Nerd Poker - The Fog Campaign - Episode 20

Episode Date: May 20, 2025

The murderer! We may have just cornered Gnome Jack the Ripper, AND Dan is mutating Ken again. The kind of classic Nerd Poker shenanigans you know and love. But do we keep the murder harness? Or are those too hard to sell? For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Hey, it's Brian Postain, nerd poker. We're calling it The Thug Campaign. My friends are here, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer Sam, of course our kick-ass DM Dan Telfer. Welcome to Nerd Poker. Hey everybody, Remp Saint, Nerd Poker episode 20 fog campaign. It's my regular pals here, but we're doing a special zoom episode because you got to listen to the last episode. Somebody got sick.

Yeah, and they still are because we're recording on the same night because that's how we do shit. Blaine is here. I'm not sick. Ken is here. I thought I said I'm nutsack. Well, you know, six or one.

Dan. Chris, hey, how are you? Second, that's you see, so Chris, hey, how are you? Second, that's a full of nuts. You need to run it. Running shit, Sam, everybody. Hello, not sick children. He's got the COVID-19

and then a 19. I do. Oh, no. Never received a receipt or a bag. I'm worried about COVID-19. No, no, no, no, 19. Oh no. Never received a receipt or a bag. I'm worried about COVID-20. I hope that never happens. Yeah, right? Totally. Isn't it about the year that it's discovered?

Don't get technical. Is that what the 19 is? I have no idea. We already missed our 20. I had the COVID-22 and that's some COVID, I have no idea. We already missed our 20. I had a I had the COVID 22 and that's some COVID that COVID 22. Wow. Is it like Chernobyl?

Want to thank some people? Never mind. I will. You know what? Yeah, now I'm going to individually thank people who made this podcast possible. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. While thinking about the HBO series, Chernobyl. Thank you everybody who can support us and keep the podcast going.

The folks at our top two tiers on Patreon have usernames like randocardrissian. Thank you, randow. Thank you, Sean Meredith. Thanks, Sean. Thank you, Yukon Cornaglia. Thank you Yukon Cornelia. Thank you Kaylee J. McPhail. Thank you Eric Ewald.

Thanks Eric. Thank you Jack Gulick. Thank you Jamie Sweatler. Thank you Tweedz Nuts. Tweedz Nuts. Some of these when they name a business, I can tell from the way it's worded, it's supposed to be a business,

but it doesn't sound like a business. And I almost say it and get completely lost. So I'm gonna do my best here. But thank you. Posein Bidet install and demo, always first with install, Always number two with demo. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Just the idea that there's a bidet installation service period, let alone one that includes demos. Talk about plumbers. That's the hat before the hat got put on it. Thank you, Dustin. Oh, by the way, yeah.

Bidets do not cost a lot of money anymore. Go and get a tush it. Thank you Dustin. Oh, by the way, yeah, bidets do not cost a lot of money anymore. Go and get a tushy, you're welcome. Say my toilet paper. Thank you Dustin Peterson. I mean, you will, but also you still need toilet paper. Yeah, you still have to. Thank you Dustin Peterson.

Thank you Paquito Torpedo. Thank you Matthew Spears. Thank you Blue Yak Milk is the best yak milk. True. Thank you Todd Voss. Thank you IKEA Presents yak milk is the best yak milk. Thank you, Todd Voss. Thank you, IKEA presents Swedish desk metal. And finally, thank you, Hailing from smack a motherfucker, Wisconsin.

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It'll have your kid saying, Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhuthnkuhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguhguh Dan Why thank you Blaine it is now time to talk about what happened last time on Excuse me, I I got really sick in the head there everybody I'm gonna talk to a doctor about it. No, you guys are in the middle of chasing someone Upon leaving the shack where you emerged from your heist. You heard a blood curdling scream. You are in a part of the town of Dellsmyth to the south, where to the south to your right is Soggy Town.

To the left is a few building streets, largely made of two flats, housing gnomes, but around an abandoned apartment you hear this scream and you run up the street and through the fog you see a flayed body that has been bolted to the outside of a building rather presentationally and no immediate sign of a killer. But then Siam Spade, the character with a plus 15 and everything looks up and sees some glowing eyes on top of the building. You are now chasing it after attempting to surround the building and going on top.

You broke in through the roof and a trap door where there was a creepy murder machine or strap on contraption of some kind with blood on it. And you came in through the back door. Right now, your Ku'otoa friend Gluge is stomping down the stairs after what you think is a gnome based off of what Siam as you come down the second floor stairs with Twiddin right next to you, you see that Gloog has got what appears to be a gnome, slammed up against the wall a couple of feet off the ground. Gluge is a very stout, large Ku'otoa, but still shorter than the rest of you. But he's got his arm just like raised all the way up,

holding this guy's neck like a chalice. And he's struggling trying to pull himself free, but he's smashed up against the wall by his neck. He's not trying to pull himself free, but he's he's smashed up against the wall by his neck. He's not going anywhere. I mean, it seems like a good time for a chat. What do you guys? Yeah.

Yeah. Terrigate this guy. Uh, what the rest of you catch up? Surround the situation, they also use around glug, and that's the situation leaves and says he's got to get back to his jersey. It's because you want to search this guy as long as glugs got him pinned against a wall, you want to check his pockets, disarm him and such.

Yeah, sure, sure. As you go to disarm him, you all notice his eyes are they look strangely mirrored. He's gaunt and he hisses at Spicoli as Spicoli goes through his pockets. I'm going to slide a hand just to devil. Make sure I check everything. So I can check. Let's see it.

Ooh. 16. All right. You find in his pockets, a ring with an iron key on it, a single iron key on a ring. So it looks like maybe it was either meant to be connected to something or had other keys on it that have since been removed. Other than that, his pockets are empty.

Then when you say the eyes are mirrored, can you expand on that? It's almost it's almost like he's got cataracts or something. Do the eyes seem to be focusing like are the is he looking at us or is there some weird like either this guy's being controlled you know what I mean like are the eyes focusing on us? Let's get an insight check from everybody this would take more than your standard insight. More than your path, your passive, more than your passive.

Twenty one natural 20 plus 10. I mean, Jesus Christ. Never mind. I even roll inside is what I'm rolling inside is shit. Yeah. Brian, you don't have to say what you got. Wow. I got to fuck you, Tom. And go ahead, Blaine. I'm sorry. I'm just hot.

Yeah, no. I can't. I can't. Not apologize for being the plane. Never can can apologize for your 21. That's I'm sorry. I got it. 21. That's a bunch of shit.

Sam, this is an undead gnome. This is an undead gnome. You can tell from the look in his eyes that the blood has drained from his face and his eyes and you're just seeing the dim light reflecting off of his iris and his cornea inside. There's it's lifeless. Does he smell like is this a zombie? He smells very rotten. Yes. Huh. And he's hissing and stuff. Is there a can we talk to him? You can try sure. Hello,

hello. Is there anybody in there? I mean, if we're just doing a joke question, he's going to his mod nimble nubbin. I'll say to it. Is that sort of wild eyed you don't you don't see an immediate response. There's no that. Trashing that name doesn't make it do any. Doesn't seem to register now. Well, I mean.

Probably kill that fucking thing, right? Did you kill the elf? Now, let's get an intimidation check, sayam. Did you kill the elf? Let's get an intimidation check, Siam. Can I help Siam with it? You might need to. I only have a plus five on this. Okay.

Well, I'll give you guidance as well. If I'm helping you that damn, my intention is to try and give him, use the help action to give him a advantage. help action to give him advantage. I got 15 total on that. You get advantage for me if you get to roll twice. Oh, let's try it. 17. Okay, so with your passive insight of 20, you can tell the smile curls on his lips while he thrashes.

So he did, he killed the elf. Hey, I have a follow-up. Meow. Who are you working for? Who sent you? Meow. All right, this will be an intimidation check. DC 21.

All right. There's a natural 20 plus five. All right. This is when we celebrate. Roll for Vuvuzela. He stops thrashing around and and just kind of like horrifyingly stares at you for a moment. And then he says, the priestess will come and have a turn with you all. She will dine on your livers. Weird.

Good role, boy. Well done. The priestess, huh? Priestess? Nimble? Good roleplay. Well done. The priestess, huh? Priestess Nimble. Hey, hey, hey, good. Where's the priestess? Do you know where the priestess is? Would you say, hey, what?

They got good. Blue. Oh, you're asking the Kua Toa about a priestess. Yeah. Specifically, you would be like, Maude Nimble. I don't know what the fuck this guy is talking about. Sure. Do you know who Maude? I'm not priestess. Forget priestess. Do you know Maude Nimble Nubbin, the widow of the gnome tinkerer who built all these death machines?

Why are you asking me about this? It's not an accusation where we're hoping to go murder her and would love to get an address to make it. So we're not fucking like Uber eats on the street. Well, all I could tell you is that that's that thing that's I am found on the roof. Sounds like a gnomish contraption of some kind. But a lot of gnomes make that stuff, you know, doesn't have to be the same.

No, I'm going to ask the, uh, the gnome where the precess is. Ah, this will be an intimidation check. DC 22. That's a one so six He tries to break free and this time I'm gonna let him roll That could be a strength check from from fish from Yoda could glue be played by Abe Vagoda that would be some alright spin off on his own show with some of diamond the gnome rolls a 19 and Gloog rolls a 17. So it breaks free.

It kicks Gloog in the shoulder, hits him right in the nerve. And with a roar, he just sort of twitches his wrist and the zombie gnome makes a dive at you, Blaine. Okay. He botches. So he is going to trip and land on his face. And you guys all see his jaw shatter. Ooh. Oops.

As he hits the ground, but it doesn't. It doesn't make him flinch like he just hits the ground and it's like his jaw just goes, it's like blown off. He's there on the ground. Can I stomp on

his head, encourage everyone else to just kill this fucking thing right now as it lies at our feet? Can we all just roll rolling on arm strike to wooden and we'll see how that goes. Oh, critical fail. Roll a D100, please. You are.

To. Oh, good. 102. Yeah, you miss. Can I step on it too? Can I get in on the stomping? I'm going to say that at this point, it'll only take a round of stomping from everybody, and you've got him surrounded. So it's going to be about damage.

So after that initial miss, you're gonna have a half second to surround him and start just stomping and pinning him to the ground. We're just gonna see if he can do anything after one round of damage from everybody. So if everyone could roll their unarmed strike damage and see if it's enough to take him out. Unarmed damage.

You guys got this. Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop take him out. Unarmed damage. You guys got this. Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. How much is unarmed damage? Sorry. If you look on your actions on your front page, if you scroll down, it'll show you what unarmed strike is. And it should say plus five. Mine, for example, is plus five.

And then right next to it, it says damage. And it's- Oh, it's just two. Yeah, it's a set thing because it's based off your strength Okay, it's not a dice. All right, then I just got to Well, I rolled it Natural 20 plus 3 I wish I needed an attack roll But we're just doing damage. I Have zero damage you're automatically gonna hit

My car zero, that's why I I have zero damage. You're automatically going to hit. My heart. That's why I. Do. Oh, I. I think in cases of that, it's like almost always a one or something like that, you know what I mean? Like even if it's. Yeah. Zero, it's supposed to be.

Something. You know what I mean? I got the souls of my Kenny gas. All your damage and again. What man mines for did you hear me? Mine's a zero. Yes. Roll it again, can just roll an actual damage number. I mean, I don't know.

It's not a roll there because it's a permanent number based on your strength. Bonus. Right. It's zero. Oh, so you can't do unarmed. So that's hilarious. I love it. My strength is very. All right. So you you you give him a nice like, you know, you must have your name with a minus one bonus. He's not quite dead, and so he's going to make another dive at Blaine.

He's in rough shape. What's your AC plane? And so he's going to make another dive at Blaine. He's in rough shape. What's your AC Blaine? 14. All right, he rolls a 16 to attack. Okay. His, he has like a broken bottom jaw that's just sort of like a shard of jaw bone, but he pierces your skin with it as he chomps down on you.

And you get a really nasty gash on your calf for 11 points of piercing damage and nine, nine, nine points of necrotic damage. Oh, Jesus. OK. He does so you as he does so you all see this tentacle like tongue lash out and wrap itself around Siam spades leg. Are you going to keep stomping everybody? Yeah, I'm going to hit it with a fireball.

I think I saw Brian roll firebolt damage also accidentally. Yeah, I did it by accident. But I'll take it. You can take it and we'll say you and you and twin and both are just like, this is disgusting. We've had enough of this shit and you both just lay it lay into it with firebolts and it makes a squealing noise as it starts to burn to a crisp on the ground. And that was a squealing noise as it starts to burn to a crisp on the ground.

And that was a zombie? Let's get, this will be an arcana check from anybody who has a proficiency. All right. If you don't have one, you don't know. I'll get my second guy and it's up. 13 plus seven is 20. Jesus.

Take yours. I rolled the eight. Yeah, I got an eleven. Well, let's take Blaine's. Yeah, Blaine, this is a ghast. A ghast. OK. A ghast. A ghast is a whole idea. Is it?

It's a reeking, undying corpse closely related to a ghoul. They hunger for the vices they enjoyed in life as much as they do rotting flesh. They're commonly found in in city alleys where there are, you know, undead armies being formed by powerful magic users. It's sometimes found rogue in swamps and underdark. How many gnomes are in this weird fog swamp town? You guys aren't sure. None of you would know for sure.

How big is the town is a total. Town has a couple of thousand people in it. But as you start to have the discussion, Gluge would chime in and be like, well, you know, it's a. Strange, a lot of the gnomes, when the fog started, they all left town. I haven't even seen the normal while nobody else left town.

Oh, people of town, but they were the first wave soon as that f that Fisher opened up. Oh, they're all just gone. What was it like? I wonder if you could remember what was life like before the Fisher? And something happened that prompted the Fisher appearing. Not that I know. Well, hey, have have you ever you or your friends ever swam out to the Fisher

swum, swang, swung, swung, swung, swung out to this woman, the Fisher blue, you and your friend swing, right? Yeah, you know, we build a ball out of wood. I've dropped their their key ring and have a little fun. I think we'll give you ever seen a grown man naked. Well, you like. Oh, yeah, man. Baniators. Sometimes me and my friends, you know, someone's wife will lay some eggs in the room and we'll all just on it.

So that's a fish joke. That's a fish. I car my ears out. That was hard. How dare you? Yeah. He said, why don't we quick? Well, let me answer your question, twit. And so he would tell you that, yes, he has gone out there.

He once went out there on a patrol as one of the more powerful Kuatua in Sagittown. And they didn't all make it back. Some of the patrol got pulled into the fissure, but it looked like there were beings around the fissure. They were trying to get closer to see what the beings were, but they didn't get a good look at it. When Gluk says pulled, pulled by whom and or what?

It was like some kind of magic tide. Oh, so it was like like like the fissure was opening up the sea floor. Yeah, and it was like the water was bent inwards, slowing into it. Oh, like almost like a whirlpool or a vacuum kind of thing. I like draining. Do you guys know where the gnomes went? He would have no idea,

but I will let everyone roll an insight check. DC 25. And I give folks guidance on such a thing. Yes, you may. Insight, you say. Oh, let me use my guidance to all of that. Have to get it. Twenty five. You see, twenty five plus. What? It's twenty eight. Oh, Ken. one. That's 28.

Oh, Ken. Yeah, that's crazy. That's why I don't brag, but I got one of them and 11, which is perfectly average. It is. That's some I my usual roles. Yeah. The timing is unclear, but Shalab, it really seems to stand out to you that the gnomes are gone.

After the gnomes all left, murders started to happen. You found a zombie gnome, aghast as it were, but an undead gnome that clearly had committed a murder, but it referred to someone a priestess? It sounds like some sort of necromancer or undead specializing magic user named the priestess may have tried to make some sort of army or undead force from the gnomes in this area. You're not sure why the timing was around the time of the fissure. Okay, interesting. I guess Twidden will just sort of reiterate, like.

The name, the only known name we have right now, I'm not saying she is the priestess, but Maude Nimble Nubbin is the widow. Of the guy we killed, she was the one who hired the assassins to look for us. So that means she's still around here. Why don't we go talk to this nimble bobbin asshole? Yeah, I mean, we just have to be prepared because she might have something to do with

what's going on. So maybe we don't want to just outright kill her because we want to find out what she knows. She might be the priestess. I kind of don't think so, but we'll see. But maybe she's, if she's still here and all the gnomes quote unquote left, then she's part of whatever the fuck's going on, right? Because any other gnome who isn't part of what's going on

got the fuck out of dodge a medium. They all, the gnome's got the memo. Nobody else did. Yeah, I feel- And you would all think that maybe you could, this nibble nubbin widow does sound like that she is reasonably well known. And I think.

You would all be confident your drow friend knows exactly where she lives. Well, we want to go ahead and fishermen camp out for the night, a tune with said fucking astral skull hat. And then, oh, yeah, the helmet. tune with said fucking astral skull hat. And then. Oh yeah. The helmet. Yeah. Figure out what the deal is with that. And then in the morning, go chat with a fucking shitty our buckle and find out what he knows.

You know what I mean? And then he can tell us what he knows about the mod nibble mubbin. Yeah. So you guys had east over to the docks. If we're looking at the Dells myth, now the southern half of Bart Simpson's famed mouth is Kua Toa Fisherman Hutts. OK. And he you're led to one of them. What do you do with the body of the gnome, by the way? What do you do with the body of the gnome, by the way? What do you do with the murder weapon?

You mean the harness thing up on the roof? Yeah. What do you do about the body? Do you report it to anyone? Now we should. Who's to report to? Right. Isn't this a town under siege? There are guards. I mean, are we afraid that we're gonna get blamed for it or something?

Yeah, cuz if he's undead it's like he was undead when we got here Right. Well, we can also point to the I mean the dead elf is somebody we should probably go back downstairs and search the dead elf stuff Maybe the zombie being a zombie didn't rival through their pockets Yeah, let's do that. Also, if there's any like constables or anything, we should tell them that we can report weapons up on the roof. Yeah. And maybe check while we're doing all this nonsense. Remember, we got that one key on a ring.

Let's see if that key has something to do with the harness. Because if it doesn't, maybe that key lets us in somewhere down the road. Down below or something. Yeah. Smart. All that. Yeah, we do all those things. Ken rolls up 312.

All right. Well, what I did here is you guys wanted to go downstairs and loot the bodies. So it's not difficult to kind of, you know, body go through its pockets. He is he is pinned and twitching against a still like alive. No, but but that's function. Yeah. Is there a crowd yet?

Have people are there any bystanders or anything? No, it was largely ignored. You do think that people are going to eventually figure it out? Yeah. So maybe we do the stuff simultaneously. Maybe like one person can check the elf body. One person can run the key against the murder harness up on the roof to see if it is.

Part of it or not. So if I could get an investor, I saw elf body open for murder harness. That's so weird. Hey, what was that investigation? Investigation for searching the body. Anyone wants to search the body? I'll go. I'll fly up and try the key. Great. I'll go searching the body. Anyone wants to search the body? I'll fly up and try the key. Great. I'll go search the body. If you want my body and.

Shalab, you spend a few minutes and the key doesn't fit in any of the building doors, the doors here all look a little more modern and this key looks ancient. Does it fit in my butt? Yes. It's fit in my butt? Yes. It's perfectly in your butt. I found my butt key guys. And you do see engraved on the key, it says Adam and Eve.com.

It's in your ass closet the whole time. You find with the investigation check of- Terrible. And Spicoli got a four. Spicoli, you got to you got a guidance on that friend. Some detectives we are. Well, I'm not in the back. I'm a singer.

You're not going to find any any like clues with low rolls, but there's some obvious loot he's got in his pockets. Sixteen gold. Oh, a moonstone. Like just like a just a stone. OK. I mean, it's a moonstone that's worth 50 gold. Oh. Got it. And he's wearing a copper amulet that looks like it's worth five gold.

Helps with circulation. Does any of this stuff feel magical for golf i know none of it seems magical this guy's this guy's giving you uh middle class merchant vibes copy sucks for him yeah but that's it okay great thanks i will take all that stuff and uh i don't know if there's a kind way to make it stop twitching. I'll do that. I know which what should we do with the thing on the roof? You can close it. You can close its eyes. The thing on the roof. Yeah. What are you going to do? You can leave it. I mean, you're leaving the corpse. I'm not reporting it. I said just leave it.

Well, the harness, it's a weapon, right? You all kind of walk up there and take a look at it. And it does look like it folds up and was probably meant to be carried away by this ghast. This ghast was probably using it to murder someone and then was going to run off with it. It's a few iron bars. It looks like it's got this bolt system that was that was firing the bolts. It also has a large hook on it that looks like it was taken off of a size.

And you're like, OK, like this thing is clearly the murder weapon. This has not been a previous murder scenes. And it's a combo ranged and melee super weapon. It doesn't look like the the the ranged part is very good for aim, but it does look like it's meant to hang someone like they're on a meat hook and then pin them with two metal bolts. You. I mean, that sounds like Spicoli. Do we at least want to take this thing with us?

You can fold it up, but it would look kind of like a big, heavy piece of farming equipment with blood on it. Should we just push it over the edge of the roof so it's lying on the street down next to the dead elf? And whoever finds these things will know that there's something like this out there that's doing these things. I mean, if the thieves guild in this town had in any way proven itself to be acceptable, I would suggest we take it and go sell it to them.

But that will turn into a five episode fucking. Didn't want to fence a mech. into a five episode fucking. Didn't want to fence a mech. Yeah, well, I mean, they're in a town filled with cool shit. Yeah, I think Blaine's right. Kick it off the fucking roof and let's get out of here. All right. You guys kick it off the roof and head to the fishing village. On the way over there, of course, more rolling fog.

You don't see anyone because it's starting to get pretty late at night. You do see a couple of Kua Toa sitting on the piers actually fishing. It doesn't seem like they really slow down too much at night. But there are plenty of empty huts and Gluge leads you to one and it feels like there's enough Kua Toa he trusts walking around that he suggests you don't even really need a watch. He's like, any of these guys I would vouch for. Right? All right, yeah, let's get some rest.

Someone had talked about potentially doing something else as well, correct? Attuning? Yes, to the skeletal astral, whatever the the it is the astral scaled skeleton. That's it.

Helmut Helmut. Last I heard, we had not decided who was going to attend me. All right, Shalab. Can I give you guidance on such a thing? I don't know how that... Yeah. Okay, great. People should probably use guidance on more attunement checks.

This will be an arcana check, Shalab. Alrighty. That is a 13 plus 316. All right. You kind of lay the skeleton. It's, you know, again, just really a flattened hollowed out bottom skull and a partial spine while everyone else sleeps. You hold your hands over it, try to focus as hard as you can, and then you feel a sharp pain

as the skull flies into your hands and pulls itself onto the top of your head and you black out. Oh boy. Well check in with you guys later. In the morning, in the morning you all wake up including Shalab. Shalab, the skull seems to have fused itself with the top of your head. You can't seem to get it off.

The ribs that had been sort of splayed out are now digging into your sides. Uh huh. That might be a medium. You might want to try and get a bigger size. The astral scaled skeleton lets you partially merge with the astral plane for up to 60 seconds allowing you allowing you to swim through the air and breathe in a vacuum cool it will also give you advantage on stealth in dim light nice it is cursed and you cannot take it off.

Perfect. What about the shower? Luckily, Gluge says there's some really refreshing outdoor showers just down the pier. Should take care of that whole curse thing. You could just put a garbage bag over it. You said I have advantage on stealth in dim light, is that what you said? Mm hmm. OK.

Tell everybody you have a camera darker. Yeah. So again, Brian, nothing. I'm a real bonehead. You look fucking I'm sure is metal as hell. You got a fucking already a tiefling already a tiefling and now he's got a Saguin skull fused to the top of his head. That's what it is. It's a just join Gwar. Yeah Are the eye holes of the Saguin like eye holes that we can see like like it's a mask kind of his yeah Yeah, like, like it's a mask kind of his. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cool.

And the fangs are like, oh, like on either side of his nose. You're the evil ash. Yeah. You're like a sorcerer detective from hell. Holy cow. Great. On acid. Yeah, really? Shit. with an attitude Let's say I'm gonna text Andy Kindler and see if he can give us some more

Steroids factor in Steroid crust between PB Herman and Arnold Schwarzenegger and and a third thing Danny did it you brought it home. Andy Kindler, folks. So very evil ash, but like with long, sharp teeth kind of coming down and the eye holes over your eyes. Yes. Which evil ashes, the eye holes are higher up, you know, like on the top of his head. But yeah, you lie holes.

Back in the 80s and when everybody had a I look like I know what I you know what I look like. I had I look like Larry Bird. Fuck my mom. Nice. Do you remember, you remember David Sparks? I'm half of a body and half lower body. the David Tennant stayed up all night eating bread. So yeah, you guys are now back with everything's great with you guys as far as health and spell slots go and especially with skulls fused. So we're long rest and awesome. Yes.

Well, Shalab, how do you feel about this? What a what a development. I feel different. I wish you had more hit points. Wouldn't that be fool? This does. Sure. I'd be great. I mean, do you notice anything else? You see you're a little stealthier in the shadows.

Uh huh. Anything else? I said, what was what else was there? I don't. You're still here. As a boner at the mall quit You can't fire my boner You can summon a boner whenever you want no once a day Once a day you can merge with the astral plane. Oh, right 60 seconds and swim through the air and or breathe in a vacuum That's pretty cool.

Oh, I think that ain't nothing. No, it's not Stevie. But it's Stevie. Can I get an insight? Shalab. Hang on one second. I have to correct. Yeah, I'm playing because of my phone wrote stake place. I can listen with the stake place. I mean, you know, steak place. Ha! Ha! Ha! I can merge with the steak place.

I mean, you know. You have a, you are a- I know who that's gonna be, but- Salad. You usually wear like a shirt with a collar to the Astro plane, I kinda see it. Yeah. What did you want, an insight?

Yes. Ruth's Chris Tiny Hut. That's a 22. Um. Chris tiny hut that's a 22 um you're you're you feel a little clammy okay weird it's very very very subtle but you feel a little clammy a little cold and sweaty hmm now might be an interesting time to say, what do we know about Wastrelith? Oh, well, let's get a let's get a history check from everybody on Wastrelith. That's the cult that this armor is sort of a part of, right? So what are the children of the Wastrelith? Yeah. Yeah.

It's history or Arcana. History and we've made a similar role before, so I'm going to put this pretty high at a 22. Can you give people guidance for history? You said yes. It don't matter if my role I rolled 20, 20, 23. Nice. I rolled 20. I'll waste.

You would if you beat that 22 would have heard of them before they are demons. There's definitely more than one. It's not just one way. Although they, you know, they do speak weird languages and are very sentient and manipulative. So it would stand to reason one of them might try to convince someone that it was a God. They are water demons.

They're huge. They're about the size and shape of that statue that you guys saw. And their home plane is the Abyss. You want. Hmm. So we're going up against the abyss. We got to does anybody have eyes on Ed Harris?

They he tried to drown me. I was in a tank with millions of gallons of water. Cameron's a crazy man. On the bright side, you do think that the Wastrelith had a scheme for breaking into the Prime Material plane that fell apart maybe 200 years ago. So it's, you know, it's possible that the Wastrelith is behind everything. But also it felt like that temple was abandoned and not even, uh, yeah, the

only, the only temple that you have a map to. And how long ago was the, uh, the, the, whatever the tear in the ocean show up. That's way more recent. Yeah. Yeah. Far, far more recent. Just, uh, I have a few weeks ago. Well, do we want to if everybody's all?

Sight do we want to go talk to the drow? See what he can see if he can maybe Help us meet up with maude nibble nubbin Yeah, yeah any any dissent. Yeah, yeah, that was something we had talked about. So, yeah, that's good. Yeah, that's when that's back in like the dry part of town. Yeah. Yeah. Now, are you guys what do you get?

What what will you have of glug? Glug was your escort down into the temple. He tells you, you know, good luck. But, you know, you could try to persuade him to stick around. I think he's better off in the, you know, being our emissary among the fish town, right? Like we should. Yes, that way he's experienced with the modern shit.

Yeah, I think we say, Hey, great job. Thank you so much. I can't wait. Our paths invariably will cross again soon. We're just heading up. He will try and hopefully lead us towards the gnome. If we end up finding this cult leader, is that something you or maybe the Kua Toa as a whole would care to join us? As a hunting party?

Yeah, maybe. All right. Well, we'll be in touch. Yeah, take a couple of days off. He he he pokes you playfully in the sternum with one of his fingers, Blaine. Let me know next time you want to wrestle. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ah, now you kicked your ass. It's the last time that Devin.

You guys had a North parting ways of glug up to the Drow Mansion, Alathor, Zalorak's Manor. Some of the front edifice has already been fixed. There are cloth sheets over much of it. There are lights inside. You get cloth sheets over much of it. There are lights inside. You get the impression that he is home. However, the guards that you secondhand got to watch his place, one was chased off and one was killed.

Hmm. And there's currently no one guarding his estate. Knock knock. We'll come in. Right. Yeah. Yeah. You can walk right through. I think we're not rude. I just think we want to announce ourselves and say. Sure. Archibald. I you knock on the what's left of the front of the house and sort of makeshift flap in

the cloth. He has, you know, some supports next to it you can make a noise on with with your wrapping of your knuckles. Althor Zalrax descends the stairs. Again, he's a very old drow. Oh, hello. Hello. How are you? Has anyone been by?

Do you need a sandwich or something? No one's been by in the last day or so. No, not since. Good. Well, I'm glad that other drow got on my roof and started taking pot shots at my guards. No. Well, I'm glad we're here. Okay.

Well, thank you for guarding my home. Absolutely. Hey, quick question. Ma Nibelnaben. Oh, she's not happy with me. Yes, I know. I got her husband killed. Well, where is she right now, would you say? She's in a large estate on the far north end of town. Have you ever heard of someone called the priestess?

Um, I give them a winning smile. I don't know. I don't know anything about a priestess, but. A gnome. Necromancer, perhaps, perhaps the reason the gnomes all left town. You certainly must have noticed when an entire race of people flees your town. I can tell you mods upset about that, but I don't know anything about a necromancer. All right. Um, well, you're a drow, so forgive me if I don't believe you.

Um, just cause I'm inherently evil and everyone hates me. Doesn't, doesn't mean anything. Guess what? We don't hate you. Right guys. Right, guys. Right. No, I'm being serious. I'm being serious.

I'm sure as a gentleman on in your years, you're kind of like setting your way. I'm just telling you right now, I'm kind of excited because we think you're kind of cool. Actually, to be honest, that that trap down in the that thing was cool. Oh, the thing that got the ocean to flood my basement. Down in the that thing was cuckoo. All the thing that got the ocean to flood my basement. Yeah, that's a crazy trap, man. Incredible job. Thanks. Thanks. Yep. Probably not going to pay so much for a trap again. But that kind of.

Not my budget anymore, you know. Well, you know, that's that's up to you. Can you is there a way for us to like get a meeting with Maude the way to? Oh, well, he does point out on your map. If you look at like the these top blocks on the map, there's a building with a red roof and sort of two smaller awnings branching off of it pointing south.

That is the nibble nub in the state. He does say that he can arrange a meeting in and well-lit neutral territory, if you would prefer. Oh, yeah, absolutely. We don't. It's not. I mean, I look at the guys and go, I think we just want to chat and figure out what the fuck's going on. Right. Obviously, she wants to kill us.

But maybe there is a way we can. Repurpose that towards if she is not the priestess, maybe she would be very keen on getting rid of this priestess who For some reason like all the other gnomes are gone I've I assume mods gonna have a feeling about that one way or another maybe it's in our favor. Maybe mods pissed What do you think Yeah, yeah, yeah All right, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Meeting neutral territory.

Whatever. No, we did night if you feel more comfortable. Right. So he says, uh, probably later tonight. Oh, he thinks he can arrange a meeting. He offers to have it in the estate, if you like. Yeah, great. He says, give him a few hours. OK, set up like a chocolate fountain and get some valets.

But maybe like little like cheesecake squares and you can dip those into the chocolate. Oh, my God. Yeah. Chris, roll that up. I'm using Ken's bonus, a 38. All right. Well, knowing that these guys are coming, I'm more than happy to because I think like by The point of me is to be able to like charm them and talk to I mean, but we have some sneaky murderers Do you guys want to like?

post up just in case I Mean I have to assume there's gonna be something pointed at my head the whole time I mean, I have to assume there's going to be something pointed at my head the whole time. What do you guys think? Unless it makes, unless there's better reason for us all to be there so we can all ask questions. Are we going to want Ken there with his, with his new skull head? Is he going to, are we all going to like, is he going to look like our leader or our special weapon or our. Like a proof of life. Oh, you mean like, can we the guy?

I'm done with that. Would people know what it means, my homie? Well, it'll definitely represent. I mean, we know this town is classist, right? And there's like the rich folks and the shitty folks and they have all decided for whatever reason that the so who again are The shitty folks. So we're definitely wearing the crest of Or I don't know. It's the skull of one. I don't know how I mean the so again have been gone for a long time It's it is fish people but it's a just who I tell who are treated like shit.

Right. I'm just assuming they're going to lump them all in together. It probably would. But you wearing one of their skulls does not necessarily mean. I mean, I don't know if I would look at you and think Joan of Arc. I think I might think, oh, that fucking guy hates fish people. Right. But yeah, I mean, let's have Ken fucking be front and center. I think that's a great idea. We should.

So you guys have a few hours you can post up and get comfortable and try to feel like you're safe in his his his dining room if you want to try to take advantage of the time to feel protected and like you've got all the exits covered and such. I would just say what occurred to you that the only thing you might want to take care of based off of passive insights is you did complete the heist with a map you got from the thieves guild. You might want to go into an alley and quote unquote report. Oh, good idea.

It's of the highest as was requested of you. Great. Okay. We go to me. Yeah, definitely. In the meantime, let's go whisper to the wall. So you're headed in the alley across the street from the mansion where you have left several messages before.

Do you report some of what you took or all of what you took or do you lie? How about we leave Ken in the background for this one so they don't know that he's got this crazy skull. Okay. They can only hear. Yeah, so we'll report all the gold or whatever. Yeah, I mean, everything. Sons, you found the objects that let you open doors as well.

Yeah. Although I think all that stuff. Let's just not report the skeleton is guess what? It's going to be pretty self evident. And we didn't we don't know what the key is for. No, but we have a key and an iron ring from the... And you're not obligated to report everything, it's encouraged that you report as well as you can. Well then what's the harm in reporting the skeleton?

I think Blaine, I share your reticence, but as I'm talking about it, it's fused permanently to Ken Yeah, it's not just give it to him. So like they can be as pissed about it as they want Yeah, unless they want to kill me for it Yeah, pride from your cold dead head I Don't know. I mean, we could just say also

Shalab got an upgrade and leave it at that and we'll see what they think. And I mean, we don't have to. Yeah. You're not obligated to go into great detail. Yeah, well, just sort of like. It's just sort of given the the the highlights. My whole they say, yeah, and schlabs of.

And if I can bring cool, cool, I had we love it. This is bony Kanga. Well, you leave the report by whispering it to the wall, and a few hours later, you post up. Sounds like you're watching the exits, while letting Ken sort of lead the discussion. This is going to take place in Zellarex Manor's dining room. And- Before that, before we go to the final thing, I wanna give everybody bardic inspiration.

So that way everybody's got a D8 in their pocket. And I think it must be because of- And let's- Go ahead. And what's exactly our plan to... What am I hoping for from this discussion? Well, why don't we discuss the plan when we're bright-eyed and bushy-tailed on the next episode of NerdFoker.

Oh my goodness. I don't believe Sam is leaving us a recap. I hope he is resting well. I'd love to hear Stevie's recap. I bet you Stevie would have an interesting recap of the show. Who's Stevie? There is climbing and they did the climbing and then there's a zombie corpse and a helmet head and and and then they they

did they got to climb more and make a plan. Thank you, Stevie. You got anything you need to plug, Stevie? OK, Stevie does not like that much airtime. He wants to keep. I know I really put too much of a spotlight on Stevie's TV. He came and did the business that Stevie needed to do. Yeah.

So you can hire me at DanTelfer.com if you'd like me to run a D&D game. I use original continents and monsters in addition to fifth edition and whatever this new D&D one thing is. But I'll run a game for you. I'll run another tabletop game. We can do it over Zoom. We can do it in your parlor, whatever you want. That's my plug.

You have a parlor. Wow. Your parlor, your parlor. I have a one bedroom apartment. No, I know, but I'm saying to the people that do. Hey, listeners, if you have a parlor, that's pretty cool. Yeah. Have you if you're wealthy, have me over. And I.

Rifter is just the perfect comic book for your parlor. Place it and place it on the little table. The Chase Lounge. Never read it again. I don't give a fuck, but you should get it. And then Gromitz is if you like skateboarding and heavy metal and punk rocks, get Gromitz issue seven out now at your comical bookstore. And trade comes out the first week of July.

You could get it on a site and preorder it or something, but you should just go to your comic book store and tell them that you want it. And they'll order it. And then when you go there on Wednesday, like you should every fucking week to support small businesses and the comic book industry after Diamond is bankrupt. It's a fucking nightmare. So these shops could really use your patronage, even if you go in and just buy a Funko for that fucking show, you like

you're still helping keep that comic book stores doors open. And that's super important to me. That's it. That's grandpa. On the next Nerdpoker, classic. We attribute the success. Save mankind from it. For joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof.

Well. You got walls and a roof? Well... To nerdpoker gang, rushes to save chubby checker from a giant tornado before it gives him any more song ideas. Can Sam swallow enough goldfish in time to save them. Special guest star Chubby Checker, Otis and Brian Shaw's on his Nana's brawl. Hey, whoa, sit on it on a phone booth stuffing Nerd Poker. Hey, whoa. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerd poker and you get bonus episodes from there and you can also send us anything at P.O.

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