like we just talked about this. Oh, as a rogue it would just be one. Okay, Thank you. Bonus sanctions coming in. I get him. The fighter can just, the fighters get up to I think three attacks per action later. Okay. So Siam spade, you've got, you've got the gnome by the balls.

Uh, I'm going to, uh, since my hands are already on them, I'm going to use my fire bolt and he'll automatically fail so you're just gonna nuke him yeah all right roll your damage to D 10 hey it says that I have is this a this wouldn't count as a sneak attack or a cunning strike what it do you think or is this this just, I'm just going to, well, hang on. I think sneak attack is your first attack against him. So I'm just wondering if I could get once per turn. So can you sneak attack right now?

You have to be not with fireballed. I don't think. Well, is he a disadvantage because he's grappled? Yeah. Yeah. Then you're automatic fail well because you get you sneak attack if you are of advantage or someone else is in melee with him so to see if it would you say he has advantage because okay so then yes so then you get to apply your sneak attack damage. What's the other one? Cunning strike when I deal sneak attack damage I can I can add oh forget it that's a different thing. Okay there's only weapons. Yes but 1d6 for your sneak attack you can add it. Or it might be more if you're a higher level. It's 4d6.

Jesus Christ. So add 4d6 to your fireball damage. Okay, so 2d10, that's 16. 16 before the sneak attack damage. 16 before the sneak attack damage. 16 fire. 10, 18. Wow. So 18 and what was the first one? 16. 34. 34. How would you like to see this gnome die?

I would just like this. And he just kind of turns into like the the beetle juice dried up little. He's the little Metallica who's the voodoo guy. Oh yeah. Titanic Titanic. A guy shrivel shrivels up like he's in life force. And and just get how you have even. And then want to make a Jerry Lewis noise.

Do you keep the handful of jerky you're holding or do you just sort of throw it aside? You should eat it. No No, that's creepy. Eating a gnome? Yeah. I'm going to cast it aside and I guess head over to join the battle over here. All right. You've already used your action so you can get close. I'm going to wait.

Just in case something crazy happens. Okay. You're gonna stand by in that position? Yeah. Okay. So that was fun. Twed and you're up. I would like to try and move into the pilot seat of the scoop and see if I can try

and get this thing up and running. Okay. So. I'm gonna give myself a bardic inspiration. Yeah, for sure. So so I had a d8 to whatever you're gonna ask me to do Yeah, hang on. Let's see. I think you're the best around No, I never let you down Is that right Right, so be a sleight of hand check. Oh, interesting. There's no way they're listening to this, but if the people that interrupted me

while I was watching Cobra Kai in the Miami Sonesta dining area. What the fuck are you thinking? Twenty one. You guys all see Twoodin hop in this bucket. He doesn't really fit his legs are like dangling over the front of it, but it goes. A little half-sale friend is in the pilot seat. I want your nuts. That'll be your turn now on the bonus action. Oh, nah, I'm good.

I'll be like, stand clear! Oh boy, all right, let me send you the attacks you can do in a second. Yeah. Really? Get away from her, you bitch. That's your son that she's barking at. Oh, okay.

Oh, here, okay, here. OK. So you can use this scoop to eject yourself 30 feet into the air and land 40 feet away. OK. And you can stomp. It's going to be pretty loud out there for like a minute. Stomp is plus nine to hit three D10 plus five bludgeoning damage. Plus five. Okay. And the exhaust, creatures in a 15 foot cone must make a constitution saving throw DC 17. Okay. And then if they take four D8 poison damage or on a fail save half as much.

Got it. Okay, cool. So wild. Shalhoub, it is your turn. I'm going to grasp that potion. Yeah. And dimension door myself out of here. Cool.

I'll let you bonus action the potion if you want to roll. That's it. Cool. I'll let you bonus action the potion if you want to roll the healing on it. Okay. So I'm dimension dooring. I mean, this automaton titan is never going to know what hit it. So this is a greater healing potion for 4d4 plus 4. Nice. Nice. Where are you dimensioned oring to another plane. Oh

No, that's right. I'm Teleporting now. I am teleporting to a location within the range. I'm just gonna get as far away as I can What's the range? It's like pretty far right like 120 feet or something It's 300 feet if I want oh yeah And anything I can see you could get all the way to the top of the stairs if you want to just be like behind a banister a little bit. Yeah. Just sort of dunk. I just want a little protection. So 4d4 plus 4. That's a great. I like that you tried to take out the iron giant though. I did. Very bold of you. It didn't work so good. Where'd my die go? What do you need? Die, die, die. My foresight. Oh, here it is. Die, die, die.

Oh, yai, yai. I put it up on the pedestal because you're trying to teleport. I just put it up on the pedestal and I forgot immediately. Four. Must be all that aluminum in your diet. Are you eating cans? Four. Ken, are you a billy goat?

Eleven. He's wearing some. Fourteen. OK. Nice's wearing some. 14. Okay. Nice job buddy. 14 hit points back as you go. Thanks for the potion. Bye bye. And I believe that's your turn. So Rakes, the automaton is going to go zzzz and he's going to, of course, see Spicoli right in front of him. No. And he raises his giant fist, arcs of electricity coursing through it. Mm-hmm. All right. This guy's problematic.

Noonan. Noonan. Noonan. Miss. And I'll say it. Miss. This is a plus seven to hits. Oh, and it's all I need.

As a reaction, Dan, I'm letting you know. I'm gonna do something on this. Okay 14 hit Brian I'm 14. Oh, no as a reaction. I'm gonna cast silvery barbs so From the the cradle of the scoop, I'm using my reaction. I can impose disadvantage on a creature within 60 feet. So he's gonna have to roll again. Yeah, magical silvery things are just

strapped, swirling around. So yeah, so he's gonna- He's like, Rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrr Yes. And he rolls a 20, so he's going to take that 14. Oh well. That was his first. I have Uncanny Dodge. Nice. Oh, so you can have the damage he's about to do as he punches you. Yeah.

So he's first going to be doing 4d8 plus 4 bludgeoning. That might be where you can use that Uncanny Dodge. Right. It's gonna be a 22 points of bludgeoning damage as he pounds down on you and the electricity is now going to arc. So this is 4d8 lightning. Jesus. Do I have the 22 or no? I take all 22? You'd have it so that's what you wanted to do right? Yeah. See I take that down to 11. I was bludgeoning

and then you're gonna take 15 lightning. Have that or no? Uh, I don't think you get... Does he? I think he uses reaction to... No, you do... You would have that too. Yeah. If it's two types of damage on one attack and you're gonna candy dodge it. Sweet. So have that one too. So you're gonna take... Uh, then seven.

For a total of, uh, 15. Yeah. Cool. Points of damage. You're down. No, no, no. You're low. Yeah.

I'm low. Okay. Well, that I'm like half. That was pretty high. Rakes is tough. Up next would have been glory finger, but he is toast. Literally. Will peepers is now up. So he's going to... He's got so much love. Try to jump up on it and climb up to its head.

It's a little genie. Oh yeah. Helping John. He wants you to be his acrobat. Cause mine is the signature version of that. So you see little peepers run over to the automaton and try to scurry up it. That's D&D right? That's your elephant man running up a giant robot. 22. So you see that little tiny elephant go up to its head. He's not an animal. Wake up, little pea. Everybody roll perception check. You're running up the head. Good. Should still be in bed. 13. Nine. Perception.

14. Oh, perception. Perception, perception. 14. Another perception, another perception, another perception, another perception. 11. Okay. You're not sure what he's doing up there exactly, but you see him go like...

Probably telling secrets. Yeah. what he's doing up there exactly but you see him go like probably telling secrets yeah he he jumps down to the ground about 10 feet away up next is joffrey you got it buddy you're up i'm gonna hack at him with uh oh i i'm not attuned to that sword yet. The great sword now the short sword will do more damage. Short sword. Uh 18. That is a hit. Nice. Okay. Can you do an insight check, Brian? Yeah. Turn it on.

All right. You're not sure why, but the automaton starts sort of shaking a little bit and making like a grinding noise. He begins humping your leg. Siam, you're up. I'm gonna fire bolt the the auto the automate. Can I use fast hands on it to disarm it as my second? That's a bonus action. Fast hands is a bonus action. Nice. You would be doing it with disadvantage because his only weapon is a giant spear that is 20 feet tall. Well, I'm trying to just disarm him like using these tools or...

You could do it. It would just be with disadvantage. Okay. So you go up there, start unscrewing his heel. Yeah. So, okay. Let's see. What is disarming? That worked in Jason and the Argonauts. Sure. I'm just checking, Brian, see what this would be. Because you'd be using like your sword, I think, with the tools or something. Well, I have, I have these tools too.

I have a whole bunch of shit on me, packed on me. Let's call it slight a hand check. Brian. Okay. And so you're going to stab him and then try to knock maybe put like a boot on his wrist and just jab a jab a tool in his hand. Yeah or and do like this behind to get him to stop or something. Hit him in his penis. Yeah. His robot penis. Take his take his taint with pliers and just twist.

Twenty one. Oh, shit. Yeah. So you see his spear go plank onto the ground behind him. Yeah, you didn't like that. My spear isn't going to my twisted taint. Sam, you're up. I'm going to firebolt him. Go for it. Firebolt or maybe not. What's wrong? I rolled with two roll too oh that's messy yeah he's got lowish AC so sometimes you know you might be surprised I forgot how long was kind of

fuck kind of fucked that up okay and higher hopes for that guys back at the top of the turn order you hear a familiar hiss and bang noise. Another explosive charge goes off inside the neck of the automaton and you see its head just go flying. Cloverfield. I love little peepers. Great snack cakes. 23 points bludgeoning damage. The time of the time is

a time to time is now headless, but still standing. Crazy. All right. Twin Europe. I'm going to pilot the scoop so that I come 5050 with Spicoli. So I'd like to do that, Dan. And I want to try and use the stump feature.

Okay. So because I'm flanking, can I get advantage? Blanking? Yeah, sure. Great. Okay. So, uh, first rule is a three. I'll say it is an 18.

That's a hit. Plus nine. Yeah. Twenty seven. So you said it's three D 10 plus five. That's right. So here's three D 10, eight, killed and seven fifteen and one sixteen plus five twenty one stomp damage. How would you like to see the automaton die? Oh, I want to kind of run up and just put it stompy foot through the chest of the thing and just kind of crying it down and wear it like a horseshoe on my foot. Scrape it off on the curb.

Love it. As the dust settles, you just sort of see in the broken doorway of an elderly drow staring in disbelief. You're now out of combat. Hey, we come in peace, friend. He says from the scoop. Sorry about your robots. You shouldn't have done that to us. Everybody roll an intimidation check with advantage.

It's the exact number that your highest role is will make a big difference. With advantage. Yeah, you get to roll with advantage. But you want if someone rolls super high on this, you're going to get a pretty fun outcome. 21. Nice. 23. Whoa. 17. You want if someone rolls super high on this you're gonna get a pretty fun outcome 21 nice 23 whoa 17 19 was my house. Okay He he collapses to his knees

Whatever you want whatever you want Blow us. Speak for yourself. Hello, hello, hello. Hello, hello, hello. Is he serious? No, never. I could take my teeth out, but... Oh, God. I throw up on the room.

Let's... I deserve that. Let's get out of here, right? Why are you so mean to the... I throw up on the room. Let's uh. I deserve that. Let's let's get out of here right? Why are you so mean to the fish people in town? Oh that's a good one. Whoa. They killed one of my ancestors.

It's a war. We've been waging against them for a long time, but it's just me left. Oh, buddy. Well, they stop fighting. Yeah, don't you see like, you're fighting and all it's broad is us destroying your robot friends. Do you want to make this a persuasion or intimidation check, Chris, your choice? I of course would like to make it persuasion. Okay so you're getting softer with him now. Yeah

well Twins whole thing is charisma and training that's why like what he said come out his hands up Twins like yeah I'll talk your pants off as soon as we're face to face. Yes. 16 plus 11 so that's a 27. You see like a single tear roll down his cheek and fall as his head is hung and he's still on his knees and he just says very well you're right I've been such an asshole for so long. That's what we're saying. You're right. But you know what you're also the guy who can turn it around and you're still here now to make this place better. He like looks up at the fact that he's let his friend destroy his entire front door. He looks at the collapsed statue.

Oh, I certainly will have to spend some money cleaning up the corpse and everything. Well, I'm sure the people in town be willing to help a guy who's, if you're here to help the town, the town will be here to help you. Why don't you have everybody up here for like a big picnic and we can all wear white overalls like and redo the rec center together. By the way, are you saying all of this still sitting in the scoop of the giant Mac? Oh no, I'm down next to him. I've got got if he's on his knees. I'm down there. I've got my arm around his shoulder Like it's okay pal

Dan you're right. I'm over by the body of the gnome going like this going like this. Scraping it. Cats are weird. Okay. So he don't mind Sam. He I throw a pickle at Blaine. I see it. I jump three feet in the air. He reaches to see if you can help him up.

Is he trying something or is he generally want help up? I seems like he wants genuine help. Genuinely will help. Seems like a very weak old man. All right. It's okay friend. You're not by yourself. He says, let me give you something.

Oh, okay. He sort of like stag staggers up the steps and he hell man reaches into a trunk at the top of the step with just shalob you're still up there. Yeah, it's kind of like stitching his neck closed. Yeah. Should I give this to you or to the one downstairs? This is scoop. What is that down a sphere of annihilation? Is it? He opens the chest and he's holding a pair of boots. These are magic boots. Hey, wonderful.

Who should I give these to? Someone take these boots. I'll take them down to them. He hands them to you. He tells you that he took them from a fish person that he killed long ago. Okay. The Kuatoa. It's just illuminating.

And maybe this is a way for you to take it, say I'm sorry and take responsibility and maybe we can move forward with this thing. Yeah. He tells you they are boots of striding and springing. Oh, cool. Well. You have to attune to them, but while you wear the boots, your speed becomes 30 feet unless your speed is higher. So it could be good to give to somebody if they have low

movement and your speed is, whoa, hello. Your speed is not reduced if you carry something over your capacity or heavy armor. Oh, huge. And on once on each of your turns, you can jump up to 30 feet, spending only 10 feet of movement for a frog like this. These are great. So. Fish boots. You want do you want them, Chris, since you sort of negotiate for him? He sort of he meant to like be handing them to I will. Or I think you can. Yeah, I think we'll divvy them up saying you know but thank you so much keep

them at the ready yeah and just you know I'll sort of introduce everybody and like you know perhaps in a day or two we can come by and just sort of see how you're doing it seems like maybe what you could enjoy is a friend from time to time would that be okay with you kind of weird but sure yes if it's uncomfortable we don't have to do that okay all right well then you don't all right then maybe we won't not very humbled I'll pay you for protection just don't kill people anymore oh yeah you say pay protection what you do you mean to us? Yes. So that we...

I'm vulnerable now. Oh, I see. I see. If you'll promise to patrol my home at night, I can pay you a lot of money. We might be able to do that for a day or two, but you know, we are here to sort of help the entire town. So you might want to consider like a long term replacement. We can help somebody. He, uh, bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-b to 50 gold per night. I mean guys, that's, I mean, a way to help an old man.

Should we, should we maybe kick it off to one of our friends in the Thieves Guild? Well, yeah, we'll help him transition into like a proper, you know. So like take it to the Thieves Guild and say if someone from the Thieves Guild can guard. Yeah, but yeah, I mean, we can do it to the thieves guild and say if someone from the thieves guild can guard. Yeah But you know, maybe we can do it for the first few nights. Whoever in your group. It's fine great, uh, well then, um, just come check in with me and

and uh Talking about being safe. Absolutely. Thank you so much. Tell them the code word is apple apple apple Uh, you know Show them the code word is Apple Apple Apple You know Maybe that less murder gnomes next time less and less less robots Thank you. Good night. Oh, there's not gonna be anything. It's gonna kill us on the way out of the garden Yeah, can you tell the death wards and such? Oh Sure, he like kind of like stumbles around for a bit and he likes he like moves a painting and there's some buttons behind you okay there you

go good now do you not believe him oh I believe them okay you just made a face has been say it's definitely just like a doddering old man right now. Yeah. He was very confident his friend and his giant machines are just gonna pulverize you guys. And with that 27 charm, I feel as though like, no, I'm just gonna.

Okay. Let's go. So you can now head off into the night with a mech or not with a mech? Do you leave the mech? Oh, I think we would at least take it with us. I mean, it's a sign of. And as you head out into the night, Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, ch along with him, small. Someone else want to drive? Half elf, half elf.

I guess we're all kind of the same size. The smallest one of you technically is little Peepers, but he's an NPC, so I don't know if you want to let him have all the fun. Does anybody want to drive it? I highly recommend one of you guys drive it. It's your prize. I'll drive it for now unless somebody else wants it.

Sure. Yeah, well let's at least drive it back to the Thieves Guild, or maybe not to the Thieves Guild. I'm going to be up on the dashboard panting. Alathor kind of like walks you out to the street and he sort of waves some guards away. Who's on by my stare at you with giant eyes as you exit with the mech that a gnome was sitting in a few minutes ago.

And we'll have to see how that goes in our next episode. You guys looted the fuck out of that mansion. Yeah, yeah, I've got that rapier. Brian, the reason I was giving you that look is because there's a part of Twedden, ultimately, like we're all here just to make money. I'm like, lonely old man in his house. Anything can happen. You know that mech is a shitload of money too. Great. Yeah.

Sam, what do you think happened this episode? Oh, episode 10. We fought and defeated a gnome in a robot costume. True. OK, great. True facts. I like how you're asking. You're asking us. I just want to make sure I get that right.

Yeah, that's right. Oh, yeah, it happened. Folks, you know, I don't make any money if you rent or buy the land the time forgot on Apple TV or anything. So if you want to wait until it's on Tubi, that's okay. But if you want- Is that the cartoon one with the cute dinosaur?

Oh, Fievel? I love Fievel. Yeah. If you want to write the CEO of A24 Films and tell them you saw an amazing dinosaur movie. I'm going to threaten him. Is that good? Yeah, I guess that works. Yeah, that's fine. Oh, that's fine.

You better make another movie with this guy. Tell him I have a great, a great script just waiting for him. All right. Done. I'm done. Tour dates. I'm gosh, how far behind are we? What this will come out this week and then next week. OK. Somebody's racing in my neighborhood. My motorcycle.

The seventh and eighth of March, I'm in Portland at the Aladdin Theater and the next night I'm in Portland at the Aladdin theater and the next night I'm in Sonoma, California at Sebastiani theater. They're both selling really well but still tickets left because they're both pretty big theaters and the first night I've got Derek Sheen with me and the second night I got Johnny Taylor and the Sonoma, they're both both gonna be special shows because they're two of my favorite places to go but I would do that soon and Indiana got coming up and I'm gonna be at WonderCon in Anaheim in March so signing comic books speaking of comic books grommets and rifters real soon

trade paperback so I would ask your comic book shop for release dates and pre-order those. Blaine. We attribute the success save mankind. Thanks for joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof. Oh, I'm gonna be doing Lucha Vavoum with, uh, special guest Andy Richter March 6 for Lucha March Madness, so come down and see that at the Mayan. But on the next Nerdpoker, the Nerdpoker gang discovers a new candy that's grape and full

of baking soda so that when it dissolves it fizzes in their mouths. Can Sam get them to spit it out before they get all sick and disgusted? All this and Brian's Zot's on his balls wrong. On an all new Nerd Poker. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerd poker and you get bonus episodes from there and you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 and Sino California 91416. Thanks for listening.