Nerd Poker - The Fog Campaign - Episode 78

Episode Date: July 7, 2026

Sure, we're fighting a cosmic worm horror, but also it's time to talk about what Cat Action will be taken on Blaine's turn. For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com

Hey, it's Brian Possein. Nerd Poker. We're calling it... The Svald Campaign. My friends are here. Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer Sam, and of course our kick-ass DM, Dan Telfer. Welcome to Nerd Poker.

Hey everybody, it's Brian Passain. You're listening to Nerd Poker. 78, we did it. My friends are here, we're playing Zoom, Zoom, you're not going to have any idea where I am. Right, Chris? That's right, Brian. Ken's here.

Hello, here I am. Look at me. Listen to me. Blaine is here. Here I come on the run with a burger on a bun and a dab of coleslaw on the side. It sounds delicious. Dan's here. Here I come on the run.

I'm so sorry. I usually last longer. I'm over 40. This thing happens to the best of us. Oh, no. It's okay, Dan. She's just so pretty. Rip that.

Some guys. Running the show, as always, from the cool part of town. It's Sam, everybody. Hello, sweet children. Hey, buddy. Hi. What's the sweatshirt today? Oh, it's the classic Blinkin 82 lyrics.

Where are you? It's in the Three's Company font. Yeah. Yeah. It looks so 70s. I thought it was going to say, where's the beep? Nope. It doesn't.

It doesn't. Silversteamy. where the sidewalk ends. Looks like the opening credits of Phyllis. Nice. Ellis, the greatest. That's so funny.

We should thank some of our friends, right? Dan? Yes. And I just want to throw out there. Speaking of Blink 1282, I saw Disclosure Day with one of my comedy writer friends on Sunday,

and as soon as the lights came up, She said, well, Tom DeLong is going to love this. Hey, everybody. Let's go ahead and thank some people. I want to give a shout out to the people on our Patreon who support us at our top two tiers, because that is super generous, and we like to give y'all shouts out. You've got usernames over there like Corpus Callisum. Thank you, Corpus Callasum.

Thank you, James Amarando. Thank you, the fake Vince. Thank you, Brian's Austin Powers impression. a.k.a. TikTok's downstairs mix up. Thank you. The excremancer, Brown Mage, casts power word shart.

That's a lot of work going into that poop. Thank you. Four sewer gators, three shitter squirrels, two bidet badgers, and a big rat in a latrine. Aw. There's so many toilet rat jokes

in this spreadsheet. I just have a spreadsheet full of toilet rat jokes. Thank you, Mr. Rat A. Turney Legal Counsel for defamation of sewer rats, sewer rats v. Garado. Thank you, Glenn Sugden. Thank you, immovable rod. Oh. Stewards, a.k.a. A. A.ternum Dave. Aw. Thanks, Dave.

Do you want to give a shout-out to the A-Turnum Dave thing while we're talking about A-Term Dave? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Chris and I just played with the Emerald Collective on Saturday, and we had a blast and a half. Super fun. Yeah. Please tune in to those guys If you get a chance They're always always good games And Emerald Collective What kind of game is it?

It was D&D, straight up D&D Oh, I mean like Whose DM? Was it an original adventure? Yes, it's Aterniv A great game master The Irish metal dude, right? I mean, yeah

What's not to like? Yeah, just so much fun And he's in northern Ireland too, right? Yes, the Ireland of Northern aggression. Yes. The Ireland that did not escape, but is full of fun and green. Thank you also, in addition to the lovely Eternum Day of Bob Underdunk. Thank you, Brian Stopped.

I don't think it's a reference to you, Brian. It's Brian with the Y. Thank you, B. L. Zabetti. Thank you Eric Payne. Thank you Flea 47 on TikTok with the D&D Pro Tips. Thank you, A. Guerrilla. Thank you Douglas Calabrese. Thank you, Sierra Misty Step.

And finally, thank you. Some call me dot, dot, dot, tim. Also, skunk cock. A story for another time. Blaine, who are those supporters brought to us by? Sports brought to us by chest rocks. When you've got to crack open a clab on your chest. Reach for chest rocks.

Order now and get a free slide down a riverbank in your enclosure. Should I get a chest rock? Yes, you ought her. Dan. Oh, boy. I froze Brian. Brian just got, yeah, you look like you were locked in

at just laughing as hard as possible, I blame the bit. I laughed heartily, for sure. Right on. What's facing D&D? Let's play some D&D indeed. So we have just initiated combat. Our heroes are fighting a pile of fucking worms.

We are right, yeah. We're right at this point where I get to say a little thing called, Let's Roll for initiative. Now, you guys, I'll get more into, like, the ins and outs of where we left off once I get your initiative, because it's like, like so about the combat what's about to happen. I want to make sure that we don't feel delayed. You know that ins and outs are what a hamburger is all about.

Oh, is that their catchphrase? Little peepers. Gonna roll. It goes in and out and in and out and it. Melanie just figured out that song was dirty. Last night. Last night. She goes, this song's dirty and I was like, no shit, I figured that out when I was eight years old.

All right, let me see if I can get up. Mama's got a vagina. Daddy has sex with it all night. That's the song. What? What the fuck were they thinking? Well, they've also got Buba O'Reilly and my genitalia. I mean, why did they become Aerosmith for one song?

Why did they go to innuendo? Yeah, they did a quantum leap. Oh, no, I'm Stephen Tyler. Oh, boy. They were Stephen Tyler and Paul Stanley. That's what that song's exactly. Chris, thank you for the reference. Yeah, certainly.

All right, it looks like you rolled initiative Did you roll initiative plane? Oh, I did. I got a, uh, I got a nine plus four, 13. Nice. Yeah, for some reason I showed up as a 27 on Roll 20, but we'll make that a 13. Sorry, yes, sir. I don't want to join that stupid rule up, man.

Uh, 27. Ken? What'd you get? Initiative, we're rolling. Didn't go through it. There's not. Ken? I did, 10.

Okay. No, I'm asking. What the number was? Oh. Brian, what was your initiative role? I think I rolled a few times at this point. 14 is the latest one. I can see the series if I go over to the tab.

It looks like your first role was better at 15. I'm going to give you that one. Cool. And Chris, what you got? Tien. A 10? Is that what you said? That's right.

Okay. He said tan. He got a tan. TAN. Yeah, he said Tian. You know? Like, I get it. He did.

it with a voice and it was fun. George Hamilton was killed in Tan Man Square. Oh no. Is it fun if we all do voices? Is it one over by a tang? What just happened? Stupidity. Sam, are you getting all our George Hamilton

Tiano Square jokes? Oh God, yeah. It beats our chapiquitic in our Artie Johnson stuff. He was a great Renfield, by the way, Artie Johnson. Yeah. He didn't love at first bite. Oh, yeah. All right.

Looks like the high roll is a 23 little peepers. Little Peepers is going to cast vicious mockery at the gigantic pile of worms. first he is going to use his bonus action to dash and get slightly closer so he'll go right like about on this parapet right here

and then he'll say you're beneath Oscar the ground she wouldn't touch you you're disgusting and we'll see if that does any damage take that god of worms yeah I think he's going to be really hurt by that one.

You've been eating onions. Ficious mockery means he needs to make a wisdom-saving throw. This avatar of Caius has a plus 13. So it's going to be pretty rough, actually. You know what? Let's be little peepers that shows you how rough that can be. Did my storm sphere still affecting them? It is, but I think it

Doesn't it hit him again after his next round At the end of his turn? Each creature ends its turn Yeah, and they have to succeed On his strength Yeah, so like he took some damage in the beginning Did you roll that yet?

I don't remember Actually, yeah, let's re-roll that Because I still have him at full hip points So why don't we roll it? We'll call it the damage that happened right before Little Pupers is insult. All right.

Which unfortunately, he made the saving throw for vicious mockery. Oh, man. It's possible that... Should have told me he's as cuddly as a cactus. Yeah, nice. Zing. That's nine points.

Storms for damage. All right. So that was the opening damage. It is now time for Caius to go. brains full of spiders I ate so many spiders in my sleep last night you guys I totally I burped a bunch of legs

All right let's let's get a It's going to be a Wisdom Savings Reef from everybody He's going to use frightful presents I got some of those for Christmas Wisdom, you said, Dan? I did say it. Do a wisdom roll?

Eight. Yes. Wisdom saving throw. Wisdom saving throw, please. Ten. Seventeen. Nice. It's going to pass.

We're looking for a 13. Chris, what did you get? 10. I'm sorry, I missed that, Chris. That's all right. I just I've seen Ken got a time and it threw me

and then Blaine would you get What am I rolling here? Sorry Wisdom saving throw Yeah stop falling in love over there It's disgusting I got a 7 plus 2 9 Nice

All right So that's going I'm going to roll mine again Just because I have a luck point roommate Woo Do it, Ken? I don't want to get hurt it.

Nice. That'll be a pass. Nice, Ken. Phew. And a five from Little Peepers. So, Little Peepers, Twitter, and Siam Spade. You are now frightened for one minute.

I'm under the bed. You can repeat the saving throw at the end of your turn. And it will end if you make it. We're looking for DC 13 was in saving through. No, no, now, now, now, now, now. Brian and Ken, you are now immune for 24 hours also. So he's not going to be able to get it today on you. And then let's see.

All he's going to do for his action, that'll bring us next in the turn order to Brian. Brian, what would you like to do? There's a giant pal of worms. He's like, let me see, too. He's like, I'm going to stop on and make him gozy. Whoa. He's 65 feet away.

So you're up on the roof at the moment, I believe. I will probably fireball. Ooh, you got fireball? Yeah. It's up to 120 feet. I'm casting. that. Go for it.

Nice. Crit with a seven plus. Oh, wow. That is definitely a hit. Cool. Roll that damn, bam. You, excuse me, double the dice damage. Okay.

So 17.2. Thanks, too. Nice. He's going to get ripped up. Anything else for your turn? Do you want to move it all? and like you feel free to correct me. I have you on the roof,

but I think I might have just had put you at the edge of the map to indicate you're not like in the courtyard. I think you're on the roof, right? That sounds right. Where's everybody else? I think we're all up on the parapet. Yeah. Okay, cool.

So any bonus action you'd like to try? Go to Paris, France. Okay, sounds great. So you go to Paris, France. First. Get a really down. That's it. That's it.

That's it. And you're up. Stereo me booked. I'm terrified, right? I'm, uh, so. In life? Yeah, well, a little, yeah, six of one. Um, so I'm going to, uh, I'm going to be trembling under the couch on the parapet until the vacuum stops.

There's a lot you can still do while frightened. Uh, frightened condition in my memory, I can go look it up. It means most of you can't move towards him. Yeah. A frightened creature has disadvantage unability checks and attack rolls while the source of fear is within line of sight. The creature can't willingly move closer

to the source of fear, but that's it. So you'd have disadvantage if you tried to hit him, but like that doesn't mean you can't try. It doesn't mean you're like a pile of goop. Okay, well then I'm going to... I'm going to... Then I'm just going to poke my head over the... edge of the parapet and shoot a couple of firebolts at them.

Great. Now this is with disadvantage as was noted. Okay. However, I want you to succeed. Okay. So that's an 11, which is a miss. Oh. And there's a, I rolled a 20, but then with disadvantage, that was a 2.

Hmm. Cool. Which is an 8. So the first one was, what was the first one, sorry? Was that a... I think it was a fail. I think it was like an 11. Does that sound?

I have a plus six with that, which is a 17. That's still a miss, unfortunately. Okay. Then they're both misses. And I'm going to duck back under the bunting. Cool. I want to give it away quite yet, but over 17 armor class. Okay.

Next in the turn order, do you have a bonus action you want to do? Do you want to not maybe move towards him, but move at all from where you are sort of like in the, and you're a little farther out because you were doing recon. You know, I'm going to, if I'm, if I'm scared, I'm going to just wait until I can roll to get another wisdom check. All right. Well, do you get to do it now at the end of your turn, so. I get to do it now?

At the end of your turn, yeah. Okay. Going for 13. That's a 12 plus 2. Nice. There you go. You are no longer frightened. Thank you, new green pastel

dice. Oh, wait, hold that up again. Oh, that's really great. It's like key line. Yeah, they also got the sky blue one. Oh, man, I tell you guys about, I told you guys about R&D dice. They have those geeky teas.

It's fantastic. All right. I like dice. It's going to bring up. us to either Ken and Chris both at a 10. Is that sound right? Yes. Ken, you're more than welcome to go first if you want.

Well, what is your dexterities? That's what we've been doing. Oh, got it. Mine is plus 4, 18. 14 or 16 plus 2. Well, Chris, politeness is what got you this. So please, go ahead. All right.

First, I'm going to move. We're in like sort of like the Southwest West corner. I'm going to just try and split us up. So I'm going to go one, two, three, four, five, six, due north. So I'm breaking away from like the Brian and Ken. I'm going to give, who's next Ken? I'm going to give Ken Bartick Inspiration.

Thank you. As my bonus, of course. and then I'm going to, even though I am afeard, I'm going to try and shoot at that guy. So I'm going to fire a firebolt at disadvantage. That's right. It can work. 23 to hit.

That's such a hit. Great. It does 2D10 fire damage for a total of 10 fire damage to that guy. As I burn his worms. Worm burnt. The smell of burning worms. Or her worms. Their worms.

Whatever. By the way, the number I'm looking for, Armour Classwise, 23. You just hit it. Dear. Anything else for your turn, Chris? That is, I think, an action and my bonus action and movement.

I think that's all I got. Hazzah. Ken Daley. Can I use a cantor from concentrating on the other spell? Yeah. Unless it's another concentration spot, which I guess it's... Okay, cool. Yeah.

So I will cast Firebolt. Oh, wait. I'm sorry. Dan, do I have to roll my wisdom save at the end of my turn? Um... Because I failed. You don't have to. You can ignore it, but yes, please roll again.

I love to. Nine. I'm afeard. Alas, you remain afeard. Ken, as you were. It's my dog? Uh, there's a... Did your dive change from the beautiful cerulean?

That's a 22. That's just barely a mess. Yeah. Then for my bonus action, I use my lightning. Nice. All right. Cook him. And that, that I believe is not a disadvantage because...

Oh, you know what? I could have added an eight. I forgot I had Bartik Inspiration. Did you roll with disadvantage, though, because you're frightened, right? No, I'm not frightened. Oh, very brave. Would you like to add your Barton inspiration? It's not too late.

Yes. Thank you. Absolutely. All right. So then let's see a seven points of fire damage.

Ooh. Woohoo. Yay. And then proof into them. Let's do the so let me deem my

lightning damage. Mm-hmm. Uh, range spell attack, so that's the regular roll, right? Okay. That's, uh... Ooh, 27. Dang. That's very much a hit.

It is 4D6 Lightning. Whoa. 4D6 could be great. Nah enough. Hoo. Toast them. Just the smell of burning worms everywhere, you guys. It's really appetizing.

Toasty. Wormburn. Thank you for the 1995 Mortal Kombat reference. Was it to-tee or such good? I always thought it was toasty. Toasty, right? Toasty, yeah.

Toasty. Which was the weirdest thing to put in the game because it was one of the game developers is like inside joke. And they put his whole digitized face in the game. Tobias Boone. Oh, really? You knew. AKA a noob Saibok.

Yeah, I'm all about the combat lore. I know the lore and, yeah, remind us, what planet is Scorpion from? I don't know. I don't know. Is he from Erasana? Okay. Relax.

Are you going to move at all? No, I'm good here. I like to keep in jazz. Yeah, security deposits have been pretty intense out here in Los Angeles. All right. I wish I would afford to. I know, no kidding. Up next in the turn order is going to be Lil Peepers.

Little Peepers is going to learn his lesson from vicious mockery because this guy's wisdom is a real fucker. And so he is going to call out to you guys. His saving throws suck. He is going to just take out his short, Oh, we go swift. Swip. He's got so much love.

Sorry, I keep ducking out you guys. People here to do our floors today, and I'm trying to get a cat now. Oh. Of course. Of course. I hope we get to 20. How many cats do you have? Three.

That he can talk about. It was two until recently, so I think that's an, you know. Yeah, it was, we have Sheshire, and then we got, sesame and pepper from the litter mates. What, no Cringer? No Cringer, yeah. We do have a battle cat. I never see Cringer around when the shitmen start.

I think he hides or something. Have any of you seen that movie? I loved it. Hemman? Which movie? Mortal Kombat. Hemming and the Masters of the Universe. Come on, Cat.

I'm hooked on Mortal Kombat, man. I'm hooked on Mortal Kombat, man. haven't seen he, man. That's Hemman. Have you, but have you seen sheep detectives, which Hemman is also in? Which I hear is really good.

Sheep detectives, I've seen twice. It's fantastic. Is that a real movie or any in these real movies? The title really kills it. It's a dumb movie. Okay, so it is like a very cozy British movie written by

Craig Mason. Oh, that makes me. It's written by Craig Mason. It's British still. Wait, did Craig Mason write Glass Onion? No, it's just a mystery. Oh, right. It's a mystery, and it's written by Craig Mason. About four older British men, and they're dealing with growing old,

and they decide to become sheep-protected. Yes. Yes, that's what it. And their mayor doesn't support them, but their wives do. It's based on meat the flockers. Blame. Sorry, I got to go check the cats. We're all coming over now.

He's a huge Jackman. He's no Judy Ditch. He tries to be, but no. Brian, would you say Judy Densh is your top casting for the new X-Men movie? I think all the X-Men should be played by Judy Dets. Yes. I love trying to make sense of that statement. She would actually be good in a variety of roles,

But she's, I believe, 90. Kill it. Yeah, yeah. So I don't know. She's semi-retired from acting, so. Yeah. But then they told her about Rogue, and she was like, oh, my goodness. I don't know.

I want to kiss on the Chimmy-Tales. I got a lane stretch for Road. Or for her phone. Great. She is a handful. Yeah. We're telling Miron playing. I don't know what part she's playing,

Diane Weist is a go. Morph? She might be a good morph. Sure. I'm going to have her play Wolverine, but he did. Great. Oh, wow. How did you even think of that?

That's great. Well, you got to save something for Kira Sedgware. Diane Weist, 78 years old. Yep. Perfect for all. She dids 91 years old. Sawyer Feeleafield. Blammer makes 200, so who cares?

So it feels me. John Daly had the best joke I think I ever saw on Twitter years ago, which was a million ways to Diane the Weist. Starring Christian Slater. Yeah, maybe I think of that. Yeah, exactly. Chris Hardwick. Chris Hardwick, a nerd poker original.

He owes us royalties for everything he's done, right? Yep, sure. all right oh is that true yeah all this comedy is based on your old Dungeons and Dragons

campaign so you have to collect actually I think if you go on the California there's like I forget what the exact URL is but there's like a state of California

website where you can collect all of the funds that Chris Harvard owes you fantastic it's all worked out in the end Kias is up and

He is going to continue to just, like, not be the coolest, most chill person. He's made of worms. Shitting ass worm pile. I'd do this, too. All right, so each creature within a 20-foot radius of the point he chooses, must make a DC-13 dexterity savings for as he casts worm, I had one of those after I ate at Kura. I'm kidding, that's, Kura's great.

Ever got it. First of refreshing worm flavor. Fresh in your breath, it's freshen up. The gum that goes worms. Frankie. Come, gum. Oh no, is Frankie taking the duty? No, he's just jumped on my bed.

He's burned in Buffalo Bills. Buffalo Bill's jersey. Don't she? I love that he's with you. Yeah, you're both with us. I saw your shirt. Willie's snopping around. Yeah, it's a father's day shirt.

It's a good one. That's a good one. You and Ken are twins? I got a... Oh, are you wearing a $6 million shirt? What are you wearing? Oh, the hat. Nice.

That's amazing. I changed when I saw your shirt. Oh, it did. I like it. Yeah, I got a Neil Pert shirt and a $6 million. man in a San Francisco giant shirt. Whoa.

Nice. And Blaine's got... That's cool. Coronel. What is that? What is that? $36 million dollars. Is that a Spanish

poster for it? Yeah. For premier a Ves Liga la Pandale Gigante. That's cool. Do you have the comic book, Ken?

Yeah. Oh, Dan's got an album. Oh, that's a record. I have the record. The vinyl record. The vinyl records, six million. dollar man cereal. Wow, we're all dorks.

Yay. I was in the Bionics Action Club when I was in fourth grade. Wow. Oh, wow. We would, we would, during break, uh, fight over who got to play Steve Austin and who had to be Bigfoot and who had to be, you know, the other, the other bionic guy that weird looking dude. Mascatron.

Barney Hiller. Yeah. Yeah, and if you were Oscar Goldman, you were having a bad lunch break. Who played Jamie? I love being Jamie Summers. I didn't have any problem playing Jamie Summers. Kids would make fun of me for wanting to be Jamie Summers. Oh, fuck those kids.

Yeah. She by on. Somebody said that it was really smart because having all the fights in slow motion, kids wouldn't hurt themselves pretending to fight like $6,000 man. Oh, it's fucking smart. Well, he didn't.

No, no. It's cool. I mean, what's going to happen that's going to fall in some cardboard boxes? Yeah. If you ever watch the pilot, it was so fun. Like the TV movie that it was based on,

they would, before they did the slow motion thing, they would crank it really fast, so it looked like he was running really fast. And it looks so stupid. And I'm glad that. And they made a slow motion. Really ridiculous.

Do you ever read Cyborg? Yeah, I read, sorry. But they, uh, by Norman Caden, they, uh, what was the thing where they would just cut, in the pilot, they would, when he was running, they would just cut to people off camera going, Whoa. Nice super mad. Yeah. Yeah.

Whoa. Much in a fast ping pong game. You know, I think we only talked about it between recordings last week. We might have said it on an episode. but shout out again to the Furious if you haven't seen it yet. Oh, I fight it. Oh, yeah.

Holy shit. Yeah. Good stuff. Roadside. You finally saw it. I know you wanted to see with me and Ken and Patton, and it is just one of the most

fucking not, like there's just no filler at all. It's just five fights. Yeah. It's like the rain. Maybe one or two little quick conversations, but yeah, it's almost nonstop fighting.

That is, Yeah, this happens And then he goes nuts And then here we go Yeah, there's like There's like a fight And then five minutes where guys like You're my daughter and I love you

And then fight, fight, fight And then guys like, I'm a reporter And I'll help you And then fight, fight, fight and then the movie's over. Yeah But the hammer fight And I mean all the All the props

And the way they use things It's so fucking cool Every frame of a movie. They took like what Jackie Chan did in the 80s and just took it to other levels. Like, it's so crazy. It's the first time in a long time that I've been like, oh, this would blow Jackie Chan's mind.

The choreography is just fucking insane. Like, I don't even know how you do that. So oppressive. So impressive. Yeah. Was it written by the star? I think he would be. has something to do with it.

He's producing it too. I would think with a movie like that, that the script that you would have to be able to think in the terms of like these dance scenes, you know? That's exactly what it is, yeah. Just like the choreographers write the movie and then they just go back and fill in the dialogue. You know, the choreographers might have,

but yeah, it's not the stars who wrote it, but choreographers might have. It felt like it, for sure. Because again, every scene is just like around the physical location of everyone's fists or hammers. Yeah. I mean, it takes, yeah. It's like the way it's definitely inspired by Jackie Chan and John Wu and all that. But because it is like ballet is or balletic or how whatever.

What's the Trevor Baddick? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, ballet with a Steve McQueen. But it's ballet. have a big dance off at the end through the streets of San Francisco. I'm going to mispronounce

but what's the name of the guy from the raid movies? A Yayan Rahuyan. Right. I don't remember. He's the guy from the raid movies is shooting a fucking bow and arrows at everybody. And it's just like, wow, holy shit. What's a couple of people from that.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But, I mean, that guy is like, like, he's 57 years old and he's ripping people to shreds and it's just so cool. Ah, that dude's bad. Yeah. And scary as hell.

Yeah, for sure. Well, let's finish. If we must. So, yeah, he cast Wormburst, so I'm going to need from Brian and Ken is doing Wormburst in the southwest corner of the map. You guys are going to need to do a dexterity savings throw, DC 13. All right.

Anyway, back to the Wormburst. Worms are bursting. You guys, suddenly see a manifestation in the air of swirling cosmic worms that explodes, and they all turn into crystalline shrapnel and... Re-rolling. You may want to re-roll. Dan, can you see mine?

One second. I will go with you. Both fails, and I'm on a look. You're good, Brian. You succeeded. You got at 23, it looks like. Okay, cool. I did not do.

Good work. Yes. So this is going to be 68 necrotic damage. Oh my God. Do I get to have that or anything? Let me see. If you have uncanny Dodge, yes.

I do. That's a lot of damage for you, Ken. To have. Don't I? It'll be 20 points. I said I had uncanny dodge. I think that's a that's a, that's a rogue thing, I believe.

Yeah, it is a rogue thing. I just can never remember if you're a rogue I wanted to have it a couple of times. Yeah, I know. A lot of last. Yeah, so I am injured. Okay.

So, like I said, what kind of damage is that? Sorry. Necotics. Got it. Okay. All right. 60, you said? 20. No, no.

20, 20, 20. But I was confused, too. Dan, before when you said 6D8, I really thought you said 68. I was like, ho. Oh, bro. Oh, yeah. We all just are so excited for 69 references.

I understand. What? Yeah, I know. It only takes a little bit of a slurred morning tongue to just, to just make me. That's much better. Six. Seven.

Woo. Okay. Look like Chris Bliss, the Lord of the Balls. Do you guys ever... Any of you guys ever play Overwatch? They gave one of the characters a 6-7 emote, and it's like a living hell. Jesus.

In that game, people spamming 6-7. It's like, oh, that joke's over. No, scinty toilet. Good Lord, Skippy Toilets annoying. Mm-hmm. Play Fortnite with my kids. It's making a movie about it. What's the Italian?

It was an Italian one, too. I can't remember what the hell that is. Skibati Toiletto, is that what it? Plus the toilet seat on his head? Yes. Is that the joke? How do you kill an Italian when he's drinking? Oh, my God.

Sam, a loopback. I mean, you can basically apply it to anything. Just heard Sam laugh from across the room. to welcome all our new listeners in Vienna. Slow down, you crazy child. I got in so much trouble when I was like 10 years old and I memorized all those Italian and Polish jokes from that book. There's half Polish and half Italian.

One's all about undershirts and flies and bolly. I didn't know whether to blank or blank. By the way, the thing I was thinking of is called Italian brain rot. Why does the Polish naval captain have a glass bottom boat? Because he's wealthy from all the people who he sued for defamation? No, so he can view his fleet. Because they're all sunk. What does the average Italian?

I'd say when the garbage collector comes to the door and says any garbage, and she'll go, I'll take three bags. It's a me, a cancelo. You've heard about the Italian sports tires. Don't get me started. No. Let's do Jews now. I'll leave you to that one, Ken.

Yeah. Kissing. He's Irish. By the way, I am Italian, Irish German, and a bunch of other stuff. See Polish. Say Polish. Yeah, me too. I'm not Polish. I can make these jokes, too, because I'm erasive. Oh, Lord. I have lots of Italian friends. Blanche not, unless you be blanched.

It was another time. It was another time when we can make fun of the Italian. I think I've mentioned this before. My great uncles were Croatian bank robbers. They were just these thugs who would walk around in tank tops covered in tattoos. And they would tell me, like, racist anti-Servian jokes. And I understood nothing. Your racism is confusing.

Nice. That's a whole other thing. Yeah, yeah. Three? Classic joke book. The number one bestseller, truly tasteless jokes three. these were all over the bestseller racks in every bookstore when I was a kid. And if you look at them now, they would get you, they would get you chase down the street with torches and pitchforks.

I mean, I just recently been performed at the president's president's books. No, those books are fucking filthy. Yeah. I just opened one up to an AIDS joke. Oh, yeah, of course you did. In the black section. The black section. are fucking insanely felt.

No, no, no, no. Just insanely felt. Well, thanks. Thanks, we've made a lot of advances in AIDS research, and those jokes don't count anymore. Yeah, yeah. Now we can save the R word. This podcast is going down the tubes.

Oh, there's a whole section they hear about tubes. Oh, here's some mommy mommy jokes. Dan, please save us. You're up, Ryan. All right. The pile of worms is still being a dick? Oh, he sure is. All right.

Or fire bolt. Again, I can do more than that. Yeah, here we go. Sorry. Two ladies. Did, lady, be. Sorry. Here goes.

It's okay. Sean, I I didn't see what it was. 20? 13 plus 7. Yeah. Nice. It's just barely going to miss.

I'll take it. Oh. That's a miss? Yeah, he has a 23 armor class. Oh, shit. Final boss. All right. My cat is upset that you missed,

so, you know, for what it's worth, it's going to be held against me. Cat toy just went underneath the door. Thanks, buddy. Yeah, pancake says you're welcome. Blaine, you're up. Oh, okay, sorry, I was distracted by these horrible fucking jokes. Yeah, why don't you set that book on fire?

Yeah. I have this here. I'm going to, I am going to do a, I'm going to cast which bolt. Oh, that could be good. Yeah. Why asking me? I'm sorry, let me... Which bolt, if you connect it, like, it creates this semi...

This temporary but ongoing arc of, what is it called, like, Eldritch Energy, so you can just, like, keep slapping them with these electric bolts? Yes. Once, on a hit, at 1D12, and on each of my turns for the duration, I can automatically deal one. D12 automatically. You just got to hit once.

He's got to hit once. So here it comes. Range spell attack. It's a 15. Oh, did we do a saving throw? No. For the Sterel's fear? Oh, yeah.

Oh, no, he didn't. What did you see? You rolling? What may log? What they check? Durdoo. So what the fuck? Strength.

Okay. Strength, you say. Pretty rough bonus to this, but he could fail. 23. Yeah, he's good. Okay. All right. So I had a 15 plus 7, 22 to hit.

That's a hit, I think. Wait, no, shit. He has a 23. I'm so sorry. 23 armor class. It's come up several times. How could I be this girl? Oh, sorry.

Okay. The GM giveth. The GM taketh away. Has this? Oh, well. Open your prayer book to page 72. Nice. Then that's me.

It is you. Yeah, I'm going to, you know what? I'm going to sort of, I'm going to try to make myself along the parapet. You scoot? Yeah, I'm going to try to skew to a different. Can I scoot over here? Yes. I'll scoot over there.

And hide. I would stealth check, please. As we all see Brian's tummy. All right. Oh, that's a natural 20. Hey. Plus 12. That's 32 still.

Feeling pretty good. Against his passive investigation, as you duck. We'll just say kind of like behind a pair of it over there. Yeah. I'm going to give you a little hide symbol to remind us because we're coming up on the end of the episode. We'll give you a little ninja. Oh, wow. Oh, is it real high.

Chris, you're up. Who is still, besides me, is there somebody else that's still being affected by this guy's scary countenance? I think it's just few. Oh, great. Then I'm going to, I'll do my movement first. One, two, three, four, five, six,

moving another 30 feet north spreading out from Brian and Ken. I'm going to, for my action, I'm going to counter charm. As an action, I can perform until the end of my next turn. During that time, no one else is close enough. That's why I was checking. I gain advantage on saving throws against being frightened or charmed. Oh, shit. All right.

So I will bonus action give my another Bartik inspiration. This time, let's give it to Can. Thank you. Kenna's Bartik's Persia. Make a note. And then I would like to, I guess that's it, if I could roll my saving through with advantage. Yeah, now with advantage.

I would only roll it once. So the first one is a 13, and the second one, the better one, is a 18. That's a success. You are no longer frightened. Sweet. Yay. Ken, it's your turn.

Are you ready? Yes, I will firebolt again. Okay, well, you need to sing it. Fire the firebolt again. That's pretty good. That's a 22. Nice. No.

Unfortunately, it's not nice. People keep rolling at 22 and they're like, Great, you got part of inspiration. Oh, yeah. I always forget about that. I did it, Ben. I just gave him I just gave Ken a new one

Yeah he did Last turn Yeah So that's a 29 Ha ha ha Hits roll your damage As uh

He's been hit a few times You know firebolt's gonna crack into them And the smell of civilly worms Wops of three the air once more 14 points of fire damage And a bonus lightning strike Get him Hit it.

Range spell attack. Range fell attack, okay. Boo, babadee. There's a new trailer for my show up today. Oh, cool. Great. So check it out. Oh, here we go.

Do you get to, like, fight Spider-Man or anything? No, it's a DC show. Oh. So Captain America? 16. Uh-huh. No, but we have some D.C.'s. People come down one episode.

Really? Yeah. It was really cool. Like what? Like Chuck Schumer and... Backdates? Backdings, yeah. All the other...

No, there's all this cool shit going on. Jim Lee actually did a comic book for us. There's a Stewart Fails to Save the Universe comic book that's coming out during Comic-Conniton, and Jim Lee did the cover. It's fucking insane. Like, it's dream come true stuff. It's so crazy. Yeah, you've got to get some art of him drawing you.

Daniel Elfman did our theme song, and Jimmy did our, it's our art. And, you know, we had Penn and Teller on an episode, a Weird Al on an episode. It's my dream show. It's so fucking fun and crazy, just, you know, everything nerdy. Geddy Lee plays your little brother. Will Weakman and I have a wizard fight. And he uses the power of Star Trek, and I use the power of Satan. I wonder who wins.

Satan. Yeah. Spoiler. All right. Well, before we end the episode, he is going to use a legendary action. He is going to point at Ken and cast Finger of Death. Please do my Constitution saying.

Why is going after Ken so hard? Because Ken's got a giant cloud of lightning slapping him on the booty. Sorry, buddy. 14. Alas. 67 points, or no, 51 points of necrotic damage. Jesus Christ. That's hilarious.

Are you still up? Yes. Yay! All right. You feel a sick, empty feeling in your stomach. Just a reminder, a humanoid killed by finger of death rises at the start of their next turn. as a zombie that follows all verbal orders.

Oh, brother. We'll have to see how this goes at the top of the turn order when we next play nerding poker. That's the whole of it, you know. All right. Check out Darkest Wimsy, you guys. We are on YouTube every Thursday, as well as all of the audio platforms.

Hooray. Blaine, what are you up to? Oh, I'll be at Comic-Con on July 25th, talking about Mad TV with some other Mad TV alumnus. So come on down and check that out. And you can also catch me on the Brian Possain's nerd poker podcast. Bill of World War Fine Podcasts or sold. Brianpossain.com for tour dates.

But first on the pipe is I got Galaxy Quest, Galaxy Khan, rather, in New Orleans. That'll be sick. And then the week after that, I'm in Beverly Mass playing the off-cabbit theater there with J.T. Haberset, we've got Borges. If you're in the Boston area. And then, come on, New England fans, let's come out. And then the week after that is Comic-Con. I'll have a couple of things going on there. we're going to have

the Big Bang series the spin-off. Stewart fails to save the universe. The premiere is at Comic-Con. And then I will also be on the Death Clock Metalocalypse 20th anniversary panel

with Brendan Small. So, before to that. That's like Friday during the con. And Saturday, I'll just be buying shit for roads. So come by say Sierra Miss to him, he doesn't like it at all. And he's 17, so come by and make him really unhappy that he ever said Sierra Miss 10 years ago.

Making a 17-year-old cranky really is the best thing you can do at a convention. Ask to take a picture with my son. No, don't. Don't. But I'll get you so much. trouble. He just woke up. He just woke up. This is mostly to troll him while he's in the room.

He has no idea this is happening. He won't be it up for another three hours. Right. Anyway, brimpsetan.com. Buy a shirt. Not even one that says Brian Bucid, just you should buy a new shirt. Stop going on top of us. It's embarrassing for all this.

People are sick of that old shirt. Goofy. Anybody else? Chris? You're a sweet pea. That's all. That's all I got. That's right.

Just thought it should be said. I appreciate it. Can you get a shirt that says sweet pee, Chris? He's wearing a Vincent Price shirt. That's right. Same thing. Blaine. What's happening next week?

We attribute the success. Save mankind for money. Thanks for joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof. Well... Oh, I think it's time for the Nerd Poker Mailbag. Dear Nerfoker, is it true that if you search YouTube for McDonald's Shamrock Shaked Commercial 1980, you can see a teenage Ken Daly wearing a shirt that says Kiss Me, I'm Irish?

Or am I jerking off to some randot punts? Yes, and yes you are. You'll be loving it on the next nerd poker. Thanks for listening to another episode of NerdPoker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerd poker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P-O-Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.