Nerd Poker - The Mountain Campaign - Episode 32

Episode Date: September 24, 2024

Here we go! It's Mordecair's Marauders* against Furlknott the topaz dragon. The setting: an abandoned village called Ferrentown. The crew: well one of them is a dracolich prone to madness now, so that probably won't end well. But other than that pretty cool stuff! Coming soon to our Patreon supporters and eventually Instagram: photos of the dragon on a stick being dangled over the party's miniatures. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.  

Hey, it's Brian Postain, nerd poker. We're calling it the Mountain Campaign. My friends are here, Sarah, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer Sam, and of course, our kickass DM, Dan Telfer. Welcome to Nerdpoker. Hey everybody, it's Brian Passante here listening to Nerdpoker, episode 32 of the Mountain Campaign. We did it. We made it to 32. Everybody's campaign. We did it. We made it to 32. Everybody's here.

Hey, Chris. Hi, Brian. I'm waving to you all the way from Episode one. Elbow draw. Wow. Sue's here. Hello, it's me. Ken's here. Hi, I'm in a trance. It's one of my favorite scorpions records. Dan is here. Hi.

Blaine is here. Here I am! Not that one. Oh, OK. I thought you'd like a hurricane. Somebody rocking like a hurricane. Sam at the end of the table. Hello, sweet children.

Hey, buddy. I want to just jump right in. Thank some people. I shall. If you please. I'll thank some Patreon supporters with usernames like Steven Terrell. Thank you, Steven. Thank you, Roland of Gilead. Thank you.

You guessed it. Frank Stallone. Thank you, Balrog Total Fitness. Thank you, Manfred Manthrex. Thank you, Nerdy Girl13. Nice. Thank you Manfred Manthrax. Thank you Nerdy Girl 13. Nice. Thank you Justin Millam. Thank you Matthew Arnold.

Thank you Tencers Gifts. Thanks Megan Bradburn. Thanks Brian. Remember when you told me in confidence that Star Trek is better than Star Wars? He did a spit tag. It worked. He's not wrong.

Thank you, Beth. I hope everyone heard Ken just now. Thank you, Moose from Jersey. Thank you, Mr. Pribbs. Thank you, Joe Beck. Thank you, Amanda Bird. Thank you, Mike Cribier.

Thank you, Local Mind Flayers Seattle 42. Thank you, Goth Brooks. Thank you, Joshua Stone. Thank you, Gothbrooks. Thank you, Joshua Stone. Thank you, Matt Carter. And finally, thank you, Craig Willis. Blaine, who are those supporters? Brought to us by. Supporters brought to us by

Vidal Sassoon Champuubin Conditioner for lustrous thick pubes with hold and bounce. Give your pubes the Vidal Sassoon treatment, Champuubin Condition conditioner for a bush that behaves. Available at Astastic Sam's. And solid plumber from Liquid Plumber for clogs made of shit. Dan. Thanks, boy.

Oh, yeah. You said pubes five times. Dan. Dan. My gosh. It's a stomach turned a little bit. I need a second. Oh my gosh. The stomach turned a little bit. I need a second.

But after that second, I'll tell you. What happened last time on Nerdpoker? After almost deciding to run away to end the campaign, which I guess is a nice about phase from season three's ending, our heroes decided they would stay with Pish Posh as he attempted to bullshit and it didn't quite work out. But Pish Posh got in a great opening acid splash in the face of the dragon. And we are now in combat next to a farmhouse. Right now we are using a dice box to approximate.

Oh, I heard a noise and turned out to be either a plane or wind chimes and a plane. I thought it was someone's stomach, but actually it's a plane outside. Yeah, it sounded like a melodic, like melodic? Melodic wind chime happened just as the melodic... Melodic open for the butthole surfers. Yeah, I'll try and find like a proper model house of some kind that we can use. I'm so confident this is going to keep going on and on and on. And what if we end it now?

It's possible. I mean, Pish Posh did a great deal of opening damage. We are halfway through the turn order. Normally, I like to end if possible on the end of the turn order, but everything just lined up perfectly time wise. And it's now Feral Knot's turn. And yeah, Pish Posh just breathed acid in his face. He chose with a legendary resistance to make that saving throw. And he is now going to bite you.

Hey, Pish Posh. Hey, what the? I didn't think you'd do that. But I just stand around and go, I'm my face. A 17 to hit. Well, no, he misses. Absolutely. Clang, he misses with his jeweled teeth. And now he has multi attacks, so he is going to attempt to swipe at you twice.

Once with each of his front claws. Mm-hmm. That's a terrible hit. 14 to hit. No! Oh, that's probably a hit. That's a 28 to hit. That's a hitty. All right.

So that'll be... Why don't you make your dice harder to look at? Well, eventually they'll be important. He doesn't have a DM screen, so he can keep it hot. Yeah, kids that's secret, makes it secret. But not if we're staring at him. Six points, slashing damage. Directly at it.

All right, I'll take it. You can also use those to whiten your teeth. That pen, just sort of like wipe it over here. And then- Painting of vengeance on your spread. Oh. Pfft. For a moment-

I was just about to say it. For all that appears to disappear, will everyone do a perception check? The only person who is not rolling a disadvantage is Pish Posh. The rest of you don't have a clearer view of what's happening. Really? Don't I have a great view from the roof? Pitch pressure was low.

Not for what's happening. Okay. Disadvantage, you said? Yeah, disadvantage because it's not just about whether you saw him disappear or not. It's about what exactly happened. More specifically than disappear. And you said perception? Mm hmm.

15. Which is great wisdom. 11. 15. Yeah, it's low okay so those of you who hit 15 do see he has turned into a bat who has for a while not the dragon oh so after attempting to smash up his posh, he turns into a bat. So you're not as fucked up face much smaller. But these old ladies, he starts my little cabra. I'll represent him with my bottle.

Of course, for every kid on the side of the house. I want to reach out and stab you. Erica, focus. What is cadaver? But you're up. It's saying is doing physical silent bits. It's the there's a Bugs Bunny where he's he's messing with the vampire. The vampire is holding up a big brick to crush him with and bugs goes.

Ever cadaver. He turns into a bat and the thing just crushes him. And then he says, more of Pugs and turns back into the guy. Have a cadaver. And just keeps getting smashed with a sender block. Oh my God. Thank you for describing it.

Because I was, I was- It's on YouTube kids. They'd love it. Your turn. Oh, I'm going to- Oh, I just want to also acknowledge Sam, thank you finally for getting me a windscreen thing for my microphone.

Absolutely. I'm going to set up a thing called a guardian of faith. Nice. Hey, that's like a ghostly night, right? It's like a ghostly night, right? It's like a ghostly night, yes. And I'm gonna set it right where the... So I'm gonna change. Right where it is.

Right where the bat is in the house. Right where the bat is, yes. So you're gonna need to run to the side of the house and look out a window and roll a perception check to track where the bat is exactly. So if you can move BLEP over there and roll a perception check to track where the bat is exactly. So if you could move BLEP over there and roll a perception check. Oh, the bats moving. Yeah. Fleur on the side of the house.

You could plant the guardian faith next to the bat, but he's he's not in immediate range. You got to run. He's like, he's a small bat now. Tiny bat. What the heck? Can't have you heard such a thing? That's against all the works of physics. Conservation. Can't have you heard such a thing? That's against all rules of physics. Conservation of the faculty and such. For the love of my various OCD, ADHD problems,

move Blep's figure as requested to the side of the house where the bat is. You know, instead of Guardian of Faith right now, I'm going to throw Polymorph at the bat. Fun. Roll a perception check first to see if you still see the bat. Fun. Roll a perception check first to see if you still see that bat after. You still got sighty?

17. Yeah, you see it. You can spot him through window. The first perception check was just if you saw what he turned into at all. You're tracking him. Polymorph attempt is a saving throw of some kind. Polymorph attack is.

Wiggly holds it for brick. Yeah. It is a wisdom saving throw. All right. That's going to be a 24. OK, well, that's a that's a miss. He failed. Plane.

And OK, I was going to turn into a bat with no wings, so we could all go out and just fuck with them. Oh, great. But I'll bullshit a bull with no wings so we could all go out and just fuck with them. Great. But bullshit, a bullshitter didn't work. Oh, well, I'm going to I'm going to. Use a bonus action to create an illusion of myself that's going to stand there going, huh, while the real me runs back to where I was.

OK, does someone please put blood back to the other side of the house? You look so much like Dallytail. Well, two, three folks, if you include Glibbles, are holding their action to see what you do, Mordecai, it is your turn. Do I see him? Do I see the bat? You did not. You were you rolled low on that initial perception check, but you can see Blep run to the side of the house and try to peek out the window and roll another perception check.

So you didn't see him change, but you're following what BLEP was following. Okay. That's only a 10. Yeah, so you run to the side, you can't spot the quick moving bat through the window. That's only a 10. Yeah, so you run to the side, you can't spot the quick moving bat through the window.

But we'll assume that Blup yelled out as Matthew Berry might. Bat! Bat! That was much better. I was gonna cast darkness or hellish rebuke on it. Well, if I can't see it. Hellish rebuke is a reaction, I think.

Right. If he has to attack you for your darkness, then darkness, you don't need to see him. You can just approximate where he is. Okay. So if you just want to create a cloud of darkness around the south side of the house, you absolutely can do that. Yeah, I'll do that. All right.

So you all see through that window and you can kind of darkness around the south side of the house, you absolutely can do that. Yeah, I'll do that. All right, so you all see through that window and you can kind of see over the side of the house bricks, just this magically pitch black fog appears over the side of the house. Can I go out there quickly? How quickly can I get out? You can immediately jump into the darkness if you pop open a window or you can get out the front door and kind of get next to it. Your choice.

Go out the window. Okay, so just put yourself kind of next to the bottle cap, but not like exactly next to it. Yeah, so you can't see him, but you're in the darkness. I have dark vision. I don't think with dark vision you can see through darkness, can you? That was kind of a point. I think dark...

Through the spell, you mean? I think the point of darkness is it supersedes dark vision, but I'm gonna... I think you need blind sight. Okay. Yeah, I'm checking. A creature with dark vision can't see through this darkness. Okay, thank you, Barg. What is this thing called, darkness?

I'll flail away when it's my turn again. Okay. Come flail away. Come flail away. Come flail away with me. Before it is your turn again, and before we go to the top of the turn order again, Dallytail, you see Mordecai look over his shoulder, cast darkness through the window, and then fly out, like jump out the window.

Yeah, I don't think that's going to make me trigger an attack, because I can't even see what that thing is. Correct. It's disappeared in a cloud of darkness as well. Right. So can I release whatever my held thing is in my turn turn now? It will be once we check in with the other two held. Chops. Sarah, is Bricks going to do anything from the roof? I don't think I ended up holding my turn because I climbed to the roof instead. You held your action.

I mean, I didn't hold my action because I climbed to the roof and hid as my action. Oh, OK. I think you're didn't hold my action because I climbed to the roof and hid as my action. Oh, okay. I think you're right. Thank you for correcting me. Glibbles has no real clue what's going on, but he is going to run to the window where Mordecai jumped out. If somebody can turn this d4 around, like right the edge of the black house kind of where Mordecai is as glibbles. I'll have his token next time. I misplaced glibbles.

Yeah, indeed. And it is indeed Dallytale. Where I believe I'm going to shit. I think seeing that Bricks has the height, I think bricks has the right idea. Maybe is there a window near me? Well, I mean, you're about 15 feet from the window Mordecai jump through. The Quibbles is peeking out of.

Right. I think I want to go up, but I don't know if I want to go through the darkness There is a kitchen window you could like jump out of and then climb on the roof I would like to yeah, I'm gonna cuz I can as a squirrel. Thank God I can climb yeah, so I'd be act like I'd like to with my movement scurry up to the roof and About where your token is except on the roof. Yeah, and then maybe Do I do I have enough movement to peer down over the edge in sort of above the darkness? Yeah, just barely.

I think you'd be like here. Great, yeah, so, and then I will now having hopefully a view of what's going on down there, I'll hold it. I just moved Blep for some reason, Sarah. Did you think it was Deli 2? You told me that I was on the roof of the edge of the roof here and that it was on top of those coasters.

Uh huh. So how am I on the edge of the roof? And he's also on the edge of the roof. Yeah. That's for that. Well, are the two edges I tried to describe dad knows pitch. That's why I moved left because it looked like Blap was on the roof. Yeah, that's right.

Oh, I should be there. It's because there's no way for me to represent not being on the roof or on the roof. So we were just going to have to remember who is on the roof and the roof. But like this is technically at a steeply angle. OK. And so Daily Tales, like on the roof there and like, I think it was like the haves of the blap is just inside. But where did you end up downstairs? I was just I was like the haves of the blub is just inside the downstairs. Where did you end up downstairs? I was just I was getting away from the window and leaving my image in the window.

Right. So you're like you're like in the middle. I'm sorry. You're fine. You're fine. I just the roof thing can't be completely represented. You asked me why I move blub and that's why I did. Yes.

And I still didn't quite follow. So I'm sure we're on the same page'll make sure we're on the same page. I think we're on the same page. Maybe on different roofs. Maybe I should stop freaking out. I'm not freaking out. Guys, please. Where did I place a chance?

Sing up on the roof. I think Brian's going to make a speech. All the roof. No. And now about Brian. Go, go, go, go, go, go, rough. Yeah, you can't... Peter, what are you going to do with the darkness? I'm going to hold an attack. Great. Again, same thing as before.

Awaiting if I can see that thing. You're waiting to see the dragon to attack. Blaine is the thing. It's clobberin' time. Seems like it's clobberin' time. Where's the thing? Last time you're waiting for more right I understand you're thinking I apologize for not at

all not at all yeah I'm gonna hold and again Mordecai I'm gonna see what Mordecai does and then I will decide I I mean, you can't out equal to equal. Got to follow the leader. Briggs is up. OK, so now there's just a there's a cloud of darkness where the bat was. Yeah. But this was not geographically where I thought we'd end up today. I brought a cliff, not a house. So I'm doing my best here.

Dr. Joyce Brothers, OK, well, Brooks is like, it's very clever of the bat to create the darkness around itself. So I can see it in the. You do think the dragon might be a Dracula. OK, so I guess that's not actually right now. I'm going to I just love a Dracula. I'm going to sneak like army crawl to the edge of the roof. And then if I if I can throw a Molotov cocktail down into the darkness.

Like a bottle of oil and, you know, like, yeah, you can for sure. I'm afraid she's already declared she's doing it, so it's too late. But OK, I see you pointing and saying, oh, he's out there. But Bricks is like, yes, thing turned out so bad and he surrounded himself with darkness. It's well known that legendary Dungeons and Dragons performer Sarah Gazzardo will set whatever she can on fire regardless of the consequences. I thought you were going to be like, thank you for role playing.

Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying. I'm grateful for the role playing. And I'm also grateful that after a couple of seasons of accusing Blaine of setting everything on fire, I can finally get out your case. I have the resistance to fire damage. I should be able to. That's good. So yeah, you'll have whatever the damage is, but it'll be.

Boop a boop. I don't want the red. It might not even hit him. We got a roll for that. Yeah, I mean, it might not. It might hit the bat. Yeah, it might. You don't even know. Looking at Molotov cocktail damage. I don't think it's a lot, actually, so it's not.

I think it's a one of six or so. No, I really don't. I mean, in real life, it's a lot. Look at Banana Daiiquiri damage too. It looks like it is 1d10 if you miss a deck sturdy saving throw, but if you're in darkness, it's going to be with disadvantage. Yeah.

The bat will also roll with disadvantage, but Brian, you will roll decks with disadvantage and then you will have the damage if you take it. I mean, what is he at? DC 15 is what I have, so... I'm just dropping it into the darkness, so... Do I roll an attack or...? He fails, he's gonna get hit with this.

The bat. You're dropping it into the dark, it's gonna get hit with this. Oh, okay. The bat. You're dropping a dark... It's gonna be a moment of flame. 9, 16, and then 9. Okay, so you will take the damage much... roll 1d10, but you'll have it and he won't. The dragon won't. He does not have resistance to fire damage. Like you.

Four. Okay. So Dragon will take four, Brian, you'll take two points. And to be clear, I was sneakily doing that, so I didn't want to reveal my position or anything else. Stealth check. No, but that was that was part of it. So I do want to I want to be clear.

That was... No, but that was part of it, so I do want to be clear. I will let you roll with advantage, because they're both in darkness, and this is more just about deciphering the direction the attack came from. Yeah, I wouldn't have done it if... It's very unlikely they will see you. 24. Yeah. Nice. So, fire bomb in the darkness!

And of course, you feel the fire, but you don't see it. Right. It's weird. And it freaks the dragon out. He goes, whoa. Sounds like an awesome lyric to a song. What was it? You feel the fire, but you don't see it.

I mean. Listen. Some deep shit. I think Duncan covered that at some point. That rhymes with rocking, I've noticed. Glippos is going to run out the front door and try to figure out what's going on. So if someone could take the D form,

put it on that side of the house. Outside, yeah, thank you. Pish Posh is up. Hey Pish Posh. Hmm, hi. You're over here. Yeah. You're so one dimensional.

Psh, psh, psh. Ha ha. Shoot. Huh? Um, you're so one dimensional. Shoot. I want distance attacks. It won't. You should kick him in the dick. It's too far away. I think darkness around the other side of the house. So you can see him fine.

Hi. How's it going? No, I have blind. How are you here? Oh, the Metro. But yeah, you can you can. Is there a soldier sitting next to you? I know. But if riding on the.

As of right now, yeah. Right. Matt. So. So many spells that you can do, though. And I think you have a couple. I do. I don't think so.

You do. You do. You do. Yeah, I'll pull you up on my phone also, so I'm not just hounding you. Stop hounding me. Please, sir. I demand action. You know, you have bite claw tail.

But those are all right for presence. As a breath. I'm not going to use for it. What about his character? Shit. It's like a personal here. Well, if you have. Yeah, that's the that's the thing that sucks is is Mordecai is closer to you. So anything area of effect, he's going to get hit.

Yeah. Great. So I guess I'm just going to get in closer range. Sounds like Monday. So put yourself kind of close on the bat. Yeah, I can see him. Right. I'd say now feral not as much. He does not like being in the darkness or being set on fire.

How about that? It's going to fly up and change back into a dragon. Oh, now he's big again. I don't like that. Now, so you see for a moment, should drop another brick on him. A bat will pop up out of the darkness

and then a topaz dragon looking down on you on the roof. Oh dear. Can I get a constitution, the saving throw DC 17 for me, Sarah. Oh, shit. Is the darkness still up, Dan? She's just out of it. DC what? DC what? Do you see what?

17. No, I did not make it. Lucky? Do you have a lot? No. You could lie. I could. Yeah, you totally have it.

I think I need too much time to do this to do it right now, but I have a dragon on a stick. Did you build a harness Dan? I did build a harness, but it's I need less dead air to do it and I'm not pulling the dead air off. So I'm going to go ahead and roll the damage, which is going to be 10d6 necrotic damage as it unleashes this sort of sparkling black and green jet of energy at you. Goodness.

This dead air brought to you by PS69. It's 13 PS5s with a PS4 up your ass. So this is a... The dead air is no longer happening. What is this? This was a... A breath... A retroactively needed... A breath attack? Yeah. This is no longer happening. What is this? This was a retroactively needed. A breath attack?

Yeah. This is a breath attack. You're asking for evasion type reason? I'm just, yeah, I'm just trying to see what my breath. It is a 60 foot cone of necrotic damage. What's a necrotic? Is it a waffle cone? I love those.

Oh my God. A waffle cone of necrotic damage and it is going to do 37 points of necrotic damage. Jesus Christ. You all hear the roof of the house rattle. That is not cool. And that'll be it for the turn. So,

Blup is up. So we can see this thing now. I'm gonna have my duplicate look out the window because I can cast spells through my duplicate. Cool. Then I'm going to try to banish him. Okay. Now, Brian, you try and hit that with a stick. Yeah, it's a...

Spin you around three times. Spinata. Spin you right round, baby. Right round. And this is a what saving throw? Like a record, baby? Wisdom. Right round, round, round. It is a charisma saving throw. Or be banished. It's going to be a 16. Is it against my charisma or my magic? Your spell save. Your save, yeah.

Oh, it's a 14. Oh, he resists banishment. Damn it. Anything else for your turn? I'm going to- Side two, right? Are you running out the front door? Or are you going out to a window?

No, my duplicate is leaning out the window. I'm gonna hit him with a word of radiance. Okay. Cool. Is that another saving throw from him? I think so, let me see. I'm holding the dragon like a boob right now. It's like we're shooting a weird porn. You could just say porn. I'm holding the dragon like a boom. It's like we're shooting a weird porn. You could just say porn.

Yeah. It's like. Was the first Maxine movie? Yeah. You know, I don't. Max. Not Pearl. No, that was a Constitution save. Kukukukuku Constitution. I'm not Pearl. No, that was a Constitution save. K-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k Sorry, let me see what the damage is here. This is a... What's your damage? That weird thing.

Word of radiance. This is so much more fun than just sitting at the table. Right? Let's do it. Bad fishing, though. Nothing bites in this pond. You should try a McGelegate's pool. I went to a couple of hobby shops lately.

I'm not sure what they're doing. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don try McGelegate's pool. Uh, I went to a couple of hobby shops to see if they had those like transparent pedestals you can put D&D things on if they're flying.

But I was like, I think it's harness time. Cause he's got a loose side box even. Well, and they can fly so high. I like the flying there. That's nice. I went to a party last Saturday night. I didn't get laid. I didn't get laid.

I got in a fight. Ain't nobody saying. It actually was a huge thing. I went to the garden party. I await your damage. Sorry, yeah, this is loading. It's very slow. I'm speaking loudly because my mic is not

set up well for me standing over the table. It's all worked out. I do pull ups. Yes. Mike is not set up well for me standing over the table. So workout. I do pull-ups. Yes. I'm an unemployed writer. I do pull-ups. I sit at home and look at exercise equipment online that I can afford for $10. Oh my God.

Yeah. I guess when Blaine Short-, he does troll to quotes. Yeah, one day six. OK, one day six. Yeah, it's worth it. For what kind of damage? Annoying boredom damage. It's radiant, I think.

Yes, radiant damage. Itchy damage. Four points of radiant damage. We killed him. How do you want to see him die? I'd like to see him land on Ken. And I believe that's your turn. Yes. Yes.

More Kyra. Brian's balls. Oh, shit. You can cancel darkness or walk out of darkness. I assume you don't want to stand in darkness. It'll look pretty bad ass if you get fired from darkness like Frankie Poulain. Or do I? You can't see it right now, but if you cancel darkness or fly out of the darkness. I'll exit the darkness. Okay.

Are you going to step out of it or are you going to fly out of it? Don't worry about it. Come into the night. I'm the dungeon master. Typically people tell the dungeon master what they're doing. No fly. Okay. Oh, well, people tell the Dungeon Master what they're doing. No fly. OK. Yeah, I mean, it's dramatic if you fly out of the darkness. Yeah. Right. Kind of waving the darkness off as I come. Right.

And then with my wings. It's your turn. When you come out and see this shit show. Things got very tenacious D all of a sudden, that's it. Yeah, I don't know how we're going to beat him. Oh, I've got it all figured out. Don't worry. If you remember. I'll throw you a crossbow at him.

Oh shit. Roll the crossbow. She she she she she she she she she just didn't do it. Do you still use the dish purple 18? That is a hit. Cool. That was my favorite Deep Purple song. I lived in Baltimore.

It's me going to water. That was my favorite Deep Purple song when I lived in Baltimore. Smake on a wooder. I know nobody liked the new Hellboy movie, but they do a really great instrumental heavy metal cover of Smoke on the Water for that movie is great. I love it. My favorite cover that was Cat Stevens. Four. Four points. All right. Same thing.

The same. The smokes in the water and the silver spoon. All right. That's going to bring us around. That was Laurie Chappelle. Now my question would be, before we get to to my turn by Mordecai doing that, can that then trigger my hold? Yes. Great.

So before I take my turn, I'd like to do that attack. You know, bow and arrow is what you're saying. I'm seeing him fire. I will join in. Yeah. Twenty nine to hit. Yeah. So it's not a crit somehow. No, it's all right. No, it's a D10.

D8 and a D6. And then he already has taken damage, right? Oh, yeah. Oh, so another. OK. You have like fury of the small or something. No, it's my Colossus Slayer. OK. You have like fury of the small or something. No, it's my colossus layer. Yeah. When when something's taking damage, I get to I love the fucking attack. Oh, shit.

OK, so four, six, twelve, fourteen plus five, nineteen radiant. Chris always rolls up characters which should have never. It's Claustus Slayer is like one of the ranger. That's great. Attributes. Yeah, well, and I feel like you're like

on the bleeding edge of knowing what races have been incorporated into Dungeons and Dragons sometimes with the rabbit folk. Oh, well, that's just all I just look up. That's people have made that stuff up. I and I buy it like on the market. Well, you know, to Google it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's impressive. Thanks.

Yeah. For me, I just like I want to just be like Disney animated animals. That's why I mean, I literally it broke. But for the the little thing we recorded off the air air though, I guess I can preview a little bit I made like a fox So now we move on to regular Was anybody else holding? No, I don't think so. Okay, I think you're the only one holding that round All right, cool. Wibbles was confused and ran around. Okay, so first one will be a 23 to hit was confused and ran around. OK, so first one will be a 23 to hit.

It's so for the first, if I get to him again, it won't be as many dice. I'm not going to. OK, so three, nine, 14, 15 and five. So that's 20. And then you get a second attack. That's only a 17.

OK, is that hit? That's a miss. OK. Cool. And then I will scamper down. And I don't know, trying to get behind something I can't hide as an action, but I want to try and get some cover from that. I believe there's a dragon above us. I don't know. I don't see it. I'm not sure where it is. I love that you just asked. Oh, there it is.

It reminds me. Do you remember how much damage you took, Rick's? Uh, 30 something. Because you were on the roof when it hit the roof with a cone of desiccating breath. And I forgot you were there. So you should roll a savings. Oh, definitely. Saving through retroactively for when you got hit. For what was it? A constitution? Yeah. 17.

Oh, I only have a two bonus to this. 1214. OK, so you're going to was at 30. Thirty seven. Thirty seven points of necrotic damage. Okay. You would have taken. Sheepers. To a squirrel. I know I shouldn't be up. How many hit points do you have left? I'm doing math and then you allow me a longer amount longer time. I don't think you'll be dead. Oh, no, I'm not. Thirty five. OK. Did it knock the nuts out of your mouth? Good job to your job.

And that was the first time I heard that. I thought that was amazing. What they come out of where you were ahead of comedy club. Yeah. great. Is it still hovering directly over the roof? Sure is, and you know, because I'm holding it on a harness over the worst, and the arm is tired.

I'm going to, I'm going to go down back in the door. Then I'm going to run to the window, and then I'm going to take my action. Great. Okay, so. Yeah, just'm going to take my action. Great. Okay, so do I just sort of position yourself on the edge of the house so we can remember you're at a window. It can be, there's a window on all four sides. Okay, so I'm going to come to a window over here.

Middle of the house on those sides. Yeah. Okay, and then I'm going to use my actor feature. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. And I'm gonna yell out the window using Glut's voice. Why? I'm gonna say, you idiot. What?

To the bitter end, the dumbest dragon alive. Wow. Holy shit. Okay. Deception check, of course. Yeah. Okay. It's not correct. Rolling against a 10 that I... 13.

All right. What is your intended result? I mean, I really don't know. I just sort of been trying to get him like distracted off the roof away from attacking people. So my intended result is that he's like, what the fuck? Where is she or what is happening? And he rolls in.

You dirty onyx cut! And he like flies in this direction. He heard the voice like echoing off. It's very salty. Oh yeah. I mean, he's a... Sam, cut that. He's like, he flies in this direction. He heard the voice like going off. Very salty. Oh, yeah.

I mean, he's a Sam. I don't know if you can feel like that. Really? That's what's too far for you guys. So it's just going to strike. I'm a feminist. Don't look to England and like kind of like go up next turn if nobody does anything like you all see him turn and you know he's going to investigate it, but it's not as he can as a reaction.

Just go fly over there. So. OK. So hopefully I distracted him or threw him off his game for a second, at least. Yes. And now Glittles will fire if you're done with your turn. I think that's it. That's all I can do unless I did another bonus.

It's fine when Nick Frost uses it. But the way he said it was really harsh. You have to have a British accent. Yeah, especially coming from Dan. Or when Nick Frost goes, which one of you cunts wants a beer that's hilarious? When Dan drinks beer. That sounded really harsh when you

reenacted it without an accent, Brian. Spelled Balla with a C. Global Spots. Spellballer with a C. Globalsporches. That sounds even more offensive. Globalsporches! What? Say that to my face. 1d4!

So I think that's just like 1d4 backshot damage. Yeah. It takes three points of piercing damage. Oh, fuck. Dammit. My finger. Backshot damage. Like two seconds after we met him, he fell on his sword and sent himself to another

like prison dimension inside a coin, right? So. Yeah, we didn't really know what it was like. We all just did. It was like. We haven't been yet. Just as in the first cop battle, it was very good exposition before. Right, ding dong. So he's gonna try again.

Oh no, he loses this turn because he botched though. He's good. Pish Posh is up. I'm gonna throw up at him again. Okay. So that's a dexterity saving throw, okay It's a fail so that is. Oh, 18 D6 again. Holy shit.

Well, well, well, rally up your D6, everyone. As Pish Posh, I guess what you climb halfway up the roof to vomit acid up. I mean, 60 foot range. Mm hmm. So, yeah, probably. He's just that he's just in 60 foot of you like prop your front arms up on the roof. Alright. One, two, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, twice. Six, eleven, fourteen, fifteen, twenty, twenty-four.

Maybe we should announce whose dice did the best. Seven. What's your favorite damage on these dice? The six, probably, right? Yes. He's doing math. He's doing math. That's 36 so far. Nice, Ken.

Soap me dice. Jesus. Ken's face is bright red. 52, 60, 67, 71, 76. 76 points of damage on the big dragon. 110. Nice. On the Bachi die.

Um, so, okay. How much was that again? 76. I got two wrapped up in the song. Yeah. 76? Yeah. Jeez.

It must be something from Seattle next September. Ah, I don't want to see Dan's character die. Well, he's gonna... No, actually. Because he's gonna choose Legendary Resistance again. He also has probably like 400 hit points at least. So you'll take 37. That's your second Legendary Resistance?

Second Legendary Resistance. Someone knows how many I have. Hahaha. Is that your turn? That is my turn. Alright. It's now Frolnut's turn. You all see him go from flying about 50 feet over the roof to rocketing up way up here.

He's like well over a hundred feet into the air. And he's gonna look around. I don't like where this is going. Well, he's probably looking for. He gets a pretty good lay of the land and doesn't see anything. And then he is going to psychic step over here and look again

Make it step. So you do all see to see him. What in the across the sky? They can use a bottle of sports. What do you need wings for? And so he's right now about 120 feet up in the air being flipped off. Hey, authority. 120 feet up and I guess about 20 feet in front of the house as well. Because he's been trying to get a lay of the land over there. And that'll be that'll be his turn looking around and freaked out cause he thought Glut was saying C word stuff at him.

Glut, you're up. I'm up. I never say that word out of character, never. Does he look like he's going to come towards us? Can I get a feeling? Does he look like he's preparing to do anything? Here? I mean, he, you know, is currently looking around

angrily like he's trying to find the voice of the blood. But you would know as soon as he thinks it's the best option, he really still wants to murder all of you. So he's going to try again, eventually. Mainly Ken. Especially Ken. Especially Ken.

I'm gonna have to hold my action because I have nothing I could, well you know what I can- Pretty far away, yeah. Yeah, I have nothing I could do. I'm just gonna hold my action. What are you holding it for? What away. Yeah. Yeah, I have nothing I could do. I'm just going to hold my action. What are you holding it for? Are you waiting to see?

I'm waiting for him to get in range that I can hit him with something. What is the the range that would be like 120? Well, if he's at 120, I think right now the the longest range I have is is like 60 feet. Really? You don't have like crossbow or shortbow or something? I do. I do have a hand crossbow.

I could take a shot with a hand crossbow. What's the range on it? I wish I had a Miss Construzzi's. Sorry. Sarah and I are going to do an improv show together soon. You want to talk about it? Tell everybody. Yes. Yeah.

Sarah was very worried about what she said. Hey, Brian, I understand we're going to be doing a show. I'm going to be doing a show. I'm going to be doing a show. I'm going to be doing a show. I'm going to, Brian, I understand we're going to be doing a show together later on in the Limb Prop Show. If you're looking at the range, I'm sure it's like 120. Yes, it is 120.

You just would have to get under him in like the house. Otherwise you're going to be shooting. Otherwise you're going to be shooting with disadvantage. I'm going to go to the window and then just shoot out. Yeah, go like 20 feet there, you'll be going with disadvantage is the only thing because you'll be shooting outside of range, like the hypotenuse of 120 up and 20,

it's like, you know, 145 or something like that. You get to the bottom of this one. We're doing geometry. Okay, I'm gonna have, I'm going to have, I'm gonna run out of the house and my duplicate's gonna run out of the house So you can shoot from there. Okay. Yeah Your curlers and slippers and then that is a

That is a 16 nice That is a miss. Thank God! That fucked. But you don't have two attacks for actions because you're a cleric. I do not. Right. Why you gotta rub it in? That's all I have?

Yeah. Damn, yo. My life is a shambles, but at this table, I'm a god. Um, alright, Mordecai, you're up. He's flying way over here outside of most rooms. Mordecai. So again, probably about maybe more like 130 for you because you're a little bit closer than Black was.

But to get in 120, you have to be under him or fly up a bit. I think you said you're like 10 feet off the ground. You have to be under him or fly up a bit. I think you said you're like 10 feet off the ground. You could get within a certain amount of range, but you're like 130 feet away. I'll hold my action. Until he's at a certain range? Yeah, closer.

OK, then got it. Dolly tails up. I would like to move, I guess, around the side of the house. If you could grab me and bring me around sort of over here. Still on the roof or are you climbing down? Oh no, I can't, I think at the end of my turn last time I wanted to climb down. So now I'm imaging myself on the ground. I want climbing down? Oh no, I can't. I think at the end of my turn last time I wanted to climb down. So I now imagine myself on the ground.

I want to try and get a line of sight and um. From where Ken put you, it's like 150 feet away. You have to get closer if you want to get closer. Well I have a sharp shooter so I can, the long range doesn't disimpose it doesn't impose disadvantage Sorry, oh P. But yeah, you watch yourself McCoy. Sorry Sorry, we'll just try and take that back that 26 Ken can I borrow a D sex or two?

That's it. Say, can I borrow a D sex or two? Who has the sparkly guy? Because that's what got the high roll last time for Ken. That that's my. Yeah, that and the squirrel. All right. Seven, 13, 15, 18 plus five, 23. All right. and one more

29 to hit But then this time it's just one Cuz the other stuff is Once per turn is to see Dally tail like slinging off these fucking arrows It's just see Dally tale like slinging off these fucking Squirrel fighting a dragon the radiant arrows to so they're like glowing like little surges of energy. So this is 18 points Nice And then I guess you know

Maybe if I have any movement left off sort of try and tuck in as close to the house as possible Yeah, some kind of cover. Yeah, you'll get a little cover that way. All right. It's working, friends! Bricks is up. Okay. You would have noticed that worked. You would have heard the horrible words that he said.

Yeah. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna, wait, I want to make sure I can still do this. I'm gonna climb out the window to Dallytail. And then does he still have, do you still have Pass Without Trace? Or is he still giving 10? I, oh, I have to roll a concentration check, right? Well, with the amount of damage, how much was that? You said it was 37.

Maybe an instant fail, right? If it's a certain amount, I don't know. Well, it's half of whatever 37 is. So that's 18. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. So we have to, okay, let me just real quick.

Constitution, I have a two bones. That's cocked. 1416, no, I didn't make it. So that's gone. Okay, so it's gone. But so I'm gonna go to him and then I'm gonna be like, give me that egg shell. Yep.

So I'm going to take the egg shell and then I'm going to, um, run through to like the other side of the house, over to here. I'm going to open the window and I'm going to throw the egg shell out. And then I'm going to mimic the voice of like a baby dragon or whatever. And then, and I'm'm gonna be like, daddy. Yeah. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Hi. I am bored. Why did you betray us? Actors are fucked up. And then so. Sarah's fucked up, it's great, I like it. Bricks might be the worst thing ever. Bricks like does that and she like her face like twists into like

look like full pain and then she just like like robots immediately. Like walks away from the deception check, obviously. That's a little fucking crushing. I didn't want to do this. It's terrifying for all of you with us for sure. Don't fucking crush it. I didn't want to do this. It's terrifying for all of you with us, for sure. OK, that's with advantage.

So 19. Well, yeah, you got. Oh, my God. Holy shit. It's too fucked up to not be true. It's in babies. to not be true. It's your baby's. Grab your baby, asshole. He's so upsetting.

Shell out there. Is this dancer in the dark? This is so creepy. Anything else? No, that's I mean, for honestly, I'm just trying to like just like keep him on the on the move. I mean, I'm more can you just hear the like the dragon egg shell thud on the ground behind you and the sound of a crying baby. But is there so I was trying to get it away, by the way, as far from that far.

But is there anything that ideally I would have done that's where there's we could push a boulder over on him or whatever. But like we're now in the town. So I guess I will take the rest of my turn. I mean, yeah, the rest of my turn to just look around and see. The cliff is like, is like here. OK, so do I see anything town-wise? You know, is there like a good... The howitzer? Yeah, like a disused...

All that you choose is perception or insight. You'll get, you know, a slightly sighted this seems like a great idea or I've really looked a lot for the best idea. Okay, I'm gonna do perception. 21. Nice. So the town hall, where you spoke to the leader of Fair and Town, whose name is written down in my phone,

it has this kind of outdoor pillared part of the building before you go through the front doors. There were guards under it. It does look like there's enough space for the dragon to go underneath the sort of awning into town hall and be at least temporarily trapped. It's an old stone building. enough space for the dragon to go underneath this sort of awning into town hall and be at least temporarily trapped. It's an old stone building. Okay. And how far is town hall from where we are right now? It is about a full city block.

Okay. So it is a city, you know, it's like a village, it's a town. Like 150 feet from the front of the house. Yeah. Kind of kind of right about where Sam's sound mixers are. Okay. It burns, daddy. Wow.

Wow. Does the dragon have a safe word? Making it die up there. I was gonna say don't tell it to Sarah. She'll abuse it. Cinnamon, cinnamon. Glubbles, it's his turn. Um, he says, this so fucked up.

There are no goblin stories. This fucked up. Does the eggshell look really pathetic and sad out there? I just want to I just want it to be like a beautiful shot. Like you get a long, so like a wide shot of the eggshell just like crooked on the ground. Yeah, Terrence Malick kind of just like nostalgic backlit. Okay, so he rolled an 18 with the crossbow. 16.

Stealing this one, Brian. Yeah. And then... It's a miss. Pish-posh, you're up. How far is he? 150 feet up, 20 feet in front of the house. Or 120 up.

150 feet. Pretend you're his mom and tell him how disappointed you are. Yeah, like, is he taking psychic damage? Because I feel like, you know, I can't believe you forgot my birthday. He's taking modeling damage. Oh, gosh. Schmaltz damage. How dare you? Melodrama damages.

Melodrama. This is layered. Pish-posh is up. Yeah, there's nothing I can do really around here Now we are taking can you fly no no way Other than the wings of love he's lost his spells you can feel the fire, but I can't see it And you can't use weapons. I'm assuming that's so big I can't see it. And you can't use weapons, I'm assuming, because you're so big. Can you kick skulls at it?

Not the range is too far. Can you hurl chunks of shit at it? I mean, it's a solid blubber. Do you have a plan, Sarah, that you shouted out to everybody about the building? Is this something you could be coordinating with everybody else if they're out of range? I mean, I could just say like to the to the city hall or whatever, if I feel like it's gonna I mean you you on 21 that's what you suggested so I feel like we can try that but you know. Do you seeing her do this do I get an idea of what she's trying to do? I mean if that's all

Sarah says you're just like okay everyone's going to city hall but she's doing something fucked up with distractions over there. Right so but. I think everyone's going to City Hall, but she's doing something fucked up with distractions or. Right. So, but. We just try to get, if I'm not mistaken, sorry, him to look over here while you go over there. Sure. Yeah. Sounds good.

Oh, okay. I think you're trying to lure him into. I think, I think that's what Daman suggesting might work as like a plan. So yeah, I can't just say it would work for sure, but there is an over cropping of stone architecture that he could Possibly collapse on trying to look for some type of thing that we can use because we could just shoot arrows at him It would kill him or bury him and pin him for at least a turn. Well, then I'm gonna head that way Maybe he'll yeah chase me. Yeah. Yeah with a dash then Sure, cuz you're slow. Yeah. Yeah. With a dash, then? Sure. Because you're slow. Yeah.

And you're you're a pokey foot because your feet are made of skulls. And guts. Bricks is like it is the very least. Yeah, it's very least. Got full of us. Oh, I see. So I see how many feet can you move? Ten feet. Plus dash. So twenty total.

Oh, OK. Yeah. So if you can move about 20 feet that way, that's a bit much. That's more like 40. You know where Mordecai is over here. That is Dowrytown. Yeah, because you're on that side of the building. Uh, great. Start marching in that direction and we'll have to find out how this goes.

Now, nursing poker is what happened. Great! Start marching in that direction and we'll have to find out how this goes on New face, Ken is rolling the most dice I've ever seen rolled in this game. Like a comical amount of dice. How the fuck do you play this game? Sarah is pretending to be a dead baby dragon. Dan, anything you want to plug? No. I've got Tour Dates, brimedcine.com winding up this year. I'm staying pretty busy.

I'm at a convention in Minneapolis, so I will be signing. That's the first week in November. That's going to be fun. And I'll plug that as it gets closer. Grommets and Rifters with me. And got Cobbs coming up with a guy, O'Biolam, a friend of the show and one of my oldest pals. He said he's so funny. He and I have one coming up in May.

It's it'll be like my almost my 30 something year in comedy, but we're we're both playing Sonoma at the Sebastiani Theater, which is where I saw Jaws when I was a kid. Ooh, was he funny? It's the home theater. No, it's where I grew up, Sonoma, California. So I'm looking forward to that. Richard Kiel? Yeah.

Great shampoo from that guy. Lane? We attribute the success saved mankind from it. Thanks for joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof. Well, the next nerd poker will can will Sarah will Chris will Dan will Brian will Sam will Will Sam, Will Ferrell, Will Smith, Will I Am, Will a Wisp, Willy Willy Willy Won't Go Home, Will Helm Scream, Will Intestinate, Will Meet Again, Don't Know Where, Don't Know When, or Won't. All This and Brian Will Sit on his balls wrong, on an all new Nerd Poker. from there and you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 in Sino, California at 91416.

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