Nerd Poker - The Mountain Campaign - Episode 36

Episode Date: October 23, 2024

So uh... if you banish a dragon to another dimension (another dimension, another dimension) then it stands to reason that there will be no consequences. So we should consider this all done! No way anything weird will still happen despite all the infinite death at play! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Hey, it's Brian Postain, nerd poker. We're calling it the Mountain Campaign. My friends are here, Sarah, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer engineer Sam and of course our kick-ass DM Dan Telfer welcome to Nerd Poker. Hey everybody it's Brian Pasem and you're listening to Nerd Poker. Ken is again away on his honeymoon. It's episode 36 of the Mountain Campaign. My friends are here.

Chris is here. Hey, how's it going? Hey, Brian. Honeymoon. Yeah. Ah! What? Our friends on a honeymoon.

So you know what that means. Wah wah wah. To the moon, Alex. Sarah's here. Our friends on a honeymoon. So you know what that means? Sarah's here. I don't get it. Okay. We'll see when a man loves a woman anyway Dan's here. Let's marriage daddy. Okay Blaine you want to take this one? Take it where? On a honeymoon. Burbank. So you go to you go to Burbank, France. Sam is at the end of the table. Hello, sweet children. Hey, buddy. Hi. You want to thank some people? I sure do. Hey, Patreon. We appreciate every listener, but y'all at the top two tiers.

Oh my goodness. You get a thanks right now. Thank you. 9LK. Thank you. It looks like a fantasy word, but I don't know if it is. It might just be a name. Oh, The Randomor.

No space. The Randomor. Thank you. I'd like to cut off your jib. Thank you, Kelsey. It's funny. Thank you, Kelsey Roth. Thank you, FourNiceGuys.

My girl, a pizza place called Paladino's. Thank you, HittedInQuidditch. Thank you, 362438, only if she's 5'3 and has two fingers up her ass. What? I don't really follow the logic there, but I appreciate you sharing your personal information. This is a Cermex level of our lyric. Well, I mean, I know those are the like sizes, but I don't know.

Only if she's 5'3. Oh, I didn't know the 5'3 part. Thank you. Thank you, Sean. Thank you, Ben Feltz. Thank you Sirith Bunghole. As you know, Sirith Ungle. Yes. Thank you. I mean, I know you know. Thank you for maintaining the sanity of a fourth-grade science teacher smack dab in the middle of the Texas Bible Belt. Smack dab in the middle. Thank you Dr. Rigor Mortis. Thank you De La Soul Asylum.

And finally thank you the Sara Gazzardo Rat Rescue and Feats Fetish Foundation. Blaine, who are those supporters brought to us by? Supporters brought to us by Ify Lube. Maybe we'll change your oil. Maybe we won't. And Transyl Pennsylvania Pizza Kitchen. All toppings except garlic and steak. From Pennsylvania Pizza Kitchen.

Dan? Thanks, Blaine. That was really funny. De La Solas Island. Great. We have that in Paladinos or is that a new one? I think we've heard that one, that username before, but it is a goodie. That was a good one though.

It's I like when they sneak up on us again. Is Paladino still even open? I think it is. I don't know. Actually closed during the pandemic. Oh, that's right. No. Yeah.

Sarah wanted me to stop doing that. So I saw hot work there the other night. It was opposite day. They were doing Coldplay covers. I saw Hot Work there the other night. It was opposite day, they were doing Coldplay covers. Well, Sarah is fuming. Hot Plunge. She loves Coldplay.

She really likes the- She hates jokes about them. She loved the depth of that pun. I actually don't mind Coldplay, I do mind puns. It wasn't really a pun either, it was like wordplay, but you know know a pun. No, there's a difference between a pun and word play. Well word play is the general playing of words but a pun is when words sound like each other and hot play and cold play have no sound alike. It was hot work.

Hot work is the opposite of play. There's no rhyming. That's a pun requires like sound alike, not female like. You know what I wish you? I wish you guys raw mellow. Guys, if you'd like to participate in discussion about puns versus wordplay, please hit us up on Twitter where none of us still have accounts. All right.

I'm still hanging in there. Yeah, me too. Really? Yeah. Oh my God. Nothing else. I didn't realize you were a fascist. It's a. Oh my god. Nothing else. I didn't realize you were a fascist. It's a garbage fire, but...

There's nothing else good. Blue sky, reds, there are... I like blue sky. Yeah, I still promote things and I don't really spend much of my own time there, but I have like a presence there. I don't like look down on anyone doing it. It makes sense. I wish I didn't delete my, you know, 50,000 followers, but like, uh, I think

describing Twitter as relatively good is difficult. I don't know. Relatively. We said other good places to go. There's no good. There's no good. That's what I mean. There's no like, but there's still good people on there.

So absolutely. I bet I follow some people that are people that are doing the right thing. Yeah. I haven't posted since July 1st a year ago when I told everybody to follow me on Blue Sky. Follow me on Blue Sky. I thought Blue Sky just never, nobody's there. And Thresh is like,

Thresh is a weird therapy session. I hate Thresh. It's got more people than Blue Sky, but people get more strangers see your jokes if you're like posting stuff or anything. I just found a place to post jokes. Yeah, threads is the foo fighters of social media. They fact check every joke, every joke.

They're like, I don't think that's actually functionally correct for threads. Fact check jokes? They fact check it. Think of the most simple silly joke you can. What is Hot Work? Like what's a pun? They would say, if you said Hot Work,

they'd be like, actually it's Coldplay. That's what threads is like. You'll have like 300 people reply to the joke because people will share it and it'll get popular. But most of the people who see it will be in your replies saying I don't think Hot Works are really a band. It's so depressing. It's like dystopia where people are like- I mean, I guess they have a point.

Yeah, they do. But they do. They think it's like they're slamming you when they say it like they're proving you wrong. Like, I don't think you even know the name of that band. It's called Coldplay and it's got Chris Martin and then this beautiful song called The Scientist. I'm not slamming anything but a stack of Pringles hit it. I was trying to do a whole I was hoping you'd keep the guitar going I could just do bad to the bone for the entire intro. I'm so conditioned by zoom not to speak over people anymore. I'm just like, no, I know. But then I'm like, okay, can improv happen? I can always talk over people. You're pretty good at

it. Can I say Josh Gondelman, a great comedian. He's got one of the funniest jokes about he goes, that's on bad to the bone. You can just replace it with kind of a dick and it totally fits my nanana because I'm kind of a dick I love that it's really good he's incredibly funny all right hey guys hello it's time to talk about what happened last time under program. Okay. Blep banished Furlnot the Topaz Dragon, and now we're going to talk about whether that is a permanent situation or not. Since Blep has realized Furlnot has been banished to another dimension of origin, not just a simple demiplane, so he might stay there forever if Blep so chooses. I am marking in my notes when I believe six seconds of choices have happened and once the total of ten have gone by

60 seconds will pass and Blep will have to decide does he let Furlnot back or not? Do they kill him or let him be wherever he is but not to give that heart any progress. Use a turtle of 10. I sure might've, I don't remember. Is that like a little pasta thing with some cheese in it? Oh, that's a tortellini of 10. You know, they're an underused species in Dungeons and Dragons.

Who doesn't want to be a big ninja turtle? Who doesn't want to be a turtle monk?? Who doesn't want to be a tortle monk? Ninja tortles. I like those Demet tortles. Heroes and a half spell. Tortle power. So. Oh no.

You're thinking about whether to let Frodo not stay banished and the reasoning was because he was lower on health. You hit him, you know, not including resistance for a couple hundred hit points. And so, you know, however many he has left is easier than if he comes back, perhaps enraged and more powerful, often his home dimension doing whatever. Right. Just do we want sort of an, it'll be, Dan says it won't be anticlimactic, but do we want to kind of wrap things up here and just be like, okay, I guess he went back to his home planet, end of, and then we've all part ways and...

Either he'll come back in this campaign or a second thing will happen. I'm waiting for six seconds worth of thoughts to be spoken. Well, I mean, we, we defeated him, right? Are you saying you're worried that he might come right back? Not right back, but it is, you know, it seems like we're leaving a job unfinished is how it feels to me, but Oh, okay. So you're saying, so you're saying bring him back. I mean, No, it wouldn't be our first.

This is sort of just like, this isn't how we do things in the sort of professional monster killing zone, but, but your friendship and, and, uh, group predates my involvement and I will respect whatever choice you make in this regard. I think, I mean, everybody should chime in on this. I feel like Pish Posh would be kind of in the favor of like, let's finish the job, right? Six more seconds have gone by. Uh, yeah, I should go either way.

I mean, he's, he's to me, he's gone. So I feel like we, everyone was very, I would think these to me, he's gone. So I think we everyone's very I would think this is Sarah not breaks. I feel like everybody was very close to just walking off into the woods before. So it's just a more It was really weird. Similar version of that. So I was still fucking him up. But now we did we did fuck him up. So you know, that's that has been done. Did you spank him officially?

But you're but you're saying let's go back to the professional monster hunter. You're saying we're leaving a job unfinished. Six months. But this isn't a job. This was personal. Yeah. Right. So that's why you have blood lust that you,, if you have bloodlust that you, you know... Yeah, I think Dallytail would say like, Hey, Bishbash, what's that over there?

When he turns it in, he's like, Plus, if the dragon's gone, I think we... Don't we have to deal with the old yeller? 30 seconds of in-game time has passed. Oh, Dallytail is coming around to the... Well, I'm just saying that that was kind of like... We gotta put Bish Posh down too. That was much darker.

Well, like, isn't that the whole idea? Like, we were... The person's like, what are you talking about? You were saying we had to kill him! This tiny squirrel is hopping up and down and... Tell me more about the Beast Folk. I search for him. Pish Posh.

Should we let Pish Posh fight him? Well, all of us. That's what we were doing. Having one last great fight together. Well, Blep, what do you think? I thought we were doing that and then Blaine finished it for us. That was the way I look at it.

Six more seconds have gone by. It feels like people are leaning like, just let him stay gone. All right. He's gone, girl. He's gone. Oh, why? Oh, why?

I mean, I can keep him there if you want him there. Meow, meow, meow. All right, then all we have to do is... I mean, Dan's got something else to play. Whatever you guys are feeling. Yeah, for sure. The fun one. Continue. Good.

So long, fucker. Eat shit. I really thought he was gonna be our friend. Six more seconds, goodbye. If he's gone, if he does come back, we can be ready for him. Okay. That was, I think that we're either ready for him

or we're letting him stay gone. You hear glibbles from inside the building go, Daddy! Should we get glibbles' opinion? Could we banish glibbles from inside the building go, Daddy! Should we get Glibbles' opinion? Could we banish Glibbles? I don't think we need his opinion. It's up to you. Well, I mean, why don't we stay ready

to see if he's about to teleport back, right? He's not gonna teleport back. It's just a matter of whether we choose for him to teleport back. Oh, okay, well, then, no. Six more seconds. I mean, you guys, I don't think, would know at all, no chance you would know, I should say,

whether or not he can easily get back. All right, well, I'm happy to operate under the assumption he's gone. All right, Brick starts packing her stuff. Wait, what about the food? I mean, this is really, you know, this is your bed that you all have made. And I wish you the best of luck. Six more seconds for Bleb has to decide whether this is a permanent banishment or not. Uh, a la peanut butter sandwiches.

I wash my hands of the Topaz dragon. Meow. Furlnutt is gone. And things are eerily quiet. You are now out of combat. I mean, now we can tell. Yes, yes. Back. Oh, you want to turn him back into a...

Because you polymorphed him, right? Into the dragon? He's a baby Topaz dragon, like Goof in the inside. We used a scroll. So whenever the scroll is up. Oh, he does maintain some kind of dispel control?

Hold up. Is banishment a concentration spell? Banishment is concentration. Okay, and was polymorph concentration? No, that was a scroll. Okay, that's right. But wait, the spell polymorph, I think even if it's on a scroll, is still gonna be whatever the base spell says.

And not that this is gonna be a huge difference of what's happening in the action, but I wanna double check because reasons. Just gonna, some fine difference of what's happening in the action, but I want to double check because reasons. Just gonna, if some fine tuning of the narrative will happen. Glimbles, uh. So it is concentration. Uh, no, banish, I'm sorry, I picked a chisel where I want to go. I'm a ding dong.

My adderall must be where I'm gonna go. Oh my gosh. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Loading it up. Broom, brroom. I see that little seed. Yes, it is, yes. That's what I was waiting to load. So he will just say, is no longer a Topaz dragon, but has still been shouting the daddy stuff

as a goblin inside since the banishment happened. Well, it's been a different daddy knowing you all. And I wish you the best of luck. Okay, well, who speaks to your character, I guess. Thank you for, you know, letting me out of the cage. Their treasure. And she just wants to leave. She's just saying, screw you. We're done. That was it.

We're not friends anymore. That's what she's saying. She's leaving. I'm not going anywhere. No, but the thing you you all had your own thing going. And, you know,

what's the payoff? There's no, there's no treasure. I think it's been, we're standing on the eggs that you kind of turned into desiccated husks and burnt to the ground. This whole town has gone destroyed. Um, bricks like swings, like a bindle, like what is that what they're called? The thing over and, uh, and just, you know, starts whistling and walk. Walk away, turns into a black and white cartoon. Yeah.

Everyone roll a perception check. And if Bricks is turned away, you get disadvantage on this. No, whatever happened, happened right before I turned away. Okay, I'll let you choose. Oh, it doesn't matter. I failed it badly. I know. 21.

Nice. Pitch crush got a 30. 16. Oh, nice. All three of you would realize Glittles is still inside, you know, doing his Meisner technique, but you three see a black flame start to spread from right about here. Pish Posh, of course, is gonna back up a little bit. I'll say because it was under his feet, he'll automatically see it. We have not discussed whether or not to put Pish-posh down since the vanishment was continued, but it sounds like perhaps we're going to let him just live out his weird undead existence. Yeah, well, I mean, the person who really hated him is just walking away.

The flickering flame goes. And you see a face, a large sort of serpentine face appear in the blackened flame. It's like this pale white that seems to be fading in and out of the black flame, almost like it's skeletal, but it's like a snake's head with two horns coming up the back of it. And it says, which one of you speaks for glut? What?

No. None of us. We do not. We do not. Four or again? What? No. None of us. We do not. We do not. For or against? It seems there was some sort of change in the agreement. There is no glut. Glut's no longer. She was slain by another dragon.

Well, well, well, isn't that interesting, slain by another dragon, and you just happen to be by another dragon and you just happen to be standing near standing near that the whole thing just just has bystanders lucky survive look look around man who will fulfill glutz contract fuck off everybody roll a history check Fuck off. Everybody roll a history check. History check. This is going to be a DC 20. I failed. Again. Bricks is just thinking about her hobo journey on the boxcars at this point.

12. Pish posh got a 17. Stop at a Waffle House. Dally tail got a 4. Alright, so nobody recognizes what this being is, but it definitely seems to be ready to hold you all accountable for whatever contract this was. You're looking for Furl, not the dragon. It's a Topaz, right?

I look at you guys. Topaz dragon, right? That's what I was thinking. I have no interest in that fossil. I'm here for a glut and what she promised. Well, she promised me half the gold of Faerun. Where is it? I was instead delivered thousands of souls I never asked for.

What happened to the eggs? Who are you? Oh, it's the staff. I am Mammon of the Nine Hells. It doesn't ring a bell. Wait, does it ring a bell though? Like the Nine Hells of Dallas? Like Dallas, Texas? You can roll another history check at this point, DC 12.

11. Yeah, I got it. I got 12 plus something. It's the staff, isn't it? Mammon is an archdevil that rules over the sixth layer of the nine holes. Okay. Oh, cool. And as a tiefling, Mordecai definitely is aware that Mammon is an archdevil. Well, Frelnod is the one who killed her. We watched it happen, so you can speak with him. Mordecai, you would also know.

He's been banished too, like the guy that killed the woman you're looking for. In character I'm nodding, but I want to get a chunk of exposition out before I speak in character again. He killed her and now we banished him. Well you would know, I want to make clear that you know that this is sort of a demon that lords over greed and wealth, rumored to be the wealthiest being in all the planes and all the multi-planar existence. Kind of like Jeff Bezos, huh? Very powerful, Brian. Well, that is not much of an explanation

to tell me some old fossil I don't care about who's been sent back to his home is responsible. I'm not- We don't have any gold. We were just talking about it actually, right before you showed up. Yeah, there's nothing, I mean, look around. Are you still holding Dallytail, the remnants of a eggshell?

No, you used it for something. No, remember, we threw it out. Oh, right. Right. I needed it explained to me. Thank you. Um, like, look around like this place is. There's nothing here, man. It's like Mad Max.

There's just like fires, random fires everywhere. Everybody please make a persuasion check. DC 20. How about 15? Nope. I love the big old grin on your face when you... Oh man, I thought I was gonna slip it on past. Nope, 13. No, bachibou. get a stink of it, Mordecai.

A 10 and an eight over here for fish, pash and dally. All right. Well, Quibbles is still inside because nobody thought to talk to him. So he won't be rolling on this. You're going to come out with like a white robe and some roses. You get the impression he's like shouting as a distraction and can't even relax hear the details of what's happening outside so he's just like rolling with it. Getting out of his makeup. Teapot.

Neck napkin. Well I think that you seem perfectly capable of getting me something. Why don't you make an offer? Or else I'll come collect myself. I mean, this place is blasted to shit. I don't understand. What do you not understand about there not being gold here? You all notice it seems like pitch black clouds descend from the black clouds or that from the gray.

Oh, like darker clouds are now pulling underneath the white clouds. Does Glut have anything back at her cave? Oh, I don't know. This is not our job to pay her debts, but I will say that what would, in terms of Pish Posh, that little helmet thing that he was wearing, did that get like absorbed inside his weird gross body, horror body?

I think we established that you picked it out of the gut pile. You did not enjoy that part of the story. Like the face you just made. I will, as I recall though, I was the only one I dug. I started digging through the guts. Yeah, yeah, you did. But I just, there was a face more for like, Dan loves it so much that someone has to gently push back

on the piles of guts. Thank you. We do know the baron of this town told us that Helmut was the one treasure of the... so if you are looking for this very literally is the treasure of Farron town this Helmut. Are you offering it to me as part of my payment or all of it? Well look I believe you said Glut's deal was half... I believe that's an A-B question.

First of all if you want to get technical you don't have a deal with us. You said Glutz deal was half- I believe that's an A-B question. First of all, if you want to get technical, you don't have a deal with us. We are honoring you because of your status and your known reputation as a good dealer. So we are dealing with you. Now listen, you said your deal was for half the treasure of Fairontown. This is 100% of the treasure of Fairontown.

I agree, it's disappointing. Imagine our surprise when we thought we... Will you stop and think for a second, do an insight check? 17. He did not say Fairontown, he said, Fae run another word for the Prime Material Plane. Well, that's all we got, man. Another word another word for the Prime Material Plane. That's all we got, man. Another word for what?

The Prime Material Plane. What does that mean? It means that Glutt was going to take over the Prime Material Plane and bestow half of its wealth. So there's a Prime Material Plane like the entire like planet or whatever they were on? The world you're in. Okay.

Well, we definitely are not going to be able to meet the Obligates in that particular... I guess what? Neither was black. I am offering you a chance to impress me or else face my wrath. Helmet! Yeah! What else do we have?

I mean, look at this cat! That cat has no fur! That cat's given a lot! And I can talk! Meow meow meow! Would he give his soul? Uh, and Pitchfoss steps forward and is like, I've already given everything. Stop seeking more. You could give more.

Soulless you may be, but your existence can still be wiped clean. He gestures to his weird stump flesh legs and is like, look what's become of me. I'm not interested in anything. I'm disgusting. I don't know, it's all like a Ken-worthy joke. That is like what Ken might say. A little self-deprecation. That's bleeding through into Ken's, into Fishplash.

Um, yeah, this is ridiculous, guys. I want to attack this thing. Uh, he did say, like, so, uh, to be clear, he doesn't exactly literally expect the deal to be paid off, but he's, he's angry and wants to be impressed and sated, or else he is going to take out his frustration. Do you want a water skin? Because that's like what's in my possession right now. I've got the equal or can whip you up some POTO's.

I know what it is. Wait, guys, guys, guys. Do we still have the staff? Oh yeah! The staff. Yeah, the staff. Yeah, give them the staff. Are we supposed The staff. Yeah, the staff. Yeah, give them the staff.

Aren't we supposed to just hand things over because I do feel like, Metagaming, season 3, we did just sort of destroy the entire world through a casual transfer of power on the very last day of our administration. So I feel like... Okay, I got a 50 feet of hempen rope. All right. What is the offer exactly? One day of rations, a crowbar.

I'm hearing you're going to hang on to the staff so season three doesn't repeat itself, is that correct? Who has the staff right now? Fishpash? I thought Fishpash had it. I think has no loot and somebody grabbed it. I have a... It wasn't destroyed in the whole situation. Oh, wait, that's right. It is destroyed.

Yeah, that's what I was... Yeah, it exploded. Okay, that's what I was... It was part of the not quite great roles Pish Posh was rolling. He rolled pretty high, but not high enough. I have a book of vile darkness, so you've probably read it. Roll it? Persuasion check, boy.

No. Ten. I'm familiar. Listen to the audiobook. I'm like, boy. No. Ten. I'm familiar. Listen to the audio book. Okay. I have a copy of Crazy from the Heat.

It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. I believe I made clear the opening.

If I were offered a sum of worthy souls that I could add to my collection to counter this pile of garbage souls that were sent to me, supposedly, I must presume, I guess, from the battle, perhaps the souls that were in the eggs that were supposed to spring forth new demon progeny those collected souls were just popped right back into my backyard a mess I must now clean up you're not going to offer me any of your more substantial souls it sounds like so perhaps I should come collect them maybe Pish Posh could like be like what if I came and help corral these souls in your yard? Or can he release, does he have a bunch of souls inside him? No, I mean, like I think we've established

at least through a snarky throwaway line I just made that he doesn't have a soul anymore. He doesn't have his own soul. No, but I will allow Pish Posh to make a persuasion check if what you are offering is for Ken's character Pish Posh to do yard work. To become, well make a servant deal with the archdemon. I don't know.

To become a servant. I don't think Ken wanted to do that. You keep using the word servant. It would be a contract. You keep using the word servant. It would be a contract. An unpaid servant, it's not a servant. For like,

The contract would say servant, but for all intents and purposes, it would be slavery. Yeah. Yeah, slave to an arch devil. I don't think Ken wanted to do that. But Ken's, we've discussed this, Ken's gone. That's true. It's an undead, oh, not Ken, but he's on his honeymoon.

It did sound like you were like, doesn't Ken sound like you're too? Friends get married, you never see him. The fishposh is gone. Yes, fishposh is gone, but I feel like it's a choice is between honestly putting this thing out of its misery or consigning it to a lifetime of indentured servitude

for a demon. I feel like it would not want to live that. Great, more talking. I'm trying to find out what time it is where Ken is. Ask him. It's hard to tell cause he's got an Android, whether he gets your text or not, but you know. Oh, I feel like. Who? I feel like-

What? I'm not gonna, I don't wanna blow where Ken is, but- It's a- But- It's a decent time to- Yeah. I feel like, listen. Yes?

I mean, sir. Madam? It's a sir. It's Adam. You couldn't find a bunch of stuff in that mountain that Glutt had taken over and she's not coming back. So highly suggest you check that out. What is in the mountain?

All kinds of stuff. That's where the Book of Vile Darkness came from. You keep acting like we're Glutt's boss. We don't- Kinds of stuff. You wish me to dig in a corpse smeared pile of dirt for baubles. You're from hell, right? I like a meaningful corpse, not one that I must clean up. I'm from the nine hells, yes. Okay. So you want a meaningful corpse. That is... So we... Not what I said. Wait,

That is... So we... Not what I said. You want us to go digging through Glutt's lair? A substantial soul or five... Might be of interest to me, but... To clean up the mountain you left behind, full of dead things... Because a book might lie under a pile of pebbles... Okay, you want souls? That's your deal?

Substantial ones. Why? What about Frohnut's soul? I'm not going to fight a dragon for his soul as a consolation prize. It just seems like a significant soul. I mean, it seems like you're taking Furlnot's insult pretty laying down. I mean, Furlnot just slayed the person with whom you had a contract with no regard for you or your status. Are you afraid of Furlnot? Ooh, uh, blep, intimidation check.

Just ask him. You said it in character, so it's not an insight, it's intimidation. 18. I fear him not. But he doesn't have treasure. He hasn't been in his home plane in centuries. I don't think that he's even got a lair there anymore. I heard his mom left his room just the way it was.

He's likely wandering the wastes of pandemonium. Penulis. I would not like to chip a topaz from his corpse. It would be too much work. All right. It sounds like it's time for me to collect a tax from those who have wasted my time. I was hoping at least to have viable eggs I could take home and make my own generals. But since you are all just hanging out near the shriveled ruin of the eggs, I'm going to see what kinds of souls you have to offer. Oh wait! The flames are starting to go down,

but he like turns his head and looks at Bricks. I go, what's that? It's just like. Just what's that, that's it. Okay, so deception check. I bought us five seconds. Right. Deception check DC 20.

What a weird choice. It's probably a day 20. I was like all the ways you could stall. No, I failed. I failed. What was the number though? Three. Do you have a bonus to that? Yeah, I'm sure I do. Do you want me to look it up? Does it matter? It doesn't, but I guess the three is funny enough. We don't need a tag on that one.

Yeah, that's fair. So he just looks at you and smears as the flames die down and the clouds are starting to form a pillar behind the town hall. What? Say it out loud. Let's say it. What's Pish Posh going to do? There's thunder crashes.

You see bolts of electricity start to fly through this pillar. I feel like Pish Posh is going gonna use his frightful presence, right? On whom? Yeah, I don't know if we have an enemy yet. Really? But I mean, aren't you saying it's just like smoke and lightning? You went so far, but the smoke is descending.

Right, yeah, use the frightful presence on it. Do you guys think that that's- Like a fixed pillar like tornado it's about to hit the ground. You can use frightful presents on... Near us? It's landing near us? Behind the town hall like over here if I can point in the miniature direction. Well I feel I'm clear. No wait Chris because you were like... I thought it was like weather. I didn't think it was like... Okay let's find out if it's weather. I thought it was like weather. I didn't think it was like a beer.

Okay, let's find out if it's weather. Do you wanna know if it's weather? You wanna roll an insight check to see if it's weather? Is that what it is? He's gonna try and use his frightful presence. No, not if it's weather. Oh, all right. Well, you know what?

This would be a good point for everyone to roll an insight check because something's gonna happen pretty quick. Chris, this is like we're doing weekend at Bernie's, but like we're trying to drag him in like two different directions for all of me. Pish posh gus. 13 plus six, 19. Okay.

Are we rolling for weather? Insight. Insight. No, no exactly what the pillar is before it completes whatever it's doing. It sounds like he could just sort of appear anywhere he wants and kill people. 19.

He's got a process. And 19, is that the high roll? I guess. Something is being delivered to your plane. Oh, that sounds nice. Well then yeah yeah I think he's gonna get ready to how about he holds his action which is to do this multi attack and starting off with the frightful presence. As soon as the thing presents itself to be presenced he will fright it. And how much time do we have left, Tim? We have? Hour and a half.

14 minutes. Okay. He got us one of those fruit bouquets. Yeah, mini muffins. So are you guys going to get, so we'll call them. I'll make a visual for the pillar. Is it my pillar? I hope it's not the my pillar guy.

Oh, I heard your neck hurts after you try to sleep on that pillar. Oh, the neck, the neck pillar, my pillar. Are you are you guys going to surround it in any way? Strategically, if you're using frightful presence, it has to be with us. Are you guys gonna surround it in any way strategically? If you're using frightful presence, that has to be with us just about 60 feet visual range. Is this guy gonna let us get out of the way?

Is he gonna let us just stroll over this thing? Or is he gonna be a dick? You think you've only got a little bit of time. Yeah, I think Posh, because he moves so slow, will definitely start heading over there. I mean, if nothing else, we wanna see what the fuck's going on, right? And Dallytail will too. But yeah, maybe sort of in like a spread out, I don't know if it's a circle, but okay, let's not all make ourselves one little convenient group, right?

Right. But where's the demon thing? The- The devil, the seven hells person? He left. Oh, okay. He waited, he waited for a bargain. You guys kinda goofed on him and he left. You have now, through your 19 insights surmised,

he is sending a collector. Soul collector. So violence is probably imminent. OK. I don't think everybody talk about it. Bricks is like checking her watch. I mean, honestly, but this is rude. The clouds. Bricks is like, how many more like how many more times have I had to fight with these... people? That's what she's thinking.

I thought you had already walked away. Yeah, she was on her way out the door and someone was like, wait, hold on. One more demon. Alright. One more more demon you say. Well, the pillar begins to- She's tired of these guys. Rip the grass up in the ground. There's a burst of dust and dirt as the clouds smash into the ground. And after a moment of crackling lightning

in the funnel cloud, it disperses and there is what appears to be an obsidian slab about the size of the pillar that has veins of magma-like orange cracks in it that are glowing. Okay. The clouds begin to recede, but there is like a dull humming coming from it. Is it the Terminator being born? It feels like something might pop out of this in a second. I mean, Pish Posh is like so frightful, his presence. Is he true?

Well, I mean, it doesn't seem like it's sentient yet, but I mean, if there's anything, you have a moment for a choice before this thing. His guzzilla spines are popping up his back. Bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk. He's getting ready. That's a visual reference. I'll hold an attack with my bow.

Like I'm just ready to fire. I think we would all sort of like try and like... Draw this ready. Yeah, do we want to like three, two, one it? And then as soon as it goes, we all just launch an attack? Yeah, I like that. All right. It goes...

And the veins begin to expand across the slab. And with a burst of rock chunks, it splits down the middle like an orange, like a peeled orange, and there's a puff of black smoke from inside it. It blows away in the wind and there's eerie silence again. Everybody do an insight check. I love that you're in a circle because it's gonna make this next part easier too. 10. Okay. 12 for Pish Posh, 18 for Dally Tail.

11 for me. Dally Tail, something is here, but it is unseeable. Because of smoke? The smoke was a part of sort of magic sequence, but whatever is here is not corporeal

at the moment. Oh, so right now, like, it's just empty space like that. With just rock chunks on the ground. Okay, well, I will share. Oh, it's like, it's here! We can't see it! But it's here!

I'm gonna throw a can of paint on it. Uh... Okay. It's sort of dirt and direction. Nothing happens. Uh, Sam, will you do me a favor? Yes? Something is gonna happen to one of our heroes now, and I would like to have you roll a six-sided Nothing happens. Sam, will you do me a favor? Yeah. Something is gonna happen to one of our heroes now.

And I would like to have you roll a six sided dice to randomly determine to whom it happens. Glut. Glut will not be the one. Okay. The stakes are too low. So could someone please hand Sam a six sided die. Mark's got a million of them.

Blut will be a one and it'll go around. So Pish Posh is a six. Five. Oh, it's Mordecai. Oh shit. Mordecai, please do a wisdom saving throw. Oh shit. Yeah, it was 18 and it went to two. So nah, three. All right.

So all of a sudden you all see Mordecai drop his sword as you kind of like buckle over. His flesh begins to rip as if something inside him is being birthed and he expands. His body gets larger and larger until a body inside of it goes larger and larger, pushing the flesh away from it. Standing up is a 20 foot tall minotaur-like being which reaches a handout and summons a large spiked morning star into its hand. Everybody roll for initiative.

Pishfosh now activate his held frightful presence. Yes. So that guy's gonna make a wisdom saving throw. Okay. He critted. I see. There you go. I think he did a 19.

He is not afraid. Do any of us with our held attacks, do any of that stuff go off? Everybody now gets to make an attack against Mordecai. Mordecai? Wait, body split open and a 20-foot Minotaur popped out of him. So Mordecai is just dead on the ground? Uh, pieces of him are on the ground. And there's a 20 foot minotaur. Fuck D&D. We'll get to Brian in a second. I'm just gonna shoot my little,

my little axe at you. But we're not shooting at Mordecai. I'm just setting a timer to decide whether you're using your haliducation. Yeah, it's helping me, I'm dead. There's a monster in my place. There's a monster in my pants. All right, 21 to hit.

Oh, shit. All right, everyone roll for initiative so we can start doing this in order. I got a six. It won't count as a round because it's your held actions, but yeah, go for it. 16 plus 319. Okay.

Seven. Seven for bricks. Brian, can you roll initiative, please? Why? Because you're in this fight. Oh, something's about to happen. Mm hmm. 17 for Pish Posh, nine for Dally Tail. Okay. 13. Okay. Maybe we should give that to Brian.

Well, I guess he gets to be himself too. I feel like I shouldn't have banished that guy. Nine for Dallytail you said? I feel like it's wrote. banished that guy. Nine for Dolly Tail, you said? I feel like it's wrote. Yes. Might have happened. And what was push push? 17.

Okay. All right. Brian. Yeah. Could you please roll an insight check? We kind of roll them out for you. You're not sure what this form is that you have taken. It might explain itself soon, but you feel that your soul is still present and capable of control.

And then it announces itself to all of you and says, I am Bale the collector. to all of you and says, I am Bale the Collector. And begins to start getting hit. So, um. But it is Brian. Brian, I have now sent you the stats for Bale. It's actually more Brian than Pesh Posh is Pesh Posh. Yeah, I just I'm just transforming all of you one by one in this game. Brian, you are now Bale, a large fiend that is lawful evil,

and you believe your soul has the ability to rest control of Bael's sentience because you are its avatar, not the demon itself. It was birthed forth from your organic material. 21 to hit is a hit, but first up is Blept, are you using your held action to attack? I'm gonna hit him with a spiritual weapon and stay out of range, so 60 feet away. Okay, roll your spiritual weapon to attack. Roll your spiritual webinar attack. 15 to 6, 21. All right. That is a hit.

Roll your damage. Eight and seven, 15. All right. Nice. It only had 14 hit points playing. Hey, yeah, sweet. Trying to make me buy a book, Dan. Oh, you have to be logged into D&D Beyond here. I will send you the basics. I'll send you like a couple of screenshots real quick. But Pish Posh has used his held action. So, he is next to the turner, but not gonna use a held action.

Mordecai is currently Baal, the devil, Dallytail, we're now going to use your 21 Roll Your Damage. Oh, sweet. I'm gonna send you screenshots of Baal's stats. We'll get you a better, we'll get you like a printout next time. And I'm gonna, Hunter's Mark, this guy. So five, 10, 13, and five, 18.

All right. And Bricks. Yes. Would you like to use your held action to attack Mordecai slash Bale? Yeah. I'm going to run across and then run up its leg. OK.

And try to climb up its body. OK. That sounds more like a squirrel move. He said 20 feet tall. It'll be a contested strength check. Why strength? Because you're essentially gonna have to grapple it to climb up it. Hmm.

It can swat at you. Okay, well then I... As a reaction to grapple. You're trying to run up it, I guess. It's not a compliant surface surface is what I'm saying. I'm just imagining a 20 foot creature, but okay, all right. I'm gonna keep my distance.

Look, if you get your athletics check, you could do it. I'm just saying it's not easy. Can you fire a harpoon into his nuts? If you make an argument for an acrobat extractor, that's a better bonus. Wave your lightsaber around for a grenade in. Absolutely. I'm a fan of first sessions, but this guy's stats are fucking insane.

But like what? Yeah. Once again, this is exactly this is the fishposh thing where I'm like, I don't like you guys all. Like if he's in there, are we supposed to be just fighting this thing to the death? Now, did you mean like what? Why? Well, I think isn't this fishposh sort of seeing, ah, this is my moment. This is why I got turned into this thing So now we can have a Kaiju

It's gonna get Kaiju in a second. Yeah, I think it's gonna be alright. Then I'll just step back Ken versus Brian We can get it I'm not interested. Oh, all right. Well, we're gonna at the top of the turn order with Blepnip next time. As Mordecai slash Bale begins to wreak havoc, Brian will of course be making a saving throw of some kind to try to wrest control and we'll see how it goes. Perhaps he'll beat himself over the head with the mace on the next episode of Nerdpoker. Hey Sam. Hey, episode 36.

Furlnot is banished. We're going to let him stay there. We met Mom. We met Man of the Nine Hells. He wants treasure that we don't have. We're going to give him the staff. Update. We exploded the staff. I pretty much saved the game by rolling a five. There's a 20 foot minute turn now, so that's fucked up and we're battling it. Anything you want to play? Oh, um, there was something and I forgot.

Can you go and I'm going to think for a second. Yeah. I've got a San Diego coming up, uh, at the American property company at downtown and then, uh, cobs. And then I'm doing a convention in Minneapolis the second week of November, third week of November I believe I'm at Magoobies. Ah, that used to be Tracy's at the Bowman

in Towson, Maryland. Yeah, it's out in Maryland. So I'm gonna be there. It's been a long time. And then that's it for the year. So I tap out right before Thanksgiving and no Christmas gigs, no December gigs. But then I'll be back out on the road in January. BrianPasin.com for tour dates and Grommets and Rifters.

Always check them out. Cool. Yeah. Congrats again on grommets. That's, that's killing it. Uh, Blaine. Oh wait, let me go. No, real quick. I was doing Lucha 30 and three first in my downtown Lucha.

Anyway, before you go, uh, I mentioned a couple episodes that I do like free freelance dungeon mastering. Uh, we've got a couple of folks recently reaching out. I have someone involved in a project I can't talk about, but also like a school, like a grade school, a private grade school in Chicago is flying me out to do like an assembly on Dungeons and Dragons and then go to all the classes

and like run Dungeons and Dragons workshops. So cool stuff. If you're interested in stuff like that, again, dantelford.com. I'm not currently running a lot of games. I'm only running four games right now. So I do have openings in my schedule for actual games too. So even if you don't have a fancy thing like that, I would love to run a game for you.

Cool. Blaine. We attribute the success to save mankind from... Thanks for joining us on this epi- You got walls and a roof? Well- On the next Nerdpoker! All our representatives are assisting other podcasts. Please stay on it. What is balls wrong? On an all new Nerd Poker! You get bonus episodes from there, and you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069

and CINO California 91416. Thanks for listening!