Nerd Poker - The Fog Campaign - Episode 39

Episode Date: September 30, 2025

This teleporting sack of worms isn't just annoying, it's kinda kicking Lil' Peepers's ass. But if you have been waiting for an extra dramatic death, this episode has a very special treat inside! Take a bite and enjoy! For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Hey, it's Brian Posein. Nerd Poker. We're calling it. The Sod campaign. My friends are here. Chris, Blaine, Ken, engineer Sam, and of course our kick-ass DM, Dan Telford. Dan Telfer. Welcome to Nerd Poker.

Hey, everybody. It's Brian Passain. You're listening to Nerd Poker. We haven't done this in a while. We just did a bunch of bonus episodes, so we're about to do a regular episode. It's, uh, what, uh, I didn't ask Sam. What, uh, 39 is this one? 39, yes. That's not Sam. That's Sam. But, uh, about to make the intros. Time to Make the Donuts. Blaine is here. Hey, buddy. Hey, hi.

Chris is here. Hi. Hey, buddy. And Ken is here. I'll take a French cruller. And Dan is here. Hello. And running the show, as always, from the cool part of town.

Sam, everybody. Hello, sweetest children. Have we talked about the pee-wee clock? We're all in town, but, oh, yeah, it's so good. Have we talked about what? The peewee, like, clock of the United States of America. Clocky and Globy are up there. Yeah, and the big framed sign picture of peewee.

Yeah, so cool. Cool. Yeah, great wall. Thank you. And, yeah, last bonus episode, one of the people we thanked was why, yes, the D is for donuts. And so, yes, donuts are on my mind every day. As soon as the donut reference was made in this intro, I thought, we just talked about donuts and it was so great that I got to think about donuts twice today.

You know, guys, we love you all. Thank you, everyone who listens. Thank you, everyone who can support us at all. You can get a free membership to our Patreon if you want to just stop on by there and make our souls feel good. But if you can support us financially, it keeps us playing. And if you can contribute at one of the top two tiers, we give you shouts out. So thank you folks with usernames like, when are you going to let Sam play?

We know. We feel it. And speaking of feeling it, thank you, Nug Nug Nug's Tugtug. Remember Nugnog? Yeah. The weird name I made up for Tom Lennon, and then he ran with it for months. You're no friends. Yeah, they're all dead.

They're all dead. Thank you Michael Berlacamp. Thank you, Lord I Racken. Thank you, Vortax. Thank you, Deckerritskillsow. Oh, boy. Thank you. Herb Schwartz's hemorrhoid.

Oh. Hmm. You should see it. God rest its soul. Thank you. Satan O.V. Beer. Thank you. Dango Merman, aka Uncle Magic.

Thank you. I'm just here to deliver the worms. Thank you. Nathan. furry purple carrot Thank you Hey look there in the sky It's

Dot dot dot Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da Thank you Makin Lee Thank you a sneeze Father of a chew Thank you Jody Fries

Thank you Mr. G And finally thank you Never go full drow Blaine who are those supporters brought to us by Spores brought to us by Powerless Bar Everything you need to not need.

In Turkey, weighted blanket, or your job being replaced by AI flavors. Powerless bars. Get powerless. Powerless bars available at 912. Two in the seven. One in the 11. 912. Dan? Thank you, Blaine. It's time to talk about.

What happened last time on Nerd Poker? I don't know why I have played. But four question marks in there. But our heroes, the ding-dong danglers, went beneath City Hall in the town of Desmuth. Delsmith? Desmuth? Desmuth is the name of something you take

when you're feeling inconsistent in the bathroom. But Delsmith is the town where the ding-dong danglers have gone beneath City Hall to find a relic that is keeping the local Kuatowa from entering and becoming a significant part of local politics. They're doing it on behalf of a... very special plank member of the Thieves Guild, the plank being the leader

that alternates. They're trying to do these Coetoa a favor so Delsmouth has a future before they go deep beneath Delsmouth to find the ancient evil bringing the fog to the fog campaign.

Right now we are locked in combat. Hello Oliver and Kat. Right now we are locked in this fade out. Side note. went to Blaine's birthday party. No one scans the crowd exactly like Blaine, like Blaine's son Oliver.

Got to let Oliver do a tight 10 during your birthday party, and he was fucking hilarious. All props. It wasn't that tight. Yeah. Hey, you'll notice. I kept trying to turn on the light, but I go to get this way.

You'll notice I said 10. Yeah, he ran the light. It was funny. I heard him rehearsing in the shower of the day. and then he got on stage. He just watched it all leave. Oh my God.

He had like 12 girls his age who were like wrapped attention. What are you going to do? I love it. I love it. Yeah. But oh my God, I loved his crowdwork because he was doing that blame thing where he like looks over his like his nose down at everybody

like to see who's like ready for interaction. It was amazing. He's the next thing. By which you mean via favors, he will become famous? Yeah, he's going to have the world's dumbest podcast. You can have that right now if you wanted. Have him back. Get him over here.

So what was I talking about the combat? So right now you guys are locked in combat with a star sponsor. You killed a bunch of lesser, Larva hosts full of the worms that plagued this town. Right now you've got a star spawn sear who has been teleporting you back and forth doing significant amounts of damage as he casts psychic orb. He's a special little customized sear that I made to fuck you guys up. You have cleared the room of most of the baddies other than him. And he's got immolate running on him.

so he is taking fire damage every round but he's also a real piece of shit and i'll say i would love to check in on everyone's hit points for a second because i don't make a note of y'all's hit points i leave that to you guys but i think a couple of you are pretty fucked up and i think it's of interest to our listeners to check in on that stuff once in a while so like right now little peepers got very down, but he is back up to 35 hit points, which is not a lot. Are you sure? I believe at the end of the last session, I gave him silvery barbs to help him make a death saving throw.

I think he's still down? That was, that's what happened at the end of the last session. Oh, you're probably right. Oh, yep. Sorry. No, you're right. I didn't mark his hip points. You know what?

I was just sort of like talking about how people should be responsible. for hip points and here I know we know we know what happens that's how good I am at uh we learn it from you I know I'm gonna just make an NPC who's like my player character and then not pay attention to any of their stats as they change uh okay so he's got a death saving throw to make still then because I think he's we're at the top of the turn order I yeah we ended last time with me giving him the silvery barb advantage and you said well we will see what happens with those rules next time sounds good we're not quite and hey dan can i ask what kind of uh what is this guy that we're fighting what kind of stuff a lot of psychic magic um

do you have anything that lets you see into like spell schools or is there something specific you're kind of fishing for from no i didn't know if like he was throwing fire at us or or Well, you know what, Blaine, it is your turn. So why don't I give you a free action little insight check here? Roll an insight check because I do think that, you know, you're a detective and you're trying to figure this out. Could be interesting. 25. So you have heard a bit about Caius, the worm being at the edge of the cosmos, the edge of the planes of existence.

who is attempting to enter this plane via cultists. It really does seem like this person is overtaken by them. They're almost not humanoid anymore. There are so many worms bursting out of them. Their flesh and their torso are completely deformed by worms that are crawling out of tiny openings in its skin. This person slash host looks like it's kind of a toss-up, but they're wearing these, like, flowing mages robes that make you think at some point they were maybe powerful or influential in a more normal-looking body.

But they may be a part of some greater worm-like collective mind that you have observed piping up here and there throughout the campaign. The magic is psychic. A psychic orb has been cast. I'm giving you a bunch of shit because you're able to 25. One of the spells that I think I named, but I'll call out again, is a collapse distance. So that's a really fucked up spell that you probably have not heard of or seen before, but it seems to imply he has power over space and time, and that he is teleporting people against their will 30 feet,

and it's causing psychic damage as it happens. It's like whammying their brain every time he teleports them. So it seems like there's a lot of mind-warping magic this guy has access to, so probably some kind of wizard or sorcerer before he became a part of Caius' hive mind. What a dick. Okay. I'm going to, I'm going to throw a chromatic orb at him. And I'm going to give him some fire damage.

So it's a range spell attack. So, spill damage, there's a bit of them as in this. 19 plus 7, 26. All right. Well. And I do 3D8 of fire damage. It is going to use bend space as a reaction and teleport to the corpse of one of the star spawns over here in the corner.

Hmm. It's bend space when the seer would be hit by an attack roll it teleports along with its equipment it's carrying or wearing exchanging positions with another star spawn I can see within 60 feet of it it doesn't say whether it has to be alive

the other star spawn is hit by the attack instead the corpse explodes and is no longer useful for Ben Space but you see it exchange places with the corpse of a star spawn that now explodes I also have been making note of this that is the only one in the room that was not already like really fucked up beyond recognition.

So the other corpse is that you guys nuked. There were three of them. And they're already burned, exploded, or eviscerated to the point where he can't try to do that with their corpse. But he is sort of spending that one reaction on the one teleportable corpse that was in the room. The old switcher-room. Okay.

Well, I'm gonna throw that out. It blows a corpse up. I mean, it's really cool looking, but it's not what you want. Okay, and then I'm going to use, I have a cunning action that I can take as a bonus action. Okay, roll a stealth check, please. And Chris, you were pointing forward, was it

because you were noticing something you would like to share with the rest of the glass? Sorry, no, doing my, trying to read ahead. Okay, amazing, Larry. 22, the 10 plus 12. You feel very hidden, plus you're sort of, as you can see on the map, around the corner from this year.

so you're completely out of his line of sight right now. Under the bed. Under a bed or on top of a bookcase. Joffrey Spacoli, how many hit points you got? So were we using our sheets last time? Because according to D&D Beyond, I'm at full. But if you have something different, I'll adjust. I don't have a note of how many times you were hit specifically.

I wouldn't be surprised if Joffrey was full because you've got him tucked behind the corner. Yeah, we've been sort of dodging. It's not really like everybody was fucked up. It was a couple of people were fucked up. I could look at, I can grab my sheet away and see if I took it. Remember if we played live or what did we do? We did not play live now.

Oh, so I think this is accurate, actually. Yeah, I think I think you might be right. Okay, okay. But I did want to check in. Okay, so what would you like to do, Joffrey Spicoli? Um, look on the map here. How many are left? Just the one.

How fucked up is he? Not enough. I will, yeah, I know. He's, he's a dick. Can you do an insight? Oh, it's this big, okay, yeah, insight, sure. Yeah, and it's, it's going to be tricky. I'm giving you a higher DC for this.

I'm going to ask you to hit an 18 to get anything because you're not currently looking at him. And you've been around the corner for a minute. 11 yeah you're not sure you haven't gotten a good look at him during the fight okay you saw him for a moment and then you started ducking away while he was teleporting around yeah all right well i'll do uh if you look at the map too like i'm gonna love a firebolt at him yeah cool uh are you going to move into that doorway with a little pink markers on the map yeah okay You can move back, but that's a hit.

Roll your damage. 13 plus 7, by the way. Nice. That's your bolt to hit. Ooh, so that's going to bang into this die. Oh, there's not any damage. This is my damage yet, 15. Yeah, yeah, I hear you.

Nice. So that's a lot for a fire bolt that's going to smash into him. Nice. You're going to move back into the, corner, you're going to hang out in the doorway, sir? Yeah. Okay. Do you want to hide like Blaine and roll a stealth check? Um, sure.

Okay. I think you can do that as a bonus action, but I'm not checking. So if anyone would like to bust me on this, go right ahead. 18. Great. You feel pretty tucked away behind the bookcase of these creepy occult books. will I do it for your turn Yep

Thank you Shlob you're up I'm just keeping my spell going Immolation And is that something That will burn him again His turn or your turn His

Right And that doesn't mean you can't cast another Non Concentration spell Oh well then I will cast another Non Concentration spell You have to pick one You can't just say that You son of a shit

Ha-ha. Which everyone you like. I'm not picking. Well, I will also cast Chromatic orb. Is that concentration? I don't think so. No. That explodes. Yeah. Casting that.

Taint ongoing. Fire. And it is, what's the... Is it a versus... What is it? Just a regular spell. Mm-hmm. Okay. Well, you get to pick.

I think... I think chromatic orb you get to pick what kind of damage. Yeah, I'm doing fire. And it is, uh, it's a 19. Ooh. That is a hit. All right. And then he gets, he still is okay with him wasting that one, uh, dodge on plane.

But that was, uh, yeah, go ahead. He gets 18 points of damage. Oh, smash. Okay. Uh, he's looking pretty fucked up as this blows into him. Like, you're starting to see, like, worms splatter everywhere. Can I duck out at all down here? Or break my concentration spell.

Does immolate say you have to see him? Yes, it's within, it's that I can see. If you're trying to maintain eye contact, no. But if you're ducking way to hide, yes. Because he's seeing you cast the spell. You're, like, making eye contact. If you're ducking away but maintaining eye contact with him, I'm saying that's like a stealth check DC-25.

Okay. I'll try and hide and keep the spelling. If you have a five or better bonus, it's possible, but it's not likely. For my stealth, let's see. I have a plus two. Unless you can also guide yourself or something that's not a doable. I can't. Got yourself.

I always live your life. All right, well, let's just try to create distance at least. Got it. Yeah, you kind of got eyes on him there. Okay. You know what? You might not. Let me be a dick about this. Yeah, move one more down.

Okay. Because he really is, like, there. So I think I'm being generous if you go down one. We don't go behind this wall. I think that's a cage, so I think you can do that if you really want to. No, I don't get a cage. Don't put me in a cage. You do have a lot of rage, so...

Maybe it's what you should feel like. Anything else? I think that's it. Well, all right. He is up. It's his turn. He is going to use out of phase movement. You guys see him. You're not going to take the damage it mentions because that is specifically if he's passing through you while using out of phase movement.

movement, but he's going to, you'll see him, Ken, not really in anyone else's line of sight, but he just sort of floats up through the ceiling. What? Disappears from view. Motherfucker. You guys are out of combat. You guys, he's gone. The fuck.

I'm removing all turns from combat. I mean, I don't think he's gone. He's upstairs. Yeah, he's upstairs. I mean, should we maybe go grab little peepers and, kill him or should we kill him and I'm setting a timer if you know I'll roll his death saving throw first with advantage mm-hmm boi-o-o-yo-yo-yoing that's a 30 good consent somebody

no he's not near us but we can go do it now yeah you want to run over there and bind him yeah give him some run over please find his he's cute oh thank you very much I am up no it's just thing and one hit that for me I don't have any healing potions does anyone have any potions they can give our Elephantine pal let's see oh I can I can I have healing word I can do that. Yeah, I don't have it.

Okay. All right. Healing Word. That's the only healing one I've got, unfortunately. But I will give it to you, I will give it to him cast at third level. So he gets 3D4 plus five.

So he gets a total of 11 hit points. Hooray. Strum my loot. Oh, thank you. Phew. I thought, didn't we all get, didn't we all get? You did. And I know he distributed his to y'all.

So someone's got something that maybe have used already, but he doesn't have them at the moment. Or maybe you guys, maybe you distributed them when I wasn't around. But in any case, he's got enough now. Should we run upstairs and go kill that guy? Yeah. Yeah, let's do it. Okay. I found one.

Spicoli, you want to go kill that worm master? Yes, please. All right, so let's sneak our way up the stairs. Do you thieves want to sneak up quietly in case he's standing there ready to zap us? Yeah, sure. All right, let's get a stealth check from everybody. Can you move your tokens to a running order? And can you not?

Like towards the stairs, you mean? Yeah, don't put them in stairs yet because you don't know how well this stealth check is going to go. But if you could get somewhere before here, put yourselves a running order with the person closest to the pink X being in the front. probably are thiefy friends either stealthy or stealthy which could include little keepers if you like sure

and I'll give guidance to people as well on your stealth check 19 plus 12 oh shit Brian with your stealth self let me do it got off my ass man just good there we go wow 16 plus 12 28

little people rolled a 3 plus 14 17 wow nice I got a 15 and I'm going to add my G4 guidance to that So 16 total for me. And what do you get, Ken? I roll a 1 plus 2 plus 2, which is a botch plus 4, 05. So I'm going to highlight y'all and move you about here. I have my word.

So you guys are going to be like that, but, um. Ken, you might want to be at the back. Yeah, Kenny is taking up the back. So I'm scooting, like, like, because of the corner. I have to rearrange a little bit. I think you guys would look a little bit more like that. Does that sound, seem right? Or maybe?

Great. Okay. It's come around the corner. Can I get a perception check from the two people who make around the corner first, Blaine and Brian? Yeah. Oh. 18 plus 10. 28.

Wow. I love this. I love this. I love Siam. I love detective stuff that you guys are doing. It's fun. 26. You both hear a loud creak of the stairs.

So he's around the corner where the fudge is made? Yeah. Like the stairs were going up? Or the stairs on the other side? Around the corner. The wooden stairs over here. Got it. You can't see it.

You hear this loud. He's trying to get that. away. Well, coward. Why don't you all roll an insight check? As you all freeze and think about this and whisper amongst each other. Natural 20 plus 10.

Nice. Which one's this one? Insight. 19 plus 7. Yeah, although Blaine got a crit plus 10, so you're going to get something here. Oh, what did I get? Um, pretty low, 11. I didn't say.

Anyone in the upper 30s? Anyone beating the 30? All right, so with the 30, uh, so what you're going to kind of piece together, Blaine, is, um, either him or one of his friends is coming down the stairs towards you. He did phase up through the ceiling, so this means that he can't just phase whenever he wants all the time. Okay. Okay. But it does sound like if that's only if it's him, he could also be sending some kind of monster after you, but you do think around the corner where fudge is made, there might also be worms. All right.

And he's come back for you. He's trying to get the jump on you as you exit. You know? Okay. Sure. Uh, huh. I'm going to set a timer, but you all kind of have a moment out of conversation. combat where you can sort of realize he's about to get to jump on you if you go around this corner. Here's a question. Did he have to roll for the emulation? Or was he? No, he broke. If that, if that was eye contact, it would have broke when he went through the ceiling.

Got it. I'm going to turn to my two Phoebe friends and quietly say, which one of you wants to become an invisible assassin? That's Spicoli. and sign up. Yes, Spicoli, that's for you. I'm going to quietly cast greater invisibility on Spicoli. So what that means, Spicoli is it's like regular invisibility, but you know how when you attack and stuff, you come out of invisibility,

greater ability doesn't do that. So you can remain invisible. Greater invisibility doesn't do that. And attack. And the great thing is when you have greater invisibility as a thief, you're getting advantage. So Dan, correct me if I'm wrong, so that means that he'll get his sneak attack damage on his attacks and remain invisible. Yep.

Cool, you'll, okay, so that's what I do. I give that to Spicoli. Spicoli, you see your hands disappear and feel an incredible sense of confidence. You're going to go around the corner and try and murder? Yeah. All right. There's a lot of fudge to murder. Can we, hey, I know that dude I'm about the murder.

Can we maybe get ready to go, like, so maybe like Spicoli, when we hear whether what happens with Spicoli, maybe we can like charge around ready to help him, just be ready? Totally. Okay. All right, Spicoli, why don't you edge around the corner? Okay. So you go up here to the top of the stairs and roll another perception check for me. I'll roll stealth and then perception. could be so kind oh shit I wrote perception first it's okay we'll just we'll

address that second but that's fine when you're still 31 31 I mean the stealth was going to be pretty low because you're fucking greater invisibility but on top of that yeah Spicoli just whooshes up there and you your perception was a 13 14 14 everything's very quiet you don't see anything yet How far out here on the map do you want to go, Brian, to go find this guy? Um, shit. Well, I'm not looking at it. Yeah, if you could hop on over here to roll 20, please. I'm right there.

So I'll move your token to where you, I would say you would have moved. You would have come to like right about here to peek around the corner. How far out into the room do you want to go? Show me that and then roll an investigation check once you've shown me. on me. Well, where is he? You don't know? Yeah, I figured out.

So we heard noise on the stairs. So you know, like, the noises would have come from here, which you can't see these stairs. There's a wall here that stops you from seeing these stairs. You think he might be there. All right. Well, I'm going to creep a little closer stealthily then. To the stairs? Yeah, you're going to investigate.

Then this time roll stealth first, and then an investigation. investigation check please stealth just a 24 oh that's it yeah it's it too 12s uh only a 24 so it is only a 24 so it is only with moderate glory that you make the stealthiest move of all time and uh glide across the room can i get that investigation check please yeah man 20. Nice. So you kind of creep up to this wall, right? And straight ahead to your left, this wall becomes a staircase that leads up in this city hall's main floor.

As you get about five feet from the corner of here, the stairwell, you pause and listen very closely. and you hear this horrible, horrible gurgling sound, like phlegm and viscera stuck in its throat, just gurgling as this thing heaves in and out with its breath, trying to be silent. You can hear it sort of right about here. Is it RFC engineer? Right around the corner.

You feel like he could just be squatting, like right here waiting for somebody. But you also think you are so close that he can't know you're that close. He must have been waiting for someone to come around this corner and then he would spring out or something, but you've managed to get very close to him without him noticing. Do I think I'm right on top of him or something? You are, you know, just a couple of inches away from him. Like, he's on the other side of this wall. So if you go right through the wall, he's about 10 inches away from you. But if you go around this corner, yeah, he's like maybe, you know, like 15, 20 feet of movement.

Which is a turn. I can't go through the wall, but, uh, right? You could dart around the wall and stab him. Yeah, let's do that. Yeah. All right. Uh, can I get a, uh, stealth check with advantage, please? Yes.

I am going to say to get right up in his face and have him not detect you at all is one thing. But are you, if you're being sneaky, sneaky, you're trying to get like right up to him without running, right? so 27 yeah yeah yeah so you just silently just like just kind of breeze your way around the stairs and you see him clinging to his terrifying looking cosmic staff just like his his chins kind of flapping as his ragged breath comes in and out his eyes darting back and forth looking for the perfect moment to jump around the corner you manage to get within just a couple of inches from him i'll put your token so you're like here and i have to take his token out of the the gm layer here uh so one second i have to like layer around but he is now right here you are that close to him brian

good dude chill touch what do you guys think i don't know cut his head off i mean okay They're out of sound range, so I'm cornering you as a player and telling you, you can take a second to look at your sheet. You rolled a 27 on stealth. I'm not going to rush you necessarily. All right. I'll rush you a fit, you know. I'm going to have short-sortem then. Nice.

Hell yeah. Rolled a short-sortem. You have a short-sortem? Crit. Oh, yeah. Yes. I was about to say don't forget you should definitely have advantage

for this but you crit it so what's the point what's the point of advantage you crit on the first roll so first of all roll your damage that's so beautiful I love fucking DAA beyond

it feels better when you get a 20 on that on the you know so you're going to roll your damage and double the dice part of the damage and then roll your sneak attack damage. Oh, my God. So how do I do that? If you just roll damage for your short-sart,

it should do it all for you. Oh, okay. Well, it says 2D6 plus four piercing. Mm-hmm. You know? Yeah. Hit that? Hit that.

Mm-hmm. Okay. Eight. And then... And then whatever your sneak attack is. Oh, what's my sneak attack? Colin yours what's my bonus I'm looking you up 5d6

wow are you fucking joke in my ass 5d6 plus you get to double that because it's a crit so wait what is your damage before the 5d6 8 so he has 8 points before this I think so yeah all right so roll 5D6 and double it

Brian. Jesus Christ. So 28. 38. 38 shit. Yeah, you're right. 38 after you double it. Yeah. Yeah. And if you double the short sword, it's 16. Because he only know, they and that's it's a crit. So in theory, that's doubled. So 16 plus 16. Yeah. 38. So 54. 50 short points of piercing damage. Not only, Brian, do I want to hear how this guy dies. I want you to be very explicit about

how you're using a short sword to carve him silently from just a couple of inches away because our listeners deserve to know. One of my favorite early Faith No more songs is called, uh, surprise you're dead.

That's what I would whisper to him. Surprise. you're dead and then I'm a how I get more Zorro I cut it I slash a big Zorro in him the full word can I get a dexterity saving throw from you Brian yeah sure as you do an incredible amount of damage carve the entire word Zorro 22 okay 22 So you got Spigoli's a fucking ninja, man. Well, speaking of which, you dive down the stairs 10 feet as he explodes in this churning mass of worms. And this wet, hot echoes through the basement.

All your friends just hear this like, snorch as worms just kind of gush out of what seems like a bottomless pit within him. It sounds like someone farting in macaroni and cheese. Great bonus episode this month, folks. If you're not a Patreon supporter, you missed Ken winning a joke about the sound it makes when you fart in mac and cheese. So my answer inferior to Kent. So you jump backwards. There are now like 50 pounds of worms. Well, first I'd jump back to kiss myself.

You are. still greater invisible because of all the work that Chris put into that spell for you Brian but like you're you see 50 pounds of worms churning around and slithering towards your feet I saw 50 pounds of worms open for five-figure death bunch oh that's I left for thousands of dead cops that's a sequel to 50 shades of gray I think or is it millions of dead cops I'm not a good punker excuse millions MDC I got a 10,000 maniacs joke

that was fucking great now what I have a part in combat with the worms no you're not in combat but Brian it would occur to you you want to maybe scoot out of the way a little bit because they're covering okay cool there's several inches of them

not 30 inches like you'd expect from blood but like a couple of inches of worms on the stairs we should we should firebolt those guys Yeah, somebody should. So everyone with a fireboat cantrip might want to jog over there and just start firing away. Okay. All right. But I am going to say, zap, zap, zap.

Yeah, you don't have to like roll for damage, but everyone who wants to roll fireboat, roll a, hang on. I want you to not nuke the stairs. You'd all be smart enough to not want to nuke the stairs, but can you do it? Can we nuke it like at the landing, right? Is there come off the stairs? Sure. I'll lower the DC, but I'll still have you make sure you're not, like, damaging, because it's a lot of fire. And they're not all coming down the stairs.

So wet slinkies. Do you want to get them all, Pokemon? Yeah, maybe. Does someone have a Bigby hand? Yeah. Hi. I do. I haven't.

I haven't. Maybe you could, like, snow shovel with the Big Bee hand and bring the worms. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Hoop them over. Just scoop them off the, the. wooden stairs so we can firebolt them make note of the spell being used as you bust out bigby's

hand and shovel them and then you don't have to roll then if you're just going to snow shovel them onto the ground that is a very clever use of the spell to shovel worms yeah i have a mage hand too if there's any stragglers oh great great so yeah you guys just grab them all i am in a safe though for uh ken and blaine as user magic hands to try to get the mall i will have you do an investigation check both of you to make sure you catch all the worms who are very live and evil. I'm going to use my passive investigation of

21. Nice. I need a bad choice. What the hell is my passive? You might want to look. Because y'all detectives. 13. So I'm going to roll, I think. Yeah. Can I give them guidance? You can. I give you guidance.

Way to catch it. Thank you so much. Oh, I needed it too. Oh, boy. Yeah. A 8 plus 2, 10. Well, luckily, Blaine's going to have a really high passive and he's using the more finer details mage hand rather than your big ass big B hand.

So he's able to get 21 to catch it all. And you scoop it all on the floor, nuke it, big burned splotch in the ground. You guys have destroyed everything. Nice. There is now a relic for you to destroy. That big statue downstairs. Yeah, there's a big demon-like statue. What about his staff?

Oh, yeah. I think they're on break. Ha-ha. Oh, they're crafty right now, yeah. Do you want to maybe be careful about touching because that's such like a... Maybe that staff is part of what took him over and made him into a worm boy.

Yeah, I'm sure it's nothing good. Who would like to look at it? I will. All right. Investigation check for you, Spacoli? I give him a guy. Yeah. Yeah.

I use the power of rock and roll. Oh, I made guidance. Yeah, I got shitty roll as somebody else might want to look. You said it's magic. Should Shalab as our magic man? Do you want to? I mean, sure. And I'll give him guidance as well.

All right. That's a 17 plus 2. 219 It looks very cursed Yeah, fuck that thing It has several like bones attached to it with what looks like rotted stretched out flesh

Maybe we want a mage hand that Dan there seems to be like a stack of kind of crates towards the bottom of the stairs Is that right? Yeah Maybe we want to like mage hand that staff behind the crates just so nobody has it and also we're not carrying it physically

with us as we go deeper into fucking worm hell. Sure. Unless we think, does anybody think that could be a weapon we could use? It seems I think cursed is just fucked, right? Yeah, we don't want to. Can we like hide it

in here and go kill the statue? So you guys tuck that behind the crates with the mage hand. no one has to make physical contact with it. And you tippy toe back over here. I'll put little peepers about where you would want to be near the statue. Although maybe he would back up a little bit and be kind of like you.

The room is covered in viscera. There were some like, you know, bolts of energy connecting the statue to those chairs earlier and the corpse on the altar. But all those bolts of energy are gone now that the seer is dead. And the statue has a otherworldly air to it, but you don't. feel like it is currently active. It looks like an inanimate statue. Move your tokens, won't you?

Everyone but Talman? And you said, Dan, it's a relic, right? So, like, we know this thing has power, some kind of thing. It was built here by elves and humans to keep Kuatoha from being able to enter City Hall. However, it was using some sort of displacement magic. And it was bringing beings into city hall as Kuatawa were being compelled away from it. Ooh.

I have dispel magic. That's maybe something. Maybe we need to like dispel it and physically destroy it. You know what I mean? Like if elves and humans built this, maybe humans built like a physical thing. And then elves gave it some kind of fucking Kuatua. boundary curse so let me start with it

unless somebody else wants to do something the level of the level you cast of Dispel Magic is important it's base level of three but you upcast it to get really powerful spells I will upcast it to level five nice I will do a big like then the um bum bum bumabab strum and work on

yeah and I'll cast dispel magic at fifth level on this thing okay so that's going to be a DC of 10 plus this spells level so if you could do it says when you cast this spell using a spell of four higher you automatically end the effects of a spell on the target if the spells level is equal to or less than the level of the spell slot you use so if it's a fifth level spell or lower spell or lower it's automatically dispelled and if it's higher than fifth then I think there's roles Got it.

Do you bring that up so you can read it? No, I do have it up. It's higher than fifth level, so you do need to roll. Got it. So what am I doing? This is going to be for each level, fourth or higher, make an ability check using spell casting ability. Okay, so spell attack is plus nine. And the DC is going to be 10 plus the spells level.

Got it. Can I do that? I'm just going to cast a spell that has an attack. I'm going to cast firebolt because that's my plus 9. Sure. 15 plus 5, 24 or plus 9. Oh, that is absolutely going to dispel the magic from this idol. There's a fizzling sound and it's almost as if the air gets thinner and less humid

and more breathable in the room all of a sudden. Cool. I think I cast autumn. magical everything smells of pumpkin spice all the corpses on the ground just this cinnamon and nutmeg and ginger I love this season

should we firebolt stand back maybe and try and destroy the statue as well unless doesn't it be a firebolt whatever people want to do yeah we could do that shoot the shit out of it yeah let's do it great so you guys

maybe from like just outside the door I mean yeah and what's going to be fun about this is you guys are just taking on this thing this episode of like we are all going to point our powerful cant trips at something and just nuke it with firebolt so you can just be going and because you were smart enough to dispel the curse placed on it well it's not a curse right it's like it's been imbued with this magic that made it very powerful for a very long time that it was now being reduced used to simple stone. And so it takes a long time for the fire to have an effect but you start knocking chunks off of it, the wings collapsed to the ground. Eventually, I would say you probably have to cast this

over and over for a few minutes to do it without using high-level spell slots, but you start to crack its torso in it. The front half of it now charred black after all of those blasts sort of like cracks and topples onto the ground.

You break it in half after taking all of the limbs off of it, basically. take that candy, right? Ooh. And inside NECA wafers.

Ah, the worst. Oh, well. It was worth a shot. Couldn't mean that waifers? You've done it. You've destroyed the relic and feel like you've done the job test by the plank.

Also, this is supposedly going to be a big deal for the people of town. So Philip. We seriously fucking did it, you guys. Philip's the name of the sort of like surface. acquainted formal

Kuatowa who was the plank and he was the only of the plank who's ever introduced himself by his real name should we uh should we bring like a chunk of this statue with us like the a piece of the head or something it does seem like it has been like it has been made

inanimate and dispelled inert is there anything else we want to I assume like once we leave here everybody else is going to come and check out these secret rooms I know we found books in

Infernal the other room do we want to search this ritual room and see if there's any cool stuff I think we should on the next episode loot the shit out of this basement but first can I get an insight check specifically from Ken? Yeah

what did I do? I just want to have some fun with you all right That's a 17. I mean, you definitely could have used that, you know, ability that you get from the skull that is imbued in your head to have gone through that wall that you spent like a long-ass time trying to smash open.

Right. Okay. Only letting you do this now that it's too late because that's when it would be inevitable. Well, we'll have to find out what cool loot is down here. and there definitely is. I think you should all make a note that you're going to want to start with that on the next episode of Nerd Poker.

Cool. Sam? Did you catch that one? I did. Somebody died and there was 50 pounds of worms inside them. That's right. Wee. That's me.

So folks. I could be bringing 50 pounds of worms to you and your family. If you'd like to hire me to do that, go ahead and head to Dan Telford.com. And 50 pounds of Doody Boyd's. I'd love to be a dungeon master. Brian?

I got nothing. Yeah. Just sitting around doing nothing. Go on social media and watch me do nothing. Look at my schedule where I've got nothing. Everything's been moved to January and I get real busy again in January. Well, I'm busy as shit right now, but not doing stand-up. but that's it

Get Grommets Christmas is coming if you know any skateboarders or somebody who even stood on a skateboard in the 90s if you know somebody who owned a minor threat record and worked at a Taco Bell fucking

or any combination pick up a grommets a trade paperback and they will thank you that's all we hear from people is like it's nostalgia and heart and funny, funny words and great action and stuff. And it's just, I'm super proud of it. Oh.

And it seems to people that skated or, you know, grew up in the 80s and 90s seem to really dig it. I would love to check it out. I'd love to plug a friend's comic book. I am trying to get a little more involved in that world. A friend of mine, comic writer named Elliot Ray Hall, who I know from Chicago Comedy, is trying to bring me on as an editor for an image book. And that could be really fun. But my friend Paula Sevenbergen, who is an editor for Mad Magazine that Brian and Blaine

may have had contact with at some point, really talented writer wrote for the Stargirl DC show. She has a new horror comic out called Flow. And it's about a group of girls who make fun of a teenage girl for having her period. and then the girl who had the period like Carrie and such curses the other girls magically

and it's a really fun dark as fuck miniseries and Paula's an incredible writer so check that comic out give it a shot kiss or grits they definitely kiss her grits yes also button hooks rest and peace Polly Holiday

oh that's it We attribute the success saved mankind for the day. We're joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof. Well... Oh, I've joined west of the day. And I'm going to write for you.

I'm not going to say. Oh, so. I'm a little bit more. I'm. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, you have a lot. Oh, mm-hmm. Hello.

And then that's after you know. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box, 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.