Nerd Poker - The Fog Campaign - Episode 12

Episode Date: March 25, 2025

It's time to strut out of the thieves guild and take a breather at the inn. Yeah yeah yeah we might have a target on our backs because we blew up the giant house of Dellsmouth's crankiest creep, but it's time to eat omlettes and probably maybe hopefully not get jumped! For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

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Yeah, hurry! Oh God, hurry! Hey, it's Brian Postain, nerd poker. We're calling it The Thug Campaign. My friends are here, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer Sam, and of course our kick-ass DM Dan Telfer. Welcome to Nerdpoker. Hey everybody it's Frank DeZane you're listening to Noidpoka.. Why? I don't know. Episode 12 of the fog campaign. We're doing it. Everybody's here.

Ken's and Ken and his eyebrows. Yeah. This is here. Hi, me and my eyebrows. Blaine, me and my arrow. Oh, take them. Oh, boy. Dan's here. I got brows and arrows. At the end of the table as I always say. Hello sweet eyebrow children. We did it, we did it, we did it. We should thank some people and get right in. We're gonna. Thanks everybody who supports us just by

listening but if you support us on Patreon, you're actually keeping this podcast alive. And I want to thank our top two tiers of supporters. They have usernames like Cavill. Good job in finally playing Wolverine, Cavill. Thank you. I want my name to be Spaghetti. I hope you figure out how to get that to be Spaghetti someday, buddy. Thank you.

6971 Milf Tits Avenue. Thank you. Is Ms. Finn their strat a caster per chance? No, she's a thief. Thank you. Lich Astley. Never going to give you up, nerd poker. Thank you. Luke the Husbatron. Jib Jabbas Prime. Thank you. This one always makes me just go, thank you Ed Gein's leather jeans.

Thank you Kweef Latifah's super poopa. Thank you Randice's. Thank you WV French fried. Thank you Noomi. Thanks. That was an actual snort. Thank you Mark Edzel. Thanks MangeHead hand. M mange hand. Thank you A cab for

cutie. Thank you Jim. Thank you Jim Hollingsworth. Thank you heck 487. Thank you at disc golf travelers. Thanks Russian guy bitch. Thank you spicy pants. Thank you dick trickle and Henry Winkler. Thank you, Morrissey the Vegan Boar. Thank you, Matt Weins. Thank you, Dildo District Developer Donna Double D Diddler. And finally, of course, thank you to in the thoughts, one in the prayers. Blaine, who are those supporters brought to us by?

Supporters brought to us by Viagra Express. Well, premature ejaculation pills. If your erection lasts longer than one minute, call your doctor, Viagra Express. And Willy Lomaine, Chinese food of a salesman. Attention must be paid to flavor Willy Lomaine, Dan. Thank you, Blaine. It's time to talk about what happened last time on Nerdpoker. We went to the thieves guild and we fenced a bunch of junk and now

we're sleeping in a little concrete room in the corner. Are we going to be loaded? Are we going to rob some ruins? Let's find out. Ken has been the weirdest place for us. Yeah, you guys are holed up right now in a private sleepy times, hostile style room in the thieves guild, underneath a bush on the Northeast side of Del Smith. You were just starting to go over your loot, but you got pretty beat up in a fight

with a couple of robots. And so there is healing to do watch duty boots to claim sword to claim how you guys feeling lots to chat about amongst yourselves what's the deal with the boots yeah fast boots well I think it made any your minimum move 30 does anyone not have 30 as a base movement. I'm good I'm good with the boots. I thought we were gonna give them to I thought they were cans We're giving them to Ken. Okay, taking them great. I just don't remember where we giving them to Spicoli. No Whoever and yeah, no, I don't think he doesn't want to move too fast

Yeah, I don't think that helps anybody Boots of leaping and striding I believe. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I have a regular. What's it do? I have cat springing. Oh, yeah, you are a cat. Yeah, so I don't need it. Those boots that slow you down. While you wear these boots your walking speed becomes 30 feet unless your walking speed is higher and your speed isn't reduced if you're encumbered or wearing heavy armor. So you can carry a lot. In addition addition you can jump three times the normal distance you can't jump farther than your remaining movement would allow and you know just talking to your friend little peepers you you know think about how you

got it from a drowse that he got it from a Kua Toa that he killed, a fish person he killed many years ago. Got from a friend he's been missing around. I mean, you've heard rumors that no one in town trusts the fish people. And if he killed them a long time ago, it's probably a, you know, just what kind of fish person needs to run and jump and carry a lot of stuff.

Maybe a fish that's raiding the land, wants to be a little more mobile. You know the fish people are waddling around very awkward little folks. So it's probably something from another era of Kua Toa in the city. Something of artifacts. Like a fish called Wanda or a fish that say Pittsburgh. Kevin Klein. Fish that say Pittsburgh., do you want to hang on to them for now? Maybe you share. Well, we deal with the Kuatua. Maybe they'll be interested in us returning an artifact or something.

Sure. Yeah, we can. But in the meantime, and then the other thing is rapier, which anyone, I think any one of us can use. I would defer to you guys. I feel like you guys might be more combatty than me, but I'm happy. Can I use it as a sorcerer? It just depends. Do you have proficiency in melee weapons?

Or actually that may not be a melee weapon. It's a finesse weapon. I have a, I have rapier in my, uh, in my weapons. Great. It should be someone who can, uh, handle finesse weapons. Yeah, for sure. It's, it's a really powerful sword, but if you can't use finesse weapons, you're not going to get all the bonuses. Not me then. Then do it.

I would say either me or Mr. Peepers who wanted to use it. Lil Peepers is as generous as it would be, says, oh, well, I'm planning to get my loot eventually if either of you want, any of you want the boots or the rapier, I'm happy to defer to any of you. I'll do the rapier. Yeah, worse comes to worst, we can make a change as we go. If it makes sense for somebody else to do it.

Spicoli, you're good for now, but trust me, buddy, we're going to find you some awesome like vans of like flying or something like that. You know, that's my skull. I'm so wasted. Do you have rapier? Do you want to use it? Hmm. Which one of you is rapier? Oh, boy.

Ken can use a rapier is what I said. Oh I do have that in my weapon. Yeah I could use it. Why don't you use it because I have some I have magic stuff. And then do I need to attune to it? The rapier is attuning and the boots are for tuning. Yeah, so we'll give it to these two guys and maybe they can attune while we're long resting. And Sam, we didn't level up. We're still level 8, right? Did I not level you up yet?

Were you level? We are level, most recently we became level 8. Yeah, but I think I just leveled you up, right? It's just been a while since we played. Am I wrong? I don't know. Level us up again. Yeah. We have more. We could be 12 if you want.

Oh, my God. Level 12. I don't think so. Hey, thanks, Dan. Hmm. Gun of fireball. I actually don't remember when I leveled you guys up last. When did what level did we start the adventure at? Yeah, I think we started at eight. Did you? Yeah.

I could be wrong. Maybe we started at seven. I feel like we started at eight because this is the only one I've printed out. If you're listening, call in now. And it says level eight? Oh, well then no. Yeah, if Brian says level eight,

then you are definitely, it's time. You guys are level nine. Oh, my God. I had you were supposed to level up, but I thought we took care of it in episode. What would have that been like a look at nine or whatever? Oh, my God. After you finished the fight, I thought I thought we did.

But I don't have it. I never wrote it down. Well, if no one has it, then I should have have told you and I'm telling you now that yes indeed you would all be level nine. Oh I can't wait. So you can handle that now and you know if we're attuning remember that's an arcana roll. We're looking to get a dirty 20 or better on an arcana roll to a tune.

I can't load anything right now so maybe I should be be a little bit till later. Oh, to check your arcana. I recommend everybody at the very least to do what we all love, which is roll your hit points. That can be fun to do with a physical die in front of other people, listeners and particulars. Should say on your sheet what your hit die is. Yeah. Mine is a d six. I got a three. Mine's an eight. I got a seven. I can't see anything plus total of plus five. Well, you're a rogue. Who else is a rogue? It says me. You got it. Oh, you got it.

You know what's up. You don't need me staring over your shoulder. Little peepers, gonna roll his. Actually, can I borrow your DA, Ken? Yeah. I'll roll a fizzy. Go for it. Is it gold eye?

A one. Roll a fizzy. That's what we call rolling a fizzy. That's what we call a role in a fizzy. Only a one. Cool. That's now 83. I get evasion. Oh no. I get a roguish, roguish archetype feature. Oh, fun. That is fun. You guys are both thieves, right?

Like straight thief, I think you picked. I think I'm a sage. Oh, nevermind. Fart fart fart. I will never know. Should we check about the attunement? Yes. Who would like to attune? Should we check about the attunement? Yes.

Who would like to attune? Who's going to sit with their items? I'll sleep with my repeater. Okay. Why don't you roll an arcana check, please. As you attempt to tune your mind with a repeater. Nice. Nice. Oh shit. Critical plus three. Nice.

Oh, shit. Critical plus three. Nice. All right. So this is a plus one rapier. It's a custom item I'm going to have to send you and make sure you're equipped with. It is a plus one rapier. And if you hit with it twice against the same opponent,

your next two hits will be crits. But you have to hit an opponent twice in a row, on your own. So it's pretty nice. It's a wondrous item. It is an item imbued with the evil goddess's power, umberly, and so. And you love to surf, Spicoli,

so this is kind of good for you, right? Sea goddess, you kind of like journeying to her on your magic board. Yeah, hey sea goddess, let's get laid. I will tune to the Bootsies. That's a 10. Not yet. Not yet. That is not a custom item, though. Let's party.

Did you get them in your inventory already, then? No, I can't seem to get anything going. Boots of springing. Connection problems. Inventory. Manage inventory. Boots of... Made for walking. Springy. Springy. So you guys have made your attempts. You're going to handle typical watches. We need to keep watch? OK. Me too.

And it's just something that people usually do. And I do think your characters would feel relatively safe, like you could forego it if you wanted. I mean, I'm happy to do a watch. Just sort of like an insight check in a sketchy situation. Not perception. I'm going to DM and tell you. Insight?

To... 19? Oh, that's not what I meant. 24. I meant that it's similar to, I'll be honest as a DM, if I feel like your character would feel like it's necessary, like, how do I reword this? Much as if you were in a stressful situation, I would tell you if you would want to make an insight check,

especially given the ending of season three of Nerdpoker, I would also tell you if you're getting ready to rest and you felt it wasn't entirely necessary. Okay. So you have someone be watching, you don't feel it's entirely necessary, but of course a dickish DM may always surprise you. Well, that's not you, Dan. I think we'll all sleep. Let's all make sure we take a sleeping draft

to make sure we sleep soundly. Okay. I'm gonna take a draft PM. So do we successfully then long rest? Sorry, I'm just writing notes that I was hoping someone would do a bit, but I'll write that down later and just tell you, yeah, you wake up. It only takes eight hours because you're sleeping soundly in this little voluntary dungeon and you know, you're able to just unlock the door and peer outside. No one's immediately in the hallway. So you're not going to be able to do that.

Yeah. So you're not going to're able to just unlock the door and peer outside. No one's immediately in the hallway. You know, it's morning at this point. But you know, you peek out and you're aware that there's going to be some sort of record of the door noise. So someone's aware the door is open. So we head to like the hearth,

maybe get ourselves a cup of mush and just plan the day. Go over the map, maybe. Yeah, yeah, I would like to look at those maps. They really have any fun dreams. I had a dream that that I was at the mall, but it was my apartment, but it was like the mall and there was a llama there that was sting. Man, he was a llama, but you still knew it was sting. I would feel comfortable taking this to the interrogation room and knocking on

the door and if no one's in there, laying these out on the tables and treating that secure room like a safe place to look at them. What do you think? Yeah, yeah, sounds good to me. I mean we know they're listening to us but then they already had these. They, I'm sure, have looked them up and down and know what we're talking about. Yeah, I would think. I'm surprised they haven't gone themselves to be honest. All right, let's go. And he trots down the hallway, knocks on the door, no answer. You pop it open and Havish is sleeping. You see an orc slumped over in a chair taking a nap. At his post?

Yes. Oh, Spicoli. Spicoli, maybe go like gently wake him up. Why gently? Well, it's up to you. like gently wake him up. Why gently? Well, it's up to you. I mean, this is your if you want to get on his good side, you can. How is is the the guard or the front door at the front door, man?

Yeah. Hey. He goes in. I mean, Brian, I mean, he doesn't wake up from just talking to him. Snoring very loudly. Everyone do an insight check. Is he charmed sleeping? Is it a magical sleep? Or maybe he's been knocked out.

12. Is that an insight check, Dan? Yes, sir. I got a botch. But with plus eight, that's a nine. I guess we used all those high rolls last night, huh? I'm guessing 18. Something's up here with an 18.

Can anyone beat an 18? I have an 18. Oh, you both think something's weird. You haven't poked him yet, but it does seem weird that the person who so readily opened the slat on the door is not responding to the fact that you said, hey, hey, and knocked on the door to enter this room.

Shit. Sounds like what's his name? The slate. What's his name? The prism. The plank. Sounds like the plank was right. Somebody's come and looking for us. Should we go find the plank? Can we? I don't know. Yeah, I think that we could. We could. Let's open the door we just came from and call down the hall. I don't think we want to be calling down any halls, do we? If someone's here to murder us and they already took out the front door,

is there an alarm here? I'm assuming there should be some sort of alarm, but if he is drugged or charmed, then I don't know where a safe place is. Do you think we should get out of here? Yeah. Because we could go to an alley and try to contact the planks through an alley. Yeah, that's a good idea. Let's go. Let's do this.

It's the morning. I think going in an alley will be a fairly simple task without any danger at all. Should we, is there, there's no back way out of here. I'm just trying to think. Maybe we want to three days of the condor, this and sneak out the back. So nobody even sees us coming out. Um, you wouldn't even have a sense of that with just two 18s and your insight checks, unfortunately. All right. Um, Hey, do you sneaky thieves, little peepers, you three, you want to just

make sure we're safe walking out the front door gladly. I shall sneak. I will give each of you guidance if that's possible. Thank you, Spicoli. What do you say? Let us go up together and then go round and round the bush in different directions. Okay.

You guys head up and little peepers is going to do a stealth check. Can you do a stealth check, Brian? Yeah. Yeah. As I roll stealth for my peepers. I just like to... What are the awkward things I can say about this character? I just like to say...

24. Oh! 14 plus 10. Hell yeah. All right. Extra stealthy. He also has a plus 14 to stealth. So you guys are like...

That's daredevil stuff. And it rules a seven. So it is only a 21, but you guys both quite handily just were around. Other than the heavy, creepy fog that makes it hard to see very far in front of you, nothing seems particularly amiss. But why don't you both do an investigation check as well, please. And remember you've got guidance if you want. 19. Okay, 19 is good. Just let me roll this myself. You've got a D4 to add to that if you want to.

If you're happy with the 19 stakes. Little Peepers is going to take you up on that. It's a D4. Oh, OK. So with guidance, Little Peepers is still going to roll pretty low. The total is seven. So, oof. Well, it's foggy.

You both come back. Little Peepers doesn't have anything to report. Brian, it looks like there were a lot of people walking around in the grass last night that weren't you. You don't know how recently, but all the dew was kicked off the grass in the little area that this bush is in. And if you looked across the street, you notice there is plenty of dew on the streets, the sidewalks still

you're along the ocean in this town and it's quite a bit of sea breeze blowing in with the fog so it's a it's an area that gets damp in the morning so so there's dew on there were there were it at least 10 people kicking around that area. A lot of different size blueprints. And probably since the dew started forming. So within the last two hours, well, let's go to an alley fast. Can they tell us it's clear to go and we head to an alley? I mean, little peepers would be like, yeah, let's go. I didn't see anything. You didn't see any people.

Let's go. Yeah. Closest alley. Everyone do a stealth check to try to rush to it. Oh, and, uh, I will give, can I give people guidance for this Dan? Absolutely. Alley, the rich girl. Right.

Well, no, this stuff, Brian., the rich girl. Right. Roll another stealth check, Brian. 18 plus 6, 24. Nice. 15. Rich girl. You got guidance if you want. Was that a stealth? Yeah, boss.

17. 22 for little peepers. 18. Stealth. 19. You breeze pretty handily over into an alley. All right, all right. Where, where, you know, where you're going to be. little peepers? 18 still. 19. You breeze pretty handily over into an alley. All right, all

right. We're, we're, you know, a solid five locks. We're, we're a little bit, sort of the, we're in the north still, but we're a little closer to the tavern as well. We went south a little bit, mostly west. We, you know, we're far enough away. Let's, let's get in this alley and say something. Who's going to say something? Spicoli, do you want to tell them, give them a warning? Hey, I know that dude. What? Or Shalab, you want to issue a warning in the alley?

Of what? What would you want to tell the plank? Because I would have found. The Thies Guild has a magical spell that they can hear anyone speaking so we can walk into the alley and say hey plank oh we just woke up and found your orc guard knocked out we think there's trouble and they hear it like we're talking to him yeah okay i'll do that go ahead hey uh plank we're uh we walked in on your orc guard and he was knocked out and he was just conscious just right before that.

So something happened. You should look into it. All right. I think that's the most we can do. Let's find somewhere safer to lay out these maps. We could go back to the tavern. Yeah. Cheap rooms.

Let's do that. Should we like pull up our cloaks and stuff just on the weird paranoia that someone is now hunting us? And you would have all dusted off your cloaks after all the hubbub. So you've done some basic cleaning of your clothes so you don't look freshly bloodied or anything. You leveled up. You look reasonably okay. Cool.

Yeah. You all pull your hoods up and head over to the tavern. It is open, but there's no one there. So you head inside. At what time? This is like morning time. Yeah, and you know, they do... No one's there? Just the bartender. Does this feel weird?

Usually there would be people here eating breakfast. It's quiet, you know. Oh guys, we're in trouble. Yeah. I feel like one time in real life, I was in a theater class and we had to do presentations and we had, I was in like theater of the revolution so I went to a toy store and bought at the time a very realistic looking sawed-off shotgun toy which was too big for my backpack so I put it in my backpack as much I could but it was sticking out either end coincidentally at the time I was also in a play where I had my head shaved so imagine me m62 with my shaved head and a big goatee in my big Wisconsin's bed Madison winter walking down the street and with this gun strapped to my back.

And all of a sudden, I'm like, it's rush hour. Where is everybody? And after like I come around the corner, I see the street is completely blocked off by a row of cops. Wow. And one slowly comes towards me and like, oh, they think I'm a fucking crazy murder man. And that's exactly what it was. Holy shit. Yeah. And they were very happy when they heard I was doing a stupid, you know, theater of the revolution. Did you get shot? Did you die? I did.

I am now his ghost. That's probably why there's such a chill when you. 20. Yeah, I was in college. I mean, sorry. How did they figure out that you weren't? This one cop drove slowly towards me and stopped. And by that point, I was like, oh, it's me. So I just kind of stopped and he slowly got out of the car and he's good morning. And I was like, is this all for me?

And he was like, yep, you got a lot of people nervous. And I explained it to him and he kind of chuckled and said something as walkie talkie. And then I heard like little radio squawks like on the buildings. Yeah, because the road where I was was sort of like the main drag in Madison. So it's like high buildings on either side. And I was like, oh, fuck, I was for sure. Laser dots all over you. I would say good thing you were in Madison. Yeah.

Yes, there are other towns where that ended so well. Yeah. Oh, Claire, for example. Sure. Milwaukee, La Crosse. Oh, boy. La Crosse. They hate boys. We're blank. No. De La Field. Sorry to interrupt. So, okay, so it seems weird and quiet.

That's why I think we're, that's why. There's just the single elf cleaning glasses behind the counter looks up at you. Do we recognize that elf? Everybody do an insight check. Little peepers a little. He has a plus zero to his insight though. 17 plus 8, 25. 17 for peepers.

Nice, 15. He looks familiar, but he was not the bartender last night. But he looks familiar. He looks nice. Is it Mark Lidd Baker from Perfect Stranger? Oh, I love him. He's great. Corson Latty. Bonge, y'all take a seat.

I'll come over in a moment. Tidying things up over here. It is Mark Lidd Baker. Oh my God. Should we say something? I think we already did. Oh, forget it. I don't...

We'd love to look at some menus when we get a chance. I thought the other guy was funnier. Yeah. Who? Balkey? Because of Balkey. Yeah. Ask him about working with Peter O'Toole. I love that movie. Uh, all right. He was in True Omens. Do we? I mean, I guess we're gonna get approached about last night. Somebody, he told us that we're gonna get threatened because we stole stuff so people think they're gonna steal it from us. And I also said, bring it.

Now. Twice. Yeah, I underlined it. He walks over. Get you fellas some eggs. Eggs? Don't worry. In this economy? Pre-inflation prices. Oh we were told that they're below 30% today. The prices. Oh yeah we're just gonna have some breakfast maybe sit over here in the corner whatever yeah just your standard breakfast fare for us we're new to town and you know having some breakfast. Do you guys just love on that? Well I

mean we've been here for the past day or so. You know what I mean we are. Yeah you want to boost in the corner? Yeah. All right I'll be right back. What's your name? Kev. All right, thanks Kev. Not his name. Chris, do an insight check. 18 plus five, 23. Definitely his name. Definitely what?

Not his name. All right, well, we're gonna get approached. So far it seems calm. Don't eat anything, by the way. I have a very weird feeling about this. Don't eat anything. I might. What about my, Mike, can I do an insight check with my cat?

Cat sense? I mean, yeah, tell me what kind of cat sense we're talking about. It's got to be a specific reason. If you're just trying to be like, insight, I'm going to give you passive insight for a moment. You know, in the hospital, there's a cat that will go into your room and fall asleep on your bed if you're gonna die that night.

Yeah. You have to sleep on the bartender's chest to be able to tell what is it. Way ahead of you. Hi. Can you? He's gotta die for that. No, like, do you have a tobacco thief feature

or is this just like, I'm a cat? It's I'm a cat. You have tail. What's your passive insight? I'm gonna make it that. I'll give you an answer, but we're using your passive. Passive insight is 18. Jeez Louise.

That's pretty great for passive. That's very high. That's almost a critical and it's passive. Well, and what you should remember if you have any passive skill that high is if I ever make you roll, be like my passive's blank, should I? You can take it. So next time you're like rolling an insight you get a three okay

damn my passive is 18 remember that for me okay yeah my passive investigation is same with perception if you're if you ever do and watch you you might want to take that instead of roll okay you know what I mean you just you just have to tell me that's you're gonna do that. Otherwise, you're rolling the dice literally. Dan, I'm not gonna pay attention on the watch and use my passive perception. Yeah.

I will instead read the Sunday Funnies. You can 100% do that though. That's great. I love that. If you read the Sunday Funnies too hard, I might make you roll, but yeah. Oh, pay heart. I love Hein Lois.

You lose your passive insight. If you're paying attention to something else, Frank and Ernest are going at it again. So do we talk to this guy and sort of say like, or like, I'm just worried that we're about to get attacked and we have moments to be repping. Yeah. If your passive insight is an 18, the fur on the back of your neck is standing up right now. Okay. Okay. Okay, we're about to get attacked. Yeah.

Can I hear anything else in the park? Yeah, moving around. It's way too quiet. Cause my ears move around on my head. I don't know if you see it, it's pretty cute. Way too quiet. I have to check, I want to check, knowing that we're about to be- Little peepers would even be at this point

kind of holding a hand up. I don't think we should sit in a corner. That is no, that is the farthest place from the front door. You know, my passive perception is 18. Can I, uh, can I hear anything? No, it's really quiet. It's unusually quiet. Like, like, uh, I mean, do you know what I mean?

Like any sort of movement from any other place that, uh, that would be unexpected. Um, not yet. Not yet. Okay. But it's too quiet. All right. It's too quiet. Um, so we're not near my neighbor.

He's very loud. Well, as you're all thinking about what to do, I'm going to cast the, I'm about to do something after you cast this. So tell me what you're casting. I'm cast. Sorry. I got to make sure I had, you spent so much time thinking though that something happens, I'm casting gift of alacrity.

Okay. Which I believe, uh, and I'm going to actually give it rather than myself. I'm going to give this to spec Holy. I touch a willing creature for the duration. The target can add a D eight to its initiative roles. So for the next eight hours, Spicoli you've got- You get to add a D8 to your initiative role.

So Spicoli can go first. As you cast that initiative spell on Spicoli, you all hear a loud clanging of dishes coming from the kitchen where the elf went. Can I have everyone roll perception, please? My passive perception is 18. This will be higher than 18. Copy copy. We roll it up, Brian.

Yeah. Passive perception won't cut it. Let's get a 22. Nice. Oh, that's what I was looking for. I only got a 17. Percentage. Nice. Oh, that's what I was looking for. I only got a 17. Yeah, 17. I think Kitty Cat might have you covered.

Right. All right. Then I won't tell you any more about it. Oh, very well. Little Peepers gets an eight. 13. When the dishes crashed, Blaine, on the far end of the room, off to your left where the front door is. You heard a click, click, someone locked the door from the outside. When the dishes crashed.

I'm going to tell these guys, Hey, we're locked in. Let's go upstairs. Not a window. That's what we were. There are, there is a staircase. We had a room. Headed up to the rooms. Yeah.

Well, we just go upstairs, kick open the door of the room we were in, because I remember Spicoli talking about climbing out that window. Uh-huh. So let's start heading that way. Okay. Is that good with everybody?

Yeah. Let's go. All right. I'll run up the stairs to the room we were in before. Okay. You all start running up the stairs can I get a dexterity saving throw please? I rolled a 14 plus 317. Okay. 17. Just him or everybody? Everybody. You're all running with him. I mean, he's 11. But 16 plus 7, 23. 9 plus 2, 11.

Okay. I'm looking for an 18. Oh, I have my boots though. I didn't attune to them. No, that's the thing. You rolled low on the attainment. Throw the boots at whatever's attacking us. Looking for an 18.

What's your bonus? I have 15 plus 7. Excellent. Oh dear. So I think it's Ken the only one who didn't make it. I got a 17. Ken and Peepers. Oh, okay.

So it's the only ones who made it are Spicoli and Siam. Nice. So there is a huge explosion at the top of the stairs. Oh shit. Like a bomb is going off. There are bits of wood flying everywhere. Your eyes are completely blinded with white flame. Those of you who made the saving throw can have this.

Everyone else, you are about to take. And you guys might, because of your robes, you might be able to have that. I think, I can't remember what it's called, but there's some thief ability you guys have with specifically with deck saving throws. I can't remember what it's called. Yeah, they should.

That's it. This is going to be, let's see, that's not what I want. Hang on. I gotta clear all. I'm using only digital dice for the first time in a long time. So I'm a little now Sam, you hand out digital dice at concerts and stuff, right? That's part of it.

Yeah. Yeah. 12 doses. Oh, I can get my hair. I'm going to reroll my. I would digging all. Oh, I can. Digital dice don't get in my hair. I'm gonna re-roll my. I would re-roll it if I were you. All right. But.

How are things inside the internet? Forget about it. Oh. That's it. Digital dice. What did I need, a 17? 18. 18, okay.

Did you make it this time? Nope. Can't make it this time no can make it this time now I guess this is good cattle this is gonna be a 4d12 plus eight fire damage get some ditch some I heard in those what points out it's gonna be 33 points of fire damage when I have subjected to an effect that allows me to make a dexterity saving through to take only half damage, I instead take no damage. Oh, all right. So you just do a full flip and land on your feet.

Just like the time I saw that you go all 33, you said. Good job. And I read your character sheet. Is that right? 33? 33 points, yeah. And if you're having that, I will give you the 16 rather than the 17. It's a reaction, evasion. I have the same thing.

Oh, nice. When you're subjected to an effect that allows you to make a deck saving throw to take only half damage, you instead take no damage if you succeed. Nice. So you both take nothing. Everyone else takes 33. Damn.

That's why we should be rogues. How do little keepers do these fucking characters? This time, man. Yeah, I like it. Yeah. He's what he failed. So he's taken the 33. Is he all burned up? Yeah. I mean, he studs against a wall.

Oh, he had 60 by scarves. He had 66 points, 66 hit points, and he just lost half of them. Jesus. The smoke clears, and everything's very quiet. Little beepers picks himself up, does himself off. It starts all over again. Everybody do a perception check, please.

It's going to be more than 18. Oh my god. What is going on? I mean, you walked into a check, please. This is gonna be more than 18. Ow. My God, what is going on? I mean, you walked into a trap, honestly. 26. 23. Excellent. Except for you. 19.

Where am I? Who are you? Did you say Chris? I missed yours. Where are you? Oh, sorry. 18 plus six, sorry. 18 plus 624. Excellent. We got a 19 from Lil Peeps. It's my age.

Everyone except for Ken, you note that the kitchen door is now opening a crack. Those of you who beat a 20, you look at the front door and it's kind of split, so you could probably kick it open fairly easily. Yeah let's get the fuck out of here and go kick. Y'all point at the door who's taking lead someone gonna smash it open? I didn't know this was promised. Shalab you're just sort of counting my fingers. One two three. I got almost three and 16. Wait, do I count the one I'm thinking? I'm going to be able to punch something.

You got a couple of fingers on the ground. Is there anybody stronger than 16? No, 12 on earth. You might have the best strength. I'm going to go ahead and check a little peeps, but his strength is nine minus one. He has a 13 strength. So yeah, I'll be right. Well, I mean, we're all right behind you. I think you're the strongest one. He has a 13 strength. So yeah, I'll be right. Well, I mean, we're all right behind you.

I think you're the strongest. I mean, I could spell it. Open athletics. Athletics check. You could a strong kick the door. Could it open the door? It's it's rubble. It's it's splintered with the doorknob.

I mean, like you could try, but it would not. You could look at it and be like, it's not going to open if I touch the door handle no matter what, because the handle's like broken. I rolled a six and then plus three, so nine or nine. That's a good experiment. Yeah, let's all just kick it. We got to get the fuck out of here. All right.

They don't expect us to be dead. I'm going to kick the door. Everyone rolling athletics check. Kick it. Brian, you're going to have to pause a second. Can I give guidance to people? Someone actually, no, no, no, let's back it up. Everyone undo whatever role you just did because I know I can't do it.

Everyone just roll your. I rolled a three minus one. I was doing can I give guidance? I hold you guys to your bad mistakes. I'll hold myself to one. I got a tool. Can I give guidance? I hold you guys to your bad mistakes. I'll hold myself to one. I got a two. Can I give guidance? No.

So if you give guidance this time, something else is gonna happen before you kick it in. Cause this is like a instantaneous thing or it's nothing. You got a 13. Nice. Two is too good. 19 plus two, 21. All right.

Classic game. You kick the splinters out into the street and everyone runs out into the fog as another explosion of fire hits the doorway behind you. Someone appears to have launched a fireball right at the doorway as you were busting through it. This is crazy. So you're-

Do we have any sense where this is coming from? You're doing a great job of avoiding initiative. I'll say that. But, um, yeah, someone from the kitchen launched a fireball at you. What about upstairs? You tripped some kind of bomb trap at the top of the stairs. And then they threw a fireball. So they're two different things.

So you got to the top of the stairs. And once you hit the top stair, there was an explosion that not to all back onto the first floor. You ran to the front door because you notice it was splintered. It took you two tries, you know, Spicoli and then everyone else tried to do it together and you succeeded. But they're different. Yeah, if it had taken one more try, if someone had not gotten through the second time, the fireball would have hit you and I would have had you all roll initiatives. Clearly, someone's trying to fight you. And Lil Peepers is like, into the fog, any direction, pick one.

OK, I kind of want to go back in and fuck this guy. Oh, yeah, I want to find out who's shooting. Can we can we walk around the building? Go around the back? Go around the back to where the kitchen is. Sure, everyone roll, who wants to do that? I'll go. Yeah, tell me.

Just you two? Lil Peepers wants to go. Is that who you want to go? Yeah, I'm gonna go there. You come with us. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, let's go. Everybody roll your stealth check, please.

One for three, three for seven. You have a second to roll guidance, but you know you're gonna have to do this quickly. 25. Okay. 15 plus 10. 20. Nice.

19. 15. Never received a shooter bag. 33 from Lil Peeper. Yeah, sticky motherfuckers. Y'all glide back there. Um, the, the door is not exploded. You want to test it out.

You feel like no one followed you visually or Do you think this is going to enter into the kitchen where fireball Jerry is? So we should go in hot. Like let's throw open the door and fucking attack. Why don't, Hey, why don't I open it with a mage hand? And when the person, uh, if they, if they turn around and attack it, when they see the door open, then that'll be a shot and then we can kind of walk in after take a shot.

Let's, I think throw open the door and fight. Like a thunder-jail. Let's just, yeah, let's just fucking kill this guy, right? Okay. Yeah, no? All right? Okay. Yeah. No. All right. So you want to make sure to do it. Slight of hand check for me, boy.

Can we hold attack? So we're ready to absolutely. Yes. 16. All right. I it's locked. Can I, can I jiggle it? Just a little bit. I just want to jiggle it so it's really obvious that there's somebody at the door.

Just a little bit. They take a shot. What was your stealth check when you went around back? 22. No, 25. It didn't make a noise. Absolutely not. I'll let you keep that stealth check for what you're doing at the door.

You knew right away what you're going to do. Ah, we, I'm still date. I'm still game to lock it, unlock it. We got master teams here. Let's do it. I think I'm one, only one of several of you that could unlock it very well, but please who wants to take lead? I am very skilled at this. I'm not.

So open the door and go in there and fuck somebody up. Uh, he runs over with a lock pickick in his trunk. 24 slight of hand roll. It's a really good sushi. All right. On the count of three, he whispers, hold your action. Something ranged perhaps. One, two, three, and he like kicks it open. Tell me what you're attacking with and then roll before we do initiative, because you're holding your action for this moment.

I'm going to hold unsettling words. I'm expending one of my bardic inspiration and choosing a creature that I can see within, so I'm assuming I see, do we see inspiration and choosing a creature that I can see within six. So I'm assuming I see, do we see the elf when we throw open the door? When you throw open the door, there is a very large undead looking hound standing in the middle of the kitchen with green foam dripping out the sides of its mouth. Does it seem like it shoots fireballs? No.

Well, what the fuck? It looks over Does it seem like it shoots fireballs? No. Well, what the fuck? It looks over its shoulder at you. Do you attack or do you squeeze your action? No, I'm gonna, yeah, I'm gonna unsettle my words. So, Rolobartic Inspiration Die. So this is the inspiration that I'm spending on the goofball. Oh shit, only a one.

Oh wait, there was a D10. Four. Uh, the creature must attract four from the next saving throw it makes before the start of my next turn. Okay. So I've said eat shit, hell dog. And the words reverberate. Okay. What's hell dog? Not much, what's hell dog with here? But are you, is that all you're doing? Or is there an attack? That's my hell thing. Ken, what are you doing?

I'm casting a storm sphere. Okay, does he roll a saving throw? Let's check that out. I just lost it. I'm sorry. Tell us about storm sphere, Ken. Storm sphere? Storm sphere, yes. I don't. Tell us about Stormsphere, Ken. Stormsphere. Yes.

I don't know if you've done this before. Save strength saving throw. Oh, interesting. It is. And it loses four from its saving throw. So a total of four on this saving throw. Nice. So then,

four D six lightning damage to this. There's an explosion of electricity smashing into the five, five, 10. And then Nice. Wow. What'd you get? Oh my goodness. 27 points of damage. Nice. 27 points of damage. Blaine, what are you doing with your held action to attack? I'm going to do some fire bolts. All right. Roll your spell attacks, please. That's a natural 20.

Oh, now I understand that's good. That's a crit. That is good. So I'm going to do. Boss dude. Hit that crit. Pull that. Damn.

2d10. And you're going to double the die damage. Remember the seven. So that's 14. Plus what? Well, no, that's 14. Plus what? Well, no, it's 14. It's yeah, I did a 2d10, which is seven. There's no plus to the firebolt.

Oh, do I get a? I mean, I'm maybe I'm overthinking this, but it is don't attacks have, once you hit a plus to the- And after magic, that's more combat-y. Oh, plus five. Nice. So, yeah, so- So yes, a 12. And you said fire bolts.

Do you have the ability to cast more than one? I think it's a cantrip. Okay. So. So... So two explosions, one of lightning, one of fire hit it. Do you have a bonus action you can use? You're only holding actions, so I can't really just be dangling those in front of you. But you've hit him for a total of 46 points of damage.

Right? Yeah, that's it. What are you going to do to the zombie creature? Oh, um... It's about 20 feet in front of you and it's been hit with two explosions. It's not looking good. What's the rapier that I'm attuned to? That is the Needle of Umberley that you just attuned to. It is a plus two rapier.

Nice. So if you hit it twice, it then gives you two crits in a row, but. Many short swords. It's also, you can't reach it yet. It's too far away. I'm gonna shoot a fireball at it actually. Yeah, great. Roll your spell attack.

Keep the distance cause a storm spirit could hurt you too. Oh shit. Bachi boo. Ouch. That sucks. Did it just go off in your pants? So let D 100 please. Last time some of my white dance was when I said Aaron B. Ray had Comic Con. I swear this has never happened before. It's okay.

It's about how you use it. Well, there was that. It's about how you use it. Ooh, no, I saw that. What? Did you just roll an ammo? Yeah, but it's, I'm supposed to roll a hundred, aren't I? Oh, yes. Sure. I'll let you roll it.

Okay. 37. Okay, you're going to accidentally hit the doorway. So roll 2d6 please and add to it. Oh, it's not bad at all. So six with eight points of fire damage as it blows up in right in front of you. Okay. Little peepers is going to fire across the bolt. It's not looking good this thing. I hope not. It's undead. It shouldn't be very healthy. It should be gone.

It's not looking capable anymore. Good. In se- I'm just gonna hit it for... 19 points of piercing damage. It's big growl but then it's and then it's folk. It collapses dead to the ground. Oh good. Again. A big bolt stuck in the side of its head. Don't fuck with us. Everything's really quiet. Where's the elf?

Nowhere to be seen. You note the kitchen door is wide open now. So it probably ran into the kitchen. Oh, chasing us. Chasing you. This thing was waiting behind in the kitchen. Should we turn around? Let's see if he's trying to come up from behind.

Cause you just probably heard that, right? Everyone roll perception check. All right, then I guess my sphere goes away. 18 is a passive perception. Jesus. Um, you're gonna need more than an 18 for the... you're trying to get some really fast paced adrenaline type stuff in the middle of a fog, so... 14.

Then 22. Geez. That's much better. Natural 20 plus 8 fog. So 14 then 22. Jeez. That's much better. Natural 20 plus eight. That's also much better. 26. That's also much better. But I, do we sneak up behind him?

Little paper has gotten eight. You and me, buddy. We don't see nothing. Yeah. You two like wander down either side. What's going on? Peepers. Hey, I don't know.

I'm hungry though. Oh, we should get some food. Um, those of you who beat a 20 think, You two like wander down either side. What's going on, beepers? Hey. I don't know. I'm hungry though. Oh, we should grab some food. Those of you who beat a 20 think- Where's this guy go? The dog is, the zombie creature dog is just massive. Like something's really off about what you just encountered and you kind of like look it over

and it's got a really unique looking, spiked violet looking collar on. So those of you who beat a 20, please roll an insight check. 14 plus five, 19. Ooh, nice. 13. 18. 13. Well. 13.

Well, Siam Twiden, this looks very much like a dark elf style harness on this creature. Like Drow? Yes. Like the guy's house? Yeah. And yeah, like you think about it for a moment. Say that so. And you're like, we saw that guy, that elf who was tending bar

the other night, but he was a drow. He looked like a drow the other night. This time he did not. A little disguise. So that's somebody pretending to be him, but... Someone was disguised as a, you know, wood elf, but it was a drow the other night. They used a simple disguise.

But the creature is more of a drow creature. It's from the Underdark. It's right. So I'm just trying to make sure I'm not making a mistake. A non Underdark elf brought Why don't you roll a history check and I'll give you a really specific answer if you do nice.

That's bad. I don't know. It's cocked. 17. Oh, that's not bad. 118. That's not bad. Well, it's 118. That's that's exactly enough. So you think when you look at the fireball and this creature is on the ground, some drow necromancer just attacked you. Guys, we got to go back and fucking take our Ed 209 away from that fucker.

Right. Is that, do we think when you say Drow Necromancer, that's it was not that guy, that guy, but another one. He, it was another Drow. Yeah. They're all bros. He was just hanging out in the corner being think I might have even mentioned him when you were looking over the bar, but he was just sort of sitting at a shady booth.

I think you would be able to put together that. You know, this drow has at least been keeping an eye on you. And 50-50, it's got something to do with the old man. But he told you that, you know, all his, you know, he was the last living Xalarax as far as you were concerned. So. All right. So do we want to try and find this guy in the fog? I mean, it sounds like we're going to get chased now by weird dry bounty hunter people. We'll have to decide how we're going to do that. Next episode of Nerd of a Nerdpoker. Sam, episode 12. We are level nine.

We headed to a lair to check out our maps. We're headed to the tavern to check out our maps. We're about to be attacked. There was an explosion downstairs. Someone shot a fireball at us. We're headed back inside to kill whoever it was. We met a zombie dog. I hope it joins our group. Oh, too late. You guys did get enough of a sense of the two maps just in the seconds that you were starting to hung for all them., you know at some point you're going to want to focus on them.

One of them looks like it is some sort of half underwater cavern that looks a little unappealing. Which half? And the other one looks like it is some sort of like weird cursed sunken city. Great. All right. I mean, for Ken that sounds like Halloween when there's a lot of buildings like stuck underground that shouldn't be underground and one of them

is like Marsh and muck Sam what do you think happened? I'm dialing it back. No, I'm kidding. Uh, yeah, I don't, I Dan Telfer.com. Nice. Brian Poussain.com. Uh, some tour dates this summer. I, uh, um, might be adding some dates, but, uh, I heard you're going to do a residency at the sphere. That would be terrible. Right.

No one wants that. I hope you and I. All right. It's great for comedy. What hope you and I like it. It's great for comedy. What's the sphere? In Vegas. Oh yeah. Yeah, they do a showcase night there.

It's probably like the 90s movie with Queen Latif. I haven't been to Vegas in years. I just did. Why would you? Why? Yeah, it's not, it's not the same as what if it was slayier. The shit that we liked in the 90s. Although we hear Zach Baggins Museum is really good. The which one? The Zach Baggins Ghost Museum. Oh, I've been to the punk rock museum. That's

cool. I do want to see that. Yeah, it's interesting. I've heard Vegas is awesome if you don't like to gamble and you know what you're going there for. I don't know, I haven't been there in a while. There's good food and stuff. There's entertainment if you go for concerts there. People can be great at Chinatown. Good food there. John Fabro.

I like the old-town Vegas is a lot of fun. Sure. Yeah, is it still? It was always in the day. That area over there has cool restaurants. Yeah. Is it still? It was always in the day. Yeah. There's that area over there has like cool restaurants. Right. You're performing with Cookie in the Crumbs.

It's fair. He died, Cookie. Cookie Jar. Yeah, I was never as charmed by him as you guys were. Yeah, he's- I just don't like crap. Yeah. I swear you.

You look like a movie I didn't like respect, but yeah. Bramson.com for tour dates and other stuff. We attribute the success to save mankind from joining us on this. You got walls and a roof well olodex nerd poker the nerd poker gang visits a head shop that makes water pipe shaped like chart topping soul singers can Sam talk them out of doing rip-soft pot Smokey Robinson before their eyes have a mist from the smoke of a distant fire.

All this and Brian sits on his Lou Rawls bong on an all-new nerd poker. How's your back? Oh god I need some bones pills. You're getting too old your doctor evil impression. It's hard to do the Rizzo. It's probably it probably gets caught in your anus too. Hey, whoa. Yeah. Yeah, I'm done. Yeah. Smart.