Nerd Poker - The Fog Campaign - Episode 61

Episode Date: March 6, 2026

Time to bust down some walls before the talking murder coffin tricks us into opening it! For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Hey, it's Brian Possein. Nerd Poker. We're calling it... The Svald Campaign. My friends are here. Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer Sam, and of course our kick-ass DM, Dan Telfer. Welcome to Nerd Poker.

Hey everybody, it's Brian Poissane. It's already hilarious here. It's a bunch of hijacks and shenanigans on a Tuesday morning. it's episode 61 of nerd poker the fog campaign uh my friends are here we're uh doing it zoom zoom zoom style like we're from boston in the 80s or something uh everybody's here that get that reference isn't that a show wasn't that shot in boston chris yeah yeah yeah wgbh boston yeah uh chris is here Hi, Zoom, Zoom, Zoom.

Ken's here. Box 0,2048? That sounds right. Oh, 1, 2, 3, 4. Blaine is here, and you probably knows the whole theme song. What was his theme songs are? Zoom. Oh, Zoom.

In the Boom, Boom, boom. Go on give it a try. I remember, what was it, a new Zoo review. Oh, that's a whole different show. Yeah. It has the zoo sound in it. Yes, Blaine. It has the zoo sound in it.

Excuse me, give you zoo. Where are zoo? Dan's here. Hey, Dan. All right. It froze. Running the show from the cool part of town. Hey, I have really died flagged, and I can't make out what anyone's saying.

Oh, sure. Hey. We join. Your face, and you just look contemplative and looking off in the middle distance. There you go. All right, running the show from the cool part of town, as always, it's Sam, everybody. Hello, sweet children.

There he is. All right, so we should thank some people, on, Dan? Yes. Hi, everybody. And thank you for supporting us just by listening. But if you can support us on patreon.com slash nerd poker, we're quite grateful. Thank you two users over there at our top two tiers of support. like Sean McKinley.

Thanks, Sean. Sean. This says Ken voice. Ken, can you say with an exclamation point, physical bits? Physical bits. Thank you, Ken. That was me, actually, listeners.

Thank you, that thing with the, you know, that other thing. Thank you, Vorda Spin. Thank you, voodoo beef. Thank you, Jack. Mine off. Thank you, Morty Mortensen. Thank you, Lil Peepers.

Crime Boners. Loves a jingly pocket. Thank you. My war donkey name sucked, but please get Dave Anthony to play again. Glaze the lips walking the room, episode 204. Any day you say. Yeah. Sure. Angry D&D.

Yeah. Thank you, Russell Brand's chocolate raspberry unwiped for your pleasure. Thank you, Jonathan Meyer, thank you, Dr. Salamander, thank you Jeremy Rossman. Thank you, Zerk Bowdark. Thank you, Sam Gibson. Thank you, I will raise you two toilet frogs. And finally, thank you, Worm Drive Show on YouTube, choose your own adventure.

Blaine, who are those supporters brought to us by? Supporters brought to us by a Seelotan exercise bike. Does that make you thin? Does that make you crazy? Crazy and jake. The Seleotan exercise bike, caution may be problematic. And man puffs. Man-sized tissues for man-sized loads of jizz.

Leave your penis soft and simple, man puffs. Jerk off at them. Dan? Thanks, blame. I'm not going to do that. You told me to that. I refuse. Yeah, we're picking things back up

over on the Fog campaign after we have not recorded, and I want to say a few weeks at this point, so it's good to see all of you again. I am just pulling up the turn order as we have on roll 20, the turn order from our last bonus episodes. I have it in a screenshot.

I don't suppose anyone remembers it off the top of their heads, but if you do, great. If not, chill. The turn order? No. No, don't worry. I'm pulling it up. I'll tell everyone that while I'm attempting to do other stuff.

Oh, shit. Yeah. Multitasking. Hey, everybody. So last time on Nerd Poker, our heroes were moving to the northeast corner of the undercity map and had found a chitinous door with a

chitinous keyhole. Blaine had recovered a key that conveniently enough looked like it ought to match said keyhole and everyone managed to get through after he fit it into the socket. Wink, wink nudge, nudge.

Once you guys got inside you discovered a coffin that was trying to get you to open it. Felt a little suss. And you are currently fighting some mushroom folk. Anyone remember what they're called? Because I do, and I'm curious about nerds and how they pronounce the specific one. I thought they were just a bunch of fun guys.

You just said mushroom people. Oh, okay. Fungongs. They were fun guys, right? Yes. They're called my conids. And some people pronounce it differently. and I just wanted to see if y'all did,

but y'all are like their mushroom people. This is a game of Mario Kart Dan. I don't know what you're trying to pull. So. I heard they don't take any shittake. I see what you did there. Top of the turn order is actually. Leaving.

Top of the turn order is Chris. Cool. When we ended, you said you were going to roll initiative for them. did you do that? I did not do that. I suppose it's possible it will be high on the turn order. However, they would have to beat at 26, which they cannot with their initiative. So you are definitely up first if you could cover me.

Will Stide. Can you move us over to the map so we can. Oh, I'm so sorry. If they're attackable. No, I'm sorry. Yes, yes. They are attackable. I'm so sorry.

I thought you guys saw what I saw. I thought and I was wrong. Imagine what he saw. Scrolling, scrolling. Scrolling, scrolling. Oh, so they're way back. I'm in another room. Yes.

They're kind of jumping folks who had difficulty. Yeah, and you know what? Let me go ahead and do a better explanation than I could do while I was doing those other things. So you guys were trying to get from the top right room to one room below. you're trying to move around some frog hemits you found in the hallway and take the long way around. But you found my conids on accident. You were jumping across an expanse. And I believe what happened was a couple of you dipped your toes in this river of slime.

Or perhaps it was an explosion. I'm not sure I remember exactly. But you woke a few up on the way out of an opening. I think maybe it's because you were chopping and exploding through those roots on the south end of the room. I know you had to get through them. They were a blockage. Chop, chop, chop. So now you guys are most of the way through.

And yes, as you noted, Chris, you and Ken are already in the next room where there are bodies from when you had your first fight in the undercity. A couple of your fish friend folk were annihilated by shambling mounds down there. And in the room above, Blaine and Lil Peepers are right on the precipice of hopping on through. and we've got Brian and the two fish folk bringing up the back being told repeatedly that they need to open the coffin. Although I think it's just Chris and Ken, maybe Brian. I'm not sure. It's not everybody. Dan, am I aware of the fact because I'm in the other room and I think last time I was kind of focused on trying to get past the goo?

Am I aware of the fact that the mushroom people are coming up behind my pals? I'll give it that Brian's calling it out. Yes. Oh, okay. Yeah. So if he's so, yeah, if the Spicoli's calling,

then I think I would move probably, I want to give him a place to escape to when it's his turn. So he's not potentially like right next to them. So I will fall back, uh, 5, 10, 15 feet, um,

which I, let's see, hopefully gives me line to sight. Yeah. Okay. So there's one. looks like that's in melee with Brian. I

will attack that one because I don't want anybody hurting Spokoli. That's up to Mr. Man. Uh, do, do, do,

do, do, do, um, get a fire bolt him. Okay, so I rolled an 18 plus 9, 27 to hit.

Uh, they have an armor class of 97. I'm so sorry. No, that's a hit. Wow. He's strong. They have great.

The dog's weird. I rolled terribly. Eight fire damage. Okay. And then I will, so I move 15 feet and then I'll call out to Spikoli like, you know, get out of there. And I will maybe fall back in 10 feet again, trying to make a hole for my friends to join me in this next room.

Sounds good. Hey, bud. Is that Frankie? No. Oh, excuse me. Spicoli. Okay. He said,

Hey, but I was like, oh, and then you said no that it wasn't right there. I was like, oh, wait,

you have little, you have little like households. I see. I know, I get what happened. So up next is the Myconids. They are, in fact,

right on top of Spicoli. God, yeah. So they are going to circle around him. One of them is not going to be able to really get there. They're small, right?

mushrooms okay they're about they're about they're about they're about eight feet tall and they look like

toad from Mario yay those are huge correct they are they are large okay I'm not having them

quite take up two spaces just because I think it would be visually confusing but they are they're very large a macro dosing

Dan just you know terms of taking up space, if they do take up that space, then I think less of them would actually be able to reach Brian. Yeah. I think less of them already. It's, I'm trying to say that they could because it would be confused. Oh, he's, well.

Chris quit. I know. Like, okay, I'll respond to what you said. Chris. He just takes his headphones off and leaves. It would be weird if you popped in here and there my screen. This is like a laughing wall. in bondage gear

yeah I mean I I left them that size because I thought they would be like thin and tall and be able to only occupy five feet wide

they're not like big and tubby and would take up more than five feet wide which is when I I want to fit through the opening we just run through and then fuck them

I would say that based on the fact that you're not in the room, you couldn't personally make that guess, but if someone else wanted to make that guess who's scaring at them, they could. They are going to attack Brian. I will try to explain that to Chris when he returns.

But three of them are going to try to pacify you. So can I get three Constitution saving throws from East Piccoli? Okay. Chris,

I immediately tried to respond to what you said and you took your headphones off while I was talking and walked out of the room and I've never felt so abandoned as a child. Oh, sorry to get coffee. What's your question? I know. I was just going to say because they're not tubby, they're not like more than five feet wide. I'm having to take up one space on the.

Oh, sorry. I heard you say large. They're large. Yeah. I mean, like on, they're large size. Do you typically when you play just have large by default take up more than one square? Yeah. Medium is one square large is two by two and huge is three by two.

three, I think gargantuan then is four by four. I think that's the... Okay. I will say... I don't want to misquote. Well, no, and I don't want to ignore a convention that well known. So I am going to... Yeah, my...

Larges two by two, huge is three by three. Okay. Okay. I am going to give that one to you, and so you don't have to make one of... You don't have to make the last one, Brian, but what were the first two Constitution? Good thing. I didn't make the last one. 2015.

All right. Well, that is great news. You needed a 12. So they try to rattle their arms at you and these waves of spores fly at you, but you're able to just kind of wave it away like someone blew joint smoke in your face. They are going to now try to slam attack you with their fists. the 7 and a 14 hit I think those are both misses

Yeah Oh my armor class is 14 But it's a miss if it's the same right No it's a hit if it's it's a hit it's the same So that So that means a hit Okay Okay

And so you're going to take Well Well, you're probably going to take damage. He did botch, it looks like. Or is that? No, he didn't botched. He botched his damage. That doesn't count.

So that's going to be five points of bludgeoning damage and six points of poison damage. It smacks in you. So 11 total. Yes, 11 total. The other two my conids are going to rattle their entire. bodies in a 30-foot radius. Spores. Hmm.

Gross. So good news is, I think geographically speaking, Glug is on the other side of a cliff lip and the spores are not going to hit him. They're going to kind of be too far down in the pit. But we're going to have your mage friend make the role. And I'm going to need an intelligence save. from Brian Lil Peepers

and I think Blaine is actually going to be spared from this too because he's just around the bend so just Brian is the only player that will have to deal with this I'm coming up around the bend

Oh I see Creedinson Hanaway Ross That's a helicopter song Down on the corner out in the street though That's where

Is it? It's here? No, just any Vietnam movie Oh, gotcha Betty and the jets I thought you were saying The helicopters They're like Swedish band

19 Yeah 19 Yeah Great So that is a success Cool And then Just waiting for little peepers

So shoot Little Peepers also saves Neither of you are going to suffer from their pacifying spores or their, what is it, weird psychic attack? And then there is going to be

nothing else from them. Let's bring it to blame. I'm going to continue to I'm through these thorns. There's a hole in these thorns that we can get through. I'm going to just try to enlarge the hole in these roots so that these other guys can get through faster. Okay.

So I'm going to, I guess I'll, did I do a firebolt before? Did the fire was fire bolts working? I think that is what you did. Yeah. So you can give that a shot. Okay. I'm going to do a firebolt again. So.

17 plus 6. Oh yeah, that's a hit. Roll some damage on them roots. Two D-D-10. Sorry, Roots. We loved you on Yo Gabba-Gabba, but you're in the way. 2D-0.15. 15. 15 points of root damage. I just see a simple tour every time you say roots.

Yeah, well, and you know what? Because he hit him for damage, he got that route down, and there is more room for your friends to get through. There's a message for you, Rudy. No. Stop that messing around. Think of your future. Time to straighten right out.

Causing problems in town. All right. So, is that for your turn, sir? Yeah, yeah, that's it. I guess, and I'll move through, I'll move through this hole and kind of join Chris over here. Yeah, I mean, and you can get pretty far through. You can get like probably down to the bottom here.

This is a slope down into junk, but if you wanted to go a couple more squares down, you could. I'll just head down here. I don't want to get into the ooze. Sure. There might be teenage mutant ninja things in there. Turtle power. I've heard. Lil Peepers is now up.

He is going to go, what ho! And he is going to jump back down towards... Check himself. And he's going to start stabbing. at one of the mushrooms. There's two hits. The short sword and his dagger. He hit you and you hit the ground.

He presents them both, starts swooshing and is going to do, oh my goodness. Okay, so 33 points of damage. Wow. On one of these guys. Who peeps? That's terrific. Wow. He's got so much.

Although, wait, that is, that is only part of it. I'm, I'm misunderstanding how Roll 20 does sneak attack damage yet again. So that is going to be 33 plus 18. Jesus. 51 points of damage, I think. Wow. Yeah, I'm, I'm just calling him like I see him. He gets 5D6 sneak attack damage.

So, I think he only gets. do it once so I am doing the math wrong still it's 18 plus 15 it's only sneak attack on one attack and so he is going to be able to do that he has advantage because he's got higher ground Brian you're going to have the same and that will be 18 plus 15 is is back to 34 points of damage sorry for all the bad mass I bet it was exciting for none people to listen to, though. Brian, you're up.

It's not bad math for Quixian and helmet. Oh. Yeah, what should I do? Well, Little Peepers dove beside you and started stabbing down on the guy just tier north.

He's looking really screwed up. You could You could potentially finish him off or there's another guy to the east. He's not quite flanked. He's close to flanked. He's not quite flanked. He's one square from flank. But he's done.

Yes, we can do that. All right. I'm going to short sort him. Well, nope. Sorry. Afraid not. Do you get advantage though? Dan, didn't you say he had advantage?

Did he not roll advantage? You have advantage, Brian. Oh, no. No, I did not. Thank you, Chris. Uh, there's it. Looks like it's a 25. I don't know.

I got there, but it's a goody. I would, I think that's a possibility. So I'll give it to you. That is a hit. Roll your damage. Thank God. I have a plus four. Uh, five.

All right. And this is the guy to the north? Yeah. Okay. He's, he's very, uh, close to depth.

He starts wobbling back and forth as you shred a large piece of fungus flesh from him. Brian, did you do your sneak attack? Oh, oh, do I get it? I thought I only get one attack because he's, uh, he's in melee. If you have advantage and yeah, you can, I'm sorry, Chris. No, do you know. What, is that just another attack or? I know there's a button that's your individual sneak attack for your character.

Oh, sure. Yeah. No, I did. You may not have a button, but it'll tell you what your sneak attack is. It's probably the same is. Yes. It's a peepers, right? If you're at the same level?

I believe so. I'm going to pull up Brian's character sheet, but it will be a number of D6es. Okay. It's 5D6, right? That's what you said. I forgot about those. That's always so great.

Once per turn, you can deal an extra 5D6 damage to one creature you hit with an attack if you have advantage on the roll, and the attack uses a finesse or arranged weapon. Yeah. Okay. five five six six you don't need advantage on the attack if at least one of your allies is within five feet of the target the ally doesn't have the incapacitated condition and you don't have disadvantage on the there's some low rolls but uh 12 all right how would you like to see that my tone did die um hmm it just dries up and then says uh eat me a giant hallucinogenic mushroom.

Excellent. So he goes full mad hatter and shrivels up into an asper teeth. That is done. I, oh, yes. My favorite low roll song is smoke from a distant fire. Low roll.

Take it easy. I believe so many song references today. I'm like, wait, wait, is it, wait, no, is it, is it? All right, that's going to do it for Brian's turn, I believe. In a mushroom with black curtains on her poker. There you go, Dan, I'm going to keep doing songs now. Oh, I mean, you could do that, or what if, literally anything else. Mike Cohned.

Okay, up next is Gickel. Gickel is the archpriest with you. He is going. going to see. He's going to cast destructive wave. Destructive energy ripples outward from you in a 30-foot emanation. Each creature you choose makes a constitution saving throw. Not everybody.

Advantageous for a helpful NPC. He's going to walk up to the edge here. I think he can reach everybody, even though he's above them. Yeah, he's just barely going to be kind of able to hit all three of those guys. He's above them, so the 30-foot range is a little sneaky, but it's going to be a constitution save from all three of them. One, two, three, and that is a 16, 17, and a 12. We were looking for a 14, so two of them, I believe, made it. So the fails are going to take 5D6.

thunder damage and five or or five V six radiant or necrotic he's gonna go he's gonna go radiant on them just in case they're undead he thinks he doesn't like that business so it's me 13 points of radiant damage on we're gonna call it the guy to the north and the guy to the east who are left of the three that you can see and so So that is going to do it for Gickel's turn. Remember Gickel? The Archpriest Fishman. Up next we have Glug.

Glug is going to go and jump down into the pit. I'm going to just have him do a quick check to see if he takes a little bit of damage from being an absolute ding-dong there, which is the only fun way to do things. He's fine. And then he's going to start swinging. The Mycona guy there as he goes down, and so I'm going to give him not just advantage because he'll have higher ground, but he's going to be like coming down, pouncing and hitting, excuse me, with his weapon as he comes down. So it's going to be one, two, 23 and a 24 to hit. Wow. He's going to do 18 points.

of bludgeoning damage against that guy closest to Spicoli. So all three of them are starting to get beat up. Ken, you're in like another state. You're up. I'm going to check out this wall down here. See, I'm checking for any exits. Got some nice wainscoting. Yeah, we'll go ahead.

You're looking for exits in the south? Yeah. All right. Well, anywhere along the wall, Actually, says I could fly. It looks like you could smash it open. It's very loose rock, but it is still meant to be closed. This was still supposed to be a cylindrical room.

So the wall there is weakened from the years and from having that slime lamp up against it. You could submerge yourself in the slime and swim underneath the wall, or you could try to smash through where it's been weekend. I think nothing could possibly go wrong because it's been nothing but sunshine and rainbow farts coming up. Ken, you really are a water baby. What's going on over here on a card of grade? What's going on over there? That's the way you first exited the room to the west. Oh, so I remember that.

It looks a lot like the exit you created from the north. You would remember that. All right. The reason. Yeah, okay. And you are going to have to tell me how you're getting across the slime. Flying. You're flying.

Thank you. And thank you for painting a picture. So now you're near that exit It's very similar to the exit to the north It's like a little Rise of roots And the reason it's highlighted in pink Is because your map case told you

If you headed that way it would be easiest But also that if you broke through that Wall to the south you maybe get a little shortcut Right Either way to get south of here There's going to be wall smashing The next room is a slightly easier To smash wall

because it's had more slime coursing and breaking through it. You're kind of in the doorway, though, and it doesn't look like you are in visual range of an enemy immediately, but why don't I go ahead and have you do what I call a perception check? Oh. Did you name that originally? I did. You know what?

Thank you for noticing. Originally, it was called an eyeball wiggle, and I asked Wizards of the Coast to please rename it to a perception. Nice. All right, here we go. That's a 2.1 plus 3. So 13.

Okay. You're not going to see what it means exactly, but you're going to notice the way you exited this room, doorway to the west, in this room that is in front of you, there is a whole bunch of slime that has oozed through, and it is rather thick. Yeah.

And as you can see on the map, It is probably almost certainly a part of the same slime river that has overflown and started to come through the entire hallway with a frog humus perched inside of it. Yeah. Okay. Great. Good thing. Meanwhile, I paint in the slime. I'll say, I think we should take the south.

And when you say take the south, do you mean back in the room, kind of, like near where you were standing? Yeah, yeah, down here. Okay. Yes, I don't believe you have enough movement to go all the way there and back. Oh, I can go all over the place. I got 60 feet. Oh, you're right.

30 feet either way, baby. You know what's up. I ain't nothing but a ding-gong. I'm an expert D&D. I don't know if you know this about me. Speaking of experts in D&D, Chris Tallman, it's your turn. Oh, gosh, hardly. I'm going to...

Everyone remembers rules better. To get line of sight, I think I'm going to fall 15 feet to the west, so I'm sort of side by side with Siam, which I think should give me line. Oh, that's right. Yeah, that's give me line of sight on the mushroom man with Brian and the other fish barbarian. I'll do another firebolt at it. Okay. 10 plus 9.19 to hit. Bam! It hits it.

So it does 2D10 fire damage, 7 and 3. So 10 points of firebolt damage to that guy. And then, let's see. I think I see, and Ken, you just called out to the south, right? Yeah. Chris, you went mute all of a sudden. Yeah, sorry. I got too much going on here.

I will fall back. So I move 15. So I'll do another one, two, three. I'm trying to stay out of range of the mushroom people. So I'm moving back towards anything. Because I think of my next turn, am I trying to run and jump over the goop to get to the far side?

But that's where I'm at now. Great. All right. And then it's going to be my conad time, my least favorite adventure time spin-off. So that front guy is going to start punching glug. And it's punching your fish friend. Bang, bang.

That is a 12 and 8 to hit, so both of those are misses. And then the other one's going to try to punch Brian. Hey. Bang, bang. running 15 and an 18 hitter those both hits yeah uh you are too far from the microphone sir i can't hear you yeah okay dokey boo no no no kitties sounds weird uh so he plows in you with both fists for uh one of them is going to be 15 points of damage. The other one is eight points of damage for a total of 23 points of damage.

Ooh. Some poison, some bludgeoning. How are you doing on hit points, my friend? I'm okay, but I'm about halves. Yeah, because I have 90 something. Yeah, yeah, 47, so. Okay. I had taken a hit in the last episode or so, and then whatever we did today. And then the guy in the back is going to shake his full body again. Can I get a con save from you, Brian? Lil Peeper's...

God, watch these guys. He's fucking with me, man. Motherfucker. Consent me. Oh, low. Low for everybody, it turns out. Seven, yeah. Yeah, we got single digits from the two NPCs with you as well.

Constitution check me. Okay. Hey. Motherfucker. That means suddenly you blink your eyes and realize your eyelids will not close. You flex your fingers and realize your fingers will not flex. You are stunned as are your two friends. You have the stunned condition.

No. I don't. Oh. No, Oh, wait. I'm sorry. I'm checking my notes. I've been told no.

And that is a trick. You're wrong. You guys should try more often because it means it negates anything I say. A stunned creature is incapacitated, can't move. You can speak falteringly. He'll automatically fail, strength deck saves, attack rolls against you have advantage. And being incapacitated mostly means you can't take actions or reactions and you're kind of paralyzed. Stunned in the place where you live can't face north.

Okay. That is going to do it for the Myconids. Blaine, you're up. I'm going to, I'm going to step up here just to get a little bit closer, and I'm going to fire bolt this guy right here. Okay. So, oh, it's a 19 plus 6, 25 to hit. That's a hit.

And 14 points. How would you like to see that guy die here? 12 left. Yeah, I'd love to. I see. So he kind of does this with his fingers. He's like, can you see me? Like he does with two fingers.

Like he goes from his eyes, like pointed back and forth, back and forth. Can you see this? And then you really do see him die. He does. Just like you're good. Oh, great. That was nice. Yeah, he's dead.

Anything else for a turn? You know, I'm going to, no, I think. that's it. Am I in range to hit those other two guys? Great question. It's a line of sight problem. You can see one of them. Okay. All right. I just want to know. Yeah, because you, Chris and Ken, are all in the next room through a doorway that has all of those branches around it. And granted, you've spent some careful time widening it, but it's still not going to completely widen the corners um okay all right i'm just gonna just gonna stay put you guys that's my turn very well uh little peepers is up he is stunned however uh pacifying spores

so he can repeat the save at the end of each of his turns he's going to do that Uh, that is another fail, unfortunately. He remains stunned. Brian, can I get a con save? That is a success. You are unstunned. Uh, and that is going to, unfortunately, be the end of your turn. You managed to spend your turn stealing yourself and blinking until you can finally flex your limbs once again.

Uh, giggle from above. The archpriest Kuatawa is going to be. to cast shield of faith on you, Brian. You have a plus two bonus to your AC for the next 10 minutes, as long as he doesn't get interrupted with his concentration. Glug is stunned. He's going to try to get out of it. Also rolling, rolling, come on, come on.

Dang it. All right, try that again. There it is. He is also going to unstun. Ken, you're up. I'm going to work on this wall down here. Okay. Let's see, maybe I'll blast it with a spell.

Yeah, I'm going to firebolt it. Okay, I rolled a firebolt. All right, then. What a great cantrip. Right? I mean... What is that? What is my plus?

Oh, eight. Nice. that is a 15 yeah I mean it just kind of goes piff against the wall you would know with your passive insight a firebolt against stone

is going to be much more difficult than a firebolt against roots yeah it's like rock picker scissors yeah you just can't you can't do this with scissors magical scissors the firebolt is just the magical scissors

of the animal kingdom. Everyone knows it. I don't really have anything. Weirdest stroke I ever tried to make? Yes. Anything is a bonus action? Fart. Boom.

Sneaks fart. It really works in this room full of slime stench. I hope it echoes. Chris, you're up. All right, I will... Well, I'm not going to be able to... So, yeah, like that... You manage to, you smash the roots down pretty well.

So if you got a little better line of sight, like you just moved your token. Yeah, like you've got line of sight on one of them. Yeah, so I'll do the same thing. I'll fall back like 10 feet. I'm going to fire my firebolt at the one to the north, I guess. Roll to bolt. Oh, it's probably not going to hit. Only an 11.

No, I'm afraid not. That's a miss. I will call out again. Get out of there. There's something in that coffin. And then I will again go five, ten. Yeah, I guess I'll 15 sort of, again, fall back to the edge of this ledge. So hopefully trying to keep myself out of range of the, whatever, the mushroom shake they do to us.

Can I get a perception check from you, Chris? Perception. Looks like a 20. 20. Oh, we're 20. All right. Well, then I'll give you a little bit of sauce on this one. As you shout out, that coffin has something in it.

You look up at the ledge and note that the coffin suddenly seems much closer to the edge of the cliff than it was before. And if you didn't know better, you'd say that it was rocking back and forth as if trying to knock itself down into the pit and smash open. Jesus. If this coffin's rocking. Don't come a cocking? I'll definitely share that with the grip I'll be like it's coming get out of there my conids are now up

and front guy is going to try to double punch you again Brian he was the pacifier before now he's the puncher and those are both going to be misses it's a 13 and a 7 the other guy's going to try to smash glug with his fists those are much higher those are two hits so that's going to be

boing boing boing boing I am the warrior 20 points of damage between the bludgeoning and the poisoning for glugue he's looking a little rough over there and that'll do it for my conids Blaine you're up

I'm going to I'm going to move up here I guess A little closer so that I can get a line of sight on this guy right here and fire. Go for it. That's a 14 plus 6. So 20. 30, 20. Is that it? That's a hit. That's a hit, yeah.

It's a hit. 2D 10. 5 and 5 is 10. Nice. The firebolt smashes into it, singes off all those little delicate frilly parts of the mushroom head. of the mushroom head. Anything else for your turn? Mushroom head. No, I'm going to, yeah, I'm just going to yell again. Just get out of there.

Cough and rocking, coughing, rocking. Excellent. No, I'm not yelling in German. What would that even be? It sounds like definitely German, but. Cough and rocking. Farfick-Nogan, Farfugn Mugin. Oh, I'm also, I'm going to sit and,

also look some, just do some grooming. Okay. As you lick your butthole, Little Peepers is up. It's got to try to un-stun. Still stunned. Little Peepers still got a head full of spores. Brian, you're up. You can actually act this turn.

Somebody close? Yes. There is a mushroom guy right in front of you. Sure. Sword. 12, probably not, right? I'm afraid that is a miss. I don't have any advantage.

He flanked? He's not slanked now. Okay. Then that's a miss. Okay. Can you disengage and run or is he going to get an attack of opportunity? Well, let's see. I think he can.

Yeah, you can use your bonus action to disengage and run if you want to, Brian. You have cunning action. Okay, I'll try that. Okay. You have 30 feet of movement standard. Do you want to head in a particular direction? So you're kind of like you got a doorway in front of you that you had run towards. And about 30 feet away is Blaine and Chris.

You just kind of want to go over where they are? Yeah. Okay. I'll put your token between them. That seems about right to me. And we have Gickel is going to start waving his scepter at them. Two balls of fire. fly

towards the Myconid 14 and a 17 hit uh those are both hits the fish guy is attacking the mushroom guy

of Dungeons and Dragons am I right you guys that's going to be the first one's getting hit for 25 points of damage a second one for 19 that's going to be 44 points of damage Jesus.

You see the myconid just explode in a ball of flame. Wow. Pretty high rolls. And then Glug is going to try to smash that myconid. That is left. There's one left. Oh, that's a hit and a botch. Let's take care of that hit first.

Oops, wrong one. I did not mean to roll that a third time. First, he's going to do 11 points of damage. damage. It's just enough to knock that myconid down. So the myconid goes down and he is not going to have to suffer the results of that botch because his first attack smashes into the myconid and severs its head. Its remains flop into the slime. And his second attack, which would have been a botch, he goes, uh, uh, uh, and puts his weapon away. And, uh, and as you guys are lamenting whether you are out of combat, you see the coffin teeter over the edge of the cliff. And we'll have to see what that means on our next episode of nerd poker. Oh, no. That was 61, right?

Yep. Cool. Thanks, Dan. Anything you want to plug? Yeah. My LLC project for the Darkest Wimsy Tabletop podcast is live. It is launching today. So if you could check that out, please do.

It is at darkest whimsy.com. Even a follow helps the algorithm. I thank you kindly. I've got a few stand-up gigs coming up very soon. So this weekend I'll be in Appleton, Wisconsin at the Skyline Comedy Club with Kristen Lighty, a Midwest comic who is hilarious. People of the show would love her because she's one of a. us, just a sweet, funny, hilarious nerd that I met through J.T. Haversat.

And then I will be at, uh, okay, it's at House of Heroes, I believe, in, uh, Oshkosh, Wisconsin. This, uh, this, that sounds right. It sounds made up, Oshkosh, Wisconsin, but. Hey, man. I think that's where I am. Oshkosh, gosh, but gosh, Brian. Gosh. Yeah. And then, uh, I've got. Montana coming up, just a one-nighter with J.T. Habersat. And I've got ToledoCon in two weeks where I'll only be there Sunday.

So come get something signed Sunday in the middle of March there. That's it for me, Brianpessate.com, as always. And then, you know, buy some nerd poker march. Why don't you? Blaine, do you have any shows you want to plug? We attribute the success saved mankind for murder. We're joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof.

Well... No, but I would like to tell you what's happening on the next episode of Nerd Poker. It's Nerd Poker Mailbag. Dear Nerd Poker, how could a loving God allow a world to have pain, suffering, war, destruction, loneliness, and sadness? I think it's because he lost a bet. Who's right? Me or Mitch? I got a pity on this.

We'll have your answer and your bidding on the next all-new nerd poker. Thanks for listening to another episode of NerdPoker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerd poker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P-O-box 16069 and Sino, California, 911, 91416. Thanks for listening.