Nerd Poker - The Mountain Campaign - Episode 39

Episode Date: November 12, 2024

Things are looking grim for our fearless Equaler, not to mention a suddenly very squashed Glibbles. But Bael is falling apart, and Kaiju Pishposh is holding it together. Perhaps there is still a chance! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker

Hey, it's Brian Postain, nerd poker. We're calling it the Mountain Campaign. My friends are here, Sarah, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer engineer Sam and of course our kick-ass DM Dan Telfer welcome to Nerd Poker. Hey everybody it's Bob the Saint you're listening to Nerd Poker. It's episode 39 of the Mountain Campaign. Nice. All my friends are here.

They've been doing this a little quicker lately. I just say their names and we get into it. Sarah's here. Chris is here. Ken's here. Dan's here. Thanks for asking. My wife's here. And Sam at the end of the table. Hello, sweet children. Hey, buddy. Happy Halloween. Hope everybody had a good one.

We're going to be full of candy this episode and the next one. Melanie put a bunch of candy on the table and Blaine sucks. What? Blaine is the bitch. Dan, oh, I wanted to thank one of our uh, someone, one of our listeners, Matt from, uh, Irvine for a little cash. Thank you very much. He said his last name, but you know, smoke a lot of stuff from a fellowship.

Uh, Dan's here. I will thank some people. First of all, uh, got some on my lip. Second of all, thank you Patreon supporters at our top two tiers of support. Yes. You are wonderful folks, all of you, but those at our top tiers get a shout out and you've got usernames like... That's an interesting name. It's really complicated phonetics coming up. Oh, nonsense phonetics, if you're familiar. That's their whole name. That was my half Torah.

I got a patient of Dr. thank you, James DTJ, which of course stands for downtown Jenga. Thank you, Ben Zote. Thank you, Motel. So those are just stupid. And I don't know what that's happening to halfway through. Thank you, Hotel Green Cuck chair. Thank you, Hotel Green Cuck chair. Thank you Hotel Room Cuck Chair. Like the idea of the chair is living its own separate life and it contributes to our Patreon.

Thank you Philadelphia Collins, aka The Mustard Tiger. Thank you Dad Dad Daddy-O. Thank you Sean C, who used to be much more annoying. Thank you Grotch Sabat. Thank you Stabby McNeedles. Thank you Rick Miller. Thank you Brian Ravineck. Thank you, Stabby McNeedles. Thank you, Rick Miller. Thank you, Brian Ravineck. Thank you, Sean McKinley.

Thank you, Ken Voice. Physical Bits! Thank you, John M. Emmer. Dan had it, but then he lost it. It's okay, it's just my name. Thank you, Chester Miao... Oh, Lord. These consonants aren't supposed to be next to each other. Thank you Chester. Miaozovich. Thank you that thing with you know that other

thing. I assume that's Blaine exploding somebody. Thank you Vortispin. Thank you Voodoo Beef. And finally thank you Schmank you. Blaine who are those supporters brought to us by? Supporters brought to us by Pantene for Men 13-in-1. Shampoo, conditioner, body wash, peanut butter, motor oil, Netflix subscription, Thousand Island, Pepto-Bismol, Zog Sex Wax, El Camino, Jack Daniels, Corn Star, Jen Musinex, Pantene 13-in-1 for Men. corn star Jen Musinex, Fanteen 13 in 1 for men. Dan? Thanks, Blaine. Can I tell you a quick story? Yeah, about that bit. Please. It was was written by my son Oliver. In the car yesterday, he

came up with it started laughing and we came up with all the 13. Nice. And today he broke his arm in school. And I was, I took him. Yeah. I took him to the hospital. He's been trying to be funny. And he was, he was, yeah, he was lying there and he's holding his arm before anybody looked at him. And he goes, dad, are you going out tonight? I said, yeah, I have to go over to Brian's plane, nerd poker. He said, He said, Anteam 13-in-1,

shampoo, conditioner, peanut butter, butter oil, promise me. Is he okay? I was. He was playing it up. Didn't you say he did a good bit? Like, he did a good bit. They were doing an ultrasound on his arm

before they took the x-ray, and they're looking at the image on the screen and he goes, is it a boy or a girl? Wow, he's so advanced. Communically, I just feel like it's very impressive. It was very funny. He's already hiding candy, Halloween candy in his splint. My kids still think it's just saying butt is funny.

So I'm like. It is. I'm like. You're right. He's got a point. They was listening to this show. Yeah. Never, never.

Thank you. But is funny. This show will be parental control until the end of time. But is funny. Apologies to my daughters when they're in their 30s. All right. It's now time to talk about what happened last time on Nerd Poker. Apologies to my daughters when they're in their 30s. All right. It's now time to talk about what happened last time on Nerdpoker. Our heroes are currently toiling.

They may die. They may yet succeed. But they're in the magma breath scorched, flattened fair in town you know battling bail also there is a fish posh whose legs are made of guts kind of doing a kaiju battle with him and everyone's kind of taking shots except we've got via duplicity one of blips like doubles is currently sitting on Bale's shoulder saying, Meow meow, Equaler, are you in there? Because the Equaler, also known as Mordecai, exploded and Bale came out of him.

Currently the being, the soul of Mordecai is in a sort of purgatory within Bale, struggling to make the right number of checks to escape and occasionally dominating the wheel of Baal. I don't think it's gonna happen. Not going great checks wise. But we tried to make it interesting. We take you to that thing already in progress. All right, I have that Dolly Tailwind last.

Does that sound correct? I think so. I think we were talking about what happened with your arrows. Sure. When they collided with Bale. I could not listen back to the episode. I listened back to it as well as I could. Good job.

While at fat Sal's, while a war veteran talked loudly to try to get my attention and ask me if this was a Harley jacket. And I said, no, I'm a nerd with a Prius. And then he kept talking and playing loud TV shows on his phone next to me. What TV shows? What war? Let's see. I think it was the last one with Tom Selleck. Blue Bloods.

Yes. He was watching Blue Bloods on his phone, I think. CBS, Friday the 10th. Harley Colors on your right. Right, which I was a real boomer. Forgot, but yeah. It also says Ben Sherman very clearly. And then over here, what does it say on my pin? Sink the Rich?

Yeah, with an orca. Nice. He didn't see that part. I don't think he knows who Ben Sherman is. He's the paint guy. Do any of us really know? Carly Davidson. Running a scam on me. What if he's just some guy? Anyway, that would put Bale up next. Now Mordecai will get a chance to make throws, but this last throw, he did not gain control of Bale. So Bale is going to try to kill Pish Posh. Sorry.

He's tried it before. Yeah. And please avoid it. Done pretty well so far. Gosh, do we want Brian to successfully kill Ken or do we want Ken to successfully kill Ken or do we want Ken to successfully kill Brian? Do you want them to be friends? This is the way to die. Maybe the three of us could be like a robot. He's just Bale. Bale Trump. You named him. What

did him actually? George Lucas named him. So he is now going to try to smash you with his hellish Morningstar a couple of times. Sure. It's going to be a 30 to hit. Not even close. Nice. OK, that's a great AC. That plus one with those shoes, right?

Nice. Can you check that AC again, actually? Oh yeah, you hit me. Oh, I think I did. I don't know, all right. So flat. That's how Ken sneaks into the movies, just. Oh yeah, I paid.

What, I just saw you pull up. I was already in here. Oh, okay. It's all part of being a sociopath. Don't worry about it. 17 points of piercing damage. I think I'm resistant. Maybe not.

No, I'm not. So 17 points. I'll take all 17 opposed. Thank you. Well, and you may have another called necrotic damage. It's going to be 18 points of necrotic damage as it smacks any. Okay. You still alive? Yeah. Alright. So then instead of swinging again, he is going to try to pin you to the ground. Oh my. So you do. That feels aggressive. It's not very nice.

Yep. So he's smacking down on top of your head with the morning star and then with his other hand. Is this another attack? Crip your neck and push it down. Yeah. When can I choose to succeed my saving throw? Well, you're about to do a contested strength check. And there are no savings for this happening.

He's just mailing the shit out of you. Oh, okay. Okay, so please roll a straight strength check. Oh, okay. Can you beat a 25? Well, my strength is 27 plus eight bonus. Wow. Which is higher than his actually.

So that's 20. All right. He's got you pinned. Unforge. Poop. But yeah, you do have a higher strength score than he does. What numbers are those? My hit points. Oh. Running tally.

He has that in horses. My social security number. What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? Jen, are you hacking us? Running some weird scam, like as this happens. That's really funny.

All right. Glibbles is up. I believe he is unconscious at zero hit points. More Glibbles. Yes. So he's just gonna go honk shoo, honk shoo. Push pressure up. Roll to unpin.

Roll to unpin. You can try to unpin. Okay. Roll to unpin. What is that, a strength check? Yeah, not really. Roll to open a silver Ralph's card in the serenity. 19.

I heard that. I am unbinned. Oh, can grab. Can you use half your movement to stand back up? Yes. Nice. Yeah. Now lie back down just to prove it.

You're not afraid. Yeah. Now can I do something? Show him your belly. Kick your skull legs at him. I mean you have some kind of bodice action. Oh yes. Use your gore.

And don't forget your legendary actions. Well that's my legendary resistance. Don't you have? No you have a tail attack. Yeah but it's two actions. It's two actions. It's a actions, though. It's a bonus action. Right, I'm just saying like between other people's turns,

you could be smacking them with your tail and shit. Oh, sure. Well, I'll just attack him, I guess. Okay. I'll do my Azabrath. Alright, so that's a saving throw for him, yes? Yes, dex. Okay.

So that's a saving throw for him. Yes. Yes. Dex. Okay. It's going to be 15 plus nine 24. Yeah. He made it. So he takes half as much.

And I'm just going to do this with the old app because it takes so many days. Sure. Can I ask a character question in this moment? Of whom? Brian actually, cause I'm just watching this looking at the miniatures and thinking, even though Brian, his characters lying on the floor in my head, I'm imagining, but Brian is still playing in the movie in my head. Brian's still playing the Minotaur.

So I was going to ask Brian, what does a Minotaur sound like if you're like the bad guy Minotaur? The voice? Yeah. When you have control of him, at least. Yeah. like if you're like the bad guy Minotaur. Oh, the voice? Yeah, when you have control of him, at least. Yeah, like what is the voice coming out? Sound like it would be pretty metal and pretty pain. Cool, man.

I wish someone was here who could do that. Yeah, I don't know. Oh, well, we'll see if Sam knows that. It's me, Bay. Whoa, that's great, Brian. It's Bale. Bale? It's, oh, I'm sorry, it's me, Bale.

Rock you like a hurricane. That's not how I sound. Very awesome. Sorry, maybe you have an ear infection. Half of 73, which is... What? Uh, 30. 35 plus one and a half.

So... 36. 36. Fuck. 36 damages. All right. You see some of the flesh melt off the side of his face. Good bar. Probably makes him look even cooler.

Is he sneering or missing a cheek? Anything else? Nope. Bricks. Welcome back. Thanks. Yeah, so my apologies, but also I could not listen to the episode, so I don't. Oh, did you bring a mini? Somewhere, but let's just use it.

Lemon. I will not look in my toolbox for you to do that. Yeah. I just have to like get up from the table. It's a whole deal. I can get you one, but I know I want. I know lemon Starburst. Now I just have to get up from the table, it's a whole deal. No, I can get you one, but I... I'm an 11 star verse.

Now I want it to be 11 star verse. Cheese is Lord Blaine. That was Blaine. He's a squizzler. Blaine is Crank Blaine. If you hear Crank Blaine, it's Blaine. Just know that. If you are triggered by such noises and turn the episode off,

know that when you come back several years later... That was Blaine. Do you have any pizza as i was in my mouth hold on ladies and gentlemen rose having a fortnight experience no other game makes him freak out like fucking fortnight that's the only way we know he's playing fortnight because we are fucking Fortnite. That's the only way we know he's playing Fortnite cause we are,

dead baby. Was that a win or a loss? That's sound. Who knows? I couldn't guess. That sounded triumphant. But he's wearing a Snoop skin and playing, dropping like it's hot and killing his friends.

That's what he told me this afternoon. Sounds good. I play a lot of Fortnite with my daughters and my daughter Nova will be like just fucking telling me about her archery, like in great detail, like how she did at her last archery tournament while like annihilating people. And like, I'm like, Hey, hey, can you cover me? And like, I can't get a word in and she's just multitasking and winning this shit while

I'm standing there. It is crazy. Kids are way better at video games than we are. Yeah. He's way better. Anyway. I was better at video games than my mom. So it works out.

That's how it works. I'm better at video games than your mom, Ken. Hey. Hey. Whoa. No, I'm saying it. I'm right here. It's a challenge.

My shirt's coming off right now. Okay. Yeah, she's terrifyingly stoic. She'll win and not even react to it. She'll just keep talking. It's amazing. I My shirt's coming off right now. Yeah, she's terrifyingly stoic. She'll win and not even react to it. She'll just keep talking. Like, wow. All right. So Bricks, would you like to play Dungeons and Dragons? It all began years ago when I was saying that I did not listen to the last episode.

So I have no idea. OK, so I was also sick and on the phone last time. So like you did not lose hit points. I don't think I did at some point, but I was probably asleep for your end. I don't know. I was out of it. I know. So thank you for trying to get through it.

So you tell me, I know that I barely have any, are we just, I'm still just attacking you. I thought you didn't. I apologize. I'm down. I mean, I don't know. I'm down. I'm listening to the whole episode. I mean, I don't know, I'm down on my thing and I pressed. So, what possible information could I give you?

I just wanna know, am I still, we're still just attacking Bale, that's what's going on. No, there has been very recent, very subtle, at least like that mentioned about Blaine's duplicity version like, hey, are you in there? But he has been getting the shit kicked out of him and he looks like he's starting to melt. Have we bound wounds or stabilized glivells? Yes. He's stabilized.

He's stabilized and unconscious at zero hit points. Okay. And he's an NPC, so that's about where you might might want them unless you want them to start stabbing. Right. No, just what's crazy is that I have one key point left. Um, behind the scenes of my key points. So people love it behind the scenes of key points. You have an ability called win fight.

You should spend it on that. And campaign. I am going to, I guess, oh Jesus. Listen to Sarah experience in real time each hit point. Yeah, I guess I'm gonna attack him. Okay. And so that'll be my first action is to attack him with a melee weapon. So I have to close the distance.

I do that. How many squares can a starburst move? It's kind of rolling. I'm hoping you want to climb him again so you can like stick the starburst on his like shoulder arm. I made that mistake last time. I'm going just I'm gonna chop away his leg I guess. Okay yeah he tried to bane you. So I'm gonna do let's see attack that's my action with my axe.

Excuse me excuse me D&D Beyond. Thank you for apologizing. That's a 19. Nice. That's a 19. Nice. That's a hit. Okay. Nice. And you're punching him?

No, I'm hitting with my hand axe. Okay. So that I can then do, so he does, he takes six points of damage on that. Okay. And then. Holy shit, that's our punch candy. We failed some sour punch candy. He's really reacting to this hand.

Brian's invested. Um, and then I'm going to. Fuckin really want. Sarah, can you hang on a second? really want to. So now I'm going to he needs to make a Constitution saving throw, which I know he probably will make, but I'm trying to use Stunning Strike to see. I think it's fun to play this just assuming he'll make everything like that. Just be like, yeah, he'll be fine. You don't need to really fight. We'll wear down his abilities though. So that's a 17.

Yeah. So he made it. So, um, that. He is of stern stuff. Yeah, I figured. But it was my last sort of ditch effort here. Um, plus 11 to con saves. No, those are his friends. Those are his friends. Those are his friends. He's talking to Sam cool. The people at home actually be able to hear.

And yes, I just heard the last word. It sounded like, fuck. I didn't hear what came before that. Uh, I think he was praising absence. Ben saying, don't fuck. Yeah. Oh, pause. No, no pause. Now do a pause.

Oh, okay. I also actually, I realized I can also, as bonus action without using a key point, I can do an unarmed strike. Great. Yeah, go for it. I do that as well. Alright, just looking to beat an 18.

Yeah, monks are fucking. I missed. And that's it. That's all I can do. And I can't even get out of here. So. Oh, right. Because your bonus action to disengage is not available. So that's that.

All right. If only we could have watched the Starburst roll away, but until next turn, it's now of course Mordecai's turn. So throw me some of those sour candy. What? You mean these? Is that what he had? Yes. Take that out of your hand. Home listener, there are two gigantic bowls of candy. One of them is more fruit, soury, and the other one is more chocolatey.

Well, they are not even kind of. They are fully divided. This is hosting. You got fruit bowl, you got chocolate bowl? Sweet and savory. fully divided. This is hosting. And Brian told us that Melanie put these together. Especially on Amazon or what is that right there at the edge? Right there in the yellow. These are keys to a lexicon. These are pure organic fruit bars. Oh, God.

Hey, Sam Haribo. Oh, speaking of which, how did your Halloween go with your, was it your godson? My nephew. Your nephew. How you got here? It was great. We were both regulars. Yeah. Did you get Haribo? No, I didn't. You didn't get anything? What's the candy like in Wisconsin? Mostly chocolates. Okay. Yeah. So you do not like chocolate? I do. I just read a whole long article about how apparently Jen, Alpha, and I guess maybe Gen Z, but whatever the young generations are really prefer fruits and gummies, gummy candies. And it was all about the R&D on the nerds gummy clusters, which are apparently

the most successful candy launch. Yeah. Brian loves them. My wife loves them. They're, they're great. It was really interesting reading about how those came to be. And Brian is back. We've talked about candy. It's your turn. Oh, yeah. What's going on? Bring it out. So tell me.

It's up to you. It's my turn. Yeah. Pardon me. I just had a new guy. My name is he Dan. I'm not him though. I'm me. Oh, is he Mordecai in the hallway now?

Yeah, sorry. If I was not chewing on candy, I would have jumped right in. Oh, but you were. But everyone was kind of phrasing things as if I was deliberately stalling. My teeth face was weird. So you are in a labyrinth. All right. An ethereal labyrinth with 50 foot high walls. You've not experimented with

them much because you know it would be difficult. It's 10 feet across and your wings are broken. So it would have to involve some serious like jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, crawl, crawl, crawl, climb to try to get up there. But ahead of you is mist. You've been going through this labyrinth. This current path that you have chosen is leading to, it looks like a sort of thick white fog that's impenetrable. You can tell it's spiritual in nature, magical if you will, because it does not seem like you're going to be able to,

let's move in some candy wrappers out of here for my vision, easily see through it. There's no way to pierce it with just your gaze. You've walked right up against it, and your options now are to try to succeed in a perception check, which would involve trying to look up into the sky and take control of Baal or an investigation check to try to get your bearings more on the labyrinth. You've been going pretty hard with perception checks to try to take over bail. And last time he took his Morningstar

and jammed it in his own gut to my entertainment. I'm gonna do the other one. I'm gonna try to investigate. Investigate. Investigation check. You got this, Brian. Oh no. But you do.

Okay. The mist is going to roll over you. Mm-hmm. Oh boy. Wow. You start to lose your bearings and you can't tell exactly. Fuck this game. Which way is forward and back because you start to lose your bearings and you can't tell exactly. Fuck this guy.

Which way is forward and back? Because you start to get dizzy as you begin to inhale it. Can you do a constitution saving drill? No. OK, bye. Forgotten. Forgot to do it. You should tell them. Yeah, great. Tips tips. 23. OK. Oh, now.

Yeah. And you have the staff. I mean, I want want to be clear you just critted the contract nice so I give you a chance roll a d100 as Mordecai goes fuck this remember do the snap after steals himself own snap I was now no steps oh wait you want to do this special laser blacklight die, Brian? Or you want to use your own die? I want a secret. Secret roll. 10, 10, 10. I'll take that as a no.

No. You want to use my dice? They're controlled by a remote control angle beads. That's just not right. What's terrifying is that I knew you were gonna say before you said that. I know. How do I, I'm like, I guess this just-

He's always talking about the angle beads that somehow have this tiny keyboard on them. That you can- You're just knowing someone and you're like, well. You know the pain of being Will Graham. You have a part of Blaine living inside your head. Oh, god. Okay.

Okay. So. Animal? Okay. Oh, god. You are not going to breathe this mist in. You're going to leap backwards,

push it out of your vision. You are farther back down the hallway, but you're not going to take the loss, the fail on this turn, we're going to call it an evens. Nice. Which you don't normally do with that saving throws, but we're doing, you know, perception perception slash investigation instead of that saving throws in that pattern. So it's still tough.

We're doing best to 10. You got up to two more fails before you're gone. You've got three fails, one success and one neutral now. Like the Dodgers. But you can tell that the fight is still going and the vision you see when you look up, it's starting to get blurry. And you kind of like look at the walls of the labyrinth on either side of you and they start to get, it's almost like the, the corporealness of all your surroundings are starting to fade in and out. Okay.

Perhaps Baal is dying. Oh, okay. Good. Which would of course take your play to existence out of play. But yes, that's all right. Brian, maybe you can split out of Bale's body. Not that worried about it. Bale's body is my favorite Diablo Co-Season 7.

I'm making you a guy. Blaine bluffs up. Bluffs up. Meow meow meow. I'm still you a guy. Blaine, bleps up. Bleps up. Meow, meow, meow. I'm still on his shoulder, right? You are. Well, duplicity wise, a blep himself is about- Yeah, I'm over here.

60 feet to the Northeast. I can cast spells through my duplicity. So I'm going to- Brian is petting, bleps figuring. I'm gonna to Meow Meow cast and Flicked Wounds Meow Meow. Which is a what save? It is a melee attack. Oh shit.

All right. Bring it. That's a spell attack actually, right? It's a 19 plus six is a 25. Let's's it. That's necrotic, right? Yeah. It's three, three D 10. Ooh, baby.

I saw the D 10 is now the standard damage dice now for the new D and D in terms of as opposed to like when you used to fall 10 feet, it was one D six. It's now one D 10. I like it. It's, it's a little harsher. It's a little more ferocious. 22 necrotic damage. Fuck. All right. They call it a five and a half or 5.2 or something like that. It's not D and D one. Six. That's right. It's're calling it D&D 1. What? I mean they're only doing it as a... Like it's new. Yeah. It's so stupid. It's not my favorite. There's a lot of cool

things about it. That's definitely one I didn't know about. That's cool. But yeah, fifth edition was their best edition and they really monkeyed with it. Look, the new water show at Disney California Adventure is also called One. So, oh, there was the Xbox One. It's all the rage. Yeah, Xbox One. Is that not the current one? No, you're right. That's it. It's Xbox S now. I think that's the most popular of mocks. Is it? I think so. I would have thought five. Mock five?

One of that was back in the 60s. Yeah. People have forgotten. Thanks to the Westeros Gronfuskies brothers. Although I like that movie a lot. What is he talking about? I have no idea. Cause like my entire brain right now is just sitting.

Sarah knows what's going on. I'm just singing. She's still enjoying it. I'm singing like the Baby Ruth. Sarah knows what's going on. Jen's still in Japan. I'm singing like the baby Ruth. She was singing Mach 5. Jingle in my head as I stare at the baby. Sure, Speed Racer? Yes.

Sure, go ahead. He's busy revving up the powerful. Speaking of Japan, that was funny. I'll digress to that. See, everybody knew what we were talking about. Yeah. Except none of us. Blaine, you cast inflict wounds and it hits him right

in his exposed right forearm. And you just see flesh peel away and this black, Icarus blood started gushing out of him without being able to stop. He's a false part. Yeah, yeah, sorry, equaler. Meow, meow. Get out of there.

Meow, meow, meow. Dally tail. Unless you have a bonus action, Blaine. You have a spiritual weapon you can bust out, don't you? I could probably, no, I'm gonna. Okay. I'm just gonna stay. Yeah.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna say something to him again. I'm gonna. Okay. Make it stop. Get out of there. Persuasion check. Persuasion check. Dan is cheating.

What's the matter with you? 19 plus zero is cheating. What's the matter with you? 19 plus zero is 19. Okay. You hear just the sound of a cat's voice echoing through the sky, Brian. Hang in there baby, Friday's coming. He's pretty fucked up the advantage I just gave him in combat, Sarah. It's pretty crazy. I'm cheating. I don't know what that meant. Alright, I'm giving you a hard time, and that is my favorite part of Dungeons & Dragons.

Dallytail, you're up. I'm... I'm gonna try something. I'm going to run on all four of my... I get my paws, I get my two paws and my two feet, but I have an ability to sort of makes me go fast. So I'm very, very squirrel like at this moment. And I'm gonna, I want to close the distance.

He's closing the distance. I know I've like run away. So I don't think I'm going to even get there on this turn, but maybe what I'd like to do is get myself close enough so that on my next turn, I'll be able to come within melee distance of Brian. So I guess while I'm running this time, I'm like, don't give up Modokai. My touch can help you. I'm coming. I'm coming. So I'm gonna scamp ring like a squirrel. Okay.

I have in my notes that you were about 20 feet off of the combat tiles. Does that sound about right? Probably, yeah. You wanna adjust and then just like subtract 20 and then five, five, five, five to make sure you're as close as you wanna be. I feel like, because I don't have an action,

I'm using my action to dash. Well then what's your trouble with that? I wanna stop like because I don't have an action, I'm using my action to action to dash. Well then what's your total limit then? I want to stop short because I won't be able to do the thing I want to do because I have to touch. So I'm going to stop like 20 feet shy. So I'm just without. Do you want to be closer is my point. I will be on my next term.

What do you want to be? Oh, I don't want to get, I don't want to get smooshed. I, I, I so tiny. I know. I'm just wondering if you could be closer because I think you might be underspending. Yeah. Oh yeah. I definitely stop being short.

Because he's using his action. So once he lands, he's not going to be able to do the action. He has to wait until the next turn to do the action. I understand. He's using his action. I do just wanted to say, so if you subtract 20 from whatever your, what's your normal?

With my scamper, it is 45, I think. What is it without scamper? 35. Okay, so you could be, without scamper, five, 10, 15, right about here. Okay. So you'd be scampering for 10 extra feet. Scamper, five, 10, 15, right about here. Okay.

So you'd be scampering for 10 extra feet. Okay, yeah, I can, but that's, I'm good where I am. I'm sure. You see what I'm doing here though. I'm just saying like you could potentially have an action if you pulled back a little more by 10 feet. No, his dash is the action, right? Yeah, my dash is the action, right? Yeah, my dash is the action.

I would let him retcon that being his action if he was satisfied with 10 feet farther away, because if you're- Because the thing I wanna do is touch. I have to be in physical touch, so I'm not gonna do, I don't wanna attack him anymore. I'm changing my attack. Did you just see what I'm doing though?

No. No. Okay, changing my attack. He needs to be able to, on his next action, move close enough, not using dash, and then touch as the action. If he uses, it doesn't matter if he's here or here on this action, because he can't touch or do the action. So he's fine, but he can't.

I ensure you're saying, I, this is, yeah, I'm hoping my voice is acting as some sort of connecting rod with him so that when I do, when we touch him next time, I have a, I'm able to cast lesser restoration. I'm hoping it's gonna at least help him. The touch of a squirrel. I mean, the fact that-

The actual TV show. The four-door. You would not be able to cast lesser restoration this turn, obviously. Right. However, if you're 10 feet away, you would have an action to do something else with, including hold. Sure.

Okay. Sounds good. That was just my point. You don't have to do it, but I just, since I'm not getting my point across, I'm just going to give it one more shot. I'll do that. Okay. I'll stop wherever you say and hold.

So if you are this far back. So for my action, I will take dodge. Okay. Which means that somebody attacks me. Hold. Yeah. Okay. My dodge is my action. Yeah. Grady color dodge. That's a pretty color dodge. Cool. All right. Thank you, man. He is going to it's like, give you the extra. Alright. Thank you, man. He is going to try to pin you again, Pish Posh, because it's Bale's turn. Why?

He wants to give you a present. God, no. Can you roll a Strength trick, please? He's rolling. I think the Strength of Jazz is going to work. He's rolling for speed. So, he rolled a two. Yeah. I rolled a one. But what's your bonus? Oh that's three eight. So you ended up tying him so he's gonna waste his attempt to grapple and then try to crack you across the face. That was all dumb.

21 to hit. Yes, that's a hit. What is he doing? He's smashing you across the face. What sort of damage? First piercing, which I believe you have resistance. No. No? Was that something we read?

Necrotic resistance. He's going to touch his butt and then he's going to touch her nose. Ew. That is so gross. It is super gross. It's very juvenile too. Right Sarah? Mm hmm.

Eleven points piercing. Is that Stingfist or Sting? That's not what they do. I'm like a ball rat. 11 points piercing. Is that a sting fist or a sting can? What is that they do? Ugh. Do do do do do. Yeah, they wipe their ass before they shake hands. We've been 18 necrotic.

It's really gross. 16 and a half of that is snag. I bet you they're teaching that to Rhodes. You can have a talk to Rhodes about that. He hasn't seen ball rats yet. I don't think you guys watch everything they go. I mean, I hope you they're teaching that to Rhodes. You can talk to Rhodes about that. He hasn't seen Ball Rats yet. I hope you guys watch everything they go through. I hope you. Got it.

Injuries on my body. Ooh. Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine. Oh, all right, great. He will lean in and he will do his predator snare where he roars and his multiple jaws spread open.

Can you please do a wisdom saving throw? Sure. Let's see. Okay. Let's say 10. All right. So that is a fail, but how are you with the frightened condition? I can't be frightened, I think.

Maybe I'm wrong. If you are immune to being frightened, it'll be quite a disturbing moment for him. I don't see that anywhere, so I guess I am. Conditioning mania is a deal, like, right. Yeah, it's not... It's not listed there? Conditioning mania. Frightened, yes, frightened.

All right. It's there where it's written in front of my face. Listen, we're all eating a lot of candy right now, folks. There's a certain amount of delay for eating some candy. Yeah. Opening dots. Who said cake in front of Blaine? Okay. I resist the dots. Who said cake in front of Blink? So I resist the frightening. Did you just sort of like blink back at him?

Like you're not afraid? Yeah, with the blinker. I said blink blink. I'm like, I'm razor blade. He's quite shocked that you did nothing. Fitzgibbles is turning. He lays there. And it's now your turn, Pish Posh. I want to get barf on him again.

I just can't stop barfing. Bring me the barf. I want barfing. So that's a wisdom save as well. Wisdom? Okay. Oh no, sorry. It's gotta be Dex, he's dodging it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, he's fucking silly goose. I'm looking at their own thing every time. Is that candy? Why are you chewing right now? Nice. Stubbers. Cherry Stubbers. Cherry? 13?

No, I agree. They're good. I like them. Oh, here comes some barfles on your face. Oh, now Ken, who's being gross now? Unnecessary. Sorry. Thank you, Brian.

Brian, I noticed you're really working on your manners lately. I was now unnecessary. Sorry. Thank you, Brian. Brian, I noticed you're really working on your manners lately. Oh yeah. It's so much. It's really, it's really cool. That's. 34. Plus 23. So 56, 56. Marvel's just dead air. Barry, he's saying numbers. Numbers are being set. That's true.

Six or 57. Did you say 34 and 53? Is it 56 or 57? Did I say 34 and 53? When you're two-eyed. Five, six, seven, eight. When I say dead air, by definition. That's true. It's the vasculation.

Oh! Oh! Mark it down in your prosanians. Put it on the Wikipedia page. Can we get some room for the hammer? I'd do anything for my baby. All right, you hit him? I'll do anything for my baby. All right, you hit him in the face with a jet. I told you it's in my head now.

It's like that sentence where he was going like, meow meow meow. I remember just as Sarah like held up a baby rooster and it was very disturbing comic timing. That's been the last 20 minutes of your life. I need to get it out of my head. It's a Loker wafer. On to someone else's head. Welcome Hazelnut, Loker, Hazelnut, and Mini Wafer. Guys, we're so sorry.

Whoever's listening to this. Pretty dry. Don't. Jen just did a pizza lean right into the microphone. We'll get through this together. Rinsler. Okay, what's happening? Season one, episodes seven and eight is happening.

So. Double drill. You, Sam, can you cut all this out? The episode. It's gonna be the one minute of last time on Nerdpoker. You hit him in the face with this giant rush of vomit, this acid just and you watch as the flesh just rips off of his face and shoulders. I feel bad about it. And just sprays behind him.

You watch his eyeballs pop in their sockets and he kind of staggers backwards and then he looks like with his eyes like dead empty eye sockets at you and these little yellow flames go and light up in his eyes. He's angry. So his eyeballs exploded and then little lights went on? Little magic lights lit up in his eye. Kind of crazy. About to die attack is going to happen. He's Johnny Storm. He's a fire boy. Yeah, that's about it.

Flame on. Oh, and I hold my mighty shield. What? Nice. Yeah, I have a mighty shield. Just pulled it out. Haven't used it. No, I'm kidding.

The longest I've ever held a stink eye. I wish. I wish I had a mighty shield. Frisk. Yes. Oh, I'm amazed I didn't get injured in between my last turn and this turn because I was so close to him. He's too emotionally invested in beating up Pish Posh right now.

That's awesome. So I guess I'm going to... I mean, this sucks, but I guess I'm going to disengage as my action because I have almost no abilities left. Oh, right, because you need a key point to use it as a bonus action. So, y'all... Everyone's running low on ability inventory. Yeah, I'm going to disengage and then I'm going to move like 40 feet away. Can you make it like cartwheel?

Recap, yeah. Get blip with this bar first by throwing it. like cartwheel recap yeah okay and that's your turn season you're that's all I can do I mean you could cheat okay more to guy yeah would you like to try again for only the second time, but like you did last turn to get your bearings or would you like to try to take control of Bale's consciousness again? Get my bearings. Okay. Investigation check then please. He's getting his bearings.

Please. Brian is saying please. I'm going to tell him to stop. No, I just stand the next lyric. 12. Please. Brian is saying please. I'm going to tell him to stop. No, I just stand the next lyric. Twelve. You look up at the sky and for a second you're able to like focus the image a little bit, but it's starting to shake so much that you're starting to lose a sense of anything here. The labyrinth walls are bending side to side, but you

stare up, you really try to like, like you're at the eye doctor, just kind of focus and can't quite do it. One more fail. And it's rough housing in limbo, purgatory, whatever. All right. Black, is there any way somebody else can save me? Because I clearly can't save my fucking self. It's not impossible. I don't, I don't have anything, but I'm. Might be close to impossible, but it's not.

It's almost done. Anyways. Maybe I'll be a bard next time. Listeners, a third elbow drop. Elbow drop. I'm going to lower a Sacred Flame on his... It's my favorite bangle sign. Dex save?

It is a dex save. Alright. 19. I guess that is a save. So is that a have these or a nosies if he saves? Let me see. I think it's I think it's nothing. Okay.

And perhaps it shall be. Yes. Oh, right. The Cantrip rule. Yeah, it's a Cantrip. It's just nothing.? Yes. Oh, right, the cantrip rule. Yeah, it's a cantrip. It's just got nothing. Yeah. So yeah, unfortunately, it'll just sort of...

off of his armor. And will that do it for your turn or... That will do it for me, yeah. Okay, Dolly Tail. I'm gonna... Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow to... Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow! Roll persuasion check. Meow! Is that a scorpion song?

Meow meow meow meow meow! Is it 18 plus zero? Is it 18? You just hear meowing echoing everywhere Morgana Kite. Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,

meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,

meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, , , Oh, so now I got to eat that. Oh, yeah.

So, taking cat food out of my pocket, shoveling in my mouth. Chef's blood has more flavors in one bite. My turn? Oh, yeah. I'm going to place my paw print. Okay, like $20,000. So you're going to get a check Sacramento. Who's nerd poker?

Yeah. And maybe, yeah, that's fine. I'll reach out my paw. It's a cake, right? Yeah. I'm going to cast lesser restoration. I tell the creature, I know it's not really going to get rid of any effect so much as it's I'm just trying to give him like a beacon or something to help him with his roles. I touch a creature and can end a disease or a condition

affecting it. What he really needs is the higher level, like the greater restoration. So I'm just trying to like, I don't know, give him some kind of like bonus day as role or something like that while he's in the lab, but I'm trying to reach out and try to like through him into wherever he might be. That is going to be a difficult Archana check. Okay. I think for Archana, I don't have a bonus luck.

Oh, even better. Minus one. Okay. 11 total. Yeah, it doesn't do much, although he does kind of like, like look down at you. Copy. He doesn down at you.

He doesn't like you. I like you! Anything else for your turn, Dallytail? That's it. Okay. Displeased with this strange demonstration, he is going to lift his morningstar and try to splat you, Dallytail. That's the weirdest roll. 21 to hit. 13 points of piercing damage.

Okay. As it smacks into you. And 20 points of necrotic damage. Now, I'm going to remind you, I have advantage on saving throws against plants. So does that mitigate any of that damage? All right. I drop my bomb. Oh no. Okay, Valley Tail goes down. Oh shit. I don't like it. And that was his first Oh shit. I don't like it. And that was his first attack.

He is now going to try to destroy your body while you lie there. Good luck. I mean, he's gonna automatically succeed and you'll take it. Dude, you're gonna take two automatic death saving for a fail. So as you just, you just see like smack, Dallytail falls and then he just like

Friar, how could you do that? Weird. Were you guilt and roll to guilt? Very brutal splattering of Dallytail. That was unnecessary. a splattering of dally tail. That was unnecessary. To you. Thank you. He was trying to help too, it's sad. I'm gonna come back as like a weird golf ball though,

so it'll be fine. Okay. The sentient golf ball. I bet you are gonna find some weird corner of the internet where it's like, here's different balls you can be for your next character. Listeners, you know me better than Saris,

dear gracious description. Before today's episode, we all saw Chris's internet history and his browser and said he went to dmsguild.com and purchased a PDF called Sentient Balls. Now listen, I love to support independent thinkers and creators. That's great.

It's going to do it for Bale's turn. It's now Glittles' turn and he says honk shoo, honk shoo. Pish posh, you're up. Oh my god. Well guess what I'm gonna do? We'll have to find out on the next episode of Nerd Poker. Sam, hi. All right, we are still battling a Minotaur.

Crisp brutally roasted Ken's mom ability to play Fortnite. Left is still in Minotaur's shoulder. Duplicity wise, the term for mole rats was stink palm and it was given to Michael Rooker as Minotaur hurt dally tail. Stink palm. Yep. Yeah, anybody got anything they want to plug, promote? Sure. If you want to assemble a D&D crew and have me D&D Dungeon Master for you,

head on over to dantelford.com. Currently running a game for two different groups of nerd poker fans and we're having a grand old time. Would love to include you in the silliness. Check it out. Bring some friends. contact info and read around the thing. Cool. This is next week's probably. Yeah. Okay, so I'll be in, it's been a while, Timonium, Maryland.

Timonium! For the Magoobies. Go to the corner stable. What? None of that happens. Best baby back ribs on our. This is the meanest ribs, right? Really? Yeah. Taliesin's best baby back ribs on her. Really? Yeah.

Say it again. The corner stable in Taliesin, Timotium. Oh, I know. Yeah. It's one of the best baby back ribs on her if I'll say it again. He's going to Timotium. And it might do, uh, what's the calling shop there? It's something I, um, but to brianbustain.com

to see if I'm doing a signing for Grommets or Rifters while I'm there. And then December, my last show of the year, I'll be back at the Tacoma Comedy Club and I'll probably set up a signing up there too. But so, uh, go to my website and, uh, issue six of RIFTRS comes out very soon, I think this week and then we're done. So, uh, pick it up and pick up the trade when it comes out in a couple of months.

And thanks for reading it. Uh, Blaine. We attribute the success. Save mankind from it. Thanks for joining it. Blaine. We attribute the success saved mankind from it. Thanks for joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof. Well. ["The Greatest Showman"] On the next Nerdpoker,

a rip in the space time continuum with the Nerdpoker gang back in time to the Cretaceous period. More like the Cretaceous exclamation point, am I right? Can they get back to the present in time to submit a packet to the Tony Awards? Call this and Brian sits on Tony's balls wrong. On an all-new time traveling nerd poker. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerd poker and you get bonus episodes from there and you can also send us anything at P.O.

Box 16069 and Sino California 91416. Thanks for listening!