Nerd Poker - The Fog Campaign - Episode 69

Episode Date: May 6, 2026

We're down to our last two fish people, and one of them might be dinner. Also EPISODE 69 LOLOLOL (nice) For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com

Hey, it's Brian Possein. Nerd Poker. My friends are here. Sarah, Chris, Blaine, Ken, engineer Sam, and of course our kick-ass, DM, Dan Telfer. Welcome to Nerd Poker. Hey, everybody.

It's Brian Pusain. And you're listening to Nerd Poker. Uh, it's episode 69. Yeah. Come on. Noise. That was a fog champagne. My friends are idiots.

Here they are, everybody. Dan, Toot, Ken. Hi. Chris. So small and timid. All right. I don't know what we're doing. I didn't get them.

Don't worry about it. The text. Blaine, I'm immense and timid. And running the show from the cool part of the the table, as always. Sam, everybody. Hello, sweet children. Look how big he is with that tiny can.

It looked like Andre the Giant. Your tiny A&W can. Didn't he drink like 300 beers once on the set of Princess Bride? Yeah, I read he, like, he fell asleep in the hotel lobby, so they just put the red curtain around him, or the red rope around him to keep people from walking into him. Hell yeah. I heard that they were on set and all of a sudden, Andrea the Giant farted for 30 seconds and everybody got really quiet

and then Rob Reiner, rest in peace. He said, are you okay, Andre? And Andre said, I am now, boss. I also heard he had he would rent two hotel rooms so he could shit in one of theirs in the bathtub.

He would shit in the bathtub. But he wouldn't sleep in that room. Yeah. Uh, what? My brain is vomiting. I need that to be true. He called it. He called us a pudding room. Do you guys ever hear about how when Andre the Giant was a kid,

he wrote around with Sam Shepard, playwright Sam, they're like incredibly depressing playwright Sam. Are we just all breaking stuff up about it? This is true. Google. Do you know when he was a kid? You would fly.

Sam, Google Sam, Google Sam, Google Sam Shepard Andre the Giant and get ready for the weirdest, uh, search results. Just like a nihilist,

like a nihilist playwright and Andre the giant in the 1950s. It's like a fucking Stephen King novel. I heard he glows like the sun When the moon is out He was born a tiger I heard he lady hawked with Vern Troyer We should think some people

We should thank some people After I Google what plays Sam Shepard did So I think he did buried child Yeah he did buried child What's the big one with the brothers Mud? No I know what you're talking about True West

Yes That's the one that like Gary Simmy Did forever. Powder? I like to bag it up. Spike it? Have we started? Yeah.

Two hours. It's three in the morning. We're not even high. Sam's writing something down. I am high. Did you look up, Sam? Did you look up Sam Shepard Iron? No, I did not at all.

All right. Well, you got 45 minutes. Great. Folks. See on the other side. Thank you for listening to Nerd Poker. Anyone got any plugs before we get to Brian? Episode's done.

No, just kidding. Thank you to everyone who supports our show, especially if you're on patreon.com slash nerd poker. Remember to use a URL in a web browser and not use the Patreon half that charges you more. We have folks at our top two tiers of support and they've got usernames like Randy Butternubs. Thank you, Randy Butternubs.

Thank you, Scott Dyer. Thank you, Ben. Thank you Panda. Thank you, Oedipal underwear. Moms love it. Thank you, Immorten Gurb. Thank you Drew Hugh Uid fan. That's for you, Blame.

Thank you, Reverend Yorick. Thank you, Sean McCoy. Thank you, tired of sitting on your balls, try posseine ball holder. Oh, boy. Thank you, Mr. Van W. Thank you, 9LK. Thank you, the Randamore.

Thank you, I'd like to cut off your jib. Thank you for nice guys, a girl, a pizza place called Palladinos. Thank you, F. Murray, kill Abraham. And finally, thank you, legs got numb because I poop too long. Blaine, who are those supporters brought to us by? I hear you. Supporters brought to us by, Chick-Phil AI.

Good morning, Skull for, good morning, breakfast biscuits, morning, noon and night brunch biscuits. And nuggets make a classic meal of nuggets. Wash it up with halitaine you lemonade biscuits and nuggets for refreshing breakfast combo biscuits. Tell someone say chicken. They are wrong. It's not chickenless chick-fil-a-chicken he biscuits bunch. Fill the A.

Check. Dan? Okay, my stroke is finished. It's time I'm talking about what happened. Last time, I'm not poker. The worm god has emerged from the water and started murdering everybody. Isn't that nice? That's sour?

Is this sour? He's making a very sour face. I wish I had with me the little rings that I made for status conditions. Oh, yeah. I mean, just that custom one that said sour. Yeah. The sour boy. Remember sour boy?

Yeah. I get them every time I go to the movies now. Oh, right. It's time for the murder. So we did end on the thief queen's turn on initiative. Oh, that's right. She's standing on top. She's standing at top.

I think she might have fallen over there. Oh. No, no, no, no, no. That's not her. Oh, sorry. My mistake. That is a stand-in for little peepers that is Blushed underwater. This is her. I had to take her off the top

and put her neck out of the crackin. I did not chuck her across the table. Sir. You flung her. Or him. Flang? That's her. It's a thief queen. Let's see. So. C-So.

I got to pitch a bunch of stuff to C-Syso. She is going to get my time machine finished. cast invoke curse on our little friend over their little peepers who he'll have to make a DC 23 Constitution do it

I don't think that's going to be it at all 19 plus his bonus is a dex con it's a plus two so he's going to fail now he's wounded drowning and cursed Could this still get any worse? Until the curse is ended, they cannot regain hit points

and they have vulnerability to necrotic damage. It's bananas on bananas, isn't it? It's bananas on a hat. If I could banana my hat, I'd never leave that. All right, okay. Sure. Do we see what the effect of them being cursed is? Is there anything physical?

You see a green bolts of energy? smash into the waves near where little peeper splooshed. But other than that, there's not an immediate... Did they cry out in pain? His little trunk sticks up out of the water and goes, weel! Okay, so he's so a conscious. All right.

He doesn't take any damage, but he is cursed. Hey, why not twidding you're up? Shitballs. What's the damage on a shitball? And again, she doesn't stand because this is a very lumpy crackin that I'm using for the worm god, but she's riding.

She's riding up here. Dirty. Remember when that song was new? She almost goes right here. All right. So they're right there. I am going to, can I use some movement to try and get atop this thing?

Yeah, that's the book cupboard we had Brian on last. Just to get some kind of stability. Can I kind of just get to there? because what I'd like to do is fisc strum my loot and cast I think I want to try and cast hypnotic pattern.

Oh, cool. So, allow me to read you what Gary Gygak says about this shit. Let's try to your gun blade and just find the camera wall facing. Oh shit, I brought up the wrong one.

I don't want healing word. Come on, guys. Back teen Let's hear that backteen commercial from our sponsor Backteen Blaine My mistake Back teen has got to be in it's They're back 20s by now

Back teen Front tweens Twain Twit creates a twisting pattern of colors That weaves through the air Inside a 30 foot cube What's that save It is they both have to make a

Because I'm going to make the cube Where they is Are you going to gleam it first? Yes, of course. It's a wisdom DC17. Is that a, that's a decent one? Is the distance up to 120 feet and the cube itself is a 30 foot cube? So I'm putting them within the 30 foot cube.

Sure. It's a wisdom save you said? Please, please. I'll actually use the tower. He critted that, but it was a wrong place. That one's a botch. Okay. I like it.

And that one is a 14 plus. It's not good. Four, so that's an 18th. So it's two saves. They both save? Or no, I'm sorry. The Litch botched and the other one saved. Okay.

It's because of the re-roll. I goofed myself. None at all. Okay. So for the litch on a failed save, the creature becomes charmed for the duration. What? While charmed, this creature is an in. incapacitated and has a speed of zero.

Nice. The spell ends for the afflicted creature if they take damage or if someone else uses an action to physically like shake the creature out of its stupor. So incapacitated, I think kind of means you're out. Charmed is you just can't attack me. You regard me as a friend. and then incapacitated well I can't tell you

that this lich is immune to charmed but could possibly be incapacitated still okay well if they're incapacitated if that's part of it that's listed as like a separate effect but it doesn't well yeah because it's not charmed

it's right it sounds like it's separate it's okay well the creature's incapacitated so incapacitated so incapacitated Cacitated is cannot take actions or reactions. Cool. Well, I'm fascinated by how they can be separate, but it does make sense,

given how it's worded. Okay. Spilling each creature even, that's it. Undead is not inherently like immune either. It's just because this is a powerful magic user. Any bonus actions or anything, sir? Uh,

fuck. Uh, I will try and get into, is there any cover? that I can find on top of this floating boat. Yeah, that random thing that I put in front of you that is technically a bookcase, just so no one tries to get into it

and use it as anything other than a boatcase. You can sploop next to it? You could spooop next to it, or... I'm saying this is like a big floating chunk of debris. We'll say it's like a broken wooden altar. Cool. And Ken, you're next. Kenneth.

Not Kenneth, excuse me. My full name is Kenway. Whatever you like. I made it up. so I do like it. That's a Cadway. Famous downtown. Um.

Is this our highest episode? It's up there. Wee. I'm going to fly. All right. What about, um, what's Shalab gun to the seat? Oh, you. Dan, you wrap Scallion.

Okay, so you're flying. How fly up are you flying? Is flying. Does anybody else need to fly? Like in life? I can polymorph. I would take these fly. All right.

Then I'll go a level up and fly as both. All right. What about you? Fly me to the moon. Use these two joints and tubes to prop up your two. You know, I'm not even kidding. I'm trying to wait until the water gets up high enough for me to do a little. Yeah.

BAMF kind of thing. Smoke these two joints in the morning. I fly, you fly. Did you smoke them at night? Smoke them in the evening, smoke them at supper time. How do you feel? And that's all right. Between joints on a bagel, you can have...

Cool. Up next is the Kuatua. So they are going to, of course, be able to move quite well in the water. Terrific. You know how many the two? Yeah, you got them. The Tuatowa. Magic in the barbarian.

Tuicoa, Kuwa, Kuwait, Kloca. Kloaka. Not Kloika. Ken, Ken, you ever put a lot of throat on that one? I didn't like that one bit. No, sir. No, sir. The Chris Felucie horse.

Is that the princess of voice? Mm-hmm. When he's dragging himself. the fire. Isn't the horse from Renus Stimpy? Yeah. Yeah.

I don't like it. Don't make one bit. So, that's it. The Kuatoha's caster casts control water. Huh?

And you see the world tool that this thing is rising up out of reverse direction. What? And he is going to try to fight it. Cool. He's starting to get stuck in the middle of the whirlpool now.

And then, of course, I'm going to call the repairman. Hey, Culligan, man. And we're going to say, AED do. Glug is dashing through the water in a one Kuatowa open sleigh. And that'll do it for their time. then it's going to be little peepers

who is cursed but gotta go come in circles in the water cursed but not out no it doesn't stop him from attacking it just fucks him up in other ways sex ways probably yeah

probably a lot of episode 69 but terx tits oh whoa he's mostly vulnerable in a chronic down each one is a five what about julie andrews

tits in sobb oh my god I wish SOB had a renaissance. It's a great... My wife's tits, everyone. Oh, yeah, it was Blake Edwards, right? Yeah, with Richard Mulligan

trying to kill himself for the first 20 minutes. I loved him so much. Little Peeper's crits with a short bow. Yeah. Nice. Fuck it up. He's about to. Fuck him off, Socrates.

18 points of damage in the face of the Cracken. Great album. In the face of the Cracken. Tori Amos is great. In the face of a croaking. In the eyes of an angel. In the face of a crack. Do you see Earth love?

Tori Amos? No, I saw John Amos and Famous Amos. Jesus. He was my favorite weatherman. I usually only see Famous Amos inside Benning. Famous Amos do little earthquakes. Little record. Our boys for Pele.

Joffrey, you're up. I just remember Andy Kaufman as Laca Gravas saying The Famous Amos. When Famous Amos came down from the heavens in that episode of Taxi. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The famous Amos. I used to go to that store owner's kid. Famous Amos, the cookie store?

Yeah, and he was there? Wow. Right to your turn. Cookies pretty good. Andy, are you munching on this one? Please, Famous Amos was my favorite. father. Call me

Famous Amos Jr. Well, son of famous Amos. Have we started? Yeah. I mean, there's these tentacles right here. You can hit the tentacles

easy. They are within range of you. You are you're floating. You're about 150 feet away. These far. right yeah well that's Ken actually but yeah Ken chose one of my minis it looks very much like Brian um I'm gonna fire a ball or bolt a tentacle yeah go for it no okay it's gonna biff

against the side of its massive flesh no you need 18 to hit these tentacles okay I don't have advantage right frame up okay okay Any bonus actions or movement you'd like to do while you're whilst you're flying Brian Oh I wish we had a video of what you just did That's for a little movement I gave you exactly that Oh that's I see I see it thank you for a little noodle Yeah

Listeners Brian is exploring the space For Patreon supporters at our Hey Boss level Brian will give you theatrical performance lessons in the avant-garde black box style. We'll show you movement. The fuck I will. Two more tentacles.

What? First out of the water. Too many tentacles. Too many tentacles. Too many tentacles. Too many tentacles. Too many poppies. Puppie.

Everybody do an insight check. Okay. Insight. 18 plus 10, 28. Holy fuck. 10 plus 7, 17. 14 plus 6. 20. Wow.

All right. We got a couple of 20 pluses that are going to know what's going on here. Another one. 13 plus 2. 15. Not quite, but if you got a 20 or more, you'll recognize these tentacles as obstacles that you encountered rushing through the water.

Way back when you were in another temple. Oh. Oh, right. So they're magical. Yeah, but they belong to the dead god whose appendages you guys had to, like, rush through. So they're not tonicles reaching from that thing. They are. So that thing is the tentacle.

What did you get on your inside check? I got 20, friend. Then you can tell it specifically is happening, is that that Leviathan is what is possessed. by Caius right now. Hmm. Okay, well, they're a little bit of a horror mashup at the moment. A lot of big words of scary things.

Oh, big words, eh? Leviathan, Caius is not long. That's not a big word. If we kill the Leviathan, effectively we kill Caius, because that's Caius's host. Didn't know Caius needed a host.

Thought Caius could be here on their own. Oh, a vulnerability. Yeah. Good job, Ken. Thanks. A lot. All right.

All right, Brian, you got the plan. A tentacle smashes into little peepers and a tentacle smashes into the Kuatowa caster, known as Gulk. Up next is going to be... Siam Spade. Are there any walls? Not near you, no, not visible. In the distance somewhere there. Okay, I'm going to keep...

I'm going to keep moving in a zigzaggy serpentine. Yeah, serpentine, serpentine. I'm going to move like a water moccasin. 60 feet. That's a little less than a hundred or so you just gave yourself. That got up just a little bit. Over here? No.

No. No. Okay. Just like there, but yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's it. No. All right. I'm just trying to stay out of, uh,

yeah. I'm just trying not to give you so much room but you're godlike. Okay. And I'm going to, I'm going to use another charge of the, uh,

the wand. And I'm going to, uh, kind of cause a little light show off to the left of the Leviathan. Okay. Another deception check. 14 plus, what is it?

Deception. 14 plus 216. in that direction. Oh, good. He's dumb. Okay, and then I'm going to call an Uber. Okay. Lyft has slightly better labor practices.

I'm going to make you have this whole conversation with me right now. I can't get a open the app store down here. Oh. Makes sense. I'd much rather just call a cab. There I said it. You too. Do you feel better?

I do. I do feel better. I'm glad. Okay. So I'll just put her on a die So we don't have to make this super complicated But Litch is going to start flying towards everyone Litch is be flying

Lichrist Lichville is a coo-cookiest Lichville is a guiccuhcuhius On today of all days Yeah, I know Sid Crop guy Oh no Yeah

You see he's 96 He fell into a giant top hat Flaming green energy explode from her eyes from her eyes Glug is now frightened I'll say Wait

By who The litch queen who's now Flying towards him And casting Isn't she all charmed and incapacitated And such Oh my God, that's right I believe that is the case

For up to a minute In your fucking face You guys We're gonna save the dorm after all It can't take actions or reactions. Son of a shit. Yeah. That is so much worse than I thought it was.

Incapacitated. Sorry. I've got to learn this Dungeons and Dragons shit. That's wild. So if she can't do that, she doesn't have any bonus actions at least? Would it good? She got shit.

Bonus actions count as an action in this case anyway. So she's just fucked for, Up to a minute. So does she get to remake the saving throw at this point? Great question. I think she might. Let's go next. This is right in with your, she's fucked for a minute jokes.

Concentration up to a minute. On a failed save, the creature becomes charmed for the duration, for the minute. While charmed by the spell, the creature is incapacitated. It has a speed of zero. So can't move. can't take an action. Can't smoke, can't drink. What do you do?

20, 22 shoes. I're settling you in. Well, I guess I'm going to just take a moment to go fuck myself and twidding you're up. Oh, first of all, I will maintain concentration. I bet you will. And then...

What a useful thing you did. I'm going to can I use my movement to... Well, you guys are flying. Are we leaving this party? I think they just wanted to not be taking a penalty to their situation.

Getting more agility. Do you have a plan. Copy that. All right. I will use my movement. Can I use my movement to get to this thing? Or maybe not to climb it, but let's say to get to the base of it. So I swim from a turned over bookshelf.

Would you say that? It was dead sort of like almost an altar. Yeah, it was a big wooden altar. Okay. So I'm going to swim towards this bobbling altar in front of me. So bobbling. Trying to get some distance between myself. There are two tentacles to the rear of us and two in front. I'm trying to sort of get away from them.

There you are. In the middle. And then I'm maintaining concentration. I will, perhaps as a cantrip, calst. How about I'll do, uh, I guess I can only do ray of frost.

I'll do a ray of frost at a, Yes. Nearby. Great. So it's add nine to this. Now I'm going to do a Ray of Stevens. And I'm going to streak away where nothing but my BFs. I got a natural 20.

So it's 2D8 and then whatever magic you have for us, Dan. Yeah, I did. Because it's a crit. Yeah, I'm going to look this shit up. Four and eight. So 12 cold damage. And then roll a D100. And let me know if Rea Frost has an additional effect like freezing the water around it or something.

It's a can trip. So do you want it to freeze the water? Yes. And immobilize it? Yes. For a year. And everyone will remember this day as a holiday. I got a 76 of my percent of time.

Oh, how do you want to see this tentacle explode from ice magic? Oh, awesome. I want it to be like a little bit like when the adats are tied. Like for a second, the thing kind of. And then it flexes, but it flexes so much that it immediately creates a fissure and the thing just kind of snaps off the rest of its body. Yeah. Toast. One down.

Yay. Ooh. Everyone do it inside Chuck. Nope. I'm outside. 17. 3 plus 7 is 10. Hmm.

Oh, and that it's cool. 15 plus 6. 20. Oh, Chris is going to get it. Nice. That's pretty high. 18 enough? Yet. Chris, you recall this thing has a minimum of six tentacles. Okay. Can I call that out? Like, minimum. I may not. You went through like three rows of these things and it trapped back in the day. Okay. Can I share that with that? Yeah, yeah. That's what I would do. We're just really like, remember there's more coming? or more tentacles.

Boo. Shalab you're up. I will cast a spell of magic upon a tentacle. It's got so romantic all of a sudden.

I'm going to cast. You were great in Pippin. I can't think about your life. And yet, remember the Litch Queen is on top of this dragon, though you cannot see her. She's too far away. well there's almost Scotty

I will cast agonizer scorcher at this tentacle Oh shit All right What does it do Is that a saving Is that a spell

Dex Okay Is that gonna unfreeze her No he's a technical The tentacle that got hit With Frost and froze exploded What about this one? Did it get an attack it did?

What got attack at it did? for sure. Got a tag on the dead. Did it hurt it? What was the save? 17. Oh, yeah, it made it. Son of a.

Would it be half? Let me see. Depending on the spell. It rolled a 17. Boodoo do, do do do do do do half as much damage. Okay. Let's see half of what. How much would it be total?

3D8. Well, that's fun. Do you need D8 or you got it? No, I just forget which one it is. There it is. or 11. Half of 19. Uh, nine, nine and a half, nine.

Nine. That's nine. I like half point. Nine, nine, nine point five. Great. All right, so. Scorchy. Nice job.

Scorchy, scorch. All right. Anything else with a bonus action or movement? You can move. Do it. Oh, yes. I will fly over in this area. Trying to get close to that.

Will you do with your mini so I don't have to stand up and reach all the way over there? Ooh, Pete, ooh, please. Oh, my flanks, beat is. Hell yeah. Up next in the turn order, B, the Kuatowa. That sounds, C, the Kuatua. The Sorcerer guy is super grateful for what you did, smashing up the tentacle that was slapping them around.

I mean, we do it for each other, right? Of course. Let me do it for you. It's weird how they come and go. What's that? The memes and trends and... You see a magic pink spike come out of his staff and smack into the Litch Queen's head.

Wow. There's a loud crackle noise, as it seems to fizzle out of existence while impaled in her head. It's going to be quite a bit of damage. You can do this one. Jesus Christ. For day.

So many dice. Hey. But died. You don't think she's being held anymore? As soon as she shakes damage, I think it breaks the... Oh, it does? Hypnotic. Oh, okay.

I thought it was just your concentration. I must have missed the best part. The best part, the rest part. The rest part. The... hypnotic pattern the spell ends for an effective creature

if it takes any damage or someone else uses an action to shake the creature out of its stupor. Okay. She will snap out of it. I mean, to be fair,

spike to the head. Yeah, yeah. Wakes you up. Okay, so then it's going to be a glug who is going to try to just like smash

his axe right into this thing's gut. Ah, that is a hit. Yeah. Got hit. From glue. Glugter. Just kind of goes through the fatty flesh of this ancient monster. Nice.

Fatty flesh of the ancient monster. Next. Unnational Geographic. And then it is little Peepers' turn. He's going to start stabbing at the tentacle. Crit. Hey! Nice.

You can read little peepers. Does that mean you get a sneak attack? That's not a sneak attack if you get a crit, is it? I don't think so. No, you need advantage, not double-dye damage. They're related as far as die effects go. But yeah, yeah, just, you see the rapier just like go up into the flesh of the tentacle and rip backwards and just blood splits all over the waves.

Tentacle's not destroyed, but it's pretty close. Then it will be Jaffrey Spacoli. Graphery Spacoli. Gaffrey, Spurray. Jotanballs. All right. Kill it. How many tents are we looking at, left?

Just three? So far. Yeah. Which one's closest to me? This guy. Yeah. One behind you. That one's injured. That one's not.

Oh. Also, you're flying. And you're flying. Do you get me? great time you know anywhere you can leave this town get on that circus train and don't look back it's gonna be a rodeo clown hmm all right you're a short bow it all right roll a short bow

nice right sure is don't forget your d100 too roll yeah roll a double your dice damage and then we'll do a d100 fun dang dangle Let me do six. D100 D100. Oh, six. Nice. Double that.

Double that and then roll 100. So 2D6, so 12 plus 4, 16. Nice. And now roll 100. Brian, you should roll super high, probably. See, you can get like a 99. I've been waiting. So long.

All right. Roll another 2D8, please. Is this an A? Yeah. It looks like it. 5 and a 6. Damn. So your arrow makes this loud, deep thunk noise as it smashes in and gets stuck.

And you see the end of the tentacles start twitching. You've done nerve damage, and it will now attack with disadvantage until you destroy it. Nice. Anything else? I have nerve damage. I saw nerve damage open for the exploited. All right. And then after y'all going to be the Cracken,

another tentacle comes up out of the water. Oh, why wouldn't it? I mean, it already rained today. That is a dirty 20 to hit. And who is that? That's our friend Shalab. I'm all flying around and shit. Well, how high up were you, though?

That's a good question. I'm so proud of myself for asking such a good question. No, I'm looking because of how high the tentacle can reach. I'm not super high. I am, like, to observe, so. Let's just, let's hear how many feet up? 70 feet. It can't hit you.

Nice. It's going to try to hit Gulk, but it will hit with that Dirty 20. Dirty 20. Seven points against Gok. And then we will have another tentacle swat at Lil Peepers. So a 32 to hit. Jesus. He's going to take a ton of damage as one of the tentacles reaches over and just cracks him across the face.

See a chunk get taken off of his. Tusk. Oh my gosh, not much left in me, you guys. Oh dear. That'll do it for the Cracken's turn. Um, I'll actually know it'll it'll also kind of like lurch through the water towards the distraction. Wait, this is Little Peepers? Yes, Little Peepers is the Drow Assassin Mini over there. And then, uh, gonna be Slam Spade. Uh, I'm going to keep moving this way probably a couple of miles no I'm going to stay as far away as I can move as far as I can but stay keep my distance from the crackin and I'm going to I'm going to fire bolt this tentacle okay so I don't like that 10 to miss

Okay. And then I'm going to text my wife and go, I can't believe I fucking missed that. Don't worry about a honey. She texts back. Just pick me up some chubby hubby on the way home, please. Okay. I got to go to Albertsons. She texts back.

Could you just go to the Speedway and get me whatever? Get me the generic one. It's a, there's a difference. It's a noticeable difference. I don't want to do the store brand. I mean, signature select is all right, but I really just want to get the, It's worth it. It's worth the extra two bucks.

She takes back. Okay. All right. Up next is the Litch Queen, and she cannot normally do things if she were, but I just remembered she got snapped out of it. She got a spike in her head. Bulkar ash up. I can't do a very good billy.

She is going to attack Glug, who is down in the waves below her smack and around the gullet of the Cracken beast. How far is the water risen in this amount of time? Mama. Oh, we can I rather, Mama. Just you do an insight check. That's a one. I botched my insight check. No, it has raised.

Okay. And now she should have taken me a passive. Okay, so you will now see. a huge sphere of energy open up and stop right on top. Is it going to be like a bucket of water like it flash dance? What a feeling. Oh, no. We know that's good.

That was his, yeah, okay. Wait. He had to make an intelligent saving throw. He rolled, uh, he rolled, uh, It's not high enough even without the crit on forge. This glug is getting hit with this massive sphere of magical energy. I bet it'll send him back to like the 60s or something like that. That'd be crazy, be high.

Remember that? Remember everybody was doing that? Oh, God, yes. Good times. Great oldies. You hear this. as do-do-d-d-d-d-d-f noise, as glug is rocketed out of the water by this thing. Whoa.

Rocketed? Yeah, just shoot straight up in the air. Wow. Wow. Weak, we, we, we'll, wow, wow, wow. Well, wow. Herbert Ancock turned 86 yesterday. Can you believe that?

86 years old. Holy shit. He's, he's, he's. The menu. Yeah, he's, he's a surprisingly, uh, uh, I mean, His non-poppy jazz stuff is amazing. Oh my God. Yeah, he's so good.

Back into water. Yep. And he's going to take quite a bit of force damage from that flopping around. Could he, could he kind of go into a nice little dive, though, like right at the end, just sort of like, push? You know what? You should do a deck save to see if he... I'll unrolled advantage because he has fish going in water. I mean, he's being welcomed back into his natural environment.

I'll have that second chunk of damage. Ooh, good job, Luke. Twins up. Twin, all right. First things first. I'm going to try and climb up out of the water to get on top of this altar thing. Something I haven't been doing that I'm remembering to now is give out Bartik Inspiration. Who is after me, Dan, in initiative?

Shalab. Shalab. Okay, I'm going to give Shalab Barthic Inspiration, which means you get to a D8 for the next. I think it's like 15 minutes. You get to add a D8 to an attack roll, a saving through, or an ability check. It's basically, if you have, you can add it to any die roll for the next 15 minutes. And I have a level where if you miss, you still have your Bartic inspiration. You will have your Bartic inspiration until a die roll succeeds.

Does that make sense? So like if you attack one time and you roll, let's say, a six, and then with the Bartak Inspiration, you only get a nine and you miss. You haven't used that Bartic inspiration. You have it until it actually gets successfully used. Because you're next, like, go ahead and use this to think about what you're about to do any second. You know what I mean? Cool.

All right. So he's got that. I've lost the spell on the lady. She does prefer to be called the lady. Okay. Cool. she litch, so I don't like that. I'm going to

I'm going to cast a firebolt again that seemed to be effective against the tentacle in front of me. Okay, great. 12 plus 9 to hit. Oh, it's such a hit. Cool. 2D10. That's a D10.

That's a person of it. No, that would be... Nine and nine. 18 points. Nice. Oh, it's really fried. It's not done, but boy, boy. Great.

You just torch the shit out of it. Still a little pink inside. I like it that way. But with that, that's your turn. Chicken. Mm-mm. Like the char, though. I'm done.

Yeah, it's got this nice, like, deep orange kind of, like, you know, cooked salmon, grilled salmon. You're up. I've never eaten an enemy alive before. Okay. All right. I am. I guess it's Kalamari, but who gives a shit? How far is she?

I don't even know what that looks like. I don't even meet. She is from you, about 75 feet. Great. I'm going to cast Synaptic static. Was that, though? Huh?

That's a saving throw. Okay. Is that like casting Sig Zig Sputnik? Exactly. Which one? Intelligence. Mm-mm-mm. She's going to do it again.

These are all cocked and get a new dice tower. This thing is old as hell. Oh, okay. Well, she's got a pretty high bonus, but she sure botched the shit out of that. Yay. So what'd she get? She beat a 17.

I mean, she botched. I'm just saying it doesn't. She got, she got 16. So she takes eight. She's a very high bonus, but. Oh, I didn't mean to roll that. I'm rolling here. So plus 15 to a botch.

What a, Sad state of affairs. So 8D6 of psychic damage. That's a shitload of damage. Yeah. Roll it. I just want to make sure. Ten.

I just want to make sure. Don't forget. I just want to. Damn. I don't think there's a shot. Oh, excuse me. Shoot it out. Yeah.

Same. And that's anything within 20 feet of it as well. So I'd probably hit the crack in. Shoot it up. So I need some. So he's got to do it up. I don't have to do a six. Here's a six?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's a six. You don't go, blah, blah. I didn't do any sixes for Ken? It's a Dex, you said? Or ain't? No. Did you need six?

Oh, that's, uh, 15. That's a fail. So, both fail. Nice. Yes. This is all psychic, right? Ooh. Five, six, it should be eight.

I don't have two more. 21 and seven. 27, 28 points. Both of them are rocked by it. Anything else for your turn? I will get some distance. I like how you just tried to like wiggle your guy around and then let go.

You look like you're just gonna drop your mini because you're like, hey, it goes over here or whatever. All right, as you fly away, it's time for me to take a photo. We'll find out what happens to the ding-dong danglers next time. a nerding kokery so far excited that is a ken made it official that is your group's name you told the thieves hell you say i'm sorry you're called i am sorry no the ding dong danglers team talent treasure claw bears dang bear uh team talent sam yes episode 69 thanks He was firebolting, one of the big monsters, tentacles.

Dan forgot the lady riding and the monster was tied up, I think. The monster tried to hit him, but he was too high in the air. Most importantly, the connection between a playwright named Samuel and Andre the Giant is a famous anecdote involving Irish novelist and playwright Samuel Beckett, not American playwright Sam Sheppard. The story goes, as a child in France, Andre the Giant was so large that he could not fit in the local school bus. Samuel Beckett, who lived in the same village, was a neighbor and offered to drive local children, including a young Andre to school in his truck.

And Andre later recalled that they rarely talked about anything other than cricket during the drives. Cool. You like cricket? Darkestwimsy.com is that project I'm working on. Do you got the show you on plug over there, Blaine? If it's still happening about the time this goes live? Yeah, I think so. What's the Netflix festival called?

I can never. Netflix is a joke. Netflix is a joke. Pacific Electric, I believe. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm going to be on the hanging with Dr. Z show. Hell yeah.

Electric show on May 5th, Cinco de Mayo. Doing some of your slam poetry? Yeah. One fish, two fish, redfish, blue fish. And then I get sued. By the estate of Dr. Soiss.

Hi, Brian. We're doing this. thing. Are you doing that thing, Blaine? Blaine? For Netflix, Netflix is a joke. 90s grunge comedians or whatever they're calling it. No, I'm only doing the the ZE thing. Excuse me on the

23rd. I'll be with Patton, Tom Rhodes, Bob Odenkirk, lawyer Kightlinger. Wow. It's a stacked bill, so come to see that show. At least at least partially like a Mr.

show. Yeah, there is kind of. Bob's writing a bit. We did it last year in the year before, and that's usually super fun. I think last year, David Cross was on the East Coast, but he did it phone with this.

That was really funny. Yay. So come to one of those shows. I forget where they're doing it this year, but should be sick. Look it up. Oh, yeah, that sounds like right. Will sure about it.

And then I've got other shows, Brian Bustain.com. Blame. We attribute the success. Save mankind for joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof. Well, Hey, it's time for Nerd Poker Mailbag. Nerd Poker Mailbag.

Dear NerdPoker, our baby fell out of a window. You'd think that her head would be split. But good luck was with her. that morning, she fell in a barrel of shit. Should I get rid of that barrel and replace it with shaving cream to be nice and clean? I shave every day so I always look keen. Love your ads are on the next nerd poker.

Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerd poker. And you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box, 16069. Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.