Nerd Poker - The Mountain Campaign - Episode 22

Episode Date: July 9, 2024

Well we just might kill some of the damned acid monsters ruining our dragon-murder parade! A second waterfall is played in, and probably nobody is dropped in the death river. Again. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.  

Hey, it's Brian Poussaint, NerdPoker. We're calling it the Mountain Campaign. My friends are here, Sarah, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer Sam, and of course, our kick-ass DM, Dan Telfer. Welcome to Nerd Poker. Hey everybody, I'm Brian Pessain and you're listening to Nerd Poker.ah's not here again uh but this is uh episode 22 right um my friends are here ken hey buddy i hope we make it to 23 yeah no shit uh chris is here hey man i i would love i am available for episode 23 should it happen i'd love to be here. It's all up to Dan. Dan's here. Hi, Brian. Do you like how you float over

death water? Yeah. Kind of sick of death water. I saw death water open for me. Blaine is here. I like death water. You would. Refreshing. Sam's here,

everybody. Hello, sweet children hey man hi i like when brian responds to sweet children as if he is the sweet children i'm just one of them we're all just sure sure i was gonna ask how's ramen doing on a hot summer night like tonight i guarantee he's stinking up my bed sweating it up up. Oh yeah, just that dog oil. Making a nice soup. It's like death water, but a little thicker. No death

water. Lickford's at my feet. I don't know where the other one is. Licky's at my feet. Is that a Quentin Tarantino reference? Nah, nah, nah. Alright, Margot Robbie. Shall I, Brian? I don't know where the other one is. Linky's at my feet. Is that a Quentin Tarantino reference? All right, Margot Robbie. Shall I, Brian?

Yeah, do it. I'm going to thank some listeners who go by names like Brian Tinsley. Thank you, Brian Tinsley. Thank you, That Time Blaine Whipped Panzuzu Out at Chi-Chi's. True. Every word. Thank you, WV French Fried, which, of course, stands for west virginia freedom fried thank you new me thank you mark edzel thank you a brazen bowl full of great swords should have looked remember that brazen bowl yeah which is probably great treasure inside

god damn it let's go back it's not too late i To whip it. If you're going to do that, you should whip it up, actually. Control the leverage to whip it. Thank you, iCastChuckPerson at fourth level. Thank you, Jim Hollingsworth. Thank you, DeathAtlas with a three and a four in a couple of vowel spots. Thank you, Heck487.

It's very lead speak. Oh, it's so lead speak leads you'd be surprised how many are elite speak in these names thank you at disco golf travelers thank you i feel like i probably said this one before but it really is a good one thank you two in the thoughts one in the prayers. Thank you, Cloaca Bomb or Disco Fries. Too drunk to tell. Ew. Speaking of Cloacas, thank you, Queeps Holy Cloaca. How do these get sorted together?

Patreons... I just... I don't have time to sort these in humorous fashion. Patreon just... It's the bowel rhythm. AI, folks. Patreon's got an bowels are in them. AI folks. Patreon's got an AI tool that costs them seven trillion dollars

and it sorts cloaca jokes next to each other. Make lists funnier. I remember writing. Alright, thank you Matt Wiens. Thank you Totus Eptor. Thank you Kilt Bill. Thank you The Electric Bear. Thank you The Great Rando Calrissian.

And finally, thank you, Brandon Blackburn Alderman, 71st Ward, Dildo District. Blaine, who are those supporters brought to us by? Have you been injured in a breakfast accident? Call Snap, Crackle, Pop, and Shindleman. They'll get you cash, cash, cash. It's part of this balanced bailout. 1-888-POP-MILK. Snap, Crackle, Pop, and Shindleman. 1-888-POP-MILK. Snap, crackle, pop, and shingleman.

1-888-POP-MILK. Dan? Hello? Hi. I was recently hurt in a breakfast accident. What happened? Did some Cocoa Krispies go nuts for you and go febbles?

I wish it was that simple. I wanted some warm maple syrup. And so I put my maple syrup bottle in the microwave. And then when I opened the microwave, I was sprayed with hot maple syrup. I'm going to push you on hold while I call my aunt. I've been on hold for a while here. Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us.

Your call will be instant. Your order will be received. It's a very charming message. Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us. Sounds like Ennard. Your call will be instant. Your order will was received.

That I'm on. I'm on. I'm on the phone. I'm on the phone. We should probably start the episode. No, no, no, no, no. This is important phone call. I need to do it. But maybe you could just my medical runs out tomorrow.

I got to make this phone call. That I'm not. I'm Mr. I'm the one who calls important to us. I don't have a theme from a summer place. I love the wine. Your call is important to us. Is that the theme from A Summer Place? Could you take it off speakerphone, Dan? Huh?

Maybe it's because it's on speakerphone. I'm sorry. My ADHD. I need to make other people suffer and hear everything. And Sam, you can't cut this out, right? I can hang up. Hold on. Hello? There we go.

Oh, good. Oh, wow. Thank you, Sam. Thanks, Sam. out right I can hang out hold up hello oh wow Wow good mix mix nuts I guess me and these syrup burns are gonna go fuck myself oh it's like top three favorite bits I've done this you. Thank you, Blaine. You're very welcome! And now, it's time to kill you after I talk about what happened last time on Nerd Booker. A big fucking B-Lite jumped through a waterfall, which is very romantic in most situations, but not this time.

We're all trying to get the fuck out of here. At least the acid elemental appears to have had chunks knocked off of it. And nobody is currently laying down in the acid plumes, which again sounds romantic, but it isn't. We take it to the combat already in progress. All right. So we'll come back here.

I believe Chris, you were about to roll something. Of course. Oh yeah. I was Mordecai and Glimbles and I are at a distance. At a distance. And now that Glimbles is awake, I want to go ahead and take a shot. I don't know how I could... I guess I'm going to try and fire past the Bulette at the Acid Golem.

I guess I'm going to try and fire past the Bulette at the Acid Golem. I don't see how... Because I feel like if I just attack the Bulette, it's just going to draw it. I'm trying to... The Bulette is definitely focused on Pish Posh and Bricks, right? Yeah, I want them to fight. I don't know. I'm trying to figure out how I get it done. It's tricky.

Do you want to roll an insight check? Oh, certainly. You're trying to figure out what to do, and I would love to accommodate it. I rolled 10, and with my bonus, 515. Oh, with a 15, that is exactly what I would like. You know strategically the big problem here is the Golem Acid Elemental

is in striking distance of Pish Posh, and Pish Posh is kind of like just like you know swinging around trying to get away but is stuck he knows if he tries to fly away he's gonna like get grabbed or thrown on the ground or punched or something so um

okay well maybe i'll try and provide covering fire some sort of distraction i don't you know maybe i think yeah like um or you can hit the bullet covering fire is some sort of distraction. I don't... Maybe... I think, yeah, like... Or you can hit the bullet? He could, but he thinks he is... The reason I even had him roll that is

I think he's focused on trying to help you get out of... Trying to get you out of that. Opportunity attack range. I would say because that's pretty tricky to distract someone to not take an opportunity attack I will think of if nothing else I want to hurt that thing

I'll say if you like if you can forego damage I will roll your damage or I will give you the flat if you hit but instead of damage roll, roll to attack and then roll for an intimidation instead

of damage if great if you hit yeah yeah yeah great i would love that all right so this is but make it as an attack yeah and it'll it'll it'll be like a temporary reprieve where he will disengage basically so it's a 16 plus 10 26 that's a hit roll an intimidation check and let's see i'm gonna give you a dc ahead of time if you like sure yeah i have no bonus to this oh flat roll flat roll scary squirrel though scary squirrel all right so i'm gonna have you you roll against his charisma which oh what's it what's what's a elemental's charisma i mean jesus probably like an 18 5 with a minus 3 nice so beat a 5 okay don't have a bonus though don't have a bonus uh i rolled a 9 all right so um you're right. So does it tell you the average? No, it doesn't. What's the

high? For the thing, it would be a D8 plus five. So the low end would be a six and the high end would be a 13. So we'll call it you'll do eight points. He may resist, but he disengages from you and looks away i like it i'm such a good dungeon master for letting him do that folks all right

anything else chris uh that's another attack i do yeah yeah i wasn't sure if i'd get to do another yeah yeah yeah yeah all right uh just a. It doesn't take an action to do a fun conversation. A 13 plus 10, 23 to hit. Oh, that's such a hit. So I'll do, again, I believe it's a D8. I think I was doing it wrong. And then 2 plus 6 is... 1 and 5 is 6.

And 2 is 8 plus 5, 13. All right. He's really starting to look rough. You take another large chunk out of one of his shoulders. This is for the forest! You should have been our friend! Huh? Huh?

I'll do a whole scene. All right. So, will that do it for you? That's it for me. Okay. Bone Naga's turn. I believe he is down five turns being afraid. Glibbles is up.

It is time for him to fire away. Who scared the bone? I forget what that was. Oh, you did it last week? He turned it. So he is going to probably, you would just think, assume anyway, wait for you on the other side of the waterfall.

He'll wait up. What's up? He'll wait up. Oh. Okay. For a field trip. thank you for killing that time while i was loading up glibbles is scared nice uh call is important to us hey blaine now that you're been sort of burned by going into the acid bath what do you think you kind of look like now uh i look like a a wet cat but the wet is just fused matted hair yeah i'll have to i'll have to do some uh some uh a lot of licking with my with my rough burr like tongue comb everything out that's gonna taste really bad I smell like rubber bands right now. Oh my gosh

We got a miss and a crit from glibbles. Hey Alright so it's gonna do 12 points. Yeah, I have it looks like a summer line cut Smacks I know it's oh my god. It's thing won't die, but it is really fucked. Come on. For the forest! Okay. Good thing my family's not here. Are they? No. Oh, thank God.

Yeah. Let's scream more. Melody and Sonoma going, what was that? Hey, Sonoma! Jesus Christ. They're in Fresno not sonoma okay hey it's closer i'm the cool one from sonoma they're from fresno he is disengaged from you finally you're gonna go book it towards mordecai yeah i think so so here's the thing um you are next ish you're like

we'll say five feet away from bricks but she's flying independently it the Bulette and the Acid Elemental will both get a turn

before she does keep that in mind how about I do this I'm gonna take a card from my deck of dimensions oh boy uh huh throw it

towards the end of the towards the end of the... Towards the end of the waterfall? Towards where these guys are. Where Mordecai is. Yeah. Okay. And grab bricks, and we're all going to go over there. So, deck of dimensions.

Can you remind us how this works? Because I... Yes. Even though I pulled it for the campaign, do not remember for the life of me. This is how many shuffling stride. As a bonus action, you can expend one charge to throw a card from the deck to

an unoccupied space within 60 feet of yourself and teleport along with any equipment you're wearing or carrying. I would assume that means people that are riding me and that I can carry. Okay. Yeah. Well, right now to that space, nobody is anybody riding you. I don't think anybody is anymore. Okay. Yeah. Well, right now to that space. Nobody is anybody riding you? I don't think anybody

is anymore. Or BLEP. BLEP is riding you. Are you going to grab bricks and teleport the three of you to the waterfall? Yes. Amazing. Alright. Rip the card out. Trying to think.

How far can you throw it? 60 feet. 60 feet? Oh, so just tell me, do you want to be right in front of, in the middle of, or through the waterfall? Anywhere. So, everybody over there. I'm going to say

you only took five to grab bricks. You still have whatever flying speed you have left. I mean, I guess I don't want to be too far from them because they need to join us through the waterfall. Correct. Protective shield. How about if I get far enough in to see what's on the other side? Okay.

I'll keep peeping the protective bubble. All right, let's get a perception check as you peek through the waterfall of acid. Oh, it's going to be beautiful. It's a waterfall of acid open for blue. It's terrible. That whole server. I'm burning, I'm burning, I'm burning for you. Perception.

Perception. Boss, you're looking around a new chamber. I'm burning, I'm burning, I'm burning for you. Perception, boss. You're looking around a new chamber. By the way, if everyone gets through, we get to put away the goddamn acid river. That's a 21. So, you peer through. There is a small chamber with a stone floor and a door.

The bone naga is just sort of slamming and writhing against the wall like when you fall asleep playing a video game and your guy just runs into the corner. And there's like a pool of acid that's like constructed as if rituals are done in it. And there's like a little skull

floating in it. Alright. Come on through when you get the chance. Are you going to go through or are you going to grab it? You're going to pop it out. I'm letting them know that we just get the fuck out of here. Yeah, and

I'm going to say because you're all staying together you can you can let's see You can... You can... Let's see. They're right there. Yeah. I mean, if they want to join... How much flying speed do you have left?

Because to grab the entire party is pretty bonkers, but... 60 feet is a spell. Yes, but so, like, let's say the end of the table is the waterfall and this is right right waterfall here you're right here and you're everyone is right next to you yeah and here's the waterfall you went through the last waterfall out of combat so it's very easy to just be like

for you all to go through in the bubble together i'm just thinking how much flying speed you have left because i would i would penalize you some movement to grab you know like mordecai and bricks and be like yeah um but it would be a lot and if you have an abundance of flying left i might allow it uh 30 feet okay you you can spend the entire 30 feet getting through the acid waterfall if you make an athletics check dc 15 all right or saying you are no matter what you're grabbing kind of like both of them by the shoulder and trying to fly everybody through yeah i'm telling everybody to come so if you fail all that means is you're going to be like mid-waterfall. Right. With a bubble over you. Is it really? Athletics DC 15.

Athletics. And you're a sorcerer, so I don't know how great that's going to be. Well, let's not think about that. Yeah, well, that's a five. All right, so everybody. It's pretty good. Pishposh grabs you and tries to lurch you through,

but he is having a hard time trying to pull a whole party by his little sorcerer self. And so you're all kind of like in the bubble with the acid waterfall pouring over you, but you're not quite through it. So you're going through a car wash. Yeah. Cool. And, um,

I mean, I guess you don't really have to adjust much, but if you could kind of like put Mordecai and his pals right next to him, we'll just say you're right there, and I'll get rid of all this terrain. I'll start getting rid of this terrain slowly because it takes so long to put it away.

I don't like it. Great. Blaine, you're up. Well, I'm in a bubble. You're in a bubble, and it's a clear bubble. The thing bubble and it's a clear bubble the the the thing is it's sort of car wash like got acid pouring over the sphere of it and so you could if you like do some kind of ranged attack like spiritual weapon or spiritual flame um but he would either have advantage on his saving throw because of your miss potential if for the spiritual flame and you would be rolling with disadvantage with your

spiritual weapon because like it's it's just acid pouring down in front of you and that's for that and that's for this attack on the for either of those guys For either the acid elemental or the Bulette. I'll do an attack on the acid elemental. Okay. Just for fun. And which one? Is this going to be a spiritual weapon? So it's with disadvantage. Okay, well that's a 19 plus 6 and 25. That's the first one. Roll a second time.

Take the low number. That's a 12. Plus what? That's a 12. That's a flat 12. Sorry. That is a miss. Okay. And can I do a... Spiritual flame?

Yeah. So he's going to roll with advantage to dodge it, basically. So first one is a 3. Second one's a 10. So he misses. Roll your spiritual flame damage. How about 12? Nice.

Oh, so close. So close. Alright, so you just hear this, you all hear a crunching noise as the spiritual flame collides with its neck and it's starting to lose its consistency.

It is now the Bulett's turn. I'm going to remind myself how far this naughty boy can standing leap. So, 30 feet. Um Oh You guys are a sweet like exactly 30 feet away This is going to be interesting So he is going to try to jump And bite Pish posh

Oh my gosh But isn't he going to take acid damage Probably He is a giant bullet with legs So you know Oh my gosh. But isn't he going to take acid damage? Probably. He is a giant bullet with legs. So, you know, he's armored. But, yes. He is still natural armor and owie.

Oh boy. So that's going to be... I don't like that. 18 plus 7, 25 to hit. Yes. Ken, you sure you don't want to check? I don't even have to look that one up. I don't know. It's way, way more.

As our clever listeners may know, this is now going to be 4d12 plus 4 biting piercing damage. Clever? The who? Clever ones who know rules or spare at stat blocks while they listen. I like that one. I like that one, too. Oh, you had two ones on the 40.

Oh, shit. He's nipping you. Oh. All right, so six so far? So far, it's okay. It got high at the end. So 15 plus for 19 points of piercing damage as he takes a chunk out of your ankle. 15.

Huh? Okay. Yeah. That's plus four. Oh, got it. It's okay. Great. How are you looking?

Fine. Never been better. How many points? A million. A million? That's awesome. What are you looking? Fine. Never been better. How many points? A million. A million? That's awesome. What are you, level four? If you're not going to tell us, but you're dying.

Okay. That is just, you know, a problem you can create for yourself. That's fine. I have some. What was it? 15, you said, yeah? Yeah. And also, for what it's worth, he is not as tall as the acid elemental, so him jumping and biting, he is going to land on the ground underneath you, and you're not in danger of attack

of opportunity if you fly away from him. Because he's stout. He's right, he's in your face, but he doesn't get a free attack if you run. Alright. And now it is the acid elemental's turn. He's going to He doesn't get a free attack if you run. Alright.

And now it is the Acid Elemental's turn. He's going to stomp to you if you can move his... Of course he is. He's very slow, though. Is he in line to murder us? I think he might be able to. I'm just going to double check his speed. He might be on next to rather than behind the Bulette if I am... You know, there's only one register open right now. You're going to double check his speed. He might be next to rather than behind the Bulette. If I am... There's only one register open right now.

You're going to have to wait. You're going to go to self-checkout. No, that's our close now. Yeah, he's going to be able to be next to us. He's going to get within punchy distance and take a swing at you, Pish Posh, because he really does not like you. You are like his nemesis

at this point. Has he seen a naga? Maybe you should bite that naga. On your turn, if you want, if he's still alive, you can roll a persuasion check to get him to attack the naga. 18 hit. Yeah. Okay.

10 hit. 10. A hit. Ken, you should get a helmet. Yeah. I have natural. Actually, you have a helmet, don't you? Remember it glows when my hands are on. You can throw fire bolts. Remember you got all those gems and shit on.

11 points. Yeah. Of acid damage. So you could have it okay you could have it i'm sorry uh that's a lot of acid damage yeah that's it and then um these crystals try to stick to you so do your con save dc 15 every time delay on the damage wish people wish more people died constitution save you say? as he's punching you, you feel his fist

deform into acid liquid for a moment these crystals this has been every time someone's gotten hit they feel it then the crystals stick as he pulls it out it's a really shitty homebrew monster that I made. That is going to be

a fail, unfortunately. Eleven. I misread. I thought it was a six. Okay. That is still a fail, unfortunately. Alright, so you're now covered in acid crystals, and you guys all see there's just this like, acid elemental's face looking up through the bubble.

It's going like... That's how it sounds. Like gargling the waterfall? Yeah, like Listerine. Can't be healthy. No, it's the green Listerine. You want the blue stuff. Tourists.

Stings the gums. Pee in that. Bricks is up. You got this, Bricks. It's all too much i do believe i do have this she says i decided okay so she is gonna do now she's close to melee this thing looks fucked up she doesn't need insight to know it's fucked up. She's going to hand axe this thing. Because it's like, enough's enough. Yeah, monk it up.

That's going to be a botch. Or no, that's a seven, not a one. Wait, is it? Yeah, that's a seven. It looks like a one. I want it to be a botch, but it isn't. That's a miss. And... Ooh, 18 to hit. Yeah. Yeah. Alright.

She chops at it. Still standing. Can't wait for someone else to hit it. She goes, I forget if she's French or German. Bricks? No, she's just an asshole.

Okay. She's from Asshol she's just an asshole. Okay. She's from Assholington. Mm-hmm. And up next, Brian. We're just trying to get through what? Yeah, and the acid monster is right under you. Okay. Do I have my arms free? Um, you have one free.

Or no, you have them both free. They're both the glibbles and Dally Taylor clinging to you independently. Um, I mean, you're really keeping us balanced. I'm going to fire the crossbow at the SNL amount. You can mail it with your broadsword if you want to, boss. Right, but then... I don't want to get too close to him. He's already in your face.

He's right under you. Alright, broadsword then. Let's roll the broadsword. 16. That's a miss. Damn it. Go again. Yes. Makes up for it.

Critical? Yeah. Yeah. Twice in one night. Come on. You know what? Before you roll the damage, roll the d100, please. Okay.

Should I roll this way the other way, rolling a hundred, or roll this thing? Roll the die that are in your heart, Brian. Okay. What's this one? The real critical is the dice you met along the way there it is

come on come on the die 84 how would you like to see it die but keep in mind you rolled a really high one so something else I'm going to let you do

is as you are cleaving it with the broadsword, you can use your force to haul its corpse right in the Bulet's face. Yes. So you will, but tell us how it happens. So I cleave it up from his non-, uh, up to his neck and just, uh, throw his whole, lift the whole body up and toss him.

Just give him a scoop. Yeah. Ugh. Is that what it was like? Like, like polo. Um, and so

great. Roll. You're going to roll a second attack. Uh, Great. You're going to roll a second attack. And this is to basically drop a 20 foot tall acid bomb on the Bulette. So please do...

I don't need to look at my notes for this. I can just brain it. Let's call it... 7d12 plus 5 acid damage. 7 D12 plus 5 acid damage. Okay. Here, you can

borrow a couple of my deets. Do you need D12s? Yeah. There's a squirrel guy in here. I said plus 5, right? You did. Alright, thank you. There's 5. I swear I took Ad of that before i came here blame you have so many awesome dice he does those red ones 12 and what plus five

look at that wow that's a great noise 11 20 27 30 33 35 what's this 20, 27, 30, 33, 35, what's this? 40. Plus 5. 45. Alright, you lose. 45 points. Oh wait, you did it correct.

You should get double die damage. Was the first one 40? Yeah, 40 before the... Okay, so 85 acid damage on the Bulette. Oh my god. It screams as it is covered.

It is going to try to shake the crystals off of itself and succeed. It is now down a lot of hit points. It's underneath you, out of range. Does it apologize? Do you want to try to make it apologize?

I'll wait till my turn. Anything else you'd like to do, Brian? No. Okay. What else could you do? Chris, you're up. I would like it to apologize. Roll an intimidation check.

I have no bonus to this unfortunately all right uh 15. oh nice um no i would have i would have wanted basically like an 18 or something um for you to frighten it away or whatever but yeah uh it's free free roll you can still attack if you want oh great yeah i will uh Am I in melee or do I still have range so I can use my bow? You are in range. No, no, no. You want to use your bow. You're not in melee,

but it is with disadvantage because the bubble is not... He's on the other side of the bubble, so you just see this splashing acid around the bubble between you and the Bulette. So, oh, shoot. A natural 20 and a 5, so a 15.

Damn it. Wait, wait, wait. What do we need to hit the Bulette? Bulette is 17 armor. Alright, well, that would have been fun. And then a 16, so that's a 26. And an 18. Oh, you hit it the second time. Okay, so I'll do the same stuff as before.

A d8 and 2d6. Oh boy. Plus 5. 1 and 4 is 5 and 7 is 12 plus 5, 17. Chris, how would you like to see the Bulette die? Radiant arrow right between

its eyes and it burns a hole and then the whole bulat just kind of sinks back down into the acid bye bye yay he should have fucking apologized alright you're not quite out of

combat it's very tempting to just let you lay waste but the bone naga's got a ton of hit points and is still a piece of shit. So I assume now that he's through, it would be the Bone Naga's turn, and it's going to bump it down. He's got four turns left. And he can't move towards you,

but if you get within melee of him, you get attacked. So I at least want to see how this is going to play out. So I am, even if it is all for silly uh i have a plan make you guys ask you guys to kill approximately five minutes while i set up the room that you're arriving in because after the bone naga is uh glibbles. He's going to hold his action until you go through. Ken, if you like, pish-posh. Drag everybody full movement a couple inches through.

Bring them in. Bringing them all in. There's a dog under you. It's okay. If the bone noggin, if we go into the room and it has to stay away from me can it just go back out through the water yeah can we kind of like if we kind of slowly shuffle it in like hurt it hurt it back out yeah it's only going to be gone for another 20 seconds anyways it can survive acid okay right it went through it yeah i mean

seconds anyways. It can survive the acid, okay, right? It went through it. Yeah. I mean... You're scaring into the acid. I mean, if we want to attack it, let's attack it the way we want to, which I assume is at a distance, unless we want to get all encircled around it and just

try and, you know, as soon as we hurt, as soon as it takes any damage, it's broken. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And it's going to attack us in about 20 seconds no matter what. So, yeah, it's just like maybe we try and get as, you know,

favorable a lineup as possible and hopefully we do a lot of damage in like a round or two and that's that the ending and death proof what they do to yeah here russell we just circle around them and just fuck them up are you zoe i think you're zoe bro yes fucking love her she's so good in that movie. Do you ever work with her? No, never met her. Yeah, no.

Yeah. Everybody's great in that movie, but... Yeah. That's one of my favorites. One of my favorite Tarantinos. Oh, really? Yeah, I just show... Well, because I love that he did my genre. Yeah.

You know, he basically did a C-grade horror film. Yeah. And Kurt Russell is a pretty great, like, part. Oh, he's such a good, bad guy. Yeah. He's one of my favorite actors anyway. So going back to Plissken and the thing. And you love feet.

I think Tarantino made me. It gave me a foot fetish. I don't think I had one until him. Are those red, white, and blue bean bags over there, Brian? Yeah. Like for cordial or like just bean bag? My wife likes to decorate. My wife.

Fourth of July decorator. Yeah. Every holiday. You should see the garage. I have one of those blow plastic Santas up in my house 24-7.

Weird. I just love it. We left our lights up for a good year and a half from the last time. Feels good. We turned our lights up for a good year and a half from the last time. Feels good. Yeah. We turned our bathroom into a Halloween house. A holiday decoration up all year long. That's crazy.

When I had a paper out, it was weird when people, there was a couple people that had Christmas shit up all year round. We still, we have a Halloween wreath on our door always. Oh, yeah. And everybody in the neighborhood kind of judged them. You know, they were kind of... What's the judgment?

That they were crazy for fucking keeping up Christmas shit all year round. Or they didn't care, or they were white trash or whatever, but it wasn't positive. Too lazy to take down the lights. Yes. John Madden does a report on houses like that in his neighborhood does he still he finds them well into summer i like christmas lights all year round i have no problem with that yeah oh now i don't now i don't mind but when i i don't know why i cared when I was a kid, but it was just something that I noticed, you know,

when it's July and you're going up and there's shit still hanging up. All right. One of our other reasons to hate people on my paper out to, I'll take a quick record for the, like how you would screw a kid over. Like I had people that would like not answer the door they were inside you know when i was when i was coming to collect what the fuck and yeah there was people that would lie about shit or or you know and i i had uh um had bad checks written to me you know like oh my god to a kid like you're 13 years old that's your. They probably wrote everybody bad checks. Remember checks?

Corn checks, wheat checks. Party mix? Have you been injured by checks in a serial accident? Alright, so Glibbles has been holding his action as you all fly through. Ken, you're going to be next. You just pulled everyone through.

I'm going to say you just used five feet of movement to drag everybody. Sounds good. So he whispers across Mordecai's back to you. Sha-ka? Yes.

What? What? Yes. That was less understandable the second one. I knew what she said. He said both times. He was pressuring her with disadvantage.

He said Shaquille. Alright. I don't know why he's saying Shaquille. He is going to go for it. Rad. Also, just jump off of Mordecai and charge him. I'm so going gonna kill you! Oh my god.

Sorry, listeners. This one got kind of loud. I put distance between me and the mic, so I'm already ahead of Blaine, who puts the mic in his mouth when he screams. That's true. Have you guys seen A Quiet Place? I actually knew I

want to actually saw it today. I liked it. I heard it's really good. Actually. That's what I heard. It's very different from the other ones. Oh, cool. Yeah, we're in heaven. No, that killed us. Right? That sound. We've seen the new strangers. Now, year one or whatever they're calling it's the first but it's so it's a pretty cool menace yeah yeah origin story yeah i wasn't that into the first one really it's our first one the second one was okay yeah the first one was Liv Tyler, right? Yeah, and Scott Speedman. Two hits. Nice.

By Glimples? Nice. It's the theme from A Quiet Place. Is it? Well, Summer Place. So so quietly it's a quiet i do summer 42 oh my god i typed bone naga and it auto corrected the bone haha that's my now i just did with bone now i just did bone nags um that's the first club am i am i wrong take me up my bone is it is it just did bone nags. That was the first club you performed.

Am I wrong? Take me up my bone. Is it just that my phone is getting old and it's not working well? Or has AI made all autocorrect more aggressive? I feel like it used to give you a choice sometimes when it doesn't anymore. It just instantly goes. I don't know. I don't like it.

Maybe it's auto like instantly goes i don't know i don't like it maybe it's auto man oh no man i guess so remember the actor's name rex something uh oh who played ottoman british it was jessie jones jr was his pal what the hell was auto man i don't know this guy could turn into a car it was like what it was like a reaction to tron it was a abc live like yeah it was like knight rider and he was he was like the perfect superhero he was and he had like a sinbad did a genie movie that's great uh he had a uh like a tron suit and then like a lamborghini that they put light lines over. So it looked like a Tron sports car driving around.

It was Dan Cernan Jr. I was thinking of Manimal. Oh, Simon Corkindale? Yes, Simon Corkindale. Now that I remember. Oh my God. Wow. I'd like to cork their

Dale. Yes, Glibbles Oh my god. Wow. I'd like to cork their Dale. Yes. Glibbles does 14 points of slashing damage, screaming in a way that I know you like. And the Bonaga hisses and turns around and locks eyes with Glibbles. And dies.

And then doesn't die. But turn undead has snapped out of it because he took damage, which he knew was going to happen. And this, of course, means, Ken, you can now do things. I will cast banishment. What? On the fucking thing. It's a charisma saving throw,

I believe. Okay. Let me see. There's some acid over there. Yes, charisma saving throw. Forgot to take that acid pool out, but it works. My neck Charisma saving throw. Forgot to take that acid pool out. It works! My neck is sweaty. I'm ready.

16. Willie likes him guys now. Does he make it? Yes. Hang on. I think it doesn't matter. Wait, what? It doesn't matter wait what it doesn't matter if he fails what happens if he fails target must succeed on that quiz or be banished so he succeeded yeah he's fine sometimes the way good spell that's a ken gets. It's just funny.

Yeah, ha ha ha. Blaine, you're up. There is an acid pool over there. Get him, Blaine. I'm going to bring in the divine my what's it called? Spiritual weapon? Yeah, my spiritual weapon. Roll to spiritual weapon.

That's an 18. Six is 24. Oh yeah, that's it. It's AC is 15. So that's a seven and

six is 13. Alright. Smash into it And six is... Thirteen. Alright. Smash into it. And he's... You're gonna... Are you gonna spiritual flame him? Uh...

Yeah. Sixteen. Deck save. That's a save, yeah? Is that... He succeeds? Is it a save? I have a fourteen.

Yeah. So he succeeds. And wiggles away from your sacred flame. Alright. That's a save, yeah? Is it a save? I have a 14. So he succeeds and wiggles away from your sacred flame. And we'll have to see what Bricks does with this bone naga on the next episode of NerdPoker. Sam? Hey, episode 22, the acid monster is disengaged from Pish Posh

finally. We got rid of the acid river, Chris killed the boulet with a shot to the head and that's all I wrote nice right post saying calm for tour dates I've got Phoenix coming up I've got well yeah but Alabama and then New Orleans excuse me and Lafayette and during Comic Con I will be at the image booth look for me there but then on the 25th

they're doing a Mission Hill I think it's the 25th anniversary of the 30th anniversary of Mission Hill at any rate myself and the creators, Bill Oakley and Josh Weinstein, are doing a show downtown San Diego.

And then look for me at the con or at Nobu. Are you going to cosplay as like one of the new Teen Titans? No, I'm just going to be dressed as Jim Kuback, my character from Mission Hill. Oh, oh cool which is basically me uh and then uh my comic books um we we have a special uh rifters uh san diego comic-con uh edition and uh grommets two will be uh it's sold out so

grommets 2 will be uh it's sold out so we're um reprinting that and grommets 3 is one of my favorite issues that one's coming out very soon but uh thanks for picking up the comic if you have because uh selling out and doing second printings we're super stoked on it blame we attribute the success save mankind for later thanks for joining us on this episode you got walls and a roof well Blame. this and Sambot69 wins the Ruth's Chris Karaoke contest and celebrates by starting a grease fire in the kitchen on the next Nerd Poker. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker,

and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening. Spin the clock!