Nerd Poker - The Mountain Campaign - Episode 35

Episode Date: October 15, 2024

Well now we are probably going to wrap up this lil dragon fight, right? Hmm. Well... probably? Oh wait what did we just do?! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Hey, it's Brian Postain, nerd poker. We're calling it the Mountain Campaign. My friends are here, Sarah, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer engineer Sam and of course our kick-ass DM Dan Telfer welcome to Nerd Poker. Hey everybody it's Brian Peasant you're listening to my show Nerd Poker my friends are here uh Ken's actually uh we can say, right? Oh, absolutely. He posted on Instagram. Yeah, he's celebrating his honeymoon. So congrats, Ken. We love you.

And we'll see you when you get back. We'll try not to kill your character. Sarah's 50-50 on that. Sarah and Chris are running it. Sarah and Chris are here. Hello. Hello. Dan. Hi. I'm the one who would kill it.

And Blaine is here. I'm also on my honeymoon. Oh, I thought you were here. Yeah, well, my wife's in the car. Okay, great. I've been married for many years. Are you guys going to Disney World? No, we're just gonna go home.

I left off signing the window and cracked the window. I said, she's okay. There's water. Oh, good. Good. Wow. At the end of the table, as always Sam's here. Hello, sweet children.

Hey buddy. Hi. How are you? I'm good. Good. You want to, uh, thank some people? Uh, yes, I would love to thank some people. The sun's out out guns out.

Well, because I took my jacket off. Your shirt's rolled up, so you know. It was. Excuse me. Sometimes I like to show them off for you, you know. Yo, Patreon supporters, you're all very beautiful, but I am especially grateful for those of you who keep the podcast running and can contribute those upper tiers on Patreon.

Holy shit. You folks, those supporters go by usernames like RandyButternubs. Thank you, RandyButternubs. Sometimes it's the G-rated ones that are funniest like Patton's, but thank you, DavidBlainCapechAdams. Whoa. Thank you, ScottDyer. Thank you, ZachClerk. Thank you, David Blaine, Capach Adams. Whoa. Thank you, Scott Dyer. Thank you, Zach Clerk. Thank you, Ben.

Thank you, Dr. Poopoo Popper. Thank you. Whatever. Thank you, Morton Gerb. Thank you, Mark. Thank you, Megatronz Merkin. Thank you, Sean McCoy. Thank you, Dil Lee, Two Ladies.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Dil Lee, two ladies. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Congress. Please go vote and take your friends to vote as hard as you can. Yes. Thank you, Ridge Carpenter. And finally, thank you, teachers talking teaching. Blaine, who are those supporters brought to us by? Supporters brought to us by... Guy playing bass downstairs. Got to get some sleep? Guy playing bass downstairs.

Kid is sick? Guy playing bass downstairs. Trying to concentrate so you can write jokes for a podcast? Guy playing bass downstairs. Guy playing bass downstairs from the makers of Bowling Alley and Leaf Blower. Not compatible with garbage truck, gunshots, domestic disturbance, football game, or dog with abandonment issues. Dan. Thank you, boy. There was just, do you know the hard times? Yes.

They just had a headline that was, I think, Cliff Burton now haunting everyone who's ever made fun of bass players or something like that. Cliff. Oh man. Cliff. Oh man. Could have been Lars, you know? He always says that.

We'd still have Napster. No, it was him and Kirk flipped a... Oh, it was Kirk? Yeah, they flipped a card. Oh, Lars was going to say... He was going to say 20 Ace of Spades. He was going to say flip the coin to see how it happened too. No, I forget.

They actually drew cards and Cliff got the Ace of Spades and then died. Wow. Super dark. The Curse of Lennie. Yeah yeah yeah. That's not a thing. All right I'm just trying to make a Motorhead reference and I'm proud of myself even if it was a dumb dark joke. All right it's time to talk about what happened last time I nerdbuckered. All our heroes are in the middle of a fight with Feral Not the Topaz Dragon after they kind of did a little... I don't know, I feel like there were some D100 rolls and charisma-based stability checks that really threw the Big Boss fight's main primary dragon in a direction that I thought was lower odds.

So we're in the middle of the fight and right now, Feralnaut has just had a, I don't want to say stone awning with pillars holding it up collapsed on top of his head after some, at least for me, very amusing dying baby dragon jokes. We now take you to the combat already, well Chris. So we ended with Pish Posh on the turn order and Pish Posh is of course not up next, but is being co-run by you two. Where is he with hit points? I'm curious. Damn. Pish Posh is currently a 236 out of 256.

So he's only taking 20 points of damage. He's a big healthy boy made out of death and gristle. Nice. Would you like to know how many hit points that Topaz Dragon has left? Ooh. Is it gonna be depressing? Yeah. Probably.

No, JKOL, I would never tell you. All right, that's private dungeon master information. How dare you say you'd be open to it? All right. I didn't know what was happening. I was like, why, how are we seeing behind the curtain? Taunting, rudeness. So. Brian, try and seeing behind the curtain? Uh, taunting rudeness. So Brian, try and sneak behind that curtain.

No way. There's a tauntaun behind it. I don't want to know what's going on back there. I think you might remember this, Sarah. I know you said you just listened to the episode for different reasons. But do you remember? Furlnutt is still buried, right? I had to note that he was still. He's tied himself down. Wasn't he like still trying to pull his head out from under the rubble?

He was still making strange checks. I don't know if he was even making sure. He was restrained and blinded. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't necessarily say what check he was making out loud, but yeah. Well now you did. I hope you liked it.

Nelson Munch does on the podcast. Little Stevie, did you see that? There's somebody else here. Yeah, he's got some attitude. I'm sitting in Ken's chair and I don't know, maybe I'm gonna turn to someone different tonight. Someone who doesn't hate the undead. We'll see.

Oh man, he is just, he's coming close. He's got a great like mid range strength bonus that I just feel like I should have made higher to be a dick, but he missed it by two. He tries to pull himself up and fails. Missed it by two. Could everyone do an insight check? Yeah. Thanks.

Oh, 25. Oh, that. Oh, for what we'll know what's up and bricks won't. 14. Oh, well, and I'll do Clibbles. I can't. I don't have Oh, yeah, we just it's I'll do Glibbles. I can't, I don't have, oh yeah, we just, it's... Glibbles hopefully... It's like a wisdom, it's a wisdom, so... Which one of you is Pish and which one of you is Posh? This one.

I want to do like an updated monster sheet for Pish Posh 2 where I make things like ability bonuses clear if he survives the next two episodes. Oh, so I rolled a 1 for me and then I rolled a natural 20 plus one for Ken's character. Nice! As real though is Pish Posh! Yes, Pish Posh Dracolich. Glipples rolled a one. Hopefully that's the only one this episode for both you and I, Sarah.

But then, Blaine, did you roll a natural 20 or? 19 plus 6. Got it. Nice! 20 or 19 plus six. So you get you to Pish Posh and blap. You think maybe this is the last turn where he's going to be distracted. You get the impression he's been like head collapsed under the rubble for a while. And you've seen him in two big poles to try to yank himself out. So if he has any abilities, well, he does.

You rolled high enough that you would both do this in your mind. He's psychic stepped before. So you're like, okay, there's like a really high chance he's gonna use that to get out any second. He's not this turn functionally. But I think you would both kind of like think for a second and take a big deep breath and sigh as you realize he could have.

So I think I already mentioned that he was distracted and so he had other means last episode. But I'm making it clear. I'm letting you roll an insight check to kind of like crystallize it this episode and remind everybody. Yeah. Okay. I have that guardian of faith up next to him too.

Yeah, which we should represent with something here. I still have a few bonus things. The guardian of faith, I know you put next to him and when does that hit him? I think it hits him whenever he's within 10 feet of it. Okay, but like chronologically is it beginning of Feral Kknots turn, end of his turn, your turn? I think he's already... I think he's been there for a turn to put him down. So he'll be there.

When does he hit? I think he hits at the end of his turn. If you... Okay. Let me make sure here. Yeah, that'd be great. Me and Quilts, I will put this as Mar there who is thematically similar to the guardian of faith.

A creature hostile to you that moves to a space within 10 feet of the guardian for the first time on a turn must succeed on a dexterity saving throw. Creature takes 20 radiant on a fail. Great. Half as much on a successful. And vanishes when it has dealt a total of 60. I believe my ruling last time was it's an automatic fail because he can't see or move very well. So he doesn't even know to dodge it

as the guardian's weapon rises. So roll the damage. Oh, it's 20, unless he does a, it's 20. Oh, did you already say that? Sorry if you did already say it, but 20 is awesome. Yes, it's 20 or half on a saving throw. Oh, so it's great, 20. I'll make a note.

Stealing Brian's pencil. Excellent. But yeah, you two are now like, OK, maybe if there's another thing to set up, we should do it this round. Otherwise, he's he's ready. And guess what? It's Blap's turn. I'm still blanked, right? Or Blank? Are you using Blink?

I know you're in the Ast Plane or Ethereal Plane, excuse me. Astral is like a big floaty place. Yes. So I'm, I'm still on, I'm the Ethereal Plane. When the spell ends, if you're on the Ethereal Plane, I return to an unoccupied space of my choice that I can see within 10 feet of the space I vanished from. Okay. So yeah. So I'm just gonna come back and I'm gonna be behind him. Oof.

And yeah, you're like. So, but I'm, you know, ready to jump and with my cat-like reflex. You went from kind of like being back by the town hall to like on the other side of him, his right. So we say back, but it's like back in that back towards where we started the fight. Yes. Other house. All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't want to take any tail or wind damage or anything. I try to describe the visual for listeners as I can. And that that is that is helpful to say. So anything else? You good? That bonus action stuff? I forget. Yeah, I'm just gonna stand by.

Dan the Dungeon Master. Chris the player. On behalf of our missing player. Oh, Chris the surrogate player, excuse me. Well, that's right. Miss Guzzardo and I would like for Pishposh to take one of his legendary actions, which he can only do at the end of someone else's turn.

He may. So now that Pishposh is ending his turn, I think we would like- Blap is ending his turn. Oh, pardon me, Blap. We would like, thank you, Pish Posh to do a skull attack. Great. Pish Posh wildly kicks his mutated flesh golem legs,

launching loose skulls at his enemy, in this case, the dragon. So each creature within 10 feet of Pish Posh, so he wants to maneuver himself to be able to do that. He, within 10 feet of Pishpash so he wants to maneuver himself to be able to do that. He within 10 feet. Yeah. So what's his movement speed? 10 feet I think? That is correct. He can climb up over the rubble and put himself 10 feet within. Yeah. Great. Cool. And so he wants to kick skulls from his flesh golem legs. And you can tell from the purple prose that I wrote that one.

So please, Dexterity Saving Throw. Yeah, DC 22. Now, does him being restrained and blinded potentially affect all this stuff? Oh yeah, automatic fail. He's fucked. Take a skull at his ass. Sarah? He's fucked.

That's wonderful. Um, if he fails, or else be pelted with skulls that shake loose and fly at them. It's pelton time. Uh, time to take a 2d6 plus eight bludgeoning damage and be knocked, which they may already actually know that. What is that? What is that before the 2d6? Well, that's a dungeon master thing where it always gives the average if you want to be

expedient without doing the dice. Some people do automatic damage like the automatic 20 is very standard for the Guardian of Faith, but they always put something like that in parentheses. Yeah, if you don't want to roll. That's not very much damage for two legendary actions, but okay. Oh yeah, by the way, we second, Pish Posh has three legendary actions per turn. This one costs two. So he'll only have one left until his turn.

And now we should have, I guess, a discussion about how powerful the legendary action should be for Pish Posh. We should have one? No, you're, I'm giving you a hard time. And also I will explain it's because, you know, like it's a player character with a legendary action. So I was like, I'll give it to.

You don't need to explain yourself to me. I, that's totally. That was just me. If listeners agreed, I would like to, I would like to just say it's because it would rarely give a player a legendary action. That's fair. And also he's going to be knocked to prone. Yeah. So we'll say it like hits him right at the base of the neck between his shoulders and it

like collapses his arms and legs to the ground. So, you know, he was head buried scrambling, but now he's like flat, like my pancake likes to lay down that way. Did you, did you roll a damage? Should we roll it? He's splooting. should we roll a damage? He's splooting. He's splooting. I have buffed. Thank you, Blep, for calling out the cat. I'm using a meow. You should make another Tavekse named Sploot.

I would just be a dox when I hang out with the sun all the time. 7 plus 5. 2d6. Oh, I rolled the wrong dox. Yay! Boy, that would have been terrible. Seven plus five, 12. Same.

All right. Right now it makes you think about that 15, right? Yeah, right. That's, it does make me think about that 15, yeah. All right, P15. All right, Equaler, it's you. I'm gonna get in there and... Cut up some guts?

Cut up some belly with my long sword. I'd like to see you try. All right. Dragon CT. Actually, you know, this will be another automatic success. So if you want to go straight to damage, Brian, this is a turkey carving round.

Things are gonna change halfway through next round. Straight to damage. Is he a turd dragon? That's a dragon stuck with it. Well, it depends. Is it a duck? I was gonna say you have an opportunity to think of two other monsters

that are stuffed inside of the Topaz dragon. It would be a wyvern and a zorn. Oh, yes. Zorn is actually like good at digging, so it could like easily climb in and out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get in there real deep. Eight points.

Eight points. And then I'll take another action too. Great. And this automatic also. Yeah, boss. Okay. Oh, nice. 10. Sweet. Excellent. Yeah. Another 10 points of damage. 50 points of damage this episode. You know, not including the resistances, the immunities. But yeah, you're just taking

your sword and just hacking at his gem skin and taking little chips off of his belly. Good. Which has spluded outwards. All right, then we're back at the top of the turn order with Dallytail. Sweet. Do I have line of sight from, I'm still standing on the edge of the roof.

Yeah, boss. So I still have line of sight. Sweet. I will fire from there. And then my intention is to run down the side of the building and start moving to spread out. Okay. So what's your, I mean, you're rolling the damage,

but what's your movement distance? 35. Just so I can move your token for you for reach reasons. My guess is from, I'll be able to get maybe like a few feet away from the building, but it's mainly probably going to be spent getting off the building. I can only hold one number in my head at a time. I'm so sorry buddy. How far?

35. 12. Seven. Blame. Six, seven. Five, three. Six, seven. Five, four. Five, four. Five, four. Five, four. 12. Seven. Blaine. Eight, six, seven.

Five, three. I forgot my phone number. I was listening too well. Five, ten, thirteen, and six is 19 plus five, 24. Huzzah. And I will fire plus 524. Huzzah. And I will fire a second time. This time, half a hand. Seven, two, nine plus 514.

Okay. And then, yeah, so then I'm trying to run off the building. Great. Don't do it. You have so much to live for. No, no, I'm just we. I'm just, I'm with a, you know, like a swarm. Silently skittering.

Yeah. And you know, down the rain gutter. So I've got you like right there, like kind of outwards so you still have a lot of sight. Alrighty, Bricks, it's you. Okay, so have sight. Alrighty, breaks it to you. Okay, so we had, Retcon did a little bit. Is there any way for me to like, can I like do a cool running move

and then slide across the floor and slide into the building or the- It's very video game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've just been playing Cyberpunk 2077 and there's a lot of like firing a fucking smart rifle while you do that shit Yeah, okay, so I'm gonna do that. It's gonna be an acrobatics check. I'm trying to get to where I can attack him Is that my best way to get to him? Okay

sabbatics You should punch him in the nuts, yeah The furl nuts. Um, that's a 23. That's very successful. Okay. So feel free to describe a flourish with this. I mean, that's pretty flourishy, but yeah, I like, I step back and then I take a

running start and I just like slide. It's kind of, I'm imagining kind of matrix-y, right? Absolutely. So yeah, so slide through whatever opening there is, just like right through, and then pop out on the other side. Great. You popped. And open up like a flying squirrel,

and land gently to the ground. And then you take those old records off the shelf. Real squirrel-based showboat and have them. Who's she going to listen with? Who's she going to listen to them with? Who's she gonna listen to them with? By yourself. Oh yeah, that's it. Oh, cool.

And then I'm going to hit him. Okay. Hopefully. With a ranged weapon? No, I'm gonna run up to him. Okay, so put your tiny person where they're going to be. I'm coming on top of him. Furrow nutsing. OK.

And then I'm going to try to stab him in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stab. Automatic success on a stab. I'm going to try to hit him with the, oh, I fell down. He's laying down. He's laying down. Yes, yes.

I'm going to hit him in the head with a hand axe. That's the idea. Yeah, so roll your damage. And feel free between turns or whatever to stick bricks as many and like between the spine. So she looks like she's riding the dragon. If so you choose. Okay.

So that's 12 points of damage. Okay. And then, um, you're being very bad to the bone. And then I would like to spend a key point on Flurry of Blows. Okay. So I can make two unarmed strikes. So then I'm just gonna like, but I'm gonna use both strikes at the same time with one with each fist and I'm gonna like sort of like box his ears like one punch landing on

his head. That's how Batman took down the Hulk. And that so that's gonna do do a total also very matrix. That's like Agent Smith. So that's going to do a total of 14 points of damage for my two flurry of blows. And then, oh, man, can't flurry blows. I'm just going to do a bad songs.

I think I still can see. I guess that's one one key point point and then whenever I can use my open hand technique, this is a special whenever I hit with one of my flurry of blows attacks, I can impose one of the following effects. I can make it prone. It's already prone. It can get pushed or it can't take a reaction until that already does. So what I'm gonna do is I'm going to, no, change that, strike that, reverse.

I'm going to, instead of my open hand technique, I'm gonna use, oh, here's a question. So I have stunning strike. Two adjacents make a square. When I hit with a melee weapon attack, you can spend one key point, but I already spent my key point on Floria of Bloods, right? So I can make a square. Which says, when I hit with a melee weapon attack, you can spend one key point. But I already spent my key point on Floria of Blood, right? So I can't do more.

I think, wait, I think, can you? As long as you're doing, following the rules as stated. Those are not running out of key points. But I don't think I can do like 10, spend 10 key points and just do more. You can spend points. Yeah, if it doesn't specifically say like, well, you know, first of all, you're never, you never have 10 stuff.

Right. You would never have 10 key points anyway. But I think that- Yeah, I think I'm, I'm feeling like I can't. So instead- Cause it says spend a key point, a letter A word. Yeah. So let's just say I'm going to use the open hand technique and just for funsies. I appreciate.

I'm going to- The discussion. I actually, I am, this couldn't be helpful if he wakes up from his thing. So if it, I hit it with my Fiberio blows attacks. At the same time, you guys remember when I did the boxing punching thing. Everybody loved it. And then I'm going to impose an effect. They sold that shirt forever. Yeah. If it fails, wait, let's see. Fall prone, if it fails the next saving throw, get pushed 15 feet if it fails the strength saving throw, or I just get to do this,

it can't take a reaction until the end of my next turn. Holy shit. All right. Awesome. Now that might not matter because he's already restrained, but if he unrestrains it might matter. Let's keep this guy unconscious and restrained and blinded and stunned and all of it.

Reactions are definitely handy. That means, for instance, no opportunity attacks. Yeah. Yeah. So that is my, that was my bonus action and my, yeah. Okay. So we're done. All right. Pish posh. Dan, if was my bonus action and my, yeah. Okay, so we're done. All right. Pish posh, Dan, if it's all right, we'd like to-

Legendary action time, let's have it. Use one legendary action and do a tail attack. Okay. Against said ding dong goo. Furlnot of Mayberry is what his name is. So he took, it's 2d8 plus 8. Oh shit. Check that.

Make sure. Make sure it's on the list pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Five and four is nine plus eight. 17. Nice. All right, five and four is nine plus eight, 17. Nice.

All right. Courtesy of Pish Posh, the Death Dragon. Right? Yeah, he's trying to redeem himself. For being too insane. For being rude. No, for being dead. Well, he was attacking you also. You might want to just for a moment,

tell everybody who's listening that you personally do not want to have anything to do with the undead. I think Bricks personally has a problem with the undead. Yes. But I think she's made that very clear. So it's not that you hate Ken. It's not that I Sarah hate Ken. Oh, no. How do you Sarah feel about the undead? So how do you, Sarah, feel about the undead? I mean, they're a mixed bag, if I'm being honest. I feel like we all can agree on that. Oh, sure. Okay. All right.

Okay. Well, I'm just doing math over here. You're gonna take one of the walking dead guys to T or something, Chris? Like a zombie? Yeah. Oh gosh. Okay. So you, so your defense of the undead only goes far. That's my point.

I'm gonna make it real clear that you, you, you do not cotton to the undead. And you love them. You want to, you want to. I don't think anybody said that. I don't cotton to the undead. You want to marry a zombie. A great lawyer.

That's right. Southern lawyer. I don't cotton to no undead. All right. So I believe that is Pish Posh going after Bricks. And so does now Glibbles's turn. Glibbles is still a young Topaz dragon and really hamming it up and enjoying his role.

So he is going to attempt to further the lie a bit and say, Ark is at the cannon drawer. Daddy you should come and help me forget all the mean people stabbing you trying to get inside and slay you blame me. Blank me. All right. So, yeah, that's easily he rolled a 19 plus two. So, yeah, he's close to not as affected, though you cannot see it at the moment because his head be buried. It is now Pish Pash in time.

Great. So I'll note he gets his legendary actions back. Now the way this is written, Yes. He does his frightful presence first and then can do some physical attacks. Interesting. I do want to double check to see if you can use frightfulence when someone's blinded.

Oh, that's a good point. It says, each creature of Pish Posh's choice, there's a within 100 feet, and aware of him. You know what? I think that makes it pretty clear that it works. So, what is the saving throw that he will actually make as opposed to the dexes and such? It's a DC 19 Wisdom saving throw that he will actually make as opposed to the dexes and... It's a DC 19 wisdom saving throw. Okay. So he's got plus three to this. Oh, I'm sorry.

So you have a big bonus. No, he has a plus eight to wisdom saving throws. I was looking at his regular wisdom. So 12, that's fail. Awesome. Okay. So... He'd be scared. Yeah, frightened for one minute.

The creature can repeat the saving throw at the end of each of its turns. So that's the thing just to note when it's their turn. Which is next, I think. Okay, cool. And then he then makes three attacks. One with his bite and two with his claws. So one bite and two claws.

All right. Do you wanna roll these? No, when you said bite and claws, it made me think about a bear claw and then I just got hungry. Donuts. They got pumpkin spice donut holes at Dunkin' Donuts. So first for the bite, it's a 16 plus 14.

So that'd be a 30 to hit. That's a miss, I'm so sorry. Son of a bitch. It's an automatic hit, you silly goose, because he is still blinded and restrained. So dumb. Welcome to the, the, uh, Talman pond. You are a silly goose.

Can we save that 30 for later? Quick, quick. No. Uh, okay. It'd be funny if I said yes, but no. So 12 plus eight 19 19 piercing And then oh plus acid damage 2d6 acid damage Jesus Christ, yeah can

He is full of acid Five and two seven Five and two, seven. Seven acid. Okay. And now then the two claws are each 2d6 plus eight. So I had some acid damage at Lego. Yeah. Fucking crazy.

Yeah. Two and four, which is six, eight, 14. We appreciate it. And then three and eight, 11. All right. Yeah, so Fishposh runs up and hopefully takes a big chunk out of that fucker. Yeah, I mean, so at this point,

all of you are starting to surround him, right? I think there, Brits is on top of him. Right by his head. I'm just like down. His head's on the ground. Right. Oh, okay. I see. I see. I see what you're saying. You're not like up on his spine. That's important for what is about to happen. So it is his turn, unless you have a last minute Pish Posh edition. And here we go. So yeah. Uh, so he is going to use psychic stuff. Is that a spell? He's going to try to actually hold up. I know you're probably about to counter it, but I was very

proudly going to use psychic step. The dragon magically teleports to an unoccupied space. It can see. So he's, I'm actually going to go through his other stuff that he may have thought of instead. Were you about to say something else? When you guys know, okay. That's not, it was interrupting, which I liked doing. How are we doing Sam? We are 31 minutes.

Oh, okay. I thought you were just looking for him to... Hey, I'm doing good. Yeah, how's life? How are we doing? How are we doing? We need some support. You're all doing so good.

Thank you so much. You're rolling so many dice. You're resting and attacking. We are. We're gonna need to take a big rest after this one, Sam. Yeah. All right. So I'm gonna need a dexterity saving throw from Bricks and Pish Posh. I'm really one of Ken's squirrel dice for the Pish Posh.

Oh, buddy. Ken's dice are always bad. I got a 25 for Bricks. Pish Posh got an eight. All right, so this will be a fail from Pish Posh. He has bad decks, I believe, because of his monkey legs. Plus five. The Squirrel Die gave me two.

Oh, that's sad. I should just roll for Dallytail. That might've been my fault. Briggs, if you take any damage ahead, it will not be the result of the explosion that is now happening. There's just this huge nova of necrotic, yellowish green energy that explodes outwards. You'll just see rock and rubble fly everywhere. Bricks you kind of deftly

step twist more than step because there's not even that much time to react but you like twist out of the way a bunch of the rubble and don't just get like utterly crushed by it, but of the rubble and don't just get like utterly crushed by it. But what is it? What's happening? He has used a breath attack from under the rocks. And under the rocks, you might not take damage at all if you can't do enough damage against the rocks. Right? So plus you're a monk, you can like quarter and like cut damage down to an eighth or something. It's incredible. That would be nice if that were true. In my version of DTN, it's probably true. There are things I can do, but I'm not sure. Called rublin rocks.

Hey, Fred! called rublin rocks. Hey Fred. That's exactly right. The adventures of Barney Rubble in the heavy metal world of the 80s. Love it. Oh, going up the rails on this crazy train, Fred. All right, so he does do enough.

This is going to be 38 points of damage to the rocks. 38 points of damage if you miss a saving throw is coming up your way. So if you two can now make a Constitution saving throw. Constitution plus 13. Roll to 19, so 32. Holy shit. Nice. All right. For me too, or that was just the two of us for on behalf of Pish Posh. Well you made your saving throw before. I did not. Yeah yeah you're fine but you're both experiencing the same thing at different levels so you are going you're going to take 38 points of necrotic damage.

Got it. Pish posh. Pish posh is taking 38 points. Not me. It's funny. Yeah, yeah. Excuse me. I know I made eye contact with you for your character.

You're not normally narratively controlling. All right. Pish posh is now weakened until the end of his next turn. Weakened. A weakened creature has disadvantage on strength-based ability checks and strength saving throws. And... See, that'll get them. Sorry.

Disadvantage on strength-based ability checks. So that would be, what, like athletics and saving throws, which doesn't happen super often. Animal handling probably. Right. And creatures weapon attacks, which doesn't apply. So, run. Just use, cause he's using claws.

So wouldn't it be disadvantage on claw attacks? Because he's using claws. Do you? Oh, oh. Um. So would it be disadvantage on claw attacks? No, because those aren't like, like it says weapon attacks. Claws are like unarmed. Yeah. Okay. As far as I'm concerned. If I'm wrong listeners, I don't care right now.

They both just did a little claw, like a little T-Rex claw action when they were speaking. And I don't even think either of them was aware of it, but just FYI. Well, we're communicating on many levels. The claws. That's also the way David Brenner would do this. It's kind of like pulling them into close. I was doing a praying mantis. Oh, the Gilbert Gottfried clip of David Brenner talking to Jerry Seinfeld.

It's fucking, it's on YouTube. You gotta see it. That's great. Can I get a perception check from everybody? Yeah. 12 plus 6, 18. Same. Oh nice. Okay. 3 plus 3, 6. Okay. Nice, okay. Three plus three, six. Okay. Pish Posh got a 17. I only got a 12.

Okay, so Bricks and Deli-Tale will not notice this and Glibbles is inside the building acting. He will not notice this either, but Blep and Mordecai, you'll notice the second half of this the first half, you all see just like in a puff of dark green smoke, he appears to disappear. And you too see a, where he was once standing, a tiny little yellow shrew just kind of dart underneath the rubble.

So wait, did he cast a spell? That's a great question. Nope. He can innately change shape. That's sus, but okay. Totally skimmy of you, Dan. Is it Riz? No Riz here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Um, I don't, I mean, look, I will hide part of the sheet, but I will allow you to look at the wording, because I want to see what you think. Sarah, he's letting you look behind the curtain. I know, but she... I want to see what you think. Look at how the dragon change shape thing is worded. What do you think?

It doesn't look like a spell. I don't even know what I'm looking at. My eyes are so bad. So I trust you. I trust you. Well, I didn't want to be ableist about whether that worked or not, but I guess I have to be. You can DM and you tell us.

He disappears for all intents and purposes after he scurries under, but you two noticed that it was as a shrew. Are we gonna tame them you guys? Uh, no, no, no, no. Hey, oh snap. Oh snap. What's up?

Saucy mouth. That's a lot better than the Ephraim Abellus Jr. joke I was gonna do. Or the Pygmalion joke I was gonna do. Pishfosh would like to invoke a legendary action. He would like to make a wisdom perception check. He wants to do like an extra dragon-y like warriors that he knows that... Oh, like zero in? Yeah, he wants to like follow that thing so it just doesn't disappear out of view. As long as he doesn't have a moment. It's a 20 DC. It's tough.

They couldn't blips. He's a hummingbird. I love when my cat gets hypnotized by the bloodlust of a bird outside. You want to roll this one? Might be fun. It's the weirdest noise. You only have plus one. I'll do it. No, it's a plus 13. And then you definitely should do it because I can't even see what I'm looking at. Come on. Plus 13.

Roll the die. Roll the die. Five plus 13. 18. Afraid that you can't zero in. Just consider. Roll a fun. What if D20 right now? A bullying roll? Oh, is it bullying? I don't mean to.

I rolled an eight. We can be honest about whether we're bullying somebody. 1321? Yeah. Oh, I guess that would have gone better. Well, the combat is still ongoing, but you do not see furlnot. It is now Blep's turn. Can I use my cat whiskers to zero in on where you went?

Not as like a special thing. If you, I do think you have like feline, well, I know you have feline agility. You might have some sort of feline perception. I have proficiency in the perception and stealth skills with my cat's talent. So you do get a proficiency. If you want to roll a perception check, you can,

but you're pretty far away compared to, you know, Pish Pashi was leaning like right over where the shrew darted in. So this would be a DC 20 with disadvantage if you really want to go for it. Okay. That's a six. So this will be a no, unfortunately.

And that's a 13. That's really sick. So yeah, be a no, unfortunately. And that's a 13 plus six. Yeah, 19 top, so no. Dang. Well, so not quite. That was a freebie, continue. Okay. I'm going to, I guess I'm going to close in.

Oh, if the shrew disappeared near the Guardian of Faith, he would take 20 more points of damage. Oh boy, this is similar to a bat issue that listeners told me they disagreed with. So when he turned into a bat, I want to have a discussion about this because listeners said I made the wrong call. Well, one listener did and they seemed intelligent. Remember when he went into a bat? Mm-hmm. People argued that you should have been able to opportunity attack when the bat flew away, I think Mordecai specifically. But like he's going to the center of his body,

which is, you know, even if you take the tail out and the neck out, the center of his body is like 15 feet away. So he's moving from a certain distance away, like five ish feet. Um, I mean, this is like a magic guardian thing, right? He's magic. You have to believe he's magic. I'll tell you what. That's true.

I, I believe Blaine. So just to be clear, what would happen? Maybe he scurried past the Guardian within 10 feet. Scurried past? Oh, right. Well, he was right next to the Guardian. I'm going to have the Guardian because I do feel like there's a chance. Well, then should I have gotten an opportunity attack, though?

I mean, we should probably. Oh, I was sitting on like right. You're standing on the skull. Yeah, like. Right. Right. You would have landed on the shrew and crushed him. Yeah, I did specifically say I wasn't on him. I was next to him, but I should have, I was definitely within five feet. I'm fond of my homebrew ruling, but I want to fuck with it. So I liked the idea that he's shrinking so much

that it's not easy to just like reach out and swap him. He's like automatically a distance away from you. But if those of you, I think it's everybody except Blep and Blep still gets to roll. I'll let you roll for the Guardian, But if those of you, I think it's everybody except BLEP and BLEP still gets to roll. I'll let you roll for the Guardian, even though it's normally an automatic 20 and Dallytail. So Mordecai, Guardian of Faith via Blaine and Bricks. Please roll a, hmm, your abilities because I don don't have them on for all non-shiping.

This is gonna be an ability check to see if you get to make an opportunity attack. So... It's like, maybe... I'm gonna make it real weird and we'll call it an investigation check. Yeah. You love when I name the perception check I'm choosing. Well, no, I just because I have athletics, acrobatics, even animal handling, because I'm going to handle that animal. All right. 19 plus one is 20. That's pretty threatening. So Mordekai, you're not going to quite be able to take the swing, but the Guardian of Faith is going to do something hilarious.

17. I'm on it at 20. Yeah, I didn't get it. Well, something hilarious is going to happen. So we got to back it up. We're going to retcon a little bit because I think this is the right move. And so BLEP, I will let you retake your entire turn after this happens. Okay. after this happens, okay? But shrinks down to a shrew size at the end of his turn.

And before he can dart away, the Guardian of Faith just like pounds this shit out of him with its glowing radiant sword for 20 points of damage in shrew form. And Frolmaw roars as he explodes back into a Topaz Dragon. Well, also that's the last of the Guardian's points. He did 60 points of damage total and he's gone. Good job, Guardian!

What a way to go out. And honestly, I'm glad we did that check because it is just funny to imagine him turn into a shrew and get swatted. I imagine a big mallet. Yeah. It was our big Don Martin sound effect. It went like, plang. Yes. And for some reason, Froul Knot's feet were too long for his body. Also, foam bone dragon.

So, but now that this has happened, the dragon is roaring in front of you instead of shrew and hidden. Okay. What would you like to do? I'm going to cast Banishment. Okay. And Banishment is a Charisma saving throw of 14.

My spell save DC is 14. Okay. I always accidentally forget that big bosses have a special saving throw bonus. 11. Oh, hey, great. So remind us how long and he goes. Oh, oh, oh, he made it. I thought you rolled an 11 with a special saving throw. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 11. Oh, hey, great. So remind us how long and he goes in. Oh, oh, oh, he made it. I thought you rolled an 11 with the extra. No, he's getting banished. Okay.

But that sends him to another plane of existence for- That's such a lag stuff. Okay, you banished him, Blaine. Yeah, well, Blaine heard okay and took it as a no for some reason. Banishment. The target is needed to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. If the target is native to the plane of existence you're on, you banish the target to a harmless demi plane. While there, the target is incapacitated. The target remains there until the spell ends.

Concentration up to one minute, at which point the target reappears in the space at left or in the nearest unoccupied space. We have one minute to figure something out. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Cool. Or what if he's not from this plane of existence plane? If the target is native to a different plane of existence than the one you're on, the target is banished with a faint popping noise returning to its home plane.

If the spell ends, the target reappears in the space of the nearest unoccupied space. Otherwise, the target doesn't return. The target doesn't return if he... If the spell ends before one minute has passed, the target reappears in the space or in the nearest unoccupied space if that space is occupied. So if you're just concentrating for a minute on banishment... you just send him home yeah and he's just poof and he's gone the target does not return. Then he is banished. But we don't actually want that because then however he got here in the first place he can just come back right? Well not today. Right but wouldn't it be better for him to come back today while

we've done all this damage on him? Oh I see. Finish the job. Furl not. Biffs away. I think I need to have it just Blaine choose. Do we hear a popping noise? Well that's the thing he would only he would be the only one to be able to say that the kind of noise that he's recognizing. Please choose an arcana or insight check check. Row. I'm going to choose. Maybe this should be a Gimmium that you were just now. Did he say Arcana or Insight? Yeah, you get to pick and I'm gonna make it low DC because I think Mickey Rool et al.

I'll say Insight please. Cool. You need a 10. That's an 11. Woo. You think a 10. That's an 11. You think this guy's gone? You think he's from another plane? He's weird as fuck.

And you heard it. And he's gone. But if you end the spell before one minute, he'll come. He'll still come back in the space. If you want him to. Right. Do you? So what's the plan? What do we think? Did we?

Did we have any? Did we have any information about how he got here in the first place? I'm going to mark this conversation as one turn of six seconds. Information about how he got here in the first place. You know, what's weird is I think, uh, you have very little, but you could have pieced a certain amount together from his ramblings and from Pish Posh having visited the mountain that he lived in. So I will let, uh, Pish Posh roll this with advantage, but everybody can roll an Arkana check DC 20.

Do you want to roll? 17. Arcana, would that be intelligence? Arcana is intelligence, yeah. What's the check button? It's three. What's the check, what's the three? Arcana to see if you can, if you can piece together whether or not Feral Knot had control of how he got to this dimension.

Just trying to figure out, like, did he like drive over to the west side and then he's just coming back or is it like he's, you know. Okay, 18. Bishfors got a 13 with advantage. What'd you get? I got a 17. What'd you get? No, I didn't get it. So I guess I'll give this to Glibbles. No, he doesn't get it. And you hear

from inside the house. None of you are sure how easy it's going to be for for all not to return and we'll have to finish that discussion on the next episode. Yay. Of nerd poker. What a twist. I hope I didn't fuck up.

Did I fuck up? No, I don't think so. Because it was a dragon that was gonna kill us. Yeah, I think we just won if we won. I mean, it's just a, it's a, it's a anticlimactic win if we just- I'll tell you what, I've learned a thing or two about season three, where

it was the very anti climactic ending. And so I have contingency plans for something like this. So it is not anti climactic. You believe me, we'll have fun. We'll have a we'll have a big payoff for this. But first, Sam, I episode 35, we're still in battle with Furlnot, who's trapped under some rubble, I believe we're doing some damage on him. Chris, did you say a character kicked skulls from his golem legs? Yeah. Guys, I love this game. I think that's a song by Three Inches of Blood. Dan, you got anything coming up in October? I'm looking at my calendar and I do not, but I have something tomorrow, but that will be long gone at that point.

So when does this air this airs next Monday, next Monday, the 14th. Oh, nice. So I will be in, uh, Dallas, Texas. It's been a while, uh, at the Granada theater, uh, the 19th one show myself and JT Haversat and a local act and it'll be fun as shit. And then the weekend after that, JT and I go down to San Diego American Comedy Company and then right after Halloween, our friend and Guy Obelam and I will be in San Francisco at Cobbs doing two nights

November 1st and 2nd. Awesome. Can't wait. And then Grommets and Refters. I have Lucha Vavum at the Mayan 31st Halloween show Mexican Wrestling at Burlesque. Hey Blaine what's happening on next week's episode? We attribute the success to save mankind from it. Thanks for joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof? Well... On the next Nerdpoker, it's Nerdpoker the Musical!

Featuring all new original songs like Hello Sweet Children, You Go to Paris, France, Dildo District Delilah, Supercalifragilisticexpmisconstruzies, and Hey I Was Makes a Damn Uncomfortable, Special guest Lea Michele, all that sim, and Brian Sinks his smash Eurovision hit hit sitting on the dock of my balls wrong on an all-new Nerd Poker the musical thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker you can follow us at patreon.com slash nerd poker and you get bonus episodes from there, and you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 and Sino California 91416. Thanks for listening!