Nerd Poker - The Mountain Campaign - Episode 31

Episode Date: September 17, 2024

Welcome to the final confrontation! We could lay down traps to ensnate Furlnott, prepare long-range weaponry, or- hear us out- maybe we will just leave mutatated Pishposh to die and run away. That would be totally normal, right? Glibbles is into it, anyway. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Hey, it's Brian Postain, nerd poker. We're calling it the Mountain Campaign. My friends are here, Sarah, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer Sam, and of course our kick-ass DM Dan Telfer. Welcome to Nerd Poker. And you're listening to Nerd Poker. It's episode 31 of the Mountain Campaign. Everyone is here. It's amazing. of the Mountain Campaign. Everyone is here. It's amazing.

Look at them. Chris is here, everybody. Hi, how are you? I'm good. Amazing. Yeah. Sarah's here. Hi.

Hey. Uh, I love that shirt. Thank you so much. He was talking to Ken, not to me. With Baby Yoda. Spray black swan. This shit has gone crazy This game we're playing

That's can everybody Sitting next to him is the the man who's controlling it all Dan hi, hey pal. Hello Next to me is Blaine. Hi. I'm controlling Dan It's true. So you think at the end of the table, trying to keep all these cats in a pillowcase. That's a new metaphor. It's a much darker. Hello, sweet cats.

He's not going to do anything bad with it. Would you just put cats in a pillowcase to throw it in a river? Yeah, or bring it inside because they're outside. Everyone knows you collect stray kittens in a pillowcase. I've been watching too much Criminal Minds. Brian's getting distracted by a side conversation. Brian's getting distracted by a side conversation. There's too many. Let's all have our own conversation.

You want to thank some people? I sure will. And I want to give a shout out to them, them Patreon supporters in a moment. But yeah, I just wanted to acknowledge we are almost caught up, but we are still catching up. I've been trying to announce extra people to make up for the two COVID breaks we had an episode back in the holidays and again in July. Just as I was about to catch up, people got COVID again in July. So it happens.

Yeah. Yeah. So just if you're waiting and know that I am paying as much attention as is humanly possible and throwing in extra names. And next episode we will get through the second quarter and we should be pretty close to caught up. So, along those lines, thank you folks. We are very grateful that so many of you are loyal supporters at our top two tiers over

on patreon.com slash nerdpoker. Also quick reminder, don't subscribe through the Patreon app on your iPhone or you'll start getting extra charges soon. Go ahead and grab a desktop computer if you can or use your web browser on your phone because shit's gotten weird over at Apple headquarters. But you know what? No one's weirder than you guys because you have usernames like Valerie Lavrey's flowery bidets. Hey, get your butt wet! Thank you, Dustin Peterson. Thank you, Paquito Torpedo. Thank you, Dustin Peterson. Thank you, Paquito Torpedo.

Thank you, Matthew Spears. Thank you, Stargoyle Starboy Stargoal. Thank you, Todd Voss. Thank you, Paladinos Presents, Ben Folds 3 with 2. Well, you know, huh? Thank you, Ezra Richards. Thank you, Haling from Smack a Motherfucker, Wisconsin. There's all one word. It looks really Wisconsinite when you look at it like in print. Thank you, Haling from Smack a Motherfucker, Wisconsin.

There's all one word. It looks really Wisconsinite when you look at it, like in print. Thank you, Ian Faisal. Thank you, Pepperburt. Thank you, it says Vincent Vibro on my driver's license. Is that a B-52? Is it B-Nice and clean? Okay, I got it.

Thank you, Dick Tracer Privates Investigator. Thank you Jonathan Wood. Thank you Grigsby Silverskin. Thank you Sarah's Weighted Dice, to be clear, weighted low. Thank you Bob Robb. Thank you William Prine. And finally, thank you WIC Rotation. Blaine, who are those supporters by supporters brought to us by have you broken sex laws? Herb Schwartz sex lawyers? Have you been injured in a sexy accident? I'll get you paid. Rear-ended? Whose fault was that?

Don't matter, I'll get you paid. Premature ejaculation? No matter which end you're on, I'll get you paid. Break off in ya? Hey, it happens. I'll get you paid. Herb Schwartz Sex Lawyers, you get you laid, I'll get you paid. Visit our offices down in the dildo district. Yeah, that dildo district. Call 1-800-696-9671. That's 1-800-696-9669 with two fingers up your ass. Herb Schwartz's ex-loyalts. Call now, call now. Dan? Thanks, Blaine. Reminder, we have merch with

Herb Schwartz's OnlyFans on it over at nerdpokerpod.com. And also, it's time to talk about what happened last time on Nerdpoker. Well, they tried to fix everything by inventing a spell and using a staff they've just found and kind of turned Fishposh into a pile of bones and guts and kind of a big dragon that's pretty cool, but he goes insane sometimes when he starts fighting. Well, they got about five hours before the dragon returns and see how they sucked all the life out of his children's eggs and did that to Pish Posh. So let's see what kind of cool dragon trap they lay for the dragon before he shows up

and sees what happened. Yeah. Yes. I'm looking for my hit points I can't find. Oh, it should be there, you silly goose. I bet you have three. Come on, that's very low. Okay, five.

I'll help look it up. No, I mean, I think I lost hit points. You did lose hit points. Gotcha. I lost track of them. Gotcha. So it's probably, it wasn't. So it's probably wasn't bad. I know it wasn't bad. Isn't it written on the, didn't you have a different sheet as a.

But you didn't bring the physical paper that he wrote it on as well. Oh, well again, let's go to three. 100 maybe, right? We're about to short rest. Oh, sweet. I mean, true. I'm gonna get Samel, you know. Twisted. I'm getting ready. I mean, true. I'm gonna get Sam all, you know, twisted. I'm getting ready. I have the, I have the sheet. Yeah, like he's got the link. It's just, uh, okay. We'll be

able to function, but you're going to do a short rest and you'll get all your points back as Voidcrest and Sansa. I like that. If you're also Nid Dice and such, right? Maybe. Oh, a ghost is here. Oh my gosh. I think Dallytail would say like, so wait, we successfully got rid of the eggs and Gullet is dead. What more could you want? I mean, pretty good, right? It's great closure, I believe. Right?

I mean, that's so... Yeah, yeah. I mean, look at, look what happened, look at poor Bleep. Yeah. Oh, your hair got burned off, you freak. Is what Glibbles would say. Is there?

It's a lion cutch for the summer. Yeah, let's get the fuck outta here, if that's what you're saying. As long as I get paid, I mean, I'd like to kill the dragon and treat you all as your survivor. I mean, co-art-size fight alongside, but if you want to get the fuck

out of here, squirrel man, I'm here for it. What state are the eggs? Do we smash them up or what happened? You sucked all the souls out of them and they shriveled up. I mean, Bricks is, to be honest, just a little bit like, she's kind of like looking at you guys like, your friend is gone. You know that, right?

This isn't your friend. This is I'm in there somewhat. You are talking right now. Yeah. It's not frenzied anymore. So you know, Bricks is like the he was subsumed by a by a great evil and is now an undead. Yeah. Just if I'm all bad, though, I'm fine. Otherwise, you know, and you keep looking at your feet. He's actively rotting. We have to move on. And she's just like, if this were up to me, he would be dead already. I'm deferring to your... Clearly the...

I can't say the man, the thing means a good deal to all of you and maybe it's been hard for you to come to the realization, much as it was with poor Juniper, who you... Yeah, you just kind of let her just kind of go, huh? Uh, in... from my perspective, uh, all of you, uh, did a great disservice to what would have otherwise been a very honorable death. Uh, you dragged her back from the edge and, uh, made her a, uh, like the kids say, a non-player character. A... a nothing, a nobody.

But she can become a player character again. She just has to do a little more training. It was hard for her the first time, so, but you weren't there for that. Roll for montage. Cut to, she's thinking about doing a montage when it declines. But Brick's just sort of like, I will defer to what it is that your party was together before I joined you. I don't quite understand the the motivation for dragging a large undead lich. I thought we were gonna sell the eggs and carry a clutch so I gotta say Paige's downy tale it's like you're like let's go get those

eggs and we'll sell them and we'll pay you. No, there's no more. I think I was just saying, I was kind of saying, hey, we did it. We have achieved several of our goals. I would interject that... Is he talking for real? There's some torture in your mouth. When he speaks, there is this like unsettling echo in his throat. Okay, well, this is actually...

He's very large. This is like a genuine- You need all my help you- This is an out of the game question. I'm pretty powerful. What is your out of the game question? Sort of, it is basically like, we all heard, not our characters,

but we all heard Ken's character stop being pish-pash, lose his grip on reality. He went berserk. Yeah, which shouldn't have happened because they were misrolled anyway, but... Yeah, right, right. It became this and the plan to just contain it all in the staff and drop the staff and eggs and run. Those rolls didn't go as high as they needed to.

So is he still himself, but just in a different... I mean, this is where I'm at the player. As bricks is adding up, if anyone, including Ken would like to request an insight check, you don't all have to do one, but if you'd like to do an insight check, just tell me specifically what it is you're trying to figure out about Pish Posh because it is very unusual. This is a improvised spell that backfired.

So it's not something any of you are immediately familiar with. And a lot of it is because I drank invincibility. Right, you should just be dead. He should be completely dead. If he had not drank that he would just be a NPC dracolich that you would have had. And I think that's Bricks's feeling is just that this this particular group keeps dragging, you know, we should just be letting nature take its course. Very strong. You know, but yeah, yes, I. She went berserk, but he ran and then he fought back a little bit because he couldn't get his senses.

But the inside check is just is it the same soul and person inside or is this just a new creature that has, you know, been overtaken by a great power? Is it like Tuvix? I'm sorry, I don't. I gotta, what was it, me? Does anyone else have a question? I'm looking over at Mordecai, and I'm like, what are you, Mordecai, what do you think? What's the way you know? I feel like we didn't have any choice. And but he's definitely not our friend anymore. So we should leave. And I don't want to fight that shitty dragon that's coming back at some point.

Right. Yeah. Five hours or less. I just want to get the fuck out of here and make a new friend. Sorry, Ken. OK. I mean, he's not he's not our friend anymore. Well, I only when I'm frenzied.

That's what we're trying to get the bottom of with insight checks. Can everybody do it? It's like part of the ground. Right. Exactly. But is he is he our friend? He is. I will describe him. And then again, if you want to do a specific kind of insight check, please ask. Can everybody do one? I thought he was like part of the ground. Right, exactly. But is he our friend here? I will describe him and then again, if you want to do a specific kind of insight check, please ask, but like what it is you're curious about.

But looking at him, he appears to be a medium size, not like literal like medium and D and D, like technical terms. He is like a 25 foot long wingless black dragon who's, who's, whose rear legs sort of are made of these piles of undead flesh like flesh golem, like parts of bone. Yeah. I feel yeah, last time there were skulls, guts, blood. Not our friends, not our friend. But he hatched out of like a pile.

I look like he still looks- A twisted version of me. Yeah, he looks like a twisted version of his old self. His face retains a lot of the proportions and the similarities. But he's 50 feet, what? He's 25 feet long. And a powerful ally, I would say.

But he has a tenuous piece. Are you in pain? You know, he's definitely undead. You know, he there's going to be a lot of undead things that come along with that that some of you might be familiar with. That's just Ken. Right. He seems to have retained his sentience. Well, it's can we delve a little bit?

Yeah. And I have my feelings, too. Does he, though? Like, yeah. Yeah, and I have my feelings too. Does he though? Yeah. Well, you had a miserable insight check. I know, why won't someone ever know he's just refusing to ask the hard questions? Oh yeah, I wanna find out, what are the chances that Dan keeps taking over?

That's my, it's all about my role. How tenuous is Mishposh's grip on reality you wanna roll? Yeah, please do. So this would be insight. Mm hmm. All right. I have a bonus of five. I rolled. Thank goodness, guys, a four. So it's a nine.

Oh, my God. What you want to know, Brian? Because if I was in the room when you said, do you want to accept all this power that's coming to you or fight it, Ken? And Ken was like, I like it. No, let it take me over or whatever. And that was, you know, that was Ken Daly saying that. So just feel like we should maybe. I felt it would make me a stronger ally.

That's all. He's stronger, but he sacrificed something. Yeah. I do have a high, well, I have a high bonus to my checks that I wasn't using before. Oh, nice. I like that. Yeah, he was withholding some of his power because he didn't want to fight you.

I don't know. It's hard to put a... How often do we lose them? I feel like what you were kind of asking, Brian, was is he your friend? How much of our friend is in there still? Okay. Oh, magic eight ball. It's a low seven. Looks doubtful.

I'm clear. I'd like to roll an insight to see if, if this is, if Ken is still the kind of guy that I would, uh, uh, you know, jump up and curl up on the end of a bed of. Kind of candidate. Yeah. I'll use my ability to tell if somebody in a hospital room is dying of cancer or not. Okay. Yes. See if you can smell the cancer in your friend.

18. He smells like he's already gone. The logical part of your brain hears his sentient thoughts and goes, well, it doesn't sound like he's being puppeteered, but it also like your, your lizard brain, your, your cat instincts is like, oh, but he's dead. I should, I should treat this like a zombie. Yeah. So it's unsettling. Meow. Meow. OK.

Does he share that with all of us? Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow. I roll for smug look. I mean, maybe is it helpful that he's at least around? Don't chew on my jacket. For when the other dragon shows up? Could he be useful? Absolutely. That's a different question.

We'll see if I want to be anymore. He didn't hear anything. Pish Posh was his first ambassador and he can see clearly, we can say, this is what those eggs hath wrought. He tried to, you know, maybe that stops the dragon from executing. Maybe he adopts him because he's like his baby now. Who knows? That'd be cute. Yeah, pitchfresher. We're just scared that you're going to eat us. It really just comes down to that. It's possible that one two thousandth of the souls that he absorbed contains the non-sentience of an unborn

dragon. Getting into some real conservative politics here, I don't know. All right. So, as I said, I will defer to the group who is together longer here to decide what our next... the group who is together longer here to decide what our next... And then I will decide if I... Well, does that... I mean we can... Can you even follow us? If we left? You can? Yeah, you move. Okay.

I bet she's just looking for her toy. What if speed... What if we try and, and you know equal things out and say maybe the Whatever super dragon can adopt pish-posh That would take probably a great leader to convince them Let's go All right. Where are we going? I want to go somewhere and get the fuck out of here before this guy gets back.

All right. It's been my agenda the whole time. Oh. Seems to have alarmed some of your compatriots. How? No, I just I like that it was actually so so confident. It is. Surprisingly like goal-oriented. I don't know. No, I just I like that it was actually so so confident and surprisingly like goal-oriented.

I like it. I just don't think we should be here when he comes back. Can't he just search for us anyway? He's insane. You know, there's no talking to him. For now, if he can carry his own weight, as long as I don't have to carry him, I don't give a fuck. Like, it's so weird. The the the nearest civilization is an Elven city about.

If you're traveling on foot. Yeah, about two days what about feet I just know I just don't want to be here well we can I mean we can hide but obviously there's nowhere to hide that's a big one there is a chance you could find cover in a forest if you started running now. I mean, I'm good with the forest and I have a Pass Without a Trace so I can make it so that we can not leave a trail. I have eyes without a face.

I guess the real question is, are you going to allow Pish Posh to come with you? I think there's so many questions. What is the point of, who are we even? Are we gonna spend the rest of our lives hiding in the woods? I don't know about you all, but that's not my... Well, if you leave the scene, there will be an opportunity for Furlnot to try to track you down. I'll roll for it. If he is unable to track you down and address the situation, the campaign will be over. And we will get into your characters, what they're able to gain from the adventure experience

and loot-wise perhaps. So we were just waiting on the climax was going to be him coming back. And if we and if we survive anymore, we could potentially use. And this was, you know, I didn't want to find out the ending too quick. I just well, it's it's like waiting here. Oh, you have to come back. I'm sure we'll find some doors on the way. I think you would face some downtime as a character.

You'd be like, if I can get out of here without the dragon hunting me down, maybe I can finally rest. So I don't think I'm giving too much away in the way of it ending. No, but I was more just trying to avoid the battle with him because he's not gonna believe us no matter what he's gonna want to fight us well things have changed since we saw him last so I mean oh yeah I mean look at poor

Pish Posh we should come up with a new name for it right Posh Pish just fresh dragon I don't know Oh dragon licholich. Well, if somebody else wants to take the lead, I'd love to not have to make the decisions. Well, perhaps this thing can prove its value to us by talking to Furlnut. Yeah, hey, Pish Posh. Bogosh. Yeah. Did you hear what the mean lady just said? Yes.

Pish Posh, would you like to do an insight check as to how you would be interpreted by Feral Knight? Sure. What is my insight? Do I use my old skills for that? Your insight is a Believer Wisdom check if on your current stats. Oh, got it. Okay. That's a 60. Seems like this isn't what you promised that you would save his babies, that he would recognize you are now more powerful and undead, perhaps deliberately. Mm hmm. Oh, yeah. You would feel deceived. Maybe I'll take a month. Do we think that the topaz dragon could control him the way it controlled the other one? I think you would all think the Topaz Dragon is capable of controlling any of you that way.

Maybe we should leave all of you here. Maybe he would accept that you made a large sacrifice of your soul. Yeah, I was trying to help him. And, you know. At this point, Glibbles begins digging a grave for the old man who passed away in his sleep last night. Thank you, Glibbles. That's what a big scene is for! Equal, you don't want to fight the dragon?

Not really. Well, then I guess we've got to get the fuck out of dodge, right? And thus, party departed into the woods. There will be a stealth check. We have a post-credit sequence. I will stay here to delay the dragon. Okay. Wow.

So what are we getting? Stealth checks? It depends. Are you going to do anything to cover your tracks or are you just going to try to swiftly and quietly start running? I have passed without a tray, said Glippos. So that was mobile. Tray-hears. Is Glippos invited to go with you or do you want him to go his separate way? Hang on. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to personally have to try to kill

an unkillable dragon. Well, that's why I'm staying behind. Hopefully I can get a kill. I also don't want to abandon you. I'm sacrificing you. Some of us are dying if we fight this thing. What if we split the difference here and we hide somewhere nearby so we can witness what's going on, and then you can try to speak with the Topaz Dragon and see what happens and see if you can, you know,

use the fact that you have places to be stealthy and empty husk of a shell being, you could go into fair and town and hide in some of the buildings. But we want to be able to, we want to be able to see what's going on. Is there a way that for us to like hide, where can we go that we can still have him in our daily suits? You could either try to hide you know behind a rock somewhere along the cliff or you could go into a house in fairytown and try to peek through a window I mean that's better cover right yeah amongst wreckage

probably of a house wrecked wrecked, you know, more abandoned. Glutt flattened a large part of the village that has just sort of been cleaned up a bit. But this town that's left is mostly intact. If, you know, rundown buildings that people have only recently run from. Cool. So maybe some like cool rooftops or windows we can peek out of. Yeah. Do you need anything for fighting this guy? Do you need anything from us before we split up? I mean, you definitely think you'd be outmatched and you won't last long by yourself. No. No, I'm OK.

Fuck. All right. Let's go make ourselves at home. So pish posh. But maybe we don't want to be too far away. I want to be close enough to see and then you can make some decision like. I'm starting to rethink it, but I just don't want to be the leader. That's all. I just don't.

Well, if you want to let me decide, I'm happy to make the call for you. You're all kind of like, this is why I brought a step stool to represent the cliff, but like, you're all kind of like at the bottom of a cliff right now where you had just confronted Pish Posh. Up here, there is the nest with the desiccated eggs. If you were to go about three city blocks west, you'll get to some buildings, some farmhouses. Their fields are sort of like ash at this point, but there are farmhouses about three city blocks west.

What's splitting the difference, what's not going that far? That is the nearest cover that is not like rocks. Well, we can all go there. He'll be able to find, you know, if we go there and he's outside somewhere, we can see him. Oh yeah, yeah. The dragon will see him.

He'll just be like 300 feet away, peeking through a window and he'll be sort of in wide open. Right. He's too big to hide. You guys could all fit behind boulders or something if you really wanted to, but you're gonna go house. Peek through windows. But he can come with us towards the house

is what I'm saying. If that's what you want. Yeah. Yeah, let's pose him in the place that's best for us. All right. Let's try that. I rolled to attack. No.

Surprise. I rolled an attack. No. Surprise! All of you rolled low, so... You're betrayed. You head, yeah, just a little ways west, there's a house. Pish-posh. Can't potentially just wait like right outside the house. Prefer all night while you all form up inside. Inside the house there's basic supplies while you all form up inside. Inside the house there's basic supplies. It looks like an older farm couple lived here.

They tended the farm at some point before Colette destroyed it and there is basic like living supplies but they took all the provisions so there's not really food but there is you know a, uh, a stove that you could potentially cook over. I'm just walking around sniffing everything. Of course it goes to in every corner, but that's just cause you're a cat. Do I have anything to feed people or is it been a while since we've got some food?

I think I did feed people. And we could incorporate that into a short rest if everyone wants to take their short rest. Do I hear a can open? Yeah, you hear a can. Oh, okay. I'm gonna run over the can. It's a short rest or a long rest?

I believe you guys don't have time for a long rest. So we're gonna roll the hit die for sure you can roll as many hit dies you want. To get hit points back. I think that'll be enough for everyone to basically just get their hit points back. I just, you might not have a lot of hit die left, which doesn't matter a lot if you're about to go into combat. Wait, how do you mean we can roll? We never do short rests, so I don't actually...

My understanding of a short rest is that every time you do it, it is a maximum of, it's like between one and four hours. And each of you have, depending on your class and level, a certain collided number of hit die. And you can roll as many of them as you want to regain hit points. You can, it's like, Oh, I see. I see it. And you regain them at next long rest. But like, let's say you have five d8 for your hit die. You can roll all of them or you can save a couple of them

if you think you'll have time to short rest again before your long rest. I would say all of you are like, there won't really be time. We may as well spend all our hit die. Okay. And I don't know how many hit points you're all down. I know Ken, did you, what do you think was like?

I would guess about 50, I think. Yeah. All right. What else? Short rest. Did you lose any hit points, Bryce? No. Well, then you can focus on cooking

if you want to roll a survival check. Can I take a short rest as well? Yeah. Okay. You can regenerate your hit points. I can also, uh, I also have healing spells. But this way you can hang onto your spell slots in case we have to fight. Right. Yeah.

Yeah. What kind of a pre-battle meal would you like to make everybody more to Kai? And what's here? It's really what's in your pack. So not much. There's a taco bush right over there. Mostly. Mostly all you can use here is dinnerware, but you have in your bag some basic supplies like eggs, insect protein,

some rations that are like dried beef. Again, what about the vegan? But the rations were not your ideal because you were vegan, yeah, and so I think you have a lot of nuts and berries still, some bread. He had like protein substituting. I mean, I think you had like, like all kinds of stuff. Like spices. You still haven't used. I mean like tortillas probably. I don't know.

You can't preserve a lot. Pine tree. But. Lice. Probably dry beans that you could boil. Right. So dude. It's my cousin.

You ever eat a pine tree? I'm trying to come up with some ingredients at this point. Vegan burritos. Mmm. There you go. That'll help us stay quiet. That's a taco bush. There's some spices here.

So it's time for someone's dentist to point where. Did you say keep quiet? I have a spell called silence I could cast if we want to have sort of like a quiet area. I was just thinking so that that we wouldn't be discovered if we're setting up to potentially or you are setting up to potentially jump in to help the this. Yeah I mean he's just hanging out outside while you do all this staring into the middle distance standing around rotting. Hey, one of your feet is crawling away. Oh, shit.

Hang on. Please put that foot back on. You're back here. All served burritos. And again, yeah, there's got some like pepper spice that the previous Titans here left out so you can give it a little bit of kick. You are all rolling your hit points yes you're taking care of the hit point situation. Done done done. How long do you want to kill?

I'd say just standing around talking you used one of your five hours. You're gonna use one or all four right up until. Well do you want to are we talking strategy or are we just waiting to wing it? Yeah Anybody have ideas? Well, I have that spell in the last 10 minutes So maybe right when we think the things showing up I can cast it and as long as you're within 20 feet of me It's a total although you can't hear there's no sound we create no sound and we cannot hear Oh, well, we want to be able to hear what they're saying. All right, so that's yeah. No, all right You cast everyone that can go out on the porch

Anybody else have any big ideas any big spells or I have I have banishment and polymorph So that's your handy banish and polymorph. Polymorph. That's pretty handy. I banish a polymorph. Ha ha. You can banish something this guy's size? Yeah, if he doesn't make his save. And he will go to a... Why don't you do a quick insight check to see if...

what the consequences of banishment would be on this guy. How about a one? Ha ha ha. Nice. That would be a... You think it's a great idea. A guy. How about a one? Nice. That would be a seven. You think it's a great idea. A seven. Oh, a seven.

Okay. Well, I mean, there's still a really shiny bottle in the kitchen that you have to- Ooh! Get this right. Ow! Push it off the counter. Brix is sort of like, you know,

it's already not really buying into this plan, but whatever happens will happen and she'll go back to her monastery. But in the meantime, she does point out that you could have this thing say that he killed everybody so that at least if he dies, then the Topaz dragon won't continue looking for the rest of you. Oh, that's a great idea. Yes.

And if it turns into a fight and we can surprise the creature. That's why Sarah should always be the leader. I like that. Interesting idea. So you lean out the window and let Pish Posh know that. I mean, someone else can tell him. I'm... I'll tell him.

The leader opens the window. Pish Posh and. Pshh. Pshh. Pshh. Pshh. Pshh. Pshh. Pshh.

Pshh. Pshh. Pshh. Pshh. Pshh. Pshh. Pshh. Pshh.

Pshh. Pshh. Pshh. Pshh. Pshh. Pshh. Psh won't fight you. He'll believe you. Tell him you sacrificed your own self and now you're a cool dragon like him. Yeah, it made me go into a frenzy and I killed everybody. Oh yeah, very powerful now.

Yeah. Maybe he'll take that as like penance enough for the things. Oh, and if the legend spreads, then the equaler could retire free from obligation. He's finally equaled everything. And all equals. All right, so that's it. Now we've done all our talking. No one's going to look for Bleth.

Where's Bleth? He got into the wall behind the stove. Yeah, yeah, you won't find a hole for the sink pipe in the wall. It's in the drywall now. Oh, cats. You look over, you see there's a curtain. Oh, there's my silhouette. OK.

So after you've rested, you all hide. Are you trying to like hide, hide in the house? Or are you just trying to stay still? No, I think we just want to be able to see what's in here, what's going on, is the plan. OK. So this is. Yeah, we don't want him to glance over. And we're not going to be able to see what's in here, what's going on. That's the plan. Okay, so this-

Yeah, we don't want him to glance over and we're not going to be like hanging out the windows, you know. I feel like he would be able to detect any sort of magical, like camouflage or anything like that. Yeah. Like I have invisibility, but I don't think it would, I think he would- If anything, it would depend, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It seems like it's always about hiding behind shit maybe you want to get rid of any magic items I mean if you want to just generally like stay not seeable what you can just sort of hide but it's going to um limit your perception okay if if you want to be like uh visibly looking or right up against a window If you want to be visibly looking or right up against a window, or near enough a window you're getting a clear dialogue back and forth, you're going to have to roll a stealth check. What is Pass Without Trace? Is there some kind of thing we can do for stealth?

Yeah, so you have to stay near Dallyton, you get a plus 10 as long as you are within a certain distance. Oh, well he said it would be a stealth check, so let's all just hide behind curtains. You know what, Pass Without a Trace, yeah, yeah, plus 10. If you have a plus 10 stealth, you're fine. I would be like, yeah, difficulty 12 or something like that. I won't make you roll it. Okay, everybody get behind a curtain. And near Dallytail.

Ow! And Pass Without a Trace, I'm checking, I believe lasts for like an hour or something. Okay. But let me just, I don't want to say that. Well, he's checking. Will you roll perception check, Pish Posh? Yep, concentration for an hour. Great. I heard you.

Passive perception? Uh, yeah, what? Perception? I'm cheating and looking at Brian's for this one. It's a wisdom bonus. That's just 12. Oh. You have pretty good wisdom bonus. 14, but my passive perception is good. What's your passive perception? Plus 13. Okay. So, you don't see Feral now, not yet, but you're beginning to think you should show up any moment. All right. Okay. So I'll cast it. All right. Um, almost as if out of nowhere, you see a furrow not a sort of rocketing towards you. There's like a little glimmer on the horizon along the side of the mountain

that he was sitting on and before you even know it he's like he's like a bullet getting close and he says the stink of death And he's going to attack you. No, it's anything different. Huh? No, it's anything different. Roll a deception check. That's a wisdom bonus. All right.

18. All right. 18. He like slams into the ground. And he right. Like you could tell he just wants to rip you in half. He's like, what is this? I went to a lot of trouble to try to help you. I basically sacrificed my soul and my being to try to fix your situation with the eggs.

My situation. What have you done to yourself? They were infected with souls. The wording. I read them of their infections. I tried to clean them and make them good again. But instead I took them all into myself. He starts pacing around. pacing around. Where's your friends? The don't tell them act of the soul sucking. May lose control of myself and I killed all my friends.

That'll be a two deception check. My acting was pretty good. It was great. Oh, that's- Holy shit. 20, six or something. Yeah, it's a bonus of eight plus 18, right? That's what just happened. What is it, wisdom? Oh, you get 18?

If you rolled an 18, he has a seven plus. Seven plus, yeah. That's what just happened. What is it? Wisdom? You get 18. You roll an 18. He has a seven plus. So 25. Yeah. Interesting. Terrible, if you ask me. Do you want me to destroy you? It seems only fitting. We are going to echo of yourself and my own children?

I mean, I could be of use to you. I'm much stronger than I was. He starts laughing. Well, he seems like he's gone a little crazy. Oh, dear. What troubles you so deeply? He keeps laughing. Oh boy.

Maybe he just came from a Bill Burr show. He's funny. He places one of his claws on your back. You have a really bad feeling about this. Okay. Do you just let it happen? No, we're going to attack him. Tell me what you're doing. I will.

We all see this. What are we doing? I'm going to bite him on the throat. What are you doing? Equal her? All right. That'll be now. Are you resisting him grabbing your once you like places? Hannah, do you like flinch and react or are? Yeah. OK, so first before you can bite, we're going to see if you're grappled. So do a strength check.

You got this, Ken. before you can bite, we're gonna see if you're grappled. So do a strength check. You got this Ken. This happens really fast. As soon as he's done with his attempt to bite, I'll let all of you roll initiative. So it's a 12. He has a plus four of this. He has an 18. He grips your spine,

so you're gonna bite with disadvantage. Okay. I can think I can choose to, oh no, saving. Fail a saving throw, I can choose to succeed. All right, you managed to wriggle free. Yeah! You're no longer...

Now I'm gonna bite a stone. Roll to bite. Legendary actions, is that what the bite. Legendary actions. Is that what that was? Legendary resistance. Nice. How many times can you do that? Three a day.

Oh, okay. Guess we better get rid of him, huh, Sarah? Should I have a first class? Did I stutter? I don't know. So that's a 24? That's a hit. That's a hit. So that's.

Let's steal your pencil. The second. Brian, while we're watching this. 28. I need to watch him. All right. Oh yeah. Yeah.

You bite into his throat and. Oh, plus. Plus 2d6. Wow. Really? Plus 10. Plus 10. Plus 10. Plus 10. Plus 10. Plus 2d6.

Wow, really low. Plus 10. So 38. You should roll like this all the time. I know. All right. Prior to this, he was losing his soul. You all see, Furlnot reach for Pish Poshosh and with lightning speed, he just like,

like wriggles to the side, just pulls his entire weight, like 20 feet to one side instantaneously jumps up and just rips the throat of for all not. And this like sickly green splash of energy flies out of his neck. Everybody please roll for initiative. Energy. Can't enrol him, the squirrel die. Nice. Wow.

16 for Frommet. 14. 20. Nice. 11 for Mordecai. 11 for Mordecai. Sorry. 18 plus whatever my bonus is.

Hot shot. That's your dex. What's your, add your dex to it. Might have a plus, special initiative also. I don't see it. So, that's a nothing. So it's at 18? Yeah. Bricks you had a 20?

Mm-hmm. Alright. And Flibbles. I swear! It's gonna roll also a 20. What's your decks, Bricks? Uh, It's going to roll also at 20. What's your deck's bricks?

He's got a 16. 18. Oh, so you're higher than Goebbels. You're going to go first. Nice. I'm actually going to hold my action. OK. Oh, I have a 25.

No. Hot shot. So you don't get to do it yet. Embarrassing. I hold my action. All right, now we'll start with you, Chris. What is it that you are holding your action in wait for? You're all kind of looking out a kitchen window

and you're about 20 feet away from Pish Posh, who is just kicked up a cloud of dust, diving to the side and jumping up. I'm going to... Maybe if you want to, if you could all kind of put your minis except for Pish Posh over there or blepses or deli tail So Brian if you could put it like right there, you'll be in a house Which if that becomes a big part of the action, I will find a house at some point before I am here in your home again playing

What do you expect this to do? I will hold an attack with my bow and the trigger is... I want to wait until I see what the equalor is doing. So you're going to hold and based off of that, I may or may not actually trigger the attack. Are you waiting to see if he attacks? I'm waiting to see what he does and my so that's my my trigger is his action. Witnessing his action. His action. And then you'll attack? If I do anything that's the only thing I can hold is an attack yeah but like I said I may not trigger

it. Got it. Okay Bricks same thing? Yes'm no, actually, I'm not gonna hold my action. I'm gonna, is there an upstairs in this building? No. Um, is there a way to move to like a different location that, that, that I'm certain that I won't be seen by him at this point? Well, I mean, there's like a small attic. I'll give you that there's like a small attic. It's you're not sure if it has a window.

I'd like to try to go to get to high ground, if possible, without being seen like inside the house. You can either go in an attic without promise of a window this turn, or you can try to climb up on the roof by going out the front door. Is the front door on the same side where? No, front door is away. Front door is on the other side. I'll do that then.

Alright. I'll say you are going to be able to just, if you use dash, get to like the top of the roof and peer over it on this turn. Okay. And I'm staying hidden though, so... Oh, so just roll stealth check please. Yeah, because I know I don't get that plus 10 anymore. Well, are you still within...'t get that plus 10 anymore. Well, are you so within by doing that, is she within 30 feet of me? 30 feet up, maybe.

It's unclear. So if you want to be staying, I'm going to have you roll a separate insight check in addition to the stealth to see if you can stay close to about where Dallytail was if you want to be benefiting from Pass Without a Trace. Oh, so I would have to try, I have to try to be... If you want to deliberately get that Pass Without a Trace, you have to roll an Insight check. And if you can get a 15, you're able to position yourself close to the kitchen and benefit from his ability. Okay.

The spirit of Dallytail will permeate the roof. So should I reroll the stealth I just rolled? I'll let you keep it if you want to. What if I don't want to? Then you can reroll. OK. I'd be super flexible with this because we're coming up on the end of the hour. So first, I'm rolling my insight,

right, with the to see if I can. So that's 17 plus... Sorry, what is the bonus? So 19. No, 20. Oh, great. Yeah.

So you realize I have to stay to the right up bomb up here on the roof and you get right up to the very edge. Okay, so then I get a 15 plus 10, so 25. Geez, so you're very hidden just over the ridge. You can kind of see you're this way compared to the roof is divided like this and you're on that side of it. And it's like a low steeple roof that's just enough. Well, between episodes, we'll bust out the footstool. Instead of the cliff, that'll be the barn home. We'll set something up.

Up next is Glibbles. He's going to like look at what's happening and just kind of like take out his crossbow and like kind of like he's holding it out of confusion. He's just looking for someone else to do something, but he's going to hold. Pish posh, you're up. All right, I'm going to attack the dragon again with my acid breath. All right, so he's a con save, yes? Dex.

You should spit that acid where you bit him. Uh oh. He botches. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to say you can call where you're hitting him. Having him right in the face. Okay. Okay. Roll your damage.

I think I'm going to have to do with the app because it's 18d6. Jesus. I like it. Should you, is it too late? Should you attack the throat where you already attacked? He's committed to the face. I'm good with the face. I'm cool with that.

Don't get it in my eye. Let's see, where are the dice? Might be dice app. Reach five. Yeah, I have two. Oh, people want to donate to the cause if you want to get physical. my eye. Let's see where the dice is. My dice app? There's five. Yeah, I have two. Oh, people want to donate to the cause

if you're running a physical. Okay, we'll go. There they come, there they come. It's an exciting one. Someone had to. Two, three, four, five. I just think it's possible. Seven, eight.

It's possible to hear. Let's do one. Let me hear your body talk. Dice, I think we gotta say dice for that. There's a Dua Lipa song that sounds exactly like that. Oh yeah hear your body talk. Dice. I think we've got to say dice for that. There's a Dua Lipa song that sounds exactly like that. Oh yeah, that whole album, I guess, is just her redoing a bunch of songs. A bunch of songs. 14, 15, 16.

I only know them because of the internet. The Teenager? Oh, Roach doesn't listen to that stuff. Maybe by accident. All right. 23 so far. Okay. And...

Now you have to do math. 39, 35, 38, 41, 43, 44, 45, 49. Nice. So we're gonna have points of acid damage? Yes. And he's gonna use his legendary resistance to choose that he made that saving throw. So he's gonna divide that in half.

So it is 20. Dragons. Fucking asshole. Right, they're crazy. What a weird legendary quality. I'm gonna choose not to be hurt. Itary systems okay I know like I'm like goofy storytelling wise is like he's I guess dragons brace themselves when shitty things happen one a better like is there a difference if it's a botch it doesn't

matter um no cuz he's choosing to undo the botch but like I'll also let you still hit him in the face It's just not gonna it's not gonna explode his eyeballs or anything like that. I want to explode his eyeball Yeah, can you explode those? Of acid breath smacks him right in the in the face kisser with a kisser and We'll have to find out what he does in response on our next episode, Nerding Pokery. Sam, what do you think happened?

Hey, episode 31. We're trying to figure out what to do with Ken. We might be short resting and eating. We're going to tell the Topaz dragon that we're all dead, which is a lie. Pish posh narrowly avoided fromot and bit him in the neck. Then everyone gave Ken dice toro, which feels like cheating and shouldn't be allowed. Anything anybody wants to plug? No? I'm in New York. I'm at this coming Saturday the 21st of September. I will be at City Winery in Manhattan. Two shows with JT Haversett. The night before I will be in Summerville, Mass for one show this Friday night. So come out, nerd pokerers.

It'd be nice to see you guys. And then I've got other stuff coming up. I've got Cobbs next month and Tulsa, Oklahoma. Right? I mean, that's a, that's a real place. Yeah, it's a place. I've got comic books, issue four of a Rifters is out soon. And issue five of Grommets is out next month. That's it for me. Blame. We attribute the success of mankind.

We're joining us on this. You got walls and a roof. Well. On the next Nerd Poker, the Nerd Poker gang goes spelunking to impress Sam's girlfriend and ends up trapped in that game. Can BTS get there in time? Special guest, BTS! All this and Brian sits on BTS's balls wrong.

Or does he? Special guest, BTS's balls! All this and more on an all new Nerd Poker. bonus episodes from there and you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 and Sino California 91416. Thanks for listening. No. No? No more. You're against it. I'm just against everything.

I know. I get it. So make a new idea. What about like a robot samurai with like a robot samurai kit? Wow. Yeah, fuck you. I think I'm trying to sleep.