Nerd Poker - The Mountain Campaign - Episode 38

Episode Date: November 5, 2024

Things are looking grim for The Equaler as he wanders the labryith within Bael. And the rest of our crew continue to hack at Bael's outer parts. Oh consecutive final boss fights, it can't ever be easy can it?  For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker  

Hey, it's Brian Postain, nerd poker. We're calling it the Mountain Campaign. My friends are here, Sarah, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer Sam, and of course, our kickass DM, Dan Telfer. Welcome to Nerd Poker. Hey everybody, it's Brian, Osane. You're listening to Nerd Poker. Why is this? Who knows? Who's this? Who knows?

Everyone's here. Sarah's everywhere. I can see she's filming it. But she's on the phone. I have full energy. Committing fully. There she is. That was amazing, actually.

That's the third most animated movie. Now she's coughing to death. Chris is here. Where are you? I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here.

I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I's like the third most animated. She's coughing to death. Chris is here. I'm phoning it in from the table with everyone. Ken's here. Hi.

Hi. Hello. Dan is here. We were talking about Dex A we were earlier though. What a dork. Uh, Dan is here. We were talking about tech savory earlier though. Dork. Yes. Um, speaking of tech savory, Blaine's here. He's me.

I love droopy. He is awesome. Sam's here. Hello, sweet children. Hey buddy. Hi. Hello, sweet children. Hey, buddy. Hi.

We got a Bears fans. We do. We sure do. We should thank some people. We should and I'm gonna. Thank you. Listeners, you're bringing our numbers up every time you listen and it's a delight. Oh, the arc of our show.

Thank you for bringing it up up up. And if you can head on over to patreon.com slash nerd, poker and subscribe, you will keep the podcast of our show. Thank you for bringing it up up. And if you can head on over to patreon.com slash nerd bokeh and subscribe, you will keep the podcast in existence. And I want to thank the people at our top two tiers of patreon support who have usernames like the blame in pain has plainly done cocaine. What? What? What? My teeth. Wow. What? What? My teeth. Wow, the clack sounds went off. Thank you, Lord, for my two nutsacks. Thank you, Smackdown in the middle.

Smackdown in the middle. Thank you, a Chad that doesn't suck. Thank you, Kaia the Wonder Poodle. Thanks, Kaia. Thank you, Rabuno. Senzamere. Thank you, can't wait for the new nerd poker spin-off, Sarah's Hot Takes with Blaine and Billy. What?

It's your new show. I keep turning it down so I'm not popping into the mic, but I'm going to miss every joke cue. I'm sorry. I like how you're like, oh, I missed the cue, so I'm just gonna say hello. Charlie's Angels reboot. Please. Thank you, Just An Anonymous Mouse.

Thank you, Shakira, When the Walls Fell. Thank you, Michelle. Thank you, War Anus. Thank you, Mark P. Strandberg. Thank you, Kevin Hitt. Thank you, Roll for a Sandwich. Thank you, Kill Bossanova. Thank you, Okendoinks,, Roll, for a sandwich. Thank you, KillBossaNova. Thank you, Okendoinks, disgruntled roadie.

And finally, thank you, that dumb giant fish from Mario 3 that eats you. Playing who are those? Okendoinks, roadie. We love Sporters of our test gameplay. Sporters brought to us by Tenitus. Is that a smoke alarm? Nope, it's Tenitus. Is that a smoke alarm? Nope, it's tinnitus. Is my neighbor watching TV? Nope, it's tinnitus. Is there an ambulance behind me? Nope, it's tinnitus.

Is there a ghost whispering, you will die in my ear when I'm lying in bed? That's not tinnitus. Tinnitus! It's everything but a whispering ghost. Dan? Ha ha ha. What are you saying? I wish these were real. Damn. Thanks, Brian. I wish these were real. They can be, Brian.

They're not. We could only get 7,000 more Patreon supporters. We promised to make every single one of Blaine's products real. Especially soup on a stick. Back for a limited time. Very limited. Soup on a stick.

Damn. We should make soup on a stick. Gotta make that merch happen. Right there with the Herb Schwartz, OnlyFans, pint glass that we were selling on nerdpokerpod.com slash merch. Watch me helicopter my cock and bull. My son looks at that glass and goes,

dad, why did you have that made? I said, I didn't have it made. He goes, why is it in our house? I'm telling you over the cat that I have to look at that. Have we mentioned that on the air that we have house? I'm talking over the cat, but I have to look at that. Have we mentioned that on the air that we have that? I feel like we must have. Yeah, we have glasses with Herb Schwartz, OnlyFans on it.

And every single one of Blaine's jokes from that specific ad is on the pint glass. Get one now. Oh boy, get it. Watch me helicopter my cock-a-balls. I mean, the holidays are coming up. My wife says it's something to see, God rest his soul. It says that, doesn't it? It does. I never get sick of that transition, even the darkness of it.

His love says a lot for it, like a cup. It's a lot going on. I spent a lot of time in Canva really laying that one out. I'm very proud of the real estate. Most cups don't make you read. This one kind of gives you a little something extra. My son is 15, so he would appreciate that a lot more than your son does. My son, hi dad.

Go ahead to nerdpokerpod.com. You can order yourself a complete set of six pint glasses and have some friends over and celebrate the magic. They can all helicopter to the cocks of bulls. And together, like the balloons and up, carry the party. They're like one of those ospreys that the vertical takeoff and landing thing.

The drone? Yeah. Or no, it's not a drone. It's like a plane that's got the drone things on it. That's right. And the wings tilt and then it crashes. They're called propellers. The things. No, the drone things.

I can't believe it. It was just at the airport. He's just bringing us up to. You know, which one of those? What do you call that? Airport bags? Yeah. I'm going to try and say this. Oh, shit. It's more. you call that? Yeah. Shit.

Laughter does. By the way, is having several parties while we record this. Yeah, this is like an episode of Benson where he's talking to us and then he goes into the other room with the governor. The ambassador. During the last episode JT Heverstead, comedian and friend of Brian just came inside the house and Brian went and had a meeting with Bigfoot. Just like what? Bigfoot's got a ball cap on. All right. You have entered some sort of tap to make a noise screen on your phone there. Is she still there? I can't rely on Sarah to say it because she'll just resist. Meeting.

Okay. Well, new tour. It is now time to talk about... Pop music. What happened the last time on Nerd Poker? I finally made Brian go to the labyrinth inside the Minotaur and I'm not talking about its lower digestive system. Brian is in some kind of purgatory where if he makes a high enough roll, he can reconnect with what is left of his form, an

organic body covered in plate mail known as Baal, the collector of man and archfiend. It is currently fighting everybody, but Brian took it over and shoved a morningstar in his own gullet. It went pretty good all things considered. And now more noises. We take you to real life already in progress. Ringers! Sarah, are you on a conference call right now? That was not Sarah. No, it sure wasn't. Although I'd love to blame everything else on Sarah.

I don't think that particular thing was... That was me doing something. Let's see what it takes to get Sarah to unmute. All right, well, I believe we ended on the morning start thing because it evoked enough discussion to wrap the episode up. Our next prison turn on would be, I believe, Blett, we almost had you go. Yes. It's now your turn. I'm going to do two things. I'm going to attack Bale again with my spiritual healing and i'm also going to run over to glibbles and i'm going to uh i'm going to do a little thing called spirit of the dying

you stabilize glibbles and prevent him from dying from he was not looking good over there. No, one more fail and he was toast. So. But he, he's okay? He's now stabilized. Okay, great. Okay is a strong word. He's done Spare the Dying, not a healing spell.

So I believe that puts him at one hit point. Or is it zero? I think it's zero, but he's not dying at all. Okay. And then I- He likes that. And then I rolled a 22 to hit for a spiritual weapon. Okay. And then I likes that. And then I rolled a 22 to hit for a spiritual weapon. Okay. That is 15 points of damage.

I was you're old in 22. Oh, yeah. How many 15 15. Great. So let me smash those into the back of his head. and he takes some radiant damage. You're fucking him up pretty good. He's taking that Morningstar with rough stuff. I'm not really a Morningstar person. I'm a Nightstar. Don't talk to me until I've had my lawyer. Very sinister laugh there.

Glibbles looks up at you and says, thank you, daddy. Up next in the turn order is Dolly Tale. Great. I'm going to use my movement to fall back another 35. Phone stands. I'm going to start doing Mondays. I think I wasn't doing Mondays, but I'm going to start doing them. Yeah.

Just in general, you were not participating in Monday. I was like, sorry, I don't do Mondays and then I'm going to do them now. Oh, okay. How Garfield? Yeah. I was going to say, how do you feel about lasagna? Yeah. Right.

Uh, or like was off. Yeah. I'm going to shoot. I'm going to try on my sharp shooter feet. Hey, Sarah, I'm using a feet. Um, so it's minus five to my role, but if I hit it's another extra 10 straight 10 damage. So first one is, oh, it's going to be a 12.

So that's a miss. I'll try again. Sharpshooter one more time. Uh, 20 to hit. Well, that's a for sure. Awesome. Maybe so click my tongue. Well, so it's going to be instead of plus five plus 15 to this. Six, six and three is nine and seven is 16 and six is 22 plus 15. Bam. Was that 37?

37. All right. Nice. So this just smashes into the other side of his neck. I mean, he's, he's staggers. You're my friend. You're my friend. More guy. I love you.

I just got a text from Quentin Tarantino. Tell me now. He heard we were talking about feet. Few more levels to go Quentin. Few more levels to go. All right. Is that your turn, sir? You got a photo seat? Nope. No, I mean, I'm far away. That's it. You got a B-Shaw ball. Is that your Mandalorian character? That did sound like a Star Wars Christian. What's that guy's name? You have a name? That guy? Yeah, you got it. That's, I mean, come on.

Is character the Mandalorian? The name? No, the guy just did. The Mandalorian? It was Clipton. His name is Clipton? Yeah, Clipton. What is going on?

I've really checked his madness has infected the table now. We're gonna slap Happy down. Clipton Snort. I really check madness has infected the table now. We're going to slap happy now. Flip on snort. All right. All right. Cool. I keep wanting the phone when I tip over for all. Sarah, do you suppose he's a black hole? Is that full? Yeah, sure.

I'm going to ask about that. I know. But George Lucas, like just fuck it. Yeah, I know. George Lucas, like just. Ah, fuck it. Yeah, I guess. Nate Grutz. I was going to call him Juan Jez and then I decided I'm Jawas. Who gives a shit?

Fuck. Yeah, I mean, JJ Abrams named characters after Beastie Boys lyrics and shit. His real name, A.A.J. Abrams. Oh. Did you know that? There's a character called Doris the Funkasaurus. Oh. Doris the Funkasaurus. That's a Beastie Boy deep cut.

Or Finkasaurus. Hold on, I'm getting a text from Gene Gene, the dancing machine. What the fuck is happening? And that's my turn, Dan. And scene. Hold on, I'm getting a text from Jean Jean the dancing machine. What the fuck is happening? And that's my turn, Dan. And scene. It's Bale's turn. He rears back, arches his back, throws his arms back, and he roars at the sky.

You just see these like extra jaws like pop out the side of his mouth brighter style as massive things come out. I can I get a wisdom saving throw from Pish Posh and bricks, please. You got this. Sorry, guys. OK. That's I chose to succeed. Yeah. I chose to succeed. I love D&D. Yeah, that's the thing, Sam.

I used my legendary resistance and I chose to succeed. Nice. I botched. Oh! Luckily that's not... That's very different from what I... Yeah, it's much easier when you're saving throw-y versus attacking with a botch, but he used his ability D dreadful for his bonus action.

Everyone starting your next turn within 10 feet of him will now have to, which is you two, whoever made the saving throw, you'll be frightened until the start of your next turn, unless I think Pish Posh might be immune to frightened. Well, he already chewed, then he just picked you. I chose to, I chose to. Ignore him. To save me.

Got it, got it. So, hooray. They'll just be Bricks. You are Frightened, Sarah? I feel like I am. Oh, you might, yeah. Sometimes. Look at your stuff.

Let me, let me, in the background I'll look at that. Cool. While Bricks does a self inventory. Bale is now going to attack Pish Posh. So did you do to do? He is going to try to bring down his morning star on you. It's covering his guts. Damn it. It's probably all slick.

Sunday morning star coming down. It's got some big Mac on it from last night's like, you know, drive through dinner. I don't judge me. He's trying to crit. Um, so what he's going to do is he's going to do two big underhanded swings to try to crack you in the jaw and knock you backwards onto your back. Yeah.

Crack you in the jaw. Very close. A 19 to hit plus 13. So that's probably 32 to hit, but only one away from critting. To hit with the crit. Taint. Alright, 14 points of piercing damage, adjust accordingly for any resistances you may have. 14 piercings and then 14 points of necrotic damage as he cracks you with the Morning Star for the first attempt. Is this on me or on... This is on Pish Posh. You're doing a personal inventory of resistances and such while I attack him.

I can use an action to ignore it or something? I can use an action to end being frightened. Got it. Okay. Second one is a 25 to hit. Push, push. More? He hits two melee attacks per turn and he's using them both on you. Didn't manage to knock you on your back but he So 20 points of piercing damage. Oh dear. Take that.

Pretty handsy. And then nine points of necrotic damage for the second hit. Got it. All right. How many hit points do you have left? A bunch. Ha ha ha ha! That's Bale's turn.

We'll never know how many hit points he has. He's refusing. Secret! Secret. That was a great coming in sketch. Remember, all right, it's Glibbles' turn. I believe if he has zero hit points, he can't like really fully gain consciousness. Yeah, he's still unconscious, but he's no longer dying. Yeah. So he's just going to spend his turn saying, I love you daddy. To sort of, you know, to someone, anyone who's pressing a button for the nurse. Pish posh, it's you.

You got this. Well, fuck him up, Pish. All right, I'm going to throw up on him. Ooh. So rolling the puke means a saving throw from that mistake. That's correct. All right. Dexterity.

Is it? Are you immune to frightened by the way? Uh, I don't know. I don't see that I am. Check your condition immunities in the middle-ish left of your sheet. Yes, yes. So if that cost you a legendary action earlier when you ignored it, then no. Yeah, it's fine. Just want to make sure you weren't spending a legendary action. You didn't have to.

Okay. Thank you. So what is the saving throw? Is it Dex? Yes. So it is going to be sorry. 23. To save. Well, that is a serious. So it's no challenge.

It's a legendary action. Smashing a watermelon. Times six. 18D6. Oh, you want some sixes for us? Sure. I need 96. Well, you should speak to our friend Blaine Capac, who has all the dice.

One, two, three, four, five. Yeah. Blaine has a whole collection. Four more. Like a frayed leather suitcase just full of dice. I got this from Ruttback. Yeah. Yeah. They were a sponsor like season one.

I can't remember. That's old. Yeah. Something wood. Elderwood Academy? Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah.

I think they did this too. Yeah. Old Bodhi tray. Dice tray. 34. So he's going to have that. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, buddy. Trey. Dice tray. Thirty four. So he's going to have that. No, that's not.

Holy shit. I only rolled that. We can. So 18 point. Yes. So I rolled that. So thirty four. Cool.

Well, that's him in acid, but he's not. Not the other way. That dice. Dice tray. Nine one in that dice tray. Nine dice of a dice tray? Yeah. What else would you like to do for your turn on Chris Posh? Oh my goodness, so many things.

You better think, think about what you're going to do to bail. I don't think so. I don't know. Don't say anything. My problem is nuts. I mean, if I can. I heard drop kicking in the nuts is really fun. I get nothing else because everything's piercing and slashing. What about your skull?

The skull attack is. Kick skulls off your blood, don't meet legs. Where's the so fucking good Sam. What is that? My wife, my wife made a toffee. She's sort of getting ready for Christmas. So she wanted to do sort of a test run.

So yeah, please help me. Now I can say that I'm married. You guys, my wife. So fun. My actual wife. Last year, 14,000 times at your wedding. Yeah. Oh yeah, we did. You guys. Nonstop.

Yeah. You and Ben said in a couple of guys kept going, walking around going, my wife, my wife, my wedding. And the microphone set out something on the roof of shutters. Oh yeah. I just remember people walking up to the microphone of shutters. Oh, yeah. And I just remember people walking up to the microphone of my wife and walking away. People got hammered.

So Pat and Pat and roasted half of the wedding party because they were from Fresno. It's like a bunch of Fresno people here. And then it started booing. It was like that. He just laid in Fresno. It's fucking amazing. My wedding.

He did a solid 15. Hey, whose wedding was it? His bachelor party was the one where we went to the go kart track. Was it yours? No, that was Duggan's or or. I think it was yours. No, no, no. David Anthony.

But we threw it at my house. No, I think we did it for Duggan, but we threw it here. We started here. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And Dave Anthony. Yeah, we went to the we went to the go cart. And we pull up in this van that Dave Rath had ran there for us. And Dave Anthony kicked a bunch of beer cans out of the van when we got out. And security walks over and goes, no no man, that's not happening. Like, yeah, this is not just in here.

Get back in the van. I think they even said like, absolutely not. Like, you're not coming in here. She hunted like a Coors Lake cannon into the driveway and they're like, nope. And also just like smoke billowed out. Yeah, yeah. We looked like Spicoli's van going up to school. Yeah, I bet you guys remember the guy, the security guy, just like turn it around.

We just closed the door and drove away. What was strip club? Did we all? Why are we a strip club? Yeah, the strip club was called Plan B. That was the whole joke. I was like, we got to go to Plan B. We all got pregnant. That was always weird.

That's not supposed to happen there. No. I found out you can get married at the LA Zoo. Like they've got, you know, like a whole like event area. But you got to get married to one of the animals. They will. Well, they'll let you have a live animal with like certain animals with like a, you know, like a zookeeper holding it or restraining it. And I just want to find the weirdest fucking animal.

I want one of them. with like a zookeeper holding it or restraining it. And I just want to find the weirdest fucking animal. That would just make everybody really uncomfortable, like right next to me and whoever I'm marrying. Just like taking out. I think they have a Gala monster. They like, they want some big ass lizards. Amateurs are fucked up. Yeah, amateurs are fucked up.

You guys know, Sam works at the zoo. Yeah. So over the last couple of months, I've been training to be a docent, which is a highly educated volunteer. And in two more training sessions that I'm done, and then I get to take school children around and teach them about carnivores.

Oh my God, I gotta do this. It's amazing. Yeah. I'm gonna get divorced and get remarried so that you can do it. I might try to work with you at the zoo. Please do, it's great. What. I'm going to get divorced and get remarried so that you can do it. I might try to work with you at the zoo. Please do. It's great. What's your favorite animal? Sirloin. Why?

They jump nine feet straight up. Yeah, they're crazy ass cats. Yeah. That's terrifying. Yeah, it is. I love them. There's so many weird ass animals. Well, we could jump that high too. Let's get her in here. They've got the ears that go. they're constantly going around, right?

Like, yeah, we should play Dungeons and Dragons. What's that? Okay. I will skull attack. Use two of my legendary actions. That's a saving pill for him again, right? That's a skull attack. Yes, that's a saving pill.

I saw that moment for Jill Samuel. So bad booking. 28. She's a big fan. That is a success. She introduced her. Nothing happened. People still throwing bottles of piss at her.

That brittle is really good, Chris, and I bit my lip hard at the end of it. I'm sorry. It's worth it. It was. I would do it all over again. I will tell Sarah she'll be the life. Tell her I drew blood and smiled really creepily. Said it was so good.

All right. So if that's your turn, we're back at the top of the turn order with Briggs. Hi Sarah, remember us? You know those ads for Smile 2, where you're like, God, that guy looks like Jack Nicholson. Yeah. Jack Nicholson's son.

Yeah. Oh. Jack Nicholson's son? The movie's good, by the way. I just thought. I heard it is really good. Yeah, it's very good. And he looks like Jack Torrance, though,

because he's making that face. Right, Sarah? Yeah. Sarah's from New York. Sarah's. Oh, wow, What the hell? She jumped right in, you guys. That's crazy.

He has a very he has a very creepy smile naturally, and he does look. He also looks he looks like if Jack Nicholson and Leonardo DiCaprio had a son together. Oh, they did. Actually, that's it. That's his father. Well, now I don't like him. No, I heard it's good. I heard the movie is good, too. OK, so I'm going to use my action to unfrighten myself using stillness of mind. OK, now, can you say it inside like she did?

Everybody should just watch the news. Very cool. I guess I'm just going to be out of focus. Can I answer the guy right now? Yeah. The guy. You were just flanking. You are flanking him, yeah. Oh.

Well, I can't. The problem is I can't. I got to get away from him because I'm just sitting duck. So I'm going to take my maximum movement and just go away. Do I have to take disengage now to do that? You would, yes. Yeah, I'm not going to have any key points left. But I got to do it because I will be unconscious,

I think, if he hits me again. So yeah, very annoying. Okay, so I'm going to go ahead and also use Step of the Wind to disengage and then move 40 feet away from him. Nice, gotcha. You are now 40 feet away. Yeah, you are now 40 feet away. That is definitely my turf, yeah. Well, well, well then. Mordecai, you've been returned to Purgatory. Would you like to choose a perception or an investigation check?

Nothing, I'll do perception. Okay, different results for each. Low. Okay. So perception check is what will get you the ability to reengage with Bale's body. Investigation will do something else. Investigation is more about like getting your bearings

and purgatory. So you look to the sky and unfortunately, you still see that vision of Bale wailing on Pish Posh and like it's like a you know a clear foam keeps falling over with Sarah's face and I just feel like it's it's it's it's like uh in comedians of comedy when Zach Galvinakis has the trick chair and keeps falling out over and over again. I almost dropped it while I was saying it. Do we do it? Yeah, I'm standing there, I'm nude in a towel, and I almost completely shit myself because Zach was making me laugh so hard.

If it would have gotten south on me, I would have lost it. You can stick the cord in it while you prop it up. It would have been so bad. Because there's little divots. So you can take one of the dice out of there and just put the part with the cord in where the dice was exactly and then lean it against the back. That's one of my hip tips. Such a weird thing.

Hi, Sarah. We have a solution. Can't say. Now you can't get a special... This episode's nuts. Special investigation of your surroundings, but you can choose will you go left or right. Oh, I don't know. Left.

Okay. So, you turn. Five, ten, three, and turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn five times, turn, turn, turn, there's a Subaru. Yuck. This time it is not the same. Notice there is a long haul that ends in mist. Oh! Mist sort of like encapsulates the hall. 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, 45, 50 feet down the... 90.

As far as I'm gonna get that key. So get closer. Apple beaches. You do not see what is past the mist. It is very difficult and you're spending so much energy trying to keep your, your form whole and not dissipate. That's all you can do this turn unless you want to throw a bonus action of some kind in there. You can be other than flying. You could be using any amortized normal abilities should you think of one. That's right. OK.

Flip. Yeah, I just want to get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys, I'm going to just hit him again with a. I want to do it to you guys. Divine weapon. You got to find a way to get you back. 19 to hit him again with a... I want to be with you guys. Divine Weapon. We gotta find a way to get you back. 19 to hit.

Come on, we could just kill him, which is what you've been doing. 19 is a hit. Boy, you're damaged. Nine points. And I've got to... Right. Let's just back up a little bit.

Can you do an insight check for me? And I've got, right, let's just back up a little bit. Can you do an insight check for me? 16 plus 622. You think every time you hit him with your spiritual weapon, you can see his armor like sizzling with yellow arcs of energy and you think it's having some kind of effect on him, like for an entire turn every time you hit him. I take that. Okay. Nice. Doesn't necessarily mean he's vulnerable to it, but it might mean that he's unable to do something if you keep doing it. Doesn't look like he wants it to be happening. Okay.

You know, like he shifts uncomfortably every time it arcs near one of his wounds. Okay. Good. Good. That was your bonus action, I believe. Can I do a, can I do a cantrip?

I mean, why wouldn't you? I'm gonna do a Sacred Flame down on him. That's a deck save, right? That is a deck save. I use way too much Baldur's Gate 3 memory for how this game works now. That is an 18 to save. 14, so... So he manages to duck to the side as you swing or the bring a flame down on

him. Is that, uh, is that half damage or no damage? That's a great question. I think it's a mess, but I need to look it up now or else people will be hurt on the internet. Spiritual sacred flame. Thank you. Wait, if it's a cantrip, it's in it, then it's just a straight fail.

Okay. Okay. I didn't know there was a rule. That's great. Yeah. Cantrips. What you talk about saving throws and so again, or yeah, it just failed. It's that that's the price of cantrips.

Do you mean I succeed or yeah. Wow. Thanks for the hot tip. Stuff like that. It's probably buried somewhere in the book and I didn't memorize it. I might have a little extra stuff that I did in your paycheck this week. It's actually I got from Ken. What's your thing called?

Is that hip steps? Hip steps. Hip steps. Straight off the hip steps. All right. So that ret tell it to you. I think I'm position wise far enough away that I feel safe. I will go ahead and attack.

So I think my 14, 24 hit. Very much a hit. It's totally a hit. Five and five, 10 plus four, 14, 14 and five, 19 plus another. Damn, it's hard. This is the sharpshooter thing again. So 34. Right?

19 plus 15. 34. Yeah, yeah. 34. Yeah. So second shot. Oh, God, no, it's a three minus five. So now it's a wildness.

It's a negative two. Wow, wildness. It's an eight. Cool, no D. No, thanks, I'm stuffed. Ha ha ha. Wild, wild, wild. Does anybody have a favorite Halloween candy they're looking for it because it's kind of

that season. Yeah. I gain weight when Reese's are in the house. Oh yeah. Peanut butter cups. I like the take five where it's the peanut butter cup. And I think they throw a pretzel in there. So it's kind of a crunch.

I like that. I say yes, please to take five. I'll take five. At the end of Dally Tales, Turnbale is going to use a legendary action to look over his shoulder pivot, point and blap and say, you're mine now. Can you please? What's over there? It's pointing the wrong way. Do a wisdom saving throw. I mean, I want to turn all the way around and turn some. Listen, we can't all just be

illustrative all the time. Why have the figures? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Were you giving me hipstips and I rejected it? Yeah, you're like, throw out a hipstip. Oh, fuck. I'm so sorry. I didn't accept your hipstips. Hipstips. Please do a wisdom saving throw. 18 plus 6. Yeah, you're looking for a hip step down here. Oh, fuck, I'm so sorry I didn't accept your hip steps. Hip steps. Please do wisdom saving, don't blame me. 18 plus 6, 24. You brace yourself and are not charmed.

Oh, good. He then looks back at Pish Posh and says, Well, that was a waste of time. I'll say. I'll just, you know, there's nothing funnier I can say. Forget what I was going to say. You had to be there. He says as he destroys your friend.

Two of them days. Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee. So, boop. It's a four plus. 17 hit. Who me? Yeah, he's smushing you with his morningstar if he can. 17 to hit. No, he misses. Missy. Son of a shit.

Here he goes again. All right. He once again is going to try to underhand smack you on your back. He does that. That's a miss for the crit, but he is going to try to underhand smack you on your back. He does that. That's a miss for the crit, but he is going to get a 24 to hit. Jesus. This is a crazy bonus. Crack you in the jaw. 13 to hit? 13 plus 13.

That's crazy. That's a hit. Every time. 19 points of piercing damage. I know. Where does this lead to that? And 11 points of necrotic damage. Where is that? 30 points?

Are you still up? Yeah, I'm up. You up? I gave you too many points. Whoa! Yeah, well, you will. I gave you too many. Whoa. That's a great tip. You could just ask somebody. They're out. And they might have sex with you. That's how the legend

goes. So he is going to do that. I believe I'm happy about it. Tell them. Use your words. What you've done to me. And how do you feel about your weird legs? Your skull legs carry cool.

And weird way, weird scoby way. Let's go. My turn. No, that's his turn. Oh, I don't believe you're next. All right. So yes, you're next. All right. So, yes, you're next. So next.

Actually, you know what it is because it's Glibbles' turn and he's just lying there mostly dead. So. Well, I'm going to turn around and wrap him with my tail. I wish you would. Try. That is a... As you swing your wet ass pussy at him. What the hell?

Sam, I'm so sorry. 49 to hit. That's how it's pronounced. I'm here for this. Kip, he didn't mean that. He didn't mean macaroni in a pot. Do not have to work blue. So sorry.

I like you better when you do. I try to represent the Cardi B material with this particular one. Jesus. Ten points of damage. Sarah's turned her screen off. Well, here's it. She tried to hit him. She's talking about her.

You guys are disgusting. That was the best fun guy I've ever had. Sarah's never gotten angry during a game, but that makes you pretty funny. Anything else for you? Fish crush? No. OK.

No. Bricks, it's you. If you're still there. You got this, Bricks. I'm still here. There she is. Hi. Hi. Every time I start to talk again.

Okay. This is a very silly episode. You think? It's really, there's been very little. It's a good one. Haven't. People prefer when little happens. You know what I'm saying?

It's like being at a, it's like being at a Dave and Buster's here. Yeah. My wife is entertaining in her kitchen. My wife is entertaining in her kitchen. My wife. I don't care what you say. Warren, Sarah, isn't it great how you can't talk over this from a gig? Go, go. You go to Davis fans. At a safe distance, I'm just going to attack him with darts. Okay. That's my kid playing video games.

This night is out of hand. Sarah, can you hear that? You just heard Rod's going, fuck you, fuck you. He's playing Fortnite with his grammar school friends now that they're teenagers. Grammar school? Well, you get kids that he doesn't hang out with. Now that they're teenagers. Grammar school. Well, you get kids that he doesn't hang out with. I got you.

Elementary school. Grade 9. Genesense. Skinny Riz. Sarah, did you roll? No. Sarah, did you roll? No, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna put one, try to put one dart in each. You know what helps? You know what helps Sarah? This is a great tip I like to give you. When you roll the dice, snap your fingers. Right? That wasn't a crit, was it?

No, I rolled a 22. See? I told you. That is a hit, but if it invented crit, it would go in his eye. That was not a crit, but I did, with only a dart, do 8 points of damage. Wow. That's not bad at all. It's just not bad. That's great. Then I'm going gonna do it again.

A dart lands in it. I missed though. Oh my God. That was a miss you said? I missed that. Okay, did you snap? Seem. Ken?

Yeah. I'm gonna snap. Oh, shit. So. She'll drive right over here. Mordecai, it's your turn. The mists before you, would you like to look up into the skies and try to connect again with the perception check?

Yes. All right. Do you want to do that again because it was cocky. It was cocky. Nope. God damn it. You just can't seem to get back and that is going to put you. Another fail.

Yeah. Three fails. Three fails, one save. That sucks. First of five is what you want. Three fails. Three fails, one save. That sucks. First to five is what you want. Oh shit. Unless someone on the outside can think of a way to get you back. So far, they're attacking you.

Yeah. You do have the mist 20 feet ahead of you where things become impossible to see. It is thick and opaque. Rolling. Yeah. Like a humidifiers running, but like a really good one. Filled with soup. Guys help me.

Can we hear them? No. Spiritually you can, but in character, no, you can't. We keep attacking. Functionally. But Brian, I mean, you've got 40 feet of movement. Do you go into the mists? No. Oh. All right. Do you get closer to the mists?

I don't know. I just want to... You saw what happened to the guy in the Stephen King movie. Yeah. You're actually getting near the grocery store window. That was one of the darkest. I... Awesome ending. I watched just the ending, honestly.

I love that ending. I... It's brutal. Yes, it really is. I appreciate it more now that I'm not in the theater hoping for a completely different ending. Now that I've seen it and it's like 15, 20 years have gone by, it's like, all right, that was creative.

Stephen King prefers the movie, I mean. Oh, wow. Oh, now who's that? He's a writer of horror fiction. It's weird, Quentin Tarantino level fetishes in his work. All right. Hold on, I just got a text. What?

Turn, turn. We just got a text. We're talking about feet. You know what I'm going to do is I'm going to use my, uh, I'm going to invoke duplicity, which is the, uh, the girl with the curly hair. Yeah. And I'm going to have my And I'm going to have my car. I'm going to have my run over to be a bail. And first thing Christian use the use my little duplicity claws to climb up the side and stand on his shoulder like a parrot. And I'm going to say, yeah, yeah. Keekler, are you in there?

Yeah. Meow. Equal or meow. Equal. Oh, do you? Yeah. Hey, yeah, yeah. Equal.

Oh, that's it. Like plus one for cute, right? Persuasion check. DC 20 17. Oh, man. But you don't get through. All right. So unfortunately, it doesn't work. But spiritually, maybe somehow he felt it.

Chris, Dallytail is up. Dallytail wants to try and like help Mordecai. So instead of attacking, he's going to like, I guess this is like a nature check. He wants to be sort of reach out and be like, for the fuck's sake, I'm going to try and attack him. I'm going to try and attack him. I'm going to try and attack him. I'm going to try and attack him.

I'm going to try and attack him. I'm going to try and attack him. I'm going to try and attack him. I'm going to try and attack him. I'm going to try and attack him. I'm going to try and attack him. I'm going to try and attack him. I'm going to try and attack him.

I'm going to try and attack him. I'm going to try and attack him. I'm going to try and attack him. I'm going to try and attack him, he's going to like, I guess this is like a nature check. He wants to be sort of reach out and be like, for the forest, please get the leaves and the wind help my friend Mordecai. He is the equal. You want a religious vibe or a nature vibe? I'm going nature because well, my bonus is the same to either. So, I mean, it can be religion. Yeah, sure. Why not? The religion of...

What is that bonus to either? The forest, negative one. Well, I rolled a six. So that is a six minus... 20. In response, the smell of fresh cut grass. Okay. I'll take that.

Hey, at least nature's present. All right. We'll call that a bonus action. Oh, great. If that's the case, then. Because you can cock it. You can excuse me, knock an arrow whilst doing that. Okay.

Yeah, I will. I guess I will. I almost said like, you know, like you're talking about. These are not going to be sharp shooter. I'm just going to be a natural 20. Yeah. Should have done that. The sharpshooter, baby.

All right. So, so these are going to be doubled. All right. So it is eight. All right. So, so these are going to be doubled. All right. So it is eight and seven is 15 and four is 19 and four is 23. So double that 46 plus five. 51. Wow. 51. Will you please roll a D 100?

This is my, this is my prayer. This is my prayer. 80. Nice. Roll another 2d6. T6, T6, 10 squirrel dice. Just want you to know. Six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six,

six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, This is with or without a sort of radiant effect on it. Is this just like a straight up arrow? No, it's radiant. I mean, that's the thing. The bow creates god. If for a type of dragon, it creates a type of picked radiant. Well, this thing slices right through him.

So it goes in the right side of his neck and there's just this jet of blood, this Black Eicher blood that a fiend has just sprays out as the tip of the radiant arrow comes out the left side of his neck and his free left hand, he just like slaps a gauntlet up and like trying to figure out how to pull this thing out. Does it stay corporeal or does it dissipate?

No, after hit or miss it damages. Okay, well then we'll say the like last couple points of damage are to his hand as the arrow just continues to just slice through it. And when he reaches up to try to stop the bleeding but he is now openly bleeding and we'll have to see how that ends up on our next episode of Nerdingus Poker Zs. Sam, episode 38.

What the fuck is going on in this episode? The Minotaur has extra mandibles. Pish Posh is going to puke on him. We all agree that Jack Nicholson's son looks like him. Blane attacked the Minotaur and at work, his shift son would comfortably each time. The LA Zoo can be rented up for weddings at roughly $55 per guest. Locations include the Elephant Circle. Pish Posh still has skull legs, which I forgot about and that's awesome.

Brinks is attacking with darts. Criss rolled a natural 20, then a bunch of other dice and resulted in 60 points of damage and shook the Minotaur in the neck. And you'll never know it during the episode, but my worst nightmare happened and the audio stopped recording when I got up to poop. Hey! How you feel? Where's my mare? Not good. Oh, I'm sorry.

Sam, I really want to work at the zoo with you. Will you find out if I were to get married at the zoo? This is unrelated. Go on. And it was at the elephant circle. Yes. Can it be like right by the... We're marrying an elephant. The elephant can't be anywhere near you? Oh, sorry. I misunderstood what you were going to ask. What are you going to ask? Can you be like near a gate that the elephant is like reaching over or something?

I'm pretty sure yes. Pretty sure he can hand you the ring. It would be really like, can you have somebody be inefficient while feeding the elephant like it's not happening? Yep. Oh, Christ. All right. Well, now what I'm going to do anyway, DanTelford.com if you would like to hire me for a variety of things, including if you are hiring manager at your local Starbucks.

BrianBassett.com for tour dates. I've got a couple of things before the end of the year. Surprise yourself. I can tell you, do some work. Yeah. If you want to go look it up. Get on social media, go on his website. Brian's not one of those. Here's my schedule comics.

Go to a comic book shop and purchase things that have my name on it. I don't know what to tell you. I feel like we'll have had the election by the time this airs. Yeah, so it would be a different. Lame. We attribute the success. For joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof. Well. On the next Nerdpoker, hackers gain access to the Nerd Poker gang's personal phone numbers, can they avoid getting scammed before it's too- Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha announcer really? Bronson pincho NFTs Definitely interested. Oh, hold on for a second. Oh, it's not as balls walk on the next sir. Okay. Oh

Okay, my American Express car. Okay. Here we go. American Express four four eight nine Six six two one two one one five seven seven six one five nine 2121-1577-6159. Expires 527. Securities 116. Oh, my wife's birthday? Oh, that's an easy one. Honey, when's your birthday? Honey? Honey, when's your birthday? from there and you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 in Sino, California at 91416. Thanks for listening!