Nerd Poker - The Fog Campaign - Episode 35

Episode Date: September 2, 2025

Now that we have made a deal with a well-to-do kua'toa, it's time we headed to that friendly kua'toa bed and breakfast to crash. We love the fish people here in Dellsmouth! Unforch, it looks like there may be an uprising to get rid of them by the other species in town. Guess we'll just have to take care of that whole insurrection thing soon!  For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Hey, it's Brian Posein. Nerd Poker. We're calling it. The Sod campaign. My friends are here. Chris, Blaine, Ken, engineer Sam, and of course our kick-ass DM, Dan Telford. Dan Telfer. Welcome to Nerd Poker.

Hey everybody. It's Brian Passain. You're listening to Nerd Poker. It's 35th episode of the Fog campaign. We're doing Zoom because we couldn't all be here together. Chris is gone to Chris's shooting a movie or a TV show. You're a TV show, shooting something in Vancouver. Yeah, not gone, gone.

No, no, not gone, gone, not like that. He's coming back. He's shooting Gone Girl. Yeah, they're doing a remake. Two Gone, Two Girl, the sequel. That's Dan, and that was Ken a minute ago. It was. And Blaine's here.

Hi, hey, hi. And running the show from the cool part of town. As always, Sam, everybody. Hello, sweet children. Is it a gun show day or what's going on? It is. I know. I like what I'm seeing.

I got a good feeling about where the camera may pivot. The camera might turn on. Overcast guns out. Check out my mobs. Well, we should probably thank some people, right? We really ought to. It's almost Thanksgiving. And we also have supporters that I would like to,

It's not almost Thanksgiving, but you know what it is almost Halloween. It's the only thing I can think about. So those Thanksgiving's after that. And while I'm thinking about- I mean, it's not that far away. No, it isn't. And for real, though, I can't stop thinking about the fact that Halloween is close and I can start doing Halloween stuff.

And I get to yell at people if they try to stop me. So, you know, we have these wonderful supporters on Patreon. And if you're listening, we appreciate you bumping up the rankings on the podcast apps. But you know what? If you can support the podcast at patreon.com slash nerd poker, we highly recommend going to a web browser and checking that your subscription is through a web browser.

The app is now charging a weird, you know, fee via the Apple store. And we really want to make sure that everyone's supporting us is getting the best experience possible. And who knows, Brian? And maybe we need to upgrade to like another Patreon-esque platform or something like that. Oh, I don't even know. We'll explain it to me off the air. Yeah, yeah.

We can talk about it on the phone sometime. But the long and the short of it is I just want to make sure listeners are not getting charged extra. Make sure if you have any weird things on your account, you talk to Patreon support. Unfortunately, NerdPoker does not have any control over Patreon fees. But we really appreciate that you guys can keep the podcast going. going. It really is wonderful of you. And our top two tiers of support have users with names like Hancho Villa. Thank you, Hancho Villa. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Donky Oto. Sounds like those guys know each other. Thank you. Kuo wodewap, the easily pronounceable.

Wow. Great, great D&D name. Lots of umlauts in there that I'm probably getting wrong. But You know what? It's Q, U with an umlout, B, O with an umlout, D, U with a tild over it, and then a P. Kibud dip. What is how you pronounce it. Thank you, Ragnor.

Thank you D to the motherfucking Ushty. Dushty. Thank you, Dan Robertson. Thank you, Dickin Bowhouse, the Gothmail strip club where Bella Lugosi is not dead. He's hung. Dot, dot, dot. Upside down. Thank you.

Ten jokes in one there. This whole story. In the fully erect fields. You're hired. It's a name of a dissertation. Matt Magazine is taking you on as an editor. Report to the Warner Brothers basement. You'll be sleeping on a cot.

Thank you to Horny Larry. Thank you. Oh, Horny Larry. Horny Larry. Would you like to share with the rest of the class Horny Larry? Horny Larry.

Thank you Amarthamond's base jump death camp. I remember it well. Thank you shit missile. Thank you. What a good batch this is. You know,

our supporters are funny. It's a great batch. It's a really good. Thank you. You got walls and a roof. Thank you, Dungeon Master, 41 seeks dungeon submissives. This one's in all caps. Thank you, bigger boobs, less bras.

Sure. I didn't know we had, what is the, our crumb is one of our supporters. Thank you, glibbles is botch. Thank you, sleepy Mario Speedwagon. Thank you, Boskin's broken star train heart. And finally, thank you. I'm only on season three.

Blaine, who are those supporters brought to us by? Supported brought to us by Jafriapet. Spread the seeds, add water, and presto. Call to the heart. Don't be lonely in love with Jafriapet. And four alive fruit juice. When you don't need that many alive. Dan.

Thanks, Blaine. Now time to talk about what happened. Wait, I see Sam's camera has turned on. I think he's making a smoothie in his underwear. Oh, wait, no, Brian, you have something to say? I got to pause and do the dog thing real quick. Understood, okay. Does your pussy do the dog?

One second. We'll pause, pause. I think he's coming over here to shoot me for doing the Jafria joke. Hi, everybody. We did have to take a quick break. Sam accidentally turned on his camera, and I think he was doing nude Gundam modeling. I think he's done putting together his,

as Gundam and put on some shorts and turned off his camera. So, you know, hopefully we're going to get treated to that as bonus content at some point. But now it's time to talk about what happened last time on nerd poker. Our heroes made a deal with the plank. This particular iteration of the plank was a Kuatowa they had not met before named Philip, who is able to take very good care of his skin out of the water. But also test our heroes, who? officially are now called the ding-dong danglers

to go into the basement of City Hall and destroy an artifact that has kept the Kuatua from going inside City Hall low these many centuries. Will our heroes sleep and take a long rest first so they can regain their hit points and such? Probably. So you guys were talking about that, you know, You managed to get an eyeball back via greater restoration for your friend Tweden.

And now it is time to explore where y'all are going to lay down for the evening. You, of course, have a sort of bed and breakfast-y Kuatoua place. You have the pasted almond tavern where some fights have taken place. You have like a couple of Kuatowa shacks that you have slept in, one muddy, one by the sea. how would you like to handle this next part can we all lay head to stomach and do the giggle exercise well yeah but that's sort of separate from a long rest that will that will give you inspiration points but unfortunately it will not restore your spell slot um i can i'll do a watch it sounds like a great thing to decide after you tell me where you're laying

down i don't know where are we in the thief's guild no you're kind of leaving Steve's Guild. I thought we were going to the Kuotua thing. The Ben Breakfast set is I think Ben's the most reliably safe place that you're slept. Yeah, let's do that.

Okay. Well, once you head over there, the caretaker has a name. It's O-S-C-A-R and it has a second name. But you guys

are going to offer. He's trying to pull it up. What's the damn dude's name? Doesn't matter? No. Am I looking it up now mostly for my brain disorders? Yes. Boop, boop, boop.

I have the name of the Saug Armourer. I have the name of the name of, the name of the barbarian you met. There was, of course, friendly bullable. I will not worry about this guy because now I am tired of looking at it. But yes, you went into the sort of bed and breakfast place and the Kuatowa is sort of sitting at a quaint little table. There's not like a, you know, complex busy bar here.

This is a part of, if you look at the map, I think I can actually pull that up on roll 20, which maybe I'm the only person logged into at the moment but I think the Dellsmith map is on there let me check no forget it I'll just tell you there's on the sort of like chunk southeast of the eyeball a little market square that has sort of closed down

but you guys have found this place that has been losing business since the market square closed down but this this Cua has been letting you stay there for pretty cheap Are you guys going to buy dinner with a night? Yeah. Are you going to handle it? Okay.

So for just a total of five silver, if you can, someone can mark that they're losing some money on this deal. You can stay the night and for another five silver, you can get dinner and breakfast. So is 10 silver a gold? No matter how many times I look this up, I'll never know. Sorry, listeners. There's a D&D gold, silver conversion. Yeah. So this equivalent of one gold.

Let's do it. So you guys are led upstairs to one of the small rooms after having a hearty meal. And Ken, you want to take first watch? Sure. Okay. And does anyone need less than eight hours? No, I'm good. Anything? Okay.

I'm a cat, so I'm going to need about 23. Sounds right. I'm an elf. Do I eat less than 28? I think elves only need four hours of sleep, am I wrong? What about tea flings? Teethlings are screwed. In Dungeons and Dragons,

elves don't need sleep. They meditate for four hours a day. Weird. What about tea flings? T-flings, it says, if played by someone, named Ken can go fuck themselves. What? Whoa. Pardon me.

Sorry, I just, this is something Jeremy Crawford wrote on Reddit. I don't know if this is a official D&D. Jeremy Crawford told me to go fuck myself? Weird and specific. Did you not know this? I'm going to find that guy. I think he's employed my critical role now, but yeah.

Formerly like the director of content for Dungeons and Dragons just hates Ken Daly. I just want to start a beef right here, you guys. I wish it was with the constructive critical role. Why did I laugh at that so hard? Blaine said it. Obviously, I made that up.

You never said anything about Ken Bailey, but maybe he should. I would really like to start my lawyer. Well, yeah. I mean, sue him anyway. Lawyer! All right. Roll perception check, Ken. okay

and yeah if you know Spicoli is meditating now he can automatically be up while everyone else is

doing a thing that's a nine Dan you don't hear much in the night but you do notice it is kind of like it was last time

uncannily quiet here after about an hour or two you hear the guy who runs the place shuffle into his private bedroom and call it a night.

But after that, you hear nothing. Hey, hey, hey. So, four hours pass. Stop it. Check. Catch. Brian has stepped away from the computer, but when he returns, we shall discuss whether he would like to take a watch, but we now need for you to be able to sleep for eight hours.

So there will be at least two four-hour watches left. Blaine also taking his earbuds out. Should I pause? No, sorry, my cats are killing each other. Oh, no. Got it. Well, Ken needs to go to sleep and Brian can wake up, so I assume Brian's going to do watch, but he's still not back. So I'm just going to...

Nye-night. Snoh-N-N-N-N-N-A. Snor. Me-me. Hello. Hey. Spicoli. You are the only one who no longer needs sleep.

Would you like to take watch? Sure. Sam, if you could do a little edit there too, that would be great. Sorry, guys. Busy day here. Yeah, I'll take this watch for sure. Thanks. Can you do a perception check?

Absolutely. Perception. Perception. Perception. Perception. Perception. this is the perception checking stall song this you sing when you're stalling because you're trying to check your perception 25 nice

oh Jesus that woke me up very receptive um relatively it's quiet of course yes uh shalab is is snoring and you can I hear a weird whistling noise coming from little peepers's trunk. After a couple of hours, you notice there is what sounds like a guard patrol outside, and they're stopping to talk right in front of the establishment in the shutdown, darkened market square. Are you going to investigate that at all? Yeah, I'll go check it out. Oh, have you got to see that new exposition?

Yeah, I heard about all that new exposition. Oh, what are you here about it? I haven't picked my ADHD meds up yet today. Can you please? I keep my eyes on these guys and check on the noise at the same time. Right. Like, you could, yeah, like, there is a small window in the room. You can kind of, like, crack it open, but it's like a foggy glass that you have to kind of push. So let's get a stealth check.

Oh, cool. Okay. is it is it it's a homey little bed and breakfast so it doesn't have big windows it just has little windows and little rooms 26 nice you effortlessly push it open and you can hear that um this is an elf and a human guard and they are talking about whether or not uh different businesses in the market square should be shut down since there is no proper market anymore and they are discussing whether or not to condemn the bed and breakfast. Okay.

I damn you bedded breakfast. They're talking about bringing it to somebody in the city council as a topic and saying the city guards can chase this Kuatowa out of town. Oh. Back to soggy town specifically, the south side where everyone lives in a swamp. All right. Well, I'll tell the guys in the morning. Okay.

So at the end of your shift, you can see. stay up because you've done your four hours of meditating, right? But Ken, Shalab still needs four more hours of sleep. Sorry, Tiflings. So, you know, twidding and little peepers can get up. But that means everybody can roll a perception check except for Ken. And I'll tell those guys what I heard. Yeah, yeah.

So you tell the two people who are not Blaine and then Blaine, do you have any response to that? No, I roll it 17 for perception. Okay. But in addition to that, I mean, are you going to investigate? You're going to have any ideas that you want to talk to Spicoli about? You know, oh, so the guys are gone that we're talking? Yeah, they came and went while the rest of you were asleep, but you know they might still be on patrol. can uh can i do a uh can i just sort of do a cat run out the window and up onto the roof

Halloween silhouette style sure let me cough and uh take a look around and see if see if they're still down on the street i just sort of like run around the perimeter of the roof and see yeah let's get another stealth checked let's do the cat stuff for you guys Blame's doing cat stuff. Yeah. Okay, that's a 20, 12 plus 8. Nice. You are pretty silently crawling up the side of the bed and breakfast and sort of doing a run around the roof.

It does look like a small group of city guards are knocking on a building's front door. The sun is starting to come up at this point. you know, it's about six in the morning and Shalab still needs two more hours of six in the morning, but you still need about two more hours of sleep Ken does. So you can report back to everyone, but it looks like

eight guards, one of which is still holding a torch from the night patrol, are knocking on a well-to-do house, sort of to the northeast where buildings start to belong to people other than Gnomes and Cootoa. I'm going to just sort of keep an eye on that for a I got my ears are going to all right up there then let's get another perception check 16 plus 10 26 oh they are trying to they are trying to

convince a human who comes to the front door that there has been an escalation in violence here in Delsmith and that Kua should be shooed back to Sagi Town. And these are elf and human guards, you said. Yeah, and they want permission to start going door to door and escorting Kuitoa down there. Huh, and what's the human do? Nodding and listening. It depends how long you want to wait and see what happens. I have a couple hours. I'll sort of see anything. put my fuck ice baseball cap on it and go outside to see what son um it's it's hard to hear because

they're speaking in normal tones about three blocks away but with that high of a perception check you know even that there's limitations but you'll be able to see uh he's speaking um with concern and nodding it doesn't doesn't seem clear whether or not he is completely agreeing with the boisterous group of guards but uh yeah it seems like there is some support here and that this might be a council member so uh you're not sure if this is going to go into effect immediately or not but it seems like the guards are making and building a case okay you do know that a lot of people have fled del smith except for the kuatowa so there are a dwindling number of people in del smith who aren't kuatoa and the kuatawa haven't really left town so they're outnumbered

the humans yes okay uh are All right, I'm going to, I'm going to wait and see if the guard pack Keystone cops their way up to any more houses and then slip back into the window. After they meet with this person who may or may not be a council member, but as a well-to-do human and a larger private home, the human goes back inside and the guards break off in a groups of two. They put out their torch and start heading in different directions. Some of them are going off duty, some of them going out separate patrols. okay I'm gonna head back into the

end of the room so if I am spade yeah slinks back into the room as Shalab wakes up and you are all able to confer on the information

what I'm gonna I'm gonna lie in the foot of your bed like you're in the hospital I'm gonna tell these guys kind of what the vibe was And, uh, should we, uh, maybe go down and tell the, uh, the owner of this place that the, uh, that the, uh, at the Kuatou are on, on the shit list. Yeah. They are Kuwaito, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Sorry, hey, give me a hedge, give you a hedge up. Give you a fish heads up. You head downstairs and there is a hearty breakfast of eggs and bacon and pancakes that has been prepared for all of you, uh, put out on one of the tables that people can lounge on in the lobby. who are the only occupants at the moment. The Kuatowa is finishing plating everything. He heard that you guys are waking up and started preparing. That's a nice about. There you go.

Come on, day. Good morning. Hey, let's just jump right into it. I heard a couple of guards walking around. They were knocking on some doors and talking about running the Kuatua out of town on behalf of the Humans of the Elves. The Humans of the Elves.

They talked about that. stuff all the time. I'm not concerned about it. And every day, there's some stuff like that. Well, it seems like they're getting a little down to the, down to the wood on this one. So you might want to just sort of like prepare yourselves for some, for some bad legal stuff, some citywide stuff. Well, I do have a halberd and a few kegs of explosives in the basement, I suppose. I can start getting those closer to the front dollar. Sounds like a great idea. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay, yeah, I just want to, you know, let them, let them know what I heard and what I think. Yeah, our governor will make some pro-kuat-oist tweets and, you know. He's a lot of all caps. And all caps. And, yeah. I hear he is planning to run for president, so he may not be too concerned with what actually happens in Delsmouth.

And that he's going to actually have a lot of racists on this podcast as a way of reaching across the aisle. But, yeah, I sure, sure. I understand what you're saying. Delsmith, Governor Finsom definitely seems to have our best interest in mind, but may not be focused on our well-being. He's so handsome, though. He really is handsome. I just love to watch him talk. It is weird how when the poisonous fog broke out, he was going to,

nice restaurants, but you know. Too soon. Coming up after the break, Blue Chew presents Adolf Hitler. Oh, God. Also, he did used to be married to a demon. I thought that was a little weird. That's true.

His ex-wife is a demon. Before she was bitten by that radioactive tawny frog mouth. Oh, if you mean the president. All right. So, yes, I will just say, if you want to stay here tomorrow night, maybe give me a knock of a bup-bup, bup, two pairs of two, and I'll know that it is you and not someone planning to evict me. How is that? Sure, sure. That's good.

I finished just serving you breakfast. After you have filled up, you take a look at your hit points, and they're lovely. All your spell slots are back. I will keep an eye on twin stuff, of course. didn't discuss before we started playing if anybody wants to make decisions for him should you enter combat combat is not imminent but i thought i should check in on that somebody want to do uh someone can pull it kick me back up sentence wise um does someone have the ability to pull up his character sheet and roll for him should we get to that hmm not i i can't can you can you take over i can totally do it i just like to sometimes leave that kind of thing up to players so it doesn't seem like i'm playing god with someone else's yeah i'll do it right in the sheet so it'll show up in the log and it'll feel like

i am not cheating cool so you guys are now faced with the task of heading to city hall you know that delzman city hall is mostly out of disuse and the council members are people from other cities who just sort of come in and make declarations not even necessarily going in the city hall building city hall building is unassuming It is next to the mayor's mansion that you blew up. But, you know, to your knowledge, there won't, like, be daily business in there. There may be used to be daily business in there, but it is a darkened building. How would you like to proceed?

How would you like to proceed, my ding-dong danglers? carefully um lee okay well uh see if what you can do with this information to help me get more specific this the path there is pretty short it is on the north side of town but you're sort of in the center of town just a little bit south so it'll take all of you know 20 minutes

to walk up there but it's broad daylight it's morning you do have a lot of supplies So your options could be to case the joint Try to break in Try to walk in through the front door Walk up to it now Just to see it from the street What would you guys like to do? Should we take a lap in case it?

Yeah Okay There's an alley in the back That you know will be at least partially filled With explosion rubble Are you going to like then take the alley You're going to do some more of your rooftop shenanigans, Blaine? I can do some of

Some RTSHs, if you guys want to just do a lap on the street. I'll shimmy up a drain pipe. RTSH, what is that, Blaine? Rooftop shenanigans. Oh, thank you. I got the rooftop part. I know, S.H. I was like, well, I mean, that looks like a nice acronym. You could take a shit on the roof.

I know. Shenanagan was my favorite John Wayne movie. Remember, he was a cop. shit around the roof is my favorite musical oh lordy we talk about a lot of movies that don't exist I think that's what I think part of the charm and listeners

sometimes bands that don't exist what like nickel front I saw them open for a silver table all right so bronze table You guys are now going to be coming up through the alley. So what are you going to prioritize?

Stealth or thoroughness? There is a heavy fog, right? Like, even though the sun is quote unquote out, nobody can see a direct ray of sunlight. Stealth? It'll be easier to be stealthy, I think. Yeah. How about our other players?

Stealth check I'm asking if you prefer to be stealthy or like dig around and look at rubble, peer and windows, stuff like that. Stealthy. All right, then let's get stealth checks from y'all. All right. Here comes. Hope you're ready.

Oh, boy. 21. Oh, shit. 12 plus 12, 22, or 24, sorry. never forget 21 excellent are you going to you're going to include some RTSHing so the the fun part of this is there is sort of a building with a giant chunk taken out of it from flames it's still kind of smoking from when you guys blew it up about a day and a half ago.

The smoldering effect is kind of disgusting. As you guys kind of go kind of, I keep saying kind of because I'm trying to just josh the narrative. So pardon my verbal laziness, but you guys, like. I mean, kind of is

Midwestern for like. You west coasters love love like, but we prefer kind of. We're more passive-aggressive with our shishing. So you quietly stealth into the alley Siam crawling up the sides of buildings along pipes and such to get up onto the roof

and you can see that a big chunk of the roof of the mayor's mansion has been collapsed in everything's blackened and burned it looks like there were at least four floors to that building much as there are about four floors to City Hall and the mayor's mansion has almost completely burned from the inside, but the smell is otherworldly and nauseating

Blaine, now that you're up on the roof, a lot of the smoldering ash is mixing with the fog and blowing towards you. Can I get a Constitution saving throw, please? Yes. I'll tell you who needs a Constitution saving throw. It's the United States of America, am I right? You guys? Yeah, right? Hell yeah. Hell yeah.

It's so weird. For some reason, on the Library of Congress website, it looks like someone's gone in and edited out habeas corpus from the Constitution saving throw. Hey, B.S. 15 plus 17. All right. So you managed to cover your mouse with your jacket sleeve for enough of the time that you don't hack up a hairball.

Okay. I'd need to find a carpet if that happened. You come down and meet your four friends. Shlab, Spicoli, Twiddin, and Little Peepers. Awesomef Incorporated. We're going to do it. We're casing the city calls.

Through poisonous rubble we made. We're going to make our campaign come true. Hello, globals. Hello. How are you guys doing? I'm from another campaign. Most of the listeners won't, you know, not know who I am, but there's a me people who are like,

this is a little meta from my taste. Anyway, I have a goblin. Bye. And he runs away. Can I do a quick one? You know, I go from roofs to rubble. It's a little too specific. Too clever by half, you guys.

I'm sorry. Sam, I put a hat on a hat. I think a hat on a hat looks funny. Oh, you should do that. If you can find an analogous reason for putting a hat on a hat, just always do it. Can you imagine a funny hat with a funny hat on it? Oh, it'd be hilarious. It's so fucking funny.

That's so funny. My brain goes, going, you know, it's even funnier, three hats. What? What?

Yeah. Wait, wait, but that's got to be the most hats possible. No, I don't know. Four hats might beat it.

Wait, four hats. Four hats might be the funniest thing I've ever seen. You know what? The other day, I went to Lids in the mall and I shit my pants.

He was laughing so hard at Lids. Let's just pick up, you know, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

uh, my wife places for my whole hats i'm really happy for you guys would you get her dodgers hat you got her dodger's cap that's you can probably do better i can't say she's in the other room i don't want to blow you it's really funny if you get a dodgers hat then you put a brooklyn dodgers hat on top of it all i know is uh she loves that otani guy so i got her oh he's the pitcher right yeah the picture of picture of a great hitter. Sam, cut this whole episode out.

Pitch this wine into the recycling bin. Wait, we're recording. Oh, no. You guys, I've been drinking absent this whole time. What happened? That makes your heart pro fodder does. This bug is full of gasoline. What's going on right now?

So you guys are, Home records, you guys. You guys who are not Siam going through the alley and kind of crawling over rubble, trying to get a good sense of the layout of the back and side of City Hall, despite the fact that much of the ground is littered with large chunks of rocks and such. But you're all being quite stealthy. I'm going to just really quickly do a stealth check. I can't hold a stealth check against Twitten when Chris isn't here,

but I can certainly make our little friend here roll a check. Critical. Poo-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-a-poh. Crit stealth. Little Peepers. 22. Oh, I got to do another stealth check. No, no, no, I'm doing one for little peepers.

One second. Oh, okay. Can I take it anyway? Because I roll a 30. What? I rolled it 18 plus 12. That means I'm floating. Am I just pulling a bunch of them up on roll

20. I bet I am. Yes. I accidentally rolled four times. His second time he got a 33, but we're going to go with the first roll, 17. And so when you're searching around, looking, pacing the joint, you find three windows, two on the second floor, one on the first floor. You are trying to get into the basement. So the single first floor window would be ideal, except that it does appear to have iron bars over it, discourage people from breaking in. There is a the back door, but it is partially obscured by rubble, and looks like it would take several hours to dig out.

So another quick inventory. There's the front door, which right now doesn't have a guard in front of it, but it's clearly locked. There is one first floor window with iron bars over it, and two second floor windows, and you're trying to get into the cellar. The rubble is... Blackened bricks

burned wood where is it? I'm sorry I've missed it it is filling the alley behind it and part of it has fallen just out of the building and is filling the gap between the mayor's mansion and city hall so there's like you know like not quite an alley

it's like a one foot wide gap between the buildings and it's just filled with burnt rubble which which access point is closest to the basement access the the blocked off doors the blocked off door the locked door the locked door the locked door and the barred window

are closest to the cell. They're all close to it. The two unbarred second floor windows are farther from the cellar but might provide easier easy. Is there anything on the roof, any like doors on the roof? I'll let you do an investigation checks

I am, but I'm going to have you do it actually with disadvantage because you've been focusing on being stealthy and not throwing up. Okay. What is talking about? 18. Sorry, I'll rule. That's a

Yeah, well, it's a time I take the bad one. Well, that's a one. So that's a 12. Then I'll say there's just enough ash on top of the roof that with all the distractions you don't think to look

until you're already back on the ground. So you could go back up and dig around again, but you know you might get sick. Okay, yeah, I don't want to get mesothelioma. Twitten would say. So what do you want to do, friends.

Little Peepers is thinking maybe we could try to unhinge the iron bars. Yeah. Yeah, let's do it. I can help in that probably. Okay. So you guys head to the back alley where this barred window is.

The iron bars are eight bars across and four bars up. They're bolted to the brick. to get them off you would need a tool does anyone have anything like a crowbar

I have a makita don't we have that crazy staff that freezes in mid-air or something you have an unmovable rod removable rod removable rod that's what I call my

movable rod it's about to get dirty in here right guys Spicy Your mom's attuned To my own Anyway, cock, cock, cock. These rods

We've got like thieves kits and stuff Yeah, we do have thieves kits But if you don't have something heavier Like a crowbar is just going to be a difficult Thieves Tools check. Like you can do it, but I'm trying to give you guys an opportunity to lower the difficulty check number because right now to pick this

you know it's not like picking a lock you're trying to take bolts out of brick the iron bars off pretty high DC with the thieves tools where could we get perception I don't know where could we get a crowbar a crowbar

you could possibly get one from the thieves guild okay other than that you haven't visited a ton of like shop shops it's going to take a while yeah why don't we just to try to get it up and take a take the hit with a thieves tools role It will be a slight of hand check

So if someone would like to Take a look at their stats Yes, but Coley has Has aced a few of these So these are iron bars It'll be a 24 With a slight a hand check

Dang I've got it Wow Holy ball sats Right on the nose 12 plus 12 Wow. It's in the log, folks. Not bigotty.

No cheaters on nerd poker. So, yeah, you, you get managed, it takes a while still, but you managed to get the thieves tools like around the bolts enough that you can separate all the grit and grime and debris and ash out so you can get the bolts moving. And you can, you start jiggling the bolts. It takes about an hour, but you get the eight primary bolts holding all these bars against the window out.

and the bars just clang clang clang into your we'll say your hands with that high of a slight a hand check I'll give you that your hands are darting out and grabbing the bars and your friends Spicoli's the man this is one of my favorite characters

it's pretty satisfying his dad is a TV repair man he has an ultimate set of thieves tools yeah and then here's the best part I can fix it I can fix it and you give everyone

the Playboy channel while you're undoing the bars. Oh, Bo Derek's Tits. We have Bush. Excellent. That's a different movie. Yeah, whatever. What, Porky's two?

Too Porky. We have Bush. Bush is the Revenge of the Nerds, right? Yeah. Yeah. Bougar. Anyway. The Bar is not

inside this fucker you still have a locked window uh we're going to need one more slight a hand check it's going to be a lower sliding hand check but you're you are you know dealing with a glass and a latch now i'll do i'll do this one how about this okay how about this let's get a 20 dc slightly hand check please uh that's a 16 okay hmm so you're unable to get it out um you look to Spikoli Shalab and Twitin and say, oh, not able to get these thieves tools to work. Would someone else like to try this? Yeah. I think Spicoli should try.

Yeah. Let's get another slight a hand check. We're going for just a 20 this time, Brian, just to get the window open. Oh, this is for the window? Yeah. There's a lock on the inside of the window that you're going to have to jostle loose for the window. Slide a hand again. Hold on.

Yeah, boss. waiting for this obscene big numbers big numbers come on oh no all right a two plus well i guess i'll try then yeah all right shallob's going to give it a shot it is a tricky lot oh seven does that do it little peeper says well i suppose i could give it a try one moment please he gets a

25 just to pop the window open he does have a plus 14 bonus to a slight of hand checks because he uses his trunk which has no joints thanks little peepers you got so much there we go my joint has no trunks

and you slide the window up and are about to push open the drapes and what you see on the other side of those drapes. We'll have to find out on the next episode. Oh, my God. Nerding folks. God damn it.

Yay. Hi, everybody. I do professional dungeon mastering. If you'd like to hire me, you can find out my info, particularly just reaching out and talking about stuff at dantalford.com. I've run a lot of games for listeners this year, and I would love to be doing more of it.

So please reach out if you like. Also, if Go to my LinkedIn, folks. That's it for me, Brian. When's this one air, bud? A week from next Monday. We need another sheet. My favorite movie about a golden retriever basketball player,

Air Bud. A week from, two weeks from today, two weeks from today about. Oh, okay. Cool. And good boy. I've got, what do I got? I got Beverly Mass coming up. I've got some tour dates

and then I'm going to be taking a break well kind of on and off I'll have some conventions and that kind of thing this fall I will let you know here as always you can purchase grommets and rifters at your local comic shops they are both available in trade paperback form

right now U-2's Y-O-T-O-O-U-T-O-Z is doing a plushy of me that is fucking adorable way cuter than I am in person and you can squeeze it like it because you'll do that to me I'll get real mad so go to U2s.com it's limited time only order one of the Brian Passane Nerd Poker plushies. And fits right up your ass. Yeah. Check it out.

Professionally made. Blaine. We attribute the success. Save mankind for joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof. On the next Nerd Poker, the Nerd Poker Philharmonic is joined by very special guests.

Women B. Chopin. Dwayne the Rock Monadoff Johnson. No, Euradais, Beethoven Watched Knights, Octod Debussy, hide in the salami. Verdi get the idea this is funny. You guess list, you're right.

Pulsed by beer, Tushy Bizet, Verdi Reapark, and Rainbow Schubert. All this, and Glenn Gold's posseine testicle variations on the next nerd poker.

Thanks for listening to another episode of NerdPoker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerd poker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 1069 in Sino, California, 914.

416. Thanks for listening.