Nerd Poker - The Mountain Campaign - Episode 23

Episode Date: July 16, 2024

We're JUUUUUUUST about done tidying up this whole acid river / acidfalls business, with the top of Mount Dooks only a quick trip upwards. As long as this bone naga doesn't hypnotize anyone again, which it is definitely going to try and do, we just may survive. That's even better than "not a TPK!" As usual, Glibbles falls down. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.    

Hey, it's Brian Poussaint, NerdPoker. We're calling it the Mountain Campaign. My friends are here, Sarah, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer Sam, and of course, our kick-ass DM, Dan Telfer. Welcome to Nerd Poker. Hey everybody, it's Brian Pisani and you're listening to Nerd Poker. It's episode 23 of the mountain campaign it's true what was that face blaine's weird blaine's here hi hey pal it's me blaine ken's here hello all my friends are here this time yeah sarah's back it's been like eight years something two One month? It's been a while. Yeah.

You guys can't play without me. Where's Sarah? Who cares? Let's kill her. We did say that. Sarah is here. Chris is here. We did not kill your character.

Yet. Yeah, despite, I mean, I have no idea what has happened. You haven't even listened? I tried to, I mean, it was a lot of episodes.

So what I did was listen to the beginning and the end and it seems like you were kind of in the same place there's a lot of acid still i think right yeah anyway someone can fill me in well we got out of the acid oh sort of 90 oh yeah okay that's dan by the way hi it me. And at the end of the table, Sam. Hello, sweet children. Hey, pal. Hi. You want to thank some people? First of all, I want to thank Sam for getting the pop filter on my microphone for the first time.

That's right. A long time. The dog's in the kitchen so she will not eat it. And the silver spoon. Wow. Seek it up. All right, everybody. It's time to thank some listeners that are top two tiers on patreon kid rock was in the news harry chapin can't sue us that's that's not gonna happen speaking of people that have sued us

uh prop meet thank you prop meet Prop me. Thank you. Drugs. Thank you. Thank you. Drugs. Oh, thank you. Dang. Wayne half step. Thank you.

Come meet the mountain campaign. Thank you. Old Portland stew. Thank you. Stein mitts pianos. You can tune a fish, but you don't can pianos. Thank you, Bryce Spider Lisser.

Thank you, Ding Dong Sing Song Boyne Cone Burger. That is, of course, Mr. Show Commercial Parody Reference. Thank you, Randy Butternubs. Thank you, It's Season 8 Brian, if you're really nasty. Thank you, Scott Dyer. Thank you, Zach Clerk. Thank you, Ben. Thank you, Dr. Poop Poop Hopper. Thank you, Scott Dyer. Thank you, Zach Clark. Thank you, Ben. Thank you, Dr. Poop

Poop Hopper. Thank you, Immortan Gerb. Thank you, Mark. Thank you, Megatron Smirkin. And finally, thank you, Glut Glut in the butt. Blaine, who are those supporters brought to us by? Supporters brought to us by Teeny SWAT

Special weapons and tactics By kids for kids Teeny SWAT Teeny Teeny Teeny Swan Teeny Teeny Swan Dan we deserve to hear a whole episode

of Teeny Swan after all that I think we have to pay for it well in that case I think we have to pay for it. Oh, that would suck. Well, in that case, I guess we should talk about what happened last time on Nerd Poker. He's the most jump I've ever actually seen. Last time

on Nerd Poker, we finally got past those fucking rivers of acid. I mean, mostly. Enough that I left the miniature things at home. Sarah has never seen... No, they were here even when I was here. She's never seen me being finished painting those fucking things. No, thank you very much.

Sorry for interrupting you, narrator. Thank you for apologizing. You're welcome. Oh, yeah you very much. Sorry for interrupting you, narrator. Thank you for apologizing. You're welcome. Oh, yeah. All right. I don't think I remember every time where we are in the turn order, so we're going to get to that in just a moment. But everyone has floated across, flown across, done their best to get across the rivers of acid, and they have magic bubbled their way through an acid waterfall, they now stand where the bone naga has run away.

It's frightened, having been popped, glibbles stabbing it. We now take you to all of that stuff in progress. All right, so for our listeners, there is a room that is 5'10", 15', 20', 25', 30', 35', about 40 by 45 feet wide. The bone naga is on stone and has just turned around to face glibbles. There's one door in the far end of the room. Everyone's just gone through the acid waterfall.

And there's a large pool of acid with a skull footing in it. But if you're checking your maps at home, everybody, we could be upon the precipice of some serious business, but, uh, let's see. Whose mini are we missing still? Sarah's two minis. Well, yeah, I didn't know if both of those people were still in play, but this is Juniper. She's still like, she's still like basically a zombie. Have we seen this one yet uh no because i got the mini literally the week after i think she died it's so cool yeah that's

my color printed one that looks awesome this was iva but i'm going to use her for bricks because bricks has not arrived yet i have a paper bark all right and i'm going to kind of cluster everybody like here-ish because you just kind of flew through and it would be kind of like Pish Posh and Mordecai having flown everybody. And I know Glipples was asked permission to murder and he ran up and did that. And I think what I'm going to do is have everybody roll a new initiative in the name of the fact that we kind of like went through a waterfall and then like there's only one guy left and it's probably not going to be a long fight, but you guys are significantly beat up and down on stuff. So it should be interesting enough to do one more.

Should I know anything about my, because I don't see any changes on the sheet online. Did I lose any? I don't see any changes on the sheet online. Did I lose any? I don't think you lost any. I mean, if they did, I would have put it in D&D Beyond because I had both of those tabs open for bricks and juniper. Juniper is basically like a non-player. She's got like one hit point. I don't know.

I wouldn't count her out, you guys. I feel like she might surprise us all in the 11th hour. A couple of training montages later. Meanwhile, everyone else is level 20. 6 plus 3 is 9. Nice. 17 plus 5, 22. Thank you for those of you

who remember I have ADHD. Sarah, what'd you get? 3 plus 4 is 7. Excellent. Brian, what'd you get? 3 plus 5 is 8. For. Brian, what'd you get? Three plus five is eight. We're more to cut. All right. We got Ken. 13 plus two is 15.

Ken, you got it. Oh, boy. And then this one's going to be Glibbles. He's going to get a 12. And then this one's going to be Glibbles. He's going to get a 12. And then the Bow Naga. It's weird that we don't know their name for as much time as we spent with this Bow Naga. It's actually Luke Naga.

Oh, is it? Cool. Bow and Luke Naga. All right, just rearranging the turn order. I'm going to pull up all this Bow Naga. Alright, just rearranging the turn order. I'm going to pull up all the Bo Naga's. Are the people who don't

who aren't necessarily clocking that joke, are they angry at you or are they just like, stop it? Which one? Just now, the Bo and Luke Naga. Bo and Luke Naga? Yeah. I would think that people are just kind of moving on and pretending they didn't.

That's why I don't want to just drive by. Yeah. Yeah, sometimes people say, like, that should have gotten more of a laugh. And you know what? It might not have gotten a laugh, but we can give it time. Yeah, my jokes, a lot of my jokes are like that generally. Sam, can you sweeten that one? Thanks.

No. Handle it, handle it. A lot of my jokes are like that generally. Sam, can you sweeten that one? Thanks. Handle it, handle it. Oh, wait, that's Carter Country. Yeah. Holy shit. I don't know what has happened for the last 45 seconds, and every single reference has gone. I was trying to do some Dukes of Hazzard references that bled into a Carter Country joketer country joke of course and then i was

trying to think about it carter that's how old it is okay trying to get back to enos somehow none of that really helped but i but i didn't feel like i should probably move on i do know what jigsaw hazard is do you know jack elam is no but you know what i probably would know more references from 1912 is my guess. Oh, fun. No, no. I just feel like there's a, you know, like a historical. The 70s are like a.

Titanic's leaving. All aboard. I know about the Titanic. Really? It's that great movie. Mm-hmm. Draw me like one of your French Enuses. Never seen it.

Good for you. It is. Enus? No, I never saw Titanic. Bad. of your french enuses never seen good for you it is so bad i saw it on opening day and laughed so hard and talked extensively to my sister we were like this movie's gonna tank so hard and i know other people i was very oh yeah i was very embarrassed then to be so i could never i laughed really loud when the flare went up and there's nobody around to see the flare that goes up. I laughed when they're having sex in the car and the hand is on the seat.

This is just a joke. It's like the shower seat of Psycho. Yeah, yeah. You can just feel the cliches being manufactured off the assembly line the whole time. I do love a disaster movie. I didn't know that there were Minox in the cargo hold of the Titanic.

Oh, boy. There are so many interesting stories that really happened let's tell this one instead instead of the story of a platform piece of wood or whatever that leonardo dicaprio definitely could have fit on fucking i did like kathy bates line where they were sitting in the lifeboat and they see the boat sticking up out of the water she goes well there's something you don't see every day. I thought that was a great line. And then a thousand people died. Oh, my God. We will not get tired of

stupidity. Let's hope. Chris. Yes, ma'am. Valley tail sharp twig. Here. Would you like to do something? Yeah. I'm going to break your left, Dan dan because i can't reach the thing but i think i'm gonna try and make the group splitty up you know so it was like got it got it yeah that's my right oh yeah i'll try and break away from the group i guess it kind of moves me towards that

wall and maybe because i'm low i I'll be full up for attacking. And then afterwards, I think I might kind of crouch low to use the height of that. I'm assuming that acid pool is raised up like that. You could get up here. I want to stay behind. I see what you're saying. Gotcha. Gotcha.

Yeah. So I want to be firing and then crouching. Cool. I'll just have you do a hide roll afterwards. Cool. All right. So first attack is only a three plus 10, 13. Oh boy.

That is a miss. Second one. Jeez. A nine plus 10, 19. That is definitely a hit. Cool. I'm going to use. Okay.

So it's a D eight. I'm going to, and then, so it's a d8. I'm going to... And then a d6, because of the thing. I'm going to use the favored slayer, too, if I can. Cool. What is it that you favor? Did you call this last time? Oh, it's...

Yeah. I feel like we just talked about this. Yes, a favored foe. When I hit a creature with an attack roll, I can mark it as my favorite. It's sort of like Hunter's Mark. Got it. Okay, thank you. But it's after my fate. It's sort of like Hunter's Mark. Got it. Okay, thank you. But it's after the fact.

It's squirrelized. Yeah. So it's this plus 7, 3, 10, and 2, 12 plus 5, 17. All right. And then, like I said, I will, if it's all right with you, try and crouch down. Mm-hmm. Close to Elcheck. I'll get back in there Uh, six

plus eleven, seventeen I'll say that you successfully hide Cool, and I'm like Go get him everybody from the forest Bo knock us up, he is going to start fucking with Glimples.

I leave the room. No. Okay. Let's see. What is the first thing he is going to do? I mean, maybe the Naga isn't so bad. Maybe the Naga is going to strike up a fun conversation. He looks bad.

It starts to rattle, and you see waves, arcs of electricity course through it into its mouth, and a bolt of lightning slams into Glibbles. Jesus. Glibbles has a dexterity saving throw of 15. So pretty good.

He just barely makes it. But I think that he still takes half damage. Yeah, so... 8d6. Jeez. Damn, what spell is this? Lightning Neck? What is he doing? Lightning Bolt.

Oh. It's 2... 24 something. 16 points of lightning damage for glibbles ah fuck they're on my dick so he rattles does the whole palpitating

you see his skull through his head thing. And he falls over. Oh, no. Okay. I'm getting tired of him falling over. He's hit some things. Ken, you're up. Oh, dear.

Well, let's see. I will... If it takes the pressure off, it's technically Pish Posh who's got it. Oh, in that case. I buy him a taco. I'm going to cast a Chaos Bolt. Okay. That's a saving throw, yes?

And I'm going to do a Chaos Bolt. Okay. That's a saving throw, yes. And I'm going to do force damage with it. If he makes a saving throw, which I think you're going to make me look up. Let's see. Chaos Bolt. No, it's a ranged spell attack. That's on you. There's no... That's on you.

Totally on me. So what, are you going to roll? Yeah, it's a ranged spell attack. That's some bullshit. Well, life spell attack. That's some bullshit. Well, life is hard. That's a 12. Shit. Good night.

Is that your turn? That was fun. All right. You going to move it around or anything? No? Great. Glibbles is going to do a death saving throw. Noted. Oh, he rolled a one. So that's two fails for Glibbles is going to do a death saving throw. Noted. Oh, he rolled

a one, so that's two fails for Glibbles. Oh, he had an automatic fail. But he rolled a one, so that's two automatic. Oh, got it. Not automatic, but it's two fails when you roll a bunch. Blaine, you're up. Or should I say blep? Meow. You're up.

It's your turn. I'm going to take a long rest. I'm gonna take a long rest I'm just gonna I'm gonna find a Sun beam uh-huh I'm gonna try to clean my back with my tongue for about ten minutes and then I'm just gonna I'm just gonna purr and sigh and go to sleep in the Sun okay actually I Actually, I'm going to... I think you gained 10 arrogance points. I'm going to invoke duplicity, which is my bonus action. So there's going to be one of me

kind of running around like Snagglepuss, don't you know? And I'm also going to... It's the Naga. And what else? Is there something else in the room yet there's a skull and a skull floating in there but that's it right now okay and uh and the the naga is still up against the wall because of my turn on dead yeah from a ways back that is this okay um this is like the end of a long fight so this is the last guy but everyone's beat up enough i'm making you keep going okay i'm going to uh uh i've got the

my what is it what is it what is it spiritual weapon going i'm gonna uh use that to thwack it. That's a seven plus six. He might be going to pop out of this. So, 13? Yeah, it's a hit. Okay. And then... I'm sorry. Roll your damage, please.

Dan's face suggests it's not. I got a new sheet that doesn't have all my stuff on it yet. Heather. R.I.P. Shannon. Spiritual. That was a good movie.

I felt like such an asshole this week when she passed because one night drunkenly when she was going out with who's the guy that died from Friends? Matthew Perry. They dated? Yeah. night drunkenly when she was going out with uh who's the the guy that that died oh from friends matthew perry they dated yeah and they were uh being very what do you call it a affectionate of yeah public pda yeah yeah they're being gross about it like one time i saw tommy lee with pink and at my sushi place and so i called uh that's a combo i called the paparazzi

on them oh wow because i was just like why are they coming to my sushi place and being gross like she practically had her shirt off and he's like and so then this was later i was we were melanie and i were coming out of a club and I just did it to make her laugh. I was like, Chandler's kissing Brenda. And I was yelling it at them. And they did not look happy. And they're both gone. And I never got to say I'm sorry.

Well, it was all your fault. By outing their PDA on the air? You saw Tommy Lee kissing pink at a sushi place. I saw Tommy Lee fucking Swoozie Kurtz at Pink's. You're not. No. Jesus Christ. Why would you drag Swoozie Kurtz into this mess?

I was going to say, as soon as you heard Swoozie Kurtz, that's the clue. Tommy Lee's a horndog. Oh, Swoozie Kurtz, that's the clue. Tommy Lee's a horn dog. Oh yeah. Oh no, I'm not saying, I'm saying in terms of- I think he would try to fuck anybody, like my mom would be around and he'd be like,

and she's no longer with us. We can only make jokes about dead people today. I got 14. Are we talking about Shannon Doherty? Yeah. Not anymore. I saw Judd about shannon doherty yeah not anymore i saw judd nelson and shannon doherty at the improv uh back i guess in the 90s back when uh there was uh tables out front on the audience and uh judd nelson had a cast on his arm but they were sitting there and they were having the angriest most quiet argument they were screaming at each other but it was all

whispers they were going at it so hard they were they were so intense but you could barely just a whisper it was amazing yeah it was crazy anyway i called tmz on him and then tommy came over just the out of it and bud loved it booked it for the evening of the improv 14 the skull explodes but it's a skull so it's not a big deal the parts just kind of fall in the acid pool okay probably a big deal to whoever's skull it was dan somewhere the family of the dwarf all cries at once and they don't know why. Aww. It's the little kid again. It's because he hit the skull of their long-dead family

member. You set them free. Yeah, trapped there. Yeah, it's over. Yes. Okay, cool. Do we know how beaten up he is oh no he's been hit twice uh not much though he got turned on dead early in the fight

and we got him we pushed him away dally tail hit him once but other than that he hasn't really taken a whole ton of damage. All right. I'm going to go range first. All right. Fire a crossbow bolt. Yes. Get the bone, Naga. That's a fucking interesting looking figure, though. It's really cool. I like it.

17 plus 6.'s it cool nice 280s Shit. Four. Four points of damage. All right. All right, you get another attack though, right? Yeah. I believe you're a two attacks per action kind of tiefling.

Another crossbow. Nope. Rolled a three plus. Yeah, three plus nine or six. All right. Are you going to kind of just hang out where you are? Yeah. Great.

Sarah? Yes. Your two PCs are up. I can't wait to see what Juniper does. Juniper is going to hang back. Bricks is going to run at the thing and kind of leap and attack

using her hand axe. That is. So, let's see. Does it make a xylophone noise, Dan? Yes. I don't know if it's using a hand axe. Oh, my God. Do you see that ArcScience headline where it's like uh

what is it the guy's name uh is it not jerry can't tell but the one who's still alive from allison chains he said he admitted that the song them bones is actually about a skeleton that he encountered in a graveyard and played the rib cage like it's always it wasrell? Yeah. Lane's the guy. Lane's Staley. Lane's Staley, unfortunately. Cantrell has the G&L Rampage signature. He's amazing. And he wrote most of that shit. And when they got a new vocalist, it didn't sound any different

because he always did the backup vocals. So it still sounds like Alice in Chains because it was really... Cantrell was the mastermind. Sarah, you attacked a snake monster? I did and then you wanted to talk about bone plans but I got an 18 to hit

on that first attack so that is makes a hit and that does 10 points of damage. Then I have another attack. A crack rings through the rim.

Please make that other attack. Let's see what happens. That is a natural 20 plus 7 to hit. Oh, nice. We're glad you're back.

Die, bone nugget, die. So that is 10 That's 14 points of damage. Oh shit. Alright. Is it dead yet? No? No. It's in rough shape though. I'm going to then

spend my ki point to do flurry of blows. And so I'm gonna just basically try to rip apart its wishbone. Oh shit. Part of its body. Let's see it happen. Where were you for the last month?

Well, that's a good question. So that's two unarmed strikes. So that's going to be... Fucking monk time. 16? Is that a hit? Yep, that's a hit. Okay, so that is enough spells um four and then um one more thing

that's happening here okay and then so uh i have a i think i have to do this after my second hit here on the flurry of blows okay do that okay my second here on the flurry of blows. Okay. So I do that. Okay. My second hit on my flurry of blows. Uh-huh. Things are happening. Okay, that's not going to be, that's a 10. No.

So that means, I'm not sure what order to do this in, but so in future we know that I need to tell you, I think ahead of time, that using my open hand technique, when I hit with one of my flurry of blows attacks, I can impose an effect on the target. So this time I'm going to try to make it fall prone if it fails a dex saving throw, DC 14. All right. So it's got a plus three to dex.

That'd be a 21. Okay. So it made it, but, you know, I still hit it a bunch. Yeah. Awesome. Nice. And yeah, it just cracks as pieces of now i realize it might lightning me but i wanted to come back in i did not use my bonus action to get back out of that situation because i wanted to be here for you guys come in strong maybe die immediately but let's see what happens all right right. Dally tail, sharp twig hiding behind the lip of the acid pool.

All right. I will pop out and fire again at the son of a bitch. World to son of a bitch. 13. My name's one more. 21. That is a hit. Awesome.

Okay. so for this it's a d8 for that. And now because it's been hurt, I can apply my Colossus Slayer. So it's another d8. You guys are rolling high. And then a 5. Then 2d6 because all the other stuff.

So 2 and 4 is 6 and 8 is 14 and 3 and 6 and 8 is 14 and 3 and 17 plus 5 is 22 alright now I'll go for the forest and then I'll hide again

giant crack in its skull as you just it's like starting to rattle and shake back and forth alright is that your turn uh yeah i'm gonna duck back down can i do that hide thing again behind the thing uh 14 first off oh sorry no i'm have it's a much better bonus uh 20 uh 20 okay so you managed to duck just in time as it snaps its head in your direction okay great looking uh to take revenge

it's instead going to look over at bricks uh who that's me recently fucked it up and say, take a bath. Bath. And then I'm going to need to do a wisdom saving throw. I don't like this. I don't want to go in there, though. Okay, sorry. I'm going back to my stage. Do the Bugs Bunny cameras. I have advantage against being charmed.

Does that matter in this case? Oh, interesting. Probably. Let me try. Nope. Oh. He's not trying to charm me? He's trying to frighten me? Whatever. He's casting command, which it looks like is not a charm spell, despite

it seeming like it might be. Oh, but I have advantage against spells cast by creatures who are within five feet of me as well, due to my mage slayer. I think that's a feat, perhaps. Okay, so now I have advantage, so I'm going to do this. Okay, so that's... I got an 18 as my high roll.

Yeah. All right. So, yeah, you managed to just shake it off. As words go into your mind and down your spine, you shiver, but it does not. What if I don't shiver? Huh? What if I didn't shiver? Oh, I guess you just role played your way out of any consequences.

Congratulations. That'll take us to Ken Pishposh. Hi. Hi. We're hanging out Ken Pishposh. Hi. Hi. We're hanging out. We're going to do some shit. Okay. That won't work because it never does.

Okay. I'm going to try that fucking chaos bolt again. I dare you. I dare you. Can I have you roll an insight check first real quick? Yes. Sorry. Just brief pause. It also says that I have a reaction. As part of my Mage Slayer attack, I have a reaction.

Hang on. Does that... Keep that dice hot. Can I use both of those qualities of Mage Slayer during that thing? First of all, keep that die hot. Excuse me. Second of all, I think so. I would think so.

Yeah, of course. That means that I get to use my reaction to make a melee weapon attack against a creature who casts a spell within five feet of me. Second of all, I think so. I would think so. Yeah, of course. That means that I get to use my reaction to make a melee weapon attack against a creature who casts a spell within five feet of me. You messed up, mister. Okay, now you know I'm going to botch now. I got too confident. I got too cocky, guys. That was pretty cocky. It's going to be a one.

No, it's not a one. Okay, it's not a one. So it's a 17. That's a one. No, it's not a one. Okay, it's not a one. So it's a 17. That's a hit. Hey! Does he look surprised? He looks like, I thought I told you to take a bath.

You're not behaving. So that's seven points of damage. How would you like to see the bone noggin die? I'm sorry, Ken. I didn't mean to steal that from you. Ken, can you, you want to angrily cast Chaos Bolt against the wall? That's against her. I feel like I want to. Get steal that from you. You want to angrily cast Chaos Bolt against the wall? I feel like I want his, right now he looks like he's screaming and looks really scary with his teeth.

And I want that, I want to turn his frown upside down, sort of, where he's going to go from being terrifying to kind of terrified. Like, what is happening to me? And then he's just just gonna fall apart like each bone is gonna slowly fall off of his body and you just hear like a wind chime or a xylophone being taken apart on the floor uh congratulations you are out of combat can everyone do an insight check, please? Hey. Not just pish posh. 24. 11. 6.

9. You all feel pretty great about destroying the Bonaga. It does flash across your mind. Oh, I think I see Glibble's about to gasp. Oh, right. Hey, I'm going to go over and... I'm going...

I think I have spread the dying. Yeah, I'm going to go over and spread the dying. Great. And you do. It did sound like you said, spread the dying. Which I think just... It stabilizes him, right? Like at one hit point?

Yeah. He's still unconscious okay cool all right there you are everybody congratulations America how about a long rest you guys finally get to tell Melanie we've won at long last

can we close up this room somehow and take a snoozer that would be nice shouldn't we wake up Glibble just to find out? Yeah, heal him. Well, he's the expert on specifically this room. Oh, yeah. Right?

Yeah. The map and all that. I take it back. Thank goodness. Is there a way you could use some of your faith magic? At least. Let's see. Cure wounds or prayer of healing. want to see what what is better for all of us because everybody's down right yes it's a clown

how me it says breaks with a sniff uh the prayer of that was really great when you ran up and you sort of led, you showed how much you're here. Thank you. I'm trying to avoid saying you're back because you. Thank you. I appreciate it. Yes, it was great. I'm going to do a prayer of healing.

This is six creatures of my choice that I can see within range, regain hit points equal to 2d8 plus my spell cast modifier. Sweet. Roll them hit points for the whole party. She's like, you weren't half bad yourself. So three is 10 plus six, 16. Oh, nice. With that healing, I put one of my arms back on. I'm like, thank you very much.

As you can see, you know, it definitely took some hits. How much was it? Sorry. 16. Thank you. Are we going to try to take a rest here that would be kind of nice yeah i think we should take a bath something tells me i gotta take a schvitz in the acid uh can we check in with glibbles before we long rest yeah what's up you're gonna take a watch

we should know is that what you're checking in about? Like the next steps here? Because like, shouldn't we consult the map and sort of figure out where we are and what's next? Yeah. Take out your back. Okay. I'm doing it. It's a bad for you.

I have a look at it. I have to fucking great drawing. It's going to take me a while to find it, but I will find it. I don't know. I'm searching the word map in messages. Maybe you should favorite in your iPhone so it's right there. Do you not can...

Oh, well, I found it. Okay. So it's Mount Dukes. And it's not to scale. It's very important. So you guys got past all the acid stuff. You could tell it's the green drippies. And now you wait got past all the acid stuff you could tell is the green drippies. And now you wait.

You got the little tunnel, right? That's the other side of the door. The other side of the door is just a tunnel. It's a long tunnel. And so, what me and my buddies did was we tried to take a blast of sleep in here. But we didn't have any food.

And we were on our last arm, and we were pretty fucked up. So we just were like, we'll peek through the door and we'll walk for a while. We were like, there's no more fucking mushrooms or supplies or nothing. Just get the fuck out of here. So if you look over here in the corner,

this is where I'm at. This is where I'm at. This is where I'm at. They were already doing the teleportation circle. So if you look over here in the corner, this is where this is where one of us named Ornandale drew the teleportation circle. You can still see this little bit of diamond dust and candles.

And then we teleported and then I went back the way I came and I waited for you. But like, we went out and you can see there's a giant hole on the side of the mountain where you'll have to like climb up to go to Clutch's nest. And there's a big hole so you can see there's a giant hole in the side of the mountain where you have to climb up to go to Glet's nest. And there's a big hole. So you can see Glet circling the mountain.

What was that? I wasn't paying attention. So now would be a good time to rest, is what you're saying? Probably. Okay. When you said someone lost an arm, do you mean having just come through what we've been through

no so like remember how we got good with the quaggots so my friend told me he was a fighter and he just gave like oh come on I'm off you can have some meat I'll fix it later oh alright we're flying through the ass of Orville alright

it's too late to do that, though, because you killed it all. Because you don't have to lose an arm now. That's good. It's a good thing. And we have food and a chef. We have a chef? Yeah. That's right. Holy shit!

That's right. I think I've been dead for most of the time that we've been making meals. Could I request before I go to bed a little like deep fried curly fries, a hot dog with like little crispy onions. Why are you not telling me you will? We have a Luna bar. Oh, shit.

Those are fine i'm gonna deep fry an elf shoe and we're all gonna split i think you actually have enough for a proper meal and a proper long rest and just to say briefly in a human voice yeah there's this sick fucking exit that glibbles drew and it's basically a hall and then a giant hole inside a mountain where you have to climb up and face a dragon. But you can apparently see she's like, at least occasionally flying in a circle around the mountain and coming and going. Okay. So, yes, I think now is the time. Yeah, let's do it. For our pre-boss fight rest.

You want me to take a watch? I'll take a watch. I'm just unwell. You want to cut a little too? Oh, okay. I'm healed. You got me close to dinner, though? Oh, sure.

Well, we can have the dinner besides the offshoot. What's for dinner? Hey! Oh, my God. You're a chef! He's not going to make you a hot dog. He's vegan. Oh, shit. That's right. Can make you a hot dog he's vegan oh shit that's right can i have a tofu dog please he makes a good reebok joy

christ christ christ christ hey why don't you make it for dinner this is part of your character's backstory. I'm trying to enable you. Oh, my God. What do we have? We have a ration. You have all your... Yeah, I think you packed spices and things. We have jerky, I'm sure, and water, and there's probably... Oh, Juniper.

Yeah, Juniper's like, I think I have... Do I like mead? Yes., Juniper's like, I think I have... Do I like mead? Yes. And then she's like, still got some of that mead on her. Brian, do you want to roll survival check to see how gourmet this is? Yeah. Can you put some fancy feast in there?

Like marinate some... Oh, yeah, and also I'm a vegetarian. If I eat mead, I'll get poisoned. 19. Ooh. That trash. Yeah, you managed to between the alcohol, a little bit of dried fruit you have,

the rations, a pretty great meal that actually tastes almost like it's straight out of a fancy tavern. Great. You all feel full up and ready to discuss first watch?

I'll go first watch. Do you want me to do it with you or do you want to go solo? I can go either way. Leader? I'll do it with you. If you want, I can patrol all the way. I'll take second watch.

All right, we'll get to that. Jesus Christ, all way. Okay. I'll take a second watch. All right. We'll get to that. Jesus Christ. All right. I'm going to roll a perception while I sleep. Oh, wait. Hold on a second. Pish posh.

You got fucking staff to attune to. You're going to do that on your watch or some shit? Okay. Do you want to do that while Mordecai is on watch? I'll take a little nap. Sure. All right. I'll go.

Good night. Bricks already has her bows on and her face is covered in cold cream. She's just asleep. Does anyone else have anything to attune to? That's just the only thing I remembered. Then yes, please. Roll an Arcana check before we have Mordecai roll.

Please. 60. please 60 alright you are now attuned to the staff of mortal currency which you can add to your inventory would you guys like the full description sure it's a bit of a read okay attuning to the staff does not

automatically reveal all of its secrets to you your dungeon master may likely have told you so uh without naming the spell i have given you access to the spell soul cage that is what you have been using upon uh you've also been using a spell a homebrew spell called reunification um reunification means you reunite a creature with its soul a creature that's been dead for no more than a day has not been specifically robbed of its soul and isn't undead and there are rules for that which you can look at as well but there there can be um severe consequences to using the spell reunification like you did on juniper uh addition, there is another spell that you now realize you can use the staff

for called Soul Expansion. It is a necromancy spell. The polite spellcasting world has no knowledge of its existence, as even rumor of this spell that takes one, it takes a soul and its gifts

and brings it to someone else is from a dark corner of necromancy. Any spellcaster who learns of it and considers using it should be made aware most societies will consider this spell inherently evil. This is why the Quaggoth got a bonus when you use two

charges from the staff to bring him back to life. So there is apparently some history with it. You realize this could be involved in a ceremony that would allow someone to become a lich. And yeah. Lich please.

Reunification has potential to bring exhaustion points, stuff like that but yeah, you can look at the spell and maybe notice some more of the darky dark stuff

and Brian, let's get a perception check from you while you go on watch I love 15 plus 16. Alright. You hear

nothing for a while. At one point there's a sharp gust coming down the hallway. It sort of rattles the door. That's the dragon coming back from the store. Meow. Alright. Blep, you're up.

Does anyone want to do second watch with Blep or nah? I need to heal unfortunately. Okay. Yeah, I'm gonna take a watch and then go back to sleep but right now I'm just up with the zoomies. Okay, so let's, as you zoom, get a perception check. 12.

Of course, you do see a ghost in the corner that no one else can see because you're a cat. Yeah. With a 12, you don't really hear much. No. Okay. All right. Who wanted third watch? Anybody?

Some of you already had your eight hours. Yeah, I can. Who wanted third watch, anybody? Some of you already had your eight hours. I believe you cannot because you still need four more hours. Do you only need four hours? I can't remember. Where is it? I'll take it. I still got characters. I can do it too.

I can watch with you. Globals is just going to sleep through this if you don't wake him up. He'll do the full 12-hour sleep. Let's have Dallytail and Bricks do watch and it'll be perception check. Just tell me if you're doing anything like walk down the hallway like Glibbles was thinking about doing.

No, I'm going to stay at the door. Okay. 11. 16. 20. Nice. uh eleven uh sixteen twenty early into your watch um you hear another gust and the door rattle

um but then bricks you could you could swear that you just heard the sound of like a couple of boot on the other side of the door like in the distance approaching and where's the door in this it's i would say you guys are probably like in this corner because it's farthest from the waterfall and from the pool oh and this and that's the door that's the door so okay can i see like under the door like crack if I can see like anything?

Have we even tried to open this door? No, you haven't tried to open it. It's not like a super tight door, but it's firm enough you can't really see. I can't see anything through the cracks. And even if I listen close, I'm not now that I'm paying attention. How much time do you want to spend

listening closer? I mean, I'll just sit there listening closer. I can spend all my time doing this okay uh how exactly are you listening you're like pressing i'm like no i'm not gonna touch the door but i'm gonna get as close as possible to the door and then i'm gonna sit like you know crisscross applesauce as they say uh yeah you sit crisscross applesauce, as they say. Yeah, you sit crisscross applesauce in front of the door, and then you hear a voice, quietly, on the other side. Just loud enough that it seems to know you're right there. And it kind of echoes through the door a little bit. Say, would you like to let me in? No.

It's a vampire! Has everyone gotten their full sleep yet or no no uh okay so i'm just gonna tell i'm gonna alert dallytail okay so i will do classic squirrel like straight up tail behind me straight up head twitch twitch um thank you i mean's the, it's the dragon. Really? Do dragons talk like that? You can do an insight check. Both of you. Yeah.

I don't know anything about. Please continue with your characters or player instincts might be, but I got an 18 insight. Nice. What's my insight? You say, Uh, 22. You're both aware that dragons speak common and that they can take other forms. Okay. And this is in common.

Hmm. I mean, we want to know these guys at full strength, right? Right. So I think we just, we just not answer. No. Okay. We're just going to chill. I'm going to stay in front of the door. Okay. And I'll be ready to wait. Okay. We're just gonna chill. I'm gonna stay in front of the door. Okay.

And I'll be ready to wait. Right. If something happens, I think we're both kind of like, I don't know, frozen. Yes, we're ready. Alright. About just like a minute more goes by, and then you hear a I'll come back when you're ready. And then a

like walking We give each other a big thumbs up. Far down the hallway. Yeah, yeah. We did it. I'll come back when you're ready. And then a... Like walking... We give each other a big thumbs up. Far down the hallway. Yeah, yeah. We did it. Back with our appetizers. We beat her. Guys, great news.

The monster knows exactly where we are. Do you do anything else for the rest of your four-hour watch? About 15 minutes have gone by since you saw the last of your friends go to sleep. Like, not off. I mean, try and get everybody up to full strength right yeah i think i think we have to wait until we know that everybody has their maybe we if you want them to get everything we wake up people

because some people have gotten like glibble's got eight hours so you can wake up go wait no he hasn't yes yeah oh he did. Oh, he did? Yeah. I asked Ken if he actually wanted to do the Arcana check instead of Glimples backing up Mordekaiser. Okay, so we'll wake up Glimples and if there's anyone else who needs... I think that's it.

Oh, no. Juniper, right? Yeah. Sure. I forget Juniper's name. I know. Does she need 12 hours of sleep? Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, sure. I forget your person. I know. Does she need 12 hours of sleep? That's right. That's tight. Thank you. Yeah.

All right. So you wake up Jennifer also. Oh, what the fuck is over there? You said. We think it's the dragon. I think it might be the dragon. We're just going to be relaxed and ready. Oh, shit. Okay.

Wait. Bobby, go kill it. No. Not yet. No. All right shit. Okay. Wait. Bobby, go kill it. No. Not yet. No. Alright, I probably couldn't. If we start the fight, we want to wait until everybody's awake and had a cup of coffee and ready to fight. Can we get a Dunkin' Fox and Joe?

What? I've been thinking about Dunkin' Donuts for a while now. I'm sure after we take care of the dragon, there will be some donuts, yes. Do you know that Mordecai has coffee? Yes. I really want coffee. I think he does. Okay.

Let's just wait. You guys wait. The rest of the watch with Glimbles just sort of pacing back and forth, and the rest of them go by, and everyone else begins to wake. All right, we bring everybody up to speed. Guys, we think the dragon was just outside the door. I don't know if you heard that, Ken. I mean...

Oh my God. Well, that's all right. Okay. So we think it's a vampire? I'm open to it being a vampire. I don't want to rule about anybody else's brainstorm. It's a vampire dragon. Oh, spooky.

Do you open the door? Oh, shit. You're going to get coffee. Is everybody ready for this to happen? Yeah, let's all have some coffee and then... Yeah. All right, well, you start. I'm going to hit the litter box. Grind in some coffee and then yeah all right well you start gonna i'm gonna hit the litter box

some beans and we'll see how that goes when next we have an episode of nerd poker sam hi all right episode 23 we reminisced about the sexual exploits of tommy lee sarah attacked a snake monster we won dnd and then we rested gibles reminded

us we have a chef there's a creepy voice outside the door asking to be let in we're waking everyone up we think it's a dragon outside the door nice uh we have a new sponsor we're uh sponsored by iron guard supplies uh get 20 off card uh comic and gaming supplies by using the code nerd20 at iron guard supplies calm they're really great what it is is instead of having your your comics or your cards graded and then putting them in those plastic things and they're lost you know they're in there forever right you can now use the iron guard makes these plastic shells for everything and that way you don't

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On the next Nerd Poker Ooh on the next Nerd Poker. Cool. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.