Nerd Poker - The Fog Campaign - Episode 42

Episode Date: October 21, 2025

Nothing like the smell of a smoldering barracks! Those pesky elves and humans were even creepier than the kua toa (probably) so we finally locked them in a building and burned them to a crips. Hooray for zero consequences! Just a good old fashioned Nerd Poker "set it all on fire" episode. For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.  

Our friends at HeroForge have come out with 3D custom dice. They use the same process as HeroForge's color printed minis. You can choose the dice number, color, the dice shape, and size, even extra large ones. Visit HeroForge.com to start designing your custom miniature and dice today. And check back often. New content is added every week. Thanks, Hero Forge. Hey, it's Brian Possein.

Nerd Poker. We're calling it... The sod campaign. My friends are here. Chris, Blaine, Ken, engineer Sam, and of course our kick-ass

DM Dan Telfer Welcome to Nerd Poker Hey everybody Brian Bride You're listening to Nerd Poker Episode 42 of the Fog campaign We did it

Look at these delightful faces That's a Blaine Blaine's up there There's Blaine Chris is here It's me Blaine Hey Chris Oh, no.

What's that? That was my Blaine impression. You nailed it. My ass is crazy. Now, Ken, everybody, might be the most outspokenly political of all of us. He just came from the No Pants Rally. So thanks, Ken. I do what I can.

Dan's here. Don't stand up. I keep my politics in the bedroom. Don't look now, but there's a 3D of salacious crumb on your shoulder. Oh, that's a terrible. Are you going to paint it? I was listening. I am going to paint them.

I'm going to use all D&D paints, too, I think. Do you know, this is, of course, a birthday gift from Ken. Ken, do you know if I need to prime it? Yeah, you should prime it. I think I might want to prime it, but it's really good plastic. believe this is in my hands this is so cool it's so fucking cool came out of a bottle and running the show as always from the cool part of town uh sun's out so guns are out check him out ladies and guys it's sam everybody hello sweet children

his tank top is referring us to madness that might have been your strongest intro it's up there yeah if we put your intros all together that's one of the best ones I've done I think not to tip my own hat but there you go now Sam next time we talk about your guns exactly who should we be marketing your guns too both genders nice don't you mean all genders

Sam yes, yes, I did. Oh, no. Fucking you nailed it. It's so hard, Dan. Oh, no. God damn it. The whole universe is going to fold in. What did you do, Sam?

Oh, no, Chris is a king. What did you do? It's supposed to be known of all. Oh, no, I didn't protest enough. Did you eat a slice of bread with butter on it? King butter. We should thank some people for this. We should.

And I got this, especially for, for this weekend because I have several fun things happening. But I got myself some liquid death that was on sale. Are any of you aware of the current special edition of Liquid Death? No. I'm not as up to date with Liquid Death as I'd like to be. I enjoy their work. Well, yeah, consider this my plea for sponsorship, but check this out.

Liquid Death, fruity pebbles. Serial criminal. That tastes exactly like fruity pebbles. It tastes like a guine. Oh, yum, yum, yum. It does. It tastes exactly like I'd game. It tastes like tanned leather.

You know, I was at a, I was, my kid was doing a class this morning, and I used the bathroom on campus, and the urinal sanitizer smelled exactly like fruity pebbles. So there's a theme. How did it taste? It's kind of like, kind of metallic. Got a weird headache. I just suck on the toilet handle. to get the taste out of my mouth. Yum, yum, yum.

King butter. All right. I want to thank some of our very special listeners because we appreciate all of you, but you know what? Those of you who are supporting us at our top tiers on Patreon are going to get a special shout-out.

And those are going to be... Yeah, I mean, feel a little fancy. You feel a little episode 42 fancy for your our little you know little supporters called

Dad Dad Dadd Daddyo Thanks to Dad Dadd Daddyo Thank you Thank Sean C who used to be much more annoying Thank you Grotch Sabat

Thank you Stabby McNeil Thank you Doom Vault Thank you Rick Miller Thank you Brian's Ravannack RIP

Thank you Sean McKinley Thank you Ken voice Physical Bits Ken can you physical bits with an exclamation point please. Physical bits!

Thank you, Ken. Thank you, John M. Emmer. Dan is right. Use the website, not the apps. Talking about Patreon, of course. On behalf of all rats everywhere, we miss you, Sarah. If you're going to support us, support us on Patreon.com in one of your browsers.

If you support us on the app, Patreon takes money out of it for some reason. Lord knows why. They're weird. Thank you. That thing with the you know that other. thing. Thank you Fortispin. Thank you voodoo beef. Thank you Jack, mine off.

I don't know what that means. Thank you. Morty Morton said. Oh, I know what that means. What, Jack Mine Off? Yeah. How would you describe Jack Mine Off? You wrap your hand around your penis and you wank it. That doesn't sound like a person. That sounds like an activity. I'm very confused.

You've got to get one of those weighted wankets. Was that the name of a Richard Breyer character, Jack Minoff. It might be. Jack Mayhoffer. Isn't that the guy who owns the Time Magazine? All right. And thank

you, Lil Peepers' crime boner loves a jingly pocket. It's not wrong. Thank you, Orkish Torso's mailbox money. Thank you Tortilla the Hun. Of course, that is someone who actually hires me to play Dungeons and Dragons

for them. Thank you, Anthony. And finally, thank you for only $71 a month. You can save a war donkey from being abandoned, Dildo District. I like how they just threw that in at the end. Blaine, who are those supporters brought to us by? Supporters brought to us by Puffs with alo, alo, alo, what's old is said? The strength of puff's facial tissue, the softness of a stereotype English policeman. Puffs with alo, ala, what's all he said?

Dan? Thanks, Blaine. It's not time to talk about. What happened last time? nerd poker. Our heroes were offered $100 million by Mr. Beast. If Brian

could just not sit on his balls wrong and we've already lost it. So this whole episode will be talking about how we're going to grieve for the $100 million we did not win. I would have my car fixed. Yeah, what would you guys have done?

Bucks and Cheerios. Travel. I get one of those urinal fresheners. It smells like fruity pebbles. It's urinal cake, right? That's what it was? Yeah. Everything's cake. No candles. I saw urinal cake open for

Toad the wet sprocket. Longer we can dead down this. Nobody react to the fact that I'm making this happen. Everybody just keep going. Just keep rushing for 45 minutes if you can. Yeah, let's talk about what happened. Last time I poker. So you guys are helping fill up the

plank, the Kuatowen plank, the Kuatowen rotating leader of the Thieves Guild in Delsmith. Delsmith, of course, is where the fog is taking place. You have come here for treasure, for heists, led by Lil Peepers, who hired all of you as assistants for the heists.

And you're coming up on the big heist deep below, guarded by this wow, I don't know what you've actually got the intel on on this mysterious person. So maybe I'll let you talk about that soon or later. But right now you are at the barracks. There has been a secret meeting of the guards of Delsmouth about how they're going to get rid of the Kuatawa, purged Delsmouth of Kuatawa. But given that you're aligned with

the very politically minded Philip the plank, you actually snuck up to the barracks while everyone was having their meeting. The Kuatowa executed very viciously two guards on the front lawn and snuck around the back to bar the other doors. You meanwhile, we're tasked with borrowing side windows and the front doors. And right now, we are all kind of gathered around the front of the building. And while I don't want to get into too much metagaming and just have this moment frozen in time be a full episode of discussion, I think it is of note that we ended the last episode uncertain of maybe what was in your inventory to bar the doors.

if you would like I can remind you of what you're talking about but as it involves your inventory I would like to let you guys lead that discussion yeah I don't even know I don't think anybody had it we're talking about the immovable rod but I mean

I don't think I had the movable rod I believe in my notes you looted it from where I had hidden it but nobody has it in their inventory I was unable to locate the episode in my free time to relisten and see if you guys can confirm that you had it

but I have somebody had it I remember that because I also got a a magic rod via rod of alertness in that same thing. Nice. So whenever that was but that doesn't really do anything Why don't we just say that Siam?

Sam is the Rodmaster. Well do any of you yeah the Rodman making Ranking Roddys so do any of you have a rod with a horse on it or a rod with a button on it

that you don't know what it does no I don't have any that I'm there's the veterans if you don't have any inventory that we're in trouble but no that I'm not aware of is what I meant of yeah so like

so I see what you're saying you're talking about inventory as a noun like the scriptor. So like you may or may not have it. I'll have to further research or maybe a listener can let us know. I thought you just said we did have it.

We don't? It's just nobody wrote it down in the other. Nobody wrote it down. But I was waiting for you guys to confirm it. You guys all seemed so shy about it. I was going to take it away. But if you guys want to have it, I'll say it. Yeah, I don't remember who grabbed it.

but somebody is totally familiar I just didn't snag it myself okay I don't mean to be a weirdo about it I'm just pretty weird so you guys have it we'll say whoever wants to claim it has it

and you also have the veterans cane I did try to clarify on the last episode that like yeah a magical item is more likely to work because it's more likely to survive a fire the veterans can I can't remember off the top I turned into a sword yeah I mean

I can't it's a magic yeah so like if you use a regular sword it's going to kind of rattle around in the door handles a little bit it's not going to be flush with the inside of the handle it won't cause friction if they try to push it but yeah the rod of the cane

will so it sounds like the veterans cane is the option A and movable rods option B and The winner is. Immovable rod. Move a rod. So you guys push the immovable rod between the door handles. It is going to magically fix in place until you or another creature uses an action to push the button again.

Now, let's get an inside check from everybody. All right, then. Chris, I think you're muted. I don't know if it's on purpose. Oh, yeah. I turn down when you need me. Okay, that's fine. I just got a 12 because I saw a bird.

Inset, you said yes. I sure did. 16. Nine. Now, why won't you answer the question, Chris? Nine. I'll just go ahead and call it the number nine. I don't know why you're being so difficult.

And Shalab, you've got a 16. You guys are kind of sure, for the most part, that this is going to do a great job. It's almost impossible to move it. You need to make a strength check of 30 to actually move the immovable rod. A creature can use an action to make a DC-30 strength check moving the fixed rod up to 10 feet on a success. So if they're on the inside, they're going to need a. strength check of 30 to smash outwards, but it's already

got leverage within the door handle like a normal thing would. So that's on top of that difficulty. So the DC of it wedging it from the inside and they would have to make a pretty impossible strength check to smash through. This is going to cause a massive amount of kickback

right? If they try to smack into the doors with their shoulders. Yeah. So you guys bar it, step back, and you can already hear the screaming noises of humans as they're starting to figure out what's going on and shout at each other.

Some fires are being lit in the back. Would you like to start additional fires in the front of the building? Don't we have to also bar the windows? Wasn't that, didn't we have two jobs? We had to do, didn't you say? I believe that you did bar the windows. We already did. Great. Never mind. Great.

Fire it up. I feel like I'm being weird today. But yes, I had in my notes that you guys were moving over to help Spicoli because you had done that already. Do we want to, are the doors wood or iron or what are they? They are wood. Yeah, maybe we don't want to burn the door. Yeah, that's what keep inside.

Okay. Well, the Kuatoha that were around back start coming up front. They have a couple of users of fire or magic that are going to, to light the roof on fire. The idea being that it will then burn downward slowly. If there is any other thing you want to add to that, I'm just, that's what I meant earlier, like if you wanted to increase it,

but by burning the roof, it's going to make it much harder for them to get out, but their death is going to be slow. And so the Kuatowa start firing fire bolts at the thatched roof and it starts lighting up. Nice. But this is a pretty simple barracks. it looks like it was

you know assembled within the last 50 years as opposed to some of the ancient buildings and it's going to light up pretty quick all right does I mean we can now that we've done this he can show us where we need we're doing this to help him

out so then he can show us how to get in right to the secret mud hole or whatever yes exactly and so he's nodding his head as you hear the screams inside become more high-pitched and desperate, it's starting to mingle with the shrieks of the wood as it splinters and cracks, and the high-pitched sounds of death start to echo through Delsmith.

You see the fire reflecting in Philip's eyes as he nods, and he turns to you and says, good work. Thank you. Yeah, we killed him. I am now effectively the mayor. and I appreciate your assistance. No election? No.

All right. Should we? Interesting. When you prefer an election? I'm just asking a question. Where's the mud hole? That's a follow-up. Well, I will give you an option.

You can either take my men here and head down to side. Toggy Town where the mud hole is, or if you like, you can help us root the artifacts out of the rubble and take them with you. Sure. Now, when you say you're going to be, there's going to be a few magical weapons that the gods possess. It can be handy. I'm currently dying in their, in their dying hands, and we would be happy to let you use them if you'd like to wait and let the humans and elves burn. Once the squealing stops.

The squealing shouldn't take much more than, like, 30 minutes. Great. 30 minutes. Once the squealing stops is my favorite ministry record. This is good. I mean, all right. I guess we can sharpen our blades for 30 minutes. You know, get ready.

Let's do it. You, of course, you're pounding on... 30 minutes. minutes, I can do it 30 times. Sharpen my blade. Oh, I see. It's a euphemism. I see. So what your blade is, is it's something else.

It's my penis. It means I'm going to come 30 times, yeah. Oh, fuck. From masturbating it to full completion. 30 times, Brian? Yeah. Wow. You must have like a refractory comma. Mm-hmm.

Jesus. Brian, your lunch break is intense. you're going to be shooting air after two i think hold your thumb over the end and clear the leaves off the driveway you're upsetting thanks for listening everybody good night you can inflate some balloons with it yeah you hear you hear some pounding

on the wooden shutters on the windows as people are trying to escape. Yeah, the dying people are trying to escape and they're all being burned alive. So you hear that and after a while the building begins to smolder and the Kuwaitoa nod to each other.

Were these bad people? Well, they were racists. Yeah, we're anti them. You made sure to kill them before they could commit any crimes. Okay. we use the the

precogs and our precept we got a red we got a red ball we got to take this guy up okay does everyone remember

as minority report is a tale about our promising future it's more of it's just the commercial for capitalism

I didn't see majority report oh that's the movie I'm thinking so yeah the Quito a nod to each other and start walking closer to the building

and poking it with hobberds and spears. It looks like it might be all dead inside. We can have our... Like me. Oh, yes. We can have our sorcerers begin dropping water on the building. You can begin sifting through the ashes, if you like, with us. Let's rob their smoldering bodies.

Yeah, let's throw up a detect magic, I think. I think it's a good idea to rob their bodies. before they get away. But do be warned. We do live in a rather unfortunate situation where some of the people in town were merely hosts for worm-like beings. And so you may encounter some undead pleasantness,

undead unpleasantness, I should say. You don't think the fire would take them out? It's possible, but you never know what kinds of curses are placed on these people. So I'm just letting you know you should be cautious. I'll throw up a detect magic. Yeah, and I'll place the curse. of emulation on them.

What the fuck? Whoa. I know. Curse of emulation is some mean shit. So if you happen to be on all roll 20, I'm going to reveal the building. I am. I'm on Earl 20.

It's just going to be a moment. And right now it should look like it's a completely black square. But I'm trying to get the fog of word to polygon reveal. Brian, do you tell your co-stars that you masturbate 30 times every day at the break?

They all know that. Oh, did I say that? You're muted, friend. We'll never know. No, I just text it. For each one? Yeah, I text everybody. Hey, guys.

What are you doing for the break? I'm at 18. Jesus. We all have fun. I'm killing babies. If I could masturbate 30 times And a half an hour I'd never leave the house

Hey Folks In the bottom middle you'll see your token In 23 and a half hours to leave the house 23 and you You're able to easily take the door in And your removable rod remains fixed in the air You can retrieve it but might

right now, no, no, no. Grab your immovable rod. I say grab it. Yeah. All right. Can I get a dexterity saving throw, shall have? Oh, I'm grabbing it. Okay.

Mm-hmm. I thought you said you were? I said, I say grab it, but yeah, I'll grab it. There you got. Dexterity saving throw. That is a eight. Okay, so you managed to push the button, but it is white hot. So you will take four points.

fire damage as the rod clanks to the ground. I should have thought of that. My rod is wide hot. You're riding dooddy, doodle squad. You can, of course, put it away, but you will want to wrap it in a cape or something like that. Yeah, I think I got to cool that down a little bit. I have a ray of frost as a can trip.

If you want to just, like, laid on the ground for a second, I can give it a little chilling with his ass and hopefully bring it back to normal. I always wanted to screw people over with Ray of Frost since I played Baldur's Gate 3. Do you guys know what I'm talking about? Anyone play that? Yeah. So if you cast Ray of Frost, it leaves this big puddle of ice on the ground, and then after a moment it melts. And then if anyone uses a lightning spell, it electrocutes everybody nearby.

I've killed several helpful NPCs on accident because I cast Ray of Frost, and then some sort of electricity happens. One time I was just electrically charged, and wasn't even casting a spell and I walked through it and all these people who were my friends wanted to kill me. So, whoopsie doodle. You guys are able to easily pick up the immovable rod

because Twitten gives it a little bit of a otter pop treatment. Thank you. Plank standing nearby, just letting you guys do your business, the Kuatua respectfully letting you head in first. Maybe I'll put guidance on our sneaky thieves if you guys want to kind of

quietly maneuver and just see if there are any undead lurking so at least they don't have the drop on us you know what I mean if you just want to take a peek uh yeah sure I can do that yeah Spicoli and Siam I mean you guys are up for it yes am I'm seeing anything from my uh detect magic

um let's see how far does it go 30 feet Yeah, I think so. So from the front door Yeah, you get a few Pings I would say like two To the left

One to the right I tell Thebys And did someone get Detect Undeadgoing? I don't have that Someone said something about that right Protect evil and good or

I don't think so Did I? hallucinate this? Yes. I feel like somebody said it, but I don't have that. I don't know that any of you are a cleric or paladin, so I don't think that you necessarily have. I don't have that, yeah.

But if you want to give it to us, you all cast it. Nope. Oh, wait. Peepers, what do you cast that? No. I'm a swashbuggling road, my friend. I have a couple of spells, but they're mostly stealth related. All right, fancy pants.

All right, do you guys want to check to the left or to the right? Let's go left. Great. Why not? All right, so you guys head to the room to the left. It's mostly just big wooden crossbeams in a pile. I'll reveal it for you. But there is just the smell of burned meat.

And I'll follow to help with my Detect Magic. Can I get a perception check from everybody? Put your tokens in the doorway here if you are actively on Roll 20, please. That's a 20 on the perception. 27. Dang. Your balls. 14.

24. I'm a cat's doing something in the other room. I have to make sure it's not dangerous. Is he voting? Not for long. Chris, it's been a while, but I'm still very amused every time I see Twiddins' last name. Great. Thank you for that.

Oh, we're going in through there, not through the copy, copy, copy. That was my impression. Yeah, you can go whichever way you like. I trust the sneaky thieves to be sneaky. I have a disadvantage on my sneaking around, so I'm probably just going to stay in place for the moment. Got it.

Well, Siam Spade, Wooden Titby, and Shalab are all scanning area, and all of you see that there is a bit of movement in the rubble. Uh-oh. A survivor? shifting ash bits of wood rumbling back and forth it's stay alive

the survival game pretty sneaky sis well am I seeing any magic pings yes there are area pinging yeah right

kind of near the middle of the room there appears to be a couple of magic pings you get the impression from the pings that there are some sort of weapon or armor underneath the ash. Are the things moving pinging at all?

No. Probably worms. Or a worm infected. Could be. You want to try shooting one from your... Can I do a mage hand and stuff with the mage hand?

Okay, cool. So the mage hand is kind of going to go in there and just sort of push Ash aside? Yes. Let's get an investigation check for you, Sion. You know what? I'm just going to do my passive and do it 21. Sounds good. What would it have been? Ah, God, I'm glad I didn't I? Yeah, you are rooting around and... wait what he's waving his black penis around

oh no it was cat's tail oh it's just chadstale my cat's tail Ken that that joke it's pepper hi hi hi it's pepper oh hi pepper that joke is really weird to not follow up on I just want you to know that

I'm trying to think for the point of view of our audio listener that's my style man so yeah Ken's visual only yeah if you're If you see this on Zoom, it does look like I have a crazy prehensile guerrilla penis. I know.

It's rare that you guys would go to gorilla penis rather than cat's tail. It seems strange to me that you wouldn't just pick, well, it's black and furry. Yeah. You're right. I immediately think of gray. I was sober back. Actually, actually, you know, a gorilla penis is not black more hair. grills have the smallest penis

of the primate kingdom. Believe me. And they all drive cyber trucks. Diane Fossey, everybody. Jazz hands. I saw gorilla penis open for Gigi Allen. You start sifting through the ashes with your mage hand and I think you find something magic

and it's a flat sort of metal object it's almost a circular like a saucer it's under just enough ash and it's just heavy enough that the hand can't quite pick it up and then digital drum it's a digital drum

you start heading towards the other magic ping let's get another investigation check slam just slam So that's going to be also a 21, but I rolled 10 plus 11. Nice. Nice.

Yeah, of course, you didn't have to roll, but I like that you did anyway, and it was exactly the same. So, yeah, this time you are sifting through, and it looks like there is a sword that is glinting. Mm. Could be, could be, it could be something else. You can't quite tell, but it's very big. Okay. It's too large for you to be able to pick up, and it's at an odd angle. behind a beam.

So you guys don't get a great eye line on either of these things and the May Chan can't quite grab them. Okay. Should we, yeah, I'm just, I'm just going to go in,

uh, ready to fuck shit up, but I'm going to move stuff around and see what the stuff. I'm playing a little tension music in the background for Siam as he's sneaking around. Oh, I thought that was the banana split steam.

La la la la la. Dan da da da da. I'm a reverend. I'm a reverend. That's right. So can I get any self-check? For me? No.

You know what? That is 1 plus 12, so 13, but I did botch my stealth. Oh, my. You know, that's a great bonus. It would be nice if I were not going to acknowledge the botch, but this is a great time to botch. Got to acknowledge the botch. Got to acknowledge the botch. You get dead center in the room

when you just plant on a half buried cross beam and you slip in face plant. Luckily, it is in some ash. I've made a real ash of myself. You fell on your ash too. That's also like the word ass. For a moment, you're kind of like,

oh, good, I'm near the middle of the room. I can almost reach this weapon and this shield it looks like and as you start to pull yourself up and dexterity saving throw please. Exterity saving throat

please. You got this cat man. That's a good one. That's 18 plus 8. 26. Cool. You managed to hop up to your feet as skeletal hands on either side of you reach out and quickly try to grab

at your ankles. Jeepers. everybody roll for wait don't do it yet we make sure that we don't have to reset yes everyone roll for initiative initiative oh that's a good one uh 22 18 plus 4 now i'm certain we're supposed to burn these guys to death we absolutely had to 14 on my in it eight Oh, my gosh. I can't wait until I am ready for when you guys start saying it. Sure. I can say it again.

I hope so, because I don't know. Blaine, what did you get? I got a 22. What was the role, guys? Sorry. Initiative. Initiative. Chris, what did you get?

Eight. God damn it. Where'd you get, Brian? I botched it. Well, you still get a plus. Listening to Bach. Nine. So, nine.

Yeah, yeah. You missed a great opportunity for me to make an unfunny German joke, but I understand. Tim, what did you get? Fonteen. All German jokes are unfunny. Knock, knock. You're just saying... Vigates.

Who is there? You tell me I have no sense of humor. That's the worst thing. I never said. German chocolate cake, not German chocolate cake, not German, named after a guy named German. Really? Yes.

But Black Forest cake is German. Yes. Interesting. And Black Forest ham is Canadian. Really? What is the Schwarzwelder, Kirstort? You take that back. You barely touched it.

There was an emoji for Farfick Nugan, so I wouldn't have to type it every time. You guys are funny. Yeah. Okay. Let's just wait one more sec. What's the 2025 Farfugnugan? Like, what is the word now or thing now that, like, is there such a thing?

It must be, right? it's probably like what's that Skibbitty toilet thing? Yeah, Skibbitty toilet, there you know. Yeah, that's totally what it is. Skibbitty's the new Farfick Nuggan. Get that on a shirt, somebody. Going to my T-Public store now.

They sell toys of it at Target. I'm just like, what the fuck's going? Yeah. What's a movie toilet? Yeah. Yeah, it's a Fortnite skin, and I'm like, how is this a thing people want to be? Unless you're, unless you're circumcised.

It's very crumbly. It's just crumbed. Fortnite's ketchup. Well, then it's like people are like on a Fortnite team with Ariana Grande and Skibbitty toilet. That's the world we live in. So, Blaine, you're first. Oh, I am.

You know, I'm going to use my new blood run, bloodshed blade. Cool. Whoa. let's talk about it yeah it's a short sword I'm not going to invoke any ruins right now

but I add my constitution modifier which is a plus two to the damage roll attacks great okay yeah easy so it's attack roll that's a 15

plus I think that's a 15 total yes all right it's going to clang off of the steel gauntlet on the skeletal hand

oh okay it's all right do you have a bonus action or a second attack I can do an extra attack as a bonus action later on the same turn oh I have to do it

with a different footlight weapon it's your offhand weapon yeah you know what i'm gonna uh what i'm gonna do is i'm gonna do it to uh jump back check myself you mean disengage and move out of the way yes all right how far back you go and you want to move your token for me yeah i'm gonna uh i'm gonna head back to the right here to the door i guess cool very exciting round little peepers is gonna run over and say, well, shit.

And try to fire some arrows at them. Unfortunately, he will be going a disadvantage because he is firing arrows at skeletal arms waving around, sticking out of the ground, not very large targets. Boop, boop, boop, that's still a hit, though. Nice. 18 was the hit, Dan?

18's a hit. Okay. Good eye. So he cracks into one of them for 12 points of piercing damage. Mm-hmm. These skeletons are hard to hit. It's true. It's true.

I wish they were 12 feet tall, just like the ones all over every neighborhood. Yeah, I mean, these guys could technically, like, be under your command for the low, low price of $79.99. That's not bad. Yeah, and then little keepers must have a bonus action, so he's... He just has the same cutting action stuff that Siam does, so... he is going to just not use it he is fine where he is all right the skeletons are going to drag themselves out of the ash and rush Blaine how good they have you flanked and I have uncanny dodge nice oh you're probably going to need it

And also Uncanny Plymouth. I like Uncanny Nissan. A 13 is a miss, correctly? Yes. Armour Class 14. Okay. Uncanny, uncanny, uncanny, uncanny, uncanny on Van Nuys. And then we have an 18 and a 17.

Are those hits? Those are hits. Okay. So that is going to be 35 points of necrotic damage. Jesus. One of them hacks into you. Then the other one starts hacking.

Jeez. There's some bad skeletons. Yeah, they're not cool. I'll say. You said at 14, Blame? Yes. okay so this is going to be three hits from the other guy what the hell 30 did you do what's sorry 28 plus no not I'm sorry my math is silly you met four right 26 plus 17

30, 43. I'm going to have that one if I may. Sure. So 21 points of necrotic damage. Dang. Okay. I'm getting low fast. Rang!

Ten, you're up. I'm going to cast command on the one right in front of me. Okay. I'm going to say, flee. Boa-ba-p-ba-fab-fab-fab-pav-pav-pav-pav-pav-pav-pav-pav-ha-hall. Yeah. Two men don't kill skeletons. That's a wisdom-savik throw of 17.

Oh, which? I'm sorry. The one right in front of you, it's a wisdom saving throw of 17. Great, thank you. I was looking up the rules about undead and command, and this should work, according to what I've seen. Yeah, it doesn't have specific. It doesn't have specific. It's a, 22.

What the fuck? He critz his saving throw. Wow. Well, then I guess he's not going to run away. Nope. Anything else for your turn? Fuck. I would like to

disoge a duck behind the wall, I guess. Okay. Are you behind the wall already? I thought Blaine was standing in the door. I can't see because it's blocked. Oh, yeah. Dan, is that how it is? Blaine's in the doorway, right?

Yeah, well, he's in the gap. Like, that's a, that's been a, The squares are off on the map, that's right. Well, the squares don't completely fill the gaps. So it's, let's see, we'll say that. We're going to add maybe some room to this map. Oh, I guess what I mean to say is, is cannon melee? I thought the thing was on the other side of the wall.

The skeleton, I'm talking about the one that's due north. Oh, sure. One second. Let me expand the map here for you. just because I sense impending wanting to back up. Yeah, there's definitely an impending one of the backup. And then I'll move this skeleton. I think he might be behind a wall.

Well, no, he's like half behind it. So, I mean, he's enough there that, yeah, disengaged would be a thing. Okay, so I'm trying to duck away. Mm-hmm. And can I move, too, or now? Um, yes. And you're going to head this away.

I'm just trying to get some, like, filler stone images there. Oh, pretty. Whoa. That's big. It's too much. Get your rock polisher up. For whatever reason, this is the sloppiest I've ever been. Come on.

Oh, my God, we've been covered with rocks. I know, like, this is like totally working a second ago. And now when I click and drag, it's just like, it looks like I'm just taking the most low-res image of rocks and hitting you with it. All right, come on, rocks. Oh, for the love of Christ. well it's like so close

I know it's like it should be perfect but it's still ever so slightly refusing to dip why there we go what in the living hell

okay I just wanted it to be something other than weird white so you can go back up now and you wanted to disengage a duck behind the wall bit like you would want to go a little bit

to the left or right, I guess, is the point. Yeah, that's what I did. Okay. Coming around the corner. Excellent. Brian, you're up. All right. All right.

What is the suggested, uh, what do you think is going to be best? by these skeletons are eating blame. Fire bolt or a short bow or short sword? What do you? I think fire bolt maybe? Cool. Here we go.

You can keep some distance. Cool. Thirteen on the first one. Cool. That is a miss, unfortunately. Oh, shit. that's all I get okay

so you try to angle it through the crack here which I'll just illustrate for anyone on roll 20 like I would accept one here because it looks like it would fit at this angle but yeah that's going to be a biff against the side of the building

Chris you're up I can't tell do I have a similar line of site like yes in guy okay pretty pretty close yeah all right then I will follow Spicoli's

lead and try and fry that thing I would maybe just back up one square south so oh sorry yeah yeah you you were about to do the right thing okay well I moved

I'm just but I and then it's behind rocks because I'm a silly yeah we'll take care of that okay well that's so I go there and then fire bolt all right

20 to hit that's a hit all the damage a total of 14 fire smashes into the night burns whatever flesh is left on his face off and he stares at you with hollow empty eyes

so he had flesh on him yeah he was newly killed these are guards It's okay And they immediately came back as undead Well you said they were freshly killed Or they were already undead And just passed as living

They probably had a lot of febrize I guess You know what I will do I will also give Bartic inspiration To Blaine to science So he gets a D8 that he can use on an attack roll or a saving throw or whatever, an extra D8. And he hangs on to it until it works.

If he makes a roll and it doesn't help, he still has it. Great. Make a note because you'll want to know what to do with it probably on our next episode of Nerd Poker. You think you hear some rustling farther in the building as it sounds like maybe more quote unquote, survivors are approaching from within and you hear Philip the plank behind you saying to his sorcerers perhaps it's time to nuke the building let's see how that goes on episode 43 then deep boys in a real fix I am available to dungeon master via dan telford.com if you are in the Los Angeles area there's

going to be a free Halloween show at the slasher movie themed fitness center called Killer Fitness in Burbank. Me, my friends, Chelsea, and Candice, who you know Ken. Blaine him, you might know Candice also. We're going to be doing sort of TED talk bits about horror. It'll be really fun. It's called Pop Culture Hell, and you can find it on my social media. Hey, I'm going to be doing Ron Funcich's Funcadelic show at the Improv Lab on October 26th. So those are always lots of fun.

Come on to the lab. We'll be working there late at night. Your eyes will be hold of an eerie sight. I've been two shows there. I've been to shows just for fun because Melanie represents Ron Funches, but also and Blaine. But she's double-dipping. Sounds like a triple-dip to me. She doesn't represent me.

But I've done that show, too. So fun. Ron's the best. Yeah, he's great. Such a good dude. I don't have anything to plug. I mean, Brianpessane.com, there's always merch for nerdpoker.com, too. go there do that uh and then as always grommets and rifters uh christmas is coming

if you don't uh you know if you i got people on your list that like skateboarding or the 80s you can't really beat grommets it's uh i'm so happy with the way that thing came out now oh we're doing a really cool thing but i'll be plugging this later vans just signed on with us Oh, cool. We're giving away grommets for a skateboard, or skate shop day, but that's later in the year. So if you have a skate shop in your town, you can go get a free grommets on Skate Shop Day.

Yeah, I'm super stoked that they're doing that. And we did an exclusive cover from vans that they paid for. Brett Parsons, our artist, did a really cool cover. Nice. Yeah. So, man, Crohn's has been a dream, you know, to tell the dumb ass that worked at a skate shop in Sacramento that he, you know, publish a comic that Tony Hawk liked and, you know, and that van signed on to. I never would think, you know, but I'm so stoked with the way that came out.

But it's all Rick and Brett and myself. It's, I think people realize that it's, you know, it's authentic in the. skateboard community, so it's fun. It's really cool to be accepted by them. And now Vance is giving you and all your friends free shoes. Yeah, well, they owe me so many at this point.

I bought, I bought Vance since fucking 1983. I mean, ever since No FX gave me hepatitis a work to her, I feel like they've owed me. Ha ha, ha, ha. Nice. But that's it for me, Blaine.

We attribute the success save. man, Colleen, for joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof. Well, On the next nerd, poker, Brian's balls investigate the disappearance of Mr. Taint and come face to face with Dr. Sitz.

Can he pass the testes, or will he be crushed and left holding the bag? All this, and Sam sits on his balls wrong. When will it end? I'll do nerd poker. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerd poker, and you get bonus episodes from there.

And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 1069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.