Nerd Poker - The Fog Campaign - Episode 4

Episode Date: December 17, 2024

You didn't think we'd just go to bed without getting into some nefarious nonsense, did you? As the tavern party wanes, the crew decides to case the drow mansion and see whether this whole "talking gargoyle" gambit is necessary. Along the way they see their first generally hostile NPCs, and realize the fog makes both for good cover and difficult recon. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker

Hey, it's Brian Postain, nerd poker. We're calling it The Thug Campaign. My friends are here, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer Sam, and of course, our kickass DM Dan Telfer. Welcome to Nerd Poker. Hey everybody, it's Brian Pessain. You're listening to Nerd Poker, episode four of the Fog Campaign. Or as Blaine says... Okay. Episode four of the fog campaign. Or as Blaine says, the fog campaign. I was hoping you would say foggo the chai again.

Oh, fog with the chai again. That's Blaine, everyone. That should be your sitcom sting. That's Blaine. And I get in the elevator with my dress shoes and when I get off the elevator, I'm wearing sneakers. That's blame Ken's here. Hi, that's Ken Here's Dan Hey, that's Dan Fogo de chow is a Brazilian restaurant chain that features meat on the menu

and I once did a trade improvised gig where I pretended to be a member of a industrial parts group and I did a prank on them and I wouldn't eat meat and I spilled wine on the CEO and that was fun. Fogo de Chão is Brazilian for meet up your ass Have you been there? Yes, it's aggressive Keep eating my really You got to know the system. Yeah Sam's here by the way, Sam. Have you been to fuck?

children now so they You have a system so they you know what it is they know red light green light that guy comes out with a big thing what do you call the vertisserie where build actually know but it's a sword and another sword yeah and then they shave they shave the meat off on your plate but there is a flag system that I only went once. Yeah. And I went drunk in high with a friend, a metal dude that he was just like, keep it going. He was like in a band that's famous name, but he was kind of a clown and I had no idea what the system was. And I went up

eating so much fucking meat. I was in a New York hotel that night. I had the worst meat sweats. I never even knew what meat sweats really felt like till that. It's a lot of times I call too much meat. Yeah. And you have your little tongues to pay. Yeah. But what is it like? Do you remember the actual sense? I got if there's a green card and if it's green, it means you just want more food. Keep coming.

And if it's red, it means you can want more food. Just keep coming. And if it's red, it means you can pass. It seemed more complex to me than that. That sounds really easy. You were hungry. But something happened, we went wrong. We did it wrong. We did it too metal. It was too metal for me, too much.

A lot of people at those places, because there's also a huge salad bar, with lots of stuff that's not just salad. And I think a lot of times people immediately go to that, fill up on blue cheese dressing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had a salad sweat one night after. You can also get appetizers in Waukesha. It's really a mistake. When I saw the salad sweats open for the handles, when I worked on mind of Metzia every now and then, uh, Carlos Mencia would be in a good mood and he would take all the writers to Phoga to chow and it was just like, I can't eat

this much meat when the sun's up. Yeah. I can't do it. That's a lot. It is. Delicious. We'd like to thanks fogget a child for sponsoring We love you and we love your phone pole thickness white asparagus Stan you want to thank some people I will thank you patreon supporters. Um, if you're new to the podcast

Excuse me Patreon supporters. If you're new to the podcast, excuse me. So if you're new to the podcast, you can support us by going to patreon.com slash nerd poker. And there are supporters with usernames who get shouted out. I would like to thank our supporters at our top two tiers of support. They have usernames like die the flu. Thank you. Die the flu. Thank you, Jeremy the rain core. Thank you. Die singular. You know, because probably because I call a single thing dice all the time. Or any of us might. Thank you. Orics, the custom Lord. Hi, Orick. I run a game for Orick. Thank you Squinch Lindle Snuggins. Thank you Dr. Hamburger Hamburger

Doctor. Thanks Kevin Gardner. Thanks Poke Bill. Thanks Stuart Black. Thanks Daniel whom I care for deeply. Thank you Lil John's Tiny What? Thank you. Thank you. Oyster moisture, the moistest oysters ever moisted. No, no. Thanks, West Bell. Thank you, Firm Rip. Thank you, Is Les Claypool flying this plane?

Thank you, Chris Bakos. And finally, thank you, Bongston Two Joints Tender Crotch. And Guy. Thank you, Bongston Two Joints Tender Crutch. And Gaio. Blaine, who are they brought to us by? Brought to us by Skimity Toilette. The Rizkiat Fragrance from Calvin Klein. And A Good Night's Sleep, whatever that is. Dan?

Thanks, Blaine. Party guy went on the road, you want to say, anything like that? whatever that is. Dan. Thanks, Wayne. Brianne, I went on the road that you want to say anything like that. Yeah, but I got away from my phone to Buddha. I was turning it off. A new thing where I rarely use my phone. So it's off all the fucking time. Yeah, the new iOS update completely bricked my iPhone 11 Pro Max. And I'm like, all right, so you want me to buy a new phone?

Great. None of those words are in the Bible, Dan. Noah had two androids on his arc. Thank you. What is love? Just shut up and close the windows, it's getting wet. Can we get a little Mangione in Seattle or Tacoma from, what was the guy? It's from De La Soul Asylum.

Yeah. I remember them from the Patreon list. Oodles and oodles of O's you know. Thanks De La Soul Asylum. And you got your little Mangione. Thanks Kat. Oh man, was that a listener who gave us the vinyl of Chuck Mangione that had that song on it? Yeah. That was a huge hit.

Feels so good. Huge hit. Oh my gosh. It's a record store. I think it's a huge hit. He pointed right at it. I think it's a huge hit again. Well, I assume.

His name is Mangione. Oh. Yeah. What a hero, this Chuck Mangione. This Chuck Mangione musician is wink. Hope a lot of people decide to use his class when rolling up a character. So good. All right, we'll play Luigi's Mansion lately. Remember when he defunds the mansion?

All right, it's time to talk about what happened. Last time on the show. Our heroes. Oh no, I can't do that. Yeah, so you guys at the bar, my throat's tickly so I'm not't do that. Yeah, so you guys at the bar, my throat's tickly, so I'm not gonna do it. You know, got a nice distraction going

and stole a pocket watch. Joffrey, you stole a pocket watch, but then because you saw him cry, you put it back in his pocket. He got into a little altercation. I don't know what you're talking about. You big softy. This minotaur.

I may or may not have done that. This minotaur you stole the pocket watch from He got into an altercation with a coup a toa a fish person named a bullet bowl And thanks to a command spell from Shalhoub he dropped the fish person And then you know in shame went to the end of the bar and he started crying because he noticed his pocket watch was gone Which was gifted to him by his brother, Crundus. Um, Brian feeling bad, put it back in his pocket, but of course that didn't really

happen. Um, but I couldn't keep it when I rolled. I think, I think the average role was 28 last session. Um, that was really, I really wanted you to turn to to it and put it inside his butthole. I mean, you could have. I wanted to. 30. Um, so Twiddin' Titby, the, uh, party bard decided to, you know, keep a nice song going.

Yeah. Party. You like to party bard. And everyone was really into it while you guys snuck upstairs with little peepers who is definitely filling his pockets with gold during the hullabaloo. Shalab you kind of made friends with kuatua named moble. And little peepers was going over the plan of how to rob this drow up on the hill

So you could get the needle of Umberley a legendary fencing sword There are also other riches in the mansion this drow is an asshole named Alathor Xalorax and his manner has a secret entrance You guys got some hot tips here's my here's my question to the body. I still don't trust it Yeah, and you know Lil Peepers feels good about his intel but said you might want to get a proxy someone to guess wrong so you can hear the question in advance. I feel bad about getting the fish killed. I have a I have a question I like. I love a nice piece of cinnamon. I believe you also mentioned maybe having a Fenn, the Fox person, a company to be the

first guest there, but you can get literally anywhere. You can get the Minotaur to do it. Right. Here's my, here's my question to the potty. If there's a chance meow, we could get turned into stone. If we get the question wrong, meow, why don't we, why don't we just issue the secret passage meow and just break into the mansion on the on the level. Good. Absolutely. Yeah.

Love these characters. Little peepers raises an eyebrow and says, oh, that could be done. Not a bad idea. I didn't even hear what you said because I was enjoying the hear what you said because I was enjoying the meows so much. Say it without meows so I don't get distracted. No, just tell me what you had said out of character. I thought I did. No, say it like Blaine.

Oh, well, what I was thinking was instead of meow going through the graveyard, the secret passage, you get turned into stone meow. Then we would maybe just go through the graveyard the secret passage you get turned into stone meow Then we would maybe just go through the house Okay, that is a good idea turn into aparath Little peepers would respond to that with well that sounds like a plan but since it's last call downstairs We might want to decide now do we want to scoop up a proxy which was my idea which we do not have to run with I don't even know if I like that idea or we could case the man

or tonight so when we rob it in the morning we know which window we are going to break into that's a good idea. Let's do it. Let's do it. No secret entrance for us. Let us march upon the hill. Off we go. Yes. Do we want to sneak out? We do have a window here in our room. We could let everyone think we are up here whilst we prance through the darkened streets. I'm gonna just go downstairs and scratch the door. They'll let me out.

Friends, friends before we go one one thing as we know that Fox is on to us So I would just say I don't have a strong feeling one way or the other, but I think we maybe need to make a decision She will certainly be on to us if we try and sneak out so we could try and evade her or potentially if we think she may ultimately be an ally or what if she might be working for someone else that appears to be an ally. And we invite her, maybe we invite her along with us. I don't know if you guys have heard that old adage, keep your enemies close or enemies close. What was her relationship? Why was she already in? You didn't ask. I don't think. Oh, okay. No, we just talked to her.

You talked to her briefly, but it seems like we should like, she seemed like she could be of some help. She was friendly. And also like why else would Dan present her? Well, you would remember, Brian, in your fortune, Evel, in your fortune, I believe it told you to beware a woman. Oh, yeah. OK, fuck her. Your your your clarifier card was a divine. It's a beware.

Oh, it was defined. Yeah. So she's going to eat dog shit. Can you drink a night of cups? There is romance getting a future. John Waters movies. Right. Where a woman is defined. Yeah, so she's gonna eat dog shit. Ken, during the Night of Cups, there's romance getting a future. John Waters movies. Right. All three of you, I think, Brian, Ken, and Blaine all had fortunes with women.

Women, yeah. Blaine's a woman with power. Could influence him in the future? Let's stop asking. Yours was King of Wands, Chris. Right, wands, Chris, beware arrogance and confidence. Chris, I, I share it. My was I'm a piece of shit and I should be quiet. Well, um, we could always go sledge up and then a drink like a crossbow.

That's true. You can knock her out. Um, yeah, the concern is that she's going to turn us in, you know, when we're off. Okay. So let's not involve her then. No, but what I'm saying is she'll, she'll know we leave because she's watching us. As you say, she's watching us. Everyone roll a perception check.

Oh, is it the same? But the, is the Fox person? No, it's, it's the same person. Fender. The person that looked like the Fox is the girl person. No, it's it's the same person. Fender. The person looks like the boxes. Yeah. OK. 17 plus a 25 percent. We got a 25 percent. Christ. 14 plus 317. That's a little cocked brain.

You want to do that again? Yeah. OK. The cock. I always have a little cock. And it's flying three plus penis reference. Perfection. Right. Yes. And the black guy, dude, they think they did. Yeah.

I Chris, what'd you get? Well, I got a natural one plus eight. Nice. Oh, all right. So you kind of you kind of don't catch on with everyone else. But when when when social up you you you said, you know, she may be watching us all of you instinctively freeze and listen. Okay. And you hear nothing.

And little people says she could be listening right now. Do I hear anything? Somebody, you know, not even with the 25, you don't hear anything. Somebody go to the door and check. Oh, no, I'm my suggestion was before. Maybe I should just kind of hang out in the hallway and Trust that you guys will figure come up with something so that way we won't be Listened on and then you can bring me up to speed later Are you trying to check the door real quick though?

Yeah, I'll go right to the door Okay, I can check quick like like as fast you can or stealthy Are you gonna prioritize as you're looking to see if someone's at the door right? Oh, I'll go right to the door Okay, are you gonna check quick like like as fast you can or stealthy? Are you what are you gonna prioritize as you're looking to see if someone's at the door? Oh, I yes, I will stealth to the door and trying to throw it open as fast as possible. Cool. I still check, please still Well, let you choose stealth or deception since you're trying to sneak and then whip it open. Oh deception. Absolutely It'll it'll affect it'll affect the way it happens. But yeah, 14. Okay, you do feel like maybe the the latch on the door clicks a little bit. You whip it open,

but you open and you peer down the hall and there's no one there. I'll step out and keep an eye and close the door and let them do their thing. Okay. Here's here's something I was thinking. Now, maybe we could get the the fish guy to shrink up a conversation with the Fox lady. Now, is there a reason for this? Yeah, sort of distract her at the bar, talking to a fish guy. Oh, I see. Well, we should hang out the back. Keep her busy.

Well, how should we influence such a thing? Hmm. Well, I could go down, sniff around and say, I'll tell you what, go talk to that fox and I won't eat you now. Go for it, man. Guys, I'll be right back Siami march downstairs with this idea. I love it. I'm running with it. You're doing it Twiddin you see Siam head downstairs. He's got a plan tails up, okay

Tails up guns out you head downstairs and you do see there's still people at the bar. People have left. Both you and Twid and notice people are going into other rooms for the evening. You see, yes, Bull Bull is still at the bar as is Fen. Fen eyes you as you walk back down the stairs. Sam. Bill Bill is wrapped up in merriment. Looks like maybe on his third flag in of mead. I'm gonna I'm gonna walk up. You know, I'm a change of plan. Okay, now, I'm gonna walk over to the Fox lady. Okay. And Chris, what were you about to

say something also what you're doing? Yeah, I just want to follow Siam down the stairs in case I want to give him bardic inspiration. I want to kind of stay away from him like maybe at the foot of the stairs playing something kind of quietly. I'll just like more atmospheric rather than a performance. But in case I want to give him inspiration, I want to write that'll be site. That'll be another deception check for you. Oh, okay. I don't mind if people see me, but I will.

Okay. Okay. Well, then don't worry about it at all. Okay, great. Back to Sam, you're marching up to the Fox person. I know the Fox. She still has a bar right now is looking directly at you Walking over to the Fox. She's still at the bar, right? She is. She's looking directly at you. I walk up to the bar.

Hey, what are you doing? Still doing it, sweetheart? Got any drinking problem? Meow. Still on my first glass of wine. Taking my time. Have a lot to think about. That's great.

I can't sleep without some warm milk. Bartender, can I get a warm milk over here, please? No. OK, well, how about a double whiskey with some pubic hair? Right on it. Meow. Hey, please. No. OK, well, how about a double whiskey with some pubic hair? So that right on it now. Hey, Dan, in my regular voice, I'm going to tell you that I'm going to charm person. Oh, OK.

And that's a saving throw. It's saving wisdom, saving throw. And she knows if you cast it right. How does this remind me? Every if she if she doesn't roll a save. Yeah, let me see. Here we are. Charmed Fox. Not what you tend to charm a humanoid.

You can see within range wisdom saving throw does so with advantage. If you are I'm not fighting her. If it fails, charmed by you until the spell ends, which is one hour or until your companions do anything harmful the charmed creature regards you as a friendly acquaintance when the spell ends The creature knows it was charmed by you If it fails the saving third is okay, um, I'm trying to see What's your spell save DC? This is a 13. She rolled an 18.

Can I get you another wine then? I can tell what you just did. Oh, okay. My friend. Well, that's good. Just part of my MO. That means Motor Shopper Randy. Hey, it happens to the best of us.

Yeah. You know, oh boy. Yeah. You know, just those vaccines at a certain age, you know, oh boy. Yeah, you know just back to a certain age, you know Who are you working for? Myself and and who's my shelf? Finn Fender strat

I get it. I saw your hand print job from the guitar center So, uh Do you live around here? No, I do not. I'm just passing through. How long you been in town? Just a few days. A few days? You've just been sitting at the bar for days and days and days, meow? What do you want from me, my friend? from me, my friend. What do any of us want, sweetheart? Yeah, the moon, the stars, all the pocket watches. So what do you know? What are you talking about with the pocket watch? Well, it's quite a to do. Cronus's pocket watch had a whole song dedicated

to it. And then it reappeared in that Minotaur's pocket at just the right moment or was it in his butthole it's not a narratively certain but he got it back and he cheered a lot in front of this and the whole bar cheered along with him you wouldn't know anything about that would you? Why would I? Why would you want to know who my boss is? Well just because you seem to be keeping your eyes on us all night like you're working for somebody. Why do you want to know how long I've been here? I'm just sort of asking.

What are you doing here? What are any of us doing here, sweetheart? I was trying to get milk and the guy doesn't have any milk. Here's your whiskey with pubes. Thank you. Did you see Rustle is Rhapsody with Tom Behringer? Yes. Yeah, it was a good movie.

Sort of an airplane before singing was seeing cowboy lessons She takes a sip from her wine That's good She as she steps I would want to do a nice strum on my loot and go ahead and give Blaine bardic inspiration. All right, which means for the next 10 minutes you can add a D8. Oh, okay. So if there's something you want to specifically get out of her now might be a good time. So when you say you're just in town passing through, what is it you do now? I'm a freelancer. Like a comic book artist.

She pats the rapier on her belt. Oh, nice rapier. So is it magic? Persuasion check. You don't have to use a verdict against. I'm going to have to use it because that's a botch. Do you want to, or do you want to take the botch? I'll take the botch. All right.

What's your bonus to persuasion? Just curious. I thought you did botch. But persuasion is plus four. Why don't you tell me what you've got on you? What do I got on me? Yeah. What magical things do you have on your person?

I don't have anything magic except my crazy charming personality and my failed charm person spell. Yeah. That's not right. Yeah. I was going to say, I heard there's a rapier in town. Pretty sweet. Might even be magical.

Sort of legendary. Oh, is that right? It is very right. Well, some loot. Oh, is that right? It's very right. Well, some some loot. Yeah, some loot. Well, not like his loot. Not like that bar. Right. Right. Right. But basically, I want to give him. Yes. So I just realized I was going to give him Vardic inspiration. He's still sitting on it. He didn't. Yeah. Yeah. He's still got self.

Never mind. Sorry. That's all good. We were thinking about taking a trip up and do a, you know how sometimes when Christmas is around, you just drive around neighborhoods and look at the lights. It's a glorious time. I like to take out a hot chocolate. Oh yeah. Yeah. I wish they had a hot chocolate here with some milk in it, but then it's on some wall full of pubes. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, we were thinking about taking a walk through your neighborhoods and looking for magic rapiers. Would you be interested in joining us? Perhaps? Persuasion check. Clarence Thomas is the bartender.

And will you be using your bardic inspiration? That's a 16. Yeah, I'll use it. Okay, roller d8, please. It's 18 I could be persuaded what's in it for me. I don't know Glass bourbon with some pubes in it or wine. I'm sure you like wine I do I also like the vintage from Zallerich's Vineyards. Zallerich's Vineyards, huh?

Yeah, the vineyard owned by a certain drow up on the hill wouldn't be talking about him, would you? Why, why wouldn't I be talking about him? Meow, meow, meow. She flips a coin that lands on the bar and hops off her stool and says, I'll see you there in about an hour. Same time as my quality eyeglasses. I'm more of a Warby Parker gal myself.

All of our peoples are all of our peoples. So why should it be? You and I should get along so well. Anyway, so we'll see you outside the drow house in about an hour? More of a cure fan myself. Really? See you there. Yeah, I'll see you in the forest.

What sound did foxes make? And she walks out the front door. I'm going to look at the bartender and go, what does the fox say? Really? The bartender say, I think I'm in love and I'm going to look at the bartender and go, what does the Fox say? Really? The bartender say, I think I'm in love and I'm going to throw it back. Oh, yeah. Jesus. But you ordered it. Yeah, I was. It's a big mistake now.

So, you know, no, she's going to be there in about an hour. You head back to your friends and let them know. Yeah, guys are fucked up. she's going to be there in about an hour. Do you head back to your friends and let them know? Yeah. Guys are fucked up. Yeah.

Yeah, you would impart that you just, to tell them what's happening, Blaine. Well, I went down and talked to the Fox lady and tried to lay a char person on her, but the spell failed, meow. So I ended up inviting her along with our job meow so she's in the she's in the case the caper meow how much did you tell her now everything you all your social security numbers meow meow all your mother's maiden names does she know

when we're going to rob she guessed it She's gonna meet us there in an hour. Meow. Oh. What have you promised her? Ah, she just can tag along with us. Meow meow meow. Little Peeper starts pacing back and forth nervously. His hands behind his tiny back, his trunk nervously dabbing the sweat off of his forehead with a kerchief. What? What? I'm supposed to split the pot now? I don't even know who this woman is. Elephant friend. Could I perhaps add something? My name is Thelonious

Pepperstep. Thelonious. Or Ted, you prefer Ted. I prefer little peepers. Little peepers. This Fox seemed to know everything. When we walked in the door. She's clearly here in this town She's clearly here in this town to At least on appearance be a self sword Do you think she is going to help us or do you think she is racing us to the needle? I believe that You can also run inside check if you would like help with this answer.

Or she, oh my God, the vampire side or whatever. Yeah. I rolled a 16. She definitely was giving Siam the impression that he should hurry up, that he might want to get there early. She was kind of like giving out like a taunting, like I'm getting ahead of you here. You should be on time. So yeah.

Why don't we for the time being employ her. If she's against us, why not put her next to us so we can see what she's doing. But what if she wants the sword, we needed the sword oil. We got to look for something else. Is she keeping the sword? Are we getting her money? What's happening? What's the plan? Well, let's find the sword and then if she does anything, you know, higgledy-piggledy, let's the nine thieves that are in this party. Yeah, she tries. She tried to jump over on a lazy dogs.

We're gonna be there. We're stopped to it. Very loud. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah very well, right? Yeah, I Will I would like to make a suggestion though. Yes. Oh, of course. I would just like oh We should come up with something to do in case she two times us is there a signal one of us should give if she is guys she two times us is there a signal one of us should give if she is guys classic DND let's come up with a group safe word Okay

Shahara Zahd Okay, Shahara Zahd let's see if anyone writes it down or remembers odd. Let's see if anyone writes it down or remembers. What does that mean? If we hear that word, if any one of us says that word, that means kill them, right? It has to be kind of like an emergency contingency. It can't be just like Scheherazade. Everyone do an investigation. So Scheherazade is the, is the, the cue to kill the fox. Or whoever. I mean, we're creating it because of the fox, but doesn't, I mean, creating sort

of a, maybe it doesn't have to be a kill I'm just saying in this situation she's gonna well she's gonna fuck us yeah I do think she's going to want as they say in the thieves guild, a 51% deal. Whatever she takes, it will be an unpleasant share. So Shahara Zahd means like emergency rather than attack. Yeah, I think so. think it means yes grab her Shahrazad means she is no longer in our group Take action

Okay, depending where I am I might slit her throat I might pick her pocket I might simply slide into the shadows. But if I hear Shazerazade, Shahrazad, Shazurazade, how many Z? Shahrazade, Shahrazade. That is my cue to no longer trust her and I will be as subtle in my reaction as I can. Hey, hey, little peepers, can I ask you something?

Meow. While we're talking about shares here, what's your share of this take? Yeah. I'm planning on not worrying about my share until we are in the caves beneath Del Smith. Right now I am shopping for cave spelunking murder tools. There are supposed to be riches down there that are centuries, perhaps eons old. That'll turn you to stone.

Well, that's a gatekeeper in this one dickhead's house. So hopefully if we're not even dealing with the gargoyle thing in the basement of the mausoleum we can just break in a window or whatever. But let's go case that manner, eh? Let's do it. Sounds good. All right. And again, are you guys all now that you're not worried

so much about the Fox person watching you go out the front door, are you going to sneak out the window or go out the front door? I'm going to hire up, are we second floor? Yeah, I'm going to climb out the window. OK, you all just see Joffrey just open the window and go. Well, I guess we're going to. And I was going to walk out right out the front. Okay. You all just see Joffrey just open the window and go. Well, I guess we're going to. I was going to walk out right out the front of a hotel robe with an ice bucket. All of you pretty definitely pull it off, including little peepers who

does a little spin. Nicely, nicely. We're going to get there a little bit early, right? I even have a thing. I think we should. For a second, for you. Why would you show up? You could show off.

Now I have a second story. We're saying, oh, do you really can climb? Yeah. Oh, you can climb up. That could be handy for breaking in the mansion. All right. You start darting between the alleys on your way. I love alleys. Yeah.

Top cat. I'm going to stop at a garbage can. I'm going to pull out a fish, load it into my mouth, blush, kill. Yeah. You're about two blocks right from the mansion and you get to a corner near it. You see there are two little beings, some sort of automatons, short little automatons, kind of like standing there like statues,

kind of like vibrating slightly. They look like they're clockwork automatons of some kind. Oh, fuck. Should we throw a blanket over them? That's what you do with those electric dogs. Let's start again. There's like sort of a tall bush that covers the yard from view. You can't really see very far, but you notice there's an iron gate, a simple iron gate. It's a manor, not a castle, and a little cobblestone walkway up to this huge Gothic building that's

got high windows. Like there's one big window, it looks like, to the side, but much of the first floor does not have any windows. You see there's, you know, second story windows that are these giant arch things. It looks like maybe there's some like parts of the window that are on a hinge that can open, but it's not like a

regular house. I think we lost Chris. What happened? Should we? So yeah, you see two little beings that look like they're clockwork with swords sort of standing on either side of the iron gate. There are these tall, tall shrubs covering the yard from view, this huge Gothic manner. On the first floor, there's one large window off to the left,

but it looks like much of the first floor does not have windows. The only windows that look like they might open are on the second and third floor. There is some sort of fourth floor, but it's very small and kind of in the back of the house, you just sort of see the roof peering over. So it's a little difficult to guess how high the building is just from a block away.

But you guys are about a block away, kind of peering between two shops looking up at the manor. Is there a way for us to avoid this little time of time guys? Well, first of all, let's all do an insight check. Right. See what size this up. Here it comes. Little peepers is going to roll too. Oh, that's all do an insight check. All right. Let's see what size this up. Here it comes. Little Peepers is going to roll two.

Oh, that's going to be a big roll. He got a 12. What did you say? Insight? Yes, sir. That's an 18 plus six. Holy balls. 24. I got a 15 plus eight. 23.

Really? Look. Three. Wow. Personal three. Wow. Personal role. Yes. Yeah. That's a whole campaign. Three.

My wisdom is low. Chris, did you roll your insight? Insight. I know it's tricky. If you were, if you're rolling on D&D Beyond and, uh, now we switched audio sources, it could be tricky, but. Dan, I got a 12 on my insight. Well, we got some high insight rolls from Siam and from Shalhoub.

These are two auto gnomes. These are sort of constructs made to look sort of like gnomes, probably purchased by this guy to watch the gates because he doesn't want to pay someone's salary to watch his manor You do see some lights on inside the manor Manners got these really hideous Like black painted siding it's just the darkest mansion you've ever seen but you really like through all the fog The only reason you can kind of like see any of the upper floors is because

there are lights on inside. The fog kind of rolls over the top of the shrub. Then only for moments, can you catch glimpses of the top of the shrubs? We're sort of walking past, like we're just sort of like on our way up the street, right? Well, right now you're peering around a corner, three stooges style. You could do that if you like, but you're, I would say you would know you've got me half an hour before Fen shows up. Supposedly.

I'm going to look around and see if I, if I see Fen any place. All right. That'll be an investigation check for Simon. How are you looking around, Simon? Uh, I've got my, uh, my whisk How are you looking around, Simon? I've got my my whiskers are out and my my ears are kind of like doing a love boat. Right. Are you going to case a whole alley, the whole block or you're in the stick fog? How are you going to kind of look around? I'm going to I'm going to kind of like I'm going to walk away from these guys, uh, as far as I can while

keeping them in sight and see if I can detect any movement or motion or anything like that investigation. 19 plus nine 28. So you walk around up and down the alley, but your whiskers sort of gracefully graze the sides of all these shops as they're shut down for the evening. So far, you detect nothing. You think that if she's already here, she's staying still somewhere out of sight. I smell any Fox and I'll smell any wine. No, you don't. And I will just say like, is there anything other

than just sort of walking around? Are you are you checking any thing? Are you lifting things up? Are you climbing up buildings? Anything? No, I'm, I'm just trying to look casual in case there's anything else on the grounds of this mansion that might be watching us. So I don't want to look too suspicious. Got it. Well, you've rolled that high. I will, I will say you do kind of notice sort of looming over the from behind the mansion.

Um, as you kind of walk up the side a little bit, there is this huge stone Minotaur barbarian statue, like kind of like standing over a gate to a cemetery behind the manor. I don't like the looks of that manor. It's probably Corundus. Yeah. Yeah. Poor guy. You come back and tell everyone.

Yeah. I think I found that guy's brother. But he's stone. Yeah, he's totally stone. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you? Well, I will say, our friend does not seem to know about the mausoleum if you wanted we could go check that out. But I think the only way we're going to get a good idea of what windows we could break

into as if we scale the shrubs. Who's going to do that? I say we go in through this. I can fly somebody over if they want. Flying. Who's a good spy? He's a good spy? Is a good look out. How about a little elephant guy? Oh, yeah.

You would have to persuade me to be your floaty elephant. I am no dumb hallucination. Thank you. Hey, it's cool. Do you want to convince little peep people to float up and check it out? I mean, can I is that something I could help with? Perhaps I could like sort of say keepers through the magic of music. I might not only be able to help you.

I might not only be able to help you in your most dire moments, like peeking through, perhaps my music could make you already a master thief. Perhaps, you know, what if you got a what if you got to roll above 30? Wouldn't you love to do that? Oh, I sure would. Here's what I can do. If you can benefit me enough that I could have even more dexterity to these digits, I could try to open a window and take a peep. So I will go ahead and actually I'll put my lute sort of over it. I'll twist my strap or move my strap so it's on my back and instead I'll pull up my pan

flute and I will begin to, I'll press my lips against, I assume it's bamboo, I don't know, and kind of be like, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, know, and kind of be like, whoo, and it's clearly the song that Lil Peepers and I want to give him a bardic inspiration giving him well, well, well, I feel ready. Someone make me lighter than air and I shall do it. I need no convincing. I feel inspired. Luke, I can't him.

He begins to float. How long will the fly last on him? That doesn't say 10 minutes. All right. Well, she very performatively spins around and looks at you, Shalobin says, why thank you. And off I go. And he just like flies straight up. What do you guys do while you wait for little peepers or fun to show up? Scope out the place. Yeah, it's my again, I think I've given you about as much as I can without you scaling a

shrub or getting close to the autonomes are going in the graveyard. Yeah, we should check out the graveyard. Muslim. What do you guys think? Yeah, the graveyard. You know what I'm gonna do? While they're heading up, I'm gonna keep an eye on this, guys. I'm gonna use, my cat skills to sort of. Cat skills. Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, take my owner, please. I'm going to walk. Uh, I'm going to get out of the, the line of sight of those automaton guys. Uh huh. And I'm going to kind of like a crawl up the bush. And I have to hear how the bush crawling goes when next we meet for nerd poker. Oh, naughty. As I put my monsters to fight back in their bubble wrap.

Sam. Episode four, there's a talking fox. We're talking to Fender Strat, who I love. We're talking to Mr. Peepers too, a talking elephant. I love this game. And at that point I stopped Peepers too. We're talking Elephant. I love this game. And at that point I stopped taking notes because I was so concerned with my phone. His phone died, folks.

His phone died. I head to dantelter.com if you'd like to hire me as a dungeon master. I still, as of December, early December, have some spots open. I believe this is going up the week after we record it. So yes, let me know. ASAPAP if you want to reserve a spot. I'm also on start playing. You can look for me there and yeah, I'll be announcing other projects soon on my social media. So follow me there.

It's the holidays. So get merch. Nerd poker mergers, Poker pod slash merch. Yeah, I think you just nailed it. Nerdpokerpod.com slash merch. Yes. Slash merch. And then Brian Pessane.com for Pessane merch. Get a picture of me with Mavis.

My dog I lost last Christmas. No. I had a love for her. She was the sweetheart., friend of the show. Dog of the show. Most frequent guest. Yeah. But tour dates.

First show is the second of January. I'm in Burlington, Vermont, at the comedy club there and all through that weekend. And then I've got Denver coming up and, uh, uh, when actually Washington with baby legs and I've got a bunch of shit coming up in the new year. Um, and then, uh, comic books, pick them up. Grommets and Reuters blame. Oh, well, so I'm not going to blame.

Can I say one thing? Yes, please. But only one. I believe this is coming out right before the 25th. Is that correct? I think it's coming out of the 23rd. This is coming out next Monday night. Yeah, this is next Monday night. Yeah. Oh, OK. So this is. Oh, no, no. The third one was. This will be the sixth. This is six Monday night. Yeah. Oh, OK. So this is. Oh, no, no. The third one was.

This will be the sixth. This is six December 16th. Yes. Then never mind. Fuck everybody. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do uh thanks cursed by chris oh blame we attribute the success saved mankind for joining us on this episode you got walls and a roof well oh uh on the next nerd poker a key dealer says he can get sam into a 2024 EV6 with 0% APR and no money down to its signing. Can the Nerdpoker Gang stop him in time? All this and Brian buys a new 2024 Kia EV6 on episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerd poker and you get bonus episodes from there

and you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 and S California at 91416. Thanks for listening. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa