Nerd Poker - The Mountain Campaign - Episode 19

Episode Date: June 18, 2024

Whoops! Someone threw the Blep out with the acid bath! Luckily Blaine is back to guide Blep out of the acid river that he was dunked into, but who will save him? Also, is Glibbles the goblin ever going to NOT botch? Sadly we have no Sarah this episode or next, schedule permitting we hope everyone is back in the same room soon. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Hey, it's Brian Poussaint, NerdPoker. We're calling it the Mountain Campaign. My friends are here, Sarah, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer engineer sam and of course our kick-ass dm dan telfer welcome to nerd poker hey everybody it's brad pussin you're listening to nerd poker episode 19 of our poker episode 19 of our mountain what do we call it the mountain uh campaign yeah yeah anyway my friends are here mocking me because i didn't know you're mocking me uh sarah's not here unfortunately um she's fine right yes she's. She's mocking us by not being here. Unavailable. My friends are here.

That was Dan. Next to him is Ken. That's my name. There's Chris. I support you. Blaine's across the table. Hey, hi. And there's Sam at the end of the table.

Hello, sweet children. And that's Licky in the other room yelling at the sun. Everything. With a candlestick and we'd like to thank our current sponsor diamond select toys they sent us this amazing demolish or demolick uh dice holder right here look at that thing don't touch it oh blaine i said don't touch it, I thought all I heard was touch it. It's available for pre-order from www.diamondselecttoys.com. And you'll see a picture on our social media we post in front of it.

Look at that thing. I said don't touch it, Blaine. And while you're there, check out, I mean, they've got so many licenses and a bunch of cool stuff. And speaking of cool stuff, that guy knows how to drive. You guys, they say the

street hawk is back. Yeah. Compensating for his very normal sized business. They like to hang out up the street. And family. They're all up there doing stuff And that's it Thanks Diamond Select

For sponsoring Nerd Poker Thank you Do we introduce I was looking at my notes Do we introduce the person doing sound effects today Oh I didn't know we had somebody I mean somebody offered to Who is our intern today I don't know what had somebody. I mean, somebody offered to who is our intern today.

I don't know. What do you want to say? Sure, whatever. You do it. You handle it. Oh, I think maybe his father should handle it if you're not going to handle it. What would you like to say, Blaine? Oh, my son Oliver is here just in case.

Hello, peoples. He's brought to you by Sierra Mist. And now horror. All right. Well, here are some patreon supporters at our top two tiers that I would like to thank thank you Pokey Bill thank you

so you like puns huh thank you Henry Felchow thank you Botched Charisma thank you Stuart Black thank you Smacky the Frog thank you Daniel who am I care for deeply thank you the meek and underwhelming Josh thank you Thank you, Smacky the Frog. Thank you, Daniel, whom I care for deeply. Thank you, the meek and underwhelming Josh.

Thank you. Come on, man. Well, if you like that one, Chris. Thank you. Chris Tallman is actually funny. It's true. Maybe there's another way to say that. No, I take a thumbs up to that.

Thank you. People not think you're actually funny. Thank you. No, they're saying we're not actually funny. Thank you, Chris Tallman is actually funny. That's not what they're saying we're not actually funny. Thank you, Chris Tomlin. Chris is the funny one. Actually funny. Wait, no, that's not what they're saying. Yeah. That's not. Well, I disagree with you who.

We're not funny. Well, it's not fair. Keep going. I think if you do downward inflection, it makes you sound like you're the most funny person here. Because it's actually funny. Thank you, Lil Jon's Tiny. What? Thank you, Camille LaBelle. Thank you, Lil Mouse Man Brand Cigarettes. funny uh thank you lil john's tiny what thank you camille labelle thank you lil mouse man brand cigarettes thank you bradley the bagel baron thank you thank you nerd poker is the best podcast in

the world for me to poop on thanks child that's fair thank you you, Sean Hayes. Thank you, Name I Can't Say This episode. Thank you These Shoes Don't Walk Themselves. And finally, thank you Brian and Steve's Fart-Filled Bathroom That Almost Killed Doug. Oh, yeah. Classic episode. Who are the supporters brought to us by? Give me a break, give me a break,

break me off a piece of that AI bar. I want my AI back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back. AI baby back ribs. AI baby back ribs. Too many fingers. Ooh, I want my AI back ribs. AI cat chow.

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Yeah, at the time, you know what? I will say Blep really went along with the plan so well. I felt like it was a great idea. It was almost as if the dungeon master got to decide how Blep would get across the river. And so they tried using the staff to create a bubble of some sort that would protect them from the acid waterfall they then flew with a variety of spells going in particular the undead

quaggoth known as dave well he was dead and now he's alive i guess he's not really undead that would be like a different remember dave he's a real. And he decided that when he wasn't being intimidated properly, he would just go ahead and drop the spell. And since everyone let him cast it on himself, even though he was being carried, that meant that he was primarily dropping a spell against Blep. And Blep plummeted into the acid river, being dunked completely beneath. Bricks flew down

to attempt to rescue Blep, who is still currently submerged. We now take you to the Blep rescue operation, already in progress. Does this have anything to do with the weird cold shivers I had when I was at home with COVID?

Yeah, I think so. There was a moment when I got worse with COVID. Yeah, I think so. I was for some, for like, there was a moment when I got worse. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That could be. Yeah.

That's a, that's because you're dying. Um, no. Dying to play Dungeons and Dragons. So you are going to be soon in the turn order. You're not immediate. Glimbles. I have is the last one who went.

And then Ken. And then... It's all hands on deck. We're all going to try to save them. Yeah, and so do you have a mini for yourself, Blaine? I do. Could you place it in the river farthest from you? A little...

Yep, you add it right in the bend in it. It's a little farther way yep you had like right in the bend in it it's a little farther down they didn't make it pretty far but because I was determined to use these acid rivers sent to us by a very generous fan of ours Toby Hurst

thank you Toby it looks cool it's about a third of the way painted now i've got like the base coat done on on 80 of it um that looks great it'll look even cooler yeah like once i get another chance to like add detail to it under lighting under there that'll yeah do we do we have like a a chicken egg incubator or like long fluorescent lights. Yeah. Yes. Oh, wow. Got those long,

like fluorescence in the garage. Just take that off, flip it up. Yeah. Yeah. Bob's your uncle. That's, that's how it goes.

Um, yeah, hopefully you'll get out. No problem. And I'm going to be representing Sarah with that lady goblin because I can, and I am going to be representing Dave the Quaggoss with that little grung frog person

he's cute he's very cute don't put him in the asset I know he's fun to play with and you're welcome to play with him but right now Bricks is the only person there was talk of just dropping him i believe you instead just uh brian i think stabbed him a bunch of times or something no glibbles uh chopped him and flipped him into the acid did he yep i just listened to it oh thank you for telling

me chopped who dave the quaggoth oh yeah i didn't remember that or take that down in my notes. Yeah. Thank you. So yeah, if you want to. Chopped him and flicked him in. That's great. Well, don't break my mini, please. But yeah, I already had Glibble's break today. Let's minimize the damage. But yes, he's down. Probably going to die.

You dunked him. I do have that he's down 37 hit points. Dan, I would just like to say did we dunk him or really through his own actions did he dunk himself that's a great question you know what if you read a very lovely libertarians for beginners book called if you give a mouse a cookie i think it'll answer your question. Hey, who moved my cheese? Dianetics. So that will bring us to the turn order where we can start doing things.

Again, I have Pish Posh up next. Yeah. And so like, yeah, maybe we'll bunch these guys up together for me a little bit. Because they're all, everyone's sort of clinging to each other in that bubble. Well, you know, don't put them in the acid yet. If you could,

if you could have them kind of there, there's no over the. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That helps me just if they're together, but not in the acid.

Got it. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. You guys are, you guys are in a hole eventually, but you guys are all in a protective bubble. Yeah. Magic staff called Los Angeles. Everyone except you and Dave.

Brian, all in a protective bubble yeah magic staff it's called los angeles everyone except you and dave brian you're at court yeah you and dave went out to west covina so you're no longer in the magic bubble i left my wallet there that's else again so uh what would you like to do i gotta get it i got scots to get to get it. Well, Bricks is going after the fallen blep. The fallen blep. That's a great phrase. Let's see. What do I got? My favorite episode of Chips. Would it be good to create a bonfire

right now? No, that won't help. I will cast Spider Climb on Bleep. Yay. Which will allow him to walk up the side of the cave. I guess, yeah. Do you have to see Bleep to do this? Let me see. Because you cannot see blep. I have to touch him.

So that's a negatory. I can't touch him. Oh, oh, oh. How about... Who's fishing him out? Wasn't somebody already fishing him out? Yeah, Brix. Brix is waiting for him to bob up above the acid.

Okay. Which is probably going to happen after Pish Posh, but right now he is. I'm just trying to figure out something I can do here to help. Yeah. If you don't know a thing, you can like ready and act. You know what I mean? Yeah. Is there a way to help Brix?

Assist her. Yeah. You could brace her. You could like fly up to her and like make sure that she is stronger-ish I would give her advantage to yank him that's what I mean what if I have kind of a

racial thing that I can do could they fly like side by side you know what I mean I don't know why I would accept well because she's got fly on her she would get to roll like a standard check as if she had wings but they're not in her way so you could pish posh be flapping your wings like get your arms around her arms from behind to just like keep her stabilized

and by flapping your wings while she's cast or has fly cast on her together you could be pulling with advantage i will um but she has fly cast on her yeah i did that already um yeah that's how she's yeah so the other way you could do it if you want to keep it active so you kind of get the choice and not the absent person which may have got us into a little bit of a sticky wicket last episode maybe we could say that she is bracing you and you're the one holding your action like it all right and she will use her held action to instead brace you. That makes sense. Which is a little bit of the fudging of the hold action rules,

but I will allow it. But you watch yourself, McCoy, who is me. So, okay. That's what's happening. All right. Pish Posh is being braced. Holding action. BLEP.

I'm going to... Blep. I just want to get your attention. Yes. World perception check first, please. Because you are underwater, and I'll probably allow you to... Under acid. Oh, thank God it's water.

I'm probably not going to stop you from what you're about to do, but I want to... He said water. No take back. Give you a little... 13 plus 6. 19. Oh, excellent. Nice.

Before you say what you're going to say I would like you to also know you've got your bearings pretty well and that you know which way is up and you feel like you got dunked like you're under the acid not water for like maybe foot and a half okay

so okay as you were what were you going to say I'm going to dimension door myself into their protective bubble. Now, Dimension Door means you've seen it before, right? You don't have to have eyes on it? Yes. Dimension Door. Give me the sauce on that one.

It helps listeners who are like me and don't remember things. Teleport yourself from your current location to any other spot within range. You arrive at exactly the spot. It could be a place you can see, one you can visualize, or one you can describe by stating distance and direction. So I can visualize the bubble. Absolutely. You could even describe it.

Yes. I bet your mail is waiting for you there. And with that perception check, I will fold into that. I can't wait to listen in here. What you said while I was doing my DM nonsense. That 19 will also kind of give you a pretty solid idea of where to pop. So you're going to dimension door right next next to everybody but still like in the air um you know what i mean so you're so after your turn you're gonna i'm not gonna make you plummet

but you're gonna start your descent back and someone's gonna have to grab you and because you didn't know you had two of your friends right at the edge waiting for you to bob up they will be under you so pish posh you're not going to necessarily see him right away okay you can land so you are now floating about six feet over the acid river and i'm going to land on my feet of course just like in the acid song in the acid you're gonna land on your feet in the acid right no land on me if i'm below you yeah i'm gonna i'm i'm safely out of the acid and and uh i would assume that i'm teleporting into a place where you're floating in the bubble like you requested okay but you do not have fly on you so you you're going to fall back in the, in the river unless somebody,

somebody or somebody. Okay. Can I reach out and, uh, touch someone? Reach out. Yes. Reach out.

Just say, um, you can reach and grab anybody except for Dave, the quaggots bricks and pish posh who are all underneath you. Unless you want to land on top of Pish Posh and Bricks. Who should I land on, do you think? Chris.

Oh, I know. I'm picturing you. You're above them if you look down. If you land, you're like Teen Wolf. For a minute, you're just going to be body surfing on top of Pish Posh, who's already doing this stabilizing thing thanks to bricks.

Just a little kitty cat. Covered in acid. You're going to want to get that off you real quick. I'll do the thing where I shake really fast. Oh, boy. The cover, for a moment, they take a freeze frame. It's the cover of National Geographic. Cat man shaking acid off on top of a flying dragon man.

It's so many hits already. Okay, yeah, I'm going to do that. Several things were suggested. What is the that? I'm going to land on Pish Posh, right? Okay. So athletics check to make sure you land on him as you fall. 12. Twelve.

I'm going to give you that you land on him. I have feline agility. What does that mean? What's the description of that? Feline agility. I do believe that is passive and might help you. When you move on your turn of combat, you can double your speed.

That's it? Unfortunately, that's not going to help. When you move on your turn of combat, you can double your speed. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. Unfortunately, that's not going to help. Okay. Although all that stuff sounds cool. And then you read the description and it's like, wait a minute. Do you have cat landing? Yes.

Yeah. Well, that's that. Yes. Wait a minute. Aren't you wearing super shoes? Yeah. Super sticky. Super.

So you feel pish posh. Just no land on you. Blaine, will you roll 1d6? I'd love to. Okay. Three. Cool. So Bricks is going to take three points of acid damage as you splash it on her.

And you, of course, get to have this. You take just a point of acid damage because you're resistant to acid damage. Thanks, you guys. Yeah. And you all see a very burned, scalded and scarred blep. No fur. The smell of burned fur in the air. Oh, great.

And rubber bands. It's a scene from Guardians of the Galaxy 3. How far down in health is he? I put that he lost... Well, here, I actually texted him how many he lost. So I will... I think it was 30. Let me go check.

That was a good check. It was a check. And Bricks has only the stats of a regular... Like an NPC or human? No, Bricks is... Oh, Bricks. Juniper. Yeah, we're not worried about that, per se. Hopefully. regular like an NPC or human? No, Bricks is still a monk. Juniper.

Yeah, we're not worried about that per se. Hopefully. All right. So she's good. She's all right. Let's see. No, that's a Herb Schwartz bit that I sent, Blaine. That's not.

Herb Schwartz OnlyFans. I stan Herb. Yep, 30 points of acid damage, so you're down 30. How many do you have left then? 36. Okay, so could be a lot worse. Will you do anything else with your turn? We're not so bad. You've used your action.

I'm going to just sort of wait here until I'm going to hit myself with a cure or some sort of thing next up. He doesn't really have a good grip on you, Pish Posh, so would you like to use your held action now to try to get a good grip on him?

Yes, I would like to use my held action to try and get a good grip on Blip. Has he got a 12? He's not going to have a good grip on you. He's just going to land on you. I've got to do a what? Athletics check, please. I will do that now. Is that Pish Posh's voice? It is now. Oh! I got a

17. Great! You get him. No problem. Grab. I'm also the guy that did the mousetrap commercial. Uh-oh. Roll your dice, move your mice. You guys all see Dave the Quaggots surface from the acid um he's much like blep all the fur is burned off of him he previously looked like a hyena and now he looks

sort of like the montauk monster that washed up on the beach of montauk some 12 years ago. Yes. So he uses his turn to squeal and swim over to the shore here where he kind of lays face down and continues to squeal. Nice. Then you all hear

this rush of acid as a being explodes out of the river. Oh. Oh, damn. I'm going back to COVID. Going from bad to worse. Yeah.

Going back to COVID. COVID. COVID. Going back to COVID. I don't think so. No? Going back to COVID. COVID.

Ooh. That looks like a terrible thing. It's like an elemental. He looks like he's made of crystallized acid, and he reaches over at Quaggoth and plants this giant, spiky, translucent green hand on him and just squeezes. Ooh. Oh, my. Love him and pet him. Who does he do that to? The Quaggoth. Dave the Quaggoth. Oh my. Love him and pet him.

Who does he do that to? Dave the Quagga. Oh good. I have a feeling Dave's not going to be here man. 25 to hit. Nice. Got him I think. What happened?

Uh oh. Oh boy. You guys see Dave scream and his body just kind of melts and pops and sprays everywhere as his spine and torso are dissolved in the fist of Bruce. I think we get it, Dan. And then something gross happens, and it goes like this. Oh my God, even worse. Bricks is up. Does anyone want to volunteer to steer her or shall I?

I think you should. Yeah, you're the best at it. I'm really good at video games, tabletop games, ruining my friends' characters' lives. So Bricks is... Let's see. Let's see. Open a new tab. Sorry, I'm talking

to my dog, everybody. We all thought you were talking to your dog. She gets her head all the time on this table. Is that Willie? Yeah, Willie. Well, you know, for a Sh yeah well you know that's a fresh up one pony that's a common thing you're gonna she's just a little thing i'm gonna think out loud a little bit while i pull this up all right let's listen i feel like bricks is gonna look at what

she can do in her head oh baby that was my elbow uh as far as like a range. I didn't miss like you did. Range weapon attack. She's going to know better than to do something else. You love physical comedy. I love it. John Ritter. You pointed out. Oh, he was the best. My favorite.

Dick Van Dyke. That's my first. Was that Dick Van Dyke in the video you posted of Alfred E. Newman doing that dance? No, it's Fred Astaire. Fred Astaire. Oh, right. I used to know that. We had to watch that as Mad Magazine staff. I can't remember.

I've never seen that before. It's crazy. Yeah, it's really bizarre. Yeah, wearing an Alfred E. Newman mask and you can like see his eyes in it. Like they spent a lot of. Some variety show in the 60s. They did like something from that, a promo from that. It was a, it's a, there's a song about called what me worry oh okay

and it was on like a novelty album but i think they just but it was rated and did the dance on the variety show without asking mad magazine i'm stressing or anything why would you need that yeah it's like a sketch they made out of it like alfred e newman was was such a weird mascot for the u.s for a while back in the black and white pre-Beatles days. Oh man, I cannot get the internet to cooperate. Can anyone pull up Briggs' sheet? I'm trying my best over here. What was the janitor in Cracked Magazine? Smythe? Sylvester P. Smythe.

Sylvester P. Smythe. With his white overalls. It was nearly as popular. It was a great painting thing. What was the name of the guy from Crazy? Pauly Shore. The Mad Bummer. Oh, yeah.

I remember that. I loved Mad when I was a kid. And then in, I guess, the late 70s, Cracked. I read them both, but Cracked was really good in the late 70s. Oh, yeah. Better than Mad. It was a little smarter. There was a time where it took over for me.

Yeah, I started with Mad and then Cracked. I was like, oh, okay. And the illustrator Severin was fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. They did a Happy Days parody in Cracked where Fonzie's name was Fonsley. F-A-N-S-L-E-Y. And I thought it was just the funniest thing. Fonsley. Hey was Fonsley. F-A-N-S-L-E-Y. And I thought it was just the funniest thing.

Fonsley. Hey, Fonsley. Dan, I have... I did finally get it. Thank you for trying. Sure. I would think she would chuck a dart at this thing. So she's going to do that.

This is a plus seven hit. Chuck a dart? Chuck a dart. Chuck a dart. Chuck a dart. That's going to be a miss. Chuck a dart check it out uh that's gonna be a miss but she does get two attacks for action so she's gonna try again so two darts dissolve two darts walk into a bar two of darts

17 hit that is a hit so it's gonna smash into it she's gonna go um guys doesn't seem like this is a good thing Brian you're up what's happening Blaine's alive acid man wants to eat you does he

is he attacking us? he attacked Quaggoth let's keep moving looking at you for sure okay Ken just looked up crazy magazine on Wikipedia and there's an incredible

list of illustrators and writers like Carlin Ellison Boat, Stan Lee, Marv Wolfman. So you're just going to fly away? No idea. Yeah. I'm not going to fight it until it attacks us. It is pretty close to Pish Posh,

BLEP, and Bricks. Okay. How can I help to get them out of the way? What can I do to assist everybody? You can try to drag them away. They're currently flying in the air. Wild horses couldn't do that. Via the Pish Pasha's flight spell.

Yeah, and my flight spell is probably not much faster, right? No, it's slower, but you could pull them. You're about 10 feet away from them. You can pull them 5 feet away from the acid monster. So you swoop down. Pish posh, you feel the equaler, Mordecai, grab you and kind of pull you 5

feet away from the acid monster, which is like right underneath you and staring with its hollow eyes. Just trying to help. Don't you have wings? Yes. Yes, I do. So I'm fine. But he's a little bit slower because most tieflings don't have wings. So he can use them, but they're learning.

You have a trench coat too? Don't worry about it. It's the silhouette of you tackling your friend. Yeah. Cool. Dally tail sharp twig. It is your hour.

I guess I will sort of like fall back fall back and yeah I'll move I see remind me are you are you flight spell on you too no I was I guess I'm on Mordecai's shoulders so I'm okay with him that sounds right

so I will hop to the floor and I guess it's just sort of move we can't So I'm with him. That sounds right. So I will hop to the floor. And I guess it's just sort of move. We can't get away from the shore, can we? The shore is sort of the only land. There's really uneven ground. Yeah, there are these like weird blooms that look kind of like coral on the sides of the acid river. Well, I guess I'll just try and move whatever I get.

I can move my movement 30 feet. And you're going to land on the ground? Yes. Okay. Can I get a dexterity saving throw, please? Certainly, Dan. Okay. Okay. Saving throw? Yeah, boss. A nine is what I rolled, and my bonus is eight.

So, 17. Cool. You get to have this. Copy. You get to have this. Copy. To have. And the. What just happened? Blavin happened. I had no idea.

You are going to take 12 points of acid damage halved. Oof. Half of the 12? Yeah. So six points of acid damage. I'm doing the math halfway. Okay. And yeah, half half of the 12 yeah so six points of acid damage i'm doing the math halfway um and yeah the the little delicate structures beneath you kind of burst and pop and hiss and acid splashes on

your legs as you run pop and hiss pop and hiss um though good job is it the kind of thing like as i see as i take steps it happens with every step it's like no matter what if you're on the ground you're going to take this damage correct then at the end of that 30 feet i will or you know what roll an insight check and if you can beat a 15 you don't run all the way right and i will i will knock a little bit of damage off of that all right oh 19 plus 5 24 yeah so you get halfway through that you're gonna go ahead and have that one more time. And you've got 30 feet of movement. We're going to say you only get 15 feet before you stop.

Stop on a dime and go, shit, to yourself. So it's very much like almost like a cartoon skidding and stopping with a cloud of acid tearing away. And I guess I'll just kind of look and be like, uppie, uppie, uppie. Perfect. And then I will hold an attack with my bow should Acid McGinley or anybody else hurt my friends. Acid McGinley?

I don't know its name. I'm just picking. But you're readying it. You're not firing it. Yeah, I'm not firing. I'm just in case something hurts my friends, I'm ready go cool will that do it for your turn then as you held your action yes great up next is glibbles uh he will try remember who's he riding on he's riding on somebody right he's on pish posh thank you so much ch, for remembering from the last episode. He's on my back.

Yeah, there's a lot of people. I like carrying little fellas. You're a zoo. But you're being helped currently by Bricks, so I'm not making you roll to stay stable at the moment. Yeah, Glimbles is going to whisper in your ear, Pish Posh. A regal will kill us. A regal kill this regal fly away I have no idea what you're saying I said are we gonna kill this or are we

gonna fly away try and kill it okay um he takes the let's see what it is a long sword that you gave him flip I'm looking now directly at the inventory. Okay.

Ouch. Son of a balls. Hey, Willie. Sort of a balls. Thursdays. 20 to hit. He's reaching down to attack.

So he's like dangling off of your leg right now. This is a ridiculous situation. You know, for the record, it's like if truck nuts became a real boy. And he only just like mix it you just see like a little thing a little a crystalline chunk kind of fly off it with a hiss and he goes shit and he tries again oh no it's nice to have you back bubbles i feel like this just happened before the rules we hardly knew he's gonna turn 33 turn back into a coin he is going to slip and fall in the acid oh no can somebody grab him uh i mean i'll only if you have a reaction to this try or i can try yeah i'll look at it she has a deflect missile thing i remember that

blep is on your back yes i'm not gonna yeah yeah the only one's all about to do so but look at your reactions do you have a reaction i don't think you will she might because she's a monk wasn't bricks right up against the the shore? No, she is fine. Nobody is on the shore except for Dallytail who just ran through a bunch of acid plants. Yeah, dude, and guess what? Bummer. Don't do it. Would not recommend.

Rix does have deflect missiles and then she can sort of throw them back. I will give her a dexterity saving throw just to see what happens cool booby booby boom yeah the to have was from the uh uh the little red riding hood thing uh hey grandma those are awful big eyes for you to have! Remember her?

I do. Oh, she crits, so she will grab. Oh, nice. And he's dangling now. If she crits, I gotta give it to her. I wasn't sure how this would work, but she is a monk. She's got fast roots. She's gonna have Glimbles by the ankle.

Glimbles is now like bait sort of like hanging in front of the acid monster I'm gonna see he might have something that he can try with his bonus action to get him out of this pickle

um but he oh he does he can use nimble escape to disengage oh nice so he is dangling and he's going to use he only used five feet of his movement scurrying down your torso fish posh he's now going to scurry up bricks with an athletics check to try to get away from uh at least a little farther away from it. He's not going to be out of melee range, but he will no longer be

as precarious. Actually, I'm going to do acrobatics because this is some wild shit. I'm glad we're too far away for me to do an Ephraim Zimbliss Jr. joke. Are you ever too far away to do one of those? I am now. It's an 11.

He's stable enough. Are you ever too far away to do one of those? I am now. Souvenirs. He's stable enough. Listeners, the physical takes tonight are off the hook. Off the chart. Off the hook. Alright, this is... Another one. One for me, Charms.

Brian's got the buttered elbows going on tonight. Hi, I'm going to cast banishment on this thing oh that a check that is a saving charisma saving yes awesome and what is he gonna have to beat a 14. all right so before i roll i'm gonna let you uh know what he has is he dead are you ready he's kind of a terrible career a negative one penalty to his charisma good yeah and what's he had beat say one more time for me please my brain no worky no what is it you made a face like he's gonna lie to me everybody i was talking about it oh he crits it so that's gonna be a 19 ass Fucking ass. So he just hears this horrible gurgling noise coming from the hole in his face.

Well, let's see what happens if it's a fail. Something happens? Something might still happen. What do you think? I must succeed or be banished. It sounds like he's just fine. Yeah. It is just fine.

I hate it. I hate it. You know what? It deserves to be hated. All right. hated all right anything else for you like you guys are trying yeah that was a good idea i will oh let me it's better than glibbles's idea which is fall in the ass uh that's it okay that's it then it's Then it's going to take us to Blaine. Hi, Blaine. Hey, hi. You're a hairless cat.

Fancy. At least it controls my dander a little better. So I won't be able to leave little flakes on the couch. You have beautiful skin, by the way. Well, thank you. And there really isn't any of it, but the middle layer of your dermis is very beautiful you are really sloughing

wouldn't put any retinol on it I'm picking out a dermis for you ordinary dermis for you no one does I'm going to do I think that this thing is going I couldn't do a whole person No one does. I'm going to... Old people do. Do I think that this thing is going to... I couldn't do a whole person on this thing.

It is an elemental, technically. What is it? Hang on, this is homebrew and I don't even remember what it is. It is an ooze. No, it's a... That's what I stole from. I stole some stuff from a cleansing jelly. It is, is yes an elemental

can I do a polymorph on it I think so it's a creature that I can see it sure is if it makes a wisdom saving throw it avoids the effect okay so here comes wisdom

also terrible this is going to be a negative one what's it have to be stupid and ugly and yet throw. It avoids the effect. Okay, so here comes wisdom. Also terrible. This is going to be a negative one. What's it have to be? Stupid and ugly and yet? Save throw. Spell save DC? 14. Alright. Ken, are you ready? You have the best view of this. Yeah, baby. Oh, shit.

He fails. Oh, okay. So, I'm going to turn him into a kitten. Aww. Aww. Okay. And the kitten is going to fall into the acid, because I fucking had it. Okay. We are over this river of acid.

Literally and literally. Boop, boop, boop. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. literally and literally boop boop actually you know what just make it a mouse so you all see, I mean it's your prey you all see it kind of go like into a mouse and

I'm trying to decide if I should have this happen now or... Yeah. So you guys all see the mouse just kind of go... Into the acid. See? And it... Explodes back in its original form out of the acid

because it lost all of its mouse hit points. Yeah, that's kind of what I was thinking when I... Polymorph, folks! Yeah. Well, at least it kind of stopped it for a second, right? I mean, it was funny. It was funny. Glibbles is laughing really hard.

I still have acid in my ears. Oh, no. You have to get tubes. you gotta you know you really gotta give it a good shake while you're up there because you're flying so hopefully it'll fall back acid in my that guy yeah sorry i wasn't oh wait oh you know i held my action in case something came to hurt my friends does any of this qualify yet no it hasn't hurt well I don't know I don't it's

it's only attack Dave it's gonna get it's gonna turn right after Blaine so I just want to make sure I don't forget odds are in your favor okay anything else Blaine bonus action no I'm just gonna uh rub my temples incomplete disbelief at how i wasted my polymorph spell noted uh now we dave's the quag off turn

except here man right so glad you got it so glad you got it did you just come up with that yeah nice man folks i set that up i really did um all right dallytail you see this thing wheel on you on me yes oh boy and dive across the acid river you don't care for that it's not nice river you don't care for that it's not nice so it's going to throw a fist at him that's going to be a boop boop dirty 20 yep that hits. Okay. 11 points of acid damage. I cry. Can you do a constitution saving throw?

I will. Constitution saving throw i will uh constitution savings 17 plus 219 you very quickly shake your fur and get crystallized chunks of acid that are starting to dissolve out of it before it can burn you oh thank god yikes my geeks okay i don't like that guy i assume now that can trigger my held attack correct so he's not done but that that triggers your held attack i will allow you to start taking your action yeah uh for a held you're your own friend thank you um i would uh shoot him with my bow let's have it all right you mean the focus heroes all right you mean the focus heroes 18 plus 10 28 that's very much a hit um i'm gonna do the same thing i'm gonna mark this guy as a favored foe so i can add a d6 for that nice so it's 2d6 plus 5 but he hasn't taken any damage yet, right? No, he has not.

So I can't do the other thing, the Colossus Slayer. Okay, so this is 2d6. 3d6 plus 5, 11. Nice. Okay. I guess half of that arrow damage and half of that radiant damage. All right. I don't know if such a thing makes a difference but so yeah you just it was a it was an arrow right it's an arrow but it's not a real arrow it's a

radiant arrow it's a magical arrow that delivers uh any type of because it's a dragon wing bow, I can pick any kind. So I picked radiant. And it just, there's this explosion of light and sparkles as the arrow collides. Fun. With the acid elemental. You know, maybe like a tree leaf or something fun.

A chestnut. In case, you know, people get hungry. Beautiful. And it's now going to punch you again if it can hey don't care for that that is uh 25 to hit oh for sure hits cool

i mean not cool yeah i like you chris but this is no it's a game good to understand you so 23 points of acid damage Jesus yikes my guys and another con save please hang on 55 minus 23 is

22 thank you guys that took I'm bad at math. 55 minus 23 is? 22. 22. Thank you. Guys, that took. No. Wait, 55 minus 23, that's not 22. 32.

They're all bad at math. Yes. But you get extra hit points that way, so it's fun. Okay. And the constitution, you said? Yes, please. 18 plus 220. all right so yeah again you managed to shake your fur keep the crystals from sticking to you and burning you you're a jerk i'm saying is this guy's punching me even after he hits me shake off the crystals you're you're still a jerk this doesn't make you cool

all right well uh he kind of like stares at you for a second and has a childhood memory of bullying and then we're gonna go uh end his turn and take things to sarah uh brix is going to try to throw a couple more darts at it try to throw a couple more darts at it. It's going to be a hit and a miss. So one of these is going to smash into it. Oof. And it will take a big chunk off of it.

Brian, you're up. Okay. I am going to pull on them. Well, actually, can I do that as my bonus action after I take a swipe at him?

I don't think so. It would take your action to... Who are you pulling? You're pulling on... Isn't it Braxton? You're trying to lift Dallytail back up. Oh, where's Dallytail? I jumped down to the ground and immediately realized

the floor itself is acidic. Oh, okay. He is saying, upy, upy, upy. Okay, I'll grab Dallytail and move. I'm going to try to go 30 feet. It is going to get an attack of opportunity on you if you do that. Why? Because you're flying in right in front of it to pick up Dallytail.

If you fly away, he's going to get a swing at you. You can disengage as your action. True. Do what? As an action. Well, yeah. I mean, so you're grabbing him. If you use your action

to disengage you he won't get to do it okay yeah I'll do that yes sure but I still save dally tail right I will I will yes okay great thank you yes all right um does that mean he's he's we're here yeah

and if you do have something listed under bonus action there might be something you can do. I probably don't want to do regen or second wind yet, but there is stuff you could do in the future. Okay. Will I do it for you, sir? Yeah.

We'll say you use 10 feet to fly the rest of the way to pick him up, and 5 feet away. So yeah, you're out of immediate melee striking distance from him. Sounds good. And then... Chris! Dally tail will...

Five feet off the ground, held by Mordecai. Yeah, sort of maybe standing on your shoulders so we're almost kind of like eye to eye. I'm like, that guy's a jerk. Thank you very much. I like it better up here. And I will fire my, take my attack action, fire at him twice with my bow. All right. So for the first one, seven plus 10, 17 to hit.

That's a hit. Great. So with this one, I'll do the favored foe. And then because it's hurt, I can add a DA for Colossus Slayer so it's 2d6 and a DA plus 5 4 6 is 10

oh good 16 plus 5 21 that's a hit 21 points and then I get to shoot one more time 13 plus 23 to hit that's a hit uh this one i can only do 1d6 because i can only do those others once a turn uh 5 plus 5 10 all right so remind me is there like an explosion of yes that same radiance like you're saying before that glow

you know maybe if you want to throw in a little you know because i fight for the forest a little forest oh geez sorry little foresty branch or something falling off of it that's fun cool yeah it's it's as if you are bringing nature to chaos cool little branches of wood i have advantage against plants dan by the way really yeah oh well this is not a plant but to say no I have advantage against plants Dan by the way really? oh well this is not a plant but to say no for fun advantage against plants we'll have to remember that for when the shambling mound attacks you

what? which it doesn't but you all see yet rising up come on out of the acid what looks like a monstrous snake with a human head, except it is completely skeletal.

What? And we'll have to find out how you'll handle this. Not well. On the next installment of Nerd Poker. Hey, Sam, what do you think happened? Wow. All right. Episode 19. We're trying to Blep from the acid.

Dave got out of the acid. The Montauk monster was an animal carcass that washed ashore in the beach near the business district of Montauk, New York in July 2008. The identity of the creature and the veracity of the stories surrounding it have been the subject of controversy and speculation. The corpse was eventually decided by experts

to be that of a water degraded raccoon. There is a big green creepy guy in the acid. Gibbles is back in the acid. Lep turned the green guy into a mouse who fell into the acid then came right back. Dallytail shot at him with his bow and a giant snake with a human skull for a head came out of the acid. Thank you, Sam. I inhaled some water just for you

great wow Dan I'm worried about you working in that mine I know I don't know if it's my attention span or what but I just I always take a tiny little breath before I finish swallowing water it just impulsively happens

it is the weirdest you like a throat check take a tiny little breath before I finish swallowing water. It just impulsively happens. It is the weirdest. You like a throat check? Silly thing. You should talk to my friend Jason Momoa. He has tips about breeding underwater because he's the Aquaman. Speaking of the Aquaman, my monthly stand-up show,

that has nothing to do with it, at Bigfoot Lodge out here in Los Angeles is Monday, June 24th, which I believe will be about a week from this episode. I would love to see you there. I'll be hosting. And we have Eliza Skinner, Kimberly Clark, Aparna Nancherla, Lori Kilmartin, and Elliot Chang. Wow.

So come on by. It is free. And there's karaoke afterwards. Free for all those people. Oh, fun. Yay. I have two city winery gigs coming up i'm in nashville and then uh atlanta uh this thursday and friday actually so um but when you're listening it'll

be this thursday and friday it's really next thursday and friday what happened um and uh currently go to a comic shop and pick up an issue of rifters my new book with joe troman um sci-fi comedy a little uh time travel mixed with police procedural uh there's a lot of time cop in there um in a fun way and then uh grommets is uh available in some stores it's sold out in a lot of other stores but uh issue one is being reissued a new uh a new um printing of that is coming out july 3rd so pick that up and uh i thank you And then more tour dates, BrianBassain.com. I got more Geezer Butler dates coming up in the fall. I'm doing some East Coast shows

with Geezer and I'm super stoked about that, but I'll announce those soon. BrianBassain.com, cheers. Blaine, what's happening next week? We attribute the success to save mankind from... Thanks for joining us on this epi... You got walls and a roof? Well...

On the next Nerd Poker, Ms. Frizzle shrinks the Nerd Poker gang and injects them into the mayor to learn how blood platelets clot. All this, and the mayor dies of an unexplained blood clot. On the next Magic Sky Bay Nerd Poker. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker,

and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.