Nerd Poker - The Mountain Campaign - Episode 20

Episode Date: June 25, 2024

We did it! We got our little kitty friend out of the horrible churning acid river! Although now with a distinct lack of fur Blep is back in action, casting Duplicity and turning the tide of battle. It seems that as long as monsters stop popping up out of the river, they'll conquer the mountain and snatch those dragon eggs any second. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.  

Hey, it's Brian Poussaint, NerdPoker. We're calling it the Mountain Campaign. My friends are here, Sarah, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer Sam, and of course, our kick-ass DM, Dan Telfer. Welcome to Nerd Poker. Hey everybody, it's Brian Fusain, you're listening to Nerd Poker, episode 20 of the Mountain Campaign. Dan's trying to TPK us. Total party kill us. I'm a total party kill.

Dan's here. In a party world? Yes. Ken is wearing the best shirt ever, Mac and Me shirt. My name is Ken, and I'm a nerd. Paul Rudd would approve of that shirt. The greatest late night bit of all time. That was so great. Chris is here.

Also, your shirt is no slouch. Hey, who doesn't love Hammerhead? He's awesome. Yeah. Thank you. What is Elliot? Doesn't Elliot call him something? Does he call him Walrus Man?

No, that's actually Walrus Man. Snaggletooth. That's Hammerhead. Yeah, that's Hammerhead. This one's Hammerhead. But does he call out Hammerhead in E.T.? I don't remember. I don't think so.

In that scene when he's got his guys. I think I saw E.T. once because I cried too much. You only saw it once yeah and bummed you out so much you didn't go see it again yeah i think i sobbed really hard during that sick etc how old are you 60. so you were you were in high school weren't you so So? I still cry. I'm sensitive. I cried during E.T. No, I did too, but I was like 12. To Brian's point, though, I do like that you're both wearing E.T. adjacent

shirts with Mac and Hammerhead. Yeah, for sure. Mine is Mega Man 2, which has an E.T. actually. Sam's here. Hello, sweet children. Hey, buddy. Hi. where's your uh et shirt i fucked up i'm sorry oh wait look at his hat oh yeah his hat's et themed i'm just a little guy yeah i am what's that awesome uh amazing dog ears probably pooping on the floor

would my dogs terrify her? No. Him? Yeah. Oh, he'd be okay with it? Yeah, he'd run around like a maniac. Even if Willie was like barking like a fucking idiot? Robert has no fear.

It's like Daredevil. Can you imagine a dog with Daredevil's powers? Did I get over to you? Did I not? Can you imagine a blind dog? Skip you? No. Oh, I introduced you.

No. Oh, no. So, Blaine, I went around the room and didn't get to play. You didn't know you were done. I thought maybe Blaine was getting like a hand whip. No, I always do Sam Platt. I always do Sam Platt. And Deferest Kelly as Dr. McCoy.

And you hadn't chimed in yet. Yeah, but that's probably. And you know, nobody's mentioned that Chris is wearing a Nostromo hat. Oh, that hat. Oh, it's an awesome hat. Wouldn't this be the dream job? Like, yeah, I'd just like to be like a mechanic on one of those ships. I know I'll get torn apart or whatever, but just fun walking around on those pipes.

And the other one looks pretty good. Scrambled eggs, wet chains hanging everywhere. So many great character actors in that first one. Yeah. And yes, Sarah, could not be scheduled. This is the most people we could get on live. Oh, yeah. scrambled eggs wet chains hanging everywhere so many great character actors in that first one yeah she's and yes sarah uh could not be scheduled this is the most people we could get on well yeah yeah sarah's not here but she's fine right right yeah she's yeah we don't know her character she had plans um and blaine's kid is somewhere here in the house and my dog is chasing him wherever he is i rubbed cats all over him before my puppy crazy willy did you see that movie in the 70s gracefully yeah just give the word

and we'd like to thank our current sponsor diamond select, they sent us this amazing Demolich dice holder right here. Look at that thing. Don't touch it. Ow! No, blame. I said don't touch it. Oh, I thought all I heard was touch it. It's available for pre-order from www.diamondselecttoys.com

And you'll see a picture on our social media. We post in front of it. Look at that thing. I said don't touch it, Wayne. Brian, I'm going to thank some people. Thank you to Patreon supporters like IceLexi for the win or just FTW if that's your initials.

Thank you, DangWayneHalfs. Thank you, Dang Wayne Half Step. Thank you, Ronnie Ewan's Night School for natural born leaders. Thank you, Old Portland Stew. Thank you, Drath Silverwing. Thank you, Keith Rasmussen. Thanks, Keith. Thank you, Tickle My Dandies.

Thank you, Steinmetz Pianos. You can tuna fish, but you can't... But you don't can pianos. Wow, you know, I'm sorry, folks. But you don't can pianos. The emphasis really threw me. It's a classic

pre-haw. I know. I'm going to try to do this like a proper commercial, which is what they were going for. Thank you, Steinmetz Pianos. You can tuna fish, but you don't can pianos. Also, thank you, Becky McDaniel. Thank you, Bryce Spider Lisser. Thank you, Patrick. Thank you, Adal with Wes Borland Eyes.

Ooh. And, uh... Blaine, who are the supporters brought to us by? Supporters brought to us by Ketzekwaddles Pretzekwaddles, the soft pretzel of Aztec Kings and RU 486 gummies. Just take half. See if it does anything for us.

Dan, thank you, Blaine, and now it is time to talk about what happened last time on Nerd Poker. Dan really needed to use this setup so he really wouldn't let anybody fly down the map. He was just like, everyone's getting pulled into this fucking acid.

So after David Quaggoth got squeezed to death by this acid elemental, we had a bone naga, a snake skeleton, with a human skull for head, explode forth from the acid. It is currently hissing at people and about to take its turn. What an asshole. Everyone's probably thinking, we're just trying to fly past these fucking things. Can't we just exit combat? We've already used disengaged and variations on it several times.

No, you can't. We now take you to that already in progress. All right. So the bone Naga emerges from the acid. The bone naga, again, it's like this massive snake with a human skull, clearly animated by magic. It's unclear what it wants, but it appears sentient and evil for sure. It turns its skull head to Mordecai.

And it says swim. Please do a wisdom saving throw. Fuck. You don't want that. God damn you. Oh man. Oh no. no yeah it's like a two woof okay so dally tail you are currently riding mordecai or remind me who else is anyone on mordecai's i hate you i know can you do a ratatouille on him? Grab you by the horns.

Yes, please. And what about, not bricks, but Sarah's first character? I think Sarah's first character is also on Mordecai. I thought you were carrying her. Yeah, on his back. Because that's where she was before she was resurrected. Okay. She was strapped to his back. I. Okay. Was strapped to his back.

I think she's still strapped to your back. If I have a reaction spell, how does that work? When something happens, you can cast his reaction on someone else's turn, which is the bone naga's turn right now. But what is your reaction? Counterspell. You have counterspell. Oh, hell.

So this is charm person. Sweet. So I think the bone naga has to roll a saving throw. Correct. What is it? I don't see what it is. It sure has to do something. That's right.

Pull it up for me, please. On screen. You attempt to interrupt a creature in the process of casting a spell. If the creature is casting a spell of third or lower, spell fails has no effect. If it's casting a spell of fourth or higher, make an ability check using your spellcaster ability. So this is a

third level charm person. What is the third level or lower? So you blank that shit right out. Yeah! Pish posh, my gosh! Very nice. The sorcerer in your party saved

Mordecai. Thank you. And of course, it is very angry now and bites everybody. Nope, but that will do it for its turn, and yeah, that could be a meanie in the near future. I'll say the very near future.

Up next is Glibbles, who goes, he is gonna keep trying to... Alright, yeah, so he's going to swing a couple of chops

at the acid thing. He's gonna get only one hit. The acid crystal elementally monster. Boobadoop. And of course, D&D Beyond wants to freeze. Could we call it an acid elemental? I know you said you homebrewed it. I don't want you to give something away you don't want to give away, but is it okay to say what it is?

Uh, yeah, we'll call it an acid elemental. Cool. I like it. Yes. That is what it's written down as, but as I'm like saying it out loud, I'm second guessing it just a little bit because acids,

not an element. I would like to acknowledge on the episode, but it is a crystallized. So I could call it like, I don't know, a crystallized acid beast or some shit. But no, for all intents and purposes, I'm going to say it's an elemental.

Crystal acid golem. Good job. All right. That's the pitch. Just rolling the damage. Elevated by Shrek. On that attack. Boop, boop.

It's a 1d10 plus 3 so since that's being pokey I'm just going to do a physical damage. Alright, 11 points of slashing damage from his longsword. Nice. By the way, I like you having to run all your rolls

by Ken. Ken just started paying attention a couple episodes ago, and I feel like now I'm going to showcase how he's your eyes, audience. He's your advocate. He's stopping the evil from happening. Ken, if you ever want to get in there a little

baseball announcer, tenuous, or whatever. Speaking of Mr. Daly, it is your turn. How about that? I will poison spray the acid guy. Ooh. Okay.

So that's got to be a saving throw, Dex. That is a constitution. You rolled a 19. God damn it. Do an inside check for me, too. All right. Oh, I see what you're doing. I see.

You're smarty. Not that smart. Well, the two. Why don't you tell listeners what you think I was making you do that for? Because it's resistant to poison? It seems like it could be. Does Pish Posh know this? No.

Can Ken? Absolutely. Anything else for you? I was wondering if he would be because he is acid yeah yeah but it's not poison no elementals can often be immune to multiple things that's just because they don't have a nervous system yeah and they're it's all like magic yeah yeah it's all magic anyway anything else. Okay. You get mad sometimes when I kill you. Yeah. Wayne, you're up. Is the bone naga a magic thing or is it undead?

That's a great question. I'm going to answer this by looking at the official sheet for the bone naga. Pretty sure it's undead, but I'm checking. Yep, undead. Oh, okay. Then I can turn undead. Huzzah! Rem remind us how that goes please i believe it makes a runaway right um she's a little runaway depends on his level

really put the rum away uh i don't see turn it's not a spell it's a cleric thing so it would be under like your features and stuff from cleric. I remember from Friar Jolly it was never where I thought it was supposed to be. Or where I expected it to be. As an action, you present your holy symbol and speak a prayer censuring the undead. I'll say.

I believe they have to make a DC save. I started pulling it up and then the pitch flipped. We're all just doing our best to make a beautiful

podcast for your beautiful listeners. TV is about doors and looking stuff up. Turn on the dead. Each undead that can see or hear you within 30 feet must make a wisdom saving throw. If it fails, it's turned for one minute. Would you like to tell everyone what the bow and nagga rolled on in saving throw?

That's a botchy bow. 81. Also knows a one. He botched. That's nice. Hey, check this out. You silly boy. At 5th level, and I'm 8th, when an undead fails a saving throw against your turn undead feature, it is instantly destroyed

if it is of CR 1 half or lower. At 8th level and higher, it is instead destroyed if it is of CR 1 or lower. It's botched. It did botch but let me it's cr is four okay so although it botched i'm gonna say it's not going to be destroyed because it's four right but it is instantly destroyed if it's cr is lower than the threshold for your level so it's just turned.

Right. So he's going to turn away. He doesn't take damage? I don't think he takes any damage. Well, why don't I say he is because he botched. So why don't you roll like a 1d6 and we'll call it psychic damage. Cool. CR is challenging.

How about 6? I didn't know. He's going to take 6 points of psychic damage. He is literally rattled by turn undead. And face it, if you want, maybe just for my reference, spin him from me. That would be lovely. to take six points of psychic damage because he is he is literally rattled by turn undead and uh face it if you want maybe just for my reference spin him from me that would be lovely nice move blaine anything else for your turn good one uh i'm going to uh use my bonus action to invoke duplicity uh and have an illusion of myself move up to attack the acid creature, try to distract it. Okay.

And so is it flying? Is it running across water? I guess it's going to, well, since it doesn't have to worry about anything, it's going to be on the ground outside the protective bubble. Got it. Okay. And it will move up past this thing to try to distract it. Anything else for your turn? That's it.

Thank you. I'm going to ask you to roll a deception check with that duplicity fella. Fine. 20. So. 5, 5, 5, 5, 5, 5. Oh, 20 minus 1. Natural 20 minus 1. 19.

The reason I had you do that is he is running through things that previously were exploding as things were being run across and he is not tangible. Right. Right. So he will manage to step between all the little blooms of acid plants so they don't explode and they also look like they're not supposed to explode. Okay.

Does that make sense? Makes perfect sense. Great. Thank you. And now it is the acid beast turn. Now, invoke duplicity, he would have to do an investigation check, right? To figure out if it's real? Yes.

Okay. Yes. I think you just have to check if the language states that it has to use its action or not. You know what I mean? Yes. Does it say that, Blaine? I don't know. I'm looking up. know what I mean yes does it say that blame normally I wouldn't have this be

its action but my guess is if it fails he is definitely going to use an action because he investigated to attack is it is it intelligent I think I mean it's really about whether it's a saving sorry it's um to fight it he's deceived you know what no no no no he's deceived he's gonna attack it um but tell me does the image disappear um

you i mean blep is gonna know it's gonna stop being convincing as the fist flies through it. The illusion appears within 30 feet. It can move it up to 30 feet. Must remain within 120 feet. You can cast

spells as the illusion. Both you and the illusion are within 5 feet of a creature. They can see the illusion. You have the advantage on attack rolls against that creature. Yeah, I created an illusion of myself that lasts for a minute. Okay. That's it. Okay. Well, he's going to drive his fist through

the illusion and go to the ground where it's standing. Waste an attack. Okay. But because his fist is going through it, he's going to, even though you got an amazing deception check, it's going to be pretty obvious that his fist went through it. So he's going to, even though you got an amazing deception check, it's going to be pretty obvious that his fist went through it, so he's going to look for something else to hit.

Um, and he's trying to, so you're on Pish Posh's back. He can reach you. Uh, sorry. Too many things open here. That is gonna be 20, dirty 20 hits.

No. That's a myth. That's a big old myth. Right, Billy? Little steamy, is that you? Yeah. 16 points of acid damage. There's a little boy running around here.

And then can you do a constitution saving throw? The hell you say? It's an 18. Great. So you man... 18 plus 321. You do a little kitty shiver and get all of the little acid crystals off.

Nice. I do the thing where I shake my back foot really fast. Like that. Saw a pancake do it this morning. Oh, God. Sarah? Sound like something hitting a screen door or something.

No? That's my kid using his pet voice. It sounded like everything's fine. That is going to do it for the acid elemental. It's now Bricks' turn. Yeah, Bricks! He will keep chucking those darts.

The acid beast has taken a fair amount of damage at this point. I'm just rolling things while I wait. Rude! I mean, you should call Hulu, because that's a thriller. That's the elevator pitch. So many elevator pitches. First one's a miss, second one's a hit.

Uh-oh. Ooh, eight points of piercing damage with that dart. That second dart has a into it. And then we'll do it for bricks. I'm surprised that darts

have an effect on a huge I mean, it's a physical attack. It's not immune to all non-magical attacks crystal piercing damage I mean like it's more that it's not if it's armory

if it's armor like it could be resistant to the piercing damage which means I'm not telling you necessarily half of all of this is actually getting through. Okay. Sam, uh,

take a note. Uh, Dan just told us that it's taking half damage. Okay, perfect. Thank you. All right. Pick my poker cards that are face up off of the table and Brian,

you're up. Hmm. that are face up off of the table. And Brian, you're up. I'm going to shoot at the... Yeah. Actually, the acid guy with my crossbow. All right. Sorry about Willie. There's a child here and she's having fun barking at him.

Blaine's kid. Sorry. Sorry. Blaine's kid. It's okay. My wife has insurance. Oh, man. First one, no, is probably going to be a miss.

Well, actually, it's an 18-hour class. Yeah, it's 11. Okay, so now... Please come on. Please come on what? Oh, nice. There you go. 17 plus 6. There you go. 17 plus 6.

There you go. Excellent. That's it. Roll your damage, sir. All right. I know that's irritating, listeners, but sorry. She's a puppy. Yeah, if we all bark, then it'll seem normal.

Yeah. Roof, I'll root her. Whoa. Was that the other one? Sorry. Did you make Licky start, Bart? Yep. Where is Licky?

Right on the other side of the street. That's hilarious. That's why it sounds so close, but you can't see her. What a dog party. What was the damage on the brain? Nine. Nine. Yes, nine.

Very good. Yeah? I'll take it. And what is this? Is it bow and arrow crossbow bolt? Yeah, I'll take it. And what is this? Is it bow and arrow crossbow bolts? Yeah, it was crossbow. So the bolt smashes into it. Little sprinklings of acid crystal go everywhere.

Perhaps this guy will think twice. Cool. About messing with us. And what are you guys called as a team? Have you come up with a name yet? Super cool. We're the good news bears. The equaler and friends.

Oh, there's got to be wordplay for a team with the equaler. You know, I haven't used an action surge in a while. Can I use that and shoot again? Action surges. Nice. I can't see any reason why not. No, absolutely. I love that.

Nope. So, okay. It was. It's still good. Cuz you get two attacks per action. Oh, okay. And your action surging. Yes. You get a second action. Okay. Fighters are beasts. There you go. Bye. Frick. Ooh. Ah. Ooh.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear. Oh, don't wait. We gotta stop. We gotta owe those ladies Is that still a thing? I don't know

They're dead What? No, they can't No Yeah Don't those two old ladies Own happy birthday still? Not anymore

Anyway, only Kid Rock Sues people for singing their songs Yeah Birthday Ba-ba-ba-da-ba-da-ba-ba-da Okay Roll your damage and you'll double the die damage

but not the plus damage Yeah, it's a 26 Action Surge, well spent Bring the action Surge overkill So it's a D10 plus something? It's a 1D8 plus 3 So cool, it's 2D8, right?

For this? The crossbow bolt? Oh, no. I thought you said because it's a 20. I double it? You roll once and double the number. Oh, right. Okay.

That's what I mean. Yes. I followed it. Boom. So, 2. Oh, it's a 1. And then plus 3. 5.

5. Well, and you know what? Listeners, sometimes they get upset with me because I don't do this anymore. But can you roll 100 for that crit? Yeah. I don't do it all the time. Use that super die.

I've never seen that. I'm not nice enough to do this often, but yeah. Use the 100-sided. Oh. That's 26. All right. So, I'm just going to be rolling another d4 for damage, please My eyes! My eyes!

At least my dog's getting some exercise chasing your kid around the yard Nice! Alright, another two points of damage so it's not nothing Alright, anything else points of damage. So, it's not nothing. Alright. Anything else for your turn? No, that'll do it.

Sick. Up next is Mr. Chris Tallman, a.k.a. Dallytail Sharptwick. I will safely on the shoulders of my friend, I am going to fire my Dragonwing bow at that thing again not the bone naga i'm afraid that if i do a damage that would break it's whatever yeah i don't have

i don't remember but it might yeah that's why i didn't do that either i'm just gonna focus on the ass we would look it up if such a thing occurred and so for one turn he is turned at least. It's a 5 plus 10, 15 to hit? For the elemental, you need 18 on Forge. Okay. 17 plus 10, 27. Yes, yes, yes. So this will be the 2d6 and a d. And yeah, Blaine, if you could look up, make sure it's not or is like Polymorph or a hit,

would undo the run. It's one turn he's running away right sweet uh six and six is 12 and three is 15 plus five so 20 damage to uh acid crystal golem i'm sorry what was that chris uh oh darn i just forgot it six and six is no no i got the damage but did you say something else after that? Oh, to the acid crystal golem. Oh, thank you, Werner. Anything else? No. This is what it does.

No, I think that's it. Thank you, though. Sweet. That's Bonaga's turn, and now it is going to run its full distance, right, Blaine? For a turn, it's going to flee. It is going to... A turn creature must spend its turns trying to move as far away from me as it can.

And that's just for the one turn, right? Yeah, and it can't willingly move to a space within 30 feet of me. Excellent. Well, it's going to use its 30 feet of movement to slush its way through the acid river. That would go right to the end of the river. So if you could just put them right there, perfect that perfect dan would it potentially use its action to dash yeah for its action it can only use the dash action or try to escape from an effective oh yeah so it'll go another 30 feet away off the map and how long does that last forever uh this lasts uh it is turned for one minute or until it takes any damage.

Oh, shit. Well... Don't shoot it. You see it go through an acid waterfall and disappear on the other side. Yeah. This acid waterfall is not... What's the word I'm looking for? Not opaque.

You can see through this one. It's not as thick of a rush of acid. It is translucent. Perilousant? Perilousant. This is a very cool movie. It's a fun one, yeah. I got it in a blind box a long time ago.

Golly. I love those things. Those blind boxes, the pre-painteds. Is that what it is? Yeah, it was like I think a Tomb of Annihilation one. I can't remember. But I got it in like 2017 or some junk. Yeah. This thing would be delicious.

Oh my gosh. It looks like it might be an ashtray you get in Texas. It does not appear to react to the acid waterfall. You don't think it took damage from it. I mean, it came out of the acid, so I can only assume it's... And it's like slithering around

behind the waterfall, as far as you can tell. Yeah, no, right. And that'll do it for its turn, I believe. Good. So, up next as I pull up the turn order. Glibbles! Nothing but Glibbles!

Alright. I'm gonna try to roll in D&D Beyond if it lets me. Yes. Okay. First attack. 22 to hit. Smashes it for an ideal 7 points of damage.

Swings again. Smash it up. And he swings again. Smashing up. 17 is a miss. You'd think at some point this guy would be like, stop hurting me. I'm going home. I'm going to watch Netflix. I'm going to put something on these wounds.

Try and grow back my crystal. There's a new Delicious in Dungeon every Thursday. It's Thursday night right now. You can go home and just find out you know yeah something the lady who got turned into a semi-dragon is she going to be you know human again or a tall person as they call it in the show and i think this is the kind of else that would probably still subscribe and get like the in the mail the paper like uh you know what's going on each week with my favorite characters and stuff yeah yeah I die just I just yeah well what were we playing okay I just digest yeah bunnies and burrows bunnies and burrows oh yeah

you guys are all woodland creatures okay so now it's the Hedgehog's turn Ken you're up I would like to spray some cards at this thing. Yes! Oh, shit. From your deck? No, my spray of cards spell. Oh, I forgot about that. Yeah, not from me.

How does that work? I don't remember. And also, someone has a deck. Deck saving throw. I have a deck of dementia. It's like bullseye. Against acid elemental. Yeah, that's an 18, so never mind.

Anything else, sir? No half damage? Let's see. You did that cool counter spell, so we remember when you did a good thing. Yeah, that was cool. That was cool. What about today? I'm glad you're worried about me.

On a field save, blah. On a successful save, oh, a creature takes half as much damage. There he is. So you do get to roll damage, you silly guy. Yay, me. That is 15 a seven.

All right. It's starting to look rough, the acid. Good. You take a huge chunk out of it as you spray it with cards. I hate him. He's stupid. Alright, and that should do it for your turn unless you change your mind. Blaine,

do I have to maintain concentration on this Naga thing? I have asked you several times and I think I heard you say that it only lasts for one turn. For one minute. For a minute.

So, ten turns. I bet it's concentration. I'm going to look it up, though. I kind of think it's... Because it's under the cleric stuff. They don't make it easy. I don't think it is, though. I think it's one of your cleric superpowers.

Yeah, it's a blink of of terror because if that's the case then i would like to uh i would like to do something else while it's still pulling up a ruling nah man i think it would be it's not concentration it would say somewhere in the description it's just turned for a minute you just i mean he's he's totally fucky behind the waterfall like there's it's it's the only sensible thing one could say in response okay i appreciate us all sitting through that thank you if that's the case then i'm going to uh uh cool cool stuff fire up a spiritual weapon and hit the uh sweet what kind of spiritual weapon are we talking uh your bonus action do a mace now casting it is a bonus action right you don't get to then swing

it right away am i wrong i think you do okay i think it's all in one there's language in it that says you can use it when it is cast and then and i don't know that this has come up this episode. I think in the past... What is your current melee weapon? It's a mace of smiting. Okay. But I'm just... This is... This has more range, too. I think when you had, at some point, a bladed weapon, a listener wanted to let me know.

I did. It was a scimitar and I gave it away immediately because I can't use blades. Hear that, listeners? We took care of it. Blaine took care of it. All right. Smash it. Smash it. Spiritual weapon damage.

Pop it. It's a roll to attack, and then it does, I think, 1d4 plus something. 11 plus 6, 17. Nice. To the acid elemental? To the acid elemental. It's a miss. Oh, no. Nice. To the acid elemental? To the acid elemental. It's a miss. Oh, no.

To an 18 AC. Come on. No. Boom. I won't change my mind. You bully me every episode. Every episode? Every episode.

Wow. He throws me down. What? With his words. He throws me down and makes you spell. With his words. He throws me down. With his words, he punches me over and over again. That's okay. Gives you wet willies.

I'm abusive. With his words. With his words. A verbal wet willy. Melvins. Hey, lots of verbal melons. So many Melvins. You know, I have a bonus action where I can move my illusion.

I have a bonus. Spiritual weapon is a bonus action where i can move my illusion i have a bonus spiritual weapon is a bonus action if i am not mistaken the spiritual weapon is a is a spell slippery yeah but isn't it under bonus actions i'm fairly certain yes it is yes you're right but yeah and you used uh what was your action did you use one or do you just do spiritual i just did spiritual weapon. Did you do something else? I don't think so. I think you can still take an action if you want. You can smush it with your actual mace, I think.

Smush it. Or if you cast a spell, it has to be a cantrip. Oh, you know what? Then I'm going to hit it with a sacred flame. Ah, that's a dex save if I'm not mistaken. It's my favorite Bangles song.

The dexterity roll. Sacred Flame. Yeah. Dexterity throw. Dex save in the rain. What does he need? Dexterity saving throw. Now what is the dc

spell save dc 14 okay uh he rolled an 18 boom uh plus zero

so okay for now well then i guess i'll just go fuck myself all right roll the fuck the end

oh wow okay that campaign's over all right roll the fuck the end oh wow okay that campaign's over uh he is now going to

because he has most recently been smashed at by blep try to smash blep no oh

that'll be a 22 to hit mm-hmm i bet it will That'll be a 22 to hit. I bet it will. 13 points of acid damage. Jesus. You still up? I'm still up. Roll a con save, please.

14. Okay. 14. Okay. Unfortunately. Oh, wait. 14 plus 3. Thank you. Thank you. You do manage to shake it off.

You needed a 16. Yay. Shake it off, right? Yep. Taylor Swift, guys. Shake it off. My daughter's to be very excited right now. I was thinking the cars.

You know why she's not here? She's not here because she don't stay out too late.

That's right. Is that Taylor Swift? It is. Yeah. Midnight's is her

last album. You should start doing a podcast about her. He swings at you again. 14 to hit. What's your AC?

AC is 13. Shit. You gotta get that studded leather, man. 18 points of acid damage. Alright, I'm done. Alright, you guys see Blep get smashed with the fist of this acid elemental. And as he is hit,

can everybody please do a perception check? Ooh. Perception. As he goes limp on your shoulder, Mordecai. Or no, pish posh, pish posh. He goes limp on your shoulder, Mordecai. Or no, Pishposh, Pishposh. He goes limp on your shoulder.

Oh, I don't like it. 11 is my perception. I got a 21. You notice there are crystals of acid stuck to him. Valleytail. Okay. Pishmosh.

Dexterity saving throw to keep him from sliding off your shoulder. Yes. Come on, dude. So. I tried. You land. I tried. You land.

It's been established you're now flying over the bank. So I'm going to say you land on the bank. But you do take some acid damage as you land. So that is automatic two fails of death saves. Okay. He has one more left. Not doing well.

Not good. Okay. A very toasted blast. Somebody save him. Landed in the acid plants. And here comes Bricks. Now. Does anybody have a spell of the diagonal?

Bricks has flight Cast on her. I am going to look at... She doesn't have spells. If I'm not mistaken, she still has a potion. Yeah, we handed out potions. Yeah, I have two regulars left, but I used my super ones. So she will definitely have some...

I don't know if she put it... Sarah put it in her inventory. I'm checking, though. Yeah, I would think she did. I'm checking, though. Yeah. We've all mentioned that. I mean, she was the other day telling me she had like 20 or 30 potions. Oh! In her wallet, I think.

Those are great potions. Potion wallet. Wallet potions. Hey, fella. Wallet potions. Okay, she doesn't have it in Bricks' backpack, but it might be

in you-know-who's. Oh, Juniper. Because I don't know that she would have transferred them, but she would get to just, as a kind DM move, I would of course let her just transfer that stuff to her new character. Which means Bricks has been stealing.

She's taking advantage of poor townsperson. She's throwing herself through jewelry store windows. That's really funny. You're just like, yep. Alright, so June, I really want to do this for you guys, but it is going to take a minute.

So if somebody, perhaps a dying friend, had a commercial written down in their notebook that they would like to... Or I could just plug what's right in front of me. Sure. Rifters. It's in all comic book stores. Pick it up now. There's a few variant covers out there. We had Mike Allred. We had Tony Moore.

And Michael Avon-Otman from Powers. And then Chris Johnson, our regular artist, did two covers. He did our regular one and he did an alternate that's really cool. Those are out there. And Gromit's second edition of of issue one is coming out soon um it's sold out at the distributor but you can still find some stores have a golden apples out of it but uh i know earth two in the valley and uh check your local store brian is it true that you and rick uh for this special second printing put drops of your own blood into the coloring ink. No, we used Gene Simmons' blood.

Oh. Yeah. Ew! From the Kiss comic. Never mind. Simmons' blood. So, Brian, do you have potions? I'll say.

Do you? No, I have at least one. I have potions. Yeah, regular potions. Well, Brian's next in the turn order, and so I'm going to be an asshole, and then I'm going to be nice. So I'm going to be an asshole and say, because she does not have potions in her inventory, and if anybody would track that, it would be her. I have to rule that she probably let other players carry the other potions.

And she either used them or was like, you guys can carry it, because they're not in her inventory. I just feel like Sarah wouldn't. I remember her doing that specifically with a character like two or three campaigns ago. She had this thing like, oh, no, no, this person doesn't carry all their own stuff. She expects everybody else to. So I can see. She has a lot of stuff in her bag that is just purely functional, like rations, rope, tinderbox, the normal stuff you would have.

And that's it. So I'm going to say. Find the wounds. Well, here. Yeah. So she's going. Here's where I'm going to be nice after having been an asshole. She's going to scoop them up, use her action to, as best she can, bind her wounds.

I'm now going to roll a medicine check. And she's also going to call it to Brian, who is next. Hey. What is her accent? Is it French? Who's that one of y'all? What is it called? The pollution. No, she that one of y'all? What is that called? Potions.

She just kind of hates Juniper. That's more German. That's her main thing. She hates Juniper. And she thinks she is very smart. So I give my regular potion over. Little bit of a shit. She can't use it now, but you can use it right after this. Okay.

So she rolls a 17 on her medicine check binds her wounds you're now stable at zero hit points yay okay and shakes you off shakes you off shakes you off so there's no acid crystals on you so it's done um and now she flies right up to you mordecai and it's your turn okay um wasn't i generous, everybody? Yes. I didn't even have to... Give me my praise. Nice job. I'm so insecure. I need this.

So, yeah. Roll. I think it's... Was it a superior potion? What does it say? It's a regular. I was right. I ran out of them.

What did them dice? Anybody? Dice impression? What? Regular. Potion? Healing potion dice. Oh, 2d4 plus 2. Thank you, boss. Can dice Oh 2d 4 plus 2 thank you boss you roll 2d 4 plus 2 yeah

look at you rolling them dice this is what you'll get playing seven all right you're up to seven hit points as they pour a potion down your throat yeah please do you have any bonus actions you would like to use I don't think I don't think you're down here points which is what I think it's mostly for second wind can I maybe wait he's up's scooped up right and he's safe but yeah do i still have dally tail on me or no do you i'm yes you scooped me up yeah i'm gonna keep moving i'm gonna hustle so why don't you put him that away yeah because i'm riding on his shoulders, I'm there too. Yeah, Mordecai I had is not within five feet. He was within five feet

of the Botenaga, but not the acid. There's no opportunity. He had to get away to get me. I already got away. So this all works. So no opportunity attacks. Good. Noted there. I think we're all set. Cool. Chris, you're up. Awesome.

I'm going to... The tide it turns. I'm still within range with my one. I will fire again with my bow. Same deal as before. 29 to hit. That's a hit.

I'll do that same 2d6 and a d8 plus 5. Can you move the goblin and blep? The one that's supposed to be bricks, can you move it over next to blep? It's a little girly goblin. Not glibbles. You had it the first time. The yellow guy.

I'm going to do it. No, you got it. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Just put it there. Where blep is. They're together. Got'm going to do it. No, you got it. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Just put it there. We're weapons. They're together. Got it. I did it. Nice. The damage is a total of

19 points of damage. And I get one more shot. That's another 23 to hit. So this is 2 plus 5, 7. Yes. Nice. uh it's another 23 to hit oh it's a hit so this is this the piece two plus five seven yes nice chris my glasses are off no dice is so pretty with my glass like yeah big chunks of them are

coming think about how you want them to die oh and actualize it that's all i've been doing first of all i don't even think it's physical damage. I think it realizes we could have been friends and said it chose to work for Glut, a terrible dragon. Yeah. I'm saying this. We could have been friends! You could come with us on an adventure! Alright. We'll do it for you, Chris. That's it. Up next...

I got a waiver from the guild. The bone naga cries off in the corner where it is. Then Glibbles, who's going to start going choppy chop. I got a letter from the guild the other day. I opened and read it. They said they were suckers. They said they wanted me for the army or whatever.

Picture me joining. I say never. Who's that Chuck D also tricky oh did he uh some maxing cap uh

picture me giving a damn I said never seven what's a bonus a one plus six oh so you got your boot oh my god an empty dice tube fell over and everyone was terrified of the world glibbles botched you sure did yeah

it's not his fault he's a great npc i think you know what when he took his own life with the soul sword i think that was kind of it i think he should have retired and hung it up and these consistent botches are a reminder of that uh he is going to swing and of course cut himself oh no Four. Dog's got to work out, Brian. Good. 11 points of slashing damage. He is down to 17 hit points.

He chopped himself? That's the second time he's done that, right? Glimples? It's not my fault! I'm very brave, but I'm confused sometimes. What? I'm pretty brave. Very brave?

All right. And that is going to do it for his turn. right now. But I'm brave. Alright. And that is going to do it for his turn. That brings us to Ken. Hi. What are you going to do, Pish Posh? I'm going to... I'm going to attack. Okay.

Right in front of you is this big fucking acid elemental. I'm going to fucking attack him banishing me I'm gonna fucking attack him oh I was just in Austin and uh people love the show people are so happy that we're playing

oh good in person again and I've gotten good responses the last few cities I've been in that's great thanks everybody

yeah yeah uh I'm worried about what's gonna work on this guy whatever somebody says to their listener I'm worried about what's going to work on this guy. Firebolt? Whenever somebody says to their listener, I'm like, currently, are you up?

You know, I go, yeah, yeah, we are talking about it. And then you say, what should we do? Yeah, no kidding. What do you think? I'm going to start a timer on you, Ken. I'm going to cast Firebolt. Okay. Do it.

Is that a dex save or is that a roll to spell attack? That is a spell attack roll. Spell attack. Roll to spell attack. Okay. Do it. Is that a dex saber or is that a roll to spell attack? That is a spell attack roll. Roll to spell attack. Okay. Let us see. Oh my god. Thirteen. That is a miss. Anything else for your turn?

I sigh deeply. Shake my head at myself. You blink your eyes awake. The beast of your destruction attacking your friends. You look over Mordecai's shoulder or, uh,

Brix's shoulder and you will soon get to do something but we'll have to find out what on our next episode of Nerding Pokery. Meow. Meow.

Sam, what do you think happened? Hey, episode 20. The bone snake has botched, but not destroyed. Chris reminded me that the snake is taking half damage. We celebrated a birthday. The bone snake went through an acid waterfall and disappeared. Blep got smashed by the acid elemental, which is the term for the green guy that I just learned. Glibbles cut himself, and finally Pish Posh casted Firebolt and Blep came back to life.

Shut up. We did it! Well done. What do you have in July? Uh, nothing. Okay. No luck with the tour dates. Tell your local clubs, folks. Fourth of July, Independence Day, y'all. Oh, yeah.

The week after that, I will be in Alabama and then New Orleans and then Lafayette. But my tour dates are on BrianPersin.com. And then I've got Phoenix in the middle of July. That'll be cool. Oh, boy. One show on a Thursday. The real spicy one.

Yeah. Wear a hat. I'm wearing my ice suit. But anyway. Wicks. And then at Comic-Con, not sure if I'm going to be part of the Mission Hill thing. But I have something going on at the same time. But I think I have an image panel and I will be signing books at the image booth.

My rifters and grommets. So come by and check those out. And we have a rifters Comic-Con exclusive cover of issue one so that you can only get it San Diego. Can I make a request that you guys record like a FlexiDisc? Sure. Put it on the back of a box of Sugar Sugar Crisp. One side's like, you know, the theme,

like the Gromit's theme, and the other one is like you and Rick doing the characters for... I'd love to do that. The song for advertisement of a fast food burger. Gromit's, it's already in the second pressing, and I'm super stoked about it. So,

brianfossain.com tour dates. I've got geezer butler dates coming up in the fall where he and I are doing seven more dates with him in the East Coast where he reads from his book. Well, actually, I

ask him questions from his book and then we have uh the audience participation and it's super fun the one in uh denver was amazing so more of those coming up that's prime for same.com uh blaine we attribute the success save mankind for joining us on this episode you got walls and a roof well on the next nerd poker the nerd poker gang travels back in time to warn themselves about the degeneration of the internet and end up watching cake farts for three hours all this and keyboard cat fights two girls over one cup. On the next Nerd Poker. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker.

You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 Encino, California 91416. Thanks for listening.