Nerd Poker - The Fog Campaign - Episode 2

Episode Date: December 3, 2024

Our band of thieves and detectives meet their patron Thelonious Pepperstep, also known as Lil' Peepers, and begin their journey into the town of Dellsmouth and into the tavern The Pasted Almond. And we all know the best form of fun in a haunted town is- why, pickpocketing of course! At least one fortune begins to take shape- can you tell which? For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker  

Hey, it's Brian Postain, nerd poker. We're calling it The Thug Campaign. My friends are here, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer Sam, and of course, our kickass DM, Dan Telfer. Welcome to Nerd Poker. Hey everybody, it's Prime Pessane. You're listening to Nerd Poker. It's the second episode of Sleigh Misty for me. For the fog campaign, formerly known as the fog campaign. I like that unofficial title though. Yeah.

We're all here. Chris is here. Hello. Hey pal. Ken is here. Hi, Brian. Hey buddy. Dan.

Hey boss. Hey man. Blaine. Hi, Brian. Hey, buddy. Dan. Hey, boss. Hey, man. Blaine. Hello, Brian. Willie's walking around by Sam. Hello, sweet children. Hey, man. Hey. And of course, Sarah isn't with us anymore, but she can be found still on the bonus episodes. She's still alive. Dumbass. You can still on the bonus episodes. She's still alive.

I just feel like if you're if you didn't listen to the first one and you listen to this one, but why would you do that? Sarah doesn't live here anymore. Yeah. You want to thank some people? I sure do. Hey, you're listening to this podcast that is almost fully funded just from Patreon. Thank you to everyone who listens.

Thank you to everyone who can even throw a single shekel upon our pile of riches. But if you can subscribe at the top two tiers on Patreon, I will shout you out once per quarter of the year. And y'all have usernames like Nerdy Girl 13. Thank you, Nerdy Girl 13. Thank you, Justin Milan. Thank you, Matthew Arnold. Thank you, Morganzo.

Thank you, Tencers Gifts. Thanks, Megan Bradburn. Thank you, Beth. Thank you, Moose from Jersey. Thank you, Mr. Pribs. Thank you, Joe Beck. Thank you, Amanda Bird. Thank you, Moose from Jersey. Thank you, Mr. Pribbs. Thank you, Joe Beck. Thank you, Amanda Byrd. Thank you, Mike Cribier. Thank you, Local Mind Flayers Seattle number 42. Thanks, Goth Brooks.

Thank you, Joshua Stone. Thank you, Matt Carter. Thank you, Craig Willis. And finally, thank you, Brian. Remember when you told me in confidence that Star Trek is better than Star Wars? Never happened. Kirby had just saw at you usually see him in San Diego during the con.

And he came and saw this year. I performed, I guess it was right around Halloween, but down in San Diego. and he came by and I mentioned it, I think when I saw him, but he's such a great dude and such a supporter of the show and a long time friend of, don't forget Jerry Duggan. Then I wanted to make a kids joke when Beth's name came up. But I just knew I was thinking of came up, but What can you do?

Just know I was thinking of you Beth. What can you do? I hear you calling. What can we do? Support is brought to us by Support is brought to us by Juergens Ass Wash With aloe and amoylase to make your ass smooth, soft and kissable. But seriously, if you can only watch one thing, make it your ass.

Jurgen's ass wash for a clean ass ass. Dan? Before I get to I want to thank some people, some other people. But so I do some bits now about how hard it was like last year, especially when I was 400 pounds, how it was hard for me to get clean downstairs. And a woman in Maryland, I was in outside of Baltimore, Timonium at McGoobies. Did you go to corner stable? I did get food delivered from corner stable. I didn't go there in person, but I got a, I got a, oh yeah, it was great.

Good, good, good. Yeah. But at McGoobies, this woman in the middle of that joke yells, But at Magoobies, this woman in the middle of that joke yells, You should get a bidet. To wash my ass. She's right. But the other story is that I broke a bidet in Hawaii. Just to watch it die. Wait a minute. How did you break it?

Just to god damn it, Blake. How did you break it? Oh my god. I broke a bidet in God. Just to watch it. That I once I was talking to some people and this woman goes, I go Fresno and this goes, oh, I blew it in Fresno and I go just to watch him die. Two people laughed. They got all I said it to did not laugh.

She did not laugh. Probably rich. That's fancy. That's a Johnny Cash thing. Probably drinking coffee and smoking glory holes. She didn't laugh. And then she said, yes, that is why I broke up. Yeah. How did you break the bidet? How do you think?

I don't know the same thing because I have a bidet. I honestly don't know. You know, I broke just a whole toilet seat. Oh, OK. OK. Yeah. I broke it down like whole second toilet. I have an attachment to my toilet. There was also an old bit because I broke my my brother-in-law bought shitty toilet seats and I broke like three or four of his toilet seats.

I was I was banned from dusing at his house. Banned from dday. Yeah. Your favorite country house. Stay in a hotel. Gosh. Take that shit to Pismo. Wow. We have we have a Tushy and it's great. I have it. It's I have a Tushy. Oh, I have a. Wait a minute.

Three Tushy's. I still wanted to get to somebody thanking us, but since I have a tissue. I was just going to say the best thing about the Toshi is I can, when the cleaning lady is coming over, I help her out by holding my thumb over the nozzle and getting the diarrhea off the mirror. Wow.

Wow. I knew it was the Howard Stern sponsored by Toshi. Toshi. Wow. I know it is. How he's turned sponsored by. The other thing besides the bidet was a woman or a dude in Maryland at, at the same shows, but it was a different show. But one of the other nights goes, Hey man, you need dude wipes. I was like, really? You recommend dude wipes? He goes, yeah, get the large or the extra large. Because seriously, dude wipes will change your life.

And I was like, I was a dad with baby wipes, man. She's baby wipes forever. But dude wipes, I guess. Let's see if we get to wipe your sponsor. And so we have some nice. Now we lost. Sarah's is let's lean in. Let's lean in the stuff that at the table. No, we lost Sarah's. Let's lean into stuff that cleans your balls. Jergens ass wash.

He's like, wipes are great. Are you guys playing D&D? Are you making the man show? What's going on? Let's get a trampoline in here. So I wanted to thank this 20. I might have called him out before, but Connor asked in one of my shows recently. And then this was in the garage.

And Chris pointed it out. I was trying to figure out how long I had had this. One of our listeners from Grandpa and Sons Woodworking. I wish I had his name. Really cool logo. It's a it's a hand missing a finger. It's his grandpa and sons, messing with most of the finger.

But anyway, he made these amazing it's a dice tower with our old characters. And that's how Chris, uh, detective of the bunch, uh, figured out that's what, it was during COVID he must've sent this. And that's why we never used it. Cause it was in my garage. I was like, why did this never get, it must've been mentioned on the show. And he used it when we were zooming, but I hope

grandpa and sons, I hope we've called you out before, but if we haven't, thank you, man. Some amazing fucking work. He's in shelf. That's all he's got. He did coasters for every character. So I've got a Danny coaster that's showing it just shows a fist and then these little motion lines coming off of it.

Really cool over the shield. And then what's yours? Mine is three arrows buried in the wood right above the word gel. Nice. I got a carrot for Nathan. Hammer for duty. We should take pictures of this and put it up somewhere. Yeah. Social stuff.

Dungeon Master and all of these shields are all represented. And the best one. Their laser cut on the tower is Terry is a smashed out cigarette. Oh, that's great. Terry got one, too. Sam's is in Chrome. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And they're all in the tower. Did you get one, though? Yeah. Did he make a cigarette? Oh, nice.

Here it is. It's on his. It's on his Instagram. Grandpa and sonsons, but it's posted March of 2021. Oh, well, thank you. Yeah, obviously we were not playing live at that point. So, I'm lost in the shuffle. Does it say his name? It's two guys, Peter and Gabe. Thanks, Peter and Gabe.

You guys are awesome. This stuff is beautiful. It's really cool. And then when you guys want to use the. Thanks, Peter and Gabe. You guys are awesome. This stuff is beautiful. It's really cool. And then when you guys might as well. How are so we can hear the tower? Yeah. Sounds amazing. There you go. So satisfied.

And so, yeah, let's jump in. But I want to do a shout out to Grandpa and Sons. Yeah, I'm sure that I wanted you to know that we got it and everybody loves, you know, the tower and the coasters. I wanna like leave it in my car for when I drive over here and just think of car things I can drop in it.

What's something that you keep in your car that I could just make loud? Change. Oh, please. That'd be fun every time I got in my car. The guy I'm whacking in the trunk with some duct tape. Yeah throw some hard candy in there. Are you whacking guys? Are you whacking? Not like whacking guys but you know like killing them. So whacking them. Yeah. Whacking them with hand jobs. Yeah. You know, we've heard them with hand.

So what kind is, you know, I mean, jerk them to death. Yeah. And he does. Thumb stuff. It's an unhappy. I give them an unhappy ending. New listeners. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah. Well, anyway, Juergens ass wash.

I am a butt thief. Oh, man. That is the best typo that I've ever done. It says, they're meant to say, I am but a thief. It says, Steven Rood from Office Space, little voice you do. That's funny. I hate it. Shall we talk about?

Yeah. What happened? Oh, I just hear you. Last time. No, sorry. Last time. On your poker. On your poker. Every time.

Our heroes went into the town of Delzmus, where they met up with a fortune teller who told them foul portents, which will be worked into the campaign. I hope you were all taking notes. That's scary. The future looms before you. The town of Delzmuth is cursed with a thick fog and somewhere in the caves beneath there are grand treasures that have been dragged there by monsters. Perhaps our heroes will even do something about the fog,

but I'm leaving it up to them whether they're just heroes or like totally just like gonna steal shit and run. You guys are currently outside the fortune teller shop of Glendale the fortune teller and have just gotten your fortunes. Oh, Glendale's Galleria. Yeah, Glendale's Galleria. More of an Americana fan myself. But only one of them has akeels. The text reception up here in the Encino Hills can be a little spotty, but I'm going to text you guys a graphic. Yeah, I said it. I'm going to text you guys a graphic.

Yeah, I said it. I'm going to text you guys a graphic of this as well. You get handed from Lil Peepers, your tiny halflings slash Loxodon friend, a map to Del Smith. This is a map that has been printed out in black and white. I'm going to send you the color version. You might not get it till later black and white. I'm going to send you the color version. Oh, you might not get it till later tonight. But I'll show you all the previous seasons. I've done a thing, or maybe I've labeled some stuff.

You get a hand at this map, and Lil Peeper says, I actually only know. You still short one? Yeah. He says, I actually only know where there is one thing on the map. A couple of areas I understand, I can tell you where they were some parts of town are. But you can see there are some docks, because it is a dock quarter.

Hey, there's a large dried up fountain in the middle of town. But these were maps I had to you know draw myself very quickly and it was very difficult to actually talk to someone without raising suspicions so this was something I put together just for us and hopefully it will help us. What do you mean when you say you were raising suspicion what does that mean? I stole a lot of things right out of pockets. Oh, I see.

So I didn't come here with much money. I sent most of my money to you all in the hopes that you would help me pill for quite a large bounty, but. Did you steal a lot of butts? I may need to apologize to everyone. I did write you a letter where I said I was a butt thief. I'm sure you all forget very soon and this will not haunt me to the rest of my days. But the

big wheel shaped thing, the round thing that is a dried up fountain, there used to be a large presentational artistic stone fountain right about there in the middle of Dellsmouth. We are currently outside of a rounded building just to the bottom of the west entrance. So if you see the west gate there, there's a little round building that is the fortune teller's shop. Okay. Hey, a little quick question here. No answers. Okay. Hey, a little quick question here. No answers. I couldn't help but notice, but there's a,

what looks like a figure out in the water there. Ah, yes, that is the fissure of which I spoke in my butt-feef letter. Looks kind of like a butt hole. That is the source of whatever is coming out, I think. I'm dealing with only hearsay secrets. Things I say that's a chocolate starfish floating in the hot dog water. Yes.

That's exactly what I would say. Has it been just one of those days? I know. I mean, when I talk rumors, I mean, if he said she said bullshit. Will I be able to follow what's going on if I didn't see the Frasier King? If we wanted to do something. Just listen to music in the 90s, you can follow this. About the curse.

We might want to investigate to the northeast once we enter the caverns and head under the water of what I hope are dry caves, not underwater caves, but caves beneath the seafloor. We can get to the fissure and perhaps find what exactly is the source of this curse, but I of course, you know, don't need to morally test you. I brought you here for treasure, and if it is treasure you would like to leave with we will leave with simply a treasure and not a clear conscience. The southwest area you will note is a bit of a swamp. I understand there are some monsters that lay in wait there from time to time. In the town? In the town.

It's a town? That used to be the poor section of town where they down here. Yeah. Yes. The impoverished folk would have their own little shacks there. And there are still some impoverished folk just to the north. But most of the very southwest corner of downsmith is well, a bunch of broken down buildings being sucked beneath the earth into a deeper level of slime. If we are, we know, did you already say something?

We are here, which is the West Gate. Okay. One of those little round buildings. That is the fortune teller, Glenbale Galleria. Gotcha. Is there, it seems to be sort of like a high wall surrounding- That is correct. Okay, how high is the wall surrounding the town?

You all would have noticed it is not a very high wall. It is about- Foot, foot and a half. 15. Is it broken in any point or is it? No, it's, it's in bad shape. It looks like it has fallen into a disrepair and like the fog may be sort of either eating at it or increasing the speed of decay or something just because of how rotten the wood is on the gates.

The doors have kind of started to fall off. It's not much of a fortress really. It's sort of... It's not a fortress at all. Delay the city. It used to be a quaint little seaside town that is now poisoned by evil. And he did just want to say if I could go back to where I left off before the Q&A began. No, of course, we are butt comedians.

Butt. Goofing it up. Butt comedians. But. Goofing it up. Butt comedians. Thieving butts. To the southwest where that swamp is, this area down here, he says if there is any source of evil, if there is any master creature that has left the fissure, it is probably underground in that direction.

He suspects because of just how foul the ground is, how thick the slime is rising up out of the ground. And there are known caverns underneath the town? Yes, if you look to the southeast, you will note there are some cracks in the cliffs. The southeast of town along the shore is lined with cliffs that will be more clear when you are looking at the digital colorized version of the map. This is a laser jet from 2012, so we do what we can. Dude, you're getting a Delsmith. If you keep talking like that, I'll tell you the very disappointing story of how Delsmith got its name. So,

Delsmith was once called Del Dale, a beautiful town named after its founder, Del. But then Del got old and got very annoying and told very long stories and they called it Del's Mouth. And then over time, Del's Mouth sounded too strange for the name of a town, so they shortened it to Del's Myth. He talks a lot, so are you saying Del Taco? Sam, cut that out. Del Taco. It's bad enough that I only have one eye. Now I'm going to gouge out both ears.

So, yes. I mean, Jesus Christ. Do the walls keep the mist inside or is the whisk? The mist seems to. Do the walls keep the mist inside or is the Keep the mist inside The mist seems to almost deliberately plume within the walls. I strongly suspect the mist is the magical Are there do we see any locals people moving around people still live here See I'm spayed. Meow.

Purr, purr. They're hungry. I know that, dude. Daryl, according to people, this town is still fairly populated. Many did leave, of course, as it began to become clear the fog was not leave on its own and no one here had the magical ability to rid the town of fog. There is, for instance, a mansion I recommend we rob. Its tenant is a very wealthy drow who has collected an artifact I believe we would find very useful in our adventures in the caves. It is a

sword if you are familiar. I believe we are looking at all of us. A bit of a sneaky lot. A bit of a manipulative lot. That is exactly what we will need to get through the puzzles that may need cracking. The safes that may need busting. Is this drow not a good dude? Uh, no, no. Because I only rob not good dudes. His name is Alathor Zalarax. I don't rob cool people. Alathor Zalarax. Alathor Zalarax. Zalarax Manor is up on the cliffs to

the northeast and the cliffs with the caves that I was about to speak to are to the southeast. I had a question out of character. I refuse. In character only. No, just kidding. What's up, Brian? Wanted to know about mind control protection. That was a thing that popped out as being very important That was a thing that popped out as being very important to this campaign. And so I wanted to know, because you mentioned that in your letter. Yes. So you would ask me that as well. Yeah, man.

Yes. So as I said... You mentioned mind control, dude. I darted around town rather quickly. I did not like to stay in one place. In fact, I have not yet stayed in the inn. I've been setting up a camp outside of town, which is why I was not here to meet you. I had to be out in the woods to feel safe when I slept. We are, I think, safe here for the night.

I do recommend we stay in town at this point. And it is my understanding, those whose minds have been controlled are ones who either live alone or have wandered off on their own and somehow being around other people makes it difficult for this being or beings to control minds. So if we stay close together in the fog, if we do not get separated, I

feel good about our chances. But as a solo thief, sneaking about, picking pockets, I did not feel good staying on my own in the event that that could happen so if we're going to get mind control devices of some kind I do recommend we all think about we've got two magic users right here if either of you know spells that might counter some sort of mind control thing, some sort of immunities you could have to charming, these things would help you. I also think there may be something in town. There is a wizard in town who we could try to negotiate scrolls from.

Might be able to teach a special mind control protection spells. There might be items for sale in town. With the wizard or someone else? With just a shop. There are curio shops here. Little curiosity shops that sell magical things, devices, weapons, clothing. Healing potions probably, right? Wouldn't everybody like to have some healing potions? Oh, they definitely have an apothecary here in town, yes. Apothecary, there we go.

Delicious. So, I would recommend you mark up your maps as we go. I will do my best to tell you where things are and I will write it down as you write it down. Does that sound good? Yeah. I'm trying to find my immunity. Your immunity?

No, that I had a non-immunity, but I'm like resistant. Yeah. You have some, some, I have magical sleep or I have an immunity to magical sleep, but. Nice. That's cool. But I also feel like I have something that it's harder to do a spell on me, let me look. Oh, cool.

Do you guys who are magic users have anything? Anything that like stops mind control. I don't know. It's certainly not something that was required. I don't think there's anything out there. I don't know. Just spell magic or. Well, I mean. I have a.

Come in handy. I have a complete immunity to all mind control. Oh. Holy smokes. Hold on, how do you spell complete immunity? Hey, why is that being written in giant letters across the top of your sheet? You're a foolish.

Yeah. Oh, you're a liar. So, yes, the mansion is that thing that looks a little bit like a smiley face to the Northeast. It's all on its own. Oh, yeah. No, here. My fey ancestry says I have advantage on saves against being charmed. Ooh.

And magic can't put me to sleep. Well, that sounds perfect. What luck. That could help, right? Very much. That is exactly of what I spoke. Yeah. Good work.

All right. Yes, so here's the mansion, this smiley face looking thing on the map to the Northeast. It is on a block all on its own. And we will be staying in an inn to the southwest down here. I will pass my map around if any of you would like to sort of see where we have noted things thus far. You can copy it down if you will. I don't necessarily worry too much about you understanding exactly where things are. But should we get separated?

This will be direly important for the fog will be thick. It will be difficult to get from building to building if we are surrounded by monsters in the fog. And many of these creatures seem to be able to get around without sight at all. Wait. No. Like, surrounded by monsters? Is that the quality of these monsters? seem to be able to get around without sight at all. Wait. No. Like, surrounded by monsters? Is that the quality of these monsters? Well, I have only seen the flesh bats in packs.

Mostly I know about long-legged creatures that are much like people who are mind-thralled alone. But there are the flesh bats, yes. I think maybe hairless pink bats covered in viscera. And they're like bats? Flesh bats, you know, flesh bats. All right. We've all heard of them.

That might be new to Delzmuth. That might be flesh bats. Have I heard of flesh bats, Dan? Do a history check or an animal handling check. I will let you choose. Mostly thinking Chris, but if any of you want to butt in on this. Sure. 22 animal handling.

Hot balls. That's a good one. Balls somewhere in the city. Back of my balls is dirty. And you get some dude laughs. You're going to go clean it up. Well, I'll just give it straight to you, Chris. Somewhere in the city. Back of my balls is dirty. Get some dude, we're going to go clean it up. Well, I'll just give it straight to you, Chris. That's you beat a 20. These are it sounds like not normal bats. They've been altered by necromancy.

But he's acting like they're I just wanted like, is he just being cavalier or? He's absolutely being cavalier. In fact, you look at his clothing, you note the way he twirls his dagger. You might think his specialty is swashbuckling. It's hard. Although he is a thief, he is not necessarily swashbuckling. Yeah, he's good with his hands, but he is not perhaps

as sneaky as he needs to be. To be. So we're clear clear it's not really missed where occasionally people go crazy and murder each other which is kind of what it sounded like it sounds like instead that is a quote that is a thing but it's also just filled with monsters well they come up from the caves I believe what is happening if I I may, my friend, is that normal creatures, smaller animals, relatively harmless monsters

that the town guards were once able to handle on their own are now being mutated. Creatures that are in the thicker parts of the swamp, perhaps closer to the dire magic that came up from the physio. These creatures have mutated and changed and become monsters. Those bats perhaps once normal cave bats, their flesh now boiling, their fur long gone. Yeah, and people are still living here? And the fog never subsides. It's always, it's 24 seven. It's, it's always thick. Yes. The people here seem like they are.

Is it always bad bad, bad? That's what I meant. Huh? What? I was stonering it up for you. Oh, thank you. Yes, the people here, you think they would leave and so do. I mean, the fortune teller lives on the edge of town. I believe that.

Can't look at me like do it in character. Well, I'm trying to stay in character as long as I can. Yes. Those of you on the edge of town like us right now, we're standing outside of the Glendale Galleria. We are at Water Village. No, just kidding. That's where Glendale Galleria is. Anyway, thank you. Frogtown, everybody. So right now we are on the edge of town, and I believe because

Glendale is not in the thickest part of the fog She is not incredibly Overcome as I said this slime swamp to the southwest is the poor part of town It is often a poor person on their own who is hit with the thrall Does that make sense? Do you understand it's the thick part and that has led to more wealthy folk to the north believing they are immune. It does seem there's a certain amount of town pride.

We all, as you may have noticed in your travels, quite far from the nearest other town. Folks may not feel they have the means to move. All right. So where you say we should go first, the inn or? Well, yes, if you, again, I can pass my map around if anyone needs to see, but the inn is near the fountain near the center of town, the dried up fountain. And then we are sort of in the shadow of the mansion up on the hill.

Hmm. Okay. Well, yeah, guys, everybody up for sticking together and going to the end. Yeah, let's head to the end. Let's do it. You guys kind of scoot your way around and get to this circular road in the middle of town. You kind of wander up a little bit towards the fountain. It looks like it used to be a fountain that had water coming out of it. But you can see there's crusted slime around the parts of the fountain that used to have little openings where water would, you know, come out like at the Americana. As we're walking, just you know, I'm going to cast a spell on myself.

Okay. Just, you know, it's called gift of alacrity. I just have to touch myself. I love the word alacrity. That means you're extra dexterous or jumpy or something? It gives me for eight hours, I get to add a D8 to initiative, should initiative take place.

Cool. Do you touch yourself when you think about it? I mean, when I think about it, I touch myself. I honestly do. I touch myself, guys. That's divinal. Lil Peepers tries to get a closer look at the fountain while everyone else is walking around it. I think there are, it looks like old coins stuck to the bottom in the slime where there used to be water. I hesitate to scrape my fingers

through this thick cursed slime, but if anyone is looking for spare change. The slime is cursed or it's more like residue from the mist. It looks like the mist in the slime might be familiar substances from, again, the same curse. And it's almost as if it's evaporated slime that hangs thick In the air and the bottom of the fountain which is dry does have this like dried snot Kind of substance on the bottom of it and you can sort of see the outlines of coins

Stuck in it and little people says I have no interest in those. Sure. You might want to take a taste of that Getting very nervous. What do you guys think? Should we get... I mean those are coins in the fountain, right? Mm-hmm. We might be stealing a kid's wish. Yeah, I know I'm good with it. All right. All right.

Well, if you think we're stealing a kid kids wish, I don't want to upset you. All right. Well, off we go to the end. You guys head around the circular road up to the northeast corner there to the inn. It's called the pasted almond. You open the large wooden door and as soon as you go inside, you get a sense of why people might indeed be staying in town. Inside, it's as if the fog doesn't exist at all. There is a big roaring warm hearth. A lot of folks are drinking.

It is evening and it's merry. It's not well populated. There are only about a dozen or so folks here, but they're drinking happily, having conversations, lighthearted. Cool. Yeah. And you may all now roll an insight check to size up the inside of the pasted almond. 8 plus 8, 16. Nice. 19 plus 6, 25.

Wow. Detectives, folks. Detective characters. 16 plus 2. 18. You all did very well. And of course, Shalhoub crushed it. Is it Shalab? Boogity, boogity, boogity. Whatever you like. Shalab. Shalab. Shalab.

I found out I was mispronouncing the spider and token forever. I actually love already this campaign that you kind of gave us direction. I gotta say that's the fact that you did want us to do detectives. Yeah, man, because I wouldn't have picked what I picked. Mine isn't a detective, but like I wouldn't pick the thief if we hadn't put that up. It's cool. One of the reasons Little Peepers would tell you guys might want this valuable sword is because you are a little squishy as a party goes.

He recognizes that none of you are bruisers. This sword is a fencing sword called the Needle of Umberley. It was made by cultists. So Umberley, OK, I'll get to in a second. I think if he's telling you all, and I certainly saw Chris Talman raise an eyebrow, I'll maybe let you do a check for that. But first, the insight. Yeah, you all look around and it seems like everyone here for the most part is like upper middle class or wealthy.

What were you saying about the sword though? I'll get to that in a second. We did a roll before we started really getting into the sword, so I want to kind of elaborate on that before, end my tangent as it were. Yeah, just sizing up the place, you note that there's a large variety of folk here. You think there must've been a lot of travelers who used to come in from the sea.

And so the folks here are from many different areas originally. There is even like some species you guys have never seen before. Oh, really? Cool. Like what? Like what do we see? I think it would stick out the most that there is a fox folk sitting at the bar. Okay. None of you have ever seen fox folk. Is it a foxy lady? It is. It is a lady? It is a woman.

It is a woman. Oh guys. Fox lady. I'm away the goats. Who would like to take a moment before we start talking to the Fox to reflect on the Needle of Umberley? Anybody curious about that? Yeah, I'd like to know more about it.

Sure. You may choose. Swordsman. Willie wants to know better about it. Sure. You may choose. So we get you two different kinds of thoughts. You can either roll a history check or religion check. Oh, okay. And there will be a lot of puzzles because you guys are squishy. There'll be a lot of doesn't really matter ability checks in addition to combat. There will be combat, but It doesn't really matter. Ability checks in addition to combat. There will be combat, but I rolled low. Anybody else?

I got a 20. Oh, nice. Oh, boy. But with about this kind of natural. I'll let's do that on this history, I guess. OK. Either you guys interested or you mean, if you don't have high bonuses, you don't have to roll. Oh, no, I'm definitely interested in what happens.

Blaine and I haven't done anything yet. What was it? I don't expect that. Is it history? Yeah, I'll do some history. Or religion. Or religion. Or religion.

Jesus. 18. That thing was. 20. I fucking love that, I swear, yeah. You would actually kind of draw a blank on this, both you, Blaine and Josh. Drawing a blank.

Now. Which one did you pick Blaine and Josh. Drawing blank. Now, What did you, which one did you pick? History. History. Oh, you see, you both got, uh, high, high history roles, right? So we know Umberley is known as the sea bitch. She is this vile, evil, vile, evil, chaotic goddess of the ocean. You, you think it is likely that the shitty,

I think I said Alathor Valorax, if you come up with a drow name, you need to look it up sometimes. Yeah, Alathor Zalorax. I'm so- Nice. I fucking crushed you. You were smart as hell.

My notes were closed when I said Alathor Zalorax for the second time ever. But yeah, like, it seems like being a seaside town, it's not surprising that there's an evil draw on the hill with a fucking evil needle sword. Oh, OK. So maybe they deserve to have that sword stolen from them. Friends. Huh? Yeah. Right. Is she played by Robert Cardo?

Yeah. So the evil draw on the hill needle of Umberley. It sounds like this would be also a good rogue weapon. So even though neither of do we know if it's magical or if it's. Oh, it definitely is. Yeah. It would help a lot if you get stuck in combat. Not stuck, but if you have to fight you to rogues, one of you would be able to use it for sure. And Little Peeper says, oh, the mansion is probably full of things we could use.

In fact, I don't know how much of you all feel like scoundrels. I would not suggest a thing, but this is an evil person. I personally would not be opposed to say, well, we'll just, we'll leave it. Vanilla, tying them up and looting the entire mansion. What's the law enforcement like in town? Like, I assume people are kind of on edge. I would assume there's patrols and guards and stuff. Yes, the town guards have actually been doing their best,

but they have become quite grim in the face of such adversity. They have managed to kill many monsters and what they are doing now is encircling the swamp and the shoreline at all times. There are station guards every 10 feet in those areas. Holy cats. Yes, it is because there is not a lot of open space they're able to do such a thing. They, you know, but on the roads, so to speak, it's not like they stand every 10 feet in front of houses, but the roads usually have somewhere between six and eight guards. And if you look

where the slime is, that's about, that's like, I would say total about 20 guards stationed there at all times. And it's quite a long shoreline, I would say a total of about 20 guards stationed there at all times. And it's quite a long shoreline, but there are a lot of buildings along the shoreline and there's some rocks and cliffs and such. But I would say about 40 guards up and down. But not near the mansion. Yeah. What does he know about the mansion? Well, how do we save the people from that? This curse? Because you talk about you talk about loot, but you also mentioned the Fisher.

I am happy to participate in such an adventure, but I did want to make sure that you felt this would be with your while. Right. But I also don't want to steal from nice people. And it's well due to the tool bag. Alathor's Alarax is a, as they say, bag of tools. OK, a sack of dorks. Drow pretty magical, though, right? Yeah. Yeah. Here in Seattle, if you go to Dick's Burgers, you can actually get a bag of dicks.

It's so fun. Yeah. I'm trying to have a couple of dicks. So fun to ask for a bag of dicks. Yes. You ever tell people to go eat a bag of dicks in the back. I'm gonna ask for a bag of dicks. Yes. I've heard dicks is good though. You ever tell people to go eat a bag of dicks? I've heard dicks is like a family owned business. Yeah, it is. Isn't that really cool?

Sometimes you find a dick in your onion rings. Yeah. That's good luck. I love green stuff by dicks. Right, just a smoky dick. Whoa. Slayer dick. Yeah, oh yeah.

Oh, slayer. Slayer. Wow. Oh yeah. That's right. Slayer. Slayer. Wow. Slayer. The mansion has magical traps and there are at least a couple of private security guards. But he says, he thinks between all of you, we're all quite clever.

I believe we could design the traps, maybe take out the guards, not opposed to murder. Not much of the murdering type, but boy, I have slitted neck or two in my day. Vile folk whose necks deserve to be cut wide. Do we have to worry about people coming after us? Like, that's why I'm asking about guards and stuff. Like, let's say we carry out your plan. And are a fool. And well, I mean, you know, it's the big fancy house on the hill. People are going to notice. Does that does that mean that we're going to create a manhunt?

Like what I'm trying to get a sense of what's the law? Why do you think people are going to notice if what if we're stealthy about? Well, here's the nice part. Alathor Xalarax is a loner, a wealthy hermit up on the hill. So he does not have family or a lot of people in town who would miss him, so to speak. However, he is quite wealthy and he does have gods.

I think if we were to, you know, basically loot his entire mansion, it would be helpful if we were to pin it on monsters somehow, pin it on the curse, somehow pin it on an enthralled poor person. Not to be classist, but they are getting enthralled all the time. You keep saying that.

Yeah, that's gross. I say we pin it on Glendale. Oh, she did tell me that my entire life was terrible. I should say that when I paid her in advance, she did say she would be using the money to get the fuck out of here. So I don't know if she'll be here long, but that might help. You could pin it on her as she leaves town. Yeah, and that's why she's leaving.

Hey, go get her. Oh, suspicious. Is that why you're here? Because if people are leaving, it's easier for you to rip people off? No, no, I'm here because there's a fog and I thought I could prance about no one would see me diving in and out of the window stealing pies as it were. So, yeah, I love Spock. Love a fog. It's great for obfuscation.

Should we go check out that mansion, maybe? Or do we need to? Well, I do think we should perhaps rest it is getting late. The pasted almond has very cheap. Again, I think we're safe as long as we rent one of the larger rooms with multiple beds. Yeah, and then some stay awake. I would not hate getting a drink and sizing up the folk here. There are some wealthier folk.

Perhaps we could get some intel on other things too. You know, Perloin. Are you OK? I'm a little excited by all the gold I can hear jingling. I'm a thief, but you're like obsessed with it. Calm, calm, calm. You know, keep my drinkable profile. Listen, there's a lot of jigglypockets.

About gross as well. People's loves a jigglypockets. Yeah, she's a crybaby. You heard me. I know. I figured. Oh, crybaby, it was the name of my horse. Come crying, buddy.

Yeah, it's like you knew her anyway. in the name of my horse. Come crying, boner. It's like you knew her. Anyway, would any of you like to sidle up to the bar and partake in libation? Sure. Not if you say it like that. Partaking in libations? Are there other things? I'm sorry, I learned to talk this way in New York City.

Yes, what was that? Oh no, nothing. I'm sorry, Toodles, I'm listening. Twidden? No, no, I'm good. Twernt? Okay. Self-twernt. It's like carrying PCs. Twinked. Getting more and more annoying. Ha ha ha!

That finger top! He scoots on over the bar bar, his little halfling sized self with his giant head, ears and tusks. Just forget he's a little elephant. Tiny two legged elephant. Very moodang vibes. You got to make people think they're drunk. Don't make it weird. I know moodang is a hippo not an elephant, but a tiny pack of yarn.

He hops on up a bar stool. What he said, are you anti Moodin? My sister is mighty. That's weird. If I was a fucking hippo, those will fucking murder you. If I was a hippo, I would bite everything just to show off. I still knew how to do it. They're hungry, hungry. Yeah.

Oh, see, there's nice reference. I saw a bunny on my way up here. Those things will fucking kill you, too. That wasn't a bunny. I went to a cave once. You see little peepers put some coins down on the counter, pick up a tankard with his trunk and start pouring booze into his mouth.

It's tapping a little tune on the bar. What tunes up there friend? I can play that probably. Oh, that's a little tune I call Umberley's March. You know a song called Umberley's March? Umberley's March indeed. The bitch two step is what they used to call it. What the fuck is that?

It's an evil dance for an evil God and an evil cult. It's something you pick up when you rob cults along the coast. I'm not saying I indulge in this tune often, but we are talking of Umberley and I once was a pirate. I just think you're really drawing a tremendous amount of attention. Is that so? Look at the marriage around you, we are all having fun.

You keep saying Umberley, and we're trying to get an Umberley sword. I think it's maybe not a great trail that you're leaving. Chris, do an insight check. Sorry, that didn't count. That's fine. That's probably gonna be good. It's a four plus five, nine. You scan the room and can't tell how many people may have noticed.

Yeah, man, keep it down. All right, all right, fair, very well. I just was trying to, that's, yeah, keep it down. All right, all right, very well. I just was trying to, you know, get some vibes going. And again, I feel like I'm blending in fairly well amongst the merriment in here. And I do have some new friends to celebrate with. Three foot tall elephant. On the bar screaming, umberly, umberly, umberly.

Well, would you all like to raise a glass to adventure? Sure, yes, to adventure. Maybe I'll just try. I'll let one of you be the loud one. To adventure. No, you can be the loud one. Well, okay. Adventure!

Adventure! Click! So, you guys all drink back. The bar, which you sort of came up to and had a drink at, not just for merriment, but to size everyone up, has many elves in it. Although there are a variety of folk here, it appears elves are the primary species that live here in Delsmith. They're mostly wood elves, and it kind of makes you realize looking around the town, it does look like they're... Wood elves. It does look like they're sort of a rustic elven vibe to much of the town.

It looked like the fountain, for instance, was inspired by kind of wild architecture. It wasn't like Sconian. It wasn't Gothic. It wasn't like, it wasn't gothic, it wasn't sharp edges, everything looked like it was handcrafted. But everyone here in the bar is pretty wealthy looking. You're seeing a lot of gold necklaces, diamond earrings, the Fox sitting at the bar does have a sword on her belt. So you do note that there is an adventurer in this fox. If you guys want, I could maybe like station myself

like in the corner in terms of like a focus and I could play songs. Maybe I could maybe steal some attention. If you guys want be thievery, I don't know if you wanna talk to people. Get some practice of thievery. Yeah, or talk to that, you know, fox lighting, whatever you wanna do,

but maybe I could get some eyes off of you. Yeah. How's that sound? Yeah, I'll talk to the fox lady. Or whatever you want, yeah. She seems interesting. Maybe she'll join us. Yeah, I'll talk to the Fox later or whatever you want. Yeah. She seems interesting. Maybe she'll join us. Yeah. I'll just kind of cruise around the room on my own.

Cool. Why don't you roll a perception check, Brian, chopper, Spicoli. Jesus. That's a nine, but I've got fucking eight. Right. Perception. Nice. So 17. Holy shit. Yeah. I'm very perceptive. There's certainly no Loxodons here, but just kind of walking around the room.

You know, there are halflings, dwarves. There's a Minotaur here. There's a Bugbear here. Folks, you might not normally are halflings dwarves. There's a minotaur here There's a bugbear here folks who might not normally expect in polite society, but probably came in, you know on a boat at some point Do I see anybody who might have? Coins or cash or or and can it do I see lumps in yeah I mean even the bug wallets andets and that kind of thing? Even the bugbear who's kind of known for those people

are kind of goblin folk who are not exactly polite, has these very fine braids in his beard and is wearing very beautiful leather. Do I notice any chains hanging from anybody that would have like a pocket watch or, you know? Yeah, the Minotaur is wearing like a doublet, looks like might be a bard and has what looks like a pocket watch chain hanging out of a pocket.

I'm going to go take it. All right. So tiptoe up to the Minotaur. Let's get a sleight of hand check, Brian. Yeah, sure. Can I, because I'm playing, can I give him like advantage or something? Like is there a... Do a performance check. Certainly. If you roll, if you can beat an 18 on a performance check, I will, do you have to touch someone to cast Guidance?

Do I have to touch? Yes, but I'm not casting. Okay. Jesus Christ. But guidance is touch. Yes. So, okay. You can't do guidance from a distance. This watch is already mine. All right, but here's the thing. How high did you roll in your performance check?

Seven. All right. So I will give you advantage, but what was your sleight of hand check, Brian? Fucking 18 plus 10. Did you get a 30 sleight of hand check? Holy shit. This watch wasn't even his when he walked in. It's been mine the entire evening.

He's talking to just make a jump from his pocket into my pocket. He's talking to a fur bogue, which is this very tall woodland. A furniture of this new case. And he just feels so much tackling it in like the height of his cackling. You just kind of see it. And you're 10 feet away before he even looks remotely. There's no fucking idea. What time is it? I'll tell you what time it is.

You shouted as loudly and proudly as Little Peepers was giving away himself and no one even notices. So is which which of you two are both of you sidling up to the Fox? Is it just you, Ken? If someone else wants to join me, but I'm just going to ask you. What are you up to, boy? Ken said you was going to say. I'm going to sort of stand off to the side.

Meow. Kind of going to be a visible wingman. I'm going to get another shot of whiskey for my whiskey. See, wow. Okay. Meow, meow, meow. So, Shalab, you sit next to the fox. I'm gonna get a whiskey out later. What brings you to town?

Oh, I'm here looking for work. What's your name, stranger? Shalab. Nice to meet you. I'm Kisinde. My name is Fen. Oh, Fen, nice to meet you. Fen Derstr Fen. Oh, Fen. Nice to meet you. Bear Stratt.

What sort of work are you looking for? It depends. I might look to be someone's private security. That might be helpful. Who's your friend over there at the bar? Which one? This, this kitty kid? The one with the heavy brow and the cigarette and the kitty cat whiskers. Who's your friend over there at the bar? Which one? This kitty-kitty? The one with the heavy brow and the cigarette and the kitty-cat whiskers. That's uh, that's Sam.

Now are you saying Sam with an accent or? No, no, his name's Sam. Okay. S-I-A-M. I see him eyeing this. Is he up to something? No, no, he's perfectly, perfectly safe. Is that right?

Interesting. Well, what are you here in town for? We have come to hopefully help with the fog situation. Is that right? Mm-hmm. Are you here to save Delsmyth? No, if we can. We'd love to. Well, to the future of Delsmyth.

She raises her wine glass. Then, with toast. Right. Quaff. You'll have to let me know if that turns into a job, so to speak. I'll talk to my friends. Very well. The song starts to pick up the energy even more, Twitten, and even though it wasn't a

very high-roll performance check, the barred music was the thing that was missing from the energy of the room. Okay. And everyone starts partying and we'll have to see how that evolves on our next episode. Cool. Of Nerd Poke Sex Party, Sam. Sex Party. Yeah.

Sam. Alright, episode two. We are learning the history of Del's mouth. Our new friend Mr. Peepers wants us to steal a sword from a mansion. We're learning what happened to the animals inside the fog. It's a sea bitches sword. Mr. Peepers wants us to get a room for the night. We're casing the joint and the people inside it.

And is Mr. Peepers a tiny elephant? I fucking love this game. I love that you call them Mr. Peepers. It's Lil Peepers, but I never want you to fix it. Mr. Peepers, thank you. This is Mr. Peepers, but I never want you to fix it. Mr. Peepers is my father. Sure, this is me, Mr. Peepers. Hey y'all, check out dantelfor.com. Hire me to do dungeon mastery stuff.

I've really been doing a lot of very fun, unique stuff. And I'm on startplaying.com as well, if you want to hire me the easy way. Yep, check him out, man. You guys know that he kicks ass as a DM and and like we've said before, having him teach kids is still fun. Fucking awesome. And I'm running four games besides nerd poker right now. So I when I'm freelancing, I have a separate like world of continents

and cities and stuff like that. So I've all fleshed out for you all. Lane, do you have any little shit coming up or no? world of continents and cities and stuff like that. So I've all fleshed out for you all. Do you have any little shit coming up or no? And he's a lot of days or no, nothing coming up. Not so not so much. I believe I didn't know if you guys did a Christmas thing. Is there a Valentine's show?

No, not this year. It was a doctor's Christmas show. Oh, yeah. Do you see Christmas? December, December, we're doing fucking the corner. Yes, it's so fucking funny. And then it's he's like Hollywood obsessed. And so it's like, yeah, he's like an old Hollywood. Merv Griffin with Dr. Z.

And he's got, yeah, fun. Dana Gold, one of the funniest comics to ever be to ever be a comic. He was on our Patreon. Yeah, I know. Let me guess, was it Dynasty typewriter? Yeah, that is the typewriter. I'm a December and he puts on like two hours of fucking makeup. Well, yeah, two or three hours.

Oh, yeah, it's full on. Yeah. How long does it take to know? He's got it. He has. There's a few versions. So there's a quick makeup. So you can have longer. Did you guys see me in makeup? I'm going to plug.

You look beautiful. No. Did you see that thing? Did I not send it to you? I know. So Christmas coming up. I'll I'll drop the date. But I did an episode of Lopez versus Lopez. George Lopez is new sitcom. Yeah, he does with his daughter.

And it was fucking so much fun. Al Madrigal, an old buddy of mine, is on the show. Oh, great. Oh, I love Al Madrigal. Al's the best. I don't know, but he's hilarious. We're both Bay Area Comics and I've known him for a long time. And they asked me to play a mall Santa and everybody that day or when I actually shot it was like, how have you never played

Santa before? Like people were blown away and I'll pass it around and that's. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. We saw that one. That's great. I put it on one of the threads that Flamie's done with me. Oh man, that's fucking mustang. It's fantastic.

Did you post that on social yet Brandon? No, not yet. Dude! But it started now. Mustang. Yeah. So. a post that on social. Yeah, Brian. No, no. Yeah. You get it. But it started. Yeah. So it's going to air soon.

Yeah, it'll air soon. And once it airs, I'll I'll put it everywhere. But yeah, the the woman who did my beard, I'll plug her. I'll look up her name and plug her again. But she was a walking dead makeup person. She's worked with great Nick and Terrell forever. So she crushed this. She's not a regular makeup person on Lopez versus Lopez,

but they wanted a good looking beard. So they took my beard and then just added to it each layer and layer and layer. And I was sitting there. How long did it take to comb out all the sandwiches? Motherfucker. and I was sitting there. How long did it take to come out all the sandwiches? I got a motherfucker. An hour and a half. Oh, no.

It was like it was like an hour and a half, two hours. Yeah, it's so fun. Beautiful. I love doing that. I've done a zombie before and I've done some other shit. And Devil's Rejects, they had they did a face cast to me like witches. Have you ever done that? I used to do it to myself when I was a kid. No way. Yeah.

I would take alternate my face cast. And what are you doing in there? Anyone did that? Do you want to be Ken? Yeah. Jesus. Ken Lil Rick Baker. I wanted to be Rick Baker. Once you make out doing that. Like, yeah, I know.

Especially Stephen Seagal. Oh, Wayne Taft told me that there was an actor and one of the zombies movies that I won't name. But Wayne Taft was like, it's freaked out. You can get very claustrophobic. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. I thought it was fun, you know, because I wanted to do. I got super high on the floor, of course. But I do that for everything. Like a driver's test.

How do you go to routes? Where's the bomb? So, uh, so anyway, yeah. Lopez versus Lopez coming up Christmas episode. Look for that. And then I've got a little bit of road. Um, I'm in, uh, Tacoma for the second week of December and then I'll take a couple weeks off for Christmas and be back on the road in January with JT Haverset in

Denver. BrianPasin.com for tour dates and pick up merch at nerdpokermerch.com or whatever it is. Nerdpokerpod.com slash merch. Yeah, yeah. That nerdpokerpod.com slash. A trend that's at Herb Schwartz OnlyFans pint glass. Yes, please. Gotta get it. It's full of jokes.

For the holidays. Yeah. For your horny little holidays. Blame. Uh, blame? We attribute the success to save mankind from it. Thanks for joining us on this epi- You got walls and a roof? Well- All the next nerd poker. America's search for a new top singer is down to Sam, Dan, and Chris.

Only one can take the Golden Mic. Can Dua Lipa help? Probably not. All this and Brian's doctor says they're gonna have to come off. On an all new Nerd Poker, and you get bonus episodes from there, and you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 and CINO California 91416. Thanks for listening!