Nerd Poker - The Fog Campaign - Episode 5

Episode Date: January 21, 2025

We're casing the drow manor, but damned if it isn't actually rather difficult to break into. A rival taunts Lil' Peepers? Sounds like it's time to pick locks and break hearts! And yes, Blaine will honor his cat persona.  For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker

Hey guys, if you haven't checked this out already, we got to do something really fun before the holidays and and we went over to Titmouse and shot live, you know, a video of us playing. What did you call that campaign? Yeah, Beasts in Blood, sorry. and it's sponsored by Hero Forge and Schecter helped us out. But Titmouse, I mean, those guys, Chris over there is one of the coolest nerds to ever live. And we got to shoot in this cool like 70s van and you open it up and there was this giant, you know, D&D table that was so cool. One of the funnest D&D experiences I've ever had.

And so watch those two episodes on YouTube of Beast in Blood, Nerd Poker Pod. Check it out. Hey, it's Brian Postain, Nerd Poker. We're calling it The Zod Campaign. My friends are here, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer Sam, and of course our kick-ass DM Dan Telfer. Welcome to Nerdpoker. Hey everybody. Yeah, it's me. Your old pal, Brian Pesane. It's Nerdpoker. It's the Fog campaign. They all knew all different nerd poker. Oh, Willie's in the room just in time.

Start making noise. Hide your swallowable objects. It's episode five of the fog campaign. And my friends are here. We've got Chris. Hey, happy new year. Hey, pal. Yeah, first time back at the house since the new year and since the holidays. Ken is here ready to fog it up.

That's right. We did those holiday episodes. Um, those were fun. Dan is here. Hi everyone. I'm excited for my own insurrection coming up soon. What? Oh, nothing.

What did I say? Blaine's here. Oh, hi. I am. I'm looking forward to this Foga De Chow campaign. And at the end of the table, running the whole damn thing, as always, Sam, everybody. Hello, sweet children. Hey, pal.

Hey. To part of the gild, You get some applause breaks now. Yeah, that's right. It's in this contract. We should thank some people. Oh, I have an actual before you get into our our Patreon sponsor. Finally, we're going to thank our Lord and Savior. I have an in-person one. This must have been that

Denver or the city I was in before that. Oh yeah. Burlington. I'm on the only code cities tour. Check me out right now. I'm only playing cold cities. And if you live in a cold city, I'm probably coming there. I've got Oklahoma city coming up.

That's going to be cold as shit. Is that where Bernie lives? You should get like a false for duster. Burlington is the opposite of Oklahoma City. I heard Burlington has a huge dick. Yes. Oh, that's Milton Burlington. Oh, God. God damn it.

Milton Burl jokes, folks. You know, they always talk about- I just go yes and with you, but it's a different kind of improv. You're surprised by that. They always talk about how big Milton Berle's penis is, but they never talk about his wife's Saturn V assembly building of a fucking vagina.

It has weather in it. That's what I heard. I like how you just threw in the word fucking there. Yeah, it's gotta like just underline the incredulousness in it. That's what I heard. I felt like I just threw in the word fucking marriage. Yeah, it's got to like just underline the incredulousness of it. It's separate from her standard vagina, her fucking vagina. Her fucking vagina. Yeah, well, she's got a second one just for sex. She was married to Milton Berle.

You need it. Hey, let's take a look at that clip. Big dicks. Did you end up faking the person who gave you the bill or did we just talk about Vermont for a while? Oh my god. Oh my god, the guy in Burlington is a huge dick. No, it was another guy named Brian.

So I'll tell you, while you power your phone up, I'll go through the list and we'll get back to it. Folks. Wow. Listen to my new podcast. The old stoner time. You know what? This is an app for hanging out with an old stuff. The people who fill our vape pens with oil are very special to us.

Thank you to everyone who goes to Patreon.com slash NerdPoker and supports the podcast and keeps it going. We're now in our 73rd year and we're very grateful for our listeners who go by Patreon names like Blaine's Obscure References. Thank you Blaine's Obscure References. What? You mean like the Saturn 5 assembly building?

Thank you, I bent my wookie. Thank you, I am the great Hoodoo. Thank you Chris Ayers. Thank you Josh Why Yes, the D is for donuts. Thank you Gus's Free Willy. Thank you Nug N. Thank you Josh Y. Yes, the D is for donuts. Thank you Gus's Free Willy. Thank you Nug Nug's Tug Tug. Thank you. Oh boy, remember Nug Nug.

Thank you Philip Rainsford. Thank you Michael Berlekamp. Thank you Lord Iraken. Thank you Deckard Skilso. Thank you Herb Schwartz's Hemroyd. Thank you Satan OV Beer. Thank you Dango Merman, AKA Uncle Magic. Thank you I'm Just Here to Deliver the Worms.

Thank you Pesto Bismol. Thank you, I hate this one. Thank you Nathan's Furry Purple Carrot. It's so cute though. I mean vivid. I know. I know. It really tries to summon the image whether you want it or not. Thank you. All my friends are dead. Nug nug. Another one. Thank you. Finally. Finally, this episode our last Patreon supporter, I will thank Dr. Uwez Forest Grown OG Kush. Clayne, who are the supporters brought to us by?

Dr. Uwe's forest grown OG Kush. Clayne, who are the supporters brought to us by? Supporters brought to us by Steakmuch, the sarcastic Steakums, and Cool Ranch Doritos, the official snack chip of KCRW. Also in dull cheese and lame in hot flabonero, snacking becomes eclectic with Cool Ranch Doritos. Remember, local jokes get you local work. Thank you, Blaine.

And I'm going to kick it back over to Brian, who we've powered his phone back up. Yeah. And the guy was in Denver. The last dinosaur. Last my friend. Yeah. Denver. Clutch save. Brian, the amazing ingrate. Thanks, Brian. Amazing and great. Thanks for listening. And thanks for your support, pal. I'm fascinated with old timey references to people who have like had brain damage

and no longer have full cerebral functionality. Like, like ingrate, I think used to be a medical term, you know, like, and then it evolved into a bad word that you don't want to use anymore. And then like imbecile was the next medical term. Like that stuff used to, it used to entertain me. Not so much anymore. Now that one of those is our president. I know we have to, anyway. Dan, don't remind us. He's a Siamese twin. Pope's a Republican. All right. Well, I suppose, Brian, it is time to talk about what happened last time on Nerdpoker. We haven't played in over a month in person.

And this campaign is also separated by some shenanigans that is a Christmas carol. So I'm going to just do it in my real voice so we can have an interactive conversation. Yeah, so the Fog Campaign is moving into full heist gear. You guys were doing recon, but it was under a little bit of pressure. Originally, the plan was to go to bed, wake up, and case the mansion. This mansion is, you know, like just containing a weapon that you're hoping to use the Needle of Umberley. It is in a drow mansion belonging to a cranky old elf named Alathor Xalrax. And his manor is this huge gothic thing up on a hill surrounded by shrubbery. There's a graveyard in the back.

Over the gate of the graveyard is a stone minotaur that you know to have a brother who is very sad and misses him. Folks who go in through the mausoleum encounter some sort of being that proposes a riddle and if they answer incorrectly they are turned to stone and right now your intel from Lil Peepers, your guide the half half halfling, half Loxodon, said that that is the best way in because it is a very dangerous manner to break into. But all of you are pretty sure it's worth at least casing the joint. And so instead of waiting till the next day, you're like, what if we did it before we went to bed?

Let's really get the jump on it. And then worried that Fenn, the Fox folk swashbucklerler was going to get in on your game. You said Blaine down. That's your first mistake. Blaine was supposed to sort of get the fish guy, Bull Bull, the distractor. I don't think we sent Blaine down. No, what happened was someone was going to tell Bull Bull to distract Fen while you all went out.

Yeah. And then Blaine said, I'm going down. Blaine, your character, of course, Siam Spade. Siam Spade. So I was doing a really sloppy impression. But yeah, you went down and instead of distracting her via the fish person or even distracting her yourself while everyone else went out, you told her exactly what you're doing at what time.

Classic, classic. All I had to do is evoke the classic answer questions with questions. And she just really kept it all coming. But she's a- I don't deny. She's clearly here on some sort of either job that she hired herself for, or someone hired her for, she's some sort of bandit or thief or brigand, but she's a, she's a smooth enough talker that she can get some spade to spill the beans.

So you guys all headed out knowing that she was gonna show up after about an hour. And you've spent pretty much the entire last hour casing up the joint and you're about to head back to the alley where you think Fen is going to show up. I think Blaine was about to climb up, weren't you? He was gonna try to get up the bushes where no one was looking. Right. So hopefully nobody's gonna throw a shoe at me. You're gonna try to scurry on up so let's get an athletics check from you

Blaine. You're just trying to get a view of the manor. Is that right? Lil Peepers has a flying spell on him right now and he's trying to get a good look at the upper floor windows because between the fog that is really hard to see through and the bushes and the, it looks like auto gnome guards out front, little automaton gnomes, it's hard to get close. So I don't know if you're trying to break into the grounds, Blaine, or if you just kind of wanted to scale in and get a peek.

Well, I got an eight. All right. So but I do have feline agility. What's the exact bonus for that? It's not really one. What is it? What's the description of feline agility? You move on your turn. I. Thank you for apologizing. I had a climbing thing going here. Well, feline agility is real.

It's not just a myth made up by when I move on my turn in combat, I can double my speed until the end of my turn. Nice. But that's not a climbing thing. No. But do you have, if you, I think there is some sort of tabaxi bonus. So I'm not going to punish you too bad. Obviously listeners have the benefit of Google and have already figured this all out and

have a thing or two to tell me on the internet. But I mean, your climbing speed is half your movement. So if you have feeling agility, it basically, if you employed that, he could then climb 30 feet as though he was moving. There you go. Thank you. Thank you, yes. On foot traveling 30 feet,

I guess is what you would get out of that. Should I yell while I'm doing it? Yell? Hello. Light some sparklers. Sure. So you head on up and it takes you a little longer than you'd like and you start to get tangled up in the bushes.

Can I please get a Constitution savings row? 8 plus 2, 10. Okay. You get up to sort of the top and start looking around. What's your passive perception? My passive perception? I might have actually written that down. I've been taking notes on your characters behind your back. So what's...

Where's my passive perception listed? First page on the bottom left. So what's for publication? Where's my passive perception listed? First page on the bottom left. Yeah. Like near where you're, it's probably sure, sure, sure. 18. Whoa. Nice. So before you even have to roll anything, looking over,

you kind of get a sense there's not a big grounds, a large amount of grounds, a large amount of a lawn or whatever you want to call it between the bushes and the mansion itself. There's kind of like a tiny garden, a narrow garden that seems to go all the way around. There's no windows on the first floor. Looks like they've actually been bricked over many years ago, but you do see there are at least two glowing windows and maybe some dark ones hidden behind the fog off to your left. You also get this sort of feeling. What is your passive insight?

My passive insight also 18. Oh, you have a strong suspicion that you got cut by something poisonous on this bush. Oh, poisonous thorns. Yes. OK. Would you like to do? Well, I feel like I should go down to the lawn and eat some grass. You absolutely can. Would you like to?

You know, you don't have much time left before Fen shows up. Yeah, I'd like to do. I'm going to I'm going to head down back down to the lawn. I'm going to eat some grass to settle my cat stomach. Noted. And yeah, that's it. Sorry, I'm looking at it. It's all good.

And you know, if you need some healing, Fran, you guys should all have a map digitally or otherwise. I don't know if you've held on to them since we've last met, but if anyone would like a reference, I'm gonna put my copy in the middle of the table. Yep. You got sort of a sinking feeling in your stomach as you all head on over Bill's mouth

to meet up with Fen. You're standing there, you know, for maybe like a second before he's a little peepers, kind of silently through the fog. Meeting up with you. He looks over you at looks over at you twidden and says, thank you for the inspiration and you thank you for the flight. What a what a joy. Shalab. I really I really didn't know how well I could case a joint twist flying until today.

So, bad news, there is some sort of magical trap on each of those. I have a ring that allows me when I hover my hand over a door or window, it will tell me if there is a magical spell cast upon it of some kind. It's like a minor detect magic. It only works on portals of some kind at close distance. But yes, there's a magical spell on all the windows and some of them look painted black. I don't think this is very social though that we would like to steal a sword from. Excuse me, sword got a little excited. Sometimes when I get a crime boner,

I just start throwing in extra consonants in my words to sound old-timey, but here we are. We think our friend's been poisoned. Can you do a constitution saving throw, Blaine? Yes. Three. You go, and you spit a little bit of furball on the ground. Okay.

Get a little stomach acid in your throat. Little heapers, which is into a pouch on his belt and holds up a banana and says, little something for the acid reflux. No, but I'll take the banana. All right. here you are. Well, I believe our friends should show up any moment and then in a puff of purple smoke you're like, and Fen, the Fox folk, thief again, Brighen, you're not entirely sure what her deal is except that she has a rapier and she ton of intel out of Blaine, sort of bamfs into existence, leaning up against the alley wall and says, so.

Quite an interesting casing of the joint, wouldn't you agree? Hold on for a second. Looks like someone tried to climb the bush. Wack, whack, whack, whack, whack. Caw-maw-y. Looks like someone tried to climb the bush. Yeah. If I had a gold piece for every time, it would be a wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. I believe I found some valuable intel. I'm not quite sure what you would like of me or if we're going to be splitting anything,

but I'd be happy to share my information and head on back to the tavern for a night's rest if you like. Well, of course we'd be interested in your information. Yeah, that's good to know. Anything you could kick into the pot here, we can make some information. Anything you could kick into the pot here we can make some information. I think the information I have is worth at least 10 gold. It's expensive. It's worth at least 10 gold I would say.

And that is the relationship you wish to have with us. Well I'll tell you what I've discovered about the windows and I'll tell you what I've discovered about the mausoleum All right, I believe I would give you information that would help you break in either way But if you don't have ten gold on you, I understand Perhaps I will just sort of sit on this information myself and choose what to do with it. I'm going to excuse myself. I have to go pee pee. Meanwhile, I'm gonna cast a tech thoughts

when I'm just out of range. Let's get a deception check from that. Why is he going pee pee? The way he said it was very like, wait, is he doing a Tony Shalhoub voice? What is this? Yeah, that's my very Tony Shalhoub voice. It sounded very accurate. So my deception was 22.

What? Damn, Ken. So for the duration you sense a presence, oh, this detects magic. We want to detect thoughts. I'm pulling it up over here. You can use this to detect the presence of thinking creatures you can't see. So it's read thoughts. I like to read thoughts.

Okay. So you're... I learned what is most on the target's mind right now. Okay. You get visions of tumbling gold coins. Dropping into the air and clinking into a pile on the ground. That was really helpful. Of course, I believe they can make a wisdom saving throw if you want to probe deeper, but they'll know if you do it. Either way, whether you succeed or fail, they'll know somebody was poking around in there.

Oh, it does? Either way, the target knows that you're probing it's mine. Yes. Okay. What would you like to do? Uh, Mr. PP. I will, uh, I'll probe a little further.

All right. So she's going to do a wisdom saving firm. Fish my, Mr. PP making me laugh. Oh, cause I'm going to fish my nautical. Is Mr. PP making me laugh? Oh, because I'm five. I'm sure he is. PP. What's the deal with Poison?

PP Deville? Oof. She got a 17. What's your spell safety, C? Not the joke. I got 60. The person. As you can see, it is resting on the 17. Got a little nautical theme with like a beach.

Oh, that's very nice. And dye, special dye in my kesulu bag that I got for Christmas. Thank you, Rachel, for that. So, yeah, you can't quite get in there, but the rest of you, knowing that Shalab was probably up to something when he conspicuously said he had to go pee pee. Yeah because I know he peed before we left. You see Fen kind of raise one of her brows and just smirk. I see not quite worth ten gold I understand. Well you're not really giving us a chance you're sort of suddenly demanding gold and then turning. I mean, can't we have a conversation at least? What is the other type of relationship you would like with me?

Well, you also act like you're a friend to them. You're like, yeah, this is a test. I'm definitely not your friend, but I could be perhaps one day. Right now, I'm simply another sellsword wandering through town who's got their own business to attend to and we're in a bit of a polite competition I should think. Wow. This is our first potential agreement. I mean I can tell you Spicoli doesn't like a lot of people but I can tell he has taken a

shine to you. He thinks you're a nice person. a lot of people but I can tell he's taken a shine to you he thinks you're a nice person I know you're all a bit suspicious and you should be I would not rob you but I would certainly try to beat you to this needle of umberley now what's that you're talking about uh deception check Chris you know what it. Unless you're not really trying to fuck with me, you're just trying to be fucking. 12. Okay. So sounds to me like you take me for the competition I am and would like to play your cards close to your chest. Very well, hold on to your 10 gold. I'll tell you what, I will not make any moves until the morning. I know that you're not trying to stab me in the back and that is worth

something in this business. Shall I bid you a good night then? Well, good night then. Yeah, good night, dad. You're still here. Are you going to be, nevermind. Little peepers know what I was going to ask and little peepers just kind of, and she bamfs away again.

Everybody do a perception check. Terrible. Looking for a 20. Well, I'm gonna set the base level at a 13. 15. 14. Come on, you got this, but Collie. It's only 12.

No, 14. 15. 15? There's no sign of Fen. Low Peepers is starting to shift uncomfortably after being confronted for mysterious reasons. Yeah, what was that about? I believe it's a reference to the fact that I

arrived in town a little bit before you. So there will be a period of time where she and I were both in town and I hadn't seen her yet. And she was spying on me. She just knows that I've been here longer than you. So she was asking if I would do something when you would show up. Can I get an insight check from everybody? Yeah, which is what? There. Oh, gosh.

28. Yeah. 22. 16. 11. I'm fine. Look, did you hear that one? Little Peeper is definitely hiding something. Yeah, it seemed that way. What exactly are you talking about? A persuasion check from you. All right. Just you. Did the little elephant and the fox. Seven. Oh, you did the, yeah. Oh yeah, you gotta point the fingers. He leans in and he says, let me put it this way.

In the morning, I can tell you what this is all about, but I need to do a bit of business and we may be being watched. Do you trust me? No. I know. I don't think we didn't call you to town is there anything I can do to earn your trust collateral I was like Fen is still watching us yeah who's watching us Fen and perhaps others and who are these who are these perhaps? NPCs we haven't met yet. Why? Because we're the competition going after this sword.

It's like a race. It's like a cannonball run. Yeah, I'm I'm. I get into the Rack hell. Let us at the very least head back. Was she in it? Back. Adrian Barbo.

Adrian Barbo was here. Yeah. She's she gonna make? Back? Uh, Adrian Barbeau? Adrian Barbeau. What's she gonna gonna get? She's a Schwab thing. It kind of won't work. Creepshow. Why are they hurrying to head back? Well, we just, we might need to have a conversation and this is not exactly the perfect place but the pasted almond has a room waiting for us all and we could go there Close the door watch our back so to speak. Oh, okay You just want to leave this location now and go to another location to talk. That's all What's better about this other place? We're not watched apparently

We can say more We're not watched apparently. We can say more. Right now we're standing outside this mansion. We can do... It's weird because I feel like... All right, apparently this is a very crowded... You can do whatever you want, but my preference would be if you just trusted me till morning and I will take care of a bit of business if you prefer we can go back to this.

I feel like everybody's saying tomorrow morning and I fucking know if we wait till tomorrow morning it's gonna be like 40 dragons destroyed everything. Something's happening tonight. Where are you going? I have to create a new window for us. Oh, for a caper? A caper window. Yes. If I do not do this thing, tomorrow's thing that we were going to do. We're almost certainly being listened to. I just let us just go back to the pasted element. I will not hide anything from you, but we cannot do this here. Okay.

Can you can you serve to seriously point to wherever the people listening to us what might be located his trunk just silently like those like pointing everywhere. There's multiple people listening. goes, like pointing everywhere. There's multiple people listening. Okay, let's go. Mad, mad world. Can we like, can we, is there a way that we could like sort of concentrate and look? I mean, we have dark vision and stuff. Sure.

So, I mean, as you, as you guys all kind of head back through this, like dense P green fog, uh fog let's get a perception check from everybody. Little peepers sort of frustratingly puffing and puffing and as you as you head back to the southwest where the ice there it is okay 19 I rolled a fumba a one. Pachibu. Pachibu. With a 20, you don't notice much except for the eerie, almost magical silence, the way the fog seems to be deterring anyone from wanting to be out at night except for you all.

You feel as if a lot of focus would be on you because no one is out at night being dangerous to be out at night. But also there's just something about the silence that seems like a different kind of magic than the fog. There seems to be multiple magic things going on outside. And would my ears be moving around and sort of like zooming in on the source of the magic or the most magical areas? Just cause you rolled a 20 on your perception,

you can roll an additional insight check. Whoa. Hello. That's an 18. My ride's here. Oh, thanks for coming, Brian. Oh shit.

That's my house. Your house is here. Why did I order an Uber? Are you serious? No. Okay. Oh God. Why did I order an Uber? Wait, are you serious? No. Okay. You really sold it.

Oh God, somebody's volume is up. Two Ubers. My phone has never made that noise before, so I don't think it's me. Anyways, thanks for coming, Brian. It's good to see you. Bye. No, what was I saying? Insight, oh yeah, because your ears are trying to find something, and you're older than 18 on the Insight, you really, because your ears are trying to find something in your world and 18 on

the insight, you really do feel like you should be hearing a little more. It's almost like your footsteps are muted. There should be some sort of echo off the sides of the buildings that's absent. But I can't like figure out like where the main muffle is coming from? Correct. Okay. It's the magical condition of this land that we that we're trying to ultimately get rid of I think. So there could be like other like creepos looking out to stab us but because we're all in the magical fog no

one can quite find each other unless we're on top of each other. Interesting. All right well yeah let's get let's get back to almond pasties or wherever we're on top of each other. Interesting. All right, well, yeah, let's get back to almond pasties or whatever we're doing. So you head on back to the Pace of the Almond. Pace of the Almond. No one is still drinking at the bar. They're cleaning up. Seems like it's last call is come and gone. Is it closing time? Oh. The last thing that's left is that song that we all love so much. Bula Bula is passed out on the bar. He looks like he's had more than his fill of booze celebrating,

getting the toast of of town all of a sudden. He's one of the only Kua Toa who, as far as you can tell, has has gotten any politeness in the pace at Almond in a long time. You know there's a bit of a stigma of his folk to the southwest where their area is. And so, you know, you're not sure. He came here to celebrate a good day. He might be crashing upstairs. You don't know what his deal is, but he is currently unconscious. You guys had upstairs? Yeah, I think so. Okay. You head back up to the room, little peepers very deliberately and carefully closes the door behind you. And as soon as it clicks, he says, I am so very sorry.

But listen, there is something Fen alluded to, and I believe I should just make it clear. There is a thieves guild in town and if you speak something the magic in town is created by the thieves guild to trigger. If you imply you are not going to make some sort of arrangement with a local guild to do work in town. I have not done that yet. I need to meet you all first. I was going to do that after you all went to bed and tell you I was going out on an

errand and it would be for tomorrow. I'm now telling you that is what I would like to go do. The Thieves Guild is called the Cellars Eye and I was going to attempt to get us some equipment from them and at least permission to break into the mansion. They are not in charge of the caves beneath town. We don't need to talk to them. But if we're going to do this whole mansion thing we decided to do, this sort of side quest

to get a good weapon to take into the caverns, then we do need to talk to them and arrange for something. Permission. We need to ask, we're doing business on somebody else's terms. Yeah. And I do have a little bit of gold that I'm willing to front for all of us.

Well, how much, what do you think is a fair offer? About 10 gold each is what they're going to want. So I can provide 50 gold. This is something I set aside just in case we would have to make a deal. You know, wipe out a lot of the money that I brought, but thankfully I did pickp pockets well over another 50 gold so I think we'll be okay as long as the pasted almond is not counting there the clients tonight were not counting their

pockets after they left. Alright well that's a very generous offer. What was that Fox doing? Was she a member of the guild? Was she trying to get, get ahead of the guild there? I think she was teasing me because she had made a deal with the guild. I don't know if she'd made it for the mansion, but clearly she knows what she's doing. She was trying to put me on the spot in front of you, trying to belittle me, shame me, if you will, take me down a peg, which I do not care for. I don't know if it helps. I don't think we give a shit.

About her, whatever weird. She knew if I said something about the thieves guild, if you could trick me into saying it, or perhaps even if one of you said the phrase thieves guild and implied that we knew of a thieves guild in town, the thieves guild would be told there are thieves sneaking around an alley at two o'clock in The morning and one of them mentioned it if there's a breaking who could not be attributed to somebody who'd already Made it towards the guild. They would find us and punish us You know We should also think about a cyclist to get that kind of magic where anybody says a word and we fucking know about it well, yeah There is something else we can do here.

You would not have to come with me. I would I would ask perhaps if you could help me in addition to the 50 gold, I'll be paying by time. You could all apply to join the guild and you would have access to even more of their equipment. They're a dental. Their spells would be something I'd have to talk to them about but they would only want one representative of the

group so you could come and watch me go in and out if you like but it would just be me going in. I'm not worried he's gonna do anything wrong. I mean you can send him out. You're basically saying we can send one of us instead of you. With him. Oh, I would prefer to be the one. But I understand if our trust issues now, you're all very worried about this. I know. I feel like Spicoli would probably. I'll tell you what. If you all would like to look at your map, Thieves Guild is located on the far north

end of town. There's a little bit of a wooded area on either side of the main road. And just along the waterfront in the northeast corner of town, there is a bush that is not truly there. It is a staircase going down. You might have to fumble around a bit, but it is an illusionary bush. And once you walk down down there's a door. The thieves guild is called the seller's eye and the seller's eye you know it's fairly straightforward from there out but I don't know exactly what I'd have to do. I would

just go down into the bush. I would knock, I would say hello hello I am here on behalf of a crew something along those lines I've not visited them yet. I just know they are there and that they are called the sellers I I know their fee would be 10 gold apiece which again I can front but if we would like to join the guild there will likely be some sort of tribute in lieu of a quest. Like a front each of you another 10 gold each, but that I would like to be paid back if you would like to join the guild.

And us joining the guild gets us permission to do this thing tonight or tomorrow. I could simply front you the money and we would have permission simply by talking to them. We just have to say this is our, we are registering with you a job. So what's the advantage of joining the guild? We were screeners. We get screeners.

I can only assume. I can only, I don't, I also don't know how much, don't know how much it would cost to join the sellers. I am telling you, I confront as much as 10 gold. I also don't know if they would want you to perform some ritual. I have no idea. But if we applied, we could potentially get access to and this is typical thieves guild stuff. I'm sure some of you have heard of this before. Weapons, spells, intel, connections. It's a faction. You would be joining a faction.

a faction. I mean, it seems like we're just trying to get this mansion gig. But if this helps us then invest in future jobs, because that's really what we're talking about is sticking around here for a while, hopefully getting rid of the fog. But in the meantime, we got to, you know, we're gonna make a living. Even if it is temporary, you would be joining a community, which you would think would at least have your back in some way. You would be a union or so, whatever you would like to call it.

But they would not be sneaking up on you like this friend person keeps sneaking up on us. Yeah. Look at Spicoli. That kid needs pizza. We got to we got to feed him. We got to do something. I like it. I think it would be beneficial to us. Yeah. OK. I mean, is it possible we could just let them know... Don't let her beat you up. Oh no, she's wrong. Maybe we could tell them we're doing this gig with the option to join at a later date. Well what I could

do is inquire what hits would be and then come back and tell you and then we can do that once the job is through tomorrow. maybe this time we just do it on a guest account but you know maybe we'll sign up you know very well yes don't don't quite get in on the newsletter just yet right a lot of guys have to do evening at the improv and that gets them in oh that's it that's the one yeah well as a gesture of trust i will say I do recommend you all come with me as far as the little hooded area. But allow me to go down into the bush. Fine by me?

I feel like Mrs. Frisbee and the Rats of Nym. What? What? Mrs. Frisbee and the Rats of Nym. Oh, yes, that's creepy. The owl? I didn't care for it. They live in that bush. All right. the owl I didn't care for they live they live in that bush mm-hmm well all right hopefully there will not be any glowing owl-eye creatures or other things too dark for children to see in an animated movie in the 80s and we'll just be able

to get in and out oh man black cauldron hey Willie no no no biting. No, no, no, no. No biting. Ken, Ken, stop biting, Ken. Ken, stop biting. Ken, no biting. Sorry. So is it safe to say we walk you to the bush? It's playful, but it's done. Yeah, like the group of you would be now leaving the pasted almond once again

at approximately 2.30 in the morning to head on up to the northeast end of town to a deluxe apartment in the sky. About three in the morning you arrive and you can see there's some trees it's almost like a little park except there's no paths going through it. At this point little peepers says the bush should be right around there I feel like you could set up so you can see what it looks like when someone walks into the illusionary bush and okay otherwise we'll just say good night that's kind of what the idea yeah we can go to bed I'm hoping I won't be down there for more than an hour but it could

be an hour so well you mean we're supposed to wait I need you to it is a one person at a time thing if you like after I am gone for an hour, you could each go down there one at a time, but you'd be losing a night's sleep unless you wanted to sleep through the day. Wait, I don't understand what's happening. To register a crew, only one representative shall go once at a time. If you would all like to tonight, apply to be in the guild, we can all go down right now. You can do your thing. Right? Just clear us for the heist. Yeah, that's all. Very well. Well, we've all been talking publicly about the guild now so it must be done or else they will come for us. Oh there's no question about that.

Very well. Over. He walks over past a couple of trees to a very like like weirdly shaped like bush it almost looks like it's half topiary, half bush kind of ragged. It looks like almost it's like falling apart from being old. It's so shoddy and weird looking that like you would never look twice at it.

It's like the ugliest bush in this little area. And he just walks right at it. And you see him as if going downstairs, disappear into the bush downwards. It's a hologram of sorts. It's very Harry Potter. Would you all just simply like to roll a perception check to be on a watch sort of gear at this point?

Sure. I guess we have to wait for him because he said so. 17 plus eight, 25. All right. 17 plus 8. 25. All right. Well done. Twenty. Oh, sixteen. So Joffrey, Siam, at some point you are positive you see someone jumping from tree to tree, but they make no sound. The float.

Oh, that's creepy. And when you focus where you're positive they should have landed, there's nothing there. That's where Cheyenne fat guy is. Super danger. After about an hour, Lil Peepers ascends through the bush. All right. Let us back to the Pace of Dawn, but I would hate for the wrong person to hear what I have to tell you.

Okay. Head back and it's now getting to be about 4.15 in the morning. You all are going to take a point of exhaustion. Hopefully you're going to sleep soon, right? Right. But it's been quite a late night and you are planning to sleep, I should think. So maybe it's not a big deal We've got a dog very interested in our hand gestures, right? So you're all taking a point of exhaustion, okay

He says noted. All right. Well, first of all Good news, we are approved for the job. And I have something for each of you. First of all, if you would like to join the guild, we have free of charge been provided with these vials and he hands each of you a tiny little glass vial with a tiny little cork in it. They just ask for a drop of blood from each of us. No money. But with this drop of blood they can track us while we are in town. The 23 and me.

You mean when we join or just in general? When we join. Oh you don't need to do this if we don't. The guild representative that I spoke to is called The Plank and The Plank informed me that this was a trust thing and so I fronted the 50 gold. What? The Planky Guild thing. What? Do you inquire them?

I'm telling you with some behind the scenes. It was not something I had thought I would tell you but here we are. Full disclosure. Do you know where the microwave is? It's not that kind of hotel. Anyhow, how much of the Toblerone's in a mini-bar? We can deal with that whole guild garbage later. If you have any more questions,

I am as much as I can be an open book. And on that note, I have a book of binding for all of you. There is no magic in this except that it will help you track a guild you've registered, a job you've registered with a guild here in town. And in real life I have for you guys these which I texted you about. This is your Joffrey journal, your Shalablog, your Tome of Twidden, and your and Siam clopedia. I haven't filled them out completely. And what I'm going to do at the end of each session is offer to take them back

home and fill in little things for you. But I thought something I could do the extra mile as is dungeon master is like maintain some books that you can write in. You can write whatever you want in pen or pencil. I put some stuff in pen that's permanent and most of it in pencil since it might change. But these are character journals. They're from Field Notes.

My friend, Erica Gerdes out in Chicago gave those to me some years ago. And finally just gonna straight up fill in with stuff. How did it know my name was Blink Patch? Cause I, blah, blah, blah, blah, because I wrote it. But yeah, these are for you, so you can keep them if you want, just let me know at the end of every session, I'll offer to take them back home with me and jot some more stuff down in them, especially.

Blaine's, I filled out the list, so Blaine, your inventory's not in there, but everyone else should have a fair bit. Yeah, my inventory's not in my thing either. And I have a bunch of quicker, some of it like I've got your your equipment that you have on you right now, all your weapons are in there. And I would also if you if you'd like me to copy anything, make sure your D&D Beyond Digital One is updated too. And I'll try to like keep this at pace.

Yeah, I just was like, what would I want if I was playing a game? It would be like the ultimate podcast move. Oh, if I didn't have to be my own dramaturge and I could actually have somebody doing this. But we're talking about taking notes for stuff. And in particular, next episode, I'm going to remind you of some clues. And so they're for you to write and there's tons

of rooms for notes. Cool. So, you know, there's even levels you've already done. There's like notes for each level and you're already level eight. So there's like eight levels for the pages. You can just write whatever the hell you want. And I'm not fussed if you want to write it in weird places, but I'll do my best to make it very readable between sessions. Cool. Thank you.

Thank you, Dan. Yeah. Yeah. How many pages? Like a hundred pages or something? There's a bunch. There's a bunch of pictures of me in here in the shower. Oh, that's not you. That's the wrong one. Oh, Dan, can you update mine with that as well? I'd like to see some pictures of Blanchard, right?

Yep, done. Update clicked. Thank you. How are we doing on time, Sam? We are five minutes away. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You all have your book of binding. And this again does not have a spell on it according,

and I'm Dungeon Master, it's not cursed or something. It's just like narrative fun. book of binding and this again does not have a spell on it according to dungeon master it's not cursed or something it's just like narrative fun and this is just like a little in-game it's a gift in real life it's it's a slip to give that I wanted to do for you guys so we'll have to talk about what happens after a night's rest on the next Nerding Pokery. Cool. Anything you want to plug? Sure, I am happy to dungeon master for you. You can look at dantelford.com for stuff. I've got some fun stand up coming up. I've got Oklahoma City with JT Haversat and Santa Fe, New Mexico with JT. All those dates are on BrianPasin.com and then in March some shit I'm really excited about. I'm with Eugene, I'm in Eugene with Derek

Sheen Baby Legs, my pal, but then we also have Portland and then the very next night I'm in Sonoma California at the Sebastiani Theater and that is where I saw Jaws. Oh wow. Richard Keele? The Sebastiani Theater was... Sonoma was a one theater town, a small little tourist town that I grew up in. And we moved there in 1974, 75. And that summer J jaws came out I saw that and then we had Star Wars there for a year. I saw the gauntlet there with Clint Eastwood and it's just

this classical theater this gothic theater and I didn't even know they did stand up and I'm doing stand up and I I've done stand up in a building right next to it with a guy obelum he's gonna do the show with me oh wow it was called a cabaret Sauvignon that was the first time we met it's such a dumb name you know wine. Yeah, very yuppie. It was 1990. Yeah, it makes sense. Yes, 90 when I met Engayo. Jesus Christ.

So Engayo and Johnny Taylor are going to be on that show. And that's just going to be a fun show for me. I'm writing bits that you'll never hear anywhere else. I'm going to talk about growing up in Sonoma and, you know, it's because it's already almost it's half sold out and it's way off. So let's fill that and should be super fun, man. I'm really looking forward to that one. It's like, I mean, it's literally a homecoming. BrianPasane.com for those.

Blaine, what's happening next week? We attribute the success saved man, Colleen. For joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof. Well. All the next nerd poker, a chain reaction in the core threatens to destroy the entire... ...threatens to destroy the...

Goddammit! Hello? Yes? You don't say. You don't say. You don't say. You don't say. You don't say.

You don't say. You don't say. You don't say. You don't say. You don't say. You don't say. You don't say. You don't say. You don't say. You don't say. You don't say.

You don't say. You don't say. You don't say. You don't say. You don't say. You don't say. Okay, thanks. Who was it?

That was Brian. He sat on his balls wrong. On to the next Nerdpoker! to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerd poker and you get bonus episodes from there and you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 and Sino California 91416. Thanks for listening.