Nerd Poker - The Fog Campaign - Episode 40

Episode Date: October 7, 2025

We're back in person! The gang has just blown up a bunch of cultists and then nuked the worms in their bodies, now it's time to comb through the evil library in their sanctum and find some treats!  For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Hey, it's Brian Posein. Nerd Poker. We're calling it... The Sod campaign. My friends are here. Chris Blaine. Ken, engineer Sam, and of course our kick-ass DM,

Dan Telford. Welcome to Nerd Poker Hey everybody It's Brian presenting you're listening to Nerd Poker Episode 40 Of the regular campaign The Fog campaign that is My friends are all here

Look at them You can't see them But I can't Ken's here All right Chris is here Hello Blaine

I And Dan's here Hey baby in the show from the far end of my table instead of the cool part of town. And Sam, everybody. Hello, sweet children. Hey, man.

Hi. Thanks for, who's watching ramen? No one, he's free. Oh, are you leaving in the yard? No, he's just in the apartment. Watch the cinemas. Are you still in the neighborhood where there's chickens? Yes, I am, yeah.

So, you just leave him out in the courtyard and let him chase the chickens? Man, that's a little life. He babysits the chickens. Oh, you want to thank some people for the chickens. Yeah. Oh, I mean, our Lord Jesus Christ has brought us so much, everyone. Chickens, sunlight, that horrible dinner I had two nights.

What am I doing? I'm trying to just be riffing and it's not. I can't stop thinking about the Ken gave me for my birthday 10 minutes ago, a statue of salacious crumb. It's the best 3D print ever. It's pretty cool. I'm going to paint it. Get 3D printers, guys.

They're cool. Why get one when you and the library have? I got a 2D printer, but it only makes Kemp Fields. I saw that coming and I still enjoyed it. Oh, man. When you said 2D printer, I knew where that joke was going, but that I still loved watching it unfold. That's the media of blame.

I'm here to help. Yeah, why is my printer only print something from the 80s that's dirty? I was trying to think, but, yeah, I can't do it. Don't worry. Adderall, it's going to happen right after this. Folks, we're very grateful that you can listen to us and support us. Everyone who listens, you're precious to us and live in our aorta, you know, a little hobbit-like home.

But those of you who can support us at our top two tiers on Patreon, keep the lights on, and you have usernames like Rally, North Carolina, zebra-cobras, hide-and-seek champion since 2022. Wow. You should have named yourselves that. Please send us photos of the jerseys. Thank you. Don't forget Larry.

Your mattress is free. That's a parallel timeline. Speaking of cast members, too, like Steve A.G. And peacemaker, everybody. Steve A.G. Oh, yeah. I'm losing my mind. Nice work.

It is so fucking. him in the Tim Meadows scene where he spits in Tim Meadows's face and it's like a fistful of flam just this massive. That fucking Tim Meadows committing to having bird blindness having fucking cackling. Holy shit.

He can't call the eagle and eagle. It's so dumb. It's one of the funniest things on television. I've never seen Deadpan. But he's like, he doubles down every line. It's so fucking funny. I've never seen him do angry Dead Pam.

my dad. It's so good. And yeah, Steve A.G yells at the Eagle several times. Eagle is one of the best characters on television. Easily the best 3D animal, the same crew, of course, that made Crypto in the Superman movie, and it's just flawless. So good.

I heard they're roommates. I would explain a lot, wouldn't it? Crypto was one of my favorite moments in the cinema of it last year. Oh, man. I fucking loved it. What a delight. And everything about him constantly attacking Superman, just biting him a dog around. He's had a real day.

He's owned a dog before. Absolutely. Well, it was accurate. Yeah. Anyway, don't forget Larry, everybody. Also, thank you, Lucky's Pool Hall. Thank you, Dr. Uids, lean, mean, green beans. Dr. Uid voice, get your beans!

Thank you, Callum Kennedy. Thank you, Pishposh, bagash. Thank you, Lord, four. my two nut sacks both numbers thank you smack dab in the middle thank you at chad that doesn't suck oh chads what a reddit phenomena thank you the real dad it's no karen no he sure isn't uh thank you smack dab in the middle thank you the real reason drew carey is so mad at blaine celebrity family feud my ass don't it not remind me

thank you just an anonymous mouse thank you Shakira when the walls fell and finally thank you war anus Blaine who are those supporters brought to us war anus gets me every time who are they brought to us by playing supporters brought to us by

Clamato Zone everything you need to soup up your muscle car Clamato zone you say Clamato zone I say Clamato zone and things forgotten the gift store for people who suck

Dan thanks Blaine I'm still unraveling climato zone over here but also it's called a bloody seizure oh I can use one of those right now if you know what I mean

can I make a climato erotic asphyxiation joke or is that too much will you please finish making that joke it's already over oh I am back dab thanks for listening everybody we'll see you next time i don't get it but thank you been

fun i don't know why i love you can't believe this is our last ever episode i know had to go out like this let's uh let's get some um dungeons and dragoning going would you like me first to talk about what happened last time on nerd poker please the ding-dong danglars which is definitely Definitely everybody's name. Well, we can do that in a second. Chris, Chris has something you'd like to say. I don't like this voice. I guess I got to commit to the bit that.

No, it's like I just didn't feel like doing the vocal cords thing. I feel like there's something about being in Brian's house where I lose all my voice training and forget how to like not ride my polyp or whatever. Yeah, so you guys. cleared out city hall for Philip the Plank, one of the rotating heads of the Thieves Guild in Delsmith. Philip the Plank is the only rotating leader of the Thieves Guild who has identified themselves by name. Otherwise, it is an anonymous position where powerful thieves can come in and negotiate deals for fencing and such. And one of them decided they would lean on you a little bit based on your reputation.

And because they are the Kuatowa, that is a high-ranking thief, and there are not all, other Kuatohas who are high-ranking thieves, he thought, you know, we'd like to take control of Delsmith. Could you help us clear out the statue underneath City Hall that bans Kuatohas with a curse from entering City Hall? You guys defeated what were clearly some disciples of Caius, the cosmic horror god, who is involved in everything that's going on here, and also destroyed the statue with the curse. it is now as was promised timed to loot the basement yeah let's loot

so you guys are kind of like between several rooms right now there is the room with like crates and barrels which you have kind of combed over

but like the big room there excuse me I'm going to hiccups maybe that was just the Lord entering you oh boy you don't want to

I want to hear what the Lord is. Does that mean? Yeah, Brian? We can be royals. No, I'd love a refresher on what the room looks like and what we're dealing with. Oh, yeah. Are there boxes, are there, you know, drawers and everything. I'm absolutely heading in that direction.

Cool, cool, cool. Yeah, the room that you had most of the combat in was this, like, ritual room with a statue and an altar. There's blood and guts. and worm matter everywhere, just like splattered detritus. And some of that is in this sort of library, but like when you broke through the wall, you smashed through the rock wall in the cellar, you found what looked like a cell. You kind of like broke into a little prison cell, which was in kind of an occult library. And there was like a desk there.

It seems really kind of gnome skeletons. Yes, two gnome skeletons. It is worth noting. yeah just as we as we go through and check for booty and so you don't know exactly what that means except gnomes have been influential in town and there are a fair amount of them you've encountered several looks like two of them were left here to die after you know having something to do with perhaps creating this curse maybe they were the good nooms who didn't want to have this go down um let's okay well let's search the ritual room right can i give everybody guidance and

especially our thieves looking for you want to start with the ritual room or the sort of library office area I guess we can do both did we destroy the statute we just destroyed the statute yes that is taken care of this is like I assume

where the dead mutton gnomes this is like picking up moments later I think we had just said let's let's loot right okay baby perfect yeah but we can search you know like

I can I'm happy to go search those skeletons if people want search different areas, however people want to do it, I'm down. Yeah, search the road. They were in the cell that we sort of found. Yeah, so why don't you guys, I'll roll

an investigation check for, we'll start with the ritual room as Chris said the room where it's all right, yeah. Cool. I mean, you can add guidance to this. So, oh boy, that was terrible. 14 plus 11, 25.

Oh, my God. The detectives searching is quite an experience. 25, 25. seven we roll out i have a three shalab it's guidance to it in folks shalad i'm just i'm recovering my picks but i dropped during investigation right mm-hmm wow i lost items i know you everybody see shalab's pants fall down and a bunch of things fall out of his pockets not again 19 plus three oh geez good job themes yeah yeah Uh, little peepers are all the one.

Uh, there's a bonus to that that I haven't looked up yet, but a botches, a botches, a botch is a botch. Yeah, so much. So much potential little peepers. I hope I can take his little. By the way, I got a new little peepers. His cape had broken off of Nikiel, who, uh, talks to Hero Forge for us. Hero Forge sent me a replacement little peepers. Oh, that's so sweet.

Very nice. Um, thank you, Hero Forge. Nikiel's been, uh, talking them and getting me like some fun NPCs. Did I ever make a Johnfrey? I don't think I did. I don't know. You got to talk to Nikiel. He'll hook you up. Hero Forge has been great. And, you know, I'll say Final Boss made by Hero Forge. Oh, cool.

I'm excited for that. And I decided I shouldn't make one. I mean, I'm not going to take your, I'm not going to like with my fist, like smash, drop rate. But you might as well. Based off his, if you make him dead. They do the cool thing, though, where they'll give us the 3D printed ones with the color already in it. And I forget if I give you guys. you guys did a hot tip but like if you have gloss and you put a little bit of gloss on them it brings all the colors out it makes maybe one of you even told me our listener told me like it can thing it does yeah yeah put it a gloss on the thing and did you guys not order them for yourselves

i feel like you did yeah i don't know i didn't know it i thought i did we not this not this round but i don't know if i did this round it's not too late i bet you can just talk to nekeel and we'll look that up but i still have it it's not too late send me your links and i'll I'll do, I'll handle it. Send me your links. Also, I talk, cousin and Keel and I were talking. To forge you.

I got a special surprise for Brian from Hero Forge, and I hope you enjoy it. Oh. Is this a tushy surprise? We 3D printed a butt. Nice. It's a tushy. I have a tushy.

We all have tushies. Do we all have tushies? Yeah. I'm sitting on my tushy. Yeah. I'm a tushy, tushy. No, make them my size. You have a Tushy.

You know, we're sponsored by Tushu, Dan. You also have a pubic and you're a real schmendrick. Thanks, Shmoopy. Greatest episode ever. Oh, my God, it's Melvin. Okay, well, Brian, you're digging around. Joffrey is digging around and you find a book, ink, and, like, pen, There's parchment, a small knife, and a little bag of sand kind of behind the altar.

You're like, okay, some of this could be valuable. You can put it in your inventory right now as a scholars pack. Put it your inventory. But if you spend some time looking at stuff, there's stuff like the small knife and the sand that might be of significance, you're just not sure right now. When you say a book, is it like a bound blank pages or is there actually stuff like there's stuff in it it is uh currently locked shut with a little padlock interesting your diary yeah should i try to open it or just put it in a stack of stuff uh blaine what he found

with his slightly higher number first and then yeah absolutely let's get right to it uh blaine you actually find a little stone notch underneath the front lip of the altar and when you push the notch the front of the bottom of the altar slides back and the front bottom. The front bottom's a ban. And you find a sword that is sort of mounted on two hooks. Sort of, you know, sort of, I just mean there are two small hooks and the sort of leaning against them laid out horizontally. The hilt has a blood run on it.

Okay. Front bottom. And be on the bottom. Grab me out on my mind. Could you please roll a... Talk about mudflamps. My... A six-sided die

to determine some special things about it. Is it like the type of bloodstone or something? Is that what you're determining? No, it's just the type of weapon. Five. Five? All right.

This is a short sword. Oh, good. If you want to look at... You have to attune to it, but it is a bloodshed blade. Ooh. And if you look, there's something called

a bloodshed short sword oh that's great because I have a short sword so now I have two and if you look at the table they make it could be a great sword long sword rapier or scimitar short sword and you rolled short swords wow that's great

yeah cool cool I love short swords yeah Brian you're interested in popping that book open We wear short swords If you dare wear short swords If you dare wear shorts Shores.

Nair for short shorts. We're so fucking old. You know what? You know what? It really brings out my itsy, bitty, teeny, witty, yellow polka dot bikini in my, uh... What an upsetting song that was. Why is it so small? Also, my tan shoes with pink shoe laces.

Oh, sure. My codot d'essing. Man, oh, man, I was wearing. My grandpa had that cassette and even play it every time I got in his picket. up, ew. It's on Kate's L's dumb ditties. I loved all that. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, good.

And like Elvira and shit like that. Oh my God. Now I realize how cool he is. Yeah. What were you? Talk about if you want to pop open that book with a padlock on it. Let's pop it open. Okay.

How would you let you do that, Brian? Using my slide of hand. Can I give them guidance? Yes, you can. Strum. Go for that slight of hand check, Brian. uh just say eight plus you're pretty big bonus yeah it's pretty big and thick i'll say gross and flat damn i'm gonna throw up in your mouth venus my mouth's closed how can you do it 20

it so it's a plus 13 no plus 12 oh and you have guidance on that as well if you want which is D4. Okay, cool. Yeah, buddy. I don't know if I have a four. I'll loan you it for. From my bucket of junk. Isn't that fun to have real dice?

21. Yeah. First time playing in person in a couple months. It's been great. I got pickle dice for me. Oh, you said, is that 21, Brian? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, could click. Pickle dice. Pridlock opens. Oh, cool. They made out of Rick and Morty thing? I don't know. It's sort of like a translucent classic. They on pickles now, right?

When I was Dallytale, he gave me dice and had squirrels inside. That's awesome. Ken's got the hook up. Very cool. So what? So, yeah, it pops open. Oh, cool. What do I see?

So you open the small book. It has this blue leather cover. The padlock is, you know, pretty. intricate and small and it was tricky to open. Call me. There's sort of like this glitter that kind of like fans out

when you open it. There is strange writing on the other languages that you speak Brian. Oh. Looking for Polish. Do you speak Polish? Oh, Celestial Common, Elvish, Half-Langue, and Thieves Can't. Dang.

All right. Unfortunately, this recipe for Punchkees is unreadable to you. Okay. Do you want to pass it around or... Yeah. What language are we looking for? I can't tell you unless you have it. So tell me which languages you have.

Polish? No. Common, elvish, thieves can't under common. Okay. So, no. Taste it up. Boys. Common draconic giant under common,

Thieves can. Tifling and common No, none of you guys can make it out They're not infernal unless Tiefling Oh, Infernal? Yeah, a good news. It is an infernal. There you go.

I wish I would have said it right to first. That's why you're all red and have horns. Right. Let me see you're on a table. I thought he was just embarrassed to be in a ska band. Welcome back. Billy, it's been a long time. Pick it up.

Whoa, pick it up, pick up. pick it up. He would like Scott. A lot of it's coming up on my algorithm. You're fired. Sam, can you, uh, no, no.

No, no. There's a some, a court. Ordering the tapes. Sam, you're trapped in the room. I'll have a look. So, uh, you start, you know, bringing your finger down, reading all of these

down the page. It is a series of names. Hundreds and hundreds of names. None of them are familiar. They seem to be kind of eclectic, maybe humans, maybe elves, maybe gnomes. But none of them are familiar immediately. You want to roll a history check? I sure do.

I sure do, Dan. And put the rest on gift you to give it to give it. That's a... Got water there, bud. Six plus three. I'm going to drink it. Big nine. Oh, nine.

Do you still have that guidance from? And guidance. Oh, 13. Oh, well then. Maximal guidance. Thank you, Chris. Pickle? No, none of the names are smaller.

Is that it? Just lists of names? How many? Brian, roll a constitution saving throw. Oh, why? Oh. I don't like that at all. Seems some rude.

Root's a good word for it Brian you love manners right So rudeness is upsetting Mm-hmm Mm-hmm Can hear in his voice Yeah Low

Six Wow there's glitter all over your clothes Plus Like you're having a really hard time Getting their glitter off your Close brain That was a constitution Uh huh

You're infected with glitter I'm sorry Why because it was on the pages of the book and when you opened there went oh okay the book seriously had like a glitter spray

glitter brown I mean not like a glitter spray it wasn't like an adorable moment where you heard like the voice of a laughing child but like it was the Amazon package I would let everybody roll an insight check

because you would all have seen it and you maybe if someone's calling it out you're all thinking about it natural 20 all right well that's good I've played so many kids parties we all know it 19

21 and when you all got a lot of the insight what's your bonus Chris plus six Jesus Lord and you have it's an inside checks I don't really give you

guidance because they're pretty instantaneous reaction yeah Brian did you roll I thought I had for which one inside oh okay you rolled a constitution saving throw for a glitter joke we're trying to understand We're trying to actually figure out what it is.

It wasn't just a joke. No, no. The Constitution Savingsor was, but the glitter could potentially have significance. Glitter is no joke, you guys. Twitten, it was your only one who noticed it, and you got the high roll. 26 is also quite high. Some sort of spell was cast on the book. This looks like the kind of gem dust people use as a spell component.

Huh. So it's a giveaway to... And actually, maybe say like a hot. The next time... It was diamond dust. They saw you. They would know that's the person who they were reading my book or something like that. Or cast a spell where diamond dust is a component.

Would you like to roll an arcana check? Oh, my gosh. 18 plus 422. Okay. I'm going to get the name of the spell right, because I didn't think I was going to tell you. It looks like it was a powerful spell. You think it was not cast directly on the book,

but you think it was necromancy that was cast while using the book. High-level spells that would have that much diamond dust include things like resurrection, revivifies, sequester,

clone. Could have something to do with turning people into these little soul worms? True resurrection. All that shit. Maybe turning the worms back in the people. Yeah, well, I mean, guess what? Terrible.

Right, no matter what. All right, well, now we know that. And Blaine has a, what is a bloodshed blade do? Did you? If you attuned to it, I'll tell you. Of course, you can always just look it up, like our listeners. Yeah, I looked it up, but I'll attuned to it later. If you looked it up, why don't you tell people what it says?

Bloodshed shirt sword. It has a Cornelian engraved in the Blood run. I add my constitution modifier to damage rolls. When you target a creature with an attack, you can evoke the sword's ruin, causing it to flare with crimson light and infusing your attack with bloodthirsty precision. You then spend and roll one of your unspent hit dice

and add the number of roll to the attack roll. You can choose to do this after you roll. If it hits, you can also spend a hit dice and add that total to the weapons damage. Can't be used again until the next dawn. You can use your strength of dexterity model, a modifier for attack of damage with finesse. Very much a rogue weapon.

Yeah, it's crazy. And it costs hit dice. That's interesting. It's the blood magic, yeah. Okay. Huh. Huh. Yeah, there's other stuff I haven't really read and understood yet. Yeah. Is it Bluetooth? It's got to be at this point. Yeah. It's in Big Bee Presents Glory of the Giants book. Cool. Yeah. It feels kind of like it's a response also to the blood. hunters that critical role put out a few years ago but yeah okay cool I believe at

this point little peepers would be walking with you guys to the room slightly to the north the study there is a lot of books here but there is also a sort of office desk and that cage with the gnome skeletons in it you can all roll an investigation check but I will throw in there that you might want to target something specific. Otherwise, I'm going to get to choose from the things in the room. There's quite a lot here. Any Jackie Collins books? Oh, Elmore Leonard.

Oh. I mean, what a great dead net would be. That would be it all day. I'm going to tell you what we're targeting now. If you're right, but tell me before you roll your investigation. I wonder if we should one of the thieves maybe would consider. unlocking the gnome cage to see what that is

but maybe I'll stand ready with you in case you know it's a trap this whole place seems to be filled with blood magic and souls you came in through the gnome cage so it is open oh that I think you might have bent though oh those guys okay I see what you're saying

and the we unlocked the book that was locked yeah yeah I got just diamond dust it was a list of sorry just go okay names that probably has something to do with whatever soul shit was going on. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, then that being, that's easy. I'll check one of the skeletons. I'll take that off the list. Okay. Roll investigation check, Chris. Is it one of those 12-foot skeletons? You get it at Home Depot? I hope so. Oh, my gosh. It costs $80. You're so lucky. I wrote 10

plus 2. Is it 12? I'm giving myself guidance on my check. Why not? It is a four, so 16. It's okay. I got one and I got a Santa hat and bunny ears and I just leave that shit up all year. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Right by the- Fuck it. I don't give a fuck. Yeah, you know, I mean, after what you've been true. Yeah. There's not much left of the skeleton and it is sort of bare clothes, but you do sort of pat down the shirt that this gnome was wearing and there is something sewn into one of the sleeves. Oh, cool. Can I carefully get it out?

out. Might you roll a slight hand check. Well, I'm going to 10, 10, 10. 10. All right. That's enough.

You pull the thread that is sort of holding this patch of fabric on the inside sleeve. I think there's a nimble from all the delicate fingerwork. This does not require attunement.

You found a mystery key. Oh, the hell's that? Cool. A question mark has worked into the head of this key. The key has a 5% chance of unlocking any lock into which it's inserted. Once it does unlock something, the key

disappears. Cool. Who doesn't love that chance? All right. Yeah, that's one of my favorite little items from the Dungeon Masters guide. I wonder if that makes sense with one of you guys more, because I feel like you guys would be more lock

handlers. It is probably like a rogue kind of lock picking thing. So between Spicoli and Siam, Do you want it, Spicoli? Sure. Yeah, okay. Mystery key, I'll hand that to Spacoli and say, you know, all right. I hope it comes in handy that one time.

Brian, do you have something that you'd like to be looking over in this room with the office desk, the little library shelves? There's like a quill pen on the desk. Let's look at the library shelves. Okay, cool. Roll an investigation check, sir. 12 plus that's not that high

3 15 okay you find there's a lot of books could you roll a D6 you're going to find one of the 15 to 20 investigation checkbooks

oh Brian is there an author you'd really like to find roll for Clancy Agatha Christie Einrand No, that's a botch One Oh yeah, if you rolled a one

That's that's Einrand I'm so sorry No, they're all good You rolled high enough You find a tome of clear thought Nice So clear thought Isn't that Dianetics?

No. People think so, Blaine. But then it turns out it's just a money laundering scheme. Tome of Clear Thought, this book contains memory and logic exercises, and its words are charged with magic. If you spend, and this is, it says for any class, if you spend 48 hours over a period of six days or fewer studying the book's contents and practicing its guidelines, your intelligence increases by two.

Wow. To a maximum of 30. Like a real book. The manual then loses its magic, but regains it in a century. Wow. So who's next? It's pretty good. Who needs some?

This is like a long-term character investment thing. I mean, if you really... That might be a... The smart name. There might be a thing for maybe our friend. Yeah, do you have intelligence spells, Ken? Yeah, my intelligence is moderate. But doesn't it, does it affect any of your abilities?

Yeah. Christmas guy. Oh, well, then 100%. That should, let's bring up your intelligence. Well, so 48 hours of total study, and you basically do that during watches, during a long rest or something like that. Okay. I feel like Sarah had something like that a while ago. Like, she had to spend, she had to clock off hours getting, I don't know, getting. I think Blaine had a cursed book that did something. But you stole on purpose. Yeah, I never, I never cracked it, though. Is that the book of vile darkness? Yeah, I just carried it around to impress people at Earth Cafe. Oh.

Does anybody have a detect magic going right now? No. Don't believe so. We can throw one up. Let me look and see. I'll, uh, I got one. I mean. So that's just a permanent cast reading rainbow to take a look.

Oh. Is there one to grow on in here? I don't have detect magic. I do. I can throw it up. Yeah, I've got one. I can do it. And last, I think, 10 minutes, you might want to check.

It's probably good for us to use now, like, as we're... Yeah, find, like, the magic books that light up. Well, especially, I mean, what if we find more fucking cursed? I mean, I feel like the likelihood of more cursed shit is going to go up. And we should be careful about grabbing shit. Yeah. All right, the tech magic goes up. I got to bring my dogs in.

Every book is magic. Isn't that always true? Yeah, it really is. You're going to lose a bunch of that, right, Sam? Yeah. This is all brought to you by Lamarburton. So I'm just going to look for a Bible. Cool.

I mean, at this point, you could, of course, just like take a bunch of them, but I wanted to remind you since we took a break. There was a conversation about cursed item. that listeners will have just heard. I believe part of Detect Magic is he can tell what school of magic it is. So would that include then things that are cursed? Nope, that's Detect Curse.

Are you sure, Dan? I feel like magic. I feel strong about the magic idea. Here, let me write something, Dan. Since here, I can find curse stuff. There's no specific Detect Curse spell. I'm wrong. I see if there's a way to... Can I have to...

Can I roll for vibes? It's never happened. Don't eat this guy. Listeners have never let me know. It's not a food. I wonder how that little tiny pickle tastes. Kim, can I eat your D8? No, it's...

This is not a food. It says it right off. Detect magic does not reveal the magic item's properties or a curse. It reveals that the item is magical. Okay. so it wouldn't be able to tell it was necromancy these you could tell the book was necromancy but he couldn't tell them have a necromancy aura but it's pretty overwhelming it's there's

there's i would say a pretty wide variety there does seem like there's a lot of necromancy spell books but or are there any of these any of these books like uh given off more of a me me, me vibe than any of the other. Oh, interesting. I will let you roll an Arcana check, but it's going to be a high DC of 22. Do you already have a 22 a plus bonus to Arcana?

My Arcana is plus seven and I rolled a 12. Oh, boy, you just missed it. That's a good bonus. Yeah, not bad. Yeah, you can't quite get a sense of it. It's really hard to tell. There's so many oras. They're all pretty close to the same brightness

walking across them and scanning them they all kind of blend together a little bit how many books are there about 300 goobly choose wisely it's all hearty boys

let's see well I'll be bold if you pick out the one that maybe look at one that's definitely not necromancy I don't know pick one that looks good to you I'll pick it up. I'll give it a shot.

Okay. You're going to avoid necromancy books? Yes. Okay. All right. How about this one? Tome of pure evil. It does it, but it's not given off a necromat.

Investigation check, please. I'm eliminating the necromancy. Hi. Hello. Investigation. Can I give him guidance on this? Since this is a part of our plan? 11 plus 12, 23.

never mind um you find a book of uh i'll say a language you don't understand um but it does look like it is some sort of glossary you can tell it to ken he'll eat it he reads everything it is infernal oh so you what is it right away what's it what am i reading It looks like it is a glossary of cosmic, nightmarry words. A lot of them have to do with the far realms or, like, beholders come from this really faraway place, a lot of abelets. All the planes there are just sort of like small little moons floating around, colliding into each other. Willie. You go insane if you go there.

Wait, what? Oh, I don't go insane. Um, yeah, there's stuff, I would take. There's, like, names of planes where Abilett's rule, where strange cursed beings live, where entire planes are made out of gems. Wow. Don't let her play rough. If she's, if she's playing rough, man.

I'll let everyone know. Can you roll on Arcana check, Ken? Sure. No, she's been good. Oh, good. She bites me, but it's like soft, soft mouth. Five. Five.

You don't know what is really going on here, except there's a lot of far realms terminology, and the cover of it says glossary. So it looks like it was handwritten by somebody to be used for a specific purpose. Can you get any sense of, because we picked this through detect magic, there's something magic about the book. Can you tell what? I will say that just based off a passive insight, all of you would realize if you were to study a book for a certain amount of time, it would give you something. Something. Got it. Yeah, girl.

If it's magic. Is this book just a glossary? Is it like a glossary of the library? Or is this just the first page? It looks like an idiosyncratic single copy glossary written about horrifying cosmic things in the far realms. Oh, wow. Okay.

Stay away. Studying it could do something, but you don't know what. Reading it out loud, maybe, or read it, maybe. record it like on an audio recorder in a cabin yeah you know what I've got a skin book while we put this down in my skin book I feel like I've seen this before it goes great I should read the first book I raise my intelligence and then see what's in the second book ooh I think that's a great idea you probably have to absorb the second book the same way as the first yes yeah

If you'd rolled higher on the Arcana check, I would have told you what this book does by studying it. But it's very strange. All right. Are any of these books on tape, Dan? No. But it doesn't seem cursed. But if one of you can roll a 20 investigation check on the desk,

you'll get a subscription card for Audible. Ooh. Ooh, I like Audible. It's what Ken gave me for your birthday. Oh, it's Salacious Crum the dog. Hi, Frankie. Frankie looks like Salacious Crumb. He really does.

The same, like, oh, my gosh, the eyes. Yeah. I just laugh. Well, I mean, this seems pretty good. Do we want to walk away with a couple more magic books? Yeah, can I pick out a couple more non-necromantic books? Who has not rolled an investigation check yet? Ken?

Yeah. Roll an investigation check. Let's give everyone a chance first, and we'll talk about if you're going to start doubling down on this library. Well, that's a double-dipping. Because you can just load up. on ship, but I'm still going to have you roll sort of a separate Willie, nice. Load them up.

Lily, play nice. Okay. Investigation. You grab a random book. Roll a D-100. Oh, dear. Now we've done it. You just get curious while everyone is picking out books and you know they're all magic. So you're kind of like, well, that's interesting.

55. Oh, you don't like that. Okay. Roll an Arcana check. Now, you're good at that, right, Ken? I mean, if I roll well, oh, Jesus. Come on, pickle. 21.

Okay. Yay. This is the demon-a-com of Igglewil. Oh, that's a big one. Do you know it? I know, but it's all my... It's in the Dungeon Master's Guide, so it's better out. Oh, maybe.

What does that pay? Who books this? The treatise. Bill Burr's doing it. Oh, God. Too soon. No, I think the timing is right on that. Yeah, unfortunately.

You can stay right on top of that one. Leave that in, Sam. Oh. Yeah, yeah. Make sure to ask him in his comments. Demon Amikon of Igles, Biths, what? Igwilv. Igwilv.

Igwilv is a big one, I believe. Demon Amicon of Igwilv, I-G-W-I-L-V. This treatise composed by Ig-W-V-Rchmage documents the abysic the abysses layers and inhabitants, and is widely regarded as the most thorough and blasphemous tone of demonology in the multiverse. That's probably not engaged. Spooky. The tone...

Read that one out loud. The tome recounts both the oldest and most current profanities of the abyss and demons. Wow. Demons have attempted to censor the text, and while sections have been ripped from the book's spine, the general chapters remain ever revealing demonic secrets. caged behind the lines of script rolls a secret piece of the abyss itself which keeps the book up to date

no matter how many pages are removed and it longs to be more than mere reference material it's a great blurb from Michael Ian Black it includes abyssalore ability a containment ability an ensnarement ability a fiendish scourging ability, as well as random properties.

Wow, Ken, good find. This seems terrible. No, no, no. This is your friend. You already have a fish skull. I mean, if I were you, I'd say, lean into this. You're the demon man. I'm leaving the book on the table.

You're the demon man. We could at least sell it. I mean, now that we know what it is. Right, if you want to carry it. Oh, you think carrying itself is cursed? I don't like it. All right? Then we'll leave it here.

I trust you. Do you leave it? Yeah. Okay. Hang on one second. Well, wait. It's a very valuable book, I'm guessing, because it is. Yeah, but look, you get the, you feel bad about it.

Let's go with it. All right. What do you think the thieves guild would give us for it? Exactly. That's what I was, they probably, they probably don't want it either, I'm guessing. Well, I mean, we know how great they are at fencing stuff for us. Exactly. With the answer is fucking not.

They don't do it at all. They're like sag. All right. One second, I'm pulling up a table that you're going to have to roll, regardless of whether you put it away. The table is leaving it away now. Put it away. Where's the part by coyotes now?

Why is this taking so long to load, sorry. Really? Hey. You. Oh, Willie. Hey, sweet girl. What's your name? Willie's half-eaten Chris.

You heard what you said, right, Brian? I said, Willie, come. No, I said, come. Oh, sounds a lot like something else. Me, things Dan heareth a too much. Relax, Dan. Don't do it when you want to get to it. She is shoving her nose into my jacket.

Relax, Dan. Hi. When you want to, you know. know you want to suck it chew it calm bum bum how's it does it smell like a kitty smell like pancake the cat she's never seen a kitty oh she's gonna love it's band her in her eyes heat one though yeah uh all right please roll a d-100 mm-hmm 76 trombones like the big three without you take cornets

for the hot over a thousand rings cranking up like weeds of every shape and kind While you are attuned to this book Other creatures cannot take short or long rests While within 300 feet of you Oh, that's bad

Yeah, fuck this book Roll another D100, please. Oh my goodness. I don't like that. No. Well, unless he wants to be a hermit. That's it. 80.

Who doesn't? Piggy. Oh, a hermit. While attuned to the artifact, you can use an action to cast one sixth level spell of my choice. After you cast it,

you'll roll a D6. And if you roll it one through five, you can't cast it again until the next day. I don't know. That's just a lot of shit. Roll another D-100, please. If it was happening every time I try to put the book down? This is a fuck of a book you grabbed.

I guess so. I couldn't put it down. I tried. It's a fucking asshole book. There's so many D&B books. It's so fun. 62. Trombos led the big parade.

On its head, curtains. While attuned to the artifact, you cannot smell. All right. Oh, good. gave you COVID um how can I let go please roll another D100 I just ate at the airport

Chipotle you don't want to be around 62 same effect so re-roll please 43 Trump right

while it's turned the artifact your weight increases by 1D4 times 10 pounds. What the fuck? It's like the cheesecake factory menu. Are you keeping it? Can I throw the book away?

Yeah. It's not cursed. Or is it? It seems to be. Throw it away. Ovo! I'm trying to get rid of the book. It is not cursed.

Okay. So you chuck it. Thank you. Bye, book. And we'll have to see what the overall looting of the library situation is on our next episode of nerding poker. Sam, what happened in front of you today?

Episode 40, there's two gnome skeletons in this room that we broke into. We found a mystery key. We're searching this office for goodies. These books are magic in this room. Is it detect magic or detect curse? Fuck this book, we're leaving it there. Hey, Dan, do you have anything you want to blunt? Sure.

For October, I'm trying to play the most. fucked up video games I can on Twitch. Some of them are just kind of spooky. Like I played Day of the Tenticle. I played though like, what is it called? Little Monsters, too. If you played Little Monsters, that game is so fucked up. So much you.

You're a little kid trying to escape this world where all the adults are these weird, cursed, horrifying monsters that are trying to murder you. And it's, it's so fun to stream. But I'm trying to Twitch more during the daytime because of it. Because it's so, it fucks me up to play these video games for hours. I played some of these for like four hours and I was just like, gnaw. The real days, the alien games scare the shit out of me.

You know what sucks? I really wanted to stream alien isolation, but because it uses the camera and the microphone, you can't really Twitch stream out. Oh, that sucks. You need like a whole separate like black magic box or something. I just use my PlayStation. They used the camera and the microphone? Oh, for you.

Yeah. And you know what? You can turn it off and it still won't let Twitch use. it so it's really annoying please for PlayStation like I don't I'm I'm I'm but a popper in the in the streaming zone but a lot of bloodborne a lot of blood I'm re-learning how to play bloodborn which is really hard and thank you to the people who watched the other day and retaught me to play bloodborn because it's one of those hard as fuck from software dark souls games and yeah Dan telford.com

you'd like to hire me as your dungeon master I've been plugging it this whole season and I have had a bunch of people reach out especially for one shots people are like for my anniversary with my kids over the holidays and it's been a lot of fun so let me know guys that's great cool cool cool thanks for those uh it keeps supporting us on uh patreon uh if you do and if you don't why don't you start um we we could use it um yeah thanks and they're well appreciated um Brian Besson.com for anything, but really just buy books for Christmas for people, like Grommets and Rifters and that sort of thing. No tour dates till January, and I had some cons, but I don't think they're happening

because of the current TV show that I'm two weeks in on. And I'm having a fucking blast. It's crazy. I can't wait until people see this show. This show is nuts. not what you think it's not your grandma's big bang theory that's what i pitched as the slogan and they told me i was fired oh no brilliant my manager got me the job back now i'm not allowed to pitch slogans anymore um uh blaine we attribute the success saved mankind for joining us

on this episode you got walls and a roof well all the next nerve poker. Fire in the old barn sends a nerd poker gang scrambling for water faster than a buttered snake. Can Sam get back from the fishing hole in time to save the truck? All this and Brian sits on them little fellas wrong. Ain't that just his way? On the next nerd poker. episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerd poker,

and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P-O-Box-16069 and Sino, California, 911416. Thanks for listening.