Nerd Poker - The Fog Campaign Episode 46

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

Now that we're in the Undercity, it's time for the heist... and maybe destruction of evil. As the corridor looms, Roll20 also implodes. But we have a lovely lich's tomb to explore, and what is definitely a super chill statue in a super chill tiny corridor to just strut past. For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.  

Nerd Poker. We're calling it the Fog Campaign. My friends are here. Chris Blaine. Ken, engineer Sam, and of course our kick-ass DM, Dan Telfer. Welcome to Nerd Poker. Hey everybody. It's Brian Pazini. You're listening to Nerd Poker. It's episode 46 of The Fog Campaign. and my friends are here we're doing a Zoom

we couldn't meet in person plus my farts have gotten out of hand if we're going to get personal anyway Blaine's here yeah yeah picturing a handful of farts Chris is here

Hello Dan is there that's a handful of cops open for millions of dead cops Uh Ken's here Hi, nothing about Farts here And running the show from the cool part of town As always, our friend Sam

Hello, farty children Nice We should thank some people And do some dungeons and dragons That's what the people want, I think Yeah, let's do it Let's play and then thank And then play and then thank

The Nerdtoker tradition Hey, y'all. Thank you for supporting the podcast by listening. Thank you. If you can chip in anything at patreon.com slash nerd poker. Just remember, if you do it via a browser, you will be charged fewer fees. So definitely head on over to what's the least compromised browser these days in this era of corporations are allowed to sell all of our social security numbers to terrorists on the islands? I don't know.

Yeah, yeah. But head on over to Firefox and go to patreon.com slash nured poker as opposed to using the Patreon app, which has like Apple charters and stuff. But we would like to thank those folks at our top two tiers. They have usernames like Hancho Villa. Thank you, Hancho Villa. Thank you, Donkey Otto. That's Donkey Space Otto. Thank you.

Cabotup, the easily pronounceable. Thank you, Kabodup, I believe. does some of my Twitch clips. Thank you, Ragnor. Thank you, D2 de Mothauncti. Yeah. D2 Ushty. Is that a thing?

Thank you, Dan Robertson. Thank you, Dickin Bauhaus, the Goth male strip club, where Bella Lugosi's not dead, he's hung upside down. Thank you, Horny Larry. Dirty Larry.

Do you something you'd like to tell the rest of the Class horny Larry. You're killing me horny Larry. Thank you. Martha Mon's base jump death camp. Thank you. You shit missile. Still funny.

Did they ever recover his body? I've been trying to remember that lately or if they left him in the tower. That's something that occurs to me every year. Right around Christmas, where did they leave him, Martha Mon's body? I feel like we were in a hurry. No idea. Yeah. Yeah, you were like trying to go kill the necroman's or anywhere.

I'm more interested in this than anyone else. Thank you. Shit missile. Thank you. You got walls on a roof. Thank you. Dungeon Master 41 seeks dungeon submissives. Good luck with that on field.

Thank you. Bigger boobs, less bras. Thank you. Glibels his botch. Yeah, he fucked himself up real good. Thank you, sleepy Mario speedwagon. Thank you, Boskins' broken Star Train heart. And finally, thank you.

I'm only on season three. Now we have time for bits. Yes, Brian? That was some work there. I mean, that needed to be a plot. Sleepy Mario. Spie wagon. Good Lord.

That's some good work. Yes. I applaud it. I don't know if you can hear that. I'm wearing a caddy shacks. I'm wearing a caddy shacks shirt, so I gave you a golf clap. Wang, it's a parking lot. Lasagna, spaghetti, snickers floating in the pool.

Lane, who were those supporters brought to us by? Baby Ruth, actually. Thank you. Thank you. I'm too young. The fetal remnant. Those support is brought to us by cantalopes. Delicious, sweet, loaded with vitamins A&C.

Plus, you can cut a hole in it and fuck it. Not the ones with the tooth fix, though. Cantalopes, the treat you can fuck. Dan? Thank you, Blame. If the problem for me, it's to take an eye roll. May I start the... show by saying, sorry ladies.

For which part? Just whatever is to come. Oh. And, you know, like starting with the canoop and whatever else happens. Hey, I don't write them. I just read them. It's weird. I see some swallowing Adderall and not snort it.

I've been taking subtractor all and I can't, I don't know where the fuck I am. I can't even tie my shoes. Did you guys take Adderall? I have never taken it. I'm trying to figure out why mine tastes like candy. Mine tastes like Pez. Like, it's just, it's the sugary as fill I've ever taken. Maybe it's in, what you might call it?

Fuck, blanking. Nyrn clusters. I took a, I feel like I took it for something. Is it? It's ADHD meds mostly. Autism spectrum medication. I should take some. Yeah, I'd like to take some.

Hmm. By the way, I saw placebo open for Supergrass. What's, uh, Let's talk after the show, Dan. About meth? Sure. Can't really show it right now. I bought that Goonies Lego.

Oh, yeah. Oh, fun. Was it the house, the ship? It's the ship. And then it comes with... I forget Sean Aston's name in the movie, but... Yeah, Mikey's... It comes with Mikey's attic.

Oh, cool. It's a little bonus thing. They all swear and talk about it once. It's fun. Yeah, it's a little bonus thing that it's not in the box. You have to go to the Lego store and ask for it. Really? The only place it's available.

Yeah. That's interesting. They've been doing that. They're doing that with the Star Trek thing, which pisses me off. Yeah. It's, I'm not going to be anywhere near a Lego store on Black Friday. So. So, then send Mel.

Yeah, yeah. What is it? The whole family. Oh, they did. Enterprise D. Enterprise. but then it's also got a shuttle that's extra. And Ensign Row

comes with the shuttle. Because it's next gen. Yeah, yeah, it is. Yeah, yeah. Enterprise D. I'm working with Riker now, so I'm going to have Riker sign a Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah. He's directing my show right now.

That's cool. The nicest guy, I would love to bug him to do this, but I would never, but Franks, is like one of the nicest humans I've ever heard anything bad about that. You should ask you what Chubacca's like. I see what he says. That is the most Dave Rath thing I've ever heard.

Yeah, I used to go into AOL chat rooms for Star Trek and just be like, so what's the deal with C3PO? How did he get to be on the staff? It's pronounced Star Trek. I had that ancient bit. I mean, I was doing that bit when the, uh, prequels that I would go to the prequels lines

and yell Star Trek sucks just to piss off the nerds because nerds hate it when you get their obsession wrong and they'd be like it's Star Wars wrong universe yeah yeah all doing our nerd voices

like we're not nerds yeah exactly well let's uh this is how we really talk let's be nerdy and get into some uh dungeons and dragons Indeed. So our heroes are in The Fog Campaign

where you have descended into what we are calling the undercity. You have heard that somewhere down here there is a thief queen who turned into a litch but is perhaps being manipulated by Caius. That's the sort of big villain vibes that you have been walking into, it seems.

To get to the under city, you had to go below the under mud temple that you had a heist in that you got that little skull that Shalab is wearing on his head that made his body deform. And now you are deep, deep, deep beneath everything in this massive chamber that was very high up. But you didn't come alone. You lowered yourself down here with eight soldiers of the Kuatoha variety. So there are eight fish people with pole arms, all of which are very friendly. You have also helped the Kuatowa take over the town of Delzmouth where the fog has rolled in.

This campaign has been taking place in the town of Delzmeth where a thick green fog rolled in. And you have traced that back to what seems to be this cosmic eldritch horror called Caius. And the thief queen who rules the undercity supposedly may have made some sort of deal with. Kayas. So while you're down here, you know you are in danger of bumping into an oft-defeated ancient thief wizard type person. And also the cosmic horror, she is perhaps attempting to bring back to your plane of existence, the prime material plane. In addition, those eight soldiers, you have the Kuatua champion, glug, and a sorcerer named Gekyll. And the two of them have given you a little bit of background on this thief queen slash litch.

So you're not sure how much you're going to encounter any great evil, but it's very dark down here. Those of you with dark vision as you lowered yourselves into this room, noticed you could not see the bottom. So it is hundreds of feet deep. It took you a while to lower yourselves. and you are now in this giant open area. There's a bunch of fish on two legs. The ground is muddy. Can I get a perception check from everybody?

No, no, no, 19. Ew, don't hard castle me here. Feel free to McCormick, though. Right, Keith. 20. Ooh, 20. I forget you guys really are made for, 22.

22 also. All right. Double, double deuses. So that 19 sucks is when I'm hearing, Blaine. I'm so sorry to say.

I should have gone with my passive, which is 20, but I rolled it. Well, luckily for you, we have a 20, a 22 in a 22 in addition to your 19. All of you,

I guess including Blaine, I was only going to do an 18 for this, but then I forgot how OP all of you are this season. Are, um, noticing how the ground feels firm but there's like this layer to it

your boots sink through about a half inch of mud and it feels like there is this hard stone underneath the mud and I'll say those of you who hit a 20 kind of get down on one knee a little bit just to examine

it and notice there are arriving little worms in the mud everywhere they look sort of like maggots very similar the ones you've encountered thus far, but they don't, um, since you've rolled so high, too, like a couple you got 22 else, like Spicoli and Shalab, you notice they don't seem to have those creepy little faces that the ones you've encountered so far have. They just look like regular

and emperors. Yeah. Right. Okay. How many are more? Um, I mean, there's this huge open expanse and they're all over the ground. So hundreds of thousands. Do your friends, about these? If that was anything about what's going on there? I giggle, the more seasoned of the two, the sorcerer, says, We come down here for resources sometimes, but we try not to stay here very long. This place is ruled by magics we do not understand. This mud is incredibly powerful when we use it for some of our enchantments.

I don't recommend we stay long, but... I believe you are here to rid this place of all that's evil, so we should make haste. I could tell you if you jog to the north, and he points in a direction that maybe some of you, if you have a passive insight of 20 or more, I could recognize as what feels like north. Lead note, we should eventually find more narrow passageways. Let's do it. Yeah, let's get out of the mud. Let's be jogging.

Out of the mud, scum queen. And into the mud fire, you go. Jogging north, it takes you about five minutes. It feels uncomfortable to have to jog through this ground covered in worms. You see a couple of times the sorcerer sort of ducks down while jogging and scoops up little handfuls of mud and stores it in a pouch. on his belt. You get to an archway. And then let's get another perception check.

I'm going to roll instead of a Tacoma passive again. This time I got a 15. That's a 12. Oh, low again. Or low with him. I'm 11. 24. Crazy.

Yep. Twins got the cover. Goodness for Twitin. Thanks, Twins. Thank you, Twitten. Twitin. Twitin. Twerent too bad with that 24.

You feel the ground sort of rumble and none of you are sure where it's coming from except for Twit and Twinn. It does seem like it is behind you. It feels like the ground is just tremoring and it's got this steadiness to it that almost feels like footsteps. Is it like something's following us? It's almost like something massive is headed in your direction, but perhaps even too big to be following you.

The guards as you approach the archway all like pivot and point their halberds and spears of the direction you came from. We should head into the archway immediately. Got it. Okay. Ask them what, what do they think is up? There is some sort of creatures down here we have never yet encountered, but we believe it to be several buildings tall. Oh, wow.

Cool. It came here from another place. Yeah, it's usually asleep. Probably what has taken some of us who never returns from this place. Perfect. Let's arch it. Let's get into it. Yeah, yeah, we'll head to the arch.

Nice. As you head through the arch, you get into a proper dunes. Dungeon. Ooh. Things here are very quiet. You approach a narrow corridor and... Can I just say that I love when we playing Dungeons and Dragons actually go into a dungeon and I know you just said a proper dungeon, but I don't think that can be said enough, how cool this is.

Carry on. Light our torches and go down the steps. Yes. All right. Well, there is a big hallway here. Kuatosa, we should come up with some sort of plan. Are we simply going to be killing everything or are we looking for any kind of loot? I say both. Yeah, I thought killing everything and looking for loot was the plan.

Cool. And I'm all out of bubble-up. All right, so. So are we on, are we on Roll 20? I'm prepping it right now, but you will be shortly. I've been having trouble getting on there if you don't remember. That is true. And funny you should say that.

That is what I am working on. Roll 20 has been pretty buggy lately. And unfortunately, the D&D Beyond Competit. or that was going to happen, sort of they abandoned it. So it's all well and good, but it's going to take me a second. Cool. Blaine? What was this Roll 20 map reconfiguring brought to us by, please?

Oh, it's brought to us by Spencer's gifts. In the Lower East Wing of the Galleria, everything you need, the gift that's inappropriate for your loved one or boss, dancing soda cans, toothbrushes with tits, or dildo, shape like the Pittsburgh Steelers. Nothing says secret in the secret Santa, like Spencer, Spencer, Spencer, Gifts, Gills, Gills. Nice.

A hot topic. When cutting's just not enough. Fuck you, mom. Fuck you mom's boyfriend, Steve. It really doesn't mean that anymore in most malls. I know. I know. It's like for Goth, Goth.

Gotha preteens. Not even anymore. Now it's all where you go to Yeah you It's Adventure Demon Hunter

Yeah And Demon Hunter shit And you know All the Whatever's popular Anime shirt rack It's like It's like for kids

It's like for gath Costumes Not proper gotts It's still nice It's good for the kids You can go in there And look Pick out a Weaser shirt

buy some hairdye It's Pacific Coast for the weird kid Yeah Somewhere between borders and zoomies Well yeah You're not cool enough for the van store Not enough dildos on the wall to be a Spencers Yep

How many dildos need to be on the wall? It's sensors Six I think All of them Oh shit All Dildos It used to be six. Yeah, whenever I take Oliver to the gallery and I'm doing something,

why don't you go up to Spencer's and pick out a couple of dildos off the wall? Dad! I've had enough delos at home. He's at that weird age where sexy anime makes him uncomfortable. I'm like, yeah, give it a couple years. I'm at that age, too. So what does you think of all your body art then, Blaine? He must be really upset every time you like.

I always have a wetsuit. on, you know? We haven't had that discussion. It's a good wetsuit. It's a good wetsuit. Top five wetsuit. For a while here, we're at the point where I'll just give Rhodes movies. I'll go, because his mom won't watch sexy stuff with him, you know.

It's super weird. And, uh, well, me neither. But, like, I'll walk out of it. He watched fast times and we, walk out of the room of a couple of times, Mel and I, but I gave him risky business and I go, you're thank me later. I haven't seen it since.

I think it now belongs to him. My kid's super, super into anal nurses. Hey. Oh, Jesus Christ. What's the fun? He's seen the first four. I'm like, it really picks up around six. Blaine, do you mean OCD nurses?

I love you, Chris. You're thinking of a different friend, you guys. They're both really, they're both super anal. It's almost like we're playing quiplash. Quiplash. Gumbozooka-bizuka. Again, I bought a plane tickets for the spring. For where? Japan?

Uh-huh. Right on, buddy. I'm going to get some tips from you as it gets closer. You're going to want to move there. Yeah, we're looking forward to it. And you won't shut up about it when you get back. It's costing a lot to send, to fly my family out there, but, uh... Probably, but things are pretty affordable there.

Yeah. forward to it. How long are you going to go for? We're doing a full week. I was like, we can't do five-day bullshit. We got to go. We went Sunday to Sunday. Or no, no, Monday to Monday.

And where are you going to Tokyo? Kyoto, Osaka. So far, we're flying into Tokyo. And then we're planning on going to Kyoto. And I was hoping to take the bullet train to do that. Yeah, that's the idea. it. And then

Dougan already gave me a list weeks ago. He was like one night in the Godzilla hotel we're playing in that.

Nice. He says you got to just do, I don't know. Have you done that? Have you done that? Yeah, I haven't stayed there

when I saw it. Yeah. Well, just destroy. Also seek out go find Monder Rake stores. Monderaka is a chain

of like vintage toys new tourists, all kind of collectible stuff. They're all over the place. Reds is like, Dad, you're buying me two suitcases. Yeah, both times we went, we bought two suitcases to come home.

Oh, wow, that many. Yeah, that's crazy. Where's the street that has all the mascots and monsters in front of the shops? Is that in Kyoto someplace? Yes, that's the Yolkeye thing. you mean? Yeah.

The yokeye parade. Yeah. But that's only this time of year. Okay, because I heard there's a street where it's like year-round like it's just the streets have monster mascots or the stores.

Cool. I don't know. I wouldn't be surprised. I mean. You know a store has a great monster mascot is Spencer's gifts. Dance a soda can with nine dildo. No, Spencer.

Have you got to figure it out, Dan, or no? Almost, almost. Real close, real close. Okay. What's talking about it. Yeah, we're, uh, Well, our main goal, or what I said to Jerry and what I said to Mel was like, for me, it's Godzilla and toys and all that stuff and whiskey and sushi.

And anything else. I got all those things. Yeah, anything else, you know, is bonus. Yeah. She really wants to go to Disney. Do you recommend Disney Tokyo? I know you kind of. I recommend both Tokyo Disney and Disney.

Disney C more because it's unlike any other theme park in the world. It's really cool. It's got the Jewels Verde. Yeah. Tokyo Disney C is, is their own. S-E-A? Yeah.

Oh, okay. Yeah. It's really cool. It's sea-themed, but it's, you know, they have other stuff, too. It's cool. I didn't even know that existed. That sounds cool shit.

It's probably the best theme park I've ever been to. What's the Captain Nemo supposed to be like? It's awesome. Yeah. They have a submarine ride. They have a center of the earth, joining of the center of the earth ride. Where you go to the actual center of the world.

It's true. It's real. Where's the Tron ride where you ride the light cycles? That's in China, I think. Not in Japan. Hmm. Sorry. But I like their haunted mansion better in Tokyo.

Yeah. I like, I don't have the part. in general. Even though it's smaller, I like it better. Something about it. The detail? Yeah, I think in the cleanliness and it still feels like Disney. Like Disneyland doesn't feel it. Oh, that's cool. That was a mail call, but yeah, I'm into it.

Yeah. You should go for two weeks if he can. And get four suit cases. We already booked the tickets on the one. You know, it's hard also with... Yeah, we go back, too. We'll go back to you. You'll see. It's so crazy.

We just wanted to do something special for his spring break. Yeah. He's going to love it. I'm taking my kid to the mall. I love Tokyo. I hate to interrupt this talk about the place I want to, the place I want to flee to, Japan. But the four of you sort of gather up with little people. in this hallway. Little Peepers, of course, your half-Loxidon, elephant person, half-halfling.

Who brought you to Delsmith in the first place to go on a series of heists. And he says, you know, we do have a map. And so you pull out of your back the map. And you're guessing, as you unfurl it, it will be helpful. But unfortunately, this is a place the Kuatua don't go. and you don't know a ton about what is here. So you lay before you a map knowing this is a guide to where you're going, but you don't know which room has what. You had to go funny. You'll see this.

Switch to Kutuotoa with you look and go, What the fuck are we supposed to do with this? Oh, Jesus Christ. They start, like, mumbling little fish words to each other. So right now you're in. The northeast corner, after having gone down a series of steps in the main chamber. Does the cartographer's map case help us with the map? I believe.

It's an item I have in our inventory. Well, it should tell you on the item what it does. Yeah, it reveals a matter. Otherwise, shortcut. Also find something related to current situation once per week. so you know we have that guys yeah so

it's like a map of shortcuts now if you if you use the map case it's just going to be DC15 yeah so if you could please roll a perception check

can I give him guidance if he's like planning and doing this Sure. All right. I got to roll four on top of that. Uh-oh. Yeah, you want that guidance.

That was a 13? Yeah, plus three. Oh. So, 16. That's great, because you may note from the item description. This is a DC-15. Just made it. Yeah.

So, you know you are trying to head down. to the main horror of acid, bottom left corner. Okay, got it. That check is going to tell you the easiest shortcuts is this where I'm drawing a pink arrow. There is weak stone that you can break through. I'm also going to draw where there is heavy stone that can be broken through.

And you can see there's an opening. here. There is weak stone that can be broken through here. And that can take you to the southwest corner. Awesome. Okay.

Well, we should probably go avoiding the green gloop. Go through that wall and come down to the whatever. What he called it with a horrible, terrible, terrible.

horror whatever was it? Horrible terror, the terrible horror, whatever it is. Indeed. Let's do it. Shall we proceed? Yeah. Let's do it. Lil Peeper offers to take the lead if no one else is interested.

Sure. Lead away. You go right ahead, you little cutie. He winks when you say, I know that dude. You get to that bend in the hallway, and he notes that there are two statues ahead. I don't like the looks of that business. Robert E. Lee and...

Stallone, Rocky. Stallone's moving out of New York, you guys. He's had it. Too many lives? Frank Stallone? Yeah, exactly. I didn't know he lived in New York. Neither did New York.

Wow, it's a big disappointment to the city. We're all very upset about it. So that rock was a Philly guy. You can't get a good view on it without getting very close to the entryway. But Little Peepers is warning you that it seems ominous and too open. But there is some sort of relief that looks like it used to be either a suit of armor. or a face that sort of shattered to the north. To the south, there is what looks like a massive statue of a gnome.

Uh-huh. These two things are facing each other, and you would have to pass through the gaze of this statue, and that is what is particularly ominous. Okay. Can we set up some sort of reflector? or when you say

reflector do you mean like to reflect its gaze or be behind it or maybe throw an illusion ahead of us

you mean use an illusion right use my illusion I mean I can cast minor illusion I assume you can you're

master skull sorcerer so I'm wondering like if we cast an illusion of someone walking through just to see what happens. Sure. It's a good idea. Can it be Paddington?

Have a Pat, make it Paddington? Oh, he's so cute. Have you seen that animatronic? It's adorable. On Broadway. Yeah. Are we on the map now? Totally. Just finally got it to open.

Yay. Yes. Yeah, we've been there for a few. Sorry. That's all right. We're here. Looks like he can go behind the statue to the south. True. You want to throw up the illusion first and see what happens?

Yeah. That's great. I feel like I haven't played role 20 in months. I haven't been able to get it to work now. Here I am. Well, I'm glad. And if those of you who listen would like to use this map, this is a map I made. I didn't make it.

I made the purchase on Roll 20 for the Tomb of the Tomb of the Map. The Blight Litch. I thought it looked good for what we were doing. Tomb of the Blight Witch. I don't see our stuff. Our guys. They're in the top right. It's a big-ass map.

Oh, okay. I actually don't have minor illusion. I thought I did. I thought it was a cantrip, but I guess not. It is a cantrum. Yeah, I don't have it in my cantrip. Oh, I have it. I can easily throw one up there if you want.

I'll have a giant Miro spell that I picked up in Baltimore. Here's that. That'll be great. All right, Twitter, what kind of illusion would you like to throw up and how would you like to have it? I think I have to get a lot closer. So it looks like I'll try to quietly make my way halfway down the stairs so that because I can only cast my illusion up to 30 feet away. So that way if I'm there, it'll appear, yeah, kind of in the center of the room. Certainly in between the two statues. Okay.

Peeper is kind of like tiptoes behind you. to get a good look. Minor illusion. Well, let's go within it. A sound or an image of an object within range. How about I'll create the image, because it has to be five feet by five feet. I'll create the image of like a gnome

kind of standing there in the middle of the room. Great. Hey, Dan. Can I use the rod of alertness to cast detect evil and good? Maybe. Let me handle this narrative that of business we're in the middle of right now. Of course.

The illusion appears of the gnome standing right dead center in the room. What does the gnome look like exactly? Oh, a little happy gnome. Maybe he's kind of got some sciencey gear on him and, you know, those weird Benjamin Franklin glasses that have multiple clickable lenses, that sort of thing. And maybe he kind of waves at one statue

and then he'll rotate in place and wave at the other statue. Just kind of waving his arms. Friendly, hello. In Tom Bosley's voice, maybe. And Tom Bosley's voice, sure. Mary. Do you, David the Gnome?

What? David the Gnome, wasn't that? Like, Tom Bosley doing the American dub for that? I'm trying to remember. I don't know what that is. Oh. Yeah, that was a weird cartoon. When was that?

Fucking 80s? Yeah, 80s. And Tom Bosley voiced David the Noe. He looked like a garden gnome. It was sort of on Nickelodeon every five minutes in the 80s. So this gnome who does not look like David the Nome, because that joke was not in the moment enough. It looks much more like a Dungeons and Dragons gnome in the middle of the room, stands there in no immediate effect. David the Gnome.

The World of David the Gnome, Spanish animated television series. What the Frank? Yeah. And then like Tom Bosley. voice became ingrained in my brain forever because it was like a famous actor who was doing a weird Spanish. Marion.

Those listeners in their 40s will remember David the Gnome creeping you out slash being lovable. I want to say there was like an ending to the David the Nome saga that was incredibly morose, but the whole thing was very lighthearted. And those pushing 70 will enjoy the happy days reference.

Bodeo, buddy, boop, boop, boop. Boop, boop, boob. Boa. In the final episode, David and his wife, Lisa, embark on a final journey to the mountains of beyond to die of old age. Their friend Casper joins them. The three gnomes bodies turn into a pair of intertwined apple trees. What the fuck?

Which also died. What? That's terrible. Yeah. Childhood. It's like midsomar for kids. As they reach some mountains, David Lisa and Casper's bodies transform the trees.

Old lady fucking. Oh, my God. David and Lisa are apple trees, but Casper becomes an oak tree. The final scene shows Swift the Fox running off, implying he will live and have his own life. Good. A little,

just a little less cheerful than watership down. God, that fucked me up so bad. Bad. My brother had a pet rabbit when I watched that. And I was like, well, I suppose. Add that to the triple feature with Secret of NIM. Secret of NIM.

Babe Pig in the City. Good stuff. Wait, was Babe Pig in the City dark? Bout, Boat Pig in the City is amazing. I love that movie. It is really great. It's so dark. It's so, it's great.

At the end, when he turns into a dead pit, big. With an apple in it. Right. The illusion is not having an immediate effect, except that it is making me want to describe the horrifying ending of David. Okay.

I mean... Everybody Google old Yeller just for fun. Should we have, maybe the thieves want to try the sneak behind? If you see, if you go to the south, there looks like there's a, I don't know, a hallway or something. And we can go.

There's space behind the statue. Yeah. I mean, once you approach this room, I can give you sort of like your passive perceptions description of it. In addition to this map, which you have like sort of a charcoal drawing of on a piece of parchment. There is space behind the statue.

It's not exactly a hallway. It is just a space of about five feet to the right left and behind the statue. I have an advantage on stealth and dim light. is my skeletal helm if that helps you can also pass through the astral plane if I'm not mistaken oh shit yeah

well I'll say that as you uh as you start talking about sneaking little peepers wiggles one of his eyebrows and gets a crime boner and we'll have to talk about whether you can get around the statue

on the next stepping sewed of nerd poaks all right Oh. Huh. Did I get that? Yeah. Chris's Zoom window just gave us all a thumbs up.

I was like, all right. Well, Chris, you know what? I'm happy. I don't know how I did that. I saw that. I don't know what I did. At some point, yeah. My Google Meet started doing fireworks every time I did a thumbs up.

And I'll never understand why. I said, think you're a child. Anything you want to plug? Sure. It's not back with a wrap up, but. Narrow. So if you would like to hire me as a dungeon master, I do still have time.

over the holidays where I can schedule it. And I have a bunch of one shots scheduled in December. So I would love to include you in on the vibe. You can also schedule me for January and beyond, of course. But you can go to Dan Telfer.com and look at the rates. I have a whole bunch of continent, cities, countries, plots all available in advance or I can customize it for you. I do it for friends, family, and enemies.

I've got next on the calendar. I'm knee-deep in my show. But on the calendar, I've got Dr. Keynes in San Luis Obispo, a little comic shop. I will be there in a couple weeks on Black Friday doing a signing grommets in Rifters. I believe from one to three, but go to Dr. Kane's website. or I'll be posting on social media soon. If you follow me on social, you see it's really only been Willie posts in a couple of albums I've bought. And it and drain two great hardcore bands.

But as far as my gigs, I haven't had anything to promote. Some things that have been rescheduled, if you live in like Batavia, I just missed you. and then if you live in Beverly Mass, I just missed you, but those have been rescheduled for the new year. My first gig in the new year, and I think there's still rooms available, is Comic-Con the Cruise, and that's going to be super fun.

It's the tail end of January out of Tampa, and Felicia Day and myself for doing it, and it's a pretty packed roster, but she was the only one. And I was like, oh, yay. You know, she's done this show and she's super hilarious and cool. Hey, Brian. That'll be fun.

Brian, I have some bad news. They actually took down your Instagram page because you've violated their terms of service for posting nothing but Willie posts. Yeah. She's adorable. I really love that dog. I love my Mavis and that, but Willie is. You know what you do?

It's a new puppy. When a dog dies, you get a dog that looks exactly the same. I've had a totally different personalities, but yeah. I'm sure you guys know people who've done this too, maybe family members even, but like they would get their parents would get a new dog that looked exactly the same and give it the same name. They would just call it. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Look, it's the new Paul. You have new Paul. new pole drag race that's it for me lane we attribute the success

saved mankind for joining us for joining us on this episode you got walls and a roof well next nerd poker Brian's balls

freaky Friday with Brian's tits and Brian's butt has to figure out how to reach can Sam find a chiropractor

in Brian's network before it's too late all this and Brian sits on his tits wrong aren't all new

Nerd Poker. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerd poker, and you get bonus episodes from there, and you can also send us anything at P-O-Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.