Nerd Poker - The Mountain Campaign - Episode 40

Episode Date: November 19, 2024

It's the big finale of The Mountain Campaign. Not everyone survives. Some of them do. Some of them sort-of survive. Everyone gets a freeze frame, cut to credits. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker

Hey, it's Brian Postain, nerd poker. We're calling it the Mountain Campaign. My friends are here, Sarah, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer Sam Sam and of course our kick-ass DM Dan Telfer welcome to Nerd Poker. All right. So hey, everybody. I don't want to leave that. Oh, do please. So hey, everybody. Well, that one's fake.

The other one was better. Use the first one. Fuck. Hey, everybody. It's right. San, you're listening to Nurtogger. I don't care which opening you use. It's 740. It's over. The Mountain Campaign. All my friends are here. Blaine. Hey. Chris. Hi. Sarah. Hello.

At the end of the table, Sam. Hello, sweet. Oh, hey buddy. I'm Lee. So much going on. Candy. I'm starting to feel the fall, you know, when you hit the wall. Yeah. Lights just, lights just came up over the

let's, uh, let's, uh, thank some people and then recap what happened. We're done. That one didn't even fit. I did the elbow thing for no reason. I thought you actually slipped. Oh no, I don't think I've ever actually done it for real. What? They're all fake. Oh man. I think your diary. Oh, no, I don't think I've ever actually done it for real. What?

They're all fake? Oh, man. I fake it. Dear diary. I fake it every time. Oh, Jesus. Thank you to some of our Patreon supporters who throw us a few extra shekels. You get shout outs. Enjoy the

candy sounds and enjoy hearing your name shouted out. Morty Mortenson. Thank you Morty Mortenson. Thank you Billy's Butt Stuff Bodega. It's like pottery barn for your pooper located in the Dildo District near the wet Arby's. Thank you, Borkish Torso's mailbox money. Thank you, Half-Lit Moon of the Newport Moons. Thank you, Meow. Thank you, Jonathan Meyer. Thank you, Commander Salamander. Thank you, Sir Richard's infected hand. Thank you, Jeremy Rossman. Thank you, Zerk Bodark. Thank you, Sam Gibson. Thank you, I will raise you to toilet frogs. Thank you, Wyrm Drive's show on YouTube,

Choose Your Own Adventure. Oh, this is an ad for a Choose Your Own Adventure YouTube show. If you've ever seen those, where they put a pop-up box at the end where you can click other videos by the user in their two different directions, you can take the adventure. I think that's what they're doing and if it's not what they're doing you should try that Worm Drive show.

Thank you Corpus Callisom. Thank you James Amorando. Thank you the fake Vince. Thank you Billy, Lil Stevie, Onfron and Blaine's successful brick shithouse bit. Thank you that pile of cease and desist letters from Stacey Keech Blaine uses as a doorstop. Thank you Mr. Rat A. Turney, legal counsel for defamation of sewer rats. Sewer rats v. gazardo. Our listeners are funny. They're going all out lately.

Thank you Glenn Sugden. Thank're going all out lately. Thank you, Glenn. Thank you, Glenn Sugden. Thank you, Jenadal Harpies. That is from A-Turn-im-Dave. Oh, nice job, Dave. Thank you. Finally, Bob Underdunk. Blaine, who are they surprised to us by? The support brought to us by Extra Long Q-Tips.

Get in that ear canal deep with extra long Q tips. And Audi. Get the fuck out of here. Damn. They sell those Q tips in the dildo district. I hope not. They're dangerous for your ear canal. I shouldn't say that. They're one of our sponsors. Wait, your phone's ringing. Oh, sorry. Oh, hello.

Yeah. Hi. We just listened to your latest plug. Really? Yeah. We're going to need you to redact that. Oh, about the extra long Q tips? Yeah.

If you could say something to recompense us, perhaps something nice about what they do to your canals. Okay. I'm right on i'll go okay i gotta call you back i'm going into a party structure first extra long q-tips we're gonna get in there hello that was good bye no thanks i'm glad that worked out No, thanks. You're good.

I'm glad that worked out. That worked. We worried. It really sucks that you're not supposed to. Sam, can you just forward that straight to the Museum of Radio Television? It's really not of use for it. It's not just D&D.

It's so- It's really satisfying what happens. It's really sucks that you're not supposed to. Put Q-dips in your ears. No. Oh yeah. Not. With the extra wall. Not even the weird thing.

No. You're not supposed to. Right up against your ham ranvel and stirrup. Put Q-tips in your ears. No, yeah. Not the extra one. Not even the way. No, no. You're not supposed to. Right up against your ham randle and stirrup. I have a lot of ear problems and it's the first thing they'll say. It was like, don't put anything in your ear. No, nothing smaller than your elbow. Don't put a Q-tip in there. Don't do it.

It's like, you want them on you. Don't do it. But you're not supposed to. Don't do it. Earspray first. Put them up your nose though. Yeah, sure. Your nose, your eye sockets, your, you know,

wherever you want really, just not your ears. What are Q-tips worth? You know, for putting in your ears. I don't know. I guess like, what is wrong with people? Makeup. Oh, I wasn't talking about the extra long ones, just the normal ones.

I'm gonna, I'm just gonna let this go straight. Yeah, it always been there to you. Well, I guess then it's time to talk about what happened last time on Nerdpoker. I don't know, I'm reading the voicemail's transcription. I don't like this. Our heroes are trying to kill Bale within which Mordecaai's spirit tries to

wrench itself free. Recently Bael's face was ripped off and he squished Dallytail. Things are in the balance. I gotta assume Bishposh is gonna be low on hit points eventually. Let's see what happens because it's's his turn. Ishvash. Can I find Taliq too? Yeah, you can, without taking a heck of an opportunity, scoot over there, reach over, and do a medicine check. What's in my medicine? We're doing one of these. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I love the idea that you're just keeping eye contact with Bale so he doesn't see you like stealthily.

Yeah, I made sure to do it so like I'm still looking at you. Don't look down. That's five medicines. He's down, but he's at zero hit points. Okay, that's fine. Yeah, I made sure to do it. Just be like, I'm still looking at you. Don't look down. That's five medicines. He's down, but he's at zero hit points. Okay, that's fine. Who are you trying to help? Me.

Golly. He reaches down and then uses up his action, but he doesn't roll high enough to give him that. And I give Bale an incredibly dirty look. Good. Take it. Eat it. He's eating the distance. Chris, you're up.

Okay. That was for laughing. I pull out two long Q-tips and I run. God, let it go to voicemail. I'm going to go try to drag Dolly Tale out of. Okay. That's not me. This is me.

Come with me. I'm a starburst. So you can. 11 starburst. That would take what, like, you get like, yeah. I get quite a bit of movement. So I'm going to take all of it. I like it.

That I get, and I get, I don't get upset. I get what I get. I'm looking for my movement. I can't find it. I believe it's 45. So let's just say that it is. Yeah. And you move forward 20 and drag them back.

So no, you move forward, uh drag him back. No, you move forward 5 feet and then you can drag him all the way back. No, I was like 20 feet back, so I have to go like 20 feet at least up. But let's say I can get... Normally, if you were dragging a body, I would make it have your distance, but he is dally-tailed. He's so small. You can put him in your pocket. I'm tiny.

Yeah, I think we're going to be good. Yeah. Two steps forward. And that's it. That's all I can do. We lift. Yeah, 45 feet, so. Oh, but so it's my, actually, so it's my action, so that, can I dash with him or no?

It ain't fiction, it's a natural fact. Okay. I don't know. Ooh. Just trying to use the lyrics to answer your question. It didn't go great, but I'm sure. Oh, for opposite the track? I didn't hear the word where that started. You got the lyrics to answer your question. It didn't go great, but I'm sure it's the track. I didn't hear the word that started.

You got the invited to the bit now. This is moving this forward. We're back here. Two steps forward. Hold on. Hello. Oh, hey, there's nothing else to you, scat cat. No, it's a no.

It's 45 feet, 45 feet of movement. Yeah, 45 feet of movement. All right. Cool. Thanks. Thank you. Is this because you're an animal? That was Quentin Tarantino. Oh, 45 feet of movement. All right, cool. Thanks. Is this because you're an animal? That was Quentin Tarantino.

He keeps calling every time you say feet. Yeah, I've already voted. Oh, Quentin. No. Uh huh. Yeah. Uh huh. Really? I'm a good this is crazy. What's happening now? Brian, are you all right? What's going on? I lost my pipe when I did that bit. How's it like a parking structure?

It's no small feat. Oh, you like feet. I threw up in my mouth. Anything else for your turn, Sarah? Oh, that's really funny. Oh, I was trying to make eye contact with everybody, but only blame and Dan would do it. I watched Chris.

I got it and nothingness. Oh, but I don't know that you have. You're saying I should. I'm saying you're looking for something to do. Chris told me that I should pickpocket him and take the potion of healing and then shove it in his mouth. Are you asking for permission to cheat? No, I'm telling you what Chris said and I'm tattletaling on him.

Because I would never. Roll to resist cheating. Um, yeah. No, I'm not, I, I'm not going to do that anyway, because I always feel like we can't pour potions into people's unconscious mouths. We've done that a thousand times. It's a house rule. Wait a minute. So is it? Yeah.

Really? You can totally pour it down someone's face. Is that because you just think it's weird and gross? No, I just, because I think it's's physically the physics of it don't work. Can we compromise? You can roll an insight check and if you can't beat a 12 you don't know. Okay. We have a healing patch. That's good.

Oh nice. So the insight is to see whether I remember that he has this item on him. Okay, sounds good. I'm inviting you into some rules. I botched it. So you see my moral compass is so strong that it actually impacts my roles. For just a moment, Dallytail, you blink awake and just see Brick staring into the middle distance instead of helping you.

She's staring into the middle distance. Oh, sorry, I just threw my own self into danger to drag him out and it's still not enough for you people. You still have an action, right? No, I was using my, I was asking, could I use my dash to actually, that's my action to get us farther away. Yeah. So I'm going to take it as far as we can for now. We're going the distance.

Walk the board, Sarah. Here's your decoder ring. All right, Mordecai. Yeah. Things are looking hazy. Things are looking crazy. What would you like to do? Roll a 20.

Would you like to do it to get your bearings or take over bail? I don't even care at this point. Oh okay well you can just like go to bed. No. In real life. No I wanted him to live. These are your two methods. It's looking rough. Yeah. Can he hear us calling to him and then when he's in the labyrinth? Does he hear any of us? I've been trying to like, let it just be sort of window dressing. And I'll talk about the echoing of voices, but he can sort of see combat through Bale's eyes by looking up into the sky. Oh, interesting. He's been trying to like, focus with it. Dallytail doesn't know this, plus he's unconscious.

Okay, what he held my rules by giving me a word of encouragement or guidance? You can be using your abilities. I mean, like I would, I would maybe take a second just to see. You don't have any of your inventory because you're a spirit, but like if you have spells or abilities or feats, then you might be able to... I love feats. Yeah, definitely. Two calls and this one that's going to voicemail. Gazzardo loves feats, it's already a thing. I don't, I didn't, we didn't just start that.

Have you looked at the chapter? No, the new, I don't have the, yeah, I haven't looked at the new book yet, but I know, you said it's like crazy. There's a whole chapter. It's no longer like a sort of like, well, there's this thing you can, you can't do. Now it's like, you get them as starting your character,

the difference you might be interested in now, is that now you were only able to access certain feats by level and some of them more like a video game, but like you have to have this one in order to have this one. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Call your friend because feed lovers are coming out of the closet and we are excited about this new chapter. We're talking about the same thing, right?

Oh, I just got a text from Elizabeth Shoe. It's like Elizabeth Shoe. shoe. Sorry, we're all in a chat thread with Bootsy Collins and Nancy Sinatra. Gordon Whitefoot's dead. The other fiends. The rectum of Ella Fitzgerald. Can I take a litzy? Yeah, sure. Cause we're talking about the eradication of thine spirit.

So, fellows, it's been quite a no-yum. It's like a gas leak, right? There's something going on. I smell radon. You guys smell radon? Chong. She was graded in Equestria Fire. Radon Chong. Yeah.

So thaumaturgy and hellish rebuke are the two things I'm looking at. Hellish rebuke is when something is done to you, you can use hellish rebuke. Nice. So, I would say I might give you something regarding that if you're absolutely toast. But, thaumaturgy, does anyone know? Blaine, you're smart with remembering how things. Chris, you're smart. That's just like little cantripy things.

Yeah, simeturgy is. It's like making little flames or sounds. Slam the shutters. A smell appears. You can change the temperature. Think of a way to use that to your advantage. You manifest a minor wonder a sign of supernatural power within range. Your voice booms up to three times as loud as normal. For one minute, I can do that.

You cause flames to flicker, brighten, dim, or change. Cause harmless tremors in the ground for a minute. Create an instantaneous sound that originates from a point of your choice within range. Extend the Q-tip to maximum length. Extend the Q-tip to maximum length. Instantaneously cause an unlocked door or a window to fly open or slam shut.

There's definitely ways you could use that to your advantage. You just have to tell me how. All to the appearance of your eyes for one minute. Oh, my goodness. I just really don't know what either was that. You pretend Quentin Tarantino calls. Oh, an investigation. And then, OK, you got this, buddy.

God damn it. And 11, nine plus two. All right. Fail, fail, dad, dad, fuck this. Just let it wash over you. There's a chapter on that. Welcome it in. Well, just like the day it's happening on, like I'm already stressed about tomorrow.

So I'm like, fuck man, my D&D character died. It's Christmas Eve, you guys. Eat a dick, D&D, fuck you. For a moment, you all see this dark mist kind of come out the sides of Bale's skull-like face. Brian, you are drifting through the Prime Material plane for a moment. What are the last words that you will have echo across the battlefield? Fuck this game. Everyone roll to understand meta.

F**k you Gary Gygax. You own Instagram. Whoa. Wow, man. You just met his son. Not cool. Yeah, his Birkenstocks are rolling over in their display case right now. All right.

You all hear this and know that even though the joke doesn't make any sense to you, Mordecai has wafted away. But that thing is still there. It sure is. God damn. Oh! He meant the game of life. You can bring your own winner.

Blah, blah, blah. It's your turn. Oh, me? I'm going to run over to, uh, to Dallytail and Bricks. He's running over the distance. And I'm going to, uh, I'm going to, uh, what's it called? Spare the, uh, spare the dying. Okay.

On Dallytail. Um, I Spare the Dying. Okay. On Deathly Tale. I think he's already stabilized. Okay. But if you have a healing thing, that might be quite- Oh, you know what? Yeah, I can heal him actually. Because Sarah just derped her way through a potion maneuver. I'm gonna do a-

Derped. I'll do a cure wounds on him. I don't know that song. Thank you. Verb. Ken bound him though. Let's not forget. Yes, never forget.

Cure Wounds. Then I fucked up and now he worked me 11. With the power of love. 2DA. Or 2 smooth. 11. Or two to move. Eleven. Thank you. Okay. I will like gasp away, Mordecai!

You hear Eichling ears, fuck this game, fuck this game. It's your turn, Dallyto. Oh, sweet. I will use half my movement to stand up. I will thank my friends for saving me and I will fire two magic arrows at that fucker. Now thank yous count as an action. He said thank yous count as an action. I don't think that's true. I accept that. 27 to hit. That's a hit. So it's 2 to you. Is there ever gonna get 2 to you? 2 to 6 plus 5. Let me get back in there. 4 and it's 12 and 2 is 14 and 4 is 18 and 523.

All right. And you're gonna fire another. Fire a second. How's he looking? This one is gonna just hit him right in the neck vertebra. You hear a loud crack noise. I mean, he's falling apart. It doesn't look like it's a great thing that he's still standing without a face,

but he's, pieces of him are coming off and he's- Besides the light eyes, is there any sign of like other glowing coming from wounds or anything like that? He's kind of just rattling in his armor. Okay. And his turn is next, so it's gonna be very interesting what happens with this, Daryl. This one misses, I'm sure it's going to be very interesting. What happens with this? This one misses. I'm sure it's a 13. That's a mess.

And then, yeah, I'll use the rest. I used half the stand up. Maybe I'll use half or the rest of my movement just to spread out to be multiple targets and move sort of, I guess, whatever that is, counterclockwise. Okay. By keeping distance. He's keeping the distance. All right, he is going to look over at the... Dallytail. The source of the air. That worked.

Getting like that. He'll say, fuck your game. Can you please... Me? Yeah. I didn't say that. Can you do wisdom saving throw, please? Is this caused by a plant? Nope.

Just saying, it would be kind of a funnability. 18 total. Okay. I'm also going to need a wisdom saving throw from Bricks. He did move away from me, just to be clear. She is rolling a shaving throw. 14. Nice.

All right. So, Dallytail, you wince as you feel magic trying to enter your mind. Bricks, your vision becomes hazy and you start to lose focus. You are now charmed. I have a damn against being charmed. I guess you need to roll again then. Ask if you were charmed by a plant. I rolled worse that time. Okay, your vision gets even worse.

Just because I felt like saying that doesn't mean anything, actually. Okay, that'll be his action. Glivells will fart in his sleep. Aw, I think it means he's having a dream. Oh, he's chasing the mailman. Uh, Bricks? Uh, it is now your turn. I believe you get to reroll at the beginning or end.

I'm checking. Anyone else remember charm person? I do not remember. He's trying to charm me. He did charm person. Yeah, he successfully did. I would imagine it's at the end because she would probably have to, I would imagine if it's like other stuff, she has to spend her turn being charmed. You attempt to charm a

humanoid you can see you within range and he cast this had second level wisdom save Oh charmed until the spell ends or you or your companions do anything Oh, well, there ain't... Bless you. Bless you. Okay, so this is gonna mean you just can't attack him. And he can't attack me, because then... Okay, well, great, I guess. But, I mean... Okay. I guess I will... I don't know what I'll do then.

So do I just feel that I don't want to attack him? You... was it warm feelings? How do they reply to you? Well, the sneezes are happening. It's sneezing season. You regard him as a friendly acquaintance. Oh, okay. Didn't we meet at Mel's? Yeah.

I guess I casually approach him. Okay. Hey buddy. One sudden you're Paulie Shore. Yeah, totally. You know I want to be near him for some reason. Yeah. Okay. I don't see a time that you can reroll.

I think it really is just like, he's just gonna attack me. Then I will be uncharmed moments before he smashes me into a paste. Um, but you know what I mean, right? Like, like, I don't see you get to reroll it. Yeah, it does seem counterproductive for what he wants to have him, but for him to then have to attack me. So he was trying to take both your Dolly Tail out of attacking play. Right. So he did it. Congrats to him. He says thank you. And B Bleb, you are now up. I'm going to...

It sinks in that morning. Kai is gone. I'm going to use my Feline Agility to double my speed. And I'm going to run behind his legs and I'm going to claw his Achilles tendons. All right. Roll to tendon claw. It's quick. Going, going. his Achilles tendons. Yeah. All right. Roll there. Roll to tendon claw. Is Quentin calling? 14 plus 418. That's a hit. That's one. D4 plus one. It's not, not much. And I'm going to keep moving. That's the whole... You should roll your damage before you commit

to what happens next. Interesting. I hate the way Dan says things. Four plus one is five. How would you like to see him die? I would like to see him fall, start falling towards Pish Posh, but then go, and then fall backwards into a big pile of dust. And then Brian gets up out of it and goes, what happened?

Right. You got resurrected via request. No. No. I'd like to see him just sort of like, hit the ground and just sort of like, just turn it into a pile of loose meat.

Okay. So he falls to the ground and yeah, just chunks of him start rolling across the stone ground. You know, very high contrast, sort of yellowish pink meat on the black lava rock. Can everybody please do a charisma savings throw? Why? Nothing happened. 17. 18.

So you're no longer charmed. Yeah, I just wanted to make 10. I just wanted him to take damage so that he would stop charming. It's great. Natural 20 plus 2. Hmm. Did you say your number? 18. What was yours playing? 17. You all see for a moment the familiar black smoke that infected Mordecai and caused

him to explode, waft out of Bale's body and linger in the air, spin in the wind for a moment, and then dissipate into the sky. Bale is dead. Yeah, but Mordecai is gone. After a moment you realize Mordecai is gone, but Baal is slain. And so perhaps wherever Mordecai is, he knows that Baal is no more. But you all realize everything is very quiet. There's no immediate sign of Mammon from hell, the archfiend who threatened you and sent Baal after you. What would you like to do? Go get some tacos.

Can I roll a divinity check or a religion check and see if I can contact the cat God your tongue. Yes, religion. See if I can ask where my friend went. 17. You get an image of an unholy plane. They're jet blue. I want to go in the southwest, but there you go. The dimension here. It's the modern. Very bad points are an impossibility.

Now, you, of course, in addition to seeing a jet blue, you know, plane fly through hellish skies, citadels, craggy mountains, rivers of blood, you realize you're seeing a vision of the nine hells and one of the citadels stands taller and more boldly than the ones around it. Do an insight check. 15 plus 621. Oh, shit. You can tell from just how elaborate and indulgent the architecture is. and indulgent the architecture is. You see like almost like a bronze like sparkle coming off of several metal plating parts of the Citadel.

This is probably Mammon's covetous Citadel. It would seem that Mordecai's spirit is currently imprisoned somehow by Mamin and you'd have to guess it's probably like being held with specific regard. He did request, you know, the souls of heroes as part of the bartering process and you guys kind of just had him fuck off. Hmm. Sounds like a season eight thing. Hahaha. Vision dissipates. I assume you would relate this to everyone else. Yeah. Yeah, Mordecai is vacationing in

a super fun site. Ryan, can you roll a perception check please? Sure. Well, a couple of those times. You're not sure what happened, but you don't exist and then you start to see this hazy redness. It's almost like your pulse exists only long enough to give you a blurry red vision. But you think for a moment you see some sort of throne room and then things are black again. Dude, maybe you're like Maman's like sex slave. That's kind of good. Right?

Think of all those dicks. Yeah, lots of dicks. No, no, maybe he wants you to like have sex and to sort of like, you are my sex slave. Sounds great. The rest of you are now still standing in the battlefield, but I would assume having yes. I was like, who is eating tuna fish? Someone in this thing. I saw I was having a stroke.

Now I look over and it's like, no, someone actually is eating a tuna fish. It's Haribo tuna gummies. I was so confused. I'm glad you said that because I was just tuning it out completely. Tun tuning it out completely. Tuning it out? You're welcome listeners.

What happened? We were in Gunners Prince. What would you guys like to do? What's left to do? Yeah, I mean, Bricks was on her way out with her little... Do you start saying your goodbyes? Yes. How does that go?

Uh, listen, it's been real. I think we had some wins and we had some losses. I can't say that I'm glad exactly that we crossed paths, although you did let me out of that cage and I appreciate it I'm sorry about your your friend But he did die bravely you know in service of of a greater good and I think That's always something to to be proud of. It's really the best any of us can hope for my

Bricks throws a spindle over her shoulder and march is straight ahead. How about the rest of you? Well, thankfully, I'm completely fine. is definitely being left to lament precarious state. How many hit points do you have left Pishposh? I would lose something. Wait, Globals is still unconscious? He missed all of it. I probably would wait until he woke up to say bye to him too. Do you want to wake him up because no one's really interested?

Yes, I better heal him and I'll heal him and say goodbye. 130.9 Wow. So yeah, you took a real beating, but just narratively speaking, I asked just to see if you were falling apart. Yeah. You're undead, so if you were low on hit points, I think there would be a real beating, but just narratively speaking, I asked just to see if you were falling apart. Yeah. You're undead. So if you're low on hit points, I think there would be a real question about putting you

out of your misery that I might light up in everyone's minds. But you seem like you're, you know, battle worn, but not looking like you need to be euthanized. Glibbles wakes up, Bricks, after you heal him, presumably with the potion that you pickpocketed out of Dallytail while he was unconscious, because you would never actually use it on him. Yeah, somebody gives him the potion, I think we can say. Or heals him or does what?

Whoa! Hi! Hey. Farewell. I'll let everybody else fill you in. Oh, okay. Bye. Bye.

Punchy sure was stoic. Hey! Ah! So... Cats! Squirrel! Corpse file! Who's got no money?

Well, there's no money, unfortunately. We've sort of... Everything's been destroyed. Oh, I think Rick's had the money, to be honest with you. Yeah, it's in her Bindle man. She's walking away with it, I believe. Because you won't be like that, Rick! Well, but Bricks has all the money.

Bricks, you're gone, I guess, at this point. You're going to ignore it as you sort of hear bickering over money, like, happening. Well, I know that I don't have money, so I assume it'll get worked out. Okay. The squirrel thinks he's being funny. Well... Even though I just dragged him away from certain death, but, you know. I guess we're gonna go find my adventure party. You guys were a real guess. but you know, I guess we'll go go find my adventure party.

You guys were a real gas. I don't know what to really make of the fact that you're truly like two of you left and I don't know what the fuck you are, dude. I still don't really understand what happened. What happened? I got a little carried away by the staff. That's what she said.

Anyway, found. He kind of like walks over to Bale and just starts like, finish off or what, people just take his helmet. He like picks his helmet up and straps it to his back. Fumbo! He marches in the opposite direction of Bricks. I like to search his remains.

Okay. If there's anything. Investigation check please. Doesn't he have that crazy war hammer or whatever? Something. Yeah, there you go. You could probably wield it. You're...

Yeah, I'm a dracolich. Now I want to think of you as more like a choco-litch. That's the dumbest joke and I love it. All right. That's a nine. I mean, yeah, you can grab his morning star, but you don't really like, you know, find much else. You do note that he has what looks like a huge,

kind of like clutch of hair. I know, like he's really gesturing and. Well, I mean, they are scrotum-like. There's like this clutch of skulls that are bundled together hanging off of his belt. I got enough skulls on my legs. True. But what about his morningstar?

Are you interested? Yeah, I'll take that shit. Okay. So you grab his morningstar. This is going to function if you want to put this in your inventory. This isn't, you know, how do I put this? This is an official D&D item, but it is not normally what you would pick off of Bale. I just like how it lines up. It is in D&D Beyond called Reaper's Scream.

The spikes of this iron morning star glow with sickly pale light. The death rune is inscribed on its shaft and inlaid with pearl. There's a lot of other aspects to it should you attune to it. But right now you are a monstrous undead draggle edge. Yeah.

And we'd have to take some time of rolling our can of checks. Am I on spin-off series? Down in New Orleans. Blat. Dattletail, you note Pish Posh walking over to the pile of yellowish pink meat and dragging the massive morningstar off of the corpse. What will you two be doing? I mean, I'll look at Blap and be like, I don't really want to leave you alone.

I guess maybe the three of us could try and find like a new town or something like that and go to sleep. Come, Jayden. Meow. We could maybe open a tavern and get picked up for for eight. You know, they need something for the summer. The cat and the squirrel? And their giant friend, the fucking horrible monster. You do know there's a large port city that most of you would have come from to the east

is a couple weeks travel. Couple weeks travel, huh, meow? Can give you time to figure out your morning star or you know. You could get it tuned to your to your morning star and I could get tuned to some tuna. Meow meow meow. Maybe meow not. Maybe along the way we can you, find a nice place and create like a little memorial thing for Mordecai and Juniper, you know. Juniper is alive. I know, but I'm just, yeah.

Is she? For dignity's sake. Did you just pop your head over there? So you start traveling at some point, are you just sort of in the wilderness going to leave this shrine to your friends? Unless something else occurred, I mean, you know, okay, he was maybe if we find out he had an office or something, maybe we can. The Mordecai?

Yeah, well, he was the equal there. I assume that people had a way to get in touch with him. Maybe we should head back to- He said a thing and then he grew a rabbi and- It's not that- We should head back to Equalor's hometown and maybe we can let everybody that he used to equal, let them know that he died a horrible death and now he resides in hell. Thanks, guys.

death and now he resides in hell. So you start heading back to the city. Yeah. It's a great way to open a tavern. It's a fun story. It'll get a lot of people in. Oh, you must be his widow. You're not going to believe this. Anyways, it's 10 bucks for the beer.

Spend a couple of weeks coming up with how bad you can make that story. When you get to the edge of town, how bad you can make that story. I suppose. When you get to the edge of town, how are you going to handle Pish Posh? You start to see city guards in a city wall and then come in. I'm very friendly. I'm not trying to start shit with anybody. Yeah. I mean, I think. Are you going to just sort of straightforward walk up to the city gates?

Yeah. We don't want to, what if we find like a little cottage somewhere outside? You know, what if we just hide a little cottage somewhere outside, you know, what if we... Or just to hide me? For a little bit, just kind of ingratiate ourselves. Just keep saying, Mr. Tree, you're so, Mr. Tree, you're so wonderful, Mr. Tree. I don't know this reference and I find this upsetting. It's an elevation man. Oh my god. I haven't seen it since I was 18 years old.

It's a little sad. It's kind of sad. It's a little sad. Super great. Very uplifting. Uplifting, for sure. Just as much as I love the Day of the Clown Cray. So you're going to just kind of.

I guess I'm hiding in a house that we find. You don't really find a house that will fit a massive draculich, but you could start preparing one building one or a barn or there's caves. There's barns. Sure. I'll take a cave. Okay. So there's some hills nearby and there's a little cobalt cave.

All right. It's currently abandoned sort of like rotting nests inside of it. Hmm. You know, maybe, maybe what we do is we find a way to ingratiate ourselves with the panel. Like, let's say we find out there's a monster nearby. We go kill it with you and can go, look! The Dracolich, hero of the town! Right?

Yeah, that's a good story. For now you're gonna cook up the plan, stow him in a cave. Yeah, you know, live's good. So for now, you're gonna, you're gonna, yeah, you're gonna like cook up the plan, stow him in a cave. Yeah, you know, live our lives. We could enroll you in like a little theater. And you could do like local shows, like Skullfoot. All right, why don't the three of you roll a persuasion check? Persuasion? Uh, 14 plus zero.

Okay. That's 14. Uh, 19. Hmm? Uh, what is persuasion? It's sort of a way of- No, but what's charisma? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Got it. So there's more, you know. 20. Wow. Okay. You two are unsuccessful at convincing anyone in town beforehand that Pish Posh is potentially charming, but you do try to make a plea to a gathering of guards outside the city that

they should let him in. And they're kind of just like, if this beast is what you say, we're going to kill it on sight. But Pish Posh, as you leave your cave and walk towards the city, you become greatly inspired by your desire to live a normal life in some way. And you're like, you know what? Today is my day. I don't care who's the president. I'm gonna go walk up to this city and I'm gonna ingratiate myself. And you have such swagger that when you approach the gates,

they actually lower their Hall birds for a moment and listen. What do you tell them? I'm just here to party guys. Let's go fall down. They'll cheer. Yeah. You Jay Giles band. Let's get laid. After a couple of weeks of drinking with the giant draculich, you do meet a dwarf who tells you that he's a part of the original civilization that lived in the two mountains.

He's descended from them and he specifically came to town because he had heard the dragons had finally been chased away from that mountain. It had once long ago belonged to the dwarves, but undead beings, kobolds, and humans sort of took over this whole area. Farringtown, the human village, was built on top of what used to be above ground, just sort of empty wilderness between two dwarven kingdoms. And they're very grateful. They know one of the mountains is still probably full of kobolds. They're like, sounds like you really cleared one of them out. And they're quite grateful. And so they head back to Mount Dukes. And you

know that they're sending word to an entire sort of group of families of dwarves who were hoping the news would be good. And Mount Dukes is going to be rehabilitated in some way. Eventually, hopefully, they're going to try to make it a dwarven kingdom again. Probably a lot of acid to bail out of one of the floors and, you know, a lot of quag off corpses and torture equipment they might want to. Well, that is the loudest clicking noise we have had in practice. Yeah, sorry.

Hello. Oh, hey. Yeah. Yeah. They have skulls on them. All right. Yeah. I can't really talk right now, we're wrapping it up. Alright, cool. Okay, I'll see you there. The four of you have leveled up, and that is the end of our campground. Great. You've defeated Bael, you've defeated Furlnut, and you certainly got rid of the shitty Onyx dragon that you

had originally planned to kill, but somewhere Mordecai is in the night and you lost your leader. Yeah. I know what are we going to do? Oh, now you're a leader. You know, we're going to have a, we should whip up like some sort of vegan burritos in his honor. Oh, yeah.

Well, I have been working on a campaign to follow this one up. I would like to start at a little bit of a higher level next time, and I would like it to be a spooky detective story. Oh, cool. So I would love if you guys could start thinking about characters who might be detectives of sorts, who might like a little bit of a noir vibe. What kind of setting? It's gonna be a haunted town

where you're trying to figure out what is possessing the locals. Have you missed his fawn over town and you're going to try to root out whatever evil has sort of wedged itself in there. Okay. You be Hardcastle, I'll be McCormick. Cool.

What level? What level are your characters right now? I think they were... We just went up to nine. We just went up to nine. I would say why don't we start at eight. Okay, wow. It'll be harder to level up this time,

but I would like you guys to start with more abilities. Cool. So you won't gain as many levels during this campaign, but I'm planning for it to be about the same length. And yeah, that will do the trade off. We're not going to take any time down. So start rolling up or figuring out what you want to do next time. I'm Nerdpoker. Sam, what happened with the end of this campaign?

All right. Episode 40, we're still battling Bale. Bale has charmed Bricks. Blaine killed the Minotaur. Bricks is saying her goodbyes for some reason. Ken is robbing the corpse of Bale. We're figuring out what to do now, possibly open a tavern. And just as a reminder for all future campaigns,

Blaine is the thing. Oh, I'm gonna write that one down. Nice. Anything you'd like to plug? Sure, if you want me to run a D&D game for you, I have a whole series of continents, cities, and lore that I built out specifically for freelance Dungeons & Dragons games. For you, a special plane of existence. So if you would like to hire me to run that for you, head on over to dancehelper.com. And I'll be my last gig of the year of 24s in December, the first weekend in Tacoma at the Tacoma Comedy Club.

I'll be with Derek Sheen and Little Baby Legs. It's hilarious. It'll be fun. And I'll probably do a comic book signing up there. Check out the website and then pick up the next issue of Bromance at your comic book store. Cheers. Bye. walls and a roof well No on the next nerd poker The nerd poker gang follows Sam through a time portal to the French Revolution where Sarah is confused with Marie Antoinette Can't say I mean enough time cake to save them all this Poussard three ounces Wow, my sir say queues soccer balls So I'm through the vault back on now Poussard et brillant ce soir, ma seule séquisse, Sacre Balls. Sors un tout nouveau, bairre-nerd! patreon.com slash nerd poker and you get bonus episodes from there and you can

also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 and Sino California 91416. Thanks for listening!