Nerd Poker - The Fog Campaign - Episode 23

Episode Date: June 10, 2025

Finally our crew of sneaky thieves get to see what's behind the tinkerer's door, and wouldn't you know it, it's horrifying. Will we get to use the combat grid, or will we just feel attacked emotionally? For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Hey, it's Brian Possein, nerd poker. We're calling it The Fog Campaign. My friends are here, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer Sam, of course our kick-ass DM Dan Telfer. Welcome to Nerd Poker! Hey everybody it's Brian Poseid. My friends are here we're about to do an episode of Nerd Poker. Thanks for joining us. Good timing. Glad you were here for this. Episode 23.

Sam's here. Starting from the bottom on my screen here. Hello, sweet shoulder. Right away. And then we're working in reverse. Okay. He's holding down the show. Chris is here. Hi, I stand upon the foundation of Sam

shoulders. That's how we reach the heights. Dan's here. Hello, I crawl beneath. Oh, and lastly, Blaine. Children, sweet hello. We fucked everything. You see, it's that's the way this episode is going to be. It's Helter Skelter. And I know now totally nuts. I don't know. Yeah, sorry, buddy.

I had I had a very bad illness, so I could not meet in person on the night since last week. Oh, that's right. This is sorry, people. Yeah, that's right. Sorry people. I'm following Sam getting sick. There's a nasty COVID variant going around that I may or may not have had the test solve, you know, or what they are. Yeah.

So it's another Zoom one. We will be in person again soon, but we should thank some people for supporting this show. I love thanking those sweet listeners. Oh, Kent's here. Hi, Kent. There he is. Hi. The National Guard destroyed your internet connection. Oh, my goodness. Hi, everyone. If you support us on Patreon, you can help fund us

escaping California, but also you keep our lights on. Thank you so much for keeping the show going. Everyone who heads over to patreon.com slash nerd poker and join us via a web browser and you will avoid certain Patreon expenses. Thank you so much to users at our top two tiers in particular who get shouts out. They have user names like Kevin Gardner.

Thank you, Kevin Gardner. Thank you, Pokebill. Thank you, Stuart Black. Thank you, Daniel, whom I care for deeply. Thank you, Lil John's tiny what? Thank you, Firm Rick. Thank you, Dr. Duckbutter. Thank you, Chris Bakos.

Thank you, Bonkston Two Joints Tendercrotch. I got ahead of that guy. My favorite gunslinger. Thank you, regular ol' A&B. Thanks, Pratt Dudley. Thank you, Cavill. Thank you, Forget Spaghetti. My favorite gunslinger. Thank you. Regular ol' A&B. Thanks, Pratt Dudley. Thank you, Cavill. Thank you, Forget Spaghetti.

My name is Gunch now. Okay. Thank you. Is Ms. Finn Dare Strat, it's Fender Strat, F-E-N-N. Is Fender Strat a caster, per chance? Sorry, she's a swashbuckling road. Thank you. Lich assly. Never going to give you up.

Uh, nerd poker. Thank you. Luke, the husband, Ron, jib, Jabez prime. Thank you. Ed Gein's leather jeans. Thank you. Queef, Latifah's soup of food. Oh, that's two different jokes.

Dan. Thank you. Randi calls. Thank you. WV French fried, which of course stands for Let's Fry West Virginia. Thank you, Noomi. Thank you, Mark Edzel. Thank you, Manny Bothans.

And finally, too soon. Thank you, Acab for Cutie. Wayne, who are those supporters brought to us by? The supporters brought to us by Pepperidge Farm, Flavor Blasted Halibut. Have a handful just for the halibut and Fred Schneider on a stick. Dan, explain my as you may have noticed, my throat is very sensitive, so I'm going to skip the even for two seconds voice I do for the recap.

I can't imagine you do it. Go Jesus. Later in the recap. I can't imagine you do it. Oh Jesus, later in the hospital. I just spent like 10 minutes describing the razor throat variant of Covent before we recorded. I'm not gonna suddenly be like, ha ha, check this out guys and do like a vocal version of like a skateboard trick

where you fall and break your neck. But- Well, Dan, what would Joe Cocker sound like if you were recapping the episode? It'll go a little something like, well, I heard a little peeper sounds like Tom Waits now. What would Louis Armstrong have to say about this run, Dan? Let's hear a little Alex Jones while you're at it.

Oh, God. How's he doing? Don't answer that. It's a fuck. You guys have entered a Tinker's workshop. This Tinker's workshop used to belong to old man Nimble Nubbin, a friend of old man Alathor Zalarax. Alathor Zalarax was a drow who owned a

mansion that you broke into. He sort of befriended him but not before slaying his friend Nimble Nubbin in his living room. He showed up to back him up when the alarm went off and in the end, you know, Alathor Zalarax forgave you but Nimble Nubbin's widow Maude did not forgive you. She sent an assassin after you. You managed to, you know, shoo him off with a message and then go down into a vault where you secured a magical astral skeleton that is now attached to Ken. Congratulations.

Stuck on my head. And right now you're in the Tinker of the Workshop because you're investigating it. You were let in by Maude Dibble-Nubbin, who you made peace with at the mansion. And you're trying to figure out why exactly there was some serial killings here in Delsmouth. You found what was at least one, if not the mass murderer here in the fog. And you've decided to pause your explorations of vaults to go investigate the Tinker's Workshop, which, full of traps, you made your way up after, you know, disarming and triggering things and we are now in the top right room where you have recently discovered some sort of

Incomplete golem that is wired up to the wall And we still has Scott in its pockets We go and move everyone's tokens in that room And if I'm not mistaken, it was that you twiddle who unlocked this door or something. Maybe Spicoli did it I think Spicoli did yeah Yeah, the goalie got a plus 30 bonus to his sleight of hand check. So I think he's doing a lot of the. Unlocking and did just, you know, map wise, we're still on, I believe, the stride map.

Oh, that's right. Well, guess what? Not no more. It's all about to change. Yes, we're now back. Here we are. Not used to doing the main campaign online. Really, really, really happy that we get to play in person sometimes. But yeah.

Here we are. And Spicoli. Let's see, which yours is this token here? I'm gonna kind of put you by the door. Well, the rest of you are going to be kind of like backed up by the golem across the room or you're going to be kind of behind Spicoli. Well, get close to him. Sure. Right. Please put your token over there.

That's where a little peeper certainly is going to be. Although, you know. Not directly behind him. The door creaks open. Can I get a perception check from our crew? Everybody? Sure. Yes, everybody. Can I give myself guidance on such a thing?

You sure can, as you would since the door is about to open and want to make sure you get a good. Perception, you said? Yeah. And. Me. I have a plus 10, but I only got a 13. Can I get a show of hands with dark vision? Also dark vision. 21.

And yes, I'm going. I'm going for 20 because that's my passive. I have dark vision. Oh, OK. Well, you didn't. I do not. That works for me. I got a 14. All right. Well, well. Oh, I do have dark vision.

I have dark vision for 60 feet. I thought so. It's hard to tell. Well, it's not like 60 feet is Quentin Tarantino. He likes feet. It's sexy. Adam at 60 feet. Yeah.

Yeah, I got for all feet, not a limited number of them. He's good friends with Charlie Callas. Callie is. Callie, what a horrible take. Yeah, that's so corny. You guys will be contacting the show and go. And culture back. I think the show and go. And go to Rebecca.

We have to get out of that joke. All right. So nailed it. You're all fired. Rehired. I would love to. Sorry, glad. Oh, most of you don't see anything. However, because Spicoli is in the front

and he rolled very high and has dark vision, I'll give you a little bonus at the end of this description. And I'm going to be revealing it on the map sort of as I talk. Because open up this door and note that the workshop is pitch black. The windows have been professionally darkened or rather you know he darkened them when he was still alive there are tools sort of laying about they look like they were sort of haphazardly just like left around the floor is mostly clean although there is a thick layer of dust. And you notice, um, you know, Spicoli in the middle of the room, there is what

looks like a tiny worm. Hmm. Oh, so what these worms think here, do you approach the worm? Do you enter the workshop? These are the questions that define us. What do you guys think? Yeah, right. Well, wait a minute. I feel like every time we've approached, even though I think Blaine was pretty stealthy, they've kind of run away.

What if we just chill for a second and observe the worms and maybe it'll tell us something. I mean, I don't know about you guys, but I think worms are either going to become bugs or there's a I mean, we saw it was eating like an eyeball. So there's a body or bodies. In here. Mm hmm. You know what I mean? Like they always keep going into the floorboard.

So does that mean there's shit in the walls that we're just going to get fucking swarmed by? Good. Maybe not. Can we just hold and watch the worm for a minute and kind of see if anything, if there are more worms, see where the worm goes, where it's coming from, anything like that. Why don't why don't we honor that with an insight check for everybody? I think everybody guidance. Yes, you may, because they're all standing around check for everybody? I think I've ever ready guidance. Yes, you may, because you're all standing around talking rather

thoughtfully, plenty of time for guidance. Insight. Natural 20 plus 1030. 15. Fuck, what's what's the bonus of D for D for? Dan, I'd like to add my 16 on top of Blaine's. Oh, Jesus. 27? Yeah, I think.

Hey, did you give me guidance, Chris? Of course. That's another four, right? D4. Let me see. That's 34. Jesus Christ. So talk to me worms. We see it all. There's something really screwed up here going on with the worms, but there is also something very specific

about not seeing a lot of them and having them flee so quickly. There's something unique and possibly magical and otherworldly about these worms. And you only see one right now. But because you rolled so high, I will note something special about the Tinkerers workshop. You look a little closer, kind of like lean over Spicoli's shoulder, and he points out the shape of the room, and the floor looks a little uneven. And you're remembering that there's like a garage underneath this.

And if you saw a worm in the last room, which you did, if you saw a worm burrowing between the floorboards, it makes you wonder like if something really fucked up is going on in the garage. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Because right underneath the room you're in and underneath the room you're about to go to be you're up on the second floor right now

Oh almost as though are actually maybe coming out of the garage and exploring up here and when they're going back to home Yeah Yeah, there's some sort of like weird Cthulhu flavored monster in the garage or some sort of corpse. Dan Telford would never. Dan Telford would. And Dan, we have not explored the garage, right? No, you didn't note it.

Well, why don't we finish what's up here? Now kind of knowing that the worms are actually maybe a warning or whatever about downstairs. It's like we're kind of knowing that the worms are actually maybe a warning or whatever about downstairs. It's like we're kind of safe enough up here. Why don't we finish clearing out up here? Right. This is the secret workshop. Yeah. We always make a hole in the floor and drop down from here to. Yeah. Spicoli can climb like Spider-Man.

The prime. What the fuck? How dare you? He's calling you a nerd. No. Guys, Brian's the best. All right. Well, do we want to sneak in there and see what's what? Yeah, baby. Damn. I wonder if because that worm is there.

Would there be I mean, is there any chance we might, if we captured it, recognize what it is? Like as soon as you say it's otherworldly. Yeah, you could examine it. Yeah, I mean, like if you kept it like a specimen in a jar or something, you could definitely like, provided it didn't escape or have a way to do something. Yeah. Could I do a mage hand and grab it?

I also have mage hand. Could I sort a mage hand and grab it? I also have mage hand. Could I sort of like coordinate and maybe we could do like two magical puppy hands to try and... Puppy hands? Like I could yank it out. You could put it in your mage hand and then your mage hand could put it in a jar that my mage hand grabs. Well, why don't you...

Okay. I will only allow this for our two Mage Handers. Let's have you both roll an Arcana check to see what might be the best way to give each other a hand job. What? Huh, guidance? Use me a Mage Hand job.

Yes, you made guidance. Oh, I heard that. Oh, I got a no. 14 plus 721. Nice. I got a natural 20 plus four. And then with my guidance, 327. Nice, nice. Rollin' balls.

So, yes, you think there is a bit of coordination that can go on, but I'm going to straight up feed it to you because you rolled that high. It will still require an ability check to do this. But you think maybe one of you could hold a container with a mage hand. You know, if you could try to grab the worm and then while one of you holds the container up, the person holding the worm could try to pop it in and hold their hand over the top.

Okay. To keep the worm inside with the mage hand or conversely have the hand that is trying to catch the worm already have the lid on it and be trying to like catch, scoop up the worm in the lid of the jar. So you can immediately go or whatever container you might have.

Similarly, could we just use the two to mage hands to? Put the jar, you know like catching a spider Well, it would go back down. Yes floor. Oh, wait Does it burrow through the wood or does it go through the cracks? I was it looks like it rather um, It's hard to say it's hard to say but you don't, it depends on the size of the container. It seems, I don't want to forget. Let's just do it.

Well, no, there's a good chance if you did it that you wouldn't be able to cover all the cracks in the floorboard unless you had a very small container, which would greatly increase the difficulty in putting it over the floor. Let's just see what you're talking about. I'm more dexterous than strong. How about you, Giznat?

I have an 18. Now, keep in mind, a Meech Hand has its own hit points, I believe. So, while I will let you do a... Meech Hand does not have hit points in the traditional sense. It's a spell effect. Meech Hand vanishes when you dismiss it. I'm more than 30 feet away the spell. Let's see, I'm trying to figure it out. Can use it to manipulate an object, open an unlocked or container, store or retrieve an item from an open container, or pour the content out of a vial. still or retrieve an item from an open container or pour the contents out of a vial and can't attack activate magic items or carry more than 10 pounds I'm assuming this is less than 10 pounds because it's a grub yeah so I'm assuming

that there's gonna be a jar some kind of container you know glass beaker or something in this oh yeah in the in the workshop, great idea. In the workshop. It will be hard to see without going in the room, but with your perception check, I'd say like you really don't see anything except maybe some full jars full of nuts and bolts. What about the room we're in?

No glass jars in there, unfortunately. Well, I'll grab one of the jars with the nuts and bolts off the table and bring it back to where we are. Okay, can I get a stealth check to try to do it without attracting the attention of the worm? Also, I'm looking up the match hand rules and they're very weird. I could have sworn they had like one hit point or something.

I think I'm thinking of unseen servant, but basically you can't really kill a mage hand, but it doesn't have your strengths. Okay. 11 plus 12, so 23. Geez Louise. Wow. That's good.

Meow. Wow. That's good. Now. So you managed to grab a cat. It's it's a reasonably heavy jar. You feel the Maychan kind of stutter for a second as it approaches, you know, like. Like a pretty average weight, but but that's still check it. It's not invisible at all. You just kind of gracefully bring it over to you. Okay, I'm gonna then I'll take and I'll sort of like, as quietly as possible, empty the stuff that's in it on the floor

and like the far corner of the down here, I guess. Let me see. Down here. Yeah, I can like lay my cape on the ground and give it a more fabric soft thing. And he can kind of gently roll it into that. And then I can- I will skip the stealth check if you do that. Okay. Yeah, that's, yeah.

Roll for Walter Raleigh. So quietly emptying this chuck full of nuts and bolts out of this can. And then we're gonna go over and try to catch a worm. And the trick with the Mage Hand is going to be, I'm gonna let you choose one of two ability rolls once you do this trick. I'm gonna tell you in a second,

but because it doesn't have hit points, I'm going to be kind of going by like its weight capacity, which is 10 pounds. So if it receives more than 10 pounds of force, it's going to be sort of knocked away. So it doesn't take a lot to kind of smack it away, so to speak. So to kind of like not, you know, resist. So you're going to be aware of the fact that as you try to catch this guy, if he puts up any kind of fight, it'll be tough. And also, he's in the center of the room.

So both you guys kind of see the arrow here. Center of the room is 35 feet. From the doorway and mage hand has a 30 foot 30 foot per yeah, it doesn't go very far So well, I'm very sneaky so I'll maybe I can stealth my way in there and how big how big are these worms down? Well right now you only see one it's about the size of a common earthworm. But when you got a better look at the last one, it looked kind of strange, almost sinewy. OK.

I'm going to give you a heads up that it'll take both you and Twitter in having a stealth check. And I give you my mage hand to give him advantage. You know what I mean? Like I like use my mage hand as the help action to help him. So he's making two roles as opposed to he makes a role. I make a roll. Yeah, that works for me. It's still two roles. Yeah.

And you'll just be holding it in the air. The jar. Right. Sure. Or on the ground or whatever. But by by being a versatile with it, you'll put all the weight on Blaine. Yeah, that's fine. He has a bonus like nobody's business. And I'll give him guidance as well. So but you both have to enter the room with stealth check

if you want to use to make chance. OK. OK. I will give you guidance for stealth and myself. 17 plus two earth plus 12. Sorry. So 29. It's a earth plus 12, sorry. So 29. It's a big difference there, buddy. I have to release. Please put your tokens where you want them to end up. In the second one.

You're coming from the East into a large room in the West. So listeners, you know, they're entering a larger room. This is sort of like the main work floor on the second floor. So like, if I just if I come to like there, is that close enough, Dan? I don't see where the thing is. Oh, here. Well, I will put his token out, which is creepy. And I have to be 30. I have to be within 30 feet right yes Yucky so I gotta go closer right now. I'm about 35 that dopey shot

Eric extra, okay. I'm close enough Blaine I'm trying to move my token. I'm having some trouble. Oh, we see Where'd the kitty cat go there's a key I was moving the wrong one. Sorry We just you are I Thought I was this guy right here. Oh, that's a little peepers. Okay. Yeah, my screen is tiny. Sorry Blaine, only I get to live the little peeper stream. So I'm gonna check your stealth now. I'm seeing a 15 from Twidden. CC! That should be enough for you guys to get close enough. You're now going to be giving Blaine Advantage on his choice arcana or sleight-of-hand

I'm gonna go arcana. It's a plus seven. All right, then let's get our can with advantage Can I touch him and give him guidance? Yes, you may great 14 plus 7 21 and with guidance 24 that's what they banished blame. Yeah. Oh with advantage 14 plus 721 and with guidance 24. That's with advantage, Blaine. Yeah. Oh, with advantage. You kids. Oh, a 17 plus seven is 24.

And then another three, 27. Significantly better. Jesus Christ. All right. Iificantly better. Jesus Christ. All right, so. I like this character, Raoul. Your spectral hands float over there and almost instantaneously, your hand just, the worm like kind of like guides it right in the jar,

which Twitten is holding readily straight up and down and you're keeping your mage hand over the top. The worm very quickly darts back and forth in the bottom of it. It's creepy. Okay. Can we bring it to us and maybe out of the room so we can examine it? Yes, we may.

All together. Yes. So please bring your tokens back in the room and I'm gonna go ahead and give you guys control of the worm token because that is adorably creepy to me. It has a human face listeners. It is a tiny white worm with two black eyes and a toothy black lipped grinning mouth.

Is it Mr. Mind? Kind of. No, it's a little radio on it. Dreamcast. It's a small, C-man. Say your dreamcast, right? All right. So can we all can I give guidance to folks and maybe somebody recognizes it

from their, I don't know, their land, their culture or what we know? I am going to. Spicoli probably smoked one of these things. I'm going to restrict this to an insight check for everybody because this would be outside of everybody's immediate knowledge. OK, being Fay does not. It doesn't bring me anything. No. OK.

I'm going to go with my passive insight of 20. Oh, right. Insight, insight, insight. So I give people guidance as well if they want. Oh, yeah. I'll take that. That's a four. Yeah. I got to with my bonuses and the guidance, 28 total.

Oh, my God. I see you're 17, Brian. Yeah. And then kind of also stalling for 10, 19. Yeah. What did you get, Blaine? I got a. Oh, I went with my passive, which was. Jesus. Yes, that's right. Thank you.

Well, you guys are all going to do pretty well. So we'll just say Shalab is just, you know, thoughtfully stroking his chin and letting all of you think about it while he considers lunch. Is he pulling the skull helmet's teeth out of his cheekbones a little bit? Like he's adjusting the fit like I know I metal as hell, but I'd like to be comfortable. He's just, you know, going through his idle animation right now.

But Blaine and Brian Spicoli and Siam, you're going to kind of be like, okay, this is not from our plane of existence. This is some weird shit. It's a shame Twedden doesn't immediately recognize it because it sure would be convenient if this was some weird ass Feywild creature, but it is not. Twad and you are going to look at it and be like, this unfortunately seems like, it's something, maybe the Astral plane somewhere far, far away. Kind of like Abilethy space worm kind of shit.

Yes, not Abileth specifically. But I just know that like worm type creatures seem to be in abundance in the in that realm. You would you would if if that is where Chris Tallman goes, I think you would specifically connect it to the far realm. Far. OK, what do I know about the far realm? I'll say that to everybody. If anybody knows anything, what do we know? And everybody do a history check for the farm. All right. String double check and see if Ken is texting us any updates.

Seven, 17, 10 plus seven. Low. I got five. I'm going to go with got five. Right. What did you get? Eight. Unfortunately, none of you are going to have extensive information on the farm with those roles. The farm is a plane of existence that most people get lost in once they show up there. And it is a collection of smaller realms with a lot of chaos.

It's almost like if the astral plane was made up of tiny galaxies and it is where abolets and beholders originate from. But those places don't even have formal planets. Like the ground usually doesn't even stretch for more than a couple of miles before it either goes into a circle or you go on the other side of it and there's no ground at all. A lot of really unusual stuff. And so the beings there are often isolated to a very small area in an infinite expanse and are very hard for people on your plane of existence to keep track of.

Do you guys think maybe does this far realms in any way feel like to us that would potentially connect to a necromancer, you know, the gnome, whatever the mistress, whatever she's called, or does that seem like it's just another terrible thing in this terrible town You know I'm talking about Question of vibes for you guys you have to kind of think about that one Well far realm doesn't really death magic right far realm seems more kind of just like beyond the abyss That is correct Death magic, right? Far realm seems more kind of just like beyond the abyss. That is correct. Whereas death magic is more, I assume, hell based spirits and such. It is it.

It is based off of your roles. You don't think it's from the nine hells pandemonium. One of those types of planes of existence. No, you don't think it's from painting. You know what I mean? Like it's not one of the primary areas of the cosmology like that. But maybe I'm suddenly kind of, I think Twiddin's suddenly going like,

remember how there's like that fisher in the water and it seems to be going to another place? Maybe that's the far realm crack. And it isn't necessarily, you know, this the the gnome necromancer lady. You know, maybe she's just here fucking shit up. Maybe she's connected, but it could just be that the far realm is what's infecting this place. Does the far realm gnome, excuse me, known for like

Mr. You know, like is the atmosphere of the far realm sort of like maybe what's seeping into this town? I'll let you only do an insight check. May I give myself guidance? No, you may not for this one because it's occurring to you instantaneously. Great.

This is a description of what is hitting you in the moment. 16 plus six, 22. You love your theory. It sounds like it may very well be true. Okay. So maybe this gnome lady, the not the widow, but this evil gnome necromancer, she might just be another shitty thing happening in Far Realm Central. All of you can also see the worm is like slowing down and starting to stare at all of you one at a time. We should cover it. Will Peepers does not like it and is like shivering and like, eugh.

Can we now put a lid on the jar and cover the jar with like a blanket? Because if this thing is in some way, I don't know what the fuck this is, but like, the holders have super eyes. What if this thing is the eyes of some other greater monster? You know what I mean? Let's not show it us. Sure. Yeah, that. Um, it didn't look like it had like food on its mouth or anything. Did it like it was covered in any sort of effluvium? I will have Blaine do a non-guidance investigation check to determine what he

noticed when the jar came in the room. Does he get a bonus for saying effluvium? I mean, in life, you will get one. Poor Ken. Did you say investigation? Hey, Sam, if you're around, Ken's trying to join. I don't know. He says he thinks he's gonna-

He's in the waiting room. 21. That's what I rolled in. Also in the waiting room. It doesn't look like there's anything on its mouth, but it was moving its mouth once you brought it over. It was kind of muted by the Mage Hand if it was saying anything.

OK, yeah, I just wondering if it was like eating something in the floorboards. It was moving its mouth. It could have been eating. It could have been trying to talk to you. All right. You're not sure which. Oh, shit. Can we carefully still maybe keep the mage hand over the lid so it can't get out,

but maybe just listen closely to see if it is in fact trying to communicate? I would let Blaine do a sleight of hand check to see if he can create a crack with the mage hand is smaller than the word but big enough that sound can escape. All right. And Dan can I oh well let's let him do this first I have a bardic thing I can do to help people under magically understand but I'll let's let's let Blaine do his thing first. Yeah let's first see if this all goes to shit. Right. 13 13 plus four 17. I have a farting thing. Oh, no. How's Del Taco inspiration?

Bill Tacos got a deal on farting inspiration. Mm hmm. You read his improv book. Del Taco. Yeah. Did I ever tell you guys I was in his second to last class Del Close? Really? Yeah. You went to tell you guys I was in his second to last class Delcos? Really? Yeah. You went to the hospital one class later.

He's in the untouchable. I just watched the untouchables and he's in it. You all think you're untouchable. I'll just say it. Every time he shows up, he's great. Ferris Bueller. Oh, yeah. Oh, man, when he showed up in the blob at the New Beverly, people went apeshit.

So, yeah, with the there's a 17, you said, Blaine? Yes. Yeah. TPK. Sorry, buddy. J.K. O'Loughlin. So you can get a little crack. You all can listen. It won't take any kind of additional thing, except it'll be one person at a time rolling a perception check. Dan, I'd like to do this, if I may. I will pick the worm. Yeah, it's just the worm. I pick a creature.

The chosen creature can magically use a special ability to attack. So, I'm gonna pick the worm. I'm gonna pick the worm. I'm gonna pick the worm. I'm gonna pick the worm. I'm gonna pick the worm. I'm gonna pick the worm. I'm gonna pick the worm. Yeah, it's just the worm. I picked the I pick a creature.

The chosen creature can magically understand me regardless of the language I speak for an hour. So basically, I'm giving this thing. It's called universal speech. Nice. While I am juggling some stuff, could someone maybe text Sam? See if that can get his attention. Sure. Great. Oh, he just says, I stepped out.

Are you able to rejoin Zoom? He says, yes. But he still has to be let in. I'm not sure Sam understands. I think Sam might be asking if he still has to be let in I'm not sure Sam understands I think Sam might be asking if he can let himself in and not be aware that he cannot hold music hold music doopie do this old music brought to you by searing abdominal cramps from the makers of hot farts and vomiting double over double up searing abdominal cramps. From the makers of hot farts and vomiting. Double over, double up.

Searing abdominal cramps. As soon as I would get out of school, like middle school, I'd come home and just have myself a packet of those hot farts. Ugh. You know, the smoking hot habanero farts are pretty good too. They also, oh, the Korean barbecue farts too.

Tell us again how that spell works, Chris. Universal speech. Uh, I choose a creature. I choose the worm. It can magically understand me regardless of the language. I speak for an hour. And so maybe, uh, I'll get up and try and listen to it. And I'll use the speech and say, hello, friend. What languages do you speak?

Common, draconic, giant and under common. Got it. I'll sort of wave at it and say, maybe try to make sort of eye contact and be like. Can we help you? I'll be like, and I'll say to it, nod for yes, and shake head for no. I'll try to give it... If Blake's for it... Oh, go ahead, go ahead. I'll just try and communicate, head nod for yes, head shake for no, just to give it some way to

speak back if I cannot understand its language. It's taking its time listening, almost as if trying to process what you're saying regardless of its ability to make sense of the words. So you are keeping an eye on it and yeah, its eyes are blinking asynchronously in a really creepy way where it'll be one side and the other immediately following and then one will stay open while one shuts. Then you hear in a telepathic language spoken like common, spoken directly to you, Chris. It says, Hello, friend. I will share that with the group. Dan, what kind of feeling do I get when I hear that voice? Like, does it seem upsetting? Yes, It seems like it is aware of... Oh, we had Cannon, we lost him.

It seems like it is aware of, like, how to speak common, but that it had to take a moment. Like it was remembering? Ooh, insight check for you, Chris. Like this thing maybe is ancient. Oh, terrible. One plus six, seven. You're not sure why it had to pause

and why it was so eerily tentative. All right, well, call me friend. I will consult Spicoli, Giznad. It seems to be willing to talk. You guys have any questions? Shalab and Lil Peepers are gonna play cards in the corner. They're too upset.

If Little Peepers wants to participate, please feel free. I'm happy with what you're doing right now. It is disgusting. How many other, yeah. Could you ask it? Yeah, what are, how many other of you are there? There's a bunch of you here, right? Are you all friends?

Yeah, I will say you are one of many. Can your many be friends to us? Can we all be friendly to each other? Meaning my group and you can my group be friends with all the worms? A persuasion check, please. Persuasion, you say? I do say, well, well, well. Well, I rolled a two, but that automatically becomes a ten

because of my things, so the bonus is 13. So it's a total of 23. Wow. Just like you rolled it to. Wow. Just thought you rolled it, too. Wow. How in the name? That barred thing. What is it here? Hey, Ken's here. We're talking to worms, Ken.

Yeah. What's going on? Hi. I got here. Oh, boy, my arms tired. What what's happening? You just made a pitch to the worm. Hello, friend. I heard that. we captured the worm in a jar. Nice. Yeah. It seems to be from the far realm, and it is calling us friend.

And it's speaking to me in telepathic common. And so we're asking a question. We just asked it. Basically, are you you and your worms friends here with our party? And we're waiting for it to respond. All right. You all might be my friend. I don't know yet.

This is hard for me to say for I was once one and I am now many. The others you saw were my guests. Hey, can you ask it? What's in the, what's's in the the garage below us? Yeah, I'll say well friend you all the worms like to go below in the room below We call that room the garage What's in the garage? We rose up from the filth far below. The garage is now mostly filled with filth.

We crawled up and destroyed everything and brought the filth up so it filled the rooms. Do you love filth? Yes. Do you love living things? I was once living. What were you called? I was nimble, but I am no more. I am now one of the hive.

I will definitely share that with the fucking group. What the hell? What happened? I will turn to the group and say, what did we do with him body? When he died, because this worm is saying he's nimble. Was he buried here? Dan, do we? I mean, I assume you guys, you guys kind of chucked his body aside is what I had in the notes because you stole his neck and kind of left his corpse.

I do believe he was burned. Oh, I will look at the comic I encountered the crew and say, you are nipple nubbin. I was nibble nubbin. I am no more. I am but one of the Hive. Did they, do you think that they ate nimble nubbin and absorbed his essence? And that they're all, that's the Hive.

All these worms are now his, whoever ate him. I will relate that to the worm. Each of us is once a worm and also a soul. The worms rise up out of the filth and find the souls that asked for immortality. Nibelnubben asked for immortality and was given the gift of my body. One day the hive will be everything and all will be devoured. All will be not but Vermicast. You are Vermicast. No, Vermicast is the filth that worms leave behind.

Didn't we hear Vermicast before? Vermicast is a technical term for worm shit, just to be clear. Oh, that's not something we've encountered. I thought that was Comcast. Hey, we'll be right back. Oh, that's not something we've encountered. I thought that was Comcast. We'll be right back. So every member of the hive has died here. Every member of this hive is someone who died from here, but we are all a part of the worm that walks Now that the worm that walks has installed the priestess. He will be upon this plane soon enough and devour all

I will share that with the group and maybe hmm Okay. Well, that's that then she's a It's like gozer and fucking Then she's. It's like those are and fucking the master ship, right? They're going to open a big MCU portal, and then we got to fight the aliens until we killed a man alien and they all stop working and drop dead.

And then we have a like a a cut scene at the end of the credits. They give a history check from everybody. So you know. The way I give guidance on this. Yes, you may. 18 plus seven, 25. I like this character is a lot of numbers. I only got a 10, Well, 20 plus 22.

Jesus. What was your rule again, Blaine? I had 25. Yep. That's what I was looking for. I love it. I get to pick these really high difficulty check numbers and then sometimes you hit them despite my best efforts.

I rolled a 79. You know, you guys think really hard and, you know, beating a 20 is almost enough. You get kind of an inkling, but it's, Siam is going to remember some horrifying stories that he's come across. At first, you didn't recognize the worm reference, but the worm that walks was an elder evil, also known as Kyus. K-Y-U-S-S. Oh, that's Josh Homme's old band before Queens of the Stone Age. And guess what they're named after? This. The walking worm?

It's an old school D&D deity known as an elder evil Evil. It is a 30 foot tall giant composed of a shifting mass of maggots, worms, and other similar creatures that it can summon to a various number of planes. He has- Boogie boogie! He has made various attempts to break into closer realms in the cosmology. He has imitated Orcus when Orcus was missing at various points,

but he lives near a dead star deep in the far realms and is mostly confined to a physical form there, though he does try to expand his omnipotence sometimes to other planes so he can devour them. That is what you know. Okay. So we have to hopefully kill the priestess to weaken his ability to come here, but we're probably going to have to take him out as well or some form of his whatever his intrusion onto this plane. But it definitely sounds like she is the power that's allowing him to continue to be here. Maybe he originally created the portal and that's what

got the gnome priestess. So the gnomes all found out about it somehow? So the news all found out about it somehow. To it, and you're juggling a lot of information while, you know, trying to keep your missing out loud to everybody so everybody can make an only last a minute. So I'm going to say that at one point, we've been trying to show you a tris. Yeah, to a lid. But this is all you're lifting the lid and then closing it and describing a lot of horrible things.

Can I just get a deception check real quick to make sure that it doesn't read somehow, you know, acoustically or visually that you are plotting? Of course. Just take down the priestess. Again, a six, but again, because this is a charisma deception check, it pops up to a 10 plus 13, 23. You feel pretty confident from the tiny but dead look in this worm's eyes that it is not picking up on any foul play in my plan for this process. Every once in a while, even though I'm saying like, and so it's probably going to murder everybody, but I'll look back at the worm and give him a wink and a. We're cool. What do people think about that?

I don't like that this worm is so confident. Says Mopeepers. I don't want to do either. I almost think we should keep it in the jar. And get out of here. That's what I think. Is there anything else in this room we want? Don't we like break?

I mean, we potentially have that next. Let's get an insight check from everybody. I see we firebombed. But I mean, aren't they all they mean the garage? Yeah. Insight, you say? Yeah, boss.

Twenty one. Fifteen. Fifteen. Eighteen, six, twenty four. Oh, insight you say? Yeah, boss. 21. 15. 15. 18 with a 624. So, yeah, Spicoli, you're not sure what to do in this particular scenario, but I'll give this to anybody who beat a 15, which I believe is the rest of the folks. You're like, yeah, there's probably valuables here. In particular, Twitting, you would kind of look over your shoulder at that mech and be

like, there might even be a way to hotwire this thing and walk out of here with it the way we had that other mech that we stole. Yeah, because there's an arm still that we could... There's an arm that needs attaching. Does it seem like we have to attach it here? Like is the rig in such a like a standing thing that if we tried to leave with the mech and bring the arm with us, it would just be a real pain in the ass to try and attach it somewhere else.

Do we have to do that stuff here? You don't have to do the arm and reattachment here, but you do think you would have to hot wire it. It looks far too heavy to pick up and carry out of here ways probably more than all of you combined. And so you would want to get it activated and either knock down a wall or some other just sort of equally dramatic way of getting it out

of here that you burst or you give the last one you remember smashed in the face of the mansion and you might want to do something like that again just to get this out. But there are also a variety of tools laying around that you would all just get the creeps and feel like this is a sort of summoning ground for far realm Corpse devouring sentient worms and this guy did this I'll give just I'll give just you another instantaneous insight check Twitter. Sorry, okay template 616 That doesn't get your weird 10 bonus

No, cuz it's insight I get like basically I get charmed. What if I'm trying to be deceptive? I'm trying to be charming. That kind of stuff. It's called silver. It's silver tongue. I think is why I get that. You're not entirely sure. Well, I think you're right. Let's grab this guy.

Let's grab whatever we can. Let's hotwire this thing. Get the fuck out of Dodge. Right. Yeah. Or at release this this workshop it does look like this is maybe something that Nibble Nubbin was working on before he was enthralled or whatever he did to make an alliance with this worm that you know ate his soul but it's going to take somebody winning a check to get this thing hot-wired. Would this be... I don't know, what do we...

I know, I'm pulling up character sheets to kind of scan what I think is a fair ability check. I have one final bardic inspiration. I'd love to give that to whoever, you know, I'll pull up my loot and start strumming a little thing like, who's the smart one who can is the check. I know I'm trying to figure it out. Um, I want to, I would just say this is a, what, what the fuck is this sleight of hand description and where it says, uh, dexterity sleight of hand allows you to pick a pocket, conceal a handheld object or perform. Ledger main.

What's ledger main? Ledger domain. Ledger. Magic, I guess. Perception, trickery, a classic piece of management. Ledger main, that's the clue, that's a use in the language, but deception or trickery. It says on Oxford dictionary, skillful use of one's hands

when performing conjuring tricks. So fingers and shit like Magic Castle, the dude who's doing like the coin stuff at the bar. Yeah, we'll say what you're doing is you are connecting to bits of steampunk technology that will require ledger mains. So, yes, it'll be a sleight of hand check from somebody. I will. That's that's our TV buddies. Which one of you choose a real fucking set? Spicoli. Yeah, I'll do it.

Yeah, I'll give I'll give I'll give Spicoli bardic inspiration so we can have to this. How are that robots for Coley? And then the day before, I think, oh, the full bardic is the. Thank you. 17. Oh, fuck. So and eight, whatever that is.

Twenty five. Yeah, that's that's that's going to get something special. So you manage to connect the technology and it words to life. It has no arms and none of you are immediately sure how to work something special. So you manage to connect the technology and it whirs to life. It has no arms and none of you are immediately sure how to work the controls, but you do think you might be able to get it to stomp through a wall if one of you can figure the controls out. Who's going to go for that? And in terms of the controls, what does this strike us as in terms of like, is this an intelligence thing? Like, does it feel more magically?

Is going to be definitely intelligence. You're going to be making a smarty and insight insight check. So that might be what? Shalab who's really good at insight. Yeah. That's wisdom, not intelligence. Sorry. Yeah.

I have a 10. Right. Oh, it is 70. Yeah. Oh, well, no, I no longer have got Vardic inspiration, but I can give you regular guidance. You could add a D for that. OK.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. Watch me. All right. 17 plus 10. Yeah, it's a 27. I'll just add the 28. Oh, just the 28. Yeah, so 27 of the seven 28 oh Just the 28 just only got one Sorry guys

I really fucked this campaign up. I was a real toilet rat. I apologize Yeah, 35 you what a joke so Natalie doesn't wear to life, but it starts moving towards the wall. It kind of pivots in place and smashes out. You're on the second floor. So you all see it kind of just like face first smash into the ground. You all peer through the hole in the wall and it's like its legs are kind of like

kicking. It's on its side. You're like, its legs are kind of like kicking. It's on its side. You're all going to have to kind of go down there and prop it back up. But yeah, you broke it out and it's still functioning. Great. Let's climb down the wall or drop a rope. I imagine our thief friends have no problems climbing down, but I might be a little more careful.

Yeah. All right. Well, congratulations. problems climbing down, but I might be a little more careful. Yeah. Right. Well, congratulations. You have another mech that you can try to pawn and I believe that'll do it for this episode of Nerding Pokes. Love it. Well, uh, Hi everybody.

Um, if you would love to hire me as your dungeon master, you can go ahead and head to dantelfer.com to read my bona fides and hire me. I would happily run a one-off for you. I'm running a couple of campaigns for hire that have been running for multiple years and that has been a delight. And I would love to add you to the mix or you can just, you know, if you'd like to pay for my medical expenses over this last week, you can just Venmo at Dan Telfer and suddenly all that Pedialyte will be paid for. Cool. I have a new date, the 21st coming up.

June 21st, Seattle. It's a new rock club I haven't played and I can't pull the name out of my ass the second, but check it out, brianpasane.com. And then I've got Canada coming up and a bunch of stuff. Bunch of live appearances promoting Grommets and Rifters this summer and shit and more standup. Woo woo, yay. Uh, Blake? We attribute the success of save mankind from it. Thanks for joining us on this episode.

You got walls and a roof? Well. Thanks for joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof? Well- Oh, uh, on the next Nerdpoker, the Nerdpoker gang visits Paris, the city of light. Ken gets an Eiffel. Dan falls in Louvre. Chris, his Lut-L, it is too loose.

Sam's shirtless push-ups are a triomphe with the dimes. But a visit to Père Lachaise Cemetery turns deadly when Brian sits on his ballzack wrong. S'urrent tout nouveau, Boker Nair. and you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 and CINO California 91416. Thanks for listening!