Nerd Poker - The Fog Campaign - Episode 16

Episode Date: April 22, 2025

We delve into the ancient sahuagin where things start off very Giger-y and fillopian-y. There may be undead fish people, ancient mud leviathans, and other classic things that happen with failed saving throws. Can we get some sick loot without Dan turning one of us inside out?! For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.  

Hey, it's Brian Possein, nerd poker. We're calling it The Thug Campaign. My friends are here, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer Sam, and of course our kick-ass DM Dan Telfer welcome to nerd poker hey everybody it's Brian Pesane you're listening to nerd poker it's the fog campaign. That's right episode 16 Last episode was 15. So here we go My friends are here Chris. Hello Okay, that's me. I'm your man Blaine

Wow, this is gonna be a fun And as always running the show at the end of the table, straight out of Coachella. Sam, everybody. Hello, sweet children. It's a good episode. Thanks for listening, everybody. We all went Brian's backyard and ate the mushrooms we found in the ground. So we're all a little silly.

Should I thank some people, Brian? Why don't you? Because I'm gonna. Guys, we are so delighted that you listened to this campaign. And if you support us on Patreon and our top two tiers, we thank you. Those folks have usernames like LordIraken. Thank you, LordIraken. Thank you, Decker to Skillso. Thank you DeckardSkillsow.

Thank you HerbSchwarz's Hemroid. Thank you SatanOVBeer. Thank you DangoMerman, AKA Uncle Magic. Thank you I'mJustHereToDeliverTheWorms. Thank you Nathan'sFurryPurpleCarrot. Thank you Can'tThinkOfAWittyName, come back to me later. Thank you M's furry purple carrot. Thank you can't think of a witty name. Come back to me later. Thank you, Macon Lee.

Thank you a sneeze father of a chew. Thank you, Jody Friess. Thank you, Mr. G. Thank you, Rose Danick. Thank you, Never Go Full Drow. Thank you, the man from Uncle Owen Wilson Phillips. Oh my God. Thank you, the man from Uncle Lowen Wilson,

Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Thank you, Don't Forget Larry. Thank you, Lucky's Pool Hall. And finally, thank you, Dr. Uwe's Lean Mean Green Beans. Dr. Uwe's voice, get your beans. Blaine, who are the supporters brought to us by? Supporters brought to us by Dove Bar, Deodorant and Antiperspirant. Get clean, smell clean, stay clean with creamy rich Dove Bars and their wooden applicator.

Dove Bar, Deodorant and Antiperspirant. And select the size beef. No more guessing, no more waste. The right beef for the right bread. Select the size beef. Make your sandwich come true only from 3f Dan keep playing it's time to talk about what happened last time on Nerdpoker we lost 67% of our listenership as I made four different Kua Toa NPCs

talk to each other, sometimes on purpose. Yeah, you guys are now, I believe, going to let Blaine go on an extremely impulsive side quest. You heard that there was a legendary armor hiding within Kua Toa's soggy town. That might be nice for your visit to the temple. You only- Won't you take me too?

Didn't get it. Fuck it, pal. By fighting in the Octagon, the Kuatua are allowed to add vowels to their names and their greatest warrior, Gluge, is now going to fight Siam in the Octagon. Who will be thrown from the Octagon and will they survive? All we know is Gluge is about to put on his murder stuff. Let's see.

Murder stuff. So murder suit. The Kua Toa all come up to you. Siam and one of them is like, you're very brave. You're very brave. You're very brave. What will you, what suit will you wear for the octagon? How about the suit that I'm supposed to wear when I get them thrown out of the octagon? Oh, now. We don't believe we do this as a contest every year.

We don't normally do it so you can wear the thing we keep in storage for centuries. This is no, you can't have it. This is a very special match. Okay. You know what, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna wear my regular outfit. That's very well. Ladies and gentlemen, we are now going to see a battle of the great slant spade versus glug. The first to be thrown from the octagon shall be banished from soggy towns forever.

Wait, what? The winner of this match will be granted access to the great skin of the ancients. Would you like me to repeat that? I am technically the announcer in a very formal moment. Did you say that if Gloog loses, he will be banished forever? That's right. can we pass that

can with really we're just asking if we can borrow the skin and if you guys want to have a fight that's cool you're proposing this to the liaison yeah whatever this is going to be a persuasion check DC 20 back in DC 20. Seven becomes 10 plus 13 plus 1323. Okay, normally we would be being bothered but really nice. Yeah, we just and again, we're not trying to steal it. We're just trying to you know, okay, very well.

I mean thinking at the fight. I just would feel terrible if glug our guide was suddenly banished and no longer able to be our guide. Yeah, while you're saying this, the Kuataua chieftain liaison is sort of nodding. A little fish person has got you by the hand. Siam is leading you through the shoulder deep mud, taking you up to Glug.

Glug, of course, is donning the murder suit, this heavy spiked metal that kind of like goes over his scales. And so he goes from being sort of just like, you know, he's very tall for a Kuatuan, just like a normal sort of fish head with piranha teeth to just this looks like this machine kind of squaring off these big saucer shaped grates on the side so he can see. It's like Master Blaster.

And you're escorted to what must be an octagon underneath the mud. You're unsure where the boundaries of this are. No one's really explaining it to you. So I'm going to have you do a perception check with a... And this... I'm going to have you do a perception check with a, and this, hmm, I'm gonna have you do either a perception or insight. You can choose perception will be to try to like,

feel it out with your, your boots. And if you do insight, it's going to be just based off the way the Kua Toa are sort of walking around the octagon with reverence to figure out what the boundaries are. So do they have to kill each other? They're gonna try to throw each other out of the octagon. Oh, throw each other.

Like a sumo. Yeah, okay, So no one dies. 17 plus 10. Uh, I'm going to do... No shit. Yeah. I'm going to do a, uh, I'm going to do perception. Okay. And that's a 27. Yeah.

You are able to drag your boot around and get a pretty good sense. So I'm going to straight up give you one of these coasters. And the congratulations blame. Thank you. Nice. Come on. You win. You win one of Brian's person.

I feel like this episode is different. We're winning shit now. This is kind of cool. So you put it in. Put your keep that blank. So I already sold it on Etsy. That's some color in my mind. As far as you know. Of course you're squaring off against glug. Oh dear look at it. Alright Cat vs Fish this is classic Tex

Avery stuff about to happen. Oh man. Please explain. Yeah. What's your tongue you hear one of the kutuk go somebody hit me with a hoser please roll for initiative just Sam take off It's a beauty way to go. Take off. That's a nine. White North. Five. Five plus four. Golden toques.

Four pounds of back bacon. Three French toast. Two turtlenecks. And a beer. In a tree. That beer's empty right now. That is the best album of all time. Alright so he is going to roll his own shit. Can we all gather around Tweddon and be like Mickey and Rocky and just be like you got him you got this guy right? Anything you want to tell him? Any words of encouragement?

You got this guy, man. Right. We're in your corner. Yeah, I mean, there's not much you think you can do to intervene that won't get you in trouble, not that that's what you're implying, but you can all gather around and cheer, you know, Sam, in general your, your mood will be bolstered by everybody. I'm just going to pull up our friend stats. I mean, I heard he's got all ones.

That's what I heard. He has a plus two to initiative and he rolled a five. So that's a seven. What did you get playing? I got a nine. Wow. So you're going's a seven. What did you get playing? Nine. Wow. Nice. So you're going to go first.

What would you like to do? Uh, I would like to, uh, first I would like to cast protection against a good and evil on myself. Okay, so that'll that's going to lower his attack rolls. Okay and he doesn't have to be evil for this. No. Okay. I mean he could be good. Okay. What if he's chaotic neutral? I'll be using his stats are for a Kua Toa whip He does not have the pincer staff that they come with okay But he is going to try to grapple you Okay

So I'm seeing from fantastic he's going to rush and you just hear he like, you know cox's metal head back and goes. Okay, I'll be a strength check please. 12 plus 113. He got a 14 plus 216. Does it does your protection from good and evil affect that at all? Is that why you cast it? I'm gonna say the protection from good versus evil is disadvantage on attack rolls. I can tell you that an attack roll does

not include grapple checks. Okay. There's a strength athletics check actually. So if you want, you can check your athletics bonus and boost your number. What did you get a 13 you said? I got a 13 and my athletics is plus one to 14. So he did get higher. You're grappled. It is now your turn again. I'm going to can I try to get out of this grapple?

Yes, that'll be another check against him. That's a natural 20. Guess what? What does that say Ken? Natural 20. What's your bonus? My bonus, my strength bonus, is a 1. He has a plus 2. Awww. Not true. What's your bonus? My bonus mode, my strength bonus is a one.

He has a plus two. Oh, I'm able to break out of it. OK. OK. At this point, can I say anything you can do? Can do how can you maybe I mean, I was yeah, I might. Do you want if you want to be in play, Chris, I'm going to ask you a roll initiative so I can get you. I mean, just check if I get supportive. Even if I'm just checking in on him.

Yeah. So it's three, uh, six is nine and I have the alacrity. Nine and four 13. Great. So you'll be first in the turn order. Which means we actually are going to go to you first because. Now finished. Uh, or no, Guga is going to Guga is going to get one more move before you can go. Okay.

Cause I'm like, do I get, uh, bonus actions if you got them? Yeah. Can I do a, a cantrip? You don't know how coos it is, but you could give it a shot. Okay. I want to have a mage hand throw some mud onto his little eye holes. Are you trying to do it without anyone noticing? No. All right, because it would be a deception

check. But you could potentially be disqualified. You don't know the rules. Okay, yeah, because I'm just like, I'm just trying to beat this guy. What's your passive insight? My passive insight is 20. Gee. You think that there is an outside chance. It's not incredibly likely.

These guys can see in the mud. So they might not even care. Okay, because you said that he's got the little things that open up on the side. There are grates in the middle. Yeah. So yeah, if I could just get some mud onto those things. So it would definitely affect his vision. Yes.

Go for it. That'll be, let's see. What a weird sleight of hand check that's going to be, but that's a sleight of hand check. OK. Almost an attack action like throwing, but. 16 plus 4 four so 20. All right muddy 20.

You get a big chunk of it and all of you can kind of see off to the side a big like handful of mud it just sort of like appears as a crater in the mud scoops up and schlocks on one side of his face so you can't see on you can pick right or left. I'll go I'll go right. Okay so that's going to be like on our I'll take a little picture a certain side of our little coaster which you know this may only last short while but fun. Anything else Blaine? I think that's uh that's it for me right now. Okay and he is now going to try to shove you out of the ring. Okay. So that's only gonna require five feet.

Can you please do an athletics check? 18 plus one. Nice. He rolled a five. So he goes, ah, but he can't push you. You dig your heels in and he's covered with mucus. It's not really a problem. He's grappling you. But yes. Okay. Okay. His face is like half covered. His helmet is got this big sploosh of mud that makes his little eye great covered. Okay.

Twedden, it's time for you to ponder help. I'm going to bonus action strum my guitar and I'm gonna make it seem like I'm just singing like you know Siam versus blue but I'm giving Siam bardic inspiration so you've got a D8 that you can add to basically anything I love it. Thank you. And then that's it. Okay. Cool. Playing your up. I'm going to now he's you said he came at me. Yeah. Again, look at the coaster. It is I think a very effective visual. Okay, I'm going to I'm going to sidestep him and try to kind of get behind him and shove him out. Yeah, with him. him and try to kind of get behind him and shove him out.

Yeah, with them. All right. cunning strikes. sneak attack doesn't really work. Mouse farts. That's the mud. We ate a lot of those beans. So, yes, I'm going to go ahead and musical fruit. You know, the more you eat,

I've heard that. Yeah. I think. Then what? More eat, it gets more protein. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna I'm just gonna use my feline agility to jump behind him and shove him out of there. Yeah, get him. Okay. The thing now. So great. That'll be an athletics trick. Great. That'll be an athletics trick. That's a 14, 13 plus one. Oh, roll to five. Yeah, nice. You grab him and just chuck him.

Yeah. All right. You start grabbing him and he's incredibly heavy. He is wearing a murder suit of steel. So you go, oh, and this is going to take one more athletics check to see if you can lift him up. That might be a mistake, wear a heavy suit like that in the mud. How about a botch? A botch.

A one. Boom. You start to pull up and you're like, oh, this guy. My truss. They have these short, squatty alligator legs that let them be low to the ground and he knows how to, you know, like sumo style navigate that way in the mud.

And he weighs about 300 pounds in the mud. So you're like, yeah. My intestine comes out. Oh no. It just happens. Oh dear. Yeah. It does.

What? I mean, it's honestly doesn't prolapse outside the octagon. He's still in the game. So, okay Not the cats happens to cats sometimes Yeah, I just I'm gonna express my anal glands by shitting my pants. I Will say no like, you know, like the you've got you've got him on the move So he is now going to take his. Wait, hold on.

He has Bartek inspiration that he hasn't used, right? He does. So they give it. He got it. But he botched. So he did. Yeah, it's not going to make a difference. But what if it does? Bartek inspiration is a D8, right? Yeah. What was your bonus point

before you roll the D8 music? because I'm going to burn you. My athletics is a plus one. So that's a two and I just rolled six. So that would be an eight. You really want to use it? Yeah, I'll use it. It doesn't. It's not high enough. Unfortunately. Okay. Now can you be giving him another bardic inspiration on my turn? Okay. So he's now going to take his turn. He's going to crit. Oh! And so he's going to pick you up and chuck you. You go under. It doesn't feel great.

You realize you just lost the match. Everyone else, everyone goes, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,

very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, of your cat neck and lift you up out of the mud. Oh, like mom. And you look like what you're trying to avoid looking like with your fur completely caved.

Very brave. I am sorry you could not win the kombut. I didn't know he was going to be wearing a stove. We did give you a chance to put on your traditional stove. you a chance to put on your traditional stove. We've done, do you have any kitchen where you would like to put on your head and you declined? I thought I would stay mobile. Well, now I believe you would now like to take your old friend and champion, Luke, who he is now coming over and like Luke comes over. I'm very sorry that I could not let you win, but I would lose all my vowels. Okay. I just say, yeah, I get it.

Yeah. I'll cut me out to you. Um, you do think though that like, you know, as Glued kind of like pats you on the back, he's, he's, he has this sort of like empathy for you that you are willing to go toe to toe with him because he is the champion. He's he's he has this sort of like empathy for you that you are willing to go toe to toe with him because he is the champion. He is fairly strong. This was his home turf. So he is kind of like, Oh, yeah, good work. So you're skinny little cat boy is pretty tough. You know, I spent some time looking in bowls. Now, are you going to show Gloog the temple map?

I can't remember where we left off. Do we want to go down there now? How is everybody doing hit point wise and all that such? I think we're all good. Yeah, we rested. All right. Yeah. Would you like to sleep in a traditional

Koitoa mud trap? Oh, absolutely not. No. It's very cozy. It's just 10 feet on the mud. No, I'm not into that. All right very cozy. It is 10 feet under one. No, I'm not into that. All right, just want to make sure. All right, let's head out.

Tourists love it, you girls. No, they don't. A straw for your nostrils. It's gif-ry as hell. They used to love it many years ago. The last time someone said yes. It's a sad, sad title of something. What kind of stuck you on the south end of town, east of Flores.

Well, hopefully our adventures will change that. Very well. The Luke will take you to the fizzler in the mud. The fizzler in the sea is not all doing, but they think it's all doing because the fizzler in the mud will now have Luke take you there. So well. That's where the temple's in the fissure. It's in a different fissure.

He's telling you that there is a second fissure in the mud that is not as dangerous, but it is something that they can take to go under the sea. Well, it might be interesting to have another time, a conversation about the main fissure. So if you kind of look at the map again, the fissure in the sea that they're being accused of making is this star-shaped Rips, what does that look like? a button it does indeed And over here a little light

Less bottle like but nice one like this good a much less lurid brown rip in the ground Yeah along here there's a fissure that goes into the city and that's why a lot of the sea is bubbling up in Soggy Town. Oh, so that's the hot sock flavored water. That is it. Limp Biz Kitchups are not my forte but I know what happened just then. Yeah, so this fissure is like a natural feature. They like the mud and the sea coming up here. It's been like that for many, many years, but because of it, they're accused of making

this thing in the ocean that like all of these creatures are coming up the fog bubbled up out of. The fog comes out of the fissure, not here. That's right. There. That's right. But because there are these two tears, they're associating with them. But the but the with the fog, as far as we can tell, is not coming out of this.

You have no reason to believe it, except that the fog does gather on the south end of town. Is there a way to stop that? That is one of the big themes of the campaign that you could address. Something we look into it. I mean... Something we can talk about at any point, but I would say at this point,

now that you have two heist maps, you are offering yourselves that focus. You would think, at least you'd maybe want to get through these two. I just want to go and check out the other fishing states. And also I would say the other map, the one that they don't know exactly how to break into, the one that looks for some kind of ancient ruin underneath the city, like beneath even the mud, there's a sense.

It is very old and very creepy and who knows, perhaps related to some of the more evil things happening now. I don't think so. In Galsmith, but you know, that might be too convenient. You head on over there and are given your tourist helmets. They are these really awkward, giant fishbowl things that have leather straps on them and like this like really uneven asymmetrical leather around the lip of the fishbowl so you can like put your arms and head in the fishbowl and then

like use your arms in the fishbowl to like tighten it from the inside like a belt. And so then your top half is in this big bowl. Glute tells you that there is an opening in the fissure that they specifically made these they their glassblower made these tourist helmets big enough that they could take people down there and normally they would take them down there to show them sites like the skeletons of Leviathans and such. But instead, he's going to take you to the temple. And the map, which you don't have to show him, looks like this. Oh, we're gonna see the map. Yeah. And I'll send you like a digital version of it. But for today, I want you to just have a paper version because it's more fun.

but for today I want you to just have a paper version because it's more fun. Nowhere is there a penis on this map. You do take a moment. Oh for a second. It looks more red. Female anatomy. Look yeah I'm well known for my vaginal maps. Let me take my coaster back so I don't accidentally get a smidge of personal maps working open for somebody. They don't love you like I love you. So, or we can have this carrot. Oh, you're going to come in through here.

I heard that Blaine and I see it. So the feature will eventually take you to a Seguin. It's a Sahoogin maybe? I always get the G-N-H. Sahoogin. Sahoogin. I think it's Sah-hoo-ah-gin. I think it's Sahuan.

Sahoogin. G-N? You know what? Is there a G-I-N? Your wife speaks Spanish. I'll let you try to tell me there's a Juan in there. Sahuan. That's racist.

Is it? If so, let's cut it. Let's cut where Brian calls's racist. Is it? So let's cut it. Let's cut what Brian calls it racist. But because I'm like. It's, I think it's a Suwa. They do say D and D beyond how to pronounce it. I think it might even be Matt Mercer, who's like doing this.

So who is called Matt Mercer? It's Suhoo again. Can you play it? Suhoo again. I don't want to cause it's the AI or. Oh, okay. Anyway. So, Swahogin and Sehuagin. Okay. They're both, they're both except...

Skenechtates. Skenechtates. You know this is an altar? Skenechtates. This is marked as an altar. This is marked as the old one. Uh-oh. And you believe this is the great treasure of the map. There is something in front of a statue. This is a statue labeled as the old one.

Okay. Guys, that's not a statue. These are some sort of passages into the mud that empty in here. And you have to go there. You have a very clear idea. These are trap areas. There's probably either one large trap

or there are large traps here. So let's call them death zones. Well, and I'm going to put kind of like a little like abs. We're going to put a star where you think that there are traps. There are two some sort of doors here after you go through. Poveries. Exactly. So this is probably got some sort of puzzle or door with a potential for a trap. And the altar has potential for a trap, but you're not sure what it is or if it's even functional. And all of this could be under mud.

HR Giger reproductive system. Yeah, it's like a... I have been playing Alien Dark Descent, but it's kind of got that vibe. Fallopian tubes and a... I love a geeker. And a slick trap. I came out more frightening than I was ready for. So yeah, he's getting he really now you don your bubbles. We sure did. And you float down.

At one point, at one, Gloob does let you know you're near the Leviathan skeleton and kind of like helps you drift over. There's just this massive skull where you kind of can stick your bubble into the eye socket of. Stick your bubble into the eye socket. Oh.

And it- Does that sailor Ben's head float out and we all get a big fucking jump scare? Turn around and look at the audience. God damn it. It's crazy. You can tell it has teeth like the size of your legs. It's a pretty big skull. And there's more to the skeleton.

He says you can spend some more tourist time looking at it if you want. But I'm starting to hear some cracking in the subs hole. Eventually you hit this brick tunnel and he pushes through and you get to the chamber of the altar. Kind of spilled the mud spills out into this chamber and here it's clearly marked as having a waterfall that kind of like comes and splashes water, but this is all kind of caked in thick mud. The top layer of which is wet, but there is

this like kind of almost crunchy detritus-y kind of mud at the bottom that just sort of feels like it has organic chunks in it. It's like a nut rages. Yeah, I do like it. There are cracks in the ceiling where the thick mud that you just swam through is dripping and oozing down the walls. Of course it is. There's bubbles coming up out of the floor that, like, you know, it's both dripping in and draining out to some extent. All right, well, so are we in the room with the altar? You're in the room with the altar. The altar itself is sort of streaked with mud,

but visible because it's at the very top and it's not currently getting dripped on. So it's sort of rising above. This is a riser where water used to fall down. It's above. It's got to rise above. And it's about five getting dripped on. So it's sort of rising above. This is a riser where water used to fall down. It's above, it's gotta rise above. And it's about five feet up. Sorry. And the altar was trapped, right?

It's marked on the- It's marked as a potential trap. I put stars where there are potential traps. I mean- They're not explained, so they could just be a puzzle or a spot of interest, but likely not treasure. The treasure is by the old one. I mean, my cuckoo to think that we just want treasure.

What does the elephant guy want? Oh, finally, at long last, little peepers is no longer complete. Yeah, he's pushing the mud off of me. He hasn't minded the whole experience just sort of laying low. Well, I am focused on the treasure. If we can get in and out of here quickly, maybe it would go better than our attempted heist of the old drow. But, you know, we don't have to go in another way,

steal it by blowing up the front of the building, and we could get on onto the next map. So you're thinking to skip, let's hustle all the points of interest and go straight towards the, okay. There's an open doorway that I, it doesn't immediately appear trapped itself, but it is behind the altar that will take us to the tubes. Are you saying that perhaps the altar trap might have something to do with that? I do think we should investigate the area around the altar as a potential danger zone

before going through the doorway. Well, I think this is when our friends Bonnie and Clyde can really do some damage. Yeah, folks, on to. So who will investigate the altar before you go through the gate? Can I give each of them guidance? I mean, I think our two thieves should check it out. Yeah, sure. I'll give you to them guidance and do an investigation check, please Yeah Watch me

The scale of course these are much this is a condensed map 14 plus 11 So 25 shit 5 2 plus 3 I'm not very helpful this time well Spicoli you know we all need a little a little crazy weed break everyone's on me a crazy weed break. Can we look over Spicoli's glass bowl is just filled with vapor? Everyone else took theirs off and tucked it by the exit, but he's still in his and it's just completely fogged over. Yes, I am. You start looking it over. All of you hoist yourselves up this five foot step.

The mud gets a little thinner here because most of it is dripped down and what's essentially a pit here with some sort of little sacrificial tables sticking up. Right. That's too long. You're going to get sick. It's called long Crosby. There are grooves in the altar that are obviously and sadly meant to drain blood into what looks like a bowl on either side. There's like a little bowl. Is it draining blood?

There's no, oh, is that a song? I don't know. It's draining blood. Hallelujah. Not the song I was thinking of. Put some sort of humanoid on this altar and little cracks in the altar would drain the blood to the north and the south end of it. And at the point the balls would build blood, something would probably happen in the vicinity

of the altar, good or bad. Oh, like potentially open the door. Yes, but that door is open. It's an open gate, so you open the door. Yeah, is this door closed? But that door is open. It is, it's an open gate. So you're not sure. Do you want to go carefully check that out and see if it's trapped or whatever? It's open, so let's make sure maybe there's no like

pressure plate on the floor, again, for the thieves to come in. Can I do a mage hand and kind of like, pretend the mage hand is feet? Just kind of slide. Just catch mage feet is feet. Um, just kind of swine. Uh, you do and nothing happens. Can I, uh, sort of use the mage hand to press around the area? Meow. Investigation.

Jack. Four leg. Uh, eight plus 1119. You can have a D for that if you want. I'd love to. If you want. 19 is pretty great. 20.

20 is even better. With a 20 specifically, you're able to trace the outline of an opening in the bricks. Oh my God. Please stop. Thanks, Phil. My twitchiness is great. Excuse me. cases. Oh my god, Jesus Christ. Oh my god, please stop. Thanks for stopping. My twitchiness is great, excuse me. For the listeners at home, nothing happened.

What happens in these games, I'm always touching things and making them fly. That's my life. So yeah, there's like a little pocket where it looks like there's an outline in the brick right there and there. I'm like, I'm gonna take, don't have it, please don't. I don't have insurance for that. Notches on either side of the hallway?

On either side of just inside the sort of doorway, the archway, there is these, the balls are made of brick on either side of just inside the sort of doorway, the archway, there is these, the balls are made of brick on either side and right at about waist level, a brick looks like it's supposed to slide out, but it is jammed tight. One to the north, one to the south. Does it seem like that has to do with why the door itself is open? Let's get an insight check from everyone as you walk over and look at these little out of the brick.

All right. You know, the Mage Hand had to kind of scrape away to see. Thank you, Mage Paw. I think we should make a... Mage Paw. Let's put that nine. 23. God, Blaine.

Let's go ahead and... 21's wrong. Or five. Oh, Spicoli, you're not out of your giant bong yet. But you two got over 20. And with that, it's tough to say exactly what it is, but you can piece together. There is a North and a South pocket, like a North and South brick with a outline around it, just as there is a North and a South bowl for blood.

Oh, but the bowls and the, and the pockets. Huh, I'll put the bowls and in the pockets know that that Seems maybe if you were to get blood in those bowls, right? Something would happen with those bricks. What is it? Perspectively does clog have an opinion and the bowls are there you ask like what do you think? Yeah You know kill something I'll cut my hand if you want. Yeah. Well, we put the bowls are still there.

So why don't we like as much as we can wipe out whatever gunk that's in there and put some blood blood blood blood in each one. Sorry. And go pucker or bust and hope that something happens. Sam just admitted a visible question mark over his head. Yeah, it was like a Metal Gear Solid excavation. So yeah, Glick kind of walks over there and he cuts his hand open, blood splatters, and he does it on the South side.

And the South brick goes, it opens up and it's hollow inside. There's something inside the bowl. Oh, do we take a look? Yeah. Do both? There is a necklace in the South one. Oh, do you wanna check and see if that necklace itself is trapped or we can take it out? Yeah, right now you're all just kind of, uh, show you a mage handed out of there. Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, so mage handed out. Nice. All good. Floaty necklace. Glog, you want to put some blood in that North Bowl? Yeah, why not? There'll be some math was some matching rings. Kim goes over there.

North brick there is inside some sort of bracer. Oh, or pair of braces. Aqua Velva. Do you want to make those out of there? Yes. And I guess we'll. Hold on to these or do we put them on the ground? Put them on the glass.

It's up to you. I mean, it seems pretty clearly been here for a long time and are a part of some sort of a Sahoogin sacrificial ritual. Why don't we keep them with us? Maybe we need them later on. If nothing else, there'll be treasure and we can, maybe they're magical? None of you have identify or detect magic?

I have a detect magic, yeah. They're, okay. Well, if you run it, I'll tell you, they are both magic. I'll run it. They're both magic. So should we hand these to Gugulg? Run the jewels. We can hang onto them.

Aren't they ours? Yeah, but I'm thinking if he's like a fish guy. Oh, maybe he can maybe he could put them on. Great. It's a good idea. Just it's just something that he kind of he puts them on and he's like, I'm not attuned to these things.

I don't know. I don't think they're doing anything yet. I got like study them for a long time. But you know, do you want to keep these? Yes, we're definitely we do want to keep them. I got like study them for a long time. But you know, do you want to keep these? Yes, we're definitely we do want to keep those. Well, I want to wear something you're going to keep. It doesn't work. I'll look at later if you want me to try to make it work. But right now, I'm not going to do it.

All right. Let's hang on to those. And then the necklace, you know, the the the bracers. Those two things look like the bracers are old, cracked leather. They go from your sort of wrist to your elbow. The necklace is some sort of prayer beads. They're like these strange tubes on it with little symbols dangling off of it like charms. Interesting. Well, we'll have... strange tubes on it with little symbols dangling off of it like charms interesting well we'll have uh

unless unless are you a magically you can't figure those things out can you i mean me as magic use those among my people but i don't know what they do at that time i mean i can i don't know a bit of archana check or something yeah but i

oh no i just i don't know if you have identify or any of that stuff nah all right well let's keep moving yeah i ain't got no Mcdavis you're now faced with a choice you go through the gate past those bricks I don't know if you have identify or any of that stuff. Nah. All right. Well, let's keep moving. Yeah. You got no, but you're now faced with a choice. You go through the gate past those bricks you just opened up and you can go left or you can go right. What is what is Bing Bong thing?

Are you talking about which of my weird and piece? I don't know. The guy was with your kind. The elephant one or the fish one? Fish man. I say go with the right one. Man, that one always seems like a real apples and oranges piece of business to me. Alright. Skully.

Thanks, Bing Bong. Left or right? I love you. Left. Let's go left. Let's go left. Never right. Always left.

So left is of course south. Let's go left. Let's go left. Never right. Always left. So left is of course south. Head down here. You enter a very tall kind of cylindrical room. The mud here is pretty thick but only above your ankles. It doesn't go above your knees. It's wet in general because it's kind of trickling down the walls, but it's almost like you're inside a turret.

I fucked up my checkered vans. Yeah. Sorry. Spicoli. And there is a door that's my skull. I'm so wasted. There's a door here that's clearly closed. There's like a stone archway with a stone wall there functioning as a door.

The room is mostly empty. And this the map mark, this is another whatever trap slash place of interest. Do you guys want to give me guidance? You guys want to do some? Yeah, I'll try it again. Feeper work. Yeah. All right. Let's get investigation checks for you, too. Finally. Holy fuck. They keep doing the same role.

I got to get you new die, Brian. Is that everything using the same D20? Yeah, I rolled two all three times to inside. Yeah, it's your big light up one. Maybe it's just the Dicer saying that that's not Spicoli's leg. Tires better. Yeah, I got 15. You've guidance.

You can add D4 to that. Same with you, Brian. 19. Looking for an 18 for one particular clue. But if you'd be 15, you get something too. Rude. Plus one folks. You can give me a finger. It is my fault.

So, you know, it's hard to tell. I didn't do this. I did this. Why you got to slip me off? No. Whoa. Whoa. So. gotta flip me off. Whoa, whoa. So it's hard to find any real three dimensional objects sticking out here. There's no brick that opens for magical treasure. The doorway is very plain. It looks like it slides off to the side or up. There's no

hinge on it. It's just stone in a stone gate. But when you look up, there are these sort of trough-like openings about 20 feet over your heads along the cylindrical walls. And you kind of look and they're blackened a little bit. And when you scrape off some mud, there's like black scorch marks on the walls. Like we have to use fire? on walls. Like we have to use fire? Or that maybe these are these tubes fill with fire? Or maybe that's a fire trap that that's where the fires come out of before. Yeah I mean I can't give you an insight on this one because you don't know. I can describe it more if you're confused. Do we see like any holes in the wall? Meow. Just as troughs up up, but like, like 20 feet up,

there's some sort of scoop like holes. You can't see the tops up because they're too high up and it's too small of a rim. Are they potentially big enough that we could get through those into the next room? You'd have to fly up to really see. I will say the room itself is only about 15 feet in diameter. Well, you guys are tricksy.

Can you guys climb up and take a, maybe a careful, it's like a sheer brick wall. It'll be tough to climb. I can throw a flyer. Oh, that would be a lot easier. Fine. Kitty. So what are we, Dan, are we looking for investigation for this? Yes.

Who's got the best investigation? Cause that's, you should fly up there. I've got, I'm only plus two. Mine's only plus 11. I'm just plus three. Well, LL sounds like as yours better than plus 11. For what? Investigation. Fancy making a war over there might be a science bait. I don't think so.

No. So I'm thinking about to throw a fly on the cat. Yeah. Why don't you roll that investigation check plane as you fly up and take a look at those. I'll give you guidance again before you fly up. 19 plus 11. A 30. A 30. as you fly up and take a look at those. I'll give you guidance again before you fly up. 19 plus 11. A 30. A 30.

Oh, let me do the guidance. Good Lord. 31. Oh, only a godlike roll, 31. Well, I'll try and give you a little treat. Row, row, row. You fly up there, then the drops are about the size of the bricks that are this wide, like a foot and a half wide and the reason there are scoops you can tell there is some

sort of scorch marks there that are even darker and you can see are these stone obsidian shiny black walls that go all the way around and you get the impression they either lift up or lower and some sort of flame, perhaps magma, comes through them and drips down the walls. Huh. It screams a trap to you. Yeah, and do I feel like I know how, what would activate them or where the magma would go?

Unfortunately, you're not sure. OK, it's over the doorway, right? It's down that wall. 20 feet up all the way around. Oh, the room. So it fills the room. It would probably fill this room with magma. And that's a bad way. Feels good. Now.

And there's no way out of this room. Is the way you came or the way we go through the stone door. Remember how we went left or right? We went left. We can go right and see what that trap is. Maybe that trap makes more sense to us. Maybe. Yeah.

This can we, yeah, we should check them both because it might just be a mirror thing. Okay. Mara. Mara. Can we hand turn North? No, should I head North? It's a tight, again, only like five foot wide tunnel that you're going through that way. Get to the other end.

It is very similar. You know what you're looking for again. And there are troughs again. I still have the fly on me, right? Yeah. Yes. You still have the fly on you. And I'll describe that with that into account.

But as you look around, there aren't scorch marks this time. It does look like the walls here though, are sort of bleached. Something is coming from these in this room, dripping down and like ripping the walls off. Or maybe it's just wipes. Maybe it's just lovely Clorox wipes. Yeah, down. Yeah, it's very clean. Yeah. Wipe up any juice. Oddly. Yeah, the one thing you do notice too when you go in there

You don't need to cast fly. There was a grate on the floor. The floor does not have any mud caked on it It's just the only clean room you've seen in the temple. Smells like gum. Interesting Does it in any way indicate that perhaps this trap has been set off more recently? Not particularly, but the nature of it looks like at the very least it's been set up since mud flooded the temple. If not multiple times. Well, let's go back to the fire seam. More fun.

More normal. For sure. Just destroy us. Yeah. Maybe more organic. Maybe the glass. Well, let's check out those. Is there an actual doorway?

Both rooms, there is a door sized archway, you know, that's like, what is that, like three and a half, four feet. How wide is the door? Yeah, three and a half feet. I never owned a house. But like the top of it is rounded. It's a brick wall that's curved because it's like inside of a turret. It's sealed with a brick wall.

There's a stone door that looks like it slides up, down, left or right, that's blocking off the archway. And there's no mechanism. I wonder, hey, do you know any Kua Toa words that maybe this place responds to fish talk? You mean Sardinian good one word sure I don't know if you guys have common words or perhaps do you speak sagoo in a possible the necklace or the other that's right that's good call the pearls

have to brace me yeah we mostly just speak under common if anything well I speak under common as well I I think they might. Is there anything flamely protective about those bracers or the stuff we've got you and only you do an insight check. All right. Just me guys. Nobody else. Well, that would be good. That's a 24. Wow. Ken, you realize. What's he done with Ken? There is a very good chance, you feel really good all of a sudden,

by having both the necklace and the bracers, there is some sort of ritual that gets these doors open. Ah, all right. Wakanda forever. Do Wakanda forever. Put on the necklace, and then Wakanda forever with the bracers,

and they'll all touch. And the dude is like wearing them for safekeeping, the Kuua Toa, but he has no idea what to do with it He's like you want these back? Yeah, unless he wants to do it. I mean would he know have you seen Black Panther? Yeah, sorry, but I don't fucking know magic for I don't fucking know magic The condor forever now if you're racist no, I'm not racist why is there no Because they touch them in that moment they touch yeah, he doesn't know what he's doing and he's he but but I mean just the Way you're talking about this you think maybe if you attuned to these it would help

All right, it'll take help. I will attune. All right. It'll take an hour and an arcana check. Sure. Let's get that arcana check. Any of your guidance? Yes, please. Oh, good. That's 20 plus 20 plus 22.

You see for like an hour, just, you know, shalo shaloob, shalab, boogity boogity boogity boogity focusing, trying to connect with the magic. And then all of a sudden the bracers and the necklace, both of which you have on start pulsing with blue energy. Yeah, they do. I broke your door. OK, the door starts to glow with blue energy when you approach it. It's not opening yet, but it's glowing with blue energy, like your

bracers and your necklace. I say. What kind of forever? I'm a co-pocus. Abracadabra. This saying it doesn't do anything. I move closer. It starts to glow more as you move closer.

I move closer to the door. Your nose is almost touching it. I touch the door. This slides off to the side. Come this way guys, behind me! Also, you are now attuned to how many items? Two, I believe. Just these two or is there other stuff? Oh yeah, how many items? Two, I believe. Oh, I don't know.

Just these two or is there other stuff? Oh yeah, no, there's the boots, I think. How many do you get, Max? Three. Three is on your character sheet. But is this only a total of three? I'm just making sure you can do this. Yeah, I got the boots of Striding.

So it doesn't bump off your boots. You can keep all these. You're now also attuned to illusionists, bracers, and a necklace of prayer beads. The necklace of prayer beads is pretty fucking great. All right. I like that. illusionist bracers are good too. But we're talking rad ass necklace. It's like hookah beads. Um, the downside is I'm not sure any of you can use the necklace, um, because of class restrictions, however, Spicoli worships.

Well, it's cleric druid or Paladin. Sorry. No, somebody should multi-class. That's the thing. Well, it's cleric druid or paladin. Sorry. No. Somebody should multi class. That's the thing. If you finish this temple, there's a very strong chance you guys are going to level up and you can you can multi class. What was the other thing? Prayer. Multi-class illusion, illusionist, bracers.

I got that. Illusionist, bracers and necklace of prayer beads. That's what's a prayer. They're both in D&D Beyond. Cool, well we can certainly make some money off of the app. Yeah, money. Exactly, and that is the only reason. I would make it something specific

without it necessarily being something you can immediately attune to, but we'll have to figure out what's behind this door in the Fallopian Tube in the next episode of Nerd Poker. Sam, what do you think happened today? All right. Lane and one of the Kuatua are fighting in an octagon for some reason.

I forget why. We're in a chamber with an altar. There are notches inside of a hallway and a jammed brick in the wall. We put blood in a bowl and got a necklace and we got bracers. I believe they opened a jam door. Hooray.

Anything you wanna plug? Sure, you know what? Not only can you hire me as a Dungeon Master on dantelfur.com, but you know, I have pre-made world that you can play in. I have one shots that I have run multiple times for groups of listeners for Nurd Poker and I would love to do them for you. I have a bunch of testimonials on my website, even including one from Ken Daly. So come on.

I like the way he does his thing. I have tour dates on brianpessain.com. I've got a convention somewhere in Canada. Moose draw? No, I think it's like Cornwall or something. Yeah. No, that's a agreement. No, that's at the end of the month there, like in a week and a half, two weeks.

Um, and then, uh, not a ton of shit on the calendar, but, um, my books will be available very soon and trade paper back for Cromitz and Rifter. So, uh, go to image or go to to BrianBussain.com for actual dates and pick them up at your comic book store. Don't use that giant website. You know, the one don't use that. Zappos? No, you know, the other one. The one that sends women to space. Yeah, that one.

Oh, you mean to the moon? No, they went up in space the other day. Oh, no, because I thought you were talking about Amazon women on the moon. Don't bring me. Jeremiah was a bullfight. Bullshit. Blaine. Oh. Oh Blame we attribute the success of saved mankind for joining us on this episode On the next Nerd Poker, the Nerd Poker gang visits a soul food restaurant owned by a Canadian jazz pianist and singer, but the humidity makes them lose their balance.

Can Sam figure out what I'm talking about in time to save Elvis Costello's wife from having her dress ruined. All this and Brian grits on his crawls wrong. What an all new NerdPoker. Thanks for listening to another episode of NerdPoker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash Nerd poker and you get bonus episodes from there and you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 and Sino California 91416. Thanks for listening. Oh, oh, oh, oh Spin the wheel!