Nerd Poker - The Fog Campaign - Episode 30

Episode Date: July 29, 2025

Deep in the belly of the slime fountain, our heroes salvage loot! They are preparing for the big heist, one filled with, you guessed it, WORMS. For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Hey, it's Brian Possein, nerd poker. We're calling it The Fog Campaign. My friends are here, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer Sam, of course our kick-ass DM Dan Telfer. Welcome to Nerd Poker. Hey everybody it's your old pal BriBri. right right right was a you're listening to nerdish folks as a Dan Telfer said would say has said shall say will say again just meet my friends it's episode 29 guys or 30 we just did 29 so that's how I know I'm still feeling fine.

31, it's not it's not after it's 30. One one one more than 29 is 30. Are you explaining numbers? Yeah, the biggest number is 32. No bigger number. Ken. Yeah. And Dan, who I've been talking to for a whole hour. Thirty three. That's the highest number.

Sam just turned 33 this year. Here he is everybody. Hello sweet children. Sup buddy. He's been our engineer since he was 12 years old. That's right. True. You're a thorough the way to 99 Sam.

Sam how are your lungs after working in the cyber mines. Oh not that bad Get back in your cave piss pot People forget that alien Romulus was based off of Sam's life You could escape the mines thanks for being our Sam, and for breathing all those toxic fumes. America thanks you. He is. And speaking of God's work, I would like to thank some of our Patreon supporters that are top two tiers of support.

They have usernames like VordaSpin. Thanks VordaSpin. Thank you VoodooBeef. Thank you JackMineOff. Oh. Wait, what? Huh? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah Thank you, Jack, my knife. Oh, wait, what? Huh? But you believe it. You believe it.

Thank you, Hoffer. Oh, wait, that's that must have been what they meant to type. Thank you, Morty Mortenson. Thank you. Thank you, Lil Peepers is crime boner loves a jingly pocket. Thank you, Orcas orcish torsos mailbox money. Thank you for only $71 a month, you can save a war donkey from being abandoned.

Dildo distraction. Thank you, in your butt, put the boogie in your butt. Thanks, Jonathan Meyer. Thanks, Commander Salamander. Thanks, Jeremy Rossman. Thanks, Zerk Bodark. Thanks, Sam Gibson. Thank you, I will raise you to toilet frogs.

Thank you. Worm Drives Show on YouTube. Choose your adventure. And that's it. I'm done. No, finally. I've had it. Blaine, who are the supporters brought to us by?

Supporters brought to us by Lululemon. Accentuate your body's moisture every single drop. When life hands you Lulu Lemons, make sweat, Lulu Lemon. And that fly on your porch that just keeps flying in a square over and over and over. What's it doing? Where's it going? What does it want?

What's it thinking? That fly! Dan? Thanks, Blaine. And now it's time to... Ahem. That's my favorite part. Talk about what happened last time on NerdPoker. Our heroes opened some sort of pillar passage in the middle of the fountain after hearing Dan describe the fountain loathes many times in great attention grabbing detail.

After some amazing flip and handwork by Joffrey Spicoli. We headed down into what appears to in the tomb and brought it back. That plaque... is red. Here lies Pennyfist Grindbottom, hero of Delsmith, who routed the Siguen's Leviathan to the muddy depths. May his story live on in the fists of his descendants as his body must be interred where the cult of the Wasteless cannot find it. We now take you to our episode that's happening.

Well, well, well. You missed it last episode, Ken. That was for you. Thank you. Thank you You're welcome Goodbye Yeah, and now it is of note. I've frightened away all the other cast members Can't commit suicide after hearing that last no, oh god, that doesn't make sense. That doesn't make sense We want to get whatever is magical out of this tomb, right? It's got to be penny fists like

super sword or something we can use to Do something magic in there? Yeah I Will happily strum my guitar and give guidance to our two thieves? If you guys want to check out that tomb for I don't know murder plots Ways to be fucked all of it. Oh gross. I can tell you to Who's gonna check for traps and dangerous things? I'll do a scan for traps and stuff.

All right. Remember the DC is 25 or else a giant worm will bite your butt off. This is this is insight or investigation. You're saying that's common knowledge. You said remember as though there was a sign when we walked in. Yeah, I can't tell you how many times that's happened this way. I'm waiting for them. They're all missing your butts except for Blaine.

This is his big moment. No, Blaine, this is an investigation check. You're checking for traps. 16 plus 11. What's that? I don't want to tell you. I feel like you weren't humble enough when you said it. I'm not going to do it. It's 27. Fuck face. Oh

Now it's my butt that's been bitten off I Love when blame doubles down There is no trap on this coffin you think Okay The traps inside What should we do? Should we open it? We're supposed to keep this thing. I mean, yeah.

And like to investigate for traps is pretty tricky. You don't find any buttons as you run your fingers along the edges of this stone sarcophagus like coffin, but you know that there could be a surprise inside. You know there's a vague magic aura inside. His body must be interred where the cult cannot find it the trap is there's something inside that's magical that we're going to take with us and upon seeing it somebody from let's call them team telfer

I'm sorry, Dan. I don't mean to Dan. Are you all right? I'm shrugging it. I'm shrugging. I refuse to acknowledge the possibilities. You're right. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm sorry, Dan. I don't mean to. Dan, are you all right? I'm shrugging it. I'm shrugging.

I refuse to acknowledge the possibilities you're lying in front of everyone. You know what I mean? So I think that's probably let's open it for sure. Unless you think for some reason, the danger is too great. I mean, we could for sure leave it here and then not tempt fate as far as I Just think as soon as they go aha you are been at the crypt of what's-his-name sponge bob

pennyfish crying about As soon as they go ah the whatever the gauntlets of grind bottom or whatever it is Maybe then does the spell that keeps the wastrel if From you know what I mean, this is an invasion of the wastrel. Yeah This is and this is the key So one version is we could just not use the key in the hopes that it ultimately fucks them. But that doesn't seem as fun.

It seems like we should open the tomb, take this thing and fucking just be aware of the fact that we are, I don't know, marks for death. Well, yeah, we're bringing the thing that for sure is going to make every waist or less and cultist to be like, must fuck you. Right. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they're definitely going to try to have sex with you.

Yeah. I mean, not all of them are. I think I think they're all malevolent. I don't know if they're definitely gonna try to have sex with you. Yeah. I mean, not all of them are... I think they're all malevolent. I don't know if they're necessarily sexual. If they are sexual, we might be able to talk. Very small handful of NPCs try to have sex with everyone. I keep writing into Dragon Magazine, but that number does not change. Hahaha! What do people think? Let's open it up, right?

Sure. Should we? Yeah. Come on! But the cult of the Wastrelith might find it. Yeah, it's only E and D. What do you think will happen if the cult of the Wastrelith will find it? As far as all of you know, the cult cult of the waster with has been inactive and Wiped out first a long time Yeah Open the fucking thing. Yeah, except for old mother Hubbard. We know there's a gnome

Whatever oh, that's a different. Yeah That's the cult. That's a cult of a different culture. It is a dude It's the cult of Caius Caius of the worm being at the edge of the cosplays Kaius is not the waster less correct To worm cults No The waster one is it does not involve any worms whatsoever The waster lint does not involve any worms whatsoever. But the waster lint is a big whale, which essentially is huge work. No, no. That is some sort of Leviathan.

OK, what's a tenacles? A waster lint is a water demon whose photo I will link. But I'll put it in the Roll20 as well as the Zoom. It's Jerry Lewis. I'm sorry, did everybody get this except me? I apologize. No. This is what the statue was you found. This is an old knocked out temple you guys looted

and got the thing that's embedded in Ken. But Caius is a completely different. So this is the underground cult. This is what they're doing. Yeah, yeah, I hate it. I also hate this. So wait a minute. So there's these hook handed fish fuckers.

I'll share it for the audience. That's how you should think of these guys. Fuckers. I'll share it for the audience. That's how you should think of these guys. One of them found the sagoon and the sagoon worshiped it like a god, but you may remember they couldn't. It wasn't actually a god. It was like a, it was a demon, a water lord, if you will, a candid fish fucker, trying to gain enough worshipers to become a god. And that's a waste of life. And it failed whole thing failed the gnome the tide gnomes It appears drove the saguans out of Del Smith years and years ago And you looted the temple which is underneath soggy town. Yes

The Leviathan still banished routed if you will down to the muddy depths beneath soggy town So maybe we can use this magic. So this magical thing in this tomb has nothing to do with the Wyrm Men. You. The soul worms. Let's call. Opened up some background imagery from a long time ago that I have had sitting there for the last 30 episodes. All right. Well, let's open it up, because maybe it's something cool

we can use against the soul worms. Right. Yes. Yeah. If this was Dr. Who, that's what these be. We must stop these terrible soul. Is there a safe way? And those are called what, Dan? The worms? Yeah. What do we call those guys? Uh, Kyus.

K-Y-U-S-S. Those are all Kyus. I will. They're a part of Kyus's like cosmic awareness. And I am going to put the Kyus link in the same chat so you can play a little bit of the old switch-a-maroo back and forth. I'm so sorry. I thought I Who's the thing I so enjoy fucking with you that I want to make sure that you know I wasn't fucking with you on purpose because I would enjoy

No, absolutely. Yeah, it's no fun when people don't get your thing. You want us to get your thing? I'm with you. Westerlith was a lesser water demon that was posing as a god and fooling these dumb fish people. Caius, also known as the worm that walks, was an elder evil prophesized to usher in the age of worms, a time when the undead will rise and destroy the world. Don't like Caius either. Sorry, go ahead. Don't like him. Don't like them. I don't like them. So we found the tomb of the hero of an ancient battle that has nothing necessarily specifically to do with what's going on.

However, and so all again, all my gnome hatred unfounded. It was fun. But I'm still guys, I'm 100% certain I'm right. I mean, now we all know how you really feel about no Well, it's not me guys. Of course. It's I had great news Joe Rogan is interested in having you on to talk about notice. I hope you can maintain this for four and a half hours I think we all know that he can based off of it I think we all know that he can based off of it. Yeah, so let's let's open up this tomb and maybe it's a cool But hey, man, what if it's the fucking glaive could be from Krull?

I'm gonna go in this guy's glaive. Yeah, but then you will the glaive Chris No, well a glaive in D&D is not the same as the glaive from yeah You know, believe me. I've read it I thought, holy shit, the glaive is in here. Not knowing it's an apple. You know, who's really good with the glaive? Oh, yeah, I think I know. Is a glaive. You know who knows the person who named a continent

Dave and glaive in one season? David, quite I'm sure is essentially a glaver. There is actually, and I asked because I was for a second reminded that this this whole campaign has things in it. Anyhow, we might see why I asked that question eventually. Guys, if we're going to fight Chrome, look out.

I want to meet that the guy with the one eye. What's that guy called? And I don't know little peepers. Oh, peepers. You got so is he our Cyclops? Yeah. Oh, it was like a scary swamp in the in the crowd.

Yes. Oh, it's creepy. And that wizard, the blind wizard who sort of had the little boy as the helper. Boy, I thought it's like that guy looks like a perfect wizard. The the Cyclops was rel the Cyclops, and he gave me so many like creep nightmares. Yeah, creepy movie. But he was a good guy. He was. But you know what? Despite his benevolent nature, his face makeup upset me. Yeah, it he was a good guy. He was but you know what despite his benevolent nature his face makeup upset me

Yeah, it was very strange The poster is upsetting everything about it except the glyph Who could forget the video game was actually good was it? Yeah? Yeah, there was that yeah, there was an arcade game. Oh Was it? Yeah, there was an arcade game. Oh, around the time is the same time as the Journey game was up. Yeah. Oh, Tron. Tron. Oh, yeah. Isn't that like the innovation of like, oh, the the turning controller? The kind of like gauntlet.

Yes. Interesting. Brian, were you an arcade kid? Food. I was. Absolutely. I can. Yeah. Just when I when I said Tron machine, I instantly smelled the arcade and could hear all the God I just said. Funderland at the York Mall, there was one at Delco Plaza

and then the Park City Mall, one of Harrisburg. Just got the video in Tarzana Yeah We had them in Sonoma proper and we had a you know machine right up on my paper out in Glen Ellyn Where I played my first asteroids and but yeah, man once I loved that shit so much I was never great at games, but I love Defender and Robotron is one of my all time favorite games. I just played it recently at an arcade and I felt it again.

I was like, oh shit, okay, I remember how to do this. This is super fun. How crazy is that? Real muscle memory. My favorite games and arcades weren't competitive. I didn't care if I was good at them. They were about like. I played anything. I love Paperboy and Burger Time and all that.

And the rules. Yeah. 720 and I love too the big skateboarding game. 720 was awesome. Like that huge. What was the one with the clown and the balloons? Oh. kick. Is a clown on a unicycle popping balloons?

Oh, yeah. I think I've played every skateboard video game ever made. There were so many. That makes me think of Tapper. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, I was a big fan of the ones with the with the style. I forget what the video effect is, but like Starcastle's tail gunner. Oh, yeah.

Vector. Yeah. Yeah. Vector graphics. They were that always battles. I was a real. Oh, wow. What is a robot run? Was that one of those? Not quite. I'm trying to think. You know, I know what kind of game you're talking about.

I really have. It was my favorite one of the... Probably Rolling Thunder 2, that was Rolling Thunder 2. Ah, fuck yeah. It's almost like pixel lines creating an attempt at 3D movement. Yeah. That's what I love so much about when you see Tron, because Tron, all of a sudden, you're inside the tank that you're playing these vector games on in the arcade, which clicked for my brain. Recognizers are still underrated bad guys.

I have one. Those things are fucking great. You have one? I mean, a small like matchbox toy car. Okay. Matchbox toy car. Okay. I realized when I'm talking to Ken, Ken's like, well, actually, I have the repulsor technology outside.

They're like big video Maximilians from Black Hole. Yeah. Anyway, we're out of time. But yeah, I can smell the arcade. Yeah, man. I late 80s, early 90s for me. So I was a lot of Street Fighter two in those four player games like the Ninja Turtles and the X-Men.

If you're listening, Google that smell. Ninja Turtles is fun. And the one that that Simpsons game in the 90s was really fun, too. Oh, man, it was perfect. This is the silliest, weird. It came out after, like, I want to say maybe like half of the first season. So there was all these references from just like the first eight episodes of The Simpsons. Yeah, it was early, wasn't it?

It was because I remember there were characters who are like, by the time we got to the second season, I was like, wait, who was this guy? Oh, like, yeah yeah that Gums Murphy Yeah, they always had the the babysitter that I think she's in the first season Right wrestler is like one of the bosses and you're supposed to like recognize the wrestler I think it was just like like on the TV brief, right? Right, right Ken Right, right, right. Come on, Ken. Well, I can hear the sound of those guys who throw their hats at you in the Simpsons game.

We're like, pew. Ah, yeah, anyway, I could play those all day. I want my whole goal is to be rich enough that I can have a four player like room where it's just X-Men, Avengers, Simpsons, Ninja Turtles. Oh no, you mean those big machines, those big machines. Yeah, I love that. I've had a condo once, but yeah, you know what I mean?

Like the machines where you get three of your friends. Cause that's something I still do. Like when I'm in a barcade, I'll get I'll get people to like come play with like the fucking classic dazzler Wolverine crawler. You know, that was that was Colossus is the fourth one. Son of a ships. And let's open up this tomb and steal this fucking guy's magical. No physical actions have taken place in the first 22 minutes of the and gently put it down so as not to desecrate, you know, let's be kind and mindful of

Penny fist grind bottom and all that he did. Sounds like nine dating sites. Listen, all I want is one person to notice every weird ass name that I write. Yes. Wanna get a ride in it. We all notice. You put effort into it.

Dan Telfer, where'd he come up with that one? Listen, I just wanna be known as the person who birthed any fist grind bottom into the world. Did it hurt? So yeah. All you wanna be the ones to open his tomb. Stone coffin. Let's do it.

Do do. Who's doing it? Somebody else. There's four of us. Let's each take a corner. Yeah. So you take a corner and we're trying not to break it. You know what I mean? Like we don't. Yeah. You're sliding it off and a 10 foot worm jumps out and bites off all of your butts.

Oh, oh. Campaigns. I have savers and I just leveled up. Oh, hey, Jesus, Telfer. I had cool spells and shit. You notice inside as you slide the lid of the coffin off and lean it against the coffin. There is a skeletal gnome wearing kind of desiccated paladin armor, but holding to his chest a scimitar.

Oh, okay. With a... That's one of those half horse guys, right? Yes, yes. It's like Harry Potter's teacher. Half horse, half sword. But it's got like a little chain, like a little charm chain dangling out of the bottom of it. Chain dangling. Can we gently remove it from the bony clutches of Pennyfist? Yes, you lift it up and, you know, there's a pop noise

as the finger bones release this sword Finger bones and is it like glowing or something? I just I we know that through shalabs magic We know that this is the magic thing But is there does it seem to appear magic to normalize? The sword's hilt has hooks in it that almost look like claws or bat wings that point towards the edge of the blade. The pommel is thick and has detailed black and silver metalwork in it. There is what looks like a large topaz embedded

in the hilt. And the blade itself seems to have two layers to it. It has an orange like dark red, almost magma like sheen to it. Oh, magma sheen. That sounds cool. Seems to ripple as you stare at it, almost like an oil slick.

So who's good at scimitars? Everybody look here, a little character. Scimitar is a light finesse weapon, if that helps. Light finesse, so that would work for thieves, right? Uh-huh. Yay, okay, so that works for our friends. Shalab, as a sorcerer, are you allowed to have melee weapons like that?

You can have simple weapons, maybe. Yeah, daggers. I think, yeah, and simple, I think is more like Mesa's and yeah, I think non bladed. Yeah. Well, then I would look at our two thieves and be like. Somebody want to wield the fucking magic bat? Yeah, like blade sorcerers are just one of the classes where you can't be proficient. You can wield it. Oh, you could. OK, anybody can wield it.

You just can't be proficient. I'd rather somebody proficient take it. I use my magic. You just have to be proficient in finesse or a light martial weapon. And since rogues are afoot, I believe any of you rogues could wield this and get bonuses related to it being a finesse weapon. So Brian or Blaine, do either of you feel like being a blade wielder? Yeah, maybe.

Pull the chain, see what happens. Well, we've got it out, right? I think, yeah, I think Brian would be better with this. You can take it back to an inn and attune to it tonight. Yeah, because we, I mean, in theory... How do you spell it? I-N-N. Si si batah. Ken. If you're looking to put it into your inventory?

It is a special magic scimitar that I'll give you details on if you attune to it, but it is spelled s ci Mi tar Mid-couple hour It's like a dark science time. Oh yeah. It's one of them curvy blades. Now that you found it, I do want you to attune to it so I can tell you in secret. I love my skirting. James Gunn how wielded it in the rabious sands of time.

Yeah, yeah. It's a curved blade. Yeah He controlled the golden sands of time wheeled them Who's taking it I will see if we Brian will you roll an investigation check? On such a thing, he's turning it over in his hand, if you look over it and you want to help them out, you can give him guidance. I would like to. What am I looking at?

Insight. Invest, that what it is. You're turning it over in your hand. Is that what it is? You're turning it over in your hand. 13 plus, what did you say? A d4 sighted. OK. 15.

Hey, this is an extremely dangerous looking weapon. It looks like it does slashing damage. And oddly enough, the chain that seems to dangle out of the pommel looks like it is connected to some sort of metal rod inside the sword that can be pulled out. of metal rod inside the sword that can be pulled out. Hmm. Like a second weapon?

Something is hidden inside the sword's hilt. Like a flint or something maybe to light it on fire? Well, if it's a bat thing, maybe it's like a venomous stabber or something. I mean, Spicoli, pull that something. I mean, Spicoli, well, pull that chain. I mean, obviously with caution. What's it? What do you got there? That's where it flushes. Do you pull the chain?

Some. Yeah, but is there some way of doing it to where I might not get hurt stealthily or you can do a slight I can check Brian's sighted. That's what I mean. Yeah, can I give him guidance again? Yes, you can thank you especially because you're goading him to do this Come on Spicoli, I wanted to learn all the secrets of a bat blade 32 I wanted to learn all the secrets of a bat blade 32 It's terrible effortlessly Chain

From the sword and yeah, thanks for the three points Chris. Yes Those three points, Chris. Yes. Those three points that 29 to 32, we got it. And you notice it gives off a separate magical aura, Shalab, but a metal tube, a metal tube that weighs just under a pound and is just under a foot long, slides out from the hilt of the sword. Well. Put it in your butt. It was a tiny man in your butt.

It was a tiny man in your butt. Shalom, but a big can in. Shalom, can you sense anything about the magic of that rod? Maybe it's one of those like immovable rods or something like. Yeah, you don't have to detect or identify a spell. I do not think I do. I don't think I do. Identify. Let me check. I don't think so, no. I should have picked that up on my level.

Put a rubber band in your butt. I'm gonna play Anna. Man, a rubber band would not be good in your butt. I mean, a rubber band would not be good in your butt. I do not have a dept. Sounds like a niet. Sorry. So I will say that this item does not require attunement. You would have to play with it.

Told you. Is it just a rod and a chain attached to a rod and no other dials or switches or seams or. There is a there is a shape that is carved into it. It looks like some sort of gnomish sigil. Well, there you have it. Maybe we could go back up.

What time of day is it, Dan? It's getting to be about 10 p.m. Then we go up and, you know, Spicoli can spend the evening fiddling with it. And we can go to bed, we can get a long rest, and then we can descend into the depths of where the mayor told us to go. This metal tube you can play with separate from the sword, but if you were to attune to the sword, you would clues near the end of his life

Yes, he did yeah about where to go in He told us about an Entrance in the gnome quarter, an old mining shaft, building has mining architecture, a new mining office. So that was his sort of, in his crazed rantings, that's where he directed us towards. We would recognize the building because there was something about it

that definitely reflected the fact that it was the building of architecture. Right. You find that and we find the way in. Can I get an insight check from everybody? Yeah, why not? There's a there's a clue hanging in the air that I'll either give you or I won't. Twenty one. Working for a high number here. 18, 19, 20.

How's that 13 to sink the boat? You can't quite put a finger on it, Siam, but you do think that. You've got a clue about how you could find this mining building. Do I use my wish? You can, if you want to. What's what's what do I think? What am I thinking here? Find a beer.

He had 21, but I was looking for a 22. So I'm a creep. But you're you're kind of like you creep, but you're kind of like, you're kind of, you're kind of like, ah, we're talking about this building. Yeah. Should we go back to the, go back to the bar, the liquid cashew, whatever it was, and maybe ask it, you know, do another ask around before we kind of repair to the

there was an elf there who knew no mesh. Yeah. Sure. Yeah, let's do that. You guys. Yeah, you're going to close it on the way out. That's a good question. We think so. Yeah, I mean, we should because we, you know, we want to keep this thing hidden, like according to the thing, the inscription. So you slide the lid back on the coffin, having thoroughly robbed the hero. And then as you leave the pillar, Spicoli, you find the tile that seals the tomb once again. Of course, a giant Leviathan-like statue just went grr-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r- Just a few feet from this central location with the fountain is the pasted almond and turn up those three city guards, including

Bullable and the elf who knows no mish are still sitting at a booth. Hey, you're still here. Your girlfriend's must still be in Canada. How dare you? Yeah. Hey, listen. I am played by Anthony Michael Hall I'll talk slower Hey, we're we're going to Hey, you know a couple more drinks here if you could

Come on you away if you want to have any ideas of where there's some mining equipment that we could get in the old gnome village any mining companies ideas of where there's some mining equipment that we could get in the old gnome village. Any mining companies? No, I mean, yeah, there's there's probably a mining company there somewhere. They used to have miners back in the day. I don't think that mine has been open for a long time, but they had their own building and some sort of shaft down to the mines or in the gnome quarter some place. Yeah, that shaft. He's a bad mother.

Shut your mouth. I am just talking about shaft. Oh, that shaft, he's a bad mother. Shut your mouth, I am. You're talking about shaft. Oh, that's right. So, hey, do you have an address? Should we Google it? It's come up on GPS. Let's get a Performance check No

Can I give him guidance or is this right? Yeah. No, it's just for him. It's just for science I'm gonna communicate right now. I got a 19 plus 2 Yeah, do it so 21 You can throw a guidance on top of that if you want you were were offered it. A bar padded you on the back. Sure. But another two twenty three two hundred and twelve, Dan. Yeah, I mean, I guess if you if you knew like what the guild sigil was or something.

Guild sigil was or something. Guilt, sigil, you know what? Thank you. The things it's on the chain only thing. All right. Yes. You know, we'll look into that. Thanks. Yeah.

Or chance of the year. Yeah, I'm going to go and get them a couple of also going to get them a couple of Don Julio 1942's. Oh, they love those. Yeah, good ones. So we need to examine the sword for the sigil? Is that, or we already did that? We did, we didn't copy it down or anything. Do we remember what it looked like?

Well, it's on the sword. Is that you can pull it right out? Yeah. It's a metal tube inside the hilt to the sword that you can slide out. And as far as like if you want to crash, maybe do some attempts at attunement there, Brian. Yeah, the three options once again are you could go to the unwoven veil, that Kua Toa little bed and breakfasty place. You could try to crash here.

There's no one really to take your money. or you could try to go to a shack in the Fisher's village. What do you guys think? That's a bad. That checks a bad mother. Shut your mouth. Talking about Shaq. Oh, I can shake it. Let's go to the Cua Cua.

So our friends, right? They seem to be our best allies. Sure. Unwove and veil in? Yeah, it's true. All right. So you guys headed to bed and breakfast. Gives you a discount and says he'll give you a room

just for two silver each this time. Thanks dude. And guides you back up to your room. Brian, would you like to roll an arcana check to try to attune to the scimitar? Can I give him guidance? You may. I'll play quietly in the background. A team, a team. Oh, man, real low run.

It's guidance is just before, right? Yes, it's not going to anything happening this time. Yeah, sorry. That would have been a. Oh, yeah. It's guidance is just before right? Yes. It's not going to anything happen in this time Yeah, sorry that would have been a oh We're on his floor, but it's a 10. Yeah, I'm looking for 20s on those Because I'm at school You're weirdo

What the hell are you doing here? Seriously, you don't belong here. Talking about attunement. Yeah, that's what you're about. All right. So you're not going to be able to attune to it tonight, but I will let you all, if you want, gather around it and do a history check to try to figure out what the fuck this sword and the metal tube are. I mean, I'll add the fourth. So, I'm going to add the fourth. I'm going to add the fourth. I'm going to add the fourth.

I'm going to add the fourth. I'm going to add the fourth. I'm going to add the fourth. I'm going to add the fourth. I'm going to add the fourth. I'm going to add the fourth. I'm going to add the fourth. I'm going to add the fourth. I'm going to add the fourth. I'm going to add the best.

I may not have the fourth. Same, I got a 15 too. Nine. Also. Quite a terrible. We all suck this one. Well, all you can tell is this is a sword designed to combat a giant monster. And it probably has certain attributes

connected to it that would be good to have if you were a town hero and that this tool hidden inside of it is something very rare that the gnomes put together to hide within it probably as a dungeon nearing tool. Dungeoneering tool. Hmm. All right, well, we'll keep hacking away at this thing, right? Yeah. We still gotta go down.

Yeah. Just to be clear, we're going down this shaft to find what we believe is the entrance, the way this thing's coming in. Is that right? Like this is us like going to try and shut the door. Dan, is that right? Or is this more just sort of like,

we think this temple is nope. This was the mayor giving you a hint at how you could maybe get to where the cult is coming from. where the cult is coming from. Where the cult is coming from. So this is like the cult's lair. Yes. Great, okay.

So maybe we're a little quiet up top. Yes, stealthy. Maybe we're like sneaky and we send our sneaky boys in. You can send the sneaky boys. We should just maybe do like an overnighter, get all our spells back and stuff You know get a long rest. I know we're fans of long rests Sure Sam I must be flipping out because this is I think two long rests in one episode

So he was man so happy is it I think I think we we just talked about a coffin and it felt like a long rest Oh, never mind I think we just talked about a coffin and it felt like a long rest. Oh, nevermind. But yeah, you guys are, you know, you can tell me is anyone going to do watch? We don't have to roll the watches because you're staying in a bed and breakfast.

And I'll tell you in advance, you're not going to be like, yeah, all right, so roll a perception check. All right, I will. Here it comes. 17. Do it comes. Seventeen, do it. Silence. Who's taking second watch? I'll do it.

I hope you take third watch, Brian. Sure. Wayne. It's like a watch. What's the what's the thing? Perception. Yes. It's 25. Yes. 25. Silence. Brian, would you like to roll perception check to be third watch? Yeah, for sure.

Perception. Mm hmm. Perception. And then the second person. Let's go to the team. Beaming, beaming, beaming, beaming, beaming, beaming, beaming, beaming, Let's go. 28. Geez. Right around seven in the morning, you can hear Ubble-Ubble level downstairs the Kua Toa innkeeper

going oh oh my gold ball you pair both skates you go roller skates I gotta see and a gold a bit you have diamond rings with the bacon. Like you just, just some random words. All right. Oh, what a great night's sleep that only I had. Oh, well, you know what? Of course, because you did not have to sleep through that third watch, you could also roll perception if you want.

You want me to? Sure. If you want to, I'm, you know, we just had very high rolls. Oh my gosh, I'd love to. Watch. Spicoli got a 28. Can you beat a 28?

Oh, it didn't go through this time. All right. Yes. You can. 14. You cannot. Sadly, you have to let Spicoli relay all of this stuff to you. That's fine.

I wipe the sleep out of my eyes and pull the wee willy winky mask to the other side of my face. And I'm just like, ugh. Graduated from sleep. That's right. Now, I should have done a roll call. Was there anything else anyone wanted to try to attune to?

You could do it. Rectractively. I don't think I have any. a roll call. Was there anything else anyone wanted to try to attune to? You could do it. Rectractively. Allow me to check the list. Have you have you attuned to your fish hat? Shalom. I thought I did already. Yeah. Yeah, you've also well, you've also got those two rods that you took from the fireplace, a mayor's home.

Oh, I don't know anything about. Yeah. Who who's Arcana inclined? I am plus four to Arcana. I can try and attune illusionist bracers is another thing. Nice. I have a plus seven. Oh, you should for sure do it. Arcana. I'll give you guidance as well if that's okay. Sure.

I'm gonna try one of the fireplace things. That's a natural 20. Plus seven. All right. Plus two, so 29. Did I mention? Natural 20. Well then which one are you gonna try to attune to? Would you like the one that appears Did I mention natural 20? Oh, well then which one are you going to try to attune to?

Would you like the one that appears to have a little horsey on top or the one that appears to have a little face? He he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he and I'm a cat. Good logic. All right. I mean, it could be, you know, it could be unlikely animal friendship, but. This is a rod of alertness. Oh. While holding the rod, you have advantage on perception checks and on initiative roles.

Okay. While holding the rod, you can cast the following spells from it. Detect Evil and Good, Detect Magic, Detect Poison and Disease, and See and Visibility. Wow. As a magic action, you can plant the half-done end of the rod in the ground wherein the rod's head sheds a bright light in a 60-foot radius and dim light for an additional 60 feet. While in the bright light, you and your allies

gain a plus one bonus to your armor class and saving throws. Wow. Nice. And can sense the location of any invisible creature in the bright light. The rod's head stops glowing and the effect ends after 10 minutes or when a creature takes a magic action

to pull the rod out of the ground. Dang. Okay. What's a magic action? pull the rod out of the ground. Oh, dang. Okay. This is a rod of the... What's a magic action? D&D is fun. Does that mean the creature has to be magical itself to pull it out of the ground? Yes. Like when you say...

Okay. Yes. And then Illusionist Bracers? Can I attune to those? Do I need to attune to those? You can try to. I think you do have to, but I'm going to check. I'll give them guidance.

Because I can cast a cantrip twice. Ken, you can cast a cantrip as many times as your heart desires. Oh. See you. Boop, boop, boop. Illusion is bracer. Absolutely require it to. All right. Then what's the name of that rod, Dan? Sorry.

Um, Rod of Alertness. Hole in the Emu. Rod of Alertness. Does anyone want to tune to the horsey rod while we're doing this and brian are kind of like uh spikoli there kind of and you could also brian hey it's just plus three you could do it you get plus three you could ask everyone to uh let you hang out in the room for four hours in the morning if you wanted to make one more

try At a tuning something you could you could even try the scimitar a second time now that you've slept. Oh, yeah Yeah, do we give him can I give him guidance on that, please? Yeah, would you want to pick the route or the scimitar Brian? What are you guys laying in towards so you will sound cool Yeah What are you guys laying in towards say well sounds cool Yeah Semitar well, it's decided I can't a check. Okay 20 oh my god Troll to so Oh My god

Troll to so Brian you have just attuned to a vorpal scimitar. Yeah shit You gain a plus three bonus on attack rolls and damage rolls Did weapon ignores resistance to slashing damage. Wow. When you use this to attack a creature that has, Brian, at least one head, and rolling 20 on the D20, you cut off one of the creature's heads.

What the fuck? Wow, that's crazy. Vorpal sword, baby. Vorpal, baby. It's a senator Vorpal sword baby. Vorpal baby. Scenotaur of decapitation. The creature dies if it can't survive without a lost head. A creature is immune to the effect if it has immunity to slashing damage if it doesn't have or need a head or if the DM decides the creature is too big to have its head cut off

with a weapon. Such a creature instead takes an additional 30 slashing damage from the hit. Good golly. If the creature has legendary resistance, it can expend a daily use of the trade to avoid losing its head taking damage instead. Proficiency allows you to add the proficiency bonus to the attack roll for any attack you make with it. Nice. Also, it's hit plus three hidden inside. The sword is a chime of opening. This hollow metal tube measures about a foot and weighs about a pound. As a magic action, you can strike the chime to cast knock.

Oh, that's cool. That's how we're getting into the gnome fucking place. The spells customary knocking sound is replaced by the clear ringing tone of the chime, which is audible out to 300 feet. The chime can be used 10 times after the 10th time it cracks and becomes useless. Do not know how many times. Oh, there's no recharge. That's it.

No, and you don't know how many times it's been used. Never. Okay. That's good, a Vorpal Scimitar. Vorpal Scimitar though, Brian. Yeah, what about it? Spikoli, Headhunter. Holy shit.

Stone Dull. Stone Dull with the Vorpal Scimitar. Stand back, you guys. I don't know how big this thing's gonna get. The Vorpal Scimitar. Stand back, you guys. I don't know how big this thing's going to get. Huh? Where do I roll?

Arcana go for a 10. Yeah, I can. All right. Way to go, Hamilton. 21. There you go. You are now at my guidance to illusionist racers. A powerful illusionist of House to mirror originally developed them. Oh, blah, blah, blah, blah. While wearing the bracers, whenever you cast a cantrip,

you can use a bonus action on the same turn to cast the cantrip a second time. Nice. Nice. on the same turn to cast the cantrip a second time nice nice is anyone going to try to attune to the horsey rod or any other thing they might have oh okay so our oh shit it doesn't require attunement oh never mind but I'll like I'll still be doing in the horse you clip you can Check that why would I ever I will go to it go like guys by our Ken is Really resonating with this thing. Hang on a second. I think it's a I think it's a barred item Oh Instead what it is, you know

It's caked in ash and soot and you will want to roll an investigation check to see if you can figure out what it does. Copy that. May I? Yes, you may. Give me a second. Investigation you said. Mm-hmm.

For addition, guide thyself. Well, good news. My investigations are four and then I have that default. Oh, it's a seven. That's what I got. a four and then I have that default. It's a seven. That's what I got. Well, all you really do is find a button as you scrape it off. Weird.

Like a button is in like like a pin that you want someone would wear. I know on one end, like tucked under one of the horses, chins caked in ash, there is some sort of steel button. Oh, on the thing itself. Uh huh. Flash, am I allowed to press the button? Just a flashlight. You may press the button. I press the button. The lightsaber.

Show me how you're holding the rod when you press the button. Definitely away from all of us into an open space. And I'm clicking it. OK. You feel of strange sensation in your hand and there's there's a chime like kind of ringing in the air. A chime in the air. A chime in the air?

I will put down the rod and back away. You pull your hand away and the rod stays fixed floating in the air. Oh, is it an immovable rod? It's an immovable rod. Okay, with a horse. Yep. All right. Immmovable rod. That's what it is. With a horse! Alright, immovable rod. I'll hang off of it.

And giggle. Try and keep my feet off the ground like, look at that! Immovable rod. It's awesome. Awesome. Well, you know, you looted the good places. Nice. Awesome. Well, you know, you looted the good places. Nice.

You thieves, you steal everything. Should we go to the mine? I think so. Let's do it. All right, you guys. Let's take another one. Let's go to Color Me Mine. Let's go to Color Me Let's color me mine.

I love going to color mine. All of you are excited for your blind date with a gnome in the gnome quarter where you will make little ashtrays together. You all head to the gnome quarter looking, it sounds like, for the sigil that is carved onto the chime. The chime of opening. And as you are walking around town,

I'll just ask for a little investigation check to see if you can find that sigil. I said sigil, but it sounded very close to like sizzle with a weird like voice that I was not doing. Investigation you said? Yeah. 10 plus 11. That would be 21. Not only got the 11 part of that. Hey, my passive investigation is 21, too, by the way.

But you can always take you can always ask to take it. I rolled a nine. All right. I love. Can anyone be the 21? No, Brian. What about a little deeper? Eleven investigate.

So yes, all right. Here we go. Yep. Let's see. All right. Let me. Sorry, guys. Walk around here and see if I can find a building with a whole. A 10. Nope. I don't. I didn't. I'm just saying.

19. Oh, close. Oh, well, with a 19. Oh, do I get a do I get a from you can be. You could all be rolling guidance. You could all be rolling with guidance. Oh, great. If I can give folks guidance, I definitely. Yeah, it'll definitely matter for Spicoli and for Siam.

24. All right definitely will. Yeah, it'll definitely matter for Spicoli and for Siam. 24. All right. Jesus. Yeah. So I have a 22. Well, Spicoli, Siam, the two of you walk past the building and you see what looks like a really old kind of filthy but like clear sigil that is carved into the stonework right along the foundation that looks like it's kind of been buried from disuse and clutter and the sludge seeping up out of the soil, but you see it. The building now looks like an abandoned warehouse. It looks like it's gone through a few uses over the years and no one is Visibly using it the windows and doors are boarded nailed shut Unassuming you think maybe we'll take a lap to sort of see if there's maybe there's an area that's got less eyes on it

There might ultimately end up being the place where we want to sneak in You know, I mean like Like, let's take. Rather than the front door. What? Yeah, you know, make sure nobody's watching the building, let's say. That kind of stuff. Yeah, that'd be good. Little Peepers says I can now one today use a little fly spell. Little fly spell. Oh, you mean to like if you want to go up in the sky and.

Yeah, yeah, I can click my heels and hop on up there. Little fly spell. Oh, you mean to like if you want to go up in the sky and scare around? Yeah, I can click my heels and hop on up there try and be Not too obvious about it though, because you know, we still have that Fox lady Somewhere who's for sure? Following us. He pauses for a second and goes. Mmm Do you think she's following us? Right now she's part of the Thieves Guild. I'm going to head and scuttle into this alley

and before I head up to the roof. Yeah, just, you know, be careful. All right. Well, he is going to duck into an alley. Can I get an investigation check from everyone? 14. What's the role? Investigation problem is, yes. Didn't I?

So I got a four. I also got four. Yeah, we're good. I didn't sir know Guidance or no Investigate. Oh, it's a water. I did kind of ask them spontaneously. So I assume okay, so no Yeah, you can do guidance cuz you're you're casing the joint. You're great. Yes Let's get an eight then I got it. I got it eight. I got an 18

I Got a 23 Oh fuck Brian and Blaine Siam and Spicoli once again Team up for one of their classic adventures. You walk around into the alley. Gnarly. And you notice in the alley, sort of squeezes out from some boards that are covering up what looks like

a basement ground level window, a little worm with a little face on it. Ah. Isn't that horrible. No thanks. It leans up and stares at you. Oh, fucking worms. Well, yeah, I'm with you.

Can I get a I get a wisdom saving throw from both of you, please. OK. Oh, I have like some crazy thing to where I can't be wisdomed. Yeah. He charmed 18 plus. Yeah. Jesus. Was receiving. So yeah, I'm trying to figure out what we're talking about here.

It's the only. It sounds familiar 18 great save regardless, but yeah, would you remember where that ability comes from? He has advantage against being charmed. Ah Yeah, well, then you can roll again if you want to but you don't have to because guess what Brian 18 is plenty Yeah, cool. But you and Siam both hear a little voice in your head saying, would you like to live forever?

No. You know what, that's a great note to end the episode on. Siam, you hear the voice, you hear Spicoli saying no, but you other two round the alley as Lil Peepers kind of lowers from his flight and you just hear Spicoli say no at nothing, kind of leaning over, looking at the ground, just going, now, you're not close enough to see the worm.

We'll have to see what happens with this, the new worm outside what seems to be the mining building on our next episode of Nerdering Pokering Times. Yay! Alright. I'm glad we went in that fountain, you guys. I just had someone hire me for another one-shot. If you would like to hire me to do a one-shot for your family, your friends, or perhaps other nerd poker listeners, I would love to run a campaign or a one shot for your family, your friends, or perhaps other nerd poking our listeners.

Uh, I would love to run a campaign or a one shot for nerd poking our listeners. It's a Dan Telfer.com. Hey, so, uh, I've got, uh, you know, some stand up in, uh, August and September for my new gig starts. Uh, if you haven't heard the news, I'm on a new spinoff playing that geology guy. Stewart fails to save the universe and that starts up in the fall. But got a few gigs left before the end of the year or before I get back to work. Um, I've got, uh, Calgary coming up. I've got, uh, a terrific on the first weekend of, um, August there in, uh,

Connecticut and that one's going to be crazy. Um, and that's just me signing all weekend at the, at, at a booth. I'll have my own booth for the big beat boxing. Yeah. Be fun. Well, my name is Brian and I'm here to say. Yeah. Bring records and I'll scratch them and throw them at you.

Oh. Brownsaint.com for all that shit. So blame. uh, bradmussain.com for all that shit. Suck it. Blaine? Uh, I'm going to be at a Comic-Con on the 26th of this month, uh, Mad TV panel with, uh, uh, Brandy Stillwell, uh, Dave Herman, Phil Lamar, Deborah Wilson. So it's going to be the old, the old timers. Nice, dude. Yeah, that'll be fun.

So come on down, try to park and then miss it. We attribute the success of Saved Man Colleen from the. Thanks for joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof? Well... On the next Nerdpoker, Brian's balls are off to college and his underpants have empty nest syndrome on a bittersweet episode of Nerd Poker. All this and Brian's balls get expelled after starting a food fight in the Tate Quad. On an all new back episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerd poker and you get bonus episodes from there and you can also send us anything at P.O.

Box 16069 and Sino California 91416. Thanks for listening.