Nerd Poker - The Mountain Campaign - Episode 18

Episode Date: June 11, 2024

Time to grab the recently revived Glibbles and fly through an acid waterfall! Wait, we are like, ONE person shy of flying everyone. You know what's a great idea? Let's resurrect an NPC we ruthlessly slaughtered, take him hostage, and demand he fly the last remaining person! And let's let him decide to to fly, couldn't possibly be a weird choice! There, all that's taken care of- away to the final boss we go without a care in the world! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Hey, it's Brian Poussaint, NerdPoker. We're calling it the Mountain Campaign. My friends are here, Sarah, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer Sam, and of course, our kick-ass DM, Dan Telfer. Welcome to Nerd Poker. Hey everybody, I'm Ryan Pesini and you're listening to Nerd Poker. It's episode 18. We're mysteriously missing Blaine again. We we don't know why we don't know where he is and we hope he's okay now he's fine he's fucking with everybody even the people at this table and dan's here hi brian hey buddy i'm here's here. I'm worried about Blaine. Where the fuck is Blaine, Sarah? Guys, I have OCD and this is really good.

Now I feel like I didn't sound worried enough in my introduction. There's a lot of actual thinking. Thank you for that. He's fine. Everything's fine, right? Chris is here. Have you heard from Blaine? Oh, my gosh. Sorry, Sarah. Sam's here. Hello, sweet children.

Hey, buddy. buddy hi how are you I'm good good how's that dog still real fat real dumb yeah he's the best yeah I got yelled at by the vet because he's fat yeah and they small that doesn't seem possible okay here's

the thing so they go he goes he's 20 pounds he should be 17 and I laughed and the vet goes that's like 90 pounds for you and i was like all right because he's framed so small and then he then he was like have you been giving him like people food and i was like you know the way you lie to the dentist about how much you floss yeah no when in the reality is like yeah every day all day every day anytime anytime i'm eating we split a pizza, anytime. You can have a plate of spaghetti. His order is a 10-piece big nugget and a filet of fish without the bun. Yeah, exactly.

On the pizza. Yeah, my kitten got fat and I got yelled at. That's how I feel for you. Yeah. Stop growing. And I didn't know it stopped growing, but it got around. We haven't even brought Lakey to the vet. We know she's huge. She'd bite the vet.

Oh, the puppy's here the vet was rude she's giving me little kisses she warms up she won't murder you it's a big dog it's a big puppy it's a seven month old thing what's funny is like if you get playful with her

she does like start jumping around like a puppy but she's 300 pounds it's terrifying it's a velociraptor that's what it is yeah hi sweet girl hi baby just bonked her head under the table because she does that a lot so tall no it doesn't matter her head's made of wood she has a puppy so she is nigh indestructible at this size yeah she's not fat. Doesn't even hurt. She's chewing on Brian's hand because it feels good. Well, you know what else I like to chew on

because it feels good? The names of Patreon supporters. They go by usernames like Nug Nugs Tug and Hug. Thanks, Nug Nugs Tug and Hug. Thanks, David Glavin's not here, man. Thank you, Morden Canaan's Foam of Toes. Well, thank you morden canin's foam of toes well thank you whiskey biscuit thank you jack ransom thanks jake barnes thanks moose from jersey thanks mr pribs thanks joe beck and finally thank you pjz which of course stands for for Pajama Jazz.

Hey, Blaine's Empty Chair. Who was that brought to us by? This episode was brought to you... Those supporters, I mean, were brought to us... Oh, I fucked it up. Thanks, Blaine. Pre-haul. Chessix 13-sided dice. It was a mistake.

They all have a one on them. This can screw these. That's exactly it. My dildo. When did Blaine talk about his dildo? He did a My Dildo episode. I forget the My Dildo episode. Herb Schwartz. It was all that. Of course I remember

Herb Schwartz. How could you guys forget Herb Schwartz? My wife likes the way it slips around like a helicopter, Blaine. Especially not in the dildo district oh Christ not a cracker oh god I miss Blaine R.I.P. it's time to talk about

what happened last time on Nerd Poker before Blaine Kapach was lost to us forever Sarah hated that. She did the double Italian hands. I actually fully did the Italian what the fuck hands.

Oh yeah. I miss them every day. Our heroes finally got the staff out and started bringing people back to life. Because who cares? They decided to start experimenting with their dearest friend, Juniper Sharp. Who kind of was around the right amount of dead. Kind of came back a little weird. Then they brought back Glimbles.

Then they brought back a Quaggoth who they gave a little too much power. It's a real staffalicious episode. We're not taking that already in progress. So yeah, there's a Quaggoth. My throat got kind of dry, so I decided that was enough for that voice. The Quaggoth you've imbued with four additional souls as well

as reuniting him with his original soul. And, you know, as you did it, there was a moment where you felt, oh, this is not what I meant to happen as the power just sort of slid out of the staff into

him as if there just was not a function on the staff that could hold the power back. This squaggoth's name is Dave. He let Glibbles' previous party through all friendly-like, communicated to the monsters in the acid pools and rivers not to attack

as they floated past. Then they went through a few extra waterfalls of acid and came out the other side. Dave is now alive, extra powerful, and terrified as he looks around at his friend's corpses if if they hate the dragon why would they want souls for the babies it's not that they hate the dragon they just kind of don't care they're just kind of like whatever this is also glibble's

explanation of what happened yeah why don't we ask he's an unreliable narrator they've ordered the souls for the babies what's that all about? Get a persuasion check for Pish Posh, please. What's that about? He is standing ankle deep in the blood of his fellow. Well, that's a six, so I'm sure I've quite convinced him to answer. He hisses and backs into the corner with the brazen bull and almost knocks it out. Oh, everything's okay. Careful.

Trust me, we don't know what's in there. That's like the one thing that might have a trap in it that you haven't touched and hurt yourself. with the calf bowl thing but dave knows all about it he may have laid that oh what's in there dave do you know uh persuasion check with disadvantage oh disadvantage well that's a botch and a 15 so which one do I take? He hides behind the brazen bolt. Oh, fucking Dave. Dave. It's okay. Somebody else talk to Dave.

Dave, come on, Dave. I got a biscuit for you. By the way, my agent asked me to read a statement. This is not a parody of Mickey Mouse. That's all. Well, they don't have the copyright anymore Mickey Mouse. That's all. Well, they don't have the copyright anymore anyway, so it's fine. Mordecai, perhaps as a man of justice and the law,

you could talk to Dave and help him see the right way to, you know, this Quaggoth does not want to serve an evil dragon. And after all, this situation seems imbalanced and if you remember the way the map was set up there's this big square of the torture room uh the bull is in the that far corner and you came from that way so right now he is about 20 feet from the exit what are we trying to do guys are kind of on this end he's over there hiding figure out what the situation is with the souls for the babies and i thought we were just trying to get him to get us across. And if he wants to help us.

Try to convince him. He wants to help us. He's going to help us. Hey, pal, will you help us? Persuasion check. Okay. He hates Pish Posh. You may as well give it a shot. Yeah, so far I'm... Persuasive leader.

That was... Oh, nice. 18 plus... That is the role of the leader. Plus zero. The 18... 18 ain't nothing. He peers around the brazen bull kind of like hmmm.

Please help us. What do you want? We just want to get through the acid showers. And the monsters. And the monsters. At the staff. What do you want? We want you to wield it

and help us. Someone must talk to the acid creatures. His eyes get big. Give it back to me then. That's not what I meant. We just want to know how to talk to them. Yeah, we want to know how to talk to them. You just stand next to it as we go. And I'll do whatever you want.

You're going to come with us as we travel across. We'll give it back to you after. I'm telling somebody else to tell me. He doesn't want to listen to me. The staff will take you through. No, I misspoke. We want you to listen to me. Give me the staff. I'll take you through. No, I misspoke. We want you to come with. That's essentially it.

We're just not going to hand off the staff. Okay, but then I get through the other side. What happens to me? You live. We'll give you back. I live where? In the hallway before the nest with no weapons, no protection? We'll give you weapons.

Okay, give me a weapon. When we get there. You can run through with a shield, right? That will enable you to get back. There's five more... What? Can you put a shield over your head and just run back through the waterfall? Maybe. I've never

done it. There's a first time for everything. I'm not running, I'm flying. Well, even better have we have we heard um glut has glut spoken ever great question i don't think you've ever seen glut except maybe in the distance i'm trying to remember if you saw her like flying over heaven i don't think you have i think you've just seen the destruction and heard stories of it okay and you know she has eggs and you were considering stealing them and selling them or doing something with them then we were trying to get her to trap them yeah she was going to come back to the eggs and then we were gonna but this was for a different reason

that i asked but i will i would say you you would all with passive insight you'd have to tell me something more specific if you want to get more intel out of him or something. You feel like he's scared enough that he is probably not going to help you unless forced. But because Mordecai warmed him up a little, he's talking to you. That's great. I could be frightened out of the chamber

if someone messes up another charisma related ability check. It would take a DC 20 persuasion or intimidation check to get him to do anything but run out of the room if you press him. I mean, he doesn't even know

about Mordecai's other name. Maybe he would be impressed. What's your other name? Well, sometimes people call me the Equaler. Oh, the Equaler? Yeah. Have you heard of mine?

I've heard tell. Okay, Equiler. What would you give me now so I feel safe? I can't just help you get to a dragon. What do you guys think? I think once we're where we need to be, we will give you a shield. Empty promises. We'll keep you protected now.

You broke my neck and threw my entrails upon the floor. Because we thought you were a bad guy. We thought you were trying to kill us. Bricks is like... You were. I was. Bricks is like, I was going to feed your soul to the babies. Yeah, well, we don't want that.

Sir, would you like to... Would you like to... Do you prefer ma'am? I assume this is more polite than ma'am. Bricks, I'd break his balls if I were you. Do you prefer madam? That sounds lovely.

Thank you. What I was going to say, if you would let me finish, was would you prefer to return to your prior state? We're happy to oblige. Otherwise, you can join us and travel across the waterfall telling the monsters to leave us alone as we go. Intimidation check.

This is just this should be just like a pragmatism check. Well, you did say would you like to return to your prior state? He's not like... We brought him back to life. When a parent does that, it's also an intimidation check. He has five souls inside him now. I'll take you out of it.

Well, let's see. Madam. Twelve. Twelve. 12. He makes a dash for the exit where the dead I mean, I'll stop and

intimidate the shit out of him. Roll to intimidate the shit out of him, which I guess is a different ability, right? I have a plus 6 to intimidation and I Oh my god. I have a plus six to intimidation and I rolled a three. I have a plus five and I rolled a seven. At this point, time is

passing. I'm going to start the timer. So that's eight. He's, I would say, at most 20 feet away. So if you tackle him, I'm going to need an athletics check DC 18 to catch up to him and knock him down specifically from bricks and then i want to try to well she's sort of filling the door

polish way right now she's gonna make a dive uh right now you can't quite see dave he's on the other side of bricks i didn't make it all right you see Dave. He's on the other side of bricks. I didn't make it. You see bricks fly, land on the ground. We can say you're all chasing Dave, but he's a solid 20 feet away from the rest of you. Can I web him? Does the bunny hole music. What's the range on web? 60 feet.

Go for it. All right. So what is that? A dex check for Dave? Yes. Stupid. Dex check for Dave? I think so, yes. Stupid. Dex check for Dave. My favorite after school special. What is that,

Brian? I know you're warming up a dice over there. Yeah, I want to do something. Oh, fucking dang. I want to tackle him. Plus six I have. If this weapon doesn't go, we'll let you try to dash over and do it. But he's starting to get through the room. What about my flying speed?

Your flying speed? Your flying... What is your flying distance? 30, I'm guessing. Is it the same as your running? No, his flying is like 15, remember? Yeah, it's slower. Oh, is it? Yeah, sorry.

What if I shoot him in the back of the head with an arrow? Not yet. First, we're going to see if he makes the web. Oh, no. It is going to be a 10. What is the... Yeah, 14. He didn't make it.

He hits him and he's stuck. All right, Dave. Now, remind me. Was it once a turn he gets to try to struggle out? I don't know about that. Let's see. Can I use persuasion and try to just talk to him? Let me figure out the rules of what he did to him and then I'll answer that question.

Start to turn the... Yes. Okay, so I will allow one statement and then he's going to try to wriggle free. He has a plus one to wriggle. So... He has a what? Plus one to wriggle. Okay. Check him. His saving throw.

You started saying something, then Brian said, this is going to be... Well, he already... Okay, so what? Yeah. Just help us. I promise you'll be protected, and then when we get through,

you will be rewarded. Persuasion check. I mean, we easily could have killed you already ah shit we unkilled you just a four we actually saved his life Brian really hates that I hissed at him

I don't care I'm more mad at the dice than you uh huh oh and by the way after that he's gonna try to do three again now I got it 18 oh did you try to do it again yeah what does he need to get out 14. uh he just rolled a 16. so after mordecai tries to talk some sense to him he like he like sprinkles i'll see at this point you're

all standing over him yeah i restrain him all right athletics check to i brought you back to life you dingleberry 16 oh yep you grab him got him in what a headlock tell us what this looks like yeah I just arm bar him okay I feel like if he's with us it's in his best interest to tell the the monsters to yeah if we force him through he's with us, it's in his best interest to tell the monsters to

bring him with us. He's officially a hostage at this point. Let's tie him up. Yeah. You did this yourself. Now it's a hard one. I will have you roll a survival check for how good the tying up is.

And there will be a DC to make it a really good. Who's got good the tying up is. And there will be a DC to make it a really good. Who's got good survival? I do. I do too. I can assist you. I have a plus four. What do you have? Plus five. Okay. Anyone have a proficiency in survival? Yeah. Because of proficiency, I'll lower

DC. Okay. So if you have proficiency. Oh no. If I have a proficiency, do you get advantage on something? Or is it just that you have more? Not necessarily. That was like the way we did it in maybe like the first or second campaign. And then I realized how the proficiency bonus works. No, I'm going to say if you have proficiency and it means you're so good at it, I'll lower the difficulty check number.

Plus you get those extra. You get a higher bonus. That's like a house rule, not a rule rule. So, okay. If one of you guys wants to roll to tie up and help the other, you can roll with advantage and i'll lower the dc you want to roll or what do you well why don't we both roll and we well well because i he can give me advantage or i can give him i don't care because he's be the advantage what's your bonus what's his bonus minus five i'm four so you want to take the lead on this i think yes okay great friends engaging in light bondage together uh so i get a band yeah yes so first

one's the first one's at 11 and the second one is a seven so i'll take the 11 and 516 okay yeah you think you get him really good with mordecai's help you managed to wrap rope around him get him real secure he like tries to bite you a couple of times but you managed to pull it off without any hitch you You guys do a high five over his body. Definitely do a high five. Like a squirrel, because he tries to bite me, I will run around his neck several times in a crazy

loopy loop like Chip and Dale. A curly Howard noise. It goes boop, boop, boop as he watches you go around in a circle. Monica, do you want to carry our friend Dave? Sure. How big is he? He is like the size

of Blep. So like half a juniper. Okay. I thought you were going to say something else. Yeah, I'm like what you're trying to say in front of Ken for a second there. It's rude. You tied up the Quaggoth who is Blep-sized and Mordecai threw him over his shoulder. trying to say in front of Ken for a second there. It was rude. You tied up the Quaggoth who was blepsized and

Mordecai threw him over his shoulder. You are now going to use the staff and some sort of hostage thing from the Quaggoth. I would say the impression I'm getting about your plan. What's the impression you get? Nobody's gonna know.

You can't say that. Thank you. Listen, we all saw chasing amy so you tell me what you're gonna do i mean he's a hostage and i'm not sure 100 what you how are we gonna fit in this bubble well it's 20 feet in diameter 10 in radius we all just huddle up and he can make us fly right me no uh dave the staff maybe you're pretty sure it was a spell that dave knows okay so he

is going to have to be hostage intimidated i can cast flyers i mean can he cast spells while he still has his feet wait what chop his fucking feet off I mean he needs his hands

free to cast the spell interesting but you can so he needs hands wait can just hands can blup fly no I don't think so So he needs hands. Wait. Just hands. Can Blup fly? No. I don't really think so. I think that's more of a wizard. I know that it's happened twice that he thinks he can fly.

We find out later that he can't. That was the last time. Because he always has fly. Right. He tries. That's what I'm saying. He usually picks. Because he's a bard or a warlock or whatever.

Yeah. I don't think fly is a cleric domain spell. I'm having a hard time pulling up a sheet, but I'm going to guess that he does not have fly. Okay. Unless he's like a storm cleric with some windiness. Okay, so then he needs, this guy needs to cast fly on us, and once again

we're just all going to be clinging to him, so there's no right? Everyone roll an insight check. 18. And life, you got it. Nine. Five.

Oh, but also for Juniper. Juniper got 18. Your nails match your dice. That's pretty cool. That is glittery and beautiful. Juniper and Pish Posh, you would both realize, well, it is a concentration spell. And so he could, you know, drop it whenever he felt like it.

He could, you know, drop it whenever he felt like it. And you know that, like, whatever level he notes, it's probably going to max out at, like, four people at a time. Tops. Well, I've got fly for at least two, so I can help with that. Okay, well, we're just going to have to fox in the grain ourselves across then, right? I can get all of us going

with his help, yeah. And I'm tiny, I can ride on Mordecai. We've kind of become a little bit of a traveling duo. Yeah, two people are just being carried. Sorry, don't fall. Uh-huh. Yeah, two people are just being carried. And I'm going to... Well, never mind. Nothing I say helps.

I quit. I quit. Dan is putting on the table some interesting thoughts. It's the acid river. We'd like to thank toby hurst for 3d printing an acid river for me thank you toby hurst thanks to the acid river that's going to kill us all again it's 100 i mean probably juniper going to murder definitely um i because of the limited time frame did not have time to paint this it looks cool it's already transparent

reaching here translucent I should say and I'll show you one that he painted in a second but he painted a pool um so we're gonna call like that looks just like the other ones that's not the painting anyway so there's just like these rushing rivers of acid with like these little plumes this is going to be the most gorgeous TPK of all time I cannot wait

but those of you who rolled high would know yeah he can in addition to only fly so many of you if he high but no yeah he can in addition to only fly so many of you uh if he was feeling spiteful uh stop concentrating and drop everybody i mean you know i brought you into this world so i can take you out so okay well i'm going with uh rick's is like i'm going with... Brooks is like, I'm flying with you then. Alright. But how far does the bubble extend? 20 feet.

Okay. Very Willy Wonka. I know. It's taken a while and this would be a perfect time for me to say, hey Blaine. Oh yeah. I'm going to still need a couple more seconds. Do we need all of these? Brian why don't you tell everybody about Gromits

oh it's officially out our first issue and we got a quote from Tony Hawk for our second issue Patton got it to him and he loved it

and the first issue sold out but um comic shops still have it um but it's sold out at the printer and we have to do a second printing that's so great yeah i'm super stoked are you gonna do like that thing where you have like six different like foil covers no um we haven't done any foil covers yet but the first issue has four or three variants oh that's cool who are the artists on the cover we got david lapham and then two guys that um rick knew that i wasn't aware of but that killed it um that's so exciting yeah man the river is i feel like it's enough river yeah so. So far, it's half the table. Are we going to get through that

in this episode? There's a world in which we don't need it at all. Thankfully, there's no doors along the way. That's what's scaring me. Oh, Sam, no doors. There's a world where you don't need it at all, but... I'm trying to fly over this. Wouldn't you just love it if that was the only... Here's one I started

painting. We have a couple wouldn't you just love it if like that was the only here's one I started painting ooh here's one will be painted which looks amazing oh that's cool saving this one for later but I thought I'd pull it out early just to show you I hate what I said just there

but ow my knee you guys are just about to see this uh if i'm understanding correctly you're all going to sort of gather at the river around here with uh

mordecai in the center right with kind of pish posh near him and pish posh do you have uh Mordecai in the center, right, with kind of Pish Posh near him. And Pish Posh, do you have a... Yeah, we're using a lot of dye to sub in for minis. We need to get you guys to a toy store. Well, my character died.

I spent forever designing and getting her printed. Mine's somewhere in the carpet. But don't you still have Juniper? Yes, I do, but I but i did not bring her tonight yeah because she was dead she was yeah yeah deceased gotcha soon to be our second leader oh there's brick yeah yeah i'm just trying to find

oh i can maybe offer this as a placeholder. At least like one or two. I don't know how many I really brought. Oh my goodness, guys. This game is over. But it's always been here. Just as noisy, just not all the time. Oh, here we go. This can be somebody.

Somebody can be Wibbles' goblin wife. Great. I'll be that one. So, and then, yeah. Blett can be... I think I have one more.

No. I really should print some minis up. I have a printer. I know, like, this is a tough one for me. So if you guys... Let's just use dice. Yeah, we just need different colored dice, so I'm gonna... Ken's dice is Ken.

Sarah's dice is Sarah. My dice is... Is that everybody? What about Bricks? Do you need a Bricks? Bricks is... Well, we'll about Bricks? Do you need a Bricks? Yeah. Bricks is... Well, we'll say Bricks is, like, got Juniper, like, around her shoulder or something.

Oh, okay, great. But that will be another... You're right. Thing. I'll put a little bottle cap there. Do you want one of these? I mean... Yeah, any.

We'll just do that. You all see the bubble? Go... Around... Pish Pashway. Yeah, it would be in the center of Mordecai, who's holding. you all see the bubble go around would be in the center of Mordecai who's holding your hostage talk to me about the fly situation so I've cast fly upon myself

and okay I can do that okay so you three are flying how how else are we gonna do more flying here

well what's his name he's gonna fly us Dave okay uh who's gonna intimidate Dave in the casting fly I guess me

okay you're very good at it I'm gonna persuade him instead. Okay. Friend, will you please cast fly? And I promise to keep you protected while you're concentrating.

Okay. We will keep you very safe. Bro. Persuasion. Let's check what this DC will be in my notes. Uh, shiice. Uh, somebody else want to try? Uh, do a dexterity saving throw. Oh boy.

Uh, 13? Yeah, you've managed to pull your wing to the side just in time as he snaps his teeth at it okay listen now I try to intimidate whoa there we go what do you say just do it

swoosh Nike shit I botched oh my god oh no that's a seven never mind wait no that's a one buddy oh it is it sure is yeah okay if the seven was next uh well i need another dexterity saving throw brian all right so oh man this is how we do it. All right, so you're going to take... Hey, bro, are you excited? Yeah. We have not even started yet in here. He fell in the river. Two points of piercing damage as he bites your wing. What? All right, listen. Seriously?

Dave. Dave. I stab him. Dave. With my sword. Okay. Don't stab him. Don't. We need him. It's too late. He already did it. He definitely declared it. Well, I'm saying he's doing it, and then he told me to stop, so I will... No, he didn't. No, you said saying he's doing it and then he told me to stop. No, he didn't. No, you said you did.

And then he said, wait, but I was already... But how can I ever tell someone to stop? It's been declared. 17. That's the horror of Dungeons and Dragons. There's a roll to attack. 17 to hit. Oh yeah, you don't need to roll your damage. He's tied up. You're going to hit him immediately. How cool. Six.

Alright, you do six points. And then I will look at him and say, don't bite. Intimidation. We'll roll into he will fly you 13 if you do well. He hisses. Alright, Dave. Let's get things straight here

this is a this is a load of bullshit you need to help us i brought you into this world i can take you out that's right uh the dcm is getting higher like every time i redo this i'm gonna intimidate him you're gonna try yeah i'm gonna try

roll to intimidate him. You're going to try. Yeah, I'm going to try. Roll to intimidate. Oh, my fucking God. It's like you roll lower, the higher the difficulty gets. It's really fun to me. 14 is not good. No, that is. It's been going up, up, up. Okay, so my turn.

So Bricks is going to... She was trying to do this before, but... I'm going back to digital days. I recommend it. Bricks is going to stand behind, behind and she's gonna use her actor feet um to i was hoping that she'd be able to try to sound like glut but we if we haven't heard but if we haven't heard even you were planning um she is going to um try to mimic the sounds made by other creatures that i've heard so presumably she's heard what a dragon sounds like.

And so she's going to standing behind, she's going to make sounds like a dragon and in draconic, she's going to say, help them. Christ. Okay. So, and I have advantage on deception and performance checks when trying to pass

myself. This is absolutely deception checks. We throw a wealth advantage. Okay. Wait, hang on. I see what my. Mm hmm. Did you roll twice?

I know. Not yet. So I'm to see what my pluses are. Sure. Want to tell listeners now are you. I was 12 plus two is 14. Okay. 17 plus two. So 19. You hear

a very terrified yelp. And he lifts off the ground. Which one did I say? This guy. Right? So he lifts off the ground

and he would lift Mordecai because he thinks that's what he's supposed to do but mordecai you can fly right yeah so do you want to have him cast on somebody else yeah yeah i didn't even think of that yeah yeah someone tell him well i'm i'm in your i'm on you he's on morde's on so then who else is it who's left it's blep glibbles blep and glibbles and himself well yeah he's already uh blep glibbles and you're

doing what he's on my shoulder i'm riding with mordecai with the the dude okay with the quaggas so is that okay that i'm those two those two are still left no but mordecai can fly so he's riding with mordecai and then when you scared him he just cast it on mordecai i see okay okay so mordecai you have to tell him to put it on the other guys okay or you have to pick up

the other guys i don't know how it works he can't carry another person he's already got two people on his back they're small one. One of them's small. But yeah, he's carrying a lot. I'm tiny. Right now, Mordecai is carrying both Dallytail and the Quaggoth Dave. Wiggles. Glimbles is small. Okay.

Yeah, Glimbles. I'll carry Glimbles. But you're carrying. You're already carrying. Oh, I thought I put Fly Spells on. Oh, you passed it on? Yeah. Okay.

I didn't know that. Okay. God, this is such dull housekeeping. But let's figure out who is what fly spell. It'll get exciting in a minute. Don't worry. Okay. So everyone's accounted for then.

Yeah, let's go. Glibbles is being carried by who? Pish Posh? Yeah. And who's carrying Blep? He's being flown. By whom? The dickless one.

Dave. Roll an intimidation check to get him to change who he is casting fly on. Okay. He's not changing it. He's adding him, right? Please carry my friend. He can only cast it on one other person. 14.

Pretty high level for a ding-dong. Yeah. He switches over. Now everyone's flying. Oh, thank God. The bubble is activated. Worst Peter Pan prediction ever. You guys start heading out.

What is your flight speed? 15 feet? Yeah. So in order to keep him safe at least you're there you're going at the same pace as Mordecai you get about this far before I'm going to need another intimidation check from Mordecai

can somebody nope is there supporting what if i give him a look like cheering me on or i i have nothing in intimidation okay i'll give it to you i really don't want to give you advantage on this but i will give you advantage you better listen to him uh yeah that's a go uh 18 plus yeah 19, 19. Great. We get this far? You gotta do it again.

God damn it. Still glaring at him. Mm-hmm. Uh, 14. Yeah, 14 is not enough at this point. He does drop fly. Oh, no. And so... Why would he do that?

Uh, can I do anything when I see him do that? Can I do anything when I see him do that? He gets really heavy from Mordecai and Blep drops. Does he drop? Huh? Does he drop? He cast Flying Himself while he was on Mordecai's back. And he had to put his foot on Blep.

So Blep is going to drop into the acid oh my god i guess i thought i was i thought we were he we were intimidating him into casting fly and he was responsible for carrying other people but so i see that now the flaw in that logic is that he was tied up and casting fly and i would give i was giving you a gimme that like he took his hands out you let him take his hands out of the rope so we could cast it and then he yeah like tapped left with his foot but like to keep the concentration going he was not doing it willingly okay and so he was constantly wanting to drop fly knowing that he would still be on Mordecai's back while he's flapping his

wings. Should I say grab him, or what do we do? I will because, yeah, it'll be whoever's closest. I'll try to grab him. I would say we would. I'm thinking about who would be closest. I have a 12 strength. But you're on

him. I'm independently flying. Oh, okay. I'm going to start the pedantry and be like, okay, who is where? So I'm sort of laying out like where you are flying. I'm such a dick. But didn't I cast fly on blep? You cast it on me.

No, on you and you. And me. Got it. And he can only do one additional person. Right. And I'm carrying gribbles he made an awkward phone call so I'm going to say hey Blaine, did everyone die? no, only you

Pishposh and Mordecai you can do a what's a good one athletics? acrobatic athletics I'll let you choose athletics or acrobatics to grab him as he suddenly drops out of the air

and this is going to be an athletics check DC 15 shit I'm going to go with athletics or acrobatics your choice what's up Brian digital or regular I got 13 I'm going to go with your choice. What's that, Brian? I didn't make it. Digital or regular?

I got 13. Not for me. Not for me. That's a 11. Ken, have you considered not using dice at all? That would not be a bad option. Blept?

He's a cat, too. he's got feline agility right jump back into our arms he could probably do something i don't know that he can jump in your arms because he also doesn't know it's coming can i web him oh spider man of course my internet is not working so i can't pull a sheet up but i'm gonna let him do something with feline agility or whatever i mean i just gotta can i web him no you just uh went to grab him and i got it did not succeed blame blame blame i mean if i'm close enough i think everybody would try right as soon as he hit even if he hits the the water stuff i will's going to hit the water because I was only giving the two of you a position. I'm just saying immediately I'm going to go for him too.

Yeah. Once he's in the acid everyone can do some things. He has cat's talent. Feel on agility. When you move on your turn in combat you can double your speed

So that's not going to help him because he's he's not in combat yet But I will let him roll an athletics or acrobatics, which is higher. Oh acrobatics is much better so He botches So he goes as he sees you reach for him he goes tries to grab you oh no no

somebody drops into acid now just as a reminder acid does 1d6 damage per round unless you're immersed. And then it is 10d6 per round. Oh, God. Wow.

Also, there is a rushing current. So he is going to have to do an athletics check to pull himself out if he has something to pull him. All right. So first, he's going to take 10d6 damage. Jesus. 10d6? He's getting dunked in a river of acid Sam do you want to film this for Blaine

Per round right 10d6 per round No no He's immersed He went underwater But if it's in the course of a round I guess I'm saying Doesn't the round give everybody a chance to Do something

Once he goes ploop I will have everyone roll initiative And then you can start doing things as if you're in combat. Right. But at the end of that round is when you can take in the 10d6, right? Nope. This is the damage he takes. Immediately? Immediately. Well,

you know what? You make a great point. I should look it up. I should look it up. This is a rule I already looked up in advance but I didn't look up the technicality of when it happens. I just wonder if it's a round, then we have a round to do something. Usually, yeah. But it wouldn't make sense that he would take no damage

if we got him out during the round, so I understand that that's complicated. Blaine could end up playing Juniper, which would be fun for him to be a level zero townsperson who only wants to sleep. I want to kill this motherfucker now. A book that would help him at this moment that he would just whip out.

We have potions, but that's kind of not good. We have rope. Throw him a rope. I still can web him. I'm going to stab him again for killing a friend. No, pull him back. I can... Isn't a web just going to be like... I'm gonna grab him I'm gonna grab him I'm still gonna web him That's what I'm gonna do I'm gonna I'm gonna sink under Like a stone Killing our friend No pull him back

I can But isn't a web Just gonna like Just gonna wrap him up And then he's just gonna I'm Spider-Man Spider-Man doesn't do that Are you Spider-Man

Cause I don't feel like you are I am That's my character Spider-Man Ken quickly Pish posh Peter Parker Get it

Oh my god Secret Wow Big secret's out Thanks Ken to avoid the dice, quickly cut up 20 small pieces of paper and write 1 through 20 on each of them and pull one out of a hat.

Oh my god, maybe that'll work better. It can't be worse. Oh my god. I hate dice. Hey! Wait a minute! Ken, you gave me these squirrel dice they might have some power for you gonna take the damage and then we're gonna roll for initiative okay fair enough so

now how many hit points does blep start with maybe that'd be a fun thing to know i think that's a great thing to tell our listeners. What did you promise him? This is perfect. Guys, I'm rolling 10d6 and he has 59 hit points. It is perfect. Roll badly. There's no way that he's going to die unless it is

the worst odds of all time. Roll like me. Look at all these delicious damage die I'm about to roll. Why are you not a nice person? This job. It's my job. It's like box.

36 points of acid damage. Ouch. Everybody roll for initiative. Alright. 23. Nice. I got a natural 20 plus four. Nice.

Cool. 19. Why did it work this roll? Well, Sarah, I get to save them. I'm not rolling with that shit anymore. Ken, what if you just think of a number between 1 and 20? Anyone doubts my rolls?

All of them will be in the game log. 14, you say? Yes. Okay. It's already better. I've gone digital. Glibbles. Again, this will be in the game log. He's going to roll his initiative. When his character she loads and then what do you

got for us come on labels roll up a good one when this airs rifters is coming out the other book oh yeah that comes out next week yeah yeah and that's one that's with joe right yeah it's the summer of posain oh shit i started during covid four for black comic books just take forever like longer than anything which is good you kind of want him to lose his initiative. Yeah. Oh, he's lost his initiative. All right. All right. Up first is Brian. Oh, no. I think it was Sarah.

She had a 24. You're right. You just barely beat up Brian's 23. Yeah. Okay. So I'm going to hopefully using acrobatics. Am I monk like acrobatics? I'm just going to flip my entire body as i'm flying upside down so that like as if i'm hanging you know by my legs so that my my arms are just dangling down immediately

and then i'm flying so that i can just sort of like i'm my hands are just there for him to grab grab immediately. Okay. That's my plan. So, acrobatics check. Okay. Okay, come on. I'm scared. I'll try something if you don't. Uh, 18. Yay. 11 plus 7. So you're gonna flip uh, which die, you're the triangular. Yeah.

And you're gonna just right above the acid for when he comes up? Yeah, so then I'm gonna have my arms are right there for him to grab. Alright. And you're going to just right above the acid for when he comes up? Yeah, so then I'm going to have my arms are right there for him to grab. All right. Brian, you're up. Well, I'm not going to do anything if she's saving him. So he's under right now. He's under. Yeah. And I will remind you

you currently have the Quaggoth over your shoulder that did this. Right. Oh, so you you currently have uh the quaggoth over your shoulder that did this oh so uh is he under that i couldn't see him that's what i was assuming but i'm realizing yeah he's okay yeah so i couldn't okay um i don't know what to do on this squeeze his throat well yeah i was gonna intimidate him yeah tell him not to do that again. And help save your friend. How do I help save?

Cast fly again. Cast fly on plane. Oh, yeah. Fly him out, you dick. Fly my friend out. Asshole. Dave, dick. Shit. That's a shit. Rolling low again. Dave Dick uh shit

that's a shit no so nothing uh you feel a little splash on your cheek which you know is not acid but he spit on you oh nice well now I'll do I get another turn

well that was your action. I mean, you could as a reaction just drop him, but that's about it. That would make us all fall in. Yeah, I don't want to do that. It would make you all fall in. It would just mean it would be harder to get Blep out. He was only casting Fly on himself and Blep. Oh, okay.

The rest of you all dogpiled on each other and made it work. Right. I can't re-ent him that's your action the only reaction I will allow is you just dunk him no I'm not going to do that up next is Chris

Deletail draws his short sword and he says if you don't bring him out you're dead and I swing at him with my short sword automatic damage uh I am casting uh also it's because it classes slayer

I get an extra d eight on damage and I'm also going to invoke I have a a ranger thing I'm gonna make him my favored foe which means I can add another d6 so i'm for so for the first one it's for the sword it's a d6 plus five and then a d

another d6 for the and d8 so these three plus five five four nine six fifteen five twenty points okay and i'll stab him again and say if you don't bring him out you're going to die okay and i'll stab him again uh oh yeah so that's a hit so this time it's just that because i've already done claustus slayer and the thing so it's just a D6 plus 5. 5 and 5 10. So much cooler than my fucking dumbass character. So that's 30 points and I will. What if he just dies? Fuck him.

Good. We don't need this guy. Explodes out of him. Roll an intimidation check. Misadvantage. Oh cool. I have no bonus to this. So for the first one it's a 16 and the second one is a this. So for the first one, it's a 16. And the second one is a 9. So 16. He coughs

blood up as he says, I need to touch him to make him fly. You have to figure that one out. Should have thought about that again. I'd love to kick him into the acid, but I've used my action already. Do I kick him? You could say to Mordecai drop him and i will allow it

well yeah but he's got fly cast on himself and as soon as he's out of more no he dropped concentration i mean oh he doesn't know for a moment at least well he could fly himself out after he gets done but he's down 37 hit points well i feel like i've done enough for now he's got something to think about. He sure does. He's so fucked up. I mean, that's like I will allow advantage on intimidation for a hot minute.

I already tried and I don't get 60. That was fun. Glibbles is going to say, do you want me to kill him? We want him to save Bleep, but I mean... I'll stab him.

Sure, go for it. Okay. For those rolls to stab. This guy is just not acting on his own. Good lord. I like the squirrel guy. He's fun. Like when you tell your kid... I like his ideas. Don't, like when you tell your kid like his ideas don't like do that

one more time you're gonna lose that thing or whatever and they just look at you and just do it like why would you but why would you do that now we're both unhappy it's a guy who's just for no reason throwing his new baby life away I wish Pish Posh had made him hate it so much

so he does five points of damage. He plunges the long sword into the quaggoth like right in the middle of where the ropes are tying him up and then like pushes it up

so you can tell it like went through his ribcage and it like cuts into his jaw and then he like pulls him off of his ribcage and it cuts into his jaw. And then he pulls him off of Mordecai and just kind of flings him into the acid. I bet it also cuts into his emotional core because that was his only friend in the world, Glimples, who just

skewered him. You guys, listen. He's fucked, but you guys. You hired me. He was a we'll say a work acquaint guys. You hired me. He was a we'll say a work acquaintance. Okay, well. And then. Pretty sure you burned that bridge,

but that's. We will have Ken go and then we're done until Blaine can defend himself on our next episode. But Ken, what are you doing? Anything? Can I just fly on a different level you have to touch him yeah you'd have to fly into the acid which you could because

as we have noted acid resistance i'm not against that why don't we make that choice on our next episode of nerd poke sounds good all right i'm gonna bring new dice what do you want to do what do you want to talk about you want to say what you think happened on this i do yes okay all right episode 18 we're trying to restrain Dave, I think. Dave is a plus one to Riggle. We clarified which popes are Nazis, and Dan made an excellent Chasing Amy reference. We're gathering by the river with Mordecai in the center.

Blep has dropped into the acid. Pish Posh and Mordecai are rolling to catch him. They failed, and Blep is in the acid. Juniper is contorting her body while flying to pick up Blep. Mordecai tried to intimidate the QuagGoth into helping Blep, but failed. Chris attacked him with his short sword, and Glivel stabbed him in the stomach with a sword. Yep.

All true. And all checks. Damn. Anything to plug? Yeah, if you run a D&D podcast, I'm about to get fired, and I would love to hop on board. How about you, Brian? We're looking for new D

and D DMs. Unless Chris wants to do it. No. I don't like how real that felt. I was joking. I was joking. I do feel like this group needs to take a little more personal responsibility for our terrible

choices. You did rely on a hostage to do the flying. I know, but I didn't think it's not like I botched that intimidation. I got a 15. I sure did.

You harangued him and it lasted for a while and then I really made, because it took so much work, I made it very temporary. Just think if my first intimidation roll would have been good. Oh, that was such a great game. And listeners, I should just really quickly say that you were floating, they were floating across the river and every six seconds, basically, I was having the check happen again and they got about halfway across.

Anyway, tourdatesbrianpersain.com I'm going everywhere this summer. And then I'm quitting. No, I'm kidding. It's coming. Someday. And then comic books. Grommets is in stores. And Rifters,

when you hear this, Rifters is available too. Issue 1. Check it out. Blaine. We attribute the success to save mankind. Thanks for joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof. Well. Next week on Nerd Poker.

Shaving cream. Shaving cream. And shaving cream. Shaving cream. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416.

Thanks for listening. Spin the clock! One time, I came home from Just Shoot Me, and George Siegel had followed me home and was waiting for me to scare me. Oh, God. he's waiting in my bushes and I get out of my car and he goes right I go George hey oh my god I got yeah yeah you did what the fuck is that something he does all the time like

it was super awesome