Nerd Poker - The Fog Campaign - Episode 74

Episode Date: June 10, 2026

Sorry to leave the Ding Dong Danglers hanging! They shot up into the sky, well over 100 feet in the air, and don't have Feather Fall to bail them out. So we wanted to save the mad scramble for meta-gaming until... now! For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com

Hey, it's Brian Possein. Nerd Poker. We're calling it. The Fog Campaign. My friends are here. Chris, Blaine, Ken, engineer Sam, and of course,

our kick-ass DM, Dan Telfer. Welcome to Nerd Poker. Hey, everybody. It's Brian Pocene. You're listening to NerdPoker. It's episode 74 of The Fog Campaign. We're in some shit. You guys, my friends are here.

Unfortunately, there's construction at the Possein house. We're building a ballroom. Spencer Pratt. Spencer Pratt is financing it. All the gold leaf paint on the movie poster is behind you. Look really nice. I'm looking forward to playing from the bunker, though. Yeah, that's going to be great.

No one can kill me in my bunker. I can only kill myself. It should be it, too. You think, Pat. My friends are here. Everybody. Ken, hello. Hi.

Chris. Blaine. Hey, hi. Chris. Oh. Yep. There he is. That's me.

Dan's here. Why? Hi. Hi. I'm liking the hair. Thanks, boss. Yeah. And then running the show from the cool part of town,

as always, it's Sam. Hello, sweet children. Hello to you, sweet child. Oh, mine. Oh. All of ours. Of everyone's. You're your collective parents.

You're all daddy. We should thank some listeners. Special ones. Those very special listeners at the top two tiers of support on Patreon has some user names that we call out because you are so generous. So thank you. Thank you very much to users like sacral.

Thank you, sacral. Thank you, Nug Nug's Tug-Tug. You. Thank you, Lord I reckon. Thank you Vortax. Thank you, Deckerritskilso. Thank you, Herb Schwartz's haemeroid. Oh, it's got its own account, boy.

Oh, no. Oh, yeah, that's all he is. He's just Jerry Lewis. Thank you, Satan, O.V. beer. Thank you Dango Merman, aka Uncle Magic. Thank you, Nathan's furry purple carrot. Thank you, Lord'll Call. Thank you, Macon Lee. Thank you. Us Knees, father of a chew. Thank you, J. J. Thank you. Never Go Full Drow. And finally, thank you. Don't forget Larry. Larry Fine, everybody, a member of our podcast until we love Dear Wolf. Blaine, who are those supporters,

brought to us by. Spore is brought to us by 4D printer. Print out of time machine. Go kill baby Hitler. 4D printer from Milton Bradley. Baby Hitler not included or inferred. Dan? Thank you, Blaine.

Boy oh boy. Only we could do something about fashion. Not inferred, but mentioned, right? Blaine, wouldn't you argue in the, I mean, it was blatantly just mentioned. Yeah, well, you know, I don't write the copy. I just read it. Oh, is that Brian?

My friend J.T. Havasat does a great joke about the Hitler, you know, Tyne Machine thing. He goes, well, if you did it and you went back to kill baby Hitler, I mean, you're now going to be known as the guy who came out of this magical cardboard box and then took a little baby with a funny mustache and started smashing it around. My bit was, why are we killing him when he's a baby? That is so fucked up. Why don't we just go back and kill him when he was 20 years old and a failed artist

and just everyone hated him like around it? Like all his friends hated him, his family hated him. They'd be happy you killed him. You kill a baby. You're going to get in trouble. But it's easier. It's a annoying 20-year-old. It's much easier to kill a baby.

He was a painter. You could have taken him. Yeah. He got to kill baby Shicklegruber. That's the game. Sissies. Shicklegruber? Yeah.

You know, Brian. Brian Kylie has the best baby Hitler joke, which is, he goes, hey, I'm a father. I don't want to kill a baby. That's the thought of killing a baby is horrible. But I could strangle teenage Hitler. That's a better version of my joke. Brian Kylie is one of the funniest guys alive.

He's great. That's a really great job. God, he's funny. Yeah, he writes really tight, short jokes. about everybody. Yeah. It's my son whispering that I say that about everyone because I'm actually a good guy. Oh, dick.

And you got a lot. Yeah. Now I think Brian Kylie's terrible. Yeah. Oh, no. My son's back with the other cat. Oh, you got to get a variety of dander up your nose while you're recording. My other cat, Cheshire, has more dandruff than any other cat.

He's like a, like a pastry. Except for me. Because that all ended up working out since you're allergic. I know like some cats with medium fur, I'm violently allergic, but with shorter fur, it doesn't bother me at all. You know,

he's got a lot of dinner if it doesn't bother me. My wife has allergies, but she gets shots for it. Because she loves the cat. Shot, shot, shot, shots. Shot, shots. I get shots because I love shots. I love going to the doctor and hearing the results.

All right. There's the last cat. That's Dandruff, Mr. Sheshire. Hello, Mr. Shasher. How many cats do you have, Blaine? 78. Oh. Led the big parade.

Hundred a time chin chills down the line. You have more cats than guitars. Oh, man. I wish. How many cat guitars do you have? Let me see. I have a catacaster. And a less paw.

You have that cat keyboard that, Everyone who had a kid between 2005 and 2015 had. Oh my God. I did. I'm sorry, there's so many sirens. You know what? We can't hear any of them. To the happy home where life is beautiful all the time.

Let's talk instead about what happened with those nice young men in their clean white coats. on the last time of nerd poker. Our heroes, they destroyed the Leviathan. They destroyed the thief queen. And they got rocketed up through a mud sphincter and into the sky above Dells' mess. When last we checked in with our heroes, they were shot well over a hundred feet into the air. The small town, large town, small city. I really hate when I try to defy it and then people,

people ask me what I meant population-wise. Look, we published a map on Instagram. Just go look at that. And then imagine the little squares or buildings, and then everyone's above it and they see it below them. The fog, still rolling through it. We know the fog should probably be dying down eventually now that they have killed the two great evils.

However, right now we're going to play a little game called Will They Go Splat? So you guys are all mid-air. What I'm going to do is I'm going to have everyone roll a wisdom savings row and I will multiply each roll by 10 and that is how many seconds you will get before I go to the next person to just think through what you're going to talk about. So I'm going to go down the line and ask everybody, you know, like, what did you roll? But I'm going to be writing it down because then I'm going to, you know, be timing each of you

because this is a, it's like a slowing down of time right now. And, you know, you've technically got like six seconds of like slowing down at being able to look down and then kind of like hitting a peak altitude and starting to float slowly down before velocity takes over. So let's go down the line and hear what everyone's wisdom saving throws were. Hey, Blaine, what'd you get? 16 plus 2, 18. Brian, what'd you get? Bless 2. 22. Jesus.

That's fantastic. Chris, what did you get? 17. Great. And Ken, what did you get? 13. All right. So we're, of course, going to take advantage of the fact that there is not like an initiative

role here, but it can be very much like one. So, Brian, I'm going to give you 220 seconds, which is about three minutes to sort of to think about how you're going to deal with the situation. Go ahead. Do what situation falling? I'm putting you on the mic to talk to your friends about it, right? Like, it's a little bit of meta-gaming with a limit to it. Are we allowed to participate or is it just Brian?

I'm going to go down the line and then once everyone has done like a monologue of sorts of what they think they should do. Like you can talk to me. So just right now, just Brian. Just Brian, but Brian can, you can have a conversation with me if you're not sure what you wanted to say, but you could also tell everyone of your friends what you think you should do. I really have no idea. We're all falling at the same speed and flap your arms.

You're about to. You're about to. You could go through your inventory. If you have any spells, I know you guys are not a spell heavy group except for Ken. But, you know, you've all picked up a thing or two here. I know, and Twiddon has a few things, of course. Well, would I communicate with those guys? You can, you're working through.

it with me right now. You know what? I mean, you can communicate things, but only six seconds worth of things. So you might want to kind of work out how you want to use your six seconds. Well, basically, who knows how to stop us or, you know, some something like that. Yeah, like

does someone have a group utility? It's kind of like what you would want to. Yeah. Would you just shout out like, who knows how to stop us? Well, it is Spicoli. Yeah, and you know, Spiccoli has time to yell that out. he also has time to like, I don't know, grab his adventures pack and be like, shit, shit,

and start digging things out and, you know, like see if there's something there that can help them. Okay, so what's in my adventures pack? Well, that's a great question. Let's crack it wide open. It looks like your inventory includes, you know, weapons, crowbar, dagger, dagger, dagger, dagger. You do have a,

you've been hauling around a 20 pound keg of gunpowder for a while. Uh-oh. You should land on that. I do think that's interesting. Blaine, no. You do have boots of striding and springing. I'm not saying that can help you, but, you know, they're there. Yeah.

Listen, if it were me, I would be MacGyvering the shit out of the situation, even if it was a failure. So I'm encouraging you all to think along those lines. Right. And I also have, do I have? What are you looking for? Something to kind of help myself that would possibly slow my body down or, like, would uncanny dodge help at all or anything like that. Well, you've got some spare left. armor.

And then with my agility, you know, is there something I can do when I get closer to the ground? We are falling to the ground, right? You could just, yeah, and you could sort of use uncanny Dodge to have the damage, but it would be catastrophic damage. Okay. And you guys are all pretty low on hit points. So you could also try to address the hit point situation.

Do I have a bag or am I wearing a hood? I think I am. I got like a big backpack. Every hero has a big backpack. What if I toss the backpack? Ken got his in Japan. If I'd let go with the backpack, it would probably go right below me, right? I mean, we're dealing with gravity.

Yes. So you kind of, if you chucked it, it would like if I, a little bit of speed? Oh, no, it would, though. But like, I would slow down if I had less weight, right? All weight falls at the same speed, but if it would propel it ahead of you, it will land before you. So like if you grab it and go,

boom. So maybe we'll do that, but then I'm trying to think, like, can I use my hood to slow down, like using like a parachute almost? Yeah, take off your parachute pants

and hold them over your head. I know Chris has a question, but it would have to kind of be close to just clarifying something Brian's already. Oh, no, I was doing a bit. Don't even worry about it.

I would love to hear what the bit was. What was the bit? I was going to say if Brian starts throwing stuff off to reduce his wait, you should let him do it because then he'll be down to like his boxer shorts, bright white boxer shorts with big red polka dots on him and we'll

just be like, yeah, barrel. Yeah, you're naked, friend. All right, Brian, so what are you doing with your backpack? Are you trying to throw it so it lands before you? Yeah, I'm going to toss it below me. Okay, do a athletics check and as you're doing this, you're shouting everybody, somebody

do something to slow us down. Yeah. Oh, man, love. What was the number on that? one. I got to pull up the team roll log. Yeah, it was like a floor. Gotcha. Okay. So it gets you know, like

10, 15 feet below you, but it's going to be eventually going at the same velocity as you. So as you start to go up and then hit the top of it, you throw it, but then you start descending about the same speed. It evens out. So you're at the same speed pretty quickly. Damn it.

Up next in the wisdom order. We have Blaine. Blaine, you rolled an 18, which is going to give you three minutes, 180 seconds. What is below us? Are there trees?

Right now, you are above soggy town, the south side of Dellsmith. It's swampy. You can do a rambo. You're right. Yeah, yeah. I'll step out. Wooden huts. And how mud, water. How far to the ground?

Because I'm thinking I could, I have a, here's my plan, Dan. You're very high up. I'm going to, when we get close, I'm going to web a net. Because I have a web spell. Let's see if I could maybe do a web. Who's a net? Foonicello. She's in black and white and still in the Mouscateers.

Okay. So that sounds great. But I also have, I also have a misty step that I would like to have loaded up. so that I could maybe cast web and then cast Misty Step. I love everything about this. So you would probably want to like cast Misty Step? Why would you cast it first? I'm curious.

Oh, I would cast Webb first to catch. You want to like try to be parachuting down, right? And what you're saying is like if you start hitting a really fast speed, even though you have this parachute going to use Misty Step to kind of reduce velocity, right? Oh, I was going to, here was, well, that's another way to use it. I was going to use the web to sort of have like a trampoline net blanket underneath us so that it would catch us, all of us, or as many of us as we could, to just sort of like at least break the fall a little bit or lower our speed.

So that would be really hard to make. A trampoline that would catch everybody would take, you know, a lot of webbing. and I don't know the misty step is going to, you can't like get it. It depends. Like you can't just suddenly cast a trampoline-sized web at the last second, but you can have a web ready

that you've kind of like built out into something. Okay. It'll just be in your hands. You know what I mean? Yeah, because the misty step, I can only missy step 30 feet. So I would have to wait until we're like right about of the ground and then

misty step to safety and then by then everybody would hit. You know what I mean? Yeah, and I'm going to check a ruling on this too. So, Misty step, reduce

fall velocity. Blaine, you should misty step into like a mattress factory. So this is a highly according to Google, it is a highly contested ruling that there has been no official ruling on

because people feel different ways about it. So I think if you can give me a really specific justification of how you're using Misty Step and Sprinkle little physics in there, Ken and I just watched a Kung Fu movie, so I'm really obsessed with cinematic physics right now. If you can just sort of like explain for me how you're using Misty Step to affect your fall,

I will happily let you do it, but give me that and the webbing, what the goals are there because you are out of your three minutes. Okay, well, I would. like to I would like to misty step myself at an angle so that I so that, because I figure I would, if I would materialize someplace, I'm still going to have some velocity. You know what I mean? I'm still going to be moving forward. So sort of kind of misty step myself towards a rooftop or something. So I'm also a cat. I'll land on my feet. But I don't want to, I don't want to take

a lot of like velocity or momentum damage. Do an insight check for me. and then you're going to use the webbing to you said once I'm like on the ground I would just like to just spray webbing up I guess above me and just across some rooftops

or something so it just snags people but you want to land before everyone else well I kind of want a misty step down to safety so that I'm not falling and how far is Misty step going? 30 feet. How many times can you

pass this you step? I guess I can probably only cast it once or twice. Right. It's a second level spell. Because you could effectively negate 30 feet's worth

as many times as you can cast it. You know, it's instantaneous. Okay, well, I have two second level left. So I could cast it twice.

Negate 60 feet, yes. So you can, as you, as you, you kind of like, uh, start shooting. Oh, you know what? I might let you do. Roll an insight check. Roll an insight check. If you can beat a 20, I'll let you figure the Misty step shit out as you are like at a reasonable height from the ground. And I'll let you sort of like Misty step yourself sideways across the mud.

So you're, you're like dragging against the ground. that are shooting into the sky. Okay, that's a 15 plus 10. So 25. So I'll let you choose. Do you want to use the Misty Step to just reduce velocity or do you want to use it just as you shoot through the top of the wooden hut to try to like stop yourself from even going that high in the air?

What was the first option? You can reduce like 60 feet worth. I'm only going to be able to use it once. because I have to use a web. Okay. Well, you beat a 20. You got a 25. So if you want,

you can try to misty step yourself, you buy a great margin, misty stuff yourself into the mud when you're 30 feet in the air just above the hut. Okay. Is that what you'd like to do? Yes, I would like to do that.

It would effectively, like, you would go like upwards out of the mud, but the mud will absorb some, of the upwards velocity. Okay. I'm going to do that and then I'm going to just sort of that is as fast as I can

I'm just going to spray a big big, big, catch all my friends web. Okay, so first things first. Roll an Arcana check. 17 plus 7, 24. Awesome. And how many times can you cast web?

Just once. I only have two Slice level for Not a ton of webbing them, right? Quantity-wise. Quantity-wise. Um, um, um, um. 20-foot cube

uh, webs layered over a flat surface. I have a depth of five feet. So I guess, yeah, a 20-foot cube. Great. So there are a couple of huts, and we'll address that in a second, but I'm going to have you take 66 bludgeoning damage as you misty step yourself into the thick, watery mud around the hut, and you'll spute upwards out of the mud, the mud having absorbed some of the upwards velocity, and you're only going to go about 20 feet in the air. but the effect of trying to misty step yourself in the mud and then still going up 20 feet in there you're going to take 19 points of bludgeoning damage.

Do you have 19 points of health? I do. Great. So knock those out. And then there are a couple of wooden huts. You get, you know, you're in the, the rough part of town and there's these willow-like swamp trees. You can use web to kind of just one, like, wave. one burst of the spell,

splay it between a tree and two huts to create you know as much of a net as you can. Yes, please. And because of your, you do great roles. You do like, it's connected, but you can tell already that this is pretty, you know, light considering the velocity your friends might take. They're still going to have to slow themselves down

if this is going to save them. So up next we have Chris, Chris, you roll the 17. So that'll be 170 seconds. Tweden is going to cast polymorph on himself. I allows him to change into a beast with a CR like similar to his level. So because I'm level 10, I think beasts only go up to level 8. So he can, so I'm going to pick the biggest flying creature I could think of, which is the Ketzel Kowatlis.

Oh, hell yeah. That's a big old fucking flying. reptile from like the Jurassic Age. Yeah, you would, you, I defer to you. Yeah, you would know. It's like a giant pterosaur. Wetsels, Cretic Waddles. It is, it can fly.

But it's also huge. So my thought is I'd like to, if I can, I don't know, Blame was saying the thing about the web. I was hoping, like, could my guy like, could maybe Blaine like web him and Brian as Brian's like throwing his backpack down, I could grab them and then we could travel towards Ken and try and scoop help Ken with whatever his plan is. I don't know. You're going to try to catch Brian?

Or have them grab onto me? Whatever. Yeah. I mean, whatever works. My thought is as soon as I become this, I'm right, I assume right with Brian and Blaine because Ken is distinctly separate. Yeah. My hope was like, turn into whatever, Falcour, grab these two and try and grab Ken. You are a giant relative of the Taranodon with a wingspan exceeding 30 feet. You are massive and you have a flying speed of 80 feet per turn. So you can go lightning fast. I will have you just do a athletics check or what is if you're texacolodotus that would be a strength

so got it I can bring up its stance as we speak strength just check yeah and this is to grab Joffrey if I'm not mistaken great oh I just it's okay so it's basically it's got a plus two bonus I just have to do it on the roller so

I'll roll a D20 7 plus two nine Okay. You're going to be able to get to Joffrey, but he's moving fast. You're moving fast. It's hard to just grab him. So he's going to throw his backpack down. You're going to rock it up towards him and get near him. But you're still kind of like grabbing at the air as he is about to start achieving downward velocity. Okay. And not Blaine? Wait, what are you trying to do with Blaine? I'm sorry. sorry, I'm misheard. I'm trying to grab my friends who are falling. Okay.

My thought was like, because we're all next to each other, maybe they could just like grab a hold of my huge body. No body shaming. And then the three of us fly to grab Ken. Got it. Well, right now Blaine has already kind of spluted into the mud and started creating like net. So he's, he's taken some damage, but he's on the ground.

Um, if you want, uh, you can. No, then Brian it is. All right. Uh, you're, you're close to Brian. And now it is Ken's turn. Ken, what are you going to do? You rolled 13. Uh, me 130 seconds, just over two minutes.

Uh, I'm going to cast fly on myself. Oh, wow. That's done. And, uh, try to help putting with, with, uh, Spikoli. Because as I see him heading there. Just roll an athletics check. All right. 16.

Nice. That's pretty good. You were separated from the group, though. You did kind of get shot off to the side. So what is your flying speed? Let's see. I imagine it's 30. I don't know.

I know. There's a church nearby. It might be a slow zone. It does not say. I think it's your run speed if you don't have a... Then it's for, oh, 60. Sorry. Nice.

60. Yeah. Is there a, never mind. I found it. I figured it out. Yes, I just needed to back it up for my own brain. So if it came up physics-wise in a second,

I know how to explain to myself. So with a 16 and you're being a little separated from everyone, you can't fly close enough to Spicoli to grab him, but you can fly fast and hard and get, get right about as close as Chris is. So both of you are about five feet away from Spicoli, like grasping for

him as he is in he's entering free fall. Okay. And all three of you noted Blaine, Siam Spade is not with you and Lil Peepers is with you. He is going to cast fly on himself and he is going to

try to join the three of you. He has four hit points so he's looking pretty shitty. but he is doing his best out in these streets. Oops, rolled twice for no particular reason. 18, so he is going to be able to grab Joffrey, but he is going to have a pretty tenuous grip on him. Brian.

Yeah. Little Peepers flies over to you and grabs you. Your other two friends are about to grab you. He's mine, no, mine, mine, mine. We tear him in two. You are being held by a tiny little elephant, elephant. What would you perhaps like to try to do to get to your friends who are both within

like five feet of you? Is there some way to kind of like point breaky, you know, when the guys are falling? Yeah, you can airbrae yourself. To kind of dive yet, like you just got to spread out. Send my body towards, towards them. Yep, let's get another athletics check, please. Okay. No longer like timing you guys because the emergency moment is done, but I'm still borrowing the turn order.

I think you guys are about to be done with this little part of the mechanics, but. So, Goli is channeling my old character, Boadie. Excellent. Athletics, right? Yep. Mathletics. It's pretty low. Chris, you don't have any kind of,

Not as a kettle koalus. I'm trying to get next to you so you can grab me. A cheerleader spell. Yeah. So at this point, you know, you're unable to completely reduce your velocity, but you are trying. You are trying to like spread your body out and use wind resistance to slow yourself down. Little Peepers is like grabbing your shoulders and getting pulled down with you trying to fly upwards as much as he can. But you are much too big for him to be able to do.

just hang on to. So let's get a roll from both Ken and Twiddin and Shalab, an athletics check again to just try to grab at Spicoli. Oh, boy. I'm giving you guys... So what am I rolling?

Athletics. To grab Spicoli as he starts to shoot downwards with little peepers doing his best to slow it down. I rolled in nine. Nice. Okay. I got an 18 plus 2.

20. With the most beautiful die on dndbion.com those really are the cool ones and I love that I see it so yeah you're going to be able to grab him and slow him down and so all of you are now able to descend you do see that Brian's backpack is stuck in some webbing that you cast playing so like everyone else sort of descends

having as a group collectively grabbed on to Spicoli to slow his descent, but his backpack, full supplies just going in the webbing. Yeah. Good work, y'all. You were standing in the mud.

A small group of Kuatoa have gathered around to witness the explosion. What's up, y'all? One of them, yeah, waddles up and is just sort of like, what did you do? You blew the house up. You don't recognize this Kuatua.

We also defeated a very powerful enemy. I don't know. In the process. Should I go get the boss? What would you need the boss for? Well, if you did something really good, I want everyone to bowl. Sure, yeah. Okay.

They all start gathering. You can hear them sort of blubbering. to figure out how to handle the situation. One of them comes up to you wearing armor after a while and reminds you, my name is mobile. Do you remember me? Sure. I am a strong guard for the city now.

I love you. Terrific. Where are the champions who went down there with you? You are not with Kuatawa or company, but... Oh, um, or... They died heroically helping us achieve our goal. Oh, I see. Well, if you wish, I can take you to the Saga Armourer,

and we can patch you up. You know, the Saga armor, of course, is named Goul Gorg. And, you know, we could perhaps get you back into good shape and give you a nice wet bed to sleep in. That sounds wonderful. I'll wet my own bed, thank you. All right. So they take you to their least moist shed.

They, of course, do go back and forth with you about how much they think you would prefer a wet bed until Bullable, you know, tries to, like, translate back and forward realizes if you're not a Kuatua, you don't like a wet bed, you probably like a dry bed so you don't get some disease from the sludge water. My ears are real flat through this whole conversation. And you all get a long rest.

Nice. Oh, great. The next morning. I'm no longer a dinosaur. Oh, yeah. It would be great if you just slept all night as Greg's a Codolus. just curled up in a little bunk with your wings all folded up. I wasn't sure what's going to happen when we got to the ground.

Well, if you wanted to stay that, that giant terrorist sword, I would find you a little like, no, no, I can only hold that I think for an hour. I just want to make sure. I really wanted you to wear a little stocking cap to go to bed in that shape. But I understand. I do. Yeah. So, yeah, you're taken well, you're well taken care of tonight.

The Kuatowa do their best to accommodate you. and they seem relieved that you have destroyed the great evil beneath the ground. Everything is going to be resolving and healing slowly, but in the morning, Bullable knocks on your little sheds door. You guys are sleeping in some makeshift pots, and the ground is just, it's wet,

muddy wood. Bullable says, there's someone here to see you. It is some sort of fox lady. She's like a, She's like you. She's a tall of humidoid type, but she is a foxhead. Oh, yeah.

Defender girl. Isn't she in love with Ken or the thief lady? Like Brian's going to know. She had a noir scene with Blame. Right. Yes, yes. That's what it was. Should I let her inside?

I mean, Twitin sir is like, hey, You know, we can, Siam, we can make ourselves scarce. Why don't the three of us, or four of us, you too, a little friend, why don't we go down and get some breakfast and you can have a, do you want some privacy?

Wow. You know what? Sure. You'll probably be right down. If you could order me some, just a mice kebab. Of course, of course. Is that cool with everybody?

Spicoli, can you be like invisible or something like that? No, I'm good. Yeah? Who was in charge? Who was our thieves guild liaison? It's Brian. That's what I'm saying. He's the plank.

Okay. Brian, do you have any like invisible guy rings or anything? I mean, you're the head of the thieves guild? I don't remember. I don't think so. All right. I was going to say, maybe you could hide in the room. Yeah.

Check in with the Steve's Guild, see if you can get something brought to you. Yeah. Just hang out in that cuck chair over there. All right. Well, I'll go downstairs and order up the mouse kebab for, for Science Spade. Well, you're in a small shed so you can, there's no basement. Oh, sorry, I was assuming tavern or whatever, sorry. Yeah, yeah, you're not in a tavern.

it's pretty modest accommodations. You can try to hide in this little shack. You can go out of- I'll leave. I'll go find like a fire and see if somebody's cooking the breakfast or something like that. Okay.

I'm assuming it's warning after the long rest, right? Yes. And so Shalab, are you going with him? Yeah, we'll go scound around and see what's doing. And Spicolia, are you going to try to hide? We've made a joke about

sitting on the cuck chair because that is the funniest possible thing that could have been said. But do you want to be hiding just to protect Blaine? Do you want to be hiding because some other funny reason or do you want to go out with everyone else? I'll go out.

We're going to go out? Yeah. Okay. So you three guys are going to go try to hunt down some breakfast. Bulla-bull nods as the three of you leave and it brings back Fen Der Strat to speak to Siam Spade.

Bullable heads back to look up where everyone else got off to. Three of you who left are going to find pretty quickly there is not really a fire in soggy town. You can head up to a tavern farther north in Delsmith or you can have a moist, cold breakfast in soggy town amongst the Kuwaitoa. And it's a lot of worms and fish, some seaweed. It's all clean, but like it's not. It's like, you know, alien sushi.

I will use a little oyster moist for the moistest oysters. Oh, my God. I will happily eat whatever they have to share with us. And I will put my arms around my friends and be like, guys, you know, here we go. Reward time. Time for some sneaky guys to get what's coming to them. Right? Right?

Yes, I am. Fender Fenn der Strat enters the shed, closes the door behind her and says, Where are your friends? Oh, they all went down to the buffet. Try to grab a little, grab some food. Some tender fiddles, some fancy feast. They do have what you cat folk would like. Very good fish down here.

Yeah. Sneeze at the buffet and everything. Very professional. Good. I love mercury. I am here on behalf of the Thieves Guild. It's my understanding that you have all, yes, gone into the catacombs, the Ando City, and perhaps you have found some things that you would like to sell.

Oh, please refresh me down on what we brought back. This is the one thing. I always tell y'all to manage so I don't have to. Yeah. Not the one thing, but this is something I, I mean, I got, I mean, I have a, I know I have a key. Yeah, I can go through your inventory, but that's the best I can do because like I have a list of all the stuff in the campaign that I mark off.

Have a bloodshed blade, a key room, a guild key, one of, I don't know who has what. So give me a sec. I have a cursed potion of wear shark. That's right. Their shark. Brian. Everyone is shark, shark. Their shark.

We're shark. Their shark. Where shark? Their shark. Where's shark? Anyways. Their castle. Oh, we did it.

Yeah. You have that key. Shark, dark, shark to dark dog. You don't have a lot of artifacts on but yeah, your crew did overall get a few things down there. Some potions, being the oddest that I can remember. But that was because you were in an experimental, you know, necromancy room when you're trying those altruicles.

And Ken has the skeleton, the skeleton. Well, that was fused to his head. Let's robo copping. Would you like to try to sell it, though? Not me. Yeah, I think if, you know, we have an assortment of stuff that we found down there while we were saving Delsmith. I don't know if I've mentioned that. But it's, do you have, do you have any idea?

Do you have a wish list of stuff that you were expecting us to come back with now? I mean, there were, of course, fabled weapon or two. and the different temples, not just the one in the undercity you were in. So maybe you would like to sell one of your weapons. I know you've been doing quite a few things around Delsmith. But artifacts are interesting. Let me see this key. Okay, I'm going to, I'll hand her this dimmer key room that I have.

Hmm, mind flare artifact. Interesting. So it looks like this is for somewhere in the under city that is now exploded slash underwater buried, yes? Yeah, I don't think there's anybody who's going down there any time soon. No, no, but still illicit technology is very interesting and strange from the astro plane and capable of being broken down into certain things that, you know, certain wizards might need as a component. We would be willing to purchase this from you if you are interested in parting with it.

Would this be a better thing if we should maybe just kind of all get together at a restaurant or something? Do you want to go to Denny's? It is open 24 hours. They have a wonderful Masters of the Universe themed breakfast. You can get a green skeletor milkshake

with purple ice cream on top. What about Lenny's? is that the restaurant where they have the Hammond of the Masters of the Universe? I don't know but Hemman? Hemman? Do you mean

I think I think Oh yes, Hemming and Shera. Yes. Yeah, Hemming and Shera and Orko. Yeah, let's all go meet at the Denny's and I can get a Moonsover, Delsmith. Oh, right.

Let's all hook up and like gather our stuff together. Yeah. You gather the crew, gather your loot, and you're going to head to a Delzmint Tavern that is a little less wet where they actually have cooked eggs, bacon, fire. You all touch base with each other and realize you might like to get some of the moistness out of your clothing and dry off as accommodating as the, Kuatola have been. But not our oysters. Keep them moist. For a moister oyster.

Never stop moisting those oysters. You feel like your oyster's moist. Hoist and foist moisture moist. All right. So you head to a, it's a tavern design for fishermen called the Medium Pier. And we will see how that bartering goes on the next episode of Nerd Poker. Ooh. Anything you want to plug?

Sure. I have been putting some work into Darkest Wimsy. So please check us out on YouTube. By the time this airs our episode with Samantha Bayart, will be live. She did the voice of Carlack and Baldur's Gate 3. Oh, cool. Very fun guest over there.

She's friends with one of the players in that game. So it'd be great if you check us out on the YouTube and stuff. I've been plugging that I was going to be at the Cobbs. in San Francisco with Ron Funciches. Bought my tickets, plane, and an airplane ride, too. Just so you know. Yeah, well, you know about that. What?

Ron Funciches is in Budapest, filming a movie with an Arnold Schwarz-Nagher, if I'm pronouncing that right, Budapest. So that has been postponed until further notice, I think February or something. So please don't, well, go to Cobbs if you're in San Francisco and enjoy it live comedy, but I won't be there. Chris, could you not think of the word flight? Is that what just happened?

You called it an airplane ride? Yeah. Are you thinking the word flight? Like airport bags. Yeah. Yeah. Language is a lovely, chameleon-like thing. He's too busy.

Think about those Ron and Arnold sex scenes that we're going to be treated to some time next year. Oh, my. They're rebooting twins. Who could forget those Arnold and Tanny DeVito sex scenes from kids? You complete me. Ouch. I have new merch at brimprane.com. And then touring-wise, I'm home for the month of June and July.

I will be in New Orleans at a comic book convention for the weekend. First, second week of July. And then I will be in Massachusetts and then Comic-Con. and then I'll be at the Kansas City Comedy Club. So July is pretty packed. And you have a couple ways to see me. Stand up or come see me sign your Devil's Reject poster. That's it for me, Blaine.

We attribute the success saved mankind for the day. We're joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof. Oh, thanks, Brian. Hey, guess what? It's time for the nerd poker mailbag. Dear nerd poker mailbag, why do you, birds suddenly appear every time you are near.

Isn't my suit made out of Panko? Dug. We'll have the answer to your dumb question on the next nerd poker. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerd poker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P-O-box-16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.