Nerd Poker - The Fog Campaign - Episode 27

Episode Date: July 9, 2025

It's time to interrogate the Mayor of Dellsmouth, a nervous gnome whose home might be haunted. He is begging us to leave, and there's a disturbing tableau before us- but hey, let's pull up some chairs and ask some casual questions about the gigantic frame with a blanket hastily draped over it! For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Hey, it's Brian Possein, nerd poker. We're calling it The Fog Campaign. My friends are here, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer Sam, and of course our kick-ass DM Dan Telfer welcome to nerd poker hey everybody it's Brian Peasant you're listening to nerd poker episode 27 of the fog campaign. We're back in black. We're back together. The gangs here, the boys are back in town.

Any other song that relates to all of us playing live. Ken's here. Hey, Brian, how do you do? And orange shirt with that artist that I kind of recognized from the seventies with the two, the kids with big heads. It's not keen, but it's keen. Like it's just seven. And then it says Taco Bell in the old font underneath it.

It just sort of matched for me. It's pretty good. Blind on my T public store. And then Chris is here. Hello. Hi. I love getting shirt. Oh, I just got your shirt. I was like, what is that. Hello. Hi. I love getting shirt. Oh, I just got your shirt.

I was like, what is that? Oh, thanks. I did. Totally. It's a reference. Yeah, it's our guys limo service. From can you remember, Dan? I'm writing this bookstore ever. I'm wearing a Powell's bookstore. I love that place.

And you know what? They'll kick me out. I never see. I'll stay there for hours. You see a band play. I suppose. No. Yeah, they didn't know that was a big once in a while. Yeah, actually, I saw a keen like open for they might be giants.

I can see if they had food, I could stay in there all day. Like talking about keen, like not a real thing. Blaine's here. Yeah. What's that shirt? Release this denudas. Get the fuck out of my house. Blaine's here. What's that shirt? Releases the nudists. Get the fuck out of my house. Japanese Japanese psychedelic band. The already.

And it's the one where the they were communists back in the 60s and the bass player. He had a group of commies. They hijacked a Japanese airlines plane into North Korea. Oh, Jesus, how'd that work out? He's still there. He kind of regrets it. Then they all went into hiding and like they would, they would only come out every now and then and do like concerts and on

mountainsides and caves and stuff. Interesting. Yeah. They sound like battleships fucking. Wow. Yeah, they're great. And at the end of the table from the cool part of town, Sam, everybody. Hello, sweet children. What's that? What's that sweatshirt? Blackwater Holy Light. They're all female rock band. Oh, right. Oh, they're great.

Mm hmm. All like fixing. Yeah. It's crazy. Fixing in the runaways. And that's it. No one else ever. Oh, the gagoes I'm wearing a draw shirt because jaws is 50 and I'm more than 50. I Just watched it at the other night I like jaws when I was eight so guess how old I am eight

eight oh six oh I think it goes really to this way I think I've told the story but when I I saw it in the theater when I was what 11 is 75 right yeah and I was so scared I threw up all night Wow man yeah I used to go we used to go see it daily right just to watch the reaction to the head come out of the boat yeah turn around and watch the audience right before it happens and the whole audience like a wave goes it's great it's the greatest movie of all time with Dan you want to thank some people I do I do I do overrated fucking kill you It's no slappy in the stinkers. Slappy in the stinkers. Hey, Bill Booking Candle.

What? Thank you to all our Patreon supporters who keep this podcast going and help us buy a bigger boat. Folks at our top two tiers have usernames like the Stay Fucked Harshmallow Man. Nice. Good work. Thank you. Logan's run DMC. Thank you.

The Sarah gazardo rat rescue and feeds fetish foundation. Thank you. Allie Allie Boballi. Thank you. 15 miles to the roar shack. Thank you. Dr. It was mortuary and pizza shop. Yesterday's losses today's sauce.

I keep thinking that there was some sort of necromancy thing that happened to Dr. Wood and I'm not remembering every time that name comes up. Someone explain that to me. Anyone in the room? Say it again. Patreon, Fifford, Dr. Wood's mortuary and pizza shop yesterday's losses today's sauce. It sounds like Dr. Wood did something, and that's why we're talking about Sweeney Todd.

Nothing I remember. Right. Come here. The tale of Dr. Who would thank you. Advoise, grumble grunge dwarven style toilet rat kebabs drenched in Ernie's favorite baby curry sauce. Wow. But that voice, someone's taking notes. That's a thank you. Baby curry sauce. Wow.

Ad voice. Someone's taking notes. That's a... Thank you, Zach Moadweeb. Thank you, Glibbles and Bits. Thank you, Blair Campbell. Thank you, Tyler Creator. Carter, Tyler Carter. That wasn't a Tyler the Creator joke.

Thank you, Florence Horror Tales. Thank you, I Got Walls in a Roof. Thank you, Friar Jolly's Queep Show next door to the Kloeka Pub and Grill in the Dildo District. One time. One time. Thank you, Larry Meadnall. And finally, thank you. Moist lips need total hydration.

Mmm. Blaine, who are those supporters brought to us by? Supporters brought to us by hamster balls. What the fuck? They're way too big. Hamster balls. Dan? Thanks Blaine. We're stopping the. Would you don't make me fucking laugh? You're not playing. It's all on you every week. It's true that they are. They're way too big. They're weird.

I know it's like, why? Why are they gigantic? Yeah, it's like, does it hurt? I have a pixie song. I can't dig my camp. Good ball. Which deals like that one. Our listeners have some funny names, man. We have some funny listeners.

I do wonder sometimes when they don't make sense. I'm like, wait, oh, is that an inside joke from another podcast that they support on Patreon? No, it could just be an old ass episode that we've forgotten. It's also part of. Yeah. It's boss players have some like Dr. Yeah. It's a false set reception. Like Dr. Good's mortuary and pizza shop.

Folks, it's time for me to talk about what happened last time. So you guys are now in the mayor's manor. You have gone to visit the mayor. Mayor, where's his name? Elderwell Hank and Bottom. Hank and Bottom. Elderwell Hank and Bottom has not been seen in 10 days.

You stopped by to see if you could learn something about Tide Gnomes, I believe. I can't remember if you were already suspicious. But when you showed up, you discovered the ancient furbolg butler named Lurg who had been setting up camp in the foyer after not really having any contact for ten days with the mayor who over the apparently the last few months has been spending more and more time in his office and has not left in ten days. Food is left out for him every day and it disappears and he doesn't, Lurg doesn't know what happens to the meals he leaves out for Mayor Hank and Bottom. But he has given you a key to the door and you told him to

make haste downstairs and as much as an ancient furball can he scurried down the stairs. You're currently in front of the door. Chris Twiddin has cast Bless on all of you, and he has cast Gift of Alacrity on himself. A Detect Magic has been running for a minute, and you have noted there is a Necromancy aura moving around inside. And so far, you've let Lurg knock on the door. He immediately turned to you and said, I don't think we're going to hear an answer.

And that's all you've done to get in so far. You do have a key, but you haven't tried knocking yourselves. You haven't tried calling out. And I thought I would remind you of that since things are tense. And I've put a battle map on the table already. I've put a battle map on the table already. But Lurg was with you, the fur bug here. I'll grab a random... where's a random ass person.

Oh, he's got minis. Yeah, if there's a mini I have. Boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo. Here, we'll use this guy. What about Ken? Can Ken just stand in? We'll pretend this giant toad is Lurg. And so Lurg.

Took his feet off. This is the door that leads to the hallway. You came in here. This is a door that goes farther into the manor. And Lurg is off here somewhere. And I'll put all of you in the hallway. If you want to use me in minis. He's a big toad guy.

He's a fur bug and that is a random mini that I pulled out. He's like Lurch but he's furry. That's what I thought. The G in city witch. Blaine, you want to toss me a mini? Toss a mini to your DMer? You can toss a mini to your friend. Stock recovered caramel from Entoo and... Just a little peeper just kind of scooting off to the side. Peepers.

What would you all like to do? Well, I can't remember your original motive for coming here. Was it just to learn about Tidons? Initially, but it also seems like at some point or another, we're going to have to fight one of these fuckers. So that might as well. Yeah. No, we came to meet the mayor, right?

And get his information. Well, cause we had information about the, the side. Yeah. This is the mayor on the other side of the door, but it sounds as though he's pretty not to talk to him and not to, not to kill him. Different man. So we'll see what happens.

He's a different man. If I believe right, If you believe your guy, the other guy that we were talking to was going to get us some information or some maps from people that dealt in that area. Right. There was another thing that would, there was two things we could do. Talk to the mayor or get more info from from the thieves killed the thieves. And so we paid him to ask around while we did this. Right. All right. So yeah, now we're caught up. But maybe elbow drop. Brian, your elbow.

Brian, do you want to lie down? There's a lot happening on your end of the table. Do we, are people keen to fight this guy? It seems very much like we might get info from him. It really sounds like he may have already turned into, remember that we saw before some gnome who had turned into like a wraith, wasn't it, Dan, or sounds like he may have already turned into remember that that we saw before some gnome who had turned into like a wraith. Wasn't it Dan or something?

Yeah, that this guy. I'm trying to remember what exactly it was. I have it in my notes. I'm just trying to remember off the top of my head. So I'm not staring at my phone. It was a, oh, it's on my tongue. A guest, a guest. That's right. And you know that the the nimble nubbin guy, his soul had been transferred

to a worm through some sort of dark pact, even though you had killed nimble nubbin, his soul was sort of devoured by a little worm you have in a vial or a jar. And downstairs, when you first came in, you're in the foyer, there are these big double doors that lead into the, you know, like main part of the first floor of the manor, but it was shut. There was dust on the ground in front of it, like it hadn't been open a while. And you detected moving necromancy auras multiple. There are objects as well as a moving auras. And so you got a bad vibe that the manor was already like in deep shit. And that led to a lot of the tension

Hmm Do we maybe not want to talk to him now? Can do you have a reading spell? Yeah, I can detect thoughts It's not it's not some kind of mind. Yeah, can you program through the door? Oh scan him Ken? Yeah, I don't know if I can make his brain burst. Come on Spock Scanners I'm gonna walk by one foot of stone dirt or wood one inch of metal or a thin sheet of lead That door is not a foot thing. No, I can also throw a fireball as soon as we open the door It's a fairly simple wooden door, but I can give Ken can read his thoughts first.. Oh yeah. What's the distance on that bad boy? Wait a minute. I'm looking at the wrong thing.

I gotta say go. Oh, have we been talking about fireball this whole time? What did you say? What's the witch? The range. The range is their area self. What? You're casting on yourself.

30 feet. Okay. So creatures that know languages or telepath. You can get most, you can get all, but the very back of this room. Not that you know how big it is, but I'm going to do that. Can we, can we play the Star Trek mind milled music while he does it? Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, please. What are the surface levels?

Uh, we're still starting to dance for a witness. And we just need to pull this ball so I can talk over the bits. Stop with the bits, you guys. This is a serious game. What show is this? How many jaws? Shirts have you had over three spots? Just this one. It's a good one. And then, no, no, no.

A lot. Oh, right no no no right if you probe deeper is a wisdom saving throw crash and they can they can tell that I'm doing it so I'm pulling it up on my phone too so I don't have to keep bugging you but the classic light blue one is a kid yeah there's there you are detecting thoughts there is the thoughts of one person on the other side of the door. You're detecting that they are very anxious and nervous. Oh, OK. Worrying. Not great. Yeah, but not self-conscious.

Not a super killer. Now, you know what I mean? Maybe. OK. Does he think he's an ace reporter? A reluctant astronaut. You know, they're showing it at the bowl again. Like an astronaut. No, John is like in a couple of weeks.

Cool. The fifth, I think with an orchestra or just as a venue. Yeah. So yes. Yeah. Yeah. That's one of the things that's, I mean, when it all of a sudden kicks into the Americana stuff in the middle,

yeah, like it kind of like makes you go like, oh, it's okay. Oh, that's right. This isn't the worst terrifying horror thing ever. It's fine, we're fine, we're fine. Would you like to probe deeper, Ken? I'd be better, I would. Okay.

Yeah, when the score gets like whimsical when it's not the shark, you know, when there's like the trick, no, we're like, there's the fake out one. Yes. And then, oh, it's not a shark. Then it's like the lead, the team like this sort of kind of changes. You're you're sensing that this nervous, self-conscious person is thinking, please, please make them go away.

I want them to go away. I need to be alone. Don't they understand? Why? Why are there people in my house? All right. Guys, let's go tell them. I mean, sounds way better than I can't wait to eat somebody's neck. I almost feel bad.

No. Well, but now we know we can be gentle, right? We can now. We don't have to come in hot. We'll help him. Right. Defeat whatever is. Fuck. We don't help them in hot will help them. Defeat whatever's fucking I don't have to act like LA cops. Yeah, hey, not soon enough. And you're always bring this to each other. Yeah, you'll start gently strumming on the loot just to kind of create sort of a nice vibe out here. And sort of not can be like, Mr. Mayor, we only need a moment of your time. We know how precious it is to you.

We would love to help and talk about, uh, what a fun way to do this. And what we'd love to talk to you about the tide gnomes performance check, please. Performance. This is going to be a DC 17. Oh, shit. Are we in Indian City? That's a natural one. Wow. Nice. Bad. Just silence.

You just hear silence. He botched it. He hates tiny Tim. It just doesn't have an effect on. You guys have silence. He botched it. He hates tiny Tim. It just doesn't have an effect on you guys. Have bless just, you know, which allows you to add a D for two ability. No way. You could have done it. I think it's saving throws and attacks.

It's not going to help. So we just going to enter this room and talk to you. Have the ability to unlock the door and stroll right in if you want to. Yeah. I'll at least turn the door and stroll right in if you want to. Yeah. I'll at least turn the door and be like, as long as there's not an explosive attached to the door. Dan. Whoops. What?

Check for traps. Sure. Yeah. Investigation check please. From the person doing it. I would step back and lower. It's a single person job. Right.

Think he won't be me. I can do it. What's his history that we know about? Is there he's the mayor. And I know this sleight of hand, you said for for a door check. You're asking for traps. Check it for traps. That's investigation.

Is that sleight of hand is disarming a trap. 22 alone. Did he lose somebody recently? Twenty two. Yes. There are no traps on it, but it is locked. You don't know that he's lost anyone recently. You know that there are liaisons from other cities that run the town for the most part since things have gone to shit. The mayor has kept a low profile, but you already knew that coming in here that he's

kept a low profile and that these liaisons were running things for the most part. The town is largely abandoned, so he hasn't really needed to do anything. And you were I couldn't remember exactly. So I've already sort of asked you guys if you could help me with this. But I believe you mostly wanted to just know about tide gnomes. You mostly were just because he was descended from them. He was like the last person in his family line. It was kind of like he potentially was gonna give us some info before we went into the Tide Gnome. Right. We did not expect necromancy auras. That's really

the only thing that's a huge surprise. Yeah. So maybe he's somehow connected to or infected the lady. Yeah. Maybe not. We'll see. We kind of thought this was a separate thing, but maybe it's all we need to deceive him or anything like that. I say we ask him. Just, all right, time we let him go. All right, I will maybe stop playing the guitar, seeing as that's now associated with my cruel failure. Failure. Long long time ago.

It just, it sounded like really boring music, like the Beatles. Wasn't really good. Damn! All right, throw me in, man. I'm Fitzgerald. I will actually step behind Shalab in your full demon sex lord regalia and let him do his thing.

Okay, sex demon. I'm gonna start singing some lords of acid. What are you, what's happening? Walking in. You're just gonna unlock it? Unlock the door, yeah. I'll unlock it. We're walking in.

So you're unlocking, you're not gonna say anything, you're just gonna open unlock it. Unlock the door. Yeah. I'll lock it. We're walking in. So you're not going to say anything. You're just going to open it. I screwed up from this side. I feel like I'm going to. Hey, Mr. Mayor. We're coming inside. You say that? Yeah. OK. So you open the door.

Boom. Everyone's dead. The end. Now that that the mayor is sort of shivering nervously behind his desk at the end of the day. Work work work work. There he is. Hello boys, how you doing? I miss you. There is a dead elf in the middle of the room on the floor.

Warf, what are we all gonna warf? Play makes Jack a dull boy. Aw word. A dead elf. When you open the door there's a dead elf in the middle of the, word. And a dead elf. When you open the door, there's a dead elf in the middle of the floor. And the mayor and elf, you know, a gnome behind his desk says, help. Someone broke in and I killed them. Hurry, get them out of here. Hmm. He's saying that to us.

Yes, as you open the door, he like kind of looks up. His eyes get wide and he says help! An intruder came in, can you help get them out of here quick? What does it look like happened to this elf? Everyone roll a perception check. I have passive perception 20. Can I just do that? You can take that. Yeah. I just rolled a natural 20 plus 10 Jesus Christ of a cracker. Hey, what's the view from heaven? Elections from Jimmy Hendrix

I'm full Colombo and we're just gonna give this to star of Sam over there. Yeah, so yeah. Yeah over here there's a really weird, it looks kind of like a canvas frame and there's a blanket over it. So imagine there's like, you know, tissue paper or something over this archway. But it looks really out of place. It looks really there's like the blanket over it

looks like it was very hastily thrown over it. You were looking specifically at the body, right? But you can tell me there's something else you're trying to spot with the fucking 30. But like the body is splayed out. It looks kind of like bluish, like it's been dead for a day or two. And its stomach is slit like long, like longer than just one stab wound would take. It looks very surgical. Like there's a long vertical wound going from beneath this elf's belly button all the way up towards their rib cage. It seems like more than that. Is there like, does it look like it was dragged from the area of the, the, the sheet, the blanket here.

Um, I'm going to tell you what I can with a perception check. We'll save an insight check for a second, but it looks at, you don't see any signs of dragging. Does it look like something might have a shot him from, uh, or cut him from behind that thing? Is this like a punch in? There's no trajectory. Clues that you see. Does that certainly help him with anything about the Harry Potter mirror thing?

I'm telling him that he notes that it looks hastily thrown over it with this perception of 30. You're you're noting some details with a perception check. I'm not going to have everyone on the inside check until you kind of like can see the whole room or you tell me something specific that's unrelated to just seeing the room. This sheet, but I don't know if it's safe to do that. At this point, you're all kind of just staring.

So he's going to go, hurry, hurry, please get it out of here. I called the guards. Let's carefully Look around the room. Let's not like run Us to run but never do this guy said Dan. Can I throw charm person on him? Oh But you're all at first I wanted to clarify we were entering the room also That's up to you. How when you it, when you want to cast it. Yeah, I think our attention is.

Everyone else is. OK, make sure I'm going to just put everybody in the room as these things that could potentially instigate are happening. Just because I'm trying to get things one at a time heard by the dungeon master. Oh, he don't care. Sure. Great. And what did we do? Here, let's actually have the doorway kind of turned this way

just so I can kind of fit the menus in the room better. All right. Summon in turn. Which savings for Mr. Tender Green's menus in here is that wisdom or charisma? Boss Charm Person is a wisdom saving throw. Nice. That's a fail. OK, what do you what is the charming that's happening?

Hey, listen, why don't you just calm down now? I'm going to purr a little bit. And say, listen, what happened to the elf? What's that thing next to your desk? I am pulling up charm person to see what they have to do now. Regards me as a friendly acquaintance. Charmed by you until the spell ends until you or your companions do anything harmful to it. They regard you as friendly acquaintance, as you said.

When the spell ends, they know it was charmed by you. Yes. So this can last up to an hour. Nice. At the same time as my quality eyeglasses. Oh, that's great. We can go to Kearney's? You seem to kind of like take a big sigh of relief.

Oh, good. Again, I'm glad you're here. You can help me with this predicament of this intruder. The thing there? Don't worry about that, friend. That's something that's better not to know. You don't want to know what's under there. What else is in the room with us? What do you mean what else? This is my office. As you can see, I have books and such, but I would love to address the corpse in the room. It's a bit upsetting, you see. Can you take this maybe to the town doctor? He lives on on the south side he's he has a gnome and you can hurry maybe maybe you can find some clues on this happen maybe he'll tell you what happened

i happened a few moments ago right before you opened the door he broke in through the window behind me uh now seems kind of, it seems like it might have. He does might be a little late. Maybe maybe we could step everyone in side. Chuck, does anybody have like can we just see if any kind of weapon or anything? Anybody detect lies?

I will. He's right now. He has a charm, so he has to be told to tell the truth, but he treats you like a friendly acquaintance. I have a 10 on my insight. Is that good? Nope.

That's with my business. You don't know what's going on. Insight. Where did everybody go? Insight. Please don't throw your papers on top of the thing where people might be knocking over. I'm sorry. Rules.

12. I still want you to break someone's head off. What am I, Limp Bizkit? It's all about the... I already had a 10, I heard a 12. I am I, Limp Bizkit? What am I? It's all about the- I already 10, I heard a 12. I knew I'd get Sam.

I didn't even mean a 12. What, Insight? 24. Pfft. Price. 17. Ooh. Plus anything?

Nah. Okay, O2. Oh, 19's pretty good. Yeah. Oh, two. Oh, 19's pretty good. Yeah. So, Spicoli, you get the feeling that this is- That's the name of the game. Total bullshit.

Total bullshit, Spicoli. You smell bullshit from this guy. Yeah. You feel- I know that dude. Probably not telling the truth about the corpse, probably not. Probably trying to hide something behind that big blanket.

And Sam, you feel like he is sweating way too much. He's grabbing his jacket in a way that makes you think that he's got a fever of 110 or something. He's kind of like rocking back and forth, which makes you think like, there's this urgency. He's trying to hide from you. And it's a it's a big thing to have hastily thrown a blanket over. And you get the sense that he spent the whole time you guys were outside,

like the whole time he knew you were there because the Lerg butler not just trying to throw a blanket over there and tidy up things that you can't see you see that the window he claims that was broken through is currently closed and locked. Oh wow okay. For the 24. Listen amigo. We just wanted to learn about tide gnomes. Yeah, we just wanted to ask you some questions about tide gnomes.

Now I did the corpse out of here too while you, because just maybe dragging in the hallway. I just. What if we do that after we talk about tide gnomes? We promise. Persuasion check. From, well, specifically from Chris, because he said we'll do it after we talk about tide gnomes. That's very specific. All right, well,

that's a two, but because of my thing, it kicks up 10. So it's a 23. Wow. Jeez. A two is a 23. What is this game? You made the rules. For a second, I thought that was a terrible idea. Are you Gary Gartyx?

Huh? Are you Gary Gartyx? No, but when he made us level 7 to start. Oh, I got excited. No, and I don't own any Birkenstocks. Why not? They're really comfortable. Because I ain't no hippie. But I do wear slip-on shoes because I'm a large nerd. So you're like a croc to me. Dan cut that out.

Fans and Toms, folks. Fans and Toms. You feel like you've definitely got him to agree with you. I mean, he's like, okay, I tied, no, I'm sure. I, and maybe we could just keep it quick, maybe. It just depends on how quick you can tell us what you know. And he's just, you know, like shivering eyes wide. If it helps, we're planning on an expedition to it. I'll tell him. So what can you tell us that would be helpful to know? I mean, you

tell us and boy, we'll be so happy to leave. Oh, an expedition up the Sword Coast, maybe. No, it's here. Hmm. Here in town where there was apparently a hidden. You're hoping there's a we're hoping there's a hidden tide gnome layer or something here. Perhaps if you tell us about it, you could tell us about it. Yeah, that was the ball. You mean the You're hoping there's a hidden, hidden, hidden am so sorry that this has been kept from you. No sweat. We want to know more about it. Persuasion check, please, Brian. Specifically you.

I have a real low charisma, so let's go. This is all bullshit. I'll give him the guidance. It'll cancel out the bless, but if it's been a minute. It's been a minute. So yeah. Oh! Oh!

Natural choice. Hey! And you have a bonus persuasion? Look at that. Critic, crits, a crit. Yeah, that's good shit. He, what do they say in ET? Zero charisma?

No, just because you succeeded doesn't mean that there was a chance he's going to be completely compliant without force. But he does say, oh, I suppose I can tell you there are ways you can visit the old city. But I guess I mean, I would be the one to ask, wouldn't I? I would be the one in town who would know. Yeah, that's why we came here. I suppose you could get there from somewhere in the

gnome quarter right at right north of Soggy Town. There's probably an old building that's got a way down there, but oh, oh, that would feel like there's certain things. If I say I could really make a pickle for myself, so I should really, I should really be careful. I don't say too much just for my own safety. Oh my gosh. We're from San Francisco.

We don't judge anybody. To be honest, except we have this map already. So no one's ever gonna know that you helped us. All they know. Do you show them the map? I will not show here. I will let him see that I'm not making it up. OK, I'm not going to let him get a good look.

Right. And he takes a quick look, trying to get a good look at it. I rolled a three. I was going to hide it from you if it was good. And so. He he doesn't get a good look at it. I mean, he says, oh, but tell me, is there is there is at the map show how to get down there? I don't know that. Do we know that? He doesn't know it like what you what you have a map of is a vault.

Oh, OK. If you remember the the guy you saw. That's right. It was just this. And I'll be like, no, we just we know where the vault is. And you know, it's under it's it's two layers underneath the city underneath the Saguaro temple that was built on top. Okay. Do we know where that temple is, the building? Well, uh, the temple is underneath soggy town. Okay. And he just told us that there's a secret way in through the gnome court. Yeah. He said a building, right?

He asked if you already knew how to get down. If you know you're telling him, well, we'll like, is there something you can offer that would be helpful? I mean, I don't want to get in trouble. I've never there's no. Who could you get in trouble? Oh, things are crazy.

What a weird time to visit Del's mess. Things are that's why we're here. We're trying to things are in motion to the way it used to be we're trying happening. Bellesmith great again. It won't be for God. It won't be much longer now just just things are already in motion. You should you should probably make haste out of Delzimus.

Yeah, is this chaos related? God, what's a good role for that? I'll let you choose. Are you saying you're the stone age? I understand you're being subtle because you're an amazing actor, Blaine, but are you being, um, is this honey or vinegar? Is, is there an edge to this or is there's honey?

I'm, um, I didn't check, please. Uh, 17 plus five fucking guy you gotta get one of these 20 side is it's all 17 enough that's great he says he says very quietly and then team what's your passive perception? It is 20. You can hear him under his breath. And if you have a passive perception of 18 or more, you also hear this. But he says he can hear you.

We must not talk about is he is he in the room with us? Behind behind a thing right there. Oh, God, he knows. Oh, God, uh, behind a thing or right there. Oh God, he knows. I think we should probably fuck off. That could be a lot of things, Chris. We should all have sex with him.

Let's put a pin in that for a second. And, uh, we're going to have sex with him and then we're gonna find out. Are we gonna tattoo him? I would like to know what we're hanging in the gnome section that we should go into to access this city. If I tell you, you'll hear me. Oh and you write it down. Yeah. Oh and you like stare at the thing with the blanket over it. Also if you tell us, we write it down. Yeah. Oh, and interest stairs of the thing with the blanket over Also, if you tell us we'll hear it What why don't I open up the map to the whatever the the butt side of the map? Let's say and to say you're right You should not say anything and give them like a quill or something and we can write some shit down

He he starts to gag and go, he's coming. And you put the map on his desk anymore. And as soon as you clutching your throat, he's going to puke on our map. Oh, no, he's pointing at the map. So you tell me again. OK. OK. You don't have to bring it close, but he's trying to point at it. So the closer you bring it, the more specific you're going to see it points in this moment.

Yeah, do it right up to his finger. Yeah, goonies it up to him. Okay, so you can use it. I'm gonna move everybody around his desk. The corpse behind you now. I'm and you're holding the map Chris. Sure. Your guy here. Little peepers just hates everything about this. It's hanging out kind of off to the side. Can I get on the other side so I'm by the the blanket? Yes go ahead and do that. So

this is you? Yeah. I'm ready for that blanket. Okay. He was trying to restrain himself. You get a feeling that suddenly something is trying to take over his executive functions and he points. He rolled a 20 on his... Vader's using the Force on him. He rolled a 20 on his saving throw to be able to focus and tell you, but he points right in the middle of the map and he says, um, Oh, old mining shaft, old mining shaft, right

above old mining planet Hollywood. Got it. Building has mining architecture. Okay. From mining, new mining office. Right. Can we help you? Are you all right?

He's definitely not all right. Should we attack the thing? He takes a step backwards and starts throwing up worms all over the floor. Jesus. God gross. Guys, we should probably be going. If you remember, I left that macaroni salad in the car and it's going to get spoiled.

Oh my God, the roast. Everybody and the dog roll. He leads the macaroni salad initiative. But we're leaving. No, we're going. He just said we're leaving. We're going for his macaroni salad. Initiative? But we're leaving. No, we're going. You just said we're leaving. We're going for his macaroni salad. Let's make haste.

Eleven. Eight. Yeah. I have a 17 plus my gift of alacrity.'s a d8 so I got a 5 so that's a 22 plus my net the 6 for initiative so 28 for initiative. Where's he go Brian? He's fucking 11. What is your deck's same spade and what is your deck's Spicoli?

You both rolled the same I'm trying to figure out who goes first. 18. 19. All right, well, it sounds like Paul Hardcastle is going to go first. Spicoli. Yeah. With a 19. Yep. And the mayor rolled a 13 and Lil Peepers rolled a 21.

Lil Peepers, you got so much. Twitten, everything feels really fucked up and you get a feeling that you could leave, you could make a run for the door, but whatever restraint was occurring has been lost. So when it's his turn, you think something might happen. Okay. Passive insight.

That's what that was. I'm going to cast a command on him slash it. Okay. I'm going to say surrender and has to make a wisdom DC 17 saving throw. Okay. 17. Well, he doesn't surrender. And then I will yeah, start moving, keeping icons still facing what's going on. But I'm going surrender. And then I will yeah, start moving, keeping the icons still facing what's going on. But I'm gonna use my movement to back up. I guess is that to the doorway? Brian, you're closer. Can you count? Can you count me back to six? Six squares, six

squares backwards? Where I am? I'm the price guy with the staff with the orb on top of it. This guy. So move him back six. So back here. I think two more. You're basically right in the doorway. OK, I'll get I'll get. How about not not in the doorway? I'll get next to that because I can't get out right down.

Let's see. One. Actually, you might be able to. OK. Well, you have to go around. Are you stepping over the course or going around the course? It was next to it. It was here. Okay. I'm going one, two, three, four, five. You can be right outside the doorway if you want.

Yeah. I'd like to be not in the doorway there so other people can get out. Can I move diagonally on my last one? So I'm like that. Exactly. Yeah. Just so I don't want to be in the doorway in case other people want to follow. All right. Well, just right. I don't want to be in the door in case other people want to follow. All right. Well, very thoughtful. You can thank you. That's that was my terrible turn. What does he have on his desk? What what what we have observed about his desk and just like messy paperwork.

Looks like it's got stains on it. Like he hasn't really been using it effectively. That's all you got from passive so far. No water or anything. No, and it's not you can ask more on your turn and I'll spend more than this breezy moment. He's got some papers and stuff on his desk. I'm going to knock those on the floor. When it's your turn, maybe you guys would give a great catcher. You have a great catcher.

But it's narratively folks. I'm not letting that happen. Don't send me messages. No, do send messages. If you want, son of a bitch, they're going to listen to you, aren't they? Yeah. So Lil Peepers, he got so much, breaches into his belt.

I wanted to be my acrobat and Chuck's vile. Oh, shit. That's the mayor. Who does what? Little Peepers is throwing a vile. He's going to fucking turn the mayor into two faces. What is he going to do? Oh, shit. This vile on explode with green liquid.

I think the vending in town is in the in the fucking blanket. I start sizzling. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. He threw an acid bomb on mayor. Oh, shit. Origin story. Now also going to back up just outside the door. All right. Wow. Peepers is hardcore.

He threw acid in a guy's face. He wasted no time. Well, he you could tell he's also, uh, like. He was, he was ready. Like his hand was on his dagger, that whole conversation. Um, and let's roll that acid damage. How come he didn't try and cut him with the dagger instead of throwing acid in his face?

Um, he didn't want to get close. You got the impression he was like, I'm going to just like, try and put some water on this fire and fucking bounce. I think twins are going to try and save the group. Like, I think we have to have a talk with papers, right? 14 points of acid damage. That's a 14 points vast damage. Magic Mountain once.

It was that time I watched killer clowns from outer space. All right. Now the corpse begins to float 10 feet off the ground. What corpse? Oh, shit. So of course, is this the mayor falls over? Interesting starts to tremor Tremor you mean like vibrate weird and

It's gonna hit for a lash or rips away. Oh, no Let's see Let's see, do I have the elf? No, the mayor of the elf is levitating. Yeah, the elf is levitating. The mayor. But he's dead. That was the mayor. And I said, mom.

Well, I mean, I, I feel good about all the info he gave us before he's. Yeah. Vibrated his flush off. Yeah. Maybe we can do something when we're down there to commemorate him somehow. Throw up worms. He might be more want to be remembered as like a gnome scholar. Pretend it's Chinese food like in the last boys.

And maybe he maybe he just ate sushi from bonds. Wenzel, I haven't seen Lost Boys in maybe since I saw in the theater. How does it hold up? I just haven't seen it. Oh, really? Yeah. That's that's one of the what? It wasn't that great the first time we came out. Oh, I love it. I love it, too. Oh, I love it. I had some love for it. Yeah, I liked it.

I don't know why. Cornball. It is and still is. Cornball. I do. I do love the whole Corey Haim stuff in it. Yeah, I do, too. Corners.

Near Dark and that came out the same year. And Near Dark is such a cooler version of a vampire story. Here's that's really going to say update. I just saw near dark again such a cooler version of a vampire story. Here's that's really going to say update. I just saw near dark again about a year ago and it does not hold that. Oh, I disagree. In the bar scene, the I think I am more tolerant of that stuff than you do, because I own all that shit on physical. Like I actually watch those horror movies over and over and over.

And I just think the posturing of the movie is always like Friday the 13th, five. Yeah. The worst one. I live is the worst one. Pretty much. I just heard somebody say it was one of their favorites. I don't like any of the Friday 13th except for 10 days. They had like zero dollars for that. They shot Corey Feldman in his backyard. Because he was already shooting.

Yeah, he was already shooting goonies. Well, Todd Cruz is outside a real spaceship. And it's supposed to be a cemetery and he's in his backyard in the valley with fake rain on him. I don't want to be buried in Corey Clomins. Dan, you're gesturing. Yeah, A giant worm explodes out of the mayor's corpse. Oh, gross. That's hissing. Sure it does. Is it what was it?

Slimy from Sesame Street? It is. It waits for you to do an alphabet. Hey, Willie. Willie came by to say hi, guys. Hi, Willie. Is she the biggest dog? She's the biggest dog of all time.

Barely get under the table now. You're like Marmaduke and fucking Clifford the big red dog. But cute. Also when he... Do you know Bobaduke? Wow. I just felt her breath on like the palm of my hand. Yeah, that's like a bear and I'm touching her butt.

That's how big she is. She's touching her and her snouts over there. Listen, Brian and I are at the opposite ends like the king. I know we like we're at a long dining table. Yeah, this is like the table in Spy Who Loved Me that had the tube under it where James Bond got shot by the harpoon. And there's a dog that long.

Hi, sweet girl. It's like a human centipede length dog. I feel bad because she, you know, she barks at you guys when you come every time, but she also does that. Wait, what? No, I'm sure you're aware of it, but she also does that. Wait, what? No, I'm sure you're aware of it, but she also does that on walks.

So she does it to nice people that I see every day. And it's so annoying. It's hard. And it's really hard because they because she's so cute. Everybody thinks she's going to be a big sweetheart. And they go, oh, hey, girl. And she'll go, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, hey, girl, and she'll go, Rarararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararar screen. A spell pops also. OK, because the mayor is dead. This is a new thing that is a pile of bones is now in the corner.

Jesus, did that like it was obscured by a spell that he was concentrated? Oh, interesting. I was like, did it just like Sam Ramey up through the floor? Like just a bunch of there's like weight.

The image sort of waves itself into existence in front of you. So he's maintaining illusions? Yes. You ever had a cat this big, Blaine? Yes, Calvin. My cat was, Calvin was 33 pounds in this piece. Wow.

That's crazy, really? That is a big ass cat. Big barn cat, but he was like solid. Like he wasn't, it wasn't like fur pig. A big sloppy cat with just arms sticking out of it. It was, One of my first girlfriends in Sacramento. She goes, hey, this local radio station's doing

a fat cat contest. You want to get really high? And go to it. That is like, you know, we. Yeah. This is fucking amazing. Just try to be careful. Brought all the people in Sacramento, brought all their fat cats to try to win this contest. I'd quite like a six.

How would you rate the hug every single one of them? Just walk around with a sash that said she is like, oh, that's a problem. I'm not sure. No, the winner was a guy with a top hat and a monocle. Thanks, Lily. Do you grab that for me, do you? Sure, I'm balancing a lot of my lap hiding.

Sorry. I don't know. Do you Ken, did you meet Laura Milligan's fur pig? Oh, no. Fur pig was like a foot rest. It was her roommates. Yeah, it was. Wow.

Greg or whatever the hell. Oh, maybe. Greg. In Hollywood? The biggest cat I've ever seen. No, in San Francisco. Oh, yeah. It was like an animate plushie.

Wow. Wow. My roommate Wendy, Wendy Wilkins, I remember her. Yeah, fun. She had a big fat kitty cat. Yeah. When I was little, little her. It was easily 45.

This thing was called Fur Pig, and we also called it Rug Buffalo. And we would get, again with the high. Yeah. I'm sure you did it, but I know I did it. Yeah, we did a E up at our house on top of a Russian hill. But he would get up on top of this glass coffee table and we would get under him like James Brown or whoever.

Danny Thomas. Yeah, Danny Thomas. Oh, hell. Yeah. And we'd go, it was amazing. You just get underneath and it's all belly, cat belly. Like little feet sticking out this way. Yeah, it's like Minox.

Like furry cat belly. That shit was hilarious. Good times. Dan, you finding the right worm? I was, but now I'm just getting ready for what will happen next time. That'll be a very poker at the wrong time. We hit the five minute mark during our bits. Sam, what do you think happened today? Episode 27, someone has been stabbed, but who is this guy?

Brian made an excellent libiscuit reference. Ken made an excellent foreigner reference. The worm filled man told us to go to a mining cave. The mayor is dead. A giant worm came out of the mayor's corpse. Yeah. Let's get him. I mean worm came out of the mayor's corpse. Yeah. Let's get him.

I mean, he's earned it at this point, right? Dan, you want to plug yourself? I plug myself every night when I get home from recording their poker. I plug myself. I plug myself. Yeah, if you head to dantelford.com, you can hear me do gross jokes on Zoom where I will dungeon master for you

with a whole realm of continents, countries, cities and monsters that I made just for freelance Dungeons and Dragons. Also, if you go to dantelford.com, you can read some of the testimonials. Ken wrote me one, a bunch of people who paid me to DM for them have written them. And I love attention. So even if you're not going to hire me, just go on over there and read about how great I am and then tell me I'm great. That's

it. I did stand up two nights ago for the for our last night, actually, days it Who am I? Two days ago. For the first time in months and it was super fun up in Seattle at the Clock Out Lounge with Derek Sheen. And I'm back everybody. Having fun again. I got a bunch of jokes, new ones that I'm loving. So I got Winnipeg coming up. I got Comic-Con and then I have Terrificon. If you live out on the East coast out in Connecticut, I've got that like the second week of August. Um, but Comic-Con,

I will be at the image booth most of the time. Um, come by and pick up a Arifters or a Grommets and I'll sign it. And, uh, and then there's some other shit coming up but brinepstein.com for all that. You're gonna cosplay as your character from The Mandalorian at Comic Con. Yeah I wish. You should do that. You win a contest. You have to. I wanted that jacket so goddamn bad but it would cost like a couple grand to make it. What are you gonna do with it? I know but yeah come on. I left it. There. Blaine. Oh. We attribute the success to save mankind from a...

Thanks for joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof? Well... On the next Nerdpoker, Magic Comet week continues when the Nerdpoker gang Freaky Fridays with legendary goth band The Cure and have to switch back before they go to bed with arch nemesis Morrissey. Can Sam help them Irish goodbye without committing a massive faux pas? All this and Brian splits on his porrals wrong. LOL. I'm your all new nerdpoker. Thanks for listening to another episode of NerdPoker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker and you get bonus episodes from there and you can also

Send us anything at P.O box one six zero six nine and Sino, California nine one four one six Thanks for listening