Nerd Poker - The Fog Campaign - Episode 28

Episode Date: July 16, 2025

You know what you deserve, listener? Us blowing something up, setting it on fire nice and proper. The real question is, will we look at what's under the blanket beforehand? For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Hey, it's Brian Possein, nerd poker. We're calling it The Fog Campaign. My friends are here, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer Sam and of course our kick-ass DM Dan Telfer welcome to Nerd Poker hey everybody it's Prima saying you're listening to Nerd Poker I'm the same. You listen into nerd poker. But I always I always like selling that that time I thought I'd double down. I thought you were it's mad. You're it's bad.

What's sexy? Whenever I can. Was that one of your guys? That's his wife's nice. That's nice. That's nice. That's nice. That's nice. That's nice.

That's nice. That's nice. That's nice. That's nice. That's nice. That's nice. That's nice. That's nice.

That's nice. That's nice. That's nice. That's nice. That's nice. That's nice. That's nice. That's nice.

That's nice. That's nice. That's nice. That's nice. That's nice. That's nice. That's nice. That's nice. That's nice. Billy Squire. Did you tell people you had a stroke? No, I just did. Not super recently. If you watch me do a comedy, you'll know because I have bits about it now. So yeah, it's not a secret. It's canon.

It ain't no secret. Blaine. Hey, hi. Everybody wants you. Trying to divert attention. Squire. Chris is here. Oh, hello.

Ken's here. Yes, I am. Dan's here. Hi. Bringing the low energy. It's a mellow man. Yeah. At the end of the table,

from the cool part of town, everybody, it's Sam. Hello, sweet children. Nice. I feel like to Encino Sam needs to get like a little sound bit in the show. So like a DJ that gets good, good, good, good, good. You know, we're just one thing. Yeah. Yeah. Well, he said, yeah, can can can do this. Yeah. All right.

How do you know all the worst noises and voices? It's really astounding. But for someone so talented, let's get him the Casio. Oh, yeah. I have one. I keep wanting to bring it. Miss Cass. I didn't I didn't hate Cassio. I would've let you do it forever. Let's do it.

Cassio was great. Our show might've been huge if we would've leaned on the Cassio. I agree. That's the problem. Can you play a clean iceberg with one? Ooh, guys, I smell a promo. Cassio's back, EO.

There you go. Ha ha ha. For a limited time. It's the McRib of synthesizers. The McRib of synthesizers. The Mc make rib of synthesizers. The make rib of synthesizers. Marty. Did lick the sauce off them keys.

Ugh. Get out of my house. Alright. And into my car. See how this episode goes with No Dungeon Master. We'll just talk about stupid shit. I'm gonna drink the people who made this podcast. And one of them made me laugh out loud during the bits just because I saw it.

See if you remember at home the typo I made at the beginning of this campaign that inspired one of these usernames. Anyone here at the table remember? Is it? All right, well, first of all, we'll get to it halfway through. Thank you. Two fried eggs, two poached eggs, two scrambled eggs and two medium boiled eggs. Okay. What? Guy likes eggs. Is that the freezer song? That's the, that's the acoustic version on the album is one of the deluxe tracks. Thank you Sparky the unicorn of woe. Thank you toss a boing cone to your bunko. Oh, rider of donkeys. Oh, rider of donkeys. Thank you. Bob Zeus of Bob's.

This is discount hammers and hammer accessories. Thank you a bit thief. Thank you, Jason yarn. Thank you. Come back, Sarah. We love you. And we want you to live Okay, the squizzard. We all miss her. I know I'm really sorry. I killed her everybody. Oh, yeah What I said it out loud whoopsie doodle. Thank you. Luke in wearing Karl Kolchak's hat Colchak one of you has a Colchak shirt. Is it you is you? Yeah, it's one of you two t-shirt folks over there It's fucking night stalkers. Such as we get folks. I look at this room or T-shirts.

Where are we? The T-shirt. Yeah. Sam's on the one. You sort of a bitch. I think we all agree. Anyone at this table has a cold check that night stalker shirt. It's one of you two. Not that the rest of us don't like Colchak the night talker. You are the two who go on the Internet and find the cold check nights.

Yeah, right. It's very true. Colchak night. You're right. It's very true. She's got a sucker suit. I would love to thank you for being a friend. Oh, yeah. Here's the other girls. Thank you. I am a button thief. Remember? Yep.

I am a thief. But he wrote I am a but thief. When he wrote, I am a butt thief. Oh, goddamn. What was great is I printed up copies of that letter and handed them to everybody without realizing it was in there. So you all sort of like realizing it at the same time. It was a real special day in my embarrassment history. Let's take a look at that clip. Thank you, Mary Jane Poseyne. Thank you, OSE. Thank you Mary Jane Possein. Thank you OSE. Thank you Beholder, I don't even know her. Thank you Mary in the octogenarian barbarian. Thank you My Stimulus Check.

Let's get some more of those folks. Thank you James Brooks. And finally, thank you Morack Farlar and Ahtzogad. Ahtzogad exist because of nerd poker. Sounds like somebody got into DND because of us. Hey Blaine. You did our job. Where the support was brought to us by?

Support brought to us by Nutella Aleve, delicious hazelnut pain relief, Nutella Aleve, and the Tesla self-sucking fleshlight. Who needs you? Dan? It's shaped like an Ouroboros. Yeah. Well, I guess it's time to talk about what happened last time on Nerdpoker. Everybody went through the door

and they said, hey, Mayor, why don't you tell us what the secret passage is to old Tide gnome town? And he said, you all should leave as a corpse on the floor. Can you take it out here pretty please? And everyone was like, no. He's like, well, here's how you get in on a map kind of. Oh, oh, yeah. And then he failed his second constitution check and vomited worms everywhere his corpse splitting open into a worm monster in

the corner we're in combat if you remember folks there is a large frame with a blanket thrown over it that Spicoli is standing right next to. There's a, the corpse in the middle of the room is now floating. If Lil Peepers and Twidner are outside the door, pretty much covers where everyone's at, you know, Shalhoub and Siam are kind of like in the middle of the room on either side of the floating corpse.

And Brian Spicoli was next in the turn order. What would you like to do? Brian Spicoli was next in the turn order. What would you like to do? Um, can I do this? It's a two actions I want to do. And I want to know if I can do it together. Can I look at your sheet while you ask? Yeah.

Um, I want to, um, split my, uh, water, water leather up, you know, that I would have, where I read my water in mm-hmm pouch yeah, yeah, and throw it on the blanket Oh, no, no throw it on this motherfucker. I'm the guy who just had acid thrown on yeah, and then you're checking water at him Yeah, and then I'm gonna chill touch him chill touch him. Or do I need to do the water to chill touch? I'll let you use that as your bonus action. How's that? Okay. So chill touch. Let me look that up. That is fun. I just want to see exactly.

I thought that was an extra layer to add to it is to make them wet before I freeze them. I truly enjoy the creativity of that. That's great. Let me just look up the physics that are in the official rules. You gotta feed them after midnight. You create a ghostly skeletal hand in the space of a creature, making range spell attack against the creature to assail it with the chill of the grave. On a hit, the target takes one D8 necrotic damage.

So it's not cold damage. It's not going to freeze. Oh, it's oh, I totally got misinterpreted. It's necromancy is a creepy ass hand. That makes sense. Whisper the date of his death and then cast chill touch. I'll make you a deal. Roll an arcana check and you'll be able, if you can roll, if you can beat,

what's your arcana bonus? I have another thing I can do. Well, let me pitch this to you. You have a plus how much to arcana three? Yeah. If you can make a 20, DC 20 Arcana check just won't count as anything except for fun, you can manipulate the spell so it's cold and it will do something fun. And, and, and Brian, you can do that and still get your action. There's no cost for this. This is just you racking your brain.

That's why I can also just fireballed him. You could. Well, why don't you fireballed him if this doesn't work? Roll an Arcana check for free. So I'm giving you a free action because the rule of cool Brian. Oh, so close to nine. I'm just going to say you try. Yeah, doesn't quite work out.

So you could you could chill touch or fireball and it just won't have that fireball great so the spell attack yeah yeah yeah plus seven fuck lame 12 nope I'm afraid not Fuck lame. Twelve. Nope. I'm afraid not now. God damn it. It's OK. We all saw that. Wow. Wait, it is what it is. But. So it's a miss and you did not use your bonus action.

Is there anything you would do with your bonus action? Yeah. Oh, you can your bonus action. Yeah Oh You can do cunning action so you could if you want you can dash or hide You have your movement so like you could try to hide behind the door little peepers you maybe I'll do that that's a little peepers did so Drunk you can kind of like That's a little peepers did so Drinking it kind of like That's me These guys just roll self-check, please, okay

Like 28. Jesus. 16 and 12. Yeah, you disappear into the air. Amazing. I'm just looking up little peepers this character sheet again because I navigated away from it while we were on our break. One second killing, killing time. Blaine, who is this time killing brought to us by? Oh, this time killing exercise brought to us by Rudd fuckers. Just the hottest fucking burgers.

Oh, oh, Rudd fuckers. Wow. It was kind of also like the most somber outro that we've ever gotten. Like you really have to think about how much you liked going there. I mean, they've got to take. On that note, you are up playing. Oh, I'm going to use my murder them. I'm going to use my cat speed. Nice. Oh, to, uh, to run for the door. Okay. Uh,

so I'm very, very quick, but while I'm doing that, I'm going to, uh, fire bolt the, uh, the guy. Okay. I wish you more luck than me. It's a 13 plus. 13 plus six. Married. That's a hit. And you're doing that when you say the guy, you mean the worm beast that exploded out of the mayor?

Yes. Yes. Yes So that's to 2d 10 Jesus 12 points and I am I'm back to the door and kind of Getting out of the room here just so that yeah, are you all just gonna abandon this place? I Just want to I just I feel like something is about to happen from behind that curtain. Just this very, this might be the top of Ghostbusters. You know, this is us, we're running out of the Met going,

we'll call you. Yeah. I should watch that again. So, all right. Oh, it's the best. Shalob, you're up. I'm gonna cast Fear. Oh! On the worm. On the worm.

Yeah, that's a wisdom saving throw. I'm just double checking. They're not immune. I don't think I'm. That's good. I would imagine a big portion of a worm's life is fear. I would think. Right. There's no there's no limitations on like,

it can't be used on monstrosities or something like that. That's just whatever. Cool. Oh, sure looks like a fail to me. Nice. Nine. Yeah, so it's a feared. For how long?

Well, it drops whatever it's holding and has a frightened condition for the duration, which is up to one minute. So that's a long time. It takes the dash action and moves away by the safest route on each of its turns, unless there is no, there is nowhere to move. Okay. So, it's trying to get away from us. You said it has the frightened condition.

Yes. I don't know what that means. Right. Frightened condition has disadvantage on ability checks and attack roles, but it can still attack. Okay. While the source of its fear is within line of sight, it can't willingly move closer to. So basically it's a fear to view. Good. But it can still get us. So we should just be aware. But it has disadvantage.

Yeah. Yeah. It's trying to get away. So that means mailing. That is fair. If we, if we keep our distance, maybe we can. That's it. Okay. You know? I mean, I guess I'll head towards the door. I was going to say, you're the only one that's still in the room, but you're not leaving completely it looks like.

Well, if I can get out, I will. Well, I want to. You can get right in the doorway. Okay. Hey, if he's, if he's, is he close enough and this thing is trying to get away from him? Does he, can he get an attack of opportunity? No one's getting any attack of opportunities at the moment. Okay.

You are at enough distance. It was only like five feet away, but it was enough distance you can back away from the carrion crawler. It's a carrion crawler. A carrion crawler? A classic Dungeons and Dragons beastie. That's like, I remember that from the line drawings in that first book.

It is special stats, but it is based off of the carrying crawler. It has a higher carrying crawler. Higher AC and higher HP. If your carrying crawler is too big, you have to check it. Oh my gosh. I hate it when people leave their carrying crawler sideways. You gotta make room. Tip it up.

All right. Tip it up. All right. Then it's Twitten's turn. Um, fascinating. Remember, you can turn to your friends and game plan a little bit here because you all got in the hallway. Oh, he is. I was going to say it looks like Ken is in the door was can actually out there in the doorway. He's in the doorway. OK.

He chose to put himself on there to be silly times, but he's in the doorway. He chose to put himself on there to be silly times but he's in the doorway. And physically there. Okay. But the door's not closed. Not yet. You can drag him in and shut the door. That is an option. Well while the things are feared we have a minute to take shots at it. Do you need a line of sight on it and do you have concentration? That with Frighten? Let's see. Concentration. Okay. So you, if you get smacked, it could potentially break and... Yes. Do you have to have a line of sight? I don't, I don't know about that. That's the tricky part. I think if the creature ends its turn where it doesn't have a line of sight to you, the creature

makes a wisdom saving throw. A successful save, the spell ends on that creature. Does it get to run? Roll every turn if it's like the site, but it has to break glass. Yeah. OK. All right. I'm going to use visible. So what is the status of the dead elf floating in the center of the room? It is shaking violently. Yeah. I'm going to fire bolt it. OK. Right. All right I'm gonna fire bolt it. Okay, right?

All right, so for fire bolt Get it and I'm also before I forget well, I can do this first But I want to give somebody bird of inspiration. I forgot to do that. All right, so for fire bolt it is plus nine two Oh Shoot a two so that's an 11 and you didn't botch plus nine to. Oh, shoot a two. So that's an 11. And you didn't watch. You got to.

They got to 11. That's a mess. All right. I will go ship and strum. And who's next in the turn order after me, Dan? Prima, I guess. And I can tell you, I can tell you a little bit worse. Yeah. He's like out here in the hallway.

Next. Yeah. I'm good. After peepers. After peepers is the baddies. And then next in our party is what I'm trying to call it. So I call it, I will give a Spicoli bardic inspiration. So for the next, I believe 10 minutes minutes, you can add a D8. Wow. To an attack roll or a saving throw.

Cool, I love it, thank you. Or an ability check, yeah. That's my turn. I'll take it. Okay. Yeah, and I'm like, shoot these fuckers, that's gonna turn into another worm, right? That's not good. I wish I could fucking shoot that mirror to let's blow up that portal

For at least let's get that. Let's see what it is. Yeah, I'm thinking about hitting that curtain with a fireball. Yeah, I bolt I'm gonna throw some water on it I was going to do it. If you're done, it's a little bit of a sister. Yes. He's done. It's an idea. No, it was a great idea for chill touch. Absolutely.

It was taking out a short boat to see if we should be frozen touch. Yeah. Touch. Little paper. Are we shooting at the corpse? I was just because it was vibrating, but he says in his little moment here before he attacks, he looks to you to and says, are we attacking the corpse before we go? I hey, man, I'm going to attack. Should I go for the corpse or should I go for the sure corpse and attack the worm?

The tech, the worm, the worms, the fear to shoot the worm. OK, he's going to do whatever you wanted. Thank you. 18 hit is a hit. Something different would have happened, depending to it's like, you know. Yeah, I just think we should load it as much as we can. Fucking warm because he's doing everything. Absolutely. Don't we think?

Well, this is going to be a better word. I think it's vibrating. And that's what happened. That's what 11 points piercing. We still don't know what's behind the blanket or in the box. And we want to find out. It goes in. And just going to check and then see.

Maybe we kill these two and then we can figure out the mirror. Yeah, I know. Time was in the box. Is she wife's head? We kill these two and then we can figure out the mirror on your own time. What's in the box? Mm hmm. It's your wife's head. No. Hey, I would have blown a surprise. I was going to give it to you for your birthday.

So you got two of his wife's hands for his birthday. That sucks. Well, you know, the receipts in there, if you want to return it. Yeah. So your birthday. And then he gets on one knee and he knocks his next arrow to make sure he gets a good aim to cover you guys. If you book instead of running down the hallway, he's getting ready for one more shot.

That'll do it for his turn. It's now time for toys. The corpse explodes. Can you do a dexterity saving throw Ken? Because you're in the doorway. Yeah. Putting your mini back there. I don't know why you keep moving it.

You son of a shit. Ken, you got this. I meant to roll with this. Well, six. You should roll the die you want to roll. I know. Well, six. We should roll the die you want to roll. The corpse explodes and you are covered in viscera soaked worms. Great. Another worm monster appears in the center of the room.

And you see the worm monster behind the desk begin to expand to gigantic proportions. Now that one should be running away. This one? Yeah. Oh, I mean, he might, but he also looks like this now. Oh, that's too big, Dan. So those are two different sizes, is that right? And he moves away from you to the corner.

Yeah. This is fucking bomb this room and get the fuck out of that. I mean, that door looks awesome, doesn't it? Yeah. He looks delicious. Is that a carry on cruller, Dan? Ken, yes, I need you to do a Constitution saving through DC 12. Is that a carry-on cruller, Dan? Uh, Ken. Yes. I need you to do a Constitution saving through DC-12. Alright.

That's a 16. Okay. Ken and the natural dice. How about that? Yeah, I don't know why I did that the last time. I'm a big person. I play the dice. It whips its tentacles at you.

No, it doesn't. It misses. Good. And then it rushes you. This is the one that exploded from the corpse and it goes to bite you. Yuck! Eight to hit is a miss.

That's a miss. I think that'll do it for the naughty boys turn. No, it's Spicoli. And remember Spicoli, you have bardic inspiration right now. You just add a D8 to your ability or attack when you cheer.

It doesn't have to be now, but it can be. Now, does that firebolt that I didn't do count? As my Viet as what is Viet? Did you did it last turn? Verbal somatic. Yeah, that's the type. That's a that's a it means you speak the spell and it uses physical components. OK, so I know I tried to do it last turn and it didn't work. So does that mean I don't get to I can't do it again or she can.

You do it every turn. OK, I mean, it's a cantrip, right? Yeah, I didn't know. As long as you don't have spell slots. So no, there's a catch. You can do as many times you want. OK, I wasn't sure. No, no, no. Right.

It's part of your elf heritage. Your high elf. Oh, yeah. So Brian, as a high elf, whatever you want, you can light them up. Light them up. All right, here we go. Oh, that's a hit,'t it? Yeah 16 plus 7. Geez. Now are you aiming for which one? The big one. Okay throw your damage please.

Cool. Good job. That's the same 2d10. Yeah. Thank you for the acknowledgement of my noise. The 10. Yeah. Thank you for the acknowledgement of my noise. To the 10 fireball for Cantrip, that's some damage, man. Yeah. There's a 10. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck. More than the one, right? Yeah. Five. OK. Just five points.

Yeah. Hey, man., bugs don't like that. Smashes into it. Anything else for your attorney going to run down the hallway, you use your movement. You can use bonus. No, I'm going to stay where I am. OK. That is Sam Spade. I'm in the door, right?

How close is that worm to Ken? Um, it's a male face. It just tried to bite him. Okay, and how fun is this 60 feet. The big worm. Within you mean five times. It's got to be 30 feet away. I'm going to hit that worm with a web. Oh, cool. As a deck save, correct?

I believe so. We can simulate there's a blanket over that. Nice. Oh, where's my is in my bag? Is your bag? There was nothing in it. So I took it. Is that OK? My sword's in there somewhere. Oh, no. I think it's still in the bag. There was nothing in it. So I took it. Is that okay? My sword's in there somewhere. Oh no, I think it's still in the bag.

There it is. Okay. There. Yeah. Sorry. I was a ding dong and just grabbed your property. Ken, I'm going to use your wallet to pick my asshole. Yeah, I guess that's what I did, Chris.

That's basically what I did. That one got away from me. It really got away from me and that is my fault. What a great comparison to what I did to Ken. I did it wrong. I apologize. No, Dan, I'm saying that was Nick. I don't think so.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. from me and that is my fault. What a great comparison to what I did to Ken. I did it wrong. I apologize. No, Dan, I'm saying that was, that was in my... What a just apropos analogy. Just for that, I'm letting you pick your ass out of my wallet. It's only fair.

It's only fair to make the analogy accurate. This is for you, I'm doing this, Chris. Please don't. It's for you. I am wrong. You want me to do this for you? No, I do not, on don't. It's for you. I am wrong. You want me to do this for you? Oh, I do not. On the record, I'm going to break the cycle of trauma and hand the wallet back to Ken.

Thank you, Dan. Yes, it's a dexterity saving throw to wipe your ass with the wallet. OK. Yeah, I forget what we're doing, but I'm gonna web. Yeah, I just, I web the, this giant, carry on call. 16. Have I told the shit wallet story before?

Okay, tell it a second. I needed to get the math done and then 16 of success. What's your spell DC? So I'll save DC. Not spell to attack. My spell DC is not on here for some reason. It's on the top of your spells page. Should be.

But it's, yeah, it's not. Oh, it's not filled in. Oh. Oh, right. How do we calculate that? We talked about this like a month ago, didn't we? Yeah, that's it. How to calc spell save DC.

People are yelling all across America. Eight plus your spell cast. What's your spell casting ability modifier? Do you know that? It doesn't have it on here. Does it have your ability modifier either? No. Yeah, it's a total fail on the part of D&D Beyond.

A modifier based on the ability score associated with your class. So what is your class? My class is a rogue. Pfft. That's why it's because you don't have one. So I'm gonna say it's zero. Yeah.

Because it only lists it for wizards, clerics and sorcerers. Wait, there's, and sorcerers. Do you have any spells? There's an answer for this. Wait, what's rogue spell modifier? I'm jumping to conclusions. Listeners, call in if you know the answer. Hahaha. My MySpace page is active.

Please contact me via MySpace. My subclass is Arcane Trickster. Alright, so what's your intelligence modifier? Intelligence modifier is plus three. What's your proficiency bonus in? proficiency in what There should just be a proficiency bonus for everything you have a proficiency in like a plus something. Can someone who can reach his sheep look at it?

Chris, do you know where it is? So, we're slowly but surely. Okay. The internet is surging. Yeah, because we're all looking stuffy. Here we go. Asterium, black and green, black bricks. Which character is this?

This is Siam's spade. Siam. And what was your intelligence modifier? Plus three plus three. I'm trying to remember these numbers while I wait for my friends. OK, here we go. Skills, action, spells, your spells save.

Where the fuck is it? If you can just tell me his proficiency bonus, I have the rest of the math I'll figure out. Proficiency bonus plus four. So four is plus your ability modifier for an arcane trickster is three, your intelligence. That's seven and that's plus eight. So 15 is your spell save DC.

Someone lend a man their pencil so he can or pen just so you can write it in that little spot. Plus 15 on his character. So you got one. Yeah, he's got it. The answer is plus 15. Right that in the empty. That's my spell safety. Yeah. And unfortunately, he beat it with the 16.

Well, fuck all this. All that. I've got to fill in an empty bubble on your character sheet, which is very satisfying for me. That is good. That's a great thing. But he misses, the web misses. Okay.

Anything you'd like to do for bonus action, et cetera. Is there anything on with web, if like, if it's, you know, sometimes your spells, if you, if it fails, there's some half as thing, is there anything for that? Like within the spell wording of web?, the it's really grossed out on a failed save. He's webbed. Yeah, he's webbed. If there's webs over there that he's not trapped in, can I hit it with a fire bolt?

Cantrip. We've already used your action to cast web. Okay. So the answer is I'm afraid unless it's a bonus action. The answer is no. Where did it land? Uh, you know, I have my bonus actions. I have fast hands and fast hands. Let's me use a magic item.

Take the magic ad actually actually use a magic item that requires that action Do you have a magic item is that I was gonna say could that be my cantrip? No, it's not an item. Yeah, if you have a magic item like an artifact, I do not It hasn't been a loot shopping heavy. No, no It hasn't been a loot shopping heavy. No, no. Well then I'm going to, I'm just gonna. I mean this one fused to your brain. Gonna end my turn right there.

Okay. All right. Cool. Thanks, Dan. Shalob. Hi. Yeah. I'm Pepper Incorporated.

I am going to blink. It's like a Misty Step teleportation thing. Where are you going? Onto the Ethereal Plane. Fun. Okay. And that's to get out of Opportunity Attack, I'm guessing. Yes. Is that beach season now on Ethereal Plane?

Is it like beautiful beachy? Very nice. Definitely prettier than this plane. I'll tell you that much. Sunscreen and sunglasses. Oh my gosh, how fun. And a visor. So you're in the same spot. But on the ethereal plane.

Got it. And I come back. And you're not moving? Or what are you doing once you're there? Well, on the ethereal plane, you can perceive the plane. You perceive the plane you left, which is cast in shades of grit. You can't see anything more than 60 feet away. Other creatures on the other plane can't perceive you unless they have a special ability that lets them perceive things on the other plane.

What are you doing? Getting the fuck away from this. Show me where you're going. Move your token. That's the exit. Yeah, over this way somewhere. Your full movement would be 5, 10, 15, 1520 20. You can get all the way like to the stairwell over here. I mean, I don't have to go all the way. I mean, I'm trying

to figure it out because I need to know as a dungeon master. There's a coconut drink over there. Probably. Oh, very. Put some lime in it. Yeah. Oh, what do you do then? Eat it all up? Just. Yeah. Oh, it's a really good joke. Tootin, you're up. I will see my friend disappear. Slam the door shut. Ha, funk. Now we're talking. I knew those doors would come in handy eventually.

Mm hmm. Frighten is broken. Just as a reminder. We have the key. We'll turn the key and lock it. Mm-hmm. And I will back away from the door. Okay. Just to give you a...

Do you want to put movement in this direction? Because you have your full movement still. Yeah, I mean, is that where we came from? Yeah. When you're pointing that direction? Yes, I will back up. But I'm still keeping my... Again, I'm not so much leaving as I'm going to get away from this door, assuming,

you know, those fucking idiots are going to attack it. But you can use your full movement to like start making your way down the stairs. Yeah. Maybe I'll go like, hey, guys, maybe we should just back up a bit. OK. Little Peepers is turn. He had an arrow ready and he's going to not use that. What do they say? Is it locked or how do you what do you say? An arrow knocked. Yeah. Knocked. Is that Kano? You know I forgot that was like a verb. I know what it means.

Chris used it I think as a little squirrel boy or something at one point. Probably or maybe tech talk that could have been he was an archer. I know what it means. Chris used it, I think, as a little squirrel boy or something. I went probably or maybe tech talk. I could have been. He was an archer. You used it a few seasons ago and I was like, oh, right. You can say that. It's a cool word. I like your word. Do people.

There's got to be like nerds that do that, that are really fucking good at archery. Oh, my gosh. Especially on YouTube. Old style. There's a range of by the rest of my daughters on the. Yeah, but it's not like the high tech thing.

I'm picturing like one of the rings like fucking. Oh, yeah. And I dance. My daughter, my daughter is on the national archery team. And so I use that. He's amazing. I use that word like a year ago and she was like, Oh, you know that word, huh? So I can thank Chris for that.

Can't you hear me knocking? Little Peepers is getting up and heading out with you guys. But he actually when he's going to he's going to like just kind of cover Schwab, not that he doesn't want to cover you too, but he's trying to, he thinks this is a better place. Well, it technically isn't there right now because he's still on the ethereal plane,

right? Or did you come back? No, but like, you know, he's, he's geographically, maybe he doesn't know intellectually, but geographically I'm going to put him here because it's a better spot than being stuck in the doorway and he's expecting Brian and Blaine. He's expecting you on this turn because this turn is just sort of starting to move past him. So he's kind of like waving for you guys to get behind him. Swat extraction.

And then up next is the baddies. That was just the name they were given when they came here, Dan. Are we the baddies? I know I can't not say that every time. Six plus two. So you'd hear it something slam into the door. Sure. And then, why wouldn't you? And then he is also going to slam into the door. And you hear something slam again. He rolled low, but he has a much bigger strength bonus than I was.

Sounds like things are heating up in there. Maybe we should AMSCray to the diner for a bit. Sam, we'll get you a comic book while we're there. Spicoli. OK. Wow. That was a heavy sigh. I didn't mean to. Oh, I do that so much. So I have a sigh open for dust cam for. And then.

I'm going to short though. The door is closed and locked. Oh, shit. When did that happen? Seconds ago. Within the last six seconds. Who locked it? Me. Oh, OK. I I slammed the door and locked it,

saying, let's back up a bit and then we can regroup. That door could be reopened. What do we want then? What do you guys want to do? They're pounding out. I'm setting a time a little bit to how much you can ask them. But yeah, go ahead and ask. Do we want to see six seconds within the time we want to see the mirror? Or do we not care?

We could just leave. We came here for we got what we wanted, which is the advice. And you don't know it's a mirror. It's something is under that blanket that's fucked up. You do know that. Yeah. Yeah. We're a mirror for lack of a better. Yeah. It seems like it seems like a full person, something under the. I just think I mean, do we have any idea

how if they're hurting at all with the damage that we've already done on? Oh, let's get an insight check from everybody. Oh, can I give guidance as he poses that to the group? Ah, yes. Great. Twenty eight. Oh, my God. Doesn't matter then. I'm going to roll this this one or whatever this this one. I will I roll my dice because it's

fun part of the game. I don't care what I got. I go I go with Blaine's role. Yeah. Yeah, we're just going to talk to Blaine with his insane role. And you didn't use your guidance, did you? No.

Do you want to? If you if you get a two or better, you'll have a 30 and I'll give you a little treat. Jack Kirby sits down next to you and explains to you what he was thinking. Three. 31. 31.

Jeez. Okay, and I'll tell you when the treat comes at the end, but they're not damaged hardly at all. You guys haven't really done any damage to the new smaller carrying crawler and the big guy. Although he took 42 points of damage, he then got bigger and you're expecting that he at least buffered himself with a fair amount of hit points at that point. So he's not toast, you know, he's not bleeding, he's going to

take some damage and you also and you and anyone who got a 15 knows he's here right at the door with this guy smashing. And I did tell you that he he was, but I kind of said it under my breath. So I'm making it clear. And with the 30, you know that you could just sort of destroy the manor and collapse it. But you don't know that it will undo whatever that magic horror is under the blanket. Um, all you know is it will probably, if you destroy the building right and proper, just kill these two worms.

If you can collapse all this stonework and woodwork on top of them. And yeah, cause I was going to say burn it to the ground, but we'd have to collapse it as the only way we can. If you burn it, it will collapse also. Yeah. I mean, the way you was going to say burn it to the ground, but we'd have to collapse it is the only way we can. If you burn it, it will collapse also. Yeah, I mean, the wood, you're going to burn the wood and the stone will fall. And this is a wooden stone building. Fucking torch it.

Yeah, let's torch. Let's let, well, yeah, let's run down and scoop up. I use all our oils, but whoever has oils, throw them on the wood. Better than oil. Yeah, we got fire bolts, baby. Oh, I know. You're going to oil it to make sure everything catches sure everything catches and that's what I mean. Yeah, I'm in alright So I've got shit on fire before everybody rolls survival check

Can I give guidance? everybody will survive And you can give guidance. Thank you Terrible job for me as always there's a sub thing happening here where everyone who gets a 20 or better will cancel out single digit rolls. I got with guidance, I got a 20. Grants guidance. A D for an additional default.

In addition to the survival check helps. Eight total. OK. 24, 24, a 20 and an eight. What am I here? Another eight. Um, yeah. So no, but luckily we had a 20 and a 24 to cancel that out. Uh, so you're not fucked, but you're not overachievers.

And then will keepers Rolled a 12 and I'm looking up his bonus He's got that guidance Those are his kids. Huh? He's pretty cool racially, huh? Well papers Big Lebowski little people is this half lexicon half halfling Which I just achieve anything

Plus zero so 12. Um, how much is the guidance before? Okay, he's gonna save his guidance Does he save it is that a saveable thing or am I only last minute I Mean he'll just in case but it won't get him over 20. So I'm not going to spend it. He helps you guys doubts everything with oil. You forgot I had that thing the whole time you had given me for a while. Arctic inspiration. You still have it. Okay. Somewhere in all of this. I wrote the bleed back. Just so you know that I've got it. Okay. And Brian, you rolled an eight. Yeah. Do you want to also use your guidance? If you get a two or better,

you get a little boost to what what's about to happen. Yeah. Then, then go for it. And you have bardic inspiration. You can use that here as well, which is a part of conspiracy. If you can get a 10 or better, if you get 10 or better, that means there'll be more 20 plus than there are roll of the A's. Yeah. That's a DA. Which one's the eight? Which is, no. Say?

No, that's a 10. That looks like a 10. Eight is like four on each side. Two pyramids hanging out. Yeah. Or a 20. Oh nice. Oh, Brian. Kind of eight.

So he bounces that up to a 16. Sweet. Chris, you're the only one with a single digit and with two twenties, that's going to carry you up into nice, effective survival territory. So you're not only going to douse everything with oil and avoid getting it on yourself and get downstairs before they're able to smash in the door. Although I am going to have them both roll to hit the door again. One of them does smash it well, but it's not broken. It's just like a jot.

As you guys head down the stairs, you see like one of the beams, the door is made of kind of like cave and like crack in half. Yeah, The door's not gonna last much longer but it is covered in oil. You turn around and shoot fire bolts. We'll say a couple to make sure you hit everything. Lurg is hiding. He's behind one of the sitting room foyer chairs. Do you want to clear out of there friends? Like seven feet tall like 90 ish in whatever for a bowl of beers that is. Oh, should I go? You are free of this.

Someone help employee. Well, you we must go right now. Grab your. He reaches for someone to help him up. He's like really slowly trying to. Well, I'm sure, of course. OK. Can I get an investigation check that I'm only giving you guys because of Brian's ability

to get his survival check over 10? Nice. Investigation. Is this a guidance thing? Yes, you can use your guidance. I'll even let little peepers contribute to this one and use his guidance. 14 plus 11, 25.

He's 10. Got a 15 from a keeper. 23. Oh baby. All right. 17. Nice. I can never go back to a first level character.

Right. It's something. I know this this game has made D&D more fun than it has been in a while, so fun. All right, so there is like this really dusty fireplace. And which one of you got 20 or better? I did. You too?

Yeah. Both of you look kind of at the fireplace as the weird fire pokers, and two of them look really weird. You know that there's usually like a little rack where there's like a shovel and just regular old poker instead of that it's got two like really ashy black things but one of them is really long and one of them is really short and neither of them really look like fire pokers and you're like I'm just gonna randomly grab this. Who would beat a 15 in addition to you two guys and you two?

Yeah. 17, 19. Okay. So you didn't. Brian, you find a ring. Ooh, Brian. One ring to lead them. To rule them all. To rule them all. Yeah. I'm just trying to figure out what it looks like

so I can tell you that much. It's like a small thing is like around a hole in the middle. Never seen a ring. Sometimes it's an official D&D ring. What the heck? That was. Oh, it's this weird dog.

I see. Special Misty dog whistle. Brian, it's this weird dog whistle. I see a special misty dog whistle. Brian, it's like a gold band with some sort of weird pulsing gem on it that you find in a side table drawer as you all are just trying to turn things out. Okay. In brightest day, in black. You book it out and you hear fire crackling. Do you fire more fire bolts in the foyer and try to toss some more oil there? Yeah. Is there any other cool shit for us to find? That's as much as you're out.

That's what that role was. The investigation check on the way out. All right. Yeah, well, you know, there's stuff there, but can I get a survival check from everyone one more time to see how well you can nuke the foyer? And do we have guidance again? If you, yeah, you can do it again.

Quinton's got a moment where you can pat everyone on the back. And then a 19. We got a crit from Lil Peeper. 17. 12. 20. 19 plus one. Lil Peepers realizes that he has a flammable acid bomb and chucks that in there too.

Oh, you don't want to throw that in the face of the next person we meet? I'll buy another one and live. Yeah, yeah. There's just this massive, as you throw more of your oil, all of you are out of oil at this point. Okay.

So make a note that your oil flasks are empty, but the whole building begins to shutter and smoke is billowing out, contributing to the fog, making it almost impossible to see even with the dark vision. Yeah. Where are you guys headed? Outside.

Denny's. Well, you are outside. Oh, we are definitely. Okay, cool. Do we want to maybe head towards where? North end of town, is that what it was? Yeah. The gnome. The gnome it was? The gnome, the gnome, the gnome corner.

Yeah. The abandoned, just look for the abandoned building or would the run? You got a sense that, yes, there's some sort of building. It's either a miners guild or like a mining museum, but like an older mining building. And you said sort of look for the architecture. There'll be clues from the building itself. Yeah. And as you head to the south side of town,

we're going to pause and find out what that looks like. As you look over your shoulders, look over your shoulders at the fiery explosion of the mayor's house. Play another episode. Actually, you know what? It's cooler if you don't look over your shoulders and it simply cinematically explodes behind you.

Sam, what do you think happened today? So 28, we're fighting a giant worm. Brian got a special rig when we ransacked the place and then we set it on fire. We're headed to a mining building. Ta-da! Nice. Nerd poker has a history with mayor's offices. I feel as though we often run into the local constabulary and the fuck it up. Well you guys did great. I mean, nuking the building was always something I think can happen, setting things on fire and running away. But always something I forget can happen.

And you did masterfully. I'll give you a guess what time it is. Anyone want to guess what time it is? You're all level 10, congratulations. Oh! Yay, nice. I like it. I like it a lot. Cool. Anything you want to plug? Yeah, head to dantelver.com. You can find out about my dungeon mastering. And I plugged it a lot in the last episode, which I just said, so I feel like I shouldn't say it all over again, but I have a whole world that I made just for folks who want

to hire me. And I would love to run a game for you. So if you head over there, there's an ability to email me, look at some of the quotes from people who I have run games for, and look at my bonafides if this podcast happens to have not been enough to persuade you. That is it. New tour dates for the end of the summer and the fall on brianpustain.com but I've got Winnipeg coming up.

I've got Philly City Winery and NYC City Winery at the end of the month with JT Haverset, the end of July rather. But and then I've got comic book appearances. I've got Comic Con in San Diego, Terrificon in Connecticut. And then I've got Cape and Cowl at the end of August, I believe the 24th in Oakland, California, or technically Berkeley. But that is gonna be fun as shit. I think Patton's doing that also.

I believe Rick Remmender's doing it. I believe Joe Trowman will be there. Other friends of the show that are in the comic book world will be there signing comic books. It's a really cool con that they do at a brewery. Cape and Cowl, look it up. It's fucking, I'll be there. And I did it last year and it was one of the most fun like con experiences I've ever had. and I did it last year and it was one of the most fun con experiences I've ever had. Awesome. BramBassane.com. Blaine. On the next Nerdpoker, Paul F. Tompkins, RuPaul, Paul Feig, Paul Krugman, Jake Paul, Logan

Paul and Paulie Shore all cancel after a social media misunderstanding. Can Sam get Muffin Baskets to them in time to get rescheduled? All this and Brian shits on his Paul wrong, on an all new Nerd Poker. and you get bonus episodes from there, and you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 and Sino California 91416. Thanks for listening!