Nerd Poker - The Fog Campaign - Episode 54

Episode Date: January 13, 2026

The Ding Dong Danglers emerge from their rest ready for GOODIES in the northwest of the Undercity of Dellsmouth. But they must face... DOORS. For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

It's Brian Posane. Nerd Poker. We're calling it. The Svald Campaign. My friends are here. Chris Blaine. Ken, engineer Sam, and of course our kick-ass DM, Dan Telfer.

Welcome to Nerd Poker. Hey, everybody. It's Brian Prasain. You're listening to Nerd Poker. My pals are here. We're doing episode 54 of the... the fog campaign. You heard me.

It's Zoom. We were just talking about playing live again soon. So I hope we'll have some live episodes for you soon. Well, not live, but at my house where you hear dog noises and all that. The stuff that nerd poker is known for. Everybody's here, Blaine. Hey. Chris.

Ken. You're so. Dan is here Hi And running the show from the cool part of town As always everybody Is it a Springsteen hoodie It is

A hoodie but a sweatshirt guys It's Sam everybody Hello sweet Springsteen children He's the boss He's the boss He's the boss It's a rock Rock sung from a paint shaker

we should thank some people Dan right oh god i wish we would someone finally thank these people hey everybody it's me i'm going to thank you thank you everybody who listens to the podcast but especially if you can head to patreon dot com slash nerd poker don't use the patreon app it's really bad i know everything seems like it's an app now but resist the urge and use a ural and you'll save some money we really want to thank folks at our top two tiers of support go by usernames like Glenn Sugden. Thank you, Glenn Sugden. Thanks, Glenn.

Thank you, Ronnie James Trio, aka A. Turned him, Dave. Nice. Thank you, Bob Underdunk. Thank you, Brian Stop. Thank you, Beasel Betty. Thank you, Eric Payne. Thank you, Flea 47 on TikTok

with the D&D Pro Tips. Thank you, A. Gorilla. Thank you, Douglas Calabrese. Thank you, Jeremy Smith. Thank you, Brian and Sarah's just for dogs toilet rat turd buffet.

I guess the toilet rats do leave turds in the toilet and dogs love it. Thank you, Dick Trevor. You have a tasty treat. It's like the last couple of cocoa puffs. Turds in the toilet. No, I can't stop getting my head out of the nightmare place.

Ernie's fishing terns out of toilets on the rainbow bridge. Rainbow turrets. out of a rainbow toilet. Russell Brand proved. Oh, no, that's right. Do we ever talk about that on the air? I don't even know about this, but...

Okay, I do want to explain this just because I have a personal point of reference for this, but I once did a show at UCB. I think it was Comedy Death Ray before it was even Comedy Bang Bang. And Russell Brand was in the lineup. He was like, you know, there with...

It was post-Catey Perry I think, but regardless, he had like, he had like three women with him who were just like there and no explanation who they were. He took a giant shit in the toilet and left it and did like, and you can

be standing right next to the bathroom backstage at UCB. We were all kind of hanging out over there and he just didn't even try to flush it. He just left a huge turd in the toilet and didn't try to flush. And I found out Jen Kirkman

saw him do the exact same thing at UCB leave a giant turn in the toilet, not even try to flush. I feel like I've heard this story. I've heard other people's version of the story. There is multiple people. He did it at Largo and here's the kicker. No toilet paper with the giant turd in the toilet. Exactly. Exactly.

So it's like, dude, wipe your ass. Someone had just been in there before him and could clarify that it was an empty toilet. Wow. He's a It's a It's a real toilet filler. He's an old T.F.

Anyhow, thank you to Brian and Sarah's Just for Dogs, toilet rat, Turbafay, a lifetime of memories. Thank you Dick Trebusha. Thank you, Critter DJ. Thank you Devona, Up Your Rock.

And finally, thank you, Wiener Tits McGee. Blaine, who are those supporters? Fuck Russell Brand. Sports brought to us by winning lottery ticket. Become a millionaire instantly with a winning lottery ticket. Available where losing lottery tickets are sold. You got a play to lose.

And Neko Wafers. That candy they continue to make for some reason. Dan? Thanks, Blaine. It's now time for another episode of turd talk. Excuse me, I mean. Brian Bozane's nerd poker the fog campaign. You guys.

Why did I not think of that exact pun? Why have we not been calling it that for years? Turd poker. That'll be our first April bonus episode, Ternpoker. Ew, Tern poker, no. Sorry, it's happening. I don't like it either, Ken. I rolled up a ninth-level bowel movement.

Hey, Tertie Pokes. I hate everything about this, but I've done it. ass fuckers of America wait what A F O O A? A is the best podcast you ever heard

Ain't you never poked a turn in your life Oh my God You brought it up Let's go Oh Chris has been so quiet during all this It's a shame

And Chris Chris was Chris is quit in his head I love Dungeons and Dragons Oh God it'll happen so and I don't even I don't even like what's happening so uh back to one everybody last episode

on the last episode of nerd mocker I just I just realized that some of the pretext I wrote started but something that reminded me of turds and it made me upset because I want to move move on um it really is turd day The ding-dong danglers are deep within the dungeon of the undercity underneath Delsmith. They are going to either loot the undercity, kill the thief queen, or both, and perhaps there is a worm god in charge of it all. You guys just killed a death night and the flesh pancakes that were sprouting forth from it.

You're in a hallway kind of in the middle-ish of the map, a bit to the west. You've made it through some bigger rooms and a couple of fights. How are we doing on hit points, y'all? It's been a minute. I'm down, but not too down. Did you guys, do you guys do a long rest in that room? We did it short rest. We long rested before we fought the death night.

Correct. Yeah. That sounds about, right. Okay. I'm like six points down. That bad. Okay. Yeah, that fight went a little smoother than the,

um, shambling mounds you fought the room before the sleep you time room. Right now, Blaine, I have you sort of a junction in there where you can see around the corner there is some sort of gargoyle embedded in the wall to the west. If you look up and down this hall, it looks like the death night was patrolling this room. There's some stairs up the north end of the hallway and you can see torchlight flickering down. You also have a map. And using the magical map case, you have you found some shortcuts that would get you to the southwest corner as quickly as possible. I believe you wanted to head to the southwest corner because you wanted to rid the town

of this litchy, thiefy being, perhaps controlled by that worm god, Caius, but also there is loot, you think, and maybe the northwest corner. You were just sort of prioritizing murder.

Yeah. Uh, I think we should, we should, uh, aggravate the gargoyle at this. point. Okay.

So go north then rather than west? North rather than south? The map case, yeah, it's, we wouldn't have to go west down. It's, it's kind of up to you guys. The map case indicated the last room you were in, there is a fragile wall you could have smashed her, but you would have had to go over or through a slime river. You can still kind of keep going south, but you'll have to either smash through that root system.

it's like rocks and roots or a couple of walls to get there right but we want to go north we don't want to go south yeah okay I think the gargoyle is protecting that big room that we can see

with the glowing thing that big square one yeah big glowing X in it can get a perception check from everybody and then I want to hear Blaine you said yeah let's you say perception yes what were you about to say to you blame

I was about to say that the gargoyle is probably protecting some way to get into that that room with the glowing gold X that's on our map. So let's, yeah, let's just go north and maybe we can circle around. I think there's another way in on the west wall of that. Do you see it? Just like a thin door. Yeah, that's a big thing right there. Yeah.

26, Dan. 11. Dang. I got a 14. We got 12. Nice. So. Passive.

Jaffrey, you think you hear some rumbling coming from behind the wall to the south near where Blaine is standing. Okay. I tell everybody. Is it when gray? Weow, weow, weow. I was going to say, let's north it and get goodies, right? Yeah, that sounds right. You guys are going to all head up the stairs?

Yes, please. Okay. As you get to the top of the stairs, you hear what sounds like the wall crumbling. There is a loud cracking noise now coming from where Joffrey heard some rumble. Because it's not like something's coming through. Possibly, yes. With your passive insight, yes. Maybe we should duck around this corner to the north

so we can at least get an eye on whatever the fuck's come. What do you guys think about that? Good plan. Yes. I like it. Fair. Yeah, yeah. I like ducking.

Maybe I'll go around this side. Yeah, as you guys get about to the top of the stairs, there's a bang. as this deep explosion happens that it's the lower register of sound, a bunch of that green fluid has started to seep through the wall to the south. Oh, okay. And I'll indicate whereabouts that's happening. But no creepo.

No humanoid creepo. Blaine, I'm putting you at the top of the stairs because I'm assuming you want to be there. Okay, yeah, yeah, I was just getting away from that hallway. When possible, please move your own tokens in Roll 20, and that is totally fine. I'm just giving you all a reminder because we haven't played the regular campaign on here in a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you see it's sort of like creeping north a little bit. You're not sure what happened there exactly.

I see if I can... It's not... Obstruction spell of some kind or something. Yeah. Yeah, sentient mucus. Oh. I saw sentient mucus open for Mr. Frumbo. What did you have in mind?

He's doing commercials now, I think. What? Oh, God, yeah. I wish she was still canceled. What do you think about what you just, you were implying it somehow? Yeah, but I don't really have any spell for that. Brian, can you open that slightly farther from the microphone, please?

Could maybe collapse the seal? by it, but I don't know. How fast is it moving? Is it... It's moving pretty quick. You think you've only got a moment before it splashes against the stairs. How far up

do the stairs go? About 10 feet. And does there seem like there's enough liquid coming that it'll flood the stairs? Like, will it fill this entire hallway? It will definitely cover the floor. You're not sure if it will begin to... I would assume then it would at least seep into the room that we just came out.

I feel like we're not in danger of drowning. I mean, this whole hallway and the room that we just came out of would have to completely be submerged before it got to us, right? Now that we're up this year. It could already be falling out. Can I try to blast a hole in the floor? Sure. I try to fireball a hole in the floor. Wow.

Between us and the, yeah. Now, if you mean the actual spell of fireball, that could potentially do a lot of Is that what you mean? That's what I mean? A fire bolt. Or bolts that will not do a whole lot of damage, but you can try. It do some. It does some, but I believe it's a cantrip.

So it's probably going to go Piff against Stone. That would be a passive insight. All right. Well, we can all fire both, right? Don't we all have firebolt? Yeah. Yeah, let's all fire both together. Okay.

One. All right. It's, I believe, a spell attack. C.C. Yeah. Could someone ping where you think this spot is going to be right at the bottom of the stairs? Yeah, Ken, it's your plan. Where do you want to do?

Like sort of in between us and it. Okay. Like sort of split the difference right there. Sounds good. Don't cross the streams, guys. I rolled, but I forgot what I got. 18 to hit. Me too.

17 to hit. Oh, nice. I got 28 to hit. I have 17 is armor class of Stonewall, Sealing, and Floor. So it sounds like everybody hit. Of course, Mr. Peepers does not have a fireball. He just has arrows. So he gives you guys a thumbs up, but the Kuwaitoa Archpriest can.

So we're going to get one from him. Same with your barbarian friends. So everyone roll your damage. A lemon. I don't know about a lemon. I think I sold you a pretty good car, honestly. Nine. I wouldn't have got 11?

15. 19. Ooh. Okay. All right. There's a big kapal as the floor opens up. And you're not sure how deep it's going to go, but the water splashes for a second. And by water, I mean mucus.

It looks acidic. it looks dangerous and it's going to stop right at the hole you made right there for now. But I'll let you choose perception or insight to guess how deep the pit is that you just made. I'm going to do perception 20. Passive. I will also do passive perception of 20. Inside 18. Perception 28.

holy balls Brian you think you guys made a hole about five feet deep in the floor the mucus looks like it is about five feet tall but that is that means it's going to fill it pretty quickly so it's rushing down the hall still you think it bought you a few seconds at least

cool I'm keeping an eye on a timer because if you guys stay here along, more might happen. Should come around the other side, I guess. Can we get in this room? To the north? You can try, absolutely. Ping in this door. Are we ready for nine hours at the door, you guy?

I'll give guidance to our thie friends as they contend with the door. All right. Yeah, who's going to thief it up in that door? I'm going to, can I do a mage hand on it? What is the mage hand going to do? Magee hand is just going to try to open it regularly and see if there's any traps. All right. The mage hand tries it and it is locked.

It does not trigger a trap, but it is physically locked. There is an iron ring, no keyhole. Okay. Can I pick a lock with a mage hand? How are you going to pick a lock when there's no keyhole, my dude? You got to tell me it's possible, but you're not sure where the lock is. It just fixed fast physically. Can I firebolt it?

Like shooting it in a movie style? Yeah. Go ahead and roll a spell attack. So 13 plus 6 is 19. That's a hit. Roll some damage. And I did, oh, I did two points of damage on it. Okay.

I cracked a wood bit with fire, but it's still standing. Can I check it out? Is there something I can do with sleight of hand on it? I don't know. I mean, you could try to get your thief tools into the seam of the door and see if there is some kind of contraption in there. Would that be a... You're not sure.

Slight a hand or stealth or what? It would be slight a hand, but it would be a pretty high D.C. Because nobody's really gotten a close look at the door yet. Okay, can you try? Yeah. You guys do get pretty high slight of hand checks. 27. And there it is.

And high. Yeah, there is some sort of metal thing. It looks like maybe you can only lock it from the inside, but you manage to get your key, your, why am I not saying it? Your lock pick. I was going to say your key pick. And I was like, that's not a word.

You get your lock pick tools inside the door frame, find the little lever that is bracing the door closed and pop it. You guys are now looking at what seems to be a physically unlocked door. We should see mucus starting to creep up the stairs. Do you want to check for, are you clear for traps on this thing?

No one has looked. I thought they may chand. Maychand touched the door. Okay. Trying to open it regular, Blaine said. Yeah. Just wanted to see if anything was going to want to chop it off or activate anything.

Do you want to check for traps now that it's unlocked? Yeah. Difi guys? Yeah, not much a major hand can do except pat it down. You got to get some eyeballs on there. If a Difi person wants to get in there and do an investigation check, please do. Yeah. Okay.

I'll do it. 11 plus 11, 22. All right. It doesn't seem like there are any additional traps. You can probably push it. And we go. Real good. You push the door and yes, there is some sort of ritual chamber, a chair at the center of the room in the middle of a pentagram, as was promised on the map.

A bunch of alchemical tools, potions. It does seem like a very strange ritual room. You're not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing to be sitting at that chair at the center of the pentagram. but you do think this is a private chamber not intended for just anyone. The death night was certainly not welcome in here. It's eerily quiet, but you do hear rumbling out in the hallway. Your MPC friends are rushing in the door. Well, there's a, Dan, around the pentagram, or on the far side of the pentagram, I should say.

It looks like are there tables with like ingredients or something on them? Yeah, I was doing my best to describe it as alchemical tools, but there's like some sort of potions and fluids, vials and flasks. A lot of glass objects that none of you have seen before intended to distill potions. If anyone wants to do an Arcana check, I might be able to tell you a little bit more, but the priest is used to more shamanistic magic and doesn't know what the hell any of this is. I can give a Kuatela priest. I can give guidance to Shalab, who's sort of our magic man, right?

Yeah, I shall arcana. He is sort of your magic man. Try to understand. Guidance is what before? I think so. 17. Not entirely clear, other than it looks like some of this is meant to be in the necromancy school of magic. Could be health potions.

Which could be. vampiric effects could be undead effects could be life altering stuff like that but these liquids affect life force

Dan Blaine does it look like does it look like these things have been used recently or is this like an active room or is there dust? Let's have everyone do an inside check and just because it's

Sounds funny. Little Peepers will use this trunk to check for a layer of dust on the tabletops. 24. 19. Oh, my. Eight. 17. Okay.

Well, Joffrey, you're with an eight, not really sure. But you can tell with a 24, 17, what did you get playing? 19. Yeah, you three can tell that it looks like someone's been in here very recently. Uh-huh. Is there something in the middle of the pentagram or is that just... That's a chair. Oh.

I attempted to describe... But I may not be doing a clear job. So I'll just try and describe this one more time. So there's like this circular stone ring at the center of the room, occupying much of the room. A pentagram at the center of it. And between the points of the pentagram, it looks like there are some sort of symbol carved into the stone. There are more symbols

sort of written in chalk around the stone circle. This whole ritual circle takes up most of the room and around it there are three tables. One of them looks like it was used to experiment on something. It doesn't seem like entirely clear whether it was a living thing that was being experimented on,

but there is this stained cloth across it. Another table is mostly vials, flasks, and fluids with a couple of scrolls opened up on it in language we can talk about if you want to look closer. And then another one, another table looks like it has potion ingredients, some very mysterious herbs and plants, some strange organic substances in little jars.

Are there actual potions? Yes, the middle table with the alchemical fluids looks like it has at least five potions. Can we, uh, test those potions and find out what they are? If you want to tell me how you test them, yes. Well, I think like with D&D, you can take a little sip and it goes, oh, that's a growing shrinking. Or you take a little sipping goes, oh, that makes your wiener purple or whatever.

A classic D&D slip and spell. So are you guys going to shut the door behind you? Yes. Okay. Stryking. Shuddy. I have a feeling that somebody sat in this chair and traveled somewhere. They have a purple wiener.

You think they traveled? Yeah. Why? I feel like this is a... I think they escaped this way through the chair. I don't know. Or somebody was putting the chair and tortured. Interesting.

Dan, is there another hallway out of this room? Yes. As per the map, there is a large double door to the west. It's clearly a double door, but I can draw it for you. I mean, I'm assuming this goo is a fence, I'm going to try and flood this whole place. We want to try and like, because I feel like Northwest up here, this is all about stuff, right? This is all about us finding goodies to grab. Maybe we should, I don't know, check out these potions and then go down the double doors and see if there's more stuff.

Because if, if in fact, this whole place is ultimately flooding, then we're going to have to get out anyway. out, yeah. Right. Sounds good. So can we... Okay. I'm going to start picking the lock on this door, looking for traps and stuff. Cool.

I will check potions. All right. Since you said that a couple minutes ago, Chris, I would like to honor it first. How are you going to check those potions? Little sips. Little sips. All right. Right now, you are looking at a gray potion, a bright, gray potion.

a bright green potion, a blue potion, a red potion, and a brown potion. Well, I'm going to do little sips from each one to try and determine what they are. Which one would you like to do first? What about Brian potion? I've been waiting in line for an hour.

Which would you like to do first, Chris? It doesn't matter. Red. Gray, green, red, blue, brown. Okay. Red. Punch, Arctic Blast. Mountain Rush.

Baja blast. It's like a flight of potions. You said red, correct? Sure. You take a little sip. No immediate obvious effect. So it's not a potion? It could be, but you're not sure.

That's why I'm punch. Okay. I'll try. Derry, dairy. I'll tell you what. I'm not entirely sure what you're going for, so let me try to bridge the gap by having you. do an Arcana check.

What I'm doing is in D&D, you can take a sip of a potion and determine what it is. Can you? Is that just like a flat thing? I don't know that I've ever encountered that flat. He said that with a great confidence. I know. That's the best part that's throwing me. Well, I mean, you're the dungeon master, so you can decide.

It's just how it is. Traditionally, you get to take a little sip and figure out what stuff is. I'm looking up rules for potion sipping because I don't mean to be obtuse about it. I'm just trying to figure out. We're all D&D experts, Dan. I don't know if you know. I don't. I am not.

I just barely figured out how to play the game. I don't understand it at all. Yeah. Right. And Ken, you're a rabbit, right? What? You just figured out how to play the game. You're a rabbit.

Oh, cool. I like it. This is really funny to me. Sorry to spend so much time on this, but like, it does say in the dungeon master's guide, you can sit motions. You don't need the identify spell. You just taste and you know what it is, which is not how I would write Dungeons and Dragons, but very much a well-established rule.

So it's just funny to be. So, yeah, like, you can tell that this is some sort. Oh, God. I guess I have to tell you the whole thing, don't I? Yeah. This is a limb regeneration potion. Oh. You can grow your purple penis back.

Exactly. She was a one-eyed, one-old-fired purple penis eater. Oh, dear. Oh, that's wrong way. Okay. Yeah, I'm going back to some Shep Wully reference. Man. Laying the phone switchboard just lit up.

up with your reference. Everyone's like, oh, something we know. The estate of Shab Wolley. Please cease and desist. I was just in my grandpa's truck in 1978 going to a swap meet. Which would you like to try next, Chris? Whatever's next. I have the list. We'll say next is gray. Okay.

Greater aid. Hmm. All right. You, this is a potion. If someone drinks the entire thing, you will curse your own skeleton. It will retain your soul after you die and the rest of your body rots away. You will be able to animate yourself like a skeleton would. Wow.

That's cool. That happens when I drink cold slager. It's like a very, very, very bad litch potion that would essentially make only your skeleton and mortal. You would not retain your voice. Even your ability to see and hear would be limited to vibrations as your ears and eyes rot away. But you could walk around. She was in the movie Hoosiers, by the way. Which?

He played Cleetus Simmer as the principal of Hickory High School. Wow. You sip the blue potion next? Go. What the hell? this turns you into guitar zam no Captain K-Fam a potion of speed

Blue is a potion of speed Oh that's a good one You can audition for those micro machines commercial I'm not doing anything from the 21st century Is it a John Machita reference Yes Brown is an inside out pose It pulls your organic tissue up out through your esophagus and spills everything under your flesh out onto the ground.

Oh, like a swing set. Upside down, boy, you turn me inside out. Is that all of them, damn? Nope, one more. There's a blue potion that will turn you into a wear shark. Where do, do, do. Do do, do, do, do. See if AG's going to show up.

I suppose it is worth noting drinking the entire potion. We'll curse you if you drink the brown, blue, or gray ones. Those are all cursed. That sounds about right. You should dump those on the floor, yeah. Wait, the speed is a curse? No. I said the wrong colors.

I'm sorry. Blue, yeah, blue with speed. Yeah, I messed up. The Wearsharthorke potion is the green potion. So Wears shark, inside out, and curse of skeleton are all curses. And limb regeneration in speed or just sort of traditional potions. Terrific. Correct.

Correct. And I will put all of these in the Zoom chat for y'all. I guess for expediency sake I'll just carefully place them in my bag so we can sort them out when we're not being chased by a glop yeah the hay fever

river post nasal drip interesting there's your potions are all in your bag now Chris Coelio are we doing on the door well now we do have to get to

Blaine, who was doing this while the potion sipping was happening. Sorry, there was so much chatter about me figuring on how potions were. It's all very exciting to learn that new rule. Did you know that? We either can. I had no idea. What do you mean? I bet I've done that wrong on the podcast.

At least a dozen times where you guys sip it. And I'm like, you blah what for you sit. I'm like, you don't know. So, yeah, Blaine, I want you do your investigation check first. I believe you implied there would be an investigation than a slight of hand afterwards, perhaps, depending on the results. Oh, 19 plus 11, which is 30. Goodness.

I forget. You immediately get a weird vibe. Can you actually do an Arcana check? 12 plus 7, 19. There is some sort of magical word on the door, but you're not sure. Dispell magic. Who's got it? You?

Me. Okay. Do it and see if it works. Hey. where is it Spell magic It's a What is it a role

It's a I believe you tell me What level you're casting it at Yeah All right Cast it at Uh Fourth level

There is no effect Can I do a Can I do a magic Or I'm sorry A mage hand Step back and Check myself Magehand it

Sure. You take a step back. You have your, forget, is Magee Hand completely invisible? This is more for narrative effect. It doesn't sound like complete. Yeah, I think it's just sort of like a imaginary hand that floats a rules. Oh, you can get an invisible version depending on your class. Are you Arcane Trickster? Yes. Then, yeah, you get an invisible version of it.

But you do see when your Mageean touches the door. It burns briefly with a green flame and then disappears. Ah. Can we, is there? You know what? Let me try casting again at the higher level. Okay, dokey. What level this time?

Fifth. Okay. Hang on. I will hang on. I'll be two seconds. Okay. Time's up. I think we're pausing for Brian?

Yes. He's doing it Russell Brand. That's what we'll just call it now. Yeah, might as well. It fits. Great back guys. I need to go drop for Russell Brand. The shit fits.

Yeah, I don't feel bad about making fun of Russell Brand. He's a serial rapist. You're right. Also, it was at Largo that it happened to Jen. So you might have been on the same show as sure, but yeah. What about Captain Crunch? He fucked a bull. to all of Captain Crunch.

Is that a joke he had? No, that's my hilarious joke. Oh, okay. That's pretty funny. Yeah. Feel free to use it. It's really, Ken,

I'm going to a party this weekend. Do you think people would like me at the party if I told that joke? Yes. Yeah, go in the kitchen, find the cereal. Uh-huh.

And then just stick your dick in the box. That's funny. Normally when I... What am I, everybody? Huh. Normally I go to parties, I just use. rock to do a vulgar roast.

Can I just say it still bothers me that Lonely Island made that song with Justin Timberlake, dick in a box when cock in a box has such a better cadence to it? Huh. I think they probably had a better chance of getting dick in the box on the air. It got bleep regardless, but yes, I agree that if they said cock on the box, they might not even let them get it to the bleep face. But then they could just put a chicken in a box and say, see? We were just saying that.

Maybe they pitched it and it didn't go. I love that they got away with a came in my pants. Jizzed in my pants? Oh, jizzed my pants. That was incredible, yeah. And I caught a breeze and I chis in my pants. Eyes rolling back in their head. They're funny, those guys.

They are. The pop star Never Stop Never Stop, Never Stopping. Oh, that movie is very underrated. It's insanely funny. Oh, I've never seen it. Yeah, I stumbled on it during the pandemic and it's like, oh, wow. Okay, great.

It's nonstop jokes. It's like top secret level. Just joke machine. Yeah. And it's really, it's good and smart, too. What did you just direct? Pregstein? Frank, not Guillermo, Yorma.

He did a naked gun. Naked gun, that was it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, God, naked gun. All right. Brian's back. Let's talk about a naked gun for a while. Also, what level did you cast that at?

What, 50, you said? Fifth. Right. The magic dissipates. Nice. Let's get out of here. Do you try the door? Let's do it, yeah.

Oh, traps? What are you doing with the double door? Tell me what you're doing. I'll do a mage hand again and try to push the doors open. It is physically locked now. Okay. I can't pick it. Also, your mage hand would pop after a second when it tries the door handle.

Okay. Even though the magic is dispelled. Well, what's going on? There's no green flash. Correct. He has to dispel magic on the door. Okay, do you have another way to check the door magically? I'm going to try to pick it very carefully since the magic is displayed on it.

There'll be a slight of hand check, DC22. And that is a 17, 13 plus 4. You just don't seem to be able to do it and you notice when you do it, you have to keep pulling your lock picks away because the, metal is white hot. I will, maybe while they're doing this, I will get ready. I have a ray of frost.

Maybe I could like cast that and then they could try and pick it in an effort to make the lock not red hot. Cool. Okay. Go ahead and so you cast ray of frost against the door handle right before they do a lock pick. Is that you're saying? Yeah.

Like we can coordinate together. I could be like, okay, guys, give me a second, and I'm going to sing a snowflake reprieve. And as soon as it chills the lock, they could do their thing. Okay, cool. So you are going to do it, and then it will give Blaine, if you want to do that, again, with either the same way it'll be with advantage this time. Okay. Or you can try something else.

I'm going to try it the same thing again. Okay. So that is a 16. Oh, and let me do a With Advantage, do I roll again? It's with advantage means to roll again and take the higher number. There's a 19 and a 4, so 23. Nice.

It pops. It's pretty tricky, but the ray of frost definitely helped. By cooling it down, you've delayed the amount of time it takes for the tools to heat up, and, yeah, the lock is done. All right. Let's go. Let's push these doors open. All right out of this road.

I'll finish my song. And the snowflakes reprieve. You pop the doors open and notice there is some sort of strange pink hand extending from the wall towards the double doors. There's also, you notice this wall of flame in the center of the corridor. And can and Wall of Flame. You're just making this shit up. Everyone do a InSight or Arcana check, your choice. I'm going to do Insight of 20.

Nice. My passive. Great. 19 Insight. Insight. Inside, natural 20 plus 6.26. Holy shit. Nice.

What you got, Brian? forward you know Joffrey's done some spectacular things this campaign and none of them are right now I don't know nothing yeah you guys all rolled hot and you can tell whatever that

strange pink hand is it is some sort of magical hand that is not a mage hand but casting a spell in the direction of the door you're not sure which spell I will allow a second Arcana check if somebody wants to guess that specifically, but it would be a little higher.

It'll be a 24. I was looking for a 20 on that one. And that is some sort of magical flame in the center of the room intended to dissuade you from going across the room, again, because of the lack of Arcana Chucks, can't tell you exactly what kind of spell. So the hand was casting a spell? Is that what you said? At the door that we just came through?

Yes. Got it. Okay. There's currently inactive reaching sort of limply forward. Is it like an illusion? Is what? The hand and the flame. The wall of flame.

I don't just answer that question without a close-up investigation check or an insight check. You have to tell me what you're doing and a little more specific than, is it real? I'm going to sort of inch toward the wall of flame and see if I can feel like heat coming off of it. Cool. That'll be either insider arcana, your choice. I'm going to put your token right next to it. I'll do a passive insight of 20. No heat. Aha.

And my whiskers aren't starting to curl up at the ends? No. I like it. Okay. So what do you think? You think it's a fake? I feel like it's like some sort of... Is the hand doing anything as I get closer to it?

No, it's just sort of passive right now. Now. You want to get a close look at that, too? Yeah, I'll head over to the... Again, same thing. You can either do Insight or Arcana if you want to know more about the specific magicness of it. You know, I'm going to do a...

I'm going to roll an Arcana check. Eh, it's not a good one. I will also do a check. Arcana, on the hand? 9.7. Arcana or Inside, whatever you say. First, let's address Blaine's role that he said while you were saying that. So, yes, you can't tell with a 16 what kind of spell it is.

Ken, you got to tell me, the flame wall or the hand, do you want to figure out what spell it is, or do you want to figure out if it's about to do something? I want to figure out if it's a little thing or illusion. The authenticity of which both? A flame? Flame? Investigation check. Oh, investigation.

That is a six. Ooh. It's unclear. Yeah, I'll say. But Dan, did you factor in the fact that he got a six? Yes. That's a deal.

That's with a bonus. The same. So there's no heat. Tudin is going to look at the guys and go, I'll do this, and I will run down the hallway.

You guys see Twyton run full force towards the wall of flame, which if nothing else is pretty hilarious when you think about it. Twinin disappears as the wall of flame suddenly takes up all of your vision again.

Twittan, you emerge from the other side, completely unscathed unharmed and it is definitely an illusion. Can I call that out to friends? But first they'll be like, oh, my God! Oh, no! My papyrus! Oh, my rubbings! And then I'll be like, no, I'm fine.

Cursed this metal body. It wasn't fast enough. Brian, Ken and Blaine, do an insight check. All right. 1. 35. 20. I got a 1 plus 10, so.

Blaine, for a second. like, oh, fuck, Twiddon's dead. We really fucked up. My life is over. And then you hear him clarify and then you're like, oh, okay, he got me. And we'll have to see how it goes on the other side of the flame wall on our next episode of nerding pokes. Sam, please do note. We did pause for five

minutes in the middle there. Did you happen to catch that adventure? I did, yes. What do you think happened today? I got nothing. Oh. He doesn't have any insight. He failed his insight check as well, Blaine. So you've got a comrade there. I love that the ramen was doing exactly the thing that you were doing with your hand

while he while you were doing it. Oh my God, that was priceless. Save that video. Well, I'll plug what I've been plug in. I'm working on a new D&D project over a geeky tease that I'm very excited about where I get to start my own production company and everything. It's very, very exciting and I'll be posting more about it very soon. going to have a lot of fun people involved

and hopefully nerd poker will get to do some live shows in their new space because they have like a fucking theater over there they have like a big they turn like a big warehouse storage room into like a soundproof stage lighting like performance space and they have like a gaming table so it'll be really fun I can't wait to tell you guys more about the new D&D project Brian what about you what are you up to

Coming up in the new year, I've got Comic-Con Cruise at the end of January and going out of Tampa there. And then I've got Batavia, Illinois with J.T. Habersat. But all my tour dates are on Brian Passain.com. All the stuff that I had last year just got moved because of Stewart. I haven't taken any new gigs yet. I have eight Comic-Conns coming up this year, besides San Diego. So it's mostly going to be a con year, not a ton of stand-up. I think I'm doing like four weekends at clubs,

and they're all things that were previously booked. So stick around at Brianprstein.com for any kind of touring info. and then merch over there too and uh comic book shops pick up uh grommets it's not too late to get into something that people like Brian did you say John Stewart ruined your schedule

what? No oh okay no I didn't say Stewart the the show yeah I'm being I'm being stupid I'm perfect

Okay, got you. Stewart Little ruined your schedule? Yes. The tiny mouse, voiced by America's favorite. RIP. Yeah. Go ahead.

Blaine. End the show. We attribute the success. Save mankind for joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof. Well, all the next nerd poker. The air poker.

and even more time taffy that sends them hurtling back in time to before they found the time taffy. Can Sam find the time taffy in time to save the time taffy? All this. And Brian sits on his time tapy wrong. And honestly, who's going to chew it now? On an all chewed time beat dirt poker. Thanks for listening to another episode of nerd poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerd poker.

And you get bonus episodes from there. and you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 and Sino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.