Nerd Poker - The Mountain Campaign - Episode 30

Episode Date: September 10, 2024

The reached the top of the mountain, only to make things weird, then weirder, then seriously wtf did they just do to Pishposh? Now that a possibly much more deadly dragon than Glutt is on the way, it sure would be a bad time for one of the heroes to turn into a puddle of goo! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Hey, it's Brian Postain, nerd poker. We're calling it the Mountain Campaign. My friends are here, Sarah, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer engineer Sam and of course our kick-ass DM Dan Telfer welcome to Nerd Poker. Hey everybody it's Brian Persane you're listening to Nerd Poker episode 30 of the Mountain Campaign. And I know some shit's been going down the last couple of episodes. So jump in. That's going to be a good one. Chris is here.

Now is the perfect time to start listening. Start listening right now. Don't go back. The stairs here. I'm here. Ken's here. Things are going to be weird today. Jane is here. It's true. They're going to be weird. And Dan, our DM is here. Things are going to be weird. Today is here. It's true. They're going to be weird.

And Dan, our DM is here. Hi. It'll be normal. Hmm. At the end of the table, running everything Sam. Hello, sweet children. Hey, pal. Hey. When you get home on these nights,

was that dog wide awake? Oh,. He's ready to go. Did you, do you have to do a nighttime walk when you know, I do have to get to, actually get to, yeah, exactly. And then you take the dog out. Wait a minute. What happened? We didn't have Willie for a couple of weeks. She's back fully. She's back. We can talk about it in a second. Not totally trained, but we're working on it.

Oh, she's got for. She went to training camp. And so semi successful or are we sort of feeling it out right now? Yeah, yeah. Semester at sea. Go to that farm. You're not allowed to visit. Oh, show her.

We're having side talk over here. All right. We're one of thanks. I will thanks to people. And then I'll explain what that was all about in a few minutes. But first, we'll thank our patrons supporters. Hey, guys, thank you so much for supporting us. And seriously, it's keeping the lights on. Yeah, it's delightful.

And you go by usernames like it's Satan. Thank you. it's Satan. Thank you. It's Satan. Thank you. Nathan's hot dog scoop. Thank you. Pabst Blast Von Schlitz and wipe.

It's a lot of beer. Thank you. Sean Dixon. Thank you. Saga not out. Hello. Saga not out. I know you.

Thank you. Just enough charisma to not be getting constantly punched in the face. I guess I'm too dyslexic for simple wordplay. I'll go ste... And then it ends. Thank you. Starbirdland. The anti-Portland. Feels like it's just for you, Blaine. I don't know if that's one of your jokes, but it's very Blaine.

Thank you. Fang the Tabaxi with one fuzzy nut. Thank you. Smelly Tail Shark Twig. Please play Mork Borg. We could play Mork Borg. Do you guys know what that is? Chris, you know. I played it once.

What'd you think? I don't really remember, but it was fun. It's like Swedish death metal Dungeons and Dragons. What? You could just say, I it, be your reaction. It looks really cool. It comes in like this little yellow book with insane death metal art on it.

You'd probably go shit. Somebody gave it to me. Yeah. I'm not surprised. Yeah. Somebody gave it to me and wanted us to play it. And I was like, well, they're telling us on the usernames we need to get on that shit. Just to talk about it.

Maybe after Curse of Strahd, we'll bust out Morg Borg. Yeah. With you. Mort Borg. Yeah. The female. It looked insane. Yeah. But like fun, just like Kiss. Yeah. What?

They look insane. Well, your suggestion has been noted. Smelly tail shark wig. Thank you, big fan, nice guy. Thank you, shooting runner. Thank you, rando cardrissian. Thank you, Sean Meredith. Thank you, powdered bunk. Now withian. Thank you, Sean Meredith. Thank you, PowderedBunk,

now with unnecessary heroics for a limited time. That sounds like an inside reference to your personal time. What? No? Huh? I don't know. PowderedBunk? What? Bunk? You made a noise, yes. Oh, I thought it was a reference to Bunk,

our non-player character. Oh yeah, that's right. He got turned to ashes. That was funny. Oh, how quickly they forget it. Thanks. I made him up. Thank you, Sean Meredith. Was before that. Thank you, Kaylee J forget it. Thanks. I made them up. Thank you, Sean Meredith was before that. Thank you, Kaylee J. McPhail.

Thank you, Eric Ewald. Thank you, Jack Gulick. And finally, thank you, Ramen's Grandma Cup of Noodles. Blaine, who are those supporters brought to us by? Supporters brought to us by Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa- Cush floss balls Nothing cleans your teeth like hundreds of strips of thin thin colored rubber. So if you want clean teeth and who don't put these balls in your mouth. Kush floss balls. Kush floss balls available at dental Dan's dental dams only in

the Delco district. Dan, balls and mouth coming. Yeah. Is it still going? mouth coming. Mouth coming. Yeah, I was in mouth coming. Let's pull it together.

That's what I say when I throw. Floss made out of kush strings. It's nothing gross. That's where my head was. Pop it in your mouth and you chew and it flosses while you chew. It's just rubber in your mouth and there's nothing gross. It's not. That's where my head was. There was a lot of it in your mouth. And you chew and it flops is why you chew. It's just rubber in your mouth and there's nothing weird about it. You made it weird.

Mm-hmm. Where is that product available though? Geographically? In the Dildo district. That's not weird. All right. It's time to talk about- Dental dams.

Oh dear. It's no relation. What happened last time on Nerdpoker? We bought some extra time with the Topaz Dragon and in that time Pish Posh disconnected from the eggs and did not make the very difficult Arcanichek and turned into a pile of blood and guts. We'll now take it to the side conversation that I was having with Ken and Sarah. So I was like, wait a minute, don't you have luck points? If I had a long rest, but you didn't take a long rest. You're right about that.

Uh, you didn't have an inspiration token, did you? That was used already. He used it and he probably didn't. He used it to like get a nice flower. Because no one had been given inspiration. He made the best sandwich with that inspiration token. My app said I had inspiration. He used it to like get a nice flower. Yeah, that's right. I probably actually hit it. Because no one had been given inspiration for a long time. He made the best sandwich with that inspiration.

My app said I had inspiration, so let's go with that. We did. At this point, there's too much to retcon, but I would definitely make, I would give you more agency over what's about to happen. Also I left a card in the other place and three clubs. Nothing happened. I jumped back. Well, a lot of your loot is about to go flying all over the place.

You all jump back as the pile of guts explodes. I won't make you roll to dodge the guts, but you do see rising out of the pile. What appears to be a large dragon that resembles your friend Pish Posh. For a moment you are quite excited. It looks like Pish Posh has grown in size and become more powerful. But then as he begins to stand upright and roar, you notice the flesh hanging loose on his rib cage. He is undead.

And as he roars, you realized his legs are still made up from piles of blood and guts and skulls. You are now a Dracolich. Well, I'm the Dracolich. Oh, my God. That's amazing. Oh, this is your sheet. You get that.

Oh, boy. This is so he just took in an old lunch pail from the 70s. This RuPaul's Draco. It's just pitchforks, Dracolich and everything. Yeah. And that's you. I love it. I guess it's coming. Nice.

Now, is he a friendly Dracolich? That's cool. Now, this this looks Lich's gotta die. The what? That looks like me, but I'm Draco. Pish Posh, you... Lich, please. You feel incredibly powerful as you're expanding out into the open again and staring down at your

former compatriots. Please do a wisdom saving throw. Oh, one of those again. You got this Ken. You're rolling like a bastard. It's amazing. Oh, it's better than my money. That's a... I feel like I've said that before,

but it's worth saying it again. The lich is back. Roll. Six-sided die. All right, that one has six. There's five. One, two, three, four, and then a five and a six. Sam, so it hits Sam. You don't attack.

What's up with that? I don't, no, why would I? They're my friends. If you got them a one to four, I would have had you attack one of your friends or the five would have been Glibbles. Well, this is gonna be fun. So Glibbles is like, what the fuck is going on?

Roll to bite Glibbles. Oh, I mean, all right. Do any bonuses here? I think you do. We have to kill our old friend. Glibbles? No, Ken. No, Pitchposh is fine. What's your bonus to bite?

We got a guy. Plus 14 to hit. OK, good Lord. So that's 26. OK, roll your damage as you bite gibles. OK, now's the time to start rolling normally. Yeah, Ken, that's five. You roll those dice.

Nine, 14 plus eight. 22. Okay, so you do 22 points of, is it piercing damage? It is, yes. Okay. Oh, plus seven. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Plus acid damage. Mm hmm. You are.

You're a black dragon. Dracula. Right. So that is plus one. Three. Only three. OK. So it's a total of 25 points of damage. Yes. OK, I'm just doing that. And everything. Yeah. All right. What happened?

I don't know. Someone was playing the Nixon tapes. Yeah, there's a big foot outside. Oh, and I do have a link. I'll send you to if you want to use the digital version of this. But yeah, you you bite down on glibbles and he goes and reels backwards and go. He he braces himself to attack. What do the rest of you guys do?

Are we in combat? What's I don't just do whatever we want. You can do whatever you want, including attack. Attack who? I mean, right now, you should. So that's what I do. These are like this whole choice. They're over there sort of this Pish Posh no longer is.

I don't know where you guys want to be. So as dragons currently, where's my guy having brunch over at Arowan and then yeah, just bit gibles. I don't know where your Mordecai figure is the other room I'm going to. I was already sort of like away and hidden. I would like to make sure for my action. I hide. Okay.

Well, none of you are necessarily in combat right now. Ken is, is sort of deranged and attacking an NPC, so you don't have to do anything. You know, I can turn undead. So I would like to try to turn undead. Okay. Remind me and listeners what the... And I'm trying to find it. I'm not sure if it's in the spells or if it's under the... So it's to control Ken? I think it's to get him to run. Yeah. Is the link not working? Yeah, that's all right. It's not a spell. It'd be under cleric abilities.

Yeah. Making the dance sound. Brian what are some nevermind. As an action I present my holy symbol meow speak of prayer centering the undead meow. Each undead that can see or hear you within 30 feet must make a wisdom saving throw. If they fail, it is turned for one minute or until it takes any damage. A turn creature must spend its turns trying to move as far away from me, meow, as it can. It can't willingly move to a space within 30 feet of meow. All right. So we're going to give Ken a little bit more agency over this moment.

Ken, you realize you've sort of, yeah, well maybe share my phone if you really want it, or you can just paper it's up to you, but you realize you just, you know, lost control with all the power that you have and attacked Glibbles. You see him kind of like getting into a battle stance with his sword. Then you get hit with this spell that is you can tell that Blep is trying to get you to run away because you're dangerous. You have a choice, you can resist it to stay present or you can, I would say just passive insight. You're like, well, you can, uh, I would say just passive insight. You're like, well, if I just let him use this on me, maybe I can go regroup somewhere. So what would you like to do?

Resist it or turn undead. Okay. So you don't roll the saving throw. You just, um, you all see, uh, Pish Poshish Posh is going to kind of leap down the cliff. But, you know, you can see he's having a hard time actually walking. His mobility is affected. He can't fly, doesn't have wings like some dragons would. He's mutated. I'm going to attack him. like some more dragons would. He's mutated. I'm going to attack him.

You will have to go sort of like the edge of the cliff to do it. Like he's kind of down the cliff right now. Yeah, I'm going to let him get away. Okay. I don't want to let him get away. Okay. Could you put your mini out and I will have everybody roll initiative? This is going to be interesting. And I will have everybody roll initiative.

This is going to be interesting. To resolve that, baby, I got it. I got a Sarah, which is a botch plus three. Four, four. I'm trying to keep up with you guys. Sarah, plus three. That's pretty good. Trying not to be insulted. Oh, plus three. I got a Sarah to two weapons. Oh, Sarah three. I got a serrated six. Two weapons. Three.

Oh, Sarah's. Well, don't feel bad. They used to be Ken's. Now, she says. Brian's got a six. I got an 18. Nice. And my few.

I want you to see. 18 and life. Chris, what'd you get? Also an 18. Sarah, what'd you get? Well, I didn't get a Sarah, so there. I got a 13. Okay.

All right, so, Blaine, you said you got a four? Yeah, I did. I got a four. Okay. And what is Ken and Chris? What is your dex? My dexterity is 20, 10.

All right, so I'm gonna have Chris go before Ken. I'm a mess. First things first, Sarah is initiating this. So even though she is not first in the turn order, she's going to run to the edge of the cliff and attack. So how far, once I'm at the edge of the cliff, how far is he from me? He is about 200 feet away down.

Oh really, wow, okay. I'm sorry, wait, how, let me finish writing down what the initiative is, I'm sorry, and then I'll put, once I have this down, I will look in my notes how tall this cliff is and expect this to happen, so. Really? Yeah. He's your friend, you're gonna attack him? You're a monster. In my notes, how tall this cliff is, I didn't expect this to happen. So really? No. He's your friend. You're going to attack him.

Your monster attack us first. I don't know who the real monster is. The monsters inside you all the time. I don't understand. I mean, this OK, the cliff is the monster cliffs, 100 feet. So he he would have like made it to the bottom. It's 100 feet. You see him would have like made it to the bottom. It's 100 feet. You see him at the bottom of the cliff.

I mean, I don't like this at all, but I guess I'm following him down the cliff. Wow. OK. I don't want him to get away in this state. He's like, this is insane. With his mushing, got legs. Yeah. He's a mess and he wants us dead. My favorite little Abner character. He attacked us.

Mush gut legs? Mush gut legs? Did you get into that awesome juice again? Mush gut! I don't know about the other character. Sorry Dan. It's in the other room. There's a place in Burbank that makes really good mush gut legs.

You can be this egg. Oh yeah, with cornmeal. other room. There's a place Burbank that makes really good mush cut legs. You can be this egg. Oh yeah with cornmeal. They're yelp one way down. They kind of change management. Okay so do an athletics trick and try to climb down and keep up as best as you can. Okay. And we'll see. I mean, come on. Seven. Okay. So you're just going to get about halfway down on a little outcropping and just realize like he is taking off. Is he within 60 feet when I get halfway down? OK, so I'm going to I'm going to shoot a dart at him.

OK, roll the attack. And he's dead. I mean, ha ha ha. That's 26 to hit. Oh, whoa. You did, Sarah, that one. Nice. Is that a hit, Kent? 26 to attack. Where is it? Let me see. You're AC. Yeah, that's it can 26 to attack? Where is it? Let me see. You're a see. Yeah, that's it.

How much damage? Five points of damage. Oh, shit. Oh, that's piercing damage, right? Death saving throw. You do have damage resistances. Yes, it's very nice now. I'm looking at you looking right. Damage resistance. Yes, got it.

Quadruple damage from dart. I take five points of damage. Okay. Okay, then I'm going to use my second attack. Same deal. Okay. I rolled the wrong thing. Hold on.

That's probably not a hit. That's a 14. That is not a hit. Okay. Um, and then, um, okay. So I can't use Flurry of Blows cause that's a, um, and he's too, I can't with my addition, yeah, I can't get any closer to him. Okay. So, um, so I guess then I can't really use any of my bonus actions,

which is very annoying. Yes, actually I can. I'm going to use spend one key point to take the dash action. Nice. And that means I can get a little closer, right? As I... Because I use like... Yeah.

My movement is 45, so I'm not sure how much I move to fall halfway down the cliff. If you want to get all the way down the cliff with your dash, you do have to do another athletics check. And I will. I'll do it. Here it comes. Oh no. Did you botch?

I botched. I botched plus four. Ooh, a Sarah Plus. I'll say you don't take damage because this is an athletics check, but you do twist your ankle and you, you go on, you go down to a knee. You're, you're not able to use that dash. All right. Well, it's spent though. Cause I'm not kind.

That's fine. All right. Chris, you're up. You see. It's spent though. It's my turn. Because I'm not kind. That's fine. All right. Chris, you're up. You see Bricks start down. From where I'm hidden, do I have line of sight on Pish-Posh? Nobody besides Bricks has line of sight on Pish-Posh right now.

Okay. So I will, I guess, am I close enough to move up to the edge? Yeah. Okay. I'll move up to the edge. Um, yeah, I guess I'll fire. I'll take bricks is Q and fire my dragon wing bow at Pish Posh and be like, we have friends once.

Also, I need to build like a cliff for next time because I was again, not anticipating, there's going to be a cliff for next time because I was again, not anticipating. Oh, there's going to be a next time. Write that down in your notes. I'm still alive. Be careful moving your token. There is cock on there that did not. I'm sorry, what? There's a silicone.

What was on the what? Oh, well, it was interesting. It is held together with a nail and cock. I was raised to pronounce it a very certain way. Well, that's all well and good. C-A-W-K. There's a thing called the FCC in this country. The federal corporation.

I forgot they turned us in with Kid Rock. On the fucking cock club. The whole cock club. All right, so you get to the edge and yeah, you can tell that bricks just attacked and you said you're going to find fire in my bow at him twice. And what were your roles? First one is a 13, which I assume is a miss.

Is that really where we lost there? That is a miss. Immediately my teacher. Right. Can't. What's that? 13 is a miss. 13 is a miss.

Sorry to interrupt the jokes, everybody. Whiff. Federal Cock Commission. My teacher, right? Federal. What's that? Thirteen is a miss. Thirteen is a miss. Sorry to interrupt the jokes, everybody. Whiff. Federal clock commission. Would you like a biker shirt? Like in a garage? Like it said female body inspector back in the day. My second one was a 22.

Oh, that's a hit. All right. Coolio. Have you had damage before, Kenio? No, yes. Okay, I'm going to use that old Colossus Slayer. I did the whole damage on him. You are now large undead.

I'll say. All right. I have to adjust your speeds, but. So it's these dice plus five. Yeah. Oh, can I, Sarah, can I borrow your player's handbook to create the illusion of a cliff? Do you think there was one cool guy who wore that shirt and the dorks wore it? Or did anybody? The guy who created the shirt, maybe.

Oh, I thought it was the female body inspector. Spencer's gift special. Yeah. Or the like, Santa's Painsport. I was going to say the Jersey Shore. Yes. You should say that was the big. Inspector Spencer's gift special. Or the like Santa's probably a life. That's really short. Yes. Same. The big our version of the sunglasses on Venice beach.

17 points. Pish posh of what kind of damage? It would be radiant. That kind of works. I say radiant damage open for smashing pumpkins. Yeah, you pop an arrow into Pish Pash and it explodes in a burst of energy. I'm sorry, I love you! It's in the cock.

Ouch. Better call the inspector. You really took that cock well though. Alright. Oh boy. Cockin it up, everybody. Cock, cock, cock. And then do I have any movement left? What's your movement? 35. I'm going to say just because you were in hiding now,

that's going to be it. Yes. But now I'm going to start trying to keep better track of the movement now that people are moving around. You guys have some. I say. Cock. Can you write this is serious You guys have so much to say. Cock. Can. Right. It's a serious business and you just want to fix it up with what is wrong with you? Like, oh, and I'm going to have you do the wisdom saving

or the beginning of each turn. OK, I forgot to put that in your notes. All right. Call me. It's not that I don't know. OK, wait, so you call. Hey, you guys, some people are listening to this at work. Sorry, we got a little cock in your ear. Is that your turn, Chris?

Yeah, that's if I can move, that's it. Okay, then it is your turn, Ken. Do wisdom saving. Yes, that is a fail of my wisdom saving clue. You're going to turn around and lunge up the cliff. It's going to be not quite enough to get to Sarah. So you're going to... Oh God. Jesus. Oh my God. Jesus.

Oh, my God. Guys, I think Sam is about to get the jailer. Sam, no, no. You're going to use frightful presence. This is going to be thinking against Dallytail and bricks. Can you please do a wisdom saving throw? Yeah, you guys. This is trying to frighten us.

Yeah. Well, OK. Now, Dan, I have advantage against plants. Holy shit. You can't get high. Come on, that is worth a shot. 20. Who? a shot. 20. Whew. Wisdom? Uh huh. 14.

All right, you are frightened, Chris. Okay. You can make another saving throw at the end of your next turn. Okay. But you are now immune to Pish Posh's frightful presence for the next 24 hours, Sarah. Wow. And also Pish Posh is 10 feet away from you. 24 hours, Sarah. Wow. And also Pish Posh is 10 feet away from you.

Couldn't quite get to you. Real close though. And it's your turn. Oh, it is? What about these two? They're next. Oh, they rolled a six and a four on their. I already went because I went first because it was my idea. My house, my house rule for when you initiate combat and combat's not

necessary is you get to go and then the turn order starts. Okay great. For me. Oh my gosh, not quite. Ken very kindly reminded me that even though he is currently deranged, multi-attack includes frightful presence and then three attacks. The thing I just want to say for listeners though is while I recognize that is a great reason to attack, I'm trying to see, there's only one thing you can do right now. You are going to exhale acid in a 60 foot cone at Bricks. Let me do a Dexterity saving through DC 21. This would be great if you're going to see fish. I mean, it was on the paper.

18. All right. That's a fail. Can please roll 18 D six acid damage. Jesus. No, do that on a half. There's too many days. That kid rolling one at a time.

Well, I don't know. Right. So many do you have a fair amount of. I'm seeing what I can do. The bricks, you have seven hit points. Does this count as a ranged weapon attack? That's an interesting question. You can't catch it like a missile. I know that.

That's my question. Cause I can deflect missiles. No, this is not a ranged weapon attack. This is not a weapon. This is breath. It's a breath weapon. But okay. It's a breath attack.

Not a breath weapon. Seems like if you're standing her from far away, it's kind of a ranged attack, right? Whoa, are you defending her, Chris? No. The acid flows up the hill and over the edge and hits Tallytail for 7,000 points of damage. Oh. Oh no.

So I'm not allowed to, I could have, could I have taken half damage on that deck's saving throw? It was a 21 DC and you rolled under 21. But if I had, would I... Okay. What would the success event? I have a feature that allowed that if I can... If the effect allows me to take decks half damage,

it doesn't matter, it's because I'm lonely. Each creature must make a saving throw half on a successful save. Okay, so it says if I'm subjected to an effect that allows you to make a deck saving throw to take only half damage, instead take no damage if you succeed and only half damage if you fail. That's my evasion. So even though you failed, you get to take half damage. I get half damage, yeah. Well, that's good news.

That is good news. How many points of acid damage did you roll? 68. Oh my goodness. All right, so that good news. How many points of acid damage did you roll? 68. Oh, my goodness. All right. So that's going to be 34 points of acid damage are going to hit bricks. That's good. You all passive inside might wonder if maybe stop attacking Ken, but that's up to personal preference. Now it is your turn, sir.

Make a note, though, Ken, your acid your Essence of Preth has to recharge, uh, four or five turns. Okay. Throw a dart at him. Whisper a riddle. How many hit points do you have left, Sarah? Plenty. Oh, no, not plenty, but some. Um, I'm mad now about this.

So I am actually not going to stop attacking Ken. What a crazy idea that would be. This is the ending everyone wanted. So I'm I'm going to attack him with my hand axe. Oh, chop chop. Oh, wait a minute. Hang on a second. So if he if turn undead. Does that mean he is frightened?

Let me see, because maybe he couldn't have run back at you. I think it ends if you attack the turn the creature or I don't know. That's a good question. I think normally other types of... Listeners call in now and tell us what you think. Or DM me repeatedly on social media. It is turned for one minute or until it takes any damage. Yeah, until it takes damage. Got it. Okay. It must spend its turns trying to move as far away as it can. It can't willingly move to a space within 30 feet of me. It broke when he got hit. Yeah. And he's not in 30 feet of you. So unfortunately, despite my sidetracking,

nothing changes here, but yes, hand acts away, sir. A hand acts away. Okay. And you're throwing it, right? And I'm 10 feet away, right? Oh no. You can run right up to his face if you want.

Yes, that's what I'm doing. Right up to his face and this shot. All right. 18. Is that a hit? No. Okay. And 18. Is that a hit? No. Okay.

So that was, that was two misses, but then, um, I'm going to, um, Oh, I'm so tempted to do this, but no, uh, so I'm going to spend a key point and use Step of the Wind to disengage. Okay. So you back up? Yeah. And then I'm going to back up my maximum distance. How long is or how far is that maximum distance? 45. Okay.

And my jump distance is doubled. So now he's going into the red box. I'm just gonna use some physical dice. That's all I have. And my jump distance is doubled, so. Oh no, he's going into the red box. I'm just going to use some physical dice. That's all I have. So let's go. I was going to turn into another dragon. All right. Dice.

What would that be like? So I was working. Is that your turn? It is not levels this turn. He is going to try to. Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker, Decker He is going to try to... Deckery conk! He's going to try to jump down the cliff and land sword down on you, Ken. Ouch. Don't blame him.

Let's see. So that's going to be... Those are cool looking. Gracias. I closed my Glibbles tab. I still don't remember where I got this Swarovski one, but that's fucking cool. That is cool. Wasn't it when you were on the Impossible Missions Force? Oh, what?

You and Tom Cruise. Swashby, Criscals. Criscals? Oh, what you and Tom Cruise might have swashed the crystals crystals. Was something we did that I have 15. Yeah, it was something you did because you had one extra one. It's 15 going to 15. I get it. Athletics check to try to not hurt himself.

Got it. So this will be this will be an attack and he won't fall down. Basically, he will land on you for sure. Nice. But here comes the attack. He is attempting. It's like a Gillies. He is attacking specifically because he saw everybody else just going for it. So he's like, is this both has attacking? I thought Glymbals got chumped.

Yeah, he's fucked up. He's got thirty four or fifty nine hit points left. But, you know, he's ready to party. Oh, yeah, I thought he took way more damage. Back from the. It's a lot of money. Oh, I thought standing strike was a bonus action. Damn it.

Monks, there's so many. Sibs and Bobbs I can do. A 19 to hit? Tie. That means he hits. Okay. Alright, and so that is going to be... ...8 points of slashing damage.

Sure. He's gonna swing again. Oops, I did the damage again instead of the swing. A then he is going to... He's going to rage. And that will be his turn. Up next is Brian. Hi, Brian. You're represented by the egg, the jewel. And the lollipop guild.

He, there, Ken's far away from me now, right? Yeah, you're back here with Blath. Yeah, I'm going to hold my action. Okay. Until you see him or he attacks. Well, no, I mean, I'm just going to skip my turn and there's no... You can skip, but you can also say, like, if something happens, I'll use my action. Okay. I'll do that.

Oh, what would you like happens? I'll hold my mic. Like if you see a tax coming towards you or something. Okay. I just wanted to find it for listeners. All right. Blaine. Uh, I'm going to low walk and hide under a desk.

Roll a stealth check. I get a bonus for a desk. Roll stealth check. I get a bonus for stealth. Bricks is not surprised to see the cowardice. Yes, there's everybody's. 14 plus 620. All right, you feel really good about this desk and how low it is to the ground. I know there's a vacuum coming soon. Don't you have like an all powerful book of evil that you could be.

He does. I'm going to tune to it. Yeah. He could try. Would you while you're hiding, like to try to return to that book? No. All right. Chris, you're up. Try to avoid the book. He's going to end up in the same boat as me. I'm going to move.

Oh, well, you know what? I'm so sorry to interrupt Brian, Brian and Blaine, because you're staying up there. Can I have you roll a perception check? Eleven. Oh, I forgot about that topaz dragon. Yeah, he's going to become 16 hours. You see Pish Posh's complete inventory

strewn around in viscera underground, including the helmet and a deck of cards. Oh, OK. Grab the stuff. Is this your card? Down here where I'm battling Pish Posh, I'm like, must be nice. Chris. Yeah, I'm going to move to a different place at the top of the cliff just so I'm trying to confuse Pish Posh as to where exactly it's coming from. Okay.

And I'll try and fire again twice with my bow. Okay. First one is a 22 to hit. Yes. Yes. Okay. Sorry, I was looking at my inventory to see whatever I was getting. Yeah, I mean, make a note that you have Ken's inventory, Brian, but.

OK, so it's the. Which he needs to attune to both of those if he wants to use them, right? 10, 15, 17, 22 points of radiant. That hurts. Mike, you can do it. Oh, no, wait. You know what? I have to do this at disadvantage because I am a feared. Oh, yeah.

I am forget then. So that would have been a 14. So that would have missed. No, I'm going to miss actually. So now I got to roll again with this advantage for the second one. A 29. Oh, my God. What? Or a 19. Does a 19 hit? Yes.

OK, so then that's well You want to take the damage you roll you're on a reroll the damage. Let's do it. Let's keep it 5 10 15 to 17 22 points. Okay How many hit points you have left Ken? 204 yeah Cool All right. Is that your turn Chris? I'm going to bonus action.

I can drink a potion, right? I'm going to bonus action drink the Mergaxor's Elixir of 24 hours of advantage on death saving throws. Great. Make a note, please. Ken, you're up. Please roll your wisdom saving throw. All right. Six. All right. That's a fail.

Three, yeah. So you are going to bite and claw at bricks. Please roll to bite and claw at bricks. Please roll the bite. How far away did I get from him? As we're clear about that. Oh my gosh, I totally forgot. I really need to build this cliff. So you got your full distance after disengaging.

So 45 feet and. I can move 40. Oh, he can only move 40. So he feet and... He can move 40. Oh, he can only move 40. So he gets within five, but not within melee. With his terrible legs, he can move even 40. I mean, I don't know. He looks like some kind of shame. That's like some 3D action, like destruction of Jared Sinsgood.

Oh. You know, yeah, I did mean to give you less speed. So this is really unprofessional dungeon mastery. I'll say. But you are supposed to have slow speed. So I'm going to now make a note of it. Is anyone have a pencil? Oh, Chris, can I borrow your pencil? I'll put this digitally later, but, uh, your, your, uh, fly speed, I needed to just delete completely homebrew monsters.

And then I'm going to have your, uh, speed be 20. But I gave you a free. Jumped on the. Clash with 60. Yeah, and he needs to recharge your breath. So he's just coming up the cliff at you. But I don't think you have anything ranged you can do right. And I don't think so, no.

OK. Well, I might have to look up how often you can do a frightful presence, but we're going to say for now, you're too new to this body to know if you can use it again. But I'm, I'm noting that PCs don't normally have to make this choice. So I should look up how often the dragon can do that. And that'll be your turn.

You're just gonna like start moving in on Sarah. And that makes it Sarah's turn. Okay. So I am going to- Kill Ken. I'm gonna attack him again with, so I'm gonna run up to him, attack him again with the axe as a melee weapon.

Okay. him, attack him again with the axe as a melee weapon. OK, that's a that's a mess. I'm going to attack him one more time. I wish you would. That is also. God damn it. I know what I want to do. I just have to hit you. No. Oh, OK.

I get it. I know what's happening. This is so annoying. Do you want to shout anything out to your compatriots to help them know it or do you not want Ken to hear it? I don't think I can. I'll let you. I mean, I don't think there's I don't think whatever you're thinking, I could shout out.

I'll let me think about that, but I don't know what I think. So I don't think it's what I thought it was. Yeah, something else. But excuse me. God damn it. Oh, I don't think it's what I thought it was. Yeah. Something else, but, um, excuse me. God damn it. Um, I feel really stressed. I feel really stressed. Okay. Hang on.

Um, so I guess I am once again. Do you need a moment to think? No, I'm not allowed to take a moment. Okay. I can use, Oh, I could do that, but then I'm still so close to him. Yeah, it's a little blurry. We'll say it's multi-attack takes one action right now. Okay. But I know there's a comment on one of them, so you can...

If I used Flurry of Blows, and that's my bonus action, can I then run away from him with the rest of my movement, or then he gets an opportunity attack, right? If you don't disengage, yeah. okay so god damn it okay so i uh i'm once again have to gonna have to step of the wind out of here um back it up how far but this time i'm gonna this time i'm gonna go around him the opposite so we're flanking that'll be enough to get yeah eventually but do you want to be within melee when you get behind him to truly flank? No, I want to get away from him. I'm going to take my full, I'm going to take. You can get 20 feet behind him.

So I saw him stumble up at his maximum distance, which was 20 feet, right? So yeah, I want to get 25 feet behind him. Okay. The question I think you had for now, we're going to say if it costs two actions, it's two turns. Okay. The question I think you had for now, we're going to say if it costs two actions, it's two turns. Okay. We'll better refine that between now and next term. Again, I didn't think everyone would attack you.

Like if you thought they would like not get unconscious or wait for you to snap out of it. He's undead, right? I mean, is that a normal thing? He is doing wisdom saving throws to try to snap out of it. But then speaking of which, I think I probably should have done that the saving throw at the end of my turn to see if I still remained frightened. Please do. Sorry. Thank you for apologizing. No, I was a three plus. OK, you scared. I scared.

Glibbles is up and he is going to start stabbing. Hey. Westward? First one's a 25 to hit. Stabbing Westward. Goth classic from the 90s, folks. 17 points of slashing damage. Right. 21 to hit.

Yeah. Glad you have both. Another 17 points. Oh, geez. So for a total of 30, but I'm invincible. Four points of damage. The invincible is what brought you back to life at all. I assume. So.

You're undead, but. It takes a saving throw for you to snap out of it, and that's going to do it for his turn. I am strong. I am. Brian, you're awesome. Cool. You made it.

So you have his helmet, which helps detect things coming close, but you'd have to attune to it, and you have his deck of evil cards. Yeah, you have the magic cards. You have to attune to those, too. Did you look at your inventory to see if there's anything else of note? Not really. Okay. So we'll worry about that between Sessions, I suppose. Okay. Cool.

But what would you like to do? You can continue to hold, but I think at this point you would hear roaring, shouting, stabbing at the bottom of the cliff. And help Sarah. You can, it's up to you, but you hear it, you know what I mean? He's not in line of sight, but you can hear that they're attacking Ken actively. Okay.

Uh, what are you doing? Play? Uh, I'm going to move up to the edge of the cliff. How far away is he? I'll go check it out. He's a hundred feet down the cliff. So yeah, if you move over here where Dally tail is at the edge, you see that there are a hundred feet that they're 100 feet down.

100 feet down. Glibbles is just on its back stabbing. Can I? I don't know if I can move. Can I? Oh, I can use my feline agility. I can double my speed. Nice. I'm going to get within 60 feet of him and I'm going to cast banishment.

Cool. So that's a, that's a charisma saving throw or you are going to nots Barry farmer. Yay. With some saving throw boss. Looking for a bonus. Of course. Chris Smith. You got this Ken. I'm all kinds of forgetful and mishearing apologies. Whoa. Looking for a bonus? Christmas? Christmas?

Excuse me. You got this Ken. I'm all kinds of forgetful and mishearing to my apologies. Whoa. That's a 23. Oh, you needed an 80. Brian, you're up at the edge. Technically, we just skipped your turn so Blaine could do that.

But what would you like to do? Can I be helpful? I don't know. So Blank could do that. But what would you like to do? Can I be helpful? I don't know. I feel weird attacking Ken, even though he is a monster. I mean, for funsies, I would encourage you if you think of a creative way to like help them snap out of it or like turn on dead was a different option. You keep saying snap out of it. Can you snap out of being undead?

No, maybe you could. I can snap out of it. Can you snap out of being undead? No, maybe you could. I can snap out of it. He's tagging up some sort of delicious thing that brings Ken back. Basically, he's like in in bloodlust mode berserker mode and Mike. Yeah. Are you trying to? I'm still not going to fight him. He likes turkey sausage, right?

How about some turkey sausage? I don't play. Permachan. Sorry, listeners. I don't play it for our machinists. Sorry listeners, I'm not going to do anything exciting. Anyone who likes to see Ken in bloodlust mode, just listening to our bonus episodes where... I just want to be clear, it's possible that you can disengage from combat with him and he can become an ally.

But when he gets into combat, he's fragile. OK, you're saying we can become an ally with a dead dragon who is filled with the souls of if he makes this wisdom saving throw the reasons once I make the fucking wisdom saving this is attacking him, right? Yes. OK. He's he's he's undead, but he has all his sentience. A dracolich in particular is a dragon who wanted to become like a lich. And you know, like this living forever with your mind.

I associate that with bad people. All right. So I'll go down and I will. I will try to stop Globals from striking. Oh, OK. He's he's 100 feet down. So you'll have to fly. What's your fly speed? It's not. Oh, well, you can glide down. It's different if you want to just kind of.

I'll just make you do an athletics check if you want to like tackle Globals. Sure. Oh, you can glide down. It's different if you want to just kind of, I'll just make you do an athletics check if you want to like tackle Glibbles. Sure. Base jump. Yeah. So Glibbles had to make a 15. So I'll say you have to make a 15. Tackle them with the heel of your boot and crush Glibbles skull.

Whoa, whoa. 18. All right. So you managed to tackle Glibbles and how do you want this? You want to tackle them off of? Yeah, I'm just going to grab them and say, hey, man, let's give them a chance. All right. And you kind of let them cook. You roll what? Like off to the side. Yeah.

OK. Cook. What? So global do you ever say you tackle them off? A persuasion check? That's happening. Oh, 17. Plus one. Yeah. OK, well, he seems like a piece of shit all of a sudden. OK.

Bimmy, fucking face, Bimmy with his mouth face. Love you. It's too small. I quit talking. OK. So that's going to take us back to Chris. Cool. I'm going to move to a different place on the edge for my action. I want to try and hide so that I potentially have advantage next time. So do I enroll for the hide?

Yeah. For stealth, okay. Uh, 15. Sure, you're hidden. And then, uh, I guess I will end my turn and try and break my being frightened again if I can. Oh, that's better, is it? No, it's not.

It's an 11. So, don't quite snap out of it, unfortunately. I'm covered in my own piss. I can't tell you all that wisdom, sir. But a really nice thing. Oh, animals. Oh, you're getting higher. Eleven. Yeah, to 14, didn't you?

Yeah, no, 30. Oh, you only need it. No, I to make. Oh, sorry. It's different. I'm here. I'm incredibly drunk. Wow. Oh, you guys didn't see me. I'm made fun.

We should do that sometime. I just drank from my cane. So look at that. But I don't know. OK, I'm going to drive home. Now there's some good stuff there. You're going to turn in a party bus and record on there and try to. You're going to go and try to bite some of the time.

Very through my 60th. Are you doing it? Would you like to? You can go. No, no, no. Please. Like levels. I prefer if you. Would you like to? You can go. No, no, no. You can roll like levels. I prefer if you do it. All right. 26 to hit.

So it's more see it because it's an NPC, right? It's like, but I want it's more fun to make you roll against your friends because then now then I make everyone feel really unsettled. I just like picture in a party bus guy being mad at us for playing D&D. We're just like, we're drinking too. Aren't you adults? It's a miss.

All these places here on the strip. No, I think we're just gonna fight these kobolds. Sort of get that strip right here. Chris is gonna swing around the pole to demonstrate his next attack. Can you try to bite and then claw and then claw again at Glibbles? But he just keeps bouncing side to side and you can't connect. He's like, that's right. I'm OK. And then who's next?

So, OK, so I see what I see, what he what? Why are you forgetting your chef's name? Oh, Mordecai is Mordecai. Yes. So I see what Mordecai is doing. So I do call out the equaler to the equaler and to everyone. Like I'm trying to stun. I'm trying to stun him. Like I'm attacking, trying to use stunning strike, which will then make him stunned and make him up out of his thing. That's what I thought you might want to be doing.

It is, although I will admit that I didn't realize it might actually wake him up out of being undead. I understand that's not what you said, but anyway, being evil? I don't know. We'll see. Time will tell. He's frenzied, is I think what I want to say. So I'm trying desperately. So How to Save a Life by the Fray starts playing as I jog towards him in slow motion, trying

to save my friend, trying to get him to snap out of his self-destructive behavior. I love it. And his us-dest us destructive behavior also though. So I'm attacking him again. Roll the top. Oh, good. That's a 20 to hit. That's a hit.

OK, so that's a hit. So it is going to do eight points of damage. Nice. And then here comes the kind of damage bludgeoning, right? An axe. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We're good. Slashing. Eight points. Yes. Good. So then I spend a key point

to use stunning strike. So you if you need to make a constitution saving throw DC 14, which I'm sure constitution is pretty great. So that's a 17 actually. No, you have a plus 13 account saving throws. Oh, saving throws.

Okay. So you would have to botch. He has to botch. So my wisdom saving throws I've been doing wrong. Oh, Okay, so you would have to botch. He has to botch. So my wisdom saving throws have been doing wrong. Oh, wisdom? Yeah, you have a plus. Constitution. You have a plus one to wisdom,

but a plus seven to your saving throws. Yeah, so he turned around a long time ago. Well, here's what we'll just tie it all together and say this stunning strike. Yeah, here we go. Reaches through space and time to 18 seconds ago and pulls the wisdom out of the alternate timeline and puts it back in his face. Love it.

Pish posh. You shake your head back and forth. You realize you're not breathing. You realize you don't have a pulse. You feel very powerful though, like nothing can destroy you. Powerful, but dead. You're like Dick Cheney. Do you want us to kill you?

It's a good question. I'm not in any pain. I'm fairly strong. I'm much stronger than I've ever been. Maybe I can help you guys. Because I took on the first two pieces. A lot of rest to go. Hey, enough. What? Oh, shit, he's the leader.

He's our friend. He's equalizing. But thank you for recording. All right. Well, if you just like my voice, should we have a here? Do we need it? Are we going to fight this? I'm sorry I hurt anyone. You feel like you have about

four hours before he comes back? Oh, sure. We can get a sandwich. You can have a short rest. I will have to see how that goes. This is why I'm on our next installment of nerd pokery. Crazy times. That was awesome. I say hi.

All right, Brian nailed the go. Brian nailed the lich, please reference. Pish Posh is taking a ton of damage. For some reason, Sara's attacking Ken. Is Ken an evil pile of flesh and skulls? Chris is covered in his own piss. Pish posh has come back to life.

And by that, I mean, although dead, he is very powerful. Or possibly short resting. Yes. More like piss posh. Rather than doing any plugs, I'll just try to iron it out a little bit. Yeah, I had in mind very specific things for this, but I need to adjust

it more because I guess part of my brain was just like, well, this is likely to happen, but not definitely going to happen. Pretty good prediction. But I would have spent, I think, two more minutes just ironing this out, but it has to be playable, even though it's technically monster stats so I'll make it a little more clear it's all written still for dungeon mastery but it's a homebrew dracolich. I like it. And yeah. You're a funny word. You're able to snap if it takes you out of combat you don't want to be in combat you can now be like sentient but if you go back into combat, you're going to have to wisdom say you're going to automatically frenzy again.

Got it. You got to do it again. All right. That's it for me. Tour dates, Brian Persane.com. We've got Massachusetts and then City Winery in New York. Two shows there with JT Habers at. It's gonna be a fun one.

And then I'm all over in October and in November. So Bram Pesin dot com and then my comics are both wrapping it up. They're both on issue four now and we're doing six of Richter's and seven of grommets so jump in thanks blame we attribute the success saved mankind for joining us on this episode you got walls and a roof well on the next nerd poker Chris attacks Sam at Dan's sister's friend's wedding and takes Sarah's mom's friend Susie's

plus one hostage. Ken Ken get out of work early in time. All this and Brian sits on his ass for ten minutes so it feels like somebody else is sitting on his balls wrong. On to an all new Nerd Poker. anything at P.O. Box 16069 and Sino California 91416. Thanks for listening!