Nerd Poker - The Fog Campaign - Episode 18

Episode Date: May 6, 2025

It seems like a pretty standard treasure room with a gigantic heretic god's statue staring dead-eyed at everyone. So it's time to grab the super chill astral plane skeleton and book it out of here!  For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Hey, it's Brian Possein, nerd poker. We're calling it The Sog Campaign. My friends are here, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer Sam, of course our kick-ass DM Dan Telfer. Welcome to Nerd Poker! Hey everybody! It's one of those episodes of Nerdpoker. Episode 18 of the Fog Campaign. My friends are here making noises. Chris is quietly writing something.

I was writing down the Fog Campaign in my notes. I tried to record which campaign Blaine is here. Hi. I'm not making any noises this time. Oh What the hell? And see here a team were finally legal Oh, damn's here. Throwing up on the mic. 55 ready for the senior menu.

Hello. Neptune cremation society. Hello. The $5 off at the Holocaust museum. Blame blame blame blame. Uh, at the end of the table, as always Sam. Hello, sweet children. Hey pal. At the end of the table, as always, Sam. Hello, sweet children. Hey pal. Hi.

That was a great episode. Really hanging on that response. Why don't I thank some people? Anybody want to plug anything? We're gonna lead with one of my favorites in a second, but yes, thank you to those of you who can afford to support us. There's been an influx of new supporters and we do appreciate that as we try to take this

little fog campaign and slowly but surely wreck your dicks off your faces by being an excellent podcast. Is that what we're doing? Brian was very suspicious of that most of the time, but I think at the end I kind of got him on board. But though, thank you for supporting us on Patreon, you guys. Why fumbling that Easter duck? I was fumbling.

There was nothing sexual about it. I was giving him gentle kisses on his nose. Oh, nothing sexual there. You're cradling it in your hands while kissing. Just a grown man kissing a wicker rabbit. With long pointed ears. All right, folks, here we are. The username I was telling you I was excited to say,

thank you, that dumb giant fish from Mario 3 that eats you. I love this username. Thank you, Ravenacfood. That's a shout out to your character, Brian, from the Mini Dino Rift. Thank you, Ravinakfood, that's a shout out to your character Brian from the Mendo-doria. Thank you. Thank you, Gluergawacama Grumfadoo, ayy ayy ayy brooog brooog blaggity blaggity blaggity globgity glob. Thank you, James DTJ which of course stands for Dick Titty Jujubee. Thank you. Thank you. I've been saying that different DTJs for four years. I think that's the first one. Dick Titty Jujubee is good for anything. It's my favorite flavor.

winner. Dick Titty Jujubee is good for anything. It's my favorite flavor. Thank you Benzody. Thank you Hotel Room Cuck Chair. Thank you. Dad Dad Daddio. Thank you Sean C. Who used to be much more annoying. Thank you Grotch Sabot. Thank you Stabby McNeedles. Thank you Rick Miller. Thank you Brian's Ravenac. Remember Ravenac food from a few years ago? They love it. Thank you, Rick Miller. Thank you, Brian's Ravineck. Remember Ravineck food from a few years or names ago? They love it. Thank you, Sean McKinley. Thank you, Ken Voice. Oh here, can we read this one?

This is Ken Voice. Can you say that? Physical bits. Thank you, John M. Emer. Dan is right. Use the website, not the app. On behalf of all rats everywhere, we miss you, Sarah. That's a reference to, yes, on Patreon.

Use the website, the app is buggy and can charge you more money. So yeah, use the website. And finally, thank you, Sarah is missed. Hope she is well and free of toilet rats. Oh shit, guys, do we ever set her free from that toilet rat? Oh, we did say we would be right in to help her.

That was years ago! Oh, you don't even know what? Blaine, who are the supporters brought to us by? Supporters brought to us by Straw! Build the softest house in town with straw and sticks. Build yourself a getaway with sticks, guaranteed wolf-proof sticks. Build yourself a getaway with sticks. Guaranteed wolf-proof sticks and bricks. Send that wolf a message. Die to brick. Bricks. And Dr. Wolf's big poison. Fucking pigs. Dan? Thanks Blaine. It's time to talk about what happened last time. Underdoger, it is sahoo again.

Sahoo again. Is it night, Dan? Yes, I wrote it down right, but could not say it anyway. It's written right on your temple map. Couldn't say it out loud, Telfer. Oy, oy, oy. Sahoo again. You're in a chamber of three churning tubes

of gelatinous cube-like cookie dough mud. Oh, we know. So you, are we fighting Guy Fieri? Yeah, I was really thinking you guys would find the secret laxatives, but no. Or what's, no, what is it? What do you call when you need to be constipated because you've got diarrhea? That's what you need. And magic, what is it whatever that is.

Abysmal? Imodium. Yes, yes. My friend Mark Voice calls it third hardener. You guys could use some arcane Imodium. A stool desoftener. But yeah, this stuff is dangerous. It's the hardest tool. It appears to be some sort of detritus canals that some leviathan who lives

in the mud around the temple is reaching into sort of nonchalantly to find food while parasites and sharks and such just start swimming around. It's through it in between and we've got you guys just barely making it through without a huge incident and you spent last episode being very careful. So I feel like you're probably going to get through this either either something horrifying is going to happen or you'll get through on this episode very excited for you but there's three of them 50 50 you broke into two teams team a is spicoli shalab and glug the kuatua you just got through the second of three it and then we have team B which is going

to be twidden Siam spade and littleepers. They're waiting for you guys to get all the way through. You did have a rope connecting you at one point, but it got pulled out of Twidden's hands when he almost got yoinked. That went to hell. Well, it would occur to you guys at this point, if you had kept the rope going, it would have gotten increasingly more difficult to hang on as these Leviathan tongues were whipping through these tunnels. But it is now time to talk about Team A's next trip. Brian is currently picking a delivery up. I see his silhouette in the dark in the kitchen. It's kind of creepy. I know. in the dark in the kitchen, it's kind of creepy. I know.

Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Brian, when you're ready, it's gonna be an athletics check from you, Shalob. Here he comes. You, Shalob and Gloog, do an athletics check to trudge through the next mud. Here he comes on the run with a burger on a bun

and a dab of coleslaw on the side. Oh, it's tasty with pickle with a burger on a bun and a dab of coal on the side. Oh, it's tasty with pickle with a cold dill pickle and all of his potatoes are her fried, fried, fried. Oh, his burgers can't be beat cause he grinds his own meat. Gluve got a 19. Grind, grind, grind, grind, grind. My athletics. Yep. Happy anniversary. 19 for Gluve.

Yeah, the anniversary. Happy anniversary. Happy anniversary. Where's the burger one from? That was when Fred Barney bought the restaurant. Oh, yay. Well, I'm out of the way. What'd you get?

20. Yes! Wow, nice. Nice. Yeah. Remember that guy? What'd you get? 23, actually.

Good. Ken, you did great, right? With what? Oh, wait, I'm- After your athletics check. It's kinda critical. I don't even wanna roll it. I was gonna say, did it go horribly?

Cause you're being silly now. Nine. Oh, okay. Okay, hi Willy. Wow. I got a good enough one for both of us. Frankie. That's good.

Hello little pup. Hi, Willy bear. Hi, Willy. Willy's like, I'll get pets. Willy, hi there. I'll take those pets that the puppy's too dumb to take. Oh, he's so skittish. Yes.

What's up, Frankie? The human eyes are freaky. Yeah. I like them. All right, so- Dog has human eyes, you guys. It's like Steve Bishabey. Brian. You and Gluke.

Rhodes did not want him because I kept calling him Pennywise. And not Puppywise. And Rhodes is like, no, let's not get him. And we're like, we're saving this dog's life. Don't you want to pet me? Now he loves it. Come and pet me. Hi. They are. They are Pennywise-ish. I love how well they get along. Oh yeah. They love each other already. That's so awesome. I think he's just like Samoyed. He's like, you're going to pet me, right?

Oh, he's showing me his dick. That was like, okay, now Brian, Brian, let Dan pet the dog. He's just, he's just showing me his trap stick. All right. Brian, he rolled over. It was very cute. He rolled it. Yeah, that's going to be me as glug and you, Brian are going to try and save Shalab as he is unable to brace himself well in the mud tunnel.

I'm going to get a 16 from a glug. If you could do one more athletics check to try to keep him from flapping off. By the way, I saw mud tunnel open for Tad. Strength saving throw, excuse me. This is a strength saving throw. No, bocce boo. God damn it. So now you two both go flying limp

and Gluge is gonna try to dig his heels in to save you both. Fuck. What heels? He's like fish. Oh, he got a dirty 20 once again. Clutch glug. Thanks, thanks.

He said you're welcome. And now- You have a beautiful voice. I don't think so. We're going to get one more athletics check because again, this would normally be one if you had all made a 16, but because one of you did not, this is to try to get through before the tongue hits you. Yeah, that'll work.

That'll do pig. 21. Brian, I'm going to need you to do an athletics check as this one. I think I have to do a standard check after that screen. I'm getting a lot of these girls mixed up. Sorry listeners. Was that a strength saving throw? Okay.

Right now, Shalab gets caught again in the current and you hear Gloog. Gloog goes, uh oh, he botched. Oh no. And he loses his footing. So long, Shalab. Oh nice. Woo hoo. 22. Nice. Oh nice. Woo hoo.

22. Nice. And Spicoli saves both of you and drags you at the last second, the tongue of just hooks just behind you. You're now at the other end. You see there is- Jan hooks?

A pitch black tunnel leading into a chamber ahead. The rest of you guys, are you waiting for them to finish kind of and like call out to you that they made it across? We did it! Yeah, cause we can't see or anything. Can I get a performance check from you two, Spicoli and Shalob?

Performance? You're trying to shout that you made it all the way through. Okay. I'd have to have. Seven. I'd have to have charisma for that to actually work. No. I mean, at one point you guys think you hear them screaming like they're dying.

What do you think, give it a minute? I mean at one point you guys think you hear them screaming like they're dying. What do you think, give it a minute? We're okay. Oh I'm pretty sure that was we're okay. Hey how far how far away are they? They are I mean just doing the math um about 100 feet down. Okay I'm gonna cast message. Okay. Back there and'm gonna cast message. Okay.

Back there. Mm-hmm. And say we're across. Ding! To whom? One of them, right? Do you have to see? Toad.

Okay, so Toad, you hear it in your head. Oh, I heard, I just heard something. Was it that scream outside? Yeah, it was really unsettling. And he said we were through? Yeah. Yeah? All right said we were through. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. They're through. Uh, same deal. So we'll wait for, yeah, doing the same timing. Same thing. Uh, I have a question. Um, so my friends, are we strong? Do any of you have, uh, high strength dexterity scores? I'm just curious.

I have a high dexterity. My strength is 13. Yeah, my strength is 12. Look at us! Just thought I would know what I was getting myself into over here. No pressure. I'm just... We are thinner folk than TMA, it would seem. Yeah, you're an elephant, right? I'm stout, but I'm small. I'm half halfling as well. Well, let's then lean on our dexterous abilities and be nimble and quick as we move across. Any wisdom dust tying to each other? So at least if inevitably one of us is going to lose our footing, maybe at least that'll help us nimble you along. Yeah. I mean, I'm going to need a functional way that you're being nimble if you

actually want some sort of benefit from it, because yeah, you know, he's checking in with you more for listeners to hear the meta of it. You guys can absolutely though, tell me ways. He's got a plus one to athletics. He's not super athletic and he has a plus one to his strength saving throw. So he's not helpless. Who? Little peepers. Yeah, I have I have speed.

I feel an agility so I can double my speed. Does that is that? Yeah. Well, what I'll do is I'll say the other two, even if you're tied to them to them aren't gonna be able to do this with you But you can get through to the other side with just one successful athletics role Even if you're tugging them along and saving them, okay, does that make sense? Yes, that's how that'll translate So let's get an athletic strike from you three. I'm gonna give Yeah, I'm gonna give a Siam. I'm gonna give yeah I'm gonna give a Siam I'm gonna

give you my last bardic inspiration so strum little song so that way you have for the next ten minutes you can add a d8. Okay I have a 16 plus one 17. What is this? Athletics please. I got a 17 from Blaine and a 7 from Lil Peepers. Yeah I got a 6. Alright you feel, the second the three of you like get pulled into the mud, Twiddon and Lil Peepers go limping and like getting pulled down the mud tube, can we get a strength saving throw from Siam Spade? 19 plus one.

Oh Jesus. That was incredible. You dig your heels in and with your feline agility managed to get out of the mud. The two of them are still kind of like, like just barely getting their feet back in the mud. So they still have to do one more athletics check, but you save them and kind of like brace them

and push them down as you're like moving as quick as you can. So this is going to be another athletics check for just little peepers and twiddling. Can I give myself guidance for this? Do you have to sing a song? No, guidance is a touch. I can't touch him. You just can't open your mouth right now.

I'm just I'm ruining the top of my claws. I love it. You can open your mouth. You have a bubble on your mouth right now. I'm just, I'm ruining the top of my claws. I love it. And when she can open your mouth, you have a bubble on your head. Athletics, you said? Um, you have a bubble on your head. Nice. Yes, sir. A bubble on your head.

14 plus two 16. That's exactly what you needed. You need 16s here and you have 17 from Lil Peepers. So Lil Peepers and U2 and both hop out and catch up with Simon Spade caked in his fur. The most chunky mud you've ever seen. Okay. Time for round two.

Let's do it. Let's get another athletics check. I'm getting myself guidance again. Ooh, natural 20. 15 plus one, 16. 23. You both feel little peepers go limp again and go oh my goodness can I get a strength saving throw from both of you? That's a good 8. 14.

You can add that bardic inspiration if you want to I've got a d8 for 10 minutes. I highly recommend you do. Oh there's another eight. Great you managed to dig your heels in as you feel twidden try to brace little peepers and lose his footing again. Okay. So you're digging your feet in let's get an strength saving throw again from you. 14 plus 115. You managed to just barely get out, like pin him down. That's enough for the savings throw. You need a 15 for the saving throws

and a 16 for the athletics checks. And again, your feline agility now allows you to just sort of hop up after you help them get their footing again. We're gonna need one more athletics check from Twin and Little Peepers. Or as I like to call them, the mudfish because they're flapping around. Oh boy, Little Peepers is rough. He's having a rough time tonight. I believe that's an 11. You see both of them go completely limp. I'm gonna need,

now you're out of the mud. I'll let you roll with advantage, but it is another strength saving throw. Okay. They both just, they can't do it without you, Siam Spade. 15 plus one. You go, and manage to yank the other two out of the mud. But yeah, you and Lil Peepers are so winded now, to it and as you rest between the second and third, you're almost there. You only got one more, but this is not going well. Yeah, stop smoking. I really, this time I can get a quit smoking. And we can't see these guys yet.

No, but you know, there's just one more. There's just one more. If I can get through with the rope, can we all brace? Can we all pull on the rope? The, and again, you're timing it between the tongue thing. Yes. This is the six minute one. Yeah. So if you make your athletics check and go ahead, yeah. The downside is, you know, they're not going to be alongside you and you're going you know they're not gonna be alongside you and you're gonna they're gonna have to like hold on like twiddle and you are both gonna for instance have to hang on to the rope as the tongue kind of like

smashes by and not lose the rope. This is the last one why don't we just go for it. I'll do whatever you two Why don't we just go for it? Like, you know? All right. I'll do whatever you two decide. Sounds like we're going for it. Let's do it. We're waiting for the six minute gap. You wait for the gap and do that athletics check. Give myself a go.

Peepers still having a hard time. 20. 18 plus one. 19. Can't get a strength saving throw from both of you as Lil Peepers immediately loses his footing for the third time in a row. At 14 plus one. Oh thanks. You dig your heels in and get out to the other side Blaine as as you feel Twidden and Lil Peeper like at first Twidden's doing okay and then by trying to brace Lil Peepers, he loses his footing yet again.

The good news is now everybody on the other side can see Siam emerge. And so- Grab the rope and pull? Yeah, you all grab the rope and kind of, er, er, er, pull everybody through. Nobody has to roll because there's so many people on the other side.

I'm immediately licking myself all over the place. Yeah, it's fun like squid game. This is what? Fun like squid game. In that we all die? Yeah. Now when does the big tongue come by? Behind us.

Behind you? Like right around now as you're all done. I want to, I'm want to get her, everybody get back a little bit. I want to hit it with a fire bolt. All right. With a cantrip just to see if anything happens. All right. That's an attack, a spell attack, right? Yes. Oh, there's a 20. Nice. So you time it perfectly with a kaboom. You all can just barely see the tongue's like thick brown flesh with hooks kind of like dipping just at the edge of these tubes of mud. And he just smashes into it. You see something you hadn't seen before, which is it retracts violently and just goes

Siam, can I please get a dexterity saving throw? This tongue now flails around like a hook tentacle right over your head. 12 plus 8, 20. Nice. Yeah, you managed to hit the floor as this thing sails over you, almost catching your shoulder. OK, yeah, I feel like just firing a couple of blaster shots into the garbage. Garbage matcher. That's really good.

Yeah, go on. Why don't you just for fun roll your damage. Obviously this is against a very massive being, but 12. All right. Just making sure we know. Should you fight the mud monster in the impenetrably opaque mud? If it's down 12 hit points. Yeah.

I just, I just wanted to see if. Yeah. And you took a chunk out of it. You did good. Yeah. It's like, maybe if it would, I didn't know that it was going to like come out and grab me with like tongue style. And now it smells like somebody burned tuna in the microwave.

It's like being back at VH1 loft. So there's a pitch black tunnel ahead and you can see there's a chamber. Those view with dark vision can clue the others in a glue guys chamber. It's pretty much Shaumbra glue can see very well. He's got dark vision. Um, really? Dork vision. Yeah. It's pretty funny. I'll give you that, man.

It's pretty funny. I was talking with you, Glu, he's a good guy. You head down the short hallway. It's just white noise behind you. Of those disgusting canals. And as you enter the next chamber, magical torches go and light up on pillars alongside what looks like this being none of you have ever seen before.

Uh-oh. There's some sort of statue. Looks like it was built in honor of this. Of Rocky? Demi-god-like being. Sort of serpent-like with long fins coming out of it and two humanoid arms with hooks on the end of them. Impractical. It's got two big fins coming out the top of its head

like horns and its eyes start to glow a pale green. This is the statue. Uh-huh. Okay. In front of it, in front of it you see this really strange, it looks like a glowing blue skeleton sitting on an altar and you see Gloog's fish eyes start to like shimmer as he stares at it. He's clearly like, what? What is it? What's going on? Like because this is some lore he recognizes.

OK, yeah. That's something I was not sure existed. That is the astral scaled skeleton. How about that? What would it do? Is the wearable skeleton of a Sahoogin that once could traverse freely between here and the astral plane. Wow.

Is the blue similar to the braces and necklace? Yes. It's like shimmering magically blue. It looks like it's almost, you know, Ewok style, a skull you put over your head like a helm and then it's spine and broken ribs trailed on your back. And it smells great. But it's laying out and the statue seems to be looming over it does a Siam have to wrestle the statue in order to find out who gets to wear the skeleton yeah yeah it's been a while since we had a wrestling episode is what he's saying he has been almost two hours um Jeffrey says you fellas can fight over that and I'm good.

Are our thief friends comfortable for checking for traps and such? I'll help you. I feel like that is the treasure where you're here for. Yeah, maybe we sell it. If you feel like it's got a bad mouth, you never, mojo. I would think that a gloog could wear it. Or gloog.

Guys, I gotta tell you, we're trying to make money. And so far we're giving everything to gloog. Yeah, but he's a fish. Sam, Sam, you're on board for us giving all the treasure to the fish, right? Or stealth to do. You have to, well, right now you see an altar with a skeleton on it. You have to tell me what it is you physically want to do and then I'll tell you what the

role is. I want to know the check for traps. All right. That'll be investigation checks. May I give guidance please? For Spicoli. A little plink. Blaine, you can do it with them, yeah.

You can both do investigation checks. Yeah, can I give them both guidance please? I'd say just two at a time can really get a sense of the altar. OK, four plus eleven. Fifteen. Christ on a crack. And D for if you want. OK. Sure. For where my forgo. Oh, that says 15 plus three to 18. Where'd my four go?

Oh, there it is. It says 15 plus three. So 18. That's so weird. There were four earlier, didn't there? Do you need to do a D4? Yeah. I don't have one anymore.

Chris has one for you. Okay. Your current one. Yeah, but I just don't know where mine is. I know. I saw you roll one earlier. But I don't think you took it out. They always blend in.

Yeah, they really do. Those bastards. There's yours, Karen. Oh, here. Thanks, man. Sure. Nice. Yeah, both of you get a really good glimpse

of this altar, and Spicola, you feel the hair go up on the back of your neck. Gnarly. And Siam, your fur goes on and your tail poofs out. Oh, it's adorable. Some of the mud even falls off of it. It's you're so poofy right now. There's an energy field you feel like if you get close something will get activated.

It's not even just magic. It's almost just like the air. Something is sensitive. Something is waiting. But the giant statue, the glowing pale green eyes definitely was already giving you that vibe. You just are like, okay, something that I want to get. It's like a proximity thing.

How heavy does the blue thing look? Looks like it weighs five pounds. Could I could I mage hand it? You can try. Can let's we sort of back up to get out of a weird vibe range? Yeah. And I'll try to. I'll try to use the force on it. Okay. Don't gotta tell me twice. You see as the Mei-Chan reaches in and begins

to pluck the skull with its little spine dangling off of it, your Mei-Chan, you can feel kind of vibrating. You'll see the skeleton kind of shake, but it's holding. Okay. You pull it back and it stops shaking. Something vibrational is happening. None of you can hear anything, but it's this visual shake and you pull the skeleton back and set it on the ground next to you.

Okay. And it's still glowing. It's shimmering. Once you get a closer look at it laying on the ground, it almost looks like you can see in the bones a window into the astral plane. What? Cool. That's sick! Like one of those Teslas would do.

Like the flip-flop rap. Like a Pink Floyd album cover. Oh, Elbow Drop! Listeners, Elbow Drop of... Oh, elbow drop. Listeners, elbow drop. Gumbagumbah. Now that we've gotten it away from that field, we should leave. Do we still feel like that negative vibe area is still where the skeleton was? Yes.

Okay, so it's that spot. Why don't we have everybody do an insight check? Is there anything 15 plus 10, 25? 10. I'm sorry. Is there anything past the statue or is it at the end of the hall? There's a wall behind it with pillars on either side. The statue itself is gigantic, right?

Yeah. Seven. The ceiling is high. It's about 80 feet high and the statue takes about 50 feet up. You do get a sense as you walk around and try to get a hold of what's happening here that the statue would communicate or interact with you somehow if you got in that field the statue is a conduit for something yeah that fucking leviathan do we

want to say hey eat my mind like isn't that what we're doing? But hey, just, you know, got a brain here. If you're hungry. Why I feel like we should just leave. Do we want to check out the statue at all? I don't know. What do you think it says? Take the. I feel like that's gonna kill us.

Yeah. All right. I got it. I got a dodge. Can I flip all the pillars over to the cool side I'm getting about touching anything are you guys gonna case the room before you leave sure okay let's get one more investigation check from this room but guidance on everybody Detach the magics. Nice. Yeah. I botched my investigation check. 16.

Nice. I also got a 16. 15 plus 11. You all notice there are some bloody skeletons piled up behind the pillars. Oh, cool. The blood is old and is sort of like dried black and brown. You'd notice also all of you that there is like those

streaks of blood on the statue, especially along the hooks at the ends of its arms. The statue is probably capable of becoming immobile. You also see there is above the statue on the ceiling, Siam, this is specifically you with your ridiculous investigation check, some sort of opening that's currently closed. It looks like there is a octagon shaped crease crack in the ceiling, the stone above the

statue. Hmm. Is that an exit or a way to pour acid on her head. Yeah. It's a crack. Like, does it seem like a design? It seems like it's either a design or something. Yeah.

Moves or comes out like a kennis thing. Maybe they lower a dancer like Juliet Prowse. Oh, she's the teddy bear. Those legs. Oh, the insured by Lloyd's of London. Where does the stuff come from the crack? Like what is the crack over, for example, this area here? Draw it for you.

Pardon me, Willie, who is sleeping under my chair. So Willie Scott, the famous American singer. Willie Scott or won won't he Scott? It's like above it on the scene. Sam, can you take that joke out? No. Why do I say the bad ones? Right here, like someone has an altar.

Huh. This is pretty horrible. Does one of our Wiley thieves feel like, oh wait, I was going to say, do one of our Wiley thieves feel like climbing up there investigating, but it, Shalom, you could fly. Yeah. You should go up and check that thing out. Well, what if there's more treasure? What if that's like, what if that's the real room?

What if it's a lava? Then don't don't touch it. And then let's get the fuck out of here. Are there any signs of any sort of burns or acid scarring or water? Anything around there? So why don't you fly up and take a look and roll an investigation check? I mean, I'll do it. Can I give them guidance?

Yes. I would say you're being very careful to note the sort of energy vibe of getting too close to the statue as you do it. It is kind of above its head. All right. Okay. It's like half directly over its head. All right. I will fly and then what is it investigation you say?

Yeah, boss. It's a tricky DC, a D4. A D4. I'm asking for a 17. Well that's a 6. That's a 9. You feel on the crease it definitely is capable of becoming an opening, but you can't really get a sense of what exactly is going on because every time you try to get

like right in there, the energy, it just feels like you're getting too close to the statue. And as you run your finger along this sort of crack, suddenly you feel this like almost panic attack level anxiety in your chest as you your blood pressure goes up unexpectedly all of you all of you here in the room this booming voice speaking a language you do not understand French saying very good the eyes glow a brighter green. We are going to quietly back out of the room. Let's just go. Let's just go.

We should go. Let's go. I don't know what it said. Let's go. Let's just go. There's no other way out except through the mud again. Kirk, that you know of. Unless that door in the ceiling is the way out.

He couldn't, he got too close to the statue while he was investigating. And he made the voice happen. I'm gonna give you guys this to decide what you're doing. I'm flipping the glass. Can I quickly look around and see if I can find any doors or other exits? Yeah, let's search for secret hatches and such.

I'll allow another investigation check as you guys sort of... Oh, we already did it. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... I did a 26, yeah. Just now? No, when I did the first one. Oh, I gave you everything I can. I mean, what you got with the investigation check is just the first site of it. Here's an 18 plus 11. That's what you got the first time? No. Here's an 18 plus 11.

That's what you got the first time? No, that's what I got just now. Okay. Um, Jesus. You'll have to listen for what you got in this narrative thing that's happening while you look. Okay. The voice continues to say new different things,

and the room begins to shake. That's great. Dust falls from the ceiling and then small bits of rock start to tumble down. Um, it's tumbling down around this octagon. I mean, it looks like this is some sort of door. Okay. It's the door is moving separately from the ceiling as a reduction. If you can fly up there, you could drop us a rope. Is it open? He said it's a door. It's affixed separately and

Siam can tell where there is some sort of hinge. If you see because the ceiling is shaking and he is the best detective eyes in Feyrun. Do we do a, I'm going to throw this out here. Yeah. Do we want to, do we want to lasso this statue and pull it down? No. You're going to take a 50 foot tall stone statue? Yeah, it's awful big.

Okay. There's a whole lot of communists to pull down a Confederate statue. I don't know if you guys have any. Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, otherwise. So, yes, I'm going to hang on the rope and fly up there. Go nice. Yeah. See if you can fly up there.

We can try to try and open it up. What are you going to do that with? What is he trying to? What is it? I mean, it's an octagonal. Can you just push it up? He's flying. He can try. He hasn't told me right now. He's just saying like, what is it? I mean, it's an octagonal. Can he just push it up? He's flying. He can try.

He hasn't told me right now. He's just saying like, I do it. When I got close to it, I got my blood pressure went up. But that's you activating the statue. You haven't really like, since the statue doesn't do anything, you can touch it. You can pat it. You can, but you don't know how to.

And that story, the bracers and the necklace. Yeah. So. So what do you just describe for me what you're doing? And I'll tell you what role it is. But if you, I mean, look in your inventory for some sort of crowbar if you like, but No, I'm finnimous Previously, I believe you just put your hands on it. Yeah So yeah, if I put my hands on it, I mean is there any kind of a blue glow or anything going on?

I mean it sounded like you were just now saying that Because you had those two things you could try to open it like the other doors and so you plant both hands on it and it does start to glow blue. Okay. It goes just like the other two doors it moves down and then to the side and then just for fun will you do a dexterity saving throw please? Just for fun. Don't you love those just for fun? Who's having this fun? That's a fun thing. That's a fun thing.

That's a fun thing. That's a fun thing. That's a fun thing. That's a fun thing. That's a fun thing. 14. You duck out of the way just in time as a large steel ladder goes clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, and descends to the ground.

All right. I like ladders. Yep. Spicoli. GTFO here. Up the ladder. Yeah. You all scramble up the ladder and it's quite an ascent. You guys are deep underneath the city in a sub level. Higher, higher, higher. Who's carrying the skeleton thing? Is that it? I'll grab it if nobody, if it's just on the ground. Yeah. Can I like, is it

shoving my packable? Or is it more like- You can fold it up in your pack. Yeah, great, that's what it'll do. So you put it in your pack, yeah, it's only five pounds. You all start ascending the steel ladder, which again, it goes up, feels like you're going up maybe 10 stories a ladder. It's just a lot.

You're like, oh God. The halls seems long this morning. Poseidon adventure. There's violent rumbling beneath you. You can see clouds of dust are starting to appear and plume up the shaft that you're climbing and then there is a wooden door above you that is shut. Okay. You're leading Shalab. What do you do? I'm going to blast the door. OK. With what?

Eldritch blast or something? Farts. Yeah. Fireball or some shit. OK. Who? So what do we have in my camera? Firebolt. Do you have your blue hands? I think, I think. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart in the Stenworld direction. Okay, fire. Firebolt, roll the spell talk, please. Okay. Can we pretend it's a fart bolt?

Yeah, Fart in the Stenworld direction. 26. It casts a nice of its' spells already. And then, damage all over. 13. Nice. See, your Shalab doesn't- Your mother is a hamster.

Well, yeah, well, you're fine. Smell of elder bears. Oh, Fuck you. There's an explosion as Shalab just nukes this wooden door above you. And you scramble up as quick as you can that echoes of the collapse beneath you. You all start to look around

and you're like, noticing as you climb up, there's just mud all over the ground. You think you're at the edge of soggy town in some sort of shack. Soggy town. Interesting. You take me too. Soggy town. There is what looks like some kind of...

Sorry. Arcanist's lair. There's magical equipment everywhere, but everything's caked in dried mud that isn't on the floor. So it looks like they haven't been here in a long time. But somebody knew this had access to this temple. That's interesting. They look like they were maybe long dead. But there's a bunch of stuff laying around and you're on the inside of a locked door to this shack. Can you guys break us out of the safe? Because we're inside. Oh let's try.

But we'll have to see how you break out of the safe on our next episode. Oh darn it. Congratulations you have the Astral Scaled Skeleton. That was delicious sounding. This is just falling apart fast. This one that's going to be how Kua Toa talk now. They speak that Kido, much chicken burrito. Oh, Steve, Jay Gustas. Thank you. Sneezing the best. Okito Mas really is consistently go one of the best things about Los Angeles.

OK, it's no chocolate. Bokito Mas really is consistently go one of the best things about Los Angeles. Yes. Bokito Mas. It's no talk. But your Mas was not as good. How's Tommy Burger? You know what? I ate there in the 90s. I didn't like it.

Are you not a fan? I've never, I've been once a long time. Is it good? Yeah. Do you like chili on your burger? I do. Yeah. Carties is what my fan is.

That's what they're selling for. Yeah, Tommy's are some really. Tommy's, I think you have to ask to not have chili on your burger? I do. Yeah, Carti's is what I'm a fan for. Carti's and Tommy's are similar. Really? Yeah, Tommy's, I think you have to ask to not have chili on your burger. Correct. Yeah. Carti's, you can get it without chili. Do you have to ask for them not to spit on your burger? They don't spit, they're very clean. Oh, you're very nice to me. How dare you?

That's not a Tommy burger slam. I also have Tommy's and Tammy's and Tom's, Tom's number five. The red thatch roof. Tim-Tam. Tommy burgers slam. Tomies and Tammies and Tom's number five. The red thatch roof. Tim Tam. Possible. Okay. Yeah, cause I ate a Tommy's like in the 90s

and I remember I was like, huh. Okay. I'm excited to try it. I like Tommies. What happened Sam? It's no mouse driving. Oh, please hold. Buffering.

Buffering. Episode 18. We fought something in the mud and now there's an astral skeleton and now there's a voice talking to us into a language we don't understand. What was that song from Berkers about? Where is that from? Oh, that was from the Flintstones.

It's incredible that both of you remember all of it. Yeah. I remember the uh... And when we go away, a tip upon our trekkie, we hope to find, find, find, find, find, we hope to find, find, find, find, find. tip upon our trey we have the five five five five five we have the five five five five five also am i insane did everyone hear a very loud dramatic wind blowing sound that was weird I don't know what the fuck that was yeah I thought it was a scream okay yeah it was very bizarre was the angel of death no big deal that's's actually what death does. Or the devil of life that would be the opposite right?

Shut up. Dan anything you want to plug? You can find my services on dantelford.com why don't you send me a line why don't you? Your services? My only fans is under construction. your services. My only fans is under construction. My only fans is just my feet. But I'm making millions of dollars from one guy. The fellas love those feet. Thanks Doug. The longer I sat with that one guy. This is the guy they've dug. He loves my feet. And he's really nice about it. It's really wholesome.

Yep. Appreciate the support. Grommets, Rifters. How about picking up a trade paperback? How about going to a comic book shop and getting it in your hand? Did they just release the art for the new for the trade of Rifters? Yeah we have an exclusive through Cape and Cal. Brett Parsons did a wrap-around cover that you can only get through them. It's a really cool cover too. And the covers, the regular one is amazing.

And I've never looked at that cool in my life, but I'm on the cover, getting radical as they say. No one says that. Were you hanging 10? Yeah, totally. Skate or die. You gleam the cube. You totally gleam the cube. Oh my god. That's it.

Gleam. We attribute the success. Save mankind from it. Thanks for joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof. Well. On the next Nerdpoker, Brian's OnlyFans outperforms the GDP of the United States leading to a Wang tariff.

Can Sam get back from Coachella in time to stop a total economic collapse? All this and Herm Schwartz helicopters his dick and balls wrong on the next Nerd Poker. So send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, and CINO California 91416. Thanks for listening. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhd