Nerd Poker - The Fog Campaign Episode 45

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

Well, we're about to bid the fog of the Fog Campaign farewell (for now?) as we gather supplies for the mud hole plunge. With a well-armed militia of fish folk, we head into the pitch-black depths of the Dellsmouth Undercity. Where there is definitely not going to be a TPK like there just was in our Patreon bonus campaign (whoopsie doodle). For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Our friends at HeroForge have come out with 3D custom dice. They use the same process as HeroForge's color printed minis. You can choose the dice number, color, the dice shape, and size, even extra large ones. Visit HeroForge.com to start designing your custom miniature and dice today. And check back often. New content is added every week. Thanks, Hero Forge. It's Brian Possein. Nerd Poker.

We're calling it. The South Campaign. My friends are here. Chris, Blaine, Ken, engineer Sam, and of course, our kick-ass DM, Dan Telfer. Welcome to Nerd Poker. Hey, everybody. It's Brian Passan.

You're listening to Nerd Poker. It's episode 45. We just did 44, so that means this one's 45. We're all here, Zoom and schedule shit. One day we will get back in my house and Willie will fart and make everybody happy. That's the way it works. And we'll get sodas from fat sows. Anyway, that's the future.

Right now, we're doing everything. Episode 45. My friends are here. Look at them. Ken, Blaine, Dan, Chris. Running the show from the cool part of town, as always. Sam, everybody. Hello, sweet children.

Hey, man. I know your dog pooped because we talked about it already. So what else? Nothing. That's it. That's my entire life. In Russia, poop dogs. No, has a dog on her.

really is your whole life. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Then eating and pooping and that's it. And then the rest of the time they're sleeping and being cute. Yeah. Pretty much. Yeah.

I'm, I was just talking about someone I'm seeing, I'm seeing somebody with a corgi. And man, when they're that load of the ground and they want to eat poop. Wow. That's really, they can get it done.

They're right there. Really fast. There's no leaning down or anything. They just sort of just. Poop level. Oh, boy. them short little legs All right

you want a tasty treat Anyways Let's uh Thanks some people Yeah Thanks better than Ferraro Rocher Is that true Because those are better than poop

In my experience I don't know If you bite into one It has a bad hazelnut It's like biting into an attic Or an addict Oh my God Wow, I saw a bad hazelnut open for the circle jerks.

I had a girlfriend once say that her hot dog tasted like a bowling alley, and it made perfect sense. Oh, man. Oh, boy. All right. Thanks some people's. I know. And I'm like, what are the worst things I've ever eaten?

I'll pause that thought. Thank you to everyone who listens to nerd poker. If you support us on Patreon, you are keeping it alive. And if you support us at our top two tiers, we shout you out by username on Patreon. Remember, folks, if you subscribe to Nerd Poker on Patreon, it not only means a lot to us, but do it through Patreon.com slash nerd poker on a browser.

Rather than through the app, you will be charged less. Thank you to those top two tiers of support with users like Chris, for confiding in me that you secretly worked for Wizards of the Coast at the same time I did but didn't tell me until which this is a mystery we've dealt with several times. I don't know. I don't know what this means. Thank you, Beth.

Thank you, Moose from Jersey. Thank you, Mr. Pribbs. Thank you, Joe Beck. Thank you, Amanda Bird. Thank you, Mike Kribier. Yeah, thanks, Mike. Thanks, Mike, who I have met. Thank you, Matt Carter.

Thank you, Craig Wills. Thank you, Vladimir Garglesnart. Wow. The birth Christian name of Captain Caveman, of course. And finally, thank you, Diarrhea Pearlman. Blaine, who are those? And then you be toenail fungus. She's married to him, right?

They got divorced. Oh. What? So they're both single? I smell of thruple. sports brought to us by WD-42 Gets two fingers up your ass quick and smooth WD-42, Dan

Explain The mud hole got itchy just hearing you say that Wow Mine was itchy to begin with Because it's time to talk about What happened last time on nerd poker You guys are about to go down the mud hole To deal with the biggest thing of mud hole

right? My favorite It's called right there you guys What are you? Let's just call it. Hey, Blaine, play us out.

Oh, the next dirt poker my butthole's itchy. Sat on some grape nuts. On Saturday Live, when they time it wrong and there's like three minutes of just the band vamping

over everybody on the stage. That's all this says. It's just us saying good night for 50 minutes. Brian, did you say you went to Universal Horror Nights? No, I'm going tonight, a night after Halloween. Do they have... Roads went last night?

Day old monsters? Yes. Shit's on sale. I'll tell you that much. We went the other day. Really? I think for 50% off, yeah. Is there a certain horror thing that, like, is new this year?

The terrifier, but I'm going to skip that one because I skip those movies, too. So, uh... Yeah. There's a 5-9th-Freddies thing now. Yeah, Rhodes love that. Five-N-N-Fraid's and Hammy from Japan. We're going with, Rhodes is coming with us, and then one of the guys from my new show is, like, giving us a tour.

Cool. Yeah. That's badass. Oh, they have lots of new Jaws merch, too, because of the 50th. Oh, sweet. And there's us with Hammy-Kumi. Oh, nice. The best.

Yeah, I'm looking forward to it. Oh, that'll be so fun. Yeah, I like celebrating all of winter is Halloween as far as I'm concerned. Oh, I start in July. Yeah. And over here, it never starts or stops. Yeah, I know. I'm grateful that this is a way of, yeah, every day is Halloween.

We should play some D&D. Yeah. What happened last time on D&D? Yeah. Yeah, so you guys were getting ready to slide on down the mud hole. And... That's your guy that started the first time. God.

Oh, no, we're in a wormhole. Don't do it again. Itchy wormhole. Ken, did you meet Yuki Buki? No. What's the call? Hummy Kumi, sorry. Yeah, it's the...

Get it right. I'm trying. Anyway. Yes, you guys are getting ready to slowly press yourself into the folds of the mudhole. Oh, by the way, I bought those mud holes. I saw the Toledo mud holes on opening day. Just kidding. It's a variable piece of Baclavas, sir.

That's my clinger impression whenever anybody says Toledo. I always have to say, it's a veritable piece of Baclavas, sir. Amazing. No, Blaine, you really put a caper on this podcast. It's been great. Last time on no D&D. Seriously, I can't stop thinking about the recess pieces in the other room, you guys. We're going on two episodes.

Imagine your surprise when you realize. You guys. Backpack out and start eating. I will. Well, once I get one of you talking, I'll run out of the room and I'll just start shoveling him in my fucking face. But right now, let's talk about what happened last time on mud hole. So you guys were talking about descending. into the far under city where the final heist is going to take place of this campaign.

It does seem it is an ancient treasure guarded by some sort of undead being, and you're starting to get a little bit of backstory lore and what exactly you're getting into. It's so far beneath Delsmith that it has been trickling in slowly. You just talked to Glug the barbarian Kuatowa who's going to go down with you, and he told you that it might be the thief queen, an evil undead wizard that was once a leader of the united network of thieves guilds who decided to retire from their heists,

try to become immortal, and now dwells deep beneath the yunder city and starts trouble about once a century. He's never seen her. This is just a thing he's heard. But down there is also supposedly where worms are being sent up in the name of Caius and ancient cosmic evil on the edge of understanding.

So something is definitely going on down there that's going to be pretty fucked up. So it's going to be a real rasmataz at the bottom of the mud hole. Dan, the way you're saying it, it sounds as though you're saying there are two things happening underground, but we are not necessarily thinking they're related?

Why doesn't everyone do a classic insight, Chuck? Classic. Insight Classic. That's a 24. 24. Nice. 13. 16. Well, with a 24,

I can tell you this. No one else is in Delsmith. It really has the intel you have. Now that you've seen so much, it seems like it's incredibly likely they're related. And that this thief queen, whoever she is,

may have been the one to invite Caius to the prime material plane. Interesting. Is it Tina Turner? Yes. That'd be great. In the... She was the Ascent Queen.

In the Thunderdome dress, though? Sure. My splatter on Bautertertown. My splatter on Bartertown. She'd run Barter Town. All right. Well, should we... Have we rested?

Shall we power up? Yeah. Did Siam, do you want to do a chat with the sorcerer to see if they know anything? There's at least one more. person you wanted to talk to you and it sounds like Syam's way to be doing the honors. Talk to Gickel about the and I'll give you guidance this again if you want.

Guidons. Guidons. Gickel is a lead Kuatua magic user. We discussed this a little bit in the last campaign but he's the Doug Henning of fish. He's an archpriest. It's magical. You think he might know a thing or two. So Siam, you walk up to him and he has been journaling

and trying to collect information. about spells that will help you guys. How would you like to ask him a question? Good call. Hi. First of all, I want to say thanks about the spell information. Hi. Hey, hi. First of all, let me say I'm a cap, but I love fish, but not like that.

Okay, let's move on. This thief queen, what can you tell me about her? Persuasion check, please. that is a that's a 20 12 plus 6 nice and you've got the guidance if you're sorry oh yeah let me do a guidance because that was only an 18 sorry you could get that time that is a 20 it's another two thank you thank you Chris he scratches his gill for a moment wondering how to word it and tells you that as far as he knows this is a litch oh

Oh. This litch may have once been a thief, but you may as well just think of her as a litch at this point. Okay. Thief Queen's probably a moniker. He is both relieved that someone's finally going to do something about what is likely the greatest threat Delsmith has had over the years. Might even liberate Delsmith permanently,

but he is wary because he never thought it was going to be him who would be going down there. It's incredibly dangerous. And he would have thought far too dangerous, but at least he's got you guys to back him up. Much blight, fishy. Yeah, no problem. He says in the voice, you heard all of that information. Okay, good.

Both Coetilla have given you some information. I can't remember, though. I want to say you said there was maybe a third one who wasn't Philip the plank who you were going to ask or like someone else. I think it was Philip. Okay. I would again, like, maybe gather the group and be like, okay, so now we kind of get a sense of it. Here's the thing. I still think we should do this.

I'm wondering why Philip is being so weird about it because it seems very much like she's the dark god that or godlike thing, but she created the thieves guild here. So there's, I'm assuming, no way Philip doesn't know who she is and what, you know what I mean? Like he's sort of sending us down to take out his evil. goddess. Not that he worships her necessarily, but he's certainly connected to her. But isn't that being straightforward? And it makes me go, why? Is he sending us down there to

become the people who get sacrificed for, and then she goes to sleep for another 200 years? Is it like that? Maybe if she was a thief and he's a thief guild guy, maybe they have a past. Or a pact. Or a pact, yeah. Maybe they're a She was one of them before, and now she's something else entirely, but they're still connected. I mean, Spicoli. I don't mean for a second to say you don't deserve to be in charge of the thieves' guilt. Not one bit do I think that you aren't going to be a great thieves' guild leader. But it does seem sort of interesting that as this happened, he was like,

and now you can be part of the thieves guild as you go down to... I mean, to be fair, I'm adding a lot of guilt into... Phillips thing and that may not be it. He may just know about it and is being cagey because maybe we would be cagey and not tell everybody about it. But it seems weird, right?

Totally. A little bit, yeah. Maybe we bring it up with him privately. It's because like from talking to glug and gickle, it certainly seemed as though people are aware of it, but definitely

feel as though this is not a thing to be shared, and that seems to be coming from Philip. Yeah. Right?

Yeah. Maybe it helps if we address him by his Kuatoha name. Flample? Flample? Can you get

a lot of flet? So what are you guys saying? Maybe we'll try and get Philip and be, but we don't need to strong-armed him, right? We just want to

find out what's going. I don't think he's like, I don't know, I don't think he's the villain, but it seems like he knows more than what's going on and there's maybe a reason why. Yeah. It might not be evil. That makes sense. Okay. Spicola, you're a Thieves Guild guy.

Do you want to kind of talk to him? I mean, you know. Sure. Should the two of us go over there? Yeah. Oh, you're both thieves, great. Yeah.

Let's have a little baby thieves guild meeting. Thief Pranks. Can I give them both guidance? Yes, and if you like all of you can go with, there's no reason you can't just let the two of them leave the discussion. Well, yeah, I just, I want to follow their lead, you know, sort of honoring this thieves. I mean, it's thieves talking thief god, right? Yeah. And by the way, how disappointing that she chose to become a litch.

I mean, what would a thief god be like, right? But she went, she went lynch. oh well that's well that's that's a thief that just wants it all that's true that's like Peter Thiel you guys ask around about where Philip is shopping there's a room in this diplomat building that is going to be built into a war room full of maps

places for people to strategize but right now it's a pretty empty room However, Philip is trying to use that room to ensure that the various races coming here are going to be comfortable. So he is in there and you are guided in there by Giggle, who is happy to show you where Philip is sort of hold up at the moment. Philip waves you all over. Yes. What would you like to ask before we slipy slide into that puckering mud hole? Not myself, of course.

You'll be going down with our champions, not myself. We were just talking about the thief queen. My favorite song by Queens, right? Yeah, she's gunpowdered, gelatin, dynamite with a laser beam. Guaranteed to blow your mind. Miao. I've heard of this thief queen, yes. Recommended at the price, a satiable and appetite.

Please keep. Doing the commercial parodies. It's very entertaining to me. Hey, we were just wondering, was the thief queen, did she ever have a relationship with the guild up here on land? I think you would tell you without a persuasion check. Yes, of course. The Thieves Guild here has come and gone.

And it's only a part of her larger network. but she was one of the reasons a Thieves Guild outposts started in Delsmith many centuries ago. So this is sort of like her gift shop, and you guys are carrying on her gift shop. So to speak. You must be kind of bummed that you're not getting to go down and meet her. Not really. No. But we are.

It's kind of weird. What's going on, buddy? talking to me or are you talking to you uh someone you okay i just i was like wait you said it in such a curious voice i'm like wait so uh roll persuasion check chris cap that carpi that oh too bad well dan it depends on how you roll this i roll the one oh wait i think it's only a two if it's a one i don't think my whatchumahuz it applies let me look real quick

I rolled a one, but I have that silver tongue thing, but I think it only doesn't cancel. When you make a charisma, you can treat a D20 rule of nine or lower as a 10. So the one becomes a 10. Sounds. Becomes 23. But that's up to you because it's a natural one. Right. Which, you know, I could rule as a critical fail, but I will take it.

I will take it the 23. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. Because like that rule sounds like. it's trying to negate sneaky dungeon masters and I'm going to go ahead and allow it to happen. Brian's camera is pointed

directly at his chest and it's very... That's not his chest. I can see his capeman. Oh, okay. Yeah. He's got his club out. Captain Cabin. It's all hairy. It's pronounced Kavemin.

That joke works in so. Captain Kavemin. his real name is Heschel Kvim. Heschel Kvim. He says, Heschel Kavemann. He says, He got with teenagers solving crimes.

Heschel Kavamins! Uh, yeah, he sort of looks at you at his his expressionless fish eyes. It says, Ah, mom. Hoping you will deal with whatever the threat is down there.

I'm not entirely sure what she's up to, but it was my understanding that they finally killed her about 102 years ago, so I'm rather surprised all of this business is happening again deep beneath Delsmith when we not we as in myself, but generations before me, supposedly destroyed her means of sentience, and all that was left was a jabbering skull. So whatever

whatever manifestation of the thief queen this is, there might be something behind it. My intelligence tells me there's something going on with a caius. Yeah, yeah, the worm lord. Fish love worms.

Yes, Caius is a being that lives so far away. I don't know what exactly he would have interest-wise in Del Smith. So I'm a little suspicious of both. both why Caius would bother with Delzmouth and why the thief queen, thief queen would be able to come back from having her phylactories destroyed. So that's how they did it last time.

They destroyed her phylactories. And Caius should find Delzmuth rather boring. So to have cosmic green mist and worms, I would say it's a third thing. I'm sorry, say that you think. A third. Because you don't think Caius would be interested in...

Why do you think Caius would not be interested in Delsma? Wouldn't a portal onto the material plane where he can... Or sorry, they can, like, claim souls left and right with all these worms?

I mean, it seems like in terms of gaining power for Caius, being here is not a bad thing. Roll a perception check. guys I don't like where this is going Into the mud hole

Scum queen 16 You see his eyelid twitch Roll a persuasion check I can't fuck a gorilla Blaine 23

Okay So you see his little eyelid twitch and then he says well I just think that Caius might stage something elsewhere if he really wanted power maybe where there are more people he could

infect with these worms oh so you're saying if Caius is here Caius is not staying in Delsmouth Caius is headed to what's this city around here Dan? Water deep.

So you're saying like you think Kaias is probably more interested in water deep? Perhaps. I just think there might be someone manipulating the situation and providing a entryway for Kaias

who is not the Litch Queen. The Lich Queen might just be an old rumor. Someone is using the legend? of the Litch Queen to trick us? There's an undercity. The Litch Queen used to be there. All of a sudden there's a green mist and a fissure.

People think, must be the Litch Queen again. You may run into some version of her, but she should be dead. Truly dead. Whatever this is. If you ask me, there's something else, and if you were to eliminate it, it would be in your best interest. Liches. Guys, what do you think?

I mean, Where we're going, we have to eliminate it. And Brian's gone. Oh, God. Did he know I was about to say, uh, Lichisipi Queen? Bo-A-B-Bow-Bow-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W. Oh, he just texted me, and yes, he did know you were going to do that, and that's why he... Oh, okay.

Classic Brian. He's got like four or five TVs going, just like Osmandias, constantly observing the state of culture in the world. Yeah, yeah. I mean maybe a good place is what does everybody think about holy shit there's a third villain there's somebody else pulling the strings there's a lot of issues

I mean maybe it's fill up guys I feel like Toymaster let's not forget the toy master oh god oh if that comes back I'm going to kill that son of a bitch um

this is a trouble with the capital throw up. So someone who's got a plan to move Caius, it's probably these elves and dwarves and the gnomes, no dwarves. Maybe maybe she does.

The wife, does she have a plan to move stuff? Dan, just hypothetically, how far away is the widow? She is on the north side of town, the opposite end of Delsmith. Yeah, we're going, we're going downtown. Oh, brother.

hopefully she's not Broke Hopefully she's not organizing a carriage To bring Kias the worm god To fucking downtown metropolis That'd be bad

Are you still Sort of like hanging out in the room With Philip Or you want to say your goodbyes to him And get down to business Business Yeah I think we're ready to go We're going to hit it

Philip nods then And you all along with Philip Start Moving back towards soggy town proper where the mud hole is. We're left to sort of wonder, okay, Philip seemed to try to be obvious, but may have been leaving something out.

You do know now that his suspicion, or at least claim, is that there is some sort of third thing, and that all of that business about Caius is being controlled by someone more sentient than the ravaged many times over-destroyed thief queen. You are now going far, far into the southwest corner of town.

So if you're looking at your map, the southwest corner of town looks like it is giant smudge. And right about in the middle of the smudge, there is what seems like some sort of farm silo, It's tilted to the side. Philip gestures at it. You look around and you are now surrounded by a total of 11 Kuatua. Philip, Gickel, Glug, and eight common soldiers.

Well, I have different names that start with, and Philip says, all right, well, we're going to open up the silo on top. There is a magically hidden rope ladder. you'll all climb down. You're going to go down the silo. You're going to take a short tunnel. Back to the building where we were, uh,

sort of, but the mud hole I showed you earlier is, uh, the same basic monhole. If you go down through the silo, however, uh, the silo is where we are connected to that building.

There's a lot of equipment in there. You guys can stock up. It's important that you succeed in this because although I know you're going down. there for personal gain. It would be in my best interest if you emerge victorious against anyone who might be getting in your way. So I would like you to be well equipped. He gestures towards the top of the silo and a rope ladder drops down. You and 10 of the 11 Kuatoua leaving Philip down on the ground. Scale the ladder. Walk down the 45 degree incline of

this semi-tipped-over silo and see there is some sort of barracks. It seems like this is a secret barracks so the Kuwaitoui don't draw suspicion to themselves. Maybe before they controlled the town, it was a little less cooose to have people in armor as a fish person. And in here, you guys are able to load up on basic weapons. If any of you are interested in a basic weapon of a weapon type that you don't currently have, you can get a non-magical version of it. There is also a small supply of potions. So you guys can divide amongst the four of you eight regular healing potions.

So you can do two each. Yeah, baby. All right. Everyone can add two. And there's enough food and rations and water. You guys should be stocked up for a week down below. There's also a way to add that on to push the ND beyond. Or inventory.

Yeah, you go to manage, you go to inventory, and then over on the right, there's sort of a thing that says manage inventory, and that's how you can add stuff. Oh, okay. Who is you guys? No, I'm here. Just waiting to see if we're all adding stuff. Yes.

So if you add that stuff, that's great. You're also going to get these. How do it, though? Where is it? Is there like a... There's usually a search thing. Like when you bring up manage equipment, there's sort of a search thing right at the top.

If you go to the top, like where under where it says filter, I just start typing healing. And then a list of options comes up and usually like regular potion of healing is like third or something like that. Okay. So, yeah, there's also a demolition. kit.

Ooh. So this demolition kit includes a grappling hook for scaling and lowering yourselves down walls. And it appears explosives. There is a large

sort of grenade about the size of a basketball. It's meant to collapse a cave wall or chamber. It's got That'll come in handy when we accidentally set it off in the wrong play. What's it called?

A grappling kit? Yeah, we get. Demolition kit. Demolition kit. And it's got a grappling hook in it. It's not in the official rules. This is just a mega, make a custom item kind of sitch. Demolition kit with big grenade.

Yeah. And so this big grenade, you can. put in your inventory. Just looking to make sure I've got the right. Cool. Do do, do, do, do, do to do. Three ladies. Yeah.

And there's just one of those? There's one large one, and there's also something that is in the official rulebook. This is called an explosive seed. So there's a smaller explosive. this acorn-sized sphere of brass contains a small amount of blasting powder and a clockwork trigger

there's a bigger version of it but you guys are going to have to sort of roll it around if you take it with you can decide to leave the giant explosive with you but if you would like to roll around this large explosive the size of a basketball and it weighs about 50 pounds the smaller one the explosive seed

this acorn-sized sphere of brass contains a small amount of blasting powder and a clockwork trigger. An explosive seed can be thrown up to 30 feet as an action, detonating on impact. Each creature within five feet of an exploding seed must make a DC-10-dexterity saving throw,

taking 1D-A bludgeoning damage on a failed save or half as much on a successful one. I believe if you're wearing the boots of springing, you're not... You can carry heavy stuff without an effect on your... And you have the boots of springing. Yeah, I don't know.

I think... Siam was wearing them? Or Scyme or Spiccoli? Spicoli. Of the four of us, Spicoli, I don't want to put you on the spot, but Spicoli is the most buff. Spicoli has a,

if you had to rate him physically, he has a strength of 17. So he's a live... Are you more like a surfer figure, would you say? Spicoli, as opposed to like a bodybuilder? Yeah. You're more like lean muscular?

Yeah, man. I mean, have to rate him. Sure, I guess. Character physically. Yeah, he's just a specimen. How do you do, fellow kids. So whoever's got the boots of springing, maybe make a note if you're going to put this thing on your back. Okay.

Who's got those? I don't know. Did I? Yeah, I think it was you. I should put them in the... Sprong. Will that be in the manage inventory? You'd have to add it if you haven't added it already.

But yeah, I think that would be a thing you could do. Let me make sure what the deal is. Shalab, are you carrying them or wearing them? Where's that Siam? I don't think I am. Okay, walking speed is there to do. Your speed isn't reduced if you're encumbered. That's great.

Yep. I just added them. Great. And then what was the other thing? The grenades? That's the thing you carry. If someone wants to put an explosive seed in their bag. Sure, I'll take the explosive seed. How many of those are there, Dan? One seed, one big grenade.

Just one seed and then one big grenade. Okay. So we all should remember if it comes a time we need to do like a big ultimate attack thing, Spicoli's got a 50-foot bomb. Oh, I have the big grenade, too. Yeah. That's what we're saying.

You've got the boots and the strength. So you're going to be unaffected by carrying it as opposed to the rest of us, Fibos. Gotcha. There's also a cape that you may or may not want to take that the Kuwatoa suggest

it's called a bright fungal cloak. While where Weird. And this is not magical. You don't have to attune to it. While wearing bright fungal cloak, you can take a bonus action to furl or unfurl it. When the cloak is unfurled, it sheds bright light in a five foot radius and dim light for five more feet.

One pound of fungus is sewn into the cloak and can be eaten as food. The fuck. Wow. It's like out of all underwear. Yeah. Except it glows. But if things get dark, you all have no problem. problem unfurling the cloak. So they say you can take it if you like.

Bright fungal cloak is the official D&D name of this item. Okay. BFP. All right. So you guys load up. Make sure if you've, you've written it down or put it in your inventory. I can't find big grenade to add to it. There sure isn't one. It is a custom item that I am making a note of, but you can. I just put it in notes and I have it noted to you too. So I can look at it. All right. got the big fungal cloak. I will try to make a custom item, a homebrew item and D&D beyond for the bomb.

But it's like fungus. Twudden, do you want to wear the cloak? No, I feel like as we're going on a stealth mission, putting on a jacket that lights up might be a terrible thing. I mean, that's why it's an option and not like... Yeah. But the fact that its food is good, you know, potentially, I don't.

I don't think we're going down there for more than a couple days, but who knows? Yeah, certainly I'll put it on. Furled, however. So it is, it's basically now just like a jacket, right? Yes, exactly. Okay, cool. Yeah, I will wear a bright fungal jacket. Great, all right.

All right. Do we want to say anything before we begin our big adventure? Spicola? So if you guys, here's what you can put in your inventory, Brian. Gunpowder keg. Oh, okay. That's in there. Yep.

Or gunpowder, comma, keg. I'll put, actually, I'll put the link in the Zoom chat if you like, Brian. There it is. I'll put it in, for all our future reference, I'll put it in Rule 20 as well. So you can use that. It's just not going to have the name of a bomb, but it's essentially a bomb. You guys now head down to the bottom of the angled silo and take a small shanty-like wooden tunnel under the mud to the building where you were shown the mud hole.

The secret mud hole to the depths. You look down again, it's got kind of like squared off walls. Looks like it's a bit of a mud slide. Giggle and glug. prepare themselves to slide down, as do the soldiers, and they say, who's going first? Is our marching order? Let's get a couple of the soldiers first, and we'll follow them down. Yeah, we'll get the soldiers down, sort of stake out like a little landing area, and then

everybody can come down safely. Probably as we're moving, we'll probably have some thieves out front being sneaky, but for now, this is more of a, I think, yeah, soldiers, right? Yeah, let these guys go down. Just sort of casually mention, hey, if there's anything down there that might be a, be problem for non-fish people. You could sort of like pack stuff up or give us a heads up. Okay. So then if that's the case, Glug is going to suggest you let the eight soldiers go down first. Great. You let him go next. And Glug will help guide you guys down by trying to brace himself

and make sure that you don't slide at a rapid uncontrollable pace. How long is this slide? He says it will take if you're slowing down So you won't be just sort of propelling at a high speed About five minutes But you know it shouldn't take too long Great yeah then let's definitely Yeah maybe we send the eight soldiers And give it a minute

He nods And the soldiers You get the impression that without having a surface dweller To worry about these guys might get down there faster than five minutes. So as a sort of scouting party, the 8th soldiers rocket down the hole. Glug says, all right. So, I'd be using

my repelling gear as well as my halberd if I need to to descend. I'm going to let your party members basically put their boots on my shoulders and then you guys can just stand on each other's shoulders as I repel down.

It's not the first time, Glug, won't be the last. Uh, chair, on my shoulder. So those of you who have a light source in addition to whatever dark vision you have are going to notice just how much light is glistening off of this wet tunnel. There's no natural light after only a few moments. It's just pretty close to pitch black.

And it's very uncomfortable. You can feel just the moisture getting into your boots, into your chest pieces, into your supplies and you're sort of self-consciously scraping it off as glug kind of drops a boot, drags himself lower, drops a boot, as in, you know, plunges one of his legs down to get a grip with the heel of his boot. And after a few minutes of this, you guys start to feel pretty tired just from bracing yourselves and you're realizing just how much effort it takes to stand while descending for many stories. You're going deeper than when you went to the sort of mud-slick

heist space that was a Saguan temple at some point where Ken got his little skeleton with a skull cap and before too long, Glug whispers up that you are approaching the undercity. He stops everyone, drops a rope down, and slides down the rope. You guys can all see that he has his own grappling hook that is secured into a stone lip at the edge of the mud tunnel. Do you look at what you're descending into or do you slide down? Can we see what we're descending into? I would like to look into what I'm descending into.

All right. How far is everyone's dark vision? 60 feet. Okay, that sounds right. You guys sort of just see this vast expanse with mud dripping down that looks like it's at least about 60 plus feet down and there's just empty space in every direction. This rope looks like it must be over 100 feet long. So it's just got completely empty space.

Yes. Interesting. No polyps. Let's see. Everyone do a perception check. Check for polyps. Everyone examine yourselves for polyps with a perception check. 20.

Normally this would be an investigation check, but, you know. 24. 20. Oh, wow. 27. Holy shit. You guys did great. Looking down into the space, it's almost impossible to see anything,

but all of you are able to see the reflecting eyes in the distance, like little pinpricks as tiny bits of light reflect off the fish eyes of the soldiers below. They seem to be moving around and alive. Oh. You know, I've had bulbs checked before, and I've had them. shaved off and and uh or because they found something so uh then they tattoo it inside your butt you know that what really so they know it's there yeah Brian that's not a doctor's office you're

described by that man I tattoo like a devil girl on a rock and not supposed to let people you meet in allie do that I told my doctor did a bright slayer uh that's pretty great great Brian, however you are autopsied, I really hope they check your butt. It's this layer like four times. Nice. So it's public record. Whoever does the autopsy on Brian when he's 120 years old, check his butt, please, with a microscope. Internal colon tattoos.

Check your butt! Do you all slide down into the undercity? Sure. Sure. Yes, of course. All right. We'll all slide down to see what kind of polyps might be growing deep in the perineum of Delsmith. And we'll have to find out what they look like on the next episode.

Yay. We did it. Well, if you'd like to do your own polyp jokes with your friends and family and have me as your dungeon master, head to Dan Telfer.com. And I've got my rates and info and contact information on there. I would love if you wanted to scoop up one of my last holiday spots, I'll potentially be able to do some right around the holidays if your family is interested in one of them very premium spots

right around the holidays over Zoom we'll make it easy love to hear you can kill a mall Santa oh my gosh listen I have some holiday one shots I can do for people but if you want to kill mall Santa I will do that for you the mall of your choice for the right price I will customize it to your local mall and you can kill Santa But you know what?

If you're having me customized something, maybe you'd like to have an opportunity to slay another authority figure that's eerily familiar in Dungeons and Dragons. Just let me know on Dan Telfer.com. There's merch, get merch, Brianprosain.com, tour dates are all being rescheduled.

So if you're in a place that I was supposed to be and I didn't come there, well, it's still going to happen. Just hang on. and then uh rifters grommets as always go to your local comic shop and request one of those trade paperbacks and if they don't have it they'll order it for you instead of you ordering it from you know you know blame oh uh hey i'm going to be hosting luchivoum and pomona at the fox on November 8th, so come out and check that out. It's, uh, if you leave now, you can beat traffic.

And, uh, November 20th through 22nd, I'll be in San Francisco. Nice. The punchline with the legendary Dana Gould. That was a be fun shows. That's going to be a blast. I can't wait. We attribute the success. Saved man, Colleen from there.

We're joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof? Well, uh, but anyway, on the next dirt poker. Ken and Chris roll 20-sided. Dice. to see if they get hits. Blaine Dan and Sam just watch Brian because he is about to sits on

his balls, right on his balls, sits on his balls and he'll stand up real fast. On the next nerd poker. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerd poker

and you get bonus episodes from there and you can also So send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 911416. Thanks for listening.