Nerd Poker - The Fog Campaign - Episode 68

Episode Date: April 29, 2026

The water continues to rise in the massive underground (and soon to be underwater) chamber. As the Ding Dong Danglers battle a lich and a god at the same time, it feels like a leveling up will be in order if they survive this. For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com

Hey, it's Brian Possein. Nerd Poker. My friends are here. Sarah, Chris, Blaine, Ken, engineer Sam, and of course our kick-ass DM, Dan Telfer. Welcome to NerdCoker. Hey, everybody.

It's Brian Pozane. And you're listening to Nerd Poker, episode 68, right? Of the fog champagne? we're doing it my friends are here right in front of me you're listening to this

on a nice Monday night and joy well thank you in a minute but my friends oh geez can you get that point oh yeah hold on for a second hello hey oh my God you don't say

you don't say you don't say you don't say all right see you who was I don't give a fuck It was my neighbor, Frank. Chris is here. Hello. Blaine and Kansas did bits.

Thanks for the bit, fellows. You're welcome. You're very welcome. Dan's here. Hey, honey. I swear I'm really attracted to you. We'll 69 next time. Whoa.

What just happened? 68. More like 60 eaten. I get it. And Willie's here. Willie. Running the show from the cool part of the table, as always. Sam, everybody.

Hi, everybody. I just opened my laptop from last week, and it's open to Goatsy, and it took me two minutes to remember why. What's up with that sweaty butt cake? The only Dungeons and Dragons podcast where we accidentally goatee. You know what? I'm going to thank some people. I want to thank everyone who brought this Goatsey back into circulation. All those hits we just gave Goat.S.E.

And thank you especially to folks who are able to contribute on Patreon. The top tiers of support have usernames like Cavill. Thank you, Cavill. Thank you for rolling up my windows as I drive past the elementary school. Thank you, Morrissey, the vegan bore. Thank you. Remember that joke? Remember why that's relevant?

Remember how that's a wordplay? Great job with that one. Blaine. Thank you, Matt Wienes. Thank you, Unskivety Bop. Pousin, of course, the skimity toilet. Thank you, Kilt Bill. Thank you, the electric bear. Thank you, sentient vampire penis, Stephen Miller, except honestly, no, thank you. Thank you, Brandon Blackburn, Alderman, 71st Ward Dildo District. Thank you, prop meat. Thank you, Dang Wayne Halfstep. Thank you, Toucan's son of Sam. Thanks, Old Portland Stew. Thanks, Keith Rasmussen. Thank you, Stein Metz Pianno's. then they want me to do a glibble's voice.

We didn't call for a piano tuner and then do a gaga voice and say no, but your neighbors did. And to pull that off, I need to back up and do it one more time and also just say that because neither of those characters have been around for a minute. So like, now you know what's about to happen. Steinmetz pianos.

We didn't call for a piano tutor. No, but your nobles, though. Thank you, Bryce, Spider-Lissor. And finally, thank you, the hills have toilet rats. Blaine, who are those supporters brought to us by? Supporters brought to us by Hey, it's me, Papa Celeste. Hey, I lost half of all my shit into divorce.

She's crazy, crazy! But hey, do you like a pizza? I got a half a pizza. You can have it. It's got a half of mushrooms. That's maybe a quarter mushroom normally be having. It's a quarter mushroom. Do you like lasagna?

I got half a one at all. So you got a half a lasagna? She got the other half of. You like a spaghetti of meatballs? I got one meatball left. You can have it. Come on, please. Get it before she gets it.

She got everything. She got the house. She got my car. I got a new Camry. She's driving her out of my Camry for fuck sake. Don't believe a word she says. Go ahead. God damn it.

Papa Celeste. Ask for me by name and your grossest freezer. You can have it. Whatever you want it. Papa Celeste. Dan? You know, honey, I'm still attracted to you, but I can only offer you a quarter mushroom tonight.

All right, folks, it's time to talk about what happened last time on nerd poker. Yeah, Jesus Christ. Christian Jesus Christ here on nerd poker. Our fame! She's licking my armpit. Like, is very friendly. Who isn't? Sam, stop that.

Hi. he's like you seem excitable i'm going to do something about that i'm like she was breathing on my knee earlier that was that's another thing god's love i wore shorts here last time and boy oh boy he found a little snout older okay last time on nerd poker our heroes were attempting to vacate the under city they went there to get the ultimate treasure and murder the litch thief queen they did one of those things before slime filled everything, they're now on their way up in an enormous dark chamber. Somewhere in the chamber, there are horrifying sloshing sounds. The chamber slowly fills with water and somewhere far above, there is a little Kuatowa-sized

opening in the ceiling. Will they be able to find it before the big sloshing thing finds them? Let's find out. So yeah, remember when that was all happening, you guys? No, it's one of days. Right now, it's pretty pitch black. Can you remind me and listeners, which of you has dark fish, and I know taboxies do, so I've always remembered that Siam Spade has it.

I do, and I'm also a catfish right now, remember. Cool. That's right, that's fucking cool, all right. I love smart wild shape use, and that's not wild shape. That's something else, right? That's just kind of like a standard off the main menu. Spell? Alter self, yeah.

Alter self, thank you. And Brian, what is Joffrey Spicoli as far as dark vision goes? He's an elf, right? Yeah, he's a high elf. Yeah. What's that about everybody? I know why I did a lumpy space princess voice there. Yeah, I think don't high elves all have it?

Yeah, you're fine. You're fine. You're fine. I liked that I could say hello to your character, though, Brian. Hi, Joffrey. Hey. Shalab. Yeah, I'm not sure. I don't think I do. I don't see it under features. Okay. How about you, Twidd and Tippy? Yes, because I have my fay ancestry. I have dark vision up to 60 feet. Okay, well, to my surprise, it is only one of you and it is the T-Fling. So we are going to keep that in mind as everyone rolls a perception check, and it'll be disadvantage for Bing Bong if he is not to have dark vision, but you're raising a finger. My skeletal armor gives you dark vision. Gives me advantage on stealth in dim light.

That's great. It doesn't apply at this moment, but that's very possibly going to help right now. I just wanted everyone to know. I love that for you. 15 plus 10, 25. Nice. Ooh, natural 20 plus 10. Holy shit.

Plus 10.30. Okay. What you got, Brian? What you got, Ken? That's a 11. Bob. Well, that stinks. 22.

Nice. Now, you did terrible on that perception check, Ken. Everyone else crushed it. But you really failed today. So I will check in with you about something else. He brings in D&D have innate dark vision. Hey. And you're doing fine.

You didn't roll a disadvantage, did you? No. Because I told you to. But if you have innate dark vision, don't. Okay. Ken got real small, everybody. He bunched up in a little ball. Let's get small.

So. I got too small. I'm Fred Flintstone and Slate's office. I did want to add, before we even got into all that business, if you are thinking about what that does for you in dim light, the stealth, are you trying to be hidden right now? Oh my God, yes. I'm sneaking up.

Are you like trying to just be motionless and quiet? Fuck, yeah. You all have just popped your heads above water, and I'm going to tell you what you all see. You barely seem to think because you're so busy being stealthy, but please roll that stealth check. The toilets are all upside down. I see that reference.

Nine. Didn't you see you have advantage in stuff? But I have advantage. Let me roll another. Yeah, it's all over. It's like a big reason we're rolling this right now. 12. He got small again, everybody.

He's all crawling around on the table. He got a balloon. You've been making lots of squeaky noises late we can. I just noticed a lot of bits punctuated by like, oh, weird. It is weird. Hey, man, are you tall? No, man.

I'm small. I'm small. I'm going to have to measure you. I forget that part. Split right now. Everyone except for Ken, you can tell there is a large world pool and it is not quite at the center of the room. So the fact that it is offset makes you wonder what exactly is coming up. And then there's a moment before anything else happens because the three of you saw so well that you see a pair of very faint pinprick glowing green eyes about 300 feet away.

Are we still indoors? I'm going to set a timer to see if anyone reacts to it, but I'm also going to describe it and then set the timer. So I will give you a chance. Some detailed description here. So you guys, I'll bob up out of the water.

You're too busy swimming around like a goofball, all secret like to really see well. But the three of you get a really good look with your dark vision too across this pitch black room. And you see about 300 feet away. The gigantic chamber, although you can't see the walls just because of how big it is, has formed a whirlpool.

And you're kind of just outside the whirlpool, but at the center of it kind of dipped down into the water a little bit. There appears to be two tiny little glowing green eyes. Like staring out of the in your direction, staring out of the center of the whirlpool, slowly rising up out of the center. Now, I would tell you what the eyes were socketed inside of, if not for the fact that there's so little light,

it's not even, like, well-contrasted, and it's 300 feet away. Does there seem to be... You know what? Just in case you're about to roll for initiative, why doesn't everybody put their little miniatures right about parallel to Chris's dice tray there? Just kind of like, right about their zies, yeah.

I didn't come from home, though. I don't have mine. He's a little baby again, everybody. He's a little baby. We'll find you. Nice? Yeah, we'll find you. I haven't taken my dice tray out even, so this will be an excuse to do that.

Excellent. So, okay, if you can just nudge everybody right where those two are, way down there. Remember parallel to Chris's dice tray? Great. It's taken place right about here near me. Okay. So it's like a big swirl. But this is all kind of potentially, right?

You're saying what you're at the entrance? Yeah, how far is the dark vision? Is it 160 feet? Mine is 60. There's a standard distance for it. I think standard is 60. 60, I think, yeah, double normal. So, I mean, you can see the glowing green, especially with that great perception check.

But, yeah, you're beyond in that much distance. I mean, I'll sort of whisper like, I feel like we need to see if there's any kind of. What is it? I can't see anything. What is that? What happens? Yes, you can. It's inherent.

Oh, yeah. It's inherited me. Nobody. I was busy sneaking. I feel like we should maybe see if there's like land or something first, a place for us, because I feel like, in the water, if we're going to have to fight something, this is going to be... Yeah. I mean, it's good for you.

We're food in the water. If anything, maybe you might want to, like, separate away from us. Could we... That way, you'll be unknown to it. I may also fly. Okay. Well, then I'll look to, say, Spikoli. Let's try and find some...

I don't know. Something to stand on. What do you think? You know what I'm going to do, Dan? There's only going to be debris. This is like a huge room flooding. I've got the wand of pyrotechnics.

So I'm going to Are you going to de-catfish and hold it somehow? Well, I'm going to... He's a fish man. Yeah, I just have... I'm just me, but I have gills and webbed. Oh, that's right, that's right. I took that way too literally.

Yeah. Fish cat. So I'm going to... And there's a surface to the water, right? Yeah, but again, maybe I didn't describe it super well from... from throwing one of you off. But like, yeah, like this was like a chamber.

You guys had to like lower yourselves down to the bottom of you. Might have even cast feather fall or something. And you came up through like a little doorway over here, ran into the room and had to swim and bob your way up. Okay. So we're, do we have any sense of how deep the water is? Based on how you swam,

let's do an insight check. And then something's going to happen. Oh, terrible. That's a good question. I'm going to use my passive of 20. Great. I got a 10. Okay.

I would have got a 27. Oh. Nine. Blaine, you don't believe in yourself enough. Now's not the time for an 11. 14. Okay. What did you get?

Blaine, I missed it. 20? 20? Okay. So, and you got 20 plus? No, I got nine. What did you get Chris? 10.

Okay, wow. Shitty bros. Yeah. Not for Blaine. No. Blaine did well. Blaine, you think, and you can shout this out briefly to everybody as you're trying to figure, like, you know, Twitten would have just brought it up. Water seems like it was about 50 feet deep.

And you know you got at least like about twice that up above you that the water is slowly raising you to. I mean. So the goal. is to get out a hole up there, right? Mm-hmm. You can fly. Yeah. And you can tackle this problem after a thing happens.

From the direction of the glowing green pinpoints, you hear a voice. Oh, I bet it's like Nathan Lane. Oh, no, I'm not calling for it. I guess what I need is celebrity guest. Somebody likes to pit during their long form improv. No, no, no, no. No, no. That's not.

It's surge from a Beverly Hills cop. You're going to love the mashup of those two suggestions that I'm about to do. You foolish swamp trash. You could have had everything, but the worm has reunited with the dead God beneath Delsmith. You're all fucking dead. Everybody roll for initiative, please. Is that the worm speaking of itself in the third person? That's kind of, because we saw like a...

You'll know. at least a hint of what the answer that might be. Nobody say numbers, please. I'm happy to take some short. I'm going to remind you that I gave you a gift of alacrity. So you get to add a D8 to your initiative role. So whatever you got

is your role plus your bonus for initiative plus a d8. Almost ready. It's one of the things I have as a purple-haired friend. Sure. My Faye ancestry. I like it. I like to think

Sometimes, like, when I smile, my teeth, like, twinkle. Nice. Yeah. I still want to learn more about the character species that you picked. Chris, I feel like I have not looked up a lot of lore about it. Oh, it's just sort of like, you know, I was, he was the thing of, uh, because you got to customize it, right? That's part of it. Yeah.

It's, well, the idea, I think with fate touched, you get to pick, it gives you specific option to do you convict this or this. Um, yeah. And so that's why I was thinking like it helped with the multi. classing because I'm a one first level sorcerer. I'm thinking that's when I was Faye. And having left, I chose Bard. Nice. I like this. Thank you. Speaking of you, Twiddon, what was your initiative role?

You know, you'd think I'd know. Ken, what was yours? 17. All right. Blaine, what was yours? 16 plus 4. 20. Chacha. Brian, what was yours?

20 plus 8 plus 7, 35. What? Are you serious? Seriously. How did you do this? I had a plus eight for my initiative and he can do alacrity. So I got a roll into eight and I rolled a seven. Brian, this might be the highest initiative I've ever seen.

And I'm not kidding. Could he seriously take a second turn before us? I'm going to do something cool for this. This is too unique for me to just like be like, oh, look, three, five, pretty cool, whatever. Oh, my God. I got to be 18. Okay. Wow, that's less than half to what Brian got, isn't it?

Oh, my gosh. All right, and so we're going to say the Kuatowa have a 16. Little Peepers has... Thanks for the extra seven. Oh, my God, yes. A 14. That's Ken's shirt, y'all. Did we say that before the episode started, or do we say...

I was talking about it, but yeah. It's great. Don Martin shirt. Fantastic. And the spicy boy number one got a 24. Famous loudness shirt. I wore this to Japan and a couple people noticed it. Oh, sure. Yeah, because they're famous Japanese metal band.

Oh. I miss Japan all the time. I ran into a Brazilian metalhead in one of the towers in Kyoto. So I went to the Tower Records in Shibuya in Tokyo, and then a couple days later when we were in Kyoto, there was another one. And a smaller store, but still cool. And roads loaded up on,

he got like Japanese pressing of Kendrick Lamar and, you know, all this other stuff. And I bought some metal and ran into a Brazilian metalhead. And we, uh, they get Big Bang Theory over there. And he was stoked to see that he had, he knew, he had heard.

I was the metal head and was excited to see me wearing a loudness shirt. How fun. That's cool. Nice guy. Yeah, I was just talking my friend, comedy writer, Jen Burton, and she was in Kyoto, I believe it was, and there's just the Japanese goddess of mercy canon outside Kyoto, just this big fucking god statue had sticking out of the forest trees. Yeah.

It's, no, there's giant statues around. You can't see them. and then all of a sudden it's right there. It's like, the fuck. And then when you're, the history there, because they have more, like, a hundred times the history that we have. Yeah.

Yeah. Like, you'll be looking at a building and they'll go, oh, that was built in the year 600 and you're like, what the fuck? I love stuff like that. That was my favorite part about going to Europe. Like, oh, look, look it. And it's in perfect condition.

America was not stolen yet. How did they build at your boat lay in 600? But you know what I mean? Like here, you're like, that was built. 1952 and they're like, this was building, yeah, 407. Yeah.

This was the original fountain of magic in the world. That's my house, yeah, 1953. This is a real fountain of use. By the Geico Caveman's father. Louie? Yeah, it was very old. Rhodes and I just kept saying,

they're better than us. Like something would happen. Like, you'd get into a cab and they'd be super nice and you'd be like, they're better than us. And I just felt bad about it. A egg sandwich out of a 7-Eleven. I was like,

and I didn't get diarrhea. And I was like, they're better than us. It's fresh every day. Yeah, you get. The diarrhea? Yeah. The freshest diarrhea.

The diarrhea is people, my gosh. Soylent brown is people. We'll wait to reveal that too. You guys got a better look. The only Japanese person I encountered that wasn't 100% super. nice and sweet and everything was a older man who looked at me, realized I was American and just kind of went,

oh, yeah. We didn't get any of that. We sucked. We didn't get any of that. No, I mean, mostly it's not. The only grouchy people we ran into were other tourists. It's like, oh, hi. Not just America because we're all running this place.

Yeah, yeah. We're in an elevator and this guy's like, you can go. And it's like, oh, my God. Well, you're not from here. Yeah. I get a little bit of the gruffness out in Glendale, also known as Armenia 2. Oh, sure. Where everyone over the age of 50 knows so much about the genocide that, like, they're broken.

And like, you just, you say, hey, how are you? Like, as you walk to the market, like, on the corner or whatever. And they just, like, stare at you with, like, grit teeth. Oh, that's the way of saying hi. We've been through more than you. Yeah. All our genocide is to come. So up first we have Joffrean.

You got a 35 on your initiative. So you're going to, I'm going to let you have an extra round. We'll say while that voice is threatening everybody, you've got that extra round, six seconds to be doing something physically. I think your character would be a little too much listening to try to interrupt it verbally. So it's happening in the background. But if you wanted to do something, something for a turn before we go to you once again at the top of the turn order,

I'll give you a free turn. 35 is so high. Hmm. But what are my options? What could I actually do? That's a great question. That's the eternal question of players and Dungeons and Dragons. Kill it.

It's super far away right now, right? It's, um, it's 300 feet. I feel like this is about 300 feet. Maybe it's more like 200, but yeah. So we know, can we talk, can we talk strategy for a second? Can we just sort of talk? Is that okay? Oh, I don't have to.

I'll say that we, uh, we, we, we can a little bit, but I'm going to like, settle a little timer so it doesn't feel too bad. You cut us off or whatever. Does that? Yeah, I'll cut you off, but go ahead. I mean, it's far away for now. Um, as thieves, you guys get advantage if you're hidden or something like that. And that's what allows you to use sneak attack, right?

Unless somebody's in May. advantage, yeah. We're not going to be in melee with it right away, probably. But we don't really have muscle. We have the fish guys. We definitely could send, you know, what's the fish fighter's name? There's glug and gulg. I mean, glug's a fist of, you know.

Didn't glug did glug get hurt last time? I thought it was the other guy. I thought it was the sorcerer. I think glug, glug got knocked down to zero hip point. and he got brought back. Oh, that's just, he's fucked up. I mean, ultimately, I mean, more than combat, what about that hole up there?

Like, if, you know, we can, maybe some of us can focus on getting its attention while we can figure out the plan to get out. I mean, you're going to have to fly us. I can fly a few of us, so, yeah. I can, in that spirit, oh, I can cast polymorph. so I can turn somebody into something.

You could turn that monster into Jenny Jagger. That'd be great. Boy, it's only. Logan's run. I salute you. Let's take a look at that clip. All right, so I could do that. Was Farah barely in that one, too?

Barely in it. But they marketed her. They marketed her, right? Put her on the poster. What was the other sci-fi movie that she was in? Saturday, three. Saturday, three. Yeah, she was very much in that one.

Yeah. Oh, that was like, it was like Adam and he was like her and Kurt Douglas, right? Well, the one went by Grandin. Harvey Keitel. And Harvey Keitel with a dubbed voice. It's a part of Harvey Keitel. Yeah. Of course, you know, Saturn 3 was just Saturn 1 with two fingers up your ass.

Hooray. Of course. Listeners, you know that right. You know that right. You know that, right, listeners. What? No, what you said. It's a fact.

It's a... I watched it with Oliver when he was six. I'm like, what the, it's fucking, it's Kirk Douglas for fuck's sake. You don't know who Kirk Douglas is? He didn't know who anybody was. I was going to say, I don't know if I would pick Saturn 3 to introduce my kid to Kirk Douglas. There's a fairfought of tints for, fuck, sake. I thought it was an age thing.

What about the part where the robot wears one of their heads is a fucking hat? Yeah, that was a good part. That's a, upsetting. He stepped on the dog, remember that? Crushed a dog. Hector? Is that the name with her? Hector was the robot.

Hector was a very good, if you guys don't know, Saturday in 3, Hector was a very good, scary robot. Remember when he took the piece of metal out of Farah Fawcett's eye? And it was like, oh, he's going to do this, and he took it right out. Spoilers.

The design of it. Gross. Yeah. The way Harvey Kytel deals with it. Who directed that? It was super abstracty for Frankenheimer or something? I want to say, like, Stanley Donan, who directed it? I think it actually was something weird like that.

Right, I feel like it's some, like, it's part of like the Ridley Sky. Yeah, but like we're trying to get into that alien space. Yeah. So let's bring our... It was directed by Stanley Donan. Holy shit. It was very colorful.

The musical director, Stanley Donovan. Very colorful and brightly lit. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it makes sense because it's just weird. Isn't he the guy they hired to make the Star Trek the motion picture? as well? River Wise.

I enjoyed the non-D-D-D talk enough. I let you go on for a while. I think that was a good amount of time. Yeah, we were all in a whirlpool talking about Saturn 3. Anyways, so I'm going to get out of here. Fawcett, am I right, folks? I think when the motion picture came out, that was the most boring movie I had seen at that point.

Have you seen it again? Yeah. It's better now. When I saw, you know, they did a reboot to R. A recut of it. Oh, yeah. Yeah, in the last couple of years. Yeah.

And I was at a Star Trek event. And the guy who recut it took Umbridge with my hatred of that movie and said, you got, you have to watch my cut. There is good stuff in it. It's all bloopers. Big blooper real at the end. But it's very pastel. It's very, you know, slow.

It's just got yakety sex through the whole thing. They're only changing. made. He actually made it longer and more tedious and then just added the acutty sacks to the whole thing just and it just repeats and the song's only two and a half minutes long it just ends and then starts over. I mean I'm sure that is a way to drive an enemy to madness for sure. It's making watch the director's cut. They also reddubbed Harvey Keitel with Edwin. What would that be like? Yeah. Well, would that be like? Yeah. Well, that sound like? Oh my goodness. Oh, heck, they don't step on my, oh, you stepped on my dog.

Oh, no, Skippy. Oh, poor Skippy. Oh, oh, the timing there. All right. So, Brian, if you thought about what you might want to do? Uh, those and dragons, folks. Oh, yeah. Watch Saturn 3. All right. No. That's your two turns. Who's up next in the turn order? I don't know that there's something I can... Oh, there's definitely stuff you can do. You could at least hide or something. That I will do. I would like to get in a sniper position.

Okay. Oh, there you go. Some position where I'm hidden, but then once it gets closer, I can nail him with something. All right, so let's do a stealth check. And are you going to move while you do it? We're in water.

That's the thing. Well, wait a little. Let me engage Brian for a second. You guys are floating in water. Right. You guys are going to be, that counts as rough terrain. So you get half your movement because you're trying to tread water while you move, right? Or while you're standing still at least.

But also if you only move a few feet, you're essentially moving while treading water. So Brian, you get two turns here, remember? You could, you're going to like have so much distance that if you get into a sniper position, you're still going to be too far away to, like, shoot without taking a penalty. So you might want to get closer while stealthing. Right. That would occur to you anyway. Your character.

I can find debris to kind of hide behind. Yeah, yeah. What's your passive perception? 20. Oh, absolutely. So there's like, what would float up in a situation like this? Is this like a Titanic? sort of towards the end of the movie thing

where there's like, oh, there's a wardrobe. I like the idea that it is, but what you guys just flooded was the under city down the hallway. So like it would have had to like to float back up as the under city became completely flooded. And it's also like a dungeon.

So it's like stuff that the necromancer left down there. Dead animals that were eaten by the frog heemates that were half barfed up. Perhaps a bookshelf. Yeah, maybe that's what I think we could, We could use as temporary furniture. I'll say with that high of a past perception, you can totally find something to hide behind.

And we'll say it's like, how far is your movement? Does it say swim speed on your sheets? It only says we would only have a swim speed if we were special. I think normally swim speed is exactly what you had just said. It's a lot speed. Okay.

Oh, it's half. Well, that would, okay. Yeah, because otherwise, yes. Yes, thank you. Took me a second, but yeah. That makes all of it pretty simple. Because I think Blaine actually does have a swim speed. Yeah, I can use my regular bit.

Yeah, yeah. I think, well, you tell me, you would like to be hiding and moving and, like ducking as you swim behind a bookshelf. You're just going to only be able to move like 15 feet closer. So if someone could scoot Brian's thing, about three squares closer to me. Yeah, Brian, which one?

Are you this guy? A guy with the short sword this time. I don't have an actual Spacoli. I think it's like an old Bodie or something. I don't know who that guy is. That guy. Yeah, that's him. I can double it.

If I have feline agility, I can double it. I don't really like to make one. We're almost done, probably. Who knows? With the episode? Yeah, no, I mean. Or like half done. Oh, you mean the campaign?

Yeah. Yeah. In fact, I have an idea for her next campaign. that I should tell you guys. So don't make it. Saturn for. The return of Skippy. Who's this?

Oh, no, Skippy. Oh, God. So why would you step on my door? That's right. Yeah, yeah. You did it? Oh, no, you did. Dan did it.

Dan made that for you. Dan, the guy talking. Yep. There's a gift I made for you. Oh, no, Brian just turned 80. Like, Brian's losing his grip on reality. Who's Brian? Brian's talking.

You're Brian. You're right. Why are we playing dice? Just say red or black, Brian. Just say red or black. That'll be enough. Red. Wow.

Just like episode three of the leftovers. I can go for some leftovers. It's me. Papa Celeste. We asked you to say just in the recording booth. Number 19. It's so odd. Great.

Then you find an old bookcase. It's now the, you like swim 15 feet, find a bookcase kind of duck behind it. Do you want to keep moving or do you want to hold your action now that we go down the turn order? Hold my action. Okay. And what are you going to wait for before I assume you want to attack? Until I see the whites of his eyes. Well, you see the greens of his eyes far away, but I think I see what you mean.

until he's in a range of you being able to, like, properly attack. Yeah. Okay. Cool. So that works for me. I'm just trying to find Little Peepers as care. Little Peepers. I wonder if this is a Frog Heima.

He's got so much love. Because they have the eye stalks on the top. I think this is the worm. I think this is, you know what I mean? Because the last I was trying to say before, the last episode ended with dancing a sort of, wasn't it sort of like a segmented worm-like? shape was coming towards us in water.

So I think this is gozer. The gozerian goeser the destructor. Worm with the no, not with a Y. Oh, nice. I hope. Well, with the Y is sucks in another way. That means. Yes.

Debo, right? Yeah, this is like the mom or the dad. Remember how many times we fought in like worms or like there's a guy full of worms and all that? This is the god of Vega worm. This is the, we know it's invading from another, Dan, dimension. Beyond the Far Realms. Beyond the Far Realms. I didn't mean to say that with such a condescending town.

I really, Beyond the Farum. Brian, what's your take on the keyboards in Tom Sawyer? They totally add to it. I love, I approve of all of Gettys keyboards. Yeah. And watching them play live, it's fucking part of the fun. Because he uses bass pedals and shit.

And he's just like, the guy is a fucking wizard. He's still one of my all-time favorite humans. Are you going to get one of his keyboards? No, I would never. I haven't even collected an Alex Lifeson guitar. I like his stuff, but he plays a different type of Gibson's than I normally like. Right. Plays his big 335.

Yeah, that 335. They're really cool looking. Are they heavy as heavy as they look? They're hollow. They're hollow bodies. Yeah. They sound really thick, and they feed back nicely. I've learned things about guitar weights that I didn't think.

Like, when you look at, like, a Les Paul. Oh, you see heavy. Yeah. But it looked light. And then the other one, the SG, I thought was going to be super heavy. And that was light. Yeah. They're light.

and then the next dive. I have a less ball that I found that is manageable. I think it's under eight pounds. It's a studio, but it's an early studio with dots on the neck and no body. It's under eight pounds, right? Yeah. I don't like the binding on Gibson's, but this one has no binding on the neck.

Nice. Guys, Dan's setting up some sort of an improvised terrain, including a, is that a Twitzy Roll pod? It's a Dumb Dumb. A Dumb. a way to go out. Hey, be nice. I'm sorry.

It's trying. It's a fucking candy stick. Everyone can see a gigantic tentacle whip up out of the water and smash little peepers. Yikes. Little peepers. They have the damage. Holy shit. Oh, there it is.

Why would he have it exactly? Look, it's a tentacle. Nice if you to offer it. Don't you thieves have some, like, reaction in your thief stuff. It's like, uh, misty soul. No, it's, I know, I made that up, but I don't think that's real. But it's like, like if you get hit, you can use your dexterity or something. Uncanny Dobbs.

That's it. Sorry. Uh, we'll look at them reactions. He has uncanny dash. He, uh, when a techer, uh, hits you, use your reaction to have it. I thought of that too Don't you guys have that too? I think they do yeah

Do they use it when they every time? That's the real question to me. I'm sure I'm sure they won't need that in this fight right Sam mark the time. This is a really fucking chill fight. You guys are going to love how chill this is.

So he's going to take eight points close me away. A bludgeoning damage. How much, Dan? Eight points. Obludging damage. Splort. And then another one's going to rise up to hit glug.

Hey, guys, we're in melee. No. Good news, bad news? Would this be triggering all his held shenanigans? Um. I ask aloud. Sure. Brian, a tentacle pops up and smacks your elephant teen friend.

Do you attack? Yeah, for sure. Before I do this other thing that I was going to do, roll to, is it a crossbow that you have? Or a bow? Yeah. Short bow. Short bow.

Okay. Like Mr. Bow jangles. Sure. If I'm not mistaken. If I'm not mistaken. How he sounded. Wait, how long? That was last time.

That was last time. I might do have to do that again. 16. Doob-do. That is a miss, unfortunately. How much? 16. 16. Yeah, we're looking for an 18. I'll give it away.

I don't have a danger or anything, right? Hmm, you were hidden, so yes. Oh, if you was hidden, sweet, sweet. Why don't you do that as cocked? Let's do that one again. Cocked. For cocked. There was a low number in cocked. You don't want that. Hey.

19 plus 8. That's very much a hit. Yeah. That's what they call 727. Nice. Beat that worm. Beat that worm. Smack it. Pop it.

Twist it. Pull it. Beat it. Shove it. What's your damage for that crossboat? Crank it. What is the damage? What die you get to roll?

MD6 plus four. Nice. And also, DG hit your sneak attack. Oh, so what is that? Filated a lot, right? What? 5D6, is that what it is?

So you get to roll 1D6 for the bolt and then 5D6 for the sneak attack. Do you want dice? Do you want dice? Sure, yeah. Chris, you have to do a dice voice for the first time that I can remember. Oh, wait, I have to do it?

Yeah, you said, do you want dice. Oh, hey, um, rolling a critical hit. That was pretty good, pretty good. Huh? Three, six total. Yes, Brian. Six total. total. You have beautiful dice.

Thank you. I love those dice. My brother, I think, gave me those dice. Yeah, I don't know. That's fucking sick, yeah. Bawkew. They have these blind bags and dice at geeky teas. I think it's like R&D dice. It's got like a little technicolor rainbow stripe on them.

They're, they're pricey, but every single one's got like liquid or skulls or some shit inside of it. It's really great. I like these because this to me most resembles what I imagine. is like the Steve Ditko Doctor Strange magic. It's like dark, but you could see some blue.

Oh, yeah. That's awesome. It's really gorgeous. Sam, will you take a photo of that for McKeel? Yeah, I will. Who are all these nerds in this orange? Those are. That one's fine, yeah.

These two? Blaine are these two years? Thanks, guys. So 22 is my... Great, so you do 22 points of damage against the tentacle that just smacked little peepers. Nice.

Yeah, fuck you, tentacle. piercing damage. You might want to think twice about hurting us. It'll cost you. Now it's a foretickle. Tell your other tentacles to leave us alone. Right, and then the other one is going to hit glug. Oh, you can hear it.

That's going to be 12 points of bludging damage. Glug. Oh, be so careful. This is going to thwack your friend. I don't like this. Another tentacle popping up out of the water. And then the one that swacked Lil Peepers is going to use Fling. Oh, that's not good.

So, Will Peepers has to make a dexterity saving through DC-25. Or be thrown away from the danger. Yeah, that's all that's going to happen. So he has just, I'm going to announce that he has a. plus 10 to his deck save. Oh, well, that's good. Not the worst thing to do to him. Oh, fuck balls.

There you go. 24. He rolls a 24 on his save. That's good. It is very good. So he needed that, right? Dexterity saving throw DC 25. Oh.

He is grappled. He needed that. It is now going to throw him. So he failed on a 20. and take 4D8 bludgeoning damage. That's so not cool. So elephant's going to drown? I guess so.

Hey man, we were all going to watch Twin Peaks together after this, and I don't know if you're invited. Don, doon, doon. That'll make him feel bad. Right? Down, down, yes. Dun dun. Fucking tentacle worm pieces.

Shit. We'll be cackling with Sheriff Harry S. Truman. Where will you? Fix her hearts or die. All right, so 19 points of bludgeoning damage. Oh, fuck. Because this grabs little people and you just see him. Bye.

Okay. But splash onto water, right? Yeah, he goes, and he disappears under the waves, under the whirlpool wave. And up next is going to be Slam Spade. Hey, how far away is the hole in the ceiling? there is a hole in the ceiling. It is, I did try to convey earlier

an unknown amount of space that is at least 100 feet above your head in darkness. Okay. So we don't know where it is. No. You couldn't get a gauge on where it was because you only went to one wall

the only other time you're in here. You came down and you ran over here to the door. Okay. I'm going to, I'm going to swim I'm going to use my 60 feet of swimming to get away from these tentacles, but I'm also going to use the wand of pyrotechnics to fire a distraction.

Some light show at the eyes. Let's get a deception check. 16. Okay, we'll say that's against his passive insight. or there. You don't know what this thing is. That guy misgendered. It is, you know who.

And I'm hoping that the light will, you know, either temporarily blinded or give it some kind of a... Yeah, you definitely did something. Would it be blinded by the light? Ripped up like a deuce, another room around a night. Is it meant to hit the water or just sort of like fly as close as it can? Fly as close as it can. distance on it.

The wand. I don't know. You have all the details of the wand. Wanda pyrotechnics. You didn't put that shit in your inventory, my dude?

I did, but it's not on my sheet. Oh, that's weird. What would it be like if he had a Wanda Sykes Hall? What would that be like? Blame? Don't you're canceled. Too late.

Hey, I can't do Wanda Sykes. I'm just, I'm going to make it sound like Rodney Degra for you. Hey, whoa, hey, I don't get a respect me, Wanda Sykes. I actually have this written down. Wanda Pirate Technics, a 120-foot, the pirate techniques can be seen. 300 feet heard. It started with seven charges, so it would be now, what, five? It's five, yeah.

Great, so it makes a huge explosion noise that definitely gets heard, and you rolled high enough to, yeah, you're going to attract its attention. Is that at the end of your turn? Yeah, and I'm also swimming away from the technical. Yeah. How much movement do you have? And I have 60 feet of movement. Have, right?

So 30 swim. Well, it's, I have, or do you have a swim speed? I have my, uh, my, uh, or your cat, my feline agility. So I can, uh, when I move on my turn in combat, I can double my speed until the end of the turn. Okay. And because you're aquatic, you can use, that in the water, that's fucking crazy.

That's, you're bonkers. You're dancing like a cat through the waves. Right, so yeah, go ahead and do what you just did. It's like animation now. There's a moot action or anything that you want to use? No, I think that's it. That's all I could do. All right.

Well, then up next is the eyes in the dark. Oh. And aren't they blinking like crazy from being a, well, unfortunately, blinded by the light. The glowing pinpricks of light are inside empty, dead skull eye sockets. Which you now see as represented on top of this, which rises up out of the water. Guys, it's the kaiju from Superman. Oh, my God, it is.

But leaping out of like a death wave. What the fuck is that, Dan? I'm using a min. Oh, sorry, sorry. You're doing a thing. I'm just slightly distracted. I'm using a mini for the Cracken, but it's like... A Crackin.

It's like a variant Cracken. It's not the squeatkin. He's crack-ish. He's crack-ish. It's a great joke. I'm riding atop of it is this thief queen. Oh, riding it. Oh, hi.

Guys. Thief queen. This is a catwoman and the penguin. We need some earthquake, buddy. We're in true. Well, she would ride on top of it, but guess who wasn't built to have a rider. So she's there. And we'll have to see how that goes when we next play.

Oh, my God. Sam, what do you think happened? Episode 68. We're full of slime. Brian rolled the highest initiative I've ever witnessed. There's something in the water with tentacles. There's some giant claw cracking that just popped out of the water with someone on top of it. I love this game.

See you guys in episode 69. Yeah. All that slime we built up is going to finally. be ejaculated next episode. It was okay and then it wasn't. It's going to be all gross. All over your, don't get it in your eyes,

episode 69. No one's going to listen now. Definitely listen. It won't slime your entire face and coat you in a glaze of slime. Darkestwimsy.com is my project that I started for my LLC. And that's all.

I got to say about that. Anyone before we get to the Brian Possein plug? I'm going to be opening for Bobcat at the punchline in Sacramento at the end of April, beginning of May. Hell yeah. God's God's Goldfarb? And then on May 5th, I'm going to be performing with Dana Gold for Dr. Z, hanging with Dr. Z live for the Netflix comedy festival. Two of the nicest and the best. Where's that at, Blame? I forget what the name of the place is. Check your Netflix listing. Cool.

Check your ass closet. What do you have to, Brian? Oh, I've got so much nothing. Now I've got Denver Comedy Works, one of my favorites with J.T. Habersat. And 7th, 7th, the 9th, I think, or maybe the 10th of May. and then I've got the following weekend. I'm in Springfield, Missouri, just for two nights with J.T. And there's probably some comic book signings.

Oh, I think at Denver, I'm like an independent little con that weekend on the 9th. So come out, Denver. Those shows are always fun. And J.T. and I will be partaking of your legal weed. One of the best things about Denver, have you played it in a long time? Do you know Comedy Works? they have a proper comedy condo which you don't run into very much anymore

and in the old days they were all destroyed by Road Comics Comics except for this one there's some bad ones but this one's a cool one they bought this apartment years ago and they keep it pretty nice and you know they're cool they clean it every week

I wouldn't eat anything out of that fridge I got some good rug mayonnaise but they have there's like three grams there so they can have the delay there you can be there with your feature and your opener you know but sometimes i'll crash there with my feature and it's actually fun you know especially when it's somebody like derrick sheen or j t or johnny taylor and you know i've had a blast there because getting late night food in denver and then going we got this huge patio and you spoke out

and you know and just and like hang out like it's a fun little trip together yeah that's great the part I loved about comedy when you're but when you're a kid it was so fun to stay at comedy condos and shit like that the one in Sacramento was always that the laughs unlimited had was out in the suburbs and I have some great memories of just hanging out there laughs unlimited unlimited laughs there was a comedy condo for slapsticks in Baltimore

and a Gucci guy punched a hole in the wall and he drew he took a sharpie and he circled it and said, uh, Gichi guy did this. And the owner of the club came over to the condo and he yanked the phone out of the wall and threw it away. And he circled the empty phone wires on the wall and said,

Gichi guy did this. I mean, yeah, it's very petty. Well, but well, I mean, good turnabout.

Insanely petty. Yeah. Rest in peace, Gigi guy. And anyway. He's not with us anymore. I know. I wasn't confused.

Blame? Oh. Making your poker laugh. Did I throw you off making your story sad? No, no. I knew he was dead. I was in LAX once. I think I told the story before.

I was in LAX. I was sitting on the floor. And it was when I was on Beat the Geeks. So people were spotting me a lot. And this woman, I see this woman, and I know she knows she's recognized me. And she comes over. And she goes, excuse me, are you a itchy guy? And I laughed.

I went, no, no, but I know who he is. And she was, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Oh, man. And then she leaves. And she turns around. She goes, it's weird that you know who he is. She was really, like, upset by that. What the hell?

Anyway. Anyway. Do you want to keep those stories in or no? Let's lose everything after. What's he going to do? See, C-8. Anyway. We attribute the success.

Save man, calling from a minute. We're joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof. Well. It's like for nerd poker mailbag. Dear nerd poker, my car keeps making this weird sound like, Gagagga, gaga, gagga, gagga, da, gagga, greg, greg, greg, greg, greg, greg, greg, greg. Gaggaggagga, greg, greg.

And it hesitates on hills and at traffic lights. Is my wife going to leave me? We'll have your answer on the next nerd poker. Thanks for listening to another episode of nerd poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerd poker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P-O-Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening. What if I had the chords right next to it, though?

Maybe they'll get to know each other better. I don't think that does. Is this better, everybody? I think so, yeah. That was a good idea, Chris. Thank you. If you get to throw me down a little bit, I'm ready to. If you get to throw me down a little bit, I'm really hot.

By which I mean, I look like you, Sam. T-Nap. Hello, check, check. That's good. That's great.