Nerd Poker - The Fog Campaign - Episode 29

Episode Date: July 22, 2025

Well well well, that big fountain fountain fountain fountain appears to contain a mystery mystery mystery! Time to shake the crime stick!  For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Hey, it's Brian Possein, nerd poker. We're calling it The Fog Campaign. My friends are here, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer Sam, and of course our kick-ass DM Dan Telfer welcome to nerd poker hey everybody it's Brian Pecine you're listening to Poker with me and all my friends. Yay. It's episode twenty nine of the fog campaign. We're all here playing Zoom. We couldn't play in my house tonight because.

The first pulled out of the room. Whatever the, it's, it's like a technical house to keep them in. Oh, I forget. Mel told me, I don't know. I don't know. Don't forget to burp that tarp. That you've already heard everybody almost Blaine's here. Ken's here. Dan's here. Chris is here

Running the show as always from the cool part of town everybody Alkaline trio in the house on his shirt Sam everybody hello sweet children. Hey pal. They've got a very high pH. That alkaline tree. That's right. Hey, so you know, my big pH record. Oh, I see a map. This is exciting. All right. We've loaded a map where we're going to do the main campaign and I'm going to thank some people. Thank you to everyone who can listen to this show and keep it going.

But especially to those of you who can support us on Patreon and keep the actual podcast alive. Hey, you're great. And you've got usernames like Todrick Hotdoggins the third and a quarter Esquire. We always remember this one and I think we all mourn a little bit. We've got usernames like Todrick Hotdoggins the third and a quarter Esquire. We always remember this one and I think we all mourn a little bit. Thank you that dumb giant fish from Mario 3 that eats you. Brings back some trauma for everyone. Thank you Ravinac food.

Sorry Brian. Hey. Thank you. Glu-ar-gu-wac-a-ma-ruh-grump-f-a-gee-eye-eye-brug-brug-brug-blaggity-blaggity-bleggly-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh Thank you, Hotel Room Cook Chair. We've all been there, folks. Thank you, Dad Dad Daddio. Thank you, Sean C, who must be much more annoying. Thank you, Grotch Sabat. Thank you, Stabby McNeedles. Thank you, Rick Miller. Thank you, Brian Zravanak.

Oh, this ain't how he owns it. He's not being eaten by it. Thank you, Sean McKinley. Thank you, Ken Voice. Physical Bits! Was that a good Ken Voice? I don't know. I don't know.

How would you rate it Ken? 10 out of 4 Wow, whoa Thank you. John M. Emmer damn is right use the website not the app on behalf of all rats everywhere We miss you Sarah and finally. Thank you that thing with you know that other thing sure Blaine who are those supporters brought to us by? Sports brought to us by Nutella toothpaste, Confuse Your Teeth Clean with Nutella toothpaste, and The Smurfs movie,

In theaters July 18th, and Out of theaters July 19th. Dan? Thank you, Blaine. You just got rid of those feelings. So many people worked on that movie, Blaine. It's actually really inappropriate. You just got rid of those feelings. So many people worked on that movie, Blaine. It's actually really inappropriate.

I love the staff and crew of every production that ever happens. The movie looks like hot fucking diarrhea garbage. Absolute garbage. I think the day that trailer came out, we were all like, you guys see that garbage? I have not seen a Smurfs or a Trolls yet. I was embarrassed for Nicole Kidman's association with the theater. Smurfs 5, Descent to Hell is really interesting. That's where they get the Necronomicon and then they

have to try and figure out like which of their souls they're gonna give up to to try and get back but spoiler they don't it's a candy is stuck in Malibu's making torture equipment for your suffering will be legendary even in hell. Ha ha. I smirked my pants forever. Smirks in the head was pretty funny. Ha ha ha. Smurfler's List. All right. Well, now we've now we've gone into a new genre.

Oh, boy. Who could forget? Yeah, I show you all last. And my father-in-law directed the Smurfs cartoon. I'm feeling very Smurfy. Nice. Oh, original one. But.

What was that, Brian? I'm not feeling very Smurfy. What do you hold that? What were you holding up there? He just got it fell off, so I was great. I just grabbed him because. But it's weird. I couldn't tell who it was. I wanted to know the pop culture reference that was in your hand.

Weird out. Doesn't he do the theme song to Smurfy Brown? Yeah, that makes everyone happy. He's great. He's in the naked gun movie, of course. Yeah. Oh, yes. Oh, that's cool. I did hear that that was spoiled for me. Hey listeners Guess what weird Alison's pick a gun movie goes and he dies. He dies. Oh guys it whoops He's also he's also player he's playing OJ Simpson

Spoilers He's a answer that a weird Capricorn one. They could get the OJ joke in the trailer. Got a laugh every single time it was in the theater. Well, time to talk about what happened last time on Nerdpoker. Oh, no. You guys leveled up. Yeah. I think what I enjoyed most about relistening to the episode was that it was kind of like the most

thoughtful, careful and deliberate burning down of the thing and running away from it that you guys have done. It was really, it really felt like you put some, you know planning into the, it's like, oh, wait, hold up everybody. Before we leave the bottom floor, let's go dig around in the foyer. There might be something fun letters or stickers or,

who knows what they leave around. What, who do we get stickers? What level did we level up to? Nine or no, we were nine. You leveled up to the magic level 10. You were nine and you were feeling fine, but now you're 10. I add it again.

I don't. But. You were just walking with the explosions behind you. I mean, the. Oh, fine. Mayor's house is. I hope he's OK. No. Not OK. But I think you guys kind of knew that he was convulsing kind of like,

he was not himself when you left and you managed to barricade the door of his office on the second floor, run down to the first floor, loot the foyer slash waiting area, and then go out the front door with the butler. You saved the butler even. That's how thorough your destruction mitigation was. I was really proud of all of you.

Cool. We should have AG come in and play the butler. So one of the reasons besides the obvious, just easy reference that I put the Dellsmith map on Roll20 is just because we can draw on it. It's a very, you know, like easy thing. And I'm going to go ahead and circle, as you may remember, the mayor's office. And so you guys are kind of just heading down this main street. I'm drawing like with a pink line. Can you see it OK?

Or am I drawing on the GM layer? Thank you. Maybe you're doing like a gem. Yeah, son of a ball. Oh, man. So here this this that's easy to remedy. What if I was like, yeah, you'll never see it. No, the mayor's house is this building right here. It looks a little bit like a Tetris block that I saw in pink.

I see that, okay. I thought you might. And then you guys are at least in my mind heading south, but if you wanted, I'm gonna draw a dotted line where you could go. You could go visit the thieves guild, which is over in this little bush area. But one of the reasons that I thought you might head south is because this tavern, the

Pasted Almond, sort of like right here near the big fountain that makes up the eye of the map is where you have been a couple of times. If you wanted to go back to the little shack that you were sleeping in along the Fisherman's Wharf a long time ago. It's there. And if you wanted to go to the little marketplace where there was an upstairs bar, it's like over here, kind of like Southeast of the fountain. Did we, what happened last time?

What's up? Did we know what happened last time on Nerve Poker? Did I not just do it? You blew up the mansion? I didn't do the voice, so I apologize. I'm so fucking with you. On our last episode of Nerd Poker, we blew up the mansion though, you know.

All right. On our last episode of Nerd Poker, you blew up the mayor's mansion. Oh, okay, now it's all coming out. After looting a couple of strange items from near the fireplace, you strode outside with the fur-bulg butler, an old, weird, doddering fellow

who's worked for the mayor for a hundred years and kind of made a sad murmuring noise as he looked over his shoulder. But none of you looked over your shoulder as the mayor's building blew up in a giant mushroom cloud of murder. You're murderers. Anyway, back to nerdpoker.

A mushroom cloud? Maybe, I mean, how do I put it? Isn't that nuclear? Let's get an insight check from everybody. Insight for nuclear, this is all brand new D&D. Yeah, you know, I think it's about time we brought some fallout level elements. Oh, 21. 25. I didn't hear that. Was it like a dice roll on the D&D Beyond or something?

Insight? Yes, insight. Insight is 21. 25. 26. 25. What you got, Brian? Hold on. I was I refuse. Oh, please. He's playing with weird now. Now that he fell into his hand, he can't stop playing.

What was the role? Insight, please. All right. All right, guys. You know, here I'll have Peeper's role just because. Oh, real low. You're probably just kicking sand out of your van, Spicoli. Yeah. That bully's the worst nuisance on the beach. Well, you are all going to, except for Spicoli, who, yes, is just kind of going to be trying

to get at some resin, I guess, aware that the explosion that is happening behind you feels a little more violent than you were expecting. It's like the building itself didn't just collapse, but there was some sort of igniting force. Oh my. Ignition, I suppose, is another way of saying it. Yeah, we never looked at what was behind that magic mirror, right? No. That curtain? Okay.

I'd say with that high insight roll, you might be like, oh yeah, there might have been something really intense behind that curtain. Yeah, like when the polterge Guys house got sucked in at the end. Yeah, cool. Guys, they saved the fucking Southern California neighborhood. Yeah, and much as they said in Poulter Guys, that house is clean. It's not dirty at all. It's very clean. I'm curious about that fountain.

I feel like it's the center of town, but I don't know about you guys. Dan, you can tell us if we've already been there and there's nothing to see. But I'm just sort of like, it's so big. I don't think we've ever really checked it out. Is it like a Poseidon adventure where we dive in and we swim underwater out to the fissure or something? Why don't you all roll an investigation check?

Doing it right now. You'll recognize some of what I tell you, you'll probably recognize from one of the first couple episodes. I think I first episode I described it. Insight you say Dan? Yes. 18 investigation.

It's come up briefly a couple of times. Yeah. Investigation, my bad. I think I encouraged the insight that I did not want you to encourage. The investigation Brian, I'm sorry to encourage the investigation, Brian. I'm sorry. Ten plus eleven twenty one.

Oh, geez. That's my 18. Sooner or later, those high roles are going to catch up to you. I am like a she or try me and also sooner or later, all own generals. Boom, boom. And also sooner or later, I'll own generals. All right, well, you are all going to kind of just walk over and I think Siam would kind of like put a hand up and let you guys know that this doesn't look like it's healthy to touch but a lot of the silt, the muck that has been flowing up through the fissure seems to have clogged the fountain.

There hasn't been any water coming up out of it for a while. There's this thick, heavy slime that's translucent, almost like you would expect to be left behind by a monster snail or something. And the fountain is, it's got coins like caked into the slime. It looks like it just like maybe with a cleaning could be fixed, but no one wants to touch this sludge.

And you can see there's probably a healthy amount of money in there if you wanted to go fishing for it. I don't think that's why you originally were looking, but it did come up in passing last time. There's probably with those high investigation checks, you kind of like might do a little round around the fountain. And detect anything magical about the fountain. And I was just going to give you a money number first.

Okay. Just I'm just taking my time. Yeah. Wording this. It's like maybe 55 gold you think. Well that's not bad. In the fountain if you were to scrape it all out. It looks like maybe people kept throwing it in long after the usual rounds of collection stopped. How is it? And then eventually gave up. Yeah, why wouldn't people- How come people left it there? Because the slime is- The slime seems bad. And I think you guys would,

between all your insight and investigation checks being so high, like between all of you, you might kind of go, okay, well, the people who really need the money, they're not super here anymore. There's sort of two poor areas of town on the South side, the Kua Toa and the gnomes. And the gnomes all fled for the most part. There's a few gnomes left as you've, you know, you just blew one up.

But he was not quite himself. There weren't a lot of gnomes left. A lot of them had fled town. The Kuatua kind of thrive in muck and don't really seem to be as phased by it as the other sentient beings in Dalesmith. So the sludge probably scared off anyone who really cares about money or needs money on a level they'd fish it out of a fountain. And the Kuatua don't care?

Kuatua seem to have their own economy down in Sagetown. Gold doesn't mean the same to them. It doesn't. And they interact. And you've noted just in the last 24 hours that the Kuatua seem to actually be starting to show up. You saw one as a city guard at one point. You're thinking things have changed.

Your friend Bull Bull, you stood up for him in the Pace of the Almond in the middle of a bar fight. And it really seemed to change the way people viewed having people like Bull Bull walking around Delsman. So when you showed up, they're being blamed for the killings, but things have shifted in the direction away from the Kotoa as scapegoats. Interesting. Yes. Well, Dan, other than the, whatever, the pollution that's obviously affecting all of the town, there doesn't seem to be anything else like interesting or special as far as like

the fountain goes in terms of like a hidden entrance or a plaque that nobody noticed or any of that kind of shit. There is a sculpture of some kind of marine creature that has maybe more fins than you'd expect from a whale, some sort of Leviathan-like being. Oh. And it looks like water- In the fountain?

In the middle of the fountain and the fountain is so large that you would have to kind of walk through the muck or fly to get to it. But it does look like there are some tiles built into it that are caked in sludge. It does look like there is a bit of elaborate detailed stonework

in the center of the fountain. And do I just any magic? What's the range on that magic, sir? Let me check. I think it's 30 feet. 30 feet. 120. 30 feet.

There. If we just walk up to the fountain. So there's no question. Yeah. I mean, you're right. You're right. You're you go right up to the fountain and you can't like get a magic ping, but it doesn't change how,

now that you're looking at the center of the fountain, it does seem more interesting. Does it give off kind of a vibe of that statue, that Aboleth statue that we saw when we were in that underwater thing? That other temple? The Wastraleth statue. Do they seem related or?

I will let just just y'all do another insight check. Or no, I changed my god damned mind. Wow. I'm being terrible at these ability checks and being consistent. But the first time it was because I I I bubbled what I want you to pick between is nature and history. Please pick. Can I get folks guidance on whatever they choose? Yeah, because this is a discussion.

You've got plenty of time. It's not a thought bubble so much as like, hey, let's hang out a second. Guidance is plus a four. A D4. I got a 16. Nice. On which one, Blaine? I got on history. I got 24 history. Okay I'll go with the other one nature. I'll try. Mm-hmm. 19 history. Oh got a history buff. Didn't come through. So here's nature and then I'm gonna add a d4 to that. It didn't come through.

So here's nature. And then I'm going to add a D four to that. So 14 plus one 15 for nature. So you got a couple of good roles in there. Um, with the history, uh, checks being, it looks like the higher ones, right? I'm not missing that. Yes. Between that nice high check from Shalab and that nice high check from Spicoli. You look at this thing, you're like, oh boy, that is definitely not a normal creature

at the center of the fountain. It's hard to place exactly what it is, but you think that it is otherworldly in nature. It does not look like it is a standard plane being. There is a chance that is pure fantasy, fantasy within fantasy. But this is based off of fiction and storytelling. But you would all definitely kind of put your heads together, think about it, sprinkle a little guidance on these thoughts that you're all having and go, oh, so what the fuck is that?

We haven't seen it before. Maybe it is from a plane, much like the Wastrelith is from another plane. Okay. Oh, I'm going to go ahead and upload an image of the fountain. Like this place is somehow connected. I did have a mini for this handy that I actually accidentally broke and have been meaning to reorder. Did you break it off in your asshole? Well, you know what?

When you see this, then you're going to really love that joke, because once you see how it's shaped, you're going to be like, oh, imagine that in my own asshole. Love it when Chris works blue. Next week drawing. It's a strawberry sun. All right, so I'm gonna go ahead and expand it a bit, try to get it the right dimension.

Ooh, it's like a whale to get it the right dimension. Like a whale mouth. But then, huh. It's kind of like a whale that gets sort of reptilian and exoskeletal as it goes. So it looks like a nice way to say. And as you can see, it's got a lot of little like tenderly type things that break off easily, say on the drive from Glendale to Encino. And that is kind of like the white walkers from.

Yeah, in terms of the color. Would you say Dan, that's the center, like the top of the fountain, like the highest point of the fountain is this thing? Yeah, like there are a couple of pedestal like stone structures with this on top. And it looks like the sludge or water would come out of it's, where about its blow hole would be. Damn. And it's peeing like a Hans Christian Andersen. It's hard to say for sure. I mean, you can kind of tell from the,

from the, the, the minis like photograph there, that the, the hole on top is a blowhole of some kind, but you don't have a great angle on it. Again, you'd kind of have to fly or walk out there. It is about 30 feet to the center of this giant fountain. Is there anything else with sculpture that gives us a sense of scale? Well, like you could. But again, you could like move closer if you wanted to walk through sludge or fly. But you really want us to get closer, Dan.

No, it sounds like I described it previously in such a way where I don't think you would think you would do it. If I were to scale it for you, though, let's just say I'm I'm doing it right now on this on this little map and I'm producing the image down to like one square. It is about like that square. It is about Like that big it's hard to get it in the center, right because it snaps to a grid but um imagine if you will it's kind of like

My stomach feel how it trembles inside. It's big. Okay, it's about um 20 feet long and 15 feet high. Once you go up a couple of five to 10 foot pedestals of stone. Spicoli, you're kind of an artist, aren't you? You've got a delicate soul. You love the way things appear. Right? This is going.

What are you going to make him do? No, I'm not going to make him do? No, I'm not saying it's a peculiar mix. Coley, does that statue seem interesting? Oh, I see what you're doing. I don't know. Little peepers, little peepers walks up to you, Spicoli and goes, Hey, you're a curious sort, aren't you?

Don't you like adventure? Why? I think Twitten wants you to take a look at the oh, I Twitten's giving me like a real you're taking this in a creepy direction. Little Peepers kind of look at me. So on the nose, Peepers. I don't know. I think I kind of need to with this guy, if you know what I'm saying.

But you know, he's here right here. Oh, cool. He's not a he's not a fool. He's our good friend. Spicoli. That was what you're saying is I look like an asshole in front of everyone. No, no. Spicoli, what do you think about going up there and take a look at that statue? He's trying to get you to look at the statue. OK. I'll check it out.

Hey, Nicole, my. Sorry, I was a little pushy there. I just got there. It's just you got the good hands, Spicoli. I think we're looking for some kind of traps or buttons and such. And I've seen you open locks, Spicoli. So I've seen you open locks. You would have to walk through sludge, but what you can do is

we know it's not magical. Yeah, if it were, I would dispel magic. I've already considered that. But I think it's just crazy sad goop that once we get rid of this fucking monster, once the town turns, this fountain will see its day again. I don't know. Yeah.

And if we hear it now, it would just turn back into sludge tomorrow. Okay. You've also rolled a bunch of insight checks that are really high. You would all be able to, you know, confer with Spicoli like this stuff, this sludge, it's not, doesn't look good. It looks concentrated even, which is extra potentially gross and bad, but the Kuhatoa have swum through it.

Do you know what I mean? Like sentient beings have swum through it and they were accused of becoming murderers and they were said to be committing murders because they made contact with the sludge and it was making them crazy. Like the fog was making people crazy. But you've deduced it is the worms making people crazy.

Okay. Oh, hey, yeah, watch out for worms in there. Yeah, you know what I'll do also is I'll strum on my loot and give you bardic inspiration. Spicoli, if you wanna do this, I'll give you bardic inspiration, Spicoli, if you want to do this, I'll give you bardic inspiration, which means for the next 10 minutes, you get to add a D8 to an ability check and attack role or a saving throw.

So the cool thing I found out is because I'm the level that I'm at, if you fail, it still stays until a D8 works for you within the next 10 minutes. It's a because I'm a higher level bar. What if I just say like if for some reason you got poisoned by this thing, you'd have a d8 to help you with the same. All right. What if I try to parkour across the sludge? Oh, like, like you mean like using acrobatics, but like, you know, jumping to things and. So what you could do with parkour.

Yeah, like doing flips and stuff to get. I'm all about this shit. All right. Can they give them guidance to help with that as well? Yeah. And so what this would look like, Brian, is you want to get to the center where this sculpture is, but you want to parkour your ass over there past the sludge. So you're going to kind of like make a running jump where you plant one foot on the rim of the fountain and kind of flip trying to grab ahold of the statue

without landing. It's gonna be 30 feet. So I'm just gonna check the rules on that far of a jump. And it involves your strength modifier. So long jump allows you to cover a distance in feet up to your strength score. What is your strength score? Oh, strength score. Well, it's a 17.

OK, so you can jump 17 automatically. Don't we have some boots of springing? I thought somebody I think you somebody's somebody's carrying them. Yeah, maybe I am rich. Check your inventory Hey, you know, I'm gonna also lay protection from evil and good on him nice so disadvantaged on attack roles and He can't be charmed frightened or possessed by aberrations celestials elementalsae, Fiends or Undead. Jesus. Is that a spell, Cyan? Yeah. Yeah.

First level. Not a bad one. That's a good one. I mean, when we know we're up against it, it's fucking great. Yeah, that's true. So acrobatics check or what am I check? What am I doing? Yeah, acrobatics check. But it sounds like maybe there's other bonuses. We can we let Brian know what exactly he might also be doing here on behalf of the team? Uh, I mean, I he's got that date if he needs it. OK, OK. For Bartek inspiration. And you're just looking for you're looking for

for switches or think, you you know like mechanisms on it or yeah i created plus 828 oh my god without you without using his eight let me add is it do i add his eight to it or folks it has been confirmed i'm looking in the nerd poker dntv on game log It has been confirmed. I'm looking in the nerd poker D&G beyond game log That's yeah, you go ahead and use that. Oh my god You rolled a seven on the d8 35 Fucking 35 on his acrobatics

Number become like Superman 30 At what point does a number become like Superman? Like is it 30? Is it 30? Right? I think you just did that Christopher Walken dance down the escalator across the bar. Ha ha ha. Be-wee-wee-wee-wee-wee-wee-wee-wee-wee-wee. All right, well, you do this insane flip through the air

where, would you want to describe it to us, Brian? This is kind of a crit you need to describe it, not me. You guys see it in slow motion. I run and I, like you said, do an insanely far reach one foot, and then that foot barely touches. And then from that, I leap and do like a nine hundred. Are you grabbing your own feet?

Yeah, I totally. Yeah. And I even do I do a quick Superman pose in the middle of it, where I just put my arms out like that as I'm flipping. Can you hold a sign that says incredibly in in it and then I do a Madonna. I do a Christian has soy You do a big fig Newton pose yes sure Dan can I ask? Yes, I feel like people as you know

and then seeing And then seeing Spicoli do this, what is Peeper's response? It's fucking glory. Suddenly you all realize little Peepers, you know, is like Chris Farley in that gay beer commercial. Just like he he lowers his eye patch so he can watch. Oh, yeah. Gnarly. All right. Well, the flip lets you land right on the back of this thing. You're you're, you know, sitting out, admiring the stonework when you go. Oh, right. Right.

And you start looking around at the statue itself. It looks like there's a very large base to this. Right. I'm really excited about this. stonework when you go, oh, right, right. And you start looking around at the statue itself. It looks like there's a very large base to this, right? I'm really enjoying Oliver's shenanigans, Wayne. The the the glory of Zoom. I'll try to have my camera on for the

next one, but my home was not ready this time for the shenanigans. So like. You're looking at the stonework, it's on a pedestal, right? Like if you look at this thing, I'll expand the little image again, now that you know about how big it is to scale. But at the base where you see these waves,

there's a stone pedestal that's got kind of two layers to it. And there are stone tiles that have been cemented around it. Why don't you do an investigation check? Okay. Very low. Is it a bachibou? Yeah.

A bachibou. Yeah. You don't find anything, but I mean you're searching around and think, okay, this is possibly just going to take a lot of time or maybe one of my friends if there's any secrets here. But this is a very amazing, like, bit of stonework. And the more you look at it, the more otherworldly it does seem. There's a lot of detail on it. Hmm. Do I think I can use Slidehand to move things around or?

Yeah. To help him out, can we, like, use our spells to kind of, like, help manipulate stuff so he can get a better look? Yeah. I mean, you could use mage hand. What was your idea, Brian? Oh, just using slight a hand myself to manipulate it. Slight of mage hand. So you're going to.

There's something I don't know. Yeah, you could use slight of hand. It would just be because you didn't get high on the investigation check. I can't describe for you what it is exactly you're doing with your hand. So if the mage hand is over there, the mage can can start, you know, feeling around and stuff. But if you want to use slight a hand, Brian, is it like, are you trying to just flick things? Like, like just trying to investigate with my hands. All right. Yeah. Like, like, like Blaine doing the bop it bit, though.

You're trying to manipulate the tiles and such. Yes. All right. Yeah, like like like Blaine doing the bop it bit though. You're trying to manipulate the tiles and such. Yes All right What would you get 27 Jesus Christ now the trick with this is because you're you you got a botch on your investigation check and you're trying to do this in place of Investigation when it's basically investigation. It's gonna take a long time. You're going around like tile to tile. Okay. Flicking stuff and you're calling out to everybody like it's gonna be worth it. You know, I'm playing songs next to the fountain and the hopes of picking up some

coin from walkers by. I'm going to do another one or. Oh no, I'm going to tell you what's going on now, my friend. So at one point you flick a tile and it kind of goes and like pushes into the pillar. The pedestal I should say that sort of turns into a pillar as the statue, which obviously weighs hundreds of pounds, starts to rotate and it rotates up like a screw. So the pedestal unfolds and you see a staircase going down in the middle of the pedestal to underneath the fountain. Ooh. Spicoli.

Of course. Yeah, it took Spicoli an hour. It took him an now. You very sexually I've managed to flick a tile and yes, bro Hey, I didn't say it first Well, I think I see that and I look at the guys next to me like it looks like we need to Go check that out. Spicoli. What do you what exactly does it look like? How do I describe it damn I'm not Spicoli. What do you what exactly does it look like? I don't know. How do I describe it, Tim? I mean, you guys, you would have to kind of like look down to see anything that they can't see. Everyone can see it from your standing on like the edge of this pillar.

Oh, we can see it. It's not up where he is. No, it's it's it's the whole fucking statue of this Leviathan like being rotates up into the sky 15 feet. Okay. And what used to be a 10 foot tall pedestal is now this like hollowed out pillar that is 25 feet high with the Sculpt the sculpture has been elevated and you can see there's a spiral stairwell made of stone going down that Spicoli could walk right into, but you guys could also walk over to and walk down if you wanted to flip, fly. I will carefully get into the goo and try and get over to the opening where Spicoli

is as quickly as possible. Will the rest of you do the same? I'm gonna fly. Why don't you guys let me go first because if there's something shitty then there's no to the opening where Spicoli is as quickly as possible. Will the rest of you do the same? I'm going to watch you guys. Let me go first, because if there's something shitty, then there's no reason for something shitty to happen to all of us. Right. Right. Oh, wait, can I fly you?

How many do I do? I can give myself guidance. If it's a spell slot, why don't you hang on to it? Because we're going to go into whatever the fuck this is. Right. All right. Yeah. I'll take a shot. I will try and quickly make my way across. Pond, goo. OK. Can I get a Constitution saving throw, please?

We're looking for a DC of 10 from everybody or just Chris, just Chris, Just Chris. Just Chris. 26 credit. 26. Nice. There's a moment where you feel this like really unpleasant wetness in your boots as you dash across.

It makes your skin crawls like little tiny, you know, powder of ice is just like making your blood run cold in your socks as you dart across and get to Spicoli. So I'll make terrible noises the whole way across. And then as soon as I jump out, I'm like, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. Don't do that. I was the guinea pig. Don't do what'm fine. Don't do that. I was the guinea pig.

Don't do what I did. Don't touch that water. Maybe I'll throw him a rope. How far is that, Dan? How far is the center of the fountain? 30 feet. Oh, perfect. I'm gonna do the thing that cats do

where they kind of shake their butts a little bit and look at something and kind of start to start to jump and then stop and then wag my butt a little bit more and then misty step. All right. Right up next to Brian. It's a, it sounds like the, the GIF that cuts back and forth between the cat and Shaquille and Neil

or the cat is wobbling back and forth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow, Blaine, you just did a great impression of Shaquille O'Neal. We all knew you could. That's me. Yeah, I'm huge. All right, Misty Step. How about you other three folks?

Will Peepers is going, I haven't, hey, hmm. Why don't I toss a rope? We'll tie it off on some end over here. You guys tie it off on some because we're in the center town. There must be in ropes or do it feed. One of us can use the boots of springing. Yes. And little peepers, little peepers can cast long strider.

OK. OK. So that's to take care of. He doesn't have a ton of spells, but he gets that from his his background. Of being half halfling. OK, you know, it's so he's a quarterling. We'll give you the boots. To Peepers, to you. Yeah, little peepers.

Are you there? I'm already there. I made it. Oh, I made it across and was like, don't do what I did. Oh, got it. Yeah. He can't he he can't cast on everybody, but he can cast on himself and it'll just let him jump a little bit farther. Then I will use the boots. Nice. And you see little peepers just like, you know, jump across, use boots,

Boing Boing Boing. Get a quick athletics check from you. I believe you should be jump across, use boots. Boing, boing, boing. Get a quick athletics check from you. I believe you should be able to do it automatically, but you'll see why. Yeah, I should. Ready, boots? Start walking. Start walking.

Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Thankfully I have a minus one to my athletics. Oh, boy. That's a nine. You notice when he jumps over Spicoli, it really is nowhere near as flashy as what you did. Well, everyone over there now, you are looking down a very narrow, little spiral staircase going down. It's only about eight feet wide. This center of the fountain structure.

Are there any townspeople around? Did anybody see us do this? You did see some guards running towards the mayor's little former residence, but it's pretty quiet. It's probably distracted by that. Yeah. People are preoccupied with the pillar of smoke. What's mixing through the fog to the north? I could toss a fire bolt down there. Just I mean, I guess the same thing is tossing a torch, but I could just fire a fire bolt down just to see what's what.

Maybe it's it's just not going to you don't have like a good visual because of the spiralleness of the staircase. The stairs kind of mask, you know, does anybody got dark vision? One of our sneaky, uh, I would say one of our sneaky thieves or both of them should sneak it out. Yeah. Spicoli look what you found, bro.

Well, uh, so who's going down first? I'm going to go down these stairs. I'm going to go down these stairs. I'm going to go down these stairs. I'm going to go down these stairs. I'm going to go down these stairs. I'm going to go down these stairs. I'm going to go down these stairs. I'm going to go down these stairs. I'm going to go down these stairs. I'm going to go down these stairs. I'm going to go down these stairs.

I'm going to go down these stairs. I'm going to go down these stairs. I'm going to be sneaky? Oh, hmm. Yeah, traps and stuff. I'll do that. Yeah. Does this seem cobwebby? Does this seem like an stealthy passage, Dan? It looks like no one has gone down this passage in over a century. The grinding noises as this pillar sort of corkscrewed its way up sounded like

it may have even been the first time it's been used ever. You saw little chunks of stonework kind of like go like pop, pop, and like fall into the fountain sludge as it raised. Right. All right. Well, let's just look up. Yeah, I want to go stealthily. OK, let's get a self check.

Ridiculous. Do you see what it is? 30. Oh, my God. So as you said it, 18 plus 12. Oh, my God. Yeah, these characters are nuts. I got a 16 plus 12. So not that good. Blaine, I think that's a 28.

It's pretty good. What? All right, you had just like fucking smooth like butter, as BTS would say down these stairs and get to the bottom and realize this is some kind of crypt. You see, there is some sort of stone coffin. A sarcophagus, possibly. Cool. There is down there at this point, or is it just you can all follow?

You can. You can follow him down. It's up to you. I mean, like you could be whispering this up to you. It's a small stone room with some doused torches that could potentially be re lit. And there is a statue of what appears to be a gnome wearing wearing paladin like armor and wielding what looks like a very fancy sword. And it's a statue, but not like real armor.

And it's like it's actually more of a tomb than a crypt. It's it's it's single use. It's the tomb of the whatever. So the gnomes have some. This is what it was like looking at the guys going like. So the gnomes. And the Abeleth have some ancient relationship. That's why they're coming in here is because have some ancient relationship.

That's why they're coming in here is because there's always been a tunnel here or some relations. And so the gnomes all left because as soon as they're, uh-oh, here comes the Aboleth, time for us to fuck off. You know what I mean? Like part of the gn known culture of this town was we're in league with the ambulance and one day they will come and destroy everything. So when they do, we got to get the fuck out of town.

Right. I guess, yeah. Dan, is there does there does it look like there's any doors or passageways in or out besides the steps? No, not unless you want to do some more. Can I do a search? Yeah, like you can search, but there's nothing obvious. And also, I do feel like I need to clarify just because some listeners are going to be curious.

I did say it is not an abelis that you had dealt with yet this campaign. There was a stack of- No, it's like a- Wastrelis. Wastrelis, right. Which, yeah, I'll actually pull that lore up. Did you do-

An Elizabeth. They're from the lower planes, like the Abyss. They are from another plane. They're otherworldly. They're from the lower planes like the abyss. They are from another plane. They're otherworldly. They look like water demons because they are water demons. And does that mean bad? I guess when we say demon, spicy boy, spicy boy.

All right. I see water demon. Yeah, let's get that investigation check. Did you already do it? You can all do it. You can all know already do it? You can all do it. You can all know me and all we can all do. You can all pat down the walls of this guidance on such a thing. 16 plus 11 years. Never mind.

What is this? What's the real role investigation check to pat down the tomb? I guess should. Yeah, I got 20, so. 13, 18 is your detect magic still going, Ken? Nine would be. There does not appear to be another chamber leading off this one or a door, but it does look like

the lid of this coffin could be pushed off and has not been pushed off before You do but you also find um sort of like caked in dust Uh siam There is some sort of plaque underneath the the statue of this. Uh, no And my detect magic isn't pinging anything. There is a faint ping inside the coffin. OK, OK, I'm going to wait to turn off the plaque. Voyager six. Anyone here speak gnomish?

No mish. No, just under common. Dan, I speak common. Would that help? I speak Carmen. Let me see. It is in no mish. I speak infernal. Confound it. I mean, little peepers would tell you, well, does anyone have a spell?

Or perhaps we could carbon copy this and take it to someone. I don't have you. My universal speech is for creatures. It's not for stuff that's written. It's not for stuff to written. Spicoli. Yeah, we could actually use a sleight of hand check. And he reaches in his bag and takes out his flint and steel and a piece of parchment here. Let's let's use these dowse torches like charcoal. And you can make a charcoal copy of this plaque.

We'll bring it to someone at the tavern and see if we can get them to translate it. In the meantime, I have a crime boner and I'm a hankering to open this coffin, regardless. I beg you, never to use that imagery again. This is a phrase that was hoisted upon me when I was excited for crime some 20 episodes ago, and you shall not stop hearing me use it. Kick the crime boner. I I bet.

Come on. Now, Shalab is just. You're the language you speak. It's me. Yeah, the language is in the bottom left of the D&D Beyond character sheet. So it says like armor, weapons, tools, and then languages. Oh, OK, there we go. But yeah, I'm still common.

Elvish halfling thieves can't. OK. Well, nice. Good languages. So what do you want me to do? I'm sorry. We're looking. He wants you to make a charcoal copy of the rubbing a rubbing. So what would that be a slight of hand? Yep, slight hand check That's why he asked you he knows you're good at this

20 Bang You get a very clear charcoal rubbing of this plaque and now it's a matter of do you want to go? Through with what little peepers would like you to do crack that coffin open before you read this? Yeah I'll do that. Before we read it? What if we read it first?

Okay yeah let's read it first. Like literally we could let's say because we just opened this crypt up no we know no one else has been in here what if we, I know it's never a good idea to split the party up. What if we send two of us with the rubbing to get it translated and one or two of us hang out here? So nobody gets the fuck in. You know what I mean?

Yeah, that's not a bad idea. Or everybody can go however people want to. I'm just like, let's, you know, before we expose ourselves to Kryptonite or whatever the fuck it is, let's find out what this says. Yeah. Do the boots are springing make me faster? Uh, no, but your friend, little Peepers can cast Longstrider on you. And Siam's fast. Yeah. Oh, fast. Yeah.

Well, we can miss you stuff. Yeah. Why don't we give Sam the boots and all the stuff, Sam? Do you want to go and see what it says? Does somebody go want to go with them? I'm happy to stay here. Yeah, you want company? Yeah, let's let's I'll do what I do, whatever anybody wants me to do.

So the boots, the boots of striding require attunement. So Should you have it? Oh, did I go? Did you have an open attunement slot when I let you use them Ken? I have no idea. All right, well roll roll in our can of check for me anyway All right. If not, I'll just fly instead. All right, exactly 19 All right, exactly. 19. All right, so we'll say you attuned it and you can drop your attunement and then fly if you don't like the way that sounds.

And you give them the Siam Siam. If you'd like to use the Boots of Striding rather than Misty Step, then you can roll an Arcana check. You know what, I'll try that. The Tex Arcana check. I'm about to Put the hammer down. And these are called boots of striding and springing. If you end up wanting to keep them in your inventory.

OK, I'm going to do what they say can't be done. 18 18 plus 725. Christ on a tracker. So you are a two day. Rats. So you're a two-needler. It's on a Ritz. So you're gonna jump, you're gonna Misty step. How are you gonna get out of this fountain pillar

without touching the sludge? You know what I'll... You can jump 30 feet. Yeah, I'll do the jump, I guess. You guys are already out? No, the two of us are going back with the rubbing. Okay. Oh yeah, let me get the rubbing and the operation translate and you take it to the paste at

almond, which you know, it has people hanging out in it, even if it's not, you know, currently being run by someone at the pace that almond someone, someone did disappear. The barkeep, as you noticed last time you peeked in but yeah You can head in there and talk amongst people so you head in there with the rubbing Looking to get it translated and there are no gnomes present, but there are a couple of elves and a kuatau Sitting at a booth in the corner. There's no bar keep present It's about the time when people would be drinking here though And you can tell that they've left some gold on the bar in case the barkeep does

show up trying to work with an honor system. And the elves seem to be laughing at a story the Kua Toa is telling. Okay. Should we go over and approach those guys? Yeah. Let's do it. All right. As you head over, you notice the three of them are all wearing city guards armor. And the Kua Toa is your friend, Bullible.

Oh, Bullible. Who I had just mentioned you saved here some many episodes ago. Sure. He turns to you and says, hello. Hey, Bobo, how have you been? I love you. Oh, we love you too, Bobo. Listen, do you or anyone you know, know nobish? One of the elves does know and nods.

Ah, you know, yeah, we could buy we could buy you guys a drink if you could tell us what this thing says. We're thinking about having to put a t-shirt decal. As long as you're willing to go behind the bar and serve it to me yourself. Sure. Just leave the gold on the bar like we did for our drinks. All right. It's very Japanese of you. He takes a look at it and he nods and says, yes, it's almost like two cast members,

you and I are both researching how to escape this country and move to Japan. Anyway, maybe that's why you expected me to get that reference Ken Daly. Yeah, he takes a look at it and he reads to you with his reading glasses. Here lies Pennyfist Grindbottom, hero of Del's Myth, who routed the Siguen's Leviathan to the muddy depths. May his story live on in the fists of his descendants as his body must be interred where the cult of the Wastlith cannot find it. Huh.

So maybe they're not allies. And I will put it in the chat. Maybe who is not allies? The gnomes and the Aboleths. Aboleths, once again, don't know how they came up this episode. Oh, the thing. The Marybeths. Yeah, you know those guys sucked. Don't know how they came up this episode. What's the error that the thing on the Mary Beth's?

Yeah, but you you all you know those guys sucked right now your friend shalab has a sagoo and skull like melded into his skull Because you found it in the the creepiest occult. It was a cult. It looks like what it's implying is This Leviathan being that was the statue was some sort of monster that this penny fist grind bottom hero of Del Smith, it says routed to the muddy depths. Just chased it away.

Do you guys have these guys? I put the full text in the roll 20 chat if anyone wants to go read it. Have you guys heard about this story before? You guys worked for the shitty, right? Oh yeah, here it is. Yeah, it's a... Oh, I think...

Penny fist grind bottom sounds pretty silly. I don't I don't know. I suppose there were some grind bottoms who lived in town once. What is this? Sago in. So good. Again, so good. I don't know these.

But that sounds like that old cult. Sure. Don't know much about this. What about what about global This sounds like it's part of the tide gnomes Maybe the tide gnomes when this was a city they They had this fellow fight to the vies and then of course

No, it's the Leviathan that you met It's probably that Leviathan Remember it's tentacles ripped at you as you took our champion into the temple. Yeah I think you met this thing in the muddy depths All right, well let's hear from their beers and head back. Thank you. I love you. We love you, too. And again, some ant eggs. You go ahead and buy those beers, leaving your your coins Japanese style on the bar and head back to your friends sharing now what you've written down as the translation

your lies. Penny fist grind bottom hero of Dellsmith. You've routed the Saguans what you've written down as the translation. Here lies Pennyfist Grindbottom, hero of Delsmyth, who routed the Saguans Leviathan to the muddy depths. May his story live on in the fists of his descendants, as his body must be interred where the cult of the Wastralith cannot find it. Alright, so as they're coming in, I'm saying to Spicoli, like, so it's gotta be these gnomes, these evil fucking gnomes, man.

They're in league with the Abileth. And by God, I bet you, you know what? It's probably some fucking trade pact. What do you think, Spicoli? Yeah, man. You guys see Lil Peepers just staring into the middle distance cutting his leg with a dagger I guess this is I really feel like they're not listening to the universe

And then we hear their stuff and we're like, oh cool Sense that makes more sense and you I only the lid of the coffin Curiously and we'll have to find out what that looks like on our next episode. Yay. Oh, ba-boom. Sam, did you catch this one? Will we get a recap? Nay.

It seems like a nay. I think he's just working out. He did, he did confirm that it is a nay. So yep, you can hire me to be a Dungeon Master at dantelford.com. I'm also streaming on Twitch more often. So you can head to twitch.tv slash Telford Dan, because someone who looks exactly like me in their avatar

snagged Dan Telford as a username in something like 2011, that motherfucker. Son of a bitch. Wow. So is this airing this week or this is air next Monday, okay cool so You'll miss me in Austin, Texas, but I will be at San Diego Comic-Con Thursday through Saturday, but All that you need to know about is I'll be at the image booth from 3 to 3 45 on Thursday,

the first day or the first official day of SDCC. And then I'll be signing in Rifters and Grommets. And I've got a city winery in Philadelphia, in city winery in New York City. And then I have Terrificon in Connecticut the first week of August. And I'm so stoked. Fucking Lindsay Wagner and Lee Majors are both there. Wow.

Oh. Wow. Yeah. And your parents. Oh, I know. I'm going to nerd out on them so hard. Oh, all of their faces. That's I feel bad for them. Talk to Lee majors about the nice guys that Shane Black. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's great. Yeah. I'm a big fan. I can't wait. That Shane Black. Oh, yeah

Yeah, I'm a big fan I can't wait but um, we majors come again is one of my favorite BC boys songs to Bribe sane calm for tour dates and other stuff. Oh And there's a merch. There's a if you go to you twos so it's I think it's youto o z calm they have made a character of me a plushie of Basically the D&D version of me from the from our old book from our wall from our old nerd poker logo

Cool. Oh, I have like from the players handbook. from our wolf from our old nerd poker logo cool I have like from the players handbook yeah yeah oh cool the second edition one from way back in the day yeah I have a crazy like skeleton helmet on and yeah yeah it's really cool looking but I don't have it here it's in the other room but yeah there's there's a plushy version of that Oh the fifth. Yeah, that one's drawn by Aaron English. So Check it out. Go to you twos they With us through nerd poker and and they've done elders with Baldur's Gate, they've done

Merch for a bunch of different D and D based podcast shows. Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. I'm stoked. Blaine. Oh, I'm going to also be at a Comic-Con on a Saturday at 26th. I'm doing a, a mad TV panel with, uh, I think, um, Dick Plasucci, the producer.

I think Mo Collins is going to be there. Phil Lamar might be coming by But we're gonna talk about the the 20th century. It'll be fun cool. Wow We attribute the success saved mankind For joining us on this episode walls and a roof well On the next nerd poker Sam's t-shirt is to be inducted into the Smithsonian, but an electromagnetic pulse turns Robo-Roman into a killing machine. Can Brian sit on his balls wrong before it's too late?

All this, and it's too late, on an all new Nerdpoker. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerd poker and you get bonus episodes from there and you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 and Sino California 91416. Thanks for listening!