Nerd Poker - The Fog Campaign - Episode 76

Episode Date: June 25, 2026

You know what, it's a very silly episode... so like... what even IS a bard? What is a paladin- oh wait, its name is "that guy Gerry played." We didn't forget! For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com  

Hey, it's Brian Possein. Nerd Poker. We're calling it, The Fog Campaign. My friends are here. Chris, Blaine, Ken, engineer Sam, and of course,

our kick-ass DM, Dan Telfer. Welcome to Nerd Poker. Hey, everybody. Brian Pesan, you're listening to Nerd Poker. Episode 76 of The Fog Campaign, We're zooming it Because there's still construction going on at the Possein house We're building a

Ballroom I think I've made that stupid joke before But anyway Ken's here Ken Oh sorry my connection went bad Hi Lane's here

Chris's here Sorry Ken's connection went bad Do looee Badaing go ding a ding goong Fuck all you you guys uh dan's here hi buddy dan dan oh hi hi sorry sorry and uh running this shit show from always as always from the cool part of town look at him from always what an idiot i am sam everybody hello sweet children hey pal no how's that done good he's under the bed right now sleeping

Perfect. Yeah. Wait. Don't stay there. Oh. Let's thank some people. Let's thank people indeed. Ken, I'm going to need your help on one.

I put the explanation in the chat. I'll prompt you in a little bit. But I want to thank some of our supporters who support us at our top two tiers at patreon.com slash nerd poker. They have usernames like that one Star Wars character that's vaguely racist. Thank you.

That could be three, characters. Or I'm sorry, four characters and an entire race of characters. Thank you, Cabbage Capatch Kids, now with enhanced flammability. Huh? Thank you, our Lord and Savior,

Oskie, all hail blue and gold. Thy strengths never shall fail for thee will die. That sounds like an inside reference to their personal life. I don't think it was blue and gold at all if you catch my drift. Thank you. James DT.J. which of course stands for disturbing tectonic jams.

Thank you, Kielbosanova. Thank you, Dad Daddadadio. Thank you, Sean C. Who used to be much more annoying. Thank you, Grotch Sabat. Thank you, Brian's Ravinach. Thank you, Sean McKinley. And finally, thank you, Ken.

Physical bit. Blaine, who are those supporters brought to us by? Sports brought to us by Klaus Marco. When you want to spend more, Go to the place at cost more. Cost more co. Spend some time and spend some money. Cost more co.

Members only double membership fees for the summer. Hurry. These offers won't be cheap for long. Cost more co. Yeah. Thanks, Blaine. Brian, have you seen the Mandalorian and Grosu yet? No, I want you, though.

I've seen it twice. It's great. Oh, cool. Unlike back first I've heard that from. Oh, you know. I can see a lot of people being harsh on it, but it is exactly like the show. There are no big mistakes. And it is the most Muppets we've had in a Star Wars movie since 1983, which is a huge bonus.

Oh, yeah. We talked about this last time, but you guys. Maybe off the air. Yeah, but you guys lost me at a buffed, buffed Jabba the Hut. I mean, it's in the trailer. I know. But it's not a shock. Yeah, I find it totally unnecessary.

Jabba was threatening without being buffed. I mean, I think the worst thing to happen to Star Wars was when you put that jelly bean looking shitty CGI Java back into a new hope. That was a disaster. That was like the beginning of the end, right? But like, I also think that if you can accept

it, it's really, there's a lot of fun monster stuff. They'd go out of their way to, I mean, I don't want to spoil it, but they'd go out of their way to make Easter egg monsters. They have some extremely fucking Harry Houser shit going on.

Oh, okay. Well, there you go. Yeah, Phil Tippett Company did a lot of stop motion for it. Harry in the Houser since? I hadn't heard that. I'm totally in then, actually. Yeah. And a lot of puppet stuff too. Yeah. And there's an original Billy Joel song too, Brian. I can't get roads to go. So I might just go tomorrow during the day. Oh, totally go. I mean, it's. It's a fun daytime. Yeah. Get a hot dog. and make a lunch of it.

Oh. You can get nacho cheese on that. Not your cheese. Why not go on and get like, go to like that. That's not your cheese. What? I think I said Harry Houser.

Harry Housen. You did, but I wasn't going to be that guy. Thank you for not safe. I have to say it. People, when I do things like that, I get the longest Instagram

DMs that are just like, Dan, you just seem like the kind of person who cares about this. So I got a fact check here. The reason it's pronounced this way is because the lineage of this person goes back into the 1500s. It's like, oh, you know, when I talk about Waffle House and I have the longest BMs. And to that person, I say,

go have sex with your partner, read a book, do something else. Touch grass. Do anything, yeah. But anything but right, somebody is a fucking missive. Yeah, you know, I love all of you and I love that you care. Caring is such an underrated attribute for a human being, but I am not a true nerd. I am what's called a goofball.

I resemble a nerd. I'm much more of a goofball or a spas. I don't remember trivia. I've won trivia nights because it was like easy trivia. But like if you get into even Simpsons quotes, I can barely remember who who like. How about this? We're actually playing D&D right now. now and we what today i got interviewed for the steward podcast and it was a fleece today and uh will

weton who are you know no joke uh d and d players oh yeah true nerds true nerds and i just like fell apart when they started to talk about actual d and d and and me explaining anything about what i do i i can't uh i never felt dumber than to talk to the those two about D&D. Yeah, Brian, what's your favorite armor class? What's your favorite armor class? I couldn't remember what a pallid did. I couldn't remember what a bard was.

I couldn't remember the word bard for a second. Like, my brain just completely shut down because I know they're, they know what the fuck they're talking about. And I feel like such an imposter. Brian, we can't all be Blaine and Chris and Dan. What? Brian, I think maybe take a lesson from Dan,

I think you should start DMing Will Wheaton and Felicia Day like pictures of you like with your dice pictures of you and a well-thumbed copy of the player's handbook and just be like keep it around. They know I basically know what I'm talking about and I know how to play but actually talking and having a conversation with them I completely melted down. I love it.

I did. Did you make up a word for Paladin? Oh, sorry. No, but. I just couldn't. Shiny Goodman. Yeah. That asshole that Jerry used to play.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Sir Richard. From Glittishmore. Yes. Don't forget Jerry. No, never. I remember the first time I went through a grocery store and saw Glitishmore in the liquor aisle and was like, wait, what?

Oh, I get it. So the liquor in the Glynishmore aisle. Blaine. Blaine, oh no. My teeth on the mic. I was doing some ASMR podcast. People love that ASMR. Teeth on Mike.

We lost a real popular subgenre. Two minutes later. Oh, God. I don't know how much Mike likes it, to be honest. Too many cooks. Teeth on the mic. Exactly. He's making a movie I heard, Casper Kelly.

Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love too many cooks so much. I think it's a working part. What is the movie? Do you know? I do not know. I think it's horror, some kind of funny horror.

I am not even slightly surprised. Yeah. Chris, what were you about to say? I was going to say, speaking of D&D. That's place, so. Oh. Oh, I'm sick. All right, we're at.

No. What are we doing next week, you guys? It's all the podcast. God, that would be a dream. Wait, blah, blah, blah. Hey, everybody. It's time to talk about what happened last time on Nerd Poker. Our heroes, the ding-dong danglers, shot up into the sky and landed upon Del Smith.

Without even a hair out of place, they did have to explain why all the fish people that went with them got, got done, gobbled up by the Leviathan. But they defeated the Leviathan and the Lich. had a nice little nappy poo and in the morning they discussed selling some of their whirs to none other than Fender Stratz

fellow thief their heist's complete victory could be done but oh yeah there's these swarms of sentient worms that are still crawling around perhaps towards the northwest section of town

we'll not pick up that discussion where we left it off lifetime under poker so yeah you guys have been informed of it And, you know, we can always ride off into the sunset and do an epilogue episode. But, yeah, I think you expressed some interest in... Yeah, we made a plan.

Yeah. Let's hear about the plan from the planmakers, not from the DM. I think where we left off was we were going up to the old drow asshole whose house we first plundered when we got here. But he so loves us so much. We're going to use that as like a staging area because it's essentially, Dan, would you say it's not next door, but it's in the same neighborhood as where we've been told essentially another mansion has been sort of the whole, like all the worms seem to be coalescing into a, I don't know, fucking. Yeah, there's there's this small sort of park between four mansions on the northwest side where the worms seem to be gathering. And it is about two blocks away from Zalorak's manors. The residents of Alethore Zalorax, an old shitty drought whose basement you tried to robin, the front of whose house you exploded.

You killed his friend that made some miraculously huge intimidation and persuasion checks. And he's now your bestie. He loves to give you hugs and make you scones. And you had talked about staging either some kind of an assault or investigation from his home. Yeah. Okay. That sounds right. Let's do that.

Let's do it. Little Peepers will happily accompany you, but he does kind of, you know, take a moment as you walk north towards Alarach's Manor and say, you know, I did try to gather you all here in Delzmouth specifically for the heists. So I am happy to accompany you, but I don't want you to feel obligated on my behalf to do anything, you know, about what's happening here and risk your lives.

I mean, I would even buy some of what Fender Stratt wasn't interested in if you wanted to make more money off of your little adventure here. That's true. But guys, aren't we going to be much richer after we clean this city out and have flipped it from these racist elves to perhaps a kinder, gentler city that owes us everything as they will constantly be reminded? through some sort of tithing or fee now that we live in Spicoliburg, let's say, I don't know. I mean, to be, you know, I'll point in Joffrey, you're already the underlord of the city. You know what I mean? Like, it's not as though you don't have the mechanisms in place. You've been handed the keys to the car.

You're the plank of the thieves guilt. All right. And I'm just saying, because we want to make money, right? This is a great way. And we could still go run around and do stuff. But if we really just for a moment, think of the people of this town. How much they'll owe us. I think it's worth saving their lives.

Yeah, okay. But I don't want to be a leader. Oh, interesting. I find that very confusing, as we have established, you are the leader of the ding-gong danglars. and thieves gild and really our hearts. Would it help you if I provided sort of my natural charismatic services? I can kind of, if you want, I can say stuff. Maybe you just have to occasionally say out loud some of the stuff that I might need to say.

Okay. It does seem that Twyton does have a better plan for how to leverage the fame. Like a prime minister. Sure. Just a helper. Or a Dick Cheney, perhaps. Uh, I don't. I'm very sorry.

He says referencing a meta that is insulting. So to the house then, to the house. I look at the gang, huh? Okay. It doesn't take you long. It's not a big town. You head up out of soggy town to the south towards, you know, where the fog is rolling. So although, you know, you can kind of look behind you and note that the fog is

center, you're approaching thicker fog once again, you know, it's gathering between some mansions on a block, but like not into a concentrated form yet, mostly just towards the northwest side and just a little bit east of there, a little bit south. You have Zalawak's matter. The front of the building has been under construction the last few days as he has attempted to recover from the massive explosions that leveled the front of his building. and no one has really wanted to come to Delsmiths and do manual labor work. So it's a lot of, you know, muslin tarps covering up things.

He did his best to hire people to tidy up some of the rubble. I believe you also parked a nomish mech on his front lawn. Tis true. So as you go through his small gate and through his security. Hedges, which he, you know, normally leaves magically locked, but seems interestingly enough unlocked at the moment. You note your mech is sort of sitting slightly due-kissed on the front lawn. You're not sure the best way to go inside since there is no door to knock on, but you do

think that there are at the top of the main stairs should you duck under a cloth. a couple of doors, large wooden doors that lead deeper into the mansion that you could easily knock on. Yeah, let's, uh, let's, you know, certainly looking to meet someone. We're not trying to break in or anything, but let's walk in. Good morning. Hello, hello. As you duck in and start announcing yourselves, he does pop out of the doors, not making you walk all the way up the stairs. And he says, ah, yes, hello, hello.

it's been a few days. How goes everything? The mists are parting. Are you done here in town? Almost. Almost, friend. Just one more, one more battle. And the great news is,

as we began our adventure here, if it's all right with you, we just need to have sort of a base of operations from which we can come up with our plan. Well, I don't know what I can possibly do. But I suppose we do have this open area, the landing where I used to invite guests and have little, you know, polite conversations over tea. But I don't know what you mean by staging. I don't have like a war table or weapons.

I don't expect you to have a war table. A lot of stammering going on. Everybody doing inside check. All right. 19. 24. Oh, terrible. Eight.

Hmm. Real low for Jop three, four. Brian, you are muted. Real low. I don't think so. Am I? Oh, well, I saw your mouth moving in. I didn't hear anything.

Oh, okay. I apologize. Ken, Blaine, Yes. Siam and Shalab both get a sense that, although it might not be for pertinent reasons, he does seem to be a bit mealy-mouthed and nervous as if he does.

have some sort of violent past. He's old. Old people have done a lot of shit sometimes. Okay. Does it, do we, can we tell like what he was, what was making him nervous?

What we were talking about that was making him nervous? I mean, it was just the talk of using it as a staging area. He started rambling and it felt like perhaps he was over-explaining why he didn't have, you know, a good staging area for violence.

Oh, there'll be no violence here, friend. That is the point. Think of it this way. We're about to go do a thing, but we can't stand right outside their house while we figure things out. So we're just going to sit in here, but there will be no violence here,

nor would we want to bring it here. It's the last thing we'd want. Oh, thank goodness. Thank goodness. I'm giving you all I have. I've given you all of my artifacts. Oh. Dan, can I sniff the ear and see if I smell anything, like food-wise cooking?

Absolutely. That would be a perception check, please. Great. You can always take your passive before you roll, if you like. I roll 29. I'll go with that. Are you sure about that? Because maybe we could have overlooked at this one.

No. Yeah. Holy shit. That's fantastic. That's one of the higher roles we've had in a while. And again, D&D Beyond, your dice are incomparable, Chris. Ooh. Thanks.

Beautiful fay dice. I don't know. Yeah, they're like, there's something. Yeah, that's a fay. I think I'm sure you're right. They're fay. Aurora borealis, I believe, is what it says. Cool.

I love it. So yeah, you rolled a 19 with a 10 bonus. That's fucking bonkers. And you can smell he is definitely eating something. And it may have even contributed to why he was a little extra, like, oh, I don't know how much I can do. Although, absolutely. definitely may have been like a violent past mixed in there. He was also probably interrupted,

what smells like the middle of eating some freshly cooked meat and perhaps even baked apple dessert. Oh, I will look at Shalab. You love baked apple dessert. Do you smell that? I do. I do. Do you smell that?

Delicious. Friends, look what he's all right. It's as though you knew. we were coming. Oh, we are going to, I'm going to start singing a song about you right now. I'll start barting it up and singing a song about how great Alistore Xerithax, Xerthrax, Zalarax. Zalorax. I'll put it in the chat if you really want to know.

Yeah. Yeah, maybe I'll try and do some like chorus about the funny ways to mess up Zalarax. Zalafrax or Sassafras and, you know, whatever. Do your performance check, please. Sure, sure. Althor Zalorax. 17. I mean, it's a pretty great song.

That game sounds made up. Oh, that's because it is. I'll never forget the first time I played an Elder Scrolls video game, and I went, Jesus Christ, all these syllables. So, yeah, you guys are welcomed, you know, perhaps nervously because of how good the song is, through the double doors. It seems that his servant, another drow,

has made him an elaborate meal for one, definitely too much for one person to eat, but definitely with only one table setting. You see what looks like a large poultry bird cooked up, fully stuffed. And yes, in addition to some beans and some other vegetable sides, there is what appears to be a baked apple dessert, a tray of baked apples with what looks like candied nuts kind of stuffed inside of them.

these nets Yeah Brian take inspiration All right Well let's Happily Come in and be Gracious

I mean this is really Just so we can have Like a place to sit and eat And come up with our little It seems like somebody needs to go scouting Right Do we want to send everybody We have three feeds

Well you know I could I could twitch my whiskers And then get the zoomies to sort of run out of the room and you guys can go, Oh, my cat always does it before I has to take a big shit. Yeah, I have a fecal euphoria. I remember I had to figure that out with the vet.

I had to be like, why does my cat always run into circle? And I had an elaborate description for me of the vagus nerve. Yeah. I always had pressure applied to it by shit in cats. I learned that it's called fecal euphoria. Yeah. I can't not think about that. You can't unremember fecal euphoria.

Blaine, do you keep pitching it to HBO Max? And you keep getting these letters back. Yeah, get bad TV back on the air. So I can pitch fecal euphoria. Yeah, I mean, uh, apologies to Martha Cowder. It's hard. All right. So let's munch away.

And, uh, Blaine, are you saying you want to go scout? I mean, that seems to make sense to me. Yeah, I could just sort of like bolt out of the room. Cat like, maybe, you know, maybe that. to sort of maybe they won't think twice about me taking a powder. Great. Great. So you're going to quietly sort of duck out back to the front of the mansion.

Yeah, I'm going to cut around. Do we even notice he's gone? Or are you making it obvious, Blaine? Oh, yeah, you said you've got zoomies and then, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Blaine, are you going to be prioritizing no one seeing you

or looking for clues in the block, two blocks, between you and these mansions? Once I'm out of the room, I'm going to stealth up. Okay, so you're going to use perhaps alleys, perhaps another thing? Yeah, I'll, uh, I can maybe a scramble up onto rooftops, too. Ooh, cool. Just some rooftopping.

Cool. Uh, what is, let me look at your character sheet. While you do a stealth check, please. Uh, uh, my stealth. is plus 12, so I hope this works out. I have a great feeling about this. 19 plus 12. So it's 30.

30 fucking one. Yeah, and your passive investigation is 21. So you just spider noire your way up the buildings, down the alleys, just whispering silently. And because you have a passive investigation of 21, you do catch, just every few feet, even if they're not near you,

maybe they're a solid 50 feet ahead. These worms, they don't always spend a lot of time above ground. Sometimes they duck under the earth between buildings. But you see them crawling across the road, sometimes into even the road's gravel and back out again. They're not in any sort of normal pattern. They're not like symmetrical or in a parade as if led by the Pied Piper of cosmic worms,

but you do get a sensor all headed in the direction that you had gotten Intel on. You approach. Do you go up one of the four mansion walls from the outside? You do actually get that close? Yeah, yeah, I do. Yeah, I do. Let's get an athletics check.

You will be remembered. Athletics 17th, thing plus two. All right. So that's just going to determine how long it takes to use that stealth and get up onto the building. And it does take a while. You're incredibly dexterous. Your acrobatics bonus is a plus four and you have cat like agility. So you're very easily up there, but you do take your time because you don't want to break your stealth. And because these are large mansions with what looks like, you know, possibly disabled security systems. They all look abandoned by their owners.

You know the rich side of town. Everyone pretty much ran when the fog got sick. So you don't expect to see anyone, but you do think there could be security measures magically in place. And by the time you get up onto the top of one of these things, everyone else has had not only a full course meal, but at least a baked apple, You look down onto the courtyard and you can tell there is a very dark swirling sort of cloud.

It's hard to get a sense of how solid it is or if there's a mass that's causing the darkness. But it's very thick thog between thick thog between the mansion. So right where you are, you're like three floors up on top. the roof, drinking and having a party. The fog is reasonably thick where you are too, but it's thickest, you know, five to ten feet lower when you look over the side of the building. And it does look like there's this wind that is like a dust devil kind of gathering the fog in a circular whirlpool-like pattern in the middle of these buildings.

The courtyard looks like it has a fountain, much like the center. of town where you first walked into Delsmith. The fountain also like that fountain is filled with sludge as silt-like substance. You think that as a result of the ocean being filled with that poisonous silt. And there's some buildings. It looks like, you know, this is somewhere the mansions maybe connect and casually meet up. There's a gazebo or two, some picnic tables, trees, and a cobblestone path that forms like a T. formation between the four mansions.

And the fountain, you can only sort of see in like moments. It's underneath this black mass. And so you're getting all of this because you have a passive investigation of 21, but you are far away. I would say you are about, you know, 60 feet from, uh, from nose to their distance. also three stories up, which adds, you know, another like 50 feet. So there's there's a hypotenuse bit of mass there I'm going to refuse to do.

But you know, you're like 50 feet up and 60 feet away from the mass. And so with that high investigation, then you have a high passive perception. You're very astute, but you're unable to get a lot of detail. Okay. And worms are heading into this black cloud. Yeah, you've been tracing them in there. Going, you know, between the mansions, you think you may have even seen the corner of your eye, one of them on this mansion roof that you're on the south mansion roof right now. There's some sunlight.

What are they called? Fucking. Raids? I feel like this is where COVID got my memory. What is, what are those things called those big windows on tops of buildings that let the sun in? Skylight? Skylights! There's big skylights up on top of here.

and you kind of were walking around the skylight hoping not to set up a trap, but you're pretty sure you saw a little moving thing on the roof somewhere. Okay, a little tiny bows and arrows. Nice. Okay, can I throw up a hairball? You can throw up any time, especially if you...

Yeah, yeah. And then a detect magic, which has a 30-foot range, but if there's anything up on the rooftop, near me or anything I can detect. Any pinks? Yeah, you know, it's not inherently going to alert you of what is happening. You can tell there is a very large magical effect happening within.

The school of magic seems similar to the conjuration school of magic. But it also seems cosmic and otherworldly in nature, perhaps from another plane of existence. but this does not surprise you as has been noted many times. These worms came from a cosmic horror known as Caius, the worm that walks, and it could be related to where he is hiding far away in the far realms at the edge of the planar map. Are the worms heading for the fountain?

This is where the fog being there makes it really hard to see much detail. Once you get up on the roof, you can't see the ground. So you can't really see the level of detail you'd need to see if there are worms on the ground. But you did see them crawling between the buildings and again on the roof. So it stands the reason they're heading in that direction, but that's specific. You can't tell. I feel like the fountain could be some kind of transport area or something. Okay, I'm going to head back to the gang.

Cool. Can I get another stealth check, please? Yes. I'm just going to make you roll this, not the athletics. 17 plus 12. 29. Hachimachi, you silently glide your way back. When you get back, would you guys have saved any of the food and baked apples for playing? I would ask the group like, what do cats like out of what we have here?

And I would like... Point CETES. I would definitely be sure we save him a play. It would be rude. After Alistor Zellabrax made this for... I mean, yeah. Whatever he would like, we'll save for him. I mean, cats can eat apples, but they generally will only want meat.

Yeah, I was going to say for sure meat. I was wondering, eggs? The cat's like eggs? Sure, they like an egg. They'll totally eat an egg, yeah. Yeah, so, of course, save some. Sure. Yeah, I like say.

Blaine, when you come back, are you sharing everything? I am, except the eggs. Would you be keeping any of the intel secret from Althor Zalrax for any reason? Oh, yeah, we would definitely. that would be like, you know what? We have really inconvenienced. Why don't you, are you most comfortable hanging out here in your room and we'll go back to the sort of that. Well, we're in the dining area.

Yes. You would like some privacy. Is that what I'm getting here? Well, we've inconvenienced you so much. And like I said, you don't want to be around when anybody gets hurt, right? Is that a threat? No, I'm saying, I'm trying not to. Why you need it hurt near you.

So I'm trying to get away from you because I might get hurt. And I don't want that to happen to my friend. Oh, okay. Well, I'll leave you to it then. Let me know if you need anything. I will be in the study reading a book about murder. Goodbye.

Oh. Sorry, the only thing draws right. Copy that. He leaves you alone. Okay. I'm going to fill everybody in. Can we make sure? And then.

And then. Can we make sure the drow servant isn't possibly listening in? Can we just sort of like. Oh, yes. Let's get an investigation check from everybody. Let's see. All right. Whoops.

20, not natural. Inhuman. Filthy, filthy 20. 15. You know, I rolled instead of taking my pass and I got 13. Oh. Whoops. Nice.

Brian, what you got? He doesn't feel pretty confident. His servant hasn't poked his nose in it all yet, so it seems pretty good. Right. Guys, it sounds like Caius is stopping by. Say hi. Yeah, I feel like they're all going somewhere to form a giant worm god. Yeah, maybe they become, maybe he needs a physical form.

I mean, my question is, Sam, like, could a couple of us be on a couple of the different mansions? So we can kind of do like a little bit of a killbox or something. If we could do that, Dan? Would I know? We could set up shop up there. Like you said, it was a park between four houses. Like, could we get a couple people on top of different houses?

You'd have to descend into the fog to go. into the park, but the four mansions themselves all were enough out of the fog that, yeah, like, you could try to get onto them, but you know, they can't see through. Okay, we have to go into the fog. Shit. Um, I will say to this courtyard has, you know, a park-like vibe to it, but it is only about, like, 120 feet by like 150 feet. It's not a huge.

It's more of a courtyard, a few gazebos, yeah. I mean, it sounds like we just got to fucking go there and kick ass, right? Like, yeah, maybe find some good locations to attack from. Yeah, I can make somebody, I can make somebody invisible for a minute. So maybe when we get close, I could give that to one of you thieves. Because I know when you're invisible, then your, your Phoebe sneak attack damage is really going to fucking come into place. play. Chris, what was that again? You froze. Oh, so sorry. I was going to say maybe I could make one of the thieves invisible because that would help them out potentially giving sneak attack damage.

Yeah. So that's one thing I can do. How about Brian? I'm pretty stealthy without being invisible. Awesome. Spicoli? What do I mean? I'm saying maybe I'll turn you invisible when we get close to the fight. I can keep you invisible up for up to a minute as long as I concentrate. Okay. Maybe and that might allow you to really like be a cool murderer. I'm stealthy too, but yeah, sure. Absolutely. Yeah. You see little peeper is sort of twiddling his fingers, thinking thoughtfully, leaning back in a chair.

And he says, you know, I am known for having a crime boner. Would you like an idea that I just had? It has nothing to do with. boners, but it does have something to do with committing an extra bit of crime. What's happening? I mean, why isn't you talking about boners? Yeah, I'm not a huge fan of the boner thing. Oh, I was barely attempted to introduce an idea by way of joke. I thought you make crime mistakes.

Let's never talk about the crime boner again. That was merely something someone said to. I mean, really, I try to bring back other people's jokes as a way of comforting them and letting No, I was paying attention to their jokes. You mean boner like a fuck up and not like a super hard? Oh, that was definitely. A super hard job. Like a blooper or a blunder?

So when I got excited about crimes and you said I had a crime boner. What you meant was I had a crime blooper. Right. Okay. I thought you meant you have a crime penis full of blood. Uh, throws his baked apple up all over, Brian. I saw crime penis full of blood open for, but, boom. I like those bloopers at the end where, uh,

Berth Reynolds and Dom Deloese are laughing at each other's dicks. Just slapping them. My only point being, we could explode the fuck out of this courtyard. Oh, yeah. I think it's quite likely if we want to finish the job that we will need to stealth around. But these are a bunch of abandoned mansions by rich bastards. What if we just blew everything up? At least the courtyard.

Does anyone have a bomb? I mean This is my act Take a look at that clip 1941 Remember Oh that's right Bomb

I guess everybody check your inventory Are you any bombs There was a necklace With some things on it I don't know if that's a A wand of pirate techniques We got a tinderbox What you got Brian

And that classic prayer beads, I guess that's not bombs. And it's not as though he's saying, by the way, I have a bomb. He's saying, wouldn't it be cool if one of you could fly? Isn't that kind of what's happening right now? Yes. Okay. What was the check? What was I supposed to?

He's wondering if anyone has a huge bomb. No, but what was Dan asking me for it? If you wanted to check your inventory. Everyone was checking your inventory. I don't know if you have anything. No, uh-huh. Before you wreck your inventory. Let's see. Spell wise.

Well, I can polymore somebody. Into a bomb? No, but into like a Tyrannosaurus, a giant fucking monster. Oh, yeah. Maybe that's the way we need to go. Maybe we need that. Somebody could fight in the Nomemec if somebody wants to. Yeah.

Yeah. Is that that thing, what does it do? Like, does it have weaponry? Does it have, uh, I believe, does that have, maybe exploding? Yeah,

like, it is sort of this scoop with little controls in it, and these two giant mechanical legs. Like, at 209. There's no missiles or a machine gun or anything like that. And kick ass shit like that. Uh,

no machine gun. Um, it is sort of like, uh, a, uh, a, like a big,

uh, multi-tooled industrial machine, if that makes sense. Okay. Well, if that seems to at some point come into play, awesome. Doesn't necessarily sound like it's great for our fight. But I don't know, Shalab, you want me to turn you into a Taran Sorcer X? Do you want to be a physical guy? Or you want to be a sorcerer with a fucking fish skull?

Can't I be both? I mean, I... Can I not cast spells as a as a T-Rex? Oh, that I don't know. Dan, that's a question for our good friend, Dan Telford. I don't think you can. That would be fucking incredible, though. That's probably more of a shapeshift.

Yeah, I think polymorph is me turning someone into a thing. You can't cast spells while under the effects of standard polymorph. It specifically limits your new, forms you can't speak or perform somatic hand and voice components required for spell casting. Well, if I turned you into like that monkey from, uh, uh, Congo, Amy, Amy, happy monkey. Sure. Remember? That's a beast that could speak.

Uh, all right. Well, anybody else? I think I'd rather have my spells, Andy. Cool. All right. Well, then I'll hang on to that. Maybe if it ends up being a one beastie, I can use polyborph device in time. Do people want to go in a circle, split up?

I mean, seems to make more sense for us to spread out, right? Yeah. How do we want to keep in touch with each other? We don't need to do that. We just kind of... Well, Bucky-talkies. I mean, that's what I'm saying. If we have this conversation now, the park is not huge.

like when we split up we would in theory still be able to see each other were it not for the fog Diane, do we have a sense of what how the diameter of this cloud in the center of this park maybe 50 feet

oh so we could actually enter the park and take a look in the blackened cloud but in the fog yeah if you guys if everyone's down let's move this party to the park To the park.

Let's go. Yeah. Let's see if there's any other... I'm going to talk with a magnet, bye. Dudea. All right. Well, I think we should take this down to the park. You guys leave Zalorax Manor and start heading in that direction.

Of course, Blaine, since I am, just sort of jumped around between alleys and rooftops. You know some very sneaky ways there. And you all notice some worms crawling by in the... dirt as you go just a couple of blocks northwest and we pick it up next time on nerd okay uh if you want to check out my other dn dn d project head on over to darkest whimsy.com we just had samantha bay arch of balder's gate three on as a guest and uh it's over on youtube go check it out blaine you got shows uh i'm gonna be uh at comic con on a mad TV panel on Saturday the 25th of July.

So if you leave now, you can probably park. Yeah, trains. You got to take those trains to San Diego. I'll be at Comic Con also. Stewart fails to save the universe panel. I'll also be on a death clock panel. It's like the 20th anniversary of death clock, which fucking seems wrong.

Yeah, it's wild. That's crazy. There's no way 20 years ago I was there. Yeah, Brendan Small is now Brendan Large. It's insane. But at any rate, that'll be a super fun panel. Brendan will be hilarious and I'll just say dumb shit. And then, but Stewart fails saving the universe soon.

We're airing that week on HBO Max and then we're showing our first episodes. I think the first two at our panel, if not Hall H, one of the big halls. So I'm super excited about that. Oh, my gosh. I'm going to be at New Orleans comic book convention right after my birthday. So the second week of July. And then I've got Massachusetts coming up with J.T. Habersat doing stand-up. And then I've got Kansas City at the end of July, Kansas City Comedy Club,

just two nights, Friday, Saturday. So book those now. Brimpscine.com. Don't be a stoner and wait until the last minute. Blaine. We attribute the success saved mankind for us for joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof. Well, oh, hey, I think it's time for the nerd poker mailback.

Dear Nerd Poker, How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man? How many seas must a white dove sale before she sleeps in this dance? How many times must the cannonballs fly before they're forever banned? If I get these right, I went tickets to see Wiccan at the plantation. We'll have your answer. Six! On the next Nerd Poker!

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