Nerd Poker - The Fog Campaign - Episode 33

Episode Date: August 19, 2025

Hopefully playing in person means we can manage the xorns that sprouted up and are trying to rip our faces off. And hopefully we can do something about Twooden's rapier having just exploded in his face!  For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Hey, it's Brian Posein. Nerd Poker. We're calling it... The Sod campaign. My friends are here. Chris Blaine. Ken, engineer Sam, and of course our kick-ass DM,

Dan Telford. Welcome to nerd poker Hey everybody It's Brian Passame And you're listening to Nerd Poker It's a noisy one We're all in person though Almost which is great

Except for Chris Chris is shooting a movie In Vancouver Is that right buddy? That's correct Brian Movies being shot in Vancouver I have been cast in said movie Nice

that's awesome is it star wars are you in a star wars i love that's correct i'm playing the role of landau calerician wow very concerned can you find like an empty flop house for me to hide in in vancouver i would like to make that my new home great city uh you just heard everybody at the cooves i live in a van down by the coover and then that's plain hi and then dan was talking a second i go hi babies we're all here running the the show from the shitty part of town he's from the cool part of town now he's in Encino

it's not no one's happening in Encino it is what it is my god what I'm shitting on Encino no your your dog was licking my butt oh okay it's not everybody it's always something Sam everybody hello sweet children hey uh you want to thank some people yeah I You know what, listeners, you're all a delight. You're all a delight. And I want to thank some of our very special listeners who go by usernames like Chris for confiding in me that you secretly worked for Wizards of the Coast at the same time I did, but didn't tell me until that it cuts off.

That wasn't me cutting out, though. It just cuts off. Chris, what is that about? Have we talked about this before? I think it must be a different, Chris, because I, to my knowledge, ask Chris Cholman. I've never worked for Wizards at the coast, but who knows? Do you think they subscribe to a different Dungeons and Dragons Patreon where there's someone named Chris and that's their inside joke?

I mean, I guess. All right, well, we're going to have to compete. We'll show you, person. It's talking to the wrong, Chris. Thank you, Beth. Thank you, Mr. Pribbs. Thank you, Joe Beck. Thank you, Vladimir Gargol-Snart.

Thanks, Amanda Bird. Thanks, Mike Cribier. Thanks, Captain Howdies, piercing Pugos. Thanks, Matt Carter. And finally, thank you, Craig Willis. Blaine, who are you? Who are these people? Oh, Brian, did you want to?

Mike Crabier. What's up, buddy? MacCrabier. Met him in San Diego one time. Blaine, who are those supporters brought us by? Go ahead. Oh, supporters brought to us by a Ruben on a stick. Move over, hot dogs.

There's a new sandwich on a stick. Rubin on a stick. And Lucky Charms Body Wash. Lucky's gonna be after you. Lucky Charms, Body wash, Dan. Thanks, Blaine. Do we have people that we want to thank

who have their dollar bills they gave us? Yeah, dollar bills, y'all. Rob from the Flat Dix Society. Yes, and somewhere there's a $20 bill in rotation that I wrote Rob's name on. And then I took a picture of it. Rob from the Flat Dix Society. Thanks, Rob.

And then what was this gentleman's name? Oh, this is from Craig Dowsett came to a Luchovoom party that we did for bad guys too at the DreamWorks campus. Oh, cool. Came up and said that he loves the show and handed off some cash. So thank you, Craig Dowsett. D-O-U-C-E-T. Is that what year? D-O-U-C-E-T.

What's his Social Security number? It's 148. 8-8-9-2-9-2 And then Is this from the What does it say? The Random War? Yeah.

To Nerd Poker from the Ramandor Or Randomore. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's the Randomore because he's his patron supporter on those top tiers. Yeah, that makes sense. Randomar, I got your name right.

There we go. Whoo. Crushed it. Thanks, man. Thanks, you guys. I think that was in Austin, Texas. I was just there. And I think that's where the Flat Dix Society was, or was that in New York? I was in New York and Philly, but before that I was in Austin.

It's inside all on the... Who knows? Robin Williams is great in the Flat Dick Society. It's really inspiring, honestly. Very uplifting movie. If you catch my drift. A flat and uplifting. Also, I found this mini that looks so much like Fire.

Jolly in my head it's a paladin but this little guy Chris I'm gonna text you a photo of this little guy for Glenishmore that's not everybody's favorite paladin that's a real paladin yeah you fire jolly is a cleric yes I'm oh my god I'm playing another game where they need a cleric because someone in the group is cursed and turning into an abelous and they could really use fire jolly right now That curse. I'm excited to see, Dan. I will, yeah, I'll put it in the group text right now, but I'll do it.

When you're not busy recording nerd poke. Whilst I am saying, it's, well, I mean, it took me all of three seconds, and now it's time to talk about what happened last time. Oh, God. A nerd poker. That's our new parade sound. We're changing a new vibe at the beginning. beginning. Our heroes are breaking into the basement, so to speak, of a stoneworks building in

the gnomish part of Delsmith. You guys are trying to get down into the sub-cities where the Tide Gnomes once founded Delsmith a few, you know, centuries ago. You have a lead that down here there is a tunnel and you did find a well. Unfortunately, the well is surrounded by Zorn, rock monsters that can burrow silently and without making any rise in the rock have come up underneath you and are clawing at you guys. We are mid-combat. I do have the turn order.

Next in the turn order is Blaine. Blaine, as a reminder, you are currently in a stone basement. There are some, you know, I didn't have rail tracks like for a mining car, there are tracks that go up here from this corner through here. And that's because carts can come and go. I'm looking right now to see if I have something I can function as a mine cart, but I think I might just have to use this magic-ass door.

It looks like a mine cart and flop it over on its side. And now what were we being attacked by again? Zorn. X-O-R-N. Okay, Zorn. But they're reaching up and grabbing you from underneath. Okay. I'm going to

I'm going to cast Altar's self on myself Oh And I'm going to Be a cat with wings Wow Oh what are those things A tressum I think is what they're called

Is it? Yeah a little house cat with wings It's called a tressum They can talk and everything They're going to be a twessum They're in Alders Gate 3 It's like a bat Gale's familiar

Gail's feather Feathery wings Oh Like a griff Yeah, there's this fun side quest where you can, like, go, like, save a bunch of messages that carrier pigeons were carrying, but this Tresson was murdering all the carrier pigeons in town just by, like, a bloody trail of carrier pigeons. You have to, like, talk the cat out of murdering everyone's male person, basically. All the pigeons have voices if you talk to them, too, folks. Little video games.

Yeah, don't let the pigeon drive. You're turning into a cat with wings. and I'm going to alter self. Now, how does that different from polymorph, Blaine? I can just change my body. Okay. I'll give you.

So when you say a cat with wings, you're not like a house cat with wings. You're like a vaccine of wings. Yeah, just giving myself wings. Gotcha, okay. I'm making, altering myself to me with wings. Appreciate the clarity. Uh, uh, da-da-da-da. I assume a different form. What do your wings look like?

Oh, my goodness. Yeah, and I'm going to just sort of slap and get up out of range of these guys. 15 foot high ceiling. How high up are you going? I'm going to add ceiling? Yeah, as high as I can. Without hurting my wings. I brought just in case such a thing happened, a little riser for you.

Wow, wow, wow. To indicate you're flapping around, flappity flap, flog. You have wings, don't you? I usually cast Flyer, right? Yeah, that's what I'm thinking of. You had a character with the wings one time. Sure. All the time. Ryan did last campaign.

And then I changed his character forever. That's not true. You just got trapped. My figure had wings just because I thought it was cool. That's right. Yeah. All right. Well, is that your like turn? You're using your reaction to cast alter self? Yeah, I don't think I can do any.

bonus stuff. All right. Well, Brian, you're up. No shit. Okay, cool. My wife was communicating. Oh, sorry. Can I ask?

Testing. If I have a bonus action of fast hands and I can use a magic item, can I do a cantrip with that? Yes. And so there are claws coming up underneath Chris, who I'm representing with this guy. Okay. And claws near where you are flying. Okay. I will, I'm out of range of what's below me, so I'll, uh, I'll zap Chris with a, or zap the Zorn under Chris.

Chris, Blaine is attacking you. With a firebolt. Okay. Yeah, roll, roll to attack. Spell attack. Uh, that is 15. We're in a memento for more. Just realize they need to pull the monster.

The monster sheet up. You know, like normal. Pull the monster sheet up. I hit it before we started recording, but the internet decided to stall and now I have to refresh. Blaine, who is this refresh brought to us by? Refresh is brought to us by Takate, the worst beer in the world. It's Spanish for Pabst. Really?

There it is. Oh, wow. Really disagree. You said Takate? Sitigante? Oh, yeah. Have you got Lucky Lock? Brian, if that was in touch.

What was I thinking? Stone, you got real mad for a second. Oh, yeah. Maybe you're thinking of a delano. No, no. Oh, okay. Pest is worse. I grew up in Chicago where Pabst was like water.

I love any Mexican beer. Is that bad? I like Modelo de Negro. That's good. That's good. Nice flavor. You know, who doesn't want a nice refreshing garbage drink?

just like liquid garbage. It's delicious. Liquid garbage is pretty good beer, though. You had liquid garbage? Oh my goodness. I was telling these guys before the recording, Bob Brian had liquid death, and I'm drinking a delicious dead billionaire-flavored liquid death.

Yeah, but it's tea and lemonade. It's tea and lemonade. What does it taste like? Yeah. That's delicious. You're supposed to eat them that drinking? I just assume it's all water, even if it says tea and lemonade, like it's tea and lemonade flavored water or something.

But that's not how things work. Hey, Ken, I know you didn't like the FF movie, but did you enjoy that even in their universe? Monster Mash is a fun song to play at Halloween. I didn't hate it. Yeah. That was really funny. Do you guys catch the Stan Lee and Jack Kirby cameo in it? I thought that was Stan Lee.

Yes, yeah. I thought that was supposed to be Stan. I don't know if they... Pre-mustache. Yeah, if it really worked. I mean, I guess we noticed it. Yeah, yeah. The CDI would have been worse.

They used AI, right? No. Reference. What? The first cover reference was my... Yeah. Oh, yeah. What was that thing called?

Oh, yeah. The rock monster. What is that? Yeah, it was straight out of that. It's called Giganto or something. Yeah. That's corny, but I love it. That cover.

And the mall man was so great. Finally putting, like, the Pim in anything is so just fun. What's that actor's named Paul Walter Hauser? Yeah. He was great. He's a naked gun. Yeah. Yep.

Guys, justice for Red Ghost. Apparently, they didn't shoot it, right? The John Malkovich Red Ghost stuff? Oh, I don't know. They shot it and cut it. I think they shot it. Oh, so they didn't put it to the duration or something. But they cut it.

I mean, you have to trust them when they're making the movie, but I'm just saying. Oh, it's orangutans. I'm going to do. what Blaine did when it's my turn. Cool. Well, with that lightning, it's a fireball. Firebolt. Well, Brian's going to do Fireball. What were you doing?

I was doing a fireball. Okay, you're doing a fire. It's a miss. It's 17, right? You said? Yes. Yeah. They have 19 AC. Okay. I will reveal. Do it. Damn.

Swing and a miss. Brian, you're up. 10 plus seven. That's a hit. Cool. Roll your damage, please. we're two and the ten nice

this is a ten right or it's wait I think it might be an eight yeah it's an eight you haven't one your finger yet right there this one yeah oh you're seven and six

so that's 13 and then is there an addition to that no plus 100 no I mean look no it's just 2d 10 yeah so you smash it into the ground and where one of its hands is emerging

right underneath Chris and you hear the ground the kind of like tear as it shrieg erupts out from under the rocks anything else for your turn brian no i think that's well unless i uh you could try looking at your bonus actions i think we've done this and that i don't really have any okay then that'll bring us around to chris hi chris oh yeah cutting action and cunning action but i don't even an enhanced dual wheel oh no past hands

And I left little papers out of our last turn order, but I'll put them in after the Zorns. Chris. It's me. Okay. So, Dan, if I'm correct, there's a Zorn directly beneath me as I cling to the cave walls. Yes. In fact, I should move your little figure a little closer to the wall, but yes. Okay, great.

I'm going to take advantage of some of my bizarre bardic things. I'm going to cast um I'm going to cast

mind sliver is in action. You drive a disorienting spike of psychic energy into the mind of one creature you can see within rain. I'm looking directly beneath me with its gaping maw. I pick that guy. Okay.

The target must succeed on an intelligent saving throw. Uh-oh. These guys are ding-gongs. For this, Dan, I want to be clear. Yeah. This is my major plan. However, I have a secondary plan. Oh, okay.

This secondary plan is called Unsettling Words. Is that what you're doing to me right now? I'm thinking Arby's. That's right. I eat 10 pounds of bad beef. And then I drive for four hours to a christening. I can't wait to see what? You wouldn't make it.

You would not make it. Solid. You can spin words laced with magic that unsettling. This is a bonus action. And this will happen after the saving throw thing. Well, actually, my intention is to do this first because... Oh, okay, okay. The result of unsettling words is I'm giving this fucker a disadvantage on saving throws.

As a bonus action, you can spend when you use of your bardic inspiration. So it's basically sort of like negative bardic inspiration. Yuck. I choose a creature within 60 feet. I picked the gaming mob beneath me. I roll the bardic inspiration die. The creature must subtract the number rolled from the next saving throw before it makes the start of your next turn.

So let's roll the D8. Okay. That's great by you, buddy. Yeah, well, should I tell you what he gets? Does he have disadvantage on the saving throw, you said? I'm sorry, I read it wrong. No, he doesn't get, he gets his saving throw minus whatever I'm about to roll. Got it.

Yes. I said this is going to be spectacular just so you know. So I rolled a two. Oh, okay. Well, he botched. And then I'm going to pull a trigger on the mind spike.

Okay, he botched. Excuse me, the mine sliver. So it's got to make an intelligent saving throw minus two. So he has a negative one on the saving throw. Oh, great. So he's a minus three. Okay.

He's a regular team gain. What happens, Chris, when the mine sliver works? Well, the DC is normally 17. If he fails... So bad. Yay, we love it. He takes... The turn will succeed or take a D6 psychic damage

and subtract a D4 from the next saving throw it makes before the end of the turn. So first it takes a little bit of damage. But if somebody does, then so it takes three points of actual physical damage and if anybody else basically from now for around casts or does a thing that makes it do a saving throw it's going to be at that got it ill okay so yeah will the uh psychic damage yeah i did it was uh oh I'm so sorry. I already did, done, rolled it.

I missed it. Here. If you said it, I did not process it. That's okay. I have to go back to the screen. Do you get the beautiful photo I sent you, Chris? I did. Thank you.

I roll, so it was three points of damage, and it's minus two to the, minus two to the same and now I'll find Dan's name. That's my turn. Okay. Chris driving four hours year christening is the funniest thing I've heard of in days.

Unsettling. Unselling. Now, Dan, just movement-wise, I know that I can't go any higher. I'm sort of like at like the crest of like Yeah. I just want to make sure. And if you look at the photo I sent you,

I'm resending it because, you know, I've had a message sent failure a couple of times. Sorry, yeah, I don't. You're the little fella in the bottom right of the photo who's like half red skin. Do I, are you familiar with like, I'm trying to think of something to compare it to. You look like half the thing.

Oh. Here's half the thing. I mean, I feel like the Zorn looks like the thing. I think I look like a beautiful boy who will never die. They're slightly obfuscated by rock at the moment. But as you... Opsychated by rock. As you hit it with the mind spike.

Yeah, you hear another shriek coming from another rock. You're really fucking this thing up. Good. And I believe that is the end of your turn. And it is now time for Shalop. Where are the enemies? Is it these two? No, those are not enemies.

The enemies are... are hidden. They're like down in here and down in here. I'm sorry, you have to, here, I'll put some D6 where they are, or no, I'll D4 because they're spiky. Where's an enemy? That's one. That's an enemy. There's an enemy. There's one. Show me another enemy. There's an enemy. You got to keep them closer.

I'm going to. I'm going to move over here. Throw your friends away. Keep your enemies close. They're lined up. Uh-huh. And cast agonizer's scorcher. Okay. Is that a saving throw? I'd say, yes, it is 17 decks saving throw. Did you say deck saving throw?

Yeah. It sounded like dice saving throw. Dice, you have to use dice to determine the saving throw amount. Wait a minute. I don't know if you've played D&D before, but we use dice. Yeah. All right. Ooh, that is a two.

That's not a good one. So, there's two in the, in the attack. It's a 30-foot line of disruption. They will get lost and turn into a puppy treat. Seven. Okay, so that's a double fail. I will cast my damage upon them. Oh, no.

19 points of damage. How would you like to see one of them die? This would be the one underneath Chris. I would like to see it start to chuckle thinking that it's one. And then it moves, suddenly change this expression. I feel so great about being hit with this attack. Wait a minute. Oh, we have no one.

I am dead. And then he's dead. Son of a fuck. He explodes. Yeah, the arms sort of spasm for a second and droop and fall motionless underneath you, Chris. This guy is dead. And there's one more pair of arms. arms but they're going to be pretty spooked uh ken is at your turn i give a thumbs up to shalom

and i give one back with a wink we're best friends forever dan whatever horseshit you have planned you can't kill our friends yeah you can't separate us okay uh here comes the zorns wait what uh the soren is going to go for little peepers or beer pete zorn that is hey's pizs I'll do some originals I got attacked by him at Largo once Really? I know it says it 22 to hit 26 to hit

McCabe's And a I need to clean this dice Some anti-sweet there once So it's three hits Did he attack you? There was 30 years ago papers

with his acoustic guitar I saw Frank Black there that would be cool it was before he started doing pixie songs again he was literally Frank Black he was doing solo stuff it starts shredding at Little Peepers

and does 53 points of damage as it claws and clams jaws down on his leg come on little Peepers you got this it is now Lil Peepers his turn Roll a scream.

It is a dirty 20. That's good. That's a 20 with blue with blue cheese olives. 21 points of damage as he stabs down at this thing and his dagger is not magic. So it's like just going, chink, chank, chank, chank. So he's like stabbing at it really like effectively, but it is not. killing this thing. His leg is in its mom

clamped shut and he goes, Oh, I don't care for this at all. Oh, good, good tear. Save me from this. Oh, shit. Dan, would you say that he was stabbing it

with his steely knife but he just couldn't kill the beast? For the sake of this reference, I don't understand, yes. Yes, I would say. It's from a song called Hotel California. Oh, God damn.

Dan, the Eagles were a bit. big backing band for linda ronstadt in california in the 70s they're pretty popular but maybe they're a west coast band yeah you are from chicago you guys love chicago yeah that's our favorite band is in chicago we all listen to chicago we eat pizza flavored pizza uh here we love eagles and the journeys i didn't listen to classic rock i listened to cool It wasn't classic then. It was just rock.

I forgot how punk the eagles were. Yeah. Now it's 50 years old. Blaine, you're up. I didn't like it in junior high. And Billy Joel. I'm consistent. I remember a kid brought glass houses to a class.

And I was like, how dare you? Ryan, have you ever thought about having kid rock on the show? How about Billy Joel? Let's get Billy Joel in the show I'd rather Yeah I love Billy Joel Hey

I'm going to do another A couple of fire bolts No you're not At whatever Zorn is available Oh I suppose there's one left yeah I'll let you do it Okay that one right there I changed my piss yellow one Pissing

Fuck that guy Pity on him Bigger the most hideous D4s To represent the arms coming out of the ground Piss on him A 24 and then a miss. Okay, and that 24 is a hit.

Hit him hard, baby. And that's a seven plus six. Give him the business. No, no, it's just a seven. So what kind of damage is this? It's fire damage. How would you like to see this sword die? Yeah.

I would like to see him. At the hand of the Lord. I would like to see him. He's got three arms, right? I would like to see him look at three different watches and go, well, time to die. he gets really confused can they be swatches

yeah oh yeah oh blaineered her shirt like tears in rain I've seen things of your people wouldn't believe

you know attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion woohoo hoo-hooh it's weird it's got

Padgete Brewster on it but that is that's a she's She does kind of look like Sean Young, doesn't she? Like in general, not just on your shirt. Is this going to be on the Voikov?

So, okay, cool. But there will be a tortal. Are you going to help the turtle when it's making its death saving for us? Let me tell you about my mother. Hey, let me tell me about my mother. This is really true. I have never said this before. But when I was a kid and I saw Brian James in Blade Runner,

is that how you pronounce it because it's not spelled this year but there was something about him and I was like this is totally true but I had this thought I was like I could act it was seeing him I was seeing him on a big screen and go yeah hey and then there was a guy on coach too there was a it wasn't Fagerbach on coach it was the other guy that's tall too patrick uh yeah not patrick but it was or maybe it was dauber but there was somebody on coach where i was just like i could do that i mean i do think dauber might make you to feel that way yeah i got the same feeling when i saw sean young no but it was totally right brian james seeing brian james in a movie i was like i

could be an actor what about richard maul on night corking a little i mean i mean a little i do remember i do remember liking him because he was tall yeah but it's not just about but but yeah it was more the personality and then you know who outside liked was the uh the the michael barryman who's oh sure he goes every time i see you on tv i root for you and i was like you too that's awesome yeah he was really nice yeah big guys we look out for each other You got to. Big freaks. Oh, look.

Doorway. Wait a minute. Low-hanging doorway, everybody. Talls. Watch out Talley's. Watch out Talley's. That is what we say amongst each other. Well, that's got to be a biopic.

Watch out Tullies. Can I get a perception check from everybody as things get a little more relaxed? Obviously, there are a couple of wounded characters we'll talk about in a moment. I got a 13. 3 plus 10 That's a 21 Perception Yeah boss

When you're into that Here's how it goes You've got to be quick Keep on your toes Oh it's perfection Sorry it's perfect The most terrifying game ever made Yeah

I heard 19 is the high Plunge your down set the timer 17 And scare the shit out of yourself Don't be slow Okay 17 and what did you get 10 21 21 okay um chris i'm actually going to have you roll a disadvantage because you are

blinded from the pain you're ripped up like a deuce let me do that so second perception yeah 60 okay not terrible um you can tell chris that you are i is in a very precarious medical situation. You put your hand over it and it's very tender all around your socket. A piece of metal that got lodged in it when your rapier shattered is

relatively big. It's about the size of a finger, but it is more than halfway lodged into the soft tissue around your eye. Gross. It doesn't feel like your socket is pierced, but you dare not open your eyeball. I was looking for at least a dirty 20 for you to be able

to know whether or not that was a good idea. to like open your eye, but you can't tell specifically. You're unable to figure that out if it's safe. Absolutely. I'm looking through my spells. And I will, just for the 21 that Ken got, I will say, although it is quiet, you do notice that there's like ice and frost that has, it seems like for a while, it's like filthy, but it's around the edge of the well that you don't, they're bringing rocks.

from you're saying chris i'm just looking i guess i'm just announcing to the group that twudden is sort of searching through his different songs to try and find if there's anything he can use to take care of his god well little peepers is has bound his wound and he comes over and offers to help with yours absolutely I mean, I'm assuming for something like this, it's more like a restoration or a greater restoration. I think the best I have is healing word at fifth level, which I mean...

That would do it, right? I don't know. Yeah, lay it on yourself and at least, you know, save your eye or get that thing out of there. So he's going to just as a, yeah, medicine check. He can't really do much, but he is able to stop the bleeding and he has a spare eye patch

as you may remember he has one eye to where his name comes from. So he gives you a spare eye patch you can use at least for the time being to stop the bleeding. I mean, I guess I would look towards baby Shalab. I guess I would look towards everybody.

If anybody has some kind of magical inclination, maybe look through your things towards healing and see if there's anything we can do to try and Yes, should we perhaps seek a healer before we'd jump in the hole in the middle of the room? I would look towards... I mean, people are pretty hurt.

You're sort of hurt. I am down to eight hit points. Yeah, Jesus. I mean, Smicoli... I'm good, but I don't have healing. You don't have any healing. Yeah. Or do I?

But I'm in good shape But, I mean, Spicoli But we should get you guys all Orally What? We'll look towards you, Spicoli. Hmm. Spacoli's no leader.

No, that's true, but you are. Well, I will say that we are near Sagi town. We could try to find one of the friendly Quatoa and see, maybe one of their shamans would be willing to heal us. Yeah, I would say, my friends, I'm so sorry. I wish I wasn't the hitch keeping us back.

Oh, it's not just you. I am fucked up, my friend. Oh, we're all fucked up, but I think my eye makes me a liability. Well, yeah, I mean, go ahead. I'm just saying if my friends wouldn't mind, perhaps we, visit the Kuatowa and we heal and we rest perhaps they give us uh knowledge or maybe even a blessing as we descend into the uh evil gnomes uh fuck palates i'm down with that yeah cool so maybe we get Chibunkey.

Ooh. Well, Tebla Dumi. So you hop out of this little cellar that you've pulled yourselves into exploring the building. You've figured out a way you could use it to get into the undercity, so to speak. But you're taking a moment to head just a few more blocks south to Saggy Town. The, as I had mentioned earlier, Kuatowa are a little more a part of the emptying city at this point. A lot of the gnomes are gone, um, but as much the city guard of elves have also left Kuatawa are picking up the slack. They're not afraid. They're not vacating the town like a lot of

the other species who live here are. And so as you approach soggy town, there are a couple of Kuatua and full city guard, uh, armor kind of waddling past you. Do you want to grab them or do you want to start trudging through the swamp and find the leader? I want to throw guidance onto Shalab because I think he's kind of like at least he very much seems to be like a leader to the we got to get a leader everyone that's I want to throw guidance on to him and maybe I'll whisper in his ear is like maybe we can find the guide we had before to help us like recuperate and prepare for what's next sure what was that guy's name um but the do you mean that like The warrior.

Glob? Glug. Glug. G-L-U-U-G was the barbarian Kuatua who traveled with you to that vault. Yeah. So I'm going to ask around about glug. Do you want to ask those two guys? Yeah, sure.

Persuizing truck. Oh, I got to do something. Well, you'll see what's going on in a second. All right. You've got guidance, which is a D-4. All right. You've got guidance. You've got rhythm.

That's a 14 with guidance. Okay, so you walk up to the city guard, and what are you trying to sort of say? Hey there. Are you familiar? Hello. Are you familiar with a fellow by the name of Glug? Of course, we're familiar with Gluck. Oh, a big burly sort of guy.

Yeah, he's very strong. We're looking to talk to him. He's a old friend of ours. Oh, well, he is, you know, preparing foggy town for leadership. foggy town's going to be the center of commerce now okay that's terrific so if you want to go to the building that is just west of where you fought

or where your cat friend fought you can just go there it's mostly under the mud but there will be people who can say hello good luck with that all right thank you so much goodbye I love you no they don't say that bullet bullet would say that to you

but bullable is not one of these two guards you had a little bit more into soggy town, a seat of familiar area. There are some Kuatowa fins kind of passing through like shark fins in the sludge with little eyeballs and nostrils that occasionally pop up.

You go over to a building. You were sleeping, were you sleeping there? Did you just meet the leader there? I don't remember, but you see Glug outside his like massive warriors back making his fin

spines stick out a little higher and he kind of like waves his arms a little bit so he can pull his face up above the mud. Hello. Hey, glugold buddy. How are you? How are you? I'm pretty good. We need to avail you of your assistance once again.

Oh, it looks like you guys got fucked up. Yeah, we did a bit. Our friend, Mr. Peepers, and... Well, it's like you committed to the bit? Yes. So we got some... We need an ophthalmologist, an optometrist, and a paediatrician. I hope you have insurance for the optometry because that runs a pretty high price unless you've got cash.

We don't take credit. Just kidding. Yeah, of course, we have a healer. We have a healer who can help you, sure, do you have the components needed for remaking an eyeball? You tell me, what are the, what are those components? I don't know. Well, we'll talk to that guy. We'll talk to this fella.

What's his name? Oh, see. Our healer's name is All right. Well, take you to spell that. Oh. His name is pronounced L.K. Oh.

Okay. Okay. Oh. So he walks you on another sort of block through the mud, you're like trudging. Can I get a Constitution saving throw from Little Peepers, so I'm going to do one

and Twitter. You got so much. This is to not get infected as you waddle through a swamp with open woods. I can't be a shame for you to kill your own character. He did fail.

Oh, no. Oh, God. Oh, God. Should you be my lover. What happened? He fell in the mud? He fell in the mud. Want to hear a dirty joke?

I heard an oh God and then silence. Chris, would you care to back up what happened there? Well, you said Little Peepers failed his test against the sex. Yeah, I mean, his leg is now infected. How about you? How's your eyeball doing with this Constitution statement? I'm looking for a 12. Hold for roll.

hold for roll. I mean, that's not good. What did you roll? I don't know what you're rolling, Chris. What's your number? Wait, I'm rolling something for Little Peepers? I know for yourself, for your eye damage. There may have been cross talk. I said both Little Peepers and Twiddn't need to roll a Constitution saving throw because

I'm my mistake. Yes. Constitution. I am sorry. It was lost in the shuffle, but I was glaring at you through the microphone. Roll a Constitution save along with America. what's the weather like in Vancouver buddy what's the weather like to have a

guidance on such a thing um I'm gonna wait no guidance I'm gonna be super I'm gonna be super pedantic yeah I was gonna say you can't sorry no not at all it wouldn't even even if I wanted to I think you all right

or are you doing like a digital pedantic trying to you pedant you put that word you put the dan and pedantic you no 20 or less than moist

don't let that one catch on so you don't get infected but little people starts limping oyster moist and then over to meet with oak oak is very friendly oak hey oak he's using a staff to sort of swim through the swamp

he's a little fella adorable hi hobo Hello? It sounds to me like you need someone to cast greater restoration on you. Absolutely do.

I've got a couple of friends who are eye injuries and leg injuries. I need about 100 golds worth of diamond dust. Do you happen to have diamond dust with you? Not that I am aware of. Anybody have any diamond dust on them? I sure don't. Is there somewhere where we can get some?

Do you know of a... Um, could we over dust in Diamond's house? Do you guys have a hundred gold? Because I could tell you where you can buy it and or where you could find it if you roll different rolls. I have the greatest dust. You fucker.

Oh, yeah. I've heard it. 23 gold. Yeah. I don't know who he's talking. He's talking to someone named fucker, but Chris has 23 gold. Do we not?

I thought we had. It's Ben Stiller in his most hilarious role. It's been. Heavy weights? I don't know what we have in the way of everything. Everything is great. Is that a football movie by George Clooney and John Cuis? No, it's a weight loss.

Fat Cape Camp. Oh. I lived that. I don't need to what. I'm just kidding. Is it like major havoc? No major pain. So gold inventory.

Do we have gold? I don't think we have 100. It was after the Mr. Show fat kid camp sketch. Don't we have some platinum or something? I would think. I never write down money. Well, Chris let us know that, first of all, someone's a fuck or a shit. What did he say?

A fucker? Anyway, Chris has 23 gold and he is furious about it. I have 23 gold and everyone is beautiful? Oh, okay. Great. I have no concept. It sounds like no one else has any gold. We haven't kept any traction.

I'm going to check little people. How is it possible? I don't think it's possible No one has been gold Hold it? I still haven't. I have only 23. I think it's possible everyone's staring in the middle distance

and not looking at their inventory. I'm looking at my inventory and I'm not seeing gold. I don't see gold, but I do have silver and I'll give up anything I have. Didn't we get platinum for somebody? I swear you got you sold a ton of shit. Oh, yeah. We saw the fucking robot.

Little Peepers also has 23 gold. Who does? Spicoli? 34. So Cicoli has 34. So that's 57. So has no notation of currency ever. Yeah.

And Shlop has 28 gold. Oh, I have 28. Okay. You can have all mine. Piper says 23. So between you. We've got it. The gold.

No. 23 plus 30 something plus 20 something plus 20 something. Yeah. You just have barely enough gold. We have it. So. Now we got to go to the stove. Yeah. You think that if you talk to the shaman, he probably can tell you somewhere risky, but it would more just be like where he as a Kuatowa shaman would go to get magic components. And he doesn't have it on hand. So it just seems like something he's not going to be the best suggestion. But some people you could ask, let's just say the Thieves Guild is the obvious choice if you're going to try.

try to get something. Go back to the theme. Damn, man, I make a request. Yes. Can the eye merchant be played by James Wong, who similarly played that same type of part in the Blade Runner? Yes. Boy, I believe, is now like 90-something years old.

Yeah, he's been in 500 movies. The most important Hollywood performer ever? Ever? Maybe. Yeah, amazing. You next to six, huh? I make your eyes. That's him, right?

Yeah, that's him. Sort of. Yeah, well, I will definitely do not enough justice, but I will do my best to do an impression of the eye merchant value engineer. Well, in my mind, perhaps I'll think of you do it. He is one of the best actors of all times, so we'll just say that we love him, and we'll have to find out how your eyeball purchasing goes on the next episode of NerdPoker.

What's better than that? Sam. Hi. What do you think happened today? Excellent question. Episode 33. The Fantastic Four movie was confirmed fun. Twiddin is using unsettling words. Shlob killed a Zorn that was under Twudden. Little Peeper's got bit badly. We reminisced about the Eagles. Sam Spade killed the Zorn. Little Peepers got metal stuck in his face. We're passing through Soggy Town. We're finding a healer named Oak. We're talking with Oak and getting healed up. Excellent. Wow. Dan. Hey, if you want to watch me play video games, I'm playing them again on Twitch. Twitch. Twitch. Twitch.

slash telfer dan and of course if you'd like to hire me as a dungeon master or hire me to mow your lawn folks Vancouver get me a work visa my website is dan telfer dot com I've got my rates and such there cool it's the usual's for me but there's a thing that I'm really stoked about that I started pushing before Comic-Con and it's a limited release it's only available the pre-orders you have to order it by the 20th of August, and it's a plushy of me. Should I go get it? I saw it when I was getting water.

Yeah, well, you can grab it. You could probably describe it better. It's based off the nerd poker art of me in, I don't even know what you would call that arm. I ordered my own. You did. And where did you get that, Chris? At you twos.com. Yes.

You, Y-O-U-T-O-O-Z. It's one of the cool spellings, Brian. Yeah, and so they have a lot of cool licenses, and hopefully they'll do more nerd poker stuff with us if this does well. And if you guys get a plushy for your desk or you're, you know, put it with your statues. They should make one of the boy that bling. Oh, my God. It's fantastic.

Yeah. That's adorable. What would you call that for the first time? It's fantastic. What would you call that armor that I'm wearing? Guys, take a picture of that armor? It's the thing on my head. It's like a demon skull.

Yeah, it's like a Labubu. Well, I think you're supposed to be a cloud giant, right? So it's like dragon bones. Yeah, off the cover of the manual. Yeah, it was from the manual. Is it? But it's cool. It's really well made.

It's not. Yeah, it's nice. I love it. I would. Yeah. And it's got a flashlight in it. You can put one in it. It comes with natural.

water-based lubricant. I mean, I was going to say you might want to avoid the term plushy, but, you know, it's fine. It's very well made. It really does look like it is made, like, to be thousands of these. Are they going to make more, Brian?

They're making as many as people buy, so get, wow, their limited edition. Brian. Yeah. I was going to say, Brian, doesn't it make you feel great to be sexually wanted?

I was going to say, Brian, love him he's huggable it's it's came out great i that's awesome couldn't be more stoked with it uh buy a few i'm gonna get a i'm gonna get a few and uh give them to people i was gonna show up in meetings with them or like when my wife makes me go to uh um couples dinner show up again the other couple two of them you know husband and wife that i'm just meeting for the first time like hey you play tennis with my wife right yeah i got a plushie at me here have it. It'll be a great way for you to just sit on your phone for an hour.

Yeah. But get them, get them now, order it now, special order it now, or pre-order it now, rather, and at you twos.com.

And, uh, bigger than I thought it was. Yeah, it's cool, though. Yeah. Yeah,

because some plushies, I mean, like half that size, but yeah, it's, it'll fuck up all your other plushies. It's like three funcos high. Yes,

he's huge. And, 4D batteries. Brianpastain.com for all the other stuff. I'm touring. I'm doing Terrificon this week. See you there. Blaine.

We attribute the success. Save mankind from there. We're joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof. On the next, nerd poker. The nerd poker gang goes to Pamplona to solve the mystery of the trampled idiots. Can Sam Expedia enough hotel rooms in time? All this, and Brian sits on his bulls wrong, on an all-new dirt poker.

Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there, and you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 and Sino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.